Top 4 Things NOT To Say To Someone With Depression
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ย. 2022
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What do u do with someone who wants to harm herself
Also never say that harming themselves is a selfish act
Hi. I feel that I have depression but I'm not sure how to ask mum to get a diagnosis. Any ideas?
@@Rilia_15first try talking to her about it when she's not busy doing anythin. Make sure to say that it's serious and it's really effecting your life. She might brush it off though and that's normal. Mothers find it hard to accept that their child isn going through a tough time.
You’re verrrry cute!
_To understand a person... You must swim in the same water that drowned them_
What wise words
who made this quote
@@lansonfunyoutube1937 Idk... I just read it somewhere.
I swear Julie said that in one of her shorts🤔
So they're dead?
"you dont look depressed"
"I'm sorry, i didnt know depression was a fashion statement"
fr fr..
It is. Sorry to be the first one to tell you
@@Lanesra62905 darn...
I guess i have to dress in all black now 🖤💀🔪🔪💀💀🖤🖤⛓️⛓️⛓️
@@macandcheese4138 OMGGG 😂😂😂
@@VillytheNICEVillian get out of room! Im listening to my chemical romance!!!! 💀💀🖤🖤🖤🔪🔪⛓️⛓️⛓️
I hate it when people say "other people have it so much worse"
It amazes me how people don't realize what an unbelievably stupid thing that is to say. How's someone else's bad situation make mine not bad?
If I see a homeless person or someone with cancer, am I supposed to feel good?
People more often need to think before they speak.
@@royms2000 it's okay, they do not know about your story, and they do not know how you feel
@@Eli_Harper962 That is really clever actually
Worse is when you tell it to u'r self
My parents used to always tell me that. I don’t understand why some people react that way to hearing that someone is struggling
Sometimes a hug with no words is the best.
It would be preferable to ask permission for a hug first for me depending on the person. So at least a word for that.
@@DrakonBlakesame here. I don't want a hug. I just want someone to listen or just sit quietly.
Hugs work for me 🤗
It’s all energy, whatever the avenue
@@RJones-tn5vg *without judging
Yes my friends do this all the time sometimes asking sometimes not
It’s like when kids are stressed out because of all the pressures of modern life and their parents just angrily ask; “what have you got to be stressed about?”
Whats wrong with that? The stress of having kids is worse than any modern stress so if any parents can go through that with a smile then you really got nothing to be depressed out. Modern stresses are nothing. I'm 25 years old, been through them all, it's perspective you lack. If you understood that your "stress" is an overreaction you wouldn't feel this way. Also, what's wrong with them asking, if you calmly explained why your so stressed without exaggerating you'll either realise you've got nothing to stress about or the parents will soon explain that ain't even close to a stressful situation, it's just your mind blowing things out of proportion because you lack perspective.
@@ThenamesConor In that case, parents also have nothing to stress about, as it's "all in their head".
@@ThenamesConor I like how this video is not only telling us about what not to tell to people with depression.
It's also telling us to LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE'S PERSPECTIVE WITHOUT IMMEDIATELY QUESTIONING THEIR VALID FEELINGS.
Isn't that lovely? :3
Well yeah, I guess. NOW is the worst some have known, and if the parents know worse, problems now seem like nothing to them, but for us to understand that we’d have to live through THEIR problems back then. People say that they didn’t have all that we have now back then and give us this kind of passive aggressive glare, and when people do that I just feel like it’s my fault for being able to use this stuff.
Anyway, what I was saying is, we won’t be able to understand what you went through unless we went through it ourselves, and no matter how easy something seems now, it can’t be stress free and problemless.
@@CanineCoolArtStudios-Official it's not your fault for being able to use new technology but you have to choice to use it or not. Using it the way most people do is unhealthy, introduces young kids to brainless pointless content like anime, fantasy films, pretty much 99% of online content does no good to anyone.
The top one has got to be the “just smile and think happy/positive” 💀☠️ been told that a lot
My favourite thing to say is don't feel you have to be happy all the time because real humans have other emotions
I have been told that too with both my anxiety and depression
Help that was on a poster at my school 💀💀💀
Yeah that's a whole big sign of "I'm uncomfortable with your depression, so hide it from me so I don't have to deal with it"
True . They can smile on the outside but inside they are raging with pain.
"are you afraid of death?"
"No"
"but why?"
"cause life scares me more than death ever can"
Bro, life is so painful. I feel like every breath I take is hurting something. I can't compartmentalize as well as other people can, and it tears me up inside. I cry when I see roadkill and people think I am insane. I do my best to hide it, but it is so hard to live here and exist. Every single thing we have and that we eat is a sacrifice made by someone else. It's so horrible.
**edit** and I know what people will say: "You have to take the good with the bad. This is just the way it is, and it can't exist in any other way." That doesn't stop it from hurting though. I can't just not feel sad about it.
**edit** that's why I replied to your comment. Life is like a horror movie to me.
"Don't be depressed." the best one yet.
no
I heard this when people are so ignorant of how we are feeling. It sucks!
One of the worst is people telling you you are too young to be depressed
No no no do not do that please this a joke right
@@brytonrenaker69 it’s not a joke 😒
When people told me there's no reason for me to be depressed, I have all the best things in the world.. I felt so much guilty and I started to believe that it's actually just in my head.. Later on I read someone's TH-cam comment that "asking a person how can they be depressed, is asking a person how can you have asthma when there's so much air"... I finally felt after so many years that someone actually gave a voice to that opinion.. Sometimes it really hurts that people we don't know understand us better than the ones we know💔
It doesn't make me feel guilty, it makes me mad. At them at the people who have it worse and at society in general for never helping those on the middle zone
I find that I’m always the one telling myself that I have things too good to feel bad. Then I feel guilty. Then I spiral even deeper. I get what you’re feeling and appreciate what you had to say 💕
I have experienced the same thing
Where can I find this woman i have alot of things I need help with and I have noone in my life who I can share it with
screenshoted this comment, this could probably save my life, thanks
“It’s okay to not be okay”
I've had all these said to me, I'm 13 with diagnosed depression and when I told me sister she laughed. She says I dont have a reason, and it's fake. My mom says I can just snap out of it. Love your videos Dr.Julie.
listen, nobody Knows you better then yourself im sorry you had to go through that and have an nice day😊
Wow i finally made an positive reply
oops
That's why people who are actually in depression doesn't SHARE!!!
These days people use the word depression when they are just upset about something and write things on their social media about their "depression story". 😢 Sad but true.
Fr, my classmates also make fun of depression and act sad and emo as like a joke. It’s very sad how people nowadays misuse the word depression and make fun of it when actual people suffer from it.
“listen, ive just been diagnosed with depression..”
“…well, *somewhere, there are orphan kids whos cold starving, their life are so much worse , you dont have reasons to be depressed”* 💀 like who in the name of god would say that to a depressed person?😭😭
My parents
Me
That would make me even sadder.
Also, my parents do. They say stuff like that.
First world problems are getting ridiculous, you need to rationalise it a bit and see how good you have it. The brain comes up with problems out of boredom.
Me
I told a friend that I think I am depressed and she didn’t give it a second thought and said ‘no your not’. I act differently around other people and show different personalities. I do have a real personality but I only I know me. So she just dismissed my feelings because of how I seem. She then went on to describe how she thinks she has depression not me. Now I don’t know how she feels but I don’t think it’s right for her to dismiss me and turn the attention on her when I had finally opened up to her. I’m not ever opening up to her again. And now she asks why I don’t talk to her as much.
Edit: She has now apologised, we are friends, and I have recently found out that she was diagnosed with depression aged 10, but no longer has it. She is helping me through now. Thank you! Have a great day!!
Edit 2: Also when she said she has depression not me, I did listen and was very nice and understanding, not rude, and helped her, made sure she was ok. I just was annoyed inside my head
Edit: Good news, I have recovered. Am feeling 100 percent better and am happy. Currently grieving the loss of a friend who I recently found out died, except my mum told me the wrong info. So her sister died, not her. Truly tradgic, rose was an amazing person, I miss her so much. I am very confused about how I feel currently as thought my friend was dead for 3 years but now I have found out she is not. Does anyone have any advice?
Edit: Ok so thank you so much for all of the lovely people in the replies, stay strong all of you I believe you you can do this. Let’s all make a pact. Every night, before bed, no matter our different time zones, we think of eachother and stay strong
Be honest. She may have no idea she made you feel that way. If you feel you had a lack of support from her, tell her.
Hold your ground
@@saltandsriracha Yeah I might take it up with her later and discuss it with her at school. Thanks for the suggestion. 😊
I hear you Max.
I am sorry jou also have to deel with it .
thank you for adding subtitles. my English is not so fast yet, but thanks to you i can understand the information that is important to me
I hope you reach fluency eventually :)
You can turn on subtitles on any video at least for long form content.
This made me so happy..
As someone who has had depression for 14 years...
This made me smile
Damn
I’ve had depression for a year and it made me cry for some reason
"You don't look depressed " I know I try 😃
💯
literally this💀 i'm like, yea give me that oscar for acting the part of someone that's okay, then can we move on to the part where we talk about the fact that i'm actually not??
I love how she viciously tears each piece
I am your 100th like
ps. I know nobody gives a shit
Same and can you please check my description pls pls plssssssssss and pass this message on to your family and friends it would be very helpful for my family
ikr
my friend once told me "you have so much to live for, so many people who care about you, you shouldn't feel this way" when I was sharing about my struggle with understanding why I deserved to live. This friend of mine was clinically diagnosed with depression, and so I didn't really know how to respond besides saying "so do you", but he understood what I meant, and I didn't press any further, rather I just let him continue to open up about his feelings and all
I struggle to understand some aspects of depression, but I'm learning. Sometimes you don't know what else to say, but it's ok to just be there, to say "you matter and I'll always be here when you need me, you're not alone". We don't need to understand to be kind.
"Just be happy" is also a sentence that is making, at least me, even more depressed
How?.🙁
@@Animal_nature_lover_frvr Because it implies that you can just get rid of your depression. You can't. It's not something I can just turn off, it is a long and hard process and just brushing it off as "It's your fault and it's not really a problem" just destroys all the work you have already done and it puts you back to where you started.
@@Animal_nature_lover_frvris like saying 'i don't like your depression it makes me uncomfortable now just look happy' like bro we can't just look Happy and if you even try to look happy or smile sh$ts gonna feel exhausting
I get number one a lot from my mother whenever we end up talking about something like that. She always ends up comparing my life to her when she was my age, and those childrens in Africa struggling with a lack of clean drinking water. She kept telling me that I just have too much leisure and if I was like them, focusing all my energy on surviving, I wouldn’t even have the time to think about whatever is bothering me. I always envy people who struggle with the lack of material things like water and shelter, instead of people who have everything they need to survive, yet feel so empty and lifeless. I was granted a life that was comfortable, with good education and rarely starved, even though we’re not rich, I would not have to worry about things like that. I always ask myself: Why am I still dissatisfied? Why am I so ungrateful? My parents are still together (for now, at least) and my younger sibling is not so bad and we still get along. I get good grades and have good relationships with friends and teachers at school. Yet I still feel like I’m always alone, unable to talk about anything personal without being taunted, laughed at, or ignored. The only times I’ve ever talked about subjects like depression is with a friend on the bus, but we were never so serious about it. He has problems at home with his father, which sounds a lot worse than my own problems, and he has so much obligations. He had every reason to apply for counseling (plot twist: he never got it) while I don’t really have a reason to. If I ever let slip anything that suggests that I have depression or suicidal thoughts, people never take it seriously, make it a joke, or in my mother’s case, scold me for being spoilt and selfish. I’ve gotten to the point that I would never speak of these things in front of other people.
I’m sorry for ranting here, and I don’t expect anyone to read it anyway. I’m just so glad that the internet exists now, because it’s the only place where I can rant and talk about these things without being judged as much compared to irl. I love how supportive people could be when nobody knows their identities, yet it horrifies me how differently the same people would act irl
Sorry, for rambling and hiding behind a screen instead of facing it irl… I really am a coward, am I? 😁
I understand how it feels and I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Everyone is deserving of help even if their "problems seem smaller". In reality, problems are incomparable as we all deal with things differently and have different experiences so comparing whose problems are bigger is only going to cause harm. Feeling this way is okay, you don't need a reason or a big reason. I really wish people could be more sensituve and open minded when talking to others, no one should be allowed to make you feel insignificant. You do matter and so does your depression. I sincerely hope it gets better. Sending you all my love❤❤❤
I'm sorry for your mother's ignorance on this subject.
I do hope you're doing better now. And depression is depression. It doesn't differentiate between people's situations, it just comes and attacks anyone. So this isn't some kind of a suffering contest where we judge who suffers more than the other and diagnose them accordingly. Just know that you are important, you are loved, and you matter. I hope things keeps getting better.
I really hope you find someone to talk to irl (you can always share it here too, if you're comfortable enough) Just know that you are important and you're loved, May things get better for you dear.
I'm so sorry for you, if you want, I send an internet hug to you 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗
I wish everyone would hear this 💜
Yes it hurts the most when your own family says we have no reason to be depressed. Nothing excites me or makes me happy anymore and I have been constantly losing weight but no one seems to understand that. I don't know how life is going to turn out in a few years but I know I will never be the same. People around me think I have high goals but only I know I just want to survive the inner dark abyss of my own self I'm writing here because I just wanted a place to share this. I feel acknowledging your pain is the first step towards healing.
"Other have it worse" just always make me angry. And the sadist part is that it is often used by other people that struggle to kinda gatekeep it. Or to say that that they should be treated with more care becaus they themself have it worse.
My own mother told me that I should be fine becaus I was only mistreated and not also raped by my father like her.
That was the moste devastating thing she ever sad to me. I know she did it because she felt bad and wanted me to be just magically ok becaus she didn't know this was happening but it doesn't make it ok to say that.
I've heard this one too. I always say that I know others are worse off, but other people's pain doesn't make me feel better (because I'm not a narcissist).
This is why people with unhealed trauma shouldn't be having kids and family. Generational trauma should be stopped. Not passed down to generations.
@@shakira7301 wow first time someone said something truthfully.. kudos to you sis..
@Marychristelle that is no excuse. You are still responsible for your behavior. You can know that you have a problem and you can work on it. When I get irritated due to my cptsd I try not to be mean to my boyfriend but if I am I apologise.
I had a friend which I aske if we could meet sometimes without anybody of us talking about our problems. Like every 4th meet up or so. We both have depression and I noticed that I needed a break sometimes. She believed that if wanted that that I wouldn't except her as a person. She put her needs over mine and did not see them as equal.
When you say "I have it worse that you" or "other have it worse" you disregard there feelings and needs and you own above. That is never ok even if the person doesn't mean to.
Fucked up shit.
Dr. Julie, there are so many things that I want to say to you but they all lead to me saying one thing to you: thank you.
My favourite thing to say is take your time to heal. or don't feel you have to be happy all the time
yes me too! the thing i took *such* a long time to learn is that it's okay to have bad days. like, it's a perfectly healthy and normal thing to just... feel sad about something sometimes. it seems so obvious in hindsight but i always thought i HAD to cheer myself up somehow when i was sad or anxious, that it was always something to fight, and it took up so much more energy than if i just let the feeling come and go on its own. so now whenever someone confides in me about something, the first thing i say to them is always some variation of "it's okay to be sad" because i wish someone taught me that very simple principle when i was wasting time trying to cut out a natural and integral part of my mind...
Number one hit me hard. I got diagnosed with depression and when I told my mom that, she literally said "you don't have a reason to be depressed"
She ain't wrong tho. I mean depression as an actual medical issue means you feel depressed for no reason. You to say you don't have a reason to be depressed is factually correct because people with real depression would feel depressed in the happiest of situations. But depression can be reversed if you start telling your self you have no reason to be depressed (but that doesn't mean get angry at yourself for feeling it) then change your daily routines and environment, also exercise, don't use social media, and spend more time outside. Do this and you won't be depressed, and that's just facts, if you don't do all this stuff consistently for a year straight then you won't get better. And again, that's facts.
@@ThenamesConor why tf are you talking about all of this like it's so fucking easy to do. That's the thing about depression, it makes you unable to do things as you used to do, enjoy things, talking! Have you even ever been depressed?? Are you a professional? Stop telling people what to do when you know nothing about them. Depression can also affect people differently so not every solution is good for everyone. So stfu please.
@@ThenamesConor I wonder if you realize how incredibly arrogant your comment is? Have you ever struggled with depression? Are you a trained psychotherapist or perhaps you specialize in research and major depressive disorder treatments? My suspicion is that you’re just a know it all who likes to judge people and situations about what you have absolutely no personal knowledge or training. Wow.
@@ThenamesConor you mean well but the start of your comment is incorrect.. literally a psychiatrist in this same video you're commenting on says depression has no reasons sometimes, and yet you're here saying his mother is right ... Repeating the word facts doesn't make it so ..
Depression has much deeper reasons or traumas, sometimes genetics.
Yes talking yourself out of it, exercising and so does help, some can get cured, and some not, so someone shall try but if doesn't work he must seek professional help.
Also NO ONE SHALL EVER SAY TO A DEPRESSED PERSON THEY DON'T HAVE A REASON..
Either support or leave them be ..
@@Only_-_Yours you literally have zero proof to back that up, similar to that psychiatrist
I act extremely happy whenever I am around people so no one knows how I usually feel when I’m alone
That’s exactly how I feel so whenever I say that I’m depressed or not feeling good they say that I don’t look like it
Very correct
Respect what others are going through
I have severe chronic depression from decades
That last one really hit me hard in the chest. My feelings have pretty much been invalidated by at least one person my whole life and it hasn’t stopped.
The problem is lack of awareness. They genuinely don't know how to comfort someone
Is it something wrong with me if somone cries or tell me sad news I almost laugh? Like my friends 's cat died and I was ok. Idk if I am uncomfartble with people cry, probably I am
As someone who has been depressed with and without reasons can testify that being depressed and feeling like you have no reason to be is much much worse than being depressed because if reasons.
You don't know how to fix it. While having reasons makes it easier to feel that it's okay not to be okay.
Reason 1 is so true, saying someone can’t be depressed because someone else has it worse is like saying to someone “you can’t be happy because there’s someone who’s even more happy”
This comment section is great. I love all the understanding shown as well as the related experiences and interactions with others.
Fr I need these kinda PPL in my life
"don't worry you'll be fine" is fine if it's followed by "I'll be here to support you any time you need to talk or just need some company"
💯 I just want them there, they don't have to say a word and that's all the support I need.
I've just shushed you 😂🤣 🦵🦵🦵
@@thegreatwang9813👺
My 'friends' stay away... no one asks ... easier for them to disappear until 'I get over it'..... tragic 😓
I'm grateful that you said what people need to say instead. I have a depression, my partner too and often I just can't support, bc i don't know what i want to listen in her place.
One hug, a shoulder to cry on and a person who understands is all you need
"You have no reason to be depressed" - Indian parents
Don’t tell anything to those who don’t understand ur situation.
Go to the right place and right person.
Weak minded
Yeah I bet they'll tell me to go to the mental asylum if I ever told them about my suicide attempts
Them being the biggest reason- 🤡
"Others have it worse"
I didn't know we were in the Misery Olympics, Uncle Pete
Basically they're implying they don't want to do any of the emotional work of just relating to someone they're supposedly connected to.
They say it like no one can have feelings until they're the strongest in the world.
Had a good day? No you didn't, others have had it better today.
Hungry? No you aren't, others are starving in the world.
Preach! Those people sound so dxmb
Ikr! just because someone may be feeling worse doesn't mean I can just dismiss my own feelings altogether! I don't have depression, and yet it still hurts when anyone tells this to me. its almost like they are saying "your feelings will never count".
@@LunaCannone Unfortunately a lot of people either just repeat what they heard when they said the same thing, or it's a way of saying "I don't want to help you with this"
Re-parenting yourself is a process, but it's a very very healing one.
This!
Invalidating feelings and emotions because they never talk about them either, especially and continue to be in situations where they know they are not happy, yet continue with unhealthy patterns, behaviors and don't act upon it/change.
Thats my parents
Also people constantly saying: Are you depressed? Are you depressed? That is the most irritating thing I have ever had done to me. One of my friends says it all the time. I think he is just trying to make me feel better but it makes me feel much worse. Thanks for reading this and using your time
I got some advice for people, if your uncomfortable while someone is taking about their meantal health instead of just saying “ you’ll be fine” explain to them how you will help them make it fine and always make it an option for them, say something like “ your gonna be ok, we’re gonna get you a therapist if that’s what you think will help, we’ll halo out with anything you need. And if you ever want to get away to do something fun and get out of the depression mindset I’ll always be open (and make sure to keep this promise. They always feel down so whenever they offer for some fun always do everything you can to figure something out for them to be with someone they don’t have to mask it around)
Always make them aware that your a safe space to talk about anything and everything, good bad exiting or sad boring or intresting
Make sure your almost always optimistic but not too jolly that they feel the need to mask how happy/sad they are. Make sure that they are comfortable at all times and if they seem too happy just put a slight sweet smile on your face but make your mood seem pretty nutral. Keep your words optimistic but not always happy go lucky, and keep your tone soft and comforting but not over coddling to make them feel like a victim.
And lastly always respect them and their boundaries/ wishes. If they don’t want to go to therapy don’t make them, instead of forcing it say something like “that’s perfectly ok, but if I can make a suggestion, I want to make sure you have someone to let your feeling out with. It can be me or someone else, I don’t need to know who I just would like you to honestly answer if you do or don’t have that outlet”
This informs them that it’s not a burden and that their choice is valid but still ensures that they will have somewhere to release the bottled up emotions.
The pain matters - that's the best form of support people can give!! 💯
My favorite is "your feelings are valid" because they really are.
I’m very lucky to have my family because they say to me, “It’s okay to feel the way that you feel, we’re here to help you get through it.” As my mum says, a problem shared is a problem halved ❤
Just because you don’t ‘seem’ or ‘act’ depressed doesn’t make how you’re feeling any less valid. Your mood is completely valid. I’m here for anyone who wants a shoulder to cry on or a hug ❤
Thanks homie😢
A problem shared is gossip😂
I always told myself the Nr. 1 and only after talking with a very close friend I realized that my family and upbringing was very toxic and that my friends aren't the best either. So I do have a reason I just never knew. To notice something like this can hurt but it's like cleaning a wound, it is very important to heal.
I hate when people try to invalidate one’s problems with “others have it worse”. No, it’s wrong in its roots. How does one know how someone feels and what they are going through to even try to compare? Nobody can fully feel other person’s state, they can only apply it to themselves to try to be as close as possible to the affected person, and even then the feelings will still be different… Any problem is important for the person suffering through them, there’s no minor or major, there are just problems.
A long time back my grandma, who knew about some of my struggles with depression, started saying, "this too shall pass." I had to sit her down and gently ask her to please stop saying that. It was hard to confront her about it but such a relief to not hear it anymore. People often mean well, but should definitely be told when what they are doing isn't working how they thought.
💯 This too shall pass only applies to situations but not necessarily emotions. Cause someone that feels inadequate can always feel that way regardless of how good or bad things are going on the outside.
I agree that it often becomes so annoying to hear those comforting words again and again because it starts to feel empty and makes us feel even more hopeless.
When I told my friend that i feel like may be i am depressed or starting to feel depressed.
She said that no you are not and when I asked how could she say that her answer was "because depressed people would not come out and say so"
I went to her because i didn't wanted my situation to get any worse but what she said made me regret my decision to tell her and i never spoke about my condition to anyone.
Dont worry itll get better, theres really no reason for you to be depressed tho, like if I was depressed I would just make my life better. Besides, you dont even really look depressed
I was told the 1st over and over, I was so sick of it, I could barely get up to go to work everyday and I had to hear my friend at the time saying that thing over and over, he’s not my friend anymore after I started therapy and was able to acknowledge, validate my feelings and protect my mental health from people that don’t understand or care
Tears of truth
Keep up lady !
You are voice of many persons
I found out my grandma has depression, and has had it for years now, which I always felt guilty about since I never knew and was very dismissive of her. Now she’s dealing with cancer too and it’s been a massive struggle. I hope one day soon she recovers from all of this and I can tell her how sorry I am for never noticing her pain.
The right time is NOW. only NOW
Damn
Its now or never. If you dont tell her now you will only regret it like me. My grandma passed away when i am not yet said it
I remember once I was really depressed and I told my mom about it. All she said was “stop being so dramatic! there are so many other people who have the reasons to be depressed unlike you!”
Emo
I'm sorry.
I can't freakin' stand it when people get so caught up with their own assumptions about the world that they can't even accept that other people sometimes have emotions that they can't understand.
Seeing people argue with other peoples' subjective experiences with the world as if they could somehow be disproven is immensely frustrating. Like, people just feel a certain way about things, that doesn't make it any more of less right or wrong, that's not the point of pain!
@@thegreatwang9813 4yrs old
@@Animal_nature_lover_frvr ahhahahah stfu look at your channel don't talk
@@thegreatwang9813brainless
I have being suffering from depression for many many years and it is a battle. Each day is a battle. I have so much empathy with people who suffer from it. I know that there are no words that help. Be sensitive people that person is hurting badly. I withdraw completely it is better than insults.
Yes I used to have depression and people just didn't care I know how it feels. Thanks for sharing this with people so they understand
I end in isolating myself from my friends.
I feel invisible to them as I can't relate as I have symptoms of PTSD
they often talk about there therapist and I feel jealous & awkward.
But can't bring my self to go and get one or even talk with them.
I'm also scared of hurting them but anger outbursts.
So I don't make plans or hang out.
And it just turned in to a habbit
Just as a ‘maybe this may help..in some way’ but if and however it might work for you??…
I too isolate from people, i have let go of friends for personal reasons that have upset, annoyed or just confused them,..and i have learned to accept and embrace how different i am.
I lose myself in music and movies and have goals for my future as well as a job i love but none of it relies on other people, who, ultimately, i don’t connect with anyway. So letting go of the fake or the challenging friendships took a huge weight off my mental health.
Finding the people, the hobbies, the ‘something that feels right and feels good’ is the key to a happy life.
Maybe none of that relates for you but i wish you the very best. Stay strong 🙏🏼
Please seek help if you believe you need it. I hurt so many people, the ones who meant the most to me especially, because I didn’t get the help I needed. Please, don’t be like me. You deserve to be happy and your loved ones deserve a happy you too!
By God’s Grace and a good therapist I am finely healing. What a difference! It takes time but is so worth it. 🙏❤️🙏
I am diag. Sorry ,symptoms of Ptsd can be, feel isolating..
May God be with you and bless you!🥺🥺❤️✝️ With healing from all this struggles
@@MeMe-zv4og don't listen to this person, cults try to take you when you're down and isolated so you can't run
that last one hit hard cause my family says to me all the time and it just makes everything way worse than it already is
yes‼️
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
this is absolutely true and i have had all four of these things said to me before while battling serious depression. the alternative ways of saying or doing these things would have made me feel so much better about everything, like i was valid and so were my feelings. especially the one where you should ask someone first before giving advice. please do this, because sometimes people just need someone to speak to; someone to just listen to them. and though it may be helpful to give advice, please ask first. as someone who has felt upset about being told these things before, i really do try to follow these four alternatives when i talk to friends who are feeling down. i know how it feels to be put down (even if not intentional), and use that to make sure i do not make the people that need listening to feel the same way. great video! 💞
"Well snap out off it!" This is I was told by a nurse😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
I will never forget this person
It’s impossible to imagine anyone giving such incredibly accurate and emotionally insightful advice (in ALL your videos) without feeling that they’ve been through or are still going through the same experiences at one time or another in their own life.
Whatever your story is, Julie, please know and be so proud of the fact that you are gently but honestly reaching into the hearts and minds of some of the most amazing but at times fragile people in the world. Thank you. More than you know.
🙏🏼❤️
One of the things I’ve heard that I hate the most:
“You need to think positive.”
🤦🏻♀️
That's crazy! If its just so easy then why wont we do it? Who would want to feel terrible if they can be happy?😭
@@kamri9368 Exactly!!! 😭 It just made me feel frustrated.
This is a slap on the insensitive people and bullies
All these things are what my parents are saying to me and I am so freaking depressed right now and I’m feeling like I’m being selfish this was very helpful thank you for all the other people out there you never know if it gets better unless you keep going that’s what’s encouraged me today
What do I do if my anxiety makes me feel feverish and nauseas, and when medicine is not helping?
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings.
This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelic’s definitely have potential to deal with mental health symptoms like anxiety and depression, I would like to try them again again but it’s just so hard to source out of there.
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
Is he on instagram?
bergwilly11 is the best, he's been my go to for anything psychedelics.
@@patriaciasmith3499 Yes he is. bergwilly11
About that last one, one way I like to think about is that although there are and likely always will be people who have it worse, that doesn’t mean that you don’t have it hard or that you’re feelings are any less valid. People can be going through different kinds of situations that are hard for them. Someone could be going through something that is more obviously a bad situation, while someone else might be going through something hard that they’re keeping quiet about and isn’t as physically noticeable to the average person.
I am so glad for videos like this. When I talked with my bestie about his depression I simply listened and cried with him.
Only yesterday I had to explain I had PTSD. Their first words were, "you've d never know you always seem so chirpy. " I really didn't know what to say. Awful.
I wish I could come to you for therapy but I'm from India i feel like your shorts exactly explain what I experienced thankyou mam 💖 u are great
I started following you yesterday after a short video popped up. I .ve been through a lot including severe depression and panic attacks due to anxiety and stress. And i can tell you, you are the best and give great advice to people like me and esp to others who haven.t been in that dark hole!!! ❤❤❤ Bless you
This happens to me daily I have serious mental problems and migraines and i recently found my frirst pair of real friends in my life. Mind you that was about 2 months ago or so. Im 16 and have been bullied my hole life and this lit my heart whe n my friend who knows about my problrems sent me this and said ''Honestly this is so ttue'' she dosent have any problems at all and she ment that the kids in my school should treat me right. Your videos help me so much with taking care of myself, thabk you ❤
I say “don’t worry, you’ll be fine” as a comfort to my friends. Not to dismiss them or their feelings, but a genuine reassurance 😊
I like it when people tell me that. Even if we both know it might be untrue.
It is nice when someone is a little down, but it is clumsy with people that suffer from depression.
During a depression you are unable to conceive that you will get better and your suffering seems endless.
The problem with depression is precisely that you don't get fine.
@@ParlonsAstronomie Yeah, I can see how that would make it an issue. I only know like 2 people with depression, so I haven't really worked it out yet. Thanks!
@@ParlonsAstronomiegood point. Depression can be cyclical and it really feels like you're literally fighting for your life every time you hit a low point and while you still manage to scrape through each time, you know eventually that low point is going to come back again and wonder if that's gonna be the one that finally breaks you.
The dog will put his paw on your lap and will look at you the way " I am always with you". Dog therapy is the best!
I agree
Yes 😊
Any animal that will sit near you and listen to the thoughts and feelings you have is a treasure. They respond to tone of voice and body language so much more honestly than humans do (my opinion).
My therapy dog Nessy was a good listener, better than family or friends. I am diagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder and a list of health challenges. Nessy was with me for 15 years after I rescued her. She rescued me from suffering many days in all that time. She went to heaven in 2019.
Since then my cat has been my therapy animal and has even started to wake me up when I'm having nightmares. He seems to be able to tell my mood even when I'm asleep and wants to be as close as possible to me.
I wish for healing for anyone who has depression or a health challenge. Blessings, Dot
I 💜 agree dogs 🐕 truly understand
My dog does not really understand depression.. when I feel depressed she like to stop listening to me and walk away and act like someone else is her human 🫣
Thank you. You have confirmed my interpretation that people are not comfortable to my emotional pain and they dismiss me and hope I go away. And I matter to nobody because they say have it worse than I do and do not want to know why I feel not ok.
It's important to have videos like this around. What I love about this is addressing the perspectives and behaviors with substitute suggestions. I also love the way she implicitly points out the fact that whether someone's reasons are visible or valued the same way by the other, it's important to hold space instead of getting brushed off with dismissive minimizing because it's invalidating and emotionally separates people through slights in vulnerable times. Sometimes people appreciate an ear with compassion instead of a dismissive sermon about other people struggling out of reach like it's less important or possible to help someone suffering right in front of you that could likely use some connection and support to even take more steps if any to improve whatever state they're in after getting the necessary support to process what's most pressing.
Welp, I feel validated now. Told my bf that I'm having suicidal thoughts and want to get a mental check up cause I might be depressed. And then he told me that I have no reason to be depressed--kept asking me what's so bad in my life that I'm having these thoughts lol
That's so toxic.
Brooo wtffffff and you give that human such an important position in your life??
Damn. And please, get that checked out, okay?
I hope that you will get better.
Don't hesitate to do a mental check up, it is the first step (and the most difficult) to get better, I am all with you !
Two words.
Red Flag. You deserve so much better than that.
I've been told I "look like I'm fine" by my therapist as well as my psychiatrist. It's a great way to make your deeply depressed and anxious patient feel invalidated.
Yikes! I'd definitely ask for a different therapist at that point o.O is one thing if your friend says it (still hurtful but they're not in the field of treating mental health so what do they know 🤷🏻♀️), another thing entirely when the person that's supposed to actually help you invalidates you.
_It's okay you are not okay. I'm here for you._
Number one is the most painful 💔. People have indirectly told me that 😢.
My dad is a psychologist and he tells me that I have an amazing life and that there is no reason why I should be depressed or suicidal. He's a psychologist, he should know not to say that to me and he should talk to me about why I feel like this. That is probably the worst part about have a psychologist dad.
I don't know the context but your father might be psychologist but when is with you, is your father. that's why as a professional you can't treat your family-friends etc. there is a cognitive bias, it is impossible for your father brain to look at your situation as objective as he can be with his patients. there is an strong bond with you that works as a blur glass he is looking you through. Saying what he is saying is a extrapolation of his desire (that you are not depressed). Look for help outside, don't expect your father act as psychologist in front of you, it doesn't work like that.
I am only reading this 6 months after this comment. I do hope you are ok. If you are still struggling, I would urge you to see someone who has no ties to your father. It makes the world of difference. You need to feel listened too and comfortable enough to open up. I know its easier said than done, and you might feel like you are betraying your father, but the above comment is correct. Good luck x
Except if you've got zero reason to be depressed and just looking for an excuse to be a shit person!? I'll never understand why a person with the very ability to become a productive person in society decides to be an absolute shit person and be a "victim" to excuse their lazy ass. Y'all need to be called out and to be held accountable for your own BS.
I have a friend with a fear of failure, can you make a video of what to do in that situation (for herself and for us to know how we can help her)?
I have that fear too. And atleast for me it helps when someone distracts me from that fear but is there to listen when I need it. Maybe that can help her too
@@JB-hs5iz Thanks! I hope that will help her!
@@mirte3808 maybe these questions will help: What is the worse thing that could happen if I fail in this particular situation?
Also, what is the best thing that could happen if I DON'T fail?
+ To get relief from the pressure your friend puts on him/her, it would help him/her to take the situation as a test (if it's applicable): I will just try and do this and, if it fails, it's ok, bcs it was a test anyway.
This advice helped me in the past with my fear of failure. Hope it helps your friend too. ^_^
I love your quick tid bits that are really eye opening. I can’t sit through talking anything. Props, colors, visuals mean a lot. You are wonderful. Thank you DevJulie
The last one hit me hard.. always have been told that since i was younger, it made me shed a tear..
i want to be a psychologist too to help people with what theyve been too thank you for inspiring me!
This is so true, I hope more people would care about this things, cuz it seems a little detail but can make a huge difference
"You don't LOOK depressed"
This was something my own dad told me back in 2021.
Worst part was what he said to me after that
"Mental health doesn't EXIST!" - really breaks my heart when being raised in a household where my family members don't believe in going for therapy 😞😢
"You are just running away from your responsibilities. Its all drama .."
Also every brain reacts different. What can be easy for you doesn't have to be easy for others and that's okay. It's important to be kind, listen to each other, give support to the ones that need it and show them that they can feel safe with you.
Some people with depression don't even have to have a reason. Depressive moods and episodes can be very common in many trauma disorders so even if they don't have a reason, the feeling is very much real
It's okay to not feel okay.
These 4 things have been said to me by people who were close to me, so now I mask and bear what i feel.
A really close friend of mine laughed and said "sureee you are going through tough times" when I told her about how I felt! We have been friends from 7 years but I still left her and I have no regrets
Don’t forget the “you need to stop being so sad/mad/lazy all the time.” Or “Go out with your friends.” Or “Why are you so angry all the time?”
ive heard all of this 😂 and im still here, still surviving all of them lmao. im still not sure if i should be proud of myself. i feel like everytime i try to make myself feel better, everything around me just brings me down and crushes me. so idk what to do anymore. existential crisis 😱
Be proud of yourself. I am proud of you.
The 4th one is how my ex friends whom I just had a fight and ended friendship with treated me like despite telling them it hurts me
I was too stupid to not notice these red flags because they were highly toxic
I opened up to my mom about my depression and she just compared her past experiences and herself to me. Sometimes i wish someone could just understand me..😢
I love that you gave helpful advice while also not shaming the people that say these things
Doesn't the third one, 'Don't worry you will be fine' helps to some extent when it comes from someone who struggled with depression before
no cuz sometimes it doesn’t get better, does it?
@@-chirpchirp-
I think if I insist on 'I don't know when and how because everyone's timeline is different, but there is hope of getting better and it is possible' it might serve as boost to inner strength. But it definitely demands no expectations of how and when, just strong trust in yourself.
TOP THING TO NEVER DO TO SOMEONE WITH DEPRESSION OR ANYONE WHO IS JUST SAD IN GENERAL
NEVER say “Oh that’s nothing” or “That’s all? Well this happened to me…” It’s SO RUDE and maybe to YOU it seems like nothing but to the person it might have really upset them.
And if you say this, I know what WILL happen to you. You’re losing that friend.
As someone with depression, you have to be mindful of your actions too. Talking to a therapist is more effective than expecting your family and friends to understand you. It's not their fault they're not educated on it. Most times, depression is a one person battle, you are fighting with your own mind and emotions. I struggle to let people see that side of me but I've learned some great tools through my therapist to help me manage it when those waves come. Families and friends are there to support you, just not in the way you think, please just don't dismiss that. A therapist is there to help you and that's who you should be seeking advice from. It takes a lot of courage but it's the necessary steps to take to get better.
"Youre just trying to fit in with your friends" fucking broke something in me
As a depressed person, it sometimes feels invalidating when someone tells me they’re “severely depressed” when they arent. I’m not even at my worst point and I physically look a mess, I barely shower, I half-ass brushing my hair, my teeth go unbrushed for weeks at a time and MANY people say I look “sick” “tired” and “pale”. I can occasionally bring myself to put mascara on to avoid rubbing my eyes or getting tearful throughout the day.
Depression can and does have a look, not for everyone, but definitely for me.
You can “look depressed”, it is possible.