I really appreciate you underscoring how this takes time, and how it can be frustrating at first. We go through periods of communication, followed by long periods of radio silence, and even just the process of checking in regularly can feel like pulling teeth. It feels like there is so much resistance at times. It's comforting to know that this is part of the process, and to just keep working at it.
Agreed, there can be a lot of resistance. Sometimes the message doesn’t want to be heard, other times it doesn’t have a path to travel through, so isn’t heard at all (yet…)
Youve been very helpful Dr Mike. We just started watching you recently, during a very tumultuous time in our life. The stepfather is dying (not soon enough in my opinion) and shes having a really hard time. He told her he was sorry for what he had done to her all those years, since she was a baby. He told her god forgave him and if she would..., well she finally got the nerve up to say something. She told him he had ruined her life. I couldn't believe it bc shes so scared of him, even now as a 60 yo woman. But shes weak, she has horrible anxiety and depression and panic attacks bc of what he did to her. So here i am, i had to take over. If he said that to me he would hear a whole lot more. They don't expect him to live long, maybe not even a week. Good riddance, maybe now she can finally breathe, finally live. Its ok, I'll take care of her. She just can't handle anymore. I'll see this through, at least through the funeral. Im not afraid of him, i know what all he did to her. She can't remember, but i do. Hes a dirty, nasty man. She doesn't know about me but shes starting to suspect. Shes been doing alot of research, she loves to research, shes a nurse. Shes been telling her therapist that she feels like she has a split personality, like shes splintered or fractured, not whole. Maybe once hes gone she'll figure it out, maybe she won't need me anymore. Anyway, midnight ramblings from The Other
Hi, There's a lot going on, though what I hear is that she is not weak - three reasons: she got to 60, she's a nurse, and she has you. No weakness there!
Thank you so much 💜 I watched half this video, reached out to my system to see if there are alters I don't know about, and someone immediately came forward. She said "Hi, my name is Amethyst, Amy for short. I have purple hair". I was so startled. My stomach flipped. I was scared my mind was making it up. Then I watched the rest of the video which helped a lot! Thank you so much 💜
This is so helpful and so true. Paradoxically the more I "check in," the less fragmented I am. It really helps with integration. When other parts are ignored, it is then that they bleed through or pop into co-consciousness at inappropriate times. I hope the technique of "check-in in" helps other people suffering from dissociation as much as it has helped me. Thanks, Dr. Lloyd. Your videos are wonderful.
Thank you for making this video! The way you talk and explain about these things makes me feel more at ease with the reality of it in my life. You really believe in this, that is so encouraging. It is both scary and frustrating to work on internal communication. But I will try to be patient and open, and hopefully it will indeed be worth it. Looking forward to your future videos.
I have been told from very skilled clinicians that- bc I cannot seem to trust others enough, (in part, bc I haven’t had a continuum of care by the same person for long enough to establish the needed trust) that I tend to go off on my own, alone with no support and work on these things you just spoke about, that it has resulted in a kind of cycle of re-traumatization. I go back and forth between feeling nothing, and becoming flooded and overwhelmed. I was diagnosed with DID when it was still called MPD 30+ years ago. I have made some progress, but never seem to make it squarely into the phase of resolving trauma for these reasons. After all this time, I haven’t given up altogether, but have definitely gone through times when I have felt like I have needed to, or had to “ put it away” for periods of time, mostly due to insurance no longer covering any treatment, not being able to do this work out-patient, due to isolation and lack of any support network. At my age, I am beginning to suspect I might die before I know what it feels like to really live, and I feel like I’m exhausted from covering up, and having to cover for this sham of a life I’ve led. Although I have managed to survive, I have never been able to access the person whom I was born as. She is suspended inside me in time, and has been hurt so horribly, and has gone so deeply within, and for so long, and has built impenetrable walls, if I did not understand, intellectually that it is not possible, I would assume that she, in her hopeless, and helpless state, resigned to giving up, and is actually no longer alive. I am sorry for this convoluted run-on of a comment, but, watching this late, and am tired, isolated to the point of recluse status, and far away from all friends and family and in a rural area where there is no help for someone like me. It is truly frustrating, bc I have learned many tools and skills re how to do this, but cannot do it all alone.
I hope you’ll reach out online if so for help, the care has improved from yrs ago, sliding scale may work for you or a support group so you can share your considerable knowledge & self awareness. It sounds like you know yourself better than many & self knowledge is a high achievement in living. Isstd, an infinite mind, are two resources of more & more. You aren’t alone. Keep going. Best wishes.
Our System suffered a little bit. Our host actually still suffers. They get desperate. I have added this video on our DID Playlist, hopefully I can ask them to check it when they feel angry about not being able to hear from us. Thank you enormously. -Caretaker of a System
If you become less stable when you try to communicate internally or when parts/alters spontaneously communicate with you, there are other strategies you can employ to manage this. You don't have to run. Learning how to use "containers" for feelings and memories, using the "library" strategy, safe space imagery, and other imagery and visualization strategies that have been developed specifically for DID can help. This could require finding a very skilled trauma therapist who knows a lot about DID. Worth it. Every penny.
@@vampireknight18390 It is a visualization technique in which you imagine a library filled with books that contain your trauma events. You learn to be able to put the books on the shelf until you are ready to share them, and close the cabinets containing them, and close the doors to the library to create some space between you and your trauma. You are then able to choose when, how, where, and in what order you work on them. A childhood of trauma cannot be tossed out en masse. You will end up hospitalized or self-harming. Bad choices.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Thank you for your answer ! That’s very interesting Did you have an other method in mind while talking about « containers » for your feelings ? I like collecting different methods to see which one could work for me Do you have a source (youtube/book…) that you like and would recommend ? (not necessarily just on this type of visualisation)
@@vampireknight18390 Please read Janina Fisher's books and watch her videos, as well as Pat Ogden's. Other than looking at Richard Kluft's books (I think he is the author of the "library" method). Best used with a therapist that can help you refine the technique for your system and manage what comes up, to build stabilization to a high art for use in living.
We used to do 'check ins' (we also call them that or an alter update) only once every week then we slowly increased it as we became closer and closer and now we do them daily in what we call our daily reflection time. Which is aa time to be mindful and if there is any concerns or things we need or want to talk about we do it then we also have time set aside everyday for trauma processing through vent art and writing. Its taken a long time and has been very difficult to get to this point of communication and we still struggle and have push back so do not give up!
thanks for this. from what i see online i see people being pleased about finding new parts...although i understand longterm may lead to healing personally I find it terrifying. Especially when there are parts so deeply buried I had no idea they were even here years and years later and are the total opposite to me and hold beliefs that I don't understand
I agree, it isn’t a simple process and can feel very different to different people. ‘New’ parts may not be that, as you say, they could have been hidden.
Dr. Lloyd .. this video gave me a mind blowing insight! I have always felt like im not present, even in my own body. The thought that there are other representations of me, alters,within me, means that I am present, even when im hiding from myself. Because, surely I can hide from my self and from my mind, but if im being cared for and observated from within, by my alters, sharing and Holding Spaces for me, that I dont want to know about, then it doesn’t make sence acting if I am invisible any longer. And to me that is a very positive thought. Sorry, if this Sounds like im joking, actually this bringes me hope! Thank you!
I kind of wish I'd had a therapist when communication kicked off. There's... bitterness. Some things weren't done right. There's only so many times we can apologize to each other before it hits that something deeper needs done.
Thank you . This is so helpful. I have a communication book that parts write to me or to the book or things get written. A part helps my younger parts write and with vocabulary. I also hear voices or get shown images or feel a sense or shift in my thinking that feels disorienting and confusing when just about to dissociate. My eye twitches and other dissociation symptoms I’m trying to observe ( or others have observed ) , when parts are trying to come through . I’m still learning about my parts and it’s still all overwhelming , I’m glad to hear this is the norm for DID.
This is such a helpful video, thank you, from the point of view of normalising the difficulties with internal connection. So many points are relatable for my system. Connecting with alters has often caused overwhelming trauma to seep through from those parts and it’s easy to want to stop trying and fear that the process is not suitable for my system. I also often find that trying to connect with parts when those parts are unsettled has caused an extreme escalation of fear in those parts. Over time I’ve realised it’s because my abuser only ever reached out and acted kindly right before he abused me. My sister has confirmed he would do the same with her. At all other times we experienced florid rage and violence from him. So I’ve found that those alters have learnt to associate kind words with extreme fear. So I think that the language we use to communicate with alters needs to be thought out very carefully and should only really be done when there is a good understanding of what that alter’s purpose is and at least a basic understanding of their lives experience. Thanks again for another insightful video
You make a really important point, Ellie, thank you. All of this is best done within the context of therapy, to help guide people through all the many subtle differences and unique issues that may be present.
I'm so glad to hear this video. I've been trying to explain this to our support team for so long and they just don't seem to get it a lot of the time. I'll make sure they watch this.
Question: I/we have had a somewhat strange history with communicating with our parts. When I was very young, there were certain ones who were always just there with me when I hid inside myself when 'bad things happened'. Then when I was in my early 20's I began learning about paganism and correlated those parts with certain deities that had similar qualities to what I had always experienced with them. I just held onto that and would meditate and talk with them much as we had before but they were more just friends than actual gods, but that seemed appropriate given that religious framework. Then when I was in my late 30s I started pursuing that faith tradition more actively and sought formal training with a coven. In the process we began leading rituals and I would just let the relevant parts take over, except the leaders I was learning from freaked out because "We made it too real". This ultimately caused me to reevaluate those beliefs and abandon them, which also resulted in me ignoring or abandoning those long standing relationships we had built. Now, at nearly 50 they, and quite a few others I have never met or interacted with have shall we say, forced me to acknowledge them. Its extremely confusing, but when I was asked by my therapist if I missed them. My response was an instant "of course I do!" Things have been extremely chaotic ever since, and its like the ones I used to talk with in that old context are like, but not exactly like I remember. And frankly, I haven't been left alone ever since, often 2-3 of them sometimes as many as 6 or 7 all trying to talk at the same time. It seems nearly impossible to make sense of anything. Been losing time seemingly more often than usual as well. Is this any kind of normal under these circumstances?
Thank you for this video. A lot of what you said chimed with my own experiences. I have some alters who are very chatty and some who do not speak at all because they are mute or just do not like me very much. I am sometimes able to communicate with the mute alter with her brand of sign language, and that has been great! I wish I could communicate more with the others. Once again thank you very much for all of this.
Dear Dr. Lloyd, this was very helpfull, yes. Thank you. I understood today, that recognizing my little alters once is the start of communication. Even if they don't respond immiadetly. Kind of "once you've Seen me, you can't unsee me". I feel now, my little Alters will only then Communicate, when I (adult Part with partial childhood amnesia) is ready for that. Very Helpfull for my patience. Thank you so much!
Thank you for another great video! Many of us really look forward to watching them (and as is standard, can actually end up watching them multiple times and it still be like it's the first time...). Our communication has been very patchy during a turbulent time for our system, but your video has reminded me of the importance of reaching out to them. Most parts retreated back into hiding when our fairly long-standing treatment team had some major changes, but thanks to your video I think I will try reach out to them again sometime soon ☺🌙🌸
That internal communication is where we're still struggling. We have a journal we can all write in, but it's often like a week or more between anyone writing in it... other times several of us do every day... it's weird. And yeah we had no idea how all of us existed for most of our lives... we've known like almost 4 years... so NO connection at all until like years ago, and no awareness of HOW we were connected until just a few years ago. :/
I suggested to my friend that she turn on her phone recorder and just start talking. she could get a lot more said vs. her journal. either way they still have to remember to do it and that is the problem. Plus, I am not sure most with DID want to do video I just think it would be much more effective I dont know
every time i’ve asked “who all is here” i get an exceptionally loud response from SEVERAL alters and an instant headache, it seems i have to be super specific if i want to check in with someone otherwise everyone starts trying to talk at the same time and it feels like my head is gonna *pop*
Thank you again! I always looking forward to the very helpful and informative video’s. Grateful that you post true information about these conditions. Thank you for your time and effort to help others.
i'm so glad i found your channel - this is so helpful i check in all the time, and because i don't always feel/sense know something i figure i am doing it wrong. Thankyou for this reminder.
Thank you for this. I only found out about my alters last week. I’m 52, and last week everything exploded and then went quiet even though I’m eager to talk.
This video and the one before are things I needed to know and prepare for. I'm still not able to get into the treatment but I'm getting closer to make something happen. Thanks Dr Mike. 😊
Dr. Mike--your videos have been helpful; thank you. System communication seems to be present with most of us. I'm going to implement some of your suggestions with gratitude.
I haven’t went through all your videos so if this is already a video than I’m sorry. I keep struggling with my diagnosis of did. The reason for me is how other people on TH-cam with DID behave compared to my case. I don’t have extreme differences in personalities, I don’t have accents, my voice doesn’t change at all. I don’t have (lack of a better word, sorry if I offend anyone) over the top alters. Like their alters have background stories and relationships with other alters. My version of whatever I have is more like human enhancement. Examples one is very bubbly and flirty and does very well with making work friends and intimate encounters and another feels physical pain in a pleasurable way. I won’t list names of channels, but I watch them and I think mine must be fake since I’m not like them. Every TH-cam channel I find and every tik tok I see have this in common. I tell my therapist all the time that I must not have DID since I can’t relate to anyone else’s version of DID. Are their others that have my version of did or do I have the wrong diagnosis? I really hope you or someone else can answer this for me. I just feel lost and broken.
Don't worry, most of the presentations of DID that we see in clinical practice are very different from the online presentation. I sometimes look at similar online and don't recognise it! Each person has their own way of dealing with the trauma that caused this separation, please never feel that yours is somehow 'not good enough' because it isn't that same as others.
@@thectadclinic thank you. I only get to live with my DID in therapy if that makes sense. I appreciate you, putting such helpful content out for us. I hope you keep wanting to add more content. Thanks for being awesome, and devoting your life in helping others heal.
I went through the same thing where I thought I had to find out what was real and what was bs. I got really frustrated because I didn't relate to any of the ppl I found on TH-cam in the way their alters appear to exist (which I now know isn't a healthy way to look at it). I got frustrated in so many ways. I think the reason I was so focused on understanding is because it's a such a important thing to someone who knows abuse. It's a triggering topic even for those who haven't been effected by it. Innocent Kids getting hurt in such a way that causes them to fracture their undeveloped sense of themselves is no thing for people to take lightly. And in the world I live in, real people would not act like many of the people who make DID videos of themselves, especially if they are abuse victims who seek to educate the public. It's unfortunate how much MSM there is of misleading crap.. IE new age spiritual alien mystic snakes like David Wilcock who sells people BS stories about himself and his special knowledge which is almost all science fiction plagiarism repackaged with his own brand of mindnumbing barf. Dude claims to have been sexually abused underground occultist world dominating elitists who work for the evil aliens and that Archangel Michael speaks to him so he knows how to protect humanity and save the world with his free energy device fuel hovercars that you can can own for an investment of 333$ Its one thing to claim a bunch of dumb stuff that people should know better about but it's another to sit there and look directly into a camera and act your way through a admission of been raped because he's a genius wonderkid of light and God or some far more totally insane claim. It's bad out there. Sociopaths and narcissists have no shame and are destroying truth and society with their skills of deception. Sorry for the rant haha
@the creecher; I Can relate to your experience, it is very difficult to take in, since, the feeling of not belonging anywhere not even to one self, and finally understanding the dissociation but still not finding any videos relatable in any way, its confusing. What is not confusing though, is the way Dr. Lloyds so well explained teaching relates to my own selfawareness of dealing with trauma and dissociation.
Thank you as always for this video. We are in an awful situation at the moment and it feels like nothing can be done until sometime next year to fix it, our counsellor is anti-vax, here in New Zealand all health care workers must be vaccinated. This has meant that we will have to change therapists next year when one is available. In the meantime, we have had to have our sessions via zoom/telehealth with her. As a system, this is not working for us as it does not feel safe. (There are many reasons why the actual sessions via zoom do not feel safe). It is even affecting how I/we communicate with each other, as in we have historical abuse complaints with the police and yesterday the lead detective called us with an update. My parts all decided that as we don't feel safe with our counsellor anymore we can't talk about the update in therapy, so we didn't. The fallout from that is that we have been unable to process the update. It is changing the way we all talk to each other. It is a reminder of the power a therapist has during the ongoing in and out of stabilization stages of therapy. My emotional parts are deeply triggered by this and often the communication is deeply fraught. Your video is a reminder of the importance of communication with my parts, even when they are all triggered by the here and now and also the past.
I am years in therapy. Internal communication has been a constant challenge. My biggest barrier is that i question the parts validity.. constantly telling myself that they arent real... i struggle to believe...
Hi, I struggle with accepting my other parts and their reality. I'm relatively early on in my diagnosis and therapy but my therapist is encouraging me to use a communication book for very practical issues and this has been helpful in coping with daily living challenges. I would be interested in hearing your views Mike on developing communication strategies with a part with whom the relationship has always been antagonistic?
1) Have you found they check in with you? 2) Or they will ask questions (in a different way) you didn't answer for other alters? 3) Also, in your experience, how do they refer to each other? 4) What about disdain for the decisions of the host?
why does the thought of checking in and being "appreciative" instantly make me get angry and defensive? i'm so confused. i feel like i'm fighting with myself on how to feel and the right thing to do.
We recently did a "Roll Kall" Alter List to bring to our mental status exam for our disability case and we 84+ of jist Alters. Hahaha i just laugh now, and also an alter awakening currently.
Every time an alter fronts in my system, I have complete amnesia when they are out...when my partner tells me later that one of my parts fronted, I get an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame...How do I get over the embarrassment of having DID? Maybe this question is off your topic, but I am having a real hard time with being so embarrassed with having DID. I understand each of my parts duties in my system, and I appreciate how they have taken care of me, but the feeling of "embarrassed" by my disorder is overwhelming....Why do I feel guilty for having this? Why does it embarrass me so much? I would rather tell someone I have cancer, than telling them I have DID...Surely I am not the only DID system that feels "embarrassment"...Is this a feeling that you encounter in therapy with other DID systems? Thank you for your vidoes.
I cant afford therapy, but I know I tap out and have zero memory. Its caused me alot of problems. Surprisingly am doing better because I died and was in a coma and it changed me, now I dont think I tap out anymore.
In regards to leaving notes (we're a new system), i have aphantasia and cant pucture things in my head. Im aware of one fully formed alter that im usually co-con with, fragmented alters, and a hidden trauma holder who holds a lot of shame, self hatred, and self blame/blame for me (whom i dont have any communication with). How do i leave internal notes for alters when i cant visualize things in my head?
A question. If there isn't communication at the beginning - it can be a bit of a threatening thing to ask what they need? Because they don't know what you're going to do with it. There's a question of vulnerability for the alter with a part that has at best been ignorant of them, and at worst has been denying that they have needs or so on. Is there another way of doing it such that the askee doesn't need to be vulnerable? It would seem to me that sometimes they don't speak because they just don't trust what the response would be. Especially if the ANP is known to not keep secrets?
I actually had 3 alters come out or communicate with me even before I knew I had the condition (we are an undiagnosed system but are working with a therapist). One was a full switch (my little Addie) came out, the other two were a protector and our internal helper they came to me in my dreams. It was absolutely terrifying to 1) realize I have a dissociative condition and 2) try to make sense of everything when no one was understanding what I was dealing with. Any other tips on system communication and maintaining balance? I have a very important event coming up and I get really switchy when I’m anxious and stressed or tired and my anxiety is at an all time high right now. I do currently have a DID journal I’m documenting everything in as well as I’m working on mindfulness and meditation to communicate and keep myself in balance but we are absolutely struggling. Thank you so much for these videos they are monumentally helpful.
When I say "Hi?" to myself, thoughts arise such as "you are a fake" or "you are trying to make us - -". Do these even qualify? I don't have alters. I have BPD and I'm aware of the possibility of secondary structural dissociation, but I have no amnesia, no derealization or other more "classic" markers of dissociation. Just swinging moods and hard executive dysfunctions. I'm afraid I'm just faking it because I'm looking for a final answer why life is so damn difficult for me. Is it normal to hear comments inside one's head for anyone? I don't _hear_ them like auditory words, just verbal thoughts arise. If they would qualify, does it mean that behind every thought there is a different part? Sorry for the long question and thank you if you have time to reply. I'll keep watching your videos.
I do agree with what you're saying however it does seem to come from a very singlet and egocentric point of view of the patient. I am not saying that to put anyone down (it's mostly a singlet/systems communication issue). I am simply trying to remind systems and interested parties that the body is shared. When main/host/primary is not present these people are doing their part too. Who's to say they have more/less right to the body than "main". They do have their own wants, dreams, and needs too. Now communication is a fantastic way of maintaining an outside stable life (I acknowledge the struggle). But having a system can be like having a family and, in the end, it will be what you make of it. How do you mend a relationship you can't walk away from? How do you deal with second hand trauma and vicariously healing? These people (for better or worse) are on a journey with their main. As an individual within the system you (like them) have every right to feel the way you do, but it doesn't change that you are all here together and need to work in a way that benefits everyone.
Thank you for the Warming. I know I have a Big pile og selfphobia. I know ecsactly how scared I am to look inwards. Not because of what has happened to me, but because of the intrusiveness and overwhelming ways I react. The loss of control. So! What if I Said something like this to my alters; “Hi. I just want you to know that I want to Connect with you, I deeply feel the need to know and accept you, only, im am very scared of how I react on what you know and what you can tell me. But I still want to Connect with you and show you my appreciation for all your struggles containing my trauma” ?
TW: It really depends on how alters are ‘formed’, for example, for many children, alcohol is used as part of grooming/abuse and therefore can become as associative cue to trauma. So when drinking happens later in life, that becomes a trigger to dissociation, not just in DID but PTSD in general.
You said, “These are not great conditions to have….” I want to ask why not? I mean why pursue communication with alters when it’s going to unleash traumatic memories and cause terror? On one hand you ( and by you I mean me… I have) have DP/DR, Amnesia, thought snatching, zoning out and moodiness, waking up in strange places, emotional numbness, and auditory hallucinations and what your saying is by increasing communication it’s just going to add more to the pot, is what I am hearing?? Why would I want to do that?? Seems like I’m signing up for torture. Honestly, I’m getting a bit tired of this.
It’s a good question, and comes to the heart of most therapies, that is, a person can stick with what they have (experience symptoms etc) or get involved and try and make things better for themselves. Not everyone has totally negative experiences of increasing communication, it’s just that it can be tough, raw and painful. The hope is that by working through this, with help and support, it can get better .
@@thectadclinic Maybe when I’m not so tired I’ll consider these wise things you’ve said. I do have a wonderful ISSTD recommended therapist/researcher, but as one who likes to figure things out…. With this recent diagnosis, I know nothing. I had no idea I’d be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder; one I didn’t ask for mind you. You are a spark of light in a dark world. For that I am appreciative. Deeply so.
I really appreciate you underscoring how this takes time, and how it can be frustrating at first. We go through periods of communication, followed by long periods of radio silence, and even just the process of checking in regularly can feel like pulling teeth. It feels like there is so much resistance at times. It's comforting to know that this is part of the process, and to just keep working at it.
Agreed, there can be a lot of resistance. Sometimes the message doesn’t want to be heard, other times it doesn’t have a path to travel through, so isn’t heard at all (yet…)
Youve been very helpful Dr Mike. We just started watching you recently, during a very tumultuous time in our life. The stepfather is dying (not soon enough in my opinion) and shes having a really hard time. He told her he was sorry for what he had done to her all those years, since she was a baby. He told her god forgave him and if she would..., well she finally got the nerve up to say something. She told him he had ruined her life. I couldn't believe it bc shes so scared of him, even now as a 60 yo woman. But shes weak, she has horrible anxiety and depression and panic attacks bc of what he did to her. So here i am, i had to take over. If he said that to me he would hear a whole lot more. They don't expect him to live long, maybe not even a week. Good riddance, maybe now she can finally breathe, finally live. Its ok, I'll take care of her. She just can't handle anymore. I'll see this through, at least through the funeral. Im not afraid of him, i know what all he did to her. She can't remember, but i do. Hes a dirty, nasty man. She doesn't know about me but shes starting to suspect. Shes been doing alot of research, she loves to research, shes a nurse. Shes been telling her therapist that she feels like she has a split personality, like shes splintered or fractured, not whole. Maybe once hes gone she'll figure it out, maybe she won't need me anymore. Anyway, midnight ramblings from The Other
Hi, There's a lot going on, though what I hear is that she is not weak - three reasons: she got to 60, she's a nurse, and she has you. No weakness there!
Thank you so much 💜 I watched half this video, reached out to my system to see if there are alters I don't know about, and someone immediately came forward. She said "Hi, my name is Amethyst, Amy for short. I have purple hair". I was so startled. My stomach flipped. I was scared my mind was making it up. Then I watched the rest of the video which helped a lot! Thank you so much 💜
You are welcome, Lily, I am really glad it helps!
This is so helpful and so true. Paradoxically the more I "check in," the less fragmented I am. It really helps with integration. When other parts are ignored, it is then that they bleed through or pop into co-consciousness at inappropriate times. I hope the technique of "check-in in" helps other people suffering from dissociation as much as it has helped me. Thanks, Dr. Lloyd. Your videos are wonderful.
Thank you for making this video! The way you talk and explain about these things makes me feel more at ease with the reality of it in my life. You really believe in this, that is so encouraging. It is both scary and frustrating to work on internal communication. But I will try to be patient and open, and hopefully it will indeed be worth it. Looking forward to your future videos.
Thank you, it can be hard, but not always, and when the rewards are seen, what a result!
Can you cover the other less positive responses you might get from parts? Like when you get silence, or get violent attacks coming back at you?
I have been told from very skilled clinicians that- bc I cannot seem to trust others enough, (in part, bc I haven’t had a continuum of care by the same person for long enough to establish the needed trust) that I tend to go off on my own, alone with no support and work on these things you just spoke about, that it has resulted in a kind of cycle of re-traumatization. I go back and forth between feeling nothing, and becoming flooded and overwhelmed.
I was diagnosed with DID when it was still called MPD 30+ years ago. I have made some progress, but never seem to make it squarely into the phase of resolving trauma for these reasons. After all this time, I haven’t given up altogether, but have definitely gone through times when I have felt like I have needed to, or had to “ put it away” for periods of time, mostly due to insurance no longer covering any treatment, not being able to do this work out-patient, due to isolation and lack of any support network. At my age, I am beginning to suspect I might die before I know what it feels like to really live, and I feel like I’m exhausted from covering up, and having to cover for this sham of a life I’ve led. Although I have managed to survive, I have never been able to access the person whom I was born as. She is suspended inside me in time, and has been hurt so horribly, and has gone so deeply within, and for so long, and has built impenetrable walls, if I did not understand, intellectually that it is not possible, I would assume that she, in her hopeless, and helpless state, resigned to giving up, and is actually no longer alive. I am sorry for this convoluted run-on of a comment, but, watching this late, and am tired, isolated to the point of recluse status, and far away from all friends and family and in a rural area where there is no help for someone like me. It is truly frustrating, bc I have learned many tools and skills re how to do this, but cannot do it all alone.
I hope you’ll reach out online if so for help, the care has improved from yrs ago, sliding scale may work for you or a support group so you can share your considerable knowledge & self awareness. It sounds like you know yourself better than many & self knowledge is a high achievement in living. Isstd, an infinite mind, are two resources of more & more. You aren’t alone. Keep going. Best wishes.
Our System suffered a little bit. Our host actually still suffers. They get desperate. I have added this video on our DID Playlist, hopefully I can ask them to check it when they feel angry about not being able to hear from us. Thank you enormously. -Caretaker of a System
If you become less stable when you try to communicate internally or when parts/alters spontaneously communicate with you, there are other strategies you can employ to manage this. You don't have to run. Learning how to use "containers" for feelings and memories, using the "library" strategy, safe space imagery, and other imagery and visualization strategies that have been developed specifically for DID can help. This could require finding a very skilled trauma therapist who knows a lot about DID. Worth it. Every penny.
Hey ! Can you develop the « library » strategy please ? I haven’t heard of it
@@vampireknight18390 It is a visualization technique in which you imagine a library filled with books that contain your trauma events. You learn to be able to put the books on the shelf until you are ready to share them, and close the cabinets containing them, and close the doors to the library to create some space between you and your trauma. You are then able to choose when, how, where, and in what order you work on them. A childhood of trauma cannot be tossed out en masse. You will end up hospitalized or self-harming. Bad choices.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Thank you for your answer ! That’s very interesting
Did you have an other method in mind while talking about « containers » for your feelings ?
I like collecting different methods to see which one could work for me
Do you have a source (youtube/book…) that you like and would recommend ? (not necessarily just on this type of visualisation)
@@vampireknight18390 Please read Janina Fisher's books and watch her videos, as well as Pat Ogden's. Other than looking at Richard Kluft's books (I think he is the author of the "library" method). Best used with a therapist that can help you refine the technique for your system and manage what comes up, to build stabilization to a high art for use in living.
@@Cathy-xi8cb Thank you for your time and your recommandations ! I will look into them
We used to do 'check ins' (we also call them that or an alter update) only once every week then we slowly increased it as we became closer and closer and now we do them daily in what we call our daily reflection time. Which is aa time to be mindful and if there is any concerns or things we need or want to talk about we do it then we also have time set aside everyday for trauma processing through vent art and writing. Its taken a long time and has been very difficult to get to this point of communication and we still struggle and have push back so do not give up!
thanks for this. from what i see online i see people being pleased about finding new parts...although i understand longterm may lead to healing personally I find it terrifying. Especially when there are parts so deeply buried I had no idea they were even here years and years later and are the total opposite to me and hold beliefs that I don't understand
I agree, it isn’t a simple process and can feel very different to different people. ‘New’ parts may not be that, as you say, they could have been hidden.
Dr. Lloyd .. this video gave me a mind blowing insight!
I have always felt like im not present, even in my own body. The thought that there are other representations of me, alters,within me, means that I am present, even when im hiding from myself.
Because, surely I can hide from my self and from my mind, but if im being cared for and observated from within, by my alters, sharing and Holding Spaces for me, that I dont want to know about, then it doesn’t make sence acting if I am invisible any longer. And to me that is a very positive thought.
Sorry, if this Sounds like im joking, actually this bringes me hope! Thank you!
You are welcome!
Thanks so so much as always 🥰💖🌈
You are welcome, and thank you for the support!
I kind of wish I'd had a therapist when communication kicked off. There's... bitterness. Some things weren't done right. There's only so many times we can apologize to each other before it hits that something deeper needs done.
Thank you . This is so helpful. I have a communication book that parts write to me or to the book or things get written. A part helps my younger parts write and with vocabulary. I also hear voices or get shown images or feel a sense or shift in my thinking that feels disorienting and confusing when just about to dissociate. My eye twitches and other dissociation symptoms I’m trying to observe ( or others have observed ) , when parts are trying to come through . I’m still learning about my parts and it’s still all overwhelming , I’m glad to hear this is the norm for DID.
This is such a helpful video, thank you, from the point of view of normalising the difficulties with internal connection. So many points are relatable for my system. Connecting with alters has often caused overwhelming trauma to seep through from those parts and it’s easy to want to stop trying and fear that the process is not suitable for my system. I also often find that trying to connect with parts when those parts are unsettled has caused an extreme escalation of fear in those parts. Over time I’ve realised it’s because my abuser only ever reached out and acted kindly right before he abused me. My sister has confirmed he would do the same with her. At all other times we experienced florid rage and violence from him. So I’ve found that those alters have learnt to associate kind words with extreme fear. So I think that the language we use to communicate with alters needs to be thought out very carefully and should only really be done when there is a good understanding of what that alter’s purpose is and at least a basic understanding of their lives experience. Thanks again for another insightful video
You make a really important point, Ellie, thank you. All of this is best done within the context of therapy, to help guide people through all the many subtle differences and unique issues that may be present.
I'm so glad to hear this video. I've been trying to explain this to our support team for so long and they just don't seem to get it a lot of the time. I'll make sure they watch this.
Excellent, thank you so much, Doctor! -Caretaker of a System
Question: I/we have had a somewhat strange history with communicating with our parts. When I was very young, there were certain ones who were always just there with me when I hid inside myself when 'bad things happened'. Then when I was in my early 20's I began learning about paganism and correlated those parts with certain deities that had similar qualities to what I had always experienced with them. I just held onto that and would meditate and talk with them much as we had before but they were more just friends than actual gods, but that seemed appropriate given that religious framework. Then when I was in my late 30s I started pursuing that faith tradition more actively and sought formal training with a coven. In the process we began leading rituals and I would just let the relevant parts take over, except the leaders I was learning from freaked out because "We made it too real". This ultimately caused me to reevaluate those beliefs and abandon them, which also resulted in me ignoring or abandoning those long standing relationships we had built.
Now, at nearly 50 they, and quite a few others I have never met or interacted with have shall we say, forced me to acknowledge them. Its extremely confusing, but when I was asked by my therapist if I missed them. My response was an instant "of course I do!" Things have been extremely chaotic ever since, and its like the ones I used to talk with in that old context are like, but not exactly like I remember. And frankly, I haven't been left alone ever since, often 2-3 of them sometimes as many as 6 or 7 all trying to talk at the same time. It seems nearly impossible to make sense of anything. Been losing time seemingly more often than usual as well.
Is this any kind of normal under these circumstances?
Thank you for this video. A lot of what you said chimed with my own experiences. I have some alters who are very chatty and some who do not speak at all because they are mute or just do not like me very much. I am sometimes able to communicate with the mute alter with her brand of sign language, and that has been great! I wish I could communicate more with the others. Once again thank you very much for all of this.
Dear Dr. Lloyd,
this was very helpfull, yes. Thank you. I understood today, that recognizing my little alters once is the start of communication. Even if they don't respond immiadetly. Kind of "once you've Seen me, you can't unsee me". I feel now, my little Alters will only then Communicate, when I (adult Part with partial childhood amnesia) is ready for that.
Very Helpfull for my patience. Thank you so much!
Thank you for another great video! Many of us really look forward to watching them (and as is standard, can actually end up watching them multiple times and it still be like it's the first time...). Our communication has been very patchy during a turbulent time for our system, but your video has reminded me of the importance of reaching out to them. Most parts retreated back into hiding when our fairly long-standing treatment team had some major changes, but thanks to your video I think I will try reach out to them again sometime soon ☺🌙🌸
That internal communication is where we're still struggling. We have a journal we can all write in, but it's often like a week or more between anyone writing in it... other times several of us do every day... it's weird.
And yeah we had no idea how all of us existed for most of our lives... we've known like almost 4 years... so NO connection at all until like years ago, and no awareness of HOW we were connected until just a few years ago. :/
I suggested to my friend that she turn on her phone recorder and just start talking. she could get a lot more said vs. her journal. either way they still have to remember to do it and that is the problem. Plus, I am not sure most with DID want to do video I just think it would be much more effective I dont know
This was so incredibly validating 😢 thank you
every time i’ve asked “who all is here” i get an exceptionally loud response from SEVERAL alters and an instant headache, it seems i have to be super specific if i want to check in with someone otherwise everyone starts trying to talk at the same time and it feels like my head is gonna *pop*
Thank you again! I always looking forward to the very helpful and informative video’s. Grateful that you post true information about these conditions. Thank you for your time and effort to help others.
Good words Dr. Mike. 🙏🫵
Thank you ! I haven't found anyone to help me and I feel lost and confused. And these videos help me and to help my others
Thank you. This is an overwhelming time of my life and this is so helpful as I try to wrap my mind around this.
i'm so glad i found your channel - this is so helpful i check in all the time, and because i don't always feel/sense know something i figure i am doing it wrong. Thankyou for this reminder.
Thank you for this. I only found out about my alters last week. I’m 52, and last week everything exploded and then went quiet even though I’m eager to talk.
Good for you!
Thank you for this! I’m just at this stage and will do this. I really find your videos helpful and relatable 😊
This video and the one before are things I needed to know and prepare for. I'm still not able to get into the treatment but I'm getting closer to make something happen. Thanks Dr Mike. 😊
Thank you for explaining more of this and the world that we live in. I'm very new to all this and I'm trying to understand it all.
Dr. Mike--your videos have been helpful; thank you. System communication seems to be present with most of us. I'm going to implement some of your suggestions with gratitude.
This is very helpful thank you. Starting to say 'hello' from a save place.
Just what I needed to hear today!! Even shared this with our t!
Thank you so much
I haven’t went through all your videos so if this is already a video than I’m sorry. I keep struggling with my diagnosis of did. The reason for me is how other people on TH-cam with DID behave compared to my case. I don’t have extreme differences in personalities, I don’t have accents, my voice doesn’t change at all. I don’t have (lack of a better word, sorry if I offend anyone) over the top alters. Like their alters have background stories and relationships with other alters. My version of whatever I have is more like human enhancement. Examples one is very bubbly and flirty and does very well with making work friends and intimate encounters and another feels physical pain in a pleasurable way. I won’t list names of channels, but I watch them and I think mine must be fake since I’m not like them. Every TH-cam channel I find and every tik tok I see have this in common. I tell my therapist all the time that I must not have DID since I can’t relate to anyone else’s version of DID. Are their others that have my version of did or do I have the wrong diagnosis? I really hope you or someone else can answer this for me. I just feel lost and broken.
Don't worry, most of the presentations of DID that we see in clinical practice are very different from the online presentation. I sometimes look at similar online and don't recognise it! Each person has their own way of dealing with the trauma that caused this separation, please never feel that yours is somehow 'not good enough' because it isn't that same as others.
@@thectadclinic thank you. I only get to live with my DID in therapy if that makes sense. I appreciate you, putting such helpful content out for us. I hope you keep wanting to add more content. Thanks for being awesome, and devoting your life in helping others heal.
I went through the same thing where I thought I had to find out what was real and what was bs. I got really frustrated because I didn't relate to any of the ppl I found on TH-cam in the way their alters appear to exist (which I now know isn't a healthy way to look at it). I got frustrated in so many ways. I think the reason I was so focused on understanding is because it's a such a important thing to someone who knows abuse. It's a triggering topic even for those who haven't been effected by it. Innocent Kids getting hurt in such a way that causes them to fracture their undeveloped sense of themselves is no thing for people to take lightly. And in the world I live in, real people would not act like many of the people who make DID videos of themselves, especially if they are abuse victims who seek to educate the public. It's unfortunate how much MSM there is of misleading crap.. IE new age spiritual alien mystic snakes like David Wilcock who sells people BS stories about himself and his special knowledge which is almost all science fiction plagiarism repackaged with his own brand of mindnumbing barf. Dude claims to have been sexually abused underground occultist world dominating elitists who work for the evil aliens and that Archangel Michael speaks to him so he knows how to protect humanity and save the world with his free energy device fuel hovercars that you can can own for an investment of 333$ Its one thing to claim a bunch of dumb stuff that people should know better about but it's another to sit there and look directly into a camera and act your way through a admission of been raped because he's a genius wonderkid of light and God or some far more totally insane claim.
It's bad out there. Sociopaths and narcissists have no shame and are destroying truth and society with their skills of deception.
Sorry for the rant haha
@the creecher; I Can relate to your experience, it is very difficult to take in, since, the feeling of not belonging anywhere not even to one self, and finally understanding the dissociation but still not finding any videos relatable in any way, its confusing.
What is not confusing though, is the way Dr. Lloyds so well explained teaching relates to my own selfawareness of dealing with trauma and dissociation.
Ouch. Your right, I wish I didn't and today I can see why. I wish all days I could see why.
Great video and I really appreciate this
Thank you, Ash!
Thank you for explaining this. It is giving me a new way to reach out to my alters.
Great, glad it may help you!
Thank you for this. Your videos are so reassuring as well as practical and helpful.
Thankyou!
Really helpful thank you
Thank you Dr Mike! 💜
Thank you as always for this video. We are in an awful situation at the moment and it feels like nothing can be done until sometime next year to fix it, our counsellor is anti-vax, here in New Zealand all health care workers must be vaccinated. This has meant that we will have to change therapists next year when one is available. In the meantime, we have had to have our sessions via zoom/telehealth with her. As a system, this is not working for us as it does not feel safe. (There are many reasons why the actual sessions via zoom do not feel safe). It is even affecting how I/we communicate with each other, as in we have historical abuse complaints with the police and yesterday the lead detective called us with an update. My parts all decided that as we don't feel safe with our counsellor anymore we can't talk about the update in therapy, so we didn't. The fallout from that is that we have been unable to process the update. It is changing the way we all talk to each other. It is a reminder of the power a therapist has during the ongoing in and out of stabilization stages of therapy. My emotional parts are deeply triggered by this and often the communication is deeply fraught. Your video is a reminder of the importance of communication with my parts, even when they are all triggered by the here and now and also the past.
Thank you, Jazzy, I sincerely hope you manage to get through this time ok!
@@thectadclinic Thank you.
I am years in therapy. Internal communication has been a constant challenge. My biggest barrier is that i question the parts validity.. constantly telling myself that they arent real... i struggle to believe...
It can be tough, though you believing in what you hold inside will probably help. That’s an important barrier, I hope your therapy helps you past it.
Hi, I struggle with accepting my other parts and their reality. I'm relatively early on in my diagnosis and therapy but my therapist is encouraging me to use a communication book for very practical issues and this has been helpful in coping with daily living challenges.
I would be interested in hearing your views Mike on developing communication strategies with a part with whom the relationship has always been antagonistic?
@@janeappleton8357 generally, patience, empathy and understanding.
1) Have you found they check in with you? 2) Or they will ask questions (in a different way) you didn't answer for other alters?
3) Also, in your experience, how do they refer to each other?
4) What about disdain for the decisions of the host?
why does the thought of checking in and being "appreciative" instantly make me get angry and defensive? i'm so confused. i feel like i'm fighting with myself on how to feel and the right thing to do.
We recently did a "Roll Kall" Alter List to bring to our mental status exam for our disability case and we 84+ of jist Alters. Hahaha i just laugh now, and also an alter awakening currently.
Every time an alter fronts in my system, I have complete amnesia when they are out...when my partner tells me later that one of my parts fronted, I get an overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame...How do I get over the embarrassment of having DID? Maybe this question is off your topic, but I am having a real hard time with being so embarrassed with having DID. I understand each of my parts duties in my system, and I appreciate how they have taken care of me, but the feeling of "embarrassed" by my disorder is overwhelming....Why do I feel guilty for having this? Why does it embarrass me so much? I would rather tell someone I have cancer, than telling them I have DID...Surely I am not the only DID system that feels "embarrassment"...Is this a feeling that you encounter in therapy with other DID systems? Thank you for your vidoes.
I cant afford therapy, but I know I tap out and have zero memory. Its caused me alot of problems. Surprisingly am doing better because I died and was in a coma and it changed me, now I dont think I tap out anymore.
Internal Family Systems therapy.
In regards to leaving notes (we're a new system), i have aphantasia and cant pucture things in my head. Im aware of one fully formed alter that im usually co-con with, fragmented alters, and a hidden trauma holder who holds a lot of shame, self hatred, and self blame/blame for me (whom i dont have any communication with). How do i leave internal notes for alters when i cant visualize things in my head?
A question. If there isn't communication at the beginning - it can be a bit of a threatening thing to ask what they need? Because they don't know what you're going to do with it. There's a question of vulnerability for the alter with a part that has at best been ignorant of them, and at worst has been denying that they have needs or so on. Is there another way of doing it such that the askee doesn't need to be vulnerable? It would seem to me that sometimes they don't speak because they just don't trust what the response would be. Especially if the ANP is known to not keep secrets?
love ur colors at the begining. so relaxing dunno why. :D ahh.. :D i'm new to this. ___> :)
Thanks, dog!
I actually had 3 alters come out or communicate with me even before I knew I had the condition (we are an undiagnosed system but are working with a therapist). One was a full switch (my little Addie) came out, the other two were a protector and our internal helper they came to me in my dreams. It was absolutely terrifying to 1) realize I have a dissociative condition and 2) try to make sense of everything when no one was understanding what I was dealing with. Any other tips on system communication and maintaining balance? I have a very important event coming up and I get really switchy when I’m anxious and stressed or tired and my anxiety is at an all time high right now. I do currently have a DID journal I’m documenting everything in as well as I’m working on mindfulness and meditation to communicate and keep myself in balance but we are absolutely struggling. Thank you so much for these videos they are monumentally helpful.
Lots on here about internal communication, though for your event, try watching this one: th-cam.com/video/vCYVHdwcmyE/w-d-xo.html
@@thectadclinic Awesome thank you so much!!!!
When I say "Hi?" to myself, thoughts arise such as "you are a fake" or "you are trying to make us - -". Do these even qualify? I don't have alters. I have BPD and I'm aware of the possibility of secondary structural dissociation, but I have no amnesia, no derealization or other more "classic" markers of dissociation. Just swinging moods and hard executive dysfunctions. I'm afraid I'm just faking it because I'm looking for a final answer why life is so damn difficult for me. Is it normal to hear comments inside one's head for anyone? I don't _hear_ them like auditory words, just verbal thoughts arise. If they would qualify, does it mean that behind every thought there is a different part? Sorry for the long question and thank you if you have time to reply. I'll keep watching your videos.
I do agree with what you're saying however it does seem to come from a very singlet and egocentric point of view of the patient. I am not saying that to put anyone down (it's mostly a singlet/systems communication issue). I am simply trying to remind systems and interested parties that the body is shared. When main/host/primary is not present these people are doing their part too. Who's to say they have more/less right to the body than "main". They do have their own wants, dreams, and needs too.
Now communication is a fantastic way of maintaining an outside stable life (I acknowledge the struggle). But having a system can be like having a family and, in the end, it will be what you make of it. How do you mend a relationship you can't walk away from? How do you deal with second hand trauma and vicariously healing? These people (for better or worse) are on a journey with their main. As an individual within the system you (like them) have every right to feel the way you do, but it doesn't change that you are all here together and need to work in a way that benefits everyone.
Thank you for the Warming. I know I have a Big pile og selfphobia. I know ecsactly how scared I am to look inwards. Not because of what has happened to me, but because of the intrusiveness and overwhelming ways I react. The loss of control.
So! What if I Said something like this to my alters;
“Hi. I just want you to know that I want to Connect with you, I deeply feel the need to know and accept you, only, im am very scared of how I react on what you know and what you can tell me. But I still want to Connect with you and show you my appreciation for all your struggles containing my trauma” ?
Sounds like a good start, always best to do within the context of a therapeutic setting!
Can alcohol bring out an alter? You’re a different person. You drive, wake up in odd places, and don’t remember anything.
TW: It really depends on how alters are ‘formed’, for example, for many children, alcohol is used as part of grooming/abuse and therefore can become as associative cue to trauma. So when drinking happens later in life, that becomes a trigger to dissociation, not just in DID but PTSD in general.
I check in but they are defensive.
It can take a while to build trust.
Please be my therapist
You said, “These are not great conditions to have….” I want to ask why not? I mean why pursue communication with alters when it’s going to unleash traumatic memories and cause terror? On one hand you ( and by you I mean me… I have) have DP/DR, Amnesia, thought snatching, zoning out and moodiness, waking up in strange places, emotional numbness, and auditory hallucinations and what your saying is by increasing communication it’s just going to add more to the pot, is what I am hearing?? Why would I want to do that?? Seems like I’m signing up for torture. Honestly, I’m getting a bit tired of this.
It’s a good question, and comes to the heart of most therapies, that is, a person can stick with what they have (experience symptoms etc) or get involved and try and make things better for themselves. Not everyone has totally negative experiences of increasing communication, it’s just that it can be tough, raw and painful. The hope is that by working through this, with help and support, it can get better .
@@thectadclinic Maybe when I’m not so tired I’ll consider these wise things you’ve said. I do have a wonderful ISSTD recommended therapist/researcher, but as one who likes to figure things out…. With this recent diagnosis, I know nothing. I had no idea I’d be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder; one I didn’t ask for mind you. You are a spark of light in a dark world. For that I am appreciative. Deeply so.
🤕