Correct. Narcissist are incapable of loving or bonding with others. It becomes very easy to attack and hurt others when the narcissist feels nothing and cares about no one.
@@sarahstrong7174 No worries......Detrimental means #damaging, #hurtful, #destructive, #dangerous...If we don't use the inFORMATION we get on these TYPE (narcissist)people...IT'S #dangerous for our life!
@Kate Goodyear It’s not really that hard....it helps to get angry....justifiably angry. Then compare situations that occurred in your Narc relationship with the text book situations and red flags others have experienced.... you’ll find invariably, there are many parallels. When you see how other Narc victims reacted and were manipulated, it’s a lot easier to look at them (rather than yourself) and think, “Dang! How stupid of them. How obvious that they were really being played!” That will act as a mirror held up to yourself. It’s then that you’ll have an epiphany and you’ll get a clear vision of yourself and your mistakes by looking at others. Don’t beat yourself up...you can’t change the past...you can only learn from it and we are sent these trials by the Universe because we needed to learn a specific lesson. At that point, you’ll move from being a victim to a student. You’ll be forever free...it’s like being vaccinated. It’s like the Nike ad....Just do it!
I can't use the damaged child excuse for them any more because I certainly had my own damage as a kid. Not a horrible childhood but not perfect. Nonetheless, this is no excuse to act the way they do and I have no sympathy for them in any way shape or form
I'm a victim of narcissist abuse. But lately I've been doing a lot of research on narcissism and it's making me stronger. I'm getting better day by day
They can't change. Truth is this: Fairness and Love never exits with them....every bit of who they are is FAKE. Count your blessings and move on NOW! Add years to your life and look even more beautiful than you already do!!! Love to EVERYONE!! 😍
Claire Ellis / Hi Claire - I was told my eyes looked brighter after I left my ex narc. They try to steal away your happiness. Once you’re free from the abuse yes, you wind up looking extremely fabulous maybe even losing weight in the process.
Personally I lost weight when I lost peace, trying to make sense of what was going on. But I know what you're saying, when one stops believing his stories about not deserving much, being a victim or having to rescue people, one comes back to balance, and wholeness, which looks fabulous. Congratulations to you@@jbilotta !
Yes that's so true. After I broke away I posted a picture a few weeks later on fb. Everyone said that I looked amazing. That was a lovely feeling after all of been through with the narc.we get there on the end.
8:58 l disagree. Malignant narcs do derive pleasure from hurting people, thus the smirk. Being the abuser "proves" their "superiority." Remember, everything's a game to them. Non-malignant narcs want to win and just don't think about others winning also. Malignant narcs only feel like they're winning if someone else is losing, even if the narc gains nothing. Narcs do know others have feelings or they wouldn't be so precise at hurting others. They know what they're doing is wrong, or they wouldn't be so good at covering it up. All sentient beings know right from wrong, narcs just love doing evil. It gives their weak a$$es a sense of power.
@@MimiKeel OH good grief. That's about the same as saying every Mimi is a big fat ignorant cow from the Drew Cary show. That would be a terrible generalization of me or anyone to make since I don't know you. Some might even say close minded & short sighted
Yes I know my ex malignant narc did derive pleasure from the hell he intentionally put me through especially the last year. They do have cognitive empathy. Although they don’t have feelings they do know what will hurt you and yes done purposefully no doubt
Signs of a Narc 1. Weird laugh 2. Anger at simple questions 3. Dissappears frequently 4. Gas lightning 5. Says I love you in first week or two 6. Will tell you to run from them in the beginning If you experience any of these when you meet someone, run like hell!
If you do not put them on a pedestal or keep admiring them, they will target you. In that case, their narcissistic supply comes from seeing you suffer.
Omg, many years ago I was so infatuated with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. I thought he was amazing, considerate, loving,etc. I even told him I only wanted us to be together forever in a far away place. Well, his mask came off and he would rage at me on a daily basis. I realized I didn't love him and wanted out, but I couldnt move and became so depressed. He wondered why I wasnt showering him with love and admiration. After one of his episodes he said he would change, but as the years went on i found out that this was his normal personality from the people who knew him well since he was a child.
That is the secret right there. If we can clearly see the demonic effects of internalized abuse all their lives, forced to be fake and live a lie, believe in God's love, do not abuse others even if we are abused, and start everyday telling God thank You that I matter to You. Help me see what You see in me to show me Your reasons that I matter to me. Peace.
butterfly brains There are plenty of narcissists who are fervently religious. There’s nothing in narcissism, a pathological personality disorder, that has to do with superstition & beliefs in magical , supernatural entities. Stop giving them the excuse of ‘demons’. These people’s personality disorder compels them to be extremely selfish, & often destructive toward others. Religious delusion is not a cure or solution to any problems plaguing humanity.
@Buttercup58 they know full well what they are doing. They wouldn't work so hard covering their tracks an scapegoating if they didn't understand what they were doing. They just fear exposure which is the main reason they go through so much work. The enablers of their behavior allow them to keep doing the crap they do.
IVE BEEN CRING MYSELF TO SLEEP FOR GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW LONG.PART OF ME CAN RELATE TO THE BRILLIANT MESSAGE YOU WROTE.YES THATS SOME REAL FUNNY CHIT.MERRY CHRISTMAS
I will never forget the Narc saying “ I know I’ve hurt you” so logically he knew he had and didn’t care. They know what their doing is wrong but they can’t help themselves.
Oh they don’t want to help themselves. Please don’t pity them, get the hell away from them, safe as you can. They get a thrill from destroying you, facts
They have NO EMPATHY, so they continue the lies, betrayal, manipulation etc. without remorse or guilt. They are INCAPABLE OF feeling the suffering and pain of others because of their Narcissistic trait = lack of empathy.
I never understand why he had to ruin my life and world. I am healing and I pray I will overcome the trauma,shame, guilty and all the unwanted feeling that monster brought in my life.
Narcissists are very deeply wounded individuals who hurt others because they are hurting. It's so painful to be around one. Do not feed into their illness. God bless all🙏💗
Lots of people hurt deeply within from life traumas but they don't go around committing criminal acts against others (and they absolutely KNOW what they do because they preplan their assaults). When caught they are quick to concoct deceitful stories. They should be brought to justice. I feel the same way about child sexual predators, they should be brought to justice.
Honestly I do not believe they are hurting- maybe Borderliners but not Narcs. There is nothing in them just a black hole...no hurt, no love nothing. If they appear like they are hurting then they are simply acting.
But why do you end up blaming yourself... and love them so much! Cant even figure out if it was my fault and I just had too much trauma baggage and sheer miscommunication, or if he was actually a narccissist, with npd ... I love him so much and miss him 😔 Ps. This was written 8 months ago, in severe cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and didnt want to admit to others or myself I was in love with an abuser, because I was lacking in affection, a big people pleaser, and believed from previous people I was "broken and not good enough" and this way of thinking he took so much advantage of to the point of crippling **** Anywho, please support others and understand others who are still in the place of stuck loving their abuser because they were shown no love as children etc, and drop the need to cover up the abuse just to protect the person that showed them in the beggining some attention. It somewhat a stockholm syndrome. Be patient and not judgemetal for whatever stage they are at in their journey. It is hard to let go! P.p.s. Tbh, I found it way more easier to walk away and recognise overt narcissists than a covert one. Covert you get emotionally and mentally and psycologically entangeled and only usually notice once its too late! Know the difference as there are a range of people here coming from different places. Strength and inner happiness to all on your healing journey....
I've unintentionally become empathic. Her reluctance at dialog made me speculate her deeply. This process made me verbalize her behavior intentionally. This would be ego shattering to her. My ability at forcing myself to engage introspection with her forced something. I felt it at as divine intervention.
I can just hear the narcissist replying to the empowering question,"what is it in you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?" by replying "I'm not trying to hurt you" because they wear the cloak of denial and their answer is designed to trigger an emotional response from the person who asked the question,
I had a narcissist go off on me in public. He was trying to get supply from me. I was like dude what's wrong with you? Came back with I'm just hard to get along with. But no apologies. Later much, dude.
I accused of causing me pain over and over again and he never denied it once that he wasn’t purposely trying to cause me pain but for some reason he just kept doing it like as if it was just a part of him and they have something that will never ever change. But the rotten part is that he doesn’t seem to even realize it that there’s consequences for those actions. He still doesn’t know why his first wife doesn’t want to talk to him and he abused her in every way for 20 years.
@@elizadoolittle7647 like my ex husband, would say why I couldn't get along with anyone. He is also the golden child, again saying " If only you can get a long with my mother, no one in my family likes you." My ex mother in law is also narcissist and their siblings also. 💔💔💔💔.
I Peter 5:8 --- Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walk about, seeking whom he may devour: Just as the narcissist...and without empathy!!
I watched this every time I ask myself why do the people I love always hurt me, but I learn by this video that so many people are narcissists and don't feel real connection or concern for people only look at you as objects to be used nothing else. So never doubt yourself if you ever feel drained by any relationship in your life. No matter who it is choose yourself everytime.
all american I am happy for you! At first I felt discarded and rejected and then when I thought about it I thought no -I am elated and I’m free and I’m ME again!
Truthfully, I still don't have forgiveness in my heart even knowing the buried pain of the narcissist. But I can say that after over a year and a half since her most incredibly devastating damage to my life (and I'm 65), I do finally feel the joy of coming out on the other side of a life shattered to a certain sense of rebirth into a whole new reality with a new kind of beauty. It happened for me and not to me and I matter!
The saddest part is the narcissistic can't be helped, because they don't know or believe they need it. They're their own worst enemy. Don't go up against them, back away. They are a lion and you are their prey. When you try to remove a thorn from its paw it attacks you angrily. You cannot help them.
The final conversation from my Narcissists went something like this, "Your life will never be the same" -- her parting vindictive threat. I just smiled and said, Thank God... walked away and gave zero reaction. Thank you for these great videos Melanie!
My ex told me AFTER I LEFT "love is when a person can hurt you and you love them through it". She was angry that I left. I don't think she understood what she had admitted!
Yep I believe that she would love that, she continuously hurting you and you continue to love her. She is just ridiculous, have she never heard about that at first when you love someone, you don't hurt him but you only want him to be happy! Take care
To add insult to injury, they don't hurt other people who you would think have lesser status than you. Friends, co workers, potential new supply all get treated like royalty right before your very eyes.
My ex told me that if I loved him I would never leave him (which I did, not because I didn’t love him but because I had no other choice..he was killing me with his actions.
We are loving ppl or we wouldn't be in this hell ...being an Empath has it's down falls and this one is the worst 😭 BUT we are strong 💪 or we wouldn't have been able to survive SOOO DEAR ONES WE DO MATTER and we are worthy to be loved by healthy minded individuals !! Shutty shutty when they start their mess let them gravel in their own spew and let the meanness roll off your back like a duck b c there emptyness has NOTHING to do we us ...I punished myself for years thinking that it did .. actually they are weak inside and out ..they are to be pitted not ever knowing or able to feel real love !!!
This one changed me forever. It's the first time I've been able to understand that it's ME who's keeping me in this loop of abuse. It's not his fault, he's just doing what he needs to do to survive. Thank you so much for throwing me this liferaft at last.
@@theSpiritofTamzin ..I think it's a little of both they know what they are doing BUT are so used to being Narc abused themselves from their life that it feels natural ..either way is sick and demented plus look at their eyes ...they are as empty as when life leaves the body in death ..almost scary to a point ! They put a whole new meaning to .. have you ever grieved for a person who is still breathing ???
@@deeberry650 I respect your opinion, but don't believe all, or even most narcs, were abused, and that's why they became narcs... They're born that way, I guess. But I'll never feel any sympathy or compassion for them, ever...
I have just come to a full realization about how much my narcissistic ex paralyzed my mind and soul. Now I feel like the world is gaining colors and meaning again. Life is amazing when you realize that you got freed from a narcissist! And on a side note: my always on-the-move cat was completely glued to me for hours while I was struggling with post-relationship regret and confusion.
Narc survivors come outta that retched hell, with the saving grace of GODS love. Most tend to develop a closer spiritual walk with *THE MOST HIGH* while the narc grow uglier and uglier ... Amen!
I’m trying to heal. The ex narc’s reality hit me like a train at how sick and vengeful he was and to what lengths he went. I just am not able to do the math on it. I just want to heal from within. Lost 8 kgs in a month because I’m unable to eat.
Roshelle, you can begin right here. Learn everything you can about Narcicism. Read the comments, and you will begin to understand more about you too.Its a process, but its all right here on you tube, hundreds of videos to watch, then those videos will lead you to other video's. You are already on the right track.
I love how you put this so patient and precise with your delivery. Thank you To everyone who has experience abuse at the hands of a narcissists, listen to this message over and over if you have to. From today forward I matter to me. You matter, your real. Your okay and you deserve love reciprocated love ♥️ I am free now. Thank you 😊 you recorded this on my 41st birthday. No contact for two months after 11 years. I’m so grateful
Teela Tequila Thank you so much 😊 so sorry you had to live through that. We have no children. I’m so grateful for that. I am also still no contact 🎊🎉🎉 and he still comes to my mind. However I’m normal that’s normal. I’m done I will never go back. And I have 11 years and a million reasons not to. God bless you. ♥️
I appreciate these videos so much. Im slowly recovering from a horrible narcissistic relationship, and these have helped me so much. Im a complete Empath and a huge struggle to me is "WHY" why did he do this, why wasnt i enough, why wasnt my true love good enough. And this really helps, described my ex to a T. And it helps my healing to know it wasnt all my fault. Its still a rough path and he tries to reel me back, but I'm doing all I can to stand strong and heal. From today forward I matter to ME!!!
I would love you to sign up for the free 16 day Recovery Course because it will answer all your questions ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings to you xoxox
Be on your guard going forward. Went through what you describe about 4 yrs ago, thought I'd never get close to the same situation again but I did recently attract a narcissist on fb. Yes!! I knew what was happening and yet didn't block him right away. Refresher course. Bring your A game to the next relationship which means loving you first!! Always!! Be well!
You know you're 'there' in your recovery when you realise there's no point in asking why they do what they do, it's a complete waste of your energy. They just DO. Use that energy for self care instead!
“They punish you for not helping them feel better”.....wow. That says so much. One sentence to explain all the awful unexplainable moods swings and sudden cruel treatments. Because I couldnt feed him the proper drug any longer, or needed some caring from him myself. “you love someone as much as you love yourself”. Also so powerful and explains a lot. The narc is drawn to one who loves herself, and she reflects this in relationship. For a while. Until she runs out of fuel bc she is so emotionally wounded she can no longer give. Their disconnection from humanity, is the thing they despise in you. To show humaness, means they must respond. And they cannot. So they deliver an emotional blow. If I can just realize its NOT personal, maybe Ill be okay. But right now, I feel like its personal. So hard. So, so hard.
darcie emge you put that perfect! I know...I’m pouring myself back into acting. I lost myself in my terrible manipulative relationship.Sending you love!
For me where the narcissists made their biggest mistakes was separating me from others. Just cause they fear being alone doesn't mean I do. They hurt me so much and so often I would rather be alone anyway and that's when I can regroup and get myself back. I then found online that these idiots are called narcissists and are damaged beyond belief and all hope. Looks like it's time to just keep working on myself and live my life without these types of people and unlike them enjoy my life free and away from them forever.
5:37: The narc loves the idealized version of yourself, that inflates his ego (if this person loves me, I must be worthy). It's all fake and they'll punish you for falling off the pedestal or if you stop giving them the attention / validation / appreciation / love and whatever goes with it (security, even material).
@twinflame allstar2 same here. The person cannot see how obvious their psychosis looks to onlookers. Following 2 inches behind me, staring with a doofus expression & badly mocking my personality as if it's their own but not getting the praise they expect from it. I'm embarrassed for them.
And the key word they use with you in this situation is "GENUINE " they do sense it .but you as in the absorber are not hiding anything to begin with but the energy is immediately noticed by the narc.
From this day forward I matter to me. This Grade A Supply is going No Contact No Matter What AGAIN. I continue to fail in this endeavor until I succeed.
Just wanted you to know that you changed my life. I listened to you after my discard several years ago when I felt like I couldn't function and could barely get out of bed. You healed me with your kindness and wisdom and now I share your videos with so many people. I can't thank you enough. I literally felt like dying at the time and now I have my own business, a new home by the ocean, beautiful relationships and a thriving career. I still struggle at times and come back to your videos to stay strong. Thank you Melanie. You have changed my life and I will pay it forward.
@@deeberry650 thank you. I never could have done this without her. I put fear aside and pushed for my dreams instead of hoping that men would fulfill then. It has taken almost 4 years now...lots of work...but the rewards are apparent. The best part Is now I love myself and I have healthy relationships. I can help more people because I learned how to help myself. That is thanks to Melanie and all of the empathy collectively supporting each other in our thriving and healing. Have a great day and I pray your journey is full of blessings!
It seems worse to me that someone who claims to be a Christian friend can hurt another with narcissism. I had that happen to me and she was using her Christianity to pretend to be a good person. I believed that she really valued me but she ended up throwing mistakes at me as soon as I couldn't give her what she wanted anymore. Then she used my Christianity against me......but realising that Jesus forgives me is freeing because no matter what she says I know I am forgiven.
It’s all humans sin. It’s not God. Every human is born in sin. We are all broken in spirit and cannot be “good” in Gods sight. Our human “good” is not Gods good. Our best works and deeds are filthy rags. Only Jesus can fix a broken spirit. You are loved. You are created with a purpose from God!! Ask for forgiveness of all your sin and bad you’ve done. Even what you don’t remember. And trust who Jesus is and what He has done by dying on the cross. Taking away ALL your sins and being being raised again to life! So you can live a new life!! I pray this lands on good ears. Much love. God bless
@@SuperRevelations sounds like my black hearted "Christian" sister, doesn't even go to church anymore and still gets good girl points. she feels entitled to everything and gives nothing to no one. My fathers the king of NPD and loves daddy's little narcissist girl. Tag team from hell.
@DodgedABullet These people are not of God. These people are minions of Satan. The bible speaks of them. God knows all about these demonic entities. I do not blame God. He is delivering me as I write this. Instead I thank him for rescuing me and bringing me here..and I pray for those who have not yet been freed.
Thank you Melanie, you have explained this in a way I can understand, as an empath married to a narciccist, & i've been shredded over & over again. Thank you for giving me hope & some confidence to cope with my situation 🙏
“You are an object that needs controlling...they punish you for not making them feel better” makes sense... I handled it by telling the narc to find someone better, that he deserved someone better and it worked I was beyond exhausted at this point
It has really helped me so much to listen and watch these programs that people put on about narcissists. I watch from 3 to 5 every day and it keeps me from going back to him. It helps me to not weaken and they are some very good reminders! Thank you you, have save my sanity!!
It's taken a year of me being psychologically torn down and manipulated to finally see it for what it is. Thank you so very much for this video. From today forward, I matter to me ❤️
Finally the truth! It's all about responsibility. It's not "they hurt me", it's rather "I let them hurt me". That is the real and valuable perspective! Thank you :)
I love this woman’s take on narcissists. This exactly describes the last narcissist I dealt with. This actually helped me to have compassion on this person while realizing I need to stay away from or shut down around these people (if I must deal with them)
It*s actually a relief to understand early on the kind of person you're dealing with. Nothing invested, nothing lossed. It is just so sad that they live an existence like this.
Recently divorced from a 20 year relationship with a narcissist. What a nightmare ! I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Saw a counselor and that’s where I first heard about the narcissist. I started watching these videos on the subject , and WOW ! This has been my life ! I was totally abandoned by mine and it was the best thing that ever happened to me ! Feeling free 🙌
Melanie just want you know that you helped me recover from abuse so many years ago. And all this time I still have not come across such a gentle, well-worded expert like you. You uplift victims with your careful wording while shining light on the afflictions of the narcissist. I hope you know your work is uniquely well done.
From today forward, I matter to me and I will always matter to me. I treat myself with dignity and respect and see the importance of self-partnering first and foremost. Thanks for another inspiring, important message, Melanie!!👍😊😘
I MATTER TO ME!!! 🙌🏼♥️🌹 Thank you for your channel! You’ve been very enlightening to me...I had no idea he’s a narcissist! I thought for 19 years that he had a problem trying to control. But It’s so clear now what he is and it has totally changed my mindset towards him and I can breathe!♥️
Yes its true....they lack the courage to fight alone and team up with fellow narcissists within the organizations against you....i m currently facing this issue where i work
Wow, what an explanation (3:40)! So clear, so true! It reminds me my ex, we went for our very first weekend away in the countryside. While we where drivin towards the hotel, I felt first happy and fun, then joyful. And in that moment something switched. He didn't participate so much, became a little bit a neutral robot, sort of skeptical, observant. He stepped out of the fun. After a while, we settled in the place and he organized a bit.. and then switched off completely, without energy, just wanting to sleep, no attention and no desire for anything nice, not even talking. He only made a bit of a bitter fun of me. Now I see, he can't generate joy and he can't even resonate it from others. He just doesn't allow himself to feel it. For him it means that I am not such a good source as he thought. I should be there somehow (I still don't know how) pleasing him instead of just being happy. Eventhough my joy stems out of being together with him. It's true that the ego has very specific, crazily specific demands. I still don't know what they are, I can't imagine them. This episode is almost nothing, he did much worse, in such a covert way. But I felt at that time something is off. That subtle hostility, coldness, lack of participation.. early sings
Yes, I know what you are talking about, it is like when the person hates you, so he can't stand any sign of your happiness right? It is the same with depressed people, they often become nervous and hateful if they only see someone laughing (it also happened to me once or twice - horrible feeling - hope I didn't catch that from those planty of narcs who have been in my life) Take care
@@granada5456 Yes, you are right, at the core, they wildly hate the partner.. it was a really cold and hidden anger. He expressed that just by disconnecting and asking more and more from me. As if I was getting my energy out of him and I owed him something. As if I was never meant and allowed to be happy, but there to serve him as energy source and never too happy, because that means I am stealing from him. This comes from their belief that positive energy comes from other people (so it is always "stolen" to others, or borrowed), rather than the idea that energy is self-generated by each individual and drawn from the source of universal energy, and that each people can only facilitate (or block) such a flow of energy into other people and oneself.
Remind yourself of who you are & what you have done. Remind yourself of the love & empathy you have displayed within your behaviours to others. Love yourself through realising that you are the commodity. You produce the love & empathy they desire. Stop chasing, start realising & learn to love yourself so you can be comfortable on your own or with others.
Knowledge is powerful to be awaken to help us heal .understand most of it is from there childhood .a personally disorder. sad thing about it they dont believe anything is wrong it is you that needd help .l have free my self and see thr rrd flags and when l feel unsaft l can now move away .l feel liberated l was with a narcissts and can try to protect my self .thankyou for all the coments that help us on this journey for life and to the lovely lady with her knowledge to help us move on and feel free
I realized I was in love with a person who never existed in the first place...he wasn't really a good guy with bad habits...he was a bad guy with a few good qualities.!
This lady is amazing! I pray this message reaches all who is stuck and needs this kind of information for their own life! Bless you all who are healing ❤❤🛐
When I first started watching your videos (which was last year September), I couldn't understand the jargon used. Things like "source - healing" and "inner - self damnation" even the "ego"; amongst many other terminologies. It was frustrating at times because I was so unconscious and couldn't understand these words. Now I can understand everything you say and it never fails to leave me mind blown 💥💥💥💥
Mine told me "yes I am selfish" told her Bank interview manager.... "no I have no faults" she rose through the ranks fast and now is at least a millionaire ". I'm a pensioner with a back injury a disfigurement and my children treat me like dirt, I've never been happier.
From today on, I matter to me. Thanks you. Mel. This gave me great insight. I still have a hard time believing that there are humans who are essentially "black holes" and are capable of hurting you without even a moment's thought about the pain they cause in another.
“We cling to people that hurt us when they are not providing us with what we have not yet healed within ourselves!” You hit the nail right on the head there. Say it again, and again, and again. Ownership is the first step to healing! Thank you for trying to help victims of abuse.
This video made me cry. Twice. And it is the most informative, thoroughly explained, factual & to the point educational video in narcissism that I have watched yet. I began watching videos & googling literature on narcissistic abuse a few months back; averaging a guesstimated 2-3 videos & 1 article a week. I do not know if this video spoke to me so well due to the fact that I’d already been educating myself on the topic or if this particular video just so perfectly presented - but I understood & identified with every word of it on a very personal level. Great informational video. Thanks.
Hi Melanie, Thank you so much for this beautiful explanation. I bought your book yesterday from Amazon. Actually I want to recommend this book, it is really fantastic. I will write a nice review on Amazon once I finish it. Have a great day, I love you.
This youtube video has great information, thank you very much for posting it. Based on what I know about the narcissit who I was dealing with, the information in this video is 100% true. Now I know.
5:30 you're right when you talk about how initially they put you on the pedestal as part of their fantasy world. But as you and all of us all know, eventually we all get thrown straight from the pedestal into the ditch out of nowhere. but it's a good enough bait and switch where sometimes you can't feel blind to not see it as it's being snuck up on you in increments with some surges in it all and everything
From today on, (and into eternity,) in every body, on every plane, I MATTER TO MY SELF...I take responsibility, I commit my Self to health and healing in the Light and Sound of God. It is my full intent, and it IS SO. !! May the Blessings Be.
You could never know how important I needed to see this video. Lack of better words, you are God sent. A miracle happened through this video. Hallelujah I believe that through you, our Lord showed me Mercy. You are blessed
I love you. You are beautiful, and at the top of your field. I listen to Sam Vakmin, ..everybody. This, and all of your videos have been very helpful to me. Your work has been and is liberating, in my personal recovery. Thank You!
You are so so spot on.. You can explain things in such a deep precise way, to the core of the soul. One of the best people I've heard on the subject, so far. You are able to explain the narcisistic behaviour with comprehension, without judgement and hate. Thank you so mcuh!
I certainly understand NOW that all of his previous partners that just 'had to go' suddenly for whatever blaming reason he stated were also abused. These narcissists should have to take responsibility for the pain they afflict on their prey (supply). If not criminal prosecution for what they do then forced psychiatric intervention to protect other people from the damage they perpetrate. Comments?
The narcissists can't help the way they are. It is ingrained in them since childhood. Criminal prosecution would be too severe of a punishment for a silly disorder as narcissism. Forcing them to psychiatric intervention won't help either. They will only change on their own time when they actually have real self reflection and want to make the change themselves. All you can do is walk away and create distance between you and the narcissist. You have a choice to find a way out of the narcissist life. Trying to impose these punishments on them does not help and implies you have no empathy nor compassion for them. Doesn't that make yourself termed narcissist? Sounds like you only want to punish them for the way that you feel over their disorder.
@@jmbeams1123 He violently assaulted me, breaking bones. That is a criminal offense. He lied to police, said I fell. The truth always shows itself eventually. Without taking responsibility or having to face consequencing for a criminal assault, he will continue to be a menace to himself and any other unfortunate person he targets, manipulates, and convinces to try a partnership with.
@@dianaboughner7977 I agree. This is what I personally have a hard time with both not only the abuse but somehow its okay for them to do this to others?. It will never be okay for me or anyone that truly experienced this.
Yes, so true. My neighbor hated dogs and had 5 kids, then she drooled over her one child that looked like her. It was her" mini - me". Ignored the rest of them.
Wait a minute mine loves animals but not all like him ...we have rescuded many so I have to say this isn't so in my case ... I don't trust anyone who doesn't like animals period .
My narc has a dog but basically treats her like his personal emotional slave. In 2 years he took her on a walk once. But he brags & brags about her & how well she's treated...not!
I started googling her behaviors 7 years ago (when we were still married) and found the word "narcissist". She checked every box. We've been divorced for almost 5 years now but I'm still working on recovering and trying to navigate all the videos/channels that use that word. This is one of the most helpful that I've found. Thank you for talking about it this accurately. It was comforting to hear even for 16 minutes.
And healed people heal people 💙🙏💙
Matt Kahn ,:D
And whole people heal people. ❤🙏❤
Very profound and very true 🥰
So true.
Beautifully said!
I am finished with being a victim of abuse. Some one who loves does not hurt their lover.
Amen
PRECISELY
Correct. Narcissist are incapable of loving or bonding with others. It becomes very easy to attack and hurt others when the narcissist feels nothing and cares about no one.
I agree
Exactly Been There Done That & Grew Up Out Of That #SelfLove First
The best decision I ever made was to research narcissism education is self empowerment, loving life for the first time ever, finding me the true me .
Keep keeping on !!
That's precisely what set me free, the knowledge of what I was dealing with; I also believe evil entities lurk beyond the surface. Am free.
Yes, I totally agree....in this case information is detrimental for us!
@@princessjones34 Detrimental? Not sure what you mean?
@@sarahstrong7174 No worries......Detrimental means #damaging, #hurtful, #destructive, #dangerous...If we don't use the inFORMATION we get on these TYPE (narcissist)people...IT'S #dangerous for our life!
The trick is to move from being a VICTIM of narcissistic abuse to being a STUDENT of narcissistic abuse.
That’s true victory!
So true
@Kate Goodyear
It’s not really that hard....it helps to get angry....justifiably angry. Then compare situations that occurred in your Narc relationship with the text book situations and red flags others have experienced.... you’ll find invariably, there are many parallels. When you see how other Narc victims reacted and were manipulated, it’s a lot easier to look at them (rather than yourself) and think, “Dang! How stupid of them. How obvious that they were really being played!” That will act as a mirror held up to yourself. It’s then that you’ll have an epiphany and you’ll get a clear vision of yourself and your mistakes by looking at others. Don’t beat yourself up...you can’t change the past...you can only learn from it and we are sent these trials by the Universe because we needed to learn a specific lesson. At that point, you’ll move from being a victim to a student. You’ll be forever free...it’s like being vaccinated. It’s like the Nike ad....Just do it!
Wow! Well said!
I can't use the damaged child excuse for them any more because I certainly had my own damage as a kid. Not a horrible childhood but not perfect. Nonetheless, this is no excuse to act the way they do and I have no sympathy for them in any way shape or form
@@AZDC99 You are a wise man to not have sympathy for these demons.
I'm a victim of narcissist abuse. But lately I've been doing a lot of research on narcissism and it's making me stronger. I'm getting better day by day
You are No longer a victim
I have to. These Utube videos have helped a lot although I’ve been traumatized for a long time.
They can't change.
Truth is this:
Fairness and Love never exits with them....every bit of who they are is FAKE.
Count your blessings and move on NOW!
Add years to your life and look even more beautiful than you already do!!!
Love to EVERYONE!! 😍
Pray for them
It's as if we're part of the (their) fantasy wishing they'll want to change. It was up to them to seek help when it was obviously required.
Carol Loraine 👍🏿❤
Love back !!
@@kimvannote5024 I have prayed til I am blue in the face 30 years is enough
You ever noticed that women who become healed after abuse look absolutely, fabulous and attractive.
Claire Ellis yes please its solo tough ;-(
Claire Ellis / Hi Claire - I was told my eyes looked brighter after I left my ex narc. They try to steal away your happiness. Once you’re free from the abuse yes, you wind up looking extremely fabulous maybe even losing weight in the process.
Personally I lost weight when I lost peace, trying to make sense of what was going on. But I know what you're saying, when one stops believing his stories about not deserving much, being a victim or having to rescue people, one comes back to balance, and wholeness, which looks fabulous. Congratulations to you@@jbilotta !
Oh I hope so! I know I feel joyful
Yes that's so true. After I broke away I posted a picture a few weeks later on fb. Everyone said that I looked amazing. That was a lovely feeling after all of been through with the narc.we get there on the end.
8:58 l disagree. Malignant narcs do derive pleasure from hurting people, thus the smirk. Being the abuser "proves" their "superiority." Remember, everything's a game to them. Non-malignant narcs want to win and just don't think about others winning also. Malignant narcs only feel like they're winning if someone else is losing, even if the narc gains nothing.
Narcs do know others have feelings or they wouldn't be so precise at hurting others. They know what they're doing is wrong, or they wouldn't be so good at covering it up. All sentient beings know right from wrong, narcs just love doing evil. It gives their weak a$$es a sense of power.
You wrote, " Narcs feel like they're winning if someone else is losing, even if the narc gains nothing." You just described Trump supporters to a tee.
@@MimiKeel OH good grief. That's about the same as saying every Mimi is a big fat ignorant cow from the Drew Cary show. That would be a terrible generalization of me or anyone to make since I don't know you. Some might even say close minded & short sighted
Yes I know my ex malignant narc did derive pleasure from the hell he intentionally put me through especially the last year. They do have cognitive empathy. Although they don’t have feelings they do know what will hurt you and yes done purposefully no doubt
@@MimiKeel not this trump supporter
Mimi Keel Really? Grow up.
Dealing with a narc makes dealing with everyone else a breeze...
Signs of a Narc
1. Weird laugh
2. Anger at simple questions
3. Dissappears frequently
4. Gas lightning
5. Says I love you in first week or two
6. Will tell you to run from them in the beginning
If you experience any of these when you meet someone, run like hell!
@Thomas Hang in there man.
Ummm the weird laugh ain’t necessarily true
Some won’t say I love you.
Your description appears to be signs of a Witch to me.
Mine had all of these. He is now blocked.
If you do not put them on a pedestal or keep admiring them, they will target you. In that case, their narcissistic supply comes from seeing you suffer.
M M powerful and direct. 😮
So true
To the point, and well said. Run for you life!
So true! Heartless people
Omg, many years ago I was so infatuated with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time. I thought he was amazing, considerate, loving,etc. I even told him I only wanted us to be together forever in a far away place. Well, his mask came off and he would rage at me on a daily basis. I realized I didn't love him and wanted out, but I couldnt move and became so depressed. He wondered why I wasnt showering him with love and admiration. After one of his episodes he said he would change, but as the years went on i found out that this was his normal personality from the people who knew him well since he was a child.
What scares me more than narcs, is the people who try to normalize those toxic traits. Usually that requires finding a scape goat.
That is the secret right there. If we can clearly see the demonic effects of internalized abuse all their lives, forced to be fake and live a lie, believe in God's love, do not abuse others even if we are abused, and start everyday telling God thank You that I matter to You. Help me see what You see in me to show me Your reasons that I matter to me.
Peace.
My daughter in law. I'm very sad for her and my grandboys.
butterfly brains There are plenty of narcissists who are fervently religious. There’s nothing in narcissism, a pathological personality disorder, that has to do with superstition & beliefs in magical , supernatural entities. Stop giving them the excuse of ‘demons’. These people’s personality disorder compels them to be extremely selfish, & often destructive toward others. Religious delusion is not a cure or solution to any problems plaguing humanity.
@Buttercup58 they know full well what they are doing. They wouldn't work so hard covering their tracks an scapegoating if they didn't understand what they were doing. They just fear exposure which is the main reason they go through so much work. The enablers of their behavior allow them to keep doing the crap they do.
@@ToND1Ne That's your opinion. You have the right to it, because the Jesus of the Bible died for it. Peace and love
Abandon everything you have and love just run. The only thing to do is get as far away as possible fast.
Don't look back just run.
Lol
@@The-Utube-Warrior what is funny?
IVE BEEN CRING MYSELF TO SLEEP FOR GOD ONLY KNOWS HOW LONG.PART OF ME CAN RELATE TO THE BRILLIANT MESSAGE YOU WROTE.YES THATS SOME REAL FUNNY CHIT.MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm running down the street now lol
I will never forget the Narc saying “ I know I’ve hurt you” so logically he knew he had and didn’t care. They know what their doing is wrong but they can’t help themselves.
Oh they don’t want to help themselves. Please don’t pity them, get the hell away from them, safe as you can. They get a thrill from destroying you, facts
And I got “I am sorry I made you suffer” while keep hurting me by denying everything wrongdoing he did.
They have NO EMPATHY, so they continue the lies, betrayal, manipulation etc.
without remorse or guilt. They are INCAPABLE OF feeling the suffering and pain of others because of their Narcissistic trait = lack of empathy.
Jennifer Ierace
Yes yes yes and yes!!!
No they do have control if ur bigger and stronger....the relation is always vertical to them...either they fear u or abuse you if u see u weak
The fact that the love was never real will make what needs to be done all the sweeter.
That is one for the books: 'What is it in you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?'
Goes straight to compassion, heart area if you visualise yourself responding this way. Thank you so much!
Miss Davids, I agree :)
Yes,
I Will use this as my own along with,
Hurt people,
Hurts people
Miss Davids
That’s a really good question !!
Absolutely... 👍
I never understand why he had to ruin my life and world. I am healing and I pray I will overcome the trauma,shame, guilty and all the unwanted feeling that monster brought in my life.
You will overcome. Arise and shine!!!!!
Narcissists are very deeply wounded individuals who hurt others because they are hurting. It's so painful to be around one. Do not feed into their illness. God bless all🙏💗
Lots of people hurt deeply within from life traumas but they don't go around committing criminal acts against others (and they absolutely KNOW what they do because they preplan their assaults). When caught they are quick to concoct deceitful stories. They should be brought to justice. I feel the same way about child sexual predators, they should be brought to justice.
@Arora Thorne so very true!
But if someone was wounded, wouldn't they be nice instead of vampires?
@@rebekah7244 they are the ones that encountered the dark side and joined it. Not like us!
Honestly I do not believe they are hurting- maybe Borderliners but not Narcs. There is nothing in them just a black hole...no hurt, no love nothing.
If they appear like they are hurting then they are simply acting.
I believe they’re addicted to power, and what is more powerful than hurting someone, and having them come back?
Precisely, it’s about power and control, and what you said
Great insight
Hurt people and get them back!
Demonic
Yes, demonic!
A Mishel
Absolutely.
The emotional battering.
Followed by the sympathy.
Attack and save.
Round and round.
So much bullshit.
Exhausting.
Whoa, I never thought of it this way.
"The narcissist has no idea what they have done to you and believe you treated them terribly." ~This!!
But why do you end up blaming yourself... and love them so much!
Cant even figure out if it was my fault and I just had too much trauma baggage and sheer miscommunication, or if he was actually a narccissist, with npd ... I love him so much and miss him 😔
Ps. This was written 8 months ago, in severe cognitive dissonance, trauma bonding, and didnt want to admit to others or myself I was in love with an abuser, because I was lacking in affection, a big people pleaser, and believed from previous people I was "broken and not good enough" and this way of thinking he took so much advantage of to the point of crippling ****
Anywho, please support others and understand others who are still in the place of stuck loving their abuser because they were shown no love as children etc, and drop the need to cover up the abuse just to protect the person that showed them in the beggining some attention. It somewhat a stockholm syndrome. Be patient and not judgemetal for whatever stage they are at in their journey. It is hard to let go!
P.p.s. Tbh, I found it way more easier to walk away and recognise overt narcissists than a covert one. Covert you get emotionally and mentally and psycologically entangeled and only usually notice once its too late! Know the difference as there are a range of people here coming from different places. Strength and inner happiness to all on your healing journey....
This is spot on indeed.
I've unintentionally become empathic. Her reluctance at dialog made me speculate her deeply. This process made me verbalize her behavior intentionally. This would be ego shattering to her. My ability at forcing myself to engage introspection with her forced something. I felt it at as divine intervention.
Yes!..It's just so mean...for no reason.
Did you fix a narc?
I can just hear the narcissist replying to the empowering question,"what is it in you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?" by replying "I'm not trying to hurt you" because they wear the cloak of denial and their answer is designed to trigger an emotional response from the person who asked the question,
I had a narcissist go off on me in public. He was trying to get supply from me. I was like dude what's wrong with you? Came back with I'm just hard to get along with. But no apologies. Later much, dude.
I accused of causing me pain over and over again and he never denied it once that he wasn’t purposely trying to cause me pain but for some reason he just kept doing it like as if it was just a part of him and they have something that will never ever change.
But the rotten part is that he doesn’t seem to even realize it that there’s consequences for those actions. He still doesn’t know why his first wife doesn’t want to talk to him and he abused her in every way for 20 years.
@@elizadoolittle7647 like my ex husband, would say why I couldn't get along with anyone. He is also the golden child, again saying " If only you can get a long with my mother, no one in my family likes you." My ex mother in law is also narcissist and their siblings also. 💔💔💔💔.
Yes he would always say that. "I never meant to hurt you"
I matter to me. This insanity has to stop!
From today forward, I matter to me. Cannot give my heart to individuals incapable of loving. ⚓🔥💗
Lisa Jones amen to that! Me too. I feel myself getting stronger. 💪
Iron Sharpens Iron, you deserve a good man
I Peter 5:8 --- Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walk about, seeking whom he may devour:
Just as the narcissist...and without empathy!!
I watched this every time I ask myself why do the people I love always hurt me, but I learn by this video that so many people are narcissists and don't feel real connection or concern for people only look at you as objects to be used nothing else. So never doubt yourself if you ever feel drained by any relationship in your life. No matter who it is choose yourself everytime.
I matter and am so glad to be free after 8 years of abuse!
I am happy for you..blessings to your new and improved LIFE
Desiree Conway I am free now too and will stay that way. He discarded me many times and I came back but NO MORE!!
I am glad for you!! What a nightmare!
all american I am happy for you! At first I felt discarded and rejected and then when I thought about it I thought no -I am elated and I’m free and I’m ME again!
8 years! Yikes! That is too long!
From today forward I matter to me, and I will always matter to me. 💗💗💗💗💗
🌟
Amennnn
Absolutely!
Yes from today on....you matter, I matter... #WeMatter :-)
Jeffrey Sherman don't ever let no one take your spirit and happiness away ever again
Truthfully, I still don't have forgiveness in my heart even knowing the buried pain of the narcissist. But I can say that after over a year and a half since her most incredibly devastating damage to my life (and I'm 65), I do finally feel the joy of coming out on the other side of a life shattered to a certain sense of rebirth into a whole new reality with a new kind of beauty. It happened for me and not to me and I matter!
You do matter Mary xoxox
I feel this way still too ..resentment but I know there is light at the end of my tunnel and God is with me 🙏❤️
good for you. im in the midst of my divorce process. these videos are great encouragements
Same. These people don't deserve our forgiveness for putting us through severe abuse. They wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again..
The saddest part is the narcissistic can't be helped, because they don't know or believe they need it. They're their own worst enemy. Don't go up against them, back away. They are a lion and you are their prey. When you try to remove a thorn from its paw it attacks you angrily. You cannot help them.
The final conversation from my Narcissists went something like this, "Your life will never be the same" -- her parting vindictive threat. I just smiled and said, Thank God... walked away and gave zero reaction. Thank you for these great videos Melanie!
My ex told me AFTER I LEFT "love is when a person can hurt you and you love them through it". She was angry that I left. I don't think she understood what she had admitted!
Yep I believe that she would love that, she continuously hurting you and you continue to love her. She is just ridiculous, have she never heard about that at first when you love someone, you don't hurt him but you only want him to be happy! Take care
To add insult to injury, they don't hurt other people who you would think have lesser status than you. Friends, co workers, potential new supply all get treated like royalty right before your very eyes.
@@CoolPapaCash oh so very true
My ex said same
My ex told me that if I loved him I would never leave him (which I did, not because I didn’t love him but because I had no other choice..he was killing me with his actions.
I luv me no matter what I've been through we all matter to someone I matter to me...thank you 💕❤️💓 💓
We are loving ppl or we wouldn't be in this hell ...being an Empath has it's down falls and this one is the worst 😭 BUT we are strong 💪 or we wouldn't have been able to survive SOOO DEAR ONES WE DO MATTER and we are worthy to be loved by healthy minded individuals !! Shutty shutty when they start their mess let them gravel in their own spew and let the meanness roll off your back like a duck b c there emptyness has NOTHING to do we us ...I punished myself for years thinking that it did .. actually they are weak inside and out ..they are to be pitted not ever knowing or able to feel real love !!!
This one changed me forever. It's the first time I've been able to understand that it's ME who's keeping me in this loop of abuse. It's not his fault, he's just doing what he needs to do to survive. Thank you so much for throwing me this liferaft at last.
Donna Magrath wow!! Same here💕
Yuuppp
I disagree, because narc behavior is deliberate. They CAN help it, but choose not to...
@@theSpiritofTamzin ..I think it's a little of both they know what they are doing BUT are so used to being Narc abused themselves from their life that it feels natural ..either way is sick and demented plus look at their eyes ...they are as empty as when life leaves the body in death ..almost scary to a point ! They put a whole new meaning to .. have you ever grieved for a person who is still breathing ???
@@deeberry650 I respect your opinion, but don't believe all, or even most narcs, were abused, and that's why they became narcs... They're born that way, I guess. But I'll never feel any sympathy or compassion for them, ever...
I have just come to a full realization about how much my narcissistic ex paralyzed my mind and soul. Now I feel like the world is gaining colors and meaning again. Life is amazing when you realize that you got freed from a narcissist! And on a side note: my always on-the-move cat was completely glued to me for hours while I was struggling with post-relationship regret and confusion.
Narc survivors come outta that retched hell, with the saving grace of GODS love. Most tend to develop a closer spiritual walk with *THE MOST HIGH* while the narc grow uglier and uglier ... Amen!
I’m trying to heal. The ex narc’s reality hit me like a train at how sick and vengeful he was and to what lengths he went. I just am not able to do the math on it. I just want to heal from within. Lost 8 kgs in a month because I’m unable to eat.
Amen!
How do I heal myself if I'm a narc survivor,?
Roshelle
Roshelle, you can begin right here. Learn everything you can about Narcicism. Read the comments, and you will begin to understand more about you too.Its a process, but its all right here on you tube, hundreds of videos to watch, then those videos will lead you to other video's. You are already on the right track.
I love how you put this so patient and precise with your delivery. Thank you
To everyone who has experience abuse at the hands of a narcissists, listen to this message over and over if you have to. From today forward I matter to me. You matter, your real. Your okay and you deserve love reciprocated love ♥️ I am free now. Thank you 😊 you recorded this on my 41st birthday. No contact for two months after 11 years. I’m so grateful
Teela Tequila Thank you so much 😊 so sorry you had to live through that. We have no children. I’m so grateful for that. I am also still no contact 🎊🎉🎉 and he still comes to my mind. However I’m normal that’s normal. I’m done I will never go back. And I have 11 years and a million reasons not to. God bless you. ♥️
Sad ..i also stress cause of his abused and silent treatment he gave..i need help
I appreciate these videos so much. Im slowly recovering from a horrible narcissistic relationship, and these have helped me so much. Im a complete Empath and a huge struggle to me is "WHY" why did he do this, why wasnt i enough, why wasnt my true love good enough. And this really helps, described my ex to a T. And it helps my healing to know it wasnt all my fault. Its still a rough path and he tries to reel me back, but I'm doing all I can to stand strong and heal. From today forward I matter to ME!!!
I would love you to sign up for the free 16 day Recovery Course because it will answer all your questions ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings to you xoxox
Good for you !!! It's very difficult 😥 but stay steady !!
Be on your guard going forward. Went through what you describe about 4 yrs ago, thought I'd never get close to the same situation again but I did recently attract a narcissist on fb. Yes!! I knew what was happening and yet didn't block him right away. Refresher course.
Bring your A game to the next relationship which means loving you first!! Always!! Be well!
You know you're 'there' in your recovery when you realise there's no point in asking why they do what they do, it's a complete waste of your energy. They just DO. Use that energy for self care instead!
Stay strong. Learn from your experience. Use what happened to you in a positive way.
“They punish you for not helping them feel better”.....wow. That says so much. One sentence to explain all the awful unexplainable moods swings and sudden cruel treatments. Because I couldnt feed him the proper drug any longer, or needed some caring from him myself. “you love someone as much as you love yourself”. Also so powerful and explains a lot. The narc is drawn to one who loves herself, and she reflects this in relationship. For a while. Until she runs out of fuel bc she is so emotionally wounded she can no longer give. Their disconnection from humanity, is the thing they despise in you. To show humaness, means they must respond. And they cannot. So they deliver an emotional blow. If I can just realize its NOT personal, maybe Ill be okay. But right now, I feel like its personal. So hard. So, so hard.
darcie emge you put that perfect! I know...I’m pouring myself back into acting. I lost myself in my terrible manipulative relationship.Sending you love!
Darcie Hok_Tui this comment is what happened to me!!!!! Thank you for validating my experience!
This happened to me. Alot. "You never have my back".She's grown, not a child.
Exactly
My would ask me what are you going to do to make me happy I would think you have to be happy with yourself I can't make you happy.
They are "only capable of relationship at the level of relationship they have with self."
Profound! Thanks for that "gem" of info.
For me where the narcissists made their biggest mistakes was separating me from others. Just cause they fear being alone doesn't mean I do. They hurt me so much and so often I would rather be alone anyway and that's when I can regroup and get myself back. I then found online that these idiots are called narcissists and are damaged beyond belief and all hope. Looks like it's time to just keep working on myself and live my life without these types of people and unlike them enjoy my life free and away from them forever.
5:37: The narc loves the idealized version of yourself, that inflates his ego (if this person loves me, I must be worthy). It's all fake and they'll punish you for falling off the pedestal or if you stop giving them the attention / validation / appreciation / love and whatever goes with it (security, even material).
Yuuppp
@twinflame allstar2 same here. The person cannot see how obvious their psychosis looks to onlookers. Following 2 inches behind me, staring with a doofus expression & badly mocking my personality as if it's their own but not getting the praise they expect from it. I'm embarrassed for them.
And the key word they use with you in this situation is "GENUINE " they do sense it .but you as in the absorber are not hiding anything to begin with but the energy is immediately noticed by the narc.
From this day forward I matter to me. This Grade A Supply is going No Contact No Matter What AGAIN. I continue to fail in this endeavor until I succeed.
phoenix rising Truth 👍
Just wanted you to know that you changed my life. I listened to you after my discard several years ago when I felt like I couldn't function and could barely get out of bed. You healed me with your kindness and wisdom and now I share your videos with so many people. I can't thank you enough. I literally felt like dying at the time and now I have my own business, a new home by the ocean, beautiful relationships and a thriving career. I still struggle at times and come back to your videos to stay strong. Thank you Melanie. You have changed my life and I will pay it forward.
You are so welcome Colette, keep thriving sweetheart you are thriving beautifully xoxoxo
@@MelanieToniaEvans ♥️
Wow .. that's incredible ..and awesome 👏 !!
@@deeberry650 thank you. I never could have done this without her. I put fear aside and pushed for my dreams instead of hoping that men would fulfill then. It has taken almost 4 years now...lots of work...but the rewards are apparent. The best part Is now I love myself and I have healthy relationships. I can help more people because I learned how to help myself. That is thanks to Melanie and all of the empathy collectively supporting each other in our thriving and healing. Have a great day and I pray your journey is full of blessings!
From today forth, I matter in the precious Name of our Lord Jesus Christ! Thank you Ms. Evans 🙏🙏🙏💯
It seems worse to me that someone who claims to be a Christian friend can hurt another with narcissism. I had that happen to me and she was using her Christianity to pretend to be a good person. I believed that she really valued me but she ended up throwing mistakes at me as soon as I couldn't give her what she wanted anymore. Then she used my Christianity against me......but realising that Jesus forgives me is freeing because no matter what she says I know I am forgiven.
It’s all humans sin. It’s not God.
Every human is born in sin. We are all broken in spirit and cannot be “good” in Gods sight.
Our human “good” is not Gods good. Our best works and deeds are filthy rags.
Only Jesus can fix a broken spirit.
You are loved. You are created with a purpose from God!!
Ask for forgiveness of all your sin and bad you’ve done. Even what you don’t remember. And trust who Jesus is and what He has done by dying on the cross. Taking away ALL your sins and being being raised again to life! So you can live a new life!!
I pray this lands on good ears. Much love. God bless
@@SuperRevelations sounds like my black hearted "Christian" sister, doesn't even go to church anymore and still gets good girl points. she feels entitled to everything and gives nothing to no one. My fathers the king of NPD and loves daddy's little narcissist girl. Tag team from hell.
@DodgedABullet These people are not of God. These people are minions of Satan. The bible speaks of them. God knows all about these demonic entities. I do not blame God. He is delivering me as I write this. Instead I thank him for rescuing me and bringing me here..and I pray for those who have not yet been freed.
P N...Amen...God bless you...Jesus Christ also delivered me from a demonic malignant narcissist...evil soul with demonic, wicked eyes..
Thank you Melanie, you have explained this in a way I can understand, as an empath married to a narciccist, & i've been shredded over & over again. Thank you for giving me hope & some confidence to cope with my situation 🙏
“You are an object that needs controlling...they punish you for not making them feel better” makes sense... I handled it by telling the narc to find someone better, that he deserved someone better and it worked I was beyond exhausted at this point
I matter to me and I will never forget I matter to me thank you
It has really helped me so much to listen and watch these programs that people put on about narcissists. I watch from 3 to 5 every day and it keeps me from going back to him. It helps me to not weaken and they are some very good reminders! Thank you you, have save my sanity!!
From today forward, I matter to me!
John Martin Absolutly as from today this my new mantra. I matter to me!
John and Dorora: I also matter to me❣
I matter to me first.
It's taken a year of me being psychologically torn down and manipulated to finally see it for what it is. Thank you so very much for this video. From today forward, I matter to me ❤️
Finally the truth! It's all about responsibility. It's not "they hurt me", it's rather "I let them hurt me". That is the real and valuable perspective! Thank you :)
I love this woman’s take on narcissists. This exactly describes the last narcissist I dealt with. This actually helped me to have compassion on this person while realizing I need to stay away from or shut down around these people (if I must deal with them)
Beautiful cat! You look beautiful too...I think healing from narcisstic abuse makes women even more beautiful...
dani cali yep, agreed ...very creepy and predator like
OMG.. I have never seen or watched or read a better explanation of a Narcissist... THANK YOU... I FRIGGEN MATTER!!!!
Joylaine,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too beautiful!
“Keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving.” 💖
It*s actually a relief to understand early on the kind of person you're dealing with. Nothing invested, nothing lossed. It is just so sad that they live an existence like this.
I matter to me. With these words I protect myself from others wanting for me to not matter.
Beautiful cat.
Recently divorced from a 20 year relationship with a narcissist. What a nightmare ! I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Saw a counselor and that’s where I first heard about the narcissist. I started watching these videos on the subject , and WOW ! This has been my life ! I was totally abandoned by mine and it was the best thing that ever happened to me ! Feeling free 🙌
This video really blessed me. I was almost ready to give in. Give the narc what she wants
Melanie just want you know that you helped me recover from abuse so many years ago. And all this time I still have not come across such a gentle, well-worded expert like you. You uplift victims with your careful wording while shining light on the afflictions of the narcissist. I hope you know your work is uniquely well done.
10 yrs and I'm broken and so exhausted and today I am moving on 🙏
From this day forward, I matter to me. But I have always mattered to God. Peace
Very, VERY good video regarding narcissism.
She lied, cheated AND stole from me.
funny, the three words I use to descibe my ex- narc, a lying, cheating, thief!
From today forward, I matter to me and I will always matter to me. I treat myself with dignity and respect and see the importance of self-partnering first and foremost. Thanks for another inspiring, important message, Melanie!!👍😊😘
Having the info helps so much.
Gone from wondering what on earth is going on? To at least knowing what is going on. And that’s valuable.
So profoundly bang on! Thank you.
I MATTER TO ME!!! 🙌🏼♥️🌹
Thank you for your channel! You’ve been very enlightening to me...I had no idea he’s a narcissist! I thought for 19 years that he had a problem trying to control. But It’s so clear now what he is and it has totally changed my mindset towards him and I can breathe!♥️
Rose Mon ..I feel ya breathing again is so good for OUR SOULS !!
Who knew "screwed up" had a formal title! Narcissist!
A narcissist is a coward they don't fight one-on-one they fight with three against one or five Against One
Yes its true....they lack the courage to fight alone and team up with fellow narcissists within the organizations against you....i m currently facing this issue where i work
Were you able to defend yourself?
Wow, what an explanation (3:40)! So clear, so true! It reminds me my ex, we went for our very first weekend away in the countryside. While we where drivin towards the hotel, I felt first happy and fun, then joyful. And in that moment something switched. He didn't participate so much, became a little bit a neutral robot, sort of skeptical, observant. He stepped out of the fun. After a while, we settled in the place and he organized a bit.. and then switched off completely, without energy, just wanting to sleep, no attention and no desire for anything nice, not even talking. He only made a bit of a bitter fun of me. Now I see, he can't generate joy and he can't even resonate it from others. He just doesn't allow himself to feel it. For him it means that I am not such a good source as he thought. I should be there somehow (I still don't know how) pleasing him instead of just being happy. Eventhough my joy stems out of being together with him. It's true that the ego has very specific, crazily specific demands. I still don't know what they are, I can't imagine them. This episode is almost nothing, he did much worse, in such a covert way. But I felt at that time something is off. That subtle hostility, coldness, lack of participation.. early sings
My ex husband in a T. 💔💔💔
Yes, I know what you are talking about, it is like when the person hates you, so he can't stand any sign of your happiness right? It is the same with depressed people, they often become nervous and hateful if they only see someone laughing (it also happened to me once or twice - horrible feeling - hope I didn't catch that from those planty of narcs who have been in my life) Take care
@@granada5456 Yes, you are right, at the core, they wildly hate the partner.. it was a really cold and hidden anger. He expressed that just by disconnecting and asking more and more from me. As if I was getting my energy out of him and I owed him something. As if I was never meant and allowed to be happy, but there to serve him as energy source and never too happy, because that means I am stealing from him. This comes from their belief that positive energy comes from other people (so it is always "stolen" to others, or borrowed), rather than the idea that energy is self-generated by each individual and drawn from the source of universal energy, and that each people can only facilitate (or block) such a flow of energy into other people and oneself.
This is one of the best explanations I've heard of why a non-malignant narcissist hurts you. Thanks.
" The connection to humanity within has been disowned "
so well described
Remind yourself of who you are & what you have done.
Remind yourself of the love & empathy you have displayed within your behaviours to others.
Love yourself through realising that you are the commodity.
You produce the love & empathy they desire.
Stop chasing, start realising & learn to love yourself so you can be comfortable on your own or with others.
Knowledge is powerful to be awaken to help us heal .understand most of it is from there childhood .a personally disorder. sad thing about it they dont believe anything is wrong it is you that needd help .l have free my self and see thr rrd flags and when l feel unsaft l can now move away .l feel liberated l was with a narcissts and can try to protect my self .thankyou for all the coments that help us on this journey for life and to the lovely lady with her knowledge to help us move on and feel free
From today forward I matter to me! I see now that I am enough and have always been enough 💕
I realized I was in love with a person who never existed in the first place...he wasn't really a good guy with bad habits...he was a bad guy with a few good qualities.!
Love this lady she's the only one that makes sense about narcissists...about healing yourself from within...omw and many thanks to Melanie💗🦋
This lady is amazing! I pray this message reaches all who is stuck and needs this kind of information for their own life! Bless you all who are healing ❤❤🛐
When I first started watching your videos (which was last year September), I couldn't understand the jargon used. Things like "source - healing" and "inner - self damnation" even the "ego"; amongst many other terminologies. It was frustrating at times because I was so unconscious and couldn't understand these words.
Now I can understand everything you say and it never fails to leave me mind blown 💥💥💥💥
my husband would admit he was a shallow person who had a false self. He mimics others. he said he never experancs true happiness.
That is sad.
Haha good
Desiree Conway 😀😂👍🏿💕hahaha
It makes me wonder what his childhood was like.....
Mine told me "yes I am selfish" told her Bank interview manager.... "no I have no faults" she rose through the ranks fast and now is at least a millionaire ".
I'm a pensioner with a back injury a disfigurement and my children treat me like dirt, I've never been happier.
From today on, I matter to me. Thanks you. Mel. This gave me great insight. I still have a hard time believing that there are humans who are essentially "black holes" and are capable of hurting you without even a moment's thought about the pain they cause in another.
It's insane to me b c I do have much love in my heart for other beings and can't fathom the disconnection !!
I have never once heard someone so wonderfully explain this with such precision and depth. Thank you.
“We cling to people that hurt us when they are not providing us with what we have not yet healed within ourselves!” You hit the nail right on the head there. Say it again, and again, and again. Ownership is the first step to healing! Thank you for trying to help victims of abuse.
This video made me cry. Twice. And it is the most informative, thoroughly explained, factual & to the point educational video in narcissism that I have watched yet.
I began watching videos & googling literature on narcissistic abuse a few months back; averaging a guesstimated 2-3 videos & 1 article a week. I do not know if this video spoke to me so well due to the fact that I’d already been educating myself on the topic or if this particular video just so perfectly presented - but I understood & identified with every word of it on a very personal level.
Great informational video. Thanks.
this is exactly what i needed to hear
Working and planning for my escape
Thank you For you are literally a lifesaver
Hi Melanie, Thank you so much for this beautiful explanation. I bought your book yesterday from Amazon. Actually I want to recommend this book, it is really fantastic. I will write a nice review on Amazon once I finish it. Have a great day, I love you.
Dont right anything good about Amazon. Plzz im telling u
What book is it?
This youtube video has great information, thank you very much for posting it. Based on what I know about the narcissit who I was dealing with, the information in this video is 100% true.
Now I know.
I must add... Why would anyone ever do another life-advice video? This one said EVERYTHING!
5:30 you're right when you talk about how initially they put you on the pedestal as part of their fantasy world. But as you and all of us all know, eventually we all get thrown straight from the pedestal into the ditch out of nowhere. but it's a good enough bait and switch where sometimes you can't feel blind to not see it as it's being snuck up on you in increments with some surges in it all and everything
OMG, straight from the pedestal into the ditch out of nowhere, You Nailed that!!!
From today forward, I MATTER!!!!!😺💖
From today on, (and into eternity,) in every body, on every plane, I MATTER TO MY SELF...I take responsibility, I commit my Self to health and healing in the Light and Sound of God. It is my full intent, and it IS SO. !! May the Blessings Be.
You could never know how important I needed to see this video. Lack of better words, you are God sent. A miracle happened through this video. Hallelujah I believe that through you, our Lord showed me Mercy. You are blessed
Thank you, it hardest pain loving a person that said they do but never did and careLESS about you
From today forward I DO matter to me!
9:40 "The truth is the narcissist has zero comprehension of what they've done to you and firmly believe that they are the victim"
BS! They know EXACTLY what they are doing!#
I matter to me.
I love you. You are beautiful, and at the top of your field. I listen to Sam Vakmin, ..everybody. This, and all of your videos have been very helpful to me. Your work has been and is liberating, in my personal recovery. Thank You!
"Sarah speaks" is great too !
I normally listen to Sam Vaknin videos. But this has also been very high quality and insightful. Thank you
You are so so spot on.. You can explain things in such a deep precise way, to the core of the soul. One of the best people I've heard on the subject, so far. You are able to explain the narcisistic behaviour with comprehension, without judgement and hate. Thank you so mcuh!
Wow. This video is the most complete and accurate description of narcissism and its damage and why they do what they do.
Thank you. Wow. You are 1 million percent right
I certainly understand NOW that all of his previous partners that just 'had to go' suddenly for whatever blaming reason he stated were also abused. These narcissists should have to take responsibility for the pain they afflict on their prey (supply). If not criminal prosecution for what they do then forced psychiatric intervention to protect other people from the damage they perpetrate. Comments?
They will pay...in HELL
They should all be annihilated. KARMA will engulf these Narcissists for all the damages and hurt they have done to their victims.
The narcissists can't help the way they are. It is ingrained in them since childhood. Criminal prosecution would be too severe of a punishment for a silly disorder as narcissism. Forcing them to psychiatric intervention won't help either. They will only change on their own time when they actually have real self reflection and want to make the change themselves. All you can do is walk away and create distance between you and the narcissist. You have a choice to find a way out of the narcissist life. Trying to impose these punishments on them does not help and implies you have no empathy nor compassion for them. Doesn't that make yourself termed narcissist? Sounds like you only want to punish them for the way that you feel over their disorder.
@@jmbeams1123 He violently assaulted me, breaking bones. That is a criminal offense. He lied to police, said I fell. The truth always shows itself eventually. Without taking responsibility or having to face consequencing for a criminal assault, he will continue to be a menace to himself and any other unfortunate person he targets, manipulates, and convinces to try a partnership with.
@@dianaboughner7977 I agree. This is what I personally have a hard time with both not only the abuse but somehow its okay for them to do this to others?. It will never be okay for me or anyone that truly experienced this.
13:33 "I matter to me." Words to live by.
Never trust a narcissist who doesn't like animals...
I don't trust anyone who doesn't like animals. There is an empathy deficit.
Yes, so true. My neighbor hated dogs and had 5 kids, then she drooled over her one child that looked like her. It was her" mini - me". Ignored the rest of them.
blue bird mini-me hahaha😀😂💕
Wait a minute mine loves animals but not all like him ...we have rescuded many so I have to say this isn't so in my case ... I don't trust anyone who doesn't like animals period .
My narc has a dog but basically treats her like his personal emotional slave. In 2 years he took her on a walk once. But he brags & brags about her & how well she's treated...not!
I started googling her behaviors 7 years ago (when we were still married) and found the word "narcissist". She checked every box. We've been divorced for almost 5 years now but I'm still working on recovering and trying to navigate all the videos/channels that use that word. This is one of the most helpful that I've found. Thank you for talking about it this accurately. It was comforting to hear even for 16 minutes.
Thank you for sharing your valuable knowledge.
"From today foward, I matter to myself"