Literally!! I am such a reasonable person, when I talk to these people, to get through I raise my voice, and they say, oh, all you do is scream. You cannot have a conversation with them!!
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Just my two cents. Great interview! I wish everyone could be educated about spotting narcissistic behaviors before they get into relationships or get married. Narcissists are brutal to divorce. They often try to use the family courts for attention and as a weapon. Stay safe out there! Get educated!
So true! I married one in a church!! He had so many people fooled. I got out though within 4 years...Continue to listen to this powerful Doctor as part of my healing
Hi, I am an ex Civil Lawyer, Narcissism is a problem also because Courts do not recognise it. We have seriously to think how to bring this topic to evidence there without let it be dismissed just because psychology related("it's just psychology"). I worked on this since my bachelor thesis1998, happy that finally st least in society the awakening is happening . I am still thinking for a way in my Country, not easy..but if everyone of us could try to push the awareness in our Law Systems maybe the change will happen as the Laws and so the Courts are always a reflection of the changes happening in the society
“Every healthy relationship has the same core ingredients. Kindness, compassion, patience, mutuality of regard, reciprocity, respect. No narcissistic relationship has even one of those ingredients. That’s why they don’t work.” “Like your trying to bake a cake without flour, eggs or sugar- Good luck with that.” 🙌🏻 🔥
@@MegaRose1958 I am so happy for you too. I also just got out of one and I’m never going back! It’s hard at first to let go completely but each day I feel stronger. 💗
Absolutely right! Why oh why I was prepared to wait until those things gradually unfolded in a relationship? I thought I was supposed to make myself worthy of them. It NEVER happened.
I would add to that list 'time'. The other ingredients are spot-on. My female friends are precious indeed. Also the odd male friend, but mainly females comprise my friend-group. 💜👾😁
One thing I learned about dealing with a narcissist is how to let go of my ego. I don’t need to have the last word, prove I’m right, nor get revenge. I’m strong enough to walk away from a fight and I’m not responsible for changing anyone but myself.
I can totally relate to you. I've used the ridiculous behaviour of my ex(narc) to train myself to keep my ego small. It backfired and resulted in staying way too lang in the relationship. Now I'm out, I start to recognize who I am by knowing what I'm not (ego).
@@joan3828 that is great . Gaslighting led to my epiphany. Constantly feeling like I needed to defend myself was tedious and exasperating; so I stopped doing it. I know who I am and behave conscientiously as a result. It's pointless trying to convince someone their narrative is inaccurate if actual reality didn't convince them.
I was brought up by both a grandiose narc father and a covert narc mother. I asked my mother why she was not affectionate to me and she replied “You pushed me away when you were 18 months old” 🤦♀️
My mom stopped caring about me when I turned 15, she would just sleep for 3 days in a row. Then she told me that I was all grown up, able to take care of myself
My covert narcissistic mother has been sending me birthday cards. She writes the same story in it! It is how she wanted a cesarean but ate dinner right before she went into labor. She never talks about me or holding me or what I looked like. It is all about her!
I learned recently my mother is a narcissist, she was extremely difficult my whole life and now I know why. This was very healing for me, I don't have to blame myself anymore.
I never argued with my narcissist husbands. I was afraid. But I did get away. Total separation. Peace. Established boundaries. Finally a great husband!
@@barbsmart7373 , I got on my knees before God and told him I’d join an internet dating space for ONE month (Ourtime) . If he wanted me to marry, he’d bring a good man. If not, I’d assume he’d want me single. He brought me a man right after church the next day. We committed to each other the first date-the next Friday. We married five months later. We had a mutual friend in common. She told us a great deal about each other before we met. Turn everything over to God. Relax. (I’d never followed God before.)
My youngest was a difficult child. He'd rock in his cot, he screamed and cried easily, wouldn't speak until he was two, he was angry and we both knew we were good loving patient parents so where did this anger come from!! But we loved, nurtured and supported him, were extremely patient, ensured boundries were kept to and with time he changed into a kind and loving man. I'm sure our determination, love, safety, care, values contributed to who he is today. I'll never know for sure but I still believe it in my heart.
@@adrien2323 So the only consequence that can exist is beating your child? When all the data shows that inflicting violence on your child is more likely to make them violent as adults and lower their self-esteem? This comment is ignorant and flies in the face of decades of early childhood development SCIENCE. Yes, parents needs to set boundaries. It is okay to tell your child no. It is important to be consistent. But violence is not the answer for god's sake. How many times do we have to hear this?
I rocked in my crib too. The doctor said I would have good rhythm. I do lol. But it felt good. It is just a soothing thing. I didn't have the temperament of your son, but just another perspective. I still find myself doing it when I'm stressed. I'm 54 now. Parents love is so important.
Growing up I was always told especially by my mom, “you are just too sensitive” !!! Grow up being told, “Your feelings aren’t important” ! I had to re-learn as an adult ... ‘what do I feel ? My mind seems to go to ... ‘why would they say such a cruel thing ! Remember ... as an adult, life is what you make it ! ❤️😍😘
You are Great!I think that breaks my heart that anyone would say that To You especially young er years.Im glad to here that you know that wasn't true.🙏Here is a ⚘and sending you my big bunch of L💙💜❤🧡💛💚VE JoAnn Schmidt.I said it once and I'm gonna go ahead say again..YOU ARE GREAT🎆🏅🗽🌞🌠🌈🌛🌄🌅 🌜I get a lil carried away with the lil pictures 😁but it for a good reason that's You and me to what I want.. Omgosh .ok1more.. 🧡
Same here and same thing my feelings didn't matter or I was told they were wrong that's a common theme, I was told I was mentally ill and I too have that constant thing in my head 'why did they say that', every time you try to discuss something and a load of vomit is what u get back. At 56 only recently seeing it I think how on earth did I survive because I am so sensitive. All the best to you and your recovery which we are all searching for 😊
May I quote you??? In my memoir I want to credit Dr. Ramanie and you nail how a lot of us feel about her. She saved my life and I found Clarity. I am so strong now and can recognize these people almost instantly....and I credit her. And I thank God.
Dr. Ramani, you've helped me realize that when a person doesn't believe 'they're enough" is a perfect target for a narcissist. I hope and pray we can keep working on our own struggle with this as we take down our walls built to protect ourselves. The kind of walls that defends against not only narcissist but also innocent people that could potentially be an asset to us.
The realization ive been being used by someone like this is infuriating. I am so pissed, feel so stupid, betrayed, I'm seeing RED!! HOW DO I HURT HIM BACK? I want some justice.
@@amandacrss u dont because the best revenge is living well. Go on with your life I o CE worked with the George clooney of drs and he placed his hands on my hips at work I removed them to see if he meant that he sorta mind of liked me. If he did he have a asked me out seriously work..
The paradox is that someone behaving narcissistically it is because they are not enough themselves. I've just spent 2.5 years with someone like this. She had terrible self esteem issues, I encouraged her to do things which were good for her, suggested therapy while standing back, and all I got was being accused of being controlling. When I lost my temper and defended my boundaries because none of my needs were considered, thats when I was branded the narcissist. It has destroyed me, now I'm the one with self esteem issues and frightened to open up to anyone again.
I have just recently left an 11 year relationship with a narcissist. I did not know this term, or what NPD was, until I finally left and had the space to breath and see things with perspective. I knew that our relationship was very off, unbalanced, and unhealthy, but I did not know the term for the beast I was dealing with until afterwards. When I discovered the term NPD and began reading about it, it was like 1000 puzzle pieces fell into place. I am now at the beginnings of dealing with divorce, and your DEEP method for how to communicate, is exactly what I needed to hear... thank you, so much for bringing so much awareness to this, you are helping so many people with this insight and information into how this kind of person operates.
Narcs cannot change! It’s impossible as a deep psyche disorder from their bad childhoods, so don’t try to fix them and stay in the marriage! It’s futile! Get your sanity back by getting away from them forever!
If you are in touch with your gut and you are interacting with someone who’s energy feels: hot = sociopath cold = psychopath hollow = narcissist It might be too simple, but it works…for me. Work is tough with them around. Otherwise: 🏃🏼♂️ And I might add: learn about their temperament/personality. Study, observe. Cause they can cause a lot of emotional damage.
Lewis you are the bravest man I have seen on TH-cam. So willing to be vulnerable in the hopes that others will learn and benefit. I hope you find your match with all the qualities Ramani listed in a healthy relationship. You deserve good things.
He just really loves himself I mean I'm great that he's brave but what is he so brave about I mean I'm just saying I mean that's a beautiful thing to say to him but that's quite interesting statement
@@AJ-kb9hf - GOSO ‘Get Out/Stay Out’ - it’s a complete waste of time, breath, energy to deal with these THINGS. Move on with your life & leave them behind…
I wish I googled "narcissism" once, during the past 30 years. Could've saved me years of deep grieve. But, it's not about what we've been through, but what we've learned from it. If you can answer that, it will stay away. Love to all of you. 💗
Doctor Ramani is my hero. Her books changed my life- changed me for the better. Her TH-cam channel is a never ending well of knowledge and just when I think I've learned it all, I'm still learning.
This is brilliant. I was married to a text book narcissist for 12 years. I finally broke free. It is hard , I wish I had realized then what was happening.
I'm watching this crying. I made the mistake of getting back with my daughters father who is everything you described. He always tells my that I accomplished enough and I don't need to go to nursing school, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I can't even have a conversation about this without it devolving into madness. I've just become a shadow of myself.
Well.., dont be so hard on yourself you needed closure. Now that you have it, and you know who he is, you can break away. Be glad you were smart enough to see it! Take care and spoil yourself. You are far more special than you know. (( HUGS))
Great interview 😀! I an Empath was sadly involved with a malignant Narcissist. It was a truly scary experience. I thought I was losing my mind. Unfortunately, at the time I wasn’t educated about what a true Narcissist was and how they behaved. Thankfully, I left the situation and educated myself. I am now Completely NO CONTACT. My ex really was making me feel so demeaned and frighted daily but happily no longer. No more violence or crazy making and definitely no more co dependency! Living my best life ever😀
This is eye opening. The description of how narcissism is created is just a spot on my sister. She was always a difficult child, agresive, problematic, attention seeking, selfish, bully. But we had a healthy, strong relationship and supportive parents. I really believe that parents raised her to be a good person, to have the empaty, share with others, value relations with others etc. She's still self focus and has a sense of entitlement, I need to keep my boundaries with her and be assertive, but she' s able to function normally, hold relationships etc.
This was such a GOOD convo… I literally rewinded so many times whenever I missed something she said. And I love how into it Lewis was lol… I could tell he was having some flashbacks. I appreciate how transparent they both were about their own issues
Am with a text book narc. Lying, raging, gaslighting, aggressive, insults and putdowns, financial abuse, sabotaging me, isolating me, never taking blame for anything. Down to the narc eyebrows!
🏃🏾♀️ RUUUNN !!!!!!! my ex husband was text book and be careful because once I left him I found myself in Another Narc relationship and thought I knew better and was healed so I’m wishing you much happiness and success in your journey to healing
Get the hell out. Whatever you do, don't have any kids to him. Just get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't fear your future on your own. Just get out!!!!!!
The harm is much more to stay than to go. CUT EM OFF! FORGET EM! You'll heal and move on. I was recently dealing with what I now know is a narcissist who exhibited several of these behaviors. The terrible communication and controlling nature were probably the worst part. Whenever I would ask reasonable questions he wanted to avoid or bring issues up I was having with him to host open and honest communication, he would call me a maniac and that I should come back when I am myself again. I would defend and personalize, but it never worked. I was shut down every single time, whether it was turning me into the villain or him entering into rage. He would make me seem like I was so irrational, meanwhile this is how he acted every time he got bothered by something that wasn't even bothersome worthy. It was always his way or no way. When she said all we can really talk about is the weather...YES! Exactly how it felt. I ended up cutting him off because of the frustration I felt everyday from him. Nothing could progress in our relationship because of his controlling ways. His charm was certainly missed in the beginning, but now that I know it really was a game the whole time, I could care less. I dodged a bullet! BYE!!
The worst self-blame is: how could I possibly have chosen this person to be the father of my child? This is the thing that affects me the most. 😢 Thank you so much to Dr Ramani for giving so much information on this. She has really helped me to understand what I went through and how to heal from it. ❤️❤️❤️
Couldn't help but realize what a kind heart you have,Lewis, and I am relieved for you that you found someone who doesn't mistreat your obvious gifts of sympathetic joy and generosity. When it comes to dealing with a narcissist though, being an empathetic problem solver with a strong work ethic who sincerely wants to help becomes a recipe for a long road of heartache. Having our inner goodness used against us is a really painful experience. Great interview and rapport between you and Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani thank you for committing yourself to bring awareness to this topic. I recently experienced a relationship with a malignant narcissist. I had no idea such a thing existed. I came out of the relationship with deep trauma. I came across your videos and they helped me heal. The mere fact of understanding what a narcissist is (a monster) saved my life. Thank you!
I noticed that it was my "wear my heart on my sleeve" kind of attitude and my natural empathic nature that was the thing that drew narcissists my way. When I stopped showing my "true self" and gave the impression that I dont really go out of my way for people (even though I do, but for certain people only now a days) I can generally fly pass their radar and pinpoint who the narcissists in the room are. Now its the other empaths in the room (who haven't learned to NOT be so open about their empathy) who are approached by them instead of me. I can only pray that the other empaths learn how to do the same to avoid unnecessary grief ♥️ Poker face is key.
Dr Ramani, you are amazing. Listening to you talking on TH-cam videos helped me realize I needed to get out of my last relationship. I’m commenting on the lateness comment in specific. I’ve dated 2 narcissists and it is HELL. I was not spoken to for a while if I was late, even by 10-15 mins, and sometimes he’d shut me out for days if he was really annoyed. The one I dated before actually tortured me on a trip to Europe by threatening to send me back home on a plane if I didn’t agree with him on something. We had a disagreement getting off a plane in particular because I had fallen asleep and woken up saw him asking the air hostess something so I said “oh do we have to fill any forms out?”. To this day I still don’t understand what he heard but he went frosty and cold and nasty and as soon as we got off the plane, he said I was not welcome on the trip with him and he was booking me a flight right back home. Except he didn’t. After 45 mins of crying in the airport and asking what I’d done wrong and could we talk about it (while he ignored me) he eventually said, nah I’ll give you one more chance, but never explained what the hell happened. He pulled a similar move 4 more times on that 16 day vacation. It was a 7 country holiday and should’ve been the best vacation of my life but I can honestly say it was the worst vacation I have ever had because of his attempts to emotionally control me. And fyi, he started getting physically abusive. Bottom line, NEVER STAY WITH A NARCISSIST. It does not get better, ever. And I’m sorry for all those who have gone through it, I have. We’re survivors xxx
I am wishing you all the strength, love, respect & happiness! I feel bad that you had to undergo such damaging moments, I was close to one, but now I am in a better place. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I wouldn’t have went on that 2nd vacation. But yeah, a narcissist will pick fights and hold you at fault for no reason; silent treatments, arguments, etc.
It sounds to me like he was so totally and utterly vain , that he couldn’t cope with the fact that you’d taken a nap whilst in his company (I.e he should be so wonderful that you couldn’t possibly fall asleep for one second and miss a second of his beauty like he is Jesus or something) . So he had a right go at you over nothing in order to get you to cry over him so that your tears over him could then ease his bruised ego . Thank God you got away from him.
I went on vacation with a new boyfriend and accidently i broke his 5 dollar sunglasses .We just got checked in the hotel,and he put his glasses on the bed and i sat on them ,after that he went someplace outside and came back and hit me with his fist in my face ,i dropped on the floor and was unconscious for a 2 minutes and when i got back he hit me again ,and was saying where is the nife so at that time i got really scared so i was thinking i got to get out of the room and run. That's how i save my live .
Dr Ramani is exactly describing what I went through in the last 1,5 years. Shame and guilt are still lingering but deciding to have no contact is the best decision I made in my healing journey. Thanks for the tips. It means a lot. 🙏
Bless your heart.🙏🏽 It took me 51 years of living to wake up and see I was raised by a narcissistic parents. The hardest part was realizing that my mom was a covert narcissist. Some of the most dangerous types of narcissists. I’ll never forget the moment when I had my awakening about a year and a half ago. It’s a can of worms that can open and bring a whole lot of pain, but there is love and healing on the other side of it. My heart goes out to you if you’re just discovering you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or narcissists, for most of your life. Follow Dr. Ramani if you want to learn more.
I grew up with a narcissistic Mother. And as a kid I grew up saying Mama only loves herself no one else. And she was very abusive to all of her 8 children. She ran every child away from her because she beat us all with Sticks, 2 by 4 birds extension cords and ropes and she kicked us and dashed ice water into our faces. And she always called us degrading names. And she used us as servants all of our lives. I was the only child as an adult that tried to be there for her even though I did not feel like she deserved it.
That's sad. Mothers are also ignorant human beings and furious when overwhelmed by sexual hormones and their consequences. Few of our planet women can be properly mothers. And this is the REALITY that must be implemented early in schools. Each potential parent has to go to parenting school and then to procreate BUT there is no interest. Abused children are more obedient, dependable, and addicted not narcissists. The ones that appear to be good are hackers; just accumulating millions from the 4 in 5.
Nothing has ever summed up my relationship more than this video. I had to stop the video three times because I was crying. I have been love bombed and hoovered by my partner so many times. now we have a nine month old daughter. and this absolutely breaks my heart. the guilt is real! my mother is my best friend. and I used to tell her everything, and now I am so ashamed of how I've been treated, that I feel embarrassed to say something to her. if my daughter was to tell me that her partner was treating her the way that I am being treated in this relationship, it would break my heart.
Claire, it’s not your fault. The COVERT narcissist is very charming and hence the trickiest to identify. Talk to your mom. She has your best interest at heart. Better to deal with this now than years from now when you’re even more entangled.
This entire episode has made me feel so much better about how I'm raising my son. I'm an advocate of being in the moment. If you find a cute moment then sure snap a pic but don't make the photos the entire reason for play. I try not to coddle my son because he won't be coddled when he's older. Yes. Comfort your child, make them feel safe, boost their confidence... But don't lead them to believe they're the best in the world. You make so many more great points, but those are the main two that come to my forefront
What a brilliant interview. Im so grateful to have watched this. It has helped me so much. I’ve just come away from a narcissist and I’ve been very broken and in grief. The cycle with the love bombing to hoovering was something I could totally relate to and suffered through this cycle many many times. It creates so much confusion and emotional trauma. You end up waiting for the love bombing to feel that dopamine so you feel better because you love them, and then hope that it won’t happen again then you go through the whole cycle again. Usually because you pick up on some lie or manipulation. It has really messed me up and often I believe that I’m the problem. It really is awful and my heart goes out to anyone who has ever had to deal with a narcissist.
Wow. I just had a lightning strike moment about my brother's narcissism. He has a very sweet fiancee and he has been putting her through hell. I didn't even know because they have both been trying to hide how bad it is, but the light has broken through the clouds. I've decided to go no contact, because I can see that he has always and will always be like this. This young woman, his fiancee, is so tangled up in it. Dr. Ramani's content is helping me so much to feel empowered to go no contact and she's giving me a lot of ideas for how to game plan and support my brother's fiancee. So much of what she is explaining in this video describes what she's been going through and it just makes me so sad. I've come to really love her since they got together and to know the grief and pain that is coming for her breaks my heart. Grateful to Lewis and Dr. Ramani
Dr. Ramani always nails it. I have learned so much from listening to her; light bulbs often light- up in my mind. Its crazy once you' ve seen the narcissists MO and watch them in action with other people, love- bombing and all the rest. It really gets interesting when you become the one they are expressing their dark side to while watching them put on the fake front to others; its both stomach- turning and sad. ( p.s. hell yeah, they bait you! Dig and drill! It was always something I noted about one of the people in my life, long before I'd ever heard of narcissism.)
Wow. Former athlete here, and basketball coach, and that example of seeking how to make it better; create a masterpiece...I was always drained in my relationships. Eye opening.
@@lewishowes Learning new information helps me continue working on forgiving myself and avoid the same painful journey. Thank you for this interview and your own transparency through your relationships and trauma. I'm glad this passed through my algorithm today. Going to work with those recovery journals next.🤗
Lewis--LOVED your comment about marriage/relationship being hard work. . My ex-husband was an abusive narcissist who only went to therapy twice before quitting. I had your exact attitude--for nine years My mom was a narcissist, as well. I divorced him after she died. She left everything to my brother, LOL-. Thank goodness I have a sense of humor.
@@PrincessShinezria That's so nice of you, Princess, thank you! Actually, although it made me sad at the time, of course,, I like who I am now. So all's well that ends well.
@@susanblake9946 I'm glad you set yourself free from that marriage and I wish u the best on your path to healing & wholeness♥️🙏. I think many of us who grew up with a narcissistic parent and are highly empathetic empath types are groomed into being caregivers at a young age putting other's needs above are own and empaths tend to attract narcissists.
@@anitaknight3915 Thanks, Anita! I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'm assuming that you've experienced something similar in your life., and of course I hope that you're doing okay yourself! Naturally none of us want to sound like disempowered complainers, right, LOL? It's a real head-trip. Anyway, thanks again, and wish you the best!
This is the story of my life, I was tortured for good 10years, I live 10 years of my life doubting myself thought something was wrong with me, I always feeling unworthy, can’t describe the feelings even the kids was affected, he isolated us from friends, family and the society, whatever is out of his controlled is a big No for us, the kids were home schooled , the worst part is Since I finally got the courage to flee after a lot of physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuses and threat I don’t know who I am anymore, it was a very painful experience, I wish I walked out on time. My Advise please don’t stay because of the kids!! ! 🗣 Unless you are ready to also destroy your children confidence, and got them living in fear for the rest of their life😪 It doesn’t worth it please protect yourself and your children please I regret not doing this on time 😭😭
@@digitaltauhid personally from my experience I wouldn’t advise anyone to leave the kids with Narc never !! But if it happen for some reasons try and be persistence in the children’s life both physically and emotionally for the protection of the kids
If narcissists are made, not born, the difficult temperament may just make the child less popular, due to an unwillingness to go along JUST BECAUSE. This is, what I believe my mother took issue with (notwithstanding the fact that she had ZERO respect for my privacy, while standing in the way of any fair hearing). I didn't necessarily go along to get along, which made it difficult for other predators, like the molesting, stalking neighbor she did nothing about, after I told her he was hunting, and harming me. I didn't make it easy for him, because he didn't deserve to harm me. My mother would have offered me up, pretending not to know, just for the supply it got her. I know this from EXPERIENCE, THE GREATEST TEACHER.
I didn't have exactly that experience but my father was abusive and I got abuse from others physical and mental. I was not protected. Its altered my whole life and I've always wondered why not! It seems they don't protect from what you're saying here, maybe this is a 'thing' with narcissism where they don't protect their children. It's so hurtful beyond anything I can think of to not protect your own children that I can't get my head around even at 56! The pain runs deep ✋✌
I'm the Michelangelo and I think it's one of my biggest weaknesses TBH. I want to see the good in people so badly that I wait until I'm trampled on to realize that maybe this wasn't such a great idea. I get so many compliments from people that have been in my life that say I'm always there for them, always listening, etc. And it's like when it's my turn, the entire room is empty. Like, I've allowed people to talk and talk and I've cheered them on and cheered them on, but people cannot even give me an hour...?
@@teresarenee3829 amen we think we need people but Jesus is enough, he is always waiting for us to come to him, and wants to be our best friend and our savior as he died for us on the cross for our sins..let´s go to God through the Lord Jesus Christ and have relationship with him..this is what our soul needs and long for
OMG thank you so much for this amount of clarity. I was a narcissist victim, still going through divorce. Getting there but we have a son and still will have to deal with him. Will have to watch this again because it's a lot and he has so many of all these characteristics. Thank you so much again. The best thing is there is knowledge about this now and once you know is easier to manage situations. Thank you both for this complete content. ❤️👌
It's incredible how she perfectly described the issue of talking with narcissistic people. My parents are narcissistic and manipulative. They always complain about the fact I don't talk to them anymore, but how can I do it if they always get angry with me and criticise everything I do? It's impossible to communicate with them
Amazing interview!!! Thank you for giving me this gift. I now understand what happened to me during my life with a NPD, That ended 8 years ago and I now value myself and am not his victim. My children know and we are so happy being on our own.
By far the best description of what I went through from 18 yrs old - 40 when his behavior to our children became what he had done to me. He is so popular, admired, respected wherever he went. But our local police department has records of the multi times I called for help. Unfortunately no one understood what a narcissist personality was in 1950’- 2000’s. He even moved us all to Europe to isolate us. Had 4 girls, 1 traumatized for life, another is also a narc. One has become a narc analyst, one near,y married a narc but he committed suicide. It’s been quite a life. And the source of this all: my mother in law. My ex has died.
Love your respectful, fun and fascinating discussions when you two sit down together! Thanks Lewis for being so real and Dr Ramani for your humility in the face of enormous wisdom. I love the info about nurture/nature and the chances of changing temperament and how our environment and opportunities play into that picture of person hood.
I worked with teens for years in the mental health system. I found after reading many charts, and working with these kids, that if a child is abused or very spoiled and indulged, the outcome can be the same.
What I like about Dr. Ramani is she is out here just to inform, even if she makes revenue from it, it comes from information. She doesn’t try to sell a way to, “heal your relationship with a narc,” or “teach a narc to be kind.” Nope, she just tells it like it is, “narcissists don’t change.”
I have Master's in Psychology and I've always considered myself an empath. I can enter the room and feel overwhelmed by the energy and feelings of others, I can cry on movies and I'm extremely annoyed by people trying to abuse and bully the weak ones - I find it my obligation to fight for the rights of the less fortunate ones. However, I can switch my personality at a convenience / at will and become a very cold, emotionless person and I find it very easy to manipulate people to act or think my way. I'm starting to think I might have more psychopatic traits. Always a pleasure to listen to you Dr Ramani 😊
Married for 32 years to a person diagnosed with narcissist, histrionic, and dependant personality disorder. This is helping me see the light. I'm not the crazy one...Thank you
Thank you for all you do Lewis and openly talking about your past struggles and traumas. Dr Ramani’s book is life changing and I am grateful I came across years ago and filtered the people around.
I've worked so hard to understand myself and re balance . First and most of all, it is about me to have balance and then attract someone balanced too. Forget how others are or wish to be ,your business is to work on yourself
OMG, this is theeee podcast I have been waaaiting for!!!! Dr. Ramani for med circle and everything with the 5 and DEEP acronyms... Thank you Lewis for this gem of a interview!
On the gaslighting section: There are situations where someone has been bugged by multiple things but didn't mention it because they were small. Enough of those things and a little thing can set the person off (straw that broke the camels back). For people who do not mention every little time they get bugged, they will and feel they have to bring up the other things in order to communicate with the person why their reaction is so large. That's not gaslighting/deflecting but can appear like it to those unaware of the buildup. All those little things can be related to a certain trait/habit/tendency. The first things they didn't talk about, hoping it was a one off and no one's perfect all the time. When it's shown it was going to keep happening, the person brings it all up at once to point out the connections, or the why of their anger.
Lewis, you are cracking me up (no not laughing at you) but you realizing things at the same time I, and I'm sure other watchers, realizing things that Dr Ramani says parallel our lives. I am so grateful for this video.
I enjoy learning from Dr. Ramani, she's an amazing teacher, researcher, professor. This podcast touched on many aspects of narcissism, Dr. Ramani provides more information on narcissism than any psych textbook on the topic. The only issue I had with this show was the host talking over her and/or cutting her off at certain points to use himself as an example.. very annoying. Otherwise, this was insightful.
You can learn to balance and walk on a rope, 500 meters above ground, go from point A to B. Can go well for years, but one day, you will drop. You made a slip, there was too much wind, you were blinded by the sun, you were in a hurry etc ... That's living with a narcissist.
My 1st husband. When I married him it was like someone turned a switch,. He became nasty, controlling, jealous and physically abusive. I married him at 22, and walked away at 26.
Social Media is the hotspot for a narcissist. It took social media for me to actually see "how" self centered my partner of 18 years and 4 kids later actually was. Its been almost 8 months out of the relationship and I am still learning and healing from the mindfuck he leave on us.
Hey Lewis you are a dynamite guy and deserve a great woman who loves YOU, cares about YOU , helps YOU!! MY EX husband was all about HIM!! Never really cared about me ( but would "say" how much he loved me), no empathy, always jealous when I succeeded, selfish, unthoughtful, user, Full of himself, gaslighting, etc. Got worse overtime. Sucked!! Glad we both got away from these narcissists! Hugs❤️
Poor Lewis 😂 he is going THROUGH IT in this conversation. I know this is a loaded topic in today’s world, I hope everyone finds their strength through this. It’s real out here 🤍
Thank you for all your hard work, knowledge, and sharing with us Dr. Ramani! You are a true gift to humanity and I am overjoyed to see you across more and more platforms! XOXO
Great interview Dr.Ramani! Have you seen "The Psych Next Door"? I feel like its a case study in narcissistic abuse. Could you do a video on your thoughts about that show sometime?
The host keeps interrupting the guest speaker usurping the conversation. Not only does this derail the train of thought in favor of a personal POV, but the lack of courtesy is distressful. The guest is the key speaker; the main reason many are tuning in. If the host wants to be the key speaker then they should not invite a guest speaker onto their show. By constantly interrupting, the show feels more like a power struggle for control, and that struggle becomes the focal point; not the topic being explored. The job of a host with a guest speaker is facilitating the guest with the occasional question if the conversation slows down. Being rude to a guest speaker really doesn't make for good viewing content.
“You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”✨☘️🙏
Absolutely. When I escaped from my narc gf I thought I was a monster despite friends who've known me for 20 years and more and my parents all of them saying otherwise. But I was gaslighted so much that's what I believed! I found a share house, moved in and kept to myself, but the guys and gals in the house were normal and soon I realized I was normal (not perfect or without faults, but not a monster), and like you said, it was suddenly like breathing fresh, crisp, cool mountain air and feeling alive once more. I still recall that moment clearly when the realization hit me and I felt I could breath again.
I had a moment of feeling lonely last night after a recent break up with narcissist. All of a sudden, the revelation hit me: I was alone when he was here! The person I imagined in my head, NEVER showed up. Every red flag proved that I was like a book he bought, put me on his shelf (for bragging rights) and then proceeded out the door..to buy another book! I never had someone walking alongside me. He was out the door, as soon as I walked in! Sad...but the complete TRUTH! If you are in a relationship with a narcissist - you are essentially alone. Whatever you need or desire - that person does not have it. And what's more important - they are not interested at all, that your needs/desires are met. This is not to make you bitter - it is to make you aware! Most of the things you are looking for - can be found on the inside of YOU!
Total truth. I felt alone in my relationship with my narc. She was never on my team - always antagonistic instead of cooperative. Always had one foot in the door, and one foot out. I fell in love with an illusion.
@@ponygirl9831 yes I have experienced this . I mention my needs not being met and she took offense immediately i stead of asking me to talk about it. She then made up stuff that was demeaning saying I meant sexual needs which was bad , and those were not the needs I was talking about .
True innocents don't usually have the wherewithal to know that they are in a relationship with a narcissist. Extreme narcissists tend not to be very successful because nobody can abide their company. They are self-centred, vain, two-faced, manipulative, negative, petty, always playing the victim, constantly complaining, and love to gossip and put other people down they are jealous of. Their empathy tends to be emotive and directed towards sentimental things such as a small furry animal. They look up to celebrities and royalty but lack empathy towards those deemed low status. Narcissists tend not to abide each other's company and don't make good team players. Vanity and narcissism are usually regarded as feminine traits however.
@@PaulCotton , I was married to narcissists who abused me. My current husband ran businesses, played excellent football, and won golf games. He is big, handsome, secure, and kind. Very kind but never a pushover.
I swear you would receive a better feedback from an abyss… the most hellish conversations I’ve ever had in my life were with my ex narc boyfriend. I remember one day, I told him the following: “I love you, I want a life together with you. If we fight we can have a beautiful life together…” His reply? “YOU want to oush me away right? You are working hard to push me away and FIGHT with me, this is clearly not working with YOU ALWAYS MAKING PROBLEMS…”
@@princessirulancorrino4695 they are NEVER responding to anything you say. They are masters at switching the topic to whatever they wanted to talk or complain about in the first place. It does not matter where the conversation started. It always ended up the same place.
I typed this list as was so interesting. Non-Narcissists qualities are: 1. Empathy 2. Kindness 3. Respect 4. Flexibility 5. Self-Awareness 6. The capacity the reflect on their impact on other people 7. Emotional Regulation / Managing negative states ie frustration and disappointments 8. Genuine Curiosity about others 9. Setting Goals from an internal space - rather than what they think the World expects of them 10. Have strong sense of Identity 11. sense of who they are 12. Having solid sense of Values 13. Conscientiousness 14. Agreeableness
My narc ex had values. But no one will ever know if they were his real values y'know? He probably just said these things because he knew they were MY values
I became totally paralyzed when I finally left the malignant narc. I couldn't clean or maintain my surroundings; I isolated myself which was perfect in 2020 because of the quarantine; I was deeply depressed and just wanted to sleep all the time. I think my only saving grace was having the unconditional love of my dog!!! And these awesome TH-cam videos that helped me understand what I had been through so I could heal. I'm so grateful for people like Dr. Ramani!!! Thank you for this awesome interview!!!!
I love dogs so much .. they were such a lifeline of unconditional affection in my youth and in adulthood .. the only thing I miss from my long marriage to my ex narc is my dog pepperpot .. the dogs we had had while married were actually weapons she used against me .. such evil
I have distanced myself more from ppl, too, after this experience, & become more introverted, withdrawn, as a self- protection. But you're right: the covid scare has given us time to discover these videos on narcs, so a blessing in disguise. It will take time, but be grateful that your eyes are wide open now, even though what you see is painful. It'll take time to recover, but it'll get better. (I cry now, when I listen to Alanis Morrisette's song, " Thank you", a metaphor for enlightenment.)
@dee iacobellis your comment is 100% summary what I experienced, after leaving my NEX the final time in 2020. Just NOW, 14 months later, I’m “defrosting”. That’s how I refer to it. Narc survivors are a special kind of strong. The experience built my core to steel. I am positive God allowed my experience to make me stronger. I was certainly naive going in, but wise to the real world after. I did sleep a lot, and I’m convinced it was my endocrine system recovering from the constant fight or flight mode I lived in for years. Shout out to my cat Lucky, for his unconditional love during the past year! ❤️May you stay strong and be kind to yourself.
"Communicating with a narcissist is impossible, is like screaming into an abyss." 💯
DEEP..I love it. Don't defend, don't explain, don't engage, don't personalize.
Yep
A brick wall, pulling teeth
True. What a relationship if we can’t communicate?
Literally!! I am such a reasonable person, when I talk to these people, to get through I raise my voice, and they say, oh, all you do is scream. You cannot have a conversation with them!!
Seasoned divorce lawyer here. Just my two cents. Great interview! I wish everyone could be educated about spotting narcissistic behaviors before they get into relationships or get married. Narcissists are brutal to divorce. They often try to use the family courts for attention and as a weapon. Stay safe out there! Get educated!
👍
So true! I married one in a church!! He had so many people fooled. I got out though within 4 years...Continue to listen to this powerful Doctor as part of my healing
@@maryjobrown8252 No...embrace reality and be responsible and own who you are, Weak and Desperate - An active, engaged Narcissist., Proud father of 2
Don’t forget to mention 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman! I think we all can connect the dots on this one
Hi, I am an ex Civil Lawyer, Narcissism is a problem also because Courts do not recognise it. We have seriously to think how to bring this topic to evidence there without let it be dismissed just because psychology related("it's just psychology").
I worked on this since my bachelor thesis1998, happy that finally st least in society the awakening is happening .
I am still thinking for a way in my Country, not easy..but if everyone of us could try to push the awareness in our Law Systems maybe the change will happen as the Laws and so the Courts are always a reflection of the changes happening in the society
“Every healthy relationship has the same core ingredients. Kindness, compassion, patience, mutuality of regard, reciprocity, respect. No narcissistic relationship has even one of those ingredients. That’s why they don’t work.” “Like your trying to bake a cake without flour, eggs or sugar- Good luck with that.” 🙌🏻 🔥
I am so happy to be out of my Toxic Narcissistic relationship!!
@@MegaRose1958 I am so happy for you too. I also just got out of one and I’m never going back! It’s hard at first to let go completely but each day I feel stronger. 💗
Absolutely right! Why oh why I was prepared to wait until those things gradually unfolded in a relationship? I thought I was supposed to make myself worthy of them. It NEVER happened.
I would add to that list 'time'. The other ingredients are spot-on.
My female friends are precious indeed. Also the odd male friend, but mainly females comprise my friend-group. 💜👾😁
So true xoxo
One thing I learned about dealing with a narcissist is how to let go of my ego. I don’t need to have the last word, prove I’m right, nor get revenge. I’m strong enough to walk away from a fight and I’m not responsible for changing anyone but myself.
I can totally relate to you. I've used the ridiculous behaviour of my ex(narc) to train myself to keep my ego small. It backfired and resulted in staying way too lang in the relationship. Now I'm out, I start to recognize who I am by knowing what I'm not (ego).
@@joan3828 that is great . Gaslighting led to my epiphany. Constantly feeling like I needed to defend myself was tedious and exasperating; so I stopped doing it. I know who I am and behave conscientiously as a result. It's pointless trying to convince someone their narrative is inaccurate if actual reality didn't convince them.
Yep! I truly learned how not to "take the bait" or get defensive. Also learned how to deal with "toddlers" who play the silent treatment game.
I think I used to prefer the drama over the silent treatment. Drama meant some kind of "contact" as opposed to being non existent.
So true Alexis!
I was brought up by both a grandiose narc father and a covert narc mother. I asked my mother why she was not affectionate to me and she replied “You pushed me away when you were 18 months old” 🤦♀️
OMG Wow! 👁️
I pray for you.
My mom stopped caring about me when I turned 15, she would just sleep for 3 days in a row. Then she told me that I was all grown up, able to take care of myself
Holy fuck this is my MOTHER. She said the same thing about me when I was 2. Fucking psychos.
That is so sad. That’s when you needed her most
My covert narcissistic mother has been sending me birthday cards. She writes the same story in it! It is how she wanted a cesarean but ate dinner right before she went into labor. She never talks about me or holding me or what I looked like. It is all about her!
I learned recently my mother is a narcissist, she was extremely difficult my whole life and now I know why. This was very healing for me, I don't have to blame myself anymore.
I never argued with my narcissist husbands. I was afraid. But I did get away. Total separation. Peace. Established boundaries. Finally a great husband!
WOW. What a good outcome. You make it sound easier than it probably was.
You worked hard to find this one! 😊
@@barbsmart7373 , I got on my knees before God and told him I’d join an internet dating space for ONE month (Ourtime) . If he wanted me to marry, he’d bring a good man. If not, I’d assume he’d want me single. He brought me a man right after church the next day. We committed to each other the first date-the next Friday. We married five months later. We had a mutual friend in common. She told us a great deal about each other before we met. Turn everything over to God. Relax. (I’d never followed God before.)
@@cc1k435 , please read what I told Barb Smart above.
My youngest was a difficult child. He'd rock in his cot, he screamed and cried easily, wouldn't speak until he was two, he was angry and we both knew we were good loving patient parents so where did this anger come from!! But we loved, nurtured and supported him, were extremely patient, ensured boundries were kept to and with time he changed into a kind and loving man. I'm sure our determination, love, safety, care, values contributed to who he is today. I'll never know for sure but I still believe it in my heart.
I hear you. Having patient loving caring parents is best thing for this kind of child. No doubt you find your hardwork paid off. Stay blessed
Ass whoppings helped stop me from acting up when I was a kid. There has to be consequences for bad behavior or else you get bad behavior.
@@adrien2323 So the only consequence that can exist is beating your child? When all the data shows that inflicting violence on your child is more likely to make them violent as adults and lower their self-esteem? This comment is ignorant and flies in the face of decades of early childhood development SCIENCE. Yes, parents needs to set boundaries. It is okay to tell your child no. It is important to be consistent. But violence is not the answer for god's sake. How many times do we have to hear this?
I rocked in my crib too. The doctor said I would have good rhythm. I do lol. But it felt good. It is just a soothing thing. I didn't have the temperament of your son, but just another perspective. I still find myself doing it when I'm stressed. I'm 54 now. Parents love is so important.
@@adrien2323 you’re definitely messed up
"I don't care why they are behaving like this, they are behaving like this" - gold.
Years wasted thinking I just needed to understand.
Growing up I was always told especially by my mom, “you are just too sensitive” !!! Grow up being told, “Your feelings aren’t important” ! I had to re-learn as an adult ... ‘what do I feel ? My mind seems to go to ... ‘why would they say such a cruel thing ! Remember ... as an adult, life is what you make it ! ❤️😍😘
My feelings didn’t madder either
You are Great!I think that breaks my heart that anyone would say that To You especially young er years.Im glad to here that you know that wasn't true.🙏Here is a ⚘and sending you my big bunch of L💙💜❤🧡💛💚VE JoAnn Schmidt.I said it once and I'm gonna go ahead say again..YOU ARE GREAT🎆🏅🗽🌞🌠🌈🌛🌄🌅 🌜I get a lil carried away with the lil pictures 😁but it for a good reason that's You and me to what I want.. Omgosh .ok1more.. 🧡
Same here and same thing my feelings didn't matter or I was told they were wrong that's a common theme, I was told I was mentally ill and I too have that constant thing in my head 'why did they say that', every time you try to discuss something and a load of vomit is what u get back. At 56 only recently seeing it I think how on earth did I survive because I am so sensitive. All the best to you and your recovery which we are all searching for 😊
Thank you all for comments, it’s always awesome ‘great to have support ... we all need I believe 😘❤️💪
Oh. Yes. I understand completely! Sending you a hug. 💖
Dr. Ramani is like the hip, caring, understanding, and life-lesson-providing aunt doctor we all need in our lives.
Exactly 😊
May I quote you??? In my memoir I want to credit Dr. Ramanie and you nail how a lot of us feel about her. She saved my life and I found Clarity. I am so strong now and can recognize these people almost instantly....and I credit her. And I thank God.
@@lori-annefay4138 heck yes
OH YEA 😊!!! I love this comment !!!!
Dr. Ramani, you've helped me realize that when a person doesn't believe 'they're enough" is a perfect target for a narcissist. I hope and pray we can keep working on our own struggle with this as we take down our walls built to protect ourselves. The kind of walls that
defends against not only narcissist but also innocent people that could potentially be an asset to us.
Absolutely. Ultimately, it is the victim "uncompleteness" feeling that the narcs exploit.
Spot on 👍
The realization ive been being used by someone like this is infuriating. I am so pissed, feel so stupid, betrayed, I'm seeing RED!! HOW DO I HURT HIM BACK? I want some justice.
@@amandacrss u dont because the best revenge is living well. Go on with your life I o CE worked with the George clooney of drs and he placed his hands on my hips at work I removed them to see if he meant that he sorta mind of liked me. If he did he have a asked me out seriously work..
The paradox is that someone behaving narcissistically it is because they are not enough themselves. I've just spent 2.5 years with someone like this. She had terrible self esteem issues, I encouraged her to do things which were good for her, suggested therapy while standing back, and all I got was being accused of being controlling. When I lost my temper and defended my boundaries because none of my needs were considered, thats when I was branded the narcissist. It has destroyed me, now I'm the one with self esteem issues and frightened to open up to anyone again.
I have just recently left an 11 year relationship with a narcissist. I did not know this term, or what NPD was, until I finally left and had the space to breath and see things with perspective. I knew that our relationship was very off, unbalanced, and unhealthy, but I did not know the term for the beast I was dealing with until afterwards. When I discovered the term NPD and began reading about it, it was like 1000 puzzle pieces fell into place. I am now at the beginnings of dealing with divorce, and your DEEP method for how to communicate, is exactly what I needed to hear... thank you, so much for bringing so much awareness to this, you are helping so many people with this insight and information into how this kind of person operates.
Narcs cannot change! It’s impossible as a deep psyche disorder from their bad childhoods, so don’t try to fix them and stay in the marriage! It’s futile! Get your sanity back by getting away from them forever!
If you are in touch with your gut and you are interacting with someone who’s energy feels:
hot = sociopath
cold = psychopath
hollow = narcissist
It might be too simple, but it works…for me. Work is tough with them around. Otherwise: 🏃🏼♂️
And I might add: learn about their temperament/personality. Study, observe. Cause they can cause a lot of emotional damage.
And what's for neurotypicals or trauma disorders
I feel like I felt the energy as you described it lol
Thank you
i had to suffer a lot emotionally because of one of my psychopath co worker for almost a year and now i live on another flat.
You don't sound very bright
Lewis you are the bravest man I have seen on TH-cam. So willing to be vulnerable in the hopes that others will learn and benefit. I hope you find your match with all the qualities Ramani listed in a healthy relationship. You deserve good things.
Thank you for showing love and your continued support 💜
This is so true!!!!
How nice of you to acknowledge him! You’re probably a very cool person too!
Oh yes Lewis you're brave and also handsome and so good natured...may you get a life partner who loves you for being you.💕💖
He just really loves himself I mean I'm great that he's brave but what is he so brave about I mean I'm just saying I mean that's a beautiful thing to say to him but that's quite interesting statement
💥💥💥 “Communicating with a narcissist is like screaming into an abyss.” 💥💥💥
Nothing improves - you go around in circles and at the end you are left drained and exhausted. They carry on as if nothing ever happened.
@@AJ-kb9hf - GOSO ‘Get Out/Stay Out’ - it’s a complete waste of time, breath, energy to deal with these THINGS. Move on with your life & leave them behind…
@@hissyfitz7890 definitely! Don't look back
I wish I googled "narcissism" once, during the past 30 years. Could've saved me years of deep grieve. But, it's not about what we've been through, but what we've learned from it. If you can answer that, it will stay away. Love to all of you. 💗
Exact thé same with me!
Doctor Ramani is my hero. Her books changed my life- changed me for the better. Her TH-cam channel is a never ending well of knowledge and just when I think I've learned it all, I'm still learning.
This is brilliant. I was married to a text book narcissist for 12 years. I finally broke free. It is hard , I wish I had realized then what was happening.
"If I'm loved, I'm safe." Man this has been my lifelong motto and I thought this was a law of nature, thank you Dr Ramani
PLEASE make the talk about authenticity with Dr. Ramani happen!
This was so good!
Thank you very very much for your work, both of you.
I second this!!! I would love to see this 👏🏼
Yes please!!
I have been weeding toxic people out of my life. It helps so much.
25:39 Mind Blown!
"(Relationships with a Narc) it's like baking a cake without flour, eggs, or sugar-it's not going to work" Best line ever!
👍
I appreciate Dr Ramani's transparency and authenticity; she shares her deep vulnerability.
I'm watching this crying. I made the mistake of getting back with my daughters father who is everything you described. He always tells my that I accomplished enough and I don't need to go to nursing school, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I can't even have a conversation about this without it devolving into madness. I've just become a shadow of myself.
Well.., dont be so hard on yourself you needed closure. Now that you have it, and you know who he is, you can break away. Be glad you were smart enough to see it! Take care and spoil yourself. You are far more special than you know. (( HUGS))
Great interview 😀! I an Empath was sadly involved with a malignant Narcissist. It was a truly scary experience. I thought I was losing my mind. Unfortunately, at the time I wasn’t educated about what a true Narcissist was and how they behaved. Thankfully, I left the situation and educated myself. I am now Completely NO CONTACT. My ex really was making me feel so demeaned and frighted daily but happily no longer. No more violence or crazy making and definitely no more co dependency! Living my best life ever😀
Happy to hear this :)
Wtf is an empath
Yezzzzz Stephanie!! ❤️
@@lewishowes excellent content 👍👍 keep it up guys
This is eye opening. The description of how narcissism is created is just a spot on my sister. She was always a difficult child, agresive, problematic, attention seeking, selfish, bully. But we had a healthy, strong relationship and supportive parents. I really believe that parents raised her to be a good person, to have the empaty, share with others, value relations with others etc. She's still self focus and has a sense of entitlement, I need to keep my boundaries with her and be assertive, but she' s able to function normally, hold relationships etc.
This was such a GOOD convo… I literally rewinded so many times whenever I missed something she said. And I love how into it Lewis was lol… I could tell he was having some flashbacks. I appreciate how transparent they both were about their own issues
😊
Haha, yes, he was, you could tell! I hope he finds a sincere woman.
I rewinded many times too, to soak each words meaning and essence to the core
I was continually “rewinding”. Love love love this… thanks
Me too, I love how he was getting what she said....it was awesome to watch!!
I wish I knew ALL this before I was sucked in. At least that relationship taught me to love myself 100%.
Well said
Am with a text book narc. Lying, raging, gaslighting, aggressive, insults and putdowns, financial abuse, sabotaging me, isolating me, never taking blame for anything. Down to the narc eyebrows!
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
what are narc eyebrows...and I second the first reply...never, ever look back.
🏃🏾♀️ RUUUNN !!!!!!! my ex husband was text book and be careful because once I left him I found myself in Another Narc relationship and thought I knew better and was healed so I’m wishing you much happiness and success in your journey to healing
Months of silence treatment
Get the hell out.
Whatever you do, don't have any kids to him.
Just get out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't fear your future on your own.
Just get out!!!!!!
The harm is much more to stay than to go. CUT EM OFF! FORGET EM! You'll heal and move on. I was recently dealing with what I now know is a narcissist who exhibited several of these behaviors. The terrible communication and controlling nature were probably the worst part. Whenever I would ask reasonable questions he wanted to avoid or bring issues up I was having with him to host open and honest communication, he would call me a maniac and that I should come back when I am myself again. I would defend and personalize, but it never worked. I was shut down every single time, whether it was turning me into the villain or him entering into rage. He would make me seem like I was so irrational, meanwhile this is how he acted every time he got bothered by something that wasn't even bothersome worthy. It was always his way or no way. When she said all we can really talk about is the weather...YES! Exactly how it felt. I ended up cutting him off because of the frustration I felt everyday from him. Nothing could progress in our relationship because of his controlling ways. His charm was certainly missed in the beginning, but now that I know it really was a game the whole time, I could care less. I dodged a bullet! BYE!!
I felt every word…it is so exhausting and soul gutting. Glad you got out!
The worst self-blame is: how could I possibly have chosen this person to be the father of my child? This is the thing that affects me the most. 😢 Thank you so much to Dr Ramani for giving so much information on this. She has really helped me to understand what I went through and how to heal from it. ❤️❤️❤️
Maybe you chose him because he is a chad?
@@josmclove4426 Are you serious?!
@@tracyhobbs4477 I just asked a question 🤷♂️
Couldn't help but realize what a kind heart you have,Lewis, and I am relieved for you that you found someone who doesn't mistreat your obvious gifts of sympathetic joy and generosity. When it comes to dealing with a narcissist though, being an empathetic problem solver with a strong work ethic who sincerely wants to help becomes a recipe for a long road of heartache. Having our inner goodness used against us is a really painful experience. Great interview and rapport between you and Dr. Ramani.
Dr. Ramani thank you for committing yourself to bring awareness to this topic. I recently experienced a relationship with a malignant narcissist. I had no idea such a thing existed. I came out of the relationship with deep trauma. I came across your videos and they helped me heal. The mere fact of understanding what a narcissist is (a monster) saved my life. Thank you!
What was his traits?
I noticed that it was my "wear my heart on my sleeve" kind of attitude and my natural empathic nature that was the thing that drew narcissists my way. When I stopped showing my "true self" and gave the impression that I dont really go out of my way for people (even though I do, but for certain people only now a days) I can generally fly pass their radar and pinpoint who the narcissists in the room are. Now its the other empaths in the room (who haven't learned to NOT be so open about their empathy) who are approached by them instead of me. I can only pray that the other empaths learn how to do the same to avoid unnecessary grief ♥️
Poker face is key.
🧡
This is why I entirely changed my online dating bio. They were flying towards me.
Dr Ramani, you are amazing. Listening to you talking on TH-cam videos helped me realize I needed to get out of my last relationship. I’m commenting on the lateness comment in specific. I’ve dated 2 narcissists and it is HELL. I was not spoken to for a while if I was late, even by 10-15 mins, and sometimes he’d shut me out for days if he was really annoyed. The one I dated before actually tortured me on a trip to Europe by threatening to send me back home on a plane if I didn’t agree with him on something. We had a disagreement getting off a plane in particular because I had fallen asleep and woken up saw him asking the air hostess something so I said “oh do we have to fill any forms out?”. To this day I still don’t understand what he heard but he went frosty and cold and nasty and as soon as we got off the plane, he said I was not welcome on the trip with him and he was booking me a flight right back home. Except he didn’t. After 45 mins of crying in the airport and asking what I’d done wrong and could we talk about it (while he ignored me) he eventually said, nah I’ll give you one more chance, but never explained what the hell happened. He pulled a similar move 4 more times on that 16 day vacation. It was a 7 country holiday and should’ve been the best vacation of my life but I can honestly say it was the worst vacation I have ever had because of his attempts to emotionally control me. And fyi, he started getting physically abusive. Bottom line, NEVER STAY WITH A NARCISSIST. It does not get better, ever. And I’m sorry for all those who have gone through it, I have. We’re survivors xxx
So sorry for what you have gone through. No one deserves that!❤
I am wishing you all the strength, love, respect & happiness! I feel bad that you had to undergo such damaging moments, I was close to one, but now I am in a better place. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I wouldn’t have went on that 2nd vacation. But yeah, a narcissist will pick fights and hold you at fault for no reason; silent treatments, arguments, etc.
It sounds to me like he was so totally and utterly vain , that he couldn’t cope with the fact that you’d taken a nap whilst in his company (I.e he should be so wonderful that you couldn’t possibly fall asleep for one second and miss a second of his beauty like he is Jesus or something) .
So he had a right go at you over nothing in order to get you to cry over him so that your tears over him could then ease his bruised ego .
Thank God you got away from him.
I went on vacation with a new boyfriend and accidently i broke his 5 dollar sunglasses .We just got checked in the hotel,and he put his glasses on the bed and i sat on them ,after that he went someplace outside and came back and hit me with his fist in my face ,i dropped on the floor and was unconscious for a 2 minutes and when i got back he hit me again ,and was saying where is the nife so at that time i got really scared so i was thinking i got to get out of the room and run. That's how i save my live .
Dr Ramani is exactly describing what I went through in the last 1,5 years. Shame and guilt are still lingering but deciding to have no contact is the best decision I made in my healing journey. Thanks for the tips. It means a lot. 🙏
I am so emotional right now listening to this message, so many eye openers.
Bless your heart.🙏🏽
It took me 51 years of living to wake up and see I was raised by a narcissistic parents. The hardest part was realizing that my mom was a covert narcissist. Some of the most dangerous types of narcissists. I’ll never forget the moment when I had my awakening about a year and a half ago. It’s a can of worms that can open and bring a whole lot of pain, but there is love and healing on the other side of it. My heart goes out to you if you’re just discovering you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist or narcissists, for most of your life. Follow Dr. Ramani if you want to learn more.
So happy to hear we have supported you!
Dr Ramani is a national treasure truly!
I grew up with a narcissistic Mother. And as a kid I grew up saying Mama only loves herself no one else. And she was very abusive to all of her 8 children. She ran every child away from her because she beat us all with Sticks, 2 by 4 birds extension cords and ropes and she kicked us and dashed ice water into our faces. And she always called us degrading names. And she used us as servants all of our lives. I was the only child as an adult that tried to be there for her even though I did not feel like she deserved it.
That's sad. Mothers are also ignorant human beings and furious when overwhelmed by sexual hormones and their consequences. Few of our planet women can be properly mothers. And this is the REALITY that must be implemented early in schools. Each potential parent has to go to parenting school and then to procreate BUT there is no interest. Abused children are more obedient, dependable, and addicted not narcissists. The ones that appear to be good are hackers; just accumulating millions from the 4 in 5.
Nothing has ever summed up my relationship more than this video. I had to stop the video three times because I was crying. I have been love bombed and hoovered by my partner so many times. now we have a nine month old daughter. and this absolutely breaks my heart. the guilt is real!
my mother is my best friend. and I used to tell her everything, and now I am so ashamed of how I've been treated, that I feel embarrassed to say something to her. if my daughter was to tell me that her partner was treating her the way that I am being treated in this relationship, it would break my heart.
🧡
Tell her, she’ll help you escape ❤️
Claire, it’s not your fault. The COVERT narcissist is very charming and hence the trickiest to identify. Talk to your mom. She has your best interest at heart. Better to deal with this now than years from now when you’re even more entangled.
This entire episode has made me feel so much better about how I'm raising my son. I'm an advocate of being in the moment. If you find a cute moment then sure snap a pic but don't make the photos the entire reason for play. I try not to coddle my son because he won't be coddled when he's older. Yes. Comfort your child, make them feel safe, boost their confidence... But don't lead them to believe they're the best in the world. You make so many more great points, but those are the main two that come to my forefront
So happy to hear we have supported you!
What a brilliant interview. Im so grateful to have watched this. It has helped me so much. I’ve just come away from a narcissist and I’ve been very broken and in grief. The cycle with the love bombing to hoovering was something I could totally relate to and suffered through this cycle many many times. It creates so much confusion and emotional trauma. You end up waiting for the love bombing to feel that dopamine so you feel better because you love them, and then hope that it won’t happen again then you go through the whole cycle again. Usually because you pick up on some lie or manipulation. It has really messed me up and often I believe that I’m the problem. It really is awful and my heart goes out to anyone who has ever had to deal with a narcissist.
It’s so painful! I finally figured it out … I ❤️ a Narcissist! I’m finally learning to love myself! Thank you 🙏🏽 for your videos !
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
For the fact that he is able to say he was a sore loser proves he is a humble guy that learns. He is authentic person.
Wow. I just had a lightning strike moment about my brother's narcissism. He has a very sweet fiancee and he has been putting her through hell. I didn't even know because they have both been trying to hide how bad it is, but the light has broken through the clouds. I've decided to go no contact, because I can see that he has always and will always be like this. This young woman, his fiancee, is so tangled up in it. Dr. Ramani's content is helping me so much to feel empowered to go no contact and she's giving me a lot of ideas for how to game plan and support my brother's fiancee. So much of what she is explaining in this video describes what she's been going through and it just makes me so sad. I've come to really love her since they got together and to know the grief and pain that is coming for her breaks my heart.
Grateful to Lewis and Dr. Ramani
Yessss a long waited guest!! I'm so happy to see Dr. Ramani @ your show Lewis, thank you both for this lovely talk. 😊
Hope you enjoyed it!
Dr. Ramani always nails it. I have learned so much from listening to her; light bulbs often light- up in my mind. Its crazy once you' ve seen the narcissists MO and watch them in action with other people, love- bombing and all the rest. It really gets interesting when you become the one they are expressing their dark side to while watching them put on the fake front to others; its both stomach- turning and sad. ( p.s. hell yeah, they bait you! Dig and drill! It was always something I noted about one of the people in my life, long before I'd ever heard of narcissism.)
Wow. Former athlete here, and basketball coach, and that example of seeking how to make it better; create a masterpiece...I was always drained in my relationships. Eye opening.
sorry to hear that Jessie, but so powerful to know this info now and turn the past into wisdom :)
Still am
@@lewishowes Learning new information helps me continue working on forgiving myself and avoid the same painful journey. Thank you for this interview and your own transparency through your relationships and trauma. I'm glad this passed through my algorithm today. Going to work with those recovery journals next.🤗
👍
Lewis--LOVED your comment about marriage/relationship being hard work. . My ex-husband was an abusive narcissist who only went to therapy twice before quitting. I had your exact attitude--for nine years My mom was a narcissist, as well. I divorced him after she died. She left everything to my brother, LOL-. Thank goodness I have a sense of humor.
I am so sorry that you’ve had to endure this 😔😢
Yes, you are blessed to have a sense of humor and a beautiful soul !!! When you keep them you are the richest in the world!!!! 👍🙏
@@PrincessShinezria That's so nice of you, Princess, thank you! Actually, although it made me sad at the time, of course,, I like who I am now. So all's well that ends well.
@@susanblake9946 I'm glad you set yourself free from that marriage and I wish u the best on your path to healing & wholeness♥️🙏. I think many of us who grew up with a narcissistic parent and are highly empathetic empath types are groomed into being caregivers at a young age putting other's needs above are own and empaths tend to attract narcissists.
@@anitaknight3915 Thanks, Anita! I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I'm assuming that you've experienced something similar in your life., and of course I hope that you're doing okay yourself! Naturally none of us want to sound like disempowered complainers, right, LOL? It's a real head-trip. Anyway, thanks again, and wish you the best!
This is the story of my life, I was tortured for good 10years, I live 10 years of my life doubting myself thought something was wrong with me, I always feeling unworthy, can’t describe the feelings even the kids was affected, he isolated us from friends, family and the society, whatever is out of his controlled is a big No for us, the kids were home schooled , the worst part is Since I finally got the courage to flee after a lot of physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuses and threat I don’t know who I am anymore, it was a very painful experience, I wish I walked out on time. My Advise please don’t stay because of the kids!! ! 🗣
Unless you are ready to also destroy your children confidence, and got them living in fear for the rest of their life😪 It doesn’t worth it please protect yourself and your children please I regret not doing this on time 😭😭
How do i protect the kids if i leave them with the narc?
@@digitaltauhid personally from my experience I wouldn’t advise anyone to leave the kids with Narc never !! But if it happen for some reasons try and be persistence in the children’s life both physically and emotionally for the protection of the kids
@@daughteroftheearth1125 because you said " pls don't stay for the kids"
The DEEP technique in dealing with Narcissist :
DO NOT :
1-Defend
2- Engage
3- Explain
4- Personalize
So act like them . Wow , sorry world isn't it ...😢
ho fatto tutto motherfucer
If narcissists are made, not born, the difficult temperament may just make the child less popular, due to an unwillingness to go along JUST BECAUSE. This is, what I believe my mother took issue with (notwithstanding the fact that she had ZERO respect for my privacy, while standing in the way of any fair hearing). I didn't necessarily go along to get along, which made it difficult for other predators, like the molesting, stalking neighbor she did nothing about, after I told her he was hunting, and harming me. I didn't make it easy for him, because he didn't deserve to harm me. My mother would have offered me up, pretending not to know, just for the supply it got her. I know this from EXPERIENCE, THE GREATEST TEACHER.
I'm so sorry. 🥴
I didn't have exactly that experience but my father was abusive and I got abuse from others physical and mental. I was not protected. Its altered my whole life and I've always wondered why not! It seems they don't protect from what you're saying here, maybe this is a 'thing' with narcissism where they don't protect their children. It's so hurtful beyond anything I can think of to not protect your own children that I can't get my head around even at 56! The pain runs deep ✋✌
I'm the Michelangelo and I think it's one of my biggest weaknesses TBH. I want to see the good in people so badly that I wait until I'm trampled on to realize that maybe this wasn't such a great idea. I get so many compliments from people that have been in my life that say I'm always there for them, always listening, etc. And it's like when it's my turn, the entire room is empty. Like, I've allowed people to talk and talk and I've cheered them on and cheered them on, but people cannot even give me an hour...?
Truth...same, but when I realized I only really need God, I decided I could live with it....He knows my heart.
@@teresarenee3829 amen we think we need people but Jesus is enough, he is always waiting for us to come to him, and wants to be our best friend and our savior as he died for us on the cross for our sins..let´s go to God through the Lord Jesus Christ and have relationship with him..this is what our soul needs and long for
I have watched so many interviews with Dr. Ramani and this one was truly a gem!
OMG thank you so much for this amount of clarity. I was a narcissist victim, still going through divorce. Getting there but we have a son and still will have to deal with him. Will have to watch this again because it's a lot and he has so many of all these characteristics. Thank you so much again. The best thing is there is knowledge about this now and once you know is easier to manage situations. Thank you both for this complete content. ❤️👌
Love Dr Ramani, she is so informative, I could listen to her all day 🌺 🥰 💐 🙏🏼
It's incredible how she perfectly described the issue of talking with narcissistic people. My parents are narcissistic and manipulative. They always complain about the fact I don't talk to them anymore, but how can I do it if they always get angry with me and criticise everything I do? It's impossible to communicate with them
Amazing interview!!!
Thank you for giving me this gift. I now understand what happened to me during my life with a NPD, That ended 8 years ago and I now value myself and am not his victim. My children know and we are so happy being on our own.
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
By far the best description of what I went through from 18 yrs old - 40 when his behavior to our children became what he had done to me. He is so popular, admired, respected wherever he went. But our local police department has records of the multi times I called for help.
Unfortunately no one understood what a narcissist personality was in 1950’- 2000’s.
He even moved us all to Europe to isolate us. Had 4 girls, 1 traumatized for life, another is also a narc. One has become a narc analyst, one near,y married a narc but he committed suicide.
It’s been quite a life. And the source of this all: my mother in law. My ex has died.
Thank you for interviewing Dr. Ramani. She is a bright beacon in a dark world. Thank you for sharing her insight!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Love your respectful, fun and fascinating discussions when you two sit down together! Thanks Lewis for being so real and Dr Ramani for your humility in the face of enormous wisdom.
I love the info about nurture/nature and the chances of changing temperament and how our environment and opportunities play into that picture of person hood.
Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
I worked with teens for years in the mental health system. I found after reading many charts, and working with these kids, that if a child is abused or very spoiled and indulged, the outcome can be the same.
What I like about Dr. Ramani is she is out here just to inform, even if she makes revenue from it, it comes from information. She doesn’t try to sell a way to, “heal your relationship with a narc,” or “teach a narc to be kind.” Nope, she just tells it like it is, “narcissists don’t change.”
I have Master's in Psychology and I've always considered myself an empath. I can enter the room and feel overwhelmed by the energy and feelings of others, I can cry on movies and I'm extremely annoyed by people trying to abuse and bully the weak ones - I find it my obligation to fight for the rights of the less fortunate ones. However, I can switch my personality at a convenience / at will and become a very cold, emotionless person and I find it very easy to manipulate people to act or think my way. I'm starting to think I might have more psychopatic traits. Always a pleasure to listen to you Dr Ramani 😊
Frightening
@@dinaramadan3416 I'd say it's convenient
My reactions were mirroring yours Lewis when I was watching. It’s all so scary, fascinating and overwhelming. But really good information.
Thanks for being here!
The first time dealing with a real narcissist is always so confusing. I love her for dedicating herself to this issue
This really hit me to the core! This is a torch on my journey to enlightenment! 😭🙇♀️🥰
This was amazing! I learned so much!🌺❤️
Awesome! Thank you!
The first red flag was a separation from friends and no reciprocity…now I’m in therapy and on medication. I loved her so much
Married for 32 years to a person diagnosed with narcissist, histrionic, and dependant personality disorder. This is helping me see the light. I'm not the crazy one...Thank you
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Truly blessed. Learning about narcissist explained my last 27yrs. I honestly feel like I'm coming out of a fog.
🙏
Proud. Of you Lewis. Great to hear a man say it.
Thank you for all you do Lewis and openly talking about your past struggles and traumas.
Dr Ramani’s book is life changing and I am grateful I came across years ago and filtered the people around.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
I've worked so hard to understand myself and re balance . First and most of all, it is about me to have balance and then attract someone balanced too. Forget how others are or wish to be ,your business is to work on yourself
OMG, this is theeee podcast I have been waaaiting for!!!! Dr. Ramani for med circle and everything with the 5 and DEEP acronyms... Thank you Lewis for this gem of a interview!
You're welcome,thank you for being here 💜
Cannot get enough of listening to Dr. Ramani.
On the gaslighting section: There are situations where someone has been bugged by multiple things but didn't mention it because they were small. Enough of those things and a little thing can set the person off (straw that broke the camels back). For people who do not mention every little time they get bugged, they will and feel they have to bring up the other things in order to communicate with the person why their reaction is so large. That's not gaslighting/deflecting but can appear like it to those unaware of the buildup. All those little things can be related to a certain trait/habit/tendency. The first things they didn't talk about, hoping it was a one off and no one's perfect all the time. When it's shown it was going to keep happening, the person brings it all up at once to point out the connections, or the why of their anger.
Learnt so much about Narcotics. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Every time I see one of her interviews or videos I learn something new. Are there videos about the empath survivor of narcissistic abuse?
Lewis, you are cracking me up (no not laughing at you) but you realizing things at the same time I, and I'm sure other watchers, realizing things that Dr Ramani says parallel our lives. I am so grateful for this video.
Thank you so much! Your comment made my day 😊
"Narcissism is the opposite of authenticity" !!
I enjoy learning from Dr. Ramani, she's an amazing teacher, researcher, professor. This podcast touched on many aspects of narcissism, Dr. Ramani provides more information on narcissism than any psych textbook on the topic. The only issue I had with this show was the host talking over her and/or cutting her off at certain points to use himself as an example.. very annoying. Otherwise, this was insightful.
👍
You can learn to balance and walk on a rope, 500 meters above ground, go from point A to B. Can go well for years, but one day, you will drop. You made a slip, there was too much wind, you were blinded by the sun, you were in a hurry etc ... That's living with a narcissist.
My 1st husband. When I married him it was like someone turned a switch,. He became nasty, controlling, jealous and physically abusive. I married him at 22, and walked away at 26.
Dr. Ramini, I really like your "DEEP" technique. It's been helping me a lot
🙌
Social Media is the hotspot for a narcissist. It took social media for me to actually see "how" self centered my partner of 18 years and 4 kids later actually was. Its been almost 8 months out of the relationship and I am still learning and healing from the mindfuck he leave on us.
Thetes a documentary on Netflix and TH-cam called a mask we wear about men wearing mask. One of my favorite
Hey Lewis you are a dynamite guy and deserve a great woman who loves YOU, cares about YOU , helps YOU!! MY EX husband was all about HIM!! Never really cared about me ( but would "say" how much he loved me), no empathy, always jealous when I succeeded, selfish, unthoughtful, user, Full of himself, gaslighting, etc. Got worse overtime. Sucked!! Glad we both got away from these narcissists! Hugs❤️
I could not get to the like button fast enough. This is like watching a paper plane reach orbit. Amazing convo!
Poor Lewis 😂 he is going THROUGH IT in this conversation. I know this is a loaded topic in today’s world, I hope everyone finds their strength through this. It’s real out here 🤍
Thank you, Lewis for having me on your podcast! It was a pleasure having this conversation with you!
Thank you for all your hard work, knowledge, and sharing with us Dr. Ramani! You are a true gift to humanity and I am overjoyed to see you across more and more platforms! XOXO
Amazing and enlightening talk. Thank you both...
This lady needs to start wearing a cape. She is a goddamn hero!
LOVE DR. RAMANI !!!!!! What an inspiration of a woman!!!!!!!!!
Great interview Dr.Ramani! Have you seen "The Psych Next Door"? I feel like its a case study in narcissistic abuse. Could you do a video on your thoughts about that show sometime?
Gosh I could listen to Dr. Ramani talk FOREVER!!! Such a brilliant woman and communicator! ❤🙌
Same thing for Lewis Howes, great communicator! And a wonderful, empathic man! So authentic.
The host keeps interrupting the guest speaker usurping the conversation. Not only does this derail the train of thought in favor of a personal POV, but the lack of courtesy is distressful. The guest is the key speaker; the main reason many are tuning in. If the host wants to be the key speaker then they should not invite a guest speaker onto their show. By constantly interrupting, the show feels more like a power struggle for control, and that struggle becomes the focal point; not the topic being explored. The job of a host with a guest speaker is facilitating the guest with the occasional question if the conversation slows down. Being rude to a guest speaker really doesn't make for good viewing content.
Me too I could listen to her forever
She actually has her own channel now so, you can! :D
Doctor Ramani
So interesting to see you here. I love your content!
“You can't force someone to respect you, but you can refuse to be disrespected.” “You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.” “Stay away from people who can't take responsibility for their actions and who make you feel bad for being angry at them when they do you wrong.”✨☘️🙏
Amen! Your comment nailed it! Thanks.❤
@@karistone1297 Thank you dear Kari Stone, for your beautiful brilliant comment
Sincerely hope lifes treating you extremely kindly these times ✨☘️🙏
Yes!! You pinpointed what I always say about expectations vs boundaries!
Absolutely. When I escaped from my narc gf I thought I was a monster despite friends who've known me for 20 years and more and my parents all of them saying otherwise. But I was gaslighted so much that's what I believed! I found a share house, moved in and kept to myself, but the guys and gals in the house were normal and soon I realized I was normal (not perfect or without faults, but not a monster), and like you said, it was suddenly like breathing fresh, crisp, cool mountain air and feeling alive once more. I still recall that moment clearly when the realization hit me and I felt I could breath again.
@@MikeWhiskyTango wishing you every happiness when you find the person who really deserves YOU! You are worthy!❤️
I had a moment of feeling lonely last night after a recent break up with narcissist. All of a sudden, the revelation hit me: I was alone when he was here! The person I imagined in my head, NEVER showed up. Every red flag proved that I was like a book he bought, put me on his shelf (for bragging rights) and then proceeded out the door..to buy another book! I never had someone walking alongside me. He was out the door, as soon as I walked in! Sad...but the complete TRUTH! If you are in a relationship with a narcissist - you are essentially alone. Whatever you need or desire - that person does not have it. And what's more important - they are not interested at all, that your needs/desires are met. This is not to make you bitter - it is to make you aware! Most of the things you are looking for - can be found on the inside of YOU!
Total truth. I felt alone in my relationship with my narc. She was never on my team - always antagonistic instead of cooperative. Always had one foot in the door, and one foot out. I fell in love with an illusion.
yes totally alone .
I don’t think they even realize you have needs not being met. They don’t see you or your problems. They only see themselves and their needs.
@@ponygirl9831 yes I have experienced this . I mention my needs not being met and she took offense immediately i stead of asking me to talk about it. She then made up stuff that was demeaning saying I meant sexual needs which was bad , and those were not the needs I was talking about .
True innocents don't usually have the wherewithal to know that they are in a relationship with a narcissist. Extreme narcissists tend not to be very successful because nobody can abide their company. They are self-centred, vain, two-faced, manipulative, negative, petty, always playing the victim, constantly complaining, and love to gossip and put other people down they are jealous of. Their empathy tends to be emotive and directed towards sentimental things such as a small furry animal. They look up to celebrities and royalty but lack empathy towards those deemed low status. Narcissists tend not to abide each other's company and don't make good team players. Vanity and narcissism are usually regarded as feminine traits however.
I married TWO narcissists and survived-but I got away after 39 years. Now I’m married to a great, normal, kind man!
@@PaulCotton , I was married to narcissists who abused me. My current husband ran businesses, played excellent football, and won golf games. He is big, handsome, secure, and kind. Very kind but never a pushover.
Never mind, lot of women call 3rd husband narcissist too.
@@jolesliewhitten6545 NFL?
@@PaulCotton no, the one looking back is still a victim
Well then send one my way🤣
Oh wow, communicating with a narcissist is impossible. It is like talking into an abyss. Lots of stonewalling when they don't like what they hear.
Yes!
Aint that the truth!!
so true xoxo
I swear you would receive a better feedback from an abyss… the most hellish conversations I’ve ever had in my life were with my ex narc boyfriend. I remember one day, I told him the following: “I love you, I want a life together with you. If we fight we can have a beautiful life together…” His reply? “YOU want to oush me away right? You are working hard to push me away and FIGHT with me, this is clearly not working with YOU ALWAYS MAKING PROBLEMS…”
@@princessirulancorrino4695 they are NEVER responding to anything you say. They are masters at switching the topic to whatever they wanted to talk or complain about in the first place. It does not matter where the conversation started. It always ended up the same place.
If you feel attracted to a narcissist, it's a sign to love yourself more💖
Thanks 😊
@Spark - You are probably an empath or codependent. I was both.
I appreciate that comment
Wow. Thats powerful
100%
I typed this list as was so interesting. Non-Narcissists qualities are:
1. Empathy
2. Kindness
3. Respect
4. Flexibility
5. Self-Awareness
6. The capacity the reflect on their impact on other people
7. Emotional Regulation / Managing negative states ie frustration and disappointments
8. Genuine Curiosity about others
9. Setting Goals from an internal space - rather than what they think the World expects of them
10. Have strong sense of Identity
11. sense of who they are
12. Having solid sense of Values
13. Conscientiousness
14. Agreeableness
Beautiful 🙏🏽
My narc ex had values.
But no one will ever know if they were his real values y'know? He probably just said these things because he knew they were MY values
Thank you.
I am
@@ManifestingDestiny can you list the bad stuff of gaslighting and narcissistic traits? Thanks
I became totally paralyzed when I finally left the malignant narc. I couldn't clean or maintain my surroundings; I isolated myself which was perfect in 2020 because of the quarantine; I was deeply depressed and just wanted to sleep all the time. I think my only saving grace was having the unconditional love of my dog!!! And these awesome TH-cam videos that helped me understand what I had been through so I could heal. I'm so grateful for people like Dr. Ramani!!! Thank you for this awesome interview!!!!
@@thecraftytailor thank you.
I love dogs so much .. they were such a lifeline of unconditional affection in my youth and in adulthood .. the only thing I miss from my long marriage to my ex narc is my dog pepperpot .. the dogs we had had while married were actually weapons she used against me .. such evil
I have distanced myself more from ppl, too, after this experience, & become more introverted, withdrawn, as a self- protection. But you're right: the covid scare has given us time to discover these videos on narcs, so a blessing in disguise. It will take time, but be grateful that your eyes are wide open now, even though what you see is painful. It'll take time to recover, but it'll get better. (I cry now, when I listen to Alanis Morrisette's song, " Thank you", a metaphor for enlightenment.)
Me too🥺 long road to healing but we will get there🥰
@dee iacobellis your comment is 100% summary what I experienced, after leaving my NEX the final time in 2020. Just NOW, 14 months later, I’m “defrosting”. That’s how I refer to it. Narc survivors are a special kind of strong. The experience built my core to steel. I am positive God allowed my experience to make me stronger. I was certainly naive going in, but wise to the real world after. I did sleep a lot, and I’m convinced it was my endocrine system recovering from the constant fight or flight mode I lived in for years. Shout out to my cat Lucky, for his unconditional love during the past year! ❤️May you stay strong and be kind to yourself.