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The Vindictive Narcissist - Why They Want to Hurt you! SL Coaching
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ส.ค. 2024
- #mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
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It's amazing to see how out of control, a controlling person acts when you no longer take their "orders" from them.
Yes.. it is a child in an adult body.
Agreed. They have a tantrum
I know. They freak out, haha. :)
If you are smart you start to give them orders and control them like the dogs that they are.
Mine tried to brakin my neighbors house
They are happy when you are hurt
Yes! It's called sadism. Peace be with you 🤗
So true
You can see them trying to hide a smirk after they try to hurt you
Yes they are so happy when you are hurt they live for it they scheme and plan and manipulate the moment just to hurt you it's amazing how much work and effort they go through just to deregulate you Gaslight you berate you mock you double standard you not to mention all the work they put into Gathering a whole swarm of flying monkeys but in the end the narcissist destroys themselves they never mature emotionally they have no way of dealing with real life situations or life in general you're basically dealing with a child they will never grow emotionally never grow spiritually it's actually really sad and pathetic
Nina Nickel.....I remember watching something on t.v. years ago, they were showing brain scans of narcissistic psychopaths. They were showing how their brains truly are wired differently. The reward center of their brains light up when they are causing you harm or pain.....they truly do ‘thrive’ on continually causing others heartache. Sad.
It’s best to just cut these types out of our lives, but sadly, it seems to be an epidemic anymore.
In my experience, all narcissists are vindictive, some just hide it more than others.
Exactly!
Never show a narcissist weakness . Stand firm , talk firm and let them know their BS isnt gonna be tolerated anymore but plan your reactions in a very calculated manner so that they dont get a chance to turn your reactions against you
So dead on and disgusting how toxic these fake people are.
Yeah even these disgustingly dead people went through hell to become that way!!!
Kerri Potkonen Yeah even these disgustingly dead people went through hell to become that way!!!
My situation is different ..the society tends to believe the narcs(ex) and as he spread lies that I cheat to cover he actually cheat.. sent accomplices to threat us..they accepted and treat u like hell..so narcs is so happy ..bcoz now they hv some supporters frm across the nation..thru false virals...to aggravate situation the dark hackers or techno geeks he hired jst to spread more n more lies..to show how powerful he is ..
Why do certain people hurt others when wlthey feel hurt and others don't? I have had pain in. My life and still have but I don't do bad things to people?
People? You mean women
They are truly lost souls. They leave their target in a position where all we can do is walk away. There are no other choices. It’s an impossible situation and extremely dysfunctional and unhealthy.
Tamekka says thanks for your understanding. Please dont make me (tammie & Tamara cry) thanks!!
Yes anyone with self respect will say no thank you!
I ignored a massive amount of red flags early on.... big mistake. Never again. I had no idea there were these over grown toddlers out there!
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Richard B I’m single, dick head! Happy and FREE! Don’t waste my time
@@2legit2Kwit Ha ha! Nice one 😂
SuperNova I ignored from the very beginning too! Never again!!
Same
Recently left a relationship that I now know was narcissistic. He literally told me, "If you're expecting an apology, you're never going to get it. I'm not sorry. I stand by what I said, you are stupid."
At that moment, I packed my bags and left and didn't look back.
Best decision ever.
Good for you Jessica, he was lucky you are a normal person; with all the psychos out there, his luck might run out.
Escape from a trauma bond. Stay safe. 🙏
Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is rather than as you think it should be.
An apology is changed behavior.
I'm so sorry but glad you had the strength and self respect to leave😔💔❤
I had a very similar experience when l packed my bags and left after my bf told me to " stop wasting his time and life, dumb bitch!" Done! 💔
However, I forgot to remove a few of my things and they landed all over my driveway the next day for my neighbor's to see 🙈
Ugh, dogfood, our ripped pictures, my gifts to him, my panties in my tree 😭
Such a mean bully 😢
If a narcissist discards you, consider yourself lucky! The best way to take care of yourself is to cut all ties, let them go, and never look back. Nothing good can come out continuing communications. Feel sorry for the new partner for the hell she will inevitably go through. A narcissist almost always never changes!
Your first line is a gift from God.
So true from my experience. They are very tricky individuals to deal with, and not taking their shenanigans personally is crucial for your mental health. One night, sitting it came to me through the Holy Spirit not to take the narcissistic behavior personally. We both have issues. I cannot take on their behavior because in a way my issues (which I had been running away from) and focussing on someone else's problems never helped me with my own fears and insecurities. You must keep the focus on myself. Through Christ, I have the victory. This is a spiritual battle. I am a winner not through abuse, but through love.
dmespolet nope never leopards never can change spots they might go about it different but same outcome they need therapy 👍👍👍🙏
@Ocean Flower No one deserves to be treated like this. We cannot control what other people do. All we can control is what we do about it. We get what we tolerate.
Even your own kids?
If someone insists they really "loved" you, yet they reject you, leave you, hurt you, for no other reason than it's not "right" or a "good fit" for THEM anymore, know that that is NOT love. It hurts deeply, I know, but TRY and take this point to heart: they did NOT love you. They are incapable of real, loyal, healthy love. Think of it as "puppy love." It's conditional, wounded, superficial, capricious, cavalier, judging, blaming, even though they think it's deep and profound. I kept this realization in the forefront as I licked my wounds and it truly brought some solace.
Thank you
100% my most recent break up and what brought me to this video
They do not love themselves so they cannot love me. 👍
Thats exactly what he said. My ex almost killed us a few times while driving, and i think he’s been with my friend because she’s a narc too. It seems that evil is the norm.
I have never heard it put like that before. Very illuminating. I get it. Quite a bit better now. Thank you sir.
"...because I am in pain, I'm going to make sure you're in pain."
The narcissists in my life always used to reflect this. Misery sure loves company
Regina you have no idea.......
@@Kellyyy44 Believe me, I absolutely do .
@@gina72916 your message really resonated with me. I remember one of the aggressive emails I got from mine, of course which I had no response to... only to hear from him saying “were u hurt by the email that I sent u..” I wrote yes (lol), he responded “well I was really hurt by the email you sent me “
@@gina72916 the funny thing was, innocent me had just emailed him how much I love him and how I wake up every day choosing him... he totally misinterpreted that..... and started telling me he can have anyone he wants, it shouldn’t be a choice etc..... yikes 😳
So true, as long as I was pretty much a robot, never having an opinion, never saying no, never pushing back on the nastiness, everything was fine. The minute I stood up for myself all hell broke loose. Totally disconnecting from is person was the only thing I could do. I now see that it saved my life. I am strong enough now to not look back with extreme pain and sorrow.
I was with this narc for 12 yes. Left came back thinking he changed. Same thing fake never paid his part of the bills and was self employed never finished the job and never took responsibility for anything. He was sued did not show up for court. I told him I was leaving he said it's over fool I just told you I'm leaving you now he stays out for days I guess that to hurt. I don't give a DAMN!I love the peace and quiet gives me enough time to pack my shit and leave his inconsiderate dirty ass !It's all about me now
WHERE are all the healthy people in the world?!!! CANNOT find anyone who isn't a grown child!
@@Dionne_Sheree really? When we meet only crazy people and narcs, maybe we are the problem?
Because our materialistic entertainment complex dillusion and ego based religion has nurtured this in America right now
You heard of gangstalking
Bethoc Fontenot There is a reason for that. Some of us attract the same pattern of behaviour over and over again due to either childhood trauma from narcissistic parent or trauma from a spouse/gfriend/boyfriend. Check out the term Codependency. Also ptsd and cptsd.
We need to start to meet. No narc zones. lol I was just thinking the same thing. Feel like I'm going to start to ask out all these people making videos. At least I know they are not narcs.... and in this case she's gorgeous, but probably lives in Australia when Im in U.S. lol. I might make t-shirts "not a narcissist"
Self centered. !!!. She is definitely spot on. Never be tricked or fool about a sudden behavior change it won’t last.
So true wow. 2 days tops
So true always be on guard never be alone with them always be short with them . Don't give out too much info they use it against you later. Never trust them.
Says "a virtuous woman"
Seems like you are the nice girl type narc..isnt it princess
I was fooled, because I wanted our relationship to continue in the way it WAS...wrong!!
i'm convinced i dated a walking demon for a year and a half.
Many of us have felt that way too!
20 years 🤦
They are calling that they have a demon possessed by Jezebel the demon who is a very evil most demon that their is. Not sure but I think I am right but yes Jezebel demon is got them possessed.
Yes they really are evil.
33 years of marriage to a demon
What I know is they aren't worth my time or energy.
No Contact!!
Carol Loraine No contact is good! But make new acquaintances so you don’t go into Isolation! That’s their plan
Most of the time we don’t even know when we’ve “injured” a narc bc they delusional about so many “perceived slights”.
Yep and then comes the backlash out of the blue...
Yes
@Phoenix Uprising My experience with a Narc was a crazy, twisted neighbor....I agree with Enlightened One & Blessed Hope ... "where the H...E...double hockey sticks did THAT come from" and the sick part about it is, it was NEVER enough...I truly think the sicko couldn't stop...there was never going to be enough revenge on his part....SO, It got to the point that I had to move to save my sanity....this was my neighbor NOT my spouse...I didn't pick this creep, HE picked ME!! I never lashed back other than to stand my ground against him a few times, but quickly learned there is no standing your ground with these types of wackos. I lived beside him for too many years thinking he'd eventually just give up whatever vendetta he had and move on! BUT he would just upped the ante and try some other stupid trick in his arsenal. I truly think I wasn't giving him the reaction he was looking for so he kept trying to illicit a response from me. Now I'm getting the therapy I need to change the broken bits of me that he latched onto....What a damn CREEP!!!!
Lorraine Baker I think we had the same neighbour!!!! He played nice to my face and blamed others for the stalking. I completely understand your frustration. NONE of us deserved this crap. It is THEIR crap and twisted minds. Much love to you. I hope your ordeal is over. I know that I am no longer the same person as I was before. 😔
True, she needed money for a college course for her job. She admitted she never intended to pay in back because she was going to “stick it to me” I still don’t know what I did wrong
Set clear boundaries, they leave.
Yes, you are right, I had to tell a so call friend stop coming to my house it worked!!!!!!💜💜💜
Not necessarily if you work with one and they see you as the competition. Setting boundaries with a true narc can anger them because they can't understand that level of self-respect. They will covertly speak poorly of you and try to destroy your reputation. I actually experienced a co-worker who sabotaged a work product and tried to blame it on me. Fortunately, I had a paper trail, but I found the whole thing bizarre. A relationship with a covert narc is a one way relationship that you may not be aware of until other people share with you the unbelievable comments and actions by the narc. Btw, this narc was extremely nice to me, but I felt something was "off" from day one, so I definitely kept my distance and set boundaries, but it didn't matter.
Mental Deviant... my mother is one and she HATES my boundaries. I have minimal contact but even that is too much because she spends that little bit of time being destructive and complaining about my boundaries. Normal things like you can't show up at my out of state home when I leaving for vacation. I've told her many times, don't show up unannounced. We need to have plans. She did it again and I was rude because I was packing car for a trip and running late. So now she is angry with me again but had she respected my boundary it wouldn't be an issue. She feels so entitled and never considers me or my feelings. It's all about her.
I guess I read that somewhere. "..resist the devil and he will flee.."?
At the drop of a dime; it is shocking how fast they split when you no longer tolerate their behavior
you dont need to be civil with a narcissist. they dont get the message from your being nice.
Lily Lane Got that right! That’s why I went NC with these set of narcs and flying monkeys a month ago! If I see an inch of them I will run and dodge them! ✌🏼🔥👏🏼💪🏼
Its not about being nice to them it is about your health & your self respect. It's best for your health to not let them get you stressed & its best for your self respect if you can feel you have dealt with them politely. Plus it is best to deprive them of the satisfaction of seeing you in a state. Be the better person. If possible develop some detachment. I know it is not easy both my parents were malignant narcissists.
That's what I say, especially if you don't have children with a narc or children are adults. As much as depends on you Cut Narc completely off!!
The narcissist will not get the messeges they really need to get, no matter how rude you are. Their mental issues prevent that. They may well however gain satisfaction from seeing they have affected you enough to make you become insulting.
Being civil may be polite & considerate but it is not really something you do for others, it is something you do for yourself, to maintain your self-respect, dignity & integrity & your healthy calmness & your standards of behaviour & communicate as effectively as possible. Try it. It feels good when you know you have not allowed them to make you lower your standards or change your behaviour or get in a mess. You stay in charge of you, don't let them dictate how you behave. If you have decided you are a polite person, stick with that, don't let them decide how you act. Make your own decisions about who you are. Retain your power over yourself in that way. Do not give away your power to them any more than you can help it.
I know it is not always possible to stay calm, I mean we are all only human, but when you can stay calm, centred & in charge of yourself & express your calmly focused anger in perfectly polite words, whilst saying exactly what you mean, it is such a powerful & dignified feeling. The times I have fully managed to do that I have come away feeling so good.
If you lose your self control & start screaming & swearing they are going to take the greatest pleasure in the neighbours overhearing that & in describing your behaviour to everyone. No need to play into their hands huh? No need to give them ammunition. Remember, there is nothing like the calmly focused ray of anger.
Staying calm when you have been treated badly can involve some self-development work. I recommend the practise of Ki Aikido but other practices that train you to stay calm & centred in difficult situations will also help.
I also see a lot of videos such as how beat a narcissist, etc. My soul and time is too valuable to play head games with this toxic type of person.
They know wat pain they do to you.. These unhealthy dangerous messed up ppl bring destruction and aweful memories to all that enter their lives.. HURT on a whole different level... Intentionally served.
My mother-in-law, she is an entitled spoiled rotten brat.I told her she has no empathy, and she said, "I don't know what that is", and I said, "Yeah, that's the problem".
Sounds like mine!
Classic
Shannon : my mother in law too. She is always a victim . It's never her fault . She lacks empathy she's cold inside. Judgemental. She's a convert narc which she does things sneaky. I picked up on her bad before being an empath. She gives me anxiety because of her being evil inside.
Make sure your never alone with her she will lie and twist things. Me and my husband got in so many fights because of her stirring the pot or lying .
They are spoiled when they get called out you suffer . They throw in what they did for you money wise. They are only able to see their feelings . I don't talk to her but if she texts me i save it and give direct short answers
@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 My mother-in-law is in a rest home thank God. We have gone no contact with her. We have to protect ourselves legally from her because of the crap she has pulled. We decided she will pay for her actions. She tried to call my husband for his birthday, she left a happy birthday message in a hateful voice. Oh well, we don't need you, you need us. How you like me now?
@@okie-kan9240 i hope it springs out best your husband has to be on your side . Im glad I'd he is. Because she loses power
Keep an eye out for RED FLAGS! Stop ignoring the early signs. Our body speaks to us, listen to yourself! Great video Stephanie! It’s very important to know what character traits to look for. From one content creator to another- love the way you articulate this topic and your analogies! 💕
Yes.. I just had a dream last night that I should do a video on how to trust your intuition!
D.E.Y.A so true listen to ur instincts immediately they will tell you found out hard way -- knew but just bought a knew home was kinda stuck hard hard place to be knew it was a Narc knew but tried so hard to ignore it but that nagging feeling of manipulation was going on and behind my back jealousy is what it was couldn’t stand a strong women doing her thing as thy are alone living off alimony but husband is long gone ( wonder why) ??? All kinda of excuses of coarse boy costly lesson I couldn’t deal had to sell my home because knew they wouldn’t couldn’t budge!!! And bought a new place and look back now sure enough 4 yrs later still there in same place --causing another neighbor problems sad sad it needs to be stopped KARMA THATS ALL WILL FET EM
Yes. Godly boundaries and 3rd party accountability to being an adult rather that a toddler with a facade of false maturity. *The strangest part is: she works harder to keep up a facade than is required to actually be an adult...that is how dark her world must really be. Sad, because she is capable of acting so responsible...to not be authentic. (even that word is her new buzz word!) Too late to save the marriage. I moved on after 7 years, but the kids are still ensnared in her emotionally parasitic vortex and its so hard to watch. Especially after my youngest took his life. Lord help us!
Stephanie Lyn Coaching Awesome! Go for it... am here for all of it! 🤗❤️
mary Kelly-Caffrey I am so proud of you for being brave and starting a new life. It wasn’t easy but look at you, thriving !!! 🤗💕
What's so amazing is the fact that, regardless of the level of harm they have done to you, when you tell someone about it, you are faced with blank stares. The narc has covered all bases and has manipulated people in your orbit. They are vindictive in their planning. They know you may tell others and they have already set the stage for the others not to believe you.
Wow so true !
For me, I started standing up to him and became stronger. He's a demon!
I always said his reaction was so disproportionate to the event
Oh wow i keep telling my x that he is so overreacting!!!! His reactions are usually way more bad or destructive than what he is reacting to. Alot of the time he is reacting to something that he only thinks has happened. Truley dilusional! Wow
Leslie Bates my ex would do the same thing. She would believe something to be true, overreact about it and then get super upset at me for it. Do not miss that or wish it on anyone. Truly delusional.
I have only just come to the realization that my ex-boyfriend is a narcissist. Everything you said in this video is him. Spot on. I messed up during the relationship, I admit I made mistakes. But instead of growing and talking to me he would use it against me. I NEVER threw any of his mistakes in his face. I NEVER degraded him the way he degraded me. We have broken up 6 times in the last year. It was always me begging him to return or he would suddenly forgive me and expect me to make up for my transgressions. I would, of course, fail him. But he did something unimaginably evil and discarded me 2 days ago. I blocked him on everything and erased him from my life. I am building the courage to never look back. One day at a time. Thank you for this video ❤️
How are things now? Did he block you back?
Hope you were able to 💕
Edit: It has been over a year. I was able to rebuild this new, better, healthier version of me with the support of my family and friends ❤️ but it was NOT easy. There will be dark days. But you have to keep telling yourself that this journey and this type of pain is temporary and so much better than the abuse.
My narcissistic ex is still hoovering me. I will receive emails from fake accounts or messages from fake social media accounts almost every month for over a year. But I have held my ground and have not spoken to him and have no plans to ever.
@@leahchristenson663 hey dear. Hope you are doing great. Can I connect with you on Instagram? My name is Jasmine.
Why would it take you 6 times
I walk away from every situation that is not beneficial to my well being.
I’ve known a couple of narcissistic people in my life. One stalked me after the relationship ended, in person and on social media. I fully expect nasty stuff to happen in future regarding this.
The last narcissist is someone who’s in a relationship with my son. She’s controlling and abusive to him, and because I stood up to her, she’s that way to me now. She’s made him turn against his own family by threatening he won’t see his children if he doesn’t do as she says. She told my sister she just wants to hurt me. I’m now blocked from his life. Narcissists are very evil people.
Lack of Empathy is the biggest thing in my opinion. It is key in any situation to respond and not react. I still have a hard time with that. As I put my ego aside it has become easier!
yes!
Her hair looks really healthy and shiny. I know that was off topic, but I just had to say it. Lol
😂 thanks
Narcissists are at war 24/7.
You are either for or against their egos and needs, and anyone who doesn't follow the rules of war, is an enemy.
The enemy deserves punishment, and the rage, revenge and sadism are unproportional, absurd...
3:16 Narcissists discard you, then intentionally ignore you because that's their way of hurting you...wow! 5:14 Glad to remember narcs are miserable children internally, hence why they're determined to make you unhappy if you cause them narcissistic injury 🙄
When you are on to thier games,Narrccissits get fed up they either bully more or they move on.They are just 😈 😈!.
TRUTH!!!
@@j.d.9378 Thanks.
@@j.d.9378 Yep.
I didn’t even learn what a narcissist is until 2019 and I am a total empath
I have a new awareness I appreciate the insight that you offer.
One love
They live in a completely different reality
Yes I had to call the police on him, and he really tried to twist whay really happened like he was the victim. Manipulated the police to wear they let him go. But all in all he's out and that was my prime goal...
#SoProudOfMe💫👏
#StayBeautifulSouled°💜
Thank You For Sharing
I Was Discarded Horribly
Like Trash Know I’m Being Given
The Silent Treatment.It Took Me Being
Discarded.To Realize That A Narcissists Will Not
Activity keep You In His Life If There Is Not Some
Benefit Or Pay Off.
If There’s Value The Narcissists Will Give You
A Degree Of There Attention.
Narcissists Are All About Themselves
They Are Very Selfish..
Thank goodness you were discarded! Sure that can be painful but its better than staying with them, miles better!
@@sarahstrong7174 And better than being gang stalked, endlessly menaced, and threatened with murder for years on end. The lucky targets are the ones who "lose" the malignant narcissist.
"A week later they are going to ask for a favor" 🤣
My gosh. It took me 10 years to see this pattern. I literally became afraid of the good days or the presents because I realized that exactly a week later there would either come a "favor" or a huge fight. And.. of course he would go over the list of all the "good stuff" or the "presents" he had provided a week before lol
My God. Just broke a relationship of 8 months with such a Narcisist. I am going through post trauma stress right now, but is much better than dealing with such a person that has “agendas” and discarded me 9 times before I did the final one! Thank you for your videos and knowledge! 🥰🥰
In the beginning I was devoted to trying to be his friend and aware of his struggles and prayed for him..after seeing his cruelty to me all the while knowing I was grieving the loss of my mom, dog and cat in less than 10 month time frame I never knew a more heartless creature..I will not dignify him and call him human..he abused his power also being my landlord..now I am in a new place not a mold infested apartment dealing with a very disturbed broken person...I pray for myself and those that do good not monsters that look at kindness as weakness!!
WOW....I just had an unfortunate texting moment with an ex that like you said just drop off the face of the earth. He literally said “I think you have the wrong person, have we met?” 😳. At first I was going to respond “ummm yea we were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years?” But then I just said I was sorry I guess I had the wrong person. Have a blessed day.” Thank you for this Stephanie. I’m not gonna lie my heart dropped for a moment then I realized he’s still in the same painful abyss almost 3 years after the fact. And it has NOTHING to do with me. I prayed for him and kept it moving. 🙏🏻❤️
@zumzy u stop spamming this site with your sales pitch.
Roseanna Sasso - Schottenfeld well its good that he dissed you in a text, i chose to revisit my ex boyfriend and he suggested we go for a walk to a beach where we had to walk down a long steep path to the beach in redondo beach california and at the top the path is right along a huge cliff that drops down thousands of feet... as we began to walk the path ( i was on the side of the path next to the cliff about one to two feet from the edge of the drop-off ) he motioned quickly with his hands and arms as if he was going to really push me over the edge !!!! terrifying !!!! and I was in shock .... yet I continued our walk down to the beach yet I changed my position to the other side of the path... today we still talk occasionally yet during our last phone call his old antagonist behavior and covert hostility ensued... once again and once again he psychically tuned into my spirit for narcissistic supply.... therefore we all need to be more conscious and aware of reality when it comes to past lovers that we left for abusive reasons no matter how much they are reeling us back in with kind words to trick us with their hidden agenda.
That was an awesome response!!
wow!! shine on Roseanna!!
Roseanna Sasso-Schottenfeld,hope you are not with a narcissist cause you are too precious!
internal demons aka Jezebel spirit (female or Male) they need deliverance...we need healing
You are absolutely right we do not wrestle with flesh and blood
THT was the VERY FIRST thing I thought of regarding my "mom," this is a jezebel spirit😐😐😐
Only Ahab's attract Jezebel's or Co-dependants attract Narcissists
There is no delivering for them. Must avoid or lose yourself.
@@redbonegirl1757 thats something im really struggling with ... i have have been with her 40 years covert narsicist Jezebel...one year awake...and in shock from this....i have stopped the bs ..but physically emotionally, spiritually and financially smashed after 40 years...im praying for a way out or through...can God heal them? ...i have to believe God can heal their inner soul....im working on my soul healing...which got me into this mess to begin with and stayed so long...thought i deserved this treatment, do to unworthiness trauma from childhood and it was familiar treatment from childhood caregiver ... parents
Thank you! After 45 years of marriage I'm finally realizing her cruel discard was in my best interest. It's taken hundreds of hours of research to finally figure out this failure wasn't me. I had no clue just how hoovering worked and how the chemistry kept me attached. Hopefully, I can now find true love with an well-grounded emotionally mature partner. Because of your teaching I know what true love should feel like, and also what to avoid! Amazing to learn loving yourself is OK and not selfish.
This is the best explanation on what this mental disorder is. They react on how they emotionally feel without rational thought. Just like a child. I finally see it. This is what my ex was. This is how she acted. It was impossible to deal with because whatever i said it felt as if she didn't listen or understand what i was saying. It was like talking to a crazy person. It didn't matter what i said the topic of the conversation went right back to her and her needs. And it was every conversation. It was impossible. Thank you for explaining Stephanie.
Yup is dead right. I dealt with three of them at the same time. Crazy selfish, self centered, self absorbed insecure people
Yes, responding and not reacting is vital. The trickiest bit is realizing in the first place that you are dealing with a narcissist, that reason, logic, and love play no part in the relationship. Once that is understood, then you will need to prepare for the future demands for narcissistic supply, gaslighting, and outright abuse aimed both at you and your loved ones. One of the favourite tools of the narcissist is the half-truth which, as the Jewish proverb has it, is a whole lie. It sounds as if a half-truth might have something to it but it does not. The narcissist will take an innocuous form of words or action that has occurred between you and upon this innocent hook they will hang a medley of falsehoods. They hope the hook will help convince others that their fairytales are true and, hence, that they are the victim and you are the bully. So, as to the response: keep it very short, where possible no response or reaction may be the best approach. Where a response is unavoidable, remember that the only thing that can counter hate, is love - much as the Christian example would suggest. It's tough to be loving when you are the butt of vindictive lies but - really - give it a go even if you're not feeling it. Stephanie calls this form of malignant narcissism "vindictive" narcissism. That's a pretty good term. Krizan and Johar in their paper "Narcissistic Rage Revisited", Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 2015, entitle it "vulnerable" narcissism and compare it to "grandiose" narcissism; the latter being irritating but usually not dangerous, and the former - in spite of the implication within the word that an element of mitigation might exist - is catastrophically destructive and damages lives. And, finally, don't expect support from the narcissist's other victims. Quite the reverse. You may receive private, off-line sympathy and support but it'll never be public. Check out Narcissistic Victim Syndrome - a domestic form of Stockholm Syndrome.
Every video you post just validates my situation! I have seriously questioned my sanity while dealing with a vindictive , manipulative narcissist!!
The covert narc in my life is different. He always makes sure his needs and wants are number one. He has always taken care of himself over and above anyone , even his own children were a far second. I see this in a lot of narcs.... they take care themselves very well.
My one did not look after herself. Work too long, eat crap food, little exercise, barely slept. Now at 44 she is looking worn out and oversized.
My spouse IS the exact same way. He puts his sport and activities over his wife and children for so many years. If we do something he doesn't want to do, he is sulky and kind of ruins the fun. Punishes me if I happen to go out, which is rare. I am always, always home with our kids.
And the financial abuse is off the charts, as well!
What kills me about my Narc ex is I know 1000% the lies she’s telling her friends/family about how things ended with us. (Some truth) & some lies to be sure they feel sorry for her. She will remove certain things she did on purpose & change the time line of many things to make
Me look worst & her look better. She’s one of those people that just starts crying when she’s lying & her friends/family eat it up.
They seem to execute from an advantageous position such as a position of authority or a position that is Close like a partner. Everything you are that is Good kills them inside and they want to take it away from you. You are a reflection, a reminder of good qualities they don’t possess. They will meet their maker or their match one day. Most of us targeted are good people and won’t stoop to that level but some that are abused are willing to fight fire with fire. Narcissist won’t win em all no matter how unfairly they play the game their will always be somebody to give them a taste of their own medicine and they are the weak ones to begin with. Best to remove yourself as soon as you are convinced all evidence points to narcissism. Stay blessed y’all and stay true to yourselves.
Once you get to that point where you dont care what they say or do you start to be ruthless in dealing with these people.treat them like dogs while looking like the fool they think you are
Power trip. Fighting to WEAR down the enemy?
Lacking EMPATHY & Loving CARE. EMPTY of education EDUCATION to Know how to be ACCOUNTABLE for their conduct.
I went through the Narc loop for a few months because I was completely unaware of what was happening. I never considered myself needy, co-dependent, low self esteem...but I came from a place of just really wanting to ride things out because of that amazing honeymoon phase fantasy.
When I finally couldn't take it anymore, I still said let's go to counseling because this isn't right...she agreed...and then discarded me next time we saw each other. Ugh. Completely blind sided.
I lost it, and basically told her to never contact me again until she got her issues under control...and she called the cops on me...
And then for some INSANE reason...I started wanting her back because she obviously ignored me. Utter loss of dignity.
So nuts...no idea why I would want someone who made me walk on eggshells and feel so miserable. Just when I would get to the point of not being able to take things, she would flip flop to that amazing, fun chick I fell in love with....and I'd re-think everything, wondering if I was going crazy....
These videos are just....so beautiful. It's like a candle being lit inside the dark cave I have been waiting in.
Sounds very familiar unfortunately
when you are happy they are hurt about this, but when you are hurt they are happy about it. Because you are more blessed than they are; they want the gift God has blessed you w/ and they're only miserable because He won't bless them like He did you ♡
maybe god doesn't exist and therefore isn't a magical sky "blesser"
Because of all your other muy helpful videos, it became so obvious to me when I finally said “no.” That’s all it takes to set them off. Not anything horrendous, nasty, or cutting, that’s right just “nah, I’m not able to do that.” Then the response was equivalent to 🤬👺🔥 and if there was a head spinning 360 degrees emoji, that would fit nicely here as well. Good stuff, thanks for all your help in making it so clear why life doesn’t have to be the way I thought it had to be. I want PEACE! ✌️☮️ ❤️
Daniel Trentham I hope you have moved on from the insanity. You as much as I need to know is you’re better then what you had! Live in the present! Leave the past in the past!👍😁
The emojis are spot on! Mine even looks like that when he is mad. But unlike a 4 year old, he is somewhat larger.
I have a rule of thumb about emotional interactions. Whenever I get back more emotional energy than I gave... (Whenever the response is disproportional than the stimulus)... I'm dealing with history... basically an emotional land mine.
@@TheLategates
Yes, it does... Remember that the other person is trying to push buttons, to get a response. If you respond unthinkingly, then you have given them exactly what they want.
Oh , how I wish I knew and lived by that law when I was courting 😔.
@@SeeDemDeh
Don't feel bad about it. I knocked my head against a wall a few times before I figured it out and spend a lot of time studying psychology as well.
You know it now and that's is a good thing.
This is unbelievably spot on! Thank you for the insight and validation. Becoming more aware of how these people behave is critical to my sanity. They are the epitome of a “crazy maker”!!
Using the art of stoicism is the only way to deal with these types of personalities without getting yourself caught up in their shit
I get the chills watching you explain the truth....
Great work! It answers some questions I had. My Narcisisast is beyond vindictive. She is dangerous and scary. Keep me in your prayers.
@Jolene123 X it's scary what people are capable of
This makes so much sense now. The narcissist I was with for 5 yrs discarded me because even though I was so emotionally damaged I had enough sense to not want to marry him. Anyway, he left and married another girl in 5 months. They then moved in next door to me. I was really upset! I was thinking who does that!!??? Now that I have seen this video it makes complete sense! Thanking God for my freedom❤️
I have been living a nightmare with my ex!! With a crazy court case he is using the legal system to bully me! I am an emotional mess!!!! Worse feeling in the world!! These abusers have to be stopped!!
Hey Michelle- going through the same thing. How are you doing one year later?
They find good people and they break good people they're like bugs that go towards the light and we are the light Satan is working through them
@ Sherri, I met one that was an occulist,didn't know it but when he revealed it he was pure evil!
My ex narcissistic bf told me he wanted to be an “occult” preacher. And told me that it isn’t wrong that some cults let adults be intimate with minors. 😷😷 its pure evil and often he gave off this dark energy sometimes his eyes would turn pitch black as if he was demon possessed.
Yesssss......they will go out of their way to hurt you it happened at my nephews wedding she was acting like such an ass my family said just take her home and come back....my sister did not want her in any of the photos...that made her even more mad.....thank God I'm out of that it'll be a year this weekend and man my life is so much more peaceful now...the constant whining and complaining not to mention she was a hypochondriac....ugh.....You are a blessing Stephanie....You have helped me and others in so many ways....
🙏
These are the most selfish , manipulative people. They will even hurt their own children emotionally. UNBELIEVABLE.
the projection is astounding. i wish i had studied psychology. i was so naive, and loving and giving.
Today, after 31 years of marriage to a covert narcissist, I have neen discarded for the final time. I feel traumatised and fearful about how to get through this.. reading comments from other survivors really helps. Thank you.
Hardest part is that it feels like no one really understands or believes me, not even family. He is not accountable to anyone, he gets away with the abuse.
Man, all of this is hitting me like a truck recently. I appreciate the guidance. She once said, "I can be a little narcisstic," and I could not unnotice it. Once she tried to push me down the stairs and made me feel guilty for not being there for her afterwards. She got so much worse after the breakup. She dumped me but it was for the better. I voiced this and she became very angry. She posted saying that I was emotionally abusive and how horrible of a person I was. She then made a new account to comment on my posts to make me feel like I was wrong and that somebody that wasn't her was telling me. She now attacks who I am as a person and what I love doing. I love music and she said sarcastically posted about me loving music as if I didn't care. On top of that, she left out huge details when talking to others about why we ended and what happened. I geniunely wanted her to have a good life and put that as my final words to her. She left this out and said that my letter was just about me getting over her. She really isn't the person I thought I loved.
I'm saving this video. This needs to be watched everyday. When I feel weak and ask myself why, this video is going to help me push through
After the divorce my narcissistic ex-wife jumps straight into a relationship with the first person she ran into and she loves to throw it in my face that I'm still single. but I'm still working on myself I'm still healing because I'm normal. This is what mature adults who are not narcissistic do.
Once again, spot-on Stephanie!
My NPD ex exploded on me after I exposed all of her lies so she went on a smear campaign like you can’t imagine, to include bogus complaints to my supervisors. Thankfully, she’s fallen off the radar so hopefully that’s that.
My friends ex did the same thing. Useless piece of shit
@brenda turner omg!! The sad thing about the smear campaign is that their friends and family members believe them and aid in the destruction of the person who is the victim. They are being manipulated but can't see it. They become a village of enablers. Sad.
*I seem to be surrounded by Narcissistic people. Thank you for helping*
*Us identity them and showing Us how to deal with them in a*
*healthy way. It's like you understand me deep down in my soul. 😻*
*With much gratitude and appreciation I thank you for sharing your understandings with Us. 💗*
Co-dependents attract narcissists like a sponge. Work on your codependency.
I feel the same way!!! I found out almost every single person I know is narcissistic and as soon as I starting setting boundaries the projection and shame piled on. I have so much anxiety right now it’s scary!
...awww, I'm so sorry Nichole. 💗 I hope you can find some consolation
in spotting the Narcissists around you. This channel is awesome because Stephanie
gives
you tools on how to deal with them. A codependency class may help.
Or if you can find a codependency support group. Once you begin to see the signs and work
on yourself, light starts to come through the cracks and you regain your sense
Of self. It is then you find that you have had the power within all along.
It just helps when you see and know the red flags. Sending you all my love and good vibes. Hugs 🤗
when these people sense their little games are not fazing you one bit, they tend to get even more petty and spiteful. and if you ever confront them with the "I know what you're doing" conversation, watch them squirm. they absorb energy and happiness seeing you bothered and affected. don't ever share bad news with these people, it'll brighten their day.
Thank you for the video! I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist, I've never cried so much in my life but she broke me over and over again. Listening to your explanations and other educators gave me the strength to leave. It was doing my head in trying to ask her why she could just hurt me and be ok with it. But yeah all these explanations have put my soul at ease and I actually feel exited for the future. After all the pain though I won't hate her, I think hating someone will just leave a negative energy around and cause other problems. Try not to hate your ex people, just wish them the best and let your soul heal ♥️
AFAKASIS FINEST same here. I left 10 months ago. I cried a lot too. When I left an ex moved in with him that was between us for 2,5 years. He bought her a new car and tells everybody that her parents bought for her. But I know better. Her name went on the doorbell in a jiffy and a big heart was placed on a window. How can she not see what he is doing ??? And just go along with it?? I have a little daughter and she looks at him as her dad hurt her like no other.
She needs therapy., I got out with her support. Better now but still a lot of energy hanging around. He keeps popping in my mind.. for no reason.,
They hurt cause this weekend I had this clarity moment... ( I made a mindmap of all he said). We were at a festival and I love music and was dancing a bit. Suddenly he saw his ex... another ex... and he started dancing with me just to show her how happy he was... it occurred to me this weekend. Unbelievable how these monsters operate. I wanted to write to his son from who I know went through the same to tell him everything but after this video... I guess it’s not a good idea after all .. he just gets away with murder.
I know it’s bad to wish bad but why doesn’t karma hit them and only us.
I don’t understand
Book of Enoch. Reaping and sowing. Persistent noncompliance with justice means no amnesty. Psalm 23, Psalm 91, and Psalm 109.
We can give too much grace to a deceptive tyrant sometimes, which only enables them to destroy all that is good. I believe we need to learn to enforce godly boundaries and accountability requirements. Pray for a godly pastoral covering of authority who can help...but they need to be obedient and god-fearing...if they care too much for appearances or the opinions of others, a narc will be able to easily manipulate them.
Shalom bshem Yeshua HaMashiach tsidkenu †
Jer23:6
He is faithful and true, and will never leave or forsake you!
✝️❤️🕎
Your hair looks exceptionally beautiful in this video.
Stephanie Lyn is like a godsend... I can't believe just how apt and how incredibly helpful her videos are. Just watching the videos I feel like I went to the top therapist in the world.
My God this is spot on! When I make him mad, I know I will pay, be punished. It’s crazy
This is on the point. It describes older sister and man who love bombed, fast and furious, me to a T, then turned evil as I set boundaries. They are TEXT BOOK Narcs. Severely immature and insecure. Thank you. I couldn't put it into words just knew stomach was twisted in knots. Respond not react is KEY. Always an AGENDA.
The world is full of them..how can you avoid so so many people..how do you live?
Shipra Trika Surrounded by Hyena's..
@@lumina5 I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
Exactly.
Stats say 1 in 100. Think about that. It's a helluva lot of people who you interact with who are narcissistic, or socio/psychopath
@@lumina5 yes
They say one thing to your face and do something entirely different. Words don’t match actions. It leaves you with major trust issues.
Transfer of energy. Right on. Spot on Steph.
Love -- transfer of positive energy.
Hate, narc phoney love -- transfer of negative energy.
Trust your gut. Walk away & never, never look back.
This is so very accurate,i had to walk away from my partner,she kept oneside of her locked away, but over the 8 yrs i was with her i just knew something felt indifferent,the subtle abuse and put downs on a minor scale you would let go of,then after sometime they up the game and become more vigorous in there abuse,mine started to belittle me in front of her family members or indeed just thought that i was a punchbag,whats so very very difficult is they do put you on a pedestal it makes you special through the gifts they give and often just being nice ! its then your guard comes down you feel elevated and think your cared about,but its so false and so vile as they dont mean it.i became so mentally raped that the toxicity of the relationship meant i went no contact and just thought there must be less pain and less hurt in life.
Thank you so much for having this channel. My wife recently left me and have been struggling with everything emotionally. You are awesome. Thank you.
You will never understand there minds just look bad at all the red flags and keep pushing nothing you have done in the past you could have done better would change them. Smile at the ones who look over or down on you.
I treated a girl like a queen for 8 months. She acted like she loved me for the first couple of months and as time went on the real her started to appear. Then I started setting boundaries, got discarded, literally posted another dude a week after the discard. Then I heard she’s throwing dirt on my name when I treated her with nothing but respect. These people are twisted
They try sleeping with your friends too. Disgusting. And they will justify it even if you are loyal.
ewwww
Stephanie, Another great helpful video. Its amazing when you finally realize how much damage being in LTR with person who is a narcissist. I'm actually very ashamed of myself for not seeing the situation for what it really was toxic to say the least. Without your help and understanding as to who theses people really are and what drives them to be that way. I probably would be beating myself up for the rest of my life trying to figure what I did wrong. That's after I pick myself up off the floor. The damage they can bring to your life astounding. Thanks Again for your help.
Now I understand why my ex is still verbally abusing me when I've tried to be civil for the sake of my children. In the past I would text back, but now I ignore him as I know this would be the supply he needs.I feel so more in control.
Marlene Roazzi,You look good,you don't need a narcissist in your life....
I'm surrounded by these freaks. It's been a steady diet of BS since I was a kid. They never cease to blow my mind. I don't even know how to respond to adult temper tantrums anymore. I may have turned into the most avoidant person I've ever met, just out of self preservation.
I'm so happy that God created somebody like you
Exactly. This guy enjoys seeing me suffer.
Jog him on
This is life changing. It needs to be shared with the masses. Wow...so enlightening. Thank you so much for this.💙
They turn from Dr Jekle to Mr Hyde. He was so sweet, then the mask came off! He was like a totally different person. His EYES were frightening, he was grinding his teeth, and called me names that I cannot mention in this room. IT GIVES YOU "CHILLS." I LEFT HIM! (I was smiling)....
Thank you for solidifying all this confusion I have been feeling in the past year. I knew I wasn’t crazy but I couldn’t put into words what he did to me. This is better than any closure I’ll get from him. Thank you love you.
Thanks. You just explained my ex wife's behavior completely.
And my ex husband too keep your head up we are better off without them just will be happy when my head finally clears
Respond and not react ❤️thanks a lot💓💓
Good Lord this helps so much. I never could understand why she would just start cursing at me out of nowhere.. and no matter how I tried to calm her down and tell her just to stop so we could have some sort of conversation and figure out what was happening.. it just would never happen. Thank you 🙏🙏
Having this objective approach is pure therapy. In the relationship we lose perspective because of emotional disconnects and power games until we can't separate reality from insanity. We gotta get out for our own sake. They just can't be helped. Good on ya, Stephanie!
This is quite possibly one of the most comprehensive and spot on explanations I have heard on the subject of dealing with a narcissist. I have to co-parent with a narcissist and you nailed everything on the head. Thank you for this well thought out explanation.
I am new to your channel, and you nailed it point on about a NARCISSIST..
I have been married to one for 35 yrs. Its HELL..
Starting my divorce from my narc husband of 20 years .. I can’t stop thinking “how did I become so codependent, isolated, lose myself and be manipulated all these years?” He turned into an absolute monster. Left me for a stripper girlfriend 1/2 his age .. and four little kids. He’s 65! All I can say is, after 6 months of pure hell, I’m finally done and ready to get on with my HEALTHY life and never look back.
@@TheRainIL he'll contact you again when the new girlfriend drops him... it's bound to happen.
You have hit this nail DIRECTLY on the nail! Every adjective, descriptive, scenario you've provided is HEAD ON!
Thank you, Stephanie -- this was excellent. Knew this already, but it's amazing how validating and healing it is to hear such clear cut sanity while healing up and deprogramming from Narcissistic abuse. God Bless and THANK YOU !!!