Lovely Video! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Rozardner Big Signals Reality (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning how to last longer in bed minus the hard work. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my cousin got excellent results with it.
Sexual sin is a very serious sin. Not only are we sinning against God, we're sinning against our own bodies. We're supposed to be a temple for him so he can live in us. I struggled for years with this and after the mistakes I made I realized that it's not worth it. I'm hoping God will send me the right man so I don't have to worry about sexual sin. I've run the gauntlet with all of this. I'm glad Jesus Christ is my savior because he has forgiven me, and now my standards are higher. Instead of pushing issues myself, I need to let God lead me in the right direction. I'm older so I know what to look for and what I don't want. Great video Fr Mike! We are all sexual beings. The key is to control it, not let it control us, and that's very difficult to master.
I have a question on the Jewish perceptive on Chastity. Why do Jews not believe in waiting until marriage ? Don’t the studies show these marriage are the strongest less likely to get divorced? Plus just having one romantic partner to me is just logical. You can’t get any more romantic than that, you won’t be thinking of others or comparing them. Plus the idea of being with multiple people grosses me out wether it’s me, them or both Thats done it. So why isn’t this a thing with Judaism and other religions? It seems like basic phycology. I’ve had missed answers so far that the laws are complicated, it depends on who, what, where, when are relationships can be permissible. But incest and grape is not allowed. I was in a relationship with a Jewish girl and she admitted she has had multiple partners. So I didn’t want to Continue the relationship. Did I do the right thing?
Father mike I am so glad you are speaking about this. I will go on the limb here and put my personal affairs out here but I don’t care because this needs to be heard by men. This was my life story but it wasn’t two years more like 8 years in after two boys and being married for 3 years. It was embarrassing and I was ashamed but I had no one. I tried to to stop but couldn’t. I told my self it wasn’t a big deal but it was. Truth finally came out and by the grace of God I did not lose my family. I have been free by those shackles and I owe it to the rosary. This world is a constant battle but as long as I stay in this state of grace I will survive each day. We are now expecting our third child. My older boy is 15 and have been on top of him and monitoring him like a hawk but most importantly praying that the grace of God preserves his innocence. Daily rosary with the family and a devotion to Our Blessed Mother will help fight these bad spirits. VIVA CRISTO REY!
I would highly advise against dating anyone that is not doing everything in their power to avoid sexual sin. When dating, we need to date virtuous people. Virtuous men are chaste. Virtuous women are chaste. Updated: I never said don’t date people with sinful pasts that have since repented. I’m saying that it is important to date someone that is currently remaining chaste.
Coomer: A person so addicted to pornography, that they have developed sociopathic behavior, and see only pornography and "cooming" as their only pleasure in life.
I asked this question to my ex-boyfriend three months after we started dating. He said that he had those sinful experiences and I could hear the shame in his voice. We broke up (for completely unrelated reasons) but to this day I can still remember that moment and all that I can feel is love towards him. I am still so grateful for his honesty and that sincerity is simply beautiful.
Actually Father I align with this extremely. My girlfriend and I decided to break up after many months, in the beginning I wanted to stop watching that sort of content, because I didn't feel it was right for me to do that while seeing her. I recently have been realizing that my problem like you said is to rely on her about my addiction I have with that sort of content. I've learned that it is better for me to talk to my Dad about this stuff rather than her, whom I could have broken up with at anytime. I am not Catholic, however I find myself aligning with the wisdom you give in some situations. I'm thankful that I have someone like you father helping me a non-Catholic learn more and allow me to better support my used to be girlfriend's faith. Thank you.
Here's a how-to-pray the Rosary: www.marian.org/mary/rosary/howto.php Click on the title of any prayers you don't know and a little pop-up will help you out. (A "decade" of the Rosary is step 6 - a cluster of ten Hail Mary prayers.) God bless!
Maristella I am saying thanks to Father Mike for helping me understand what I was doing wrong. I felt so much better after watching the video. I just had to say my thanks.
@@ty_epi8670 You can overcome, but it takes prayer, a true desire to rid it from your life, and some form of accountability person to help. If your Dad helps in this process, that’s great, as long as you have someone to talk to when you are feeling the urge. It also helps to figure out what your triggers are. Is it stress? Worries? A feeling out being out of control? Hopelessness? The types of movies, tv shows, comedic content, places you spend time at (restaurants with certain waitresses who dress scantily clad) etc? If you can figure out what your trigger/triggers are, start there by trying to remove those from your daily life and reduce the triggers that cause you to think/desire that stuff. It took me some time to get myself in order, but it’s possible, and when you do find another woman, this is a good conversation with her (when the time is right). God gives us the grace to help us get ourselves in order, but sometimes we have to change our lives to get better.
Coming from deep in the secular world, this is such a weird problem to have. After my reconversion this was a non issue. But in my past relationships, the act was encouraged and enabled by a significant other. So to know this is a deal-breaker for some surprised me. People are fallen. I've seen the nicest people commit acts of pure evil. I say give people a chance and show mercy. Hold them accountable, but do not deny them a chance at redemption.
If your past is going to affect your present relationship(which this video is about) the problem needs to be addressed. If your past is going to affect our relationship of course it's going to be a deal breaker for people. Someone shouldn't have to deal with baggage all in the name of giving someone a chance.
@@eddiy335 I think you miss the point. It is a big U- turn for this person from seeing P & M as normal routine practice - which is how the world sees it. I think they're saying that love & forgiveness will help people change for the better, but it may take more time for some depending on how dependent /addicted they are. I think Jesus says that too! ( to forgive 77x 7 etc and to love unconditionally. However, for some people, it may be too much to desl with and then perhaps they should move on, without casting stones. we've all sinned & we still do however good our hearts & intentions are.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed *undefiled* : but whoremongers (fornicators) and adulterers God will *judge* . It is not to another person to forgive or not to forgive *this* sin. It is out of their jurisdiction so to speak. Therefore divorced people (meaning having been "one flesh" driven by greed, sinful lust) who *truly* repent....know they must stay single for the rest of their life.
I know what you wrote: And yes, sins are comitted against god and only god knows and wants you to return. You don't have to confess to partners, but not to sin. But if you are sinning in marriage and bringing disease f e into it, than if you can't stop your partner should know and you should stop sex with him/her. But when getting know sb. and it turned into a engagement, it is non of the issue of a partner, what you have done in the past. Cause you don't need exculption from a partner, but from god through the priest. Your future wife/husband is going to marry you now, not you years ago. So it does not matter, how many partners you had. Cause are you also telling them, how many people you beat up etc.? No, so why just sexual sins before ?
It never ceases to amaze me how you are able to take complex situations and offer common sense, workable solutions to them. What a gift! Thanks, Father Mike! God bless you!!
The right to the truth, vulnerability, shame. When I was young I struggled to understand what confession was and why it was needed. But now, as a mature adult, after embittering disappoints and painful disillusionments Confession is a sacrament you really need as you go through life. That fallen nature of ours will Insist on discharging itself through our faculties in a disordered nature. Great video really made me think.
Because of my culture, and my own weakness, I had never thought about the real consequences of this sin. Thank you for this enlightening video. Please pray for me.
If honesty, faithfulness, and a Christ-centered life are important to you, ask your partner outright about this as soon as possible. My wife and I have struggled for years to get past the dishonesty and addiction that have marred our relationship due to my use of pornography. Save yourself and your partner the time and heartache; if you use pornography don't bother courting or dating a person until you are ready to stop being selfish with your eyes and heart.
Yes exactly! Honesty from the very beginning in all ways not just sexual issues is of upmost important. Lies And infidelity destroyed my marriage and caused damage that will take the rest of my life to repair. Advising dishonesty is imprudent at best.
Matthew 5:28, Luke 16:10, 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 .. these verses were game changers for me. Jesus and Paul do not mince words or paint a gray area when it comes to sexual sin & dishonesty.
I agree, father. I think it is an opportunity for both parts to grow in humility and forgiveness. At first sight it may seem, or actually it can destroy a relationship, but with the Grace of God, you can grow stronger. I've been married for 24 years, 11 children, and, thanks be to God, every day we have new opportunities to accept God's gifts... Beyond (under, above...) every disappointment, there is always a purpose, a mission... If you take it, even if it hurts 🙏
This vid hit home for me. One month before we got engaged (~6 months into dating), my fiancé and I had a big discussion about our sexual past and, I thought, came clean about our history in previous relationships. About a month and a half after we got engaged, he came clean to me that he had previously lied to me about the number of sexual partners he had had. In that moment he had been scared to lose me so he didn’t tell me about one of them. I was so angry with him and it took me a while to forgive him but I did since he chose to be honest with me and because chastity was so important to him now. That was 9 months ago. Rebuilding the trust took a while but we are stronger now and we are getting married in two weeks! 😊
Same thing happened to me with a girl I’m currently courting. It hurt and it still hurts 2 months later. Praying that God delivers me from the jealousy, pride and all the more within myself
I think honesty from the very beginning is crucial for all parties. I have seen first hand the long term trauma caused by lies of any kind, especially sexual or addiction related, in a relationship. It’s important I’m relationships to know what you’re dealing with up front. Then you have the free will to collect more information and decide to stay or not. Coercing someone into a relationship based on lies and half truths is wrong and most assuredly leads to all kinds of destruction. I have seen this hundreds of times and also lived it. It’s a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I have also seen people overcome this and live in freedom! But freedom only comes from being in the light!
Probably the biggest issue of my generation. Even my married male friends are struggling hard with pornography. It has me very worried for them and myself.
Visiting stiprclubs is way worse for it is LIVE pornography in the flesh. I have come accross catholics & protestant christians who visit such places & then talk like hypocrites that pornography (pictures & movies) is wrong but they say stripclubs is not wrong and so they expect their girlfriends or wives to live with them indulging in stripclubs. Liars! Hypocrites! This calls for divorce. Stripclubs have ruined many marriages.
Thank you for this! This is something that needs to be talked about more openly in Catholic circles. Not everyone is perfect and we have to know how to navigate those situations.
Fr. Mike your sermons and videos are what the church needs now to engage the young people of today. Please keep up the good work. For we need you to help spread the word of God and to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Case by case basis. If you don't want to talk about it, obviously it is/was a problem. Only thing you can do is say you're not comfortable talking about it yet and hope they understand. Nowadays with the prevalence of sex I've actually had it brought up on the first date. Don't remember how we got to the topic but she told me she hasn't had sex and my jaw just dropped. I told her as depressing as it sounds it was amazing how much self control she has (early 30s). I dropped my head and told her I have and hope she doesn't told it against me. She didn't-or at least said she didn't. We went out a few more times and just weren't compatible. Just broke up with a girl that always wanted sex. I gave in to the pressure so much it got to the point that I told her I didn't even like it. She had affairs and later admitted to them. I told her my conditions were to go to a relationship class at the church, she goes to church regularly, and she stops the affairs. One at a time she stopped going along with my conditions, had another affair, and ended up justifying it saying she wanted an open relationship/polyamory. Obviously that was beyond crossing the line.
You gave your partner a chance, and it good for you, you ended it. Remember to pray for their soul. Jesus said to pray for your enemies. So please pray for your partner, that you loved! You then will be perfect in the eyes of God! Have a blessed life.
Such a needed conversation. I went along with the social norms of society until my reversion. In the past, pornography was such a huge wound from my ex. He never got it. Not saying Christian men are all perfect but some have a better grasp of how long term this is hurtful.
Great video. I never lied about this, but I always expressed disdain towards such behaviour and didn't talk about my own struggles which might have given her the false impression that I wasn't struggling with that sin. I was always wanting to tell my girlfriend (now fiance), but only after I had it handled. God wanted otherwise, He set up the perfect moment and I felt the need to confess to her. She was so good to me and saw me as a victim of an addiction which was brought upon me from a young age when I stumbled down this path accidentally and out of ignorance at the age of 6. God has really been strengthening me and healing me. I've been having a wonderful, transforming experience this past year and a half. Praise be.
Thank you for talking about this topic, Father! I believe complete honesty in this subject is essential, but I would recommend the topic be brought up when the couple is becoming exclusive, typically when there is a level of trust built.
I could not agree more with that last comment from Sergio G. I just watched a video with father Mike about confessing the same sins repeatedly. It is ok. I was so happy and amazed to hear that. I thought I was failing as a Christian by not being able to stop particular sins. I am always encouraged and blessed by listening to Fr Mike.
Thanks Father! I think it's good to eventually trust each other especially as we are dating intentionally for marriage, not just for a fling or serial dating.
You’re not crazy. You definitely did not miss the mark. I can’t believe how accurate you are for someone that’s never been married. I think until this video, my opinion on *priests having opinions about marriage* was basically: Well, you’re not married so you can’t possibly understand this. I’m 30 and I have been married 14 years. Bravo Mike. You really do get it. Well done! Thank you.
Have had a fall from grace recently involving pornography watching. Went to mass, no communion. What got me back on track was at that mass , glancing up as the priest proceeded to the altar at the start of mass , with one of the ministers in toe, holding the bible high . Very spiritually powerful , is the Word of God . God’s calling all of us in various ways was the homily .
Father, can you do a video about people wanting to discern a vocation, yet still dealing with sexual sin? I feel like this is a topic that's not being talked about, but needs to be. Impurity definitely affects discernment, right?
Im no priest but Im sure a common answer would be: be repentent, go to confession, and pray about it because no sin is too bad or too dirty for our Lord. Although like I said Im not a priest so I could DEFINITELY be wrong lol Good luck tho m8!
U watch the channel by mattfras, pints w/aquanis? It totally has a 2 hour gutsy real talk w/ a priest about e everything u can imagine with this topic.. Totally gave me insight,
@@TonyTones123 Receive mercy indeed. But, I think there's a lot of confusion about it. For example, you could interpret St. Thomas' Summa as saying that one doesn't necessarily need to be chaste to enter an order, but on the other hand, we have scandals that have broken out in the last few years. Unfortunately, there are seminarians that struggle with unchastity as well. How do we know who to let in to these orders/seminaries? Do we go with a hard rule of one or two years of chastity? Or something else?
Thank you Ft. Mike for talking about the tough subjects. Please do more videos on the messy side of our lives. This is exactly how I pray. No rosariesy or novenas straight up conversations with God the father and his son Jesus about our messy lives.
Thank you Father, you are full of the Holy Spirit. I did experience what you said, but the other person was struggling with childhood traumas and past relationships that he couldn't grow trust but destroy everything and for my well-being and his we broke up. I thank God because I pray to Jesus the day before and then he broke up with me and I accepted it as a gift from God not to be hurt anymore by toxic and judgemental attitudes that were destructive, but to learn from the experience and wait for God's choosen partner.
I agree to be honest about certain things after a while. People make choices with what they experience during the beginning. And withholding information is actually manipulating the person into thinking you are somebody that you aren't
Thank you Fr Mike, Thanks for the useful dos and don'ts. I never admitted that I suffered with this, not even with my friends. Acceptance is an important step in fighting against it.
This video actually brought me some healing from a past relationship I'm still healing from. In my case I was caught off guard by a similar though not the same kind of question before we were committed to one another and I didn't want to reveal that truth yet. Once it came out a year later my partner couldn't get over my lie. From that moment forward he couldn't trust anything I did ever again and it became extremely toxic. We were not committed at the and he couldn't get over feeling like I cheated and lied about it. It still breaks my heart. My counselor told me something very similar to what Fr. Mike said "some things they didn't have a right to know yet" should I have lied? No. But did it make me an untrustworthy person? No. We are all flawed.
@@goonanadventure1078 the messenge above: To summarize it: Stop blaming yourself for a fallen relationship and seeing that the sin of lacking heart and merci of your ex-partner is also coming to your problems not able to overcome that ex-relationship
Thank you, Father. All that is necessary for evil to prevail is that good men do nothing...this comes from one far wiser than I whom I don't remember now. But we need across denominational lines to talk about this regardless of shame...thank you!
Well, sexual sin is a very important topic padre, one that many would rather avoid. Thanks for the courage. Actually its not easy to talk about especially when the affected person was a victim of abuse, it brings shame especially when people who do not understand begin to judge them. But in the end, if its not exposed and talked about, its harder to deal with. What I did was meet a priest and I felt an instant sense of freedom. Don't get me wrong, I struggled for years to be truly free and I still struggle but talking about your sins especially sexual sin is indispensable to becoming free of it. That's why confessions are important. Thanks Padre Mike, you give us hope
Mbaeze Michelle The Sacrament is first! However it also helps working with a coach/mentor or create strategies and habits to recovery from the addiction and transform your life and relationships. aaronwaltercoaching.com
Well said, Fr. Mike. I believe it comes down to total honesty, and a persons current (and future actions). The only thing I'd add, is while there s a proper time for deep intimate questions and that's not in the first few weeks. I'd say those discussions should take place when you believe you're moving beyond friendship and are definitely exclusive. If you are the type of man or woman that cannot understand a person may not have a spotless past, then that information should be shared upfront. Otherwise, you risk wasting each others time. Also, any current, ongoing issues should be shared upfront. They will surface one way or another.
Good job on discussing and explaining this matter, without complicating things by confusing it with religion. Pornography is such a dangerous thing. in general, when people discuss important matters with somebody else, the crappy part is that they mostly tell others your private stuff.
No its not crazy. This has been a problem with me for as long as i can remember myself being in. One relationship being the one with sexual desires. The other having the other one with sexual disires. It was torment on both ends. All i ended up being in was in tears. All the time. And in anger. Either blaming myaelf constantly or blaming the other person. Two wrongs do not make a right. Period. The holy Rosary! That is all I can say.
Pornography and masturbation destroyed my marriage even though I hung on for 27 years. I was never good enough I would’ve never lived up to those in movies and magazines. I would encourage couples to read St. Pope John Paul’s II’s theology of the body. It’s beautiful.
Father Mike, with all due respect, even though this seems like good advice on the surface it is never advisable to risk getting romantically invested in someone who is not comfortable being vulnerable (due to not being secure in their relationship and identity with the Lord) by telling the truth of who they are and are not in their life with Him. The people who do that are either not mature enough or ready to be in a relationship that is founded in dutiful love and mutual obligation to another before the Lord, and dating without such an intention for marriage is a recipe for disaster, sin, and heartache. It's better to be alone with the Lord for the right reasons that with someone for the wrong ones. Stay faithful and patient in trusting the Lord with your life and abundant blessings will follow. In Christ, Andrew
Fr. Mike, you handled this beautifully! This has something that is present in my relationship, and everything you said was very consoling and comforting to hear! Thank you so much for talking about such a topic; I think the world needs more of this. :)
I am going to put in my 2 cents concerning this topic. I myself struggle in this area and I believe it's not so much about when you ask but how you ask. It's one thing to ask, "Do you struggle in said area?" vs "I would like to know if you struggle in said area but you are free to tell me when you feel comfortable. I don't want to pressure you." The partner who is asking needs to make it clear that I don't want to put you on the spot. Also, please know that this takes time. Chances are the person who struggles in this area, probably struggles confessing it in Confession. Coming from someone who struggles in this area... It's not easy confessing this in Confession let alone with your partner. Your partner is not under the Seal of Confession. It really does take a lot of building up of trust. In case you are wondering, I am a woman telling you this. Another thing, I have seen people say this, "If you just pray this prayer it will help you stop." That's great and all but not really helpful to someone who has struggled with this area since the age of 7. Trust me, I have been to daily Mass but prayer can only do so much until one decides to physically do something about it. Whether it be getting a program like Covenant Eyes or having someone you know in person hold you accountable. All I ask is... Please don't give up on us if we don't tell you immediately.
Hi Fr Mike! You are right on the mark! So good! Prayers for you and your ministry. Keep preaching on the uncomfortable stuff. Everyone needs to hear it. God bless!!
it is a sad, hurtful, messy way of life, especially since this has been going on forever, ever though the subject has been brought up many times and nothing changes. I do a lot of praying to St Joseph, St Augustine, St Monica for prayers ,intercession, and guidance . Please pray for us, Fr Mike
Well, you have to know yourself and what you are capable of. Every person is weak or strong in different areas. If you are weak in the realm of chastity, but drawn to the religious life, think about being a married Deacon or a married Eastern Rite Catholic priest. There are many ways to serve Our Lord.
This is a very important topic Father. When you get a chance, can you deal with the topic of what the expectations are for marriage. I didn't know anything about, for eg., the marital debt and many other such things. Young Catholics today, and even of my age, have never been taught what Catholic marriage is. I for example, thought sex was sinful even in marriage and was to be avoided but that God would let us off sometimes for good behaviour. Needless to say that after 3 decades we have the kind of marriage that would not only not inspire young people to Catholic marriage but would actually make them decide that Catholic marriage is a really torturous way to spend a lifetime.
Thanks for the video, Fr. Mike! I haven't been in a relationship yet (because I'm only in my teens), but the points you made seem reasonable and not enough people talk about the practical approach to address this problem.
Honestly I feel like this should be discussed on the first date. Otherwise you're just waiting until someone develops feeling for you and then it's harder for them to walk away.
great topic father! And a very well thought out perspective. The only thing I want to point out is that you mentioned this being a sin that particularly destroys relationships, and you are right. However, I don't think it is any worse than pride in this sense. I bring this up because I see a lot more hope in a couple that is humble but suffers from a weakness in the flesh, than one that prides itself for its righteousness. The first is a work in progress, the second... a time bomb.
What's crazy is (coming from a catholic who isn't super religious/devout but accepts the Nicene Creed and all that) I would have no problem being honest about my sexual shortcomings/sin (lol, that sounds weird to say). Where as someone who is super devout might struggle being honest about it. Funny how life works sometimes. I'd have a more difficult time talking about my other personal issues that aren't even sins. Ironic, no? Leave your judgmental comments below.
@Mike Cranston This is a Catholic channel, not USA state propaganda. I don't care WHAT the US, the Constitution, or anything says, God's Law is ALWAYS higher than any other rules. Put pornographers in jail!
I support the sentiment of this message, and it is a message many people need to hear. There is redemption for us all when we seek it. However forgiveness and understanding of someone who has been involved in this problem does not mean that you should feel bad for wanting to leave the relationship (I know this isn't what you are saying but is an interpretation of it). I think fundamentally my concern lies with what a relationship like that is. If we are dating someone it is in order to discern whether that person is who we are to marry (If we arent discerning marriage the relationship is merely using the other for pleasure). If we are discerning marriage with someone they have a right to information about us regarding sexual sin. We want to be raising Catholics who are living in Truth and not shame. John 3:20-21 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. This does not mean that it is easy for someone to reveal this truth about themselves and I agree that their partner should not be their accountability at this point, but if you are not ready to share this you aren't ready to discern marriage with someone so you shouldn't be wasting their time. My final point is that in making a video excusing this weakness you are not just excusing people who have done this but given others the permission to behave like this in the future.
I absolutely love your explanation and insight on this topic. You are so right. I’m sharing this and working on this. God bless you and all of humanity.
I think that the main issue here is not about commitment, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé for that matter. The issue is: SEXUAL RELATIONS outside marriage is a SIN!!...Period. NO going around it. When you get married the two souls become "ONE" That is why there is no sexual 'SIN' If not married you are two separate souls HAVING SEX. (committing sin)
No I disagree. The second you become involved with someone you begin discerning marriage. The person you're discerning with has a right to know any habitual mortal sins.
Telling the person your dating,only after 2 months is too short of a time to bear your soul.IMO. You should ask them how they feel about certain things early on,before it gets to serious. Like,do you want kids?
@True RightRight That's why you should give it longer before you trust the person. Alot longer! Unfortunately you have to take that chance even during the relationship or marriage. Me, I trust NO ONE,I HAVE SOME HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES SADLY.
Agreed, but wanting kids is something that every Catholic, and anyone who claims to be Christian, must be open to life, since procreation is God's natural design and purpose for sex.
Wow, this is difficult, complex and intimate. Pastorally, this is hard. Commend you for your love and grace, and understanding of all factors that affect these couples. The goal is a successful marital union, of course. You do your best to bring them to that. This involves such complex emotional and situational issues. God bless and help you in your endeavor to help people to a blessed and successful marital union, or the knowledge that they should not continue to that final marital union. Trust is so important to that final union.
Jesus forgives all sins. Ask your partner if they want to live as a Christian life? If they do, then ask them to go to confession and sin no more. After confession, they are renewed in Christ. Both of yous can all start over again. If you, yourself are a real Christian, you need to accept them with unconditional love since Christ has renewed your partner. You need to accept your partner as a new person. Remember, in The Lord's Prayer, The Our Father...that He and Jesus forgivess yours sins as you forgive others sins. Use the sacrament of reconciliation. It is a very powerful weapon against evil, and everyone can start all over again. Praise Jesus and love one another as he has loved us.
When my spouse was caught in auditory I struggled for many years through therapy and found that our relationship was a mess. There is a cycle in every relationship and if these cycles are bad or sinful then it only takes one of thee people to break a cycle. I could change my own behavior but I cannot change another. We both went to confession together and started over. It was very hard for me and took years for me to trust again. I still have issues trusting men in anything. But I work at it. This brings me to a question, I have concerns with the coronavirus that we are unable to go to confession. So what do we do? If God takes me now I am not ready!
Thanks for asking, Sow... For me I hit a point in my life where I just grew so worn down and felt so empty trying live by society's definition of success. When turned to God with the question of "what does it mean to be a good man?" The answer I heard in my heart was to follow Jesus. And I have spent the last 7-8 years figuring out what that means and what that looks like. I started going back to church, making prayer and service a regular part of my life, daily bible reading and reflection, sobriety from drugs and alcohol, and starting to look at my relationships and the impact I have on the people around me and realizing I don't want to be the man that I used to be, the man society said I should be. Today I want to be the man God made me to be, and it all started by just asking Him to help me get there and opening my heart to Christ. I still have a long way to go, but I'm certainly not where I used to be. God bless you on your journey. Matthew 11:28-30
This is exactly why people shouldn't rush into relationships. Most people treat the boyfriend girlfriend stage as the getting to know the person stage. In reality you should only date someone you are sure you want to marry
I have no idea who else to ask so I turn to you, TH-cam comment section on a relevant video. I've been with my girlfriend for five years. Two years into the relationship I began showing interest in Christianity, then Catholicism, and now I was baptized at this year's Easter Vigil. Circumstance led to her moving in with me to continue going to the same school when her mother moved away, a non-issue in my secular life, but now that I am Catholic, I am realizing that I am living in sin by continuing as such. She is not religious, and shows reluctance at conversion. I do not know if it is best to pray that she converts eventually, or if perhaps it would be best to separate.
Hey!! I would honestly recommend you check your priorities first. Is God your number 1 in your life? Tell your gf all about your faith and your reasons behind it. If you want to live separately, tell her why you want to do that, ..then if she really loves you she will understand and support you. Keep praying for her conversion. But honestly ask yourself, ..if your girlfriend does not care about your faith ..but your faith has become the top priority in your life, then, do you really want to be with someone that does not value nor understands the most important thing in your life? I am not encouraging you to break up with her, but I encourage you to set your priorities straight. Talk to her about God, your faith and how beautiful it is. Take her to Church, give her a chance to get to know the Lord. If ,after she got the chance to know the Lord, she still does not want to have faith in her life, then I will highly recommend you really think through if you still want to continue in the relationship. I know you are in a hard spot, but pray for her. I will pray for you. God bless you
This is a very difficult subject but done so well here. As I got older I felt it best to say how I felt about it & what I expected from my partner. But at the same time I wanted it to remain a personal subject in privacy between them & God. Maybe because it's such an embarrassing topic, but also I felt I shouldn't intrude too much & trust them to do what they could & respect my feelings as much as possible. As you say it can impact a relationship but trusting or rather allowing your partner to decide for themselves how much they can give or do is important. If you can't agree on this topic & it really bothers one of you, then maybe the match isn't a good one and both should move on without blaming the other. Maybe that person just isnt ready & able to give up right here & now. That point may be in the future. I found intermittent celibacy - meaning no dating or partner, very helpful in getting away from any sexual sin and I found it gave me a good perspective on this topic. This was made easy for me because the Lord arranged : - Somehow, somewhen my libido was switched off and I then had such a clearer view of sex & love generally . I was also able to be more understanding about sexual sins & be more forgiving of others as well as myself. It actually felt very liberating. All thanks to God & not to me at all. And I'm very grateful for it. However, had I been very young I think I would have struggled with this. Just because in youth our temptations of all things seem magnified & so are more difficult to take control of. Well, for me anyway. There are advantages to aging.
Your on the mark father. From my perspective I’ve been in several bible studies where guys will not enter into a relationship before they correct this behavior. So I guess my question is if it becomes a problem in the relationship do you take a break?
Gray Overton I’d humbly suggest after sacrament of confession working with a coach/mentor who will guide your recovery process, part of which is transforming the relationship with your spouse. Let’s talk aaronwaltercoaching.com
That moment when you really need some hope, and then you see a father Mike's video. That's a real miracle.
same bro. same. Praying for u! Pray for me! :)
Lovely Video! Sorry for butting in, I am interested in your opinion. Have you heard the talk about - Rozardner Big Signals Reality (probably on Google)? It is an awesome exclusive guide for learning how to last longer in bed minus the hard work. Ive heard some awesome things about it and my cousin got excellent results with it.
Amen. Sergio
For real.
Sexual sin is a very serious sin. Not only are we sinning against God, we're sinning against our own bodies. We're supposed to be a temple for him so he can live in us. I struggled for years with this and after the mistakes I made I realized that it's not worth it. I'm hoping God will send me the right man so I don't have to worry about sexual sin. I've run the gauntlet with all of this. I'm glad Jesus Christ is my savior because he has forgiven me, and now my standards are higher. Instead of pushing issues myself, I need to let God lead me in the right direction. I'm older so I know what to look for and what I don't want. Great video Fr Mike! We are all sexual beings. The key is to control it, not let it control us, and that's very difficult to master.
Your right Amy! So right!
Just don’t end up with a virgin. That’s too distant to work.
I have a question on the Jewish perceptive on Chastity.
Why do Jews not believe in waiting until marriage ?
Don’t the studies show these marriage are the strongest less likely to get divorced?
Plus just having one romantic partner to me is just logical.
You can’t get any more romantic than that, you won’t be thinking of others or comparing them.
Plus the idea of being with multiple people grosses me out wether it’s me, them or both Thats done it.
So why isn’t this a thing with Judaism and other religions?
It seems like basic phycology.
I’ve had missed answers so far that the laws are complicated, it depends on who, what, where, when are relationships can be permissible.
But incest and grape is not allowed.
I was in a relationship with a Jewish girl and she admitted she has had multiple partners.
So I didn’t want to Continue the relationship.
Did I do the right thing?
Father mike I am so glad you are speaking about this. I will go on the limb here and put my personal affairs out here but I don’t care because this needs to be heard by men. This was my life story but it wasn’t two years more like 8 years in after two boys and being married for 3 years. It was embarrassing and I was ashamed but I had no one. I tried to to stop but couldn’t. I told my self it wasn’t a big deal but it was. Truth finally came out and by the grace of God I did not lose my family. I have been free by those shackles and I owe it to the rosary. This world is a constant battle but as long as I stay in this state of grace I will survive each day. We are now expecting our third child. My older boy is 15 and have been on top of him and monitoring him like a hawk but most importantly praying that the grace of God preserves his innocence. Daily rosary with the family and a devotion to Our Blessed Mother will help fight these bad spirits. VIVA CRISTO REY!
Ruben Martinez thanks for sharing! God bless 🙏💛
Keep fighting the good fight brother!
Teach your boys to pray the Rosary as well. It's a powerful weapon against Satan.
Ruben Martinez inspirational! Prayers and blessings to you brother
Thanks for your story Ruben. .God bless
I would highly advise against dating anyone that is not doing everything in their power to avoid sexual sin. When dating, we need to date virtuous people. Virtuous men are chaste. Virtuous women are chaste.
Updated: I never said don’t date people with sinful pasts that have since repented. I’m saying that it is important to date someone that is currently remaining chaste.
Exactly. Coomers shouldn't be dated. They dont deserve marriage until they are in control of sexual sin
Niccolò Machiavelli coomers?
Coomer: A person so addicted to pornography, that they have developed sociopathic behavior, and see only pornography and "cooming" as their only pleasure in life.
I would suggest staying away from these terms. Urban dictionary terms are not exactly contributing to a chaste lifestyle.
Brett Lempe Chaste women are no longer in existence mate.
I asked this question to my ex-boyfriend three months after we started dating. He said that he had those sinful experiences and I could hear the shame in his voice. We broke up (for completely unrelated reasons) but to this day I can still remember that moment and all that I can feel is love towards him. I am still so grateful for his honesty and that sincerity is simply beautiful.
“I desire mercy not sacrifice”- one of my favorite quotes of the entire Bible.
Where does it say that? :)
@@geminiii6634 Matthew 9:13 and 12:7
Actually Father I align with this extremely. My girlfriend and I decided to break up after many months, in the beginning I wanted to stop watching that sort of content, because I didn't feel it was right for me to do that while seeing her. I recently have been realizing that my problem like you said is to rely on her about my addiction I have with that sort of content. I've learned that it is better for me to talk to my Dad about this stuff rather than her, whom I could have broken up with at anytime. I am not Catholic, however I find myself aligning with the wisdom you give in some situations. I'm thankful that I have someone like you father helping me a non-Catholic learn more and allow me to better support my used to be girlfriend's faith. Thank you.
Here's a how-to-pray the Rosary: www.marian.org/mary/rosary/howto.php
Click on the title of any prayers you don't know and a little pop-up will help you out. (A "decade" of the Rosary is step 6 - a cluster of ten Hail Mary prayers.) God bless!
@PronunciationLesson dead prayers from dead lips.
What is the point of your post?
Maristella I am saying thanks to Father Mike for helping me understand what I was doing wrong. I felt so much better after watching the video. I just had to say my thanks.
@@ty_epi8670 You can overcome, but it takes prayer, a true desire to rid it from your life, and some form of accountability person to help. If your Dad helps in this process, that’s great, as long as you have someone to talk to when you are feeling the urge. It also helps to figure out what your triggers are. Is it stress? Worries? A feeling out being out of control? Hopelessness? The types of movies, tv shows, comedic content, places you spend time at (restaurants with certain waitresses who dress scantily clad) etc? If you can figure out what your trigger/triggers are, start there by trying to remove those from your daily life and reduce the triggers that cause you to think/desire that stuff. It took me some time to get myself in order, but it’s possible, and when you do find another woman, this is a good conversation with her (when the time is right). God gives us the grace to help us get ourselves in order, but sometimes we have to change our lives to get better.
Coming from deep in the secular world, this is such a weird problem to have. After my reconversion this was a non issue. But in my past relationships, the act was encouraged and enabled by a significant other. So to know this is a deal-breaker for some surprised me. People are fallen. I've seen the nicest people commit acts of pure evil. I say give people a chance and show mercy. Hold them accountable, but do not deny them a chance at redemption.
If your past is going to affect your present relationship(which this video is about) the problem needs to be addressed. If your past is going to affect our relationship of course it's going to be a deal breaker for people. Someone shouldn't have to deal with baggage all in the name of giving someone a chance.
@@eddiy335 I think you miss the point. It is a big U- turn for this person from seeing P & M as normal routine practice - which is how the world sees it.
I think they're saying that love & forgiveness will help people change for the better, but it may take more time for some depending on how dependent /addicted they are.
I think Jesus says that too! ( to forgive 77x 7 etc and to love unconditionally.
However, for some people, it may be too much to desl with and then perhaps they should move on, without casting stones.
we've all sinned & we still do however good our hearts & intentions are.
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed *undefiled* : but whoremongers (fornicators) and adulterers God will *judge* .
It is not to another person to forgive or not to forgive *this* sin. It is out of their jurisdiction so to speak.
Therefore divorced people (meaning having been "one flesh" driven by greed, sinful lust) who *truly* repent....know they must stay single for the rest of their life.
I know what you wrote: And yes, sins are comitted against god and only god knows and wants you to return.
You don't have to confess to partners, but not to sin. But if you are sinning in marriage and bringing disease f e into it, than if you can't stop your partner should know and you should stop sex with him/her.
But when getting know sb. and it turned into a engagement, it is non of the issue of a partner, what you have done in the past.
Cause you don't need exculption from a partner, but from god through the priest.
Your future wife/husband is going to marry you now, not you years ago. So it does not matter, how many partners you had. Cause are you also telling them, how many people you beat up etc.? No, so why just sexual sins before ?
It never ceases to amaze me how you are able to take complex situations and offer common sense, workable solutions to them. What a gift! Thanks, Father Mike! God bless you!!
Indeed
The right to the truth, vulnerability, shame. When I was young I struggled to understand what confession was and why it was needed. But now, as a mature adult, after embittering disappoints and painful disillusionments Confession is a sacrament you really need as you go through life. That fallen nature of ours will Insist on discharging itself through our faculties in a disordered nature. Great video really made me think.
Because of my culture, and my own weakness, I had never thought about the real consequences of this sin. Thank you for this enlightening video. Please pray for me.
If honesty, faithfulness, and a Christ-centered life are important to you, ask your partner outright about this as soon as possible. My wife and I have struggled for years to get past the dishonesty and addiction that have marred our relationship due to my use of pornography. Save yourself and your partner the time and heartache; if you use pornography don't bother courting or dating a person until you are ready to stop being selfish with your eyes and heart.
Yes exactly! Honesty from the very beginning in all ways not just sexual issues is of upmost important. Lies And infidelity destroyed my marriage and caused damage that will take the rest of my life to repair. Advising dishonesty is imprudent at best.
Thank you for sharing your comments, appreciate your honest heart and willingness to be authentic.
I agree with you 100%, you can not build a stable foundation or future if it is based on a lie to start. Thank you for your honesty!
Matthew 5:28, Luke 16:10, 1 Corinthians 6:9-20 .. these verses were game changers for me. Jesus and Paul do not mince words or paint a gray area when it comes to sexual sin & dishonesty.
Thank you.
Thank you, Fr Mike, you are a very courageous man to tackle such a heart-breaking, life-destroying subject.
Karen McKerrow
your description of what pornographer is sure is true
He never talks about the sexual harassment issues of the church, especially in Ireland
I agree, father. I think it is an opportunity for both parts to grow in humility and forgiveness. At first sight it may seem, or actually it can destroy a relationship, but with the Grace of God, you can grow stronger. I've been married for 24 years, 11 children, and, thanks be to God, every day we have new opportunities to accept God's gifts... Beyond (under, above...) every disappointment, there is always a purpose, a mission... If you take it, even if it hurts 🙏
This conversation is long overdue. Thank you Father. God bless you
This vid hit home for me. One month before we got engaged (~6 months into dating), my fiancé and I had a big discussion about our sexual past and, I thought, came clean about our history in previous relationships. About a month and a half after we got engaged, he came clean to me that he had previously lied to me about the number of sexual partners he had had. In that moment he had been scared to lose me so he didn’t tell me about one of them. I was so angry with him and it took me a while to forgive him but I did since he chose to be honest with me and because chastity was so important to him now. That was 9 months ago. Rebuilding the trust took a while but we are stronger now and we are getting married in two weeks! 😊
🎁❤️👍🌟🕊👏🏻👏🏻
Can I ask why he chose to lie about that one in particular?
Same thing happened to me with a girl I’m currently courting. It hurt and it still hurts 2 months later. Praying that God delivers me from the jealousy, pride and all the more within myself
@@nadinegomez8858why do you think..!! Get into the Real world
Most men lie if the count is high. Some by 200 or 300 to their wives.
I think honesty from the very beginning is crucial for all parties. I have seen first hand the long term trauma caused by lies of any kind, especially sexual or addiction related, in a relationship. It’s important I’m relationships to know what you’re dealing with up front. Then you have the free will to collect more information and decide to stay or not. Coercing someone into a relationship based on lies and half truths is wrong and most assuredly leads to all kinds of destruction. I have seen this hundreds of times and also lived it. It’s a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I have also seen people overcome this and live in freedom! But freedom only comes from being in the light!
Amy Ekblad
You are right and it's awful
Amy Ekbald, How did people overcome it, can you please explain.
Amy Ekblad
Lots of vague words about people being in the light and freedom.
Please can you explain properly with real examples.
Thank you
Probably the biggest issue of my generation. Even my married male friends are struggling hard with pornography. It has me very worried for them and myself.
Visiting stiprclubs is way worse for it is LIVE pornography in the flesh. I have come accross catholics & protestant christians who visit such places & then talk like hypocrites that pornography (pictures & movies) is wrong but they say stripclubs is not wrong and so they expect their girlfriends or wives to live with them indulging in stripclubs. Liars! Hypocrites! This calls for divorce. Stripclubs have ruined many marriages.
Finally a vid on PERVERSION of man kind and the evils it brings God BLESS you father 🙏
Thank you for this! This is something that needs to be talked about more openly in Catholic circles. Not everyone is perfect and we have to know how to navigate those situations.
Thank you for sharing this. I forgave my partner and we are moving forward together but It almost destroyed us. Thank you God for healing us all.
Fr. Mike your sermons and videos are what the church needs now to engage the young people of today. Please keep up the good work. For we need you to help spread the word of God and to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.
God relieved me of that horrible stuff completely for 4 years now. Anything is possible through Christ.
Praise God
Case by case basis. If you don't want to talk about it, obviously it is/was a problem. Only thing you can do is say you're not comfortable talking about it yet and hope they understand.
Nowadays with the prevalence of sex I've actually had it brought up on the first date. Don't remember how we got to the topic but she told me she hasn't had sex and my jaw just dropped. I told her as depressing as it sounds it was amazing how much self control she has (early 30s). I dropped my head and told her I have and hope she doesn't told it against me. She didn't-or at least said she didn't. We went out a few more times and just weren't compatible.
Just broke up with a girl that always wanted sex. I gave in to the pressure so much it got to the point that I told her I didn't even like it. She had affairs and later admitted to them. I told her my conditions were to go to a relationship class at the church, she goes to church regularly, and she stops the affairs.
One at a time she stopped going along with my conditions, had another affair, and ended up justifying it saying she wanted an open relationship/polyamory. Obviously that was beyond crossing the line.
You gave your partner a chance, and it good for you, you ended it. Remember to pray for their soul. Jesus said to pray for your enemies. So please pray for your partner, that you loved! You then will be perfect in the eyes of God! Have a blessed life.
Such a needed conversation. I went along with the social norms of society until my reversion. In the past, pornography was such a huge wound from my ex. He never got it. Not saying Christian men are all perfect but some have a better grasp of how long term this is hurtful.
I will be praying for you
GIcraft64
What will the prayer do ?
What are you praying about ?
Great video. I never lied about this, but I always expressed disdain towards such behaviour and didn't talk about my own struggles which might have given her the false impression that I wasn't struggling with that sin. I was always wanting to tell my girlfriend (now fiance), but only after I had it handled. God wanted otherwise, He set up the perfect moment and I felt the need to confess to her. She was so good to me and saw me as a victim of an addiction which was brought upon me from a young age when I stumbled down this path accidentally and out of ignorance at the age of 6. God has really been strengthening me and healing me. I've been having a wonderful, transforming experience this past year and a half. Praise be.
Thank you for talking about this topic, Father! I believe complete honesty in this subject is essential, but I would recommend the topic be brought up when the couple is becoming exclusive, typically when there is a level of trust built.
I could not agree more with that last comment from Sergio G. I just watched a video with father Mike about confessing the same sins repeatedly. It is ok. I was so happy and amazed to hear that. I thought I was failing as a Christian by not being able to stop particular sins. I am always encouraged and blessed by listening to Fr Mike.
I really appreciate it that here and elsewhere, Father makes it clear that this is not just a sin carried by men.
Thanks Father! I think it's good to eventually trust each other especially as we are dating intentionally for marriage, not just for a fling or serial dating.
You’re not crazy. You definitely did not miss the mark. I can’t believe how accurate you are for someone that’s never been married. I think until this video, my opinion on *priests having opinions about marriage* was basically: Well, you’re not married so you can’t possibly understand this. I’m 30 and I have been married 14 years. Bravo Mike. You really do get it. Well done! Thank you.
Briana Marshall
Wow, married at 16. Didn't even realize we could at 16. Congrats on 14 years.
Have had a fall from grace recently involving pornography watching. Went to mass, no communion. What got me back on track was at that mass , glancing up as the priest proceeded to the altar at the start of mass , with one of the ministers in toe, holding the bible high . Very spiritually powerful , is the Word of God . God’s calling all of us in various ways was the homily .
Father, can you do a video about people wanting to discern a vocation, yet still dealing with sexual sin? I feel like this is a topic that's not being talked about, but needs to be. Impurity definitely affects discernment, right?
By vocation, I mean the priesthood or religious life!
Im no priest but Im sure a common answer would be: be repentent, go to confession, and pray about it because no sin is too bad or too dirty for our Lord. Although like I said Im not a priest so I could DEFINITELY be wrong lol
Good luck tho m8!
U watch the channel by mattfras, pints w/aquanis?
It totally has a 2 hour gutsy real talk w/ a priest about e everything u can imagine with this topic..
Totally gave me insight,
@@TonyTones123 Receive mercy indeed. But, I think there's a lot of confusion about it. For example, you could interpret St. Thomas' Summa as saying that one doesn't necessarily need to be chaste to enter an order, but on the other hand, we have scandals that have broken out in the last few years. Unfortunately, there are seminarians that struggle with unchastity as well. How do we know who to let in to these orders/seminaries? Do we go with a hard rule of one or two years of chastity? Or something else?
@@misterfosterdulles Yeah, was that with Fr. Gregory Pine? or somebody else? Might have to look into it.
Thank you Ft. Mike for talking about the tough subjects. Please do more videos on the messy side of our lives.
This is exactly how I pray. No rosariesy or novenas straight up conversations with God the father and his son Jesus about our messy lives.
Fr. Mike thanks for handling this content straight forward...I loved it. I hope young adults and couples are listening.
Thank you Father, you are full of the Holy Spirit. I did experience what you said, but the other person was struggling with childhood traumas and past relationships that he couldn't grow trust but destroy everything and for my well-being and his we broke up. I thank God because I pray to Jesus the day before and then he broke up with me and I accepted it as a gift from God not to be hurt anymore by toxic and judgemental attitudes that were destructive, but to learn from the experience and wait for God's choosen partner.
I agree to be honest about certain things after a while. People make choices with what they experience during the beginning. And withholding information is actually manipulating the person into thinking you are somebody that you aren't
Thank you Fr Mike, Thanks for the useful dos and don'ts.
I never admitted that I suffered with this, not even with my friends. Acceptance is an important step in fighting against it.
This video actually brought me some healing from a past relationship I'm still healing from. In my case I was caught off guard by a similar though not the same kind of question before we were committed to one another and I didn't want to reveal that truth yet. Once it came out a year later my partner couldn't get over my lie. From that moment forward he couldn't trust anything I did ever again and it became extremely toxic. We were not committed at the and he couldn't get over feeling like I cheated and lied about it. It still breaks my heart. My counselor told me something very similar to what Fr. Mike said "some things they didn't have a right to know yet" should I have lied? No. But did it make me an untrustworthy person? No. We are all flawed.
@Go on an Adventure: I hope you will read that message
@@Kerrington_John which message are you referring to?
@@goonanadventure1078 the messenge above: To summarize it: Stop blaming yourself for a fallen relationship and seeing that the sin of lacking heart and merci of your ex-partner is also coming to your problems not able to overcome that ex-relationship
Thank you, Father. All that is necessary for evil to prevail is that good men do nothing...this comes from one far wiser than I whom I don't remember now. But we need across denominational lines to talk about this regardless of shame...thank you!
You are full of mercy and enlightenment for today’s generation.
Covenant eyes is saving my life!
Vinny Neutron
It sounds like a great help in this matter
@@Onlinesully it sure is to me
Vinny Neutron and hopefully having a good accountability partner!
@@newmenrising8991 Yes! And that as well!
Well, sexual sin is a very important topic padre, one that many would rather avoid. Thanks for the courage. Actually its not easy to talk about especially when the affected person was a victim of abuse, it brings shame especially when people who do not understand begin to judge them. But in the end, if its not exposed and talked about, its harder to deal with. What I did was meet a priest and I felt an instant sense of freedom. Don't get me wrong, I struggled for years to be truly free and I still struggle but talking about your sins especially sexual sin is indispensable to becoming free of it. That's why confessions are important. Thanks Padre Mike, you give us hope
Mbaeze Michelle The Sacrament is first! However it also helps working with a coach/mentor or create strategies and habits to recovery from the addiction and transform your life and relationships. aaronwaltercoaching.com
Well said, Fr. Mike.
I believe it comes down to total honesty, and a persons current (and future actions).
The only thing I'd add, is while there s a proper time for deep intimate questions and that's not in the first few weeks. I'd say those discussions should take place when you believe you're moving beyond friendship and are definitely exclusive.
If you are the type of man or woman that cannot understand a person may not have a spotless past, then that information should be shared upfront. Otherwise, you risk wasting each others time.
Also, any current, ongoing issues should be shared upfront. They will surface one way or another.
Good job on discussing and explaining this matter, without complicating things by confusing it with religion.
Pornography is such a dangerous thing.
in general, when people discuss important matters with somebody else, the crappy part is that they mostly tell others your private stuff.
No its not crazy. This has been a problem with me for as long as i can remember myself being in. One relationship being the one with sexual desires. The other having the other one with sexual disires. It was torment on both ends. All i ended up being in was in tears. All the time. And in anger. Either blaming myaelf constantly or blaming the other person. Two wrongs do not make a right. Period. The holy Rosary! That is all I can say.
I am SO SO SO incredibly grateful to you Fr. Mike. This is an incredibly important topic and more people need to hear this!!
Pornography and masturbation destroyed my marriage even though I hung on for 27 years. I was never good enough I would’ve never lived up to those in movies and magazines. I would encourage couples to read St. Pope John Paul’s II’s theology of the body. It’s beautiful.
Father Mike, with all due respect, even though this seems like good advice on the surface it is never advisable to risk getting romantically invested in someone who is not comfortable being vulnerable (due to not being secure in their relationship and identity with the Lord) by telling the truth of who they are and are not in their life with Him.
The people who do that are either not mature enough or ready to be in a relationship that is founded in dutiful love and mutual obligation to another before the Lord, and dating without such an intention for marriage is a recipe for disaster, sin, and heartache.
It's better to be alone with the Lord for the right reasons that with someone for the wrong ones. Stay faithful and patient in trusting the Lord with your life and abundant blessings will follow. In Christ, Andrew
Fr. Mike, you handled this beautifully! This has something that is present in my relationship, and everything you said was very consoling and comforting to hear! Thank you so much for talking about such a topic; I think the world needs more of this. :)
I am going to put in my 2 cents concerning this topic. I myself struggle in this area and I believe it's not so much about when you ask but how you ask. It's one thing to ask, "Do you struggle in said area?" vs "I would like to know if you struggle in said area but you are free to tell me when you feel comfortable. I don't want to pressure you." The partner who is asking needs to make it clear that I don't want to put you on the spot. Also, please know that this takes time. Chances are the person who struggles in this area, probably struggles confessing it in Confession. Coming from someone who struggles in this area... It's not easy confessing this in Confession let alone with your partner. Your partner is not under the Seal of Confession. It really does take a lot of building up of trust. In case you are wondering, I am a woman telling you this. Another thing, I have seen people say this, "If you just pray this prayer it will help you stop." That's great and all but not really helpful to someone who has struggled with this area since the age of 7. Trust me, I have been to daily Mass but prayer can only do so much until one decides to physically do something about it. Whether it be getting a program like Covenant Eyes or having someone you know in person hold you accountable. All I ask is... Please don't give up on us if we don't tell you immediately.
Forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Hi Fr Mike! You are right on the mark! So good! Prayers for you and your ministry. Keep preaching on the uncomfortable stuff. Everyone needs to hear it. God bless!!
Start saying the rosary together every day.
it is a sad, hurtful, messy way of life, especially since this has been going on forever, ever though the subject has been brought up many times and nothing changes. I do a lot of praying to St Joseph, St Augustine, St Monica for prayers ,intercession, and guidance . Please pray for us, Fr Mike
Well, you have to know yourself and what you are capable of. Every person is weak or strong in different areas. If you are weak in the realm of chastity, but drawn to the religious life, think about being a married Deacon or a married Eastern Rite Catholic priest. There are many ways to serve Our Lord.
Thank you Father Mike, for explaining it that way makes perfect sense. We have to be honest and help one another to move in the right direction.
This is a very important topic Father. When you get a chance, can you deal with the topic of what the expectations are for marriage. I didn't know anything about, for eg., the marital debt and many other such things. Young Catholics today, and even of my age, have never been taught what Catholic marriage is. I for example, thought sex was sinful even in marriage and was to be avoided but that God would let us off sometimes for good behaviour. Needless to say that after 3 decades we have the kind of marriage that would not only not inspire young people to Catholic marriage but would actually make them decide that Catholic marriage is a really torturous way to spend a lifetime.
That doesn’t even make sense to think it was sinful IN marriage. How would we reproduce and why would God give us those body parts and drives?!
Man, you're good Father!
Thanks for the video, Fr. Mike! I haven't been in a relationship yet (because I'm only in my teens), but the points you made seem reasonable and not enough people talk about the practical approach to address this problem.
Awesome. Fr. Mike has this great ability to put things into words.
Such a forgiving and mature insight. Thanks Fr... We need more topics like these
Father Mike thank you so much for talking about this. It’s like god told you to make this video for me because you literally described my story.
Honestly I feel like this should be discussed on the first date. Otherwise you're just waiting until someone develops feeling for you and then it's harder for them to walk away.
great topic father! And a very well thought out perspective. The only thing I want to point out is that you mentioned this being a sin that particularly destroys relationships, and you are right. However, I don't think it is any worse than pride in this sense. I bring this up because I see a lot more hope in a couple that is humble but suffers from a weakness in the flesh, than one that prides itself for its righteousness. The first is a work in progress, the second... a time bomb.
What's crazy is (coming from a catholic who isn't super religious/devout but accepts the Nicene Creed and all that) I would have no problem being honest about my sexual shortcomings/sin (lol, that sounds weird to say). Where as someone who is super devout might struggle being honest about it. Funny how life works sometimes. I'd have a more difficult time talking about my other personal issues that aren't even sins. Ironic, no?
Leave your judgmental comments below.
Sadly on the Internet people have compromise their values on sexual sins and think it is normal. Pray for them to have redemption in Christ.
We need to bring back obscenity laws and throw pornographers in jail
There's a whole lot worse things why a person needs in jail.
@Mike Cranston This is a Catholic channel, not USA state propaganda. I don't care WHAT the US, the Constitution, or anything says, God's Law is ALWAYS higher than any other rules. Put pornographers in jail!
I support the sentiment of this message, and it is a message many people need to hear. There is redemption for us all when we seek it. However forgiveness and understanding of someone who has been involved in this problem does not mean that you should feel bad for wanting to leave the relationship (I know this isn't what you are saying but is an interpretation of it).
I think fundamentally my concern lies with what a relationship like that is. If we are dating someone it is in order to discern whether that person is who we are to marry (If we arent discerning marriage the relationship is merely using the other for pleasure). If we are discerning marriage with someone they have a right to information about us regarding sexual sin.
We want to be raising Catholics who are living in Truth and not shame.
John 3:20-21 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
This does not mean that it is easy for someone to reveal this truth about themselves and I agree that their partner should not be their accountability at this point, but if you are not ready to share this you aren't ready to discern marriage with someone so you shouldn't be wasting their time.
My final point is that in making a video excusing this weakness you are not just excusing people who have done this but given others the permission to behave like this in the future.
I absolutely love your explanation and insight on this topic. You are so right. I’m sharing this and working on this. God bless you and all of humanity.
I think that the main issue here is not about commitment, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé for that matter. The issue is: SEXUAL RELATIONS outside marriage is a SIN!!...Period. NO going around it. When you get married the two souls become "ONE" That is why there is no sexual 'SIN' If not married you are two separate souls HAVING SEX. (committing sin)
Totally agree
People seem to be so lax about pornography! Its terrible
Being married & finding out is always fun! 😭💔
I love your take on this. Thank you for being open on so many topics. Much love as always💛
No I disagree. The second you become involved with someone you begin discerning marriage. The person you're discerning with has a right to know any habitual mortal sins.
Thank you for speaking about real life issues🙏🏾
Greetings from Russia. 💒
Telling the person your dating,only after 2 months is too short of a time to bear your soul.IMO. You should ask them how they feel about certain things early on,before it gets to serious. Like,do you want kids?
@True RightRight That's why you should give it longer before you trust the person. Alot longer! Unfortunately you have to take that chance even during the relationship or marriage. Me, I trust NO ONE,I HAVE SOME HORRIBLE EXPERIENCES SADLY.
Agreed, but wanting kids is something that every Catholic, and anyone who claims to be Christian, must be open to life, since procreation is God's natural design and purpose for sex.
Father mike thank you and of course my wife and Jesus I found God ... I would love to get baptized by you 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Wow, this is difficult, complex and intimate. Pastorally, this is hard. Commend you for your love and grace, and understanding of all factors that affect these couples. The goal is a successful marital union, of course. You do your best to bring them to that. This involves such complex emotional and situational issues. God bless and help you in your endeavor to help people to a blessed and successful marital union, or the knowledge that they should not continue to that final marital union. Trust is so important to that final union.
You are completely on! Great sensitivity and truth. Thank you!
Jesus forgives all sins. Ask your partner if they want to live as a Christian life? If they do, then ask them to go to confession and sin no more. After confession, they are renewed in Christ. Both of yous can all start over again. If you, yourself are a real Christian, you need to accept them with unconditional love since Christ has renewed your partner. You need to accept your partner as a new person. Remember, in The Lord's Prayer, The Our Father...that He and Jesus forgivess yours sins as you forgive others sins. Use the sacrament of reconciliation. It is a very powerful weapon against evil, and everyone can start all over again. Praise Jesus and love one another as he has loved us.
I am surprised that some of the people of the industry blame others for their problems. To have an excuse to keep doing it without stopping the cycle.
So insightful! Thanks Father Mike.
Sexual sin is my major set back since a young age.
Alexandra J mine too. It’s very difficult to deal with. We can’t give up though.
When my spouse was caught in auditory I struggled for many years through therapy and found that our relationship was a mess. There is a cycle in every relationship and if these cycles are bad or sinful then it only takes one of thee people to break a cycle. I could change my own behavior but I cannot change another. We both went to confession together and started over. It was very hard for me and took years for me to trust again. I still have issues trusting men in anything. But I work at it.
This brings me to a question, I have concerns with the coronavirus that we are unable to go to confession. So what do we do? If God takes me now I am not ready!
You can go to confession . In an open room 6 feet away both wear masks. 🙏🌟🕊
This is a balanced perspective. Thanks, Fr. Mike!
I see Fr. Mike, I hit like ☺️
Father Please create a healingness or awareness for us victims of other's lust
Amen❤❤❤
Society makes this issue very difficult.
Jesus makes it easier!
PescadoAzure
What ? Please explain
Thanks for asking, Sow... For me I hit a point in my life where I just grew so worn down and felt so empty trying live by society's definition of success. When turned to God with the question of "what does it mean to be a good man?" The answer I heard in my heart was to follow Jesus. And I have spent the last 7-8 years figuring out what that means and what that looks like. I started going back to church, making prayer and service a regular part of my life, daily bible reading and reflection, sobriety from drugs and alcohol, and starting to look at my relationships and the impact I have on the people around me and realizing I don't want to be the man that I used to be, the man society said I should be. Today I want to be the man God made me to be, and it all started by just asking Him to help me get there and opening my heart to Christ. I still have a long way to go, but I'm certainly not where I used to be. God bless you on your journey.
Matthew 11:28-30
@@PescadoAzure 🙏🙏🙏
When we start having sinful ideas, just stop it all and pray
@@Onlinesully I mean that pornography is everywhere and it can be very difficult to not fall into temptation.
This is exactly why people shouldn't rush into relationships. Most people treat the boyfriend girlfriend stage as the getting to know the person stage. In reality you should only date someone you are sure you want to marry
I have no idea who else to ask so I turn to you, TH-cam comment section on a relevant video.
I've been with my girlfriend for five years. Two years into the relationship I began showing interest in Christianity, then Catholicism, and now I was baptized at this year's Easter Vigil. Circumstance led to her moving in with me to continue going to the same school when her mother moved away, a non-issue in my secular life, but now that I am Catholic, I am realizing that I am living in sin by continuing as such.
She is not religious, and shows reluctance at conversion. I do not know if it is best to pray that she converts eventually, or if perhaps it would be best to separate.
Hey!! I would honestly recommend you check your priorities first. Is God your number 1 in your life? Tell your gf all about your faith and your reasons behind it. If you want to live separately, tell her why you want to do that, ..then if she really loves you she will understand and support you. Keep praying for her conversion. But honestly ask yourself, ..if your girlfriend does not care about your faith ..but your faith has become the top priority in your life, then, do you really want to be with someone that does not value nor understands the most important thing in your life? I am not encouraging you to break up with her, but I encourage you to set your priorities straight. Talk to her about God, your faith and how beautiful it is. Take her to Church, give her a chance to get to know the Lord. If ,after she got the chance to know the Lord, she still does not want to have faith in her life, then I will highly recommend you really think through if you still want to continue in the relationship. I know you are in a hard spot, but pray for her. I will pray for you. God bless you
Good luck, wish you the best!
Well said 👏🏻I really appreciate how well you explained this issue and how to work/talk through it. Amen🙏🏻
Semen retention til marriage. Nothing sexual at all til marriage. Not worded exactly but that’s what God demands
Thank you Fr. Mike!
This is a very difficult subject but done so well here.
As I got older I felt it best to say how I felt about it & what I expected from my partner. But at the same time I wanted it to remain a personal subject in privacy between them & God.
Maybe because it's such an embarrassing topic, but also I felt I shouldn't intrude too much & trust them to do what they could & respect my feelings as much as possible.
As you say it can impact a relationship but trusting or rather allowing your partner to decide for themselves how much they can give or do is important.
If you can't agree on this topic & it really bothers one of you, then maybe the match isn't a good one and both should move on without blaming the other.
Maybe that person just isnt ready & able to give up right here & now. That point may be in the future.
I found intermittent celibacy - meaning no dating or partner, very helpful in getting away from any sexual sin and I found it gave me a good perspective on this topic.
This was made easy for me because the Lord arranged : -
Somehow, somewhen my libido was switched off and I then had such a clearer view of sex & love generally .
I was also able to be more understanding about sexual sins & be more forgiving of others as well as myself.
It actually felt very liberating.
All thanks to God & not to me at all. And I'm very grateful for it.
However, had I been very young I think I would have struggled with this. Just because in youth our temptations of all things seem magnified & so are more difficult to take control of.
Well, for me anyway.
There are advantages to aging.
If you want an open an honest conversation. Don't be judgmental, superior, or use words like sin. Treat your partner, as you would a friend.
I need a video for if you’re dealing with this in a married relationship.
Your on the mark father. From my perspective I’ve been in several bible studies where guys will not enter into a relationship before they correct this behavior. So I guess my question is if it becomes a problem in the relationship do you take a break?
Gray Overton I’d humbly suggest after sacrament of confession working with a coach/mentor who will guide your recovery process, part of which is transforming the relationship with your spouse. Let’s talk aaronwaltercoaching.com
THANK YOU FATHER MIKE! ❤️❤️❤️
Such good points. Thanks Fr Mike!