This is been the bulk of my marriage. No eye contact, begging his attention, let alone, basic acknowlegment and that's probably the most painful aspect of our "relationship", the feeling that my simple exsistance is unimportant but also a nusisce.
I heard this advice recently that I think ties in perfectly with what Fr. Mike is saying here: "Everywhere you go, imagine that each person you see has a sign hanging around his or her neck that says, 'Make me feel loved'."
Fr. Mike, your video just saved my relationship. I never knew what it was called (stonewalling) but I’ve had it done to me for many years & consequently I too, caught the stonewall bug, if you will. Now I plan to greet my husband with a smile & the loving eyes of Jesus. This has totally changed my perspective. Thank you & may the eyes of Jesus always be looking back at you & all souls with his infinite love @ mercy.
Hi Robin, how do you feel when you don't get that in return?? Or worse yet no big or kiss unless YOU initiate it!!! It's very difficult!!! May GOD Bless you and your family!!! ❤❤❤
Hi Fran, well at first it really hurt & I felt I was doing something wrong. Over the years I found myself “stonewalling” back which made everything more tense. Since Fr. Mikes explanation of this behavior I’ve become more aware of my actions as they are all I can control, overall we are now communicating more. When I greet him with a smile & desire to be present everything changes for the better. Sure it hurts when affection is not reciprocated, so I just ask God for strength. Thankfully it’s just getting better each day. May God bless you & your family
@@robinlee9272 Hi, congratulations... You are very strong and wise. Thanks for your posts, they are encouraging to me... I needed this. How have things gone for you guys? Hope it's better and better...
Amen. I am so happy that I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship where these “horsemen” would appear. I feel very lucky that my faith in God and knowing I am worthy of greater love helped me make that decision.
Thank you for this video. I've stonewalled a few of my friends before, but I didn't realize how much it must've hurt them until now. I am going to look at them with the love of Christ, even when it's difficult. Thank you, Fr. Mike 🙏
May I propose a synonym for the teenage/young adult world? Phone screening This isn't just someone looking at their phone while you're talking to them, this also included non-essential deep conversations over text messaging: can't read a face you don't see. Also, if I might add onto the old quote "if looks could kill, an eye wouldn't care" or in other words "the gaze of love is one of life"
“Sawubona” means “I see you” in my Zulu language 😊. Thanks, Fr Mike. I’m binge watching your clips from South Africa. I was looking for 1 topic in particular. I ended up watching a lot of clips as you articulate every subject so well. God bless you, father.
Hi Robine u are s protestant? Not a born again... Unless one is born again we cannot see the kingdom of God. Please read John(Bible) Good people don't go to heaven only those who are born again Thank you🙏 .
Sorry Father I was a Roman catholic some years ago,that was enfant baptism.It is said in the Bible,when any human being of any background take Jesus as their personal Savior The Holy spirit will guide us in all truth and I have taken the water baptism again few years ago. Jesus Christ said"I AM THE WAY The TRUTH AND LIFE" No one comes to Me unless The FATHER draw us near. My relationship is come close to Jesus and it is relationship and not religion.and if you say something against me(you are saying it to THE HOLY Spirit) and that Yushua and ABBA Father will not like it.
@@DarkAngel-cj6sxwho is dark angel n why.? I am saying the Truth.In the Bible Jesus says .You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.You read the Bible and keep on reading.And also see if we are supposed to pray to Mary and the saints......thank you
Thank you for this. I am 100% guilty of this with a co-worker just yesterday. Change is starting right this second ! Keep doing my good friend. We are listening :)
I needed this, thank you father. I remember the Old Testament says to rejoice with the ones who are happy and to cry with the ones that are sad. And to have a heart of flesh. And to comfort the grieving as an act of mercy. Because whatever we do to someone we do it to God. Our faith will always compel us to get out of our problems and find a better way to deal with them, a loving way, because of what Jesus did. There's no escape from such a great love. I love this, it helps me not to die of selfishness.
I have problems within my marriage and what hurts the most is him not acknowledging my pain and thinfs i say. I know i do love him and that he loves me and his behavior was excacly the same since day one. I do not feel listened, important and I am definitely not emotionally satisfied. 15 years married, 2 children and i left all my family to come to him in a different country. I just want to talk, laugh and share my feelings and thoughts with someone and i dont have that no matter how much i try to show him i need it. I stopped pushing because it causes conflicts and he shuts down more. No divorce for me i just ask God to help me understand and see things in better light.
Tania Tania I hear you and relate to your experience very much. I feel invisible, unseen by my husband and it breaks my heart. Married for 21 years with 2 children and divorce is not an option, but honestly, has been on my mind on and off for the past few years. I love him and wish for a more loving, compassionate, intimate relationship but it’s so hard to stay positive when the person you love dearly doesn’t return the amount of affection and love given. I’ve realized now that I have stonewalled my husband at times, hoping he would feel the hurt, but it doesn’t seem to bother him and only makes me more sad and distant from him. This sacrament of marriage can be so challenging and takes so much effort, patience, forgiveness, and charity, more than I feel that I’m capable of. So I’ve been trying to pray for us, to soften our hearts and ask for those virtues that I lack. Prayers and blessings for you TaniaTania and your marriage. Where I am weak, He will strengthen me.
@@suzieschwartz2619 Thank you! Thats all we can do hope nd pray for the best. I have looked for attention elsewhere and it was seeking emotional connection online. I felt guilty for it but then it makes me mad that he doesnt keep his wedding vows like he promised. I was in so much crises last year. I considered divorce too many times , i drifted away from god , my health started getting bad. I started reafing bible, goint to mass and slowly i got better. I was at the healing mass nd was praying for my brother to het better . After 2 weeks i found out that my big ovary cyst has been gone and i cancelled my surgery date that was suggested by doctors as an emergency. So i know i did the right thing by staying married nd i knkw found my piece nd i turned to god nd i know he will not let me down. It is very hard and i know u relate to me and i just hope for the best to come ur way suzie. Hang in there keep praying and enjoy in little things he gives u and it will be ok i guess. 💜
PRAISE GOD AND THANK YOU, FATHER MIKE! I'm having a difficult time not doing stonewalling since the pandemic, but ever since God called me, life made sense.
I honestly don't know what I would do without Father Mike. I stumbled across his videos by accident on Google looking for something to explain lent to a non Catholic and thought oh this guy looks approachable and it's only 7 min long. Now I watch old or new videos every single day. I was born and raised Catholic but man, he makes me cry in every video. He brings me closer to my faith & to God with every video. Christ shines through this man like the brightest light. I've never seen anything like it. Please never stop making these videos. They give me so much strength and my kids love them too. Much love & prayers to you Father Mike. God BLESS you & the work you do. Those who work close to you are so lucky to have you. I wish there was more out there like you.
Wow, thank you father, you just made me realize I do this stonewalling to my husband! I must stop right away. Please don't stop making videos. Praying for you, God bless!
I never new what my husband's been doing to me for so long was called stonewalling. In fact he got home from work this evening, and I was sharing with him something I had found out about, and was going on about this n that, an how it made me feel an, suddenly I realized that he wasn't listening and he could careless.... I felt so stupid and nervousness, so I kept talking not realizing I was actually aggravating him. It was humiliating, it felt like a sucker punch to the stomach...I finally realized my husband can't stand me anymore, and I thought we were getting better. Guess not! How could he make me feel this way, he never did it before? I thought you myself. I was home all day alone and just wanted to talk to someone....I some how began to feel ashamed of myself, and literally felt sick to my stomach...I finally got my answer, he finally told me without really telling me that he hated me...Such a hard pill to swallow. So I just shut down and I realized now how alone and scared of him I really was. Everything was for not! I'm so stuck and the worse part is he told me he doesn't believe in God!!I finally put my foot down I am done! I can not be with a man who doesn't believe in God, I can't. That scares me, so...But now I'm stronger and I give as much has he dose and he not really liking the new me...But I can't trust him nope... Anyways, I'm sorry this was so long but its exactly what I was looking for when I got online. And Thank you so very much for making this channel for us. And God bless you...
I know this os late but you were pouring your heart out on this message and I wanted to know if by God’s grace your marriage improved at all? I know how hard it must be, i feel like that too. Im sorry for your pain wish I could give you a hug. Love sometimes hurts so much especially when you just want your husband to notice and be your best friend in a way. Being at home all day is pretty lonely sometimes.
@@olololo9224 Wow I forgot about that comment I made. I reread it and realized I probably shared way to much. And no it has not gotten any better, infact this morning before he left for work we got into it bc he was gaslighting me, and being rude and cold to me per his usual. And I told him I wanted out and this time I mean it. Thank you and God bless you for caring it means alot....😊😇
Apologies for adding my own 2 pennies worth so late! My father has done this my whole life (or certainly as long as I can remember). He can walk through a room and pretend that I don’t exist. Presently a word has not been uttered between us now for 8 months (not that this is abnormal, like I said he’s done this my whole life, and we live in the same house). It’s emotionally abusive behaviour and a form of control which I don’t think he realises has made his wife and his children despise him so ironically he has no control. I’ve learned recently though to love the silence because in these moments I can really be close to God and I’m coming to understand that despite his arrogance and the pedestal he has put himself on, my father needs me more than I him. If I need to be here like this, then I will for as long as God requires it of me. This is not to say that you should stay in that situation yourself but just to let you know that you are not alone. God bless you and I pray that something strikes your husband’s heart to realise the damage he is causing not just to you but to himself xx
@@tiggyglanville8713 Thank you Thank you Thank you! I needed that and I never looked at my situation like that before but your right, so right! And God is here he always has been. And God bless you! Nice seeing this comment in the morning 🌅.....
@@tiggyglanville8713 I'm sorry that you understand what I'm going through, and my heart goes out to you. You sound smart and amazing Keep your head up and I praying for you...Take care of yourself and God bless you for being so kind to me!
That’s what my boyfriend did to me all the time when I was so excited and happy, was Talking about hobbies etc, he was always being totally indifferent and cold. And that’s the tricky thing because the ignored person can’t explain what hurts him or her so much. And may be called demanding or nagging... Yep, and right after getting that Habit he left me
@@carriehenry6721 @Amare. Adonai thank you, i did, and now my husband's really the opposite person. Without this knowledge and experience who knows if I appreciated him enough.
Love your videos Father Mike. This stonewalling was happening to me with my brother but I learned to look into his eyes with the gaze of Jesus. Great teaching!
I love the last part especially the, "or keep it a secret, don't tell anyone and you just start loving people.." Starting it with oneself. 🙂. Thank you Fr Mike! Continue to be a blessing! --- but I can't help it. I really have to share it with my family and friends. It's sooo worth the share 🙂🙂🙂.
“I respect and appreciate the saying use your freedom to serve one another in love.”❤ What type of look is acceptable to share with others if I am a married woman or person in a serious relationship with someone else? I would guess a look of respect, non flirting, not indifferent, definitely caring and respectful, and communicating concern for others and each person I come into contact with (yes, wholeheartedly agree with that), but non sexual and non romantic and non flirtatious, not saying I want your intimacy or your sex because I am taken, but I respect you and want to simply acknowledge you and recognize that you are human and this could be in need of assistance or help it support. And, if I know that I cannot provide that support for you directly, then I am available and accessible and willing to assist you in crisis and especially get you help to the best of my ability at this point. I am a responsible accountable person, a d living and being a public person and citizen to any extent is a privilege, and it is my responsibility to be if service to others, especially elderly or disabled persons.”
i was really looking for subjects like this, and i typed this subjects with catholic behind. and there you are. thank you, you are such a nice person, and the way you speak is just plain lovely. thank you Father.
Lawrence Keenan Can't even tell you how much this has happened to me too. First video on my feed & it's exactly my life. God is always right on time & apparently does so thru Father Mike
Its such a blessing...your past videos are still n will always be relevant...it does occur in all kinds of relationships .Even within the family...I am referring to "stone - walling".its just 8days after New Year and your video signals a challenge for me....Thanks so much.God bless you always...You have been a big part of my spiritual journey since the pandemic...in the beginning my heart was " rebelling" against so many restrictions specially not being allowed to go to Mass...I felt like the pandemic had as it were taken God from me...and then I discovered streaming of masses and talks n videos etc.God is and was and always will be there thru His dearest friends our priests .And from all over the world...I realized how important the role of priests were...My prayers are with you and for all priests committed to their ministry...Our God is awesome...He is always there if we seek Him...
I'm taking a class on exactly this topic, and reading John Gottman's books and I'm so happy you're talking about it! I've been wanting a christian standpoint on all of it because it is all so interesting to me but faith is so important for relationships too. It's like two worlds collide 😂
Woow... Fr. Mike you are such a blessing... You know, I didn't even notice that I do this often. Sometimes these attitudes and behaviors are just so common that we don't even notice doing it until it's pointed out. Thank you so much for this video father.
I LOVED THIS. I have just started to reverse to Catholicism a couple of months ago (Thanks Ascension Presents!) and one of my fears was that I would need to give up my favorite hobbie. I am a massive NERD for the science of love, sex and relationships and find Dr. Gottman's work awe-inspiring. I feel reasured that I can continue to look at his work even as a catholic, and embrace that part of myself. Thank you very much for this gift.
Just recently my relationship with a good friend of mine kinda seemed a bit off, and it's because of pride. My parents also told me to stay away from people who don't serve me right, and me as someone who chooses to understand people and situations got burnt out by loving people and i don't get the same treatment in return. So i decided to follow their advice, asked if it's okay to also think of myself at some time and just do the stone walling thing because that's what this friend of mine just gives off. Then here i am stumbling on this post reminding me again that we are all called to love even most difficult once. God bless you Fr. Mike, shalom 🕊️🙏
Oh my goodness Fr. Mike!!! Thank you so much for bringing this “stonewalling” to my attention. I didn’t realize that I have been doing this for years. Wow! So humbling 😥
Appreciate this video I am guilty of being critical. what I didnt know I was doing was stone walling. I constantly am down playing someone elses problems with the idea some have it worse. I avoid eye contact and dissociate from reality beacuse it is easier then seeing them. I am 23 and plan on starting RCIA after my basic training. I have always felt alone until considering the catolic faith.I have never had a relationship with god, and I feel this is helping me become a better man. haveing relationships with other people I am learning is part of a realationship with god. Taking responsiblity for this is what being a man is about. Thank you speaking in a logical way that engages me.
Oh wow Fr. Mike! This is something no one ever addresses and yet it’s so important!! You have an amazing way of explaining all of these things so well and I really appreciate all your wisdom! God bless your work, you are in my prayers, the world needs more of this wonderful and encouraging insight!!
just what I needed to hear. thank you! making someone feel like they are not seen - ufffffff something dies when someone looks at you, without seeing you. how special to feel someone sees you.
Great video Fr. Mike. Watching this video reminded me once, in some podcast, you mentioned how indifference was cruel coz it literally starved people little by little...stonewalling is sheer indifference. Been there, done that me too. Need to check my attitude. Thank you for highlighting certain aspects that we dont really give much attention to, yet they are corrosive.
This was beautiful. I have done this so many times and I feel bad for my fiance. He's so wonderful to me. I feel like stumbling upon this video, and the fact that it just popped up in my suggestions, may have just saved our future marriage.
Father Mike I just want to say it was an honor hearing what you had to tell us about how to trust God and how beautiful and loving our God is. Youth day was beautiful it was my first time seeing you and hearing what you had to say. I was really hoping I had a chance to meat you and talk to you, but I was far away from you in the Arena and a lot of people were probably also there to see you. Well at least I saw you and heard you, hopefully I meant you one day Mike. Hopefully you come again to LA youth day 2020. Much love Fr. Mike and keep doing what you do for people understand how God is loving 🙏🏽
The 1st reading today starts off describing how much Joseph’s brothers hated him: “they wouldn’t even greet him”.... the best psychologists get their theories from the Bible😇... thank you Fr. Mike #JustSayNoToStonewalling
This is remarkable about the tribe in Africa. In one of my L1 ‘I love you’ is ‘I see you well’ and if it’s‘I love you a lot’, it’s ‘I see you very well’.
Hello Father Mike, Thank you. I have been struggling with this. I stone wall someone who attends mass. We were friends, well I was best friends with her husband. We were all in choir together, there was a falling out. So the communication stopped. I tried. Now to avoid any problems I stone wall both of them. If I tell the whole story, it will sound like an excuse to do it. I know it sounds bad, but I am tired of the bad looks, I get back from her. Too much has been said. I would love to forget what was said about me, to our other friends, members of the church. I stayed quiet to not ad fuel to the fire. I respect my friend so I will not speak ill of his wife. I feel like I can not trust her. If I say hi, I feel like a fake. I trying to move on, but what you said shook me. I am doing this
Hi Paola, gosh I think it's so difficult to love some of our brothers/sisters as much as we try. I have a coworker with nasty attitude the funny thing is that she is always at church prays the Rosary and is a minister I believe. So sad that a person so into God can be can gossip and have a bad attitude at work I don't understand. I just stay away, and pray for her sometimes.
I pray that regardless how busy we are, you'll still have that time to be there too, look me also in the eyes with the loving eyes of Christ, and listen too just as I am looking at you and listening. This I ask and pray to sweetest Lord Jesus. Amen.🙏
Hi father, thank you for my richer vocabulary. I didn't know that stonewalling exists. And it is pretty funny thing to realise the word describes me. Thank you for that! Croatia sees you, but sometimes me too.
Defectos que alejan a la pareja: estar a la defensiva, criticar los defectos del otro, mirar con disgusto y, el que menciona principalmente la charla, construir un muro entre los dos. El ultimo lo entiendo básicamente como no expresar empatía y no mirar a la gente (eludir el contacto visual), expresa que "no te miro porque no te amo ni quiero hacerlo". Es una forma de escaparse. Todo eso hace difícil amar a alguien, por ambas partes. Como cristianos debemos, como mínimo, mirar con amor a la gente. Jesucristo lo hizo así.
This was amazing! I was just at the other end of this, and was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much, but you said it: We long to be seen, to be loved, to matter to someone, and when we are met with indifference, or other ways of being ignored it can really hurt. I'll try and be more aware of how I talk to people now, because it's so easy nowadays to avoid real connection with each other, just pull your cellphone out and check things out, rather than really looking and paying attention to the person next to me. Specially if they have a need to share, whether it's out of joy or fear or sadness. We need to be heard, be seen,wether we like it or not, so let's be more aware of that. I think nowadays being cold and spending a lot of time on your phone makes you look "cool" or like you are someone important, but that's so silly. I'd rather be remembered as the one who likes to talk, or ask questions, or who's a good listener, or the one that saw me when no one else was paying attention, than this cool modern stone faced adolescent the world tells me to be.
If you notice a partner “Stonewalling” you, there’s a massive chance they’ve always done it and you’re becoming aware of this abuse...celebrate, you’re outgrowing this partner move on and meet those types that will treat you as you deserve to be treated...we meet to grow, sometimes this isn’t together... healthy boundaries will see you right....
@@CatherineAragon1536 You don't have to live in an abusive relationship. You can leave. You probably should if there are children involved although I do realise it is not always easy to find somewhere safe to go.
Couples therapy? Nothing will change if you take no action. You may be able to find new appreciation and affection if you both commit to working on it which takes time and vulnerability but it may be worth it to not live the rest of your life unfulfilled. There is no shame in seeking this kind of help as there is no shame in going to a doctor when you are sick. You deserve the best chance at a happy life. God bless.
This is absolutely terrible. You are not a dog to obey, you are a woman who fully deserves to be treated with love and respect! If your husband mistreats you, it’s abuse which breaks the sacred covenant between the two of you. You aren’t married anymore. This isn’t marriage and it was never intended to be a “cross to bear” because God never wants you to be in this “marital” misery. Marriage is supposed to be a joyful union full of love and understanding - not a never-ending nightmare of abuse and disrespect. When the Bible says you can only divorce due to adultery, it doesn’t imply that you can’t also divorce due to abuse. Lots of other “crimes” committed against the spouse would constitute “breach of covenant”, not just adultery. It is better to be alone than to live like this.
As a child of a divorced couple I can absolutely attest to this being true. I remember when this phenomena started manifesting itself in my parents relationship. I remember distinctly the last time I saw them kiss being when I was 11. When I was 12 the stonewalling and lack of empathy began. They stopped even attempting to show that they cared about eachother. With time both of them starting feeling comtempt because the affection care and attention that they used to show eachother had been replaced by stonewalling. They were officialy divorced 2 years ago.
As someone with high-functioning autism who struggles with this a lot unintentionally, truly there is nothing more human than the embrace of another's concern with complete empathy and genuity, for such is the heart of universal charity in our souls.
I've been victimized on-and-off by the other "horsemen" for many years, and finally fell into the practice of stonewalling as a way to cope with that victimization. I recognize that stonewalling is bad, and I'm struggling against it - but that struggle is one of the two most intense struggles that I've ever undertaken.
Great video Fr Mike! I agree that we need to empathize with and validate others feelings for healthy relationships and to show love, however not all humans are the same, and not all humans are graced with ease of communication. For neurotypical people eye contact feels natural and is a natural and normal part of their social development. But what about Autistic people? People who are not neurotypical have different communication styles, and often making eye contact is very awkward, and even painful in many situations for those on the Autism spectrum. Many Autistic Christians out there want to love and be loved in relationships but there ability to make adequate eye or proper facial expressions is often read as stonewalling when that was not the intention Lack of eye contact is often mistaken and misread, and misunderstood by the neurotypical community. Your video while quite good for many folks, does not address the other part of the Christian population that may not see eye contact as having the same value . And it also subtly implies, that a straight face or lack of eye contact means another person has bad intentions when they may in fact have perfectly good or neutral intentions, especially if they are Autistic. Meanwhile many neurotypical folks would wrongly assume negative things about autistic people when it comes to communication style and preferences. I think the church needs to be proactive in pioneering this area of research especially in the area of marriage where marriages between neurotypical and very high functioning autistic (that are often never diagnosed as such) are running into marital communication problems and misunderstandings.
I have a difficult time making eye contact with people, not because I think I'm better than them in any way it's actually the opposite. I feel unworthy and self-conscious of myself. I pray that God will help me overcome this so that I can finally meet the eyes of everyone ❤️
Good morning Fr. Mike. I wake up every morning looking forward to listening to your podcast.. You always make my day.. listening to the positive starts my day on the right foot. Thank you for coming into my Life at a very difficult and somber time in my Life. Starting to feel good about myself again. Have an awesome Thursday. ♥️
Wow. That is exactly my struggle with a co worker. I know that I am called to love her, to find compassion for her situations, and to be forgiving as God is forgiving, but my pride and ego gets the best of me. My judging attitude takes hold and I do just that do not look her in the eye and try to avoid any conversation with her as much as possible. My prayer is for Gods transformation in my life please pray for me. It doesn't sit right with me to be this type of person and I need Jesus strength.
By the way, in my technical world of engineering when a compressor stonewalls, there no more flow going through it...like Fr Mike's example no communication is getting through. Great thought, thanks for bringing that up in our relationships.
So I was joking with my friend on how Catholics roast people (roast means to jokingly make fun of a friend, in a comical/snide way) and we agreed that the best way is to hand them an examination of Conscious.
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This is been the bulk of my marriage. No eye contact, begging his attention, let alone, basic acknowlegment and that's probably the most painful aspect of our "relationship", the feeling that my simple exsistance is unimportant but also a nusisce.
No words 😢😭🙏
Oh. Come on you're beautiful I'm sure you're doing some wrong action or lack there of to have him ignore you!
@@IsraelCountryCube Are you serious? Beauty is skin deep and the was I treated horribly.
@@IsraelCountryCube Wow, that’s awful and ignorant. I guess you think that women who get abused deserve it somehow?
I’m sorry you are going through that. 😢 I am praying for both of you. 🙏🏾❤🙏🏾❤🙏🏾
We should listen to understand, not to respond.
Father Mike I'm a Protestant but you seem like a good guy and I like your vidoes
Welcome Home Lucas.
You might also enjoy some of Bishop Fulton Sheen's videos!
Fleur de lis, huh? May the Blessed Trinity continue to unite the Body of Christ #GoSaints
We are all brothers and sisters, welcome friend!
Welcome dear
I heard this advice recently that I think ties in perfectly with what Fr. Mike is saying here: "Everywhere you go, imagine that each person you see has a sign hanging around his or her neck that says, 'Make me feel loved'."
Supposed Id be allowed to comfort every male and female that is sad. Id do it.
Fr. Mike, your video just saved my relationship. I never knew what it was called (stonewalling) but I’ve had it done to me for many years & consequently I too, caught the stonewall bug, if you will. Now I plan to greet my husband with a smile & the loving eyes of Jesus. This has totally changed my perspective. Thank you & may the eyes of Jesus always be looking back at you & all souls with his infinite love @ mercy.
Hi Robin, how do you feel when you don't get that in return?? Or worse yet no big or kiss unless YOU initiate it!!! It's very difficult!!! May GOD Bless you and your family!!! ❤❤❤
Hi Fran, well at first it really hurt & I felt I was doing something wrong. Over the years I found myself “stonewalling” back which made everything more tense. Since Fr. Mikes explanation of this behavior I’ve become more aware of my actions as they are all I can control, overall we are now communicating more. When I greet him with a smile & desire to be present everything changes for the better. Sure it hurts when affection is not reciprocated, so I just ask God for strength. Thankfully it’s just getting better each day. May God bless you & your family
@@robinlee9272 I will pray for you and your husband
@@robinlee9272 Hello Mrs, how did it go for you? Did you notice difference??
@@robinlee9272 Hi, congratulations... You are very strong and wise. Thanks for your posts, they are encouraging to me... I needed this. How have things gone for you guys? Hope it's better and better...
"Loving someone means seeing them." BOOM
The most common greeting in the Zulu tribe is Sawubona. It literally means “I see you, you are important to me and I value you.” 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Lack of empathy. Even more subtle than intentionally stonewalling.
I was wondering if it was just a lack of enthusiasm. Lack of empathy is worse. Now I'm wondering where the line between them is.
Amen. I am so happy that I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship where these “horsemen” would appear. I feel very lucky that my faith in God and knowing I am worthy of greater love helped me make that decision.
Yes, you deserve so much more.
Great message. Stonewalling is a form of passive aggressiveness.
Thank you for this video. I've stonewalled a few of my friends before, but I didn't realize how much it must've hurt them until now. I am going to look at them with the love of Christ, even when it's difficult. Thank you, Fr. Mike 🙏
Same here.
Stone walled? Woah you definitely caused them pain! But I agree I've done it before too I repent!
May I propose a synonym for the teenage/young adult world?
Phone screening
This isn't just someone looking at their phone while you're talking to them, this also included non-essential deep conversations over text messaging: can't read a face you don't see.
Also, if I might add onto the old quote "if looks could kill, an eye wouldn't care" or in other words "the gaze of love is one of life"
basically great communication is the most important asset to build great relationships!!
Hi Father Mike 👋
Watching this from Karachi, Pakistan.
Thank you.
Rah
How is Pakistan :)?
“Sawubona” means “I see you” in my Zulu language 😊. Thanks, Fr Mike. I’m binge watching your clips from South Africa. I was looking for 1 topic in particular. I ended up watching a lot of clips as you articulate every subject so well. God bless you, father.
Hi Robine u are s protestant? Not a born again... Unless one is born again we cannot see the kingdom of God. Please read John(Bible) Good people don't go to heaven only those who are born again
Thank you🙏
.
@@brigidadsouza7496 Jesus said unless you are born with water and spirit, you have no life in you.
Get off your high horse, you are not special
Sorry Father I was a Roman catholic some years ago,that was enfant baptism.It is said in the Bible,when any human being of any background take Jesus as their personal Savior The Holy spirit will guide us in all truth and I have taken the water baptism again few years ago.
Jesus Christ said"I AM THE WAY The TRUTH AND LIFE" No one comes to Me unless The FATHER draw us near.
My relationship is come close to Jesus and it is relationship and not religion.and if you say something against me(you are saying it to THE HOLY Spirit) and that Yushua and ABBA Father will not like it.
@@DarkAngel-cj6sxwho is dark angel n why.? I am saying the Truth.In the Bible Jesus says .You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.You read the Bible and keep on reading.And also see if we are supposed to pray to Mary and the saints......thank you
It's even easier to stonewall today with cell phones and other technologies...
True.
Yes, indeed
Hi good morning father watching from the Philippines 🇵🇭💕
Iommie Abraham Garcia salamat
Hi Fr, thanks for the video.
The African language that you’re talking about is Zulu.
Sawubona- I see you.
And also Na'vi from Avatar heh.
Sidekick Sam 🤣
hahaha
Thank you for this. I am 100% guilty of this with a co-worker just yesterday. Change is starting right this second ! Keep doing my good friend. We are listening :)
8.13 "I see you with the eyes of christ."
I hope I see you through my own eyes and offer empathy and help where I can.
I needed this, thank you father. I remember the Old Testament says to rejoice with the ones who are happy and to cry with the ones that are sad. And to have a heart of flesh. And to comfort the grieving as an act of mercy. Because whatever we do to someone we do it to God. Our faith will always compel us to get out of our problems and find a better way to deal with them, a loving way, because of what Jesus did. There's no escape from such a great love. I love this, it helps me not to die of selfishness.
I have problems within my marriage and what hurts the most is him not acknowledging my pain and thinfs i say. I know i do love him and that he loves me and his behavior was excacly the same since day one. I do not feel listened, important and I am definitely not emotionally satisfied. 15 years married, 2 children and i left all my family to come to him in a different country. I just want to talk, laugh and share my feelings and thoughts with someone and i dont have that no matter how much i try to show him i need it. I stopped pushing because it causes conflicts and he shuts down more. No divorce for me i just ask God to help me understand and see things in better light.
Tania Tania I hear you and relate to your experience very much. I feel invisible, unseen by my husband and it breaks my heart. Married for 21 years with 2 children and divorce is not an option, but honestly, has been on my mind on and off for the past few years. I love him and wish for a more loving, compassionate, intimate relationship but it’s so hard to stay positive when the person you love dearly doesn’t return the amount of affection and love given. I’ve realized now that I have stonewalled my husband at times, hoping he would feel the hurt, but it doesn’t seem to bother him and only makes me more sad and distant from him. This sacrament of marriage can be so challenging and takes so much effort, patience, forgiveness, and charity, more than I feel that I’m capable of. So I’ve been trying to pray for us, to soften our hearts and ask for those virtues that I lack. Prayers and blessings for you TaniaTania and your marriage. Where I am weak, He will strengthen me.
@@suzieschwartz2619 Thank you! Thats all we can do hope nd pray for the best. I have looked for attention elsewhere and it was seeking emotional connection online. I felt guilty for it but then it makes me mad that he doesnt keep his wedding vows like he promised. I was in so much crises last year. I considered divorce too many times , i drifted away from god , my health started getting bad. I started reafing bible, goint to mass and slowly i got better. I was at the healing mass nd was praying for my brother to het better . After 2 weeks i found out that my big ovary cyst has been gone and i cancelled my surgery date that was suggested by doctors as an emergency. So i know i did the right thing by staying married nd i knkw found my piece nd i turned to god nd i know he will not let me down. It is very hard and i know u relate to me and i just hope for the best to come ur way suzie. Hang in there keep praying and enjoy in little things he gives u and it will be ok i guess. 💜
PRAISE GOD AND THANK YOU, FATHER MIKE! I'm having a difficult time not doing stonewalling since the pandemic, but ever since God called me, life made sense.
I honestly don't know what I would do without Father Mike. I stumbled across his videos by accident on Google looking for something to explain lent to a non Catholic and thought oh this guy looks approachable and it's only 7 min long. Now I watch old or new videos every single day. I was born and raised Catholic but man, he makes me cry in every video. He brings me closer to my faith & to God with every video. Christ shines through this man like the brightest light. I've never seen anything like it. Please never stop making these videos. They give me so much strength and my kids love them too. Much love & prayers to you Father Mike. God BLESS you & the work you do. Those who work close to you are so lucky to have you. I wish there was more out there like you.
New thing to give up for lent!
Wow, thank you father, you just made me realize I do this stonewalling to my husband! I must stop right away. Please don't stop making videos. Praying for you, God bless!
Thank you father mike, our Lord used you as an instrument to convey the message of what our God want to tell us. watching here from 🇵🇭
I never new what my husband's been doing to me for so long was called stonewalling. In fact he got home from work this evening, and I was sharing with him something I had found out about, and was going on about this n that, an how it made me feel an, suddenly I realized that he wasn't listening and he could careless.... I felt so stupid and nervousness, so I kept talking not realizing I was actually aggravating him. It was humiliating, it felt like a sucker punch to the stomach...I finally realized my husband can't stand me anymore, and I thought we were getting better. Guess not! How could he make me feel this way, he never did it before? I thought you myself. I was home all day alone and just wanted to talk to someone....I some how began to feel ashamed of myself, and literally felt sick to my stomach...I finally got my answer, he finally told me without really telling me that he hated me...Such a hard pill to swallow. So I just shut down and I realized now how alone and scared of him I really was. Everything was for not! I'm so stuck and the worse part is he told me he doesn't believe in God!!I finally put my foot down I am done! I can not be with a man who doesn't believe in God, I can't. That scares me, so...But now I'm stronger and I give as much has he dose and he not really liking the new me...But I can't trust him nope... Anyways, I'm sorry this was so long but its exactly what I was looking for when I got online. And Thank you so very much for making this channel for us. And God bless you...
I know this os late but you were pouring your heart out on this message and I wanted to know if by God’s grace your marriage improved at all? I know how hard it must be, i feel like that too.
Im sorry for your pain wish I could give you a hug. Love sometimes hurts so much especially when you just want your husband to notice and be your best friend in a way. Being at home all day is pretty lonely sometimes.
@@olololo9224 Wow I forgot about that comment I made. I reread it and realized I probably shared way to much. And no it has not gotten any better, infact this morning before he left for work we got into it bc he was gaslighting me, and being rude and cold to me per his usual. And I told him I wanted out and this time I mean it. Thank you and God bless you for caring it means alot....😊😇
Apologies for adding my own 2 pennies worth so late! My father has done this my whole life (or certainly as long as I can remember). He can walk through a room and pretend that I don’t exist. Presently a word has not been uttered between us now for 8 months (not that this is abnormal, like I said he’s done this my whole life, and we live in the same house). It’s emotionally abusive behaviour and a form of control which I don’t think he realises has made his wife and his children despise him so ironically he has no control. I’ve learned recently though to love the silence because in these moments I can really be close to God and I’m coming to understand that despite his arrogance and the pedestal he has put himself on, my father needs me more than I him. If I need to be here like this, then I will for as long as God requires it of me. This is not to say that you should stay in that situation yourself but just to let you know that you are not alone. God bless you and I pray that something strikes your husband’s heart to realise the damage he is causing not just to you but to himself xx
@@tiggyglanville8713 Thank you Thank you Thank you! I needed that and I never looked at my situation like that before but your right, so right! And God is here he always has been. And God bless you! Nice seeing this comment in the morning 🌅.....
@@tiggyglanville8713 I'm sorry that you understand what I'm going through, and my heart goes out to you. You sound smart and amazing Keep your head up and I praying for you...Take care of yourself and God bless you for being so kind to me!
Watching from Canada 🇨🇦
That’s what my boyfriend did to me all the time when I was so excited and happy, was Talking about hobbies etc, he was always being totally indifferent and cold. And that’s the tricky thing because the ignored person can’t explain what hurts him or her so much. And may be called demanding or nagging...
Yep, and right after getting that Habit he left me
I'm sorry to hear that.. I'm sure you'll find someone who will share into your happiness
You'll find the right one...
You dodged a bullet ❤️
@@carriehenry6721 @Amare. Adonai thank you, i did, and now my husband's really the opposite person. Without this knowledge and experience who knows if I appreciated him enough.
@@wishingonthemoon1 thank you! just wasted some years, but ok, it was worth it
Love your videos Father Mike. This stonewalling was happening to me with my brother but I learned to look into his eyes with the gaze of Jesus. Great teaching!
Father Mike - this was the best, most insightful explanation I have ever heard. And it hit me right where I live. Ouch. I needed this. Thank you.
I love the last part especially the, "or keep it a secret, don't tell anyone and you just start loving people.."
Starting it with oneself. 🙂. Thank you Fr Mike! Continue to be a blessing!
--- but I can't help it. I really have to share it with my family and friends. It's sooo worth the share 🙂🙂🙂.
Being stonewalled is difficult. 😢
“I respect and appreciate the saying use your freedom to serve one another in love.”❤
What type of look is acceptable to share with others if I am a married woman or person in a serious relationship with someone else? I would guess a look of respect, non flirting, not indifferent, definitely caring and respectful, and communicating concern for others and each person I come into contact with (yes, wholeheartedly agree with that), but non sexual and non romantic and non flirtatious, not saying I want your intimacy or your sex because I am taken, but I respect you and want to simply acknowledge you and recognize that you are human and this could be in need of assistance or help it support. And, if I know that I cannot provide that support for you directly, then I am available and accessible and willing to assist you in crisis and especially get you help to the best of my ability at this point. I am a responsible accountable person, a d living and being a public person and citizen to any extent is a privilege, and it is my responsibility to be if service to others, especially elderly or disabled persons.”
i was really looking for subjects like this, and i typed this subjects with catholic behind. and there you are. thank you, you are such a nice person, and the way you speak is just plain lovely.
thank you Father.
This is great teaching, thank you Fr Mike. I would like to hear about the other 3 signs too
Beautiful message! This opened my eyes to Love in a new way. Fr. Mike spitting flames🙏🏼🙏🏼😤
#1 Sign is Father Mike showing up in a video talking about it 🙄
Lawrence Keenan Can't even tell you how much this has happened to me too. First video on my feed & it's exactly my life. God is always right on time & apparently does so thru Father Mike
I can totally relate! Now I see myself as others see me. Thank you, Father Mike!
Father Mike ❤❤❤. You are really a man of God! Every time I listen to your messages, my (FAITH) grows..
Love you Fratello!!
Its such a blessing...your past videos are still n will always be relevant...it does occur in all kinds of relationships .Even within the family...I am referring to "stone - walling".its just 8days after New Year and your video signals a challenge for me....Thanks so much.God bless you always...You have been a big part of my spiritual journey since the pandemic...in the beginning my heart was " rebelling" against so many restrictions specially not being allowed to go to Mass...I felt like the pandemic had as it were taken God from me...and then I discovered streaming of masses and talks n videos etc.God is and was and always will be there thru His dearest friends our priests .And from all over the world...I realized how important the role of priests were...My prayers are with you and for all priests committed to their ministry...Our God is awesome...He is always there if we seek Him...
God bless you Father keep up the evangelizing🙏👍
I'm taking a class on exactly this topic, and reading John Gottman's books and I'm so happy you're talking about it! I've been wanting a christian standpoint on all of it because it is all so interesting to me but faith is so important for relationships too. It's like two worlds collide 😂
Woow... Fr. Mike you are such a blessing... You know, I didn't even notice that I do this often. Sometimes these attitudes and behaviors are just so common that we don't even notice doing it until it's pointed out. Thank you so much for this video father.
I LOVED THIS. I have just started to reverse to Catholicism a couple of months ago (Thanks Ascension Presents!) and one of my fears was that I would need to give up my favorite hobbie. I am a massive NERD for the science of love, sex and relationships and find Dr. Gottman's work awe-inspiring. I feel reasured that I can continue to look at his work even as a catholic, and embrace that part of myself. Thank you very much for this gift.
Father Mike... I see you!!
Just recently my relationship with a good friend of mine kinda seemed a bit off, and it's because of pride. My parents also told me to stay away from people who don't serve me right, and me as someone who chooses to understand people and situations got burnt out by loving people and i don't get the same treatment in return. So i decided to follow their advice, asked if it's okay to also think of myself at some time and just do the stone walling thing because that's what this friend of mine just gives off. Then here i am stumbling on this post reminding me again that we are all called to love even most difficult once. God bless you Fr. Mike, shalom 🕊️🙏
Stonewalling can be hurtful.. brings your moral down.. your video has helped me to deal with this issue in the future. Thanks Father Mike..👍🏽
Oh my goodness Fr. Mike!!!
Thank you so much for bringing this “stonewalling” to my attention. I didn’t realize that I have been doing this for years.
Wow! So humbling 😥
Appreciate this video I am guilty of being critical. what I didnt know I was doing was stone walling. I constantly am down playing someone elses problems with the idea some have it worse. I avoid eye contact and dissociate from reality beacuse it is easier then seeing them. I am 23 and plan on starting RCIA after my basic training. I have always felt alone until considering the catolic faith.I have never had a relationship with god, and I feel this is helping me become a better man. haveing relationships with other people I am learning is part of a realationship with god. Taking responsiblity for this is what being a man is about. Thank you speaking in a logical way that engages me.
Good job Fr. Mike👍greetings from Poland😍
Hi from the UK Father Mike, watching you brightens up my day, every Wednesday.
You're amazing Fr. Mike, the Holy Spirit is with you
This video has just made me realize why my last relationship failed
Oh wow Fr. Mike! This is something no one ever addresses and yet it’s so important!! You have an amazing way of explaining all of these things so well and I really appreciate all your wisdom! God bless your work, you are in my prayers, the world needs more of this wonderful and encouraging insight!!
Oh my gosh Love this guy he's so funny and always leads me to Christ. Thank you Father Mike!
Father you are doing a great job. Christ be with you
I am equally guilty of this.God bless you Fr Mike.
Im a baptist but im currently bingeing all these videos
just what I needed to hear. thank you!
making someone feel like they are not seen - ufffffff
something dies when someone looks at you, without seeing you.
how special to feel someone sees you.
Great video Fr. Mike. Watching this video reminded me once, in some podcast, you mentioned how indifference was cruel coz it literally starved people little by little...stonewalling is sheer indifference. Been there, done that me too. Need to check my attitude. Thank you for highlighting certain aspects that we dont really give much attention to, yet they are corrosive.
This was beautiful. I have done this so many times and I feel bad for my fiance. He's so wonderful to me. I feel like stumbling upon this video, and the fact that it just popped up in my suggestions, may have just saved our future marriage.
Father Mike I just want to say it was an honor hearing what you had to tell us about how to trust God and how beautiful and loving our God is. Youth day was beautiful it was my first time seeing you and hearing what you had to say. I was really hoping I had a chance to meat you and talk to you, but I was far away from you in the Arena and a lot of people were probably also there to see you. Well at least I saw you and heard you, hopefully I meant you one day Mike. Hopefully you come again to LA youth day 2020. Much love Fr. Mike and keep doing what you do for people understand how God is loving 🙏🏽
The 1st reading today starts off describing how much Joseph’s brothers hated him: “they wouldn’t even greet him”.... the best psychologists get their theories from the Bible😇... thank you Fr. Mike #JustSayNoToStonewalling
This is remarkable about the tribe in Africa. In one of my L1 ‘I love you’ is ‘I see you well’ and if it’s‘I love you a lot’, it’s ‘I see you very well’.
Hello Father Mike,
Thank you. I have been struggling with this. I stone wall someone who attends mass. We were friends, well I was best friends with her husband. We were all in choir together, there was a falling out. So the communication stopped. I tried. Now to avoid any problems I stone wall both of them. If I tell the whole story, it will sound like an excuse to do it. I know it sounds bad, but I am tired of the bad looks, I get back from her. Too much has been said. I would love to forget what was said about me, to our other friends, members of the church. I stayed quiet to not ad fuel to the fire. I respect my friend so I will not speak ill of his wife. I feel like I can not trust her. If I say hi, I feel like a fake. I trying to move on, but what you said shook me. I am doing this
Hi Paola, gosh I think it's so difficult to love some of our brothers/sisters as much as we try. I have a coworker with nasty attitude the funny thing is that she is always at church prays the Rosary and is a minister I believe. So sad that a person so into God can be can gossip and have a bad attitude at work I don't understand. I just stay away, and pray for her sometimes.
Go to a very good, very holy priest & talk to him about this... may God bless you all...
You still have hate in your heart, that's very very wrong. Forgive her from the heart, not fake forgiveness. God.wont forgive you, just so you know.
I pray that regardless how busy we are, you'll still have that time to be there too, look me also in the eyes with the loving eyes of Christ, and listen too just as I am looking at you and listening. This I ask and pray to sweetest Lord Jesus. Amen.🙏
❤️ that Father Mike! So many people forget that. I don’t know which God they’re praying to. It hurts so much.
Hi father,
thank you for my richer vocabulary. I didn't know that stonewalling exists. And it is pretty funny thing to realise the word describes me. Thank you for that! Croatia sees you, but sometimes me too.
Defectos que alejan a la pareja: estar a la defensiva, criticar los defectos del otro, mirar con disgusto y, el que menciona principalmente la charla, construir un muro entre los dos. El ultimo lo entiendo básicamente como no expresar empatía y no mirar a la gente (eludir el contacto visual), expresa que "no te miro porque no te amo ni quiero hacerlo". Es una forma de escaparse. Todo eso hace difícil amar a alguien, por ambas partes. Como cristianos debemos, como mínimo, mirar con amor a la gente. Jesucristo lo hizo así.
This was amazing! I was just at the other end of this, and was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much, but you said it: We long to be seen, to be loved, to matter to someone, and when we are met with indifference, or other ways of being ignored it can really hurt. I'll try and be more aware of how I talk to people now, because it's so easy nowadays to avoid real connection with each other, just pull your cellphone out and check things out, rather than really looking and paying attention to the person next to me. Specially if they have a need to share, whether it's out of joy or fear or sadness. We need to be heard, be seen,wether we like it or not, so let's be more aware of that. I think nowadays being cold and spending a lot of time on your phone makes you look "cool" or like you are someone important, but that's so silly. I'd rather be remembered as the one who likes to talk, or ask questions, or who's a good listener, or the one that saw me when no one else was paying attention, than this cool modern stone faced adolescent the world tells me to be.
If you notice a partner “Stonewalling” you, there’s a massive chance they’ve always done it and you’re becoming aware of this abuse...celebrate, you’re outgrowing this partner move on and meet those types that will treat you as you deserve to be treated...we meet to grow, sometimes this isn’t together... healthy boundaries will see you right....
@@CatherineAragon1536 You don't have to live in an abusive relationship. You can leave. You probably should if there are children involved although I do realise it is not always easy to find somewhere safe to go.
Couples therapy? Nothing will change if you take no action. You may be able to find new appreciation and affection if you both commit to working on it which takes time and vulnerability but it may be worth it to not live the rest of your life unfulfilled. There is no shame in seeking this kind of help as there is no shame in going to a doctor when you are sick. You deserve the best chance at a happy life. God bless.
This is absolutely terrible. You are not a dog to obey, you are a woman who fully deserves to be treated with love and respect! If your husband mistreats you, it’s abuse which breaks the sacred covenant between the two of you. You aren’t married anymore. This isn’t marriage and it was never intended to be a “cross to bear” because God never wants you to be in this “marital” misery. Marriage is supposed to be a joyful union full of love and understanding - not a never-ending nightmare of abuse and disrespect. When the Bible says you can only divorce due to adultery, it doesn’t imply that you can’t also divorce due to abuse. Lots of other “crimes” committed against the spouse would constitute “breach of covenant”, not just adultery. It is better to be alone than to live like this.
As a child of a divorced couple I can absolutely attest to this being true. I remember when this phenomena started manifesting itself in my parents relationship. I remember distinctly the last time I saw them kiss being when I was 11. When I was 12 the stonewalling and lack of empathy began. They stopped even attempting to show that they cared about eachother. With time both of them starting feeling comtempt because the affection care and attention that they used to show eachother had been replaced by stonewalling. They were officialy divorced 2 years ago.
You definitely have that gaze of jesus! I can see Christ in you very easily and that’s really awesome!
Thank You Father Mike! You are making my life brighter ever.
Thank you, Fr. Mike, for your valuable lesson and encouragement. I will try harder to be a loving person starting today.
Looking forward to the videos on the other three of the four horsemen!!!!
As someone with high-functioning autism who struggles with this a lot unintentionally, truly there is nothing more human than the embrace of another's concern with complete empathy and genuity, for such is the heart of universal charity in our souls.
Indifference is the cruelest reaction.
God bless you dear Father
I've been victimized on-and-off by the other "horsemen" for many years, and finally fell into the practice of stonewalling as a way to cope with that victimization. I recognize that stonewalling is bad, and I'm struggling against it - but that struggle is one of the two most intense struggles that I've ever undertaken.
Me too. It's called going grey rock
You’re such a Friendly sort I love listening to you
Love your show Father. ❤
Thanks be to God!!!! God is Amazingly Awesome! His Mercy is endless! Infinite! God bless you my brother in Christ Jesus and your entire family!
You are the best! Peace, Father Mike.
On a similar note. When we argue among ourselves there’s only one that wins, and we don’t want him to.
God Bless you from Bonnie Scotland !!!
Great video Fr Mike! I agree that we need to empathize with and validate others feelings for healthy relationships and to show love, however not all humans are the same, and not all humans are graced with ease of communication. For neurotypical people eye contact feels natural and is a natural and normal part of their social development. But what about Autistic people? People who are not neurotypical have different communication styles, and often making eye contact is very awkward, and even painful in many situations for those on the Autism spectrum. Many Autistic Christians out there want to love and be loved in relationships but there ability to make adequate eye or proper facial expressions is often read as stonewalling when that was not the intention Lack of eye contact is often mistaken and misread, and misunderstood by the neurotypical community. Your video while quite good for many folks, does not address the other part of the Christian population that may not see eye contact as having the same value . And it also subtly implies, that a straight face or lack of eye contact means another person has bad intentions when they may in fact have perfectly good or neutral intentions, especially if they are Autistic. Meanwhile many neurotypical folks would wrongly assume negative things about autistic people when it comes to communication style and preferences. I think the church needs to be proactive in pioneering this area of research especially in the area of marriage where marriages between neurotypical and very high functioning autistic (that are often never diagnosed as such) are running into marital communication problems and misunderstandings.
I have a difficult time making eye contact with people, not because I think I'm better than them in any way it's actually the opposite. I feel unworthy and self-conscious of myself. I pray that God will help me overcome this so that I can finally meet the eyes of everyone ❤️
As a therapist who uses the Gottman method in couples counseling, I must attest to the accuracy here. Thanks, Father Mike.
Good morning Fr. Mike. I wake up every morning looking forward to listening to your podcast.. You always make my day.. listening to the positive starts my day on the right foot. Thank you for coming into my Life at a very difficult and somber time in my Life. Starting to feel good about myself again. Have an awesome Thursday. ♥️
I'm reading a book about the work that Dr. Gottman is doing, and it's fascinating.
Wow. That is exactly my struggle with a co worker. I know that I am called to love her, to find compassion for her situations, and to be forgiving as God is forgiving, but my pride and ego gets the best of me. My judging attitude takes hold and I do just that do not look her in the eye and try to avoid any conversation with her as much as possible. My prayer is for Gods transformation in my life please pray for me. It doesn't sit right with me to be this type of person and I need Jesus strength.
By the way, in my technical world of engineering when a compressor stonewalls, there no more flow going through it...like Fr Mike's example no communication is getting through. Great thought, thanks for bringing that up in our relationships.
Father Mike, I SEE YOU!! This video came right on time. Thanks and God bless.
FR . Mike, exactly how.I am treated by my husband.
So I was joking with my friend on how Catholics roast people (roast means to jokingly make fun of a friend, in a comical/snide way) and we agreed that the best way is to hand them an examination of Conscious.
Wow you hit it on the head bro… my relationships been slipping
It's the Zulu tribe in Africa, Sawubona literally means "I see you" and the response is "shiboka" which means "I exist for you"