Hi everyone! Thanks for being here 😊If you want to stay connected, vote on future video ideas, and receive the occasional extra thought piece, subscribe to my monthly newsletter here: reineorelia.ck.page/profile 💌
I'm 57 and its ok! My brain is just as busy as it always was, full of ideas and creativity. I think you do need to consciously look after your health and make sure you out and fo and learn new things. I'm studying part time with a view to move to a different job for my last ten or so years of work. I still love dressing up and going out. Am i less good looking? Definitely. Am i less valued by society? Quite possibly, but I'm still having a pretty good time. Love that young people like you are being so thoughtful.
It's so sad that women are instilled with the ticking clock idea and also believing their value is derived from their looks. It's so toxic. Loved your thoughts on this topic and your optimism in the face of those ideas. Wisdom also comes from life experiences that challenge your assumptions about the world or people, but you also need the reflection to get the full benefit from those experiences. AND there is power in building up your emotional resilience through pure self reflection, I really resonated with that.
Thank you for making this video. As I am approaching my 29th birthday, I too feel that I am becoming invisible or I fear becoming invisible to men and as you mentioned about yourself, I spent my teenage and mid twenty years hiding in a cave, reflecting and making sense of me and the world and only in the last 2 years I have been able to come forth with tiny stepts. However, I agree that femininity is not just about being beautiful, sought after and lusted over- wisdom is crucial too. Hypatia being an example of that! Thank you again! ✨️
I'm 37 and i'm still cute, and im also emotonal, creative, intuitive, loving, sexy, fun, bright and joyful. just be whatever you want - tbh no one really cares about you, they are just worried about themselves.
What a strange and happy coincidence, that I stumbled across your video. I have been struggling with the idea of getting older for half a year now. It began when I noticed two very small forehead wrinkles that didn't fully vanish anymore when I stopped frowning. I'm only 25, but I kind of began thinking that this is a sign that I'm going to die soon. My whole life I looked "too young for my age" and I've been hit on by men that were then surprised that I am older than 18. I must have internalised, that my value as a woman is tied to my youthful appearance. I hated it but simultaneously enjoyed the advantages. I have never been scared of aging, even looked forward to it, as I hoped to get taken more seriously and be more confident as a member of society. Now at the very first sign of aging, I was terrified and thought I have wasted my precious youth during the last couple of years in my own cave. I thought my life was over. It is getting better again day by day. Your video was a very nice reminder, that aging is not a death sentence, even for a woman.
Beautiful words, you are a blessing to humanity. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom grows greater in time, whereas beauty can fade with time. Nice to have outter beauty but true beauty such as wisdom is eternal!
As a person whose phd is in the world of social gerontology, there's so much to think about here regarding the gendered nature of internalized ageism. Your points remind me of Margaret Morganroth gulette, a critical gerontologist. She even crafted a crone goddess named "Senexa" that embodies both the value of old age and the need to end ageism. Part of this is an appreciation of age and the unique value of wisdom that experience brings, but also a realization that we are aged by a culture that stigmatizes growing old and we should reject those values. Something to consider here is that wisdom will not simply come as you grow older. Gerontologist Bill Thomas rejects this, saying that there's no fool quite like an old fool. Wisdom often comes from pain and introspection, sometimes even pursued voluntarily. And even then it isn't a guarantee. It takes real deliberate work to cultivate. Then again, I challenge hinging the value of wisdom as a signal that aging is valuable. I think we need to reject the premise that people's value is anything but intrinsic. Otherwise, you're centering on wisdom will fall flat as cognitive impairments become more common with age. There are many old people who do not have the capacity to wisdom due to diseases such as dementia, yet they can still provide and experience joy for themselves and others. They have the capacity to be valuable despite their wisdom not because of it.
You’re totally right about value being intrinsic. And the point about dementia resonates as well, when you speak to people in such a condition you often get a sense of their essence. There’s something very pure in that, very valuable. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
Thank-you for this video and the beauty and the wisdom of its message. I'd never heard of you or this channel until this video popped up in my recommendations. I'm glad I came! I'm 54 and never married, never had children. These were both dreams of mine, and I let go of both of them in my mid to late 30s. I wasn't giving them up fully, but I began to accept that they might not happen for me. It really saddened me at the time, and sometimes it still does, but, overall, it no longer bothers me and I love being single and living on my own, with just my cat. I've always embraced my femininity as a positive thing, although there were times when I was uncomfortable with it, of course, namely during adolescence and when men would look at me in a certain way. But for the most part, I've always viewed it as a good thing. About a year after I had my last period, in February 2021, I went through a really tough time, realising that my time of being able to have children was over for good. As I said, I'd already accepted that I would most likely never have children years earlier, but there was something about the physical reality of it that hit me like nothing else ever has. It was really hard for me knowing that that part of what made me a woman was gone forever. I talked to my mom and a very dear friend of mine about it, and they both related in different ways. For my mom, who'd had her tubes tied after my brother was born in 1972, she'd accepted that part of things a long time before she was even close to starting menopause. She said that going through menopause, though, made it more real and final. It didn't hit her in the same way that it had hit me because she was married and had children, but she was still a great support for me. The friend, on the other hand, had been married for a long time, but her hubby wasn't able to father children, and neither of them ever wanted to adopt. So she never had children, either. She could relate to me in a way that no one else I talked to at the time could. She went through menopause a few years before me. We cried together and were just there for each other. She hadn't had any kind of sympathetic support when she went through the change. She and I decided to focus on this new part of our lives and embracing our new form of femininity. We jokingly call ourselves The Wise Old Crones, and some other women have joined us in this. Womanhood is a very special thing, and it should be celebrated at all stages, not just during youth and the most fertile years. During that time, too, there are lots of women unable to physically have children due to various health reasons, like some other women I know, and it's a very hard time for them as well, the so-called fertile years. Women are valuable and important at every age and at every stage, and, while I fully understand the focus on youth and the time of life when women are supposed to be able to have children and become mothers, that's not necessarily the best time of a woman's life. I know that for me, while I loved my teens (once I got past the awkward early years of that) and my twenties, I really didn't start to come into my own until my late thirties or so. I became more confident in my mid thirties, and I really started to truly embrace myself for myself, not for what was expected of me or how others saw me (or how I thought others saw me). I feel more free now than I did when I was a lot younger, and I've heard other women say that as well. Thanks again for sharing your wonderful thoughts about this with us in this video, and I'm sorry that my comment is so long. I've always had trouble being short and sweet when I write stuff. :)
The Wise Old Crones! You ladies should definitely start a band with that name, I’d be in the front seat. Thank you so much for this beautiful share, you have a lovely way with words.
This video was such a gem to find! I’ve intentionally been on this wisdom-oriented journey for almost a decade now. And I’ve notice everything you’re saying along the way… It’s not simply “valuing femininity beyond what makes it pleasurable for others”. It’s beyond and above what makes it pleasurable and convenient for men. There was never such thing as “Be a woman!”, because growing up into womanhood increases the gap between fraud men and women, and therefore makes it impossible for fraud men to consume a woman’s resources (including her ideas) to feed their false sense of superiority, power and strength. It cuts the narrative of women dedicating their lives to the development of a man, instead of their own. No wonder so many so called men are struggling more than ever, as more and more women refuse to live for men and choose to live for their own individuality’s development. The presence of a woman is absolutely fundamental to the human development, and they know it. But instead of recognizing its importance and respect it and feed it, they chose exploitation and control (as a way the keep the source of supply). In fact, attacking women’s sense of self and worth is fundamental and instrumental to keep women as voluntary slaves to fraud men, long after the so called “women’s prime”. And, as you said, wisdom is not desired by those who are not in the path of truth and development. But those who are not life-truth-oriented don’t deserve wisdom anyway. It’s brave of you to talk about this. Great pieces of wisdom you got on this channel!
wow this is such a good video! i'm 23 and feel like i've been in this same cage phase and am still going through it. do you mind me asking what u studied and worked as previously? i started a degree, stopped and now i'm lost and i feel like i relate to you a lot with these thoughts. i feel like i have tons of pressure all of a sudden
Thanks Reine, I admire your story telling skills. You inspire me in ways that I feel can increase my potential and I appreciate that. Here’s a story of my own and I hope it makes sense. When I was a simple young sapling I started playing this game with myself. If there was a moment where I could visualize an upcoming milestone in my life I would try to remember that moment, the moment I thought of it. I would tell myself that I would be there someday and remember the moment where I first visualized it. At the moment it seemed like a long time but the closer I got the less time it would be. I remember when I would reach that milestone I would feel connected with my former self. I thought “Wow I’m already here” Every time I set a milestone, I would try to go further and further into the future. Until I realized that I’m already on my death bed. That’s as far as I can go. So now that I’m already there, might as well do the most I can. Now I go out and do things. My favourite part about doing things is that it makes things happen. Try to Believe you can make a lot of things happen and you will.
Love it, I do something very similar actually! It’s such a great way to gain perspective. Plus - makes you feel like a bit of a time-traveler which is always fun.
The Ancient Greeks understood this as these different aspects of womanhood were not embodied by one being, but by three separate deities: Athena (wisdom), Aphrodite (beauty), and Hera (womanhood).
Well for one, Athena was born out of her father's head so I don't think you want to make her a girl power symbol. Aphrodite was a jealous fiend who killed anyone who competed with her beauty (see Cupid & Psyche), and Hera was equally jealous while being constantly cheated on by Zeus for younger girls. So no, the Ancient Greeks did not see them as positive aspects of womanhood. Persephone going to hell when she gets married is a better choice as the Greeks saw a daughter's marriage as their death, since they became part of the husbands family and adopted new household gods. Demeter, the mother of Persephone, is a much better representation of motherhood.
I am a 65 yo white divorced male with a son. Only relevant for demographics....I watched a couple of her videos and .I think this women has valuable things to say. She is careful, concise with profound honesty....a breath of fresh air. I find most women in her age group and women in general today lost. And I mean fundamentally lost. Wrong assumptions, wrong information ......lost. They would have to have their hard drive wiped to have a chance in life. I wish her luck and success.
Society valuing female youthfull beauty might be the biggest trap for women, harming their personnal growth and true equality: Becoming invisible with age doesn't hurt most men because they are invisible from the start. Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society, and are forced to developp practical and social skills, physical and mental strength, build up their career and their social status, be usefull, bring value to society. Only then may they become visible and desirable, generally in their 30s or 40s. And most men (short, or low income, low socially skilled men) stay invisible their entire life. For example, most women can't handle rejection as well as men. That's because most women rarely have to. Rejection is an essential part of most men's life. They learn how to handle it because there's absolutely no way around it. Young men's personnal growth comes from that incentive, that might lack to young women. I believe becoming invisible will stop being a problem, and true equality between women and men will appear, when female youthfull beauty stop being put on a pedestal, when being "visible" is something to be earned, not dropped on girls when they get their adult body and removed around 30. I hope this take can be usefull.
@ Bopobopo931 "Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society" - absolutely disproved projection of how you view women (ie. by physical standards). Politicians are not tall as a rule. A woman doesn't need a tall guy, just prefers taller than herself (which usually means above 172 cm, which are most guys). Again, you are telling yourself stories based on your projections, instead of building yourself up as a person. As a man you are expected to be competent, as a woman - you are a threat as a competent person. That's the real issue. Secondly, you wrote: "most women can't handle rejection as well as men" - women were rejected for ages from public life [and from being competent]. You have no clue how often women have to meet with rejections. Again, like the other guy above - you are only referring to rejection in the context of sexual advances. That's a very narrow way of viewing life. Put your energy onto improving yourself as a human- and spiritual being, start valuing yourself for other things than the amount of girls you fcuk-ed. Once you do that, you will be able to see real connection with other human (eg. a woman) and then rejection in terms of romantic endeavor will be non-issue. Good luck!
I relate to a lot of what you say and to your reflectiveness, so I hate to break it to you: you are not 'right' where 150,000 years of human evolution/civilization are 'wrong.' We are never -- *never* -- going to 'reform' humanity out of its valuation of female beauty/youth. The more we vainly attempt to do this, the worse the situation becomes (just look around at the culture). In the end, things will go on as they have done for eons. Men will be men, women will be women, the strong will be strong, the weak will be weak, and so on. You cannot level evolutionary encoded hierarchies to create a utopia. You shouldn't waste any more time contemplating any of this changing. More importantly, it's nihilistic to believe it *should* change. Just accept the perennial, ineffaceable realities of human existence and enjoy this your only life, in this your only form. Ideally, you should have children before long. This is the actual alarm being raised by your internal 'biological clock' : your fertility is running out. If you think being 27 with fading looks is depressing, wait till your are 57 and staring down the reality of dying alone.
Hi :) Thanks for sharing your perspective! I have no interest in reforming humanity out of valuing youth and beauty. As you say, evolutionarily speaking it’s essential that we do. I’m merely suggesting that we *also* start valuing what elder women have to offer: emotional intelligence, social intelligence, wisdom etc. After all, if the point of woman’s life is simply to be young & beautiful enough to bear children, what is the evolutionary purpose of having women exist for decades beyond menopause? My view is that human beings depend on this later stage of a woman’s life to receive the wisdom she hopefully has accumulated over her lifetime, without which we would all keep going in circles, collectively speaking. If we teach young girls that all they’re good for is being beautiful and young, they won’t have the incentive to nurture these deeper, internal qualities within themselves, and much of their lives will be spent either feeling used or discarded. Though I agree that there are biological and evolutionary aspects to human existence that are pointless to contest, I do believe it’s worth questioning the socio-economic systems we live in and how they may influence what we value in each other. Right now we live in a capitalistic culture that only values what makes money, which excludes many feminine contributions such as motherhood and emotional wisdom. I think we are very much capable of learning to value these things more highly without pretending to be above our love of youth & beauty. The two can co-exist! Of course this is just my personal perspective. Thank you for your comment, and for prompting all these thoughts in me, I really appreciate you taking the time :)
@@existentialgroove You are sensible enough to see the bigger picture. I'm just concerned that young women are being indoctrinated into the belief that all traditional forms of understanding are evil and that the only way to 'liberate' oneself is to renounce human nature and reality, find a make-work 'career' in the neoliberal/capitalist order, pretend to be 21 into one's 50s, and try to live as a 'liberated' ersatz man, only to end up very unhappy, alone, and likely heavily medicated by middle age. You are right to question this arrangement. Traditionalism *did* value elder women's experiences and wisdom. Tradition dictated that the elderly be honored. Now? Canada and other Western countries are implementing 'voluntary' euthanasia programs to remove unwanted surplus elderly from the books (including a generation of childless women). People have been cheated. This is not 'progress.' It's dystopian. There is superior wisdom and beauty in the abiding virtues of family, children, community, sexual division of labor, embracing one's nature, et cetera. Anyway, I love your videos and relate to your ruminative cast of mind. Thank you for making them!
Feminism in the west is promoting misandry. I do enjoy it when women complain about these things when they are in their 30's. Sure it is one thing to have demands, well all have them, but for one. You know, the replacement rate in terms of population is 2.5 kids per woman, the net decline is 2.2 and the US is at 1.6. As for fertility, that is just sad, but see when something becomes a problem and you do not address it, you DONT get to complain about it later. The choice you make is the responsibility you take. There is no fixing this. Overall, you get older, your body breaks down.
Someone else commented something similar! I do understand and empathize with where you’re coming from. I definitely don’t mean to discredit men’s experiences when I talk about these topics. I know it can be hard for you as well, in ways perhaps women cannot relate to. Thank you for taking some time to listen to my perspective anyway :)
@@existentialgroove noo not at all, I know you don't discredit it, every perspective and experience is valid, I just thought about that being a common feeling in men if they are not at the top of the list. but I understand the unfair pressure of society running a clock on women because of age. Thanks for your video is very insightful and reflective. Cheers!
The fundamental difference is: as a man you are thinking of sexual value, which you can build up by building up yourself - it depends on you (mostly ofc), as a woman it's about your value as a human, like you have no perceived value by today's society standards - and you have no control over it, bc you have no control over the aging process. Fortunately, late X's and millennials and Z's are changing this.
@@friktermind I think you are assuming me as a man only see sexual value, without even mentioning it you assume that’s from where I see it. Not all men are like that, and yes I mean it from a social-human side, loneliness is insane among man at all ages
I’m 21 turning 22 next month, and my level of anxiety has drastically gone down after taking a year of self exploration or being hermit lol. Working alongside women in psychology, specifically older women Who I see as role models only brings more optimism to me. Thank you for sharing 🤎
Society valuing female youthfull beauty might be the biggest trap for women, harming their personnal growth and true equality: Becoming invisible with age doesn't hurt most men because they are invisible from the start. Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society, and are forced to developp practical and social skills, physical and mental strength, build up their career and their social status, be usefull, bring value to society. Only then may they become visible and desirable, generally in their 30s or 40s. And most men (short, or low income, low socially skilled men) stay invisible their entire life. For example, most women can't handle rejection as well as men. That's because most women rarely have to. Rejection is an essential part of most men's life. They learn how to handle it because there's absolutely no way around it. Young men's personnal growth comes from that incentive, that might lack to young women. I believe becoming invisible will stop being a problem, and true equality between women and men will appear, when female youthfull beauty stop being put on a pedestal, when being "visible" is something to be earned, not dropped on girls when they get their adult body and removed around 30. I hope this take can be usefull.
I understand where you’re coming from and I agree with certain points. However, I think it’s important to see that this value that is placed onto women’s looks is placed by men, not by women themselves. This has not been a choice made by women even if some might embrace it with time. To your point of developing social and professional skills, women definitely have to develop them as well since we are part of the social and work infrastructure of our societies. The thing is we are not valued as much for those skills than we are for our looks. Actually, I would even argue that women have to develop even stronger interpersonal/social skills and hold most of the weight of the caretaking work (which definitely brings value to society). In terms of “handling rejection”, everybody has been rejected. I don’t know a woman that hasn’t dealt with rejection. It might be easier for a woman to find someone to have mindless sex with, but when it comes to being corresponded by the person they like or having a meaningful relationship with them, it gets a lot harder. I haven’t read any papers but, at least from personal experience, men handle rejection way worse than women do. Women tend to react with sadness and grief but men oftentimes react with anger. Some might even get violent if not handled correctly. I have seen way less cases of women getting violent because of a rejection than cases of men doing so.
@@meryfedz6941 I don't think we can blame specifically men or women for this. It's a vicious circle we are all in. For example, women's magazines play a big part in this, but you would hardly find straight men in their writing teams. This is not even culturaly universal. In Germany or Scandinavia for example, women are expected as well as men to do the first move in romance, or to do practical things like chopping wood, or building a camp fire. I believe it's only in certain cultures women are supposed to be that sort of idealized fragile thing that only exist to seduce men and inspire them to greatness. It's 100% something we collectively can change.
Many women are invisible especially nowadays, when men are hypefixated on a particular type of women, and most normal looking women in everyday life are considered boring, or not attractive enough. Many are also dealing with rejection, or not outward rejection, but ignoring or even ridicule if she doesn't meet certain beauty standards, or due to aging.
![ไลฟ์สุ่ม iPhone 295 บาท... โกงมั้ย?[ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.97 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/gdstHEE4UUE/mqdefault.jpg)
Hi everyone! Thanks for being here 😊If you want to stay connected, vote on future video ideas, and receive the occasional extra thought piece, subscribe to my monthly newsletter here: reineorelia.ck.page/profile 💌
I'm 57 and its ok! My brain is just as busy as it always was, full of ideas and creativity. I think you do need to consciously look after your health and make sure you out and fo and learn new things. I'm studying part time with a view to move to a different job for my last ten or so years of work. I still love dressing up and going out. Am i less good looking? Definitely. Am i less valued by society? Quite possibly, but I'm still having a pretty good time. Love that young people like you are being so thoughtful.
Lovely to read your perspective! Thank you ❤️
It's so sad that women are instilled with the ticking clock idea and also believing their value is derived from their looks. It's so toxic. Loved your thoughts on this topic and your optimism in the face of those ideas.
Wisdom also comes from life experiences that challenge your assumptions about the world or people, but you also need the reflection to get the full benefit from those experiences. AND there is power in building up your emotional resilience through pure self reflection, I really resonated with that.
“Wisdom comes from life experiences that challenge your assumptions”, so true! I love that. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for making this video. As I am approaching my 29th birthday, I too feel that I am becoming invisible or I fear becoming invisible to men and as you mentioned about yourself, I spent my teenage and mid twenty years hiding in a cave, reflecting and making sense of me and the world and only in the last 2 years I have been able to come forth with tiny stepts. However, I agree that femininity is not just about being beautiful, sought after and lusted over- wisdom is crucial too. Hypatia being an example of that! Thank you again! ✨️
Glad this resonated! Thank you for the Hypatia example, I know so little about her but she seems like a fascinating figure.
I'm 37 and i'm still cute, and im also emotonal, creative, intuitive, loving, sexy, fun, bright and joyful. just be whatever you want - tbh no one really cares about you, they are just worried about themselves.
What a strange and happy coincidence, that I stumbled across your video. I have been struggling with the idea of getting older for half a year now. It began when I noticed two very small forehead wrinkles that didn't fully vanish anymore when I stopped frowning. I'm only 25, but I kind of began thinking that this is a sign that I'm going to die soon.
My whole life I looked "too young for my age" and I've been hit on by men that were then surprised that I am older than 18. I must have internalised, that my value as a woman is tied to my youthful appearance. I hated it but simultaneously enjoyed the advantages. I have never been scared of aging, even looked forward to it, as I hoped to get taken more seriously and be more confident as a member of society.
Now at the very first sign of aging, I was terrified and thought I have wasted my precious youth during the last couple of years in my own cave. I thought my life was over. It is getting better again day by day. Your video was a very nice reminder, that aging is not a death sentence, even for a woman.
I totally relate to what you’re saying here, thank you for sharing your experience
There are a good handful of accounts in the Bible of older wise women who single-handedly saved the day for all of society.
Jokes on you I always was invisible.
Im 40 this year and realized that my age (not my body or face) was a problem.. you earned a subscriber❤
Beautiful words, you are a blessing to humanity. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom grows greater in time, whereas beauty can fade with time. Nice to have outter beauty but true beauty such as wisdom is eternal!
As a person whose phd is in the world of social gerontology, there's so much to think about here regarding the gendered nature of internalized ageism. Your points remind me of Margaret Morganroth gulette, a critical gerontologist. She even crafted a crone goddess named "Senexa" that embodies both the value of old age and the need to end ageism. Part of this is an appreciation of age and the unique value of wisdom that experience brings, but also a realization that we are aged by a culture that stigmatizes growing old and we should reject those values.
Something to consider here is that wisdom will not simply come as you grow older. Gerontologist Bill Thomas rejects this, saying that there's no fool quite like an old fool. Wisdom often comes from pain and introspection, sometimes even pursued voluntarily. And even then it isn't a guarantee. It takes real deliberate work to cultivate.
Then again, I challenge hinging the value of wisdom as a signal that aging is valuable. I think we need to reject the premise that people's value is anything but intrinsic. Otherwise, you're centering on wisdom will fall flat as cognitive impairments become more common with age. There are many old people who do not have the capacity to wisdom due to diseases such as dementia, yet they can still provide and experience joy for themselves and others. They have the capacity to be valuable despite their wisdom not because of it.
You’re totally right about value being intrinsic. And the point about dementia resonates as well, when you speak to people in such a condition you often get a sense of their essence. There’s something very pure in that, very valuable. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
Thank-you for this video and the beauty and the wisdom of its message. I'd never heard of you or this channel until this video popped up in my recommendations. I'm glad I came!
I'm 54 and never married, never had children. These were both dreams of mine, and I let go of both of them in my mid to late 30s. I wasn't giving them up fully, but I began to accept that they might not happen for me. It really saddened me at the time, and sometimes it still does, but, overall, it no longer bothers me and I love being single and living on my own, with just my cat.
I've always embraced my femininity as a positive thing, although there were times when I was uncomfortable with it, of course, namely during adolescence and when men would look at me in a certain way. But for the most part, I've always viewed it as a good thing.
About a year after I had my last period, in February 2021, I went through a really tough time, realising that my time of being able to have children was over for good. As I said, I'd already accepted that I would most likely never have children years earlier, but there was something about the physical reality of it that hit me like nothing else ever has. It was really hard for me knowing that that part of what made me a woman was gone forever.
I talked to my mom and a very dear friend of mine about it, and they both related in different ways. For my mom, who'd had her tubes tied after my brother was born in 1972, she'd accepted that part of things a long time before she was even close to starting menopause. She said that going through menopause, though, made it more real and final. It didn't hit her in the same way that it had hit me because she was married and had children, but she was still a great support for me.
The friend, on the other hand, had been married for a long time, but her hubby wasn't able to father children, and neither of them ever wanted to adopt. So she never had children, either. She could relate to me in a way that no one else I talked to at the time could. She went through menopause a few years before me. We cried together and were just there for each other. She hadn't had any kind of sympathetic support when she went through the change.
She and I decided to focus on this new part of our lives and embracing our new form of femininity. We jokingly call ourselves The Wise Old Crones, and some other women have joined us in this.
Womanhood is a very special thing, and it should be celebrated at all stages, not just during youth and the most fertile years. During that time, too, there are lots of women unable to physically have children due to various health reasons, like some other women I know, and it's a very hard time for them as well, the so-called fertile years.
Women are valuable and important at every age and at every stage, and, while I fully understand the focus on youth and the time of life when women are supposed to be able to have children and become mothers, that's not necessarily the best time of a woman's life. I know that for me, while I loved my teens (once I got past the awkward early years of that) and my twenties, I really didn't start to come into my own until my late thirties or so. I became more confident in my mid thirties, and I really started to truly embrace myself for myself, not for what was expected of me or how others saw me (or how I thought others saw me).
I feel more free now than I did when I was a lot younger, and I've heard other women say that as well.
Thanks again for sharing your wonderful thoughts about this with us in this video, and I'm sorry that my comment is so long. I've always had trouble being short and sweet when I write stuff. :)
The Wise Old Crones! You ladies should definitely start a band with that name, I’d be in the front seat. Thank you so much for this beautiful share, you have a lovely way with words.
This video was such a gem to find! I’ve intentionally been on this wisdom-oriented journey for almost a decade now. And I’ve notice everything you’re saying along the way…
It’s not simply “valuing femininity beyond what makes it pleasurable for others”. It’s beyond and above what makes it pleasurable and convenient for men. There was never such thing as “Be a woman!”, because growing up into womanhood increases the gap between fraud men and women, and therefore makes it impossible for fraud men to consume a woman’s resources (including her ideas) to feed their false sense of superiority, power and strength. It cuts the narrative of women dedicating their lives to the development of a man, instead of their own. No wonder so many so called men are struggling more than ever, as more and more women refuse to live for men and choose to live for their own individuality’s development. The presence of a woman is absolutely fundamental to the human development, and they know it. But instead of recognizing its importance and respect it and feed it, they chose exploitation and control (as a way the keep the source of supply).
In fact, attacking women’s sense of self and worth is fundamental and instrumental to keep women as voluntary slaves to fraud men, long after the so called “women’s prime”.
And, as you said, wisdom is not desired by those who are not in the path of truth and development. But those who are not life-truth-oriented don’t deserve wisdom anyway.
It’s brave of you to talk about this. Great pieces of wisdom you got on this channel!
I’m so glad this landed for you, thank you very much for sharing your perspective!
wow this is such a good video! i'm 23 and feel like i've been in this same cage phase and am still going through it. do you mind me asking what u studied and worked as previously? i started a degree, stopped and now i'm lost and i feel like i relate to you a lot with these thoughts. i feel like i have tons of pressure all of a sudden
Thanks Reine, I admire your story telling skills. You inspire me in ways that I feel can increase my potential and I appreciate that. Here’s a story of my own and I hope it makes sense.
When I was a simple young sapling I started playing this game with myself. If there was a moment where I could visualize an upcoming milestone in my life I would try to remember that moment, the moment I thought of it. I would tell myself that I would be there someday and remember the moment where I first visualized it. At the moment it seemed like a long time but the closer I got the less time it would be. I remember when I would reach that milestone I would feel connected with my former self. I thought “Wow I’m already here” Every time I set a milestone, I would try to go further and further into the future. Until I realized that I’m already on my death bed. That’s as far as I can go. So now that I’m already there, might as well do the most I can.
Now I go out and do things. My favourite part about doing things is that it makes things happen. Try to Believe you can make a lot of things happen and you will.
Love it, I do something very similar actually! It’s such a great way to gain perspective. Plus - makes you feel like a bit of a time-traveler which is always fun.
May i just say, you have a very calming voice. Best of luck to you 🌸
such a valuable message 💗💗
You have a very soft aura
sweetest compliment, thank you 🌸
The Ancient Greeks understood this as these different aspects of womanhood were not embodied by one being, but by three separate deities: Athena (wisdom), Aphrodite (beauty), and Hera (womanhood).
I think you mean the maiden, the woman, and the crone. Your explanation is extremely oversimplified.
@@julesl6910 Looking forward to you 10,000 word essay, professor.
Well for one, Athena was born out of her father's head so I don't think you want to make her a girl power symbol. Aphrodite was a jealous fiend who killed anyone who competed with her beauty (see Cupid & Psyche), and Hera was equally jealous while being constantly cheated on by Zeus for younger girls. So no, the Ancient Greeks did not see them as positive aspects of womanhood. Persephone going to hell when she gets married is a better choice as the Greeks saw a daughter's marriage as their death, since they became part of the husbands family and adopted new household gods. Demeter, the mother of Persephone, is a much better representation of motherhood.
They only say that. They'll still hit on you. Don't worry about it 😉
lmao 😂
I am a 65 yo white divorced male with a son. Only relevant for demographics....I watched a couple of her videos and .I think this women has valuable things to say. She is careful, concise with profound honesty....a breath of fresh air. I find most women in her age group and women in general today lost. And I mean fundamentally lost. Wrong assumptions, wrong information ......lost. They would have to have their hard drive wiped to have a chance in life. I wish her luck and success.
Society valuing female youthfull beauty might be the biggest trap for women, harming their personnal growth and true equality:
Becoming invisible with age doesn't hurt most men because they are invisible from the start.
Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society, and are forced to developp practical and social skills, physical and mental strength, build up their career and their social status, be usefull, bring value to society. Only then may they become visible and desirable, generally in their 30s or 40s.
And most men (short, or low income, low socially skilled men) stay invisible their entire life.
For example, most women can't handle rejection as well as men. That's because most women rarely have to. Rejection is an essential part of most men's life. They learn how to handle it because there's absolutely no way around it. Young men's personnal growth comes from that incentive, that might lack to young women.
I believe becoming invisible will stop being a problem, and true equality between women and men will appear, when female youthfull beauty stop being put on a pedestal, when being "visible" is something to be earned, not dropped on girls when they get their adult body and removed around 30.
I hope this take can be usefull.
I love that last paragraph, well said!
@ Bopobopo931
"Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society" - absolutely disproved projection of how you view women (ie. by physical standards). Politicians are not tall as a rule. A woman doesn't need a tall guy, just prefers taller than herself (which usually means above 172 cm, which are most guys). Again, you are telling yourself stories based on your projections, instead of building yourself up as a person. As a man you are expected to be competent, as a woman - you are a threat as a competent person. That's the real issue. Secondly, you wrote: "most women can't handle rejection as well as men" - women were rejected for ages from public life [and from being competent]. You have no clue how often women have to meet with rejections. Again, like the other guy above - you are only referring to rejection in the context of sexual advances. That's a very narrow way of viewing life. Put your energy onto improving yourself as a human- and spiritual being, start valuing yourself for other things than the amount of girls you fcuk-ed. Once you do that, you will be able to see real connection with other human (eg. a woman) and then rejection in terms of romantic endeavor will be non-issue. Good luck!
Im weirdly okay with that. I feel in my city we all are looked similarly
I relate to a lot of what you say and to your reflectiveness, so I hate to break it to you: you are not 'right' where 150,000 years of human evolution/civilization are 'wrong.' We are never -- *never* -- going to 'reform' humanity out of its valuation of female beauty/youth. The more we vainly attempt to do this, the worse the situation becomes (just look around at the culture).
In the end, things will go on as they have done for eons. Men will be men, women will be women, the strong will be strong, the weak will be weak, and so on. You cannot level evolutionary encoded hierarchies to create a utopia. You shouldn't waste any more time contemplating any of this changing. More importantly, it's nihilistic to believe it *should* change.
Just accept the perennial, ineffaceable realities of human existence and enjoy this your only life, in this your only form.
Ideally, you should have children before long. This is the actual alarm being raised by your internal 'biological clock' : your fertility is running out. If you think being 27 with fading looks is depressing, wait till your are 57 and staring down the reality of dying alone.
Hi :) Thanks for sharing your perspective! I have no interest in reforming humanity out of valuing youth and beauty. As you say, evolutionarily speaking it’s essential that we do. I’m merely suggesting that we *also* start valuing what elder women have to offer: emotional intelligence, social intelligence, wisdom etc. After all, if the point of woman’s life is simply to be young & beautiful enough to bear children, what is the evolutionary purpose of having women exist for decades beyond menopause? My view is that human beings depend on this later stage of a woman’s life to receive the wisdom she hopefully has accumulated over her lifetime, without which we would all keep going in circles, collectively speaking.
If we teach young girls that all they’re good for is being beautiful and young, they won’t have the incentive to nurture these deeper, internal qualities within themselves, and much of their lives will be spent either feeling used or discarded. Though I agree that there are biological and evolutionary aspects to human existence that are pointless to contest, I do believe it’s worth questioning the socio-economic systems we live in and how they may influence what we value in each other. Right now we live in a capitalistic culture that only values what makes money, which excludes many feminine contributions such as motherhood and emotional wisdom. I think we are very much capable of learning to value these things more highly without pretending to be above our love of youth & beauty. The two can co-exist!
Of course this is just my personal perspective. Thank you for your comment, and for prompting all these thoughts in me, I really appreciate you taking the time :)
@@existentialgroove You are sensible enough to see the bigger picture. I'm just concerned that young women are being indoctrinated into the belief that all traditional forms of understanding are evil and that the only way to 'liberate' oneself is to renounce human nature and reality, find a make-work 'career' in the neoliberal/capitalist order, pretend to be 21 into one's 50s, and try to live as a 'liberated' ersatz man, only to end up very unhappy, alone, and likely heavily medicated by middle age.
You are right to question this arrangement.
Traditionalism *did* value elder women's experiences and wisdom. Tradition dictated that the elderly be honored. Now? Canada and other Western countries are implementing 'voluntary' euthanasia programs to remove unwanted surplus elderly from the books (including a generation of childless women). People have been cheated. This is not 'progress.' It's dystopian.
There is superior wisdom and beauty in the abiding virtues of family, children, community, sexual division of labor, embracing one's nature, et cetera.
Anyway, I love your videos and relate to your ruminative cast of mind. Thank you for making them!
Feminism in the west is promoting misandry. I do enjoy it when women complain about these things when they are in their 30's. Sure it is one thing to have demands, well all have them, but for one.
You know, the replacement rate in terms of population is 2.5 kids per woman, the net decline is 2.2 and the US is at 1.6. As for fertility, that is just sad, but see when something becomes a problem and you do not address it, you DONT get to complain about it later.
The choice you make is the responsibility you take. There is no fixing this. Overall, you get older, your body breaks down.
This is true, but honestly we men are mostly invisible already since early 20's
Someone else commented something similar! I do understand and empathize with where you’re coming from. I definitely don’t mean to discredit men’s experiences when I talk about these topics. I know it can be hard for you as well, in ways perhaps women cannot relate to. Thank you for taking some time to listen to my perspective anyway :)
@@existentialgroove noo not at all, I know you don't discredit it, every perspective and experience is valid, I just thought about that being a common feeling in men if they are not at the top of the list. but I understand the unfair pressure of society running a clock on women because of age. Thanks for your video is very insightful and reflective. Cheers!
You're mixing apples and oranges here, buddy.
The lived experience of a man and a woman is fundamentally very different.
The fundamental difference is: as a man you are thinking of sexual value, which you can build up by building up yourself - it depends on you (mostly ofc), as a woman it's about your value as a human, like you have no perceived value by today's society standards - and you have no control over it, bc you have no control over the aging process. Fortunately, late X's and millennials and Z's are changing this.
@@friktermind I think you are assuming me as a man only see sexual value, without even mentioning it you assume that’s from where I see it. Not all men are like that, and yes I mean it from a social-human side, loneliness is insane among man at all ages
Fair or not, men get better with age while women just age.😂
Men don't necessarily get better either. It's not a given. It depends on how he lives his life. Same for many women.
I’m 21 turning 22 next month, and my level of anxiety has drastically gone down after taking a year of self exploration or being hermit lol. Working alongside women in psychology, specifically older women Who I see as role models only brings more optimism to me. Thank you for sharing 🤎
That’s beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing
Society valuing female youthfull beauty might be the biggest trap for women, harming their personnal growth and true equality:
Becoming invisible with age doesn't hurt most men because they are invisible from the start.
Men that are not tall and naturally very handsome are invisible to women and society, and are forced to developp practical and social skills, physical and mental strength, build up their career and their social status, be usefull, bring value to society. Only then may they become visible and desirable, generally in their 30s or 40s.
And most men (short, or low income, low socially skilled men) stay invisible their entire life.
For example, most women can't handle rejection as well as men. That's because most women rarely have to. Rejection is an essential part of most men's life. They learn how to handle it because there's absolutely no way around it. Young men's personnal growth comes from that incentive, that might lack to young women.
I believe becoming invisible will stop being a problem, and true equality between women and men will appear, when female youthfull beauty stop being put on a pedestal, when being "visible" is something to be earned, not dropped on girls when they get their adult body and removed around 30.
I hope this take can be usefull.
I understand where you’re coming from and I agree with certain points. However, I think it’s important to see that this value that is placed onto women’s looks is placed by men, not by women themselves. This has not been a choice made by women even if some might embrace it with time.
To your point of developing social and professional skills, women definitely have to develop them as well since we are part of the social and work infrastructure of our societies. The thing is we are not valued as much for those skills than we are for our looks. Actually, I would even argue that women have to develop even stronger interpersonal/social skills and hold most of the weight of the caretaking work (which definitely brings value to society).
In terms of “handling rejection”, everybody has been rejected. I don’t know a woman that hasn’t dealt with rejection. It might be easier for a woman to find someone to have mindless sex with, but when it comes to being corresponded by the person they like or having a meaningful relationship with them, it gets a lot harder.
I haven’t read any papers but, at least from personal experience, men handle rejection way worse than women do. Women tend to react with sadness and grief but men oftentimes react with anger. Some might even get violent if not handled correctly. I have seen way less cases of women getting violent because of a rejection than cases of men doing so.
@@meryfedz6941
I don't think we can blame specifically men or women for this. It's a vicious circle we are all in.
For example, women's magazines play a big part in this, but you would hardly find straight men in their writing teams.
This is not even culturaly universal. In Germany or Scandinavia for example, women are expected as well as men to do the first move in romance, or to do practical things like chopping wood, or building a camp fire.
I believe it's only in certain cultures women are supposed to be that sort of idealized fragile thing that only exist to seduce men and inspire them to greatness. It's 100% something we collectively can change.
Many women are invisible especially nowadays, when men are hypefixated on a particular type of women, and most normal looking women in everyday life are considered boring, or not attractive enough. Many are also dealing with rejection, or not outward rejection, but ignoring or even ridicule if she doesn't meet certain beauty standards, or due to aging.