I hate when they do this… they should just be honest and say, “We actually aren’t going to let you talk to the current foster parent, because we don’t want them to convince you not to take the children in… even though we most likely contributed to the failure of this placement by placing five children going through the most difficult thing they’ve ever experienced into a home with foster parents that weren’t given the necessary training to be able to successfully handle such a difficult situation. And it probably only made things worse that we didn’t give them the extra ongoing help and support that they would need when supporting five traumatized foster children. So we really can’t have you talking to them, because we don’t want them to warn you. Sooo, are you in?”
I’m gonna throw my 2 cents in, feel free to ignore. Since it’s a sibling set they’re going to try to keep the kids together as much as possible to avoid farther traumatizing them. For all we know the home they are being moved from was their first foster home. Unfortunately behaviors won’t be known until someone experiences them. Not letting her talk with the current foster family could be a boundary set by that family, they might not want a bunch of people they don’t know having their contact information (especially since unfortunately there are a lot of terrible people who foster). I’m not saying you’re scenario isn’t what’s happening, or that it doesn’t happen, but there are other explanations for the different things.
@@greenbeantm1096 you’re absolutely right. There are definitely multiple scenarios that could be happening here. And I absolutely think that if they can keep siblings together they should. My sisters very first placement was twins. It was quite the introduction to fostering! Lol. They also lied to her and told her they were babies… and when they showed up they were three years old with full sets of teeth! I had literally just gotten to her house, because they were getting dropped off like two hours after she got the call, and she called me in a panic so I ran to the store and got bottles and tethers and onesies, and different sizes of diapers for babies, etc. And when they showed up (and these sweet little guys always show up with almost nothing. It’s beyond heartbreaking.), we just looked at each other, and I was like, “Sooo I’m gonna head back to the store, what’s your favorite food little dudes?” And just picked up food and a few toys and clothes until they got settled in and she could take them shopping to see what they were into. They system does these kids a huge disservice when they don’t properly equip and inform foster parents. But again, I agree that these things do happen for many different reasons sometimes.
I think you hit the nail on the head. The point is, for whatever reason, that you can't make any informed decision because you don't have enough information. I would guess that they are little hellions and nobody wants them. (Including the parents?)
hey... bit random, but I'm an ex foster kid, and I just wanted to say thanks on behalf of all the children's lives you have DEFINITELY made so so much easier. my foster carers were, to put it mildly. evil. locks on the fridge and pantry, bedroom door removed, I wasn't even allowed to wear tampons and had to be medically examined to confirm I wasn't lieing about getting my period. I wish I had someone like you and I'm grateful so many kids will get a good experience because of you
I am SO sorry you had to go through that. My heart broke reading your comment. I don’t know you but I do know You deserved so much better than that. I hope your future is full of happiness comfort and compassion. Sending internet Hugs
@@MakeupJunkie0000 thank you, it was a long time ago and I'm healing slowly. I'm just grateful that there are people like this out here making sure the cycles are broken
@@reeceturner8743 I’m glad to hear that and yes me too! I always felt a strong push to be the one who breaks the generational cycles of abuse in my own family. So far so good.
Please disregard this comment if this is triggering in anyway, but I have to ask for curiosity sake. How do you medically examine someone to find out if they’ve gotten their period? I can only think of one way and I wouldn’t call it medical.
I am so sorry you went through all that crap. I can imagine a couple legitimate reasons to lock the fridge and pantry, or even to have a bedroom door without a lock. Like, say, 5 year old with a severe food allergy who doesn't know how to read labels yet. But those situations are limited, and there is no reason to ever remove the door entirely, and certainly no reason to ban the use of tampons?? Like yeah someone might not be able to use tampons for medical reasons, but by the time someone is menstruating they're old enough to realize all on their own "oh hey this doesn't feel great, better not" Anyway, I hope you're doing better now, and that you're able to heal from the extra helping of crap life threw at you way too young
You know, my mother used to place kids in foster homes (not emergency placements), and you wouldn’t believe how much full disclosure she did. Not everyone was like her, and she missed out on a couple of foster homes who did get scared off, but none of the kids she placed had to be moved to a different foster home
I think that's great. Gives more informed consent and informed decision to everyone to have the important info. I'm a details person and would be thrilled to have lots of info.
I helped my parents with fostering over 40 kids, medically fragile newborns and several up to age 6. The FIRST question I would ask is if there are any behavioral issues between the kids. Was there any abuse that they are acting out on each other. Unfortunately we have seen sibling groups that had to be split up for their own well being. Some birth parents are sick and the kids need to be split up in order to stop recurring unhealthy behaviors between them. If they were neglected, with no abuse or behavior issues between them, I would try to keep them together if at all possible. Often times the older sibling(s) become the caregivers of the younger sibling(s) and seperating them causes a LOT of anxiety and stress. They need to SEE that an adult is able to care for their siblings as well as they do. We had the youngest two (aged 5 and 3) of a group of five. The other three (9, 8, and 6) were in separate houses, but we had regular sibling visits. The older ones did have to be separated because of behavioral issues, but they still needed to know their younger siblings were safe and healthy. Keeping sibling groups together is wonderful, but only if it is safe and healthy for all of them.
Agree 100% When I first started out I was all in for being a home for a sibling group to keep them together. For some families this is a wonderful option (I’m a 3 bed home) but for others there was abuse that they were acting out on eachother. It was heartbreaking. I’ve also had siblings that stayed together while in my home (wasn’t the healthy choice for the children as the unhealthy behaviours kept recurring) and then reunified and after some time, the one sibling was moved back into care. The behaviours just continued at the home. I’ve watched the one sibling thrive, doing so well. Haven’t seen the other for awhile now but that one was struggling. There’s no easy answer and a case by case basis but supervised visits among sibs is important.
@@javanjunkindahouse6625 It is always heartbreaking when siblings have to be separated for acting out unhealthy behaviors. Knowing the abuse has just become normal, because it is all they know. But hopefully they get the therapy they need while in foster care so they are able to break the cycle. All we can do is support them through the process and stop things when we see them.
Thank you for this. A lot of people who do not have the experience of dealing with traumatized kids over-idealize the situation and are harshly judgmental with foster parents with splits occur. The fact is that love does NOT solve anything and therapies (when available!) sometimes take a LONG time to address issues. All of the children have to be kept safe, first and foremost.
I’m not in a difficult family situation, nor will I ever be a foster kid, and even I get really uncomfortable and anxious when anyone watches after my four year old brother, especially when he was a baby. Can’t imagine how children is worse feel.
Yep can confirm a relatives 4 kids had too all be separated due to them acting out inappropriately with each other they had to go to homes with no other kids too as a result 😢
I've been almost exactly one of these kids, the eldest of five, none of us were moved for behavior but good God was it hard for them to get us together. Being separated from my siblings, who I felt it was my job to care for, was probably the most traumatizing thing I've gone through. The foster parents who took us in, in pairs or all together, for the most part were absolute saints. You're doing amazingly work spreading the reality of being a foster parent or foster child dealing with this horrendously managed system. Your videos make me feel so seen and reinforce my passion to foster
Agree. I’m so glad I found this channel, the thought I could get a call saying there’s five kids and behavioural issues at play both scares me and makes me more determined to be that person that says yes to all five.
This reminds me of something from my life. There's a teenager I'll call J who used to frequent a community center I went to. J's mom was unable to care for him and his two very little sisters, so they ended up being placed into foster care. The department didn't even try to place J with his sisters. J was initially placed far away from where he had grown up and was very unhappy. S, a worker from the community center, went through the process to foster J so that he could go back to his former school and live near his friends again. J is now almost 18 and still lives with S. J's sisters were placed with a wealthy family that ended up adopting them. J practically raised these two little girls and, from what S has told me, J wanted to apply for custody once he turned 18. Now that his sisters have been adopted, not only can J not apply for custody, but he'll have no legal right to keep seeing his sisters once he turns 18 (he can only visit if the adoptive parents allow it). That's messed up.
That is so sad.. I think there should be different rules for biological siblings. It's not their fault that their parents couldn't keep them.. then they wonder why foster children have so many mental issues. If they'd allow familiarity in there lives than it'd be easier for them.. bless his heart. I really hope those ppl allow him to continue to see his siblings.
@@NotYourBarbieGirlI don't completely agree with that. Some people want to be adopted. If the child is old enough they ask yhe child first anyways if they want their foster family to adopt them. I mean some people get adopted even in their adult years. If its what the child wants i dont think it should be stopped. Plus without the adoption they can keep getting removed from the home when they dont need to be. Now i agree there should be rules keep siblings in contact but saying no adoption i think is a bit far. Another reason adoption is good is because lets say the bio parents are horrible and abusive people. Ifnthe child had a child and them and their partner both die the horrible abusive bio parents can fight for rights and sadly sometimes win. If theyre adopted the bio parent can't fight for righta of the grandchild.
@@NotYourBarbieGirlAlso some families dont need to be reunified. My friend was abused by his parents and sexually abused by his siblings. He is adopted and has no contact with his bio family.
Commenting again, but my grandfather was in foster care. He was the second oldest and oldest boy of 5. Him and his older sister went one place and the younger siblings another. It was a source of great pain and trauma to them until the ends of their lives, and they had a very successful reunification. Until we can fix this, this is why sibling visits are so important ❤❤❤❤❤
My adopted children are part of a large family separated in order to find homes for everyone. We were not told about any of the siblings for a few years.
Siblings should never be adopted separately. That was incredibly cruel to the kids and reprehensible that they manipulated you. Were the kids babies? They didn't know they had siblings?
Unfortunately this a a situation that happems often. Fortunately she posts videos to help other Fosters/ People who. Are thinking? About becoming fosters no the? Reality. Of what really happens and how hard it can be. She also gives pointers.
Not a foster parent, just a respite worker, but most foster parents aren’t going into foster care with the intention of abusing vulnerable kids. The vast majority of them are good hearted people. Well, you can have all the heart in the world, but it’s not going to save you when you’re overwhelmed, over worked, and under supported. Then there’s the actual abusers, who are usually VERY good at hiding their true nature around other people, especially when their victims are “troubled kids” who won’t be believed anyhow. So that relative minority sneaks thru because the system is the way it is. Fact is most foster parents are decent enough, but not qualified for the job they’re doing and not getting enough support to do it properly. There are some actual monsters, but the main failing is that we’re handing a job for trained professionals over to enthusiastic over to enthusiastic amateurs and being all shocked when it falls apart. 🙄 IMO, about every foster care issue could be solved with the simple application of MONEY. Money to train foster parents, money to PAY them(because it’s a difficult job that deserves compensation, money to ensure kids have a good life. Pay to have a better screening process, pay to do more background checks. But that would require valuing foster kids and with society the way it is, I don’t see that happening.
Unfortunately it’s the same as any other abuser, they’re good at hiding it. Also depending on where you are/your agency screening might not be as strict as it should be. There’s over a hundred thousand kids in foster care in the US, and not anywhere close to that number of homes (especially when taking into account that some homes only get licensed for certain age groups, what ages can share a room, etc.) private foster agencies get paid for placing kids, so like all businesses (because unfortunately that’s what private agencies are) some don’t care who or what gets hurt, as long as they’re making a profit.
As a former foster child, a lot of FPs/staff lie and are abusive behind closed doors. The kids dont know any better so they tolerate it without reporting it and if it does get reported the workers may choose to not act on it. Even stuff like p3d0 staff and SA. Its a super corrupt system
This is so sad. I WISH I had the temperament for children. I would foster families in a heartbeat. I have all the love, but I also know I have a temper (and a small home) and it would absolutely not be fair to them. So much respect for those that can, and do.
Totally feel you here. I would love to help these kids out but my personality just really isn’t equipped for caring for kids. If I ever get wealthy I’ll definitely donate frequently to foster kid charities to help them at least a little bit.
Some states have a foster parent's bill of rights. In Oregon, one of the rights is for complete knowledge of a child's background before coming into care (this does not include protected information about bio parents).
It honestly depends why they are separating them. I know of situations where older siblings were actually sexually abusing the younger ones. There have also been situations where one or more siblings is perpetrating serious physical (but non sexual) assaults on their siblings. Those are situations where it is NOT in the best interest to place all the children together. These are pretty much extreme cases, but they do happen.
100% That "behavior concerns" is the type of language that is a big red flag. If they don't disclose what that is, they're trying to hide something significant, especially when the abuser molested someone outside of their sibling set.
Sibling sexual abuse is exceedingly common, but underreported for obvious reasons. I’m a survivor of it myself. Absolutely the vulnerable child needs to be separated from the abuser in these situations.
I found out after 2 placements that my baby brother was placed down the hall from my sister and I at a shelter where my sister and I were first placed . All those months and they didn't tell me or let us meet him 😞 . Finally got to meet him at a foster home he was at when we were on visit with our mom 😢
Laura, would you please consider doing a video on people who want to be called Mom n Dad the moment a child arrives. I know someone who has done this and I cannot believe it is acceptable. Thanks for being awesome as always😊.
That gave me a bit of the creeps. And the sad thought that they are putting their emotions before childs needs. Thanks for sharing. I think a video on this , following their(kids) lead would be great as well.
@@juliannacolombo5584 The primary goal of foster care is to reunite the child to parent. Unfortunately there is a large amount of ppl who have foster to adopt goals and this is where the Mommy and Daddy confusion starts.
We’re aspiring foster parents and honestly about to give up. We have two extra bedrooms in the house ready and I’ve done everything I can think of. We got tagged for having literal cooking wine in the pantry and my personal medication in my purse. I know they’re tough for a reason but we are a good couple with a solid home and I’m getting kind of over trying to prove it
Watching this channel and seeing comments like yours, it's absolutely ridiculous that foster parents have to be that strictly monitored but bio parents can just plop out a baby without anybody ever checking on them once if nobody calls CPS. It's just annoying that foster parents are held to stricter guidelines than bio parents a lot of the time.
@@FrenkTheJoy I get how it seems ridiculous but realistically foster parents are just held to the standard everyone should. Most (if not all) medications say to be kept in a safe location within a certain temperature range, a purse isn’t that (I say this also calling myself out) alcohol of any kind should be locked away if there are people under 21 around. These things are also just even more important when it comes to foster kids, due to trauma and other mental illnesses it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume a lot of them would like to not be here anymore, so making sure they can’t grab a random bottle of pills is a big priority.
Why would a caseworker not let you talk with a current care giver and can you explain the frustration around "likely headed to adoption" language? My husband and I are in the home study phase of becoming licensed and are trying to learn as much as we can. Thank you for your videos! They've been so informative and helpful!
Even if the caseworker suspects that the case may go that direction, nothing in foster care is final until it is final. Saying that the case is headed toward adoption leads to problems all around. It is demoralizing for the bio parents, it can make the kids feel like they are not worth working for and their parents are a hopeless cause, and if the bios do work their plan, complete all their services and get their kids back, it can be even harder than normal on the foster parents who thought this child was going to remain with them forever. Our first foster placement had a half sister who was going through TPR when our foster child was placed with us. Conventional wisdom would have said that we would be headed toward adoption as well, and for at least a year, that is what everyone was indicating to us. But eventually mom and dad (after getting pregnant again)decided to grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves and their children. Our foster child went home after 2 years. It was probably harder because we had been encouraged to believe that she would stay in our family permanently for so long.
And sometimes they outright lie, especially about known behavioural concerns and foster parents end up in dangerous situations they are unprepared for.
What a difficult decision to make with such limited information. I know I’ve said this before but you are truly a special person with such a kind soul. You have made an impact on so many people’s lives, more than you’ll ever know. Not only impacting lives through fostering but through sharing your experiences and educating people as you do in these videos.
The goal of foster care is reunification 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Ive seen cases of mothers go from nothing to some of the best moms i know. “probably going to adoption” language makes that parent feel like they will never get a child back. I know parents who this caused a larger issue with themselves. Roar! Just as frustrated, But people like you will change the world Laura
I don’t trust those talks anymore. They told me that before and reunification happened two weeks later. I’m obviously happy for them, and hopeful that it works out, but it was really hard for me.
You’re right that is the goal but not always the right way to go. I adopted my foster as there was no way he would ever return. He was 7 now he’s 11. His situation was beyond awful. Our biggest struggle now is night terrors.
When I was in Kinship Care our social worker was pushing for adoption. Like actively saying she didn't want my mother to EVER see us again after the relative who we were placed (my mother's abusive mother, who was ALSO the reason our social worker felt that way) with dumped us suddenly things changed DRASTICALLY and we were returned to our mother VERY quickly. It's just not smart to make assumptions like that
I appreciate the honesty in these videos. We’ve considered fostering, but I’m worried it will be too overwhelming and stress-inducing for me. My husband is more laid back than I am. I’m also deeply introverted, so having to talk to soooo many people (other foster parents, social workers, case workers, etc.) and having them coming in and out of my house all the time sounds like a great way to increase my anxiety. I’m glad I watched these videos before jumping into something that would be very hard for me to handle. That wouldn’t help the kids and they’ve already been through enough.
I had a friend get a call for 2 kids and it turned out to actually be 3. Another friend was told immediately that it was heading to adoption, and the case was brand new. It turns out they lead the parent to believe that if she jumped through all of the hoops she would get her child back. After 3 years they told bio mom that even though she did everything they asked and was a perfect example of progress they were still going to terminate. Luckily, bio mom and adoptive mom developed a relationship, so the child has a new family and still has contact with the bio family. The system is seriously broken. It's hard on both bios and fosters.
No lie, I’d take all 5. They need to stay together. That will help them the most. I could never take them apart. If I didn’t have my brothers I’d be worse off than I am now
@@toriamigo Sadly this is so true. It’s why my mother retired. Edit: She never did anything bad, but she was beginning to go from head to heart decisions if you know what i mean
My grandpa grew up in foster care as one of 5. Being away from his sister for just that slice of his life brought him deep pain. I totally get where you’re coming from friend.
Your heart is in the right place, but the reality of behavioral concerns often means the kids have to be separated for their own safety *from each other*, or for the safety of the foster family. I'm living this reality now with our current placements.
It would definitely be worse to take all five, and then need to find another placement down the line because it isnt working. Realistically, if they have to be split up, you want to focus on supporting those sibling relationships with as much contact time as you can. That way their time in foster care hopefully stays with placement, until whatever permanent arrangement occurs.
I would take them in NOW! 5 kids being moved from possibly yet another foster home, heading towards adoption because of God knows what history, being moved for behavioural problems... Lord knows how much they've suffered already and how much help they need 😢 I wouldn't pass it up for the world!
The way it sounds is that the kids have started to abuse each other or act out towards their siblings. It happens where that is all they know and in order to protect them all and to help them learn healthier ways they need to be separated.
If you’ve got training, time, and funds equal to your empathy, then great. All too often I see people whose empathy is larger than their ability to help kids through their trauma. Sustainably fostering means knowing your limits. How many kids you can reasonably care for, what behaviors you are able to help with, deal with, accommodate, accept. What dangers you might be putting your family (and pets) into… Go in with eyes open, and demand real information so you’re not setting yourself up for burnout and setting the kids up for failure.
I really wanna foster one day, but even hearing 5. I wouldn’t know where to start. That’s so sad that children have to pay and be separated because of the actions of adults.
Hey, so I'm technically a Foster kid (Had a Foster mother until i was 2 years old), and while I can't speak personally on my experience given how young I was, I've had friends in the system. You give me a lot of hope for what the system could be, I know, at least here, the system kinda sucks, but seeing parents like you makes me a little more optimistic. I've considered fostering one day but I know the struggles that come with it, especially since you barely get any info before placement most of the time. If me and my partner do ever Foster, we have your advice and you as a parent to look up to ♡
I remember when me and my siblings got put into the same foster home. They were an awful family. They made us try and walk to a school we've never been to, nor no the route of. At one point the family's dog pooped, thwy forced my brother to clean it at 7am in the morning, and left him at the house and didnt take him to school. I got grounded for the first time ever too, for not being able to spell a word. They forced us to prayer at the dinner table even though none of us were religious. Luckily after a while we were brought back to our dad because he was able to win his case and gain full custody. I still remember that family and met people who was with them also. There sons apparently SA'd past kids. The things you learn after the fact.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Hope you are doing better now❤ I'm a foster kid my self too. I have 3 brothers (ages 5, 9 and 15, I'm 11)and we got separated😕 at first I was put in a foster home with my youngest brother while the others were put in one. Both of the families were horrible. The foster mom literally kept my little brother there for 6 days and then she said she couldn't keep him anymore. After that he got put into another foster home. And the 10 or 11 months I was in that family they were horrible and they were really rude to me. Same with the family that the two ( 9 and 15 yo's) of my brothers were put into. In April I finally got out of the family and was put into a foster care facility. And here I am now, in a foster care facility, moving to another in 12 hours. I've been in foster care for almost a year now and I still don't know when I'm gonna get back home.And uhm yea, I see my brothers and mom once every 2 weeks. (Sorry for ny poor eunglish, I am Finnish and Not the best in English😂)
@@djwjuwiq Thats horrible! It's definitely worse when you get split away from your siblings. Im glad that had never happened to me. I hope everything ends well at least! I very much dislike the foster care system and they need to run more background checks on the people they send kids to.
My kids came into the system with 4 other siblings. First they divided them into grouos of 3, girls in one, boys in the other. Mine was a huge problem for her first family, who eventually adopted the other two girls. The boys were all basicslly feral, and had to be divided up too. Things kept shuffling until the oldest and youngest were adopted by that first family, then my son and daughter came to us (they're numbers 2 and 4) and the other two boys moved around several times until they were eventually separated. Foster care is ROUGH for siblings. The pair of girls, and my two are in contact with each other, and they frequently grieve as though everyone has died. It's really sad, but it was necessary.
Okay people I'm going to share something really personal I've been through this personally My kids were taken and I got them back within 7 months however they were placed in two different foster homes during that time The first one was abusing my child within the first few weeks my son started pissing his pants at school being sent home and then one day when I was visiting my children my son told me that the guy made him sit in a chair in the bathroom all night long because of pissing his pants and he slapped him upside the head and his other side of the head hit the light switch so he had a huge knot and bruise on his head. I looked at the two-way glass and I said you get on this now you take my kids from me and then you're going to put them in a home that's physically abusing them what else is happening My son is pissing his pants!! And they removed them now I wouldn't want the next foster parents being able to talk to them parents because they were abuses and they have no rights to my children. My children were well behaved and I also have five children. They were removed because my two younger kids dad was very abusive and no matter what I did if I moved or whatever he would always knock down my door or whatever and they said that I couldn't protect them from witnessing me being abused. Failure to protect although they were never harmed physically themselves. But yeah there's no way in hell that I would have wanted that next Foster family that was amazing to be able to talk to the first foster parents that were abusing my children. And the state probably wouldn't even allow it anyways because of the situation which is appropriate.
As a foster kid, I was quite lucky in that I got to stay with all my sisters from age 5 to 9, when my big sister got kicked out. I speak to that lady a bit now. Her husband just died and I am in a weird stage of grief.
For any of you who are truly concerned about foster children/youth, please consider becoming a CASA or GAL. These are individuals who are trained and sworn in by the courts to advocate on behalf of the child. You’re not a foster parent, you’re not housing the child, but you meet with them weekly (at least CASA’s do) and go to all official meetings where your child’s being discussed and plans are being made. You also are required to submit a written report, at each court hearing for the child, giving a report on your observations, the child’s concerns, and recommendations for moving forward. In some cases you can hold Educational Rights, and advocate for them in their school experience, as well. I did this for 5 years, on behalf of 3 children from 1 family, who were all placed separately. It can be intense, but so rewarding!
We were fosters, we adopted our last foster because we knew he would need ongoing care forever. He came to us at 4 weeks old. His first 2 weeks was in an incubator trying to survive. He just turned 10♥️
My younger brother, younger sister and I were placed in foster care for a year during a rather messy divorce between our parents. We were separated entirely and all dealt with a few abusive homes before being brought back together when we were done with foster care. It's so hard to see siblings being split up like this and feeling that their voices won't be heard. I'm the oldest and was 5 at the time. I should've been able to be with them to help when they needed someone they could trust and rely on. The system is heartbreaking, but I love to see all the positivity you try to bring to these littles and that you really try to understand what they're going through. Thank you ❤
Can you explain a bit more about the problem with the "likely headed to adoption" language? In my area, the adoption process begins after the courts terminate family reunification services. TPR doesn't take place until late in the adoption process to preserve parental rights as long as possible.
@@PrettyGirlsMakeFame Termination of Parental Rights. It is supposed to be done only after all efforts to reunify the family have been exhausted, but in practice it is often done earlier, especially with "highly adoptable" kids (babies, toddlers)
For anyone who’s wondering, “TPR” means “termination of parental rights”. The primary purpose of foster care is that it’s temporary while parents are rehabilitated, completing a prison sentence or otherwise unable to care for their children. But of course, sometimes the parent is permanently unfit to care for their children, and then the situation moves to the kids needing to be adopted and the rights of the parent(s) are terminated.
That’s a lot to take on. My concern would be is the behavior problems being caused by the current foster home? I think anyone that can foster and open their hearts and homes are very special people.
That’s exactly what happened to me and my siblings. There was 5 of us we were foster children in 3 homes for 3 years and then parental rights were terminated and we were up for a closed adoption 😢 sadly we didn’t reunite until 21 years later
Not only are CPS willing to split them up, they’re willingly evasive of the behavioural issues posing a real risk of abuse to your other children. This should be criminal!
When I was younger me and my 3 older siblings got split up it was one of the worst things that really happened because now I don’t have the same kind of relationship I used to have with them
i wonder what would be less traumatic for the kids in a case were you could only take like 3 out of five kids. Would you take the three youngest or oldest so they can be together
My neighbor’s kids were put into foster care. There were nine kids (one baby with severe disabilities and health issues as well) living in a small three bedroom home with their mom and her boyfriend. Their mom was put in jail for child abuse and neglect. I think about those kids a lot. One of the boys my age in actually in my Spanish class at school.
As the oldest kid who's been a caretaker for my little siblings it would give me huge anxiety to be separated from them and not know if I could trust their caretakers
I was in foster care with two sisters who were separated from their sibling group of 6 😟 they had a lot of behavioral issues. I often think of them still and hope theyre ok now
My friend did foster care and had a boy since he was a baby, a while later they basically told her if she didn't take his two older 1/2 siblings that they would take him also. She took the kids for a short while, they went to their dad's family, the boy she had is now adopted by them.
And this is why my goal in life is to have the biggest possible house that I can because I NEVER want babies split up if it can be avoided. I’m going to be a foster parent as soon as I am financially able. This absolutely breaks my heart.
This tracks. I was seriously looking into being a foster parent before we moved. Where we are now, the workers are the biggest problem and have pretty much decided for me that I wont foster at this time. I have a very good friend who had fosters removed from her care on 3 occasions because she was "doing too much". By too much she was filing the required reports when the parents failed to uphold their requirements and the workers were having to do more follow up and work with the parents. They told her theyd just prefer she ignore the parents misbehavior, document it and move on. Doing that would risk her ability to foster kids so she kept following the laws/rules and they removed the kids and sent them to homes that did what they wanted, regardless of my friend being a great foster and the kids doing really well in her care.
Dealing with foster care has been the absolute worse experience of my life! Dealing with the Children's issues is enough we sign up for that but the agency policies lack of support and CONSTANT interruptions and requirements is awful.
All these rules and regulations for these kids in the system, but never on parents before they become parents. It’s horrifying, anyone can create humans and abuse them for as long as they can hide it 😢
Someone's us better to split them up especially with behavior and multiple kids... I say this from experience with my parents 3 adopted kids they were going to split up and my parents took all of them bc they didn't think it was right to split them up. But in reality each of them having full focus on their horrible teams would have been better then them being together like they were. They are not the best adult despite all the work our whole family put in to those kids and sometimes still do...😢 so sometimes you need to split the kids so they get the help they need to be functioning adults in the real world.
What ways can parents help support foster carers and support their child/ren in care? There's loads of info online for carers and agencies but little for parents and not all kids are in care due to maltreatment, some parents want to be supportive.
Would they ever let you talk with the 5 kids together as a group and ask them which (# you can take) of them they feel need to stay together if they can't all be? Since they know each other best. Like maybe if you can only take 2, and they feel that the oldest should stay with the youngest, or something.
Keeping them together would be the best! Who wouldn't want all 5 together? It would ensure they had at least eachother & a safe place even with the traumatic separation.
Many people don’t have the space and resources to care for 5 (traumatized) children. Do you have room for 5 new kids in your house? I certainly don’t. Additionally sometimes splitting up kids is better if the kids have begun to act out abuse on one another or if their needs are so great that they can’t be sufficiently met in such a large group. (Heck, I have a student who has unchecked and un-cared-for behavior issues simply because his two siblings have such high needs and dangerous tendencies that his needs have fallen in between the cracks, and he’s one of just 3! Imagine a group of 5.) Sometimes splitting families up is necessary (in the short or even long run) to get them off of an office floor, out of a cycle of perpetuating abuse, and stable with the resources and attention they require to heal. Of course, everything possible should be done to keep them in contact with one another, visiting together, etc. Still, there’s no real way to say “this is best” or “who wouldn’t want all 5” when in certain cases such a thing isn’t the safest choice or even possible.
I feel so badly for the big groups of kids.... it's bad enough when someone doesn't care for one, but to be neglectful and continue to have more kids that you can't or don't want to take care of is selfish and disgusting. People talk about barely making ends meet then the next thing you know they're pregnant....🙄
i agree you shouldn’t have more kids than you can take care of, but also: you don’t know this family’s story. they could’ve ended up in foster care for other reasons such as sudden illness and might’ve been traumatized in the foster system
@@dishwasheewhile I would normally agree, I was a former foster parent and there's a few key factors in the video. One of which being "they're being moved for behavioral concerns" and another being "this is likely heading to adoption". Those are not phrases you would normally hear in a financial or health struggle situation. Also the rep says they have a history in the system. Those things all together point to neglect.
@@blueeyedbatman that makes sense. thank you! i’m from a family with too little money/time and too many kids, myself. some people just shouldn’t be allowed children.
I’m waiting for a surgery that will make me more able to do things and I’m seriously thinking of learning to be a foster parent bc of these videos and the comments from foster kids whom deserved so much better. I was abused and neglected but my parents hid it well and I was never taken away. So it would be fulfilling to care for kids who need someone to help and I have the time and space. Where do I get started? I want to be prepared for cases with kids like mine who have adhd or asd. The surgery is bc of the abuse I experienced. I never want any kids to go through what I did alone.
As the oldest of seven, the idea of siblings having to be separated due to not enough space or resources is heartbreaking. Especially because I was genuinely concerned about it happening at one point because we took in my cousins whilst their parents were in jail and cps was trying to find any excuse to take them from us, thus risking US getting taken away as well. I get it if siblings are abusive towards each other but they are often separated when that is NOT the case
Oh gosh, this is so tough. And of course you as a potential foster parent are not responsible for this. But I've been working with helping out a family. That's a single mom with 11 kids. She works as a cashier and is just barely holding on to her family. I've wondered for so long why she had so many kids with multiple dads and just recently she can find it in me that when she was 3 years old she was forcibly removed from her family where she had eight siblings. She never saw them again and has no idea where they are. Because she was so young she can't remember their names. I think she has, as a coping mechanism, tried to recreate the comfort of a large family by having so many kids herself. Herself. I feel like even if kids have to be separated, making sure they're able to continue having a relationship seems so important. ❤
Placement can be a nightmare for sibling groups. I’m a caseworker in utah. DCFS will do everything under the sun to keep siblings from being separated. Which is great. But this often leaves them stuck in a shelter or crappy situation for longer than they should be. Throw in behavioral issues and damn… one of my coworkers has a kid in a group home. The state is paying them $28k a month and he doesn’t even have shoes. The system is broken. I try my best to make it slightly less sucky than it has to be, but it’s hard.
I basically come back here every other day to learn more and I consider adopting siblings together after I'm 35 or until after my husband and I have built our forever home and have lived there three years at least. I'm unsure if I'd be allowed to adopt as I have my own mental health conditions. None of the triggers are around kids or teens and I would hope I can adopt as I'm strongly unsure if I can have bio kids. Just want to be able to provide a home more stable than mine ever was to another and let someone else feel peace.
It's the opposite here in NZ. It's incredibly hard to get foster kids into adoption. I've known people who have had these twins since 2 months old, had already adopted their cousin (twins from the older brother, adopted son from the younger sister but was organised before he was born, twins were taken off older brother due to court order due to neglect), and they weren't adopted till age 14. It took 14 years, when they would've fostered from the beginning. And there was no parent contact this entire time. The govt was giving them fostering money too. In some circunstances adoption makes sense, but also it doesn't in every sense.
Screw the whole adoption is where it's headed cause of the history or what not. My aunt had some foster kids in that situation, and you know what? They've been living with their mom for 5 years now. All the agents were like ohh yeah we know this family and they have so much history where adoption is there closer route. But honestly my aunt was the best , she worked with the kids and the family and I don't know how many foster family would have gone as far as she did. But damn. Why would you ever say that about a family. Yeah sometimes things don't work out and it takes a few trys to get it right, but it's worth it
Thank you! People who speak like that should NOT be working for the foster system in any capacity, as it just shows they are not in it for the right reasons. I'm happy for your aunt and for the kids and their family❤
Well some parents are complete losers, breed accidentally and don't care about the kids at all (exept to abuse them). The kids deserve a stable forever home and if the parents shape up they can still have a relationship, they just won't live together.
No information + no contact with the current foster parent = "No" for me. They are resigning for a reason. Not risking my own family's safety due to a case worker's poor work ethic.
Me n my 3 siblings had to be split up and me and my lil bro got the better home. The other foster home where my older brothers was really bad. They had a girl who would pull her eyelashes out and they would atagonize her and shed do it more. That foster family also treated my older brothers badly before they were moved to group homes
I was in foster care and I was that child that had “emotional” issues and so I was placed in another home for a year and separated from my siblings I had a secret phone I could call them on I had it for two days then they took it but what I’m saying is of course I had emotional issues I had been (SAed ) and had both parents arrested in front of me twice I was in foster care from preschool to first grade in and out then permanently till fifth grade I was adopted into a wonderful family with my siblings. It’s going to say edit cause I forgot to say now I’m 17 and graduated from high school 😅
I was put in at 13 as a teenager no one wanted me but as a female teenager they especially had a hard time finding me a placement no one wanted to take me in and the home I ended up in wasn’t so nice either
For all the comments saying the first foster family just doesn’t want their personal info being given out…wouldn’t it be helpful to have a secure way of communicating between foster families? All you would really need is an email address separate from your personal address that’s verified somehow, an app would be ideal, but probably expensive. Like a portal where anyone involved with the child can look up notes with a specific login related to the case? Maybe a different access tier for case workers and a tier for foster parents so confidential info is hidden.
Foster parents should at least be able to get a background as to why theyre in the system, that way they can properly prepare the child. It can also give you an idea as to how to best help them.
ive just taken my first placement a NB BB and he was a split sibling group, I would have LOVED to take on more than just the one but our house is set up for 0-5 with a priority for 0-2 but its a newborn, a 6 yr old and the next 3 were from 7-11, I only have one bedroom so it wasnt an option but its so damn infuriating
When I’m president, I’m completely overhauling they system and people like you will be in charge of what you’re obviously the most qualified and knowledgeable in. The idea that in 2023 we don’t have this more streamlined and efficient, I will never understand. There should be communication between EVERYONE involved, and the option to separate children should never even be an option unless very temporarily or 100% necessary.
Behavioral problems? Would be good to know from curren caregiver if they showed up at the bedroom door in the night with the kitchen knife in their hand.
We have room for 5 extra...we're not married though so they won't let us...never been arrested,never had my utilities shut off...we own our own business and a 30 acre farm....im a stay at home mom already, our childrens colleges have already been paid for,we own 3 houses and 3 new vehicles!!! they just won't let us
I hate when they do this… they should just be honest and say, “We actually aren’t going to let you talk to the current foster parent, because we don’t want them to convince you not to take the children in… even though we most likely contributed to the failure of this placement by placing five children going through the most difficult thing they’ve ever experienced into a home with foster parents that weren’t given the necessary training to be able to successfully handle such a difficult situation. And it probably only made things worse that we didn’t give them the extra ongoing help and support that they would need when supporting five traumatized foster children. So we really can’t have you talking to them, because we don’t want them to warn you. Sooo, are you in?”
💯
I’m gonna throw my 2 cents in, feel free to ignore. Since it’s a sibling set they’re going to try to keep the kids together as much as possible to avoid farther traumatizing them. For all we know the home they are being moved from was their first foster home. Unfortunately behaviors won’t be known until someone experiences them. Not letting her talk with the current foster family could be a boundary set by that family, they might not want a bunch of people they don’t know having their contact information (especially since unfortunately there are a lot of terrible people who foster). I’m not saying you’re scenario isn’t what’s happening, or that it doesn’t happen, but there are other explanations for the different things.
@@greenbeantm1096 you’re absolutely right. There are definitely multiple scenarios that could be happening here. And I absolutely think that if they can keep siblings together they should. My sisters very first placement was twins. It was quite the introduction to fostering! Lol. They also lied to her and told her they were babies… and when they showed up they were three years old with full sets of teeth! I had literally just gotten to her house, because they were getting dropped off like two hours after she got the call, and she called me in a panic so I ran to the store and got bottles and tethers and onesies, and different sizes of diapers for babies, etc. And when they showed up (and these sweet little guys always show up with almost nothing. It’s beyond heartbreaking.), we just looked at each other, and I was like, “Sooo I’m gonna head back to the store, what’s your favorite food little dudes?” And just picked up food and a few toys and clothes until they got settled in and she could take them shopping to see what they were into. They system does these kids a huge disservice when they don’t properly equip and inform foster parents. But again, I agree that these things do happen for many different reasons sometimes.
@@bri5155 oh my goodness Being told a baby or toddler is coming then you have an older kid! The struggle is real
Which also increases the likelihood that they will be bounced from even more placements, which can be traumatic for everyone involved. 🤦♀️
Those poor kids and they are trying to be as vague as possible to send the kids to the next foster home. What a mess.
You know they aren’t real..kids right this is an example
@@Clownbunnycosplaythis is a very real situation that happens everyday
@@Clownbunnycosplay this is VERY real, you would have known if you weren’t cosplaying all the time
@@Clownbunnycosplay This is an example of a very real situation that occurs.
I think you hit the nail on the head. The point is, for whatever reason, that you can't make any informed decision because you don't have enough information. I would guess that they are little hellions and nobody wants them. (Including the parents?)
hey... bit random, but I'm an ex foster kid, and I just wanted to say thanks on behalf of all the children's lives you have DEFINITELY made so so much easier. my foster carers were, to put it mildly. evil. locks on the fridge and pantry, bedroom door removed, I wasn't even allowed to wear tampons and had to be medically examined to confirm I wasn't lieing about getting my period. I wish I had someone like you and I'm grateful so many kids will get a good experience because of you
I am SO sorry you had to go through that. My heart broke reading your comment. I don’t know you but I do know You deserved so much better than that. I hope your future is full of happiness comfort and compassion. Sending internet Hugs
@@MakeupJunkie0000 thank you, it was a long time ago and I'm healing slowly. I'm just grateful that there are people like this out here making sure the cycles are broken
@@reeceturner8743 I’m glad to hear that and yes me too! I always felt a strong push to be the one who breaks the generational cycles of abuse in my own family. So far so good.
Please disregard this comment if this is triggering in anyway, but I have to ask for curiosity sake. How do you medically examine someone to find out if they’ve gotten their period? I can only think of one way and I wouldn’t call it medical.
I am so sorry you went through all that crap. I can imagine a couple legitimate reasons to lock the fridge and pantry, or even to have a bedroom door without a lock. Like, say, 5 year old with a severe food allergy who doesn't know how to read labels yet. But those situations are limited, and there is no reason to ever remove the door entirely, and certainly no reason to ban the use of tampons?? Like yeah someone might not be able to use tampons for medical reasons, but by the time someone is menstruating they're old enough to realize all on their own "oh hey this doesn't feel great, better not"
Anyway, I hope you're doing better now, and that you're able to heal from the extra helping of crap life threw at you way too young
You know, my mother used to place kids in foster homes (not emergency placements), and you wouldn’t believe how much full disclosure she did. Not everyone was like her, and she missed out on a couple of foster homes who did get scared off, but none of the kids she placed had to be moved to a different foster home
I think that's great. Gives more informed consent and informed decision to everyone to have the important info. I'm a details person and would be thrilled to have lots of info.
sounds like she really took her job seriously and understood children
I wish there were more people like your mom ❤
There is a huge difference in non emergency and what she is trying to show here
@@Raewoo333Hm, you might be right, but why? These kids are already in a foster home, how is moving them (for behavioral issues) an emergency?
I helped my parents with fostering over 40 kids, medically fragile newborns and several up to age 6. The FIRST question I would ask is if there are any behavioral issues between the kids. Was there any abuse that they are acting out on each other. Unfortunately we have seen sibling groups that had to be split up for their own well being. Some birth parents are sick and the kids need to be split up in order to stop recurring unhealthy behaviors between them.
If they were neglected, with no abuse or behavior issues between them, I would try to keep them together if at all possible. Often times the older sibling(s) become the caregivers of the younger sibling(s) and seperating them causes a LOT of anxiety and stress. They need to SEE that an adult is able to care for their siblings as well as they do.
We had the youngest two (aged 5 and 3) of a group of five. The other three (9, 8, and 6) were in separate houses, but we had regular sibling visits. The older ones did have to be separated because of behavioral issues, but they still needed to know their younger siblings were safe and healthy.
Keeping sibling groups together is wonderful, but only if it is safe and healthy for all of them.
Agree 100%
When I first started out I was all in for being a home for a sibling group to keep them together. For some families this is a wonderful option (I’m a 3 bed home) but for others there was abuse that they were acting out on eachother. It was heartbreaking. I’ve also had siblings that stayed together while in my home (wasn’t the healthy choice for the children as the unhealthy behaviours kept recurring) and then reunified and after some time, the one sibling was moved back into care. The behaviours just continued at the home. I’ve watched the one sibling thrive, doing so well. Haven’t seen the other for awhile now but that one was struggling. There’s no easy answer and a case by case basis but supervised visits among sibs is important.
@@javanjunkindahouse6625 It is always heartbreaking when siblings have to be separated for acting out unhealthy behaviors. Knowing the abuse has just become normal, because it is all they know. But hopefully they get the therapy they need while in foster care so they are able to break the cycle. All we can do is support them through the process and stop things when we see them.
Thank you for this. A lot of people who do not have the experience of dealing with traumatized kids over-idealize the situation and are harshly judgmental with foster parents with splits occur. The fact is that love does NOT solve anything and therapies (when available!) sometimes take a LONG time to address issues. All of the children have to be kept safe, first and foremost.
I’m not in a difficult family situation, nor will I ever be a foster kid, and even I get really uncomfortable and anxious when anyone watches after my four year old brother, especially when he was a baby. Can’t imagine how children is worse feel.
Yep can confirm a relatives 4 kids had too all be separated due to them acting out inappropriately with each other they had to go to homes with no other kids too as a result 😢
I've been almost exactly one of these kids, the eldest of five, none of us were moved for behavior but good God was it hard for them to get us together. Being separated from my siblings, who I felt it was my job to care for, was probably the most traumatizing thing I've gone through. The foster parents who took us in, in pairs or all together, for the most part were absolute saints. You're doing amazingly work spreading the reality of being a foster parent or foster child dealing with this horrendously managed system. Your videos make me feel so seen and reinforce my passion to foster
Hun I know that feeling of being a main caregiver to younger siblings but I hope you being separated even short term allowed you to be a kind again.
Agree. I’m so glad I found this channel, the thought I could get a call saying there’s five kids and behavioural issues at play both scares me and makes me more determined to be that person that says yes to all five.
This reminds me of something from my life. There's a teenager I'll call J who used to frequent a community center I went to. J's mom was unable to care for him and his two very little sisters, so they ended up being placed into foster care. The department didn't even try to place J with his sisters. J was initially placed far away from where he had grown up and was very unhappy. S, a worker from the community center, went through the process to foster J so that he could go back to his former school and live near his friends again. J is now almost 18 and still lives with S. J's sisters were placed with a wealthy family that ended up adopting them. J practically raised these two little girls and, from what S has told me, J wanted to apply for custody once he turned 18. Now that his sisters have been adopted, not only can J not apply for custody, but he'll have no legal right to keep seeing his sisters once he turns 18 (he can only visit if the adoptive parents allow it). That's messed up.
That is so sad.. I think there should be different rules for biological siblings. It's not their fault that their parents couldn't keep them.. then they wonder why foster children have so many mental issues. If they'd allow familiarity in there lives than it'd be easier for them.. bless his heart. I really hope those ppl allow him to continue to see his siblings.
Adoption strips kids from their rights and any hope of being reunited with their families, it’s very wrong. Legal guardianship is much better.
@@NotYourBarbieGirlI don't completely agree with that. Some people want to be adopted. If the child is old enough they ask yhe child first anyways if they want their foster family to adopt them. I mean some people get adopted even in their adult years. If its what the child wants i dont think it should be stopped. Plus without the adoption they can keep getting removed from the home when they dont need to be. Now i agree there should be rules keep siblings in contact but saying no adoption i think is a bit far. Another reason adoption is good is because lets say the bio parents are horrible and abusive people. Ifnthe child had a child and them and their partner both die the horrible abusive bio parents can fight for rights and sadly sometimes win. If theyre adopted the bio parent can't fight for righta of the grandchild.
@@NotYourBarbieGirlAlso some families dont need to be reunified. My friend was abused by his parents and sexually abused by his siblings. He is adopted and has no contact with his bio family.
@@lexyruse603 Key word is “some” though
Commenting again, but my grandfather was in foster care. He was the second oldest and oldest boy of 5. Him and his older sister went one place and the younger siblings another. It was a source of great pain and trauma to them until the ends of their lives, and they had a very successful reunification. Until we can fix this, this is why sibling visits are so important ❤❤❤❤❤
My adopted children are part of a large family separated in order to find homes for everyone. We were not told about any of the siblings for a few years.
That seems so, so wrong. I'm so sorry it was kept secret like that
Siblings should never be adopted separately. That was incredibly cruel to the kids and reprehensible that they manipulated you. Were the kids babies? They didn't know they had siblings?
SICK
What if you or similar foster parent would have taken all children if only the presence of siblings had been known ? I think that's criminal.
Did you even ask?
I know it's fictional, but I also know there are lots of kids on that situation
Those poor kids... :/
Im sure this is based on a real conversation, this is very common
pretty sure all these videos are usually re-enactments mostly because i think you learn as you're actually doing it but yeah
Unfortunately this a a situation that happems often. Fortunately she posts videos to help other Fosters/ People who. Are thinking? About becoming fosters no the? Reality. Of what really happens and how hard it can be. She also gives pointers.
How do they have such strict screening procedures yet so many children get abused as the foster syetem gets taken advantage of?
I would love to see a video about this and her thoughts on it because I’m sat here wondering the same thing.. something doesn’t add up.
Not a foster parent, just a respite worker, but most foster parents aren’t going into foster care with the intention of abusing vulnerable kids. The vast majority of them are good hearted people.
Well, you can have all the heart in the world, but it’s not going to save you when you’re overwhelmed, over worked, and under supported.
Then there’s the actual abusers, who are usually VERY good at hiding their true nature around other people, especially when their victims are “troubled kids” who won’t be believed anyhow. So that relative minority sneaks thru because the system is the way it is.
Fact is most foster parents are decent enough, but not qualified for the job they’re doing and not getting enough support to do it properly. There are some actual monsters, but the main failing is that we’re handing a job for trained professionals over to enthusiastic over to enthusiastic amateurs and being all shocked when it falls apart. 🙄
IMO, about every foster care issue could be solved with the simple application of MONEY. Money to train foster parents, money to PAY them(because it’s a difficult job that deserves compensation, money to ensure kids have a good life. Pay to have a better screening process, pay to do more background checks.
But that would require valuing foster kids and with society the way it is, I don’t see that happening.
Unfortunately it’s the same as any other abuser, they’re good at hiding it. Also depending on where you are/your agency screening might not be as strict as it should be. There’s over a hundred thousand kids in foster care in the US, and not anywhere close to that number of homes (especially when taking into account that some homes only get licensed for certain age groups, what ages can share a room, etc.) private foster agencies get paid for placing kids, so like all businesses (because unfortunately that’s what private agencies are) some don’t care who or what gets hurt, as long as they’re making a profit.
@@misskate3815being overworked doesn’t explain how common sexual abuse is, though.
As a former foster child, a lot of FPs/staff lie and are abusive behind closed doors. The kids dont know any better so they tolerate it without reporting it and if it does get reported the workers may choose to not act on it. Even stuff like p3d0 staff and SA. Its a super corrupt system
This is so sad. I WISH I had the temperament for children. I would foster families in a heartbeat. I have all the love, but I also know I have a temper (and a small home) and it would absolutely not be fair to them. So much respect for those that can, and do.
I think it's great you're self-aware enough to know it wouldn't be a good situation.
Even if you can't foster kids, I think you could help collect supplies for them
Totally feel you here. I would love to help these kids out but my personality just really isn’t equipped for caring for kids. If I ever get wealthy I’ll definitely donate frequently to foster kid charities to help them at least a little bit.
Some states have a foster parent's bill of rights. In Oregon, one of the rights is for complete knowledge of a child's background before coming into care (this does not include protected information about bio parents).
It honestly depends why they are separating them. I know of situations where older siblings were actually sexually abusing the younger ones. There have also been situations where one or more siblings is perpetrating serious physical (but non sexual) assaults on their siblings. Those are situations where it is NOT in the best interest to place all the children together. These are pretty much extreme cases, but they do happen.
100% That "behavior concerns" is the type of language that is a big red flag. If they don't disclose what that is, they're trying to hide something significant, especially when the abuser molested someone outside of their sibling set.
Sibling sexual abuse is exceedingly common, but underreported for obvious reasons. I’m a survivor of it myself.
Absolutely the vulnerable child needs to be separated from the abuser in these situations.
I found out after 2 placements that my baby brother was placed down the hall from my sister and I at a shelter where my sister and I were first placed . All those months and they didn't tell me or let us meet him 😞 . Finally got to meet him at a foster home he was at when we were on visit with our mom 😢
That’s so fucked up 😞
Laura, would you please consider doing a video on people who want to be called Mom n Dad the moment a child arrives. I know someone who has done this and I cannot believe it is acceptable. Thanks for being awesome as always😊.
Here in the UK, fc are told to follow the child's lead.
Oh my goodness that is terrible!!!!!!
That gave me a bit of the creeps. And the sad thought that they are putting their emotions before childs needs.
Thanks for sharing. I think a video on this , following their(kids) lead would be great as well.
@@juliannacolombo5584 The primary goal of foster care is to reunite the child to parent. Unfortunately there is a large amount of ppl who have foster to adopt goals and this is where the Mommy and Daddy confusion starts.
In a lot of places until parental rights are terminated that isn’t allowed.
We’re aspiring foster parents and honestly about to give up. We have two extra bedrooms in the house ready and I’ve done everything I can think of. We got tagged for having literal cooking wine in the pantry and my personal medication in my purse. I know they’re tough for a reason but we are a good couple with a solid home and I’m getting kind of over trying to prove it
I know that can be super frustrating. Please hang in there! Once you get into the groove all of those requirements will become second nature.
Watching this channel and seeing comments like yours, it's absolutely ridiculous that foster parents have to be that strictly monitored but bio parents can just plop out a baby without anybody ever checking on them once if nobody calls CPS. It's just annoying that foster parents are held to stricter guidelines than bio parents a lot of the time.
foster parents are always held to stricter everything than any bio parent will ever be.
@@FrenkTheJoy this is exactly what I think when I watch these. Bless the good foster families, it’s fucking heartbreaking
@@FrenkTheJoy I get how it seems ridiculous but realistically foster parents are just held to the standard everyone should. Most (if not all) medications say to be kept in a safe location within a certain temperature range, a purse isn’t that (I say this also calling myself out) alcohol of any kind should be locked away if there are people under 21 around. These things are also just even more important when it comes to foster kids, due to trauma and other mental illnesses it wouldn’t be a stretch to assume a lot of them would like to not be here anymore, so making sure they can’t grab a random bottle of pills is a big priority.
Why would a caseworker not let you talk with a current care giver and can you explain the frustration around "likely headed to adoption" language? My husband and I are in the home study phase of becoming licensed and are trying to learn as much as we can. Thank you for your videos! They've been so informative and helpful!
Its the assuming that parental rights are going to be terminated without a judge making that decision yet for me. Basically writing off the parents 🙄
Because the goal of fostering is reunification, so giving up before it’s even official is a negative mindset for everyone involved.
No parent should ever, ever be written off. We all can change and grow. “Parents are in a particularly rough spot” is more neutral.
This also gives the kid involved a sense of loss deeper… they assume this is their life now
Even if the caseworker suspects that the case may go that direction, nothing in foster care is final until it is final. Saying that the case is headed toward adoption leads to problems all around. It is demoralizing for the bio parents, it can make the kids feel like they are not worth working for and their parents are a hopeless cause, and if the bios do work their plan, complete all their services and get their kids back, it can be even harder than normal on the foster parents who thought this child was going to remain with them forever. Our first foster placement had a half sister who was going through TPR when our foster child was placed with us. Conventional wisdom would have said that we would be headed toward adoption as well, and for at least a year, that is what everyone was indicating to us. But eventually mom and dad (after getting pregnant again)decided to grow up and start taking responsibility for themselves and their children. Our foster child went home after 2 years. It was probably harder because we had been encouraged to believe that she would stay in our family permanently for so long.
And sometimes they outright lie, especially about known behavioural concerns and foster parents end up in dangerous situations they are unprepared for.
What a difficult decision to make with such limited information.
I know I’ve said this before but you are truly a special person with such a kind soul. You have made an impact on so many people’s lives, more than you’ll ever know. Not only impacting lives through fostering but through sharing your experiences and educating people as you do in these videos.
The goal of foster care is reunification 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Ive seen cases of mothers go from nothing to some of the best moms i know. “probably going to adoption” language makes that parent feel like they will never get a child back. I know parents who this caused a larger issue with themselves. Roar! Just as frustrated, But people like you will change the world Laura
The first kids I cared for were "likely headed to adoption" - They reunified after only a few months. I'm so glad and happy for them
I don’t trust those talks anymore. They told me that before and reunification happened two weeks later. I’m obviously happy for them, and hopeful that it works out, but it was really hard for me.
You’re right that is the goal but not always the right way to go. I adopted my foster as there was no way he would ever return. He was 7 now he’s 11. His situation was beyond awful. Our biggest struggle now is night terrors.
@@1dallasstarsfan Totally agree. We just need to find what’s right! ❤️
When I was in Kinship Care our social worker was pushing for adoption. Like actively saying she didn't want my mother to EVER see us again after the relative who we were placed (my mother's abusive mother, who was ALSO the reason our social worker felt that way) with dumped us suddenly things changed DRASTICALLY and we were returned to our mother VERY quickly. It's just not smart to make assumptions like that
I appreciate the honesty in these videos. We’ve considered fostering, but I’m worried it will be too overwhelming and stress-inducing for me. My husband is more laid back than I am. I’m also deeply introverted, so having to talk to soooo many people (other foster parents, social workers, case workers, etc.) and having them coming in and out of my house all the time sounds like a great way to increase my anxiety. I’m glad I watched these videos before jumping into something that would be very hard for me to handle. That wouldn’t help the kids and they’ve already been through enough.
I had a friend get a call for 2 kids and it turned out to actually be 3.
Another friend was told immediately that it was heading to adoption, and the case was brand new. It turns out they lead the parent to believe that if she jumped through all of the hoops she would get her child back. After 3 years they told bio mom that even though she did everything they asked and was a perfect example of progress they were still going to terminate. Luckily, bio mom and adoptive mom developed a relationship, so the child has a new family and still has contact with the bio family.
The system is seriously broken. It's hard on both bios and fosters.
Why didn't the adopter give the mother back her kids????
No lie, I’d take all 5. They need to stay together. That will help them the most. I could never take them apart. If I didn’t have my brothers I’d be worse off than I am now
Its not as easy as that, running with an emotional mind can actually make things much worse for foster children in the long run.
@@toriamigo Sadly this is so true. It’s why my mother retired.
Edit: She never did anything bad, but she was beginning to go from head to heart decisions if you know what i mean
My grandpa grew up in foster care as one of 5. Being away from his sister for just that slice of his life brought him deep pain. I totally get where you’re coming from friend.
Your heart is in the right place, but the reality of behavioral concerns often means the kids have to be separated for their own safety *from each other*, or for the safety of the foster family. I'm living this reality now with our current placements.
It would definitely be worse to take all five, and then need to find another placement down the line because it isnt working. Realistically, if they have to be split up, you want to focus on supporting those sibling relationships with as much contact time as you can. That way their time in foster care hopefully stays with placement, until whatever permanent arrangement occurs.
Im a CASA and i get sooooo frustrated at the lack of history foster parents get. How can you meet their needs if you cant even know basics?!?!
I would take them in NOW! 5 kids being moved from possibly yet another foster home, heading towards adoption because of God knows what history, being moved for behavioural problems... Lord knows how much they've suffered already and how much help they need 😢 I wouldn't pass it up for the world!
The way it sounds is that the kids have started to abuse each other or act out towards their siblings. It happens where that is all they know and in order to protect them all and to help them learn healthier ways they need to be separated.
If you’ve got training, time, and funds equal to your empathy, then great.
All too often I see people whose empathy is larger than their ability to help kids through their trauma.
Sustainably fostering means knowing your limits. How many kids you can reasonably care for, what behaviors you are able to help with, deal with, accommodate, accept. What dangers you might be putting your family (and pets) into…
Go in with eyes open, and demand real information so you’re not setting yourself up for burnout and setting the kids up for failure.
I really wanna foster one day, but even hearing 5. I wouldn’t know where to start. That’s so sad that children have to pay and be separated because of the actions of adults.
Hey, so I'm technically a Foster kid (Had a Foster mother until i was 2 years old), and while I can't speak personally on my experience given how young I was, I've had friends in the system.
You give me a lot of hope for what the system could be, I know, at least here, the system kinda sucks, but seeing parents like you makes me a little more optimistic.
I've considered fostering one day but I know the struggles that come with it, especially since you barely get any info before placement most of the time.
If me and my partner do ever Foster, we have your advice and you as a parent to look up to ♡
I remember when me and my siblings got put into the same foster home. They were an awful family. They made us try and walk to a school we've never been to, nor no the route of. At one point the family's dog pooped, thwy forced my brother to clean it at 7am in the morning, and left him at the house and didnt take him to school. I got grounded for the first time ever too, for not being able to spell a word. They forced us to prayer at the dinner table even though none of us were religious. Luckily after a while we were brought back to our dad because he was able to win his case and gain full custody. I still remember that family and met people who was with them also. There sons apparently SA'd past kids. The things you learn after the fact.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Hope you are doing better now❤
I'm a foster kid my self too. I have 3 brothers (ages 5, 9 and 15, I'm 11)and we got separated😕 at first I was put in a foster home with my youngest brother while the others were put in one. Both of the families were horrible. The foster mom literally kept my little brother there for 6 days and then she said she couldn't keep him anymore. After that he got put into another foster home. And the 10 or 11 months I was in that family they were horrible and they were really rude to me. Same with the family that the two ( 9 and 15 yo's) of my brothers were put into. In April I finally got out of the family and was put into a foster care facility. And here I am now, in a foster care facility, moving to another in 12 hours. I've been in foster care for almost a year now and I still don't know when I'm gonna get back home.And uhm yea, I see my brothers and mom once every 2 weeks.
(Sorry for ny poor eunglish, I am Finnish and Not the best in English😂)
@@djwjuwiq Thats horrible! It's definitely worse when you get split away from your siblings. Im glad that had never happened to me. I hope everything ends well at least! I very much dislike the foster care system and they need to run more background checks on the people they send kids to.
This conversation is sad but so true. Real life convo I have had as a foster parent word for word sadly
So eye opening and frustrating to hear that this is typical. I'm so sorry.
My kids came into the system with 4 other siblings. First they divided them into grouos of 3, girls in one, boys in the other. Mine was a huge problem for her first family, who eventually adopted the other two girls. The boys were all basicslly feral, and had to be divided up too. Things kept shuffling until the oldest and youngest were adopted by that first family, then my son and daughter came to us (they're numbers 2 and 4) and the other two boys moved around several times until they were eventually separated. Foster care is ROUGH for siblings. The pair of girls, and my two are in contact with each other, and they frequently grieve as though everyone has died. It's really sad, but it was necessary.
Okay people I'm going to share something really personal I've been through this personally My kids were taken and I got them back within 7 months however they were placed in two different foster homes during that time The first one was abusing my child within the first few weeks my son started pissing his pants at school being sent home and then one day when I was visiting my children my son told me that the guy made him sit in a chair in the bathroom all night long because of pissing his pants and he slapped him upside the head and his other side of the head hit the light switch so he had a huge knot and bruise on his head. I looked at the two-way glass and I said you get on this now you take my kids from me and then you're going to put them in a home that's physically abusing them what else is happening My son is pissing his pants!! And they removed them now I wouldn't want the next foster parents being able to talk to them parents because they were abuses and they have no rights to my children. My children were well behaved and I also have five children. They were removed because my two younger kids dad was very abusive and no matter what I did if I moved or whatever he would always knock down my door or whatever and they said that I couldn't protect them from witnessing me being abused. Failure to protect although they were never harmed physically themselves. But yeah there's no way in hell that I would have wanted that next Foster family that was amazing to be able to talk to the first foster parents that were abusing my children. And the state probably wouldn't even allow it anyways because of the situation which is appropriate.
This sadly happens daily across the US. My heart and prayers go out to all of the kids in the system.
As a foster kid, I was quite lucky in that I got to stay with all my sisters from age 5 to 9, when my big sister got kicked out. I speak to that lady a bit now. Her husband just died and I am in a weird stage of grief.
just want to say the job of a placement worker is incredibly hard. I love all your videos and can validate your experiences from every one!!
For any of you who are truly concerned about foster children/youth, please consider becoming a CASA or GAL. These are individuals who are trained and sworn in by the courts to advocate on behalf of the child. You’re not a foster parent, you’re not housing the child, but you meet with them weekly (at least CASA’s do) and go to all official meetings where your child’s being discussed and plans are being made. You also are required to submit a written report, at each court hearing for the child, giving a report on your observations, the child’s concerns, and recommendations for moving forward. In some cases you can hold Educational Rights, and advocate for them in their school experience, as well.
I did this for 5 years, on behalf of 3 children from 1 family, who were all placed separately. It can be intense, but so rewarding!
Thankful my sister and I were in and out of the system at a young age.
We were fosters, we adopted our last foster because we knew he would need ongoing care forever. He came to us at 4 weeks old. His first 2 weeks was in an incubator trying to survive. He just turned 10♥️
My younger brother, younger sister and I were placed in foster care for a year during a rather messy divorce between our parents. We were separated entirely and all dealt with a few abusive homes before being brought back together when we were done with foster care. It's so hard to see siblings being split up like this and feeling that their voices won't be heard. I'm the oldest and was 5 at the time. I should've been able to be with them to help when they needed someone they could trust and rely on. The system is heartbreaking, but I love to see all the positivity you try to bring to these littles and that you really try to understand what they're going through. Thank you ❤
The system is insane and does not serve the children it's supposed to care for.
Thank goodness for people like you.
thank you for sharing all this with us!
Can you explain a bit more about the problem with the "likely headed to adoption" language? In my area, the adoption process begins after the courts terminate family reunification services. TPR doesn't take place until late in the adoption process to preserve parental rights as long as possible.
because of the world 'likely' ... the foster care person is making an assumption .
What does TPR stand for
@@PrettyGirlsMakeFame Termination of Parental Rights. It is supposed to be done only after all efforts to reunify the family have been exhausted, but in practice it is often done earlier, especially with "highly adoptable" kids (babies, toddlers)
For anyone who’s wondering, “TPR” means “termination of parental rights”. The primary purpose of foster care is that it’s temporary while parents are rehabilitated, completing a prison sentence or otherwise unable to care for their children. But of course, sometimes the parent is permanently unfit to care for their children, and then the situation moves to the kids needing to be adopted and the rights of the parent(s) are terminated.
I would love it if you could write a book on your experiences and what to expect, how to prepare, etc. ❤
That’s a lot to take on. My concern would be is the behavior problems being caused by the current foster home? I think anyone that can foster and open their hearts and homes are very special people.
That’s exactly what happened to me and my siblings. There was 5 of us we were foster children in 3 homes for 3 years and then parental rights were terminated and we were up for a closed adoption 😢 sadly we didn’t reunite until 21 years later
Separating siblings would be so much more traumatic 😢 I hate that this ever happens to kids
Not only are CPS willing to split them up, they’re willingly evasive of the behavioural issues posing a real risk of abuse to your other children. This should be criminal!
Thank you for your work ❤
I wish there was some way to keep them together. This breaks my heart
When I was younger me and my 3 older siblings got split up it was one of the worst things that really happened because now I don’t have the same kind of relationship I used to have with them
i wonder what would be less traumatic for the kids in a case were you could only take like 3 out of five kids. Would you take the three youngest or oldest so they can be together
Kiddo and siblings were split like that, there was still a lot of trauma
This is a nightmare on the kids' end too. :(
Also the “I have a 17year old who just needs somewhere to be until they age out.” 💔
My neighbor’s kids were put into foster care. There were nine kids (one baby with severe disabilities and health issues as well) living in a small three bedroom home with their mom and her boyfriend. Their mom was put in jail for child abuse and neglect. I think about those kids a lot. One of the boys my age in actually in my Spanish class at school.
I want to adopt sometime In the next ten years so youre videos have a lot of useful information.
It's bad enough that those siblings are broken up for foster care, but will likely be adopted into separate homes? That's heartbreaking.
Have you considered doing podcast about fostering? I think this could be a great resource for those who may be considering it.
As the oldest kid who's been a caretaker for my little siblings it would give me huge anxiety to be separated from them and not know if I could trust their caretakers
I was in foster care with two sisters who were separated from their sibling group of 6 😟 they had a lot of behavioral issues. I often think of them still and hope theyre ok now
My friend did foster care and had a boy since he was a baby, a while later they basically told her if she didn't take his two older 1/2 siblings that they would take him also. She took the kids for a short while, they went to their dad's family, the boy she had is now adopted by them.
Same here in the UK, it's like a big secret cover up not to give foster parents any information
And this is why my goal in life is to have the biggest possible house that I can because I NEVER want babies split up if it can be avoided. I’m going to be a foster parent as soon as I am financially able. This absolutely breaks my heart.
Thank you for your videos 🙏
This tracks. I was seriously looking into being a foster parent before we moved. Where we are now, the workers are the biggest problem and have pretty much decided for me that I wont foster at this time. I have a very good friend who had fosters removed from her care on 3 occasions because she was "doing too much". By too much she was filing the required reports when the parents failed to uphold their requirements and the workers were having to do more follow up and work with the parents. They told her theyd just prefer she ignore the parents misbehavior, document it and move on. Doing that would risk her ability to foster kids so she kept following the laws/rules and they removed the kids and sent them to homes that did what they wanted, regardless of my friend being a great foster and the kids doing really well in her care.
You're an actual angel. I see wings.
Dealing with foster care has been the absolute worse experience of my life! Dealing with the Children's issues is enough we sign up for that but the agency policies lack of support and CONSTANT interruptions and requirements is awful.
All these rules and regulations for these kids in the system, but never on parents before they become parents. It’s horrifying, anyone can create humans and abuse them for as long as they can hide it 😢
Someone's us better to split them up especially with behavior and multiple kids... I say this from experience with my parents 3 adopted kids they were going to split up and my parents took all of them bc they didn't think it was right to split them up. But in reality each of them having full focus on their horrible teams would have been better then them being together like they were. They are not the best adult despite all the work our whole family put in to those kids and sometimes still do...😢 so sometimes you need to split the kids so they get the help they need to be functioning adults in the real world.
What ways can parents help support foster carers and support their child/ren in care? There's loads of info online for carers and agencies but little for parents and not all kids are in care due to maltreatment, some parents want to be supportive.
Would they ever let you talk with the 5 kids together as a group and ask them which (# you can take) of them they feel need to stay together if they can't all be? Since they know each other best. Like maybe if you can only take 2, and they feel that the oldest should stay with the youngest, or something.
Keeping them together would be the best! Who wouldn't want all 5 together? It would ensure they had at least eachother & a safe place even with the traumatic separation.
Many people don’t have the space and resources to care for 5 (traumatized) children. Do you have room for 5 new kids in your house? I certainly don’t.
Additionally sometimes splitting up kids is better if the kids have begun to act out abuse on one another or if their needs are so great that they can’t be sufficiently met in such a large group. (Heck, I have a student who has unchecked and un-cared-for behavior issues simply because his two siblings have such high needs and dangerous tendencies that his needs have fallen in between the cracks, and he’s one of just 3! Imagine a group of 5.)
Sometimes splitting families up is necessary (in the short or even long run) to get them off of an office floor, out of a cycle of perpetuating abuse, and stable with the resources and attention they require to heal.
Of course, everything possible should be done to keep them in contact with one another, visiting together, etc.
Still, there’s no real way to say “this is best” or “who wouldn’t want all 5” when in certain cases such a thing isn’t the safest choice or even possible.
Lately a few organizations in my county and surrounding counties have not been honest with parents when placing children...
Once again. All these kids are going through so much because the system is so messed up
I feel so badly for the big groups of kids.... it's bad enough when someone doesn't care for one, but to be neglectful and continue to have more kids that you can't or don't want to take care of is selfish and disgusting. People talk about barely making ends meet then the next thing you know they're pregnant....🙄
i agree you shouldn’t have more kids than you can take care of, but also: you don’t know this family’s story. they could’ve ended up in foster care for other reasons such as sudden illness and might’ve been traumatized in the foster system
@@dishwasheewhile I would normally agree, I was a former foster parent and there's a few key factors in the video. One of which being "they're being moved for behavioral concerns" and another being "this is likely heading to adoption". Those are not phrases you would normally hear in a financial or health struggle situation. Also the rep says they have a history in the system. Those things all together point to neglect.
@@blueeyedbatman that makes sense. thank you! i’m from a family with too little money/time and too many kids, myself. some people just shouldn’t be allowed children.
I wish I can someday become a foster home to older kids. Unfortunately, my husband and I don't see eye to eye on that.
I’m waiting for a surgery that will make me more able to do things and I’m seriously thinking of learning to be a foster parent bc of these videos and the comments from foster kids whom deserved so much better. I was abused and neglected but my parents hid it well and I was never taken away. So it would be fulfilling to care for kids who need someone to help and I have the time and space. Where do I get started? I want to be prepared for cases with kids like mine who have adhd or asd. The surgery is bc of the abuse I experienced. I never want any kids to go through what I did alone.
As the oldest of seven, the idea of siblings having to be separated due to not enough space or resources is heartbreaking. Especially because I was genuinely concerned about it happening at one point because we took in my cousins whilst their parents were in jail and cps was trying to find any excuse to take them from us, thus risking US getting taken away as well. I get it if siblings are abusive towards each other but they are often separated when that is NOT the case
We've had several calls exactly like this.
Oh gosh, this is so tough. And of course you as a potential foster parent are not responsible for this. But I've been working with helping out a family. That's a single mom with 11 kids. She works as a cashier and is just barely holding on to her family. I've wondered for so long why she had so many kids with multiple dads and just recently she can find it in me that when she was 3 years old she was forcibly removed from her family where she had eight siblings. She never saw them again and has no idea where they are. Because she was so young she can't remember their names. I think she has, as a coping mechanism, tried to recreate the comfort of a large family by having so many kids herself. Herself. I feel like even if kids have to be separated, making sure they're able to continue having a relationship seems so important. ❤
Placement can be a nightmare for sibling groups. I’m a caseworker in utah. DCFS will do everything under the sun to keep siblings from being separated. Which is great. But this often leaves them stuck in a shelter or crappy situation for longer than they should be. Throw in behavioral issues and damn… one of my coworkers has a kid in a group home. The state is paying them $28k a month and he doesn’t even have shoes. The system is broken. I try my best to make it slightly less sucky than it has to be, but it’s hard.
My brother and I were separated right away and we were never given time to be with each other, not even supervised visitation
I basically come back here every other day to learn more and I consider adopting siblings together after I'm 35 or until after my husband and I have built our forever home and have lived there three years at least.
I'm unsure if I'd be allowed to adopt as I have my own mental health conditions. None of the triggers are around kids or teens and I would hope I can adopt as I'm strongly unsure if I can have bio kids.
Just want to be able to provide a home more stable than mine ever was to another and let someone else feel peace.
It's the opposite here in NZ. It's incredibly hard to get foster kids into adoption. I've known people who have had these twins since 2 months old, had already adopted their cousin (twins from the older brother, adopted son from the younger sister but was organised before he was born, twins were taken off older brother due to court order due to neglect), and they weren't adopted till age 14. It took 14 years, when they would've fostered from the beginning. And there was no parent contact this entire time. The govt was giving them fostering money too. In some circunstances adoption makes sense, but also it doesn't in every sense.
“Take any number of the siblings” tell the foster which child(ren) have the behavior concerns and what they are.
Screw the whole adoption is where it's headed cause of the history or what not. My aunt had some foster kids in that situation, and you know what? They've been living with their mom for 5 years now. All the agents were like ohh yeah we know this family and they have so much history where adoption is there closer route. But honestly my aunt was the best , she worked with the kids and the family and I don't know how many foster family would have gone as far as she did. But damn. Why would you ever say that about a family. Yeah sometimes things don't work out and it takes a few trys to get it right, but it's worth it
Thank you! People who speak like that should NOT be working for the foster system in any capacity, as it just shows they are not in it for the right reasons. I'm happy for your aunt and for the kids and their family❤
Well some parents are complete losers, breed accidentally and don't care about the kids at all (exept to abuse them). The kids deserve a stable forever home and if the parents shape up they can still have a relationship, they just won't live together.
No information + no contact with the current foster parent = "No" for me. They are resigning for a reason. Not risking my own family's safety due to a case worker's poor work ethic.
Me n my 3 siblings had to be split up and me and my lil bro got the better home. The other foster home where my older brothers was really bad. They had a girl who would pull her eyelashes out and they would atagonize her and shed do it more. That foster family also treated my older brothers badly before they were moved to group homes
I was in foster care and I was that child that had “emotional” issues and so I was placed in another home for a year and separated from my siblings I had a secret phone I could call them on I had it for two days then they took it but what I’m saying is of course I had emotional issues I had been (SAed ) and had both parents arrested in front of me twice I was in foster care from preschool to first grade in and out then permanently till fifth grade I was adopted into a wonderful family with my siblings. It’s going to say edit cause I forgot to say now I’m 17 and graduated from high school 😅
I was put in at 13 as a teenager no one wanted me but as a female teenager they especially had a hard time finding me a placement no one wanted to take me in and the home I ended up in wasn’t so nice either
For all the comments saying the first foster family just doesn’t want their personal info being given out…wouldn’t it be helpful to have a secure way of communicating between foster families? All you would really need is an email address separate from your personal address that’s verified somehow, an app would be ideal, but probably expensive. Like a portal where anyone involved with the child can look up notes with a specific login related to the case? Maybe a different access tier for case workers and a tier for foster parents so confidential info is hidden.
Foster parents should at least be able to get a background as to why theyre in the system, that way they can properly prepare the child. It can also give you an idea as to how to best help them.
I got that exact same phone call.
foster kid here. bro they always want to default to adoption before the placement is checked out 😭
ive just taken my first placement a NB BB and he was a split sibling group, I would have LOVED to take on more than just the one but our house is set up for 0-5 with a priority for 0-2 but its a newborn, a 6 yr old and the next 3 were from 7-11, I only have one bedroom so it wasnt an option but its so damn infuriating
When I’m president, I’m completely overhauling they system and people like you will be in charge of what you’re obviously the most qualified and knowledgeable in. The idea that in 2023 we don’t have this more streamlined and efficient, I will never understand. There should be communication between EVERYONE involved, and the option to separate children should never even be an option unless very temporarily or 100% necessary.
So awful….hope the oldest were able to be together, linking their family….but prolly not….
Behavioral problems? Would be good to know from curren caregiver if they showed up at the bedroom door in the night with the kitchen knife in their hand.
Or if they tried humping or killing any animals/younger kids in the home..
I feel bad for good ppl who can’t seem to get any answers
We have room for 5 extra...we're not married though so they won't let us...never been arrested,never had my utilities shut off...we own our own business and a 30 acre farm....im a stay at home mom already, our childrens colleges have already been paid for,we own 3 houses and 3 new vehicles!!! they just won't let us