Was thinking another Onion take post-Roe would be: "In legal fluke, Justice Alito's nephew found guilty of ejaculation more than 10 yards away from a live biologically-born women, therefore guilty of more than a million murders and must serve a mandatory life sentence without parole".
During the press conference after the Judge read the punishment in court, the prosecutor took the extraordinary step of commenting, as he said, "as a person, for myself and my family" to denounce the act because "those sperm never had a chance."
The prosecutor even went further, stating the penalties don't stop at solitary. He said, "we will utilize our full array of DNA detection technology to make sure this doesn't happen while in custody - the death penalty is not of the table - ummm, noctural or otherwise, if we get a DNA positive sample that is definitively not from blood, this young man will be back in court."
When I saw that iceberg I was like "Please tell me this goes on for the rest of the video". I wasn't able to finish the sentence because I just started laughing when I saw it
I'm an official re-impregnator. You might think it is a cool job, but let me tell you not everyone needing re-impregnation is even close to good looking.
They just keep bringing in women over 70. Their logic is they have less time so they should go to the front of the line. Only one of them has gotten pregnant in 6 months, and she immediately died.
Justice Ginsberg -- who was not a radical conservative -- wrote that she was uncomfortable with the way that Roe v Wade bypassed the public discussion which is a part of crafting laws. Laws are supposed to come from Congress and get evaluated by the Courts, but Roe v Wade inverted that process with judicial overreach. The surprising part is that it stood for as long as it did.
@@highviewbarbellSadly too many of those came true, and at this point I don't think the onion can say anything absurd enough that it will never happen.
Totally didn't get what the video game and iceberg clips were all about, but the Roe v. Wade bit was pure Onion GOLD!!!! Scarily, I could very much see it coming true!!!
I mean, they are arresting women for having miscarriages now. Not only does this sound entirely plausible, I'm surprised this hasn't actually been made a law yet.
They are not. In fact, it’s more likely that someone who got an abortion would avoid getting arrested than a woman who had a miscarriage getting arrestef
The entire joke can't just be the headline. Old The Onion would have a dozen of those scrolling on the breaking news bar just as a sideshow during a proper news skit
Frfr. You'd go into the comments and see people talking about this line and that line in the news scroll and you'd have to check and watch the video again to enjoy it more.
It’s important to remember that this isn’t an old fashioned the onion video. It’s a the onion TikTok compilation. On short-form video platforms people usually will watch the video before reading the title. 9 times out of 10 the title is only there to make it easier to search for the video rather than to actually serve the traditional purpose popularized by platforms like TH-cam. It’s an inherently different way of making content
The sad thing is that the 6 extreme right fringe alleged justices are just waiting for a court case that applies even remotely so they can enact this ruling.
I think the follow-ups to the main segment - the text-to-speech tweet reading and the reaction parody - are especially funny. My kind of humor. An iceberg reacting to a video of the sun 🤣
The bit about it being appealed ruined the joke because you can't appeal a supreme court ruling. At least not without resorting to either create a new laws or violent overthrow of the government.
The "new law" being created would need to be a constitutional amendment. Also, there's another possibility you left out: a future SCOTUS decision that overturns the prior ruling.
WTF is this? Is this supposed to be a joke about how stupid tik tok is? I get the reimpregnation joke at the beginning but why is there a dude in a purple hoody? And WTF is the rest of the video?
Same thing, plus a 50 dollar fine (for 50 years, one dollar per year). The product of the fecundation should also be subject to a process of fast-aging so to conform to the same biological age it would have if the first gestation wasn't interrupted. Ideally that's after birth, though, as giving birth even to small toddlers can be extremely risky, compared to a conventional newborn baby size. If the perpetrator is no longer able to get pregnant, she should provide a younger relative for surrogacy, and if that's not possible, she'll be assigned someone for adoption, someone with whatever age their non-existing child would have been, had the gestation never been interrupted.
i really wish they still had the budget to make stuff like "Today Now," because that would've been one hell of a headline for it. this just feels cheap and unfunny.
Whoever conceived this joke is brilliant.
I see what you did there :)
It's named Clarence.
"HEEYOOOOOOO!!" - Ed McMahon
Hehe “conceived”
She didn’t want it, but was forced to joke about it
God bless, America has finally started caring about the real problems in society
A friendly reminder that text poorly conveys sarcasm.
>>Climate change causing worse and worse weather every year
>>Congress passes the MAKE MORE PEOPLE Act
@@CharlieApplestake that problem up with Chiba
me, lying to the hospital about how i totally got an abortion
use birth control so you can reuse the lie as many times as you want
I'm sorry HUH
Right this way mam'
Dawg
Ok but this is some shit I would do 🥴
My wife and I are so excited to meet our unborn daughter, Clarence.
We have been laughing with the onion for a long time but some of those old jokes are now the reality. Don't let this one come to pass as well.
Yeah I also remember when the onion used to be funny
You're one of those people who's never actually seen real oppression, and acts like 'The Handmaid's Tale' is a Non-Fictional Documentary...
*You* don't let it come to pass. I'm busy...and I don't know how to, anyway
@@aldousorwell3807Nobody thinks it's a documentary, but Republicans are definitely taking notes on how to copy Gilead..
I volunteer as tribute
Was thinking another Onion take post-Roe would be:
"In legal fluke, Justice Alito's nephew found guilty of ejaculation more than 10 yards away from a live biologically-born women, therefore guilty of more than a million murders and must serve a mandatory life sentence without parole".
During the press conference after the Judge read the punishment in court, the prosecutor took the extraordinary step of commenting, as he said, "as a person, for myself and my family" to denounce the act because "those sperm never had a chance."
The prosecutor even went further, stating the penalties don't stop at solitary. He said, "we will utilize our full array of DNA detection technology to make sure this doesn't happen while in custody - the death penalty is not of the table - ummm, noctural or otherwise, if we get a DNA positive sample that is definitively not from blood, this young man will be back in court."
Seriously, please don't give them any because they might take that joke seriously.
Don't give them any icebergs?
When I saw that iceberg I was like "Please tell me this goes on for the rest of the video". I wasn't able to finish the sentence because I just started laughing when I saw it
I'm an official re-impregnator.
You might think it is a cool job, but let me tell you not everyone needing re-impregnation is even close to good looking.
The true heroes of our time
Thank you for your service
You're doing God's work, my friend.
They just keep bringing in women over 70. Their logic is they have less time so they should go to the front of the line. Only one of them has gotten pregnant in 6 months, and she immediately died.
Drunken mistakes
The author of the handmaid's tale has probably said "I told you so" several thousand times
Edit: Fixed a typo
Western population isn't going to grow by itself 😂
The most cringe and overused reference of today.
@chickenbich you are going to lose subscribor
@@chickenfishhybrid44this is literally like 1984
She's said 'I thought I was writing fiction in The Handmaid’s Tale'
I know it’s satire but I honestly wouldn’t put it past this supreme court to actually do this
You're an R-Tard then.🥴
We are so ****ed for the next 10-20 years.
Ten years ago I would disagree but now? I don’t know!
Justice Ginsberg -- who was not a radical conservative -- wrote that she was uncomfortable with the way that Roe v Wade bypassed the public discussion which is a part of crafting laws. Laws are supposed to come from Congress and get evaluated by the Courts, but Roe v Wade inverted that process with judicial overreach. The surprising part is that it stood for as long as it did.
Taking satire seriously is a sign of low intelligence
I hollered when he said must be named Clarence 💀💀
And seeded by Clarence
The Supreme Court Rules: The Supreme Court Rules!
Being a socially minded and charitable person, I am volunteering my help in this endeavour. Because it's not just about me.
It’s for the kids. You are a hero!
@@blueabattoir Yeah, I know. But I'm a humble hero so I'm not going to keep talking about it.
69 likes. nice
1:43 “CHAT IS THIS REAL??”
I miss the properly acted fake news stories. These two are just not selling it for me at all.
Nothing beats the 2008-2012 era of the onion
Edit: besides The Day Today but that only had 6 episodes
@@highviewbarbellSadly too many of those came true, and at this point I don't think the onion can say anything absurd enough that it will never happen.
This has so many levels of meta I love it
Petition to make sure the onion stops becoming preemptive news.
this is a joke now, in a couple of years it might not be
As a man, i volunteer
@chinsaw2727
Obviously. They're gonna have a tough time convincing the hospital they've had an abortion though.
wish the onion would do their old kind of content like an actual news impersonation :(
This isn't actual news?
It’s all about the headline now I guess. I think this is a sign we’re aging. That ending though. 😯
they still do news articles on their website
Too bad Jim Haggerty got turned into a pig😢
@@cotheturtle2748pig haggerty 😂😂
Totally didn't get what the video game and iceberg clips were all about, but the Roe v. Wade bit was pure Onion GOLD!!!! Scarily, I could very much see it coming true!!!
I think it’s pretending to be your scrolling through your tiktok to random videos
Yeah the sudden shift was really jarring.
You're one of those people who's never actually seen real oppression, and acts like 'The Handmaid's Tale' is a Non-Fictional Documentary...
@@aldousorwell3807 Sir, this is a Wendy's.
@@Disgruntled_Grunt Well, try not to burn it down then...
"tHiS iS mAgA cOuNtRy!!"
✊🏿✊🏿💥🥴🔌🥖...🧢
I hate that we're in the timeline where the onion is using temple run gameplay footage in their videos unironically
Who said it was unironic
it is quite literally the most ironic you can get
Give the GOP enough time, this will come.
Craziest title yet
I mean, they are arresting women for having miscarriages now. Not only does this sound entirely plausible, I'm surprised this hasn't actually been made a law yet.
They are not. In fact, it’s more likely that someone who got an abortion would avoid getting arrested than a woman who had a miscarriage getting arrestef
@@fallon-may0935 Except, it did happen in Ohio.
That iceburg be sweating buckets from what it saw.
*iceberg
W Supreme Court, Clarence is a amazing name
The entire joke can't just be the headline. Old The Onion would have a dozen of those scrolling on the breaking news bar just as a sideshow during a proper news skit
Frfr. You'd go into the comments and see people talking about this line and that line in the news scroll and you'd have to check and watch the video again to enjoy it more.
Just wait a few months and it won't be a joke anymore
They neeeded the clicks. Honestly, the star of this video is the iceberg joke.
Yeah but all that stuff came true. They're probably wary of that by now.
It’s important to remember that this isn’t an old fashioned the onion video. It’s a the onion TikTok compilation. On short-form video platforms people usually will watch the video before reading the title. 9 times out of 10 the title is only there to make it easier to search for the video rather than to actually serve the traditional purpose popularized by platforms like TH-cam. It’s an inherently different way of making content
When they repealed prohibition everyone of age had to get legally sloshed. Well, they didn't HAVE to, but they did.
The sad thing is that the 6 extreme right fringe alleged justices are just waiting for a court case that applies even remotely so they can enact this ruling.
according to my knowledge the onion predicts the future, so we should look forward to this in 10 years.
These promo stunts for the boxed DVD set of *The Handmaids Tale* are really getting out of hand.... but still it's just in time for Xmas.
*half-hearted fearful laughter*
Does this mean if someone had a sex change they would need to he turned back and impregnated?
If you got the surgeries that would prevent you from getting pregnant, there's not really any undoing for that.
@@thegreatandterrible4508they’re just gonna surgically insert a full grown baby into your stomach for nine months, for posterity sake
@@stopgenduh1690 Ha Ha Ha, and I hope it hurts like hell.
Then the rules
@@stopgenduh1690 Now there's an option!
Admit it, the reason the Onion went bad is because we are living it.
I almost thought this was legit until I realised it’s from the onion😅
Thats not a good look for the Supreme Court when people think its real
Welcome to another episode of fear mongering 101
They way they emulate actual fake news sites targeted toward kids is hilarious
I can actually believe that becoming a thing these days.
Okay, so the Cassandra story was actually funny. 😂
Not what I expect and want from the Onion, but still funny.
The Onion trying their best to beat irl Conservatives to the punch 😂
Obviously satire becaude its the Onion but this is definitely something that Florida,Texas,or Ohio would do
Don’t give Trump’s administration any ideas 😂
The fact that it was a 6-3 vote sounds familiar 🙄
First saw the title and was like "wtf" then saw it was the onion and had a good chuckle. Lol.
Chuckle for now, buckle up for when it later happens... 😬
People that claim this would happen are just fear mongering
the production quality of the onion is really lacking compared to 10 years ago. Why the vertical video?
1:10 live iceberg reaction to video of the sun:
People ten years in the future, has this come true yet?
I went absolutely ballistic for 2 seconds, before realizing this was "The Onion":. Good one, LMAO!
Yikes
@@hastyhillfarmand4x480😳Yikes indeed.
Bahaha, 6-3 decision? Well I’m glad a third of the judges had sense 😂
Which 3 out of the 6? Probably not John Roberts since he would still allow kids to be murdered
i would not be surprised
We are laughing now.. but the government would do something like this
They won’t. Whoever is telling you this is using fear
I volunteer to help this process.
I think the follow-ups to the main segment - the text-to-speech tweet reading and the reaction parody - are especially funny. My kind of humor. An iceberg reacting to a video of the sun 🤣
Sorry honey,
*Unzips*
It's the law!
Stop giving the right ideas! 😢
They've moved SCOTUS to Texas.
Damn it I spat out some of my juice.
Giving american right-wingers their next policy ideas.
Heya there Onion you know we love you
The bit about it being appealed ruined the joke because you can't appeal a supreme court ruling. At least not without resorting to either create a new laws or violent overthrow of the government.
The "new law" being created would need to be a constitutional amendment.
Also, there's another possibility you left out: a future SCOTUS decision that overturns the prior ruling.
That happened with the “separate but equal” back during Jim Crow
This is just the plot of a Hentai Manga but poorly plagiarized
So now The Onion has returned to the path it used to be on some years ago: making accurate predictions about the future?
Irrelevant time wasting comment.
Even less relevant reply
@@michaelgrant6284 Irrelevant comment disagreeing with less relevant reply inciting an argument that will ruin both parties night
@@Runny117Third party comment that goes against everyon’s stances on the issue at hand
@@Runny117 as hominem insults, preferably something to do with your mother and or your interests
The Plappening
better reaction than sniper wolf thats for sure..
WTF is this? Is this supposed to be a joke about how stupid tik tok is? I get the reimpregnation joke at the beginning but why is there a dude in a purple hoody? And WTF is the rest of the video?
I don’t know why it’s what I’m focusing on but the fact that the decision was 6-3 is so funny to me.
😂😂😂 We have to keep those birth rates up for social security
Don't give them ideas now
This is crazy. You can't introduce retrospective laws, no matter how perverse the law
..this is satire.
That's one way to deal with the population decline...
I really enjoyed the ASMR segment of this video. Those sounds were very soothing.
A whole bunch of turbulence.
This isn't the first time you've posted the "iceberg reacts to video of the sun"
Nice joke.. but stop giving the supreme court ideas. It might actually happen.
Buy stocks in turkey basters
Lol RBG and Stephen Bryer are in the supreme court photo
I was there (I am the iceberg)
taking all of my willpower to not comment "me and who" here
A a non-vertical video!?
EDIT: the thumbnail lied.
Nah. The square pillow ad before thus video was better
Thank God, this is the onion.
Its supposed to be satire, but that sounds like something they'd do.
Fell off
Gonna be rough evening for the altar boys who didn't conceive the first time.
The fact that this may or may not actually happen is kinda scary
Oh no. My right wing, pro-life, MAGA sister, who had an abortion at 19 is going to be a mom. Please god no.
She is a mom. She was a mom at 19
What if you managed to get an _illegal_ abortion during the last 50 years....
Same thing, plus a 50 dollar fine (for 50 years, one dollar per year). The product of the fecundation should also be subject to a process of fast-aging so to conform to the same biological age it would have if the first gestation wasn't interrupted. Ideally that's after birth, though, as giving birth even to small toddlers can be extremely risky, compared to a conventional newborn baby size. If the perpetrator is no longer able to get pregnant, she should provide a younger relative for surrogacy, and if that's not possible, she'll be assigned someone for adoption, someone with whatever age their non-existing child would have been, had the gestation never been interrupted.
I miss the old Onion stuff from 15 years ago when it wasn't likely to be true in the next year or so.
I agree with the iceberg. That video made me so angry
Shoutout to that hoodie color and diaper prices
Damn the budget aint what it used to be for these productions
Onion shit, Babylon bee is the new shit
This sounds like it could be a thing
i really wish they still had the budget to make stuff like "Today Now," because that would've been one hell of a headline for it. this just feels cheap and unfunny.
i love how almost half the video is just an iceberg and the sun
Well you wouldn't have to get married
Too soon.
This is like torture porn for the iceberg