But we’re all on the spectrum somewhere!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- The myth that “we’re all on the spectrum somewhere” has to be one of the more pervasive autism myths, and everyone who has an adult diagnosis of autism (especially those diagnosed with so-called high functioning autism spectrum disorder) has likely encountered a version of this at some point.
That there are different types of autism spectrum disorders (or as I prefer to call it different “colour palettes” of autism) does not mean that everyone on the planet sits somewhere along a linear scale ranging from “not autistic” to “extremely autistic”. It’s much more complicated than that.
Firstly, the autism spectrum is used to describe the variety of autistic experiences, not the experiences of neurotypicals who have a few autistic traits.
Secondly, It is not a linear spectrum from “mild” to “severe” autism. Every autistic person has a combination of traits that is unique to them, many of which can be equally debilitating in different ways. Functioning labels help neither the “high functioning” autistic who is presumed to be fine nor the “low functioning” autistic who is presumed incompetent.
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On a (linear) scale of 1 to 10, how much does this phrase annoy you? (1 being least and 10 being most)
17 or so.
Got to be a 6 or a 7 depending on the conversation. Like I can understand the meaning behind why people may say it. They may say it as a way to make the autistic people feel relatable to someone else. But at the same time it's like a backhanded compliment. Really good video by the way, I likes the little animations and things... Basically I'm a sucker for kid stuff 😂👍
@@IndieAndy Yeah I totally understand why people say it in certain contexts, but I think it's important for them to understand how it sounds from our perspective!
Thanks for your nice comments, I need to seriously level up my editing skills but I'm aiming for sort of a TH-camr Sabrina the Teenage Witch effect ;)
@@YoSamdySam Ooh yeah I agree there! I have been wanting to do this video for my own channel so can I say that I found this to be very helpful understanding things from another person's perspective!
Ooh yeah I hear you! Never got into Sabrina personally 😂 But yeah no don't worry about the editing, it was honestly good. Maybe adding some more b-roll (basically b-roll is additional images, videos to just add more context to give people visuals to help emphasise a point in the video). That might be something you should look into. But at the end of the day, it's about the content and the information being provided which here I thought was good but you added your own opinion which is great!
I think you are doing great. I'm really curious to see what you do next!
10 X 100!! 🤐
Or my personal favourite, the classic "It's just in your head."
Because as we all know, things in people's minds never cause real issues. That's just science.
My mom thinks I try to do things... Lol
@@DeborahAnnsuperversatile why do you mean?
@@Space_Potat she thinks I purposely act like I have asperger's like I am pretending or something.
@@Space_Potat I do not know why she thinks that. She just does. I just wish my mom was more supportive.
I usually just answer "well yeah that's the point"
I feel the same way when my family says "we shouldn't use labels" in regards to mental health and autism. It's like they're saying "you're making it up"
Neurotypical people will say "we shouldn't use labels" and then turn around and say "I'm a Taurus." Fucking infuriating.
Yeah, I don't like that either. One day a "friend" said to me I should stop looking for labels to myself, because she got annoyed by something I said. And I was like, oh well. In that moment I didn't understand she was being dismissive of what I was feeling and doing and my search for "what was wrong with me". So I apologized for annoying her. Anyway, what you describe is a double standard. Nobody would blame you for label yourself as someone with diabetes or heart disease. 🤷🏾♀️
For me my parents told me to not worry about getting a label because it wont help me, but actually (and I'm sure they've realised) it helps me get the help that I need to live my life
How are they communicating then ? Language is literally just a bunch of labels put together.....
Ugh that’s so annoying! It’s like, no, I need the labels so I know what I’m experiencing. Or to know which medication I need
I totally relate to the imposter syndrome. I got diagnosed last week (woohoo happy anniversary to me). Part of me is doing the “she must be wrong how could people not have known until I was 40?”
Because you're awesome at pretending to be NT
And then you look back at your childhood and think, “no but really, how could anyone NOT have notice??”
This is me now. People don’t understand how much I’ve struggled in life, and they don’t care because they’ve also struggled, so their bitterness at life is then projected onto me!
They don’t understand masking or even that even if masking becomes more of my "normal reaction"/first-outside-response for some things, it is still really really draining, and it makes me physically sick!
40 and female her - amazing at masking. Pretty sure I'm autistic and have ADHD. Will get it checked out when I'm back from my current burnout.
I was 44. And the answer to your question is that they are super dumb. Most people can't tell I'm autistic when I'm having a casual conversation with them. It's most evident in employment situations. I had already been diagnosed. But social security sends me to one of their psychologists to be evaluated. I talk to him for a short session and figure that he will downplay everything and say there is nothing wrong with me. Then I read his report. He picked out a long list of quirks I had during our short conversation. And he was spot on. I was impressed. When my attorney looked at the report, he had to ask me if this was someone I hired. He was doing our work for us. So, social security provides my first star witness, and then I go to the hearing and their jobs expert seals the deal for me. The judge asks if given my limitations, and he lists the accommodations I would need, can I do this specific computer related job. The jobs expert says no. Then he asks if there are any other jobs I can do. The job expert says no. There were no further questions. And the hearing ended on that note. My lawyer asks me afterwards if I understood that we just won the case. I said, yes. And sure enough, I get a notice in the mail indicating that I was not only eligible for benefits but a sizable amount of back pay because the judge didn't challenge the date we set for when my disability started. I picked the date I was diagnosed because I had documented proof at that point. But the judge pretty funny too. My lawyer researches this guy and finds out that he has a low percent of people he rules in favor of. So, expecting a tough judge, I walk into the hearing with my lawyer. The judge is on the big television doing a teleconference with us. He assures me that this is not a adversarial process. That they are just seeking information. I thought for certain I was being punked.
Honestly I think people are uncomfortable with trauma and mental health struggles in general because seeing someone else's truth means you can see your own truth first. Many people are blind to themselves. I understand the imposter syndrome. I am undiagnosed. But constantly feel like an imposter.
Yeah, well, everyone's a little impostery.
i feel the same way when people say "everyone's a little bisexual". its very dismissive and rude (also completely untrue)
Not true at all. I've seen some big bisexuals. We're not all little.
I'm curious why do you find it rude and dismissive?
When I've encountered it its generally because the person saying it is actually bi themselves, but chooses not to identify as such. The fact that they are saying this is basically an admission that they are attracted to multiple genders. Much like an undiagnosed autistic person, they simply assume this is how everyone feels. Maybe its not the best way to phrase it, but if they are well intentioned I don't have a problem with it.
Personally I do believe bisexuality is more common than we think. In fact some studies have shown that people are more likely to be bisexual than exclusively attracted to one gender. It makes sense to me that bi be the default. If you are seeking companionship and pleasure why would you limit yourself to half the population, other than personal preference. That's just my (likely tactless) perspective as a bi autistic.
I'm not bi at all. I've even thought that I should be and I've even sort of tried to be bi. So I can confirm; not everyone is a little bisexual.
@@mikaylaeager7942 It can be rude and dismissive to people who are asexual (or really to anyone who is not bi). Asexuality is already something that many people think is 'made up', even some within the LGBT+ community. Can you imagine someone saying 'everyone's a little heterosexual?' Then what about the homosexuals and asexuals again?
@@Dekunutcase I can see that. I interpreted the OP comment as saying this was dismissive of bisexuals, when to me it seems like the comment actually normalizes bisexuality by making it the standard.
When neurotypicals say things like "we're all a little autistic," they are implicitly stating that while we struggle to overcome our difficulties, they have faced the same difficulties and have overcome them without much difficulty. It would be like telling someone with Multiple Sclerosis that we all have a little demyelination and telling them to get over it. I may not have the best understanding of social norms, but how rude is that?!
I'm sensitive anxious introvert with social anxiety disorder and little bit lack of social intelligence. I have "autistic" traits and struggles described in Sam's videos..... Neurotypical people can have struggles in social life too....
It isn't like that at all, and it is not rude. I could say it's rude of you to suggest it's like that.
To both Stevo and Marie, I’m sorry that my comments bothered you. I didn’t intend to be rude. I don’t mind people trying to relate or empathize, but some expressions of sympathy tend to minimize the experience.
@@Yellow.Blossom23 right, and the point is that you are comparing those specific traits, which is fine, and you should just say that. Say you relate to the specific thing and your experience, not that you relate to autism as a whole, or how that trait is to an autistic.
It’s like saying to someone who has ptsd “I get upset about bad memories sometimes too!”, sure the intent is to relate and emphasize but the scale and degree are so different, so phrasing it like that can only feel like you’re reducing their experience.
It was not making any judgements about your intent, now that you know this it allows you to convey that intent better.
@steve this applies to you too. Saying something is received as rude is not calling the person saying it rude. If it was not meant to be rude this tells you phrasing it like this will be misconstrued, and if the point is clear communication without needing to clarify later then this tells you exactly what you need to know to actually get the info across how you wanted to.
@@Xanderj89 “how rude is that” = saying that is rude, not it has been received rudely which frankly is meaningless.
It's the same with ADHD, ppl say everyone's a little ADHD. And it's really annoying.
Yes! Or a "little OCD" I also hear a LOT
Yeah this infuriates me. You can't be "a little bit ADHD" - first of all, ADHD is a noun, not an adjective, so you can't "be" ADHD. You either HAVE ADHD, or you don't. Everyone exhibits ADHD-like traits occasionally - everyone sometimes forgets why they walked into a room, or gets distracted when trying to do a boring task. Brains aren't perfect! But if you only do this every now and then, and it doesn't have a significant impact on your life, then you don't have ADHD. ADHD by definition means that your symptoms are chronic, and severely affect your ability to do things like work, self-care, and taking care of the house.
How do you know they're not though? Maybe a lot more people have ADHD or autism than we thought.
@@timbob1145 there is a large difference between “everyone” and “that one person”. It might be that that person has adhd and that’s why they’re saying this, but that’s a different topic.
No one says this
My therapist said this line to me when I voiced that I may be on the spectrum. It did strike me as dismissive and discouraged me from asking more about autism. (Your channel is very informative tho!)
my old T said this too. And he said loads of other nasty stuff. Find another T and tell her your problem.
If you are in a position where you can get a new therapist, then do it, and one that is open to exploring whether or not you may be on the spectrum. At the end of the day, you may not be, but better to make sure.
Yeah they're probably not the best fit for you in that case.
Mine too
my therapist said this to me a few days ago. i feel really discouraged now, this video and your comment popped up in my recommandations at the best time possible. it makes me feel backed up that more people went through this, and got out of it, thank you
This is so helpful. I am not diagnosed and as a 37 year old woman in the USA I don't know that I'll ever be able to get an official diagnoses. But I relate to every aspect I've researched and keep having this experience where I find out there's a word for things I've always struggled with. When telling my mother about this, she keeps saying "we're all a little autistic" which annoyed me so much. But you're point about maybe she is too and that's why she says it makes so much sense. And is probably part of the reason being at home was so much easier as a child where everything was scheduled and predictable as much as possible, and no one though it was weird to say your clothes itched and you can't think, or can't eat food once it goes cold and no one cared if you looked at them when you talked as long as you were clearly listening, etc, etc.
Maybe take a myer Briggs test and share ur results with your close ones . Many ppl think their autistic or have adhd when really it’s just a rare type that is misunderstood . My type is a intp and relate to all of her issues and I don’t think I’m autistic and since learning in depth about it through personalityhacker website I became more confident and functioning!
@@Thelittleclipstore Myers Brigs is not that scientific and it doesn't exclude autism. Personality may change with age and is not a diagnosis, but autism is a neurological condition. So you could be both intj and autistic. And a year later you could be intp and autistic. However, I don't think it matters what you call your traits, if it helps you to accept them and work with them. Self-realisation is a positive thing regardless of vocabulary.
But perhaps you could look more into autistic strengths and see if you have some false prejudices about autism.
Hehe, I relate to this.
I'm from Sweden and I am 39 years old. I believe I might be so called "high functioning" autistic. I also doubt that I will be able to get an assessment, being a woman at my age, and being excelent at masking. My family just think I'm exentric(I don't have a family of my own, so I mean my mom, dad and siblings). I too am sensitive to clothes. They must be loose fitting or very comfortable, and I must cut off all the tags/lables. If the tags are sowed on really tight and I can't get them off I don't wear that piece of clothing, since the itching is super annoying. I too have a problem with food getting cold, and also beverages. I didn't know that was a "thing". I actually thought that was just me, ha ha. When I eat alone, I can microwave my food and my tea up to several times during a meal, but when I eat with others I might not do that because I know it can seem strange.
I have many more personality traits that could be because of autism.
But my mom taught me, since I was very young, to always be polite when I meet someone new; introduce my self, shake hands or hug, and make polite smalltalk. This has been thoroughly inprinted in me. Therefore, at first glance I'm just a polite woman that has no problem smalltalking and making eye contact.
My autistic traits - or what I believe are autistic traits - are all internal. An "ordinary" doctor, with no special knowledge of female autism, would probably not want to refer me to a specialist. But, if someone would actually take a closer look at my life history, then they would see that there are personality traits and patterns of behaviour, throughout my whole life, that are very typical of a woman with high functioning autism. I just don't know how to get that initial referral since I don't want to go to the doctors office getting laughed at. In Sweden we don't have any family doctors so I would get a doctor, a general practitioner, that I have never met before and that doesn't know anything about me. And I believe that aspergers is still a heavily "malespecific" diagnosis in Sweden. So, this is where I am at...
@@Thelittleclipstore I would be totally interested to see if there are certain types of MyersBriggs that coincide with certain types of autism. I'm an ENTJ-T. It comes with the caption: "Maybe it's good that only a very low percentage of the population is this type." And I think: Yeah, totally! 😂
I've two legs.
Am I therefore "a little bit spider"..?
Are we all "somewhere on the arachnid spectrum"?
This made me laught, thank you.
There’s a little Black Widow in me just itching to get out… 😂
I understand but I can relate to Sam and I'm just sensitive introverted person. I don't want to be rude but as far as i'm concerned, being a little bit quirky does not mean youre autistics....
Love
@@Yellow.Blossom23 I think we're all in agreement on that. Metta / A
@@AnonymousPsych i'm just struggling to understand what actually makes Sam autistic. Because i don't see it....
That's the thing! When I give an "excuse" why I can't do whatever, people offer solutions, but their solutions are never workable no matter how many they give because there's something else that makes that solution not work for me. I end up getting frustrated and feeling uncooperative, but I think it's because there are actually so many things that bother me, or I'm not good at, or I can't do without freaking out and shutting down.
Wow! I’ve never seen my struggle described so accurately before by another person. This is so me. I’m not diagnosed autistic, but think I might have ADHD-I and possibly autism as well.
I’ve had a similar and very frustrating experience, then I am judged as being negative when I explain why their solutions are not workable for me, it’s my attitude that is the problem, apparently. I’ve learned not to give explanations. But how to get support? Hearts to you…
@@lindsay.newman I’m very happy I have a supportive husband. He doesn’t always “get it”, but he does know I’m not trying to find excuses and I’m sincerely trying my best. So, even when other people give me that “look” (aka: “oh Iiiii see, you just aren’t trying” with that slight eyeroll as they look away) it’s not quite so discouraging as it would be with no “ally.” But since I have the Dx’s now, and the fact that my closer friends and aquaintances have literally seen me during especially bad physical issues, I don’t seem to get that as much.
And yeah, I don’t try to explain. If asked, I basically say that because of so many conflicting and overlapping issues, it’s very difficult to find solutions that work very well, and leave it at that. These days most people seem to be more understanding, since they’re having to deal with more crummy situations than they used to, so they get it a little more. It helps that the people I spend most time with are very good-hearted and are doing their best too, so I can generally overlook the few times they say something unintentionally hurtful. As far as it goes, they have to overlook my faults too, so it’s fair, usually anyway lol.
I hope you can find a way to solve your (not in a mean way, just that they don’t understand) ignorant friend issue too. I guess in the end some people will at least trust your word even if they don’t fully understand, and some won’t even try to do that. The latter may be the ones you take a social break from more often. 🧡🧡
@@tiiaj7589 I’m very happy to hear you have a supportive husband 🌸
Tiia I totally get you! I feel exactly the same way. People mean well but they just don't know what it's like for someone who is on the spectrum. Oftentimes "good advice" has me so stressed out that the person giving it goes quiet and changes the subject...
I liked this video. I enjoyed the color palette of all things pink all around you and in your hair. Lovely. 💕
This is awesome and it's true. Your explanation is perfect. I rarely talk about my struggles. But when I do, I mean it. And guess what happens...? People don't believe me or they think they understand and don't take it for serious. But I know exactly if they really understand or if they don't. What I learned about it is that Neurotypical people simply can NOT understand how we feel. Doesn't matter how much they read or learn about it, they will never ever know how it feels like. I'm so tired of explaining and getting useless answers. They don't even try to understand, cause they already think they do.
What I hate the most is they don't understand that they don't understand... lol. Plus: people don't REALLY listen to me when I talk and I don't even talk that much, cause everyone else talks too much about unimportant things + they never ask questions. I hate it. I had plenty of people, especially men in my past who were "interested" in me, told me that they love me and wanted relationships with me, even if they knew almost NOTHING about me.
This planet is weird...
Right about that! This planet is weird! LOL
Oh God, everything about this, seriously! 👏👏👏 You are not wrong, not even remotely 👍
@@Huraira80 I feel the same way. I've always felt sad about this. Because not only does it happen with the autism explaining thing but also in many other situations I would tell people something and they wouldn't get it or they think they get it and/ or understand but still I know they don't. Arrrgh, so annoying.
The "but so do I !" Or "but so do all of us" when I'm talking about a particular struggle or autism traits (and I'm not talking about people which I think are or that are questioning themselves if maybe they are or are not autistic) And when I explain with facts and neuranatomy at the best they say yes but don't really integrate it and redo the same thing on the same situation or they simply... Dismiss what I say. They go silent letting me wondering if I'm annoying or boring or if I just pass as someone who is trying to be absolutely right (it happens to me all the time... I hate that. And even when I tell people I'm feeling like that they keep doing that. Is that funny to you or what ?) and... They still do not understand it.
It's even more stressful when it's something that... I can't explain because it can't be describe (ex : social interaction the difference between us and someone shy or someone who just don't have the codes and how we can have learned them and still struggle). I try I get confusing and I'm making myself ridiculous (to my view)... For nothing.
I feel like you ( not sure if it is understandable)
Nt people tend to think autism is a psychological disorder. But it is cognitive. Our brains are differently wired from NT's (MRI results).
NT people: We are all on the spectrum
Me: Hold my meltdown :D
"Hold my meltdown" That made me laugh soooo hard. Exactly! NTs tend to think they know precisely how we see the world until a meltdown starts and they look at you like you're an animal at the zoo.
@@uptown3636 you are so right!
@@uptown3636 Haha! brilliant comment.
"disorder" as in: "there is no order", which is precisely the opposite of Asperger. We have, or we need, too much order!
Fellow Aspie over here! Isn’t there an interesting theory regarding Autism/Aspergers being caused by an injured brain stem while still in the womb? That would explain why some people have a more serious condition while others only suffer “mild” symptoms. Because like you stated it’s not a mental illness, it’s a cognitive issue.
Bloody hell... If I had a quid for every time I’ve heard that ‘statement’ - even from well-meaning friends! Or the “I hate labels” when I mention mine or my daughter’s ASD diagnosis. 🙄 I also have dyspraxia (can’t drive as a result - my biggest regret) and misophonia.
i'd be so rich i could buy a mansion..
How should you reply to these statements?
@@marcypan8219 one of the best way is usually saying stuff like "So you're not a human then ? 'cause that's a label" or "Language is made of labels that's how you communicate concepts, and those are updated (like the word erect which did not mean the same thing in the 50's it has now)"
How did you find out you couldn't drive? Did you do drivers ed?
I relate SO MUCH to what you are saying. I love the way you're expressing yourself, thank you! I particularly liked the color palette comparison, I feel like that also, and moreover, my color palette changed with age!
Wow, I really appreciate this video. I have said that recently in relation to myself, not to someone who has a diagnosis of autism. I relate to many of the categories, but haven’t been diagnosed and have been trying to figure out if I need to pursue assessment or if it’s enough to try and figure out how I can deal with the things that I struggle with.
I hadn’t thought of it as offensive, but I totally see that now.
I really love your color palette description. That makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing this.
Of course, some of us are autistic AND have misophonia. I have both, and I can tell when I am reacting to misophonia triggers and when I am experiencing autistic auditory or visual sensitivity.
I similarly am in a place of self identifying as autistic, along with having chronic fatigue syndrome. I can tell when my sensitivities are caused by CFS because I'm less likely to cry and more likely to give myself a headache if I dive into the stimming jello in an attempt to feel better.
What are the differences between misophonia and autistic hypersensitivity?
On the other hand, it seems to me like an important thing to acknowledge, that "the spectrum" only exists because some traits make our lives more difficult, and if we were to live in a world, that is organized differently (we live in a society...), the spectrum would still be there, but it would expand or contract. Many of us wouldn't be "autistic" (that is - in need of a diagnosis) if we were born as recently as 80 years ago, when social interactions would typically be more predictable, the lives more structured, and sensory overload less of an issue. That is not to say these were better times (they were NOT), but they were more forgiving for people with certain deficits, which comprise the diagnosis of autism, then the ones we live in. And our neurologies wouldn't be any different. We would merely be excentric/difficult people. Who else of those we currently think of as "neurotypical" would be pathologized on the grounds of their sensory+cognitive functioning in a different time and place, faced with different challanges?
M. Ch. what a great point.
and yet its clearly a bugbear of many asperger people how predictable "neurotypical" conversations are.
Most likely all prehistoric peoples. Then half of the people up to 1900. Imagine an early homo sapiens walking through New York 😂
Or a Victorian gentleman at an Airport.
@PRISTINE JOEL SPAMMER ALERT
Just had this discussion yesterday with my own mom. I brought the topic that I suspect I might be autistic, and the more I explained which of my traits overlap with the autistic spectrum (and there are quite a lot of them), she basically retorted with "well then, everybody is autistic, because those are normal human struggles". I tried to explain to her that it does NOT feel any normal, that it did not seem any normal my entire life, as I compared my experiences with my peers' and that something is definitely not right here. The point is, she related with almost all of the struggles and problems I mentioned, which makes me believe (not the first time and I even mentioned it to her) that we might both be undiagnosed autistics, as we share an awful lot of those same traits that are often mentioned when describing the autism spectrum. Especially masking, I was not aware I was doing it until I stumbled upon the description of masking strategies online (among others, in your videos). And again, when I mentioned and described masking to my mom, she just said that everyone does that to conform to a given social setting. And again, I told her that it is not how it feels like, that it is not a natural or instinctive process for me, but rather a deliberate and highly calculated one - controlling what I say and how, controlling the tone of my voice, my gestures, consciously controlling if I look someone in the eyes or not, there is nothing natural in it and it takes a lot of energy. And again, she has the same thing and assumed that's what all people do.
Now here's the kicker - she is a teacher with many years of experience and she worked with a lot of children diagnosed with autism or other disorders. She claims that she knows how to recognize the symptoms. But the problem is, she mainly worked with autistic boys, I don't really recall her mentioning any girl diagnosed with autism. So she just basically associates autism with those specific traits that mostly appear in boys (especially the severe cases of autism, the most visible ones). And since she is so convinced that those traits we both share are normal human traits, it is really hard to talk to her about this...
Omg my mom is a teacher too and this is just like how our conversation went.
@@wisteria1739 by the way, one year later from my original comment and guess what - I now have a diagnosis of both ASD and ADHD XD so yeah, I was right in suspecting something was off XD"
@@SyrisDarkness omg i am so happy for you,it must be so liberating,and right now i am in the process of assessment,they suspected ADD and i think things will also lead to ASD.I was already diagnosed with MDD and anxiety too.
As a child, I met all of the original male criteria for diagnoses.. (like 95 percent, down to the obsessive interest in trains lol) but because I was born female, they dismissed it as a possibility. I always saw myself as male though, which was another issue for them. I was misdiagnosed for years with all kinds of different things until I saw an doctor from India who was able to put everything together in a matter of weeks. Such a huge difference when they actually take the time to listen instead of guessing by the outer symptoms. Sadly, there is still so much work to do for improving the medical and mental health profession.
Whenever I mentioned to family members that I have been struggling since childhood they think I’m jumping on an Aspie bandwagon. I’m 34, hah. I first started reading about autism and aspergers in 2000, and knew I wasn’t low functioning but suspected my “personality disorder” diagnosis was not correct. There is still no diagnosis for me. I am the kind of person who would wrongly have thought of the spectrum running from normal to high dependence. Thanks for your revision. It might even help me (privately) place myself on the spectrum if I can get over feeling of being an imposter.
Hi from someone else with a BPD and BP diagnosis neither of which really fit it was watching the kind and entertaing Prof Attwood's lecture 'Girls and autism' that allowed me to self identify and whenever I 'wobble' rewatching it reaffirms I'm not wrong. It may help you? th-cam.com/video/wfOHnt4PMFo/w-d-xo.html If it helps he has lots of other vids on YT also. Stay strong Hx
Such an excellent video! Thank you. I am in the process of pursuing a diagnosis and have been overwhelmed by how to explain my discomfort with statements like 'we're all a bit autistic' and 'you don't seem autistic'. So frustrating. As I am new to this, I haven't had the vocabulary to explain why I have felt so, so, so irritated by these comments. Thank you thank you thank you! Keep up the good work.
Maybe you should reply with you dont seem that normal?
I hear this a lot. Because I have social strengths. I struggle more with executive functioning, huge transition problems and While I can read people...I can respond accordingly. My therapist wrote it down to show all my strengths and struggles so I don’t have to fight telling doctors or other people.
I’ve started fighting when people say it
My reply: “no their not.” And try to give a better explanation.
And than what's the difference between sensitive introvert and autistic person? I'm still struggling to understand.....
Thank you so much for this video! I'm not on the spectrum (not even suspecting, though I may show individual traits), but I've recently received a late (adult) diagnosis for ADHD (as well as other diagnoses) and it's very similar. Everyone assumes that everyone these days, particularly in the fast living world of social media etc., is "a little ADHD". No, just no. You have NO idea what's going on in my head, don't even pretend you do. In reality, it's really just another flavor of saying that mental/neurobiological disorders aren't actually a real thing. It's just packaged in a seemingly more politically correct way for the 21st century. Especially since it currently seems to be "hip" for everyone to suffer from "something". While those with actual disorders tend to suffer from Imposter Syndrome (I know I do).
I used to use this phrase myself for several years.. Diagnosed at 43, now it makes an awful lot more sense
Thank you for this upload, quite validating and an interesting watch. It uploads like this and the comments they generate that at least open my eyes to things I’m struggling with. Really really good stuff.
I been told by a friend, when I said I’m on the spectrum (even though I’m currently undiagnosed but on the adhd waiting list), that “everyone’s a little autistic” and he’s on the spectrum as well. I’ve had nt friends say things like “we understand” or “I know you have your demons”. And then there’s friends, who after i have said to them that I find noisy busy public houses too much (anxiety, self-consciousness, overwhelming etc), saying let’s go to the pub (and they pick a busy one). It manifests all over my life. Even my brothers (who are also on the spectrum) say things to guilt and shame me like “you’ve only got one life” (like as if I didn’t know), or “what happens to my children if I die, they have one one else” (to which I reply, they have their mother)…but, it’s primarily used to guilt me if I say what I’m experiencing or if I’ve had a bad day (I’m diagnosed with cptsd, depression and social anxiety via childhood and later relationship abuses). It’s all very hard for me to deal with and they just expect me to deal with things how they do. I people please a LOT, fawn and say sorry an awful lot. I’m nearly 60 and I do not like this world anymore. After the last narc abuse relationship, all my coping mechanisms are shot and I’m desperately trying to get them back or form new ones that look like I’m “normal” and not a swirling mess of emotions and fears
People thinking they can identify with you struggle when they don't have your condition irritates me too. I have chronic fatigue syndrome & it drives me crazy when people without CFS say things like "I know the feeling, I'm tired too"! CFS is tired on a whole other level that you won't understand if you don't have CFS!
The saltiness!! It's amazing!! 🤣🤣
Glad you appreciate it 😉
i never thought of it that way, i always thought of it and heard it as a note welcoming and accepting phrase, like "you're not alone"
Been diagnosed less than 3 weeks ago. I'm into the tunnel of reading and watching to understand what is going on with me. This is one of the best and concise video on autism for late diagnosed "high functioning" adult. Thanks!
I read the title of this video and wanted to throw my phone against the wall.
I feel like I’ve heard this phrase or something similar far, far too many times since I got diagnosed... and from the professionals that are working with ASD and ADHD etc too! Just. Please. No. I’ve struggled my entire life with these things and they’ve brought me down so far and held me back so much...
I suppose they’ve seen people who let their new diagnosis become a hindrance rather than a helpful thing, but hearing that «everyone feels a bit socially awkward sometimes» does not motivate me. Yikes.
That and «Well, you’re not like, the worst case I’ve seen, you show a lot of empathy so I guess I will give you the diagnosis but like, mildly autistic, not severly.» is the two most hateful things I’ve heard during my diagnosis process.
Apologies for the rant, hit a sore spot. Thanks for the video!
I have heard a variety of this phrase when disclosing to family while they were also voicing support for me.. it was confusing.
They probably tried to say "Don't worry, you're not so different from us." Because different equals bad for most people.
We are all on the spectrum the same way Michael Jordan has a bit dwarfism.
As someone with no diagnosis (yet) and who's been struggling with this question over the past 3 years ("am I autistic?"), your videos have been so helpful and helping me accept and come to terms with it. Thank you!
And do you have diagnosis Now?
Very interesting video! I just thought of another couple possible interpretations. The first goes with your first one on shutdown. Maybe the person doesn't want to think about the other being autistic too much because they have no clue what that means or entails. They feel uncomfortable thinking there are other sides to this person they've known so long, or that they suddenly don't know if they have the relationship they think they have with that person, so they characterize autism as nothing but that general comfortable quirkiness they do know about. Another option to complement that is that maybe it's a well-intentioned way of saying "well I don't care/mind because you're still my friend/partner/family, this label doesn't set you out of this group" (again, though, likely stemming from a lack of understanding on what autism is and how the idea of someone being autistic "should" affect the relationship). Ha, maybe to someone it's a convoluted way of staying on the "not normal/very unique" bandwagon - "dammit, I'm weird too, don't go around trying to one-up or erase my weirdness with your fancy labels!" XD idk
I was someone who said this and was undiagnosed. I felt I wasnt autistic enough for a diagnosis. But the struggle became overwhelming and I was diagnosed obviously autistic. And I educated myself and learned that no, everyone is not a littpe bit autistic. Lol I was just a lot autistic.
*_a lot autistic_*
Yo Samdy Sam, another wonderful video. I've only ever met one person who has ever said "yeah but we're all a little bit autistic Phil!" and this came from someone who was a very bright person came up with some good ideas at University but his stay was cut unfairly short through a series of devastating personal experiences such as becoming homeless for a short while and his family disowning him ( a bit I believe). I very rarely say to people that I have an ASD because I always get overlooked by people wherever I've been :( But you're so lovely and wonderful and brave enough to create these very helpful videos :)
That's a bit like telling your friend "We are all a bit homeless." Like that time we missed the last bus or had too much to drink and drive so stayed on a friend's couch because we couldn't access our home that night. I think this would be offensive to a real homeless person.
@ Philip Blundell
So don't you think the neurodiversity movement has gone too far the in the direction of highlighting "autistic" strengths/gifts? Becuase I think it only becomes obvious to someone who isn't autistic that they aren't autistic, when its pointed out just how challenging and exhausting living with an autistic brain can be. In other words please bring back in information about the negatives of ASD into such descriptions. Thats the way you "paint" the big picture of ASD, not by claiming its some gift or next stage in human evolution.
I can see how easy it would be for an allistic who's only read neurodiversity discriptions of autism, and has strengths in areas such as paying attention to deatail, strengths which the neurodiversity groups/people(s) claim, or at least intimate are unique to ASD people, could mistakenly conclude that they're a lit bit autistic.
Of course people who've only read outdated, medicalised, disability discriptions of autism will naturally not understand ASD accurately either, and will underestimate the potential of ASD in the way thats unfortunately happened to you and others.
In my opinion we need descriptions which view ASD as objectively as possible, don't adopt a positive or negative bias, and are as up to date and refined as possible listening to ASD people describe their experiences themselves, as well as being prepared to listen to allistic people describe their allism, as pertains to comparisons of the two groups so that we don't end up with ridiculous stereotypes (positive or negative).
@PRISTINE JOEL Thats very interesting, free of Autism...?!? You mean you have notice a positive difference in him since starting the treatment, that's Great :) but seriously, free of Autism?!?
Thank you so much for this video (and the entire series of videos). I've recently been officially diagnosed with autism and ADHD, after a considerable period of self-diagnosis, and I've been wrestling with the concept of the spectrum for several months. I really like the comment that the autistic spectrum is for autistic people, and not a measuring stick for all people.
After a recent ADHD diagnosis someone said this. Can’t deny that I took issue with it. Imagine saying to someone in a wheelchair ‘well everyone’s knees hurt sometimes’.
My actual therapist said this to me 🤦♀️
😬😬😬🤦♀️
Id be out the door and never see them again 🙈
I relate to the imposter syndrome so much... it's been five years since my diagnosis, I'm 28 now, and I still feel like maybe it's not actually true and I'm just lazy (and all the other mean things one could call oneself).
What they’re really saying is “You can get over it, you’re just not trying hard enough.”
Thanks for this video. I just found out I’m autistic (still in the midst of official diagnosis, but the head of the neuropsych eval team said “absolutely”), and I told a colleague who said this phrase to me. I tried to explain that it’s an actual brain difference and he wouldn’t listen. I love the clarification that it isn’t a linear line from not autistic to very autistic-it’s just a whole separate thing!
i'm autistic, recently diagnosed, and in my 50s. I think there can be a variety of reasons someone might say "everyone is on the spectrum" or something similar. Though it does feel invalidating, that's not always or even usually the intention of the person saying it. Disclosing one's autism is a lot like disclosing that you are gay. It's something that's not necessarily obvious to others. It carries a social stigma with some people, while others are accepting or even welcoming of it. To complicate matters, one of the defining charateristics of autism is difficulty reading and thus following the unspoken cues and customs associated with normal / typical social discourse. This means we might tell someone we are autistic in a way that takes them by surprise or makes them feel uncomfortable (oversharing is one of my issues). This can lead to NTs attempting to change the subject or to negate your disclosure to help you or themselves save face, returning the interaction to a more superficial and thus comfortable level for them and you.
I know all of this intelectually, yet still I overshare sometimes. It's just how I'm wired. When it happens and I recieve a negating comment like "I never would have suspected you're on the spectrum" I try to use it as a learning opportunity for myself and for them. This requires a certain level of both self awareness and social tact in social situations. Again, we autists tend to lack such awareness and tact, especially in the moment, especially in group settings. This means that we will likely screw it up, and the consequences may feel invalidating to us. It's ultimately our problem, not the group's, unless we find ourselves in some sort of hostile, bigotted group of people. In that case, we still have a problem to deal with, which is to exit the situation safely, learn from it, and avoid such groups in the future. The same thing applies to a lesser, and thus more manageable extent to one on interactions in private.
The key is to learn to assess people and groups in terms of what level of disclosure / intimacy / seriousness and intensity are appropriate. This comes naturally to most people. For the autistic however, it can present varying levels of difficulty. It's nobody's fault, anymore than being gay is a fault. Some people are more attracted to people of their own gender than others. Some autistic people have more difficulty with socializing than others. This can and often does change over time, and at different stages of life.
It's all quite complex and poorly understood, so it's important not to judge or shame people who have difficulty understanding or accepting our differences, or any differences between any people. Niether should we tolerate shaming, teasing, bullying, or any other form of abuse direct at us or others for being different. This starts with self awareness and self acceptance. These are prerequisites for insight into ourselves and others. Ideally, such insight leads to understanding and accomodation of one another rather than conflict. But conflict is part of life, and it's something we must learn to deal with as constructively as possible if we wish to thrive, autistic or not.
It’s so frustrating to hear. It’s a very roundabout way of saying that my diagnosis is pointless or invalid. And what’s even more frustrating is that communicating to them about why that statement is invalid is so hard to do- I’ve always struggled with expressing my thoughts and emotions, as though I’m trapped inside my own mind.
Thank you. Not just for your videos, but for acknowledging that sometimes these phrases are used by those who recognise so much that they might be autistic without knowing it.
In the past few years I may have used this phrase multiple times. Not meaning to be dismissive, but simply stating my belief that many in my field have multiple autistic traits if not an official diagnosis. I just considered it a fact of life. I am now starting to recognise that this may have offended people on both ends: those without autistic traits and those confirmed to be on the spectrum.
What I was really trying to say was: I recognise so much of this in myself, but I'm just normal... right?
Thank you for this explanation about the spectrum. It is very helpful.
And extra special thanks for your thoughts at 3:42.
I am just discovering lots of information about ASD and ADHD on the Internet, over the last few months.
And a number of things sound *a lot* like I have them too, while others do not sound like me at all.
So I have been wondering, what am I? And the phrases “maybe a little bit autistic” or “a little bit ADHD” have been in my head for a while now.
Because I don’t think that I have some of the symptoms, but it would explain *a lot* about me if I actually had ADHD or ASD (or both?) but only with some of the challenges / symptoms.
Now, I would not generalize, especially after having watched so many videos and also read about these conditions, that *everyone* has them.
And I do believe that, as you said, if someone says “isn’t everyone on the spectrum?”, then this could be a shutdown argument.
But if the undiagnosed adult population is actually as large as some people say, then I guess your thought at 3:42 could actually be true more often than not.
So, someone who actually has symptoms for OCD, ASD, ADHD or one of the other “disorders” (as it were) and who hasn’t been diagnosed might actually think that these symptoms are “normal”/neuro-typical. They have had some symptoms all their life without knowing that this isn’t neuro-typical.
I find this idea very perceptive. And it would explain why I have such an impostor syndrome, having these “maybe I am a little ...” phrases in my head. I mean, maybe I am an impostor? I haven’t had any diagnosis ... yet?
And my worst symptoms are panic attacks, and not being able to finish important projects or to do important mundane tasks that I *want* and *need* to do. (And my experience matches the explanations on how this happens. And there is much more. But enough of this here.)
So, why am I writing this?
Because I believe your thought at 3:42 should be the default assumption. Even if someone clearly uses the phrase “Isn’t everyone a little bit on the spectrum?” as a shutdown phrase, this could be a strong indicator that that person is not neuro-typical.
And maybe this person wants to shut down the discussion, because then they do not need to think about this.
It is annoying, yes. But maybe a good reply would be “Hmm, the psychologists who have studied this for many decades say that this is not neuro-typical. But if you think it is, maybe it is because you have some non-neuro-typical challenges yourself. And that seems normal to you. Which is fine for you if you don’t have any real problems because of this. But if you do, then it could help you, even in a life-changing way, to think about getting a diagnose and then getting help.”
These are just my thoughts about this, and I may be wrong.
But your thoughts at 3:42 reassured me that despite thinking that I maybe have “a bit” ADHD or am “a bit” on the AS, that this is probably “normal” to think. I mean, I really don’t *know* what I have. Or if this is anything at all. And your thoughts reassured me to accept that I probably need to get diagnosed.
So, again, thank you. :)
Edit: I guess it would be helpful to have "contrasting" videos. So having a neuro-typical person explain how they experience certain situations and to contrast that with how people on the spectrum (or with ADHD) experience these situations.
I agree with you. Maybe there’s good intentions (demonstrating empathy and understanding) behind it but what it really does is trying to shut you down. Thank you so much for your content!
I feel like I need to save this video so I can show it like 100× a day.
My favorite comeback to this is "Oh you're nauseous? Everyone's a little pregnant!"
Just recently diagnosed. Working for a large company i mentioned to someone and comments was ‘we’re all on the spectrum’, ‘don’t get caught up with labels’ in first conversation. Now struggling with this 😢
Very well explained thank you! I need to show this to my husband who is always saying to me that everyone is on the spectrum. 51 and still going for an assessment :)
Me to 62!
I still like the way you presented this topic best. Well spoken!
Self diagnosed at the moment but a friend keeps saying "we are all on the spectrum somewhere." I don't know how to respond because I am actually quite angry about it, and feel as if it's belittling my experiences, but can't articulate it because I don't want to sound horrible
When I told my dad my therapist thinks I could be autistic, he made a comment that everyone were being diagnosed as autistic. because of this I haven't really talked with him about it. I have a whole list of things I do that I considered as quirky but could be signs of autism. And that list keeps growing. Thankfully, my sister has been more supportive.
Oh, so very very true. That or trying to convince you that you are wrong! Honestly, t seems to me that neurotypical people can't help but auotmatically try to empathise, or relate to their own experience, whereas I find that I can't, or don't have a means of relating to their perspective, their feelings, their motives. "You are just overreacting to something everyone does/says/feels" - when they don't understand what it's like to just appear to be a normal functioning person, but perpetually feeling different or lost. Great content. Thankyou!
Your videos are really helpful. My daughter's just been diagnosed and I'm saving some money to get myself assessed too. My sister said exactly this, "we're all a bit on the spectrum" I've been hinting that neurodivergence runs in our family and hope she'll see that these traits seem like a common experience for everyone coz in the context of our very divergent family they are!!😂 but in the context of the wider population they aren't.
"It was an easy diagnosis to make... once she could get me to stop talking about myself"
The spectrum implies opposite spectrum. Intuitives are on the opposite side of Sensing types on the larger spectrum. Just as Feeling and Thinking types are opposites. Everyone uses all of the functions (sensing, thinking, feeling, intuiting) all the time. The most natural, effortless presentation of yourself flows first into one of the functions, then through the others. the "personality" is the first step (INTP for me) of this cycle that results in consciousness. Autism spectrum and personality typology seem to be related by degrees of conformity to an archetype. The more pure the personality, the more extreme the traits. These are just ideas though. You are loveable just the way you are!
As someone with Asperger's/pdd-nos and ADHD, I agree with this 100%. It really pisses me off because you try living with the struggles every day. It's like I'm sorry that our diagnosis can be a joke to you. I do make light of it most days, but it gets old after a while. (And for me half the time it's not even about my Asperger's/pdd-nos or adhd, or so in regards to my calling myself a mini hypochondriac *I'm not* and my best friend making constant jokes about it)
Whenever I wobble I re watch the lovely Prof Attwood 'Girls and Aspergers' lecture it may help you? th-cam.com/video/wfOHnt4PMFo/w-d-xo.html Hx
What I often hear is:
"Well everyone has those challenges."
As I think on it,
I can grant that anxiety, lack of mental focus, one's temper, etc. are not uncommon experiences
among people in general. So I can see where it might be assumed that if I'm using their words
to describe my experiences, that they might conclude that my struggles are as minor and everyday
as theirs.
However . . . The point is
what I tend to go through is like what they go through
if it were dialed way up beyond my ability to manage consistently.
Were they to cross that threshold as readily as I often do?
Then they might realize something is actually up about this
and that this is not in fact a challenge everyone has.
On the other hand,
when I am unaware of a thing or a feeling or whatever,
it's as if it doesn't exist to me . . . That is, until I suddenly become aware of it
and then it's as if I'm the very first guy to discover this thing.
And it turns out that, yes, everyone already did know about it.
So I wonder if neuro-typicals suffer similar blindness to the possibility
that this condition exists, it is indeed real,
until they have experienced it for themselves.
Can I suggest before being annoyed or frustrated, actually talking with these people about why they think this. I believed this most my life, I've never seen autism as bad or "not real" but I genuinely thought it was just a human spectrum. I've always thought of it as just being created differently, with different strengths and weaknesses, but still intrinsically valuable. As it turns out, while i'm not diagnosed, I am pretty positive I am on the spectrum, and this is what has lead to me to feel that way.
I never meant for anyone to be hurt buy this phrase, but I thought it would help people to feel like there wasn't, in fact, anything wrong with them and that they were just different and that's ok and beautiful.
Obviously, I'm older and wiser now. I think explaining this to people, when this comment does arise, will help people with good intentions like me to truly love people better instead of hurting them while trying to help.
However, if their intentions are not genuinely good, by all means, be as annoyed as you must.
Yes! Very much this! Recently diagnosed and experiencing this quite a bit.
I used to say I was dipping my toes in the spectrum, until I realized I how far away the neurotypical shore the tide had carried me.
This is precious I've been watching it over and over again...
Every second of what you have expressed here is just: YES! ❤🙌
You’ve explained this so well! Thank you! We put such an emphasis on verbal communication with this “high/low functioning” label.
Thank you so much for talking about this! You are so amazing. You are helping so many people. 😊💗
As an autistic adult, diagnosed at 30, I loved this video, if I had a pound for everytime somebody said aren't we all autistic or on the spectrum somewhere, I'd be rich as hell x
I recorded some of your video on my phone so whenever someone says 'we're all on the spectrum or this person is probably on the spectrum somewhere' I can show it to them because I have never found the right words to express it and you have done it wonderfully!
Thoughtful... I would add to this that there is another category that has been researched called highly sensitive that I think is about 25% of the population. It's not a pathology, but it does make us part of the neurodiverse community.
I think sometimes they are trying to make you feel better about being “different” - my mom does that with my medical problems. I get hives all over for months bc we can’t find the cause? She shows me a bug bite and says she gets itchy skin things just like me, so it’s okay. So annoying, but glad I finally figured that out.
That is very insightful. Sometimes we have to give the normies the benefit of doubt. They communicate in a less exact and more abstract form than we generally do and if you try to interpret their intention work by word, you are bound to misunderstand them.
I enjoys your videos because I share some of the traits you describe, such as imposter syndrome, missing social cues and masking. In my case I believe it had to do with the dysfunctional family I grew up in. Over the years, with a lot of therapy, I have made progress in these areas, but they never disappear entirely. This does allow me to understand others who experience the same kinds of stresses in life, even if the causes are different. I appreciate your message about differentiating between being autistic versus sharing some of the same behaviors. Thank you for educating us so we all can be more sensitive to differences in others.
You’ve explained this so well!!! I hear this so much! Thank you!
The line between autism and autistic traits is really blurry to me. As a child my caretakers at kindergarten really thought I might be autistic. I did the tests and I had many traits, but didn't get a diagnosis. I have a severe attention problems at school, always had. Way before smartphones. I took the separate test for learning disabilities and didn't get a diagnosis then either. From my point of you I don't see why someone couldn't be a little bit autistic. If they have traits, what's the difference other than an arbitrary number of more traits? In terms of diagnosis I mean. It's not like the doctor scanned my brain or anything
The self-relation of the statement, "we're all on the spectrum", doesn't distinguish personality from autism, which suggests conflation in what they imagine autism to feel like. But I see it as a spectrum, over a binary.
To me there's a sweet spot of how minds work which is the norm, so they're NT. Those outside that norm, are desynced from acting smoothly in the world, so they've developed coping mechanisms. Some coping symptoms with a clear symptom get their own categorization. However other more general coping mechanisms, we can't clearly define are placed on the autism spectrum.
I see it as a set of thresholds that correlate with each other, to what symptoms exhibit. Something like social interaction is more finely tuned so the detriment is one of the first symptoms to show.
The difficulty in autism categorization means I don't feel a binary solution works so I prefer to see it as a non-linear spectrum.
However, anyone saying "we're all on the spectrum" is likely misjudging the nature of what that spectrum is like, so I agree the statement in context is a frustrating misunderstanding.
I'm someone who was told they had dyspraxia as a kid (which I later found out wasn't official) and interpreted that as on the ASD (when I found what autism was). There is a natural classification of non-neurotypicalness that isn't easy to explain which gravitates to identifying on the autistic spectrum.
@PRISTINE JOEL Austism for me, is a behavoural pattern that does not simply dissappear from one's nature. Chemical changes, to which a herbal remody causes, can alter the body regulation to effect behavoural output, possibly inducing a perminant change, if a mental block was a major symptom to what you identified as autism.
But these all-fixing claims to problems well beyond the scope of our current knowledge, are justifiably looked at with heavy sceptism. To the point I am not even going to check this product out. It is too easy to sell something, that seems to work, rather than does, and the persistant advertising of our culture for all mannor of things I am told I need, forces me to adopt sceptism by default.
Your videos help me a lot. I've been struggling with a couple of things that could be summed up kind of as just "being weird" and not very good at socializing, which I realized as I dissected those things that they contained a number of traits found in autistic people, which has been very difficult to wrap my head around. In the end, I don't think I am on the spectrum, but simply that I share traits with people who are. It doesn't exactly make me feel better (I still struggle with a number of things) but I think it means I can borrow tips from people like you, and that probably will help me in the long run. So, thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.
Yes, thank you. I have told my husband, adult children and exactly 2 close friends since my diagnosis. Both friends basically said some version of "No", "I don't believe it", "We're all a little quirky, aren't we?" This was hard to receive from them, as I was counting on them for support. I'm going to give them time to think about it. I'm a well known musician and teacher in my community, so I think these friends were so taken aback as I just don't fit their perception of what autism should look like. I, however, have decided that some of my autistic behaviors---easy memorization, high language learning and music learning skills, for example---as some of my super powers! Oh, and the other person I confided in is my old college roomate and best friend from college. She, for her part, immediately put some of my most obvious autistic behaviors---persistence, hyper-focused attention on one thing at a time, for example, in the light of super powers, too, bless her.
I’m sure some People thought I’m saying I’m Autistic to sound special, quirky or different and that’s so annoying when I DO have it.
Thank you. This is interesting. I have said things like, "We're all on a spectrum somewhere," but have never meant it in any dismissive-of-a-diagnosis way, let alone any intent to offend anyone. On the contrary, I've used it as a way to try to remove any semblance of stigma, keep and open mind, and try to be all-inclusive and see all people as just that. We all have unique challenges, and when I say 'unique' I mean not to compare any of mine to anyone on the spectrum and the challenges they face. This is an interesting challenge to how I've thought about it, though, one that compels me to reevaluate since again I only have ever said what I said above with the best of intentions (but maybe am ignorant and misunderstanding it).
Fantastically helpful yet again. Thank you. Kim
conversely, when i told my boss, he said 'we're all al little bit autistic' and I interpreted that as 'that's ok, you're accepted anyway'. and I'm confident that's what he meant.
Thank you for this video..... my "friend " JUST said this to me Today!!! Im thinking of sending her this video....
When people say that, it causes me to wonder if they think that autism is even real. It's so invalidating, and sends the message that my autistic traits aren't actually a problem in my life (since everyone apparently has the same problems too). If a so-called autistic trait only affects a person for part of the day, then it ain't an autistic trait. A great example is when somebody tells me that they need alone time too, afyer a long day at work. Okay, so in other words, you still don't mind working with people all day long and making small talk. On the other hand, I would always try to find a way where I could possibly do all of my work by myself, without anyone helping me or interrupting my work with small talk (it is something that has always stressed me out at a job).
This, and, I'm so OCD. So frustrating.
I love how people who claim to be “neurodivergent” get upset when informed that everyone is “neurodivergent”
I can’t seem to find a definition of “on the spectrum,” intended for adults, which doesn’t apply to everyone I know and have known.
i love your videos. these are really insightful and truly helpful
I totally get the annoyance with the phrase, but I do wonder about this sometimes. As a woman with a certain family background, I wonder whether there is an additional spectrum within society where some people find themselves in between - BAP people, who inherit many traits but might not fall within the current diagnostic criteria. Given how the diagnostic criteria seem to have broadened over time and given that there seems to be a certain genetic component, I wonder how the line is really drawn, in the absence of hard evidence, and whether there will at some point be a concept of autism that encompasses people who feel somehow in between.
@PRISTINE JOEL please don't spread ignorant bs like that. a) autism is not a disease to be healed, it's a neurotype and b) any "improvement" would likely be due to a reduction in stress and anxiety, which are common with autistic people, simply because they are often more susceptible to it and because the world around them was not built for them. It would be better to put more effort into challenging the way the world works right now than to change the way neurodivergent brains are wired.
One if my “close friends” said this to me. We’re no longer friends.
Gosh Sam, great video. I really appreciate all you do! Thank you 🙏
Thanks for this. Someone literally said this to me today (my counsellor... and tbf she's a great counsellor, but I really wanted to explain why that's wrong and didn't have the right words to hand)
thank you for this. on a linear scale (ugh) it is irritating, because it's invalidating and hurtful.
@PRISTINE JOEL If your son is perfect and living as you say now, then you may have had a mis-diagnosis of autism. Because autism does not work that way. There can be improvement, but it doesn’t just go away. It’s part of who you are.
i was obnoxious in class and my attention span was shit back in high school and one of my teachers was under the impression that i could get over it or repress it for their class and that's not how it works
I'm glad you got to the bit at the end! I've recently begun to explore the possibility that I'm on the spectrum and have been watching your videos (hence my commenting on this old one, ha), but wow was I cringing because a lot of this sounds like stuff I've said... to myself. (And thought about others, but mainly because so much of what folks with autism/ADHD/etc "disorders" describe is overwhelmingly more like my experience than anything reported by or said about what neurotypical people feel. I dunno where I'll end up; I'm just hoping I find some descriptors and professionals who are able to help me out since clearly pretending to be normal hasn't worked out for me, lol.)
I've been thinking... (dangerous pastime).. 😆 I like to think of 'being on the spectrum' more like a kaleidoscope. With each turn... different shapes and color combinations appear. Each one uniquely beautiful
I actually thought this, I could definitely relate it to my self. I am now starting to think that I might be autistic.
But if I have said it, it was never meant as a shutdown, only as an acknowledgement that I understood what the person was going through.
So having a few autistic traits doesn’t make you at least a little bit autistic? Yes that statement makes perfect sense
Since trying to tell my dad about my autism and explain the difficulties i have he keeps saying everyone has those same struggles and you just have to get on with it and he says then he must have autism as well then and has been completely dismissive of everything. Its put more of a strain on my relationship with him than there already was. When i tells me i just have to get on with it when i express how close to burnout i feel i tend to say to him that maybe when he’s close to a diabetic hypo maybe he should just get on with it and he seems to think its different. I’ve found finding anyone who takes my autism seriously impossible since discovering im on the spectrum