Story 1: OP's husband had always supported OP over his parents. So, why did OP jump straight to threatening divorce? That's just cruel! Sure, stand up for your mom, but don't treat a good man like that. OP wasn't hurting the MIL, she hurt her husband.
I would've accepted the divorce. She held her husband accountable for someone else's actions despite his standing up for her. I instantly lost any sympathy for her.
She knew that MIL was toxic AF & will never change. She didn't need that negative energy in her life. She probably didn't want to force her husband into a "them or me" situation & opted out all together I found out that my future in-laws were very weary about their son marrying a divorced woman with 2 small children. Me being divorced was bad enough (they were/are staunch Southern Baptists) but children as well 😱 I found out all this a month from the wedding. I broke off the engagement & said I was not going to be the reason his relationship with his parents became strained. He was a true mommy's boy - through & through. No one in his family had ever been divorced. My lack of morals would surely bring the family down 🙄🙄(double eye roll on that) We found a way to work things out. He told his parents my reservations and how he felt - they changed their tune. They loved my girls as their own (which is a good thing because they are their only grandchildren) We have been married 16 yrs this month.
Upon the first offense? When your husband had been, so far, protecting you and was still on your side? Anyone who gives up on marriage that quickly shouldn't get married. What's the point if you give up on the very first struggle?
@@missunderstoodmal1700 sorry, no one is required to deal with your family for the sake of a relationship. Having a toxic family is a deal breaker for many people and it's valid. There's a reason people have a right to divorce and there's many more things that poison the meaning of marriage than someone not wanting to deal with a toxic family. Just cause it wouldn't be a deal breaker for you doesn't mean others aren't allowed to have their boundaries.
Story 1: Okay...I'd say that she just rushed the relationship. OP's an impulsive person. Why does she threaten with divorce immediately? Her mother is right she's hyper. She needs to focus on her relationship with her husband. He's not the enemy here.
s1; the demand for divorce like that makes OP completely unreasonable. In his shoes, I would probably give her what she demanded, and then still have nothing to do with mother dearest.
Jumping to divorce that quick in this situation is a red flag I would’ve honestly had half the mind to drop her and the parents. Especially when she didn’t put anything damning in the post that hinted that the husband wasn’t on her side when she blew up at the MIL. The whole guilty by association mentality would’ve placed things in perspective for me with her in this situation. Like I could see if the parents were killers or racist or something and the husband doesn’t want to sever ties but, this one here…. Idk.
I thought all the sickeningly sweet descriptions in the introduction were red flags. I think he got a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
I took the comment as her snapping and slapping at the husband's family rather than an actual desire on her part for a divorce. She reacted in anger with the comment which carried the message, "I hate his parents. They are horrible people that I don't even want to know much less be related to by marriage. I've got to get out of here and away from them." but shortened to "I want a divorce" Her husband, of course, was hurt, but we all can make dumb statements when we get angry enough and aren't thinking things through. And she was angry.
@@dulcilass I get exactly what you mean and I even hoped it was that way but by the way she described it in the post it didn’t do her justice if that’s in fact how she meant it. Just saying for me if I was the husband those poor choice of words would’ve altered my perception of the relationship. Too many alike stories where the op can disassociate their better half’s from their horrible parents. But I do understand that op is her own person and capable of her own mistakes like anyone else. Situation is just a little unfortunate is all .
@@dulcilass As a married man that had issues with his inlaws originally, i would NEVER have even considered that being an option. She is a toxic individual
Story 1. I don't understand why so many people think that OP acted appropriately. While she was justified in retaliating against her MIL for denigrating her mother, how can she have been right to demand a divorce when her husband had done nothing but support her? This was terribly abusive to him and in no way warranted.
No one wants to be married into a toxic family so unless her husband was willing to completely cut off his parents then divorce would be the only reasonable option left. No one is required to be treated poorly by your family and stay with you.
@@zibix4562 I have an amazing fiancé who has an amazing family. I’ve cut off my toxic family. Why feel bad? Cause I won’t tolerate someone disrespecting me? And I also won’t tolerate someone disrespecting my fiancé? Yeah, that’s so awful of me.
First Story - I love it when a loving man stands firmly by his loving woman through good times , bad times , and especially through the most difficult times of marriage .
@@highgamer240 I know right? But hey he is a man, let him just take that abuse and now she can forever use the "divorce" card when she has an issue with the inlaws. Did not even know that was an option, but then again i would be considered "controlling" if i did that.
@@zibix4562 The divorce level issue is not the in-laws, it is him not standing up for her. Both spouses have a duty to protect the other, and he failed the first test of that.
@@mariavb8872 I really hope so. If my wife had did that, i would be seeing about annulling the marriage if it was soon enough. I dunno why there seems to be people in this comment section that think what the wife did was okay. I guess they are either bitter divorcees or never married. As a married man in a relationship for 12 years, not ONCE was divorce ever said between us 2 in a major disagreement. That is not something you come back from. Seriously if this is modern marriages, I will be sure to never remarry if this is considered acceptable. At the very worse, we brought up marriage counseling, but that was as far as it went. I dunno why people thinking threatening divorce in the heat of the moment is okay.
Almost every story~ "Hi, there was this really mean person who treated me bad, so I married them & am shocked they are still being mean. I thought a marriage ceremony would make them be a different person. AITA?", or same with rude in laws that they constantly visit. Newsflash, if people are shitty & abusive, you do not have to spend time with them.. Obviously excluding situations where they live, work, or are otherwise stuck with the abuser, it is literally as simple as walking away, saying "no", blocking them, not responding, etc. Your life is yours. It is up to you who you allow in it. Be strong & ignore awful people!
Honestly, some of these stories, they kinda deseevre the bad things that happen to them. They aren't victims, they are volunteers. "Hello. I met a guy who said he was an abuser and would abuse me and our kids, and I married him and he abuses me and my kids. AITA for asking him to rape our 12 year old less?"
Nah, don't yell at your husband... if he truly is their only child all you need to say is: "You must not want anyone to look after you in your old age." and then leave. They have more to lose than you.
Threatening divorce, even in the heat of the moment, for something MIL did and husband did not agree with really shows a huge character flaw in op. Also the fact I am seeing people justifying what she did really shows the deterioration of what a marriage truly is. The sanctity of marriage has been deteriorated and it wasnt the homosexuals that did it, but a bunch of post modern nutjobs. Me and my wife have had some massive arguments and never has either of us threaten divorce or separation after 12 years. We have brought up counseling and we work through our issues. What really disturbs me is seeing all the women in the youtube comment section justifying or agreeing with what she did, which really does indicate that marriage in the modern era really is crap. So it was okay for OP to scream about divorce as a way of controlling the situation. Forget the infidelity, forget the unfairness of family court, forget all that.....just this alone shows me marriage is considered a joke by many. I have always told young men that a successful marriage is like calling the right number on the roulette table...if you win the first time, do not rebet. edit:I know not all the women here do and i know i used a broad stroke to paint this, but i would scroll and just keep seeing justification after justification and it really does show a disturbing trend.
If man does NOT leave his father and mother, there can be no marriage. Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
The divorce level issue is not the in-laws, it is him not standing up for her. Both spouses have a duty to protect the other, and he failed the first test of that. His mother is nuts, plain and simple, and her needed to demand an apology for the massive insult and stupidity she committed right then and there. That level of judgement is beyond illogical, the father suspecting something is more likely to mean HE was a cheater as opposed to his wife, but just being paranoid is even more likely.
@Zibnix, you are equating the relationship you had with your wife WITHOUT toxic in-laws to deal with, your point, when is just between a husband and wife are valid, but having had to deal with toxic in-laws I can tell you, this situation and yours and not even close to being the same
Husband's parents sound narcissistic. Going for divorce I disagree completely. The parents are more than protective of the son, they are horrible people. The best route would have leave the house and completely cut contact from them. Okay, the FIL sounds truly apologetic and embarrassed about his wife. But the MiL has NO right to demand that op stops seeing HER mom. Hell no, that's when I would tell her goodbye and you just lost your family
Immediately demanding a divorce was wrong. Blowing up at mil was wrong. Just smile & say, “Bless your heart” or “Aren’t YOU precious.” Or just sit & look at her in silence (if you can raise one eyebrow all the better) until she stops. Most people can’t stand silence like this.
First story: yta but barely. MIL was being intolerable and it’s perfectly fair to lash out, however threatening divorce when your husband did nothing wrong is cruel to me. If he had sided with MIL I would have understood but he continued to support her even when she locked herself in a room and refused to talk to him. It was too drastic of a move and could have seriously damaged the relationship, I’m glad the husband was understanding and put it aside.
@WhiteWolfe32, here let me explain the part you missed, how long did he keep trying to get them to meet her? A day? a week? much longer than that, and then he takes her over there only for that to happen, he is partially to blame for putting her in that situation
I wanted to slap that woman. Husband is right until u have a child that’s died u don’t understand. I’ve lost an infant daughter , a stepson, & my baby son at 22 due to murder. U can’t say you love a child when you’ve never met that child. She needs to get over herself
I AGREE , YOU CAN HAVE LOVE 💕 For WHAT HAPPENED. AND HAVE EMPATHY, SYMPATHY and FEEL MORE LOVE 💕 TOWARDS THAT PERSON. SHE Might LOVE DEAD CHILD FROM HEARING SO VERY VE MANY STORIES. The JURY IS STILL out
I will lightly agree. We don't really have all the information. How long ago did his son die? How old was he. I think visiting his son's grave every week for a couple hours seems excessive unless it was fairly recently and probably a youngster. My son died at age 31. I think it's just easier when your child lived to adulthood and had moved out on his own a decade earlier. (I didn't say it was easy, just easier) It does get easier with time. My son died a few years ago so I might go a month or more without even thinking of him. But to even suggest her husband should NOT visit his son's grave on the anniversary of his death and should instead go to his step-son's game is the epitome of insensitive. Listen to your son. He isn't trying to make excuses. He's giving you the honest truth. She is an AH being offended on behalf of her son when he isn't at all. He understands his step-dad. He's good.
Story 2 I lost 2 son's but I make sure that at the time that I had step kids I spent a lot of time with them. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about my son's. Both of my son's Died while I was still pregnant with them. But I love them still the same to this day. And when I talk about them I cry. But if you think that your husband is dealing with depression then get him some help. But don't keep him from going to his son's grave. that is just mean on OP's part. If I was married right now and my husband told me to spend time with my step son or daughter on the anniversary of my son's death them I would just walk out the door and come back when he was a sleep. YTA OP
How many times is he going to draw a line in the sand ("I won't see you until you apologise"), then see them anyway. His mom was doing the same with him...empty threats seem to be a family trait.
Sil should tell her daughter that until she is 18 she can not dye her hair get tattoos, piercing etc . After that date she can do as she pleases. And then tell you that you should be prepared to take in her niece to live and support her.
Hair dying by teens is pretty harmless. It give both boys & girls to experience themselves as a different person. Tattoos, on the other hand, is a lot more permanent. Usually hair grows back so changing hair color is merely a fun thing to do.
He groveled to his parents, even though he was an adult. He had no need to do that! Toxic people are to be avoided and provide toxicity to any interaction. Family is where we find it, and he should never have bowed and scraped to his parents. She should write them off and go on with her life.
Second story: I think your husband is worried about getting close to another son. So he is keeping your son at arms length. But you should stop pushing. They get along and that is better than most step parents relationships.
Story 2: YTA. He lost his son and no matter how long ago it was that he passed or how old he was at that time, the grief is real and those death anniversary dates hit hard. I had a friend who had lost her daughter and grandson in an auto accident and I never could understand why years later she didn’t just “let it go”…until I lost my own 23 year old son (3 weeks after turning 23). I get it now. Everyone grieves differently and over time that grieving process will change. Just leave him be to grieve…his grieving process does not mean he doesn’t love you or his stepson any less. Your son is 16…*16 years old*!! Good grief!! I don’t know of any 16 old boy who would prefer hanging out with a parent figure, whether it was the dad or stepdad. In fact, they prefer chillin’ with their friends doing whatever teenagers do these days for socializing. Cut the guy some slack…
Hair OP - Time to have a bit of fun. Find out where SIL shops for general goods. Take a photo of yourself holding up store brand hair dyes. Bonus points for bright red colors or dyes that cover grey hair. Caption it with "A degenerate shopping in the degenerates' aisle."
Hair story: How old is the niece? They sell clip-in hair swatches the niece can use ( Target and Claire's have them) But the question is "what is wrong with the SIL?" Control freak maybe?
Niece is 14 and hair swatches sound like a good idea. They have the added advantage of being hide-able and lets the niece put something over on her mom. And yes, SIL is a control freak. I think SIL and her daughter are going to have a rough ride for at least a decade.
SIL sounds old school/"traditional". Won't be surprised if she's religious with the whole degenerate remarks over colorful hair. She probably has that stance for tattoos etc. It's just hair.
I am 51 and have blue hair - as you can see by my profile pic. I don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks about it. IT'S ONLY HAIR PEOPLE. Hair is one way people can show their individuality. It's not permanent. Hair can be dyed, re-dyed,cut short, permed,teased, ect It can always be changed or grown back. Teenagers should have fun with their hair. They will need to conform to "normal" soon enough
It’s satisfying to see the husband not tolerate his mothers hurtful words and actions against OP and her mother. I wish the best for OP and her husband.
Last story: SIL is a self-righteous prig and I expect OP's niece to cut contact as soon as she reaches 18 so I hope OP remains available to offer her support and sanctuary.
And OP should tell MIL that the MIL raised a self-righteous opinionated prig and if she supports her daughter's feelings in this matter that OP understands how her SIL ended up a self-righteous opinionated prig.
My partner (40 today) loves to colour her hair. Blue is her favourite, but she tends to use 2 or even 3 others at the same time to make it more _individual/unique._ Although I'm 71, I support her choices wholeheartedly. She's an adult and has the right to do what she wants if it doesn't harm anyone else. How could her choice of hair decoration cause harm to anyone? Of course I'm prejudiced because I love her and would do anything (legal) to make her happy.
@@amanofmanyparts9120 Good for you. OP should have told her SIL to shove off. If it's legal and she enjoys it and it doesn't hurt anyone, it certainly isn't making her a degenerate. I was at the doctor's office and a young woman walked in with bright turquoise hair. She caught me looking at her and so I just blurted out that I loved the color of her hair. Turquoise and teals are my favorite colors. So we got to talking about various colors she'd dyed her hair in the past, and how more and more women are feeling free to experiment with alternate hair colors.
@@dulcilass Ps. She has, on occasion, coloured the tail of my/our German Spitz (and even *my* hair, to a small degree) in similar colours! Off to see now.
Story 2 - Wife is being selfish!!! Husband has a right to grieve his son. Stepson feels he is spending time with stepdad. Mother/wife needs to back off. She is causing problems where none exist.
Story 1: OP is abusive to her husband on that one. It's a red flag to withdraw support/love in a heated debate because you consider your spouse guilty by association. He never condonned his mother's bad behavior and always supported her. I hope they get to addressing that, so, when other tense situations arise she doesn't use the divorce card that rashly again... Big YTA for me.
You know how they have pink ribbon for breast cancer? Maybe change your hair colour to a different cause each month and tell your SIL “what, no I won’t change my hair colour, it’s supporting [insert cause]”. I did that for a while when I had some people think poorly of me for having coloured hair (when I did have coloured hair, can’t have it at the current time as i’m about to finish uni and will be looking for new grad positions, and you know how interview panels feel about those sort of things.
Op is a terrible human being for threatening divorce over something his mother did and who was on his wife's side. Hopefully husband makes the wife an ex wife soon because divorce will be a threat on her tongue in every fight. Seems he married someone as bad as his mother
Your sister inlaw is a huge AH! I am 50, and guess what, my hair is blue, with magenta underneath. My son had a blue Mohawk when he was 8. It's just hair and color. How dare she say it make people a degenerate!
OP over reacted... but then her behavior as she describes it is a bit impulsive through out. She seems to act more like a 15 yr old than an adult. Red Flags for her hubby.
Story 1: After hearing the whole story, it makes sense: abusers defending abusers. But seriously OP was in the wrong for threatening divorce, even in the heat of the moment, when it wasn't the husbands' fault but his mother's. I hope she's doing better because really that wasn't okay to her husband. His mother? Yes, she deserved it, but not her son.
If I was OPs husband I would have ended things with her as soon as I want a divorce was out of her mouth.. He was doing everything a good partner should be doing even according to OP and her response to her MIL insult was to want to divorce her husband?????? If I was her husband I would now worry. Is this how she's going to respond to every stress in our life? Am I going to be punished for the deeds of others? Is she going to go from idle to warp speed every time something happens?
Story1: NTA. She reacted the way she wanted after the mil talked the way she wanted. Good for her.! The husband should have seen this coming and made sure his parents didn't cross a line or just simply gone low contact.
OP needed to see that her husband was standing beside her, and behind her, and even took on his mother over her. The MIL needs to get a life, before she alienates her son, and future grandchildren if they have children. OP's mother hasn't done one thing to her, and even backed her about telling the couple to not make matters worse, and tell her husband's parents. The MIL will officially alienate her husband if she keeps it up. The second story the OP needs to listen to her son. I'm 54, and a grandmother, and I color my hair different colors, dress differently, etc... and my daughter goes by how good of a grandmother I am, and how much I love my grandchildren, so she doesn't say anything, and my daughter is ultra conservative!
She was hurt , pent-up energy for the trip and the mil going on about her mother when she doesn't even know the lady .So it all exploded we all have flight and fight built into our bodies so she felt attacked and tried to protect herself in that moment we all say things in situations that are unique to them .We all do it if we feel we are being attacked .
Story two... Husband spent time at his Son's graveside, rather than with his stepson on the anniversary of his Sons death. How cruel and callous OP is... How selfish and demanding can one person be. Grief doesn't just disappear over a couple of years ... Losing a 'CHILD' would rip ones heart out and cut them off at the knee's. OP's own Son told her it wasn't a huge deal and that HE understood... He's by far more Adult than his OWN MOTHER. Her expectations are just well over the top YTA
He proposed on your birthday? That's kind of a turn-off for a lot of people. 1. Like that is a present? 2. Re-purposing the thought of your birthday onwards.
I lost my 1yr. old son 32yrs ago to a brain tumor. I break down from his birthday 6/14 - 7/10(his death day). I wasn't supposed to bury him ; he was to bury me. I have cried everyday since.
Son should take is marriage license and certificate to show his mom that nowhere on either document said anything about his mother had any legal authority or was a part of these documents. The marriage is between him and his wife.. and did not include his mother..
Story 1: OP was an AH for just jumping directly to demand divorce, because MIL said something mean. I could understand it if OPs husband had been a doormat, but he was trying to actively stop it and was standing up to his family. OP is definitely an impulsive drama queen.
Last story OP, i think the issue with your SIL is thst her daughter wants to model herself after her aunt and not her own mother and that is what's bothering SIL. But even if you'd change your hair and your style of clothing your niece will continue to want to be more like you, because she sees you as someone who is different and someone who sees things differently. You SIL feels like she should be the only female rolemodel in her daughters life, this is a problem for your SIL, not for you. Just keep on doing whay you're doing and if your SIL goes too far, i cab assure you your niece will show up at your door looking for support. Goodluck ! Oh and tell you MIL to talk to her daughter because you're not the problem here.
I always believed that it was important to raise your kids to be confident strong individuals that are kind and caring. So when you see your child behaving that way shouldn't you be proud?
FWIW, I think we should normalize "celebrating on the anniversary of x death". It was pretty much a universal thing until the Black Plague, and it's high time we started taking it back. Or, if that gets too unwieldy, what with the internet giving people connections to too many people, maybe Dia De Los Muertos should be more universal?
2nd story the op is a horrible wife. She is trying to control how her husband grieves on the death anniversary of his son. Despicable. To top it all off she is trying to impose on a 16 year old spending time with his step father instead of his friends. What 16 year old wants his dad step or not to tag along with him and his friends. I agree her son is more mature than her. But i think the real issue is that she wants to control both her son and her husband. Major red glags
story 1. threatening divorce on the husband when he was standing by her was a wrong move. the one they need to go NC is the MIL. Even FIL is admitting that the woman is wrong. feeling hurt by what the MIL is saying to her is one thing but she shouldn't have punished her own husband for his terrible mom when he's showing OP that he's on her side the entire time story 2. grief doesn't have a timeline and OP didn't make it clear how long ago her husband lost his son so why is she judging him for still grieving for the lost of his son? either way, it was the son's death anniversary and she wants him to skip it and force a relationship with her son as if she's trying to replace the dead son with hers? YTA, OP. and it seems like there's nothing wrong in the relationship that her husband has with her son. at all. and her son sounds way more mature and understanding than his wife is hair story. SIL sounds like she belongs in the past and a massive control freak. teenagers are bound to get curious to try anything and find their own identity. she sounds like she wants to keep her daughter under her thumb for the rest of her life
And why would you even care what his parents think why are you showing you care you gave them the green light to tell them you are weak and they can always miss treat you I bet you mother-in-law didn’t get her husband’s mother’s permission I promise you she didn’t because she was strong
I do not... I don’t understand this belief that hair dyed in ‘Primary Colors’ must somehow be... Or, indicate... degeneracy... It doesn’t... Well, it doesn’t indicate degeneracy on any uniform scale! I used to work with Boy Scouts and while most did not dye their hair, there were one or two who did. They were good boys! Honest... They just wanted to dye their hair... Usually ’Primary’ colors (red, yellow, blue) but sometimes they would stray into ‘Secondary’ (orange, green, or purple) colors... they ‘exemplified’ Scouting Ideals... They were ‘Good Boys’ (in spite of their ‘weird’ hair!
Uusually "trash" does that.. its just the way it is. Thats why the association. Sadly as a bar/restaurant worker i have experience and perspective. (alot of bar workers are trash as well tho )
Story 2: OP is just upset that her husband is still spending time w/his deceased son. She just can't wrap her head around why he won't spend that time with her living son instead. That's what's really going on here.
Honestly I understand her feelings, I get people mourn differently, but at some point you have to accept the deceased are gone and the living are valuable to you also. When it has been years since a death and you are still choosing the dead person over the living it is time to seek therapy. It has been over 4 years and his dead son still takes precedent over his stepson.
The "divorce" threat was completely out of line. What OP should have done is sweetly tell the MIL that at the very least, her "characterless" mother was never such a controlling, immature bint that she threatened to cut her children off if they didn't bow to her majesty's exact wishes. So I guess we all have flaws.
this is for all the people who are claiming that the wife shouldn't have threatened divorce, how long did the husband try to get MIL to accept and meet her?? AND when they finally go there what happens?? some of the blame for the situation that OP found herself in WAS his!
@@davidrooks3274 I certainly would not have threatened divorce. People need to meet situations like this with a degree of rationality and maturity and less knee-jerk emotion. She could have found herself divorced and even more unhappy. Lucky for her, her husband is less temperamental. I suspect he is the one who is going to be made unhappy.
Here we go again oh woman you so strong you didn’t take that for mother-in-law so you punished your husband by saying you want a divorce when he did nothing to you
1st story: Got to love the controlling asshole parents. Yes OP and her husband moved considerably fast but threatening abandonment and saying they dont want to even see the girl he proposed to? I would be all up in that business. Especially if my son met a girl and was suddenly engaged. I want to see what kind of woman he chose and who she was, not shut him out. Parents who choose to take the position of "its my way or the highway" over stupid reasons like this to me are emotionally abusive, shitty people in general. And his mom was rude as hell bad mouthing the girl's mother when she didn't really know anything about the situation. She had no right to dig and OP didn't have to tell them either. Its incredibly rude to both pry and talk shit about someone they never met to their child. Asking for divorce was a bit overkill, but unless he was willing to never see his parents again (which apparently he was ready to), I doubt the relationship would go well. Because his mother would have to change and I know these kinds of people. They don't usually change because they arrogantly believe they are right all the time. I think asking for divorce was definitely an overreaction. I seriously hope they are OK now. 2nd Story: If her son is fine with it, she should drop it. The anniversary of the death of the son is not an acceptable skippable event for a parent who is in mourning and trust me...they never stop mourning. Get off of him and let it happen. Shit..go with him and bring flowers. It might bring you closer together. 3rd Story: SIL is stupid. Kids are curious and like to experiment and this could have been a mild thing for her to do for her child. My hair was purple and then blue for a while recently and Im almost 40. Am I a degenerate too? No. I'm actually considered the most non-crazy and well mannered person people have met. I work, volunteer, go to a masters degree program, and help my neighbors when needed. Im incredibly patient when helping my older, less computer proficient coworkers at work. And even if I wasn't all of those I still wouldn't be a degenerate because not every aspect of one's life defines a person as good or bad. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I got my quirks and bad side, but who doesn't? Blue hair is the least of SIL's worries. So many kids do this stuff these days that it just seems like a thing and the color comes out pretty fast honestly. And really...OP having a punkish look and niece liking her shows her she can love and not be afraid of different kinds of people. Keeping her away from her aunt and even possibly bad mouthing her to her child will not only suppress the child's desires but might also make her eventually judgmental of people that look like that. Either that or it will completely drive the child in that direction full force all together, making it worse for the SIL. So instead of blue hair...she may do all kinds of shit she would have likely just skipped over just to piss off her mom.
First story... MIL doesn't approve... Keep that man OP... He's standing up for you and his future against his own toxic Mother. He was raised by her and would have been under her thumb for his entire life before he met you... Now he's standing up for YOU. MIL's can sometimes be overbearing... some more than others. The mettle of a good man is to stand up and say "No More'... Both he, and you are NTA She is the one with the 'control issues... Pure Nastiness for reasons only known to her
Seems to me that these two women are very similar in their attitudes and reactions. OP's hubby should have taken her up on the divorce, his life is gong to be a living hell.
This is a seen from crazy rich Asians. Put her in her place and tell her . You won't be seeing your future grand children ever . They are your child and you mother will care for them daily
Since this was narrated by OP #1, this can be toned down a bit by the writer. I have an impression that OP is a too headstrong (aka toxic) “modern woman” and the husband being raised by the same type of woman (his mom) is quite a beta male. “I want a divorce,” blurted right there & then at the peak of emotion is a red flag. Who does that? OP married her partner for the sake of being married and not to spend the rest of her life with a man to love & be loved whom she will consider her equal and other half. There is a saying that thieves are experts in smelling fellow thieves and despise them with their very being. I don’t take this story hook, line, & sinker.
ESH- the mother is the kind of woman who uses tradition like a weapon to get her way against those who don’t conform. The husband spent far too much time bending to the needs of people who don’t even respect him or his wife. With all of that being said blurting out that you want divorce due to the actions of another person is so off the mark I can’t even begin to explain it. you should have explained to the audience what you actually wanted. Either way you shot the wrong the person OP and if i was your husband i would be genuinely wondering what the hell you were thinking.
if my girlfriend told me her mother demanded I abandon my mother, my final parent, I would dump her immediately bc she did nothing to let her have it. family is important to a marriage so just move on instead of putting yourself through that.
It's been three or four years? I think his going to his son's grave every week for hours at a time is WAY excessive. He needs some therapy. But I don't think he's an a-hole for going on the anniversary of his son's death. OP is the a-hole for expecting him to go to her son's game instead.
story 1 the only good people are op mom and husband op went from I love him so much to I hate him and want a divorce because something he didn’t even do I hope op’s husband leaves her because she’s definitely not going to be a healthy woman to raise kids with if you don’t want to deal with bad in laws don’t marry Indians
Story 1, this MIL is as judgmental as they get. The divorce comment was hard. But we only have some of OP life. MIL is completely wrong. She will lose her son if she does not back down.
Grieving father is right op your stepson gets to see your son everyday. Op yta and an incentive mare. This is divorce territory because you are selfish.
Last story: Your hair, your choice. Besides, it's not permanent, so it can be changed, or returned to the original color. I've never colored my hair, but never wanted to. Now that I'm old it does look somewhat drab, but I seldom go anywhere due to health issues, so I'm not going to bother just for myself. Besides, I'm not into using toxic chemicals on myself. As for wild hair colors, no I don't like them. In my opinion they give a clownish impression, but it's only hair, and doesn't hurt anyone. If someone wants to color their hair in wild colors, and look clownish, well, it comes back to their hair, their choice. I think once someone is around 16 years old, they are old enough to choose their own hair colors and hair styles. They are also old enough to have some, but not total say on what they wear. Parents have the right to insist that they not go around exposing too much of themselves. This is to protect the kids, and to make it easier for them to get jobs too. Besides, people who go around exposing too much of themselves look pretty trashy while doing so. This affects how other people think about and treat badly dressed people. So again, it comes down to protecting the kids from making bad, and potentially dangerous choices. The parents still should allow the kids some say in what they wear though, as long as it doesn't look too trashy. Anyway OP, enjoy your blue hair. At least it's festive looking.🤗 Now if only my older brother reads my email reply to him. My brothers have chickens...and eggs ...lots of eggs.🐔🥚😲 My older brother emailed me that he is going to bring me 3 cartons of eggs this week. I live alone, and do like to have some variety in my menu, so I replied back to only bring 2 cartons of eggs. As it is, I'm already starting to sprout feathers.😁 Fortunately, I like hard boiled eggs seasoned with garlic salt and cayenne pepper, but I'm also planning on making crockpot honey lemon pepper chicken today or tomorrow. Guess I'll be alternating meals for the next week or two.
Story 1: OP's husband had always supported OP over his parents. So, why did OP jump straight to threatening divorce? That's just cruel! Sure, stand up for your mom, but don't treat a good man like that. OP wasn't hurting the MIL, she hurt her husband.
I would've accepted the divorce. She held her husband accountable for someone else's actions despite his standing up for her. I instantly lost any sympathy for her.
She knew that MIL was toxic AF & will never change. She didn't need that negative energy in her life. She probably didn't want to force her husband into a "them or me" situation & opted out all together
I found out that my future in-laws were very weary about their son marrying a divorced woman with 2 small children. Me being divorced was bad enough (they were/are staunch Southern Baptists) but children as well 😱
I found out all this a month from the wedding. I broke off the engagement & said I was not going to be the reason his relationship with his parents became strained.
He was a true mommy's boy - through & through. No one in his family had ever been divorced. My lack of morals would surely bring the family down 🙄🙄(double eye roll on that)
We found a way to work things out. He told his parents my reservations and how he felt - they changed their tune.
They loved my girls as their own (which is a good thing because they are their only grandchildren)
We have been married 16 yrs this month.
No one wants to be married to a toxic family. Divorcing over the person's family is completely valid.
Upon the first offense? When your husband had been, so far, protecting you and was still on your side? Anyone who gives up on marriage that quickly shouldn't get married. What's the point if you give up on the very first struggle?
@@missunderstoodmal1700 sorry, no one is required to deal with your family for the sake of a relationship. Having a toxic family is a deal breaker for many people and it's valid. There's a reason people have a right to divorce and there's many more things that poison the meaning of marriage than someone not wanting to deal with a toxic family. Just cause it wouldn't be a deal breaker for you doesn't mean others aren't allowed to have their boundaries.
Story 1: Okay...I'd say that she just rushed the relationship. OP's an impulsive person. Why does she threaten with divorce immediately? Her mother is right she's hyper. She needs to focus on her relationship with her husband. He's not the enemy here.
s1; the demand for divorce like that makes OP completely unreasonable. In his shoes, I would probably give her what she demanded, and then still have nothing to do with mother dearest.
Jumping to divorce that quick in this situation is a red flag I would’ve honestly had half the mind to drop her and the parents. Especially when she didn’t put anything damning in the post that hinted that the husband wasn’t on her side when she blew up at the MIL. The whole guilty by association mentality would’ve placed things in perspective for me with her in this situation. Like I could see if the parents were killers or racist or something and the husband doesn’t want to sever ties but, this one here…. Idk.
I thought all the sickeningly sweet descriptions in the introduction were red flags. I think he got a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
She's horrible. Sounds like a narcissist.
I took the comment as her snapping and slapping at the husband's family rather than an actual desire on her part for a divorce. She reacted in anger with the comment which carried the message, "I hate his parents. They are horrible people that I don't even want to know much less be related to by marriage. I've got to get out of here and away from them." but shortened to "I want a divorce" Her husband, of course, was hurt, but we all can make dumb statements when we get angry enough and aren't thinking things through. And she was angry.
@@dulcilass I get exactly what you mean and I even hoped it was that way but by the way she described it in the post it didn’t do her justice if that’s in fact how she meant it. Just saying for me if I was the husband those poor choice of words would’ve altered my perception of the relationship. Too many alike stories where the op can disassociate their better half’s from their horrible parents. But I do understand that op is her own person and capable of her own mistakes like anyone else. Situation is just a little unfortunate is all .
@@dulcilass As a married man that had issues with his inlaws originally, i would NEVER have even considered that being an option. She is a toxic individual
Story 1. I don't understand why so many people think that OP acted appropriately. While she was justified in retaliating against her MIL for denigrating her mother, how can she have been right to demand a divorce when her husband had done nothing but support her? This was terribly abusive to him and in no way warranted.
No one wants to be married into a toxic family so unless her husband was willing to completely cut off his parents then divorce would be the only reasonable option left. No one is required to be treated poorly by your family and stay with you.
A deal breaker is a deal breaker
@@SunBeeSmoked I feel sorry for any man that gets with you
@@zibix4562 I have an amazing fiancé who has an amazing family. I’ve cut off my toxic family. Why feel bad? Cause I won’t tolerate someone disrespecting me? And I also won’t tolerate someone disrespecting my fiancé? Yeah, that’s so awful of me.
I'm not sure the commentors are really supporting her threatening the divorce so much as her telling off the MIL
First Story - I love it when a loving man stands firmly by his loving woman through good times , bad times , and especially through the most difficult times of marriage .
Yes it was especially sweet when she threatened to divorce him over an off hand comment made by his mother.
@@highgamer240 I know right? But hey he is a man, let him just take that abuse and now she can forever use the "divorce" card when she has an issue with the inlaws. Did not even know that was an option, but then again i would be considered "controlling" if i did that.
@@zibix4562 The divorce level issue is not the in-laws, it is him not standing up for her. Both spouses have a duty to protect the other, and he failed the first test of that.
Such a shame he is wasted to OP. He could be such a good husband to a deserving woman, not a mentally unstable mess with a controlling mother
Only issuenis the wife op is impulsive and emotionaly inmature
Jumping to "I want a divorce!" was way too much. Should have simply silently left and got hubby to come too.
Probably creative writing and not a real story🤦♀️
@@mariavb8872 Maybe. I was too bored yesterday! :)
@@mariavb8872 I really hope so. If my wife had did that, i would be seeing about annulling the marriage if it was soon enough. I dunno why there seems to be people in this comment section that think what the wife did was okay. I guess they are either bitter divorcees or never married. As a married man in a relationship for 12 years, not ONCE was divorce ever said between us 2 in a major disagreement. That is not something you come back from. Seriously if this is modern marriages, I will be sure to never remarry if this is considered acceptable.
At the very worse, we brought up marriage counseling, but that was as far as it went. I dunno why people thinking threatening divorce in the heat of the moment is okay.
@@zibix4562 Agree!
Almost every story~ "Hi, there was this really mean person who treated me bad, so I married them & am shocked they are still being mean. I thought a marriage ceremony would make them be a different person. AITA?", or same with rude in laws that they constantly visit. Newsflash, if people are shitty & abusive, you do not have to spend time with them.. Obviously excluding situations where they live, work, or are otherwise stuck with the abuser, it is literally as simple as walking away, saying "no", blocking them, not responding, etc. Your life is yours. It is up to you who you allow in it. Be strong & ignore awful people!
Honestly, some of these stories, they kinda deseevre the bad things that happen to them. They aren't victims, they are volunteers.
"Hello. I met a guy who said he was an abuser and would abuse me and our kids, and I married him and he abuses me and my kids. AITA for asking him to rape our 12 year old less?"
Nah, don't yell at your husband... if he truly is their only child all you need to say is: "You must not want anyone to look after you in your old age." and then leave. They have more to lose than you.
Threatening divorce, even in the heat of the moment, for something MIL did and husband did not agree with really shows a huge character flaw in op. Also the fact I am seeing people justifying what she did really shows the deterioration of what a marriage truly is. The sanctity of marriage has been deteriorated and it wasnt the homosexuals that did it, but a bunch of post modern nutjobs.
Me and my wife have had some massive arguments and never has either of us threaten divorce or separation after 12 years. We have brought up counseling and we work through our issues. What really disturbs me is seeing all the women in the youtube comment section justifying or agreeing with what she did, which really does indicate that marriage in the modern era really is crap. So it was okay for OP to scream about divorce as a way of controlling the situation.
Forget the infidelity, forget the unfairness of family court, forget all that.....just this alone shows me marriage is considered a joke by many. I have always told young men that a successful marriage is like calling the right number on the roulette table...if you win the first time, do not rebet.
edit:I know not all the women here do and i know i used a broad stroke to paint this, but i would scroll and just keep seeing justification after justification and it really does show a disturbing trend.
Marriage is an obsolete union
If man does NOT leave his father and mother, there can be no marriage.
Mark 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
The divorce level issue is not the in-laws, it is him not standing up for her. Both spouses have a duty to protect the other, and he failed the first test of that.
His mother is nuts, plain and simple, and her needed to demand an apology for the massive insult and stupidity she committed right then and there. That level of judgement is beyond illogical, the father suspecting something is more likely to mean HE was a cheater as opposed to his wife, but just being paranoid is even more likely.
@Zibnix, you are equating the relationship you had with your wife WITHOUT toxic in-laws to deal with, your point, when is just between a husband and wife are valid, but having had to deal with toxic in-laws I can tell you, this situation and yours and not even close to being the same
Husband's parents sound narcissistic. Going for divorce I disagree completely. The parents are more than protective of the son, they are horrible people. The best route would have leave the house and completely cut contact from them. Okay, the FIL sounds truly apologetic and embarrassed about his wife. But the MiL has NO right to demand that op stops seeing HER mom. Hell no, that's when I would tell her goodbye and you just lost your family
Immediately demanding a divorce was wrong. Blowing up at mil was wrong.
Just smile & say, “Bless your heart” or “Aren’t YOU precious.” Or just sit & look at her in silence (if you can raise one eyebrow all the better) until she stops. Most people can’t stand silence like this.
First story: so the MIL says mean things and she immediately asks for a divorce? That's a huge red flag for the husband.
First story: yta but barely. MIL was being intolerable and it’s perfectly fair to lash out, however threatening divorce when your husband did nothing wrong is cruel to me. If he had sided with MIL I would have understood but he continued to support her even when she locked herself in a room and refused to talk to him. It was too drastic of a move and could have seriously damaged the relationship, I’m glad the husband was understanding and put it aside.
@WhiteWolfe32, here let me explain the part you missed, how long did he keep trying to get them to meet her? A day? a week? much longer than that, and then he takes her over there only for that to happen, he is partially to blame for putting her in that situation
Nah, he needs to leave for his own sake
NTA! Keep being you! I have a aide who has the most beautiful blue, teal, and vivid pink!
I wanted to slap that woman. Husband is right until u have a child that’s died u don’t understand. I’ve lost an infant daughter , a stepson, & my baby son at 22 due to murder. U can’t say you love a child when you’ve never met that child. She needs to get over herself
I AGREE , YOU CAN HAVE LOVE 💕 For WHAT HAPPENED. AND HAVE EMPATHY, SYMPATHY and FEEL MORE LOVE 💕 TOWARDS THAT PERSON. SHE Might LOVE DEAD CHILD FROM HEARING SO VERY VE MANY STORIES. The JURY IS STILL out
I will lightly agree. We don't really have all the information. How long ago did his son die? How old was he. I think visiting his son's grave every week for a couple hours seems excessive unless it was fairly recently and probably a youngster. My son died at age 31. I think it's just easier when your child lived to adulthood and had moved out on his own a decade earlier. (I didn't say it was easy, just easier) It does get easier with time. My son died a few years ago so I might go a month or more without even thinking of him. But to even suggest her husband should NOT visit his son's grave on the anniversary of his death and should instead go to his step-son's game is the epitome of insensitive. Listen to your son. He isn't trying to make excuses. He's giving you the honest truth. She is an AH being offended on behalf of her son when he isn't at all. He understands his step-dad. He's good.
Story 2 I lost 2 son's but I make sure that at the time that I had step kids I spent a lot of time with them. But that doesn't mean that I don't think about my son's. Both of my son's Died while I was still pregnant with them. But I love them still the same to this day. And when I talk about them I cry. But if you think that your husband is dealing with depression then get him some help. But don't keep him from going to his son's grave. that is just mean on OP's part. If I was married right now and my husband told me to spend time with my step son or daughter on the anniversary of my son's death them I would just walk out the door and come back when he was a sleep. YTA OP
What grown man needs his parents permission and approval on who to fall in love with?
Asian and Middle Eastern families
Not to mention, approval's still nice to have in western families. Something tells me they were strict before, this was truly unusual for MIL.
OP’s husband has a strong character by standing by her.
How many times is he going to draw a line in the sand ("I won't see you until you apologise"), then see them anyway. His mom was doing the same with him...empty threats seem to be a family trait.
Spoken like a true borderline!
Nah he should just leave her. I mean, she already threatened with divorce, she can be glad he keeps up wih her unbearable mental state
Sil should tell her daughter that until she is 18 she can not dye her hair get tattoos, piercing etc .
After that date she can do as she pleases. And then tell you that you should be prepared to take in her niece to live and support her.
Hair dying by teens is pretty harmless. It give both boys & girls to experience themselves as a different person. Tattoos, on the other hand, is a lot more permanent. Usually hair grows back so changing hair color is merely a fun thing to do.
Story 2:YTA - There is no timeline to grieving. No right or wrong way to grieve! Everyone is different. Grow up and try putting yourself in his shoes.
He groveled to his parents, even though he was an adult. He had no need to do that! Toxic people are to be avoided and provide toxicity to any interaction. Family is where we find it, and he should never have bowed and scraped to his parents. She should write them off and go on with her life.
Second story: I think your husband is worried about getting close to another son. So he is keeping your son at arms length. But you should stop pushing. They get along and that is better than most step parents relationships.
Story 2: YTA. He lost his son and no matter how long ago it was that he passed or how old he was at that time, the grief is real and those death anniversary dates hit hard.
I had a friend who had lost her daughter and grandson in an auto accident and I never could understand why years later she didn’t just “let it go”…until I lost my own 23 year old son (3 weeks after turning 23). I get it now. Everyone grieves differently and over time that grieving process will change. Just leave him be to grieve…his grieving process does not mean he doesn’t love you or his stepson any less.
Your son is 16…*16 years old*!! Good grief!! I don’t know of any 16 old boy who would prefer hanging out with a parent figure, whether it was the dad or stepdad. In fact, they prefer chillin’ with their friends doing whatever teenagers do these days for socializing. Cut the guy some slack…
@Shorty Trouble, add the fact that her 16 year old son it was ok and they were fine and she didn't believe him
My mum died 50 years ago, and I still take flowers on her birthday and anniversaries.
Hair OP - Time to have a bit of fun. Find out where SIL shops for general goods. Take a photo of yourself holding up store brand hair dyes. Bonus points for bright red colors or dyes that cover grey hair. Caption it with "A degenerate shopping in the degenerates' aisle."
Deceased son story. Wife is terribly wrong. How insensitive can you be?
MIL story)
Loving your husband's shiny spine.
Hair story: How old is the niece? They sell clip-in hair swatches the niece can use ( Target and Claire's have them) But the question is "what is wrong with the SIL?" Control freak maybe?
Niece is 14 and hair swatches sound like a good idea. They have the added advantage of being hide-able and lets the niece put something over on her mom. And yes, SIL is a control freak. I think SIL and her daughter are going to have a rough ride for at least a decade.
SIL sounds old school/"traditional". Won't be surprised if she's religious with the whole degenerate remarks over colorful hair. She probably has that stance for tattoos etc.
It's just hair.
I am 51 and have blue hair - as you can see by my profile pic.
I don't give a rats ass what anyone thinks about it.
IT'S ONLY HAIR PEOPLE. Hair is one way people can show their individuality. It's not permanent. Hair can be dyed, re-dyed,cut short, permed,teased, ect
It can always be changed or grown back.
Teenagers should have fun with their hair. They will need to conform to "normal" soon enough
you need help.
It’s satisfying to see the husband not tolerate his mothers hurtful words and actions against OP and her mother. I wish the best for OP and her husband.
Last story: SIL is a self-righteous prig and I expect OP's niece to cut contact as soon as she reaches 18 so I hope OP remains available to offer her support and sanctuary.
And OP should tell MIL that the MIL raised a self-righteous opinionated prig and if she supports her daughter's feelings in this matter that OP understands how her SIL ended up a self-righteous opinionated prig.
My partner (40 today) loves to colour her hair. Blue is her favourite, but she tends to use 2 or even 3 others at the same time to make it more _individual/unique._ Although I'm 71, I support her choices wholeheartedly. She's an adult and has the right to do what she wants if it doesn't harm anyone else. How could her choice of hair decoration cause harm to anyone? Of course I'm prejudiced because I love her and would do anything (legal) to make her happy.
@@amanofmanyparts9120 Good for you. OP should have told her SIL to shove off. If it's legal and she enjoys it and it doesn't hurt anyone, it certainly isn't making her a degenerate.
I was at the doctor's office and a young woman walked in with bright turquoise hair. She caught me looking at her and so I just blurted out that I loved the color of her hair. Turquoise and teals are my favorite colors. So we got to talking about various colors she'd dyed her hair in the past, and how more and more women are feeling free to experiment with alternate hair colors.
@@dulcilass Ps. She has, on occasion, coloured the tail of my/our German Spitz (and even *my* hair, to a small degree) in similar colours! Off to see now.
@@amanofmanyparts9120 LOL doggy colors, love it.
Op1 moving in after 2 months that's insanity.
Story 2 - Wife is being selfish!!! Husband has a right to grieve his son. Stepson feels he is spending time with stepdad. Mother/wife needs to back off. She is causing problems where none exist.
Story 1: OP is abusive to her husband on that one. It's a red flag to withdraw support/love in a heated debate because you consider your spouse guilty by association. He never condonned his mother's bad behavior and always supported her.
I hope they get to addressing that, so, when other tense situations arise she doesn't use the divorce card that rashly again...
Big YTA for me.
You know how they have pink ribbon for breast cancer? Maybe change your hair colour to a different cause each month and tell your SIL “what, no I won’t change my hair colour, it’s supporting [insert cause]”. I did that for a while when I had some people think poorly of me for having coloured hair (when I did have coloured hair, can’t have it at the current time as i’m about to finish uni and will be looking for new grad positions, and you know how interview panels feel about those sort of things.
Stueps
Over reactivate is an understatement
The husband should divorce op
Op is a terrible human being for threatening divorce over something his mother did and who was on his wife's side. Hopefully husband makes the wife an ex wife soon because divorce will be a threat on her tongue in every fight. Seems he married someone as bad as his mother
Your sister inlaw is a huge AH! I am 50, and guess what, my hair is blue, with magenta underneath. My son had a blue Mohawk when he was 8. It's just hair and color. How dare she say it make people a degenerate!
not in a lower social class but higher up.. yes it makes u degenerate..sorry to say this.
I've never met a blue haired girl who wasn't a karen
@@doublehelix2167 Ha, your funny! 🙂
OP over reacted... but then her behavior as she describes it is a bit impulsive through out. She seems to act more like a 15 yr old than an adult. Red Flags for her hubby.
Story 1: After hearing the whole story, it makes sense: abusers defending abusers. But seriously OP was in the wrong for threatening divorce, even in the heat of the moment, when it wasn't the husbands' fault but his mother's. I hope she's doing better because really that wasn't okay to her husband. His mother? Yes, she deserved it, but not her son.
If I was OPs husband I would have ended things with her as soon as I want a divorce was out of her mouth.. He was doing everything a good partner should be doing even according to OP and her response to her MIL insult was to want to divorce her husband?????? If I was her husband I would now worry. Is this how she's going to respond to every stress in our life? Am I going to be punished for the deeds of others? Is she going to go from idle to warp speed every time something happens?
Story1: NTA. She reacted the way she wanted after the mil talked the way she wanted. Good for her.! The husband should have seen this coming and made sure his parents didn't cross a line or just simply gone low contact.
OP needed to see that her husband was standing beside her, and behind her, and even took on his mother over her. The MIL needs to get a life, before she alienates her son, and future grandchildren if they have children. OP's mother hasn't done one thing to her, and even backed her about telling the couple to not make matters worse, and tell her husband's parents. The MIL will officially alienate her husband if she keeps it up. The second story the OP needs to listen to her son. I'm 54, and a grandmother, and I color my hair different colors, dress differently, etc... and my daughter goes by how good of a grandmother I am, and how much I love my grandchildren, so she doesn't say anything, and my daughter is ultra conservative!
She was hurt , pent-up energy for the trip and the mil going on about her mother when she doesn't even know the lady .So it all exploded we all have flight and fight built into our bodies so she felt attacked and tried to protect herself in that moment we all say things in situations that are unique to them .We all do it if we feel we are being attacked .
Story two... Husband spent time at his Son's graveside, rather than with his stepson on the anniversary of his Sons death.
How cruel and callous OP is... How selfish and demanding can one person be.
Grief doesn't just disappear over a couple of years ... Losing a 'CHILD' would rip ones heart out and cut them off at the knee's.
OP's own Son told her it wasn't a huge deal and that HE understood... He's by far more Adult than his OWN MOTHER. Her expectations are just well over the top YTA
He proposed on your birthday? That's kind of a turn-off for a lot of people.
1. Like that is a present?
2. Re-purposing the thought of your birthday onwards.
I lost my 1yr. old son 32yrs ago to a brain tumor. I break down from his birthday 6/14 - 7/10(his death day). I wasn't supposed to bury him ; he was to bury me.
I have cried everyday since.
You need counselling. Mourning does not mean spending the rest of your life in misery.
Son should take is marriage license and certificate to show his mom that nowhere on either document said anything about his mother had any legal authority or was a part of these documents.
The marriage is between him and his wife.. and did not include his mother..
LOL...OP!: husbands dog looked at me menacingly so I divorced him
Story 1: OP was an AH for just jumping directly to demand divorce, because MIL said something mean. I could understand it if OPs husband had been a doormat, but he was trying to actively stop it and was standing up to his family. OP is definitely an impulsive drama queen.
Story 1 if she could easily rush to divorce like that it's telling.
Last story OP, i think the issue with your SIL is thst her daughter wants to model herself after her aunt and not her own mother and that is what's bothering SIL. But even if you'd change your hair and your style of clothing your niece will continue to want to be more like you, because she sees you as someone who is different and someone who sees things differently.
You SIL feels like she should be the only female rolemodel in her daughters life, this is a problem for your SIL, not for you. Just keep on doing whay you're doing and if your SIL goes too far, i cab assure you your niece will show up at your door looking for support.
Goodluck ! Oh and tell you MIL to talk to her daughter because you're not the problem here.
Woman was wrong to yell at husband for wanting to go to the grave.
Let him go anytime he wants too.
I always believed that it was important to raise your kids to be confident strong individuals that are kind and caring. So when you see your child behaving that way shouldn't you be proud?
FWIW, I think we should normalize "celebrating on the anniversary of x death". It was pretty much a universal thing until the Black Plague, and it's high time we started taking it back. Or, if that gets too unwieldy, what with the internet giving people connections to too many people, maybe Dia De Los Muertos should be more universal?
2nd story the op is a horrible wife. She is trying to control how her husband grieves on the death anniversary of his son. Despicable. To top it all off she is trying to impose on a 16 year old spending time with his step father instead of his friends. What 16 year old wants his dad step or not to tag along with him and his friends. I agree her son is more mature than her. But i think the real issue is that she wants to control both her son and her husband. Major red glags
2nd story, jesus, she can't let him have one single day to mourn? she's completely TA.
What kind of psyco gets engaged to someone without meeting their family??????
Story 1. Clash of classes
story 1. threatening divorce on the husband when he was standing by her was a wrong move. the one they need to go NC is the MIL. Even FIL is admitting that the woman is wrong. feeling hurt by what the MIL is saying to her is one thing but she shouldn't have punished her own husband for his terrible mom when he's showing OP that he's on her side the entire time
story 2. grief doesn't have a timeline and OP didn't make it clear how long ago her husband lost his son so why is she judging him for still grieving for the lost of his son? either way, it was the son's death anniversary and she wants him to skip it and force a relationship with her son as if she's trying to replace the dead son with hers? YTA, OP. and it seems like there's nothing wrong in the relationship that her husband has with her son. at all. and her son sounds way more mature and understanding than his wife is
hair story. SIL sounds like she belongs in the past and a massive control freak. teenagers are bound to get curious to try anything and find their own identity. she sounds like she wants to keep her daughter under her thumb for the rest of her life
And why would you even care what his parents think why are you showing you care you gave them the green light to tell them you are weak and they can always miss treat you I bet you mother-in-law didn’t get her husband’s mother’s permission I promise you she didn’t because she was strong
Stop trying to force a relationship between your new husband and your son. It will not work And you are not the one to decide what is 'necessary'.
I do not... I don’t understand this belief that hair dyed in ‘Primary Colors’ must somehow be... Or, indicate... degeneracy... It doesn’t... Well, it doesn’t indicate degeneracy on any uniform scale! I used to work with Boy Scouts and while most did not dye their hair, there were one or two who did. They were good boys! Honest... They just wanted to dye their hair... Usually ’Primary’ colors (red, yellow, blue) but sometimes they would stray into ‘Secondary’ (orange, green, or purple) colors... they ‘exemplified’ Scouting Ideals... They were ‘Good Boys’ (in spite of their ‘weird’ hair!
Uusually "trash" does that.. its just the way it is. Thats why the association. Sadly as a bar/restaurant worker i have experience and perspective. (alot of bar workers are trash as well tho )
Dye it fire engine red with orange streaks
@@KuopioKallavesi, I hope you’re being facetious (but I try not to judge on things on which I have ‘little or no experience’...
@@lorifiedler13, As we used to say, in my youth, “...Whatever floats yer boat.”
Story 2: OP is just upset that her husband is still spending time w/his deceased son. She just can't wrap her head around why he won't spend that time with her living son instead. That's what's really going on here.
Honestly I understand her feelings, I get people mourn differently, but at some point you have to accept the deceased are gone and the living are valuable to you also. When it has been years since a death and you are still choosing the dead person over the living it is time to seek therapy. It has been over 4 years and his dead son still takes precedent over his stepson.
I bet he spends more than 2 or 3 hours a week with stepson.
Her husband is a mommy boy and his mother is trying to control his life op is better off divorced than being in that family
The "divorce" threat was completely out of line. What OP should have done is sweetly tell the MIL that at the very least, her "characterless" mother was never such a controlling, immature bint that she threatened to cut her children off if they didn't bow to her majesty's exact wishes. So I guess we all have flaws.
this is for all the people who are claiming that the wife shouldn't have threatened divorce, how long did the husband try to get MIL to accept and meet her?? AND when they finally go there what happens?? some of the blame for the situation that OP found herself in WAS his!
Doesn't matter, she still went nuclear.
@@davidnash8208 what would YOU have done if someone you loved and trusted put you in a similar situation? It DOES matter
@@davidrooks3274 I certainly would not have threatened divorce. People need to meet situations like this with a degree of rationality and maturity and less knee-jerk emotion. She could have found herself divorced and even more unhappy. Lucky for her, her husband is less temperamental. I suspect he is the one who is going to be made unhappy.
Here we go again oh woman you so strong you didn’t take that for mother-in-law so you punished your husband by saying you want a divorce when he did nothing to you
1st story: Got to love the controlling asshole parents. Yes OP and her husband moved considerably fast but threatening abandonment and saying they dont want to even see the girl he proposed to? I would be all up in that business. Especially if my son met a girl and was suddenly engaged. I want to see what kind of woman he chose and who she was, not shut him out. Parents who choose to take the position of "its my way or the highway" over stupid reasons like this to me are emotionally abusive, shitty people in general. And his mom was rude as hell bad mouthing the girl's mother when she didn't really know anything about the situation. She had no right to dig and OP didn't have to tell them either. Its incredibly rude to both pry and talk shit about someone they never met to their child. Asking for divorce was a bit overkill, but unless he was willing to never see his parents again (which apparently he was ready to), I doubt the relationship would go well. Because his mother would have to change and I know these kinds of people. They don't usually change because they arrogantly believe they are right all the time. I think asking for divorce was definitely an overreaction. I seriously hope they are OK now.
2nd Story: If her son is fine with it, she should drop it. The anniversary of the death of the son is not an acceptable skippable event for a parent who is in mourning and trust me...they never stop mourning. Get off of him and let it happen. Shit..go with him and bring flowers. It might bring you closer together.
3rd Story: SIL is stupid. Kids are curious and like to experiment and this could have been a mild thing for her to do for her child. My hair was purple and then blue for a while recently and Im almost 40. Am I a degenerate too? No. I'm actually considered the most non-crazy and well mannered person people have met. I work, volunteer, go to a masters degree program, and help my neighbors when needed. Im incredibly patient when helping my older, less computer proficient coworkers at work. And even if I wasn't all of those I still wouldn't be a degenerate because not every aspect of one's life defines a person as good or bad. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I got my quirks and bad side, but who doesn't? Blue hair is the least of SIL's worries. So many kids do this stuff these days that it just seems like a thing and the color comes out pretty fast honestly. And really...OP having a punkish look and niece liking her shows her she can love and not be afraid of different kinds of people. Keeping her away from her aunt and even possibly bad mouthing her to her child will not only suppress the child's desires but might also make her eventually judgmental of people that look like that. Either that or it will completely drive the child in that direction full force all together, making it worse for the SIL. So instead of blue hair...she may do all kinds of shit she would have likely just skipped over just to piss off her mom.
Story 2- of course problems with getting with a single mother. She’s delusional. Your son is important to YOU, not him.
First story... MIL doesn't approve... Keep that man OP... He's standing up for you and his future against his own toxic Mother. He was raised by her and would have been under her thumb for his entire life before he met you... Now he's standing up for YOU.
MIL's can sometimes be overbearing... some more than others. The mettle of a good man is to stand up and say "No More'... Both he, and you are NTA
She is the one with the 'control issues... Pure Nastiness for reasons only known to her
Did she apologize to her husband ? She was wrong asking for the divorce because she was mad about what his mom said.
You have a great voice!
dyed hair: dye it whatever color at majority
Last story. Hmmmm, I wonder where the sister in law got her extreme views from. I’m thinking grandma has way too much influence over her daughter
Turns out MIL was right.
SO MANY OF THESE DESPERATE WOMEN EXCEPT ANYTHING 2 BE WITH A MAN IS CRAZY ! EVEN ALLOWED MIL 2 DISRESPECT THEIR OWN MOMS & MARRIAGE
What if the situation was reversed...
Seems to me that these two women are very similar in their attitudes and reactions. OP's hubby should have taken her up on the divorce, his life is gong to be a living hell.
No, your SIL does not get to dictate your hair color.
MIL is an AH but so is cringey drama queen OP. Her husband should divorce her and find someone who isn't a sanctimonious, histrionic dosser.
Another story from the multiverse or Bizarro world 🌎 where else would people act like this???
Nair her pillow
Id divorce 1st op if i were the dude ngl
This is a seen from crazy rich Asians.
Put her in her place and tell her .
You won't be seeing your future grand children ever .
They are your child and you mother will care for them daily
Since this was narrated by OP #1, this can be toned down a bit by the writer.
I have an impression that OP is a too headstrong (aka toxic) “modern woman” and the husband being raised by the same type of woman (his mom) is quite a beta male.
“I want a divorce,” blurted right there & then at the peak of emotion is a red flag. Who does that? OP married her partner for the sake of being married and not to spend the rest of her life with a man to love & be loved whom she will consider her equal and other half.
There is a saying that thieves are experts in smelling fellow thieves and despise them with their very being.
I don’t take this story hook, line, & sinker.
S3 NTA your an adult SIL is overstepping and it's none of her business.
ESH- the mother is the kind of woman who uses tradition like a weapon to get her way against those who don’t conform. The husband spent far too much time bending to the needs of people who don’t even respect him or his wife. With all of that being said blurting out that you want divorce due to the actions of another person is so off the mark I can’t even begin to explain it. you should have explained to the audience what you actually wanted. Either way you shot the wrong the person OP and if i was your husband i would be genuinely wondering what the hell you were thinking.
if my girlfriend told me her mother demanded I abandon my mother, my final parent, I would dump her immediately bc she did nothing to let her have it. family is important to a marriage so just move on instead of putting yourself through that.
Op husband mother needs help
Nothing against this man, his grief is understandable. But he should have never got married, he is in love with his grief not his wife.
The story about the husband that all ways gos to his sons grave it has been 3 or 4 years so he had enough time to grieve. She he is the ahole
It's been three or four years? I think his going to his son's grave every week for hours at a time is WAY excessive. He needs some therapy. But I don't think he's an a-hole for going on the anniversary of his son's death. OP is the a-hole for expecting him to go to her son's game instead.
S2 OMG WTF NAH
story 1 the only good people are op mom and husband op went from I love him so much to I hate him and want a divorce because something he didn’t even do I hope op’s husband leaves her because she’s definitely not going to be a healthy woman to raise kids with if you don’t want to deal with bad in laws don’t marry Indians
S1 NTA but you did rush things, is he an adult or a child he doesn't need his parents approval. In laws are suspicious. MIL is obsessed with her son.
5 updates??
Story 1, this MIL is as judgmental as they get. The divorce comment was hard. But we only have some of OP life. MIL is completely wrong. She will lose her son if she does not back down.
MIL is a narssacist
Grieving father is right op your stepson gets to see your son everyday. Op yta and an incentive mare. This is divorce territory because you are selfish.
Last story: Your hair, your choice. Besides, it's not permanent, so it can be changed, or returned to the original color.
I've never colored my hair, but never wanted to. Now that I'm old it does look somewhat drab, but I seldom go anywhere due to health issues, so I'm not going to bother just for myself. Besides, I'm not into using toxic chemicals on myself.
As for wild hair colors, no I don't like them. In my opinion they give a clownish impression, but it's only hair, and doesn't hurt anyone. If someone wants to color their hair in wild colors, and look clownish, well, it comes back to their hair, their choice.
I think once someone is around 16 years old, they are old enough to choose their own hair colors and hair styles. They are also old enough to have some, but not total say on what they wear. Parents have the right to insist that they not go around exposing too much of themselves. This is to protect the kids, and to make it easier for them to get jobs too. Besides, people who go around exposing too much of themselves look pretty trashy while doing so. This affects how other people think about and treat badly dressed people. So again, it comes down to protecting the kids from making bad, and potentially dangerous choices. The parents still should allow the kids some say in what they wear though, as long as it doesn't look too trashy.
Anyway OP, enjoy your blue hair. At least it's festive looking.🤗
Now if only my older brother reads my email reply to him. My brothers have chickens...and eggs ...lots of eggs.🐔🥚😲 My older brother emailed me that he is going to bring me 3 cartons of eggs this week. I live alone, and do like to have some variety in my menu, so I replied back to only bring 2 cartons of eggs. As it is, I'm already starting to sprout feathers.😁 Fortunately, I like hard boiled eggs seasoned with garlic salt and cayenne pepper, but I'm also planning on making crockpot honey lemon pepper chicken today or tomorrow. Guess I'll be alternating meals for the next week or two.