My ex detested his mother but also greatly feared her and so stood by and watched as his mother abused me and our newborn (fed my three week old premie mashed potatoes and gravy and then flew into a rage when I protested) and watched as she physically attacked me because I was breastfeeding my baby instead of mashing her potatoes for a meal I wasn’t even going to eat. I was waiting for my uncle to come pick me up to take me to my parent’s house, I never returned to my ex or his family.
@@theprodigaltrue nothing. He only showed up once, drunk at 3 am demanding I let him have his G**d**m bastard! I punched him, called the cops and he ran away but was stopped and given a DUI and spent the night in jail. Never saw him again until the grandkids were born. He called my baby a bastard!
So sorry you had to go through that. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare. Leaving that toxic environment was/is the best you can do for your baby and you. God bless you.
My own mother tried a few times to butt into my marriage. I reminded her that he's my husband, not hers. And this is our marriage, not hers. It's our house, not hers. I would never dream of butting into my son's relationships, either. I can give a little advice, but his life is his.
My "mom" too.. She even tried to call the cops on some bs, and try to get him jailed and away from me and our son.. Now I'm no contact with her, and just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary! And we have 3kids now. I haven't been happier! After therapy, I noticed how much she meddled in my life and how she affected my mental health.. Things can get better!
First story... Am I the only one that noticed that op's mother dismissed his concerns at first, allowed it to go that far without supporting her son, and only when things were too bad she decided to sit and listen to her son?
@@lockhart1895 This is what I was going to say. Seemed like he didn't tell his mom every little thing until the end. He tried to keep his marriage between him and his wife. The wife pushed to let her mother run the show.
@@robertcromwell9736 how did his mother meddle? The only thing she did was having a conversation with op's fil and tell him to talk to his wife... Are you saying that you wouldn't do that for your child in pain?
@@jackchop1576 Quite possible. MIL has been chastised, but that doesn't mean she'll never do it again. Also, as the saying goes, the MIL is a look at what the daughter may become. If you can't stand the MIL, you may have a challenging time with the wife down the road.
Story 1 - OP, you're NTA. Glad you managed to work everything out in the end. I learned this lesson nearly 40 yrs ago. NEVER EVER lash out in anger. The person in question may deserve it but once words are spoken, you can't reel them back in. There is no reset button. I discovered that a person holds nothing back truth-wise when (a) they're drunk or (b) when they're angry. This is when you see the person for what they are. Back in the late 80's me and the (ex) wife got into an argument. Even as strained as things were between us, I still loved her. I sat there in silence (which was SO hard to do) as she spewed the most venomous hate towards me. She told me how she was going to screw me in court, etc... etc... I mean, she was on a roll. The things she said weren't just off the cuff comments. She'd been thinking of this stuff for a long time and when she got mad, it ALL flooding came out. Whatever love I had for this woman instantly evaporated. A couple of hours later she came back with her tail between her legs and apologized. "Sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, etc..." but I wasn't buying it. I looked her in the eye and said calmly, very calmly (with no sarcasm or anything) "You're a liar. This was more than anger. You've been thinking about this for a long time and didn't just pull it out of your a**." She stood there with her mouth opening and closing silently like a fish out of water and then walked away silently. 3-4 months I finally called it quits. Moral of the story, never say anything in anger because actions have consequences.
I agree with you 100% I thought 10 and 12 was too old to be hunting eggs but someone said no. I'll give them 10, but 12 I don't know if I would want to be hunting eggs like a 4-year-old.
In re: Miscarriages/stillbirths/sudden death of infant. My parents lost my oldest sister Katherine on Feb 15, 1946--stillbirth. They lost my youngest sister Anita on Oct 19, 1952--she lived only a few hours. They never got over their grief. I stood next for my (then widowed) father at the foot of Anita's grave some 40 years later. I could just feel his sorrow emanating from him. Mom passed in 1955; dad passed in 2002. They finally got to hold their 2 little girls in their arms.
My mother lost twins, when I was around 5, and my brother 2. I only knew about this years later as an adult. It was late and she needed medical attention for quite a few days.
When the wife asked OP for the keys, i'd just straight up refuse. OP should really reconsider staying married to mommy's girl. Its very clearly a package deal at that point so if he doesn't want to put up with MIL, then divorce is the next step.
No is a complete sentence, on top of that what kind of parent wants to miss an egg-hunt. You only get so many of these before kids grow out of them. But, if you agree to watch children (even reluctantly), you have to actually watch the kids....... So ESH..
I agree with the other two posts here. The sister is at fault. She went ahead and went and tricked and manipulated her brother into babysitting when he just did it because it's family. But then he's being harassed by the rest of the family now. The kid could have got hurt really bad obviously but did not thankfully. But what instructions was given to the uncle that he had to like walk around them do this do that and everything else. Isn't that the parents job. So Opie I think what you need to do in this situation is share your frustration with the rest of the family tell him to back the F off and also say you would put in the situation on last second. That didn't mean you didn't watch or want to cuz they are your nephews but they you should be forced to do it all the time either. And also for the sweet part that would be enough for me to say no more. And you expect the apology from the rest of the family.
The ages of these kids do not require intensive care...just someone around in case something happens...did the job...if they wanted more, they should have paid...personally, I would go low contact with these entitled losers!
Last story - Sister wants a child free adult male to baby sit for free and then gets upset when he misses something. One I don't believe I ever missed a Easter egg hunt when my boys wanted one (they out grew it), I worked shifts so the hunts were adjusted to when I was off on Easter. Sister was the idiot for scheduling lunch and ditching her kids.
OP should apologize - "Yes, I should have been watching closer. Since I'm obviously completely unreliable as a babysitter, I shall never again force you to endure the strain of worrying about how poorly I'm doing by refusing to babysit ever again." See how they like that!
@@rogerrabbit80 I'd be a bit more straight forward in my apology: "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to watch the kids to your liking. But, personally, I think you owe me an apology for dumping your brats on me to begin with. And in future I will solve both our problems by totally refusing to deal with these kids under any and all conditions. Have I made my feelings clear on not wanting to even see these kids anymore?"
@@rogerrabbit80 It always gets me how watching their kids should be just as important to you as it is to them. I guess they don't realize that people have a life outside of doing their bidding.
Once again the moral of the story is: stop marrying people that have obvious red flags. This thing between the wife and her mom was obvious long before they were married.
EXACTLY. _This._ 100%. The fact that this man continued a relationship with this woman and even _married_ her is bizarre to me. He really needs to just divorce this woman. This will not stop. MIL will back off... _for now._ But she still has control over the wife, and wife has already proven that if push comes to shove, she will ALWAYS choose mommy over her hubby. Her dad likely told his daughter that she better hold on to OP because VERY few men would stick around and put up with what MIL is putting him through.
that guy had no backbone. he would have found himself in a similar situation whomever he married. maybe this is a learning experience for him to learn how to stand up for himself
@@bumpandsquish One thing that stands out for me after watching so many of these videos: you'd never know it because we're on the internet where opinions are loud and everywhere, but apparently a huge portion of the population is just pushovers. I get taking a little crap, but at some point you have to think, "is this what I want my life to be? Every day?" And I agree with you, Rose. They might be in therapy, but I don't think this is over by a long shot.
I can't agree 100% with your statement. Why? -> what we perceive as a "red flag" from a distance is (in this case) actually a fundamentally positive family dynamic (= good interaction and contact within a family). If this contact only escalated after the marriage and was previously limited to regular meetings/visits with the mother, one can normally assume that this contact will remain at the same level and will be further limited later on. **My own marriage and our parental family dynamic should not have taken place according to your assumption, since our contact with our parents was just as intense (minus the unannounced visits, even though the parents had keys to our house)
I thought that was what was going to happen! Earlier he talked about not being 'appropriately dressed' in his own home. No such thing! He has the right to wear what he wants, even if it's his birthday suit or just underwear.
When I was a lad, back in the 1970's, getting scrapes on my knees was a yearly summer occurrence. Wearing shorts at the playground, how many kids had Johnson & Johnson band aids on one or both knees? My father would give it a quick yank when it came time to remove it! Memories!!
Easter Egg Hunt. ESH. 1 Your sister should NOT have cornered you at the last minute to babysit. If she had enough time to set up a lunch, she also had enough time to get a babysitter. 2 You agreed to watch the kids and then proceeded to ignore them. With a bunch of kids running around looking for eggs, you should have known things could happen. You're lucky the kid didn't drown. Both you and sis should apologize to each other. And, to your advantage, you'll probably never be asked to babysit again.
Last story, I would send a group message that I would not be attending any event that had a single child at it from now on. IF they were so neglectful for not setting rules, Op should have nothing to do with the families children.
You'll NEVER win with a momma's girl. You'll ALWAYS come in 2nd place. If you are happy spending the rest of your marriage with this dynamic, stay with your wife. If you want a marriage where you're always #1, find another woman - one who has actually cut the umbilical cord with mom.
Story 1: He TRIED to do the "mature adult" way to handle the matter. He talked to his wife. Many times. It changed nothing and his wife did nothing but gaslight the entire situation. You don't have a party at your house without the consent of your partner. That ALSO means you don't get to go out of town and let your mother have a party at the home you share with your husband without his consent. That's just basic common sense. It's so basic that it's not something most people even have to be told or even consider in the first place. That is just flatly unacceptable. My husband is older and no longer drives. Our car is in MY name. It's MINE. It's also an SUV.....so when my brother sent a text to swap cars for the weekend, I talked to my husband about it. That's also why he didn't call. He knew it would likely be okay.....but he ALSO knew I would need time to discuss it with my husband. It was fine and my husband and I got to drive his sports car for a couple of days. Win-win. And that's just a car. Not a freaking HOUSE. Hell, my brother isn't even married and I wouldn't plan a party at his house.....because that's just weird. Now I also have a pool...so there HAVE been times when my brother wanted to have a pool party.....and he called and asked it if was okay......and I was invited....and he did all the prep and cleaning. Because he's not an ass. As far as he and his kids, they have had an open invitation (and the gate code) to always use the pool......and pool house. My husband has always been fine with that.....I know because I asked. The entire issue here is a boundary stomping MIL and a wife with blinders on. The problem was solved because FIL went balls to the wall with his wife and the couple got the therapy that the wife needed to learn that what she was doing and what she was fallowing her mother to do was inappropriate. Had the wife come with common sense, none of that would have been necessary. Story 2: I suspect what REALLY happened was after reading her post, her husband saw the responses and realized that if his wife opened up to anyone else about what was going on it would not only be the end of his marriage but also the end of his reputation. I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt here and suggest that it was a massive jolt out of the FOG...... Story 3: The mistake was letting them get away with the last minute babysitting DEMAND. Hell, letting them get away with ANY babysitting DEMAND is a problem. There is no reason a 12, 10, and 8 year old need constant supervision. At 8 the kid SHOULD have been able to safely play unsupervised outside. That he can't is the fault of his parents. When my mother was 7 (WAY back in the 1940's) her much older brother attempted to teach her to swim in the old-fashioned way of just tossing the kid in the water. It was a pond. My mother sank to the bottom, got tangled in the weeds, and if it weren't for her second oldest brother, WOULD have died that day. As a result, she developed a life-long terror of water and never learned to swim. About 40 years later, she and her husband (my father) would buy a house that came with a private lake. They also had a 9 year old daughter (that would be me) who never met a body of water she didn't want to swim in (oceans are tricky because I'm from the Jaws era......so while I WANT to.....I can't.) What did my mother do with her 9 year old human fish? She prayed A LOT. Other than that I ran amok. Because that's how Gen-X rolls. I was outside in the water, on the water, under the water. I hiked and camped and fished. I was outside as much as possible most of the year. I broke my arm falling out of a tree (30 year TO THE DAY later my grand-nephew would break his arm falling out of a tree....different tree though.) I go poison ivy, poison oak, several rashes we never really identified.....and had an amazing time. I shudder to imagine what my knees look like under a blacklight they have been scraped and cut so many times. Kids doing kid things get hurt.....and learn from it. As a side note: My exploration of that lake actually saved the like of our dog a few springs later. You see, I knew where it was deep and where it was shallow. That spring, the ice wasn't firm and he went through. My mother ran to save him......and knowing it was shallow enough for her to stand gave her the courage to go after him. She got him to the house, cleaned both of them up, and all was well. So that is ONE lesson that my mother actually learned from ME!
Times when you’re dealing with an immature idiot like your mother-in-law sometimes you have to just get right down on their level to get them to understand and I don’t think you’re in the wrong
My son's MIL actively tried to split up my son and his wife's marriage. Even admitted it to me. Then she tried to sabotage her daughter and my relationship. The daughter sided with her mother for several years till she became aware of what her mother was doing and that she was a narcissist. Now she's barely in her life and they're happy.
Mama's a Karen, the daughter's a Karen in training, the fil is completely whipped! OP's biggest mistake was to buy a house so close to the inlaws. It's a good thing that he finally found his voice. A bit late, but better late than never. I hate hearing people saying that they "love their partner so much", when it is completely clear that their partner didn't feel the same about them.
First story - I am with OP, about how he left the house for the party, but leaving the key on the porch is an invitation to burglars. Also, I'd have thought she'd have her own key.
This situation started well before the wife left on her trip. It did however escalate greatly when the wife gave her mother the house keys to her mother (for the party) without speaking to her husband about it.
While wife was on the trip Pack her things and put them in storage Change the locks Tell her it's over You won't put up with their shit one momenr longer Your lawyer will contact her Dump those KAREENS and don't look back
The first story, op as a woman even u and ur wife are in couple therapy and going well but I doubted ur mil will ever change. She just dial down til everyone forget and later she will do it again but this time worst. Op, if u really wanted to save ur marriage, give ur wife an warning if she ever do it again when her mom strikes again and worst and she sided with her without any consequences. Then consider divorce be ready. Op, things are good now but the red flags said more than ur improvement on ur marriage and, ur wife and her mom have gone too far into ur wife's adult life and she didn't see this problem til she realized u were very serious.
Never try to make things work when someone blames you for something you did prior to you being pregnant and then loosing the baby it's not your fault , those that blame you are not family or friends
Agreed! That’s pure evil. We had a loss and the first thing out of my husband’s mouth was “This isn’t your fault.” His mother had also had a loss and was completely there for us. The absolute evil that people spit out is appalling. It’s not that hard to be a decent person.
A ex friend years ago lost their first child to Sid's of course police tried to go after him for it even though the coroner report stated there was no fault of the parents because it was Sid's but of course his gf( at the time)'s father tried to blame him and all the stupid stuff he did in his younger years . Her dad was a jerk to just about everyone , even paid off a court justice and say it was the father's crazy past lifestyle ( ie just being young adult doing young adult things
Next door neighbor daughter did that and what happen a girl got r**e. They was trying to nlame them. It was a big thing. What did your vows say VOU FORSAKEN ALL OTHERS? Divorce her . He should of record them amd play it to the judge. Since she want her mother , let her marry her mother.
Last story: Sheesh, a family crisis over a splash in a creek and a skinned knee? Boy people are overprotective of kids these days. It is ridiculous to insist that kids over the age of 8 need to be supervised by an adult every second at their own home. When I was a kid my siblings and I just played outside with the neighbor kids all day, including leaving the yard to play in the woods near our house. We never saw an adult until mealtimes. None of us was over eleven. OP should use this overreaction as an excuse to bow out of any further babysitting. Since they think he isn't up for the job, he should agree with them and refuse to do it from now on.
2nd story - Jennifer you're missing the point here. OP was wrong in failng to properly supervise the children and his attitude is misguided and the sister was wrong in failing to leave proper instructions given the presence of a stream with him and giving such short notice. Irrespective of where children are allowed to play dangers are invariable lurking and basic/strict cautionary measures are always called for.
@@ellamitchell1270 In your own "backyard"? Children in school age don't need SUPERVISION 24/7, especially in a group. They need to know where to find an adult, if/when they need one. The children and OP did nearly everything ok... Except: OP should have told the parents: "There was a minor mishab with nephew and the creek. Maybe you should speak to him again, if and when he is allowed near it...."
@@PurpleSunset82 There is supervision and supervision when there's water of any kind, involving young children. Irrespective of whether or not the children needed supervision, OP was there to supervise the children which he failed to do given his immaturity and unacceptable commentary for his lack of obligation and duty - things could have worked out really tragically with the worst-case scenario. The parents were of line to spring it on him with such little notice but he had agreed to supervise the children nonetheless. He is 100% at fault. You have completely missed the point of the argument and what the definition of being supervised mean. I would ask you to think things logically and come back if you wish with a different mindset.
@@ellamitchell1270 Sorry, I grew up in a small village, in elementary school, we were playing in the backyard, while our supervising adult was in the house (windows open) or working in the garden... When I think about a creek (notice difference between creek and river!), I think about water, at max. 30 cm (1 feet) high.... So, not really a threat for 10-year olds....
@@PurpleSunset82 Have you heard about the saying that one could drown in an inch of water - where children are concerned and being near water - river/creek makes no difference. Your account of your growing up is very different from that of OP's lack of supervision. By his own admission, he said he was more focussed on his mobile and not supervising the children properly thereby demonstrating wanton negligence. He would have been at fault if anything had happened to the children - period. One does not have to like children in order to learn to be responsible for their care. If he were not interested in caring for the children he should have refused.
Last Story: Like... yeah, obviously OP should have been keeping a closer eye on the kids, but at the same time this feels like a real "choosing beggars" situation when you're angry that the person you deliberately strong armed into babysitting for you for free so you could go on a date didn't do a good job babysitting your kids.
If you do not have children, like OP, you might not realize that kids don’t always follow the rules when are excited about an activity. Tricking OP to babysitting when he had not planned too is disrespectful. So he had things he needed to catch up on and was not full able to watch the children as closely as the mom expected. The mom got a babysitter who had not really available, but was put on the spot to stay with the children. I blame the parents for forcing OP to watch the children and not give any proper instructions to the children or an adult with no children.
I had some friend of my mother’s trick me into taking care of an infant. I was okay with children who were verbal, but babies scared me. Anyone who assumes anyone else can be tricked into babysitting needs to hear no, firmly and turn around and leave. My mom did apologize for the situation as she hadn’t been told that the child was an infant.
You should have stayed home, not put our the spare key and when MIT came told her sorry you're not feeling well and she needs to leave or you are calling the cops
I had people make judgements about me being childless. Even though they were part of my husband's family because his mother had married into it he'd never been close to any of them. I saw no need to tell any of them I wanted a big family and had many miscarriages. I overheard his step brother and his wife say I was too selfish to have children. I was a very involved and fun aunt
to my nieces and a kid magnet to kids in the neighborhood. My BIL and SIL didn't get married until they were 41 but still could have tried to have children. I didn't criticize their choice to stay childless. SIL said I was a parasite for having big gaps in my work history. I didn't tell her it was because of concentrating on staying pregnant but still miscarrying every time. I went from a friendly relationship with them to a polite tolerance of them.
Egg HUnt Story: ESH except the kids. Once OP agreed to watch the kids - could have told family duck no and just left - he should have watched the kids. What 32 y/o just thinks little kids should play unsupervised around a stream? And what parents leave ONE adult (well more manchold than adult) ALONE to watch a bunch of kids around an attractive nuisance like a stream? Every adult involved here was neglectful of the children's safety.
Forgiveness is never about the other person. It's only about yourself. Carrying bitterness and anger only weighs you down the longer you hold on to it. It certainly doesn't mean everything is all better and you invite a toxic hurtful person back into your life.
Baby sitter: The next time they try to force babysitting on OP... Sis: "I need you to watch the kids, we have plans." OP : "Sorry, I'm too irresponsible they might fall in the creek again. You'll have to find someone else." Sister's last minute date, just solved OPs whole last minute babysitter ordeal. LoL
Noooooo…..your wife has no respect for you!!! It’s not a big deal????? It’s a big deal to YOU!!!!! Your wife does not have your back!!!!! Serve her divorce papers and see if that snaps her out of it!!!!!!
Just apologize and tell them you were so sorry but to avoid that in the future you will never babysit for anyone when they cry about that tell him that's what you get
The last story, while I may not agree with the actions at the same time if you literally force someone who doesn’t want to babysit to babysit (rather then hiring someone) then of course you’re not going to get a babysitter that cares at all
last story appologize then tell them and your family you are child free and to never ask you again even if it is a life and death matter then walk away go no contact A FEW MONTHS bet they all change there tune.as for the mother in law interfering mine had a habit of just walking in my house no knocking well she did this one morning while i was changing in our laundry room which could be seen from the front room with the front door closed so i stood swinging in the breeze and held a stupid useless convo with her for 10 min she was so uncomfortable after that she has never just walked in again
Last Story: In a way YTAH, but hear me out. The reason that I say this is you accepted the job of looking after the kids. I personally (knowing how you feel about kids) would have told them to change their lunch plans and watch their own damn kids. As for the family blowing up your phone and blaming you, where were they? Why didn't they look after the kids? As for the parents, why didn't they teach their kids not to approach the stream? That in itself was irresponsible. To hell with all of them, go NC until they get their heads screwed on straight. I know people say that family is important, but it gets old when all they want to do is use you.
Hopefully this will teach OP to stick to his guns, the next time his sister pressures him and volunteers him for things she does not tell him about until the last minute. And I disagree about the last comment. No, this will not get him out of future babysitting gigs. The power of a free babysitter cannot be underestimated! Sis will totally beg him to watch her kids last minute, sooner than one would think. She sounds selfish and entitled. OP should just shut her down, in the future. Yes, he should have been supervising the kids closely, but if he isn’t interested in spending time with kids, he should not let his family railroad him into doing so.
story one: bet mil was gonna trash the house and make OP clean it. and forget handling it like an adult or be the bigger person bs, take it as far as you can because that is the only way they understand.
Re: Supervising the Easter egg hunt. You did a lousy job of babysitting, period. That said, don’t apologize. They’ll stay angry and never ask you to take care of the kids again. Judgement: ESH. If kids’ mom hadn’t been so intent on scamming a free sitter and dashing out to lunch, she may have spent more time establishing ground rules and expectations for both OP and kids.
Why keep the key on the porch. Just leave rhe house and stay at OP's sister's home for the night? OP was going to listen to criticism about the dirty house anyway. Let them criticize him for not allowing them to party.
First story it sounds like OP spouse should marry her mother you are married you can respect your mother and set boundaries. Should’ve asked you if it was OK it’s not just her house it’s yours as well you seriously may want to find another wife or just be happy being single.
1st story. His mother-in-law thinks she's entitled to do what she wants. IMO it would have been funny if he called the police saying she didn't have his permission to be there, instead of leaving it a mess. I give him credit for working on the marriage, which I probably wouldn't have. 2nd story. That poor woman. I can't imagine going through a miscarriage, but to have the SIL and MIL treat her like that is so cruel. I'm glad that she was finally able to let her husband know how devastated she wad, even though I would think he would have already known. Story 3. His sister and BIL are something else. To make plans for him to watch the kids without asking is unbelievable, I would have said no.They know how he feels about children and to make him responsible for not only his family, but their friends as well. Granted he should have been watching them, but the parents should have told their children not to go near rhe water and told him where the eggs were.
Last story - OP, semi-AH. It was wrong for what your sister did but kids being kids, you HAVE TO watch them but not micro-manage their behavior, etc. She was totally wrong by making a lunch date and then bailing on you. She knew full well that she'd put you on the spot and took advantage. But honestly, whether you were there or not, this kid most likely would've fallen in and still skinned his knee anyway. They can get mad if they want but at least you would've been there to verify that it was an accident and NOT on the phone checking your post on FB or whatever. You both were at fault (to a degree). Apologize but let her know that there'll be no more babysitting. And let it go from there.
My ex detested his mother but also greatly feared her and so stood by and watched as his mother abused me and our newborn (fed my three week old premie mashed potatoes and gravy and then flew into a rage when I protested) and watched as she physically attacked me because I was breastfeeding my baby instead of mashing her potatoes for a meal I wasn’t even going to eat. I was waiting for my uncle to come pick me up to take me to my parent’s house, I never returned to my ex or his family.
I'm so glad you and your baby got out of that toxic and abusive situation. I hope you and your baby are doing better
What did he say after u left?
@@theprodigaltrue nothing. He only showed up once, drunk at 3 am demanding I let him have his G**d**m bastard! I punched him, called the cops and he ran away but was stopped and given a DUI and spent the night in jail. Never saw him again until the grandkids were born. He called my baby a bastard!
Ignorance of the first order or was it deliberate? Well done for not returning to such a toxic family.
So sorry you had to go through that. Your MIL sounds like a nightmare. Leaving that toxic environment was/is the best you can do for your baby and you. God bless you.
My own mother tried a few times to butt into my marriage.
I reminded her that he's my husband, not hers. And this is our marriage, not hers. It's our house, not hers.
I would never dream of butting into my son's relationships, either. I can give a little advice, but his life is his.
My "mom" too.. She even tried to call the cops on some bs, and try to get him jailed and away from me and our son.. Now I'm no contact with her, and just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary! And we have 3kids now. I haven't been happier! After therapy, I noticed how much she meddled in my life and how she affected my mental health.. Things can get better!
Exactly
First story... Am I the only one that noticed that op's mother dismissed his concerns at first, allowed it to go that far without supporting her son, and only when things were too bad she decided to sit and listen to her son?
Maybe he didn’t keep her up to date like he said at the end he was happy he opened up to her
@@lockhart1895 Both mothers meddling in his marriage.
@@lockhart1895 This is what I was going to say. Seemed like he didn't tell his mom every little thing until the end.
He tried to keep his marriage between him and his wife. The wife pushed to let her mother run the show.
@@robertcromwell9736 Sounded like only her mother was meddling.
His mom didn't even know the whole story till the end.
@@robertcromwell9736 how did his mother meddle? The only thing she did was having a conversation with op's fil and tell him to talk to his wife... Are you saying that you wouldn't do that for your child in pain?
Story 1: posted before update: Dump the wife and her mother. Sounds like no children so divorce and count yourself lucky.
She'll be back. The MIL being the way she is will just lie dormant for awhile and slowly trickle back into the same exact situation.
I'd dump the wife. Period.
@@jackchop1576 Quite possible. MIL has been chastised, but that doesn't mean she'll never do it again.
Also, as the saying goes, the MIL is a look at what the daughter may become. If you can't stand the MIL, you may have a challenging time with the wife down the road.
Story 1 - OP, you're NTA. Glad you managed to work everything out in the end. I learned this lesson nearly 40 yrs ago. NEVER EVER lash out in anger. The person in question may deserve it but once words are spoken, you can't reel them back in. There is no reset button. I discovered that a person holds nothing back truth-wise when (a) they're drunk or (b) when they're angry. This is when you see the person for what they are. Back in the late 80's me and the (ex) wife got into an argument. Even as strained as things were between us, I still loved her. I sat there in silence (which was SO hard to do) as she spewed the most venomous hate towards me. She told me how she was going to screw me in court, etc... etc... I mean, she was on a roll. The things she said weren't just off the cuff comments. She'd been thinking of this stuff for a long time and when she got mad, it ALL flooding came out. Whatever love I had for this woman instantly evaporated. A couple of hours later she came back with her tail between her legs and apologized. "Sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it, etc..." but I wasn't buying it. I looked her in the eye and said calmly, very calmly (with no sarcasm or anything) "You're a liar. This was more than anger. You've been thinking about this for a long time and didn't just pull it out of your a**." She stood there with her mouth opening and closing silently like a fish out of water and then walked away silently. 3-4 months I finally called it quits. Moral of the story, never say anything in anger because actions have consequences.
Father-in-law is a good man. MIL's plan failed.
Did it really. She will double up on OP. Also, OP's wife has no back bone and will not stand up for OP.
Right cause he already told her
...for now. Wait til a baby appears and MIL is back, that is a very good excuse after all especially if wife wants it, and then OP is stuck.
8, 10 and 12 year olds should know how to behave around a creek on their own property. NTA
I agree with you 100% I thought 10 and 12 was too old to be hunting eggs but someone said no. I'll give them 10, but 12 I don't know if I would want to be hunting eggs like a 4-year-old.
In re: Miscarriages/stillbirths/sudden death of infant. My parents lost my oldest sister Katherine on Feb 15, 1946--stillbirth. They lost my youngest sister Anita on Oct 19, 1952--she lived only a few hours. They never got over their grief. I stood next for my (then widowed) father at the foot of Anita's grave some 40 years later. I could just feel his sorrow emanating from him. Mom passed in 1955; dad passed in 2002. They finally got to hold their 2 little girls in their arms.
My mother lost twins, when I was around 5, and my brother 2. I only knew about this years later as an adult. It was late and she needed medical attention for quite a few days.
First Story: OP don't have a MIL problem, he has a Wife problem
Op, you should have had divorce papers ready and as soon as they started in on you, you should have thrown them out on the table.
Re:. Mama's girl, Even if therapy is going well, insist on changing all the locks.
I would have divorce papers waiting on the table when your wife returns.
When the wife asked OP for the keys, i'd just straight up refuse. OP should really reconsider staying married to mommy's girl. Its very clearly a package deal at that point so if he doesn't want to put up with MIL, then divorce is the next step.
Last story, ops mistake was allowing his sister to manipulate him to babysit last minute.
No is a complete sentence, on top of that what kind of parent wants to miss an egg-hunt. You only get so many of these before kids grow out of them.
But, if you agree to watch children (even reluctantly), you have to actually watch the kids....... So ESH..
I agree with the other two posts here. The sister is at fault. She went ahead and went and tricked and manipulated her brother into babysitting when he just did it because it's family. But then he's being harassed by the rest of the family now. The kid could have got hurt really bad obviously but did not thankfully. But what instructions was given to the uncle that he had to like walk around them do this do that and everything else. Isn't that the parents job. So Opie I think what you need to do in this situation is share your frustration with the rest of the family tell him to back the F off and also say you would put in the situation on last second. That didn't mean you didn't watch or want to cuz they are your nephews but they you should be forced to do it all the time either. And also for the sweet part that would be enough for me to say no more. And you expect the apology from the rest of the family.
The ages of these kids do not require intensive care...just someone around in case something happens...did the job...if they wanted more, they should have paid...personally, I would go low contact with these entitled losers!
Last story - Sister wants a child free adult male to baby sit for free and then gets upset when he misses something. One I don't believe I ever missed a Easter egg hunt when my boys wanted one (they out grew it), I worked shifts so the hunts were adjusted to when I was off on Easter. Sister was the idiot for scheduling lunch and ditching her kids.
OP should apologize -
"Yes, I should have been watching closer. Since I'm obviously completely unreliable as a babysitter, I shall never again force you to endure the strain of worrying about how poorly I'm doing by refusing to babysit ever again."
See how they like that!
I think you can drop the 'male' there, Ken 😉 Child free adult is enough. Just because someone is female doesn't make them any better a carer for kids.
@@rogerrabbit80 I'd be a bit more straight forward in my apology: "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to watch the kids to your liking. But, personally, I think you owe me an apology for dumping your brats on me to begin with. And in future I will solve both our problems by totally refusing to deal with these kids under any and all conditions. Have I made my feelings clear on not wanting to even see these kids anymore?"
@@rogerrabbit80 It always gets me how watching their kids should be just as important to you as it is to them. I guess they don't realize that people have a life outside of doing their bidding.
That's a good point! I would never have skipped out on an Easter egg hunt with my kids for a stupid lunch date.
Once again the moral of the story is: stop marrying people that have obvious red flags. This thing between the wife and her mom was obvious long before they were married.
EXACTLY. _This._ 100%. The fact that this man continued a relationship with this woman and even _married_ her is bizarre to me. He really needs to just divorce this woman. This will not stop. MIL will back off... _for now._ But she still has control over the wife, and wife has already proven that if push comes to shove, she will ALWAYS choose mommy over her hubby. Her dad likely told his daughter that she better hold on to OP because VERY few men would stick around and put up with what MIL is putting him through.
Giant red flags on both sides, even only getting his side of the story that much is clear.
that guy had no backbone. he would have found himself in a similar situation whomever he married. maybe this is a learning experience for him to learn how to stand up for himself
@@bumpandsquish One thing that stands out for me after watching so many of these videos: you'd never know it because we're on the internet where opinions are loud and everywhere, but apparently a huge portion of the population is just pushovers. I get taking a little crap, but at some point you have to think, "is this what I want my life to be? Every day?"
And I agree with you, Rose. They might be in therapy, but I don't think this is over by a long shot.
I can't agree 100% with your statement. Why? -> what we perceive as a "red flag" from a distance is (in this case) actually a fundamentally positive family dynamic (= good interaction and contact within a family). If this contact only escalated after the marriage and was previously limited to regular meetings/visits with the mother, one can normally assume that this contact will remain at the same level and will be further limited later on.
**My own marriage and our parental family dynamic should not have taken place according to your assumption, since our contact with our parents was just as intense (minus the unannounced visits, even though the parents had keys to our house)
Opie, walk away from this marriage and crazy homewearking mil. Your wife never change.
#1 - OP should have filed for divorce and served both his wife and his MIL!!!
If she sues you for neglect, counter sue for child abandonment...
1st story: OP should have asked MIL if she wanted to sleep in their bed, as well.
That is bad: MIL would have just spun that to the daughter that "your husband offered to have me sleep with him!"
I love when parents trap you into babysitting because they know you would've refused if asked beforehand
Story 1: he should walk through the party naked and ask MIL friends if they were DTF.
What does DTF mean? TIA!
@@lynneufeld3175 it means down to f**k
Lmao
Problem with that is that the MIL would run with "did you know that your husband was hitting on my friends?"
I thought that was what was going to happen! Earlier he talked about not being 'appropriately dressed' in his own home. No such thing! He has the right to wear what he wants, even if it's his birthday suit or just underwear.
When I was a lad, back in the 1970's, getting scrapes on my knees was a yearly summer occurrence. Wearing shorts at the playground, how many kids had Johnson & Johnson band aids on one or both knees? My father would give it a quick yank when it came time to remove it! Memories!!
Easter Egg Hunt. ESH.
1 Your sister should NOT have cornered you at the last minute to babysit. If she had enough time to set up a lunch, she also had enough time to get a babysitter.
2 You agreed to watch the kids and then proceeded to ignore them. With a bunch of kids running around looking for eggs, you should have known things could happen. You're lucky the kid didn't drown.
Both you and sis should apologize to each other. And, to your advantage, you'll probably never be asked to babysit again.
Last story, I would send a group message that I would not be attending any event that had a single child at it from now on. IF they were so neglectful for not setting rules, Op should have nothing to do with the families children.
Wht do people think that their actions won't end in divorce/ consequences?
You'll NEVER win with a momma's girl. You'll ALWAYS come in 2nd place. If you are happy spending the rest of your marriage with this dynamic, stay with your wife. If you want a marriage where you're always #1, find another woman - one who has actually cut the umbilical cord with mom.
Mother in law is an anagram of 'Hitler woman.' Some live up to it.
Wife dont realize her own mother is messing up her relationship
Last story, OP apologize but reduse to babysit again.
Go get divorce papers let your wife sign them then see what she thinks
Story 1:
He TRIED to do the "mature adult" way to handle the matter. He talked to his wife. Many times. It changed nothing and his wife did nothing but gaslight the entire situation. You don't have a party at your house without the consent of your partner. That ALSO means you don't get to go out of town and let your mother have a party at the home you share with your husband without his consent. That's just basic common sense. It's so basic that it's not something most people even have to be told or even consider in the first place. That is just flatly unacceptable.
My husband is older and no longer drives. Our car is in MY name. It's MINE. It's also an SUV.....so when my brother sent a text to swap cars for the weekend, I talked to my husband about it. That's also why he didn't call. He knew it would likely be okay.....but he ALSO knew I would need time to discuss it with my husband. It was fine and my husband and I got to drive his sports car for a couple of days. Win-win. And that's just a car. Not a freaking HOUSE. Hell, my brother isn't even married and I wouldn't plan a party at his house.....because that's just weird. Now I also have a pool...so there HAVE been times when my brother wanted to have a pool party.....and he called and asked it if was okay......and I was invited....and he did all the prep and cleaning. Because he's not an ass. As far as he and his kids, they have had an open invitation (and the gate code) to always use the pool......and pool house. My husband has always been fine with that.....I know because I asked.
The entire issue here is a boundary stomping MIL and a wife with blinders on. The problem was solved because FIL went balls to the wall with his wife and the couple got the therapy that the wife needed to learn that what she was doing and what she was fallowing her mother to do was inappropriate. Had the wife come with common sense, none of that would have been necessary.
Story 2:
I suspect what REALLY happened was after reading her post, her husband saw the responses and realized that if his wife opened up to anyone else about what was going on it would not only be the end of his marriage but also the end of his reputation. I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt here and suggest that it was a massive jolt out of the FOG......
Story 3:
The mistake was letting them get away with the last minute babysitting DEMAND. Hell, letting them get away with ANY babysitting DEMAND is a problem. There is no reason a 12, 10, and 8 year old need constant supervision. At 8 the kid SHOULD have been able to safely play unsupervised outside. That he can't is the fault of his parents.
When my mother was 7 (WAY back in the 1940's) her much older brother attempted to teach her to swim in the old-fashioned way of just tossing the kid in the water. It was a pond. My mother sank to the bottom, got tangled in the weeds, and if it weren't for her second oldest brother, WOULD have died that day. As a result, she developed a life-long terror of water and never learned to swim. About 40 years later, she and her husband (my father) would buy a house that came with a private lake. They also had a 9 year old daughter (that would be me) who never met a body of water she didn't want to swim in (oceans are tricky because I'm from the Jaws era......so while I WANT to.....I can't.) What did my mother do with her 9 year old human fish? She prayed A LOT. Other than that I ran amok. Because that's how Gen-X rolls. I was outside in the water, on the water, under the water. I hiked and camped and fished. I was outside as much as possible most of the year. I broke my arm falling out of a tree (30 year TO THE DAY later my grand-nephew would break his arm falling out of a tree....different tree though.) I go poison ivy, poison oak, several rashes we never really identified.....and had an amazing time. I shudder to imagine what my knees look like under a blacklight they have been scraped and cut so many times. Kids doing kid things get hurt.....and learn from it.
As a side note: My exploration of that lake actually saved the like of our dog a few springs later. You see, I knew where it was deep and where it was shallow. That spring, the ice wasn't firm and he went through. My mother ran to save him......and knowing it was shallow enough for her to stand gave her the courage to go after him. She got him to the house, cleaned both of them up, and all was well. So that is ONE lesson that my mother actually learned from ME!
His wife asked why he didn't clean for guests? He should have replied, "I don't clean for intruders".
Times when you’re dealing with an immature idiot like your mother-in-law sometimes you have to just get right down on their level to get them to understand and I don’t think you’re in the wrong
Story #1. You gave MIL a cold dose of reality.
CHILDREN ABSOLUTELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE RULES !!! BEFORE PARENTS LEFT. THEM WITH PERSON WITHOUT CHILDREN
My son's MIL actively tried to split up my son and his wife's marriage. Even admitted it to me. Then she tried to sabotage her daughter and my relationship. The daughter sided with her mother for several years till she became aware of what her mother was doing and that she was a narcissist. Now she's barely in her life and they're happy.
Mama's a Karen, the daughter's a Karen in training, the fil is completely whipped!
OP's biggest mistake was to buy a house so close to the inlaws.
It's a good thing that he finally found his voice.
A bit late, but better late than never.
I hate hearing people saying that they "love their partner so much", when it is completely clear that their partner didn't feel the same about them.
First story - I am with OP, about how he left the house for the party, but leaving the key on the porch is an invitation to burglars. Also, I'd have thought she'd have her own key.
When you swing an axe into a tree trunk, the damage is done, and it will always be there.
Oh good! All
Is well
This situation started well before the wife left on her trip. It did however escalate greatly when the wife gave her mother the house keys to her mother (for the party) without speaking to her husband about it.
Oh she did speak to him and he said no. Even worse than not telling him is that.
While wife was on the trip
Pack her things and put them in storage
Change the locks
Tell her it's over
You won't put up with their shit one momenr longer
Your lawyer will contact her
Dump those KAREENS
and don't look back
BABYSITTER , lol 😂 GOT YOU. HA HA HA. WE ARE GONE, BYE FELICIA. JOKES ON YOU
The first story, op as a woman even u and ur wife are in couple therapy and going well but I doubted ur mil will ever change. She just dial down til everyone forget and later she will do it again but this time worst. Op, if u really wanted to save ur marriage, give ur wife an warning if she ever do it again when her mom strikes again and worst and she sided with her without any consequences. Then consider divorce be ready. Op, things are good now but the red flags said more than ur improvement on ur marriage and, ur wife and her mom have gone too far into ur wife's adult life and she didn't see this problem til she realized u were very serious.
Why didn’t OP just say, “no MiL you can’t throw parties at my house. Have them at your own.”?
Oh honey- run! This will only get worse!
To the husband. It will get worse. Life is too short to live like this.
Get out, find happiness and joy. Enjoy the rest of your life in peace.
Never try to make things work when someone blames you for something you did prior to you being pregnant and then loosing the baby it's not your fault , those that blame you are not family or friends
Agreed! That’s pure evil. We had a loss and the first thing out of my husband’s mouth was “This isn’t your fault.” His mother had also had a loss and was completely there for us. The absolute evil that people spit out is appalling. It’s not that hard to be a decent person.
A ex friend years ago lost their first child to Sid's of course police tried to go after him for it even though the coroner report stated there was no fault of the parents because it was Sid's but of course his gf( at the time)'s father tried to blame him and all the stupid stuff he did in his younger years . Her dad was a jerk to just about everyone , even paid off a court justice and say it was the father's crazy past lifestyle ( ie just being young adult doing young adult things
You need to stand your ground and not give in if anyone needs to apologize it's your mother-in-law
Nta. Mil needs to learn her place. Which is not in your marriage. Wife needs to either get on board or get dumped.
love your videos! thank you for reading them!
MIL IS EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF HER DAUGHTER !!! CANNOT STAND FACT SHE HAS A MAN THAT LOVES HER. HER MAN WAS BABY 🍼 TRAPPED
Not my circus, not my monkeys!!!!! Shut them all done!!!!! Where were these relatives when the hunt was on?????
Next door neighbor daughter did that and what happen a girl got r**e. They was trying to nlame them. It was a big thing. What did your vows say VOU FORSAKEN ALL OTHERS? Divorce her . He should of record them amd play it to the judge. Since she want her mother , let her marry her mother.
An egg hunt with the parents?
No children? RUN!
Last story: Sheesh, a family crisis over a splash in a creek and a skinned knee? Boy people are overprotective of kids these days. It is ridiculous to insist that kids over the age of 8 need to be supervised by an adult every second at their own home. When I was a kid my siblings and I just played outside with the neighbor kids all day, including leaving the yard to play in the woods near our house. We never saw an adult until mealtimes. None of us was over eleven. OP should use this overreaction as an excuse to bow out of any further babysitting. Since they think he isn't up for the job, he should agree with them and refuse to do it from now on.
2nd story - Jennifer you're missing the point here. OP was wrong in failng to properly supervise the children and his attitude is misguided and the sister was wrong in failing to leave proper instructions given the presence of a stream with him and giving such short notice.
Irrespective of where children are allowed to play dangers are invariable lurking and basic/strict cautionary measures are always called for.
@@ellamitchell1270 In your own "backyard"? Children in school age don't need SUPERVISION 24/7, especially in a group. They need to know where to find an adult, if/when they need one. The children and OP did nearly everything ok...
Except: OP should have told the parents: "There was a minor mishab with nephew and the creek. Maybe you should speak to him again, if and when he is allowed near it...."
@@PurpleSunset82 There is supervision and supervision when there's water of any kind, involving young children. Irrespective of whether or not the children needed supervision, OP was there to supervise the children which he failed to do given his immaturity and unacceptable commentary for his lack of obligation and duty - things could have worked out really tragically with the worst-case scenario. The parents were of line to spring it on him with such little notice but he had agreed to supervise the children nonetheless. He is 100% at fault.
You have completely missed the point of the argument and what the definition of being supervised mean. I would ask you to think things logically and come back if you wish with a different mindset.
@@ellamitchell1270 Sorry, I grew up in a small village, in elementary school, we were playing in the backyard, while our supervising adult was in the house (windows open) or working in the garden...
When I think about a creek (notice difference between creek and river!), I think about water, at max. 30 cm (1 feet) high.... So, not really a threat for 10-year olds....
@@PurpleSunset82 Have you heard about the saying that one could drown in an inch of water - where children are concerned and being near water - river/creek makes no difference.
Your account of your growing up is very different from that of OP's lack of supervision. By his own admission, he said he was more focussed on his mobile and not supervising the children properly thereby demonstrating wanton negligence. He would have been at fault if anything had happened to the children - period. One does not have to like children in order to learn to be responsible for their care. If he were not interested in caring for the children he should have refused.
FYI
She doesn't have the only cookie
Dump that KAREEN
and don't look back
I've never understood these stories. My mom likes my wife more than me.
Then OP should have asked back to her mother, what will she do... what is the MATURE way she's thinking about.
Last Story: Like... yeah, obviously OP should have been keeping a closer eye on the kids, but at the same time this feels like a real "choosing beggars" situation when you're angry that the person you deliberately strong armed into babysitting for you for free so you could go on a date didn't do a good job babysitting your kids.
Their is no way I would let my in-laws mistreat me like op in-laws did to op and op husband needs to grow a backbone and support his wife
If you do not have children, like OP, you might not realize that kids don’t always follow the rules when are excited about an activity.
Tricking OP to babysitting when he had not planned too is disrespectful.
So he had things he needed to catch up on and was not full able to watch the children as closely as the mom expected.
The mom got a babysitter who had not really available, but was put on the spot to stay with the children.
I blame the parents for forcing OP to watch the children and not give any proper instructions to the children or an adult with no children.
Neither do adults, love stories of escape rooms
Yes, it wasn't just babysitting, it was looking after some kids in the middle of the wild without any preparation or instruction.
I had some friend of my mother’s trick me into taking care of an infant. I was okay with children who were verbal, but babies scared me. Anyone who assumes anyone else can be tricked into babysitting needs to hear no, firmly and turn around and leave. My mom did apologize for the situation as she hadn’t been told that the child was an infant.
You should have stayed home, not put our the spare key and when MIT came told her sorry you're not feeling well and she needs to leave or you are calling the cops
Story 1 danger is as soon as the wife has a baby she'll revert to previous behaviour and OP will be stuck with alimony and child support for 18 years.
I had people make judgements about me being childless. Even though they were part of my husband's family because his mother had married into it he'd never been close to any of them. I saw no need to tell any of them I wanted a big family and had many miscarriages. I overheard his step brother and his wife say I was too selfish to have children. I was a very involved and fun aunt
to my nieces and a kid magnet to kids in the neighborhood. My BIL and SIL didn't get married until they were 41 but still could have tried to have children. I didn't criticize their choice to stay childless. SIL said I was a parasite for having big gaps in my work history. I didn't tell her it was because of concentrating on staying pregnant but still miscarrying every time. I went from a friendly relationship with them to a polite tolerance of them.
Egg HUnt Story: ESH except the kids. Once OP agreed to watch the kids - could have told family duck no and just left - he should have watched the kids. What 32 y/o just thinks little kids should play unsupervised around a stream? And what parents leave ONE adult (well more manchold than adult) ALONE to watch a bunch of kids around an attractive nuisance like a stream? Every adult involved here was neglectful of the children's safety.
Forgiveness is never about the other person. It's only about yourself. Carrying bitterness and anger only weighs you down the longer you hold on to it. It certainly doesn't mean everything is all better and you invite a toxic hurtful person back into your life.
Baby sitter:
The next time they try to force babysitting on OP...
Sis: "I need you to watch the kids, we have plans."
OP : "Sorry, I'm too irresponsible they might fall in the creek again. You'll have to find someone else."
Sister's last minute date, just solved OPs whole last minute babysitter ordeal. LoL
Dude, divorce her !
First story: MIL proved Bill Burr right.
If your partner will always choose their parents over you even when it's ridiculous then they will continue even if you get married
Noooooo…..your wife has no respect for you!!! It’s not a big deal????? It’s a big deal to YOU!!!!! Your wife does not have your back!!!!! Serve her divorce papers and see if that snaps her out of it!!!!!!
Move away, if wife doesn't come, move on.
Don’t ever watch her kids! I wouldn’t apologize for anything it’s her sisters fault.
story 1 - its called enmeshment
Just apologize and tell them you were so sorry but to avoid that in the future you will never babysit for anyone when they cry about that tell him that's what you get
Wife should have left him
The last story, while I may not agree with the actions at the same time if you literally force someone who doesn’t want to babysit to babysit (rather then hiring someone) then of course you’re not going to get a babysitter that cares at all
NTA divorce time.
HUSBAND DIDNT KNOW BECAUSE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE DIDNT TEACH HIM OR BEND HIS 👂
She left her kids with you , because she didn't want to watch them....after she invited extra kids and skinned knees happen all the time....
CHILDREN FALLING IS NORMAL AS THE DAY is LONG
Bet they ask again
last story appologize then tell them and your family you are child free and to never ask you again even if it is a life and death matter then walk away go no contact A FEW MONTHS bet they all change there tune.as for the mother in law interfering mine had a habit of just walking in my house no knocking well she did this one morning while i was changing in our laundry room which could be seen from the front room with the front door closed so i stood swinging in the breeze and held a stupid useless convo with her for 10 min she was so uncomfortable after that she has never just walked in again
Last Story: In a way YTAH, but hear me out. The reason that I say this is you accepted the job of looking after the kids. I personally (knowing how you feel about kids) would have told them to change their lunch plans and watch their own damn kids. As for the family blowing up your phone and blaming you, where were they? Why didn't they look after the kids? As for the parents, why didn't they teach their kids not to approach the stream? That in itself was irresponsible. To hell with all of them, go NC until they get their heads screwed on straight. I know people say that family is important, but it gets old when all they want to do is use you.
Hopefully this will teach OP to stick to his guns, the next time his sister pressures him and volunteers him for things she does not tell him about until the last minute. And I disagree about the last comment. No, this will not get him out of future babysitting gigs. The power of a free babysitter cannot be underestimated! Sis will totally beg him to watch her kids last minute, sooner than one would think. She sounds selfish and entitled. OP should just shut her down, in the future. Yes, he should have been supervising the kids closely, but if he isn’t interested in spending time with kids, he should not let his family railroad him into doing so.
Sister was an utter AH.
What was better in the daughters house that mom wanted to hold a party in it?
1st story. Wife is ridiculous smh
I'd have changed the locks in first story.
story one: bet mil was gonna trash the house and make OP clean it. and forget handling it like an adult or be the bigger person bs, take it as far as you can because that is the only way they understand.
Re: Supervising the Easter egg hunt. You did a lousy job of babysitting, period. That said, don’t apologize. They’ll stay angry and never ask you to take care of the kids again. Judgement: ESH. If kids’ mom hadn’t been so intent on scamming a free sitter and dashing out to lunch, she may have spent more time establishing ground rules and expectations for both OP and kids.
Lmfao guests? Who was having guests?
Tina did OP a favor by exposing what a dumbo OP was wasting her life on.
When I was watching the kids was I actually supposed to watch them?
Kids that age should be able to take care of themselves. Any kids raised near water should be taught how to swim around five or so.
Why keep the key on the porch. Just leave rhe house and stay at OP's sister's home for the night? OP was going to listen to criticism about the dirty house anyway. Let them criticize him for not allowing them to party.
Say F.O.A. D
First story it sounds like OP spouse should marry her mother you are married you can respect your mother and set boundaries. Should’ve asked you if it was OK it’s not just her house it’s yours as well you seriously may want to find another wife or just be happy being single.
1st story. His mother-in-law thinks she's entitled to do what she wants. IMO it would have been funny if he called the police saying she didn't have his permission to be there, instead of leaving it a mess. I give him credit for working on the marriage, which I probably wouldn't have.
2nd story. That poor woman. I can't imagine going through a miscarriage, but to have the SIL and MIL treat her like that is so cruel. I'm glad that she was finally able to let her husband know how devastated she wad, even though I would think he would have already known.
Story 3. His sister and BIL are something else. To make plans for him to watch the kids without asking is unbelievable, I would have said no.They know how he feels about children and to make him responsible for not only his family, but their friends as well. Granted he should have been watching them, but the parents should have told their children not to go near rhe water and told him where the eggs were.
You need couples therapy to let your wife know your side of things, which she clearly is not hearing.
Maybe she just Mary her mom.
Last story - OP, semi-AH. It was wrong for what your sister did but kids being kids, you HAVE TO watch them but not micro-manage their behavior, etc. She was totally wrong by making a lunch date and then bailing on you. She knew full well that she'd put you on the spot and took advantage. But honestly, whether you were there or not, this kid most likely would've fallen in and still skinned his knee anyway. They can get mad if they want but at least you would've been there to verify that it was an accident and NOT on the phone checking your post on FB or whatever. You both were at fault (to a degree). Apologize but let her know that there'll be no more babysitting. And let it go from there.
Easter story. Nice. NOT!