Cursed Christian CG Movie Kind of Rules
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ก.ค. 2024
- Use my code EMMATHORNE to get $5 off your delicious, high protein Magic Spoon cereal by clicking this link: sponsr.is/magicspoon_emmathor...
It's the infamous Joshua and the Promised Land: A CG anthropomorphic animal movie about the Exodus from Egypt. The characters are way too nude, the morals are all off... and yet. And yet.
Join this channel to get stompid emmotes (see what I did there)
/ @emmathornevideos
Captions by David Glennon: flcaptioning@gmail.com
Like and subscribe if you enjoyed!
Website: www.emma-thorne.co.uk
Emma Thorne Extra: / @emmathornebackstage
Gaming Channel: / littleduckgaming
Twitch: / emmalittleduck
Instagram: @emmainashes
Twitter: @EmmaTheGoblin
Patreon: / emmathornevideos
Merch: emma-thorne.com
Ko-Fi: ko-fi.com/emmathorne
PO BOX:
Emma Thorne
PO Box 78387
LONDON
E4 0HY
Timecodes:
00:00 Movie Intro
02:26 Recap
37:11 Review
Huge thank you to my Colossal Quackers and Giant Chickens on Patreon!
Aspen
Bill Garrett
Brent Bartlett
Chaotic Quakka
Chocolate Jesus
Douglas Steingraber 2
Fat Houdini
Jaderian
Jason Haase
Jeremy Buck
John E.
John newman
Kori Gailliot
Lord Nibbles Dankworth IX
Mike
Nick Muggio
Philip Doherty
Purple_Pug_2013
Robi Groves
Samandme59
Sean Hamill
Vermont1777
Squeaky Fish 2
Al Sweigart
Andrew
Andy is ducking around
April Washburn
Azku
Ben Eiynk
Bert Whitehead
Brandon
Brian McKemey
Buddmeister2.0
Cartoon Fan
Ceilidh
Chantale
Cindarella Santonen
Connla "Chicken Maximus" Lyons
Darren McHaffie
Darth_Rondoudou
Dave Kircher
Dave Smith
Daylin
Dreffed
FalcorTheGinger
Farron Sutton
Faye The Succubus
Flash prez Bluewolf
Geeeee (NOT FOR VIDEOS)
Henry Curtis
Jan Bojarp
Jason Runcie
jaxjanjy
jedidragonwarriorqueen
Jim Lathrop
Jo Ro
John Fry
Kevin Levites
King Skippus
Laker Sparks
Lizzy Gayle
Lulidine
Matthew Green
Mattus McChicken Nuggetus
Mordlex 200
Mr Smeeth
NotMyselfThisTime
ohsosmooth
Paul McGinty
paul mueller
PaulM
Peter Kyrouac
PJ Lesbirel
Quique León
Ralti
razbitom
Richard Jackson
RileyTheTortoise
Rosyna Keller
RPGMP3
Sarah Chavis
Sean
Siliconself
Simping on Emma Thorne
SIRIUSLY
SquidSuperHunk
Tank Lowe
Tax Man
The Shropshire Lad
ThmsR
Thomas V Lohmeier
Valyrie
VinceWasSu
WeirdyBeardy
Will Crouch
Willow the Wendigo
Wrongtown - บันเทิง
Use my code EMMATHORNE to get $5 off your delicious, high protein Magic Spoon cereal by clicking this link: sponsr.is/magicspoon_emmathorne_0624
URAQT
Remember kids! The moral of the story is that if your parents are being angry or abusive, it's your fault for not being a good enough Christian! If you just learn to smile with the proper God-given grace, it'll fix all your parents' problems and they'll love you again!
smile, but don't say anything, the age old "Children are meant to be seen and not heard"
Fuck, I'm afraid that you nailed the moral of the story, my guy.
Thank you for that quick summary ❤
@@ilovefunnyamv2nd Children and woman. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
It sucks seeing the brainwash Christian propaganda at my sister's house, teaching the weirdest stories to my nephew and nieces.
Wait wait wait....they basically gave the mother lion a mane to indicate she's....female?
It's like the movie Barnyard all over again 😋
Well, maybe it's a progressive family 😂
To be fair there are some maned lionesses.
Transgender lion
we stan a trans queen
Joshua is like 8 years old and got transported into the body of arguably the most genocidal monster in the bible. And that's saying something
Kids are awful
Hate to nit pick, but 2nd at best. God beats out everyone else by quite a ways...
@@jessdonovan9772 he drowned every single kitten in the world because he was angry at people.
that's like kicking the neighbor's dog in order to get him to mow his lawn.
God is the most genocidal monster in any myth, not just the bible.
If you don't understand how your son having a dream about exodus is basically the solution to any relationship issue, there is no hope for you.
In the words of the great leader Monkey Moses:
“No…. *nooooooooooo!*”
@@gordonbrinkmann definitely no
I was gonna like this comment but it's got the magical number of likes already
So many people try to capture campiness without understanding: "Camp" comes from honesty.
The creator of "Joshua and the Promised Land" made his film with the most honest intentions, and THIS is what we ended up with. THIS is camp.
Cant believe they showed the dad masticating
Not just masticating, masticating furiously!!
@@socalodeas with off-putting sound-effects!
Now I get why mom lion is mad at him.
@@socalodeas If he keeps that up, God will castigate him!
Why worry if the animation is creepy when the underlying story is creepy as well. When you are embedding latent trauma into your children as a matter or course, then why worry if you anything you do just layers on some more.
Moral: be a good child and your parents will get along. If they divorce it’s your fault for not being Christian enough.
It’s a common theme in Christian movies, only it usually an abused wife and or child being beaten because they didn’t love Gawd enough.
"God they are SO nude," yeah that's going to stick with me for a bit.
Important fact-A group of walruses can be called a Huddle, Pod, or Herd.
Sweaty Emma has returned - I repeat: sweaty Emma has returned. This is not a drill.
Summer weather sucks amirite
Humans have many sweat cells, which is a great advantage above other savannah animals, who drop dead from exhaustion and overheating after running a few miles. Humans can run for hours and fatigue out their prey.
@@megadev3727 it's especially bad here, glad it's winter rn
@@PaulaBean Praise be us sweaty bipedal primates!
I'm here for the sweat. Don't judge me.
It amazes me how seriously the idiea that the purpose of hardship is to train you to endure hardship is taken in philosophy/religion.
It's like saying the purpose of wearing a hat is to get you used to wearing hats. Ok, but what are hats for?
it isnt hard to believe that your enemies sacrifiy children to their gods, when the founder of your religion almost sacrified his own son
@10:45 I know that sound effect. It is from the Pinball game that was on Windows95 "Microsoft 3D Pinball: Space Cadet" it is the start up sound, a little distorted and cut short. I know it SO WELL from so many years of playing.
That was exactly what I thought it was too. I spent way too much time playing that game ☺️
I knew I wasn't the only one who recognized this! lol old times...
And Windows XP.
Yes! That's what it was. It was jarring.
This just unlocked a memory for me.
Speaking as a Joshua, I can attest to having had the exact same experience as fictional CG Lion Joshua. It’s a rite of passage for each member of the Joshua community. It’s wonderful to be interchangeable with other Joshua’s.
“Josh seems like the kind of kid that would lick anything”. - yeah. Also 100% the case.
(Thank you for making this, it was fun).
As a fellow Josh I came to make this same comment
@@deathforefox Highlander tried to teach us there can be only one. Fools.
We are legion.
Do all the other Joshes fight each other? Like the Josh fight meme?
@@yeeyeeyeeye That IS the narrative we have established for public consumption. I have no further comment on the matter.
Joshua is the same name, originally, as Jesus
(A.K.A. Yeshua ) so you're presumably 100% interchangeable with that dude as well. Quite a thought. Hope you don't wind up having all his experiences too.
An unusual fact about bees is that they can actually get drunk! Sometimes bees consume fermented fruit and thus ingest alcohol. This can lead to them becoming intoxicated and, similar to humans, stumbling around uncoordinatedly. Drunk bees are not allowed back into the hive until they have sobered up, as the guard bees ensure that only sober bees are allowed to fly in.
My life is better having learned this.
This is also why bees are more aggressive at the end of the summer. That's when all the fruit falls off the trees and starts to ferment, and so they get a lil drunk and rowdy.
Saberspark made this movie an instant cult classic for me. I hope you love it as much as I do
Same here XD
yup! also the reimagined animation in amazing!
Absolutely same, this is my favorite bad movie now lmao
No! Noooooo!
Was gonna say, I'm not sure if Saber and Emma run in any of the same circles, but I'm curious if he's seen this vid yet!
Every one knows pyramids were really made by aliens _(cough)_
Watch Spirit Science history of the world sometime.
Spoilers- Jews were not only from outer space but also from the future. So it could be ALIEN JEWS who built the pyramids.
To store grain.
Jewish aliens?
For anyone curious, the "Powering up sound effect" at 10:44 is from a game called "Full Tilt! Pinball". The "space cadet" table that this sound is used on was bundled with windows XP at one point as a sort of 'free trial' kinda thing.
The myth that Jewish slaves built the pyramids and Ramses II was pharaoh during Exodus came from Cecil B. DeMille’s Ten Commandments (both 1923 and 1956 editions of the movie)
A bizarre choice by the screenwriter, given that Ramesses' tomb was famously discovered in the Valley of the Kings in 1881.
Just in case anyone is not aware of the fact, there is a noticeable lack of pyramids in that valley.
@@RichWoods23 I think that’s why he chose Ramesses II, as his mummified body was discovered the same year DeMille was born, so the news would have been all the rage when he was a kid. It’s much like how animators will put the favorite dinosaurs they had as kids into tv shows and movies today.
@@Rosyna When I was a child my favourite dinosaur was the dimetrodon, until I learned that it wasn't a dinosaur. Very disappointing. But I've been much happier since with my second choice of ankylosaurs.
God is like a mean girlfriend who makes you wait for her even though she's ready
God wants to go out for dinner, but says she doesn't care where you go and wants YOU to pick, but it's secretly a test and and you BETTER not pick the wrong restaurant!!
I can't remember exactly who it was, it might of been Emma, but the commandments almost sound like rules set by a controlling toxic boyfriend
Y'all got no chill 😂😂😂😂😂 true tho
Honestly God is like a violent boyfriend
@CodeNameX001
What?...no Red Lobster 🦞 Golden Corral or Cheesecake Factory?...
That's it!!..gtfo my car, we're DONE!!
(Tires squealing as I hit the gas and leave! 😂)
I haven't said it at all since I started watching Emma Thorne content, but I love how endearing the outro is
I freaking love the "this is a sponsored video" part at the beginning too❤
Pigs narrating a jewish story is an interesting take. Appreciate you inside production angles.
I don't see a pig. I am not sure what I do see.
@@pattheplanter Same
30:37 Note that at the time of the supposed Exodus Egypt controlled Canaan, so they fled Egypt to a different part of Egypt.
I thought MetaPig was a bat, and I don't know why, it has no wings... I honestly think it was the bow tie.
I thought it is a pink panther. Not the Pink Panther, obviously.
Does this remind anyone of that episode of TNG, The Inner Light, where Picard is scanned by a probe in space and he hallucinates an entire lifetime while his crew are like “Ahhh!”, and then he wakes up with a lifetime of memories- AND the skill to play that badass flute that the probe had inside it?
It does now.
Why no ducks? I don't know why no ducks. All those animals, no ducks.
That advert text, "Magic Spoon is high-protein, keto-friendly, gluten-free. It's grain-free, soy-free, wheat-free, ... "
*Why, it could be **_Greased Lightning!_* Go, Greased Lightning, cruising through the heat lap trial! (Greased Lightning! Go, Greased Lightning!) Go, Greased Lightning, burning up the quarter mile! (Greased Lightning! Go, Greased Lightning!) The flavour's real! The chicks'll squeal, for Greased Lightning!
The mother lion does have breasts. They're at least small, but no less disturbing. I'm also disturbed by the lack of tails.
Oooooh, this is a fun one. From hilariously bad CGI to very questionable story elements and interpretations of Bible characters, this ... "movie" has it all.
NO WAY the sound effect at 10:40 is the startup sound of the Space Cadet pinball game in Windows XP
how they managed to wander around for 40 years traveling about 650 kilometers. That's like 9 miles per year.
Without leaving archeological traces behind, as well. Crazy.
I think I may have seen this film when it was still in production. If I'm right, the battle scene was originally created as a student project for a grade. It was something he tinkered with on a regular basis as different software was coming out. One thing he couldn't get was a system to run the newest stuff on. He was already doing manual graphic design, but he knew those systems for cgi and digital graphic design. He had been combing through liquidation sales looking for higher end rigs on the cheap, and had a server farm for his cg. There was a church looking for something to invest in, and they decided to pull a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" "scam" for funding to start their business. There was legal action, but the church eventually got its product (IIRC the /legal action/ took 4 short years) and actually had to front MORE money to finish it. He was NOT found in default of the contract, and when they requested the seizure of assets (including his rigs) he legally still had a month, and an expected monthly support payment for the project. During discovery it was found that the church had some money problems and the litigation was initiated as a way to avoid that last bit of the contract. Some of the names are aliases, for obvious reasons. Chris was a late addition, a sort of post insertion to thumb his nose at the whole debacle. There's a reason that "chris" is a magical faerie angel. This all went down in the 90s, but even after he handed the movie over to the church, they were in receivership for a few years and couldn't publish it or lease it, etc. The church had essentially dissolved.
It is really hard to track down legally. I think I was the one who suggested the textures on the Jericho walls because the ones he originally had looked like literal mounds of feces. They ended up being used for some of the mounds in the background. It started as "Mr. Lion v The Church" then it was his LLC as he signed the contract over, then an alphabet soup of federal agencies started poking into the church's finances because they were funneling money to white nationalist groups that were running guns. Whew, it was a really thick soup. I was actually interviewed for the legal stuff. Now that I think about it was probably a deposition, statement of uncontested fact, whatever they are.. Amazing what you forget from 30 years ago. My side hustle was legal research, I couldn't remember why I stopped until now. All the people who were researching stuff were looking for cases I was attached to, so i had to bow out so many times I lost my contacts.
This is giving heavily modded Sims 2 fan video vibes. I used to love watching those as a high school kid. Or was I in college...?
::typing::
2004!? Oh my god I was in college. Wait...that was 20 years ago!? I'm...I need to go lay down and sleep through this existential crisis I'm suddenly in...
When Chris tells kid Joshua to enjoy himself that has some pretty interesting implications. After all, Joshua would have been responsible for many, Many deaths. And as a leader in Israel he likely would have been a polygamist like Moses was.
So that makes it even funnier when Chris has a talk with Joshua about adultery considering that Joshua would have likely already had multiple wives and concubines at this point.
Gold is chemically inert. So, on the one hand it has absolutely no nutritional value, but on the other hand it's perfectly edible.
Can't you get heavy metal poisoning from gold?
But this was *evil* gold.😎
@@jankodes197 No, it's chemically inert, which means none of your metabolic processes has any effect on it. Your body doesn't uptake anything from it, and you literally pass it as shiny poop. Hence the popularity of adding gold leaf to regular food to be able to charge 1000x more for it, despite the fact that gold leaf is so thin you're only eating a few cents worth of it. Heavy metal poisoning comes from metals like lead or mercury.
@@desperadox7565 I can't argue that.
@@jankodes197 Not sure why my original response to your comment wasn't permanent. But no, you cannot get heavy metal poisoning from gold. It's chemically inert, which means your body's metabolic processes won't do anything to it, you'll simply pass it. Unless you eat large quantities of it, then you could run into bowel obstruction issues, as it _is_ incredibly dense, so try not to eat too many thousands of dollars worth of it. Heavy metal poisoning comes from metals like lead or mercury.
Bees are totally awesome. I used to have a giant German Shepherd, and one of the funniest things I've ever seen is him running down the garden, tail between his legs, pursued by a single bee. Poor old sod, he was scared of everything!
Khajit wishes you well.
Bees made hive in doors of my shed. Does that count as a comment about bees?
Exposition Meta Pig isn’t useless, it’s a criminally underrated Mogwai b-side probably
10:43 that "powering up" sound is ripped from that _"Space Cadet"_ pinball game that used to come on Windows
That's what it is!! I knew that sounded familiar!
The CGI reminds me of the Dire Straits video "Money for Nothing"
Just 20 years later, so they are no longer cutting edge, but so far behind the cutting edge, they are not even using recycled PC level graphics ...
Would that music video be better or worse with naked looking lions?
(Huh. That's not a question I've asked before.)
We gotta move these CGI lions
We gotta move these colour horsiiiiiiieeees!
Is this the best?
No... NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I've watched this several times now on several "bad movie" streams and every time I think about how Joshua is now like a 50-year old man trapped in a child body after living a horrifying life experiencing war and the hardships of living in ancient times. Weirdly horrifying when you think about the implications of the plot.
It always makes me think of Narnia. They live all that time as adults and then they have to go back to being children with all the experiences of adulthood which they can't act on. No wonder Edmund was always pissed off.
Need a gif of you ominously rising into camera view
That Space Cadet Pinball powering up sound is so nostalgic
"bees are aliens?!"
"Well, not all bees."
Personally I'm waiting for the Gnostic remake where Joshua learns about the horrors of the demiurge while a jaunty tune plays in the background.
It truly is amazing how it just so happened that all the people the isaelits hated, or who had land they wanted, just so happened to be irredeambly evil. To the point of deserving genocide. Truly amazing how that worked out.
Totally nailed it…awfully convenient…🧐
The gold wouldn't be what kills them. The arsenic that was alloyed with the gold would be what killed them. Or made them very very ill.
Any Emma video is worth a watch and a like. Sweaty Emma is certainly no different. Keep up the good work. ✌️❤️
What it lacks in animation, writing, voice acting and plot it makes up for in passion. It's got heart.
I like that Emma is able to acknowledge the strengths of this film
Sweaty Emma = Swemma?
Swemma = Swummy
15:40 "Enjoy yourself" is such a strange thing to say in this situation....
Forgot to mention if you look up Baal he's in the shape of a bull. This is why the animater drew the people of Jericho as bulls.
10:44 Isn’t that the startup noise for that pinball game every Microsoft computer had?
Well now you gotta watch “The Return of Joshua”
@10:50
That "powering up" sound effect was stolen from a game called 3D Pinball that came pre-installed on pretty much every computer released between 2000 and 2015.
Watching this, it looks to me like this film was likely made using Animation: Master, which uses "spline" modeling, rather than polygon-based modeling like Maya, Blender, and most other CGI software. I myself dabbled a bit in Animation: Master several eons ago, as well as seen other full-length films made with it, and this has that same "look".
Update Near the End: I agree with Emma that this was obviously a labor of love, which is its saving grace. And considering that it WAS done by a single person, it is fairly good. And I do think the weirdness of the style of the characters and other assets is a function of this having been done in (probably) Animation: Master, whose "spline"-based approach is easy for hobbyists, but is ultimately limited, compared to a more conventional and powerful 3D CGI application like Blender.
I remember when South Park first came out in 1996 and was animated with construction paper and very low quality but this is so much worse. The biggest difference is that South Park is hella cool and I am not quite sure what this dumpster fire is.
I really think the "moral lesson" was something along the lines of: "your problems aren't so bad, look at how tough Exodus was!"
There are two male parents, right? I mean, both lions have manes which only males do, so ...
Honestly I was disappointed last time because there was no cork board. Today... Finally I gaze upon it. My life is now complete.
Mickey is a mouse. Donald is a duck. Pluto is a dog. Goofy is a human-like dog? What gives?
The water sound effect is more similar to someone taking a leak after drinking a 12 pack of cheap beer.
We need to start some kind of Sweaty Pigs League. During the worst of the heat wave, I was leaving puddles of sweat wherever I sat.
That powering up sound effect made a lot more sense in space cadet pinball.
I appreciate the extra intensity that Sweaty-Emma puts into a show. (Respectfully)
You said this film was weird and you weren't Lion.
excellent plot suggestion: make it the kid's character arc--you did fix it
Hmm yes fantastic video. Unfortunately I have dispatched an unspecified crustacean to your location
Child experiences the horrors of genocide, parents magically become more attentive to him?
The difference of critiques between someone that actually works in film and everyone else!
It's always really wholseome when a TH-camr who covers a lot of absolute trash covers something with heart and appreciates it.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB.
If the USA is so great, why did they make a USB?
@@mjjoe76 😆
@@mjjoe76 There's always a plan B, just in case.
Didnt Prince of Egypt do the same thing where they show the pyramids being built by the Hebrews?
That movie never showed the pyramids being built by the slaves, if I recall correctly. They did show some large statues being built
Not exactly, but they do imply it was. There's a line in 'There Can Be Miracles' where the singer says, "We were building mountains long before we knew we could," and the camera pans to the pyramids..which are complete at that time, but the implication is that the Hebrew slaves built them.
And I suppose in hindsight, the title sequence with them chanting as they build something could be interpreted as that...though the timeframe would be weird in that case, since that happened immediately before Moses was born.
@@maxsalmon4980 I just looked it up to be sure - that line is "we were *moving* mountains", not building. And the camera pans over three giant statues in the background, one of which is broken, and what looks like some rocky terrain with a few tools lying in the foreground.
The visuals in the opening never show exactly what they're building (except for when they raise up a giant statue), but there are a few wide shots of the work site, and it doesn't look at all like they're building pyramids. Mostly you can see giant statues and large rectangular buildings. There are also several shots of rows of giant stone pillars with the slaves walking between them, some of which have scaffolding.
@@origamiswami6272 Oof, that'll teach me to rely on my crusty old neurons instead of just loading up the movie. Thank you for the corrections.
Man, aren’t bees just cool as hell? 🐝
Sweaty Emma has a golden opportunity to make a horrible CGI movie, all she needs to do is track down Jim Lion and convince him to do a Lion-Thorne co-production of "Androcles and the Lion." Lion-Thorne HAVE to make the crappy CGI version of a story about a Lion that has a thorn!!!
Maybe we drop Androcles entirely and just have the Lion with an anthropomorphic thorn. You know you want to do it, Sweaty Emma!
This is what happens when you make psychedelic art without taking drugs. End prohibition!
Neil Breen calls it visionary and groundbreaking
I found a dragonfly in the pond yesterday. 🖖🌈💚
Team Rocket blasting off...
My immediate thought when you said "Fountain Distribution" was that it was a probability distribution (I'm learning statistics and programming right now, okay? I promise I'm not usually that much of a dork)
It's very hot in my corner of the US as I'm watching this and making dinner. So I'm sweating right along with you
Regardless, making a one man/small number of people movie is pretty remarkable.
Another movie that was made by 2 people with weird cg is "Dracula's Angel", if you are interested in other low budget cg movies. It's free on TH-cam
I think the thing about grouping them in races is because he used copy paste in situations where there is many characters, its more work to mix them up
@10:45 "It's already.... Three ducks past bubble, so we better crack on."
I noticed the big watch but when you showed how goofy it looks and said this, I laughed for a solid minute 😂😂😂
I think this film is just an SCP entity itself
Holy butt Emmar, I put this video on and my pride Baphy plush was delivered at the same time!!!
What wonderful serendipity!
I wonder if all that long smiling bit was supposed to have Josh giving some sort of summing up in a voice over that somehow got LEFT OUT!
Side note: My pair of Pride Baphys have shipped and will be arriving in a couple of days. 🎉 Waiting with bated breath...
SaberSpark has been haunted by this movie for years. It continues to just follow him
It's hilarious but like he has flashbacks of it
Of course there were pandas in Egypt! They had to be there to get on the ark & then they walked all the way from Mt Ararat to China! Don't you know NOTHING!
The sound effect of them taking off is the startup sound for the pinball game that Windows had on its system back in Windows 98. No idea if it’s a free asset or not but it makes me laugh seeing two terrifying shaped animals taking off into the sky to it
18:21 lil joshua hits the griddy
It's summer in the UK .... this fortnight only ... !
Only 2 weeks of Summer? No wonder the UK doesn't go in for air conditioning.