Why Should I Have To Take Care Of Family Because Of Their Mistakes?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.พ. 2023
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His trembling voice is just heartbreaking
Even from the care facility, unable to remember his own name, this guy's father is still causing emotional abuse to his son.
Kyle should do what he’s supposed to be doing for his education and career, visit his dad, and help his mom. He does not have to shoulder all the duties.
These guys are great. Proactive, realistic, pragmatic, honest, deal with reality. Emotional available. Solid men. We all need fathers like this.
I went through something very similar to this. My Dad was very abusive, his passing gave me a sense of increased freedom. It a horrible thing to say but sometimes having no emotional connection does make it easier to move on. It okay not to feel guilty. If some treated you in a way that deeply disturbing, how can you love them?
If your kind mother has the heart to continue on, let her. She has the maturity and also the love for her children to handle this for you. I’d do it for my child.
Ive watched people waste their ENTIRE lives looking after their parents. Missing out on a spouse, children & career because their identity becomes "Ive got to take care of my parents". Its worse than DEATH.
We are so quick to judge and criticize other people for taking care of their parents. At the end of the day, it's that person's decision and doesn't affect you in any way. I have huge respect to those people actually.
Having debt is worse than death.
@@TheKamoteus The issue is most of the time these people do it because they feel guilty and think they have to or they are bad people. If they choose it without feeling guilt or shame of their own volition, then more power to them. We all should choose the path we take in life, and do what we are convicted is our purpose here on this earth. Unfortunately narcissistic and dysfunctional families often use their kids like pawns or objects they own rather than people with their own identity and lives to live.
Good advice Dave.
19 is way too young to try and manage the care of anyone.
Only 48, that’s so very sad… I feel terrible for this young adult child. It hurts to hear this. I’m glad his mother is helping even if ‘wrong’.
Neither young or a child but yes I feel sorry for him
@@GunGluttonThey are saying the 19 is the young adult child. Child to the Dad.
Walk away from decision making but still go visit him. He’s 19 and needs to be a teenager
It would be my opinion that a good way forward Kyle, would be to figure out what you need to do in order to be able to look yourself in the eye with pride and acceptance throughout your life, knowing you did the best you could do. We face many many situations with similar parameters in life. Sending you prayers of loving support whatever your decision.
Brother move on with your life. Don’t allow someone else selfish mistakes ruin yours. One day you want children, start a career, wife. Your dad didn’t think of that for your life. It’s selfish I can’t stand a selfish person. My own family make choices like this and I’m not helping.
Good for you! Do not allow toxic people to take you down with them EVER!
Parents of course owe their children because they chose to have the child, and the child did not ask to be born to their parents. Children conversely don't owe their parents esp toxic parents. The parents had a chance and made their choices as consenting adults. When the child grows up it is now their turn to have an opportunity to live their life, and the parents should not impede this for their children.
It sucks when you're a product of irresponsible parents because you end up having to clean up their mess. That's why I'm against irresponsible adults creating children. Majority of the time, irresponsible adults turn into irresponsible parents.
America is land of the free. 😀
Those are the ones making babies mostly unfortunately.
The very process of creating a new life is fraught with risk and unavoidably irresponsible...
If only those people who were fully capable of comprehending the risk/consequences were allowed to procreate, the human race would end.
@@cutehumor For better or worse lol
He could have been a good Dad and then got himself into an addiction. We don’t know the details here. But the fact that these adult children are taking care of their Dad, suggests that they were raised right. Really not enough information to go on though.
This is a sad call, my heart goes out to him. He cannot own this, his father made irresponsible choices, he needs to move on with his life.
Kyle do what feels good and right in your soul. Life isn’t fair.
This 19 year old caller is dealing with grief of never having a responsible father figure
He needs to join a support group, or get counselling.
Poor guy. What a terrible burden at 19.
ACOA is a support group that is worldwide. So very helpful.
Take care of YOU first
Poor kid, I feel for him. It's awful when kids feel like they have to be the grownup.
we share a name and a situation. my dad's situation hasn't fully materialized but it's coming. it's a difficult thing to square.
So... I, too, watched my parents smoke/drink/financially ruin their lives away. It's a rough row to hoe...but you cannot take any responsibility for it. Just roll on, buddy, and make sure your family never has to experience the same thing as you did. Love those kids. That's how we stop the cycle.
Get with a good therapist or counselor to work through the resentment, and grief.
You are responsible for your own happiness and success in life
Beautiful advice. I too have a parent that I can't allow much band width. He's very lucky to get this advice at 19.
With either outcome, this young man will need to live with the decision he makes. I'm amazed that "Dr. J" didn't even think of addressing this x
My heart breaks for this young man.
I’m that person who has to clean up my famiies messes too. Its so hard.
Great to have JD part of this one.
Man every time I listen to Dave Ramsey I am impressed. He is a true man- one who will do & say what’s right, even if it seems “harsh.”
Excellent advice Dave! It is not proper to force someone into a tough and risky role (risky to thr caregiver's mental health). Many people are not suited for such a job and it is unfair to the caregiver and the person receiving care.
God bless both you guys!
I have seen where assisted living has called family and told them their loved one no longer qualifies for their services and families have to take in this family member. This would be so sad to see this young man forced into this. I hope he keeps on his path and lives his best life.
@@chrisr6157you just have to not accept him, against the law to make you take him back. I know from experience
If there are no resources… what work is there left for the conservator even to do? It’s just a matter of communicating occasionally with the state and being prepared to plan a funeral, which is sadly something we all deal with some day.
A conservator makes financial & medical decisions on behalf of the incapacitated individual. They are literally that person's advocate. Their voice.
Honestly every family has someone who makes a wreck of their life and others within the family has to clean it up.
My prayer is with this caller. First I think the family needs to forgive the father for putting them in this position. The father is already paying for his mistakes with his health.
So like scripture says “ bare with one another”. If the situation with the father’s health is as bad as the caller is describing then the responsibility would only be for a short time. God will never give you more than you can bare.🙏
But I think forgiveness needs to happen first.
Did the apostles, who wrote the bible, know punctuation and grammar?
"Honestly, every family has that one person who makes a wreck of the family's life. Others in the family then have to go and clean it up."
"First, I think the family needs to forgive the father for putting all of them in their positions."
'So like the scripture states, "bare [pretty sure it is bear] with one another." If the situation with the father's health is bad as the caller is describing, then the responsibility would only be for a short time.'
I agree with you.
Sadly, his dad can't be changed and dad's life will probably end shortly, there is no more that can be done to change the situation, all this caller can do now is do the best he can to take care of himself and his siblings and focus on bettering his own life for a brighter future.
If it's not possible to take care of dad, then let the States have him. At 19 years old, it's very difficult to take care of another adult (full time) when one can barely take care of one's self.
No... you don't have to clean up after your parents' or siblings' or kids' self destruction.
And divorce is so you don't have to stay tied to an anchor that is dragging you down despite your best efforts.
So you don't have to continuously clean up after a spouse either.
They created their messes. You don't have to pay for the cleanup financially, physically or emotionally.
Can the conservatureship do anything differently for his father than the state could do? The family is already handling it. If he we're to take this on, he couldn't change his father's future.
The conversations is not all about money,its getting deeper than money.
Life sucks sometimes.
If the state of IN takes over, he will go into Medicaid paid nursing home. Not great but basic needs will be met. The key thing is for your family is to visit him at the nursing home least once a week to make sure he is being cared for reasonably. I've seen this situation occur at least 3x already in my life.
With no funds, he will have Medicaid Long-Term Care regardless of whether family is the conservator or the court appoints the public guardian as conservator. Most nursing homes accept Medicaid.
A burial trust is an asset that can't be drained in the face of needing Medicaid. That will cover burial expenses which can be considerable. I'm not sure if one can be put in place by a conservator, or if the actual person has to sign off on the paperwork.
Sad but not your problem. This will impact your ability to get married and have your own family.
Dave is right. Kyle does not have the responsibility to take care of this. The situation will rock on with or without Kyle. Also, Kyle may not be the responsible one. He may not ever stand up for himself, so the other family members may be guilt tripped by referring to Kyle as the responsible one.
Wish someone said this to me 15 yrs ago
What choice did you make?
@@skibik3r instead on compartmentalising and providing reasonable amount of support from a distance I put my own life on the backend and focused on being a 16 yr old "parent" to my own 40 something parent
simple! your over 18 don't deal with other people's problems. Get conservatorship make decisions when needed and live your life. Every person has their own destiny and must deal with their consequences
Poor kid
What a terrible position to be in at 19. Just horrible.
There is family and then there are relatives. You owe nothing to relatives.
How are they affording Assisted Living?
Medicaid
You’re paying
His resources pay until he's broke, then Medicaid takes over.
Halfway through & I still don't see what is the focus of this young man's problems with his dad, with a conservatorship mixed in?? Needs to be able to give a precise summary of who are the family members, what is his own situation & what is the key question??
Lord Jesus we pray for this young boy and his dad. God have mercy and help this family. In Jesus' name, amen.
There comes a point where a person needs to just cut ties from those who self destructed.
Usually it's earlier than where this caller is.
"Because family" is really a bad reason to be obligated for anything.
Dave hope your weekend went well 😊
🤣
Everyday is good when your loaded!
@@RandomVids519 Ask robin Williams that!!!!!!
@@Retiredmco I did but he was speechless
Do you honestly think he reads all these responses??
How are they paying for the assisted living, its got to be a lot of cash.
I am sure the Taxpayers are footing the bill !!
Sadly he needs to keep an arms length till his dad passes.
I sympathize with this guy and I’m 30. Lol
if you don't want the state to take over, then one of you is gonna have to step up and take responsibility for your father. Those are the only two choices.
He needs to let the State take over!
✝️🙏
Dr cloud channel youtube boundaries
Make sure not to repeat dads drinking/smoking mistakes.
People need to get off the Dad's case. Addiction is a disease. Poor guy. Having an addiction does not make someone a bad person or selfish.
If my loved ones were in need and I was in a desert with broken legs, even then I would crawl to get to them.
@@Austenfan177, did it. done it, and would do it again because family, not friends nor relatives (family and relatives are NOT the same things) have been there for me. If people make decisions that gives them peace, there is no guilt. Family.
Why the kids from nowadays talk like they are dying?
"Dad" died, when he decided to keep drinking until he "killed" himself. Even if there is a corpse that bears his name and DNA, he's gone, and Kyle needs to wash his hands of this ex-human.
Maybe it’s just me, but if my dad was debilitated after the accident that cost him his life vs not having him at all. I’d take having my dad any day. Even if he could never walk again or if he wasn’t the same mentally I at least wouldn’t be in the pain I’m still in now years later
@@ninjagirl226 We definitely make choices, as to whether we accept guilt (and its pain) or forgive ourselves of any real or imagined offense. Lingering in pain is no way in honor someone who has died.
a 19 yr old does not need to be his fathers parent
This dude desperately needs to get rid of his defensive scratch voice.
It’s not your problem the state can take over for all I care hope he is saved
You don’t take care of them. Simple
well if he pays taxes he will, technically we all will
I'll talk to a lawyer. Dave is not an expert in this.
Better check with spell check first.
@@1jw298 Spell checker sometimes gets things wrong.
@@jimmymcgill6778 Sometimes, but less often than you.
@@amireallythatgrumpy6508 BINGO
Bye bye Felecia
Join the military and let it go
Don't do it. Leave. You have no responsibility to fix something his father caused. I do think alcoholism is a disease. But this isn't about forgiveness. This is about being tied to a weight that isn't yours to carry. A lot of alcoholics die terrible deaths and that is sad. But I would walk away. Go to alanon or coda and get help for yourself or you will end up being everyone's savior and no one will save you. You will teach weak people to feed off of you and you will think you are strong enough to do it and then you will get sick yourself and find out no one is there for you.
take out a life incurrence policy pay the high premium then cash out when he goes in the mean time do what he needs at least you will get paid for it in the end to get your own life started...
Ohhhh funny seeing you here lol I love Dave
Bad advice, most insurance has prohibitions on those disabled, getting long term care, or having a fatal illness
What insurance company on GOD'S GREEN EARTH would issue such a policy? Like issuing a policy to a "jumper" standing on a high balcony.
If he has that kind of money, he needs to save it for himself.
Good luck getting a policy. Insurers aren’t stupid.
of course John doesnt understand Kyle cuz he's always talking about his bloody wife and how perfectly pink his life is.
real question is Kyle do you have the means, energy and resources to help your dad? just psychologically we can tell you dont. so your dad's life is his responsibility. same process if your dad got sick, or is getting sued, or has a huge court case going on. doesnt matter how tragic his life is.
your job is to take care of yourself and help as much as you can, leave the rest to God almighty
Dave makes others hateful of their own family. Families help each other out.
And one of the ways they help each other out is by not burdening each other unnecessarily.
What a family smfh