If your single, there are ALOT of areas, questions that are never asked, never exchanged before marriage. Like, finances, how your idea of discipline of children if any, what are your goals and what is boundries. Another is Religion. Past relationshits.
@who346 Those are all of the questions my late husband and I talked about BEFORE we even got engaged. My bf and I talked about all those too. Wtf are you talking about while dating if NONE of those come up until after marriage. That's absurd.
Resentment builds when you’re having to pay for somebody else’s things and they’re continuing to spend on things you consider unnecessary or frivolous.
I paid off the crimes the ex-husband did and never saw a dime back or even a grateful word. Not a single “thank you” and not a single bit of effort of him choosing to do better. He also demanded our finances be separate because he accused me of being a controlling B. I gave him what he wanted and a couple years after that I left him; during the divorce he begged me to come back because “how am I supposed to pay the rent now”? I wasn’t a person to him, but an ATM to bankroll his druggie lifestyle. Don’t pay off the debts your spouse gets into behind your back unless you’re willing to make that risk. They already lied once when using money that wasn’t theirs responsibly, should you risk paying for that crime just because you’re married or you “love” them? Glad I left and he’s no longer my effed up problem.
Something many people don’t understand is that being financially generous in the name of “better or worse” behsvior, can backfire and breed resentment on both sides. It’s especially shocking when the resentment is coming from the party causing the problem! My ex was happy for me to bail him out from his bad decisions and also never said thank you. Completely entitled coming from a wealthy family, he was used to having what he wanted and never took responsibility for bad decisions, prefering victim mentality instead. When I finally made the decision to cut him loose and filed for divorce, guess who was shocked? Yup, he thought I would always be there to lean on and take advantage of. But he was wrong. You have to get to the point where you’re mad to see the light! When you get to the anger stage, empathy disappears like magic. Then you can move forward.
@@mfrance3834so true, so painful, and worth learning from. That type of scenario was played in my “marriage “ were I was a bread winner and my ex husband was a victim of alcoholism. I was working day and night, same response from him “I didn’t make you to do that”. He had grandiosity problem, never held accountable for anything. He was a pathetic excuse for a man. I was planning to leave him but he got in a serious trouble with law and decided to abandon me. I couldn’t be more happier! No woman deserves to be used and abused by so called “husband”. The only right thing to do is LEAVING.
Never use your money to pay someone else's debt. They will never learn and keep spending hoping you keep paying it. Don't do it. Nothing wrong with having different accounts.
Very true. A commenter shared a story about paying off his wife's debts: The first time she racked up $35,000 in credit card debt and he paid it off. She swore it would never happen again. The second time she racked up another $35,000 and he paid it off again amidst tearful promises that this was the last time. The third time she racked up $100,000 and he filed for divorce despite her promises that she had now changed. She was addicted to luxury brands (bags, perfumes, clothes and the like) and kept getting credit cards in secret.
If that is your thinking, then you should never get married, because when you’re married, there is no her debt or his debt. It’s all your debt as a couple. All the way up until you sign that marriage license and say I do. You have his debt and her that. After that, it doesn’t exist anymore in the eyes of the court. And if you’re religious, in the eyes of your God as well.
I paid off my husband's debt,, paid off his car loan, etc once, he showed no gratitude, no thank you, just gave me the it's about time look!! So I returned to my Navy training, two checking accounts, two check books. He deals with his and I deal with mine. Money is no longer an issue. It works for me.
This is the consequence of not starting a marriage properly on the same page and combining life goals. You should never get to a point in marriage where he has “his car loan” and you have “my money”.
@@Laurennn.HughesIf she's a Christian, adultery & abandonment (probably physical abuse & threats of bodily arm) are the only legitimate reasons for a just divorce, before God. Not a lack of gratitude. Whether or not your spouse is grateful, does not give you a right to break the vows you made before God.
I understand the theory of helping to pay off a spouses debt, once married and the finances are joined. But in practice it's a whole different ballgame. As a mother, I couldn't advise my daughters to pay off their spouse's debt and vice versa. Who would feel comfortable, sorting out somebody else's financial mess; before you. Also what's the financial lessons learned that means it's only a one-off? Too many people get out of debt, only to go right back into debt afterwards.
The thing is that’s not all marriages, he’s proven himself as an addict in the recent past. Nothing wrong with taking small steps toward building trust again.
If the caller was a husband, the Ramsey team would tell him to pay off his wife's debt. They are married after all, so they are in it together. For better and for worse.
The bitter man's club never disappoints!! Clean your ears out. Hon, not a gender issue. Like John said the ONLY time they recommend caution re finances is when dealing with an ADDICT - male or female. John is saying leave the marriage it is over IF you do not feel safe duh!!! or stay and combine finances becasue marriage is a WE.
My marriage ended because of this problem. I was never able to get us on the same page. We could not be a team, he keep spending and drinking and didn’t want to change. And I couldn’t keep up anymore.
That's what happens unfortunately when only one partner is financially responsible. The spendthrift keeps taking more than his or her fair share of the family funds and the other person has to economize, scrimp and save constantly, to keep the bills paid, the marital roof over their heads and food on the table. It is pure selfishness. Been there, done that. And then I'd be accused of being controlling. You'd have to be, to avoid ending up in the gutter.
The only way these kinds of irresponsible people learn, is to end up in the gutter. They need to face the consequences of their own behaviour and they won't as long as a partner takes on the parent role and keeps bailing them out like a child. These kinds of people often partner hop in my experience. When the one partner gets sick of being bled dry financially, they move on to someone else, who likes to 'help them out'. Until they also catch themselves on.
That’s easy for John & Jade to suggest that. I sympathize more with her. I would give the guy some goals to hit before I would pay his debt especially after what he put her through.
Dave says unless there is addiction or the couple is much older, combine finances. Problem here is this couple's relationship doesn't sound ready yet after what happened.
I have an EX husband that i resented because he had sooooo much debt i had to pay off. So fast forward, my current husband has zero $ issues and saves and we have zero issues. Money problems and the worst issues in a marriage.
After 13 years of sobriety, my marriage is continuing to strengthen, not yet where it was, but slowly working towards that. Being debt free with a paid for house, and money in the bank sure helps. No stress.
Deloney gave one of the most powerful points on marriage that I've heard in a long time when he talked about it being a risk. And that in order for it to work you must put yourself at risk
I paid off my ex-husbands debt after we were married. He has a shopping problem. Me and my kids paid the price for his crime. He would have tantrums and talk about me terrible because he wanted to run up more debt. One day he left and went on a shopping spree while living with his parents. I divorced him. It's been 10 years. He wants to come home and me Pay off his debt again. Don't pay off his debt. Start hiding your money and prepare to divorce him.
@@whereismycrewyo I agree. My ex has called me over the years because a woman who Is his equal wanted to get married. Why would he want to marry broke like himself lol
In my experience, most off and the on again relationships end up failing in the end. Especially if marriage is involved. I'm not feeling this is going to work long term.
I agree. I dated a guy in college who was an alcoholic with a great career ahead of him. I decided not to be with him bc I already knew there was no future with an alcoholic. Years later he's married and still an alcoholic but with money. Long story short, he ended up in car accident, began to drink even MORE combined with pain meds after recovery from the accident. He eventually died from the abuse of drugs and alcohol. Had another friend who married an alcoholic who cleaned up only bc the military threatened to demote him and the lose of his retirement. He cleaned up his life long enough so he could make it to retirement and began to drink again, mentally abused her and the adopted children they got together and finally divorced my friend. People don't realize alcoholism and drug abuse are twin brothers ending in the same results: Destruction and Chaos
I couldn't disagree more, theres too much nuance in every story to ever come to the same conclusion when talking about these issues. My uncle and his wife are the closest example I can think of, she ran away from him after my cousin was born, for about 2 years she didn't want anything to do with him. They've been together again for the last 29 years and raised 3 more kids to adulthood.
Love how you ignore the fact she spoke about how drinking addiction and bad spending habits. The advice to combine and pay will only make sense when both worries are on the same page not when one party is drinking it all.
'Cause he wasn't 'raised that way' and likes to drink and party if he has excess cash. If she was a good wife she'd clean up all his debts for him.. (NOT - he won't stop drinking and spending unless HE starts hurting.)
She sounds a lot like I did when my husband was first recovering from his addictions and everything fell on me to bail mine out, support our family, spend all I had to keep our family together. The most expensive thing was the emotional cost of soul searching, forgiveness (complete), and vulnerability. A few years later and we're not financially out of the woods yet, but our marriage is stronger than ever. I want to offer that hope. For us it was a blessing in disguise.
Normally they do but they actually sounded fair and reasonable in this call. This is the type of advice that they should be giving regardless of gender.
The problem is, if this were a man calling in their advice eould be different. He'd be called out for living as roommates, they'd be a lecture on how brining the finances together will bring them together, and he'd be told to "man up" and get another job to make it happen.
I wouldn’t pay it bc I didn’t help him spend it. UNTILLLL I SEE that person is TRYING for at least a year then I’ll surprise them to pay it off. U gotta see their intentions as well
If it was me, I’d keep the money I saved to this point in my account- and then going forward WE pay on the debt as long as he is doing his part. Love is love but money is money and you have to protect yourself because no one else will.
Dave actually says that the only time when separate account in a marriage acceptable is when one has an addiction (or abuse going on, but that is a different issue). In that case the person with the addiction has to be taken off of the account until he/she can be trusted again. I feel like this falls under that category. But , in this case, the wife has to give a roadmap back to her and has to set clear and reasonable boundaries, so the husband would know what to do in order to earn that trust again.
My husband of 35 years is an alcoholic - he's sober now, but he was sober for 20 years, then got a back injury, was given opioids, and fell off the wagon in so many ways, not just with alcohol. It has been a long, torturous road. Separate finances are a necessity! Her husband should get into AA or do some other kind of therapy. AA helped my husband a lot, and having someone else share the burden with helped me. However, to love an addict is to live forever in fear. If you're going to stay with your addict spouse, keep that in mind and protect yourself.
i am in shock that a qualified therapist gave such bad advice. she said he quit on his own which means its purely performative so she can clean up his mess. they told her to give up all her money to save him WITHOUT suggesting he get treatment BEFORE she uses up her money. this is so wrong on so many levels. john should have his licence suspended for this trash advice.
I think to be married or together with somebody who has no positive concept of dealing with money is stressful and not good and conbining finances won't help cure the problem. I wouldn't do it.
My heart is feeling you, and I would want to say preserve the money you worked to save and use only future money to help pay down his remaining debt. Decide on an amount you are willing to help pay, work hard with him to make extra to achieve that goal, and reassess the relationship on this journey. May is serve to either bring you together or reveal a true future for you both. You will be better able to see what you're in store for.
Alexandra is not ready to jump back in fully. It takes time, once trust is fractured. I would have her hang onto her money for now and let him clean up more of his debt. Then she can make a decision based on his behavior over another year or two.
Marriage doesn't work that way. She picked him, they have been together for a dozen years, she fully knew his behavior patterns and now has an issue. GTFOH! 🤣😂
@@eq2092 you don't necessarily know a person's addictions before marriage even if perfect and they certainly can develop later. People have to protect themselves or it's enabling the behavior, married or not.
@@jenniferannfox2316 Bullcrap. If you don't know what's up after a dozen years and 7-years of marriage then you are never will. People just don't magically change overnight. She picked him. So either get a divorce or deal with it.
I feel her concern. She was smart to hang on to the money until he gets better. She should continue helping him along on this journey and when she feels that she could trust him in that area again then they should combine finances.
@@therationalistparty9742 "Be married or don't". So the WIFE gets all this debt DUMPED on HER shoulders thanks to hubbie's drinking and irresponsibility? Hubbie can CLEAN IT UP FIRST, THEN they can explore a different way forward.
It’s always a one-way street with women, lol. If she is the broke one, then she wants her husband to pay for everything, and pay off all of her debt. But if she’s the one with more money, then she doesn’t want to help pay a penny
Can’t be all in with an addict. Speaking from experience. Even if they’re recovering, behaviours take longer to heal. And relapses will happen before they are fully sober.
I don't mind having an account and putting funds in as a split process but I wouldn't put all my money in one account with someone that is financially irresponsible.
yeah, you can discuss how much you should get in a fund/account that's just yours and you don't need to talk about what you did with it unless you go over.
@@SpoonHurler Then don't get married because that's a risk and once you're married it's not your money anymore, it's both your money. And if it turns out they're financially irresponsible or become it then you will be responsible for at least half their debts even if you divorce.
me either. Been there and done that. We don't even do that for parents or other family members either so I don't understand why these two are so not understanding of ways to protect yourself with an unsafe spouse. Basically it's the same thing.
@samanthacartwright3407 Yes I agree with you. I disagreed with the OP saying that "Have a separate account and don't tell your spouse about it." Hiding things from your spouse is not ideal in a marriage
Delony is the absolute worst. The way he imposes his feelings about the situation onto the callers. Throwing grenades into marriages one call at a time.
@@jimmymcgill6778 No, and it’s clear to me that you don’t like Delony but what he said in this whole video is 100% true and i believe they would say the same thing matter of fact just watch a couple financial questions on the Delony show he tells men and women to be all in or be all out. Same thing he is saying here you are just choosing not to listen because you don’t like him.
She doesn't have to pay his debts, he is not disabled or dead, he can make a payment plan and that way learn how not waste money again, she can help by contributing more on the house bills and supporting him by saving by cooking at home instead of restaurant .
I agree, I think the lesson in their journey lies with him. Let him feel the pain of paying off his debt and continue to demonstrate to her that he’s on the right track
@@RetirementbyDesign26 The problem I foresee is that the working is keeping him preoccupied from drinking. Once the debt is paid will he get treatment? Because he's working with no time to go to get recovery. Or will he sit back and relax with a couple of bottles of liquor to celebrate his success of getting out of debt. There's a real danger of that happening in this scenario.
Agree that the caller is torn to trust again, and may have one foot out the door. Spouses with addictions or addictive-prone natures can have every intention of doing only good forward, but anyone whom has seen addiction and understands it knows intentions can mean nothing. A person is stupid to pretend it never happened, or slap on a facade of blind faith. So I strongly disagree with the advice here. People help others best when they are themselves stable. If a spouse has a record of for-whatever-reason secretive spending or other character flaw, it behooves the person to proceed with a ‘trust but verify approach’ after the spouse cleans up their act. I.e., the caller should preserve her hard built savings, but share future savings with her husband who’s thankfully now on the right track. It’s not punitive, it’s common (or not-so-common sense). If her husband has a problem with it, he doesn’t understand his own fragility or how recovery really works.
Do you guys even listen to the call? They did tell her she should go all in as long as they on same page where he is not at addict. They said IT IS YALL DEBT! They told her she needs to combine finance. AND THEY TOLD HER JOIN THE FINANCES
Could marry someone not in debt...my wife to be only had some minor car debt and school debt. She paid it off before we got even married. We got a home together and we both paid it off together.
How come I knew they will say don't combine accounts? He's trying to change. It is a marriage. It's both their money. They always say what his is hers. But now they want to say what's hers is hers?
I've ordered John's book about Past/Future. I hope the advice is better than this. I don't believe for one second that either of them would follow the advice they are giving here!
@@naomirachel9161 we can all agree the exact same thing can be said two completely different ways right? Obviously you would agree with that. Now you may not think that's what happened here but I and alot of other comments do. I think they treated her with kid gloves meanwhile exact situation but a man calls they don't treat him the same.
I made the horrific mistake of paying off my husband( now ex husband’s) $10,000 sole pre- marital credit card debt. He wasn’t paying it and we kept getting turned down for home loans because he wasn’t paying on them. It took me five years through a consolidation program. We are now divorced and we had to sell the house, he received half of the equity was given a car that he was supposed to refinance and hold me faultless ( within 60 days of final decree) he stopped making payments, filed for bankruptcy and allowed the car to be repossessed. I, of course am still on the loan and so, all of this mess is still causing lates on my credit along with the repo. Fun times!
Omg this title is GREAT!!! A woman having a problem paying a man’s bills but that shoe is NEVER on the other foot! Sweet Jesus that is the best thing ever. I didn’t even need to see the video to laugh historically.
My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and dated 6 years before marriage. We are both "all in." Our finances have always been separate and we have never had a fight over money. I have to respectfully disagree with Dr. John (for the first time). Hubby needs to pay his own debts and learn not to be careless with his money.
That's what happens when the man is always wrong and he jumps to conclusions...he always goes to the extreme when it come to men and Cottonelle soft on women. OH, he's actually doing right? Let's wrap this call up. smh
I feel like she may leave the call feeling obligated to spend her savings on his debt just because they told her that's how a marriage is. There's a reason she's feeling the way she is. There's a reason her instincts are not trusting him. Maybe it's too much to ask of a person to put it all in someone who had continuously disappointed her. Did you hear her how much she emphasized that he changed? Like she was trying to convince herself. Perhaps look into a post-nup.
Keeping separate accounts is key. He's untrustworthy in more ways than one. He committed financial infidelity and his addiction caused problems in their marriage. 2 fears that won't settle if she surrenders to him, assuming he will fix them. He's not trained and capable of fixing the problem. Its a false hope. Action is best. Separate accounts, marriage counseling, try to become friends again over time with space between, instead of just being legally married. If that doesn't work, it ends because peace will never be restored on her part with him. If she feels safe and more relieved not being around him, they are better off as friends. Hope no kids are involved.
He sounds like he is working towards paying off his debt all on his own, make him finish paying it off so he learns the value of money. Once it's paid off he will have proven he can be responsible and they can open a joint account with trust built up because he earned it.
This is why I don't always agree with the Ramsey system. If they were gambling debts or directly related to his drinking, he should be volunteering to pay them by himself as part of making amends. If they are part of "I am/was not as interested in paying off my reasonable debt as you are", then I might say, match dollar for dollar the extra he puts towards the debts and once it is clear, join money.
@@sharonfleshman6961 You still agree with the general principle of married couples combining finances. You're just deciding what he would have to do to earn your trust back so you can go back to being a married couple. The caller has to figure out her own criteria or if there is anything he can do to earn back her trust. It sounds like she trusts his sobriety ("I'm not worried about him relapsing). I'd infer that at some point he can earn her trust financially.
What do people who get married think the 'worse' is in 'for better or worse'? Its addiction, debt, illness, trauma, arguments, brokenness, loss and more. You navigate through it all together and still choose that person. Infidelity is the deal breaker for me, but I'm all in for everything else.
John doesn’t let anyone but Dave get a word in edgewise, and if they try he cuts them off to “tell” them how he sees it. The man talks and doesn’t listen. Geez - this guy.
Marriage is about building together but you still have to be accountable for your contribution creating wealth. If one partner spends like crazy, the other’s dreams of vacationing or investing in properties is affected by that too. It’ll eventually cause a rift.
John is wrong about anything can happen in a marriage. this woman knows there’s a proven track record of her husband’s bad spending. She has an extremely high chance of him doing something dumb again.
It IS his. That’s so unfair! I don’t agree with this guy. They’re calling this girl a problem because she doesn’t want to lose all of her money over her husband’s bad choices. That’s not a problem. That’s called being smart.
You don’t have to pay his debts in one shot. Just let him keep doing what he’s doing, and make payments with him. Just match dollar for dollar what he’s putting towards the debt. This way he’s still accountable, and earning it. If you just pay it off, he didn’t earn it. Then when paid off you combine everything and build wealth. This way if it goes wrong again you have an emergency fund to get out.
It’s so obviously clear that their advice (or at least the tone of their advice) is heavily dependent on the gender of the caller. Can you please treat both genders the same ffs? A mistake is a mistake, the right thing is the right thing, regardless of the caller’s gender.
I'm sorry to inform her that he will probably relapse. Addiction is hard to beat, especially if he was hiding things from her. Besides his alcohol, it sounds like he is also addicted to spending all of his money.
When you are married, it becomes both of your debts. Regardless of who spends it. Once whoever spent it recognizes it and takes responsibility, you both work towards paying it off. Hence why you should always combine accounts unless a spending addiction is in play
B.REASON Keep your hard earned money separate for while honey... It takes time to rebuild trust and for him to realize that money doesn't grow on trees and neither did yours... Keep loving him for sure.. Work on the plan for sure but give time it's due as well... From someone who's lived it.. 💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖
They have had their finances separate all this time. She can keep her 25k safe in her own account for another year or two while her husband has more time to get stronger in his sobriety. He needs to show a longer time in recovery. I thinks she also mentioned him getting sober on his own. If that’s the case, he’s extremely likely to relapse. He needs to be in programs and therapy etc to have the best chance at lasting recovery.
He would have told a guy with the same story, reversed positions, to just "man up and pay the debt." Most often, it's the woman overspending. And they tell the men to just allow themselves to be financially abused.
If you're still single, this makes you wanna rethink who you're attracted to and who you wanna spend the rest of your life with.
1000%
If your single, there are ALOT of areas, questions that are never asked, never exchanged before marriage. Like, finances, how your idea of discipline of children if any, what are your goals and what is boundries. Another is Religion. Past relationshits.
@who346 Those are all of the questions my late husband and I talked about BEFORE we even got engaged. My bf and I talked about all those too. Wtf are you talking about while dating if NONE of those come up until after marriage. That's absurd.
Resentment builds when you’re having to pay for somebody else’s things and they’re continuing to spend on things you consider unnecessary or frivolous.
I paid off the crimes the ex-husband did and never saw a dime back or even a grateful word. Not a single “thank you” and not a single bit of effort of him choosing to do better.
He also demanded our finances be separate because he accused me of being a controlling B. I gave him what he wanted and a couple years after that I left him; during the divorce he begged me to come back because “how am I supposed to pay the rent now”? I wasn’t a person to him, but an ATM to bankroll his druggie lifestyle.
Don’t pay off the debts your spouse gets into behind your back unless you’re willing to make that risk. They already lied once when using money that wasn’t theirs responsibly, should you risk paying for that crime just because you’re married or you “love” them?
Glad I left and he’s no longer my effed up problem.
Why on earth isn’t this comment not pinned! 👌
@@yasminogbu8929 thank you.
Something many people don’t understand is that being financially generous in the name of “better or worse” behsvior, can backfire and breed resentment on both sides. It’s especially shocking when the resentment is coming from the party causing the problem! My ex was happy for me to bail him out from his bad decisions and also never said thank you. Completely entitled coming from a wealthy family, he was used to having what he wanted and never took responsibility for bad decisions, prefering victim mentality instead.
When I finally made the decision to cut him loose and filed for divorce, guess who was shocked?
Yup, he thought I would always be there to lean on and take advantage of. But he was wrong. You have to get to the point where you’re mad to see the light! When you get to the anger stage, empathy disappears like magic.
Then you can move forward.
@@mfrance3834so true, so painful, and worth learning from. That type of scenario was played in my “marriage “ were I was a bread winner and my ex husband was a victim of alcoholism. I was working day and night, same response from him “I didn’t make you to do that”. He had grandiosity problem, never held accountable for anything. He was a pathetic excuse for a man. I was planning to leave him but he got in a serious trouble with law and decided to abandon me. I couldn’t be more happier!
No woman deserves to be used and abused by so called “husband”. The only right thing to do is LEAVING.
Never use your money to pay someone else's debt. They will never learn and keep spending hoping you keep paying it. Don't do it. Nothing wrong with having different accounts.
Very true. A commenter shared a story about paying off his wife's debts: The first time she racked up $35,000 in credit card debt and he paid it off. She swore it would never happen again. The second time she racked up another $35,000 and he paid it off again amidst tearful promises that this was the last time. The third time she racked up $100,000 and he filed for divorce despite her promises that she had now changed. She was addicted to luxury brands (bags, perfumes, clothes and the like) and kept getting credit cards in secret.
Wh@re she is married. Not divorced with 3 kids and a dog.
Agreed
Problem is they're married so his debt is her debt.
If that is your thinking, then you should never get married, because when you’re married, there is no her debt or his debt. It’s all your debt as a couple. All the way up until you sign that marriage license and say I do. You have his debt and her that. After that, it doesn’t exist anymore in the eyes of the court. And if you’re religious, in the eyes of your God as well.
I paid off my husband's debt,, paid off his car loan, etc once, he showed no gratitude, no thank you, just gave me the it's about time look!!
So I returned to my Navy training, two checking accounts, two check books. He deals with his and I deal with mine. Money is no longer an issue. It works for me.
why would you still be with someone like that?
@@Laurennn.Hughes
Good question...
This is the consequence of not starting a marriage properly on the same page and combining life goals.
You should never get to a point in marriage where he has “his car loan” and you have “my money”.
Neither one of you are in the marriage for long haul!
@@Laurennn.HughesIf she's a Christian, adultery & abandonment (probably physical abuse & threats of bodily arm) are the only legitimate reasons for a just divorce, before God. Not a lack of gratitude.
Whether or not your spouse is grateful, does not give you a right to break the vows you made before God.
I understand the theory of helping to pay off a spouses debt, once married and the finances are joined. But in practice it's a whole different ballgame. As a mother, I couldn't advise my daughters to pay off their spouse's debt and vice versa. Who would feel comfortable, sorting out somebody else's financial mess; before you.
Also what's the financial lessons learned that means it's only a one-off? Too many people get out of debt, only to go right back into debt afterwards.
The thing is that’s not all marriages, he’s proven himself as an addict in the recent past.
Nothing wrong with taking small steps toward building trust again.
A challenge of marrying someone with an addiction is the uncertainty and possibility he may relapse. She is not wanting to take the risk.
If the caller was a husband, the Ramsey team would tell him to pay off his wife's debt. They are married after all, so they are in it together. For better and for worse.
Yep
You know it
One hundred million percent.
The alcoholism and the separation are the nuances they are picking up on.
By the end they were telling her to go all in.
The bitter man's club never disappoints!! Clean your ears out. Hon, not a gender issue. Like John said the ONLY time they recommend caution re finances is when dealing with an ADDICT - male or female. John is saying leave the marriage it is over IF you do not feel safe duh!!! or stay and combine finances becasue marriage is a WE.
My marriage ended because of this problem. I was never able to get us on the same page. We could not be a team, he keep spending and drinking and didn’t want to change. And I couldn’t keep up anymore.
That's what happens unfortunately when only one partner is financially responsible.
The spendthrift keeps taking more than his or her fair share of the family funds and the other person has to economize, scrimp and save constantly, to keep the bills paid, the marital roof over their heads and food on the table.
It is pure selfishness.
Been there, done that.
And then I'd be accused of being controlling.
You'd have to be, to avoid ending up in the gutter.
The only way these kinds of irresponsible people learn, is to end up in the gutter.
They need to face the consequences of their own behaviour and they won't as long as a partner takes on the parent role and keeps bailing them out like a child.
These kinds of people often partner hop in my experience.
When the one partner gets sick of being bled dry financially, they move on to someone else, who likes to 'help them out'. Until they also catch themselves on.
I love what he said towards the end “Call your own bluff”. Actually see if you’re truly ready to go all in by going all in
That’s easy for John & Jade to suggest that. I sympathize more with her. I would give the guy some goals to hit before I would pay his debt especially after what he put her through.
Agreed
Dave says unless there is addiction or the couple is much older, combine finances. Problem here is this couple's relationship doesn't sound ready yet after what happened.
Exactly this guy is just doing what he needs for a few months to get her to use her savings … I would not help him
@@helena3631 Exactly, trust can be lost in one day, but it takes years to rebuild.
I have an EX husband that i resented because he had sooooo much debt i had to pay off. So fast forward, my current husband has zero $ issues and saves and we have zero issues. Money problems and the worst issues in a marriage.
Don’t throw away your hard work on someone’s bad decisions
Exactly, no way
She married him though!
Imagine she’s pays those debts off and he leaves ☠️💀 they have only nearly split up all ready
@alex SO what! He didn’t think about that when he piled up the debt. He needs yo learn the hard way, pay it off! He needs to hard the hard way
After 13 years of sobriety, my marriage is continuing to strengthen, not yet where it was, but slowly working towards that.
Being debt free with a paid for house, and money in the bank sure helps. No stress.
Deloney gave one of the most powerful points on marriage that I've heard in a long time when he talked about it being a risk. And that in order for it to work you must put yourself at risk
Everything, and I mean everything, is speculative. Even a trip to the mailbox. Now most times it works out as planned, but there is always risk.
@@semosancus5506 But that's the thing everybody wants the full benefits without any risk. There are no guarantees in life
I paid off my ex-husbands debt after we were married. He has a shopping problem. Me and my kids paid the price for his crime. He would have tantrums and talk about me terrible because he wanted to run up more debt.
One day he left and went on a shopping spree while living with his parents. I divorced him. It's been 10 years. He wants to come home and me Pay off his debt again.
Don't pay off his debt. Start hiding your money and prepare to divorce him.
best advice. I agree.
Same advice applies to debt ridden wife. Its all equality n fairness
@@whereismycrewyo I agree. My ex has called me over the years because a woman who Is his equal wanted to get married. Why would he want to marry broke like himself lol
@@whereismycrewyo true
@@whereismycrewyothe cops would literally arrest a man and call it "financial bad actions" then steal his money while calling it justice.
She needs to give more time for him to show her he is trustworthy.
6 months is not enough if he has been living off the charts for his whole adult life.
If her husband was honorable, he would tell her to keep the 25k in a separate account, join finances going forward, and he pay of HIS debts.
Funny you say that when they tell the guys to use tgere savings to pay off the girls debt now it’s reversed it’s different , interesting
Exactly. Then when yall get it all paid off, but him a car or a boat or something really nice that he likes.
@@xsgtxbigboy1655 I agree, but if there's a risk and a result from of substance abuse, they might benefit from temporary separate accounts.
bs
Theres no your money & my money in marriage. if you dont want to combine every thing stay single.
This is why I’m never getting married bc I’m not taking on anyone’s debt, child support, addictions, just can’t do it
You don't have anything to worry about, marriage was never in your future.
@@KH9th That's a nasty thing to say.
Why are you only attracting men that are in debt, on child support and addicts? What if I told you that the majority of men have none of those issues?
@@KH9th oops, are You triggered by that comment? It seems like you are
In my experience, most off and the on again relationships end up failing in the end. Especially if marriage is involved. I'm not feeling this is going to work long term.
I agree. I dated a guy in college who was an alcoholic with a great career ahead of him. I decided not to be with him bc I already knew there was no future with an alcoholic.
Years later he's married and still an alcoholic but with money.
Long story short, he ended up in car accident, began to drink even MORE combined with pain meds after recovery from the accident. He eventually died from the abuse of drugs and alcohol.
Had another friend who married an alcoholic who cleaned up only bc the military threatened to demote him and the lose of his retirement.
He cleaned up his life long enough so he could make it to retirement and began to drink again, mentally abused her and the adopted children they got together and finally divorced my friend.
People don't realize alcoholism and drug abuse are twin brothers ending in the same results: Destruction and Chaos
I couldn't disagree more, theres too much nuance in every story to ever come to the same conclusion when talking about these issues.
My uncle and his wife are the closest example I can think of, she ran away from him after my cousin was born, for about 2 years she didn't want anything to do with him.
They've been together again for the last 29 years and raised 3 more kids to adulthood.
yeah Deloney's advice is horrible. He's urging this woman to throw her life savings away over an ideal.
Marriage is an ideal....you're either in or out
Nope, nope, nope!!!! Let him continue to pay down his debt. I get it you're married but he needs to hold himself accountable!
I'm taking shots during every video with Dalony when he says the word "safe".
Please don't. We don't want to have an intervention and send you off to AA or other rehab.
Love how you ignore the fact she spoke about how drinking addiction and bad spending habits.
The advice to combine and pay will only make sense when both worries are on the same page not when one party is drinking it all.
If you take a shot every time Delony says "safe", you'd end up with alcohol poisoning.
RIP to our brother Jake
If you do that, make it fun and add “tired” to the game; it will make things more interesting.
But she can’t be “all in” if he isn’t all in. She is worried because she feels she doesn’t have enough to support herself if she leaves.
Why can't he pay off his own debts?
'Cause he wasn't 'raised that way' and likes to drink and party if he has excess cash. If she was a good wife she'd clean up all his debts for him.. (NOT - he won't stop drinking and spending unless HE starts hurting.)
Alcohol ALWAYS WINS. No woman needs to go through this nightmare. Leave.
She sounds a lot like I did when my husband was first recovering from his addictions and everything fell on me to bail mine out, support our family, spend all I had to keep our family together. The most expensive thing was the emotional cost of soul searching, forgiveness (complete), and vulnerability. A few years later and we're not financially out of the woods yet, but our marriage is stronger than ever. I want to offer that hope. For us it was a blessing in disguise.
❤❤❤
❤
it shouldn't be this way.
There advice is so based on the gender of the caller.
Normally they do but they actually sounded fair and reasonable in this call. This is the type of advice that they should be giving regardless of gender.
The problem is, if this were a man calling in their advice eould be different. He'd be called out for living as roommates, they'd be a lecture on how brining the finances together will bring them together, and he'd be told to "man up" and get another job to make it happen.
@@stephenshelton4267 he told her to pay off her husband's debt. Pay attention.
@@stephenshelton4267 I agree they need to be fair to all their callers, not just one specific gender.
Their money advice is based on biblical teachings, which means men are going to be more responsible and get harsher treatment.
I wouldn’t pay it bc I didn’t help him spend it. UNTILLLL I SEE that person is TRYING for at least a year then I’ll surprise them to pay it off. U gotta see their intentions as well
I totally get her mindset and how she described her situation.
Walk away. Do not use your savings for someone who didn't care enough to deal with their issues and who just created more.
I paid all bills while my ex-husband was in school full-time. He graduated and never came home since that day
😳
Omgoodness! That's terrible. I'm sorry that he happened to you. What a creep.
A man will resent you when you try to save him. Never do it
You become his parent if you do.
She has that mindset because he did do the crime, and she's paying for it.
If it was me, I’d keep the money I saved to this point in my account- and then going forward WE pay on the debt as long as he is doing his part.
Love is love but money is money and you have to protect yourself because no one else will.
He sounds like he was immature financially, and my concern is that he still is.
@@Reign_151 That's possible too. We can only go off the caller's information though...
@@Reign_151 Yes, plus she had the opportunity to trash/be smug about the husband's family as well. She's a big part of the problem.
I agree. I would wait and see if he’s really changed.
You can learn to be wise with money though. It’s not like it’s impossible. If that was the case, DR wouldn’t have a platform.
Dave actually says that the only time when separate account in a marriage acceptable is when one has an addiction (or abuse going on, but that is a different issue). In that case the person with the addiction has to be taken off of the account until he/she can be trusted again. I feel like this falls under that category. But , in this case, the wife has to give a roadmap back to her and has to set clear and reasonable boundaries, so the husband would know what to do in order to earn that trust again.
The debt sounds like a symptom of what they really should be talking to a marriage counselor about.
The response is based on how Noble, Stunning and Brave John wants to appear.
Where’s Dave with the “to thee all my worldly goods I pledge” and no two ways about it?
You know they have a double standard.
John is telling her to be all in. Pay attention.
@@jimmymcgill6778 What call did you listen to?
Dave doesn't work every show. That's why they just said it for him.
@@pep590 What call are you listening to?
All of them have double standards when it comes to men and women.
My husband of 35 years is an alcoholic - he's sober now, but he was sober for 20 years, then got a back injury, was given opioids, and fell off the wagon in so many ways, not just with alcohol. It has been a long, torturous road. Separate finances are a necessity! Her husband should get into AA or do some other kind of therapy. AA helped my husband a lot, and having someone else share the burden with helped me. However, to love an addict is to live forever in fear. If you're going to stay with your addict spouse, keep that in mind and protect yourself.
i am in shock that a qualified therapist gave such bad advice. she said he quit on his own which means its purely performative so she can clean up his mess. they told her to give up all her money to save him WITHOUT suggesting he get treatment BEFORE she uses up her money. this is so wrong on so many levels. john should have his licence suspended for this trash advice.
She needs to file for divorce yesterday, keep her money and move far away!!
I think to be married or together with somebody who has no positive concept of dealing with money is stressful and not good and conbining finances won't help cure the problem. I wouldn't do it.
DO NOT PAY HIS DEBTS! foolishness
💯💯💯
I would never be assed out for nobody
yea he could be going to her just to get her to pay off the debts until he leaves her
But if the roles were switched then it would be the man’s responsibility to pay off his wife’s debt lol get outta here 😂
Lol ya dude its a joke. Double standards
So true.
Exactly!!!!
Thank you!!!! I was waiting to see this commentary.
Women today DEMAND all the perks & benefits without question, without ANY of the hardships.
Dave would say to pay the debt off today if it was a husband paying a wife’s debt lol
Glad they followed Dave way.
Dave said the complete reverse yesterday.
Yep, it's not "her debt" it's "our debt".
The simp show
not if there's addiction
My mom told her daughters. "Have cash stashed, you just never know"
They all do
💯💯💯
Your mom should have told her daughters, don't ever get married cause I don't want you to be sneaky and dishonest.
@@beatdown3361 You mean they are all sneaky and dishonest?
@@misspiscesdreamz 100% thieves. And the same goes for the husband if he keeping money from his wife too.
My heart is feeling you, and I would want to say preserve the money you worked to save and use only future money to help pay down his remaining debt. Decide on an amount you are willing to help pay, work hard with him to make extra to achieve that goal, and reassess the relationship on this journey. May is serve to either bring you together or reveal a true future for you both. You will be better able to see what you're in store for.
Alexandra is not ready to jump back in fully. It takes time, once trust is fractured. I would have her hang onto her money for now and let him clean up more of his debt. Then she can make a decision based on his behavior over another year or two.
Marriage doesn't work that way. She picked him, they have been together for a dozen years, she fully knew his behavior patterns and now has an issue. GTFOH! 🤣😂
@@eq2092 you don't necessarily know a person's addictions before marriage even if perfect and they certainly can develop later. People have to protect themselves or it's enabling the behavior, married or not.
@@jenniferannfox2316 Bullcrap. If you don't know what's up after a dozen years and 7-years of marriage then you are never will. People just don't magically change overnight. She picked him. So either get a divorce or deal with it.
@@eq2092 Married happily for 45 years here, so I think I know how marriage works.
@@KENTUCKYUSA1 You know how it works for you, but not everyone.
I feel her concern. She was smart to hang on to the money until he gets better. She should continue helping him along on this journey and when she feels that she could trust him in that area again then they should combine finances.
Bs. Be married or dont. Its that simple.
@@therationalistparty9742 "Be married or don't".
So the WIFE gets all this debt DUMPED on HER shoulders thanks to hubbie's drinking and irresponsibility? Hubbie can CLEAN IT UP FIRST, THEN they can explore a different way forward.
@@jasonrodgers9063 be all in on the marriage or don’t be married.
It’s always a one-way street with women, lol. If she is the broke one, then she wants her husband to pay for everything, and pay off all of her debt. But if she’s the one with more money, then she doesn’t want to help pay a penny
Where is GOD?
The Ramsey team has one set of advice for husbands and another set of advice for wives. Let’s just call if what it is.
What's the diff. between the two sets of advice?
@@OffgridAz (ex-)Wives end up bringing up the babies on their own.
@@OffgridAz hypocrisy
it's the same advice with vastly different deliveries
@@moobs it's different
Match him what ever he puts toward the debt you match it
I like this idea
Can’t be all in with an addict. Speaking from experience. Even if they’re recovering, behaviours take longer to heal. And relapses will happen before they are fully sober.
Jon, let the caller talk damn it 😂
I don't mind having an account and putting funds in as a split process but I wouldn't put all my money in one account with someone that is financially irresponsible.
yeah, you can discuss how much you should get in a fund/account that's just yours and you don't need to talk about what you did with it unless you go over.
@@SpoonHurler Then don't get married because that's a risk and once you're married it's not your money anymore, it's both your money. And if it turns out they're financially irresponsible or become it then you will be responsible for at least half their debts even if you divorce.
@@Naturegurl124
Rest in peace Admiral Ackbar.
He said it best.
me either. Been there and done that. We don't even do that for parents or other family members either so I don't understand why these two are so not understanding of ways to protect yourself with an unsafe spouse. Basically it's the same thing.
@samanthacartwright3407 Yes I agree with you. I disagreed with the OP saying that "Have a separate account and don't tell your spouse about it." Hiding things from your spouse is not ideal in a marriage
John... You are a gift to the world
Delony is the absolute worst. The way he imposes his feelings about the situation onto the callers. Throwing grenades into marriages one call at a time.
He did very well on this call. He was spot on.
Delony is the best!!!! 🎉
@@flashthecorgi2053 You high?
I think what he is saying is true and the caller just didn’t realize it until Delony pointed it out.
@@jimmymcgill6778 No, and it’s clear to me that you don’t like Delony but what he said in this whole video is 100% true and i believe they would say the same thing matter of fact just watch a couple financial questions on the Delony show he tells men and women to be all in or be all out. Same thing he is saying here you are just choosing not to listen because you don’t like him.
BAD ADVICE! She doesn’t trust him, a healthy relationship needs trust.
She is right not to trust him thought.
“Till death do us part” 😂😂😂😂😂
Debt
No, it's really "Till Debt Do Us Part".
She doesn't have to pay his debts, he is not disabled or dead, he can make a payment plan and that way learn how not waste money again, she can help by contributing more on the house bills and supporting him by saving by cooking at home instead of restaurant .
I agree, I think the lesson in their journey lies with him. Let him feel the pain of paying off his debt and continue to demonstrate to her that he’s on the right track
@@RetirementbyDesign26 The problem I foresee is that the working is keeping him preoccupied from drinking. Once the debt is paid will he get treatment? Because he's working with no time to go to get recovery.
Or will he sit back and relax with a couple of bottles of liquor to celebrate his success of getting out of debt.
There's a real danger of that happening in this scenario.
Their debts*
If the roles were reversed almost everyone would be telling for husband to pay wife's debt
Agree that the caller is torn to trust again, and may have one foot out the door. Spouses with addictions or addictive-prone natures can have every intention of doing only good forward, but anyone whom has seen addiction and understands it knows intentions can mean nothing. A person is stupid to pretend it never happened, or slap on a facade of blind faith. So I strongly disagree with the advice here. People help others best when they are themselves stable. If a spouse has a record of for-whatever-reason secretive spending or other character flaw, it behooves the person to proceed with a ‘trust but verify approach’ after the spouse cleans up their act. I.e., the caller should preserve her hard built savings, but share future savings with her husband who’s thankfully now on the right track. It’s not punitive, it’s common (or not-so-common sense). If her husband has a problem with it, he doesn’t understand his own fragility or how recovery really works.
Journal this journey! Put your feelings on paper. Then, when you are 74 like me, you can look back and hopefully say "We were both so brave."
Do you guys even listen to the call? They did tell her she should go all in as long as they on same page where he is not at addict. They said IT IS YALL DEBT! They told her she needs to combine finance. AND THEY TOLD HER JOIN THE FINANCES
men in these comment sections just want to act as victims
somebody called them the “bitter boys club” 😂😂
@@fabricemorfanFitting. They’re in every comment section!
Nothing happens until he graduates Financial Peace and demonstrates for a year he is on the program.
I think they already did FPU. They’re following the program, just not the combined finances.
I don't want to pay anyone else's debt so I've decided not to get married. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I love my life.
Could marry someone not in debt...my wife to be only had some minor car debt and school debt. She paid it off before we got even married.
We got a home together and we both paid it off together.
Yours is mine, mine is mine.
How come I knew they will say don't combine accounts?
He's trying to change.
It is a marriage. It's both their money.
They always say what his is hers.
But now they want to say what's hers is hers?
That's how marriage works. A man's money is their money. A woman's money is her money.
You clearly didn’t watch the whole thing
@@Estiexo And he said you should not combine it.
@@Estiexo 🤡
He said, pay off his debts and combine our jump ship.
I've ordered John's book about Past/Future. I hope the advice is better than this. I don't believe for one second that either of them would follow the advice they are giving here!
The blatant double standard these people have is sickening.
Where is the double standard when they just told her combine the finance and help pay the debt? Did you listen?
@@shachede6828 not sarcastically but do have you heard when men call in saying this? They treat is so differently. Also are you a female by chance?
I’m so confused by your comment they literally said she’s the problem
@@naomirachel9161 we can all agree the exact same thing can be said two completely different ways right? Obviously you would agree with that. Now you may not think that's what happened here but I and alot of other comments do. I think they treated her with kid gloves meanwhile exact situation but a man calls they don't treat him the same.
Yeah they would tell her pay off their debt since they are married.
Do NOT pay off his debt! You will resent it, he needs to pay off his stupidity.
I made the horrific mistake of paying off my husband( now ex husband’s) $10,000 sole pre- marital credit card debt. He wasn’t paying it and we kept getting turned down for home loans because he wasn’t paying on them. It took me five years through a consolidation program. We are now divorced and we had to sell the house, he received half of the equity was given a car that he was supposed to refinance and hold me faultless ( within 60 days of final decree) he stopped making payments, filed for bankruptcy and allowed the car to be repossessed. I, of course am still on the loan and so, all of this mess is still causing lates on my credit along with the repo. Fun times!
Absolutely freaking not!!!
Is his name Hank??
If it was her debt and the husband called in the response would be, "You're a team now, man up, take care of her".
They said be all in, join him.
Omg this title is GREAT!!! A woman having a problem paying a man’s bills but that shoe is NEVER on the other foot! Sweet Jesus that is the best thing ever. I didn’t even need to see the video to laugh historically.
He's basically saying, you tied your tether to a debt chainball so anything you have is his gurl. 👋🏽
BE CAREFUL WHO YOU PICK AS A LIFE PARTNER!
Get rid of the husband.
Yesterday
My husband and I have been married for 28 years, and dated 6 years before marriage. We are both "all in." Our finances have always been separate and we have never had a fight over money. I have to respectfully disagree with Dr. John (for the first time). Hubby needs to pay his own debts and learn not to be careless with his money.
That's what happens when the man is always wrong and he jumps to conclusions...he always goes to the extreme when it come to men and Cottonelle soft on women. OH, he's actually doing right? Let's wrap this call up. smh
Her very final decision is going to cost her $25k!
“your not worth 24,000 dollars and be done with it” on point.
But the 24.000 dollars might not be the end of it.
He can't be trusted. That's the whole problem.
I feel like she may leave the call feeling obligated to spend her savings on his debt just because they told her that's how a marriage is. There's a reason she's feeling the way she is. There's a reason her instincts are not trusting him. Maybe it's too much to ask of a person to put it all in someone who had continuously disappointed her. Did you hear her how much she emphasized that he changed? Like she was trying to convince herself.
Perhaps look into a post-nup.
Keeping separate accounts is key. He's untrustworthy in more ways than one. He committed financial infidelity and his addiction caused problems in their marriage. 2 fears that won't settle if she surrenders to him, assuming he will fix them. He's not trained and capable of fixing the problem. Its a false hope. Action is best. Separate accounts, marriage counseling, try to become friends again over time with space between, instead of just being legally married. If that doesn't work, it ends because peace will never be restored on her part with him. If she feels safe and more relieved not being around him, they are better off as friends. Hope no kids are involved.
I’d drop my husband over my money that I worked hard for. Period!
He sounds like he is working towards paying off his debt all on his own, make him finish paying it off so he learns the value of money. Once it's paid off he will have proven he can be responsible and they can open a joint account with trust built up because he earned it.
The only issue with that is what if he makes 100k and she makes 40k. Then after being debt free he should just keep his money separate.
This is why I don't always agree with the Ramsey system.
If they were gambling debts or directly related to his drinking, he should be volunteering to pay them by himself as part of making amends.
If they are part of "I am/was not as interested in paying off my reasonable debt as you are", then I might say, match dollar for dollar the extra he puts towards the debts and once it is clear, join money.
@@sharonfleshman6961 You still agree with the general principle of married couples combining finances. You're just deciding what he would have to do to earn your trust back so you can go back to being a married couple. The caller has to figure out her own criteria or if there is anything he can do to earn back her trust. It sounds like she trusts his sobriety ("I'm not worried about him relapsing). I'd infer that at some point he can earn her trust financially.
Exactly. If I was her I wouldn't join finances until he paid off all the debt he ran up.
@@megalodon1726 then why would he want to join finances after? Sounds like he makes more money
Been told by relatives that want more of my money that's its just gathering dust in a bank . I say rather it gather dust than not be there
Dust is a good thing.
What do people who get married think the 'worse' is in 'for better or worse'? Its addiction, debt, illness, trauma, arguments, brokenness, loss and more. You navigate through it all together and still choose that person. Infidelity is the deal breaker for me, but I'm all in for everything else.
John doesn’t let anyone but Dave get a word in edgewise, and if they try he cuts them off to “tell” them how he sees it. The man talks and doesn’t listen. Geez - this guy.
Right! I’m not a fan of John’s anyway.
Marriage is about building together but you still have to be accountable for your contribution creating wealth. If one partner spends like crazy, the other’s dreams of vacationing or investing in properties is affected by that too. It’ll eventually cause a rift.
John is wrong about anything can happen in a marriage. this woman knows there’s a proven track record of her husband’s bad spending. She has an extremely high chance of him doing something dumb again.
It IS his. That’s so unfair! I don’t agree with this guy. They’re calling this girl a problem because she doesn’t want to lose all of her money over her husband’s bad choices. That’s not a problem. That’s called being smart.
When you are husband and wife then it ain't your husband's problems anymore it is y'alls problems.
Yes, but it takes 2 to tango. By not combining accounts she is stewarding money for both of them, for emergencies.
You don’t have to pay his debts in one shot. Just let him keep doing what he’s doing, and make payments with him. Just match dollar for dollar what he’s putting towards the debt. This way he’s still accountable, and earning it. If you just pay it off, he didn’t earn it.
Then when paid off you combine everything and build wealth. This way if it goes wrong again you have an emergency fund to get out.
Isn't it her debt as well now that they're married ?? If it was vice versus they would tell him the exact same thing ??!!
My question is who is paying all the expenses?
If she only squirreled away money while, he paid everything...
That is a fair question.
It’s so obviously clear that their advice (or at least the tone of their advice) is heavily dependent on the gender of the caller. Can you please treat both genders the same ffs? A mistake is a mistake, the right thing is the right thing, regardless of the caller’s gender.
I'm sorry to inform her that he will probably relapse. Addiction is hard to beat, especially if he was hiding things from her. Besides his alcohol, it sounds like he is also addicted to spending all of his money.
People that drinks does not mean they have a drinking problem.
@@rltreasure You are not always an addict. People can get clean.
When you are married, it becomes both of your debts. Regardless of who spends it. Once whoever spent it recognizes it and takes responsibility, you both work towards paying it off. Hence why you should always combine accounts unless a spending addiction is in play
The fact that John took over the whole conversation and left his co-host out until the very end is very telling...his ego is out of control!!!
😂😂😂
Relax ,,you don't even kno these people 🙄
Token darkness got to speak
@@tucoramirez9729 I have listened and watched them enough to recognize patterns of behavior.
@@tucoramirez9729 Truth will set you free, Tuco. Truth is the Light.
B.REASON
Keep your hard earned money separate for while honey... It takes time to rebuild trust and for him to realize that money doesn't grow on trees and neither did yours... Keep loving him for sure.. Work on the plan for sure but give time it's due as well... From someone who's lived it..
💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏💖
This is a very unfortunate situation to be in.
Sometimes callers need to get straight to the Question 😡versus giving there life story
They have had their finances separate all this time. She can keep her 25k safe in her own account for another year or two while her husband has more time to get stronger in his sobriety. He needs to show a longer time in recovery. I thinks she also mentioned him getting sober on his own. If that’s the case, he’s extremely likely to relapse. He needs to be in programs and therapy etc to have the best chance at lasting recovery.
He would have told a guy with the same story, reversed positions, to just "man up and pay the debt."
Most often, it's the woman overspending.
And they tell the men to just allow themselves to be financially abused.
So basically what they told her. Either woman up and pay the debt or get out of the relationship.
The title says it all - I have a problem paying my husband's debt. Its not his and hers. Its ours. They need counseling.