Unexpected Pregnancy At 19, How Do I Help My Daughter?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.พ. 2023
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"This is not a financial lesson." Thank you Dave for saying this. We cannot believe that life is sacred and treat it like a transaction.
It kinda is a financial lesson. Babies/children cost money. But I get what Dave is saying.
But he let someone go at his business because she got pregnant out of wedlock
@@deb9806it is true, but the baby is innocent.
@@deb9806 really?
@@lolaadesina5362yes, he has a “morality clause”. No premarital sex (male or female). He fired 9 employees.
My daughter was a rebellious teen. She got pregnant at 18. My husband & I helped her out. I do not regret helping raise any of my grandchildren. This daughter only had one child because she has PCOS & endometriosis. She has a great husband now. My daughter & I are closer now because we did help her. She has been here for me since her dad passed away a few years ago.
Smh
She probably passed through her wild period in life. The reason this happens so much in the modern world is because children are being protected from the reality of the world and are not fully responsible for their own behaviors.
It is good that your daughter passed through that period with her main contribution being a grandchild.
@@Dahmer_Jeff Grandchildren... plural.
How beautiful! So glad that you alls relationship has reconciled year by year
So your husband passed away did you divorce? Weird way to describe them
Even a married 28 year old daughter needs a parent by her side. Do not turn your back on your daughter. They need mamas at any age. Being a first time mama is hard. Married, unmarried, teenager doesn’t matter. We are all clueless at first.
Very wise and true
I was that married mom at 28 whose mother who wanted me to just do it on my own, even though she lived a mile away. Motherhood is very overwhelming at the beginning. Compassion is necessary.
Yes! I was married, financially stable, 31...it was still difficult...l love your comment!
A 28 year old man is often required to live on his own, without using mom or dad. They have to carry it, in addition to child support and family law fees. This is often the case for a 19 year old if the parents do not enable and help carry it. This is where the most common unlevel playing field takes place in life where you've got a young person who gets much easier access to resources because they can use parents, while the other has to fight and take full responsibility on their own. And in many cases, the fit and responsible 20 something year old man has to fight the mother and her parents in family law court for visitation. You've created an unlevel playing field where your 28 year old gets to use you and they are not truly the ones fit to carry that child, unless you enable them/let them live in your house and drive your cars. And how fair is that to the partner who lives on their own. It's a condition where a 28 year old daughter gets a path of least resistance, while her partner gets thrown to the wolves. He's gonna need to live on his own and hopefully he's fit and financially responsible because child support and family law fees are not easy when you also need to live on your own, without using parents. Some parents will not allow such an arrangement because they don't wanna teach a 28 year old to live off a relatives back and take credit for feeding a baby even though WIC or mommy carried the food expenses and put a 28 year old in conditions where they don't have to be self financing. Some young people get it easier. My parents would never allow me to move into their house with a baby, it's my responsibility at 28. My dad would have a temper tantrum. A few choice words. He would think I don't deserve it or not ready if I cannot carry my own. That I shouldn't claim custody of a baby at 28 if my parents are the ones providing the home. If I don't have my own home a judge will see me as unfit. Just because your mom and daddy have a home and they allow you to live there with your baby doesn't demonstrate personal responsibility at all. Someone is doing a lot of the work for you. I would never wanna find myself up against a 28 year old and her enabling parents because I'd have to do it on my own. It would be so unfair if I had to fight you for custody and I do not have my parents in my corner. That I'm on my own at 28, while your daught gets to use y
@@nickhubsky3400 i'm sorry that your parents suck but traditionally even men get help from their parents.
I would reframe it as “should I help my grandkid” and the obvious answer is yes. And the best way to do that is to support your daughter
Shit, this pulled some tears out of my eyes while driving. As a son of a single mom, my grandmother and grandfather did what Dave is describing, and I can confirm that this forever changed the course of my life in a positive way.
Being pro-life doesn’t stop after delivery a baby.
I feel Dave went very soft on this. I don't think that people should disown their kids but the fact is the girl send against God and embarrassed her family. Her mother should be leading her in the way of righteousness with the Lord. The baby can't help that they did the sin so the child shouldn't be punished over it but the mother should be driving home the fact that she needs to get her life right before God. It doesn't matter what Dave thinks, it matters what God thinks. God wants people to live righteously before him. So many women let a guy sweet talk them that they love them they love them they love them and they talk them into bed. I would dare say that the woman was not even dating a Christian man that has morals and has beliefs and six by them. The Bible says that we're not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. The root of it started at least in part for the fact of who was she hanging around at the time of this incident. A precursor for love is respect and then worldly men don't have that. They're from the darkness not the light and they're not going to follow the ways of the Lord. They just see the pretty girl and try to talk her into bed eventually. God expects his creation to be holy in dating. If the mother doesn't speak up for the ways of God then she's just condoning what her daughter did which is wrong. What her daughter did was wrong. God wants righteousness and that's not righteous. The daughter needs to turn her life to Jesus and live for him I hope that's the case. What I say here won't be popular but I don't care. The word of God is our safety and we have to live by it and die by it. We have to stay car lives on the word of God. I'm not saying for the mother to treasure back on her daughter, but she must teach her in the ways of the Lord and be a godly mother and let her know she did wrong. There are consequences when we do things wrong. Many people that mean well say they want to save themselves for marriage which is actually looked down upon in our society and the Bible even talks about that where in the last days they would forbid to marry. That's how it is now. I was in a training session in my 12-person class and so many young people when they were having the icebreaker sessions would talk about their lives and talk about they had living with their boyfriend they're living with their girlfriend. The Bible last days right there before your eyes. It was so sad because God does not want his man and woman to live like that. That's against God. God wants us to live righteously before him. The young people they do have it rough right now with all that's going on in the world but they can serve God and live holy if they really want to. Dave you went real soft on this.
It's not the end of the world, in fact its the beginning of hers. I was 17 pregnant, 18 when I had my daughter. Fast forward I'm 30 now with a degree in psychology, happily married, dream home in the mountains on 10 acres and and great coparents with her biofather. So many people pushed for me to have an abortion, but God touched my heart and I pushed through the fear and had her. And by Gods grace everything turned out fine, better than fine. My baby girl is now 12, a honor roll student, brilliant, funny, and beautiful. She literally saved my life, gave me purpose and is hands down the greatest gift God gave me. It all boils down to what is in her heart and her drive as a parent.
And that is wonderful.
Is your husband the actual father of your daughter?
@@juniorgod321 no.
@@juniorgod321 no, however her biological father is very involved in her life. I never made it hard for him, and he always has been respectful towards me, and I him. People can be great coparents, it's all in what's in their hearts.
Good for you. God has certainly blessed you for doing the right thing. 🌷
My father told me on the day I started my first period at 13 that if I got pregnant I'd have to leave. My mother just sat there and never said a word. Nothing about love did I ever hear ever. I left home at 20 and never went back as a boomerang. They were both dead by the time I was 27. They left me nothing and I was an only child who was also told that they didn't want another one like me when I asked why I had no brothers or sisters. There was no love lost between us because I don't think there was any love to begin with. This 19-year-old girl is in good hands.
Settle down, Oprah
Count your blessings. How many people didn’t even get the tough love you did? How many people had to suffer through teen pregnancies because their parents couldn’t care to earn them about messing up their lives?
@@stuflikethis I don't think there was any tough love. I think there was no love.
And did you get pregnant at 19 (a huge mistake)? Doesn’t sound like it. I agree with what the other commenters said - basically shaddap
I am sorry you had those parents.
That must be hard. Hope you have lots of love in your life today!! 🤗
As someone who was once in that daughter's shoes at 18...thank you for teaching grace ❤️
Why did you keep it?
@@mikenelson8377You really think that’s an appropriate question to ask?
@@mikenelson8377 you can't be serious...what a question to ask someone 🤦🏻♀️ "it" is now my amazing 10 year old son, who also has a younger sister and we live independently in our own house with my husband who is also their father. Why wouldn't I "keep it"?
@@knightfox4121 it’s very appropriate to ask that. Why? 🙂
@@meganmoore5457 yes, ‘it’. Why did you keep it? You were a kid yourself and probably still are based on that
Help your daughter and do not leave her by herself. NEVER. This is the reason why many new generations are opting to have abortions and refuse to start families, because of the lack of help and the indifference of the parents. Help her please!
Well said
With over 50 birth controls and to get pregnant.? Mom , did you talk to her how her life is going to look like as a baby mama ? She should marry the baby daddy . And comes to the moral values ...I'm having problem with that .
Check out Kevin Samuel to understand .
@@karolinascott8421 i think you meant "not get pregnant" if she knew about the "50" anti-contraceptive you stated are out there 😀
That’s not why it’s because we prioritize having a hot girl summer and being a thot instead of having a. Family. Women are insulted to be stay at home moms when statistics proven family’s with stay at home mom thrive better and the kids do better. New generation is just selfish
Idk if never is an answer. I would say help her and have some expectations set for her, such as working, getting some education. If she does it again then she should also learn to be responsible on her own. Boundaries must be set don't fix her life, it will never end.
“You’re a good mom.” That’s exactly what she needs to hear right now. Love the support and feedback.
Babysit once in a while, give advice when necessary, BUT dont take over her responsibilities as a mother. Let her raise her own child. She needs to understand that she is going to be a mother and its her responsibility to give her child a good stable life.
Dave was more compassionate than I would have expected.
If the daughter worked for him, he'd fire her though.
@@glen46823 if we wants to get sued again.
@@glen46823
Work is a different thing. Family is different again. Your analogy makes no sense.
Dave wouldn't allow his daughter to get into that situation.
@@glen46823 it’s not great that he had to fire a pregnant employee, but I guarantee you it’s because she lied in some way. He is extremely clear how much he hates lying
This was a beautiful response. I was that daughter that was fully supported and loved by my parents after getting pregnant at a young age. I wouldn’t be where I am today without their grace and encouragement ❤️
Wow, this video published on my birthday! Retired teacher of urban schools for 36 years. My mom met my dad at 19, he was killed 3 months before my birth, they were not married. Raised by grandparents- never called a mistake! I ended up adopting a baby from young girl_closed adoption, grown man now, says he was lucky, my family feels the same way. Love conquers all-- we are not following what anybody thinks!! Better to love and help other humans!! Btw, a grandma now..thank you mother for my life 💗🙏RIP!!!
Same❤
The child has two parents not one. The other parent should also be contributing both as a parent and financial support.
Yeah, I was looking for the "Where's the baby's father in this?" He needs to man up and take responsibility.
The caller is a single mom who raised a single mom.
@@megalodon1726 facts. Single Mom epidemic is going to destroy this country.
He can't do that from jail, or why you think she never brought him up in the conversation? lol
Never underestimate a women's ability to make stupid decisions
I helped my daughter as much as I could. And she is a responsible daughter and built a great life for her and her son. . Many years later, she is now married to a wonderful man, graduating from nursing school, and expecting her second baby.
👍
Sure, but what happened to the father of her first baby?
Dave understands... What's done is done... The focus is what's the best path forward.
Oh my gosh, this happened to me. My mom and dad were so wonderful and we worked it out and it was wonderful. My mom was even my Lamaze partner and watched my daughter her granddaughter enter this earth. Now my sweet baby is 33 and both my parents passed away in the last few years. My daughter helped me take care of both of my parents when they were old and with dementia. It all came full circle, but it was not easy with seeing my parents suffering. WE lived with my parents until my baby was 9 and it really was something I would not had wanted to have changed. So many wonderful memories, and my parents loved having us there. They actually were sad when I moved out with my daughter. But it all worked out. Also, we had respect for my parents and so did my daughter. It was not like we lived there without helping out a lot and I was working and going to college.
The caller didn’t mention anything about the guy that got her pregnant. Is he still around??
Is he going to help or what???
He can't help until he meets parole. 😂
Probably not tbh
she doesn't know which one is the father
Exactly!! Crazy
What if a girlfriend invited her to a frat party and they both got drugged and "passed around." Would that make any difference in the grace this daughter needs?
0:39 "My daughter is ... morally sound". Dave's statue impression was going so strong, but the head twitch just had to get out!!!
Thank you for being so kind to the girl. When I got pregnant at 17 I was shunned by every person in my life except my mom and two best friends. That screwed my head up for years.
I liked Dave’s answer. I felt like it was perfectly said. And seems like the daughter is responsible. If she’s keeping the baby then love her and love the baby and create that supportive village but give her the support to later be on her own.
whole point of having kids is to help and raise them
It's funny how the law says we're an adult at 18 and we just suddenly think it's okay to change the way we think, feel, and treat our kids.
Why is it funny?
It’s funny how the law things 40-year-old men should go to jail for having sex with someone who is 17 1/2 but once they’re 18 all the weirdos online start to defend
I was in the daughter’s shoes. I don’t know where I’d be without my parents’ help.
Well you didn't need help making that baby. Except for the guy you made it with. So I figure people who make babies should be ready.
It sounds like the daughter might have Hyperemesis from the way the mom was describing it. I suffered from that during my (also unplanned) pregnancy as well and it was awful. Couldn’t function, had to be hospitalized for periods of time and couldn’t work for almost my entire pregnancy because it was just so hard to control the symptoms and be functional. I feel for her 100%. Dave is so right that this is not a financial lesson. I was 25 and in a steady healthy relationship, with a good paying career and a good amount in savings when I got pregnant and I still felt so scared and unprepared, so I can’t imagine how she must be feeling.
If this was my kid I would absolutely help her best I could! Dave gave a great answer!
My daughter was 17 when she had her daughter we had no thought other than to support her and continue to do so , We expect her to get a job and stand on her own two feet eventually and she will , We were not happy about it but anyone who dared to make her feel bad about it got told to mind their own business ,
We got her to stay in education and she qualified as a nursery nurse . Some people live in the dark ages where unmarried mothers were locked away or looked down on , So glad we have moved forward ,
Sure, but what happened to the father of her daughter?
@@juniorgod321 They are not together but he fully supports his child and has her two night a week ,
Yeah I don’t understand the concept of girls not being married to someone before having unprotected sex.
Thank you for this compassionate message Dave. You capture the essence of what my WWII surviving father was trying to express already 40 years ago, especially the part about celebrating babies instead of regretting them. I think my Dad is looking down from heaven being proud of this program.
My parents did this for me when I fell pregnant at 20. I will forever be grateful. It allowed me to finish my university degree. I moved out when my baby girl was just over 2 years old and I got married when she was almost 4. She is almost 13 now and I have more kids and still happily married. So thankful for my parent's help when I needed them most. My path would be much more difficult if they didn't want to help us. And they have the most precious relationship with my daughter...❤
This one had me in tears. Great answer Dave.
Me too!!😢😢😢.. Dave is so sweet!!
Mom said she has a good work ethic. Foster that. Lower the expectations only as much as necessary. She can't work while pregnant, but can she still do chores and help around the house. Make sure she is doing as much as she. Not because she owes you, but so that she can keep her work ethic and her dignity. It's really hard to feel good about yourself when you CAN'T work. Give her opportunities to contribute.
Thank you Dave, again, for showing the kind and warm side. He was struggling a bit to find appropriate words, but still all are just great.
help her but don’t make her 100% dependent on you……nuff said i’m out!!!!
This one brought me to tears. You can tell Dave Ramsey is a Christian dad.
Dave is a compassionate loving person, regardless of his faith.
Idk how this is even a question. There is no other answer other than you be there for your child and the child they’re carrying. Idc how well off you are or how many mistakes they may have made. If you’re in their life you help, support and get them through it.
Help her as much as you can. Period.
I disagre
The best help mom can provide is by paying for the abortion
She didn't need any help making that baby, so I'm sure that means she's ready. Cough cough.
And taking responsibility in taking birth control and using protection.
You are her mum. Embrace her and love her through this season. Don’t enable her but is not a time to punish her. Love you baby and your grandbaby
Love your daughter and soon grand baby, money can be replaced, time and love can’t be.
Great advice. Mom I add for you -make sure the Baby Daddy is financially responsible for this baby for the duration. We truly hope he will also be responsible to the child with love, responsibility, and a part of the child’s life.
It’s 2023 I don’t understand how this could be a mistake. The potential dad where is he and how he can contribute to this? Be smart and never Raw Dogg in your early adult years.
19 is better than 16 she can probably get back on her feet in a few years with the right moves. Just don’t get into debt. Six years is a good way to look at it.
Dave Ramsey is the best - great advice and wisdom combined with a kind heart.
I appreciate Dave and his morals. Nicely said
I'm crying! What an amazing response. So much grace and wisdom - love and care for your children!
He's amazing!!!
Love papa Dave.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and compassion with all of us.
Bless your heart 🙏🙏🙏
So if you have a Crisis Pregnancy Center they can be loads of help, they offer so very much, from councilors, to parenting classes, and with all the classes completed she can earn items from their story.
Speaking up as a crisis pregnancy center volunteer, I'd like to dispell the myth that centers don't have trained medical staff. I'm sure you can find SOME rare example, but by and large, that's just NOT the case. Our center has a licensed sonographer, multiple NPs and is overseen by board certified OBGYNs.
what a fantastic response from Dave
This made me emotional because I come from a culture where, when they find out you’re pregnant at a young age, you’re immediately kicked out the house and you’re encouraged to get rid of the child.
That just blows my mind. And people wonder why no one wants kids when they don’t feel like they have any support
Thanks papa Dave for sharing grace. People need more of it these days
Very understanding response. I hope her daughter is okay and gets through the illness.
DAVE YOU'RE INCREDIBLE!!! AMAZING ANSWER 👏 ‼️🔥💯💖
This is why I love this show. As a father how would you ever deal with this without ever having heard advise on tough emotional situations like these?
Dave at his best!!! Grandpa/Papa Dave absolutely melts my heart. ❤
I am crying because I had an abortion at 18 because I couldn’t tell my mom I was pregnant. I am still trying to forgive my self at 25😢😢😢
Hugs to you. Find a really good Christian church that will support you in your pain. Your heavenly Father sacrificed his only Son to pay for all of our sins. Confess your abortion to Him and ask for his forgiveness. He loves you more than you can ever know.
I hope you find healing and move on. 🙏🙏
Roman 8:1
Praying for your healing and your baby's beautiful soul ❤
Rachel's Vineyard is a great resource!
Cry out to Jesus. He loves you and wants to forgive you. There are many good videos on YT by women who have had abortions and in their pain and sadness turn to the Lord Jesus who has forgiven them and turned their lives around. You can be healed, and escape the emotional hell that you're going through. Please take care of yourself. xx🌷
This is going to be one loved and fortunate grand baby. Thanks for loving your daughter and your unborn baby. Thanks Dave for your advice.
The mom needs to be compassionate to the daughter. She needs to support her daughter emotionally
Love them both, mother and baby 🕊🕊 Babies are a gift from GOD.
Not if it was rape
No, she is not responsible or Morally sound!
I agree! they should help her out, but that mom is living in a delusion
So where’s the father? Why can’t he help🤦🏼♀️
My mom had me at 14 and my grandma and great-grandma helped her. They’re truly pro-life! The loved /took care of me before and after I was born
Amazing advice. Congratulations Grandma and Mama, hope your daughter recovers well ❤️
Much respect for Dave!
Dave your words are so touching! And coming from you, wow!
Dave, your advice was so kind and genuine.
Have to say I am surprised by Dave’s response. Didn’t expect that but I am glad he feels like that perfect answer to this situation
Oh Dave! Your advice is so spot on. I hope sooo many others hear this message ❤
I have some questions: Why isn't the boyfriend being held responsible in this situation? Why is he getting a pass and not accepting what has happened between the two of them? If the teenage mom and her mother are doing everything, what are we teaching the men out there?
Exactly!
I shouldn’t have to say this but I feel like I have to based on lived experience.
To this girl thank you for being honest enough to tell your family. I knew a girl in college who refused to tell anyone and then denied that she knew she was pregnant for years. I only recently found out from her best friend that yeah she knew the entire time and refused any prenatal care.
As her teammate it was awful and it turned all of our lives into Secret Life of the American Teenager quite literally.
So hats off for the honesty and to the mom being willing to help.
Maybe she told her family and not you because it was neither your business nor your concern?
Why is it so detrimental for everyone to leave their parents house? Imagine if families just stuck together… No more living with crazy roommates, barely being able to afford living, staying in bad relationships for a roof over you and your kids heads, parents getting older and not having help, moms putting kids in daycare to work, eating out because nobody is home to cook or garden… So many of our issues wouldn’t even exist if we had a tribe at home helping.
exactly. some cultures have still stuck to this way of thinking.. it makes sense
I’m always learning something new by watching the Ramsey show. Love it
You are all very kind but if that were my daughter I would encourage her to put the baby up for adoption and support her through the heartache.
This was excellent advice. She made a mistake & it’s changing her life. However mama sounds wonderful & sounds like she’s gonna stay by her side & guide her throughout this; hopefully financial peace. Regardless, excellent advice from Dave.
Dave's compassion and wisdom never cease to amaze me.
This is such a loving and good advice ! Please listen to this man , mothers and grandmothers ...💌
Dave would fire the girl if she worked at his company 😂
immediately
No don’t help her,let her be a grown up
We need to love our children unconditionally. Be a blessing to your daughter and treat her as you would have wanted your mother treat you in that situation.
Be the parent you wish you had when in that position.
“Thank God God has had some mercy”
Family is the most precious gift! Love your grandchild and daughter!
I'm surprised with Dave's response and I love it!
Perfect advice Dave.
Very wise advice ❤.
This was masterfully handled. The only thing missing was “now, sweetie, what’s your household income”.
Such a beautiful response. The grace of God. Amazing thing. God is good.
This is a very kind answer by Dave. Give the kid room to pick herself up again
I'm pleasantly surprised by what Dave said
0.45 Love Daves subtle head movement at morally sound
This mother is amazing. I wish I had this growing up. 💜
Love the head tilt at 47 seconds. Morally sound has really changed since Dave and I were kids. Doesn't mean grace and compassion are not warranted, but not calling out a poor moral choice doesn't help anyone either.
Great advice Dave. Major respect ❤
You help! My daughter had the first child at 16, she got married and had two more children by the age of 20. Her husband walked out while she was pregnant. My daughter and three children moved in with me and I helped her. I took care of grandchildren like they were my own and worked a full time job, while she attended college. She earned a Bachelors Degree, a Masters Degree and a Specialist Degree and is considering doing the PH.D. One of her children has graduated from college. My daughter is a teacher, she owns her own home. Had I not helped this could have been a terrible situation for all concerned....so the best thing to do is HELP!
Dave Ramsey is a beautiful human!
I’m so grateful for my parents. I recently became a mom at 21, got pregnant towards the end of 19. And I would have not been able to do anything without them ❤
Best ever answer Dave, your are THE MAN!
Dave is exactly right here.
When this caller is retired and old, her daughter and grandchild are going to be there for her just as she is for them in this vulnerable time.
You never stop being a parent regardless of how old your children are.
Life is unexpected. You would think that all kids and grandchildren will be there for you when you die. But I have seen many people just put their old folks in a retirement home and move on with their lives. Or they turn out to be ungrateful brats just taking advantage of their elders financially and then don't care about them. I'm not saying it's always the case, but it happens. I have personally seen cases. People make plans in their life, and then life happens.
I love everything about his answer! ❤
Have compassion geez. It’s scary and she needs you now more than ever. God planned this baby from the beginning.
Tbh, I clicked on this just to see how Dave would answer this. Dave answered this perfectly.