He hasn't wanted to combine expenses, but he also doesn't sit down and discuss the finances. People who are saying "well she maybe spending on the cards!" she likely doesn't have access to the cards. If she was overspending on them, if he sat down with her to discuss them, then he would know if she was overspending or not. And she kept her income when she was working not cause she wanted to hoard it but because he wouldn't combine into a central account. I can even understand if they wanted to do a central account for expenses...but she has NO IDEA of their financial health. And that is dangerous. He doesn't want to discuss their financial health...he doesn't want to go to therapy together...sounds like he doesn't like to talk...it is possible he likes to have total control. And it's funny, just cause we are hearing only one side, doesn't mean he isn't a problem. You don't need both sides to know when a marriage needs counseling.
I have a hard time believing that if the husband is that controlling on the finances that he is not controlling in other ways too. Such as limiting who the wife can be friends with (other women), what social activities she can participate in, and maintaining a relationship with her parents/siblings. She says there is no problem other than the finances, but I'm not buying it.
My colleague told her two daughters never to stop working unless they were financially independent. Their father had cheated on her, and the only reason she was able to leave is because she had a part-time job making at least some money.
Good advice for anyone. Women joining the workforce and doubling the supply of labor drove down wages, which is why it takes 2 incomes today for most households to get by, but not sure there's a good alternative.
I worked at a bank call center. I talked to several surviving spouses, retirement age, the other spouse was the one who was good at managing money. So a 71 year old who never learned to manage money because they were making mistakes and paying fees, has to learn the hard way late in life without help or guidance. 😢
@@genxx2724 They come from a generation where women could not have control of money. It was not until the late 70s that wives could get credit in their own name.
Yeah, red flag. There's no reason she shouldn't have access to their combined finances as long as she hasn't given him a reason to not trust her. It also could be that he doesn't give her access because he's got something to hide.
Listening to callers like this reminds me how incredibly blest I am to have my husband. I was a stay at home mum for 5 years. Every pay day hubby would say "we" got paid. I pray this woman finds a way out of this situation.
This is why I will never agree to be a Stay At Home anything. Never depending on anyone else for my survival. She should go back to work and make her own money.
I think you missed the point of the call. And one of the fundamentals of Dave’s advice. It doesn’t matter who makes some money, every dime is shared and the second you get married, you should be combining your finances. It’s totally OK if both parties of a marriage work. But your independence should not be tied to your paycheck. and if the only way that you feel secure in a relationship is to work, your relationship is fundamentally broken
She will definitely end up a broke single mother on welfare 💯 and I'm a SAHM. But I have full control over the finances and financial planning. He will definitely leave her and the kids.
im a stay at home mom but i do all the finances and just do weekly checkins with my husband so he knows whats what on each account cause he knows im better at budjeting and bill tracking. he says its our money not his. i worked till kids but it was always our money even then im even the primary on some accounts cause since he worked during the day i had to open some and then he would add himself later which was faster
I’d like to hear the side of his story……… I used to refinance houses. I ran into an alarming amount of couples where the husband worked and the wife took care of the bills and children. Meanwhile they’re in 50K-75K of credit card debt and the husband didn’t even know because she paid the bills every month. Those were always terrible phone calls reading off their credit report.
I know a couple like that. Hubby works, wife runs the household - but the wife is not the one with the credit card. Hubby buys whatever strikes his fancy and it's up to his wife to figure out how to fit the credit card bill into the budget. Oh, and he doesn't like to discuss money.
As an older single female who saved & scrimped all her life I have to yell Red Flag!! My ex (kids step-dad) apparently thought I was a honey pot cause I was so good with $$. Then I got a small inheritance from my dad. Before I could get the trust set up & protect accounts, he managed to rob me of that 200k+. Also decided he didn’t need to work much (or at all) & it all happened so fast. She needs to protect herself.
This is one of the risks that woman take when they marry an older man who is the sole breadwinner. She mentioned the 12 year age gap for a reason. Nothing wrong with him being the sole provider, but it seems to be at the expense of him being very controlling with her. She’s probably just a trophy wife to him.
Sounds like this guy just doesn't want her to know how he spends his money - as Dave said, "there's something going on here". Does he love his kids? I'm mostly worried when a wife does not have information or access to the finances What if he dies tomorrow - how will she access the accounts and insurance etc. I hope FPU teaches people to prepare for disasters with joint policies and beneficiary and power of attorney designations, etc.
It really seems like they didn’t set up clear norms about how they wanted to handle money when she went to stay home . It’s good that she’s establishing now what she wants and they can now have some concrete discusions about weather they want the same thing . It’s a shame they weren’t on the same page before she went home . Hard to imagine that he’d have just suddenly after 6 years of seperate finances have known she expected that to all change . Poor communication makes so many problems
@@MR-fn7rw yeah she may find he just never is willing to . I’m just saying it’s unfortunate they got married without agreeing to what they wanted to do . If she wanted it small combined it would have been best to fully agree to that prior to marrige . Instead it sounds like she wanted that and knew he didn’t and got married and then hoped fpu would bring him around . That’s not the best plan . There’s stuff I’m not negotiable on in my marrige . But all that stuff I discussed with my wife ahead of time and we reached agreement . She had some stuff as well that we also reached agreement on . That’s in my view the correct way to go about it
Ok devil's advocate here. What if, there's reasons for that amount of control? Has she been financially responsible or is there a reason for such extreme? If she's been as perfect as she sounds, then there's a problem. She states that is the only part in the relationship that is problematic.
Of course there is a reason. He works hard and wants to save some so he doesn't have to work till he keels over. So he put her on a budget. He is a high earner. She enjoys a nice lifestyle. So he limits her spending because he can. She's not shopping at goodwill or dollar tree. When she wants some more, he gives it to her, she even said that. But she doesn't get a blank check because then they would just be broke rich people. I wish someone would abuse me by paying all my bills but not letting me spend without any limit. It must be so hard for her! Boo hoo!
I find this interesting because on one side if she just is a stay-at-home mother how much money does, she really need to take care of the kids but on the other side of that it is nice to know how much money you and or your spouse because you need that security of knowing how much you have. And I can imagine it would be scary to be completely in the dark about your finances in today's world.
“Just” a stay at home mom? She is raising his 3 kids. As a recent stay at home mom I realize it’s not just babysitting, you are basically household manager. Since my husband works all day he doesn’t know when and what groceries we need. When the TP is low etc. also I have more time to keep a detailed budget. I know where the money goes and when bills are due. The fact that he gives her an “allowance” that barely covers groceries and bills is terrifying. Every one needs fun money too. She’s basically a slave if she gets nothing for the work she does. The only money he allows her access to is to fill his own fridge.
@@juliamc77 yeah if her story is all true, that's absolutely ridiculous. I have a coworker who relied on her husband's income for a while, but when she started buying stuff like shoes or whatever, he would start questioning a bit, so she got her own job. I would never consider giving my wife a super small allowance. Like tf. We're supposed to be partners.
@@juliamc77 My mother was also a stay-at-home mom but what I mean by the word "just" is that from my view of seeing my mother do it being a stay-at-home mom does not require the need for let's throw a number of like 100 thousand dollars like her husband was making.
She needs access in case something happens to him. How would she live if she couldn’t get to the money. I think this is a real problem besides money he is controlling everything.
He doesn't have to involved her. It's his money. She'll get hers when he gets tired of her trying to take control and gives her half to go away, or half of what they can find anyways. Real men with money don't actually have any. Ask Dave.
A prime exemple of a man who think about the future for his family by making the sacrifice now so they can enjoy later. But no she want to sabotage that journey to wealth and dave is helping her to do so
I can’t say what I really think of her husband, because this is a polite , family friendly space, but let’s just I’m say I’m not a fan of his. But I also would say that, as much as I sympathize for this woman, she did choose to marry this guy, so that says something about her too. Dave’s answer is right on. Not a financial problem, but a serious marriage problem.
This advice is ♉♉♉ ........ Suggesting divorce before getting all the information? - Could she be an excessive spender and he had to reign-in her spending by not giving her full control. - Also, no high earning woman ever agrees to give up control of her financed to any man, especially if he is not contributing anything financially. Why are men then constantly required to be the one to surrender their finances to a women, who aren't bringing in anything financially?
This odd. My wife is 19 years younger and we have almost everything in her name now! I will die before her so I want things to be easy for her when I’m am gone. If you don’t trust your spouse then they are not your equal partner.
I mean yall are right but if thats what she signed up for then its go be hard to walk it back … unless its something she is not telling but she said its great besides this … maybe she needs to tell him she is scared …
This is NOT how a spouse is supposed to treat you, PERIOD. It does not matter at all what debt she brought, what her credit score is or even what she looks like. This 1000% is financial abuse. She is not being able to see what money is coming into her home with her spouse. No excuse for behavior like that, NONE. Ladies, do not be fooled this is not love it is control. That is why if you can always work and keep money on the side. If you have to run you can and you are not stuck financially.
Dont worry, dudes making 250k dont run out of options no matter how much people like you complain. If she doesnt like being on an allowance, he can choose from all the other women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. There are many. No other dude making 250 will give her a second look. Because men dont want single moms
Dude, no. The head of household equates to what we think of as a team captain. He's not playing the game by himself and shouldn't be. Marriage vows declare you as one. You aren't efficient when half your brain is turned off. After God had just made Adam out of dust, what do you think the symbology of making Eve out of his rib implies? Together, they're whole. The inability to understand this is why so many people will never be granted the marital happiness God wants us to have. A husband's duty is to love his wife, and the Bible also says where your heart is is where you put your treasure. This husband is in the wrong, and not only by "feminist" standards. @benmyers9030
She should already have her own account opened, with a minimum 25k deposited into it if the total combine finances is a deal killer for him. Wondering where the counselor is gonna lead her if he doesn't budge
Not exactly creepy, just very old school and abnormal by modern marriage norms. Ultimately she chose to be a stay at home mom and she’s chosen to stay all this time. She’s an adult she can change things up whenever she wants.
@@JustinCase780 she. Can. Literally. Divorce. Him. 👏 And I’m NOT saying that he’s in the right.. he’s selfish maybe. But it’s not creepy for him to maintain full control of the money HE makes. This isn’t 1925.. a woman doesn’t need her husband’s consent to open a bank account or get a job. She’s the housewife of a well off guy who’s a control freak.. she married him. Idk what to tell you. But his selfishness doesn’t make him creepy, at least he’s a provider. The word creepy is so overused, like do you even know what that word means ?
@@Eric_Bassett He is not providing chit, he is abusing this woman and her children. He eats, uses TP and so does the woman and their 3 kids. He is abusive to withold relevant info from his wife who likely had 3 kids boom, boom, boom. He is treating them like stray cats being thrown crumbs.
I dont understand the problem here tbh. Like its his money. If she wants money, she should go to work. They have more than enough income to hire a baby sitter, they can pay 50/50 for the baby sitter. I dont agree for a second that just bcs youre married you should defualt to giving full control to your partner. Just for them to have a chance of completely fucking up your entire life bcs most marriages fail these days. Ive been with people i trusted whole heartedly, with absolutely no doubt they would do anything. Just for them to break that trust later. People are only trust worthy, until they decide not to be. And realistically that can be anyone, any time. Doesnt matter how close you are
Should I be giving my wife more freedom with money? She has full access to spend money, but I try to limit our fun money to just $200 each per month(although I usually give up my amount to her). If I don't keep track of the money, she tends to spend anywhere between 1000-3000 on unnecessary expenses. I feel guilty controlling our money, but if I don't control it, then we spend more than we make.
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In that situation- you are being a good steward over the finances of your honeymoon.
I suppose most of the Andrew Tate watchers here are going to say this man is a winner and the idea of respecting and trusting your wife and mother of your children with the bank account is “simping”.
Councilors… really? They council for one spouse over the other. It’s obvious once you sit down with them. My wife was asked in one of the first consultations, “ Is he lazy?”. I’m an Electrical Engineer. I refused to go back. So called “councilors” are morons. Don’t put ANY faith in them. Work it out yourself. It isn’t difficult. Just stop being scared.
Oh hell no! No booty, no cooking, no laundry, no nothing until I'd have access. I'd make life an everliving hell if I had no access. He's hiding and controlling. Terrible combination!!
@@NobodySpecial509 no she’ll get half his money, alimony, and child support. I’m sorry you don’t know the difference between trivial matters and being in a relationship with someone someone’s controlling. Is it because you’re a controlling person yourself & think this kind of behavior is acceptable?
@@firegirljen far more familiar than you might imagine, from both perspectives, during nearly 20 years of practice as a clinical psychologist. This woman wants for nothing other than access to the money and said as much herself during the call. She would be foolish not to solve this problem through means other than divorce. Many women do marry with plans to divorce later and cash out, hence cash and prizes. Certainly not all of women marry with an exit strategy in mind, but it happens more than you think.
She thinks her marriage is so great otherwise. NOPE! It isn't. Please listen to Dave, but hubby is not going to go along with any changes. He likes the status quo.
She could wait till the marriage reaches 10 years, then file for divorce. She'll get alimony and half of the marital income. The money he's keeping her from will be hers.
Sounds like he don't trust her spending. Been there done that. When she worked she kept everything? Dont sound like abuse sounds like hes the responsible one.
Dave gave her bad advice. Notice how he never once tells her to go to Jesus about the problem. Dave is always saying how he knows the Bible, then why doesn't he believe it? He even pushes her in the direction of divorce! YIKES! No way Jesus would ever do that for this situation. The proper advice to give this woman is to ask Jesus if she's right in this situation. If she is, then Jesus will take care of it. As a side note. Look at how Dave's daughter calls him by his first name instead of "dad." Totally disrespects the hierarchy God set for the family.
Did you missed the part that when she worked he paid all the bills and she got to keep all the money she earned. That’s not controlling please watch full vidoe
She isn't even on the accounts. My first thought was, what is he hiding? She's going to be shocked if she finally gets a look at their finances. He is controlling her by keeping her cut off from money. This is abuse. She needs to talk to an attorney. Consults are free.
Huge red flag- this is 100% financial abuse. My dad did the same thing to my mom, and it was all about control. When she threatened divorce, he told her he’d leave her and us kids on the street, penniless. In reality, she would have gotten more money from the divorce than the “allowance” he gave her. This isn’t the father you want for your children- he wants to control you, and he doesn’t respect you or your children. Your first priority should be doing what’s best for your children! Remember, you’re legally responsible for half your husband’s debt- you NEED to find out what the finances look like. No excuses.
My dad was 12 years older than my mum. Was a huge career man and my mum was a stay at home mum. He was so generous and loving and kind, my mum had full access to everything and whenever he bought a piece of real estate, he would put the deed in my mum's name saying that he didn't need anything as long as his family was ok. The very last house he purchased, where he lived till he passed away and my mum still lives, she forced him to put in his name for once so that he also owned "something". These kinds of stories make me appreciate him even more, and I'm grateful that he was my father. I love him and miss him everyday.
In 2024 with the internet why do women continue to put themselves in this situation? You don’t even ask for money, you simply start a job & find a baby sitter that you’ll pay a month after your first pay check. Don’t even bother to tell him unless asks. THat will get his attention
I don't understand how women (or any spouse) think it's okay to have money withheld from them. I dated a guy that showed these flags early on and I LEFT!!!
If you grew up in an abusive household (verbal abuse, psychological abuse, addiction, physical abuse, sexu@l abuse), then abusive behavior seems normal. Those of us who grew up in abusive households find ourselves in partnerships with abusive people. It’s not until we are aware of our abusive backgrounds that we can make changes to our current and future lives. The lucky ones leave toxic relationships and build a great future for themselves. The unlucky ones stay and try to survive in misery. When I left my abusive ex husband, he nearly drained our entire savings account. It went from $8500 to $2500. He later told me that he didn’t have to leave me anything. He tried to pull off some other financial shenanigans, but they didn’t work. I told my attorney about everything and it was all submitted in my legal paperwork.
That’s how I treat my wife. She has access to all our accounts because…wait for this…I trust and respect my wife and do not treat her like a wayward child who I married and had children with.
It’s not about the money, it’s about control through creating financial dependence. It’s a terrible situation to live under and breeds fear and resentment.
@@pamforrester844 Good theory. Now what happens when the woman is pregnant with a difficult pregnancy with a c-section, or the family has a few kids preschool age and they want mom to stay home with the kids instead of day care all day? She would have to do way MORE work than the man if she had to be pregnant three times, nurse and care for the kids AND have a job that can support her “just in case” he won’t share their community funds? That sounds like a ridiculous deal.
@@genxx2724 They have more than one child. Who do you think did all that WORK? And she is raising them instead of daycare. Have you ever been pregnant multiple times? When men can have the children we can talk about equality. Women STILL earn less than men and their rights to reproductive choices are being taken away constantly.
He doesn’t want a wife. He wants an employee. She probably comes from very modest background and I’d be willing to bet he holds his income and lifestyle over her head as bait to stay.
@@stevenporter863 rarely the case when you hear stories like this. Besides she worked up until 2 years ago, and now he’s acting like her father. Sure we didn’t hear both sides but I’d liked to have heard at least more from her. Also did I hear her say he refused marriage counseling? I need to listen to it again. Another red flag. Will he give her the money for her own counseling sessions, because she can’t go unless she ASKS for it. That’s not a fair relationship.
@@stevenporter863 he still refused to go (I think?). And usually there is a $20-40 dollar copay so shes still asking for money for counseling if that’s the case. She shouldn’t have to ask, at all.
This is absolute control and power. She probably should go back to work! I hope this marriage will not end up with this young mother, broke and emotionally broken.
I have seen within our family This is bad. Unless there is some other mental issue ha is being very controlling. I worked and my wife stay home raising our children during part of our marriage. She always had full access to all our finances.
This is absolutely financial abuse! I witnessed it with a former friend's family. They were a middle class family with FIVE children, so the mother gave up her career to become a SAHM. While the father had a new car every few years, the mother drove the same maroon minivan for most of my childhood. Although I don't know much about their household since this was my brother's friend, there was one incident that stood out. My brother and I went out to eat with their family, taking two cars because we wouldn't fit in one vehicle. The father said no one under 13 was allowed in his new car, which at the time only included the oldest brother who was probably 14 or so. As the mother was busy getting the two youngest children ready, the father left without telling her, taking only the oldest son. When we arrived at the restaurant 30-40 minutes later, they were finishing their food. As they were leaving the table, the mother asked her husband for money. He told her to take us to McDonald's and left with the son. We ended up going to McDonald's and the park and had a blast. However, I remember the mother being somber the whole time.
My dude kept that shit 100 she took too long so now she gotta take the kids to McDonald’s. She ain’t going to leave she got kids. Settle for a brokie clean up man maybe. Woman complain about anything. You could be homeless and raped daily yet these women still find shit to bitch about.
I'm widowed, but when I was married, my husband took care of the bigger money, and I took care of the day to day expenses. I did get a certain amount each paycheck to run the household. It worked for many years. I'm glad we were so careful with money because when he passed away, I had control of everything, and our children and I are doing well. This woman would benefit more financially by divorcing him, then he will see just how much money she is entitled to.
My wife tried that, and I took her to the cleaners. Now, she is forced to work, I have custody of the kids, and she is paying me child support. Grass isn't always greener, careful what you ask for!
Your comment is really disgusting. Advising a woman you don’t know anything going on around her household is really bad of you. Just because she came online saying all this doesn’t make it true. I have seen one of my aunt lie with impunity towards a man that gives her everything. Now she’s suffering after making same decision you are advising this woman.
Take the keys when he doesn't get what he wants, momey,car,cards, anything everything his control . If I worked he was mad I wasn't tending to his needs if I didn't work I was useless. Tired of silent treatment egg shells yelling gas lighting had to go after I realized he was a narcissists after 2 yrs you tube videos lee hammack..
I love this so much because I was in a marriage where I don't/didn't think he was purposely making me dependent on him but that is how it ended up. I allowed it to happen but in the end I had to re learn how to be independent. I went to a counselor for "my" problems, because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling, but really it was a control thing on his part. Seeing this conversation can be so healthy and healing for so many.
My wife is horrible with money ,I payed for everything she doesn’t want to work a full time job. When we separated she ran off with her pension I didn’t see a dime of it.bad credit so yes I keep my own checking account. Stayed for my children. So this might be this man’s side of the story. Never take a woman at face value without getting both sides of the story!
I paid the bills from my paycheck but had to ask my ex for money when expenses exceeded my paycheck. He got pisswd and wanted to see the budget - when I pulled up receipts that showed 1K a month on booze he shut up then came home next day with Stoli instead of KettleOne. During the inevitable divorce… he thought he could lock me out of his acct. Lawyers fixed that - Power grabs and greed is no joke - I agree she needs community that can also serve to ensurre her safety. On a positive note - I ended up with the most valuable assets…the kids ❤
I don’t think the 12 year age gap is to blame. Not on a tone. I’m 11 years older than my wife and we share every penny. My best friend is 10 years older than his wife and they share every penny.
She was 22 and I was 33 when we met 47 years ago. Both our names are on everything except we each have a couple of our own credit cards. We have several shared credit cards. Most out of pocket spending goes on a card,. I pay some of the bills, she pays some of the bills. Everything is paid from one joint account, that both our incomes go into. We are beneficiaries on each others retirement accounts. We don't carry any month to month debt any more, except a small low rate mortgage. Now retired 23 & 14 years.
Yeah I bet he either is grossly lying about his income, is spending it on shady crap like being in debt to gambling. Is cheating, or some combination of the three. I remember one true crime video where the husband completely the finances and was basically lying the whole time about being rich and when he got close to being found out he murdered the whole family for example. I'd say the most common thing though would be cheating mixed with having control over the other spouse being the motivating factors for completely blocking somebody from the family finances.
@@mtbokor1969yep, unless you get a judge that says since you hold all resources, you get custody of children. It’s rare but it has happened. On another note, I knew someone who literally spent all of his money, burned through everything so his wife wouldn’t get anything. Petty Rosevelt to the max
I could see him doing this if she refused to stick to a budget and was always overspending their accounts. The default should be a mutually agreed upon budget that they both stick to and agree on any changes. If she refuses to stick to it and is spending the rent money on clothes, then yes, he needs to put her on an allowance for the sake of financial solvency. But if that is occuring, there are other huge problems with their marriage too.
His mistress is not going to like this woman sniffing around their finances
😂😂😂
@@champagne4bfast
That's exactly what I was thinking.
BOOM!!!
Isn’t $250,000 enough for two households?!? 😮
He hasn't wanted to combine expenses, but he also doesn't sit down and discuss the finances. People who are saying "well she maybe spending on the cards!" she likely doesn't have access to the cards. If she was overspending on them, if he sat down with her to discuss them, then he would know if she was overspending or not.
And she kept her income when she was working not cause she wanted to hoard it but because he wouldn't combine into a central account.
I can even understand if they wanted to do a central account for expenses...but she has NO IDEA of their financial health. And that is dangerous.
He doesn't want to discuss their financial health...he doesn't want to go to therapy together...sounds like he doesn't like to talk...it is possible he likes to have total control.
And it's funny, just cause we are hearing only one side, doesn't mean he isn't a problem. You don't need both sides to know when a marriage needs counseling.
I have a hard time believing that if the husband is that controlling on the finances that he is not controlling in other ways too. Such as limiting who the wife can be friends with (other women), what social activities she can participate in, and maintaining a relationship with her parents/siblings. She says there is no problem other than the finances, but I'm not buying it.
My colleague told her two daughters never to stop working unless they were financially independent. Their father had cheated on her, and the only reason she was able to leave is because she had a part-time job making at least some money.
Good advice for anyone. Women joining the workforce and doubling the supply of labor drove down wages, which is why it takes 2 incomes today for most households to get by, but not sure there's a good alternative.
I worked at a bank call center. I talked to several surviving spouses, retirement age, the other spouse was the one who was good at managing money. So a 71 year old who never learned to manage money because they were making mistakes and paying fees, has to learn the hard way late in life without help or guidance. 😢
Today’s 70-year-olds should know better.
@@genxx2724 They come from a generation where women could not have control of money. It was not until the late 70s that wives could get credit in their own name.
Yeah, red flag. There's no reason she shouldn't have access to their combined finances as long as she hasn't given him a reason to not trust her. It also could be that he doesn't give her access because he's got something to hide.
Sounds like he was taken by another woman in his past.
If he didn't trust her with finances, why would he put managing the bills on her? This would not add up
@@Drumbeat52 She said "He's always been on his own." so that seems unlikely.
It's his money. He needs to trade this garden tool in for a younger version.
@@Drumbeat52so what? Dont punish her!
Listening to callers like this reminds me how incredibly blest I am to have my husband. I was a stay at home mum for 5 years. Every pay day hubby would say "we" got paid. I pray this woman finds a way out of this situation.
This is why I will never agree to be a Stay At Home anything. Never depending on anyone else for my survival. She should go back to work and make her own money.
I think you missed the point of the call. And one of the fundamentals of Dave’s advice. It doesn’t matter who makes some money, every dime is shared and the second you get married, you should be combining your finances. It’s totally OK if both parties of a marriage work. But your independence should not be tied to your paycheck. and if the only way that you feel secure in a relationship is to work, your relationship is fundamentally broken
She will definitely end up a broke single mother on welfare 💯 and I'm a SAHM. But I have full control over the finances and financial planning. He will definitely leave her and the kids.
im a stay at home mom but i do all the finances and just do weekly checkins with my husband so he knows whats what on each account cause he knows im better at budjeting and bill tracking. he says its our money not his. i worked till kids but it was always our money even then
im even the primary on some accounts cause since he worked during the day i had to open some and then he would add himself later which was faster
I’d like to hear the side of his story………
I used to refinance houses. I ran into an alarming amount of couples where the husband worked and the wife took care of the bills and children.
Meanwhile they’re in 50K-75K of credit card debt and the husband didn’t even know because she paid the bills every month.
Those were always terrible phone calls reading off their credit report.
Or the husband is blowing it on hookers and booze. But sure let's blame the female.
I know a couple like that. Hubby works, wife runs the household - but the wife is not the one with the credit card. Hubby buys whatever strikes his fancy and it's up to his wife to figure out how to fit the credit card bill into the budget. Oh, and he doesn't like to discuss money.
That’s definitely the flip side but there’s also a reality that’s more balanced. She should have access to money no matter what.
As an older single female who saved & scrimped all her life I have to yell Red Flag!! My ex (kids step-dad) apparently thought I was a honey pot cause I was so good with $$. Then I got a small inheritance from my dad. Before I could get the trust set up & protect accounts, he managed to rob me of that 200k+. Also decided he didn’t need to work much (or at all) & it all happened so fast. She needs to protect herself.
This is one of the risks that woman take when they marry an older man who is the sole breadwinner. She mentioned the 12 year age gap for a reason. Nothing wrong with him being the sole provider, but it seems to be at the expense of him being very controlling with her. She’s probably just a trophy wife to him.
This isn't a money problem. But a relationship problem.
This is coercive control, his behaviour is going to escalate. He's a dangerous man.
Sounds like this guy just doesn't want her to know how he spends his money - as Dave said, "there's something going on here". Does he love his kids? I'm mostly worried when a wife does not have information or access to the finances What if he dies tomorrow - how will she access the accounts and insurance etc. I hope FPU teaches people to prepare for disasters with joint policies and beneficiary and power of attorney designations, etc.
It really seems like they didn’t set up clear norms about how they wanted to handle money when she went to stay home . It’s good that she’s establishing now what she wants and they can now have some concrete discusions about weather they want the same thing .
It’s a shame they weren’t on the same page before she went home .
Hard to imagine that he’d have just suddenly after 6 years of seperate finances have known she expected that to all change .
Poor communication makes so many problems
They went through FPU together and he still didn’t want too
@@MR-fn7rw yeah she may find he just never is willing to . I’m just saying it’s unfortunate they got married without agreeing to what they wanted to do . If she wanted it small combined it would have been best to fully agree to that prior to marrige . Instead it sounds like she wanted that and knew he didn’t and got married and then hoped fpu would bring him around . That’s not the best plan . There’s stuff I’m not negotiable on in my marrige . But all that stuff I discussed with my wife ahead of time and we reached agreement . She had some stuff as well that we also reached agreement on . That’s in my view the correct way to go about it
Ok devil's advocate here. What if, there's reasons for that amount of control? Has she been financially responsible or is there a reason for such extreme? If she's been as perfect as she sounds, then there's a problem. She states that is the only part in the relationship that is problematic.
Of course there is a reason. He works hard and wants to save some so he doesn't have to work till he keels over. So he put her on a budget. He is a high earner. She enjoys a nice lifestyle. So he limits her spending because he can. She's not shopping at goodwill or dollar tree. When she wants some more, he gives it to her, she even said that. But she doesn't get a blank check because then they would just be broke rich people. I wish someone would abuse me by paying all my bills but not letting me spend without any limit. It must be so hard for her! Boo hoo!
I find this interesting because on one side if she just is a stay-at-home mother how much money does, she really need to take care of the kids but on the other side of that it is nice to know how much money you and or your spouse because you need that security of knowing how much you have. And I can imagine it would be scary to be completely in the dark about your finances in today's world.
It's not just nice, it's absolutely mandatory.
“Just” a stay at home mom? She is raising his 3 kids. As a recent stay at home mom I realize it’s not just babysitting, you are basically household manager. Since my husband works all day he doesn’t know when and what groceries we need. When the TP is low etc. also I have more time to keep a detailed budget. I know where the money goes and when bills are due. The fact that he gives her an “allowance” that barely covers groceries and bills is terrifying. Every one needs fun money too. She’s basically a slave if she gets nothing for the work she does. The only money he allows her access to is to fill his own fridge.
It's a huge mistake for couples with such different views on marriage and finances to marry.
@@juliamc77 yeah if her story is all true, that's absolutely ridiculous. I have a coworker who relied on her husband's income for a while, but when she started buying stuff like shoes or whatever, he would start questioning a bit, so she got her own job.
I would never consider giving my wife a super small allowance. Like tf. We're supposed to be partners.
@@juliamc77 My mother was also a stay-at-home mom but what I mean by the word "just" is that from my view of seeing my mother do it being a stay-at-home mom does not require the need for let's throw a number of like 100 thousand dollars like her husband was making.
The real question they need to ask is have you misbehaved with money in the past. Then you can work on that.
My ex wife took my card away because she said I was spending too much money. Funny thing was after that we still didn't have money
She needs access in case something happens to him. How would she live if she couldn’t get to the money. I think this is a real problem besides money he is controlling everything.
She’s better off divorce him and get 50% if he continues to behave this way, just saying.
He doesn't have to involved her. It's his money. She'll get hers when he gets tired of her trying to take control and gives her half to go away, or half of what they can find anyways. Real men with money don't actually have any. Ask Dave.
You are a jerk 😒
A prime exemple of a man who think about the future for his family by making the sacrifice now so they can enjoy later. But no she want to sabotage that journey to wealth and dave is helping her to do so
Thats the problem- he makes the money and controls it and you dont
Sad situation. Husband is a control freak. Wish Dave could pay this guy a face-to-face visit and explain FPU to him AGAIN... LOL!!!
the day we got back from the honeymoon my wife and I opened a brand new checking account together
I can’t say what I really think of her husband, because this is a polite , family friendly space, but let’s just I’m say I’m not a fan of his. But I also would say that, as much as I sympathize for this woman, she did choose to marry this guy, so that says something about her too. Dave’s answer is right on. Not a financial problem, but a serious marriage problem.
And 12 year age gap is suspicious too. He’s probably one of those podcast bros who just wants a maid, chef and babysitter! Red flag
He can give her access to his accounts now or he can pay her through the nose in the divorce. This is financial and emotional abuse.
I would like to know his side of the story. It's possible she had access previously and went hog wild.
Doesn’t sound like it. Sounds like they never combined finances.
He's 12 years older than her, has a lot of money, and agreed for her to have no income!
She could be lying to we don’t know
This advice is ♉♉♉ ........ Suggesting divorce before getting all the information?
- Could she be an excessive spender and he had to reign-in her spending by not giving her full control.
- Also, no high earning woman ever agrees to give up control of her financed to any man, especially if he is not contributing anything financially.
Why are men then constantly required to be the one to surrender their finances to a women, who aren't bringing in anything financially?
Because men are the providers of the family.
At least a joint account with weekly transfers
This odd. My wife is 19 years younger and we have almost everything in her name now! I will die before her so I want things to be easy for her when I’m am gone. If you don’t trust your spouse then they are not your equal partner.
Dave suggest she leave if he doesn't change, but where is she going to go with three kids an no access to money, the woman is trapped!
I mean yall are right but if thats what she signed up for then its go be hard to walk it back … unless its something she is not telling but she said its great besides this … maybe she needs to tell him she is scared …
Could be a terrible spender and bad with money. If she is frugal and responsible, he needs to stop being ridiculous.
This is NOT how a spouse is supposed to treat you, PERIOD. It does not matter at all what debt she brought, what her credit score is or even what she looks like. This 1000% is financial abuse. She is not being able to see what money is coming into her home with her spouse. No excuse for behavior like that, NONE. Ladies, do not be fooled this is not love it is control. That is why if you can always work and keep money on the side. If you have to run you can and you are not stuck financially.
Exactly. So many insecure men in these comments. They’re quick to get their partner pregnant three times yet not allow them to combine finances.
Dont worry, dudes making 250k dont run out of options no matter how much people like you complain. If she doesnt like being on an allowance, he can choose from all the other women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. There are many. No other dude making 250 will give her a second look. Because men dont want single moms
@@BriannaEmilyshes not his partner shes his wife. He is head of the household. Thats what you cant comprehend. Not everyone is a feminist
Dude, no. The head of household equates to what we think of as a team captain. He's not playing the game by himself and shouldn't be. Marriage vows declare you as one. You aren't efficient when half your brain is turned off. After God had just made Adam out of dust, what do you think the symbology of making Eve out of his rib implies? Together, they're whole. The inability to understand this is why so many people will never be granted the marital happiness God wants us to have. A husband's duty is to love his wife, and the Bible also says where your heart is is where you put your treasure. This husband is in the wrong, and not only by "feminist" standards. @benmyers9030
It matters a lot
She should already have her own account opened, with a minimum 25k deposited into it if the total combine finances is a deal killer for him. Wondering where the counselor is gonna lead her if he doesn't budge
This should be a top topic of discussion...
BEFORE MARRIAGE!
Holy bananas this is creepy. "I can ask him for $20..." Wow and sadly the kids are going to be screwed up watching this stuff.
You are right. The kids will remember this for life
Not exactly creepy, just very old school and abnormal by modern marriage norms. Ultimately she chose to be a stay at home mom and she’s chosen to stay all this time. She’s an adult she can change things up whenever she wants.
@@Eric_Bassett He's not allowing her to change up anything. He's a control freak and yea creepy.
@@JustinCase780 she. Can. Literally. Divorce. Him. 👏
And I’m NOT saying that he’s in the right.. he’s selfish maybe. But it’s not creepy for him to maintain full control of the money HE makes. This isn’t 1925.. a woman doesn’t need her husband’s consent to open a bank account or get a job. She’s the housewife of a well off guy who’s a control freak.. she married him. Idk what to tell you. But his selfishness doesn’t make him creepy, at least he’s a provider. The word creepy is so overused, like do you even know what that word means ?
@@Eric_Bassett He is not providing chit, he is abusing this woman and her children. He eats, uses TP and so does the woman and their 3 kids. He is abusive to withold relevant info from his wife who likely had 3 kids boom, boom, boom. He is treating them like stray cats being thrown crumbs.
I dont understand the problem here tbh. Like its his money. If she wants money, she should go to work. They have more than enough income to hire a baby sitter, they can pay 50/50 for the baby sitter.
I dont agree for a second that just bcs youre married you should defualt to giving full control to your partner. Just for them to have a chance of completely fucking up your entire life bcs most marriages fail these days.
Ive been with people i trusted whole heartedly, with absolutely no doubt they would do anything. Just for them to break that trust later. People are only trust worthy, until they decide not to be. And realistically that can be anyone, any time. Doesnt matter how close you are
Rachel added zero to this call. Like, why bother? Its annoying at best.
Should I be giving my wife more freedom with money? She has full access to spend money, but I try to limit our fun money to just $200 each per month(although I usually give up my amount to her).
If I don't keep track of the money, she tends to spend anywhere between 1000-3000 on unnecessary expenses. I feel guilty controlling our money, but if I don't control it, then we spend more than we make.
In that situation- you are being a good steward over the finances of your honeymoon.
Straight to divorce from this control freak.
I suppose most of the Andrew Tate watchers here are going to say this man is a winner and the idea of respecting and trusting your wife and mother of your children with the bank account is “simping”.
💯!! I hope she leaves and takes half.
Who cares what what that s3x traffic has to say
Andrew Tate viewers make Andrew Tate rich and famous. They don't do anything else, especially for themselves.
😂😂😂😂😎😎😎
This is why women shouldn’t quit work, there is not a way out!
She brings it up to husband, he says “wait, you want *more* money? You already spend everything I give you”
Councilors… really? They council for one spouse over the other. It’s obvious once you sit down with them. My wife was asked in one of the first consultations, “ Is he lazy?”. I’m an Electrical Engineer. I refused to go back. So called “councilors” are morons. Don’t put ANY faith in them. Work it out yourself. It isn’t difficult. Just stop being scared.
Oh hell no! No booty, no cooking, no laundry, no nothing until I'd have access. I'd make life an everliving hell if I had no access. He's hiding and controlling. Terrible combination!!
Sincerely, I hope this woman files for divorce
So she can go on food stamps & welfare? lol! They need help to work through this, everyone divorces on the dime now, so ridiculous & childish.
@@NobodySpecial509 no she’ll get half his money, alimony, and child support. I’m sorry you don’t know the difference between trivial matters and being in a relationship with someone someone’s controlling. Is it because you’re a controlling person yourself & think this kind of behavior is acceptable?
@@mpeugeot prizes? Are you not familiar with how divorce works?
@@firegirljen far more familiar than you might imagine, from both perspectives, during nearly 20 years of practice as a clinical psychologist. This woman wants for nothing other than access to the money and said as much herself during the call. She would be foolish not to solve this problem through means other than divorce. Many women do marry with plans to divorce later and cash out, hence cash and prizes. Certainly not all of women marry with an exit strategy in mind, but it happens more than you think.
@@mpeugeot congratulations you have written the dumbest thing on TH-cam today.
She thinks her marriage is so great otherwise. NOPE! It isn't. Please listen to Dave, but hubby is not going to go along with any changes. He likes the status quo.
She could wait till the marriage reaches 10 years, then file for divorce. She'll get alimony and half of the marital income. The money he's keeping her from will be hers.
He probably think she going to spend the money on unnecessary stuff
Dave, In the Bible, I don't think
Wives had access to the husband's money.
If she handled her own business and didn't lean on a man, she wouldn't have a made up problem.
Sounds like she’s spoiled and will wipe out their finances for sure
See a counselor?
With what money?
I need to hear his side of the story. She's probably bad with money. Sometimes you have to keep drugs away from addicts
I wouldn’t have married someone that didn’t want to combine accounts with me. You either trust me and want to share your life with me or you don’t.
Sounds like he don't trust her spending. Been there done that. When she worked she kept everything? Dont sound like abuse sounds like hes the responsible one.
So glad I don’t have a spouse!
Dave gave her bad advice. Notice how he never once tells her to go to Jesus about the problem. Dave is always saying how he knows the Bible, then why doesn't he believe it? He even pushes her in the direction of divorce! YIKES! No way Jesus would ever do that for this situation. The proper advice to give this woman is to ask Jesus if she's right in this situation. If she is, then Jesus will take care of it.
As a side note. Look at how Dave's daughter calls him by his first name instead of "dad." Totally disrespects the hierarchy God set for the family.
Jesus is never responsive.
So, do you show him the bills, and explain to him that the bills cost more?
Money is power. She stays home, has three kids and no access to money.He has her exactly where he wants her.
That's ... Not most marriages. Is your wife ok? @@HOLDXSTEEL
(to be clear, the "no access to money" part isn't most marriages)
She doesn't know if he has any money. She says he makes 250 and then says she has no access to anything, so she has no idea.
Did you missed the part that when she worked he paid all the bills and she got to keep all the money she earned. That’s not controlling please watch full vidoe
@@lvluptoaverage52did you miss the part where she said, it’s barely enough to cover the bills and she’s left with nothing after? That’s controlling
She isn't even on the accounts. My first thought was, what is he hiding? She's going to be shocked if she finally gets a look at their finances. He is controlling her by keeping her cut off from money. This is abuse. She needs to talk to an attorney. Consults are free.
Exactly what I thought: what's he hiding?
Huge red flag- this is 100% financial abuse. My dad did the same thing to my mom, and it was all about control. When she threatened divorce, he told her he’d leave her and us kids on the street, penniless. In reality, she would have gotten more money from the divorce than the “allowance” he gave her. This isn’t the father you want for your children- he wants to control you, and he doesn’t respect you or your children. Your first priority should be doing what’s best for your children! Remember, you’re legally responsible for half your husband’s debt- you NEED to find out what the finances look like. No excuses.
What happens if he passes
My dad was 12 years older than my mum. Was a huge career man and my mum was a stay at home mum. He was so generous and loving and kind, my mum had full access to everything and whenever he bought a piece of real estate, he would put the deed in my mum's name saying that he didn't need anything as long as his family was ok. The very last house he purchased, where he lived till he passed away and my mum still lives, she forced him to put in his name for once so that he also owned "something". These kinds of stories make me appreciate him even more, and I'm grateful that he was my father. I love him and miss him everyday.
This brought tears to my eyes. What a great man.
How is she supposed to afford a counselor. He doesn’t even give her enough money for the bills
I was thinking that too.
most health insurance companies pay for counseling
@@Scottsmusiccave Not usually in full.
In 2024 with the internet why do women continue to put themselves in this situation? You don’t even ask for money, you simply start a job & find a baby sitter that you’ll pay a month after your first pay check. Don’t even bother to tell him unless asks. THat will get his attention
😂
Put the kids in daycare. Have him pay for the daycare and get you a job. Simple solution.
Nice advice from women make men pay you women need understand we really don't care about you
@@Jaycv-dq3rgThen don't marry or have children with them. You are free to personally live a woman-less life, but this man chose otherwise
Open your own account and GET AWAY FROM HIM!! He is not your FATHER! In fact, my father did not treat me that way!
No kid this is stupid lol
@@robinbond7878 Agreed, she should get a job and start banking money for herself and her kids, so she can safely leave!
I don't understand how women (or any spouse) think it's okay to have money withheld from them. I dated a guy that showed these flags early on and I LEFT!!!
If you grew up in an abusive household (verbal abuse, psychological abuse, addiction, physical abuse, sexu@l abuse), then abusive behavior seems normal. Those of us who grew up in abusive households find ourselves in partnerships with abusive people. It’s not until we are aware of our abusive backgrounds that we can make changes to our current and future lives. The lucky ones leave toxic relationships and build a great future for themselves. The unlucky ones stay and try to survive in misery.
When I left my abusive ex husband, he nearly drained our entire savings account. It went from $8500 to $2500. He later told me that he didn’t have to leave me anything. He tried to pull off some other financial shenanigans, but they didn’t work. I told my attorney about everything and it was all submitted in my legal paperwork.
Was that after you had three children with him and he showed his true colors?
How do you say you’re having an affair without saying you’re having an affair?
At 250k a year she be ok. Bitches hearts heal like wolverine when that money right.
Right he's doing no good for sure.
Came here to say the same.
That is the definition of financial abuse.
Yeah there is no borderline here, there are two feet firmly over the line of financial abuse.
My mom was a stay at home parent but she never had to ask my dad for money. They shared an account and she could spend money how she pleased.
Same..my hubby doesn’t care if I decide to buy boxes of 💩 on Amazon. He never asks me what I bought or if I truly need it.
That’s how I treat my wife. She has access to all our accounts because…wait for this…I trust and respect my wife and do not treat her like a wayward child who I married and had children with.
Good exemple on why everybody are broke and cry on a tv show after. Dave my wife and i are 50k and debt what should i do. 😂
@@theeviltwincrisis6980 Yet we don’t have debt and our credit score is 10 points from perfect. 🤔
@@theeviltwincrisis6980 Not everyone is broke..some of us come here for entertainment 😉🤫😂
It’s not about the money, it’s about control through creating financial dependence. It’s a terrible situation to live under and breeds fear and resentment.
That’s why women went to work. You can’t have it all.
She signed up for it. She’s a moocher.
Never depend on anyone, always earn your own money
@@pamforrester844
Good theory. Now what happens when the woman is pregnant with a difficult pregnancy with a c-section, or the family has a few kids preschool age and they want mom to stay home with the kids instead of day care all day? She would have to do way MORE work than the man if she had to be pregnant three times, nurse and care for the kids AND have a job that can support her “just in case” he won’t share their community funds? That sounds like a ridiculous deal.
@@genxx2724
They have more than one child. Who do you think did all that WORK? And she is raising them instead of daycare. Have you ever been pregnant multiple times? When men can have the children we can talk about equality. Women STILL earn less than men and their rights to reproductive choices are being taken away constantly.
He doesn’t want a wife. He wants an employee. She probably comes from very modest background and I’d be willing to bet he holds his income and lifestyle over her head as bait to stay.
Older man wants and has control. Huge power dynamic. Total abuse. It’s beyond the money she just normalized it.
That is a huge guess based on not knowing anything except what she chose to share on a radio show. He is guilty until proven innocent?
@@stevenporter863 She may be horrible at handling money. Didn't get the whole story, didn't hear his side.
@@stevenporter863 rarely the case when you hear stories like this. Besides she worked up until 2 years ago, and now he’s acting like her father. Sure we didn’t hear both sides but I’d liked to have heard at least more from her. Also did I hear her say he refused marriage counseling? I need to listen to it again. Another red flag. Will he give her the money for her own counseling sessions, because she can’t go unless she ASKS for it. That’s not a fair relationship.
@@LiveLocallyNow Insurance usually pays for counseling.
@@stevenporter863 he still refused to go (I think?). And usually there is a $20-40 dollar copay so shes still asking for money for counseling if that’s the case. She shouldn’t have to ask, at all.
He has a side chick.
She actually may be the side chick.
@@LEP021085 but they are married.
This is absolute control and power. She probably should go back to work! I hope this marriage will not end up with this young mother, broke and emotionally broken.
It has already done this
I have seen within our family This is bad. Unless there is some other mental issue ha is being very controlling.
I worked and my wife stay home raising our children during part of our marriage. She always had full access to all our finances.
This is absolutely financial abuse! I witnessed it with a former friend's family.
They were a middle class family with FIVE children, so the mother gave up her career to become a SAHM. While the father had a new car every few years, the mother drove the same maroon minivan for most of my childhood. Although I don't know much about their household since this was my brother's friend, there was one incident that stood out. My brother and I went out to eat with their family, taking two cars because we wouldn't fit in one vehicle. The father said no one under 13 was allowed in his new car, which at the time only included the oldest brother who was probably 14 or so.
As the mother was busy getting the two youngest children ready, the father left without telling her, taking only the oldest son. When we arrived at the restaurant 30-40 minutes later, they were finishing their food. As they were leaving the table, the mother asked her husband for money. He told her to take us to McDonald's and left with the son. We ended up going to McDonald's and the park and had a blast. However, I remember the mother being somber the whole time.
You're nagging abuse
What does “nagging” abuse mean? I never heard that term before.
@@WendyTruscott u know how females nag
So sad
My dude kept that shit 100 she took too long so now she gotta take the kids to McDonald’s. She ain’t going to leave she got kids. Settle for a brokie clean up man maybe.
Woman complain about anything. You could be homeless and raped daily yet these women still find shit to bitch about.
I'm widowed, but when I was married, my husband took care of the bigger money, and I took care of the day to day expenses. I did get a certain amount each paycheck to run the household. It worked for many years. I'm glad we were so careful with money because when he passed away, I had control of everything, and our children and I are doing well. This woman would benefit more financially by divorcing him, then he will see just how much money she is entitled to.
My wife tried that, and I took her to the cleaners. Now, she is forced to work, I have custody of the kids, and she is paying me child support. Grass isn't always greener, careful what you ask for!
Divorce him for WHAT?! She's living a life most people would die for...WTF!?
Your comment is really disgusting. Advising a woman you don’t know anything going on around her household is really bad of you. Just because she came online saying all this doesn’t make it true. I have seen one of my aunt lie with impunity towards a man that gives her everything. Now she’s suffering after making same decision you are advising this woman.
@@derekd1510 Really. You would die to be at home raising the kids and begging your wife for an allowance?
@@felisleo101 I have heard some women LIKE raising children. Not you of course, but some...
Hi Dave, great show. But how will Angela pay for the counseling? Does she have to ask “daddy” for the money?
Classic sign of a NARCISSIST!!!!
Control the money and use it as a weapon...
Yes was w one 22 yrs left last sumer 🎉
Take the keys when he doesn't get what he wants, momey,car,cards, anything everything his control . If I worked he was mad I wasn't tending to his needs if I didn't work I was useless. Tired of silent treatment egg shells yelling gas lighting had to go after I realized he was a narcissists after 2 yrs you tube videos lee hammack..
I love this so much because I was in a marriage where I don't/didn't think he was purposely making me dependent on him but that is how it ended up. I allowed it to happen but in the end I had to re learn how to be independent. I went to a counselor for "my" problems, because he wouldn't go to marriage counseling, but really it was a control thing on his part. Seeing this conversation can be so healthy and healing for so many.
My wife is horrible with money ,I payed for everything she doesn’t want to work a full time job. When we separated she ran off with her pension I didn’t see a dime of it.bad credit so yes I keep my own checking account. Stayed for my children. So this might be this man’s side of the story. Never take a woman at face value without getting both sides of the story!
No one gives a pension for part time work, you are saying 2 contridictory things, if she had a pension she had to have worked to get such.
I paid the bills from my paycheck but had to ask my ex for money when expenses exceeded my paycheck. He got pisswd and wanted to see the budget - when I pulled up receipts that showed 1K a month on booze he shut up then came home next day with Stoli instead of KettleOne. During the inevitable divorce… he thought he could lock me out of his acct. Lawyers fixed that - Power grabs and greed is no joke - I agree she needs community that can also serve to ensurre her safety.
On a positive note - I ended up with the most valuable assets…the kids ❤
He’s a control freak. And she’s in denial. Bet he’s got something on the side.
12 years age gap, that tells the whole story really.
I don’t think the 12 year age gap is to blame. Not on a tone. I’m 11 years older than my wife and we share every penny. My best friend is 10 years older than his wife and they share every penny.
Erm, my dad was 16,5 years older my mom and they shared everything.
She was 22 and I was 33 when we met 47 years ago. Both our names are on everything except we each have a couple of our own credit cards. We have several shared credit cards. Most out of pocket spending goes on a card,. I pay some of the bills, she pays some of the bills. Everything is paid from one joint account, that both our incomes go into. We are beneficiaries on each others retirement accounts. We don't carry any month to month debt any more, except a small low rate mortgage. Now retired 23 & 14 years.
Yup. He groomed her and is holding her captive
No it doesn't, it could be a two year age gap but this is his control issue.
If this guy's not cheating on her I'll eat my hat.
omg!! "ask him for $20" Get a job, get an attorney get your 1/2 and go!
Probably has another woman on the side and can't let her see the bills and realize it
Or…hear me out…he knows she might be entertaining someone else.
When people say to be honest with you then there is more to it than she’s saying.
That's what I was thinking. There are too many wholes in this story.
I was going to post something but I don’t feel like being the bad guy today with my hot take.
So he's making sure she can't save to escape if needed?
He’s covering up the fact that he’s broke. I doubt he’s making 250k a year.
Absolutely pathetic, it is abuse.
It sounds like there more to the story.
On both sides
Yeah I bet he either is grossly lying about his income, is spending it on shady crap like being in debt to gambling. Is cheating, or some combination of the three. I remember one true crime video where the husband completely the finances and was basically lying the whole time about being rich and when he got close to being found out he murdered the whole family for example. I'd say the most common thing though would be cheating mixed with having control over the other spouse being the motivating factors for completely blocking somebody from the family finances.
Hang on for 2 more years and you're entitled to half 😂
She has three kids. If they divorce, she’s going to be getting a tremendous amount of child support until those kids are out of school.
@@mtbokor1969yep, unless you get a judge that says since you hold all resources, you get custody of children. It’s rare but it has happened. On another note, I knew someone who literally spent all of his money, burned through everything so his wife wouldn’t get anything. Petty Rosevelt to the max
If he's not willing to see a counselor, how is she gonna see a counselor with "his" money?
Because it’s not a money problem, it’s a marriage problem. That’s what the video was exposing.
Imagine forming an opinion based on one side of the story...
That's what I get here. Only 1 caller
Exactly i hate when they do that. She could be a big liar or be telling half true we don’t know
I could see him doing this if she refused to stick to a budget and was always overspending their accounts. The default should be a mutually agreed upon budget that they both stick to and agree on any changes. If she refuses to stick to it and is spending the rent money on clothes, then yes, he needs to put her on an allowance for the sake of financial solvency. But if that is occuring, there are other huge problems with their marriage too.
So, according to most of the comments on here, marriage is about power... interesting.