I cannot believe there are only 15 comments on this video! It should have 15 million comments. Hands-down one of the most impactful sessions/learning/understanding videos I’ve ever watched. God bless you sir
Ah, you remind me of my sister, a high achiever getting both jobs!😅 She was a genius child who had severe chronic illness. "The smart one" and "the sick one" and "the overly sensitive one" I see that my sister was both the problem child and the hero. I was just... there, trying not to rock the boat, trying to protect her and keep the mood up by being cheerful, helpful, and funny/ridiculous. (And never getting sick!) I think it was the mascot/caregiver combo.
Me too. Then I tried to be perfect as well. Triple pronged issues lol. Because I was "self reliant" I also assumed the "who the heck does that kid belong to?" category - forgotten and invisible.
When you said "of all the roles the problem child is the one person in the family that is being honest" I immediately burst into tears. It's so validating to hear after fighting my whole life to defend what I knew in my heart was true.
I like your comment and same here !... it was like opening the floodgates... feel so relieved now after hearing this ... I always knew it was true but never heard no one say it😇❤
yes, same here....no believed me about what was happening to me, I tried, cried, screamed and whispered for help...within the family, outside the family, relatives, teachers, counselors, no one helped, and the rest of the family members laughed, or let it happen smiling, or with silence. As one of my siblings married, her husband joined in. Their children were raised in a bad way, and I tried to help there not realizing it felt like I was fighting for my. own life in fighting for theirs. Then more hatred of me for helping them, and I think it highlighted that no one was helping them either, so reminders of negligence of them. I become a nurse (surprise surprise). My patients and families loved me. My own family didn't. Friends were hard to find, never fit in and always tried and wanted to. Then, I got get sick with mold and covid, same time and died at home. The hospital refused to take me to when I refused what I didn't need (obviously) and received the same negligence and gaslighting from the healthcare system in this very critical way. THAT was when I hit rock bottom. Management in that workplace was toxic too and I had it..narcissist magnet in everything...I was always open to the truth - finding it, speaking it, confronted by it but you don't know until you know, right? I wish there was a support group especially for us. Scapegoat honesty seeking abused. Because it matters!
Thank you 😢. Grateful that you exist. Dysfunctional means pain! Between you and Crappy childhood fairy is with no exaggeration, saving my life 🙏 thank you thank you. Grateful
Every single word of this video hit the nail on the head. The only bad part was at 5:16 when he said "the roll you liked". No child chooses or has the ability to choose their role in their abuse.
32:50 - Also the sheep part about them being useless at protecting themselves. Technically their coats are supposed to be their defense, bot sharp teeth or claws. Sheep in the wild that would be left with matted wool would have a great way of defending themselves against predators. Their new, white coats are bad, because we sheer them and keep them kept somewhat, so it sucks as a defense. But this was really just me nitpicking. Still had to comment.
50:12 - Dude spent the time talking about how rebellious "problem children" are the ones who see the truth, then went on to prove his point wrong by saying being rebellious is bad, ONLY when it comes to the magic sky daddy. Religious brain rot, man...
@@TIOLIOfficial I am with you, The wild sheep part totally lost me as I know the facts about wild sheep. Spot on and at this point he changed the facts about wild sheep in order to fit a religious narrative. If people really are looking for truth and get as muchas I did from his speaking about family roles, they should search wild sheep to understand that this is where he moves the goalpost to fit religion into where it's not necessary. Such a shame. I have nothing against religion,my issue is changing facts in order to justify it. When you feel you need to do this the house of cards falls. Religion either stands on it's own or it don't, you should not change the facts to make a story easier to understand or digest. Sheep live just fine in the wild, there are over 200 species of wild sheep and despite the multitude of animalsthat prey on them including humans they live over 20 years or better. They live in some of the harshest climates and have excellent eyesight. Google it or ask anyone who studies wild animals. I assure you they are not stupid animals either. I wish I would have stopped this video before he got to this part as I got so much from the famile roles part and he has shown his extreme grasp on this topic. Shame.
I REALLY wish I would have had this info 30 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of years of abuse, trauma, and loneliness. But at least I'm learning it now, and can heal, and hopefully help my kids in their future. 😇❤
I never understood why golden child hero whatever has so much shame when everyone always loved them friends family whoever and they always got praise why don't they try being a scapegoat and see how that shames feels 🤦
This man is amazing!!! I'm learning more from these videos than I have ever learned from a counselor or psychologist. Thank you, Tim!!! God bless you always!!🙌🙏🙏
Already watched this and am watching it again. It appeared for me as I'm struggling with figuring out how much to distance myself from the only family members I have left (of my primary family)- "Dad" and "Brother". Both are toxic and hurtful on many levels. It's weird to worry about losing support and relationships I've never had in the first place. 😕
I know exactly what you are going through. It is indeed a strange feeling. I myself had to cut them out completely, when I realized I was the only one invested in keeping the relationships afloat, and always left feeling hurt and empty. It will always be hard, but faith in God, and the love He has for you, will always see you through. God bless you and keep you during this hard time. 🙏
@@carriekeith2266 I apologize for just now reading your comment. I didn't receive a notification for it. Thank you for your kind words. I'm still struggling to completely cut my dad out, but for the most part, it's been pretty easy. My dad is just a pain bc as soon as I think I've cut him out and set my firm boundaries, he'll find some way to wiggle himself back in. When he does that, I can't help but wonder where that effort was when ____ happened? It is also more transactional, which I don't like and has caused issues in my relationships with others. What you said about being the only one invested and ended up feeling hurt and empty- I completely understand that. It happens to me every time I give even the slightest piece of myself. I hope you're doing well. 🕊🤍🕯
Once you can answer the following question honestly, you will know what to do: Can I trust this person again? Either he is capable of change, or not. The answer of course may be different for each of the two surviving males in your family. 😢 BTW, if one or both of these individuals cannot evolve, another good question (I think) is WHY… 😮 🤔 😮 🤔?
because they are not seekers of truth, nor want to do to the hard work of healing...they are scrolling tick tock and addicted to distraction. WE want to heal and grow
Thank you so much for this series. I am not in recovery from addiction, but everything you address is exactly what I need. My parents had personality disorders and addictions and everything that goes with those two diagnoses. So I do feel like I’m in recovery, which is my healing, and learning and growing, and hopefully having a healthy relationship someday!
It’s not just children it’s young adults, who have been in unhealthy relationships, and have developed these trauma situations later in life I grew up in a very positive home with loving parents, never had issues until relationships after the fact, and dealt with infidelity, lying and cheating that made me feel insecure and unworthy
What a beautiful explanation of Psalms 23. I was brought up in church, and I have never heard it explained in that manner. I knew it was a special message, but did not fully understand all the nuances behind it. I feel so blessed to have heard this today. It explains in words perfectly what I have always felt in my heart towards my Father. Thank you so much! 😇❤🙏
I have been the hero child and therefore have experienced the burnout in adulthood. But I have also been the scapegoat during my adult life, especially in the context of work leading me exhaustion.
Dunno if anyone cares but if you are stoned like me atm you can stream pretty much all of the latest movies on instaflixxer. Have been streaming with my girlfriend for the last few weeks :)
These videos have helped me in so many ways. Requiring the monthly subscription I am hoping will keep me focused on recovery. Still struggling with a relapse.
I see you. This is a difficult journey you are on. Reach out to someone in the program. People want to help, but we have to ask for the help. Tim is helping me through this too, I'm grateful for these videos and thankful for people like you for sharing your comments. I'm here with you too.
Wow... Tim thank you sooo much, you have just changed my life perspective in 28 mins! I only found you on shorts... more people need to hear you speak. I am not religious but love your work on Family roles... I am going to check out the rest of your stuff now. Cheers! 😃
I am so happy that I came across this man! He is a wealth of knowledge and I am learning so much and feeling so validated. Bless his heart! We need to have a public service announcement with this stuff!
I love everything you say upuntil the wild sheep stuff. Any simple search you will find that sheep can survive quite well in the wild. Despite being prey to many animals including humans, sheep are well adjusted to climate and enviornments many other animals cannot. They have excellent eyesight and survive 20 years or better in the wild. They are not stupislike you claim and only sheep that live in captivity by us humans will eat their grass until it has nomore or drinks dirty water. This stuff you are using to fit your very spot on narritive about dysfunction in families and childrerns roles. This topic is so very important and you have a great spot on grasp of it, please don't discredit yourself by making facts fit a religion and this topic. It's not necessary and not needed and would be a shame to see this continue.
Thank you for breaking this down. As a child I always knew something was wrong & was shutdown with, "don't talk about my family". (Ha ! They are still now as they were then, VERY dysfunctional but only now, some are dead. Dysfunctionally dead)
What a wonderful explanation .sounds so true . As a practising hindu with bhaktimarga these resonate with the truth of it in my religion too . Thank you Tim
I really need a therapy session (or more) with him! Though I don't have problems with substance abuse, I do have just about every other characteristic of Complex Trauma. I played "the hero" and was also a "scapegoat" in many ways. Eventually I had a breakdown and haven't been able to recover even with consistent therapy for over 10 yrs, hospitalizations, medications, and even electroconvulsive treatments. This crap is so ingrained in me and i don't even know where to begin to unravel and reconstruct it. 😢 The videos are really insightful but I wish I had someone like him that could break it down like he does to help me understand why I am the way I am as well as help talk me through the places I get stuck in this mindset I've had ever since I can remember. Thank you so much for all the videos. I feel I need to watch them over & over and take notes, but still need more personal guidance. Is there any possible way of getting in contact?
Incredible seminar. I’m pacing myself to try to avoid overwhelm, but thank you so so much for making this series available for the public. I don’t know if I’m ready to sign up for your programs, even the self driven version that was just launched this week (I think?). But you’re helping me remember why Christianity makes the most sense to me while also helping me identify and heal my Trauma and my traumatic experiences. God bless you and your team. And God bless you, yes you, person reading this. You may not be ready to mend yet, but don’t worry. Like David tried to tell us, God is a good shepherd and will only give you what you need -when- you can handle it. I think we can speed that time up if we work hard through seminars like this one, but ultimately, I think “readiness” can only be acted upon when we are “ready.” I believe I knew I was ready when I was finally able to FEEL the love God was heaping on me. Until then, as has been often repeated on this channel, the heaps of love God put on me just rolled off me like water off a duck’s back.
oh gosh I was scape goated for 54 years, my dad even said I gave him cancer x that was the worse, its a big family so one big gang at me, the blaming was relentless xx
bro ive been listening to this in the background... the scapegoat thing trying to be the hero who then gets screwed over because nobody understand how in pain they really are...is like he is telling my story lol
5:16 - Never again say "the one you liked". You make it seem like I chose my roll and had not just a choice, but a helping hand in my abuse. It was given to me against my wishes, it was to all of us. No child ever wants to be the scapegoat, or anything else but themselves. This pissed me off so much...
I used to be the perfect child. And since my parents still saw me as shit, I became the black sheep. My sisters thank me for being brave and telling my parents how it is, but my self steam has suffered and I am still trying to figure out how to choose a partner bc I was lonely to my core so I would find people who “needed” me and from this I felt useful. I pray Jesus saves me from this
Helpful to identify the link between relapse and relationships. The disease model of addiction perspective perpetuates self-blame with regard to relapse unfortunately. Complex trauma survivors are intensely impacted by their environment and relationships and it’s not their fault.
To me the Hero Child grows into something like an arsonist. They start fires that nobody sees, in secret, so that they can be seen to be the one who spotted it first and putting it out just to be admired and be congratulated. They don't care how many people that fire devastated, the Hero just wants to maintain their Hero status at all costs. They'll blame the scapegoat for starting the fire, and be believed.
PROBLEM CHILD hits too close to home it's like I'm the only one who sees disfunction and when I lash out I feel possessed by truth so blatantly obvious - nobody really loves anyone - it feels almost liberating and so I become liberated... like a scapegoat in the desert
Your comment got me thinking that maybe being labeled the scapegoat is a benefit of sorts. After all it is so often that the so-called black sheep manages somehow to ‘scape…! 🐑
@@1timbarrett YES, in some ways, solitude brings more freedom, and it's not necessarily from blatant toxicity, a person just can't be himself in certain dynamics, so he chooses to be himself alone that is a dire price to pay sometimes, and it can breed further social development issues
I am the truthteller scapegoat who looks for and attempts resolution. I knew my rebellion was me wanting to be more like Christ, who I always deeply loved , adored and admired and quested after to find my way; also Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit. I knew since very young, my family and most around me were shallow, superficial and all image which makes them fake hypocrites and I always strive for transparent honesty and resolution for peace and the betterment of all, and healing. I did not feel we should be accepting defeat by dishonesty ! Many Blessings and Gratitude and Love to all here, and of course, Pastor Mike❤️🔥🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
How do we heal a dysfunctional family system when it’s clearly multi-generational? How do we point out the issue without being cast out? How do we explain the dysfunction to other members of the family when everyone jumps to feeling blamed and shuts down or stonewalls? I hate to walk away from the whole system but I sometimes can’t see any other way. We keep losing men to tragic deaths-ones I think are related to the family dysfunction.
Sorry, but I see the opposite in my own experience of family. I think the firstborn Hero kid suffered the most, burdened as she was with unrealistic expectations. 😢
What's this man's name he has such knowledge of trauma wonder is there a counsellor out there who understands like he does so they can find healing after abuse ive gone through dysfunctional family my hole life and could not fix my family of origin had my kids with an abuser he Brainwashed my kids against me i lost everything due to his toxic evil 5 my kids against me after i left
You know how Tolstoy says at the beginning of ‘Anna Karenina’ that all happy families are the same but all unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique way? Well I question that clever-seeming precept. Anyway, where exactly are these happy families to be found? 🤔
This man is mainly talking about Lord and having a relationship with Him. Restoration coming from a good relationship with God. So any terapy isnt better than the relationship with Jesus Christ. Cause everything good comes from this, and everything bad comes if we dont have a good relationship with our redimeer and saviour whitch is the one and only the ALFA AND THE OMEGA
I don’t like how this starts off being helpful insight, and then suddenly becomes a Christian channel more than half-way through What about viewers who are not Christians ? You are talking about HONESTY in this video - so is that honest ?
This guy needs to teach classes at universities. We need required life classes like these before embarking on adulthood. Incredible messages.
It even needs to start in grade school, continuing through high school and further higher learning 🙏🏼😇🕊️
only thing I can add is...waaaaay before universities
@@naturalist369 my 22 year old daughter said she wished they taught something like this in school. Our kids need it!
Feel like I’ve stumbled on a hidden treasure chest here on TH-cam.
Me too!
That's me, I keep stopping the video and thank God for coming through for me, this is exactly what I need at this moment 😊
Yes you have❤
I cannot believe there are only 15 comments on this video! It should have 15 million comments. Hands-down one of the most impactful sessions/learning/understanding videos I’ve ever watched. God bless you sir
Many are not aware of or don't want to face the facts
100% agree
This is reality.
I agree, this is amazing
They’ll come in time
I was the hero child and the scapegoat. Such an overachiever!
Ah, you remind me of my sister, a high achiever getting both jobs!😅 She was a genius child who had severe chronic illness. "The smart one" and "the sick one" and "the overly sensitive one"
I see that my sister was both the problem child and the hero. I was just... there, trying not to rock the boat, trying to protect her and keep the mood up by being cheerful, helpful, and funny/ridiculous. (And never getting sick!)
I think it was the mascot/caregiver combo.
I was thinking I was both too! Seeking perfection. Oh. Another issue lol.
Me too. Then I tried to be perfect as well. Triple pronged issues lol. Because I was "self reliant" I also assumed the "who the heck does that kid belong to?" category - forgotten and invisible.
Ditto
Me too. And the ADHD one 👀
When you said "of all the roles the problem child is the one person in the family that is being honest" I immediately burst into tears. It's so validating to hear after fighting my whole life to defend what I knew in my heart was true.
I like your comment and same here !... it was like opening the floodgates... feel so relieved now after hearing this ... I always knew it was true but never heard no one say it😇❤
Your comment brought tears to my eyes❤
❤
yes, same here....no believed me about what was happening to me, I tried, cried, screamed and whispered for help...within the family, outside the family, relatives, teachers, counselors, no one helped, and the rest of the family members laughed, or let it happen smiling, or with silence. As one of my siblings married, her husband joined in. Their children were raised in a bad way, and I tried to help there not realizing it felt like I was fighting for my. own life in fighting for theirs. Then more hatred of me for helping them, and I think it highlighted that no one was helping them either, so reminders of negligence of them. I become a nurse (surprise surprise). My patients and families loved me. My own family didn't. Friends were hard to find, never fit in and always tried and wanted to. Then, I got get sick with mold and covid, same time and died at home. The hospital refused to take me to when I refused what I didn't need (obviously) and received the same negligence and gaslighting from the healthcare system in this very critical way. THAT was when I hit rock bottom. Management in that workplace was toxic too and I had it..narcissist magnet in everything...I was always open to the truth - finding it, speaking it, confronted by it but you don't know until you know, right? I wish there was a support group especially for us. Scapegoat honesty seeking abused. Because it matters!
Agree
Thank you 😢. Grateful that you exist. Dysfunctional means pain! Between you and Crappy childhood fairy is with no exaggeration, saving my life 🙏 thank you thank you. Grateful
Every single word of this video hit the nail on the head. The only bad part was at 5:16 when he said "the roll you liked". No child chooses or has the ability to choose their role in their abuse.
32:50 - Also the sheep part about them being useless at protecting themselves. Technically their coats are supposed to be their defense, bot sharp teeth or claws. Sheep in the wild that would be left with matted wool would have a great way of defending themselves against predators. Their new, white coats are bad, because we sheer them and keep them kept somewhat, so it sucks as a defense.
But this was really just me nitpicking. Still had to comment.
48:35 - Barbarism. This is a great example how those who rebel against tyranny are treated. They are made to be an example for others.
50:12 - Dude spent the time talking about how rebellious "problem children" are the ones who see the truth, then went on to prove his point wrong by saying being rebellious is bad, ONLY when it comes to the magic sky daddy. Religious brain rot, man...
So, the 'every single word" was related to the actual psychology part, not this other BS after.
@@TIOLIOfficial I am with you, The wild sheep part totally lost me as I know the facts about wild sheep. Spot on and at this point he changed the facts about wild sheep in order to fit a religious narrative. If people really are looking for truth and get as muchas I did from his speaking about family roles, they should search wild sheep to understand that this is where he moves the goalpost to fit religion into where it's not necessary. Such a shame. I have nothing against religion,my issue is changing facts in order to justify it. When you feel you need to do this the house of cards falls. Religion either stands on it's own or it don't, you should not change the facts to make a story easier to understand or digest. Sheep live just fine in the wild, there are over 200 species of wild sheep and despite the multitude of animalsthat prey on them including humans they live over 20 years or better. They live in some of the harshest climates and have excellent eyesight. Google it or ask anyone who studies wild animals. I assure you they are not stupid animals either. I wish I would have stopped this video before he got to this part as I got so much from the famile roles part and he has shown his extreme grasp on this topic. Shame.
I REALLY wish I would have had this info 30 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of years of abuse, trauma, and loneliness. But at least I'm learning it now, and can heal, and hopefully help my kids in their future. 😇❤
I never understood why golden child hero whatever has so much shame when everyone always loved them friends family whoever and they always got praise why don't they try being a scapegoat and see how that shames feels 🤦
Me too
This man is amazing!!! I'm learning more from these videos than I have ever learned from a counselor or psychologist. Thank you, Tim!!! God bless you always!!🙌🙏🙏
WOW! What a teacher! This is a super great sermon! I have never ever heard someone discribe the LORD as a shepherd like this Mr. Tim Fletcher!
Already watched this and am watching it again. It appeared for me as I'm struggling with figuring out how much to distance myself from the only family members I have left (of my primary family)- "Dad" and "Brother". Both are toxic and hurtful on many levels. It's weird to worry about losing support and relationships I've never had in the first place. 😕
I know exactly what you are going through. It is indeed a strange feeling. I myself had to cut them out completely, when I realized I was the only one invested in keeping the relationships afloat, and always left feeling hurt and empty. It will always be hard, but faith in God, and the love He has for you, will always see you through. God bless you and keep you during this hard time. 🙏
@@carriekeith2266 I apologize for just now reading your comment. I didn't receive a notification for it. Thank you for your kind words. I'm still struggling to completely cut my dad out, but for the most part, it's been pretty easy. My dad is just a pain bc as soon as I think I've cut him out and set my firm boundaries, he'll find some way to wiggle himself back in. When he does that, I can't help but wonder where that effort was when ____ happened? It is also more transactional, which I don't like and has caused issues in my relationships with others. What you said about being the only one invested and ended up feeling hurt and empty- I completely understand that. It happens to me every time I give even the slightest piece of myself.
I hope you're doing well. 🕊🤍🕯
Once you can answer the following question honestly, you will know what to do: Can I trust this person again? Either he is capable of change, or not. The answer of course may be different for each of the two surviving males in your family. 😢 BTW, if one or both of these individuals cannot evolve, another good question (I think) is WHY… 😮 🤔 😮 🤔?
This is the type of information that should be heard by the whole world. I've never in entire life heard such a great teaching.
Why are more people not checking this video out. Powerful stuff really....
because they are not seekers of truth, nor want to do to the hard work of healing...they are scrolling tick tock and addicted to distraction. WE want to heal and grow
Very timely series especially during the holiday season
"...family in pain and can't resolve that pain"
Oh good lord. My entire life story for all the world to see.
Even with a lifetime of therapy, transformation and Spirit, the inner infrastructure is tenuous and requires so much care.
Killing me softly with his words
Me too😭
Thank you so much for this series. I am not in recovery from addiction, but everything you address is exactly what I need. My parents had personality disorders and addictions and everything that goes with those two diagnoses. So I do feel like I’m in recovery, which is my healing, and learning and growing, and hopefully having a healthy relationship someday!
It’s not just children it’s young adults, who have been in unhealthy relationships, and have developed these trauma situations later in life I grew up in a very positive home with loving parents, never had issues until relationships after the fact, and dealt with infidelity, lying and cheating that made me feel insecure and unworthy
What a beautiful explanation of Psalms 23. I was brought up in church, and I have never heard it explained in that manner. I knew it was a special message, but did not fully understand all the nuances behind it. I feel so blessed to have heard this today. It explains in words perfectly what I have always felt in my heart towards my Father. Thank you so much! 😇❤🙏
I have been the hero child and therefore have experienced the burnout in adulthood. But I have also been the scapegoat during my adult life, especially in the context of work leading me exhaustion.
Oh my word... I see myself and one of my brothers in these 2 roles. I am learning so much from your presentations. Thank you.
Your videos are incredible! You're providing insurmountable awareness creating insights.
David's prayer analogy was brilliant. And your sincerity comes across nicely. Thanks for doing your videos
Dunno if anyone cares but if you are stoned like me atm you can stream pretty much all of the latest movies on instaflixxer. Have been streaming with my girlfriend for the last few weeks :)
@Saul Benedict yea, I've been using instaflixxer for years myself =)
These videos have helped me in so many ways. Requiring the monthly subscription I am hoping will keep me focused on recovery. Still struggling with a relapse.
I see you. This is a difficult journey you are on. Reach out to someone in the program. People want to help, but we have to ask for the help.
Tim is helping me through this too, I'm grateful for these videos and thankful for people like you for sharing your comments.
I'm here with you too.
Wow... Tim thank you sooo much, you have just changed my life perspective in 28 mins! I only found you on shorts... more people need to hear you speak. I am not religious but love your work on Family roles... I am going to check out the rest of your stuff now. Cheers! 😃
I am so happy that I came across this man! He is a wealth of knowledge and I am learning so much and feeling so validated. Bless his heart! We need to have a public service announcement with this stuff!
I love everything you say upuntil the wild sheep stuff. Any simple search you will find that sheep can survive quite well in the wild. Despite being prey to many animals including humans, sheep are well adjusted to climate and enviornments many other animals cannot. They have excellent eyesight and survive 20 years or better in the wild. They are not stupislike you claim and only sheep that live in captivity by us humans will eat their grass until it has nomore or drinks dirty water. This stuff you are using to fit your very spot on narritive about dysfunction in families and childrerns roles. This topic is so very important and you have a great spot on grasp of it, please don't discredit yourself by making facts fit a religion and this topic. It's not necessary and not needed and would be a shame to see this continue.
Go, sheep! 🐑 🐑 🐑
Thank you for breaking this down. As a child I always knew something was wrong & was shutdown with, "don't talk about my family". (Ha ! They are still now as they were then, VERY dysfunctional but only now, some are dead. Dysfunctionally dead)
I finally feel validated as a scapegoat
My husband was too….we went completely NC in ‘15….what a relief
❤
AWESOME ❤ never stop teaching please! Thank you for your help! Much Love from Germany 😘
Your explanation of Psalm 23 was revelatory! Thank you so much for that. 💚
What a wonderful explanation .sounds so true . As a practising hindu with bhaktimarga these resonate with the truth of it in my religion too .
Thank you Tim
I really need a therapy session (or more) with him!
Though I don't have problems with substance abuse, I do have just about every other characteristic of Complex Trauma. I played "the hero" and was also a "scapegoat" in many ways. Eventually I had a breakdown and haven't been able to recover even with consistent therapy for over 10 yrs, hospitalizations, medications, and even electroconvulsive treatments. This crap is so ingrained in me and i don't even know where to begin to unravel and reconstruct it. 😢
The videos are really insightful but I wish I had someone like him that could break it down like he does to help me understand why I am the way I am as well as help talk me through the places I get stuck in this mindset I've had ever since I can remember.
Thank you so much for all the videos. I feel I need to watch them over & over and take notes, but still need more personal guidance.
Is there any possible way of getting in contact?
J-MeGirl tim@findingfreedom.ca
@@TimFletcher Thank you so much for the quick response. ❤
Is that his email
I was also both. Graduated with honors and never got into trouble but all the blame and issues were dumped on me/
@@dnk4559 I'm sorry to hear that. It's a tough position to be in.
Incredible seminar. I’m pacing myself to try to avoid overwhelm, but thank you so so much for making this series available for the public. I don’t know if I’m ready to sign up for your programs, even the self driven version that was just launched this week (I think?). But you’re helping me remember why Christianity makes the most sense to me while also helping me identify and heal my Trauma and my traumatic experiences.
God bless you and your team. And God bless you, yes you, person reading this. You may not be ready to mend yet, but don’t worry. Like David tried to tell us, God is a good shepherd and will only give you what you need -when- you can handle it. I think we can speed that time up if we work hard through seminars like this one, but ultimately, I think “readiness” can only be acted upon when we are “ready.” I believe I knew I was ready when I was finally able to FEEL the love God was heaping on me. Until then, as has been often repeated on this channel, the heaps of love God put on me just rolled off me like water off a duck’s back.
Funny, I was the hero that morphed into the scapegoat
I’ve seen the same happen in a few families…!😮
@@1timbarrettfor me I went from the scapegoat to becoming a hero and honestly I feel like I’m always suffocating
oh gosh I was scape goated for 54 years, my dad even said I gave him cancer x that was the worse, its a big family so one big gang at me, the blaming was relentless xx
Absolutely wonderful❤What a great world we would have if more people were aware of this.Love all the videos,have learnt a lot and am changing 🙏👍🏻
bro ive been listening to this in the background... the scapegoat thing trying to be the hero who then gets screwed over because nobody understand how in pain they really are...is like he is telling my story lol
5:16 - Never again say "the one you liked". You make it seem like I chose my roll and had not just a choice, but a helping hand in my abuse. It was given to me against my wishes, it was to all of us. No child ever wants to be the scapegoat, or anything else but themselves. This pissed me off so much...
Wow this man hits the spot 😮
And, Actually the faster the movement of water the more pure it is… wow
Everyone should see these talks.
My late husband was scapegoated for decades…..caused his premature demise due to his body unable to heal from the trauma
I used to be the perfect child. And since my parents still saw me as shit, I became the black sheep. My sisters thank me for being brave and telling my parents how it is, but my self steam has suffered and I am still trying to figure out how to choose a partner bc I was lonely to my core so I would find people who “needed” me and from this I felt useful. I pray Jesus saves me from this
Thank you Tim your videos help me immensely
Holy Wholly Sheep Shit!! I’m a cast down hero scapegoat that is stuck in a valley and in desperate need of a shepherd who’s name is Tim!!
Brilliant presentation & practical simplified approach. Thank you.
This is so good Thankbyou 🙇♀️🤍✨💎
Helpful to identify the link between relapse and relationships. The disease model of addiction perspective perpetuates self-blame with regard to relapse unfortunately. Complex trauma survivors are intensely impacted by their environment and relationships and it’s not their fault.
Great video Tim!!
To me the Hero Child grows into something like an arsonist. They start fires that nobody sees, in secret, so that they can be seen to be the one who spotted it first and putting it out just to be admired and be congratulated. They don't care how many people that fire devastated, the Hero just wants to maintain their Hero status at all costs. They'll blame the scapegoat for starting the fire, and be believed.
I’ll know I’ve turned a corner on my healing journey when I can view the Hero Sister with compassion. 😢
This is gold
PROBLEM CHILD hits too close to home
it's like I'm the only one who sees disfunction
and when I lash out I feel possessed by truth so blatantly obvious - nobody really loves anyone - it feels almost liberating
and so I become liberated... like a scapegoat in the desert
Your comment got me thinking that maybe being labeled the scapegoat is a benefit of sorts. After all it is so often that the so-called black sheep manages somehow to ‘scape…! 🐑
@@1timbarrett YES, in some ways, solitude brings more freedom, and it's not necessarily from blatant toxicity, a person just can't be himself in certain dynamics, so he chooses to be himself alone
that is a dire price to pay sometimes, and it can breed further social development issues
I am the truthteller scapegoat who looks for and attempts resolution. I knew my rebellion was me wanting to be more like Christ, who I always deeply loved , adored and admired and quested after to find my way; also Heavenly Father and Holy Spirit. I knew since very young, my family and most around me were shallow, superficial and all image which makes them fake hypocrites and I always strive for transparent honesty and resolution for peace and the betterment of all, and healing. I did not feel we should be accepting defeat by dishonesty ! Many Blessings and Gratitude and Love to all here, and of course, Pastor Mike❤️🔥🙏🏼🎶😇🕊️💫
Such a great teacher! 🙏🏽🙌🏽
This is unfortunate and true. 😢
How do we heal a dysfunctional family system when it’s clearly multi-generational? How do we point out the issue without being cast out? How do we explain the dysfunction to other members of the family when everyone jumps to feeling blamed and shuts down or stonewalls? I hate to walk away from the whole system but I sometimes can’t see any other way. We keep losing men to tragic deaths-ones I think are related to the family dysfunction.
Sheep have some strengths. Male sheep have horns and can CRAAAM! They are strong and protect the family.
I wish i was the hero and not the scapegoat ;( im homeless, have fibromyalgia and havent had a relationahip for the last 10 years. Im 30 years old ;(
Sorry, but I see the opposite in my own experience of family. I think the firstborn Hero kid suffered the most, burdened as she was with unrealistic expectations. 😢
The Shepard ❤ wonderful Psalms 23
Is it possible to be the scapegoat, the problem child and the hero all at the same time?
Good question. I mean, how are only children labeled? 🤔
My parents didn't get to show off "the hero child" because I was also the scapegoat.
@@melissarey2973 me tooooo! I was just wondering if I was the only one.
I had 4 years and a horrible relationship took me out again...
What's this man's name he has such knowledge of trauma wonder is there a counsellor out there who understands like he does so they can find healing after abuse ive gone through dysfunctional family my hole life and could not fix my family of origin had my kids with an abuser he Brainwashed my kids against me i lost everything due to his toxic evil
5 my kids against me after i left
Tim Fletcher
tim@findingfreedom.ca
@@TimFletcher thank u
What I would love to find out is "What is a FUNCTIONAL family?" so I can get something right.
You know how Tolstoy says at the beginning of ‘Anna Karenina’ that all happy families are the same but all unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique way? Well I question that clever-seeming precept. Anyway, where exactly are these happy families to be found? 🤔
Oh Lordy
This man is mainly talking about Lord and having a relationship with Him. Restoration coming from a good relationship with God. So any terapy isnt better than the relationship with Jesus Christ. Cause everything good comes from this, and everything bad comes if we dont have a good relationship with our redimeer and saviour whitch is the one and only the ALFA AND THE OMEGA
💕
I don’t like how this starts off being helpful insight, and then suddenly becomes a Christian channel more than half-way through
What about viewers who are not Christians ?
You are talking about HONESTY in this video - so is that honest ?
Waw. ❤
You said God gives us addiction...that's not rite ..No way..
5 mins
30:30 people are like sheep
You're talking about domesticated sheep.Wild sheep can defend themselves.