I developed a crush on my psychologist at some point. I didn't mention it because I was concerned that she would say we shouldn't work together anymore, which I thought wouldn't be worth it since she really was helping me a lot. The crush went away after a few months.
I'm always too attached to people who give me a little attention. Because most of the time I'm invisible. So I pay people to listen my story, and since they listen, I'm hooked.
I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
Kati, as a clinical psychologist, I appreciate your reflection of Carl Rogers' core values of congruence, empathy, and unconditional positive regard in your approach to therapy. Your candid dialogue on transference, and your empathetic story of Rebecca, reveal the shared journey that therapy is. Your work is an encouraging reminder of the significant impact and delicate balance required in our profession. Keep inspiring 🙂
I could never get attached to a therapist, because I know exactly that when I leave the therapy session someone else will come after me who has probably worse issues than me and who is probably an overall more interesting person than me. The thought of anyone ever caring for me is so far out of reach at this point that I already feel abandoned before I even get to know people. That feeling is so hurtful sometimes that I`d rather live under a rock feeling nothing than ever having to interact with another human being again.
@Cat O yeah, therapists are meant to ethically challenge you. to get you to speak of the uncomfortable. otherwise they're not even doing their job properly.
Wow you just described my heart, spot on. and I'm BPD up the wazoo. Your writing is beautiful, so I doubt your perceptions of yourself are entirely correct 🤔😊 Aka the same thing that I think, so idk I'm not sure what my logic is doing rn....
I feel called out 🤣 This video is coming right after my last session where I fully cried to my therapist because knowing I won't be able to see her forever feels as horrible as waiting for someone to die (which has happened to me too)😭She's the best therapist I've ever had and has literally saved my life. It hurts so much to think about losing one of the few good people in my life
I cried my brains out at my last session with the “best therapist I ever had”….I am now with another therapist and we have discussed it. I’ve come to realize… the reason why I fell in love with her so deeply? It has to do with the timing of your own journey. Meaning..the stuff you’re going through now is different than the stuff you went through before etc…It has to do with your childhood wounds yes….but “the timing of my journey” was eye opening.
Thank you Kati for this post! Someone mentioned that their therapist is 20 years younger and the age gap would to negate potential problematic attachment issues. Except: My therapist was a man 20 years younger (I'm a 63 year old woman in a very stable and happy marriage) but surprisingly, that didn't stop a very strong attachment from forming for me. I'm not working with him at present but I still get waves of longing and homesickness to connect with him again. It was all online and audio only. I have continued to maintain a light messaging connection with him but I'm trying to space that out. He filled a very specific need I have around unconditional love and not turning away. The whole thing reveals to me how I experienced abandonment even though my family was very intact and loving. The intense care I got from this therapist was what I needed as a child. I thought I got to a point of real healing but it seems like I have more work to do. I miss him so much and get waves of grief that stop me in my tracks. When I do, I try to comfort my younger self and be kind and gentle toward myself just as I would my own child. I sing to myself, rock myself, pat my heart, be present with myself...allow myself to feel what I feel without judgement. This post and all the comments are very interesting and helpful to me. Who knew there were so many of us out there struggling with attachment to our therapist! Do therapists realize what it's like on our end?
Thank you for making this video and showing people it's ok! I am a therapist and have struggled with my own attachment to my therapist. We talked about it a lot at times because I was feeling embarrassed and ashamed or angry. It ended up being so helpful to lay it out there and work through those feelings. She recently took a break and it has been really hard but it would have been even worse if we hadn't talked through the attachment throughout our relationship. I strive to do the same with my clients as it comes up.
Get out now if your attached in an unhealthy way. I kept it going because I was attached lol and it all blew up in my face when the therapist I depended on abruptly ditched me with nothing to replace her. It hurt and messed me up on top of all the trauma she added more.
@@danielthomas3057 “your” was correct. “Your” means ownership, or something that applies to you. “You’re” means “you are.” It wouldn’t make sense to put that down in her sentence.
This was so helpful. I was ready to terminate therapy and this helped me realize, there's a lot I still want to look at and work on. Thank you so much!
I don’t know what I would do if I lost my analyst. I’m coping with a huge loss and if I lost her, I have no idea what I would do. So sorry you lost your therapist at such a crucial time!
I believe therapy should be used for measurable goals involving healing from specific problems. Not for just general purposes of feeling better. Sometimes people just keep going without defined reasons and it can become a substitute for healthy social connection. That can slow down a person's progress. A good therapist recognizes when the sessions have gotten away from goals and will suggest that it's time to discontinue.
Ok wow, great info. Thanks for your story. I am new too therapy and was wondering why I was developing a crush for her. Glad to see it’s normal and says more about me and my attachment that I really need to work on. 😅
Your videos have helped me make peace with the fact that I will not always have the same therapist. Things will change and I will always be able figure out how to get through that process
Due to childhood emotional neglect and abuse, I sometimes sense that I could get attached - but then I remember it’s just their job and I’m not special in any way. So many people got it so much worse than me, so why would a therapist take pity in my story and care for me.
I’ve been listening to Kati for almost a decade, and I love how vulnerable and empowered and grounded in her authenticity to connect on valid experiences in such a light way. So grateful for this insightful and empowering channel and topic. Grateful for you Kati Morton
I love hearing that a therapist utilizes therapy herself. I appreciate my current therapist so much and would be lost without her. Thank you for sharing your constant honesty.
I was very attached to my therapist to me she was more then a therapist after many years with her she decided to retire i was angry felt abandon by her she really was different on so many levels never knew anyone like her and i had many therapist she was always there i would email she got back to me she was like the sister i lost its still fresh i miss her its only been 3 weeks i feel left out in the world i dont have family most passed away lost my sister years ago she filled that void thank you for this video
This video is so important. This all only works if the therapist has healthy boundaries themselves though. I had one with little to no boundaries, and another who "fired" me immediatley after the same red flag you're talking about working through.
Haha i laughed so hard when you started talking about transference. I want my therapist to be my best friend, mom, girlfriend, want to have an affaif with her and want her to be my therapist all at once. No "or". My transference sometimes feels all over the place and then i get really confused 😂. But it feels like we are making some progress and i'm really glad i found the courage to open up to her about that :)
you made this video at the perfect time i watched it the day before having a final session with my therapist before we went on break and it's been tearing me up for weeks. i'm incredibly attached to her and might even be outright obsessed with her. it's killing me how much i miss her
Thank you, Kati 💜 I've been seeing my therapist for several years(6?)and lately have realized that im definitely attached to her. I know its not an unhealthy attachment, but i had been a tadbit concerned cuz i know id be devastated if she left. Now im not concerned. 😊
I wish this special relationship itself would become part of therapy. A lot of us think we are not worth it to be cared for or that we are special, but both needs are the base for any relationship. From my experience we need to reform the bonding btw patient and therapist, make it much more transparent so that transference can happen at all. For a lot of us with attachment disorders transference will otherwise never happen. ❤
This is so fresh for me. I got partway through an education in therapy, so therapists kept telling me that they didn't have anything new to teach me. My CPTSD got so bad that I couldn't hold down a job due to stress-induced seizures. Then I found a trauma specialist who _could_ broaden my horizons for therapy. Every session, there was some new thought experiment, some new methodology, some new insight. They were able to engage with me on my fears as an LGBT person, the artistic pursuits I'd fallen out of -- really personalize my treatment. It was electrifying. I was finally making _progress._ They reached the next stage of their education and had to leave the company, and just like you Kati, I asked if there was some way I could come with them. No dice. They introduced me to their successor -- a nice lady, but she keeps telling me things I already know. I don't fault her for it, but I need the next-level treatment I was getting before. This happened right when disability and unemployment started sending their lawyers after me. The paperwork _and the intellectual dishonesty_ made my life a living hell, and I didn't have my first trauma therapist's expertise to help me weather this chicanery. I felt weird for asking if I could go with my trauma specialist -- or at least keep sending them song recommendations lol -- but I really appreciate you expressing how normal that is _while also_ upholding the necessary boundaries.
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you very much!! I'll learn a lot from your videos and they helped me gain another perspective and sometimes an explanation for a certain behavior or specific feelings. Therefore, thank you for sharing your story, it's so nice and calming, that you are so authentic, honest, and also vulnerable. That helped me a lot with acceptance. Keep going, I love your videos!♡
I wish my therapist would have been willing to work with me on this when I told her I was having all kinds of feeling towards her. She just said it was completely normal but would not elaborate any further. I tried bringing it up a couple of more times, saying I sometimes feel like I hate her and sometimes I think she's the most wonderful, again she would just say that it's normal. The transference got to be too much for me and I actually had to end therapy with her as she was stirring up too many emotions in me and I felt retraumatised and revictimised.
@@yorkietot5810Excatly, that's what my former therapist did with me as well, we talked out and got to the bottom of the core wounds surrounding the transference and attachment style. A good and professional therapist would do this for sure.
i had the same therapist for over 15 years and i recently got a call that i could no longer see her and now they are placing me in group therapy until they can find me another therapist, so it really sucks because she was like my best friend and i know that she couldent be my friend , i suffer with abandonment issues so it sucks that i lost her, im hoping to find another one that will last a long time because its been almost a month that i have not really had a therapist to talk to and im not very excited about group therapy, i know i have to go in order to get a new therapist, it just sucks to start the process all over again im really hoping to find a therapist that will help me as much as she did.
Everytime i see you face i'm reminded of when i found your videos and what my condition was at the time. It always makes me feel great, knowing i'm handling it. You were there (unknowingly) when it all was at it's darkest, thank you for all your brilliant work.
I thought therapy was a safe place for attachment until my therapist terminated me for asking if she could validate my feelings. Not all therapists are able to do their job and end up hurting people like me who had inconsistent parents.
A former therapist of mine told me "it's okay to tell me you love me". Needless to say, it didn't end well. I filed a complaint with the state board. They did nothing. The hospital (McLean) did nothing. She was promoted in 2019 to the Pavilion (the super rich ward).
It is really hard to hear that, and it must be horrible to have endured. Did you know that Narcissistic or Antisocial Personality individuals often become therapists because of the power they can have over others? Awful that that occurs. I am sorry that was not fixed.
Thank you for this video. I saw a therapist for 3 years. She helped me through some incredibly difficult times and I absolutely loved her! I was so attached to her as a therapist (not wanting to be friends or wishing she was my mom- I just needed the listening and support she gave me.) Then, she was unexpectedly offered a new job where she wouldn’t see clients any longer. I was absolutely devastated! Worse, instead of the empathy she usually gave me, she downplayed my feelings and cut me off when I tried to talk about it. It was like she made a 180 change and suddenly didn’t care at all. That hurt more than her leaving. How did you deal with the sudden loss of your therapist at the same time your dad died? Who or what helped you? What advice can you give to people who lose their therapist before they are ready?
I had this problem when I was younger, and now as an adult, I go into it knowing this person is going to help me for a period of time that could be a few months or years. And they are a service provider and you can have a professional client-provider relationship and still develop trust, talk about hard things, and not be afraid to laugh once in a while. I am NOT a professional, just an adult who's been in therapy since I was 4 years old.
I always have a cynical under-attachment to therapists I see as I always see them as just doing a job and not really caring so I'm just very business like with the points I make in therapy so not emotional. I bottle that up. I look at them the same way others might look at a technician or plumber lol.
My experience feels a bit different because my ex therapist didn't hide her life on social media properly. I ended up being able to see lots of photos of her and find out lots about her, including where she lived 😳 Knowing more about her, made me want to be with her outside of therapy. But it's devastating to know that would never happen. I even found out who her partner is and felt angry and jealous. I would never do anything but the feelings are so painful. She was a brilliant therapist and helped me a lot.
I was really lost when my Dr retired. He understood like nobody ever did, even after decades of seeing therapists. He had previously seen my son & used to joke around at how we both rolled our eyes at him the same way. He could be a little long winded at times, he told stories to get his points across. He did say he was concerned because I have abandonment issues but of course, he had to retire! I wouldn't say I was overly attached, I just finally found someone who understood me & helped me so,so much!
Thank you again for asking the questions that pop up for me…& sometimes I do not even know what the real question is. Love all your hard work on content and being REAL
Being unhealthy attached to someone when I was 16 kept me from trying to unalive myself. So I do believe these unhealthy attachment are there for the purpose of survival.
I was actually talking about this with my T in session today. Attachment has been with me since my early teens & I’m nearly 40 now. I’m not ever romantically attracted to my attachments, it’s literally a mother figure thing. Pattern repeats ad nauseam. It took me 4 years to get over my last attachment & it broke me. It felt like she’d died. I refused to do one to one therapy again for 11 years after that cos I was so scared of it happening again. I actually started again 7 weeks ago & as I said, we spoke about attachment today in session as I was starting to feel those feelings again & it was scaring me. We’ve agreed to stick to our boundaries, so that’s helpful for me.
I have had many therapists who did such things as you spoke about. So many times I left their office feeling worse than ever. I would hear things such as: You're not trying. What you think you're the only one who goes through these things? I have had therapist literally try to force their coping skills on me. I was seen as being resistant to treatment. And after 18 years of being misdiagnosed and discarded by so many clinicians, I now have a psychiatrist/therapist (who I just started seeing in July of this year) who seems too good to be true. When I went to her for an assessment for Borderline (because my previous doctor just blew me off; I felt like giving up), my new doctor (which she is a nurse practioner) she listened to me and took an interest in me. When I told her that I have more the quiet BPD and I spoke to her about my favorite person (who was my program worker) at the time, she said, "You know more about this than I do". I had a therapist who was willing to learn from the patient. At the end she told me that I was one of the most well informed people she ever met. I was not use to this, so I just feared this was too good to be true. Even when she suspected I had traits of Schizaltypal Personality Disorder, she said something no psychiatrist ever said to me, which was, "If You want we can look into it together". Because I have Complex BPD, I also have ADHD (the innatentive type), and also OCD with magical thinking, and most likely traits of Bipolar 2. So, it's not the fact that she is willing to learn from me, but she is very thorough in making sure I have the proper diagnosis for the proper treatment. I even became paranoid one day when I was waiting to see her (something called a referential delusion) this was like my 3rd time seeing her and I broke down and started crying, I felt so shameful and embarrassed. I even said to her, right now my mind is telling me you are thinking bad thoughts about me (as people with BPD I have a difficult time reading neutral faces, and body language)... At the end of the session she asked me if she could shake my hand, that to me was her way of saying we are alright I'm not thinking bad thoughts about you. I really like my therapist, but this is how it started with my BPD favorite person (who because of my ADHD, she is my hyperfixation dopamine fix). I am working on my attachment with her (I split on her often, and good old RSD always intensified things)... I do feel attached to my therapist (but she is not my favorite person, I am always devoted to one person). It just scares me, but I am going to share your video with her, because it came up just in time. A few minutes after I was talking with my case coordinator about this, I find your video. I call it more than a coincidence. I'm just really scared and I get overwhelmed because I have so much to work on...but she is willing to work with me; not trying to fix me. I know a lot of clinicians don't like working with people with BPD, but she says she enjoys working with me. I just get so scared I am going to push her away. I feared this with my favorite person. I don't want to go there with her. I emotionally can't do it. I believe we can work together I just have to be honest and open with her about my struggles with attachment issues.
This is why boundaries between the therapist and patient are so important, even with healthy attachment there must be boundaries to teach the patient some reasonable independence. At the end of the day, they should be meeting halfway.
I have to say I’m not happy that an ad was thrown in this video. I get TH-cam Premium to avoid that from happening. It threw me off the subject. But that being said, I deeply appreciate and respect everything Kati has to say. This is the first time I’ve seen an ad like this thrown in one of her videos.
this is so real, i think i have some mental health issues but i’ve never been to therapy because i’m too scared to ask, anyways i went to a school counsellor ONCE but it was before school ended so now i have to wait until September and i got so attached to her that i think about her everyday and even have dreams about her…
I ended up developing feelings for my former therapist and yeah it was pretty crazy, I did end up confessing and being honest about it but it did scare me because I didnt really know how he would react. Turns out, all of it was infact transference and limerence. It also revealed my anxious attachment style and also showed my abandontment and rejection wounds that I had beneath my core as well. I will forever be so grateful that I did end up finding these things out about myself because it has helped me tremendously
My therapist said its okay for me to email her any question i might have in between session but i avoid doing that because i don't want to become dependent on her for every little problem in my life. Plus she isn't paid to do that so i don't wanna take up her time for nothing. But now i think i have "toxic independence". It made me unreasonably sad today when she told me she will be taking off for few days during diwali (a festival).
My therapist has stopped seeing me. She had her first baby. The promised temporary person never materialized. I’ve been in therapy on and off since college (class of 1971). Another therapist stopped seeing me by phone with no reason or contingency). I felt like it was my fault.
I've become too attached to my therapist of 4 years when she started working on a big event and subconsciously stoppoed showing the same level of care and become more distant and preoccupied by her life. Traumatized me subcounsciously panicked and started to become clingier and doubting myself. She ended up telling me I was autistic when it was obvioulsy not the case, I spiraled and almost killed myself. Therapists sometimes do more harm than good.
I hate that I attached to my therapist. She can’t give me the same treatment. It sucks I had to stop emailing her all the time and figure out life by myself. When she wasn’t available I felt like she didn’t want to be bothered. Not the case in reality that was not true
I’m not one to go through these patterns of finding a new therapist constantly, in fact I had one that started out with me when I was a teenager and stayed with me until I became a young adult, I only stopped seeing her because she moved away. Years after that I struggled to find a therapist to talk to that helped me. I went through a few that didn’t last. Finally a few years ago I found another therapist who fit me, she’s understanding and kind and she’s been there in some of the worse times of my life and the thing about me is I’m not good with change, so it’s harder for me to move on. But, I know my boundaries I only try to contact her when I’m going through something. I have weekly sessions and I’ve found them to be very helpful.
I will never have a therapist again. They only made me feel miserable and the problems got worse. I never felt attached to any of them. I am the type of person that gets attached to nobody. I am too suspecious of everyone.
@@toriel5695 I have learned to just keep my distance from all. Being distrustful of everyone, and feeling unsafe around humans has been nullified by just not being around anybody. Of course this means I have made no friends. But, having a friend has very little benefits, and importances in modern times. Thus, I am missing little of benefit by having no friends.
@@santaskiddo7503My aim is not to get worse. Unfortunately, I believe I will not be getting better. There is no cure for schizophrenia and the treatments are mediocre, at best.
My therapist ended his contract with the place i attend it shattered me.. it's a professional relationship.. while he's still trying to refer me to a Complex PTSD but I'm not sure i can see a different person (medical trauma 😢)..
@@PraveenSrJ01 Have you gone to college on psychology? Do you know that therapy is most likely not long-term, but has an expected ending? Do you know this person and their mental health?
I am watching this video after realising I feel attached/reliant on my therapist but the problem is...I dont want to be. I hate feeling like I rely on them or feeling like I miss them during sessions. I hate it and it makes me angry at them. Super confusing
My first therapist left me all of sudden, I didn't even saw it coming and it hit me like a train would. I cried, I blamed myself for whatever reason she had to end the therapy with me (only me, she continued to attend other pacients) and it was devastating. It took me more than a year to look for a new therapist but I would not show me too much or trust her so much because I was afraid she'd left out of nowhere like the previous one. Now after 6 months I'm begginig to feel some kind of attachment and that is scary to me because of the previous experience and because I am really afraid to become too attached and needy of her and it's making me setback. Is too confusing. Sometimes I wish I didnt need therapy at all just because I cant imagine suffer that pain of breaking again with someone I love and trust. 😢
i recently lost access to my therapist and it feels like i lost a really close friend, i love her so much and the new lady she set me up with is really nice but it’s so hard to open up to someone new. i want her back :c
It can be so hard to have to leave someone. Remember that the old therapist is still out there. You will come across them again some other time. The new therapist can help you as well.
I’d be interested to see a video or information on how someone should navigate romantic transference with their therapist, while having a significant other. I’m currently experiencing it, and it’s incredibly confusing.
I really appreciate this video. I have a wonderful therapist who has helped me through the grief of my husband’s passing. I am very attached to her & have to remind myself that she is not my friend - this is her job. Do therapist become attached to their clients as well?
I do miss certain therapists when they leave there role , or its time for me to leave. What i am more nervous about is this is more short term therapy and its coming to and end soon and doing life again without therapy does seem scary.
My dad also passed from kidney cancer in 2015. Like you, I went to therapy after his diagnosis because by the time they found out he had metastatic kidney cancer, it was clear he would die from it. I only wish I wasn't married to a toxic a$$ at the time who acted like I was being overly dramatic through it all (he lost his dad suddenly the year before but they had a different relationship and he had no warning). I'm sorry to be with you in that "club".
This made sense to me because I saw my therapist for a few years. I made the transference of needed love on her. I was glad when we ended cause I was getting too attached.
The problem with therapists is that they think they know more than "regular" people, that they are somehow better and that they are completely okay to judge you and your emotions, actions, when in fact, most therapists are much more screwed up than the general public. It's a waste of time and money in MOST cases. If you have to pay someone to talk to you, then go, but never think they are your friend or they have some kind of inside track on the way life works cuz NO ONE has an inside track on the way life works. It's a job and they are making money from seeing you. That's about what it amounts to. If THEY try to be your friend or date you outside of the clinic setting (which happens QUITE often actually) then they should be reported.
I don't think I am attached enough to my therapist. I don't even think about her unless I'm in session and sometimes my husband has to remind me of my appointments. If she told me tomorrow she couldn't see me, it'd be weird, but I'd be fine.
Im 23, my therapist is 43, i consider her a mom to me, even though she tells me that it goes against her ethic practices, i didn't mind, i could tell a part of her did want me as a son, but even though i dont see her anymore i still consider her a mom, i respected her enough that i dont bother texting her or calling her unless she calls me out of therapist and patient buisness, but if i call her out of a social call, then it stands against what she does and what she works for, which i will not do, where ever she is, i hope i see her someday once again, and if im lucky she could call me and ask how im doing, and maybe even consider me a son, but it will take a miracle to do that
there is nothing wrong with you. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable and if you are unsure, you could talk to a professional about it - maybe they could help you where it comes from, and maybe how/if you want to work on it.
is it avoidance if you have had too many therapists? my pattern is I work with one for an specific issue, I improve and she gets happy and thinks I am doing great and I don't need her anymore, I agree but deep down I know there is some other shit I never told her, so I quit therapy and move on with my life until I have another crisis and move on to other therapist. I don't think I want the same person to know all the sides of me
I advise to talk to her or him *about* that. They are there to help you, even for that reason! I really hope you do so, nothing will go wrong. That is what they are there for.
I actually got really committed to a therapist specialized in attachment theory, this summer until november. I went really all in wanting to go to childhood wounds, and she was the one that quit because she changed jobs. Not great for my rejection wounds, now I really dont want to go back to therapy 😒@@RainbowSunshineRain
for me, i wish my therapist was my mother. :( I don't want this transference at all. And knowing that this isn't real, it's all just clinical, hurts me more than you know. it's like a constant heartbreak. Almost wish I wasn't going to keep doing therapy.
Hi Katy! Thanks for your quality eye opening videos. Do you think you could talk about Transference Focused Therapy? My DBT therapist suggested me to try it out and frankly I've been to so many kinds of therapy with varying results (ranging from completely useless to eh, guess I can use that but it doesn't really help much) and I would like to know if It's gonna work for me or better accept my destiny and be miserable forever (and save a lot of cash)
Hey Kati, this happened to me a grew a deep crush on my therapist. We had a session almost everyday for over a year. And researched it and found out that it was called transference. But he completely ignored that topic and now I stopped having sessions with him. I feel like I’m going through I breakup. He didn’t even say good bye to me. Or give me any guidance on to what to do next or where to go. I feel like I did something wrong. I’m so confused and lost.
To me, it seems dangerous to have a therapist just straight up quit or be forced out of work. You'd think there would be some sort of transfer process.
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Thank you
I developed a crush on my psychologist at some point. I didn't mention it because I was concerned that she would say we shouldn't work together anymore, which I thought wouldn't be worth it since she really was helping me a lot. The crush went away after a few months.
I'm always too attached to people who give me a little attention. Because most of the time I'm invisible. So I pay people to listen my story, and since they listen, I'm hooked.
Yes. And in addition they are safe and protecitve, like no one has ever been.
You explained this so clearly and succinctly! I can completely relate, it SUCKS 😔
I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
Please provide details.
I have also suic Cid dal .
Your therapist also attached with you. Yes or no
Kati, as a clinical psychologist, I appreciate your reflection of Carl Rogers' core values of congruence, empathy, and unconditional positive regard in your approach to therapy. Your candid dialogue on transference, and your empathetic story of Rebecca, reveal the shared journey that therapy is. Your work is an encouraging reminder of the significant impact and delicate balance required in our profession. Keep inspiring 🙂
I could never get attached to a therapist, because I know exactly that when I leave the therapy session someone else will come after me who has probably worse issues than me and who is probably an overall more interesting person than me. The thought of anyone ever caring for me is so far out of reach at this point that I already feel abandoned before I even get to know people. That feeling is so hurtful sometimes that I`d rather live under a rock feeling nothing than ever having to interact with another human being again.
Same.
Me too.. me too
@Cat O yeah, therapists are meant to ethically challenge you. to get you to speak of the uncomfortable. otherwise they're not even doing their job properly.
Same here, But I'm secretly attached to her so I don't tell her but I'm secretly. Like a male thoughts and fantasies.
Wow you just described my heart, spot on. and I'm BPD up the wazoo. Your writing is beautiful, so I doubt your perceptions of yourself are entirely correct 🤔😊 Aka the same thing that I think, so idk I'm not sure what my logic is doing rn....
I feel called out 🤣 This video is coming right after my last session where I fully cried to my therapist because knowing I won't be able to see her forever feels as horrible as waiting for someone to die (which has happened to me too)😭She's the best therapist I've ever had and has literally saved my life. It hurts so much to think about losing one of the few good people in my life
I totally feel this... ❤
Same for me… I became so fond of my therapist that it hurts me to know that one day, I won’t see her anymore.
How are we supposed to deal with our feelings ?
@@MD-st4wi hopefully with the skills you've learned during therapy, and if needed, talk about it with another therapist.
I cried my brains out at my last session with the “best therapist I ever had”….I am now with another therapist and we have discussed it.
I’ve come to realize… the reason why I fell in love with her so deeply?
It has to do with the timing of
your own journey. Meaning..the stuff you’re going through now is different than the stuff you went through before etc…It has to do with your childhood wounds yes….but “the timing of my journey” was eye opening.
I am so scared of this happening. I don't want her to be humiliated. My mental disorders cause me to overly attach to people.
Thank you Kati for this post!
Someone mentioned that their therapist is 20 years younger and the age gap would to negate potential problematic attachment issues.
Except:
My therapist was a man 20 years younger (I'm a 63 year old woman in a very stable and happy marriage) but surprisingly, that didn't stop a very strong attachment from forming for me. I'm not working with him at present but I still get waves of longing and homesickness to connect with him again. It was all online and audio only. I have continued to maintain a light messaging connection with him but I'm trying to space that out.
He filled a very specific need I have around unconditional love and not turning away. The whole thing reveals to me how I experienced abandonment even though my family was very intact and loving. The intense care I got from this therapist was what I needed as a child. I thought I got to a point of real healing but it seems like I have more work to do.
I miss him so much and get waves of grief that stop me in my tracks. When I do, I try to comfort my younger self and be kind and gentle toward myself just as I would my own child. I sing to myself, rock myself, pat my heart, be present with myself...allow myself to feel what I feel without judgement.
This post and all the comments are very interesting and helpful to me. Who knew there were so many of us out there struggling with attachment to our therapist! Do therapists realize what it's like on our end?
Thank you for sharing ❤ She did another video where she said it good to talk to their therapists about that ..
@@Esperanza_121 Thanks! Could you share the title or link of the video you mention?
Thank you for making this video and showing people it's ok!
I am a therapist and have struggled with my own attachment to my therapist. We talked about it a lot at times because I was feeling embarrassed and ashamed or angry. It ended up being so helpful to lay it out there and work through those feelings. She recently took a break and it has been really hard but it would have been even worse if we hadn't talked through the attachment throughout our relationship. I strive to do the same with my clients as it comes up.
I fell in love with my therapist head over heels. We talked about it, but it didn’t make it go away. :)
I had a similar experience with an attractive female therapist in 2008:2009 when I was 25 years old.
I am in this situation right now 😢
Get out now if your attached in an unhealthy way. I kept it going because I was attached lol and it all blew up in my face when the therapist I depended on abruptly ditched me with nothing to replace her. It hurt and messed me up on top of all the trauma she added more.
@lsisak7651 Same experience. Therapists can cause harm.
I am scared this will happen to me!
Incorrect use of your. Should be you're.
@@danielthomas3057 “your” was correct. “Your” means ownership, or something that applies to you. “You’re” means “you are.” It wouldn’t make sense to put that down in her sentence.
@@danielthomas3057 I'm sure it's a typo. No need to harass anyone about it.
This was so helpful. I was ready to terminate therapy and this helped me realize, there's a lot I still want to look at and work on. Thank you so much!
I don’t know what I would do if I lost my analyst. I’m coping with a huge loss and if I lost her, I have no idea what I would do. So sorry you lost your therapist at such a crucial time!
I love Kati so much. She didn't call it unhealthy or bad, but attachment one needs to work on. So beautiful and sensitive.
Crying through this whole video. Thank you so much for reassuring us with a completely shame-free perspective.
Same here.
Wished it was longer
@@MsLesset ❤️🤗❤️
I believe therapy should be used for measurable goals involving healing from specific problems. Not for just general purposes of feeling better. Sometimes people just keep going without defined reasons and it can become a substitute for healthy social connection. That can slow down a person's progress. A good therapist recognizes when the sessions have gotten away from goals and will suggest that it's time to discontinue.
I had a similar experience. I saw a therapist at my university and with COVID, they laid her off. I was devastated!
When attachment is supportive, it can always be a good thing
Ok wow, great info. Thanks for your story. I am new too therapy and was wondering why I was developing a crush for her. Glad to see it’s normal and says more about me and my attachment that I really need to work on. 😅
Your videos have helped me make peace with the fact that I will not always have the same therapist. Things will change and I will always be able figure out how to get through that process
Due to childhood emotional neglect and abuse, I sometimes sense that I could get attached - but then I remember it’s just their job and I’m not special in any way. So many people got it so much worse than me, so why would a therapist take pity in my story and care for me.
I’ve been listening to Kati for almost a decade, and I love how vulnerable and empowered and grounded in her authenticity to connect on valid experiences in such a light way. So grateful for this insightful and empowering channel and topic. Grateful for you Kati Morton
I love hearing that a therapist utilizes therapy herself. I appreciate my current therapist so much and would be lost without her. Thank you for sharing your constant honesty.
I was very attached to my therapist to me she was more then a therapist after many years with her she decided to retire i was angry felt abandon by her she really was different on so many levels never knew anyone like her and i had many therapist she was always there i would email she got back to me she was like the sister i lost its still fresh i miss her its only been 3 weeks i feel left out in the world i dont have family most passed away lost my sister years ago she filled that void thank you for this video
This video is so important. This all only works if the therapist has healthy boundaries themselves though. I had one with little to no boundaries, and another who "fired" me immediatley after the same red flag you're talking about working through.
Haha i laughed so hard when you started talking about transference. I want my therapist to be my best friend, mom, girlfriend, want to have an affaif with her and want her to be my therapist all at once. No "or". My transference sometimes feels all over the place and then i get really confused 😂. But it feels like we are making some progress and i'm really glad i found the courage to open up to her about that :)
😂
you made this video at the perfect time i watched it the day before having a final session with my therapist before we went on break and it's been tearing me up for weeks. i'm incredibly attached to her and might even be outright obsessed with her. it's killing me how much i miss her
Thank you, Kati 💜
I've been seeing my therapist for several years(6?)and lately have realized that im definitely attached to her. I know its not an unhealthy attachment, but i had been a tadbit concerned cuz i know id be devastated if she left. Now im not concerned. 😊
I wish this special relationship itself would become part of therapy. A lot of us think we are not worth it to be cared for or that we are special, but both needs are the base for any relationship. From my experience we need to reform the bonding btw patient and therapist, make it much more transparent so that transference can happen at all. For a lot of us with attachment disorders transference will otherwise never happen. ❤
okay I LOVE that "You are Appreciated" blip on your phone LOL!! Cute editing
This is so fresh for me. I got partway through an education in therapy, so therapists kept telling me that they didn't have anything new to teach me. My CPTSD got so bad that I couldn't hold down a job due to stress-induced seizures.
Then I found a trauma specialist who _could_ broaden my horizons for therapy. Every session, there was some new thought experiment, some new methodology, some new insight. They were able to engage with me on my fears as an LGBT person, the artistic pursuits I'd fallen out of -- really personalize my treatment. It was electrifying. I was finally making _progress._
They reached the next stage of their education and had to leave the company, and just like you Kati, I asked if there was some way I could come with them. No dice. They introduced me to their successor -- a nice lady, but she keeps telling me things I already know. I don't fault her for it, but I need the next-level treatment I was getting before.
This happened right when disability and unemployment started sending their lawyers after me. The paperwork _and the intellectual dishonesty_ made my life a living hell, and I didn't have my first trauma therapist's expertise to help me weather this chicanery.
I felt weird for asking if I could go with my trauma specialist -- or at least keep sending them song recommendations lol -- but I really appreciate you expressing how normal that is _while also_ upholding the necessary boundaries.
This video is so incredibly helpful, thank you very much!! I'll learn a lot from your videos and they helped me gain another perspective and sometimes an explanation for a certain behavior or specific feelings. Therefore, thank you for sharing your story, it's so nice and calming, that you are so authentic, honest, and also vulnerable. That helped me a lot with acceptance. Keep going, I love your videos!♡
Same here :) a Big thank you for putting this topic out there!!
I wish my therapist would have been willing to work with me on this when I told her I was having all kinds of feeling towards her. She just said it was completely normal but would not elaborate any further. I tried bringing it up a couple of more times, saying I sometimes feel like I hate her and sometimes I think she's the most wonderful, again she would just say that it's normal.
The transference got to be too much for me and I actually had to end therapy with her as she was stirring up too many emotions in me and I felt retraumatised and revictimised.
I'm sorry that happened and I know how it feels. A good therapist should be able to have a full, proper discussion about it.
@@yorkietot5810Excatly, that's what my former therapist did with me as well, we talked out and got to the bottom of the core wounds surrounding the transference and attachment style. A good and professional therapist would do this for sure.
i had the same therapist for over 15 years and i recently got a call that i could no longer see her and now they are placing me in group therapy until they can find me another therapist, so it really sucks because she was like my best friend and i know that she couldent be my friend , i suffer with abandonment issues so it sucks that i lost her, im hoping to find another one that will last a long time because its been almost a month that i have not really had a therapist to talk to and im not very excited about group therapy, i know i have to go in order to get a new therapist, it just sucks to start the process all over again im really hoping to find a therapist that will help me as much as she did.
I love this video so much Kati!!! Also i can't help but appreciate the top tier editing, it was 🤌🏼(chefs kiss)
Everytime i see you face i'm reminded of when i found your videos and what my condition was at the time. It always makes me feel great, knowing i'm handling it. You were there (unknowingly) when it all was at it's darkest, thank you for all your brilliant work.
I thought therapy was a safe place for attachment until my therapist terminated me for asking if she could validate my feelings. Not all therapists are able to do their job and end up hurting people like me who had inconsistent parents.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey through mental health and therapy!
A former therapist of mine told me "it's okay to tell me you love me". Needless to say, it didn't end well. I filed a complaint with the state board. They did nothing. The hospital (McLean) did nothing. She was promoted in 2019 to the Pavilion (the super rich ward).
It is really hard to hear that, and it must be horrible to have endured. Did you know that Narcissistic or Antisocial Personality individuals often become therapists because of the power they can have over others? Awful that that occurs. I am sorry that was not fixed.
Katie, I really enjoy your videos. As much as you help others, be there for yourself too. Keep up the good work. :)
Thank you for this video. I saw a therapist for 3 years. She helped me through some incredibly difficult times and I absolutely loved her! I was so attached to her as a therapist (not wanting to be friends or wishing she was my mom- I just needed the listening and support she gave me.) Then, she was unexpectedly offered a new job where she wouldn’t see clients any longer. I was absolutely devastated! Worse, instead of the empathy she usually gave me, she downplayed my feelings and cut me off when I tried to talk about it. It was like she made a 180 change and suddenly didn’t care at all. That hurt more than her leaving.
How did you deal with the sudden loss of your therapist at the same time your dad died? Who or what helped you? What advice can you give to people who lose their therapist before they are ready?
I had this problem when I was younger, and now as an adult, I go into it knowing this person is going to help me for a period of time that could be a few months or years. And they are a service provider and you can have a professional client-provider relationship and still develop trust, talk about hard things, and not be afraid to laugh once in a while. I am NOT a professional, just an adult who's been in therapy since I was 4 years old.
I always have a cynical under-attachment to therapists I see as I always see them as just doing a job and not really caring so I'm just very business like with the points I make in therapy so not emotional. I bottle that up. I look at them the same way others might look at a technician or plumber lol.
Same here, I’m always aware that they’re doing a job and that it’s just sort of a transaction
Right. Technically they're our contract employees.
@@emma58242 it depends on how they present themselves and how much extra care they are willing to provide
@@santaskiddo7503 agree
But I would add the point that if u allow urself to feel things as they come up in theraphy and explore them ,it would be more productive
My experience feels a bit different because my ex therapist didn't hide her life on social media properly. I ended up being able to see lots of photos of her and find out lots about her, including where she lived 😳 Knowing more about her, made me want to be with her outside of therapy. But it's devastating to know that would never happen. I even found out who her partner is and felt angry and jealous. I would never do anything but the feelings are so painful. She was a brilliant therapist and helped me a lot.
I wouldn't say attached, but I would say that we get along super well, she can read me well.
I was really lost when my Dr retired. He understood like nobody ever did, even after decades of seeing therapists. He had previously seen my son & used to joke around at how we both rolled our eyes at him the same way. He could be a little long winded at times, he told stories to get his points across. He did say he was concerned because I have abandonment issues but of course, he had to retire! I wouldn't say I was overly attached, I just finally found someone who understood me & helped me so,so much!
I am too attached to my therapist. He is my healer he saved my life.
Thank you again for asking the questions that pop up for me…& sometimes I do not even know what the real question is. Love all your hard work on content and being REAL
Being unhealthy attached to someone when I was 16 kept me from trying to unalive myself. So I do believe these unhealthy attachment are there for the purpose of survival.
Thank you for this wonderful video. It validates a lot for me.
I was actually talking about this with my T in session today. Attachment has been with me since my early teens & I’m nearly 40 now. I’m not ever romantically attracted to my attachments, it’s literally a mother figure thing. Pattern repeats ad nauseam. It took me 4 years to get over my last attachment & it broke me. It felt like she’d died. I refused to do one to one therapy again for 11 years after that cos I was so scared of it happening again. I actually started again 7 weeks ago & as I said, we spoke about attachment today in session as I was starting to feel those feelings again & it was scaring me. We’ve agreed to stick to our boundaries, so that’s helpful for me.
Katie’s the best!!
I have had many therapists who did such things as you spoke about. So many times I left their office feeling worse than ever. I would hear things such as:
You're not trying.
What you think you're the only one who goes through these things?
I have had therapist literally try to force their coping skills on me. I was seen as being resistant to treatment. And after 18 years of being misdiagnosed and discarded by so many clinicians, I now have a psychiatrist/therapist (who I just started seeing in July of this year) who seems too good to be true.
When I went to her for an assessment for Borderline (because my previous doctor just blew me off; I felt like giving up), my new doctor (which she is a nurse practioner) she listened to me and took an interest in me. When I told her that I have more the quiet BPD and I spoke to her about my favorite person (who was my program worker) at the time, she said,
"You know more about this than I do".
I had a therapist who was willing to learn from the patient. At the end she told me that I was one of the most well informed people she ever met. I was not use to this, so I just feared this was too good to be true. Even when she suspected I had traits of Schizaltypal Personality Disorder, she said something no psychiatrist ever said to me, which was,
"If You want we can look into it together".
Because I have Complex BPD, I also have ADHD (the innatentive type), and also OCD with magical thinking, and most likely traits of Bipolar 2.
So, it's not the fact that she is willing to learn from me, but she is very thorough in making sure I have the proper diagnosis for the proper treatment.
I even became paranoid one day when I was waiting to see her (something called a referential delusion) this was like my 3rd time seeing her and I broke down and started crying, I felt so shameful and embarrassed. I even said to her, right now my mind is telling me you are thinking bad thoughts about me (as people with BPD I have a difficult time reading neutral faces, and body language)... At the end of the session she asked me if she could shake my hand, that to me was her way of saying we are alright I'm not thinking bad thoughts about you.
I really like my therapist, but this is how it started with my BPD favorite person (who because of my ADHD, she is my hyperfixation dopamine fix). I am working on my attachment with her (I split on her often, and good old RSD always intensified things)... I do feel attached to my therapist (but she is not my favorite person, I am always devoted to one person). It just scares me, but I am going to share your video with her, because it came up just in time. A few minutes after I was talking with my case coordinator about this, I find your video. I call it more than a coincidence.
I'm just really scared and I get overwhelmed because I have so much to work on...but she is willing to work with me; not trying to fix me. I know a lot of clinicians don't like working with people with BPD, but she says she enjoys working with me. I just get so scared I am going to push her away. I feared this with my favorite person. I don't want to go there with her. I emotionally can't do it. I believe we can work together I just have to be honest and open with her about my struggles with attachment issues.
This is why boundaries between the therapist and patient are so important, even with healthy attachment there must be boundaries to teach the patient some reasonable independence. At the end of the day, they should be meeting halfway.
Did you see the movie 🍿 What About Bob?
@@PraveenSrJ01 Do you know this person?
I have to say I’m not happy that an ad was thrown in this video. I get TH-cam Premium to avoid that from happening. It threw me off the subject. But that being said, I deeply appreciate and respect everything Kati has to say. This is the first time I’ve seen an ad like this thrown in one of her videos.
I just fast forward through it and don't see it.
@@deborahparise5566 Exactly, one should get so mad about someone they appreciate getting money...
Can you do a video on how you can prepare for loss of a loved one? Whether to illness or old age
When my mental health deteriorated my therapist ghosted me :/ I'm seeking for a new one but it's really hard to trust someone now.
Say more on anxious-avoidance attachment. Thanks for this video Kati 😊 Yay more info for me to share with my therapist.
this is so real, i think i have some mental health issues but i’ve never been to therapy because i’m too scared to ask, anyways i went to a school counsellor ONCE but it was before school ended so now i have to wait until September and i got so attached to her that i think about her everyday and even have dreams about her…
I ended up developing feelings for my former therapist and yeah it was pretty crazy, I did end up confessing and being honest about it but it did scare me because I didnt really know how he would react. Turns out, all of it was infact transference and limerence. It also revealed my anxious attachment style and also showed my abandontment and rejection wounds that I had beneath my core as well. I will forever be so grateful that I did end up finding these things out about myself because it has helped me tremendously
Thank you, helpful video 🙂
My therapist said its okay for me to email her any question i might have in between session but i avoid doing that because i don't want to become dependent on her for every little problem in my life. Plus she isn't paid to do that so i don't wanna take up her time for nothing. But now i think i have "toxic independence". It made me unreasonably sad today when she told me she will be taking off for few days during diwali (a festival).
My therapist has stopped seeing me. She had her first baby. The promised temporary person never materialized. I’ve been in therapy on and off since college (class of 1971). Another therapist stopped seeing me by phone with no reason or contingency). I felt like it was my fault.
I’ve come late to the party but so glad to have found your channel 🎉😊 I have definitely been attached to therapists before. Not in an unhealthy way 😅
I've become too attached to my therapist of 4 years when she started working on a big event and subconsciously stoppoed showing the same level of care and become more distant and preoccupied by her life. Traumatized me subcounsciously panicked and started to become clingier and doubting myself. She ended up telling me I was autistic when it was obvioulsy not the case, I spiraled and almost killed myself. Therapists sometimes do more harm than good.
When tou talk sbout intimate details of your life to someone youre honna get attached
I hate that I attached to my therapist. She can’t give me the same treatment. It sucks I had to stop emailing her all the time and figure out life by myself. When she wasn’t available I felt like she didn’t want to be bothered. Not the case in reality that was not true
I’m not one to go through these patterns of finding a new therapist constantly, in fact I had one that started out with me when I was a teenager and stayed with me until I became a young adult, I only stopped seeing her because she moved away.
Years after that I struggled to find a therapist to talk to that helped me. I went through a few that didn’t last.
Finally a few years ago I found another therapist who fit me, she’s understanding and kind and she’s been there in some of the worse times of my life and the thing about me is I’m not good with change, so it’s harder for me to move on.
But, I know my boundaries I only try to contact her when I’m going through something.
I have weekly sessions and I’ve found them to be very helpful.
I will never have a therapist again. They only made me feel miserable and the problems got worse. I never felt attached to any of them. I am the type of person that gets attached to nobody. I am too suspecious of everyone.
this was me before I got attached to my therapist hahah…
hope it’ll get better though
@@toriel5695 real
@@toriel5695 I have learned to just keep my distance from all. Being distrustful of everyone, and feeling unsafe around humans has been nullified by just not being around anybody. Of course this means I have made no friends. But, having a friend has very little benefits, and importances in modern times. Thus, I am missing little of benefit by having no friends.
@@santaskiddo7503My aim is not to get worse. Unfortunately, I believe I will not be getting better. There is no cure for schizophrenia and the treatments are mediocre, at best.
My therapist ended his contract with the place i attend it shattered me.. it's a professional relationship.. while he's still trying to refer me to a Complex PTSD but I'm not sure i can see a different person (medical trauma 😢)..
This is insanely helpful my therapist has to end therapy with me in a few weeks and it caught me off guard.
Have you seen the 1991 movie 🍿 What About Bob?
@@PraveenSrJ01 Have you gone to college on psychology? Do you know that therapy is most likely not long-term, but has an expected ending? Do you know this person and their mental health?
I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for 22 years since Jan 2001 and my current therapist since March 2013.
That therapist was just cruel and callous for cutting you off and I’m so sorry to hear that. It would’ve made me very upset 😠
Thankyou
I am watching this video after realising I feel attached/reliant on my therapist but the problem is...I dont want to be.
I hate feeling like I rely on them or feeling like I miss them during sessions.
I hate it and it makes me angry at them.
Super confusing
My first therapist left me all of sudden, I didn't even saw it coming and it hit me like a train would. I cried, I blamed myself for whatever reason she had to end the therapy with me (only me, she continued to attend other pacients) and it was devastating. It took me more than a year to look for a new therapist but I would not show me too much or trust her so much because I was afraid she'd left out of nowhere like the previous one. Now after 6 months I'm begginig to feel some kind of attachment and that is scary to me because of the previous experience and because I am really afraid to become too attached and needy of her and it's making me setback. Is too confusing. Sometimes I wish I didnt need therapy at all just because I cant imagine suffer that pain of breaking again with someone I love and trust. 😢
i recently lost access to my therapist and it feels like i lost a really close friend, i love her so much and the new lady she set me up with is really nice but it’s so hard to open up to someone new. i want her back :c
It can be so hard to have to leave someone. Remember that the old therapist is still out there. You will come across them again some other time. The new therapist can help you as well.
I’d be interested to see a video or information on how someone should navigate romantic transference with their therapist, while having a significant other. I’m currently experiencing it, and it’s incredibly confusing.
I really appreciate this video. I have a wonderful therapist who has helped me through the grief of my husband’s passing. I am very attached to her & have to remind myself that she is not my friend - this is her job. Do therapist become attached to their clients as well?
I do miss certain therapists when they leave there role , or its time for me to leave. What i am more nervous about is this is more short term therapy and its coming to and end soon and doing life again without therapy does seem scary.
My dad also passed from kidney cancer in 2015. Like you, I went to therapy after his diagnosis because by the time they found out he had metastatic kidney cancer, it was clear he would die from it. I only wish I wasn't married to a toxic a$$ at the time who acted like I was being overly dramatic through it all (he lost his dad suddenly the year before but they had a different relationship and he had no warning). I'm sorry to be with you in that "club".
The phone says: "You are appreciated"
This made sense to me because I saw my therapist for a few years.
I made the transference of needed love on her. I was glad when we ended cause I was getting too attached.
My therapist is like 20 yrs younger than me. I feel like it takes care of a lot of these issues haha
Mines 13 years younger
The problem with therapists is that they think they know more than "regular" people, that they are somehow better and that they are completely okay to judge you and your emotions, actions, when in fact, most therapists are much more screwed up than the general public. It's a waste of time and money in MOST cases. If you have to pay someone to talk to you, then go, but never think they are your friend or they have some kind of inside track on the way life works cuz NO ONE has an inside track on the way life works. It's a job and they are making money from seeing you. That's about what it amounts to. If THEY try to be your friend or date you outside of the clinic setting (which happens QUITE often actually) then they should be reported.
Thank you Kati
Do you know an ice hockey player called Tom Cavangh?he struggeled with schezophriena during his lifetime.
I don't think I am attached enough to my therapist. I don't even think about her unless I'm in session and sometimes my husband has to remind me of my appointments. If she told me tomorrow she couldn't see me, it'd be weird, but I'd be fine.
Im 23, my therapist is 43, i consider her a mom to me, even though she tells me that it goes against her ethic practices, i didn't mind, i could tell a part of her did want me as a son, but even though i dont see her anymore i still consider her a mom, i respected her enough that i dont bother texting her or calling her unless she calls me out of therapist and patient buisness, but if i call her out of a social call, then it stands against what she does and what she works for, which i will not do, where ever she is, i hope i see her someday once again, and if im lucky she could call me and ask how im doing, and maybe even consider me a son, but it will take a miracle to do that
I wonder if something is wrong with me. I have no attachment to anything. Attachment gives me the ick
there is nothing wrong with you. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable and if you are unsure, you could talk to a professional about it - maybe they could help you where it comes from, and maybe how/if you want to work on it.
I have both transference and attachment ....
I like my therapist i think i have fallen in love with her i don't want to feel this way
is it avoidance if you have had too many therapists? my pattern is I work with one for an specific issue, I improve and she gets happy and thinks I am doing great and I don't need her anymore, I agree but deep down I know there is some other shit I never told her, so I quit therapy and move on with my life until I have another crisis and move on to other therapist. I don't think I want the same person to know all the sides of me
I advise to talk to her or him *about* that. They are there to help you, even for that reason! I really hope you do so, nothing will go wrong. That is what they are there for.
Sounds like avoidant to me.
I actually got really committed to a therapist specialized in attachment theory, this summer until november. I went really all in wanting to go to childhood wounds, and she was the one that quit because she changed jobs. Not great for my rejection wounds, now I really dont want to go back to therapy 😒@@RainbowSunshineRain
Seriously, why did she put an AD IN THE MIDDLE OF HER AD??????
Because she does have to make a living. She isn't running a charity.
Why is that an issue?
for me, i wish my therapist was my mother. :( I don't want this transference at all.
And knowing that this isn't real, it's all just clinical, hurts me more than you know. it's like a constant heartbreak. Almost wish I wasn't going to keep doing therapy.
Helps if they don't lead you on and flirt. Or retaliate over disagreements,withhold information. Look out folks.
Hi Katy! Thanks for your quality eye opening videos. Do you think you could talk about Transference Focused Therapy? My DBT therapist suggested me to try it out and frankly I've been to so many kinds of therapy with varying results (ranging from completely useless to eh, guess I can use that but it doesn't really help much) and I would like to know if It's gonna work for me or better accept my destiny and be miserable forever (and save a lot of cash)
I'm going this right now
Hey Kati, this happened to me a grew a deep crush on my therapist. We had a session almost everyday for over a year. And researched it and found out that it was called transference. But he completely ignored that topic and now I stopped having sessions with him. I feel like I’m going through I breakup. He didn’t even say good bye to me. Or give me any guidance on to what to do next or where to go. I feel like I did something wrong. I’m so confused and lost.
To me, it seems dangerous to have a therapist just straight up quit or be forced out of work. You'd think there would be some sort of transfer process.
I am really struggling how could I have a one to one session with you online ?