How Do I Help People Without Enabling Them?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- How Do I Help People Without Enabling Them?
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Our Father told us to love people, NOT to have them over use or manipulate us. I learned the hard way that there's a difference between helping a person in need vs a person being greedy and ungrateful
Agree
I'd rake leaves for an hour for a 50 dollar gift card. Sounds like a good deal, and I have a full time job.
Yup, 50 dollars an hour is pretty decent pay.
That’s what I thought, a well paid manual job!👩🏿🌾
I also. Fair exchange is not highway robbery.
Good luck finding someone willing to pay that.
Same!!
It’s hard to help someone over and over and over again.
Then don't.
Harley....sorry I offended you. Hope you feel better
@@tomdrummy4984 wut
What a great litmus test: "Five years from today, is what I'm doing right now going to cause them to be in a better situation?" Thanks, as always, Dave!
You Rock David!! I hv been an enabler to my son and it *NEVER* produces the desired outcome! It only foments in their mind that you owe them because they breathe.
Never help people financially who refuse to work.
Kinda sounds like they've decided to ride the welfare train with stops at free stuff
@@Austenfan177 What if you're a trust fund baby and inherit a few million dollars? Pretty sure they can do what they want
@@ianrobinson4200 At least the trust fund baby is not mooching off charity, like this family is.
@buffymcmuffin5361 one thing that disgusts me is when someone has a major advantage, basically extra resources given to them for them to be successful only to waste it
Wow, I have a job, and I'd happily rake leaves for 50 bucks an hour. Groceries for a week for an hour of my time? Yes please!
The truth is hard and not everyone wants to hear it. Gotta teach them about money & what to do, not give it to them. (in most cases)
Dave is dead on target, here. You can't help anyone that won't help themselves.
For the adult kids in this scenario who moved back in with their folks: Why would you WANT to throw away all aspirations and opportunity in order to devolve back to a regressive pre-teen-like mentality and lifestyle? Some people can't even look a few months into the future, it's all about what will make me pleasured today and tonight.
I pray for the family in this time of grief. I pray especially for the widow with the passing of her lover, life partner, and friend.
One thing I’ve learned is that the person helping the person in need eventually becomes the one being abused. Even if someone is a millionaire helping their family member, but that family member refuses to find work while not necessarily outwardly refusing, that family is abusing the millionaire as a person. It’s not right.
@@wordsalad01 I have no experience with domestic abuse victims or how those individuals feel. However, I have heard that they become desensitized to the abuse and think it's normal after a time. I think this applies to helping family or friends too with money. The abuser can subtly manipulate the person providing aid and the helper gets used to this and continues to give money or help, when there's no love or gratitude being reciprocated.
I'm generally of the belief that giving people money or letting them borrow it is usually enabling them, but teaching them about how to be better with money and showing them is not. that's helping them
Spammer, please stop
I'm an assistant property manager, if there was 1 lady on the lease and the entire family decided to move in without our consent, that would constitute a 30 day notice to vacate.
Bet you can't let them stay, otherwise the court will say you agreed to the new tenants - got to nip it in the bud!
Yep... Violation then Eviction. Eviction. Eviction. Portfolio manager here :)
Helping the Mom is of most importance, not the grown kids.
Helping people like that is crippling and enabling. Especially if they turn around and enable others. Then you become the doormat’s doormat.
I would rake leaves for $50. Quick lol
@Charles wow, what do you do for 160k/yr? I'm 28 and just started HVAC and the pay seems to cap around 85k.
Can someone tell me where the $50 an hour leaves are?
🍃
🍁Just around the corner.. you hv 2b in real need and looking up.
all over.
I've felt your pain. Give an inch they take a foot.
And then ask for money.
I absolutely love this Dave Ramsey show channel ♥️♥️♥️ thanks Dave & friends for such rich advise!!!
They have no money but private schooling?!
right.
Probably a Christian School that is run by the church they attend and the church pays for the kids schooling!
Indeed...
The look on Dave's face when he heard Alvin say that...
Church. The charity that takes, pays no tax yet makes followers give
Great approach! Don’t help people to helplessness!!
You gotta be cruel to be kind. Sounds like this caller has done more than enough. Time to break the cycle and cut them off.
Enabling lazy ppl only makes them lazier. I have young siblings that throws dishes in the sink after they eat and leave clothes in the hamper for my Mom to do and I told my Mom that if she keeps doing it for them... they will never learn for themselves. THEY WILL NEVER GROW UP!
$50 in gift cards for an hour of work? Can’t believe so many people turned that down
Entitled just want free stuff.
Independence works for me always and I expect the same from others. With me it's all about Effort. That's what life is about.
$50/hour to rake leaves? Heck, count me in!
My wife has a tendency to do this sometimes. I have to remind her that we are all about helping people struggling but it’s more along the lines of giving somebody a ride, watching someone’s kids if they called into work, letting someone borrow the lawn mower, etc.
Most people commenting would rake leaves for $50 an hour in gift card. Myself included, most average jobs pay less per hour. Even offering a more the the average wage to the homeless for honest work won’t help, that’s why they are in that situation in the first place .
This is great!! No one can communicate personal finance issues like Dave.
I would have raked the leaves weekly.
5:11 Great story about moochers who were too lazy to rake leaves for just an hour, to get a $50 grocery card.
Actually leave raking is pretty tough and labor intensive. I just use a leaf blower.
Some people just take!!
Heck, I would have asked how many $50 gift cards you got, because I will rake 10hrs a day until you run out of cards or leaves.
That will buy you a lot of stuff, but it won't pay the rent/mortgage
@@ianrobinson4200 it’s called “hustling”. You could sell $1,000 worth of cards for as little as $500 in cash, and you’d still be pulling down $25 an hour tax free. Beats starving under an overpass.
YUP, DR has the best point... The welfare system just enables laziness and it will continue to for as long as the lazy chronic users of welfare continue to collect without any requirement for work.
The Welfare Case Workers are the ones who are really on Welfare. Very little of the money goes to actual poor people.
Private school? Are you freaking kidding me? That’s kind of like for the top 1% ! Nope
Communication is key
There's a great place to go when you're broke... To work!
Great advice!
This is powerful!
Can I come over and rake the leaves for a $50 voucher ?
Thank You! ✨😃
Send them to WORK!
Job at home?
Can I rake leaves for you? It’s 50$/h in groceries gird cards, sounds like a good raise and side job
My home town! Alvin thanks for helping people!
Wanna be debt free this year. 🙌
Cool. This is tough when he or she is crying.
It's simple any one out of high school and 18 is leaving today. There are a lot of jobs out there to be had
im not so sure about that. especially these days
Ironically, Dave will now have a lot of gainfully employed people banging down the door to earn $50/hr to rake leaves.
18 is a little young to be “kicked out” like dam my parents let me stay at home and work and I’m so glad Because it’s so expensive to move out
At 18 they're an adult. They can join the military and get education and experience.
@@buffymcmuffin5361 Not everyone likes to be ordered (on behest or rich people) to kill people in other nations. And risk life, health and sanity while doing so.
@@xyzsame4081 Be grateful there are brave men and women who are willing to risk their lives to protect our freedoms. If not for the military, we'd all be speaking Japanese (or German). Remember, Pacifists Won't protect you - it's brave men & women who protect you.
You kick them out if they are 18 and doing nothing. Not attending school or working then get out.
I'm sorry, what - private school ?
more common than you think.. I've known families who are nearly poor and have the kids in private school. Makes no sense to me.
Yeah the church owns the school and pays for the kids, quite common in my area
Well, I understand that he wants to help but he may need to just let it go. He can't "save" them. I would def rake leaves for $50 though. =D
50 dollars an hour!!! dang!!!
Private school?
Dave you ask them you feel he's taking advantage of the situation the family but you never asked him why he feels that way
Sounds to me this family is use to getting over on people!
Not always easy to get hired
I'm not a big fan of Dave's insistence that once someone's child turns 18 they have to move out. In this particular case it makes more sense because they're bringing in their partners, but if I were to have moved out at 18 life would've been miserable. Plus in different cultures it's completely normal for kids to still be living with their parents in their mid-20s.
I think children above 21 should be kicked if the child is in college or school
Putting people on the street at 18 in charming everyone
Private school for the kids? You folks are waaayyyyy over-helping.
8:15
The Lord only helps those that help themselves.....period.
my life is busted, who has digital work I can do? I am willing to help/work for pay...
50 dollars an hour you think someone would of taken him up on it..They should of went everyday ..lol
$50 food for hr of hard work, we eating good now
😁✌🖖👌👍😎
Why are you following what a guy named Paul stated? Jesus stated to give them loaves and fishes!
For one day
I'd rake leaves for an hour for a $50 dollar gift card, some people are dumb lol that's a great deal!
The only way people can grow is when they are in a uncomfortable situation and they grow from it. In my experience, giving people ANY kind of freebie almost never leads to meaningful change
Very very well said
I already rake the leaves of my own home without payment, just for the satisfaction of watching through my window and be proud of how nice and neat my yard looks. I would gladly do it for $50 in just one hour.
Conditional charity can be helpful to both sides
The caller said the church is paying for the rent for the house, private school tuition(probably a parochial or Christian school affiliated with that church), etc.
The grown kids who moved back in have a free ride and they're working the system and getting over big time.
More than likely it is a Mennonite community.
Why do people who rely on charity get private school? Most honest, hardworking people don't get that.
Grown children? They should be working and paying their own way. How ridiculous.
It truly is disgusting
Sounds like you’ve given them enough fish. Now it’s time to teach them how to fish.
One thing to consider is that people can do what they want to do with their own resources. People can’t do what they want to do with OUR resources. We are choosing to deny ourselves and also everyone else in order to provide specific resources to this specific person/family, and we do that based on the expectation that the resources will be handled well. Otherwise we would provide them to someone else.
This was one of the best responses I’ve ever heard on the show. Love the story that Dave told the gentleman!!
I am flabbergasted about the raking thing. I would be thrilled to do something like that.
Not surprised about the $50 gift card thing, which is nuts by the way, but I've had so many "homeless" come up to me in the grocery store parking lot and ask for cash money, when I offered to take them into the store and buy them some food they ran off in a hurry.
I'm sorry for the loss of the father, but the son who moved in bringing his girlfriend and child is trash, and you can't fix trash.
A LOT of people have lost their jobs. If they live in one household they might want to not expose the mother to risks. Vaccines are rolled out this i about a few months now. No need to risk something. I also do not know the hate of DR regarding adult children living at home. No, not everyone is immature. If they lost heir job the mature thing would be to try to save money by moving in.
Understandably the landlord does not want the house / apartment to be overcrowded, but this is during a pandemic, the economic and vaccination situation likely gets clearer till April / May, and if they are orderly people they will not ruin the property. 3 lively boys could do more damage than an extra couple with 1 small kid.
did he say private school?
35, sleeping around town and living in 75 y/o mom's basement. Yikes!!! Sounds like members of my family . 😬😬😬
“That other stuff is not Love” - hard to hear, but we all know it’s the solid truth.
They were not the victims of there situation but victims of there mindset. Exactly why I never get be "handouts". Teach someone to fish don't give them a fish. If you go up to someone begging in the street and offer them a job the will tell you no 100% of the time.
yep
$50/hour for raking!!! That's a sweet job. A good workout and a stellar income.
Dang. Dave is wise and not just financially.
Tell me where to go Mr Ramsey, I'll show up and rake leaves everyday for $50 an hour!
This is absolute fire 🔥 🔥 Great video. People need a hand up not just a hand out. Crazy how these people will turn down $50/hour worth of work. Most people never make that much in an hour
When you allow other people baggage to effect your life it becomes your extra baggage.
Only they can Save themselves.. You can't help broken humans that desire to live in FEAR & Denial, just let them go...
Nice work 🎆🎇✨
To anyone who has neighborhood kids knocking on doors to do work, give them something to do so they’re motivated to keep working rather than begging.
In this time of political upheaval. What can the average family do to protect their assets?
Don't spend frivolously, live below your means, pay off debt, make good long term decisions, save money and protect some of it with precious metals.
@K Maxx The losers' scorn for the successful is pure sour grapes 🍇.
@@linak7155 are you even on the right thread...you seem to be trolling.
@@BarbAFB55 I'm certainly on the thread I intend to be. and no I'm not trolling just providing my opinion. You hv a problem with that?
@@linak7155 you sound like you’re making a political statement rather than making a contribution to the dialog. Asking me if I have a problem with that reflects your opinion is either your are not a Dave Ramsey fan, nor agree with his advice or have some more nefarious reason for commenting on “sour grapes”...so I ask you.
Rachel finally wearing a different top!lol
Church
I agree to some extent what he says. But my dad had a church come out and fix his roof. He was so happy to go to Church every Sunday. Then they wanted him on the roof. He couldn't do physical stuff bc he was so disabled. He just survived a heart attack. My mom was really overworked from her job. She just had a knee replacement. He asked if he could help in other ways. They thought he was trying to get out of helping and didn't have anything. So he felt ashamed and stopped going.😔 He was in his 50s so on the outside looking in he seemed young. But he really couldn't do anything bc of his health.
He was just so happy that I was sad that they didn't understand the situation. He wanted to help in some way. Now he makes lunch for his grown kids when they visit. Gives him a purpose.
I agree with this situation they should do something to get help. But I wish the Church would make sure they are able body to do that.
Your story has absolutely nothing to do with this situation.
@@staceystrukel1917 He's talking about how church should give a job for any kind of charity. Although I agree they need to make sure the person is able bodied to do the task they need. Such as raking leaves.
You can’t help someone till they help themselves.
Stop hindering people
This is why I don’t like Christian help. Why is help contingent on attending prayer or faith stuff? Agree with everything else.
I respect your decision, but to put it in perspective. Maybe not you, but there are people who may have lost all hopes. Some need to pray to reflect on themselves and find hope. Without hope, how do we move forward when things aren’t okay or we can’t see what we have.
The religion calls on believers to proselytize. If people don't want to hear it, I guess they can say no thanks.
@@NoneYa-pg6dk I agree but as an invitation not contingent on the help. Helping is an opportunity to share hope.
@@BigSisDoula As long as they're helping, they can add any conditions they like. The recipient can always say no.
Can’t stand the Bible thumping talk; just stick to the money. I enjoy Hogans show so much more. Not always throwing crazy religion in your face.
Then go to Hogan's show instead of complaining... Lol
Me too and the politics
Change the channel. The bible is the reason I sought to be debt free.
His beliefs aren't crazy. I'd say running your own life on lousy principles is a little crazy