My Sister Wants To Borrow $5,000!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ส.ค. 2022
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My brother wanted to borrow $5k from me so I asked for his wife's diamond engagement ring as collateral. I'd put it in my safe deposit box and they'd get it back when the last payment was made. Never heard back from him regarding borrowing any money after that.
Good idea!
That’s a great idea !
And, was the ring worth $5K? Bet not. Which tells a lot.
That's pretty cold and slimy. Ew
Great idea. It's a loan and when its paid give back the ring.
My dad always used to say "I don't borrow money, I don't lend money and I don't co-sign."
Such a wise man.
Smart!! 👍
Facts
If the couple has 500K they should never tell anyone that-EVER!
Hard to hide it if they are driving nice cars, live in nice house, hold good occupations, take vacations.
I do all these things and act broke. People assume I’m a bad spender with no savings and I let them 🤷♀️
You can do what you want, but I have heard Dave say pretending to be broke to avoid setting boundaries with friends and family is cowardly.
i mean i dont care if my family knows what i have because my family isnt filled with entitled leaches
If you're a high earner, never brag to your family about what you make or will be making....
Exactly.
I agree 💯. Keep to yourself.
But they do know that type of job I have and the average income and many house I own. Either way, I won’t give them a dime unless they are disabled and starving. If they are able to work, don’t expect my handout because they choose to be lazy.
You are correct…Learned that one the hard way
my wife and i are both 24yo. were kinda learning this now.
One of the best pieces of advice my Dad ever gave me was never give any money you expect to get back.
Exactly, exactly,exactly!!
I let my sister borrow 5k and she never paid back.
Money and family don't mix.
My sis borrowed $1000. Off me and never paid me back. I didn’t even care. LoL
It’s just gone.
You probably knew deep down that that money was gone for good.
@@marietaylor5174 yes, but I thought she'd be responsible.
Same with friends.
Older family member took 600 from me when I was 16 and working in fast food 10 hours/week while at school. It was a lot at the time
I borrowed money from my mother to help with closing costs on my first home. Was about $4000. I paid the agreed $150 every month, on time. Yet she still holds the loan over my head and tells my other family members about how she “had” to loan me $4k when I didn’t even ask for it….. money and family definitely do not mix.
I'm so sorry for you. Parents do such things from the Heart. I'd raise the monthly amount, and get it over with as soon as possible
Yeah that’s a long time to pay that off. I paid my mum back £7000 over seven months by pickling extra work for a while
Terrible. Would never loan someone money and hold it over their head
Roughly 2 yrs to pay back $4k is poor tbh
@@00Dawggg Not unless they refuse to pay it back, when they signed an agreement to do so.
I just tell people I'm broke. I had to cut ties because my sibling said I'm the reason he can't pay his bills because I didn't co-sign a $20k loan 🙄
I’m just guessing that you’re the you get sibling too 🤔
I just finished paying off my sister. I appreciate the loan, and she was cool loaning it to me, but I never want to be there again. It didn't feel good to be there.
Hope you started your emergency fund.
You should feel good knowing you took responsibility and saw fit to pay back. Plenty of siblings would have taken the money and acted like it didn’t happen and continue to get into a mess
I grew up poor and when I turned 18 I joined the military and have lived my entire adult life debt free. My family has not stopped begging for money my entire adult life. I rarely talk to them or visit because of it.
You're such a good soul.
YOU HAVE A GOOD HABIT OF LIVING DEBT FREE.
If you grew up poor it sounds like your family needs good knowledge Ex. Dave Ramsey’s program. Possibly, you can keep redirecting your family to D.Ramsey’s program & actually HELP your family. It sounds like the truly need to & would benefit from it. Never assume anything.
I don’t blame you one bit.
Suuuure
My sister “borrowed “ a lot of money from our mother, and now I am helping to support my mother
Oh my gosh, do you mean that your mother lent your sister so much money that it affected her retirement income? If so, that's terrible!
Mother should have had boundaries. No means no. It's ok if family doesn't speak to you. 🙄
Just don't lend money, unless you don't expect to ever get it back.
Yeah I learned that the hard way.
Exactly but people never learn
Exactly. 💯💯💯
When I lent money to my siblings, in the back of my mind, I counted that money as gone and I'll never get it back. If my siblings paid me back, then great, but if they didn't, that's also fine by me because I've already accepted that I'll probably never get it back.
Ant that the truth
Aaaaaaa Men!!
My dad borrowed $2,000 from me with the understanding that he would pay it back when he received his tax refund. He insisted that he sign a promissory note. He paid it back as promised. Years later, when we were cleaning out his apartment after his death, my sister asked why my dad wrote me a check for $2,000. I told her it was to pay off a loan. She said she found that hard to believe and that I should pay the $2,000 into his estate. Fortunately, I had kept the promissory note.
😮what in the world is wrong with your sister?!
Your sister sounds like a nasty person.
@@tande0822 she most likely thought she can get more inheritance this way, thinking her dad has $2k more cash 😂
Wow.... nice sister.... NOT!!!
Your sister is a jerk.
I had a brother 10y older than me.
He called me one time and asked to
Borrow $3k. I said I don’t have no $3k.
He said u can use your credit card?
I said no.
Or you can use your credit card or even go to one of those Pay Day loans.
@@MuzicTunes-lk6np I slept in my car
The way I handled a coworker wanting to borrow money, was to tell him, I couldn't loan him money because he is a bad risk. He said wasn't a bad risk. I said, then get a loan from a bank. He said the bank won't loan him money. I replied, because you are a bad risk.
@@xerxes8632
Pretty much. I hate banks. But it’s all good
You don't owe your sister anything because you are financially able.
I don’t lend anyone money I’ll buy them food if they are hungry
Right - I’m buying groceries if the pantry’s bare and the kids are hungry
Am doing that now, though my human nature is looking at those carts thinking these are expensive bad food choices
When my family used to ask me for money I started to refer them to my “financial advisor.” They don’t ask me for money anymore. I don’t hear from them much either lol
Yeah just write them a letter of recommendation with an affiliate link hahahaha
🤣🤣🤣
This is so sad. My older brother is single and without children and *very* well off (and he works his tail off as well!). I’m married with children, and we successfully live on my husband’s teaching salary (although my 70 year old father lives with us so he does help). I cannot imagine feeling that my brother’s money is mine to access. I love my brother so much, no amount of money is worth putting him in a difficult situation (and we don’t need it anyway because we purposefully live within our means).
@@katiejon17 you've got a very level head.
Sounds Familiar
You either just give it away with no expectation of ever seeing it again or just say no.
Dude is swimming in money, and the sister knows it. This is how you stop talking to relatives for the rest of your life.
Agreed! And because of that, it's all but guaranteed that the sister is gonna throw a huge fit when the caller attempts to put strings on the money.... since "he has the money" and that "he should look out for family".
The simpleist way to answer is with the fewest words possible: "No." The longer answer is "No, my money is for my children." Dave's answer is controlling and patronizing. Just say No.
You should never ever tell a person how much money you have.
@@antionneanderson9721 exactly but my family know how many houses I got and job I have. But that doesn’t mean I hand out money. Unless they are disabled, they can work two job 12 hours a day. They won’t starve.
@Antionne Anderson You don't have to tell them. If they know what job you do or where you live, they can do the math.
Agree with this take. Dont loan her the money. Give it if you can but only pay what she owes directly. And you need to see financial improvements first.
completely agree. she never gets the money, you pay in checks to whoever she owes money to
I disagree with Dave on many things especially on politics. But he's spot on here 100%.
Uuu u uguhy
I remember something Ann Landers said in a column years ago and I've stuck by it. Never loan money, if you can afford it
then give it as a gift and if you receive it back then you accept it as a gift. Good advice!
I have learned to tell my family that I can’t loan money anymore but I will set them up a budget and show them how to get out of debt.
I have said that and some get offended. I am still not loaning and giving money especeially to the ones that refuse to get a better job or work full time.
Yep. No handouts to family. They just become leeches once you put a crutch under them so instead they don't learn to walk on their own feet.
@@missj5564 and I’m all about having fun, and excitement… I’ll drink w/ friends sometimes, I like adventures & scuba diving… but you GOTTA LIVE BELOW YOUR MEANS and STAY HEALTHY!
@@missj5564 Oh yes. There will be those who get offended. I just say “ I’m sorry. Are you mad at me because I won’t give you MY money?”
I also offer help set up a budget with them and when one family member did that, I knew they were serious. When others didnt they simply asked other family members who ena less the bad behavior...
Just say no. My aunt and uncle tried to borrow 5k from my widowed mother because she already sold and was in assisted living. They had a 900k house but no money management skills. We put a stop to it.
I wouldn’t give her a dime. They can sell the house and move somewhere cheaper.
"Borrow" it...right...
Family. Users.
They didn't sell. Aunt worked until 80 and both moved to heaven.
@@georgewagner7787🤣 You’re “ assuming” they moved to heaven. Unscrupulous people like that might have been moved to a much hotter place! 😂
I have a sister who never seems to have money. But everytime I give her the money, she ends up
In debt again. It’s a vicious cycle
This mans situation is a mirror to mine. My brother is likely the most irresponsible and angriest person I have ever known to this day. Consistently in debt. 2 failed marriages. Always asking for money; resenting those who do not help. The world owes him a living. He's the victim in this world and these are the hands he was dealt. He screwed me over at out of $1800 at a younger age, I never forgot! He eventually failed one of his marriages and had to move in with me; I let him move in but this time under certain conditions... "Sign this contract and pay me rent for simply living in my house" Oh how he despised me. Word... for... word... "I should be living here for free!". I kicked him out and haven't spoke to him for over a year. I plan to continue that until death.
Up front she will agree to anything it takes to get your money. Afterwards she won’t follow through.
Great advice from Dave. The end goal of the Ramsey plan is to be “outrageously generous”. Do it out if love.
I’m not a bank so I don’t loan money. Conversation over.
Never lend money to family. You give a 1 time gift. That’s it. And never speak of it
I get off the hook by telling everyone (especially family), "If I had the money I would give it to you but, I'm bust."
🤣🤣🤣
How do rich people say that. Bill gates get ask for money and he like I broke
That seems a bit hard especially for family, unless you are hiding your lifestyle from them.
Wouldn't work for me. everyone knows I earn a lot and spend very little LOL so I always have money.
If they see your big house and fancy car just say you see all this? I have payments! Ain't got no money, sorry!
It blows my mind how people are comfortable asking to borrow money from family/friends
My sister wanted to borrow $5K. I said no. We no longer communicate. That's fine with me.
I just love it on how Dave demands to get into the persons business on where that money is going. I think its a great idea. Make it painful for the person if you are going to give them money by getting into their business. that way there is less chance they ever ask for money again. also giving the money directly to the bills, not the person.
Yes
@ Rob T exactly 💯 . I know of people who lie about being destitute just to get money from people / family members. Nope!! Ask them tons of questions & get in their business. If they make it a habit (constantly coming back) try teaching them how to budget their money. Cause some folks are ridiculous.
I know people who are high earners but will be out here borrowing money from people who earn way less than them. I will never understand
Absolutely! 💯
I would add that the caller and his wife need to be crystal clear that more money from them in the future is absolutely off the table, don’t even ask. Be clear with the sister that this is a “one time good deal”, but that when (or if) she is ever ready, you will pay for her to go through Financial Peace University. But this is the end of the road when it comes to money, otherwise she’s going to get a taste for brother’s wallet.
Yeah, I loaned my brother 2k a few years ago. He still loves paycheck to paycheck and can’t pay me back. I basically told him not to worry about it and I don’t need it back (I make pretty good money and I’m not gonna lose sleep over 2k over my brother). My brother and I are very close and I’m okay with it. But if _you_ won’t be able to get over it and it’s going to cause a rift, then don’t do it.
Basically I look at it as gambling. Only put in what you are willing to lose and hope for the best. I was fine never seeing that 2k again and helping out my brother. Your mileage may vary.
you're a cool brother!
Or sister @@erikhopkins9488
Someone saying no to you can be freeing. The finality of that answer forces you to step up and take control of your life.
giving someone money to help them with their expenses when they don't make enough to cover their expenses each month will only keep them coming back for more money. they have to go out and make more money to be able to take care of themselves
exactly.
Sort of like paying off student loans when there is no attempt to prevent the problem from reoccurring.
People just need to learn the word No.
Oh you’re mad? You never want to speak to me ever again?
Good, that’s your choice.
This caller sounds haunted and sick over this. My parents always shamed my older brother who borrowed money, so the rest of us siblings viewed borrowing as shameful. None of us do it.
Yeah, it’s really tough having all that money
Right Dave. Pay the attorney not her.
Never loan more than you would give. So when they don't pay it back, it was always a gift.
Kevin O’Leary has a great answer to this:
I will give you the money on one condition: that you never ask me for money again
That's not going to stop them from asking again.
@@marietaylor5174 yes that’s true but now it’s easier to say no.
@@marietaylor5174 Unfortunately human nature is different
@@marietaylor5174 You just mention the one condition again.
Easier to just say no
You pick your friends, not your relatives.
Most people don’t change - 20+ years ago I went through a brutal divorce; In order to avoid “lifetime alimony”, I gave my wife virtually all our assets. Today she is essentially broke, living in a trailer park and depending on our children for financial help. Two years ago she came to me asking to borrow money to pay medical bills, promising to repay me “as soon as I receive payment from a pending inheritance”. My head said no, my heart said let’s give her a chance. I paid a couple of substantial medical bills for her, said payments understood to be loans - For me the sum lent was easily affordable - a tiny percentage of my net worth. After learning that my ex had indeed received the expected inheritance, she informed me that she had no intention of repaying me as much as “one dime”. I was disappointed, but not surprised. 😁
After giving her everything, and knowing how she is, your heart told you to give her some more? That's wild.
@@GDuncan8002 i can understand why. Probably bc many years had passed. And bc he’s always had a connection through their children as the kids grew up and became young adults. Therefore, his heart probably thought “why not help her?” But now she KNOWS that he will NEVER help her again. So she better hope it was worth it.
I hope your children understand how big of a rat their mother is
@Sin-D_ 5 10 years will pass and chances she'll do it again and next time come of as desperate or convincing she will repay. Up to the guy how he would judge her again though
@@xchino0427 He wont do it again. I just said she better hope it was worth it bc he’ll never do it again by the sound of his comment.
Anyone else catch the part where the caller said that his sister had been through divorceS but I didn't hear where Dave & cohost brought up that fact. To me it's a very important point, one thing for a sibling to go through A divorce but this not being her first rodeo seems important especially given the rest of the call.
Co-host really doesn't have a clue what it is like to struggle with(out) money, yet makes it seem like knows everything about it
Right lol
Maybe she knows what it is like having people ask her dad for money and seeing how it impacted him once the family recovered. I also suspect that people have asked her for money too especially for people who know who she is and who her father is. Dave used to hide his net worth and finally acknowledged it in the past few years.
My observation is most people have no idea what they spent the money on, have no budget, weekly or monthly, poor discipline regarding impulse purchases, just shock that it is all gone. I can remember starting work back in the 1980's and my co-workers being shocked that I had a fixed modest amount of cash I withdrew from the bank as my weekly allowance. By contrast, I had a co-worker who said "if there's anything left over at the end of the month, I feel like I must of missed out on something".
And the hard cold fact is The Broke REFUSE TO LEARN until they are at that rock hard life changing moment when either they get their act together or things really fall apart. I don't think it's much different than treating an alcoholic.
It goes by the saying "No good deed goes unpunished" sad but true. Lending money to family creates nothing but problems.
I can’t imagine asking my siblings for money. Just wouldn’t do it. I want to be the “strong” one.
I’m on board with what Dave says. Everyone needs a budget. It does not cost any money, and makes it possible to manage your money.
Both of my parents borrowed a lot of money from me when I was a lot younger and naive, unfortunately I never saw a dime back. If your friend or family loves you they would have never asked in the first place. Don't lend money out and cut out the people who are asking you, just say no and bye!
I remember one of my sisters used to ask to borrow a hundred bucks all the time. Told her no every time, even though I felt guilty at first. Thank goodness I didn't have money to give her at the time, cause I was too nice enough to do it.
The more she asked, the easier it got to say no.
you can't give your own blood a hundred bucks?
@@annasimons389 Nope! Why would I? If I did, she would have expected it when she asked again, which may have turned her into the type of person this caller is calling about.
@@itchyisvegeta dude not even once or twice and then you say no more? I can understand being hesitant about thousands of dollars... but a hundred bucks here and there? That's cold.
@@annasimons389 No. Taking advantage of family and using them for money. That's cold.
We used to buy the ticket for my wife's mom to visit. Not all of the time, just once in a while. But she never asked. She has also never asked for money. If this lady needs food, buy some for her. But don't just give money.
If you can give it as a gift, go ahead. If not as a gift….don’t.
I had a family member ask to borrow money. I gave them the money and said if you repay it ok, it you don't it is ok. They repaid it and told them to keep it for an emergency fund.
My parents never loaned us money, if we were in a jam they would give us money and trusted us to do the right thing with it and we always did!!
I would love to get John's reaction to this call. Seems like her money problems are just the tip of the iceberg. Walking beside someone like this could be excruciating without professional help from a therapist. You can hear the reluctance in his voice because he knows in a year from now it will be a repeat situation
If you lend money, be prepared to consider it a gift. You will never be paid back.
The only person who I ever lent money to is my mother when she was buying her retirement home. That was only because I knew when she got the money from the house she just sold was going to pay me back. It was a matter of a 24 hour time period or she would have lost that home that she now lives in.
That was so nice of you. When my in-laws purchased a house, the lender asked for the down payment and they couldn't come up with in their bank so they had to borrow from us. It was a thankless gesture from them after I wrote a check to them. They did pay back. Family and money never mix well together.
Don't loan her the money. Pay the attorney directly! That is fine, I think.
“She makes money, but it all goes to bills, and living expenses” uhhh, welcome to life.. lol smh
Don't give her the money. Pay her attorney, or her rent or another bill directly.
Never loan family money.
You will never see any of it back
My brother asked for $1500, I gave it to him never expecting it back. It was a gift as far as I'm concerned.
When he asked me about paying it back (he wanted to), I told him he didn't have to pay it back, instead I asked him to make sure his bank account always had at least $1500 for emergencies.
No idea if he's doing this but my intention was to try to help him be more careful and always have emergency funds ❤ he hasn't asked for or needed $$ since 😊
I don't always agree with Dave Ramsey but this is brilliant advice.
Not only do I not loan money but I don’t give it in situations like this. I have in the past and they come to expect it because they haven’t learned anything to change their behavior.
My parents always say if the bank won’t lend them the money neither should you. If you do be prepared to lose the money and damage the relationship
Money changes a family relationship into a business relationship. Thanksgiving dinner will never taste the same if he does this. Bad idea
Stay put. We're going to send you a copy of Dave's book The Total Money Makeover. Thank you for tuning in.
@@front331 And, free tickets!
I would give money to my family if they really needed it and I had it - family is family
Right. ..My sister is my queen....and I give her whatever I can afford! I'd give her the world if I could!
Never loan money to family or friends. If you are gonna give someone money don’t expect to get it back
My family has a history of lending money among ourselves. It works for us, though, because we are all sane, stable people who set it up to be beneficial to both parties. The interest rate is set to be lower than a bank's lending rate, but higher than a savings account's. That way, the borrower saves money and the lender gets a little bonus.
Yes it can work, that is my own experience as well. But from this show and peoples comments it appears to be rare.
Don’t ever lend money to anyone if you can’t afford to live without it as there’s a chance you may not ever get it back!!
I just loaned my sister $8,000. If she pays me back, then great. If not, that is ok too. I love my sister & am very close to her!
I have a buddy like this, falls under the enabling category because he never improves. For 5-10 years now. He looks towards family and friends he can mooch from and is always crying poor. So I don't enable
I agree. If you are a high earner don’t tell your family members.
I agree with Ramsey and his cohost. Do NOT lend her the cash. But help her by paying her bills directly providing she makes the observable changes in her behavior. Start by keeping rent current and utilities, then the lawyer but monitor the lawyer who might be a buffoon. Do not lame her ex husband because he is the dad for those children. But cooperate and get it done. But she has to cooperate. She will be unwilling as her ego will protect her against everyone.
Very good advice!!!
Well put Dave! I concur.
My dad gave me a good piece of advice when I was a kid when a coworker asked him for $50. He told me that if you are ok with losing it, lend it accepting the fact you will never get it back. If they give you the money back then you know they can be trusted, if they don't then they can't. This situation is with family and alot more money, but in their financial situation I think they should give the money expecting to not see it again.
Great advice 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I loaned my sister €2480 a few years ago. we made a monthly plan. I kept track of it. And she is now debt free.
it really depends on the people. There are some family members I would loan to, but more I would not.
Never lend money to people who ask. Also give or offer to give money to those who never ask.
Tell her to get a loan from the bank. You already said she has no budget, you wiil not get the money back.
Seriously, if a bank won't loan her money why would you? Banks are literally in business to loan money. Go to them.
I did this same for both my sister and my son. Both were put on payment plans at nearly 0% interest. They still paid interest less than a bank, both paid the loans back entirely. They know I have a few million, but won’t “give them” the money, if they don’t pay it back, it will cause problems ( and I write it off as if it was a donation mentally and never give again). Both learned the family was more important, and understood if they paid back the loan, they could come back for another (my son did). So it’s depends, some people will see it as a hand out, some see it as a hand up. All depends on that person.
I was buying a condo once and my mother told my brother about it. I received a $2400 check in the mail from my brother. I asked him what was it for and he said Im giving it to you for your condo.
17 years later that $2400 turned into a 10k loan that I never paid back.
This along with other big reasons is why I dont speak to him anymore
We loaned his sister money and never get paid back. Instead, she resented me for bringing it up. I'm tired with all the lies. Now the relationship is sour. I don't want to tell my parents I don't have a good relationship with his sister's family but I don't like them at all for all the entitlements. By the way, we paid a lot for her family including almost every time we go dinner today, they don't pick up their own tabs in a decade. We stopped paying for her family's meals and entertainment. I'm not even sure if I want to attend the Thanksgiving dinner this year or not. Probably not.
Be done with that love life
Gifting it to family without the expectation of payback is one thing. Loaning money to family with the expectation of payback is another thing entirely...and staying 100 miles away from that is the way to go.
Only let someone borrow what you can afford to lose. I don’t let people borrow money.
It's almost like you get punished for being financially responsible...friends and family want your money and make you feel guilty if you don't give it to them.
I agree 100%! It’s wrong on so many levels. God forbid you ever hit the lottery! That’s when the real crazies come out of the woodwork!
It’s not like it’s a moral failing to need $5000. I think most people need that amount of money. Life happens, and everyone doesn’t have it together. Things can get rough. If I had that situation, I would definitely give them the money. It’s not harming me. It’s benefiting them. It’s a win. Especially if it’s a one-off.
Great advise.
Makes me glad my sisters make more than me
Family never pays back
"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to do that."
Lent a family member a five-figure sum a few years ago. They were supposed to make small monthly payments. Never received a dime back, and never heard a single word about repayment. I wish I had just made it a gift.
I wish you never loaned them anything
My husband makes this mistake of always tell people how much he makes🙄Then get surprised when people ask for money.
He should tell her that he is not a bank
If a bank does not trust them.......there is your sign!
This situation sounds exhausting. Instead of giving her money, offer to pay some bills. Tell her to hand you her latest bills instead and see how she reacts
This scenario could easily turn into you all funding her life and her brother becoming her unofficial second husband. She’s used to not having to do much so it may take a while for her mindset to catch up after the divorce is finalized.
Yup. My MiL did this to my husband
Don't do it!!!. If you do she will keep coming back and play on your emotions.
“From my wife and me” 😊.
When someone asks me to borrow money i always tell them that I'm not a bank... go to the bank if you want borrow money!
I lent my sister $500. She didn’t know that I gave it to her because I knew she couldn’t pay me back. She talked about paying me back that money for years. It was so annoying. The good thing about this scenario is that she can never come to me again for money because in her head, she owes me. Why have her think any different? 😂