This interview is the truth. When I took my exwife to the comedy show. I was always thinking how to protect her from the car to the club and back to the house. At the same time have fun talk to her, laugh. I think all a women thinks is I'm out having fun. This is straight knowledge you're dropping brotha.
Whatever you were eating before this interview keep eating it, wear the same clothes if you have to, just keep whatever this is going. And not like things weren't great before, but you were on another level on this day.
The need to be right is strong in this one. You see how whenever he makes a point that credibly challenges one of her held beliefs, she immediately shifts to something else without acknowledging that she might be wrong.
See this is why I understand why men say it’s so hard to express y’all feeling .. I have always provided a safe place for my man to tell me about his day etc .. and I know my man so I know when something is off or bothering him and i say babe would u like to talk about what’s on ur mind and if not just know I’m hear to listen ! Most men don’t want us to fix their problems but instead be the shoulder and safe place for them because this world is so against the black man daily .. if he fighting the world he damn sure should be able to cry on my shoulder and that’s not to say he’s week because it’s not daily but wow it being a turn off is why so many blk men have mental health issues that they can’t even discuss in their own home 😢
@@tonileolion9702 well you are definitely not the norm cuz nowadays women look at men as expendable tools. Our feelings have been fodder for their insults, shaming and a stepping stool for their own confidence boost..ie claiming that all black fathers are trash so they can say shit like “I’m the mother and the father”
@@ppearson35N I think I understand a lot more now than ever, I have a 20 year old in college who has depression and it’s not easy for him to talk to people matter of fact he don’t ! I had to educate myself on how to get him to open up more about his emotions because the people around him joked about things like that .. his dad and I are still gd friends but we came together to help him and he’s doing absolutely amazing now… I know first hand how hard it is I saw my dad always making a way for us no matter what the circumstances but still showing my mom love and attention she needed .. and my fiancé I see how with his business people always have an excuse why they not ready to have something looked at or paid for .. my brother too .. he’s a director at a hospital but constantly gets questioned on his ability to run the show .. yall got it way harder than women 😢
@@ppearson35N what this young lady said is exactly why I’d she is in a relationship her man prob will relay his issues to someone outside and that’s not what she should want ! U have to become a safe place for ur partner to talk to u because otherwise what are u there for most men won’t go to therapy .. I see it all the time but every woman is t like her
Perfect how the brother broke it down for the sista!!! Awesome!!! I was just telling my lady the same thing months ago.. men don't have the luxury to be careless women and children does
I just found this channel recently and I think this is one of the most level-headed channels on this platform. It's not about drama and beefin' with people in the space. Y'all are actually talking about stuff on a grounded level.
You shined on this one, young man! You broke down why Men move the way we do and what our jobs are. Most of us know and understand this on a subconscious level but aren't able to express and articulate it verbally. I told you 6 months ago you're moving the convo forward. KS got it started, pissed them off but got them talking. Now it's to make them do some thinking. She had to process it first, and not once did she interject or try a rebuttal.. Excellent job!
@@nnena3631 men not being able to verbalize what exists at an instinctual level isn't the root cause. The problem is women being selfish and do self centered they are completely unaware of what is right in front of them. Your comment is proof positive of this. The real question is when are the women going take an honest look at themselves and admit that they have been living a lie. convincing themselves that they are happily single. A real Man shouldn't have to say anything. We are about action. If I have to campaign like I'm running for president to convince a woman I'm a cut above the rest she's not the one. Take a look around and you'll see that women are picky asf, and they still pick the wrong men.
@Cadillac Black You mentioned "women are completely unaware of what is in front of them" I would say that I agree with you. There is a lot about men that women don't know. How can they learn if men did not explain it to them?
Brother you do a great job of articulating the black male experience in these videos! I often reference these videos in my own conversations with BW. Please keep up the good work !
I remember when Kevin Samuels posted a video that asked a simple question, “What do Black Women love about Black Men?” Every woman I’ve asked this question had no concept of a Black Man being loved or respected. His answer? You don’t know us. Dr. Obi’s video has the aura of The Godfather fully infused in it. “The Sisterhood” needs to understand what is required to be a man. Thank you again, Dr. Obi! Awesome job!💪🏾
@@nnena3631 not an honest question at all. Any woman who’s honest KNOWS how women generally respond to “vulnerable explanation”. The woman in this very video admitted that would turn her off and she’d want to leave the man.
@The Marathon Continues It's no secret that this content creator solicits interviews with a "certian type" of woman to push a narrative. This creates confirmation bias. Therefore I have no comment on what the woman in the video would choose to do. In terms of established relationships what I have noticed is the same women men value and partner with because of their work ethic, determination, strength and ability to stick by him, ride or die and help to build him up, are the same women they also want to be vulnerable. Here's the thing when a woman is building a man, riding and dying , and being strong with him. She's not being vulnerable with HERSELF! Therefore it will be very difficult for her to allow space for your vulnerability. Solution: Seek out women's companionship after you have built yourself and become centered and healthy in who you are. Then you will be in better position to invite a woman into an environment of peace where she is vulnerable and allows you to be also. What you look for in a woman changes the healthier and more centered you are financially, mentally, emotionally, etc
@@nnena3631 it’s not a confirmation bias thing, what I’ve just told you is something the vast majority of men would agree on. This isn’t even debatable, most women DO NOT respond well to men being “verbally vulnerable”. AT ALL. ESPECIALLY in the black community, but this applies across the globe. And it has nothing to do with your stability as a man at all. It’s a biological instinct combined with sociological conditioning, women want a man who can protect them. Vulnerability= he can’t protect me properly to the primitive brain. Women expect for them to be vulnerable to you, but not the other way around. Regardless of the man’s healing, stability etc. not all women, but vast majority cannot handle it at all.
Also, are there any clips posted on Instagram or is there a way for me to get the clips to Instagram beside screen recording…because my followers need to see this foreal!
To conceptualize something requires the ability and willingness to step outside of ourselves. As human beings, it will likely always feel uncomfortable. It's also the only road to meaningful connection...
I constantly tell my friends I don’t have to always ask my man what’s wrong … I know my man when something is bothering him and we discuss it or whenever he’s ready .. women and men are completely different we have to get to know one another and understand and that takes a lot of work that most people aren’t ready for.. the allowing it to download face😂
I was just going to listen but what she says here @12:09 made me create this comment. "Men especially Black Men, must protect themselves at ALL times."
Thank God for Fresh and Fit. Myron was just talking about this topic on his podcast. She just proved his point in the beginning of this video. Stay up fellas and continue on your purpose.
The women know what they're doing. It's just that they won't be willing to admit it until the white man falls, then they'll come back, "Oh I was with you the whole time King, I knew you would survive this!"
That was great. The only critique I would have is the quarterback analogy. For what you were saying using a defensive lineman/push rusher is a better fit. His job is ‘see ball, hit ball.’ He’s not worried about everything else going on. The quarterback’s job is, in part, to know a little bit about everything going on on the field. It’s part of what makes it so difficult
Apostle Allen laid before her a vicious gospel about the divine union of man and women. The non believer began to babble. She was left speechless. Stupified even! God is good. Let the church say Amen
I was taught you only open up to the people that can actually help. You don’t go to a mechanic for plumbing issues. Same applies for most men find mentors and homeboys
What's simple is you cant devalue, disrespect and belittle men, add absolutely nothing to his life, ask for everything and turn around and wonder why men wont commit or ask where all the good men went? 🤷♂️
Men can only cry (in public) at funerals. That’s it. 🤷🏽♂️ And that crying ends at the funeral. Any other crying (in any situation) is done when the rest of the family is asleep. Regardless of what anyone will try to tell you, that’s reality for a man, especially a black man.
I have told ladies in my friend circle ... that handling everything that a man does without saying a word ... when a man has a vulnerable moment, we need a soft place to fall. Once a female makes it clear a man cannot be vulnerable, he may close up and not ever do it again. If she then says " talk to me", you can't blame a man for not sharing. It's been made clear to him that he can't do that.
Romance was how poor men got women. Flowers were free at one point. Writing poetry is cheap. “He spends most of his time away gathering resources, but I can spend more time with you since I have no job.” The warriors and the kings didn’t have time to pick flowers or memorize poetry, or draw you a picture. He’s protecting and providing. Now as we all know, over time women have grown to want both. That’s why the most desired men today are the wealthy poets and artists.
You must not be familiar with the gardens constructed for the wife of a king still known today as a wonder of the world. Or the ancient manuscripts of poetry written by powerful influential men of antiquity. Or the delegations of oils, perfumes, linens jewelry, and other costly gifts bestowed on women that caught the eyes of warriors. Of course there were always brutes, but kind men have always understood women respond to romance. This is not a modern phenomenon.
I genuinely feeling emotional numbness. I feel that I'm just going on my own. I don't mind dying alone. I'll just make sure that the money is right for anyone that stays on this planet longer than me that I care for. I just can't handle this and I refuse to. I'll just do what I can for the people that I love on this planet. I don't want much but I'll give everything. I won't be selfish but I don't really have the will to really push this narrative or lifestyle but I generally see the rest of my life alone. I accept that for myself and I don't want much more us tonight. My vocation my work and my time is all that I want now
We men need to undo what our fathers have done and take back the head of the family that have been basically forfeited by us. Not sure how it can be done, but we need to put those who call us weak or simps on notice and in their place for being soft and following women.
I like things in what you said. Keep in mind A good man can’t divorce himself, can’t take children away from himself in a custody battle, can’t have false paternity by himself. The answer isn’t just be better because we are better than our fathers and grandfathers but get less.
Nothing has been forfeited. The issues in the black comm exist in other communities as well. The issue is Western culture. You have zero leverage over a woman today to make her follow you. Will some follow? Sure. Will most? No. The evidence is there.
@James Kent What do think about the modern male taking an honest and critical look at his personal circumstance and interrogate how he got there. Children, baby mommas, divorces, marriage, mate selection, etc. Etc. Are you comfortable with going down that rabbit hole asking yourself why and how for every choice you made and blaming a woman, the system, or race is not an option. It's my belief that's where growth happens.
@@nnena3631 if we are talking about all men, then yeah there are life challenges we have to find our way out of and we can’t stay victims. The sad thing is that could mean not marrying in the first place or going else where. Do you want a community where the men gave up completely on trying because of the condescension and lack of empathy or do you want to learn mens struggles and see how to help before other communities say “I’ll do it😊” with a smile. Analogy- Deion Sanders can only do so much on his own.
She laughed about men not being able to vent with their partners.... We knew it, Im glad she was honest... but she was still making a mockery of the emotionally available men women say they want.
He killed it overall in this video but the statement she made about being emotional as a man and it turning her off shows you why men are not emotional especially not emotional around their girlfriend or wife.
I agree with the explanation of male perspective on feelings. A man can ABSOLUTELY share his feelings and he should with his partner/marriage mate. Here are some solutions and insights that can bridge the gap: Disclaimer: All statements apply to mature balanced healthy women. Outliers need not be mentioned. A man only looses respect for sharing his feelings when he leads with them, such as the example mentioned of a man complaining while on a date. Here's why: Both male and female humans are territorial of their dominate "spaces"(masculine/feminine) therefore when a man leads with emotion without establishing security, Masculinity first. It turns a woman off because he is perceived to not be a problem solver, immature, incapable. It's not that he's sharing feelings it's the way and/order he is doing so. Much like a man may not have a problem with a woman he's dating being accomplished but may be turned off with her leading with her conquests and achievements while dating because showing and proving in that way is the masculine realm and the order and way in which she's expressing this is encroaching on that. Solution: Establish your sound Masculinity early through, chivalry, establishing a basis of tutelelage, respect, and clear direction of the relationship and interaction. Display empathy, and consideration. This is shown by taking enough personal interest to understand how she may ve affected by things and provide a nurturing environment for her to be open and vulnerable. ⚠️ I know this may seem counterintuitive. You may be asking yourself, why are we talking about her emotions relative to expressing mine? Answer: Because a woman that has seen you be secure enough allow space for GENERALIZED vulnerability is subconsciously recieving the messaging that your relationship is a safe place for emotion to be shared and nurtured. She will be motivated to aggressively protect this space by honoring your vulnerability because you have lead with laying down your arms, she will grow the sense of a one flesh bond where what affects one affects both and to demean you for expressing yourself will be demeaning herself. To illustrate, some of the world's greatest leaders displayed emotion, vulnerability. And were unequivocally respected. Why? They followed the leadership blueprint. Being superhuman is not required, nor is being an emotionless drone.
I definitely agree that a date is no place for any emotional venting from men or women. With that said, the main pushback I have is your breakdown seems to be speaking from a context of dating and it appears to imply that there aren’t men that exist who already do these things yet still have their vulnerability betrayed by their women. As if to say checking off everything in this respective checklist will ensure that said woman will respect and honor her man’s vulnerability. Which is clearly a lie. Otherwise this conversation wouldn’t even be necessary much less have grown to the point of being content for any channel. Also assuming that we’re speaking within the confines of a relationship it’s impossible for a man to lead with his emotions in this context since he already laid the important foundation you outlined to be in said relationship in the first place. Now if we’re speaking in the context of just dating then your breakdown would be correct and have merit. But the most common context we as men speak of when talking about women betraying our vulnerability is generally that of a relationship or marriage. So it makes your point of leading with emotion moot. The problem is that women generally don’t extend us the same level of grace that they expect from us. Especially when it comes to us being emotional. The fact that we even have to worry about how we express our emotions, even within the context of a marriage for fear of being seen as weak speaks volumes to this. The only times we are allowed a moment of unchecked weakness is during extreme circumstances like when death rears its ugly hand upon our loved ones. Only then are we extended the grace we should be given by default. Are there women who are fully capable of extending their men the grace they deserve by honoring and respecting his vulnerability however it comes? Yes. Are they representative of the majority? No. So for us men, displaying our unchecked vulnerability represents a very huge risk for us. A risk that more often than not leads to the inevitable collapse of the relationship with the woman being the one who leaves the majority of the time because she now sees us as weak and no longer reliable. With divorce and family court law’s being what they are now, that risk is now no longer worth taking. What women need to learn to understand is that with living in the internet age men have caught on to just how common it is for women to disregard and disrespect our feelings and vulnerability in favor of their own since women generally believe that because they’re the emotional sex that means that their feelings are more important and should therefore take priority by default. So as a result, now women need to prove themselves as WORTHY and DESERVING of us openly being vulnerable to them. As well as the fact that women only get ONE opportunity to dishonor our vulnerability. After that we will NEVER open up to her ever again.
@Lazarus37 If it appeared as if I was speaking in absolutes I apologize. I stated in my disclaimer I was refrencing dealings with mature, balanced healthy women. Although the disclaimer was not exhaustive, it is to be understood that my statements are not absolute and cannot account for outliers. I completely understand that men have been hurt in a variety of circumstances by a variety of women.I did not mean to imply otherwise. Now that the housekeeping is out the way... What you're calling leading with emotion I call laying the groundwork and setting the tone. You don't have to tell a stranger woman your deepest darkest secrets off the back. But stating a benign vulnerability and seeing how she handles it over time can tell a lot.Slow pitch it and see how she handles it. Be observant of how she talks about her own vulnerabilities. Does she allow herself to feel softer more vulnerable emotions? Does she display empathy for others? This is KEY! I have implored men to share how they are really affected by things with women for long time. You know why?? Because WOMEN DONT KNOW!!! I have been a woman all my life and a constant theme that women ha e been taught by MEN is that they don't feel, they don't care, and unless it's a drastic circumstance like death they are not emotionally affected. I cannot emphasize that enough. Conversely men give me pushback that their feelings are being disregarded. When asked if they expressed this to the woman. The response 99.9 % of the time is she should know, I'm not going to tell her I'm not a woman etc. So here we are, At a stalemate. I would urge you to not instantly ascribe negative motive to their lack of understanding EDUCATE THEM! The uncomfortable truth: Relationships don't grow without vulnerability and discomfort. There are times when a man is going to have some conversations surrounding feelings he may not be used to having. This is where intimacy resides. There will be times he will have to teach her how to love him properly. This is NECESSARY! ⚠️ Relationships are risky. No risk no reward. Vetting throughly and properly without being blinded by sex or looks helps, taking enough time. ⚠️ Re: You only get one time to violate his vulnerability. Well that's a double edged sword then isn't it? An earmark of a long term relationship/ marriage is 2 good forgivers. So if you have determined she has one time to make a mistake or you will never open up again where would that leave the relationship in the long run?
@@nnena3631 The women I was speaking on were only the mature, healthy, balanced women you were referring to. No part of my comment was referring to outlier women. The problem you’re having is you presume that even these women aren’t capable of dishonoring a man’s vulnerability. Which is a fallacy. Especially since said dishonoring almost always takes place within the context of a relationship and in heat of a argument where emotions are high and women seldom ever have a filter or line they won’t cross. Especially if they’re the strong willed type. Tho there are other circumstances where our vulnerability is disregarded that are far more subtle. To your first point it was you who spoke of the reason why men only lose respect is when we lead with our emotions BEFORE establishing security first. Nowhere in my response did I ever conflate the two. So I’m not sure what the purpose of your first point is. Especially since you’re still speaking within the context of dating, which isn’t where men’s vulnerability is primarily disregarded. Please remain within the context of relationships and marriage. Any man who puts out his whole life story and vulnerabilities to a stranger he’s just dating is a fool. We as men also don’t need tutorials on how to test how women respond to potential male vulnerability. Especially not from a woman who isn’t even capable of fully understanding or empathizing with said vulnerability. Much in the same way we as men can’t understand women’s struggles and thus stay in our lane. I won’t question whether or not men in your life have said the things you mentioned in your second point verbatim. But what I will say is that we as men generally prioritize our perceived stoicism over our own feelings and emotions because we know that’s what matters to women more often than not. That we are seen as strong and unwavering. So when we say things like “we don’t feel, don’t care and unless it involves death we’re emotionally unaffected” that is generally in comparison to the level of women’s emotions. In comparison to women’s feelings and emotions, we as men don’t feel or emote nearly as much. But we still do feel. There’s no man in existence that fits this description. We have feelings and are capable of having our feelings hurt. We just have been trained our whole lives not to show it externally. Which is a fact women are fully aware of as beings who themselves are emotional by nature. How do I know that women are fully aware that we as men have feelings that are capable of being hurt you may ask? Simply because if you ask any woman you know who’s in a relationship/marriage if they know exactly how to get to their man mentally they would definitely have an answer. Especially if they’ve been in said relationship for at least 3-5 years. Your ⚠️ sections aren’t wrong for the most part. The problem we as men have with vetting women is the women we get when we’re dating, and get into a relationship with almost NEVER remain that same woman. This especially true after we make the foolish decision to marry her since marriage is a woman’s ultimate form of security. They almost ALWAYS end up changing into a woman who we end up having to relearn how to love and maneuver around later. There’s a level of comfort that women generally seem to get that imo neither party should ever have. As for your last ⚠️ point I stand by what I said because unlike women’s vulnerability, there’s a hefty price attached to our vulnerability. A price that literally can lead to the destruction of the relationship. Regardless of how women are socialized to view our emotions as men, on a genetic level women cannot handle seeing their men look weak. It triggers revulsion in women. Revulsion that would need to be trained to eliminate. Training that women just don’t do. Women barely even study us beyond learning what they need to do get us to move and behave in a way that is favorable to them. The reason why I say that women only get one chance to violate our vulnerability is because the overwhelming majority of the time that our vulnerability is violated by them it is INTENTIONAL. That one time is enough to completely change how we view and approach that woman. For a man to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in front of a woman is a display of trust. So to betray our vulnerability is the same as betraying our trust. I personally would seriously contemplate leaving any woman who would betray that trust.
Respectfully, simple, simple minded, easy, low maintenance etc are the most common ways Ive heard men describe themselves. I don't think men are simple at ALL in fact I find them quite complex I would love to see them rebrand themselves more accurately.
@nnena3631 Simple, easy to please, low maintenance.... yes. I've never heard a man call themselves simple minded lol. If he did he was speaking for himself.
I'd say it started with our parents generation but you could say our grandparents as well. Great Grandparents is a stretch tho. The moment all these romance novels and comparing what you have to what another person has is when this stuff really started so if not the 60's - 70's most definitely the 80's - 90's hands down. I would also say the Feminism stuff played a part along with the Hippie movements and the start of being openly Gay in America. Those are my 3 guesses. Bcus with all those you saw allot of "Romance Based" ideology, extra sensitivity (unlike today's hyper sensitivity) and the overall trying to break away from the norm/tradition of the gender roles. Also Section 8 and so on
The men I usually Deal with are usually closed off ...if a man starts complaining talking about his Day it's a turn off .... at the end of the day who really cares about the man and how he doing .... nobody Dear men if it's a problem keep to yourself because nobody cares
If we can’t be vulnerable with our women, and were expected to provide, they’re effectively useless. If you can’t provide peace to me, and you on provide your body, I may as well get a therapist and a sex worker.
23:10 Answer: before 1960s feminist movement.... And it's not easier, it just appears that way, and it's not easy either, just easier for those rich white folks at THAT time..
Yep I have a few 90 somethings. white women whome I help do yard work for and they tell me about growing up in the 30s/40s they where a good example for me that things didn't start going down hill with women after the 60s but a few decades before that, after all that's how we got the women of the 60s and 70s in the first place.
9:50 - This is a chameleon. She proves it when she says something that "sounds" empathetic, but is still very self-serving... "We would be more observant of the health and wellness of EVERYONE, not just the women and children..." No ma'am. This conversation is about the unmet emotional needs of MEN (black men specifically). We're this a man speaking in regard to women, that vague, double talk and muddying of the water would be called out immediately!
I just had to learn ,at an early age, the I had to shut that emoting/complaining/ bitxhing part of me up real quick or this world will eat me alive; only to remind me of it at a later date.
The excuse that men are closed off is really just an excuse. There is no way a woman will show genuine signs that she cares about what a man feels and thinks and he won't open up. It's a human need to want to confide in someone.
HONESTY IS REQUIRED,,,,,,BOTH PARTIES NEED PEACE, NEED UNDERSTANDING, ETC.....PERIOD!! IT'S A TWO WAY STREET & BOTH PARTIES NEEDS MUST BE MET& CONSIDERED 🧐🙃 NO EXCUSES PLEASE!!
You make a very valid point but if we are being honest anybody that has ever been in a relationship knows that if the WOMANS NEEDS aren’t met first then the relationship is doomed to fail. As Dr. Obi has explained several times the man’s feeling/needs in a relationship are almost always an after thought for their women.
@@LRich44......Well if what you and Dr. Obi say is true then that means if a man wants a relationship with a certain woman then he must meet that woman's need period......So what's the point of talking about it? Just accept this standard or move on to another relationship!🧐
@@angelawashington9821 again your statement would be valid in a PERFECT WORLD but even when men do that we are still looked down upon….women will say stupid shit like “men can’t handle me” or “if you can’t accept me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best”. If you listen what he says the problem is that women ask for empathy from men while simultaneously not giving empathy to men and DEMANDING MORE OF MEN when the reality is that men across the board have made significant improvements based off of the the things women want.
She's not cute or pretty, she is beautiful. And she is such a listener, a rare trait in other women. She listens, am shocked. And she asks intelligent questions, and she waits for answers. She will be very happy in life with that kind of attitude
These conversations are so utterly laughable. How do you sit there saying men should open up to you and be more like women in their interactions for 10 minutes and then say "but I find it a turn off". So what you are basically asking for is for your good man to open up to you so you can then leave him or cheat on him with some random road man who does the opposite of what you are asking for. And you wonder why men just tune you out.
12:16 if she thinks there's not as much of a need because she's in america she must align herself with america. Such an alignment is AGAINST Black men. Black men have to have defensive skills to defend ourselves from america. 🤦🏿♂️
Also, the entire industry of psychology is sort of wrapped up in how women deal with emotions. Early psychology treated something like 80% women. So studies that came up about how "people" do or should do things, are not studies about people, it is studies about women. It is only recently that we understand and accept that men are actually different than women psychologically. The problem is that we have a hundred years of a baseline for what is normal human behavior...that is really normal female behavior. So anything that deviatea from that is pathology. So most of human psychology and psychological treatment, treats the way that men natually exist, as if it is pathology, instead of normal. So, natually, men are less inclined to talk something through as they are to work something through. But we are told that if you do not or cannot talk it through, there is something wrong with you. In reality though, it just means you are not a woman. The bigger problem is that we now treat the way men exist naturally as if it is wrong. She can comfortably say that it is a problem that men do not talk through their feelings. Instead of saying men deal with their feelings differently than women, and that is ok, and we should try to understand that about eachother. We allow society to say that the problems are men, as opposed to the problem is we expect men perform in a context where their performace is juged based on how much they perform like women....while still maintaining their masculinity.
That very first few preview seconds of what she was saying explains perfectly why we as men protect our vulnerability from women. One thing I’m noticing within this conversation is she’s constantly speaking from a position of “the only way progress is going to be made is if men do x” not once has she directly speak about the work women have to do to reach a position of progress being made. Speaking to what dude is saying about women not knowing how to process male emotions. He is imo incorrect. Women generally DONT GIVE A FVCK about our feelings/emotions. Our emotions don’t serve them any purpose/utility. If anything our emotions serve as a potential detriment to our perceived utility. Women’s willingness to weaponize our emotions, make our emotions about themselves and belittle our feelings is proof enough of how little they gaf about our feelings. For most women we’re not even ALLOWED to feel anything that will deter us from being a functioning optimal utility.
Do you think women feel you not allowed to feel? Or have they generationally been taught and shown (falsely) that men don't have emotions? For example if a womans father never showed emotion, uncles, cousins, brothers never showed emotion, while all of them are saying men don't cry they're not soft how and where would she learn that men need a soft place for their vulnerability? Would she not have been socialized to believe that if a man does show emotions he's soft? Do you think a more balanced approach to Masculinity would be helpful longterm?
@@nnena3631 Women have most definitely been socialized to believe that men who allow themselves to be overcome by their emotions are to be seen as weak. But it’s also true that as a result of being socialized to believe that, women don’t allow for certain types and levels of emotional expression in men that would cause her to question his reliability as a disposable utility aka protector/provider. Mainly if she perceives his emotional expression as too similar to her own and/or women in general. I will say that at least part of that is ingrained in women on a genetic evolutionary level tho. Mainly as it pertains to women’s genetic disposition to prioritize her own safety. All this socialization has done is heighten women’s awareness of it and aversion towards it. The old archaic model of “men show emotion weak” has to go in favor of teaching boys to understand the importance of learning to process their emotions and finding productive methods of emotional release. As well understanding that because we as men have the burden of performance, we as men can’t allow ourselves to let our emotions overwhelm and control us. That our vulnerability is something to be protected and EARNED.
Black men did this to ourselves... We have whewed and over complimented, lied, and said anything to get pu$$y. Our music (specifically R&B) is filled with lies and hyperbole... Or we are apologizing for indiscretions. Women's lyrics are primarily negative to us. Do your own experiment and listen to the radio. There is so much more that I look for in a mate. Grace, a forgiving spirit, easygoing, extensive reader. Not contentious, as well as beauty.
Black men are still highly incarcerated, that's a immediate threat; cant go from expressing our feelings to woman to surviving in there with a flip of the switch that's just not realistic to think
A I get you were tryna make a joke but let’s keep it respectful. Regardless of how you feel she’s beautiful because she listens to understand and not listens to respond. I am not tryna be disrespectful toward you but Just have some respect for this women🙏🏾
@@thetruthsucks9418 again regardless if it was a joke or not think about how she might feel about the comment…..and please don’t be child like and start the name calling….it’s not necessary 🙏🏾
The fact that she relates her having empathy for a man’s feelings to her sexual stimulation is proof she has no empathy whatsoever. Very selfish not marriage material
Aww it cut off at such a good part! Loved this conversation.
Ep 106 is the continuation for this part.
@@wnttalk thank you for confirming.
This interview is the truth. When I took my exwife to the comedy show. I was always thinking how to protect her from the car to the club and back to the house. At the same time have fun talk to her, laugh. I think all a women thinks is I'm out having fun. This is straight knowledge you're dropping brotha.
😂😂 the look on her face after he speaks. "Damn, he's absolutely right....but how can I turn this back around on him?"
The bodyguard analogy was GOLD
Imagine having to resort to a BEYONCE analogy to explain to women men protecting them...... BEYONCE.... a grown, I presume well educayed woman....
FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "WOMEN DO NOT KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MEN'S EMOTIONS!!!" THANK YOU BROTHER!!!!
There's a reason this man calls it a ministry he's out here preaching. Can I get an AMEN!!!!!
Whatever you were eating before this interview keep eating it, wear the same clothes if you have to, just keep whatever this is going. And not like things weren't great before, but you were on another level on this day.
😂😂😂
The need to be right is strong in this one. You see how whenever he makes a point that credibly challenges one of her held beliefs, she immediately shifts to something else without acknowledging that she might be wrong.
Yoooo!!! Allen was in his bag on this one!! Salute my Brotha!! 💪🏾
Salute 🫡
I’m glad she confirmed why we don’t talk about our feelings 😂😂
Woman: we need men to be emotionally available!
Man: vents about his worries
Woman: this man is way too SWEET
See this is why I understand why men say it’s so hard to express y’all feeling .. I have always provided a safe place for my man to tell me about his day etc .. and I know my man so I know when something is off or bothering him and i say babe would u like to talk about what’s on ur mind and if not just know I’m hear to listen ! Most men don’t want us to fix their problems but instead be the shoulder and safe place for them because this world is so against the black man daily .. if he fighting the world he damn sure should be able to cry on my shoulder and that’s not to say he’s week because it’s not daily but wow it being a turn off is why so many blk men have mental health issues that they can’t even discuss in their own home 😢
@@tonileolion9702 well you are definitely not the norm cuz nowadays women look at men as expendable tools. Our feelings have been fodder for their insults, shaming and a stepping stool for their own confidence boost..ie claiming that all black fathers are trash so they can say shit like “I’m the mother and the father”
@@ppearson35N I think I understand a lot more now than ever, I have a 20 year old in college who has depression and it’s not easy for him to talk to people matter of fact he don’t ! I had to educate myself on how to get him to open up more about his emotions because the people around him joked about things like that .. his dad and I are still gd friends but we came together to help him and he’s doing absolutely amazing now… I know first hand how hard it is I saw my dad always making a way for us no matter what the circumstances but still showing my mom love and attention she needed .. and my fiancé I see how with his business people always have an excuse why they not ready to have something looked at or paid for .. my brother too .. he’s a director at a hospital but constantly gets questioned on his ability to run the show .. yall got it way harder than women 😢
@@ppearson35N what this young lady said is exactly why I’d she is in a relationship her man prob will relay his issues to someone outside and that’s not what she should want ! U have to become a safe place for ur partner to talk to u because otherwise what are u there for most men won’t go to therapy .. I see it all the time but every woman is t like her
Perfect how the brother broke it down for the sista!!! Awesome!!! I was just telling my lady the same thing months ago.. men don't have the luxury to be careless women and children does
Don Corleone said that 50 years ago.
"Actions speak louder than words."
"When ppl show you who they are believe them."
I just found this channel recently and I think this is one of the most level-headed channels on this platform. It's not about drama and beefin' with people in the space. Y'all are actually talking about stuff on a grounded level.
You shined on this one, young man! You broke down why Men move the way we do and what our jobs are. Most of us know and understand this on a subconscious level but aren't able to express and articulate it verbally. I told you 6 months ago you're moving the convo forward. KS got it started, pissed them off but got them talking. Now it's to make them do some thinking. She had to process it first, and not once did she interject or try a rebuttal.. Excellent job!
Thank you sir ✊🏿✊🏿✊🏿
Now that the conversation is started and women are listening what ideas do you have on helping men articulate themselves clearly?
@@nnena3631 men not being able to verbalize what exists at an instinctual level isn't the root cause. The problem is women being selfish and do self centered they are completely unaware of what is right in front of them. Your comment is proof positive of this. The real question is when are the women going take an honest look at themselves and admit that they have been living a lie. convincing themselves that they are happily single.
A real Man shouldn't have to say anything. We are about action. If I have to campaign like I'm running for president to convince a woman I'm a cut above the rest she's not the one. Take a look around and you'll see that women are picky asf, and they still pick the wrong men.
@Cadillac Black You mentioned "women are completely unaware of what is in front of them" I would say that I agree with you. There is a lot about men that women don't know. How can they learn if men did not explain it to them?
Best channel in the manosphere. Balanced content, relatable and efficient approach. Keep em coming.
A brother from the north 🇨🇦.
Brother you do a great job of articulating the black male experience in these videos! I often reference these videos in my own conversations with BW. Please keep up the good work !
Awesome work Brother and Sista. I'm in awe of this brothers patience and listening skills. Salute!
Incredibly well articulated. I'm sending this to everyone I know.
I haven't even finished this one yet, and I'm already sharing it with two of my friends. Please keep them coming.
I remember when Kevin Samuels posted a video that asked a simple question, “What do Black Women love about Black Men?” Every woman I’ve asked this question had no concept of a Black Man being loved or respected. His answer? You don’t know us. Dr. Obi’s video has the aura of The Godfather fully infused in it. “The Sisterhood” needs to understand what is required to be a man. Thank you again, Dr. Obi! Awesome job!💪🏾
Honest question: How many women have you vulnerably explained yourself to?
@@nnena3631 not an honest question at all. Any woman who’s honest KNOWS how women generally respond to “vulnerable explanation”. The woman in this very video admitted that would turn her off and she’d want to leave the man.
@The Marathon Continues It's no secret that this content creator solicits interviews with a "certian type" of woman to push a narrative. This creates confirmation bias. Therefore I have no comment on what the woman in the video would choose to do.
In terms of established relationships what I have noticed is the same women men value and partner with because of their work ethic, determination, strength and ability to stick by him, ride or die and help to build him up, are the same women they also want to be vulnerable.
Here's the thing when a woman is building a man, riding and dying , and being strong with him. She's not being vulnerable with HERSELF! Therefore it will be very difficult for her to allow space for your vulnerability.
Solution: Seek out women's companionship after you have built yourself and become centered and healthy in who you are. Then you will be in better position to invite a woman into an environment of peace where she is vulnerable and allows you to be also. What you look for in a woman changes the healthier and more centered you are financially, mentally, emotionally, etc
@@nnena3631 it’s not a confirmation bias thing, what I’ve just told you is something the vast majority of men would agree on.
This isn’t even debatable, most women DO NOT respond well to men being “verbally vulnerable”. AT ALL. ESPECIALLY in the black community, but this applies across the globe.
And it has nothing to do with your stability as a man at all. It’s a biological instinct combined with sociological conditioning, women want a man who can protect them. Vulnerability= he can’t protect me properly to the primitive brain. Women expect for them to be vulnerable to you, but not the other way around. Regardless of the man’s healing, stability etc. not all women, but vast majority cannot handle it at all.
@The Marathon Continues What is the difference in the women thT allow a man to be vulnerable? How do you think that happens?
Whenever Dr. Obi says “let’s talk about” he about drop that knowledge on us foreal👏🏾✊🏾
🤣😂
Also, are there any clips posted on Instagram or is there a way for me to get the clips to Instagram beside screen recording…because my followers need to see this foreal!
@@LRich44 I’ve actually been looking for a reliable person to help grow the IG. I’ve got a few reels up but my focus has been TH-cam.
Masterpiece. Bringing that Igbo intellect.
One of your best right here!
Damn....This one was pure 🔥
Excellent work Obi.
My brother ✊🏿
To conceptualize something requires the ability and willingness to step outside of ourselves. As human beings, it will likely always feel uncomfortable. It's also the only road to meaningful connection...
Bingo!💯
The irony of the ones that ask us to emotionally available cannot do this...
You did an amazing job this episode brother. I can tell you felt really passionate in this conversation, keep it up!!!
Part 2 is a must!!!
Thank you for your patience in articulation and patience for whataboutisms.
Damn profound. You put my thoughts into words
I constantly tell my friends I don’t have to always ask my man what’s wrong … I know my man when something is bothering him and we discuss it or whenever he’s ready .. women and men are completely different we have to get to know one another and understand and that takes a lot of work that most people aren’t ready for.. the allowing it to download face😂
Syd has returned🎉🎉🎉🎉
Brother......... THANK YOU
I was just going to listen but what she says here @12:09 made me create this comment. "Men especially Black Men, must protect themselves at ALL times."
Good, very good video.
Thank God for Fresh and Fit. Myron was just talking about this topic on his podcast. She just proved his point in the beginning of this video. Stay up fellas and continue on your purpose.
The women know what they're doing. It's just that they won't be willing to admit it until the white man falls, then they'll come back, "Oh I was with you the whole time King, I knew you would survive this!"
That was great. The only critique I would have is the quarterback analogy. For what you were saying using a defensive lineman/push rusher is a better fit. His job is ‘see ball, hit ball.’ He’s not worried about everything else going on. The quarterback’s job is, in part, to know a little bit about everything going on on the field. It’s part of what makes it so difficult
Come on man! when it started to get good your cut it... by the way, So far this collaboration has been pure fire.
Apostle Allen laid before her a vicious gospel about the divine union of man and women. The non believer began to babble. She was left speechless. Stupified even! God is good. Let the church say Amen
Enjoying.....
Well done sir
Season 2 is on fire 🔥
I was taught you only open up to the people that can actually help. You don’t go to a mechanic for plumbing issues. Same applies for most men find mentors and homeboys
What's simple is you cant devalue, disrespect and belittle men, add absolutely nothing to his life, ask for everything and turn around and wonder why men wont commit or ask where all the good men went? 🤷♂️
Men can only cry (in public) at funerals.
That’s it. 🤷🏽♂️
And that crying ends at the funeral.
Any other crying (in any situation) is done when the rest of the family is asleep.
Regardless of what anyone will try to tell you, that’s reality for a man, especially a black man.
Last sentence true af.
I have told ladies in my friend circle ... that handling everything that a man does without saying a word ... when a man has a vulnerable moment, we need a soft place to fall. Once a female makes it clear a man cannot be vulnerable, he may close up and not ever do it again. If she then says " talk to me", you can't blame a man for not sharing. It's been made clear to him that he can't do that.
Romance was how poor men got women. Flowers were free at one point. Writing poetry is cheap. “He spends most of his time away gathering resources, but I can spend more time with you since I have no job.” The warriors and the kings didn’t have time to pick flowers or memorize poetry, or draw you a picture. He’s protecting and providing. Now as we all know, over time women have grown to want both. That’s why the most desired men today are the wealthy poets and artists.
You must not be familiar with the gardens constructed for the wife of a king still known today as a wonder of the world. Or the ancient manuscripts of poetry written by powerful influential men of antiquity. Or the delegations of oils, perfumes, linens jewelry, and other costly gifts bestowed on women that caught the eyes of warriors. Of course there were always brutes, but kind men have always understood women respond to romance. This is not a modern phenomenon.
🐐🐐🐐
17:45 on is just bars 🔥
I genuinely feeling emotional numbness. I feel that I'm just going on my own. I don't mind dying alone. I'll just make sure that the money is right for anyone that stays on this planet longer than me that I care for. I just can't handle this and I refuse to. I'll just do what I can for the people that I love on this planet. I don't want much but I'll give everything. I won't be selfish but I don't really have the will to really push this narrative or lifestyle but I generally see the rest of my life alone. I accept that for myself and I don't want much more us tonight. My vocation my work and my time is all that I want now
Hang in there man... many of us have been there. One day at a time. At times one hour at a time. ✊️
✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾
We men need to undo what our fathers have done and take back the head of the family that have been basically forfeited by us. Not sure how it can be done, but we need to put those who call us weak or simps on notice and in their place for being soft and following women.
I like things in what you said. Keep in mind A good man can’t divorce himself, can’t take children away from himself in a custody battle, can’t have false paternity by himself. The answer isn’t just be better because we are better than our fathers and grandfathers but get less.
Yessir ✊🏿
Nothing has been forfeited. The issues in the black comm exist in other communities as well. The issue is Western culture. You have zero leverage over a woman today to make her follow you. Will some follow? Sure. Will most? No. The evidence is there.
@James Kent What do think about the modern male taking an honest and critical look at his personal circumstance and interrogate how he got there.
Children, baby mommas, divorces, marriage, mate selection, etc. Etc.
Are you comfortable with going down that rabbit hole asking yourself why and how for every choice you made and blaming a woman, the system, or race is not an option.
It's my belief that's where growth happens.
@@nnena3631 if we are talking about all men, then yeah there are life challenges we have to find our way out of and we can’t stay victims. The sad thing is that could mean not marrying in the first place or going else where. Do you want a community where the men gave up completely on trying because of the condescension and lack of empathy or do you want to learn mens struggles and see how to help before other communities say “I’ll do it😊” with a smile. Analogy- Deion Sanders can only do so much on his own.
She laughed about men not being able to vent with their partners.... We knew it, Im glad she was honest... but she was still making a mockery of the emotionally available men women say they want.
He killed it overall in this video but the statement she made about being emotional as a man and it turning her off shows you why men are not emotional especially not emotional around their girlfriend or wife.
I agree with the explanation of male perspective on feelings.
A man can ABSOLUTELY share his feelings and he should with his partner/marriage mate. Here are some solutions and insights that can bridge the gap:
Disclaimer: All statements apply to mature balanced healthy women. Outliers need not be mentioned.
A man only looses respect for sharing his feelings when he leads with them, such as the example mentioned of a man complaining while on a date.
Here's why: Both male and female humans are territorial of their dominate "spaces"(masculine/feminine) therefore when a man leads with emotion without establishing security, Masculinity first. It turns a woman off because he is perceived to not be a problem solver, immature, incapable. It's not that he's sharing feelings it's the way and/order he is doing so.
Much like a man may not have a problem with a woman he's dating being accomplished but may be turned off with her leading with her conquests and achievements while dating because showing and proving in that way is the masculine realm and the order and way in which she's expressing this is encroaching on that.
Solution: Establish your sound Masculinity early through, chivalry, establishing a basis of tutelelage, respect, and clear direction of the relationship and interaction. Display empathy, and consideration. This is shown by taking enough personal interest to understand how she may ve affected by things and provide a nurturing environment for her to be open and vulnerable.
⚠️ I know this may seem counterintuitive. You may be asking yourself, why are we talking about her emotions relative to expressing mine?
Answer: Because a woman that has seen you be secure enough allow space for GENERALIZED vulnerability is subconsciously recieving the messaging that your relationship is a safe place for emotion to be shared and nurtured. She will be motivated to aggressively protect this space by honoring your vulnerability because you have lead with laying down your arms, she will grow the sense of a one flesh bond where what affects one affects both and to demean you for expressing yourself will be demeaning herself.
To illustrate, some of the world's greatest leaders displayed emotion, vulnerability. And were unequivocally respected. Why? They followed the leadership blueprint. Being superhuman is not required, nor is being an emotionless drone.
I definitely agree that a date is no place for any emotional venting from men or women. With that said, the main pushback I have is your breakdown seems to be speaking from a context of dating and it appears to imply that there aren’t men that exist who already do these things yet still have their vulnerability betrayed by their women. As if to say checking off everything in this respective checklist will ensure that said woman will respect and honor her man’s vulnerability. Which is clearly a lie.
Otherwise this conversation wouldn’t even be necessary much less have grown to the point of being content for any channel. Also assuming that we’re speaking within the confines of a relationship it’s impossible for a man to lead with his emotions in this context since he already laid the important foundation you outlined to be in said relationship in the first place. Now if we’re speaking in the context of just dating then your breakdown would be correct and have merit. But the most common context we as men speak of when talking about women betraying our vulnerability is generally that of a relationship or marriage. So it makes your point of leading with emotion moot.
The problem is that women generally don’t extend us the same level of grace that they expect from us. Especially when it comes to us being emotional. The fact that we even have to worry about how we express our emotions, even within the context of a marriage for fear of being seen as weak speaks volumes to this. The only times we are allowed a moment of unchecked weakness is during extreme circumstances like when death rears its ugly hand upon our loved ones. Only then are we extended the grace we should be given by default.
Are there women who are fully capable of extending their men the grace they deserve by honoring and respecting his vulnerability however it comes? Yes. Are they representative of the majority? No. So for us men, displaying our unchecked vulnerability represents a very huge risk for us. A risk that more often than not leads to the inevitable collapse of the relationship with the woman being the one who leaves the majority of the time because she now sees us as weak and no longer reliable. With divorce and family court law’s being what they are now, that risk is now no longer worth taking.
What women need to learn to understand is that with living in the internet age men have caught on to just how common it is for women to disregard and disrespect our feelings and vulnerability in favor of their own since women generally believe that because they’re the emotional sex that means that their feelings are more important and should therefore take priority by default. So as a result, now women need to prove themselves as WORTHY and DESERVING of us openly being vulnerable to them. As well as the fact that women only get ONE opportunity to dishonor our vulnerability. After that we will NEVER open up to her ever again.
@Lazarus37 If it appeared as if I was speaking in absolutes I apologize. I stated in my disclaimer I was refrencing dealings with mature, balanced healthy women. Although the disclaimer was not exhaustive, it is to be understood that my statements are not absolute and cannot account for outliers.
I completely understand that men have been hurt in a variety of circumstances by a variety of women.I did not mean to imply otherwise. Now that the housekeeping is out the way...
What you're calling leading with emotion I call laying the groundwork and setting the tone. You don't have to tell a stranger woman your deepest darkest secrets off the back. But stating a benign vulnerability and seeing how she handles it over time can tell a lot.Slow pitch it and see how she handles it. Be observant of how she talks about her own vulnerabilities. Does she allow herself to feel softer more vulnerable emotions? Does she display empathy for others? This is KEY!
I have implored men to share how they are really affected by things with women for long time. You know why?? Because WOMEN DONT KNOW!!! I have been a woman all my life and a constant theme that women ha e been taught by MEN is that they don't feel, they don't care, and unless it's a drastic circumstance like death they are not emotionally affected. I cannot emphasize that enough. Conversely men give me pushback that their feelings are being disregarded. When asked if they expressed this to the woman. The response 99.9 % of the time is she should know, I'm not going to tell her I'm not a woman etc. So here we are, At a stalemate. I would urge you to not instantly ascribe negative motive to their lack of understanding EDUCATE THEM!
The uncomfortable truth: Relationships don't grow without vulnerability and discomfort.
There are times when a man is going to have some conversations surrounding feelings he may not be used to having. This is where intimacy resides. There will be times he will have to teach her how to love him properly. This is NECESSARY!
⚠️ Relationships are risky. No risk no reward. Vetting throughly and properly without being blinded by sex or looks helps, taking enough time.
⚠️ Re: You only get one time to violate his vulnerability.
Well that's a double edged sword then isn't it? An earmark of a long term relationship/ marriage is 2 good forgivers. So if you have determined she has one time to make a mistake or you will never open up again where would that leave the relationship in the long run?
@@nnena3631 The women I was speaking on were only the mature, healthy, balanced women you were referring to. No part of my comment was referring to outlier women. The problem you’re having is you presume that even these women aren’t capable of dishonoring a man’s vulnerability. Which is a fallacy. Especially since said dishonoring almost always takes place within the context of a relationship and in heat of a argument where emotions are high and women seldom ever have a filter or line they won’t cross. Especially if they’re the strong willed type. Tho there are other circumstances where our vulnerability is disregarded that are far more subtle.
To your first point it was you who spoke of the reason why men only lose respect is when we lead with our emotions BEFORE establishing security first. Nowhere in my response did I ever conflate the two. So I’m not sure what the purpose of your first point is. Especially since you’re still speaking within the context of dating, which isn’t where men’s vulnerability is primarily disregarded. Please remain within the context of relationships and marriage. Any man who puts out his whole life story and vulnerabilities to a stranger he’s just dating is a fool. We as men also don’t need tutorials on how to test how women respond to potential male vulnerability. Especially not from a woman who isn’t even capable of fully understanding or empathizing with said vulnerability. Much in the same way we as men can’t understand women’s struggles and thus stay in our lane.
I won’t question whether or not men in your life have said the things you mentioned in your second point verbatim. But what I will say is that we as men generally prioritize our perceived stoicism over our own feelings and emotions because we know that’s what matters to women more often than not. That we are seen as strong and unwavering. So when we say things like “we don’t feel, don’t care and unless it involves death we’re emotionally unaffected” that is generally in comparison to the level of women’s emotions. In comparison to women’s feelings and emotions, we as men don’t feel or emote nearly as much. But we still do feel. There’s no man in existence that fits this description. We have feelings and are capable of having our feelings hurt. We just have been trained our whole lives not to show it externally. Which is a fact women are fully aware of as beings who themselves are emotional by nature. How do I know that women are fully aware that we as men have feelings that are capable of being hurt you may ask? Simply because if you ask any woman you know who’s in a relationship/marriage if they know exactly how to get to their man mentally they would definitely have an answer. Especially if they’ve been in said relationship for at least 3-5 years.
Your ⚠️ sections aren’t wrong for the most part. The problem we as men have with vetting women is the women we get when we’re dating, and get into a relationship with almost NEVER remain that same woman. This especially true after we make the foolish decision to marry her since marriage is a woman’s ultimate form of security. They almost ALWAYS end up changing into a woman who we end up having to relearn how to love and maneuver around later. There’s a level of comfort that women generally seem to get that imo neither party should ever have.
As for your last ⚠️ point I stand by what I said because unlike women’s vulnerability, there’s a hefty price attached to our vulnerability. A price that literally can lead to the destruction of the relationship. Regardless of how women are socialized to view our emotions as men, on a genetic level women cannot handle seeing their men look weak. It triggers revulsion in women. Revulsion that would need to be trained to eliminate. Training that women just don’t do. Women barely even study us beyond learning what they need to do get us to move and behave in a way that is favorable to them. The reason why I say that women only get one chance to violate our vulnerability is because the overwhelming majority of the time that our vulnerability is violated by them it is INTENTIONAL. That one time is enough to completely change how we view and approach that woman. For a man to allow ourselves to be vulnerable in front of a woman is a display of trust. So to betray our vulnerability is the same as betraying our trust. I personally would seriously contemplate leaving any woman who would betray that trust.
@@U4ia28 Wish you the best.
Being low maintenance does NOT equate to being simple minded. Women just don't get it lol
Amen!!!!! Simplicity is not easy to attain.
Respectfully, simple, simple minded, easy, low maintenance etc are the most common ways Ive heard men describe themselves.
I don't think men are simple at ALL in fact I find them quite complex I would love to see them rebrand themselves more accurately.
@nnena3631 Simple, easy to please, low maintenance.... yes.
I've never heard a man call themselves simple minded lol. If he did he was speaking for himself.
I'd say it started with our parents generation but you could say our grandparents as well. Great Grandparents is a stretch tho. The moment all these romance novels and comparing what you have to what another person has is when this stuff really started so if not the 60's - 70's most definitely the 80's - 90's hands down.
I would also say the Feminism stuff played a part along with the Hippie movements and the start of being openly Gay in America. Those are my 3 guesses. Bcus with all those you saw allot of "Romance Based" ideology, extra sensitivity (unlike today's hyper sensitivity) and the overall trying to break away from the norm/tradition of the gender roles. Also Section 8 and so on
The men I usually Deal with are usually closed off ...if a man starts complaining talking about his Day it's a turn off .... at the end of the day who really cares about the man and how he doing .... nobody Dear men if it's a problem keep to yourself because nobody cares
Who’s grunting in the background? This isn’t church.😂
Please no background noise.
If we can’t be vulnerable with our women, and were expected to provide, they’re effectively useless. If you can’t provide peace to me, and you on provide your body, I may as well get a therapist and a sex worker.
23:10 Answer: before 1960s feminist movement.... And it's not easier, it just appears that way, and it's not easy either, just easier for those rich white folks at THAT time..
Yep I have a few 90 somethings. white women whome I help do yard work for and they tell me about growing up in the 30s/40s they where a good example for me that things didn't start going down hill with women after the 60s but a few decades before that, after all that's how we got the women of the 60s and 70s in the first place.
9:50 - This is a chameleon. She proves it when she says something that "sounds" empathetic, but is still very self-serving...
"We would be more observant of the health and wellness of EVERYONE, not just the women and children..."
No ma'am. This conversation is about the unmet emotional needs of MEN (black men specifically). We're this a man speaking in regard to women, that vague, double talk and muddying of the water would be called out immediately!
I just had to learn ,at an early age, the I had to shut that emoting/complaining/ bitxhing part of me up real quick or this world will eat me alive; only to remind me of it at a later date.
The excuse that men are closed off is really just an excuse. There is no way a woman will show genuine signs that she cares about what a man feels and thinks and he won't open up. It's a human need to want to confide in someone.
HONESTY IS REQUIRED,,,,,,BOTH PARTIES NEED PEACE, NEED UNDERSTANDING, ETC.....PERIOD!!
IT'S A TWO WAY STREET & BOTH PARTIES NEEDS MUST BE MET& CONSIDERED 🧐🙃
NO EXCUSES PLEASE!!
No disrespect, but how does this tie into this specific video at all?
You make a very valid point but if we are being honest anybody that has ever been in a relationship knows that if the WOMANS NEEDS aren’t met first then the relationship is doomed to fail. As Dr. Obi has explained several times the man’s feeling/needs in a relationship are almost always an after thought for their women.
@@themarathoncontinues4211......No disrespect however, I not sure you listened to the entire video if you have to ask this question ❓
@@LRich44......Well if what you and Dr. Obi say is true then that means if a man wants a relationship with a certain woman then he must meet that woman's need period......So what's the point of talking about it? Just accept this standard or move on to another relationship!🧐
@@angelawashington9821 again your statement would be valid in a PERFECT WORLD but even when men do that we are still looked down upon….women will say stupid shit like “men can’t handle me” or “if you can’t accept me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best”.
If you listen what he says the problem is that women ask for empathy from men while simultaneously not giving empathy to men and DEMANDING MORE OF MEN when the reality is that men across the board have made significant improvements based off of the the things women want.
She's not cute or pretty, she is beautiful. And she is such a listener, a rare trait in other women. She listens, am shocked.
And she asks intelligent questions, and she waits for answers. She will be very happy in life with that kind of attitude
@The Esquire of Sports ® a crying man is an abominable sight. Men should not cry.
Genuine strength is a man's charm
I think she may have gotten the message.
black Americans need a truth justice and reconciliation commission. Maybe read the report from Rwanda and how far they have come
😊😊
SHE FINE
These conversations are so utterly laughable. How do you sit there saying men should open up to you and be more like women in their interactions for 10 minutes and then say "but I find it a turn off". So what you are basically asking for is for your good man to open up to you so you can then leave him or cheat on him with some random road man who does the opposite of what you are asking for. And you wonder why men just tune you out.
12:16 if she thinks there's not as much of a need because she's in america she must align herself with america. Such an alignment is AGAINST Black men. Black men have to have defensive skills to defend ourselves from america. 🤦🏿♂️
She cool but is doing what most women do telling men what should be done while admitting it’s not attractive 😂
Daaamn🤔 women need so many things and we have to give so much effort. Men have tried to make themselves and life sooo simple…damn yo🤔
Also, the entire industry of psychology is sort of wrapped up in how women deal with emotions. Early psychology treated something like 80% women. So studies that came up about how "people" do or should do things, are not studies about people, it is studies about women. It is only recently that we understand and accept that men are actually different than women psychologically.
The problem is that we have a hundred years of a baseline for what is normal human behavior...that is really normal female behavior. So anything that deviatea from that is pathology. So most of human psychology and psychological treatment, treats the way that men natually exist, as if it is pathology, instead of normal.
So, natually, men are less inclined to talk something through as they are to work something through. But we are told that if you do not or cannot talk it through, there is something wrong with you. In reality though, it just means you are not a woman.
The bigger problem is that we now treat the way men exist naturally as if it is wrong. She can comfortably say that it is a problem that men do not talk through their feelings. Instead of saying men deal with their feelings differently than women, and that is ok, and we should try to understand that about eachother.
We allow society to say that the problems are men, as opposed to the problem is we expect men perform in a context where their performace is juged based on how much they perform like women....while still maintaining their masculinity.
That very first few preview seconds of what she was saying explains perfectly why we as men protect our vulnerability from women. One thing I’m noticing within this conversation is she’s constantly speaking from a position of “the only way progress is going to be made is if men do x” not once has she directly speak about the work women have to do to reach a position of progress being made.
Speaking to what dude is saying about women not knowing how to process male emotions. He is imo incorrect. Women generally DONT GIVE A FVCK about our feelings/emotions. Our emotions don’t serve them any purpose/utility. If anything our emotions serve as a potential detriment to our perceived utility. Women’s willingness to weaponize our emotions, make our emotions about themselves and belittle our feelings is proof enough of how little they gaf about our feelings. For most women we’re not even ALLOWED to feel anything that will deter us from being a functioning optimal utility.
Do you think women feel you not allowed to feel? Or have they generationally been taught and shown (falsely) that men don't have emotions?
For example if a womans father never showed emotion, uncles, cousins, brothers never showed emotion, while all of them are saying men don't cry they're not soft how and where would she learn that men need a soft place for their vulnerability? Would she not have been socialized to believe that if a man does show emotions he's soft?
Do you think a more balanced approach to Masculinity would be helpful longterm?
@@nnena3631 Women have most definitely been socialized to believe that men who allow themselves to be overcome by their emotions are to be seen as weak. But it’s also true that as a result of being socialized to believe that, women don’t allow for certain types and levels of emotional expression in men that would cause her to question his reliability as a disposable utility aka protector/provider. Mainly if she perceives his emotional expression as too similar to her own and/or women in general. I will say that at least part of that is ingrained in women on a genetic evolutionary level tho. Mainly as it pertains to women’s genetic disposition to prioritize her own safety. All this socialization has done is heighten women’s awareness of it and aversion towards it.
The old archaic model of “men show emotion weak” has to go in favor of teaching boys to understand the importance of learning to process their emotions and finding productive methods of emotional release. As well understanding that because we as men have the burden of performance, we as men can’t allow ourselves to let our emotions overwhelm and control us. That our vulnerability is something to be protected and EARNED.
@@U4ia28 Please see my post under this video for a possible solution. I would like to hear your thoughts.
Black men did this to ourselves... We have whewed and over complimented, lied, and said anything to get pu$$y. Our music (specifically R&B) is filled with lies and hyperbole... Or we are apologizing for indiscretions. Women's lyrics are primarily negative to us. Do your own experiment and listen to the radio.
There is so much more that I look for in a mate. Grace, a forgiving spirit, easygoing, extensive reader. Not contentious, as well as beauty.
@theesquireofsports7251 They ARE NOT going to reward bad behavior with marriage... But they will still reward it with babies... Make that make sense!😳
What’s her @
i see situations all the time when i`m out with my family.. its what MEN do.
See... Myron gains was right (about men crying in front of women). 😆
She real cute...there I said it.
Men don't not open to your woman..
Overall great conversation but...
10:20 to 10:45 and 12:30 to 13:10 doesn't align. Basically still can't say much to your own woman.
I love what u doing bro, but our women rather be cooperative with their jobs than with their men and this is why I’ve lost faith in BW
And we can guess why she isn’t married smh
Black men are still highly incarcerated, that's a immediate threat; cant go from expressing our feelings to woman to surviving in there with a flip of the switch that's just not realistic to think
She looks like Charles Barkley
A I get you were tryna make a joke but let’s keep it respectful. Regardless of how you feel she’s beautiful because she listens to understand and not listens to respond. I am not tryna be disrespectful toward you but Just have some respect for this women🙏🏾
@@LRich44 wow simp, it was a light joke.
take off your shiny armor and go sit in a corner
@@thetruthsucks9418 again regardless if it was a joke or not think about how she might feel about the comment…..and please don’t be child like and start the name calling….it’s not necessary 🙏🏾
@@LRich44 go in the corner and cry, the man can make a joke if he wants. you don’t dictate what he does.
@@thetruthsucks9418 😂😂iight you got it
She’s saying a whole bunch of nothing. She is so silly lol.
Listening to this woman is extremely exhausting!
I can say that if a woman cry in front of me ..... I could say she looks weak
You could say that but how does seeing a woman cry in front of you make you FEEL?
When truth is being spoken Blank Stare hmm hunn
The fact that she relates her having empathy for a man’s feelings to her sexual stimulation is proof she has no empathy whatsoever. Very selfish not marriage material
Interesting