Advice for teenagers : don't talk back to your parents when they are angry just hold your self be patient until they are quiet quiet and and in good mood then you say whatever you have to say in A polite way and you're gonna see the magic, it is from my own experience when I was a teen all my brothers and sister talked back to my mother and they all made my her tired, but she loved me so much because I treated her intelligently I never talk back to her and I always discuss with her when she is cool
I forgot to say even if you ask for something and they refuse right away , don't debate just say OK or please think about it mama and leave her, she is going to Think and there will be a big chance to get what u want because you are polite to her
Lucky. Any perceived problem with a situation needs to be explained. I could never explain myself when accused or misunderstood without being told I was backtalking or disrespecting them. To get my defense through, I had to wade through an absolute hell of screaming on their side, but sounding even a little aggressive from being ignored and screamed at was a sin worthy of death that I would have supposedly been executed for "back in the day".
As a child I knew not to question my mom or EVER talk back. I'd hold it all in my head. Then my mom had this saying "one day you're gonna thank me" my mom has passed away now and If I can thank her for all those times she told me NO, I would! Everything she taught me was so right. We may not understand why our parents say no sometimes but it could actually be saving our lives without us know it
@@davidhill8565 I can’t say that I didn’t go through a lil abuse but I did learn a lot. The rest I figured out with the Lords help later on in life. With 8other siblings, I believe she did her best you know?! Before she passed she apologized for anything she may have done that wasn’t right. She only did what she knew from her childhood where her parents were way more strick
@@amyriley7866 It’s better late than never to apologize. You’re better off knowing the truth than living a lie. Even if the truth takes you down an arduous path, you at least know it’s the truth.
thank you. being a single mom to a teen it's like I'm on this endless road straight to hell. I miss how close me and my son used to be but no now days it feels like were not even related. I'm going to do this for sure thank you.
Your son is a teenager, he will be an adult age wise before you know it. He is at the stage where he is finding himself whether you agree with what he wants or not. Its a stage where they will neeed you more for comfort and guidance when they ask for it. Set boundaries where he gets time to himself, but you guys also spend time together, let him choose some activities to do together even if its playing video games.
Sarah Anand why must we suffer? I’m going to lose it on my 13 year old daughter. I’m a father and I can barely stand it! What else is there to do if I can’t whoop her?
@@matr1x83 I totally understand you. But pls be patient and hang in there. I know it's hard. I have gone through the worst for the last 7 years. She is 20 now and she regrets how she treated me, And has asked forgiveness many times.
When you are broken how do you raise healthy teens? Say you were always yelled at and verbally abused. Now you are a parent working hard to not repeat your parent's mistakes, but the talking back makes you feel so discouraged and angry. You do your best, but as you stated here, you explain to much so it gives them room to continue on. Thx for your videos...
Ryan Kehoe Being accused of talking back depends on not what accused person was saying, but on what the accused one's intentions were, or whether the accused had a valid point in mind. If the accusing person defined back talk as questioning his or her words or beliefs, then he or she is indoctrinating you.
Sierra Collins you sound stupid as heck! That’s a super lie! I’m telling you I treat my daughter like royalty and now I’m paying for it because she’s spoiled. She can barely control her tone because she’s gotten away with so much in the past! To say that is simply demeaning!
But we need young people talking back with us like if they don't they they won't ever get to debate about the things they want to talk about. Like come on some adults just always want to be right even if that kid is right. And if we don't even let kids speak their minds then they might turn out to be afraid to voice their opinions.
Important to teach children this: “No means no.” Parents don’t have to continually allow children to argue their case. Parents/adults are the authority figures. All people must learn to respect the word “No”, even if they disagree. This is how we learn to be respectful adults. I cannot stand it when grown up people cannot take “no” for an answer. They learned this at a young age. THANK YOU for discussing this topic.
Shilodog Smith then you shouldn’t be a fucking parent. If you’re kids mouth and opinions don’t matter than neither do yours. Your kid will not listen to if you don’t listen to them. They’re not dogs they’re people and their thoughts and feelings and opinions DO matter.
You are the child you are super vulnerable and you cannot even begin to understand how it is to be an adult. Your parents provide shelter and food and all these other things that you have no idea about. They are the adult you are the child that’s just how it is you need to respect your parents and honor them. When you get older and become a parent you will quickly understand the importance of bringing up a good child.
I feel like my dad watched this but the opposite. When I “back talk” or as I would say me *RESPONDING* to him. When I don’t respond, he gets mad, when I respond, he gets mad. I also do not have a “choice” but to listen. He specifically says “Children do not have opinions, your opinion is useless”. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT. When he says something and I don’t respond with MY OPINION he gets mad, but I explain to him that what he said confuses me. He proceeds “I don’t give a s**t, respond to me NOW”. Wtf am I supposed to do, I’m not even cornered to one answer, basically everything I do is against what he wants. God damn you dad, make up your mind, before I lose mine.
Sounds a bit like my mom. Not exactly exactly, but the fact that he’s so fussy and can never please them. My mom is a narcissist, so I thought I’d impart that with you.. maybe you can make a connection too. It’s helped me to know so that I know it’s not be that’s a mess up,, lowlife..... ❤️
You gained a subscriber here!! Content worth sharing!! I have a 12yr old boy with adhd and a 16 yr old daughter that absolutely do not get along unless one of them is getting picked on by another person. Home is chaos most of the time and I get so stressed with them at each other’s throats when they are home together. This was super helpful and I will be testing it out. Will let you know in a week how it goes! Wish me luck!#TiredMom #Siblingsfighttothedeath
If you want to stop your kids from talking back to you. Then change your perception of them. If you want your kids to have a better life, work on yourself. Your children will learn all your good and bad behaviors and emotional behaviors and attitudes. Everyday you are teaching your kids to be just like you. Don't you? Think about it, you are passing on your belief and ideas about how you see the world to them, and you will punish them if they dont see it your way because your way is the right way. Right!! Here's something the parents needs to understand. Your not perfect, we all have problems. If you have a lot bad experiences and hurt that you can still remember from how your parents raised you, you will treat your kids the same way. To give your kids something different, a better future. You have to heal your painful past experiences with your parents. Remember you are your kids most influential teacher because your the first person they met, when they came in to this world. You took care of them, change their diapers and fed them, they love you. They will mirror and mimic your every move. So if you are interacting with your children in an unhealthy way with anger, frustration, hurt, no control, hate...etc, take a break walk away, think about something funny put a smile on your face and feel good, Notice that good feeling in your body. Think good thoughts and feel it in your body and make it real. Then come back and deal with your child with that good feeling. See now your teaching your child something else besides what your parents taught you which is dealing with problems with bad feelings and emotions. But Now your showing your kids that we are not perfect, that we all make mistakes and it's ok to love and respect each other when we are in a disagreement. Theres something about dealing with problems with a positive attitude, that it makes the problem no longer important. When you heal yourself and understand that your kids will mirror and mimic your every move. You will understand that the reason why your child is talking back to you is because they learned it from you. What you do to them they will do it right back to you. Heal your pain and hurts from what you learn from your parents so you can give your children a happier future. If they talk back to you, understand they learned it from you. So change you, so you can give them something different and break that on going patterns of problems thats been passed down from your family tree. Peace out bruhh!!! 🙄
Elle Hax While you’re at it, go PIMO. You don’t have to believe what they believe. When you mention their beliefs to your acquaintances, just state them as their beliefs and not as facts. When you do leave, cut financial and digital ties with your parents.
@port nut Jehovah’s Witnesses. One rule they’re known for is that they’re forbidden to celebrate birthdays. The religious group fits the BITE model. They believe Jesus Christ is Michael the Archangel.
@port nut If you want to know what a cult is, read a Web page or watch TH-cam video about the BITE model. The B stands for Behavior Control. The I stands for Information Control. The T stands for Thought Control. The E stands for Emotional Control.
@@purplelady5480 I just found this video this morning being so feed up, but just wanted to comment on your comment & I tried Something similar to this as well and he lost it...🤦♀️. Did you find another break through with your child?
What is starting to work for us is we have 14 stairs from one door to the next door entrance and 14 stairs inside split level...they walk the stairs ..yup..I don't have to yell. Nothing we say stop they don't walk the stairs. Out kids are 9 and 12. They earn money..it could be $1 to $20 or something they like. I hope this helps you... Big Hugs. I like having other parents to talk about our kids behaviors doctor puss me off always want to give a pill.
@@purplelady5480 thanks for the reply back. I'm glade you found Something thats working. I have a 12 year old boy & we tried giving $ for everytime he did what was expected without being told at the end of each week.... months ago, let's just say he didn't put forth a good effort to have $ in his pocket. It didn't last. So know were back to just telling him and taking away things. In the meantime I'm the one getting upset even when I say my peace/last word.
@@jammiecottrell try writting a contract with him, he signs saying will commit to what your requirements are, if he does not take EVERYTHING from him bike, computer, laptop cell phone house phone.
You sir are amazing! I think every parent needs to watch this! We need more people like you to stand up and inform the masses with this information. Amazing delivery and spot on message. Good job!
I do agree with you. But of course we all want our kids to have opinions and be independent, and to help them getting to that stage,WE need to THINK very well before jumping to the NO, because it will be hard sometimes to change it. So don't feel pressured to give a yes or no as a parent, think more then decide, (till this stage it is conversation) and if NO was your answer, then it is a NO, but of course you will share your reasons with ur child..(after this, it is talking back).. We want to raise up open minded smart and polite kids not obedient and dependants..
Thank you. I just told my teenager "f you" yep, I allowed him to take my power. And I am still pissed as I am typing this. Normally I am a kind, loving mom. I'm just so tired.
Mine has said the same thing my fourteen-year-old son I'm a dad and I'm just so tired of fighting with I know guys ain't supposed to cry but I get so upset I'm just so tired
Rule number one: love ur wife, love ur kids, love ur family, let go of every bad habit YOU have, because nothing can stop ur children from becoming you once again, so if u change all ur bad habits, when ur kids grow up they just do the same
Trust me any parents reading this, don’t just stop talking in the argument. You really just have to listen to them and try to make a compromise instead of just saying no to what they say. As a teenager myself it just makes you more and more mad. Because otherwise they are just not going to treat you with the same love and respect as they used to. Like me with my mother, she constantly does this and I really cannot say that I love and respect her the same way I used to anymore after she just stopped listening to what I had to say and just thinking that she is always right.
DatBoi OverDerr Thats because she done hearing your point, she has been raising you for a long time so she thinks that she knows you. I remember when is was little my mother used to listen to me and give a thorough explanation but now it feels like she is feed up with it.
It a normale to hate ur mother for. Couple of years, but believe me when u grow little bit more u gonna understand and love ur mama like crazy and even cry when u remember her , u gonna feel like : you were right mama
Do children not grow to be adults? As adults should we not question everything? Is it better to follow blindly and not try to challenge what appears to be unjust? A free society doesn't work on this premise. There must be an opposition to authority in order for what is right to take charge and what is wrong to be set aside. The power to question everything and speak against what is wrong or one-sided is the very foundation of freedom. Just food for thought.
AbusivePersian people like You annoy me so much, seriously! WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND?! Everything kids know is from learning and *copying*. You adults act as if 7 year Olds are stupid idiots who know nothing about life or themselves. No. You idiot. God!! Maybe, if you start been NICE to your kids, and FUCKING STOP YELLING! They'll listen to you! How on earth do you expect a child to act innocent when their parents, their teachers and role models, can't control their own anger?! I understand that some children have different needs but at least by the age of 10, they understand how things work and know what's right a wrong, BUT ONLY IF YOU RAISED THEM RIGHT! Maybe this will lead to less depressed, self harming kids who grow up to suicide.
Ella Silkstone I'm weak😂, my parents were hard core Mexican and i came out fine. I'm hella responsible and unlike kids that think they the shit, i knew my place. The parent is giving us the shelter, food and necessities we need. If i ever though i knew better, I'd think about how tf I'd survive without them. I respect the man for making this video, but there are times for an Autocratic and a Democratic relationship between parent and child.
+ivan Vazquez thank you, your also a minority so your consequences for not lstening to your parents are going to effect you different when you get out into this world. They knew this. We don't have the same coushion as other cultures. Hispanics, Blacks, Asians ect. its just the way it is. You don't learn to control your mouth you'll get beat dowm in the street ....facts. Some of the things he said ...good advice...well all... depending on who you are and where you live.
OMG that's exactly what I'm going through. My son is saying things to me that hurt so deeply I don't think I even want him living here anymore. What do I do? Every consequence I give him he screams that I'm unfair. He compares what I do to him vs. His brother. He argues until I give no consequence. Thats why I dont want him here anymore. I just went through this exact same thing for the last 6 yrs with his brother. I can't take it anymore!
Diamond Inacio i feel ur pain....all u say here is my life. If u coukd afford he would be in military boarding sch...a session w him n i just ended...I AM DRAINED... hang in there u r not alone
some kids may feel like you don't hear them. They might cry because the feel like you don't see their point of view and the don't remember the agreement. I am teaching second grade and kids come to me and ask me stuff all the time. I have never liked the idea of blindly following a leader. I actually encourage asking "why". So I feel inauthentic not answering them. At the moment I AM answering them, giving them a reason. But it is taking up too much time and also brings a bit of chaos to the classroom... So I am kinda still unsure as to what to do
Being spanked as a kid doesn’t mean abuse, Not every kid that was hit as a child was abused It was a simple was of shutting up a bratty kid And way more effective than “grounding”
I agree, and I did not get cute spankings...I got my but woooped...lol, it was not abuse, it was a painful way to say ....think of what the punishment could be. Now adays parents dont know how to use spanking/wooping as discipline....they go straight to abuse...thats the problem. Big Hugs
Musically Inclined you sound ridiculous. I spank my kid, only when I need to! It’s a vary rare occasion so when I have to do so, before the whipping I make my self clear as to why they are about to be disciplined and then I sit them down for usually a half an hour and explain the better way to handle themselves! And yes!!! I’m still very compassionate with my children!
Thanks for your advice. My 11 yr. old son was very disrespectful to me this morning before school and we got into an argument. You helped me to see that I need to stay in control and explain my point once. If he continues to talk back to walk away. If he still needs to explain himself that he needs to write it down in a one page format. That's a great idea. It gives both parties to calm down. If after all of that he still is disrespectful he should get a consequence. Thanks for your help.
Had a disrespectful child , "back talking" issue. I had him, calm down, cool down, then write it down about his feelings that made him do it. Another adult brought him in and the "back talker" apologized to me. 😀😀😀😀
My 12-year-old son won’t even talk about anything that’s bothering him ...he walks away every time we’re going to have a confrontation or he will literally just sit there and say no mama don’t do this. When I’m trying to prevent him from for example staying up all night long playing Fortnite. I mean we can’t just let them go completely wild ...and I have no idea how to control him he’s taller than me and I’m a single mom. He’s a lot stronger than me. And he has fought me literally over his Switch before. So I’m kind of drowning...I need to follow this advice to a T. Give a reasonable explanation be done. But how do you deal then with the child going off slamming doors cooking walls throwing things? Like I said I’m drowning
I don't get this whole "DONT UNDERSTAND JUST OBEY ME" mentality. I was always made to father my 4 siblings. They would obey me out of mutual respect. I listened, they listen and they considered my judgment rational even if they didn't like it. They just ended up secretly hating/hiding things from my mother in the end because she had this, " obey me" mentality. They don't have a good relationship with her.
y'all don't understand that this is an innocent video just giving tips to parents that are new to these things... maybe you guys just need to realize you should at least try to show some respect, not only to your parents, and this guy, who took time to make this video to help someone in need... just saying... might open another perspective for everyone 👍😉😊
FUCK the police, too. Police AND parents are lazy worthless scum. I'd LOVE to COLLECT MASSIVE WELFARE - $100,00 a year - from the taxpayer, call it a "job", and kidnap and imprison people I don't like.
I talk myself silly trying to get through to my 14-year-old And the more I talked, the more she tried to too me. What Do you do with the ones that just keep talking? I only know my solution . I started talking just like her . It’s amazing how fast they understand
@@johrons and if they cant hear their child out but then keep going.....they should not be upset if the child doesnt care about what the have to say or doesnt want to listen because thats what the parent does to them right????? its being a good parent when u know how to not listen or care about what your kids have to say but when its the other way around its disrespect. stop glorifying mental abuse just because they are adults and the buy and feed which is expected. thats like saying a slave owner has the right to beat and treat a human being wrong because u own them.
This is pretty helpful. I like that last one about the writing it down to look at later. That’s what i would even find myself doing when i was growing up, and my teenage niece does the same as well.
Wow! This is really nice. I've been looking for quite a while now for something like this. I must say this video sheds a lot of light on how to deal with children that talks back and to have a better understanding of how children think which causes them to do so. Thank you Chris!
Maybe you guys need to quit being spoiled little brats. You need to learn respect. How are you going to make it when you're an adult?? When you get into the adult world life is different! Are you going to back talk your boss? If you do well then you won't be having a job! Parents are trying to teach you right from wrong! Kids these days need the old school whooping
I know this video is 6 yrs old but MAN!!!! I needed this so badly!!! My 5 yr old is challenging me so badly and treats and talks back to me so bad lately but this is so right bc I do end up feeling like the child with him lol.
I didn't tell my son no...but we had a blow up over the simple chores I ask him to do...take the trash out then he knows it's full and not letting it overflow on the floor...feed the cat...do your homework before video games...drink bottles on the bedroom floor etc. He decided to not just talk back but legit started talking s***. This has been going on for months like a broken record and he finally decided to be an ass about it. I snapped. Mind you I've raised him for 15 years on my own. He's old enough to know better. He's currently sitting outside on the porch. No phone. No laptop. Nada. If you want to keep it up.. get out of my house. You can come back in when it's time for bed. I can deal with having a conversation about disagreements...but I have a limit to what you can get away with saying if it's mean and disrespectful. At that point...conversation over. I'll admit that I have spoiled him. And I've let him get away with being lazy all these years. Now I'm having to come up with creative ways to drive the point through. I'm tired of repeating myself so since he knows to clean the litter box once a day I'll be shutting off the water at the main valve to the house. If he wants to take a shower or flush his toilet he can clean that litter box first and then I'll be happy to turn the water back on. Since he decided to slam his bedroom door I'll be taking that too. And before anybody says anything about it he has his own bathroom and it has a door so if he needs privacy he has an option.
🤣🤣🤣 listening to this In the car with my 6 [ 7 in 2 weeks] yr old because I'm soooo tired of talking. Then he says "i heard what you were listening to i heard the entire thing🤦🏾♀️😒"........
Yeah, what if they follow you and carry on? I do believe it's a 2 way thing. Everyone needs to be heard it doesn't mean you have lost control, it shows that you are being fair, showing them it is not just about their opinion. It's not easy raising a teen! Mine is 13, nearly 14!! 🤦🏽🤦🏽
Real Deal I made a mistake using that logic of Im the parent so just listen - and now my 19 year old is gone in another state with her boyfriend. I should’ve let her do what she wants maybe she would’ve stayed home a bit longer. 😣😔
This maybe stops it "Depending on the topic" but inside when you don't let them "us" talk it holds us back which we will take it out on you overtime so next conversation is not gonna go well thats why when parents do this and then try to have a conversation they are moody which over time this becomes anger and then hate winning an argument is almost impossiable with them "us" but just PROVE us wrong even when we say so I still stick to me our opinons change over time AND FINALLY not all of us are the same this is me and maybe some of us this will and wont work but guides to teens are plain stupid it ruins a relationship since for some like me I wont stop EVER still I feel like I lost and I feel like I lost when proven wrong so ignoring me wont work nothing will now this maybe cause of my ADHD but this.....this is how I feel
Then it must not be important enough to them , hence refer back to original decision. If they really want to be heard on the matter they'll write the paper. Start young and it will work much easier.
An accusation of backtalk is worse if the accused is an adult. Children should have the right to be honest with their parents without being accused of talking back.
that was just absolutely perfect 😁. my husband and 10year old son always go at it and I couldn't explain to my husband how to react. our son doesn't do it with me though and it was difficult for me to explain to him how to handle it or react because I don't want him to think I was lecturing him. your video is perfect. thank you
Amen, brother! Thank you for this very practical video! Do you have any videos on consequences? This is my problem: My kids want to know the consequence for disobedience before they make their decision to obey. And sometimes they choose the consequence and get comfortable living like that rather than obeying. Any ideas?
i was once someone every adult liked my behavior and that i was good at school all teachers and my parents liked me, when a personal problem happend between my self and a girl alone i lost everything, and now no one likes me, well, i didn’t asked for shit to happen like this, and i will talk back to an adult no matter who is he if he desrespects ANY behavior that i have, because everything i have is patient on what i have already just lost, sooooooo,,,,,,,,,, why u thing it’s disrespectful if a kid doesn’t let you disrespect him,,,,,,,,,,
Thank you for your explanation - this video have really help put things in perspective when trying to bring up my teen son. Sometimes as a parent we forget what our job and role is.
Evangelina Ayala Disrespectful.. You're angry.. There's clearly something going on. Sorry, but you're a terrible parent. I don't know you but you're seriously, so, stupid! You're actions lead to self harm and depression. Suicide. But obviously, someone like you wouldn't care if your daughter died.
My daughter who is 17 just got diagnosed with bipolar 3 months ago. I’m going to use these tactics but also her illness makes her so unempathetic at times with no regard to what she’s doing to the people around her
Good job. There are many ways to interact with your children. It is a balance between many emotions. Understanding how they see things helps. Doesn't mean they are right or wrong. But it helps.
Chris this great advice. I have been trying to make my wife understand this but its been hard to get the message across to her, but now with your video here i can show her what i have been trying to explain. Thanks so much Chris. Im going to be sharing this video!!!
When my daughter is losing her mind trying to change my mind on a decision, she's 3 I stop, let her explain her thought process, validate her back, then tell her why we can't do it . It really works, once she's able to explain her position and I mirror it back, saying I understand her point of view, does it matter what it is , she'll agree because I validated her and her thoughts, it wasn't perceived as just a blind no . Validation is key. If you want them to listen to you , you have to first listen to them, set the example. And I'm not speaking of situations where it has to be a no right away , like dangerous stuff, I'm talking about normal everyday stuff, like giving a toy to a friend who you know won't appreciate it, or doing something that will end up causing destruction , help them work through the thought process so in the future when you're not around they make the right decision , because then they'll stop and think about it the way you helped them learn to think.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER expected my sweet little boy would do a complete 180 basically overnight! Omg!!!!! The moment he hit puberty is when this back talking started. I can’t take it NOMORE! He’s 15 and driving me insane! I so wish his father was here to help. He passed away when my son was 6mths old. And everyday I think. What would it be like now if he was around. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 That’s exactly what happens. I feel like I have to continue to give my explanation because I have to teach or make him see the right way. Omg it’s so annoying and I end up yelling and frustrated. I have to stop! God help me. I’ve done the agreement and boundary thing when we are good. Seems to work in that moment. But then each time he falls back into back talk or continuing to debate. And I repeat hey this was our agreement or hey this is what we talked about. And he goes on and on and on. I then have to tell him to walk off. And he eventually does it with a smirk and always the last word. It’s so frustrating. Just a year or so ago he was the sweetest and kindest little kid. Never had any problems with listening or anything! I’m so blown away with how much he’s gone into this kind of behavior! I pray one day he gets ahold of his anger and emotions and takes control. I pray. Lord help us all! Teen hormones are no joke! I just wish a man was around to tell it like a man. It’s hard all by myself. Trying to understand a teen boy. But, we’ve made it this far. We will continue!
I'm 13 and my parents don't realize that this a tough stage for all teenagers but when I tell them that, they think I'm telling them garbage like if it's only an excuse. I talk back to my parents because when I talk to them they don't even listen/care. i talk back to my parents because when I want to do something like go hangout with my friends, they immediately say no, and they interrupt me all the time so I can't even explain, I also talk back to them because when I believe they are not right..I tell them so and they think I'm arguing with them so they start to scream so then I start to yell a bit too and then I get punished. Another reason is that my parents always compare to other people, like for example I tell them I want to babysit and they think that if I start babysitting on weekends that I'm just going to not care for education (im a A+ straight student) and I understand they might worry but they don't let me tell them that. My friend accidentally cracked my phone yesterday and they're blaming it on me for reasons I don't even know about. If you could tell me what to say to them or anything Chris that would be very helpful.
Have you tried writing them a note? As parents, we sometimes get sick and tired of repeated behaviour that we consider to be negative and we do stop listening. If they are really wrong and you explain yourself in a letter, they can read it later when they're calm. I like this idea because I really do love my son, but I hate it when he back answers me all the time. I do stop listening and last night I got so sick of it I yelled at him and it escalated to the point where I just wanted to punch him. That's what led me to search for answers. He is so good most of the time, but his back answering ruins people's perception of him as a person. It's so disrespectful and it really rubs me the wrong way. This way I think he has to follow my rules, but I still get to hear his opinion without over reacting. Neither kids nor parents are perfect and there's not one rule that works for everyone. I just thought this was a good idea and might work.
Thanks Mark for the compliment on How to get Kids to stop talking back. It means a lot that you'll be sharing this video with your wife, I hope it helps!
I am working on these behaviors with my daughter. She is 7 and says she can't stop talking back because she doesn't know what that means. Thank you for your video. I have to practice this because I catch myself justifying my decisions.to.a.seven year old.
Angie S. Maybe you should justify yourself to her If you actually explain why you do what you do and she still has a problem there might be a fault in her reasoning or yours. Remember that just because you are a parent doesn't mean you are always right and admitting when you are wrong can show your child that you are mature and they are more likely to follow in your footsteps
As a child, one of the most important lesson is when you parents tell you to do something, you do it. Don't argue with them, just do it. And you never ever back talk to your mother while your father is around, he ALWAYS ends up coming for your behind the moment you back talk! Just carry those chores out, kids. Communication is the key. Last time i checked, arguing with your parents gets you grounded or thrown out of the house! no kid is to be thrown out unless both parents throw him(or her) out.
Jesus Christ this is possibly good for really young kids, but this is awful for parents of teenagers. My parents never give explanations for anything and expect us to follow their orders. We're not machines, we're real people with real feelings and emotions. We are expected to act like adults while being treated like children.
So what do you do when your child is told to come home and they refuse to listen? They say please you say no and leave it at that and they think you just gave up because you stop responding and they still don’t come home
Don’t you want to communicate? Him talking to you should be a good thing. Some parents have kids who don’t even come out of their rooms. If you want him to stop just tell him that you have a headache. If he doesn’t know he can’t stop. It’s like if you were working on something and then he was mad at you because you never helped him on his homework.
I say to my teen "You already asked and i said NO. Now end of discussion, am not gonna have this conversation anymore with you!" That is to set a clear boundary for the child to understand to not trespass. And i am not as a adult and parent obligated to explain myself to my child.
Most of the time when I "back talk" it's for a misunderstanding that clearly wasn't backed up with thought or reasoning. I'm not going to be punished or scolded for something that is shouldn't be punished or scolded for. It's called defending yourself, and I usually only raise my voice if the adult is choosing not to cooperate with the facts.
@ispirata da dio most of the time, it's the the adult in the room that raises their voice first. I understand that for some reasons, it's necessary, but for most of them it's not. I only begin raising my voice when the adult also begins raising their voice.... about something completely untrue and irrational. And sometimes it just happens, like it's not something you can control. Its human nature, and it's impossible to control yourself when it comes to things like that sometimes.
Judy mammen But since you’ve realised it. You CAN control it. Try talk calmly and with more sense next time in an argument. If you have a logical explanation, do it. Unless parents are not reasonable, I believe they will listen to you
If obedience is your only goal, I suppose this method might work. If you want to raise rational, ethical, critical thinkers, teach your kids to communicate, question and negotiate. If you don't have a good reason for telling them what to do, you shouldn't be telling them what to do.
If you're looking for more in dept solutions, visit: fighting4youth.com/
Thank you. Will check it out! ♡
Advice for teenagers : don't talk back to your parents when they are angry just hold your self be patient until they are quiet quiet and and in good mood then you say whatever you have to say in A polite way and you're gonna see the magic, it is from my own experience when I was a teen all my brothers and sister talked back to my mother and they all made my her tired, but she loved me so much because I treated her intelligently I never talk back to her and I always discuss with her when she is cool
I forgot to say even if you ask for something and they refuse right away , don't debate just say OK or please think about it mama and leave her, she is going to Think and there will be a big chance to get what u want because you are polite to her
Teenagers need to be understood that's for sure but what teens must know is that parents are very tired and all they need is some respect
At this point i dont even need my parents
Im not fucking slave
I can’t remember the last time I’ve fought with my parents and I’m glad I’m able to have conversations with them when any problems arise.
Lucky. Any perceived problem with a situation needs to be explained. I could never explain myself when accused or misunderstood without being told I was backtalking or disrespecting them. To get my defense through, I had to wade through an absolute hell of screaming on their side, but sounding even a little aggressive from being ignored and screamed at was a sin worthy of death that I would have supposedly been executed for "back in the day".
Y'all lucky, my dad will yell and then hit me
As a child I knew not to question my mom or EVER talk back. I'd hold it all in my head. Then my mom had this saying "one day you're gonna thank me" my mom has passed away now and If I can thank her for all those times she told me NO, I would! Everything she taught me was so right. We may not understand why our parents say no sometimes but it could actually be saving our lives without us know it
After the upbringing is over, ask yourself “Did my parents teach me anything wrong? Did my parents teach me anything not universally agreed upon?”.
Only an abusive parent would deny their child the right to be honest with them.
@@davidhill8565 I can’t say that I didn’t go through a lil abuse but I did learn a lot. The rest I figured out with the Lords help later on in life. With 8other siblings, I believe she did her best you know?! Before she passed she apologized for anything she may have done that wasn’t right. She only did what she knew from her childhood where her parents were way more strick
@@amyriley7866 It’s better late than never to apologize. You’re better off knowing the truth than living a lie. Even if the truth takes you down an arduous path, you at least know it’s the truth.
thank you. being a single mom to a teen it's like I'm on this endless road straight to hell. I miss how close me and my son used to be but no now days it feels like were not even related. I'm going to do this for sure thank you.
Your son is a teenager, he will be an adult age wise before you know it. He is at the stage where he is finding himself whether you agree with what he wants or not. Its a stage where they will neeed you more for comfort and guidance when they ask for it. Set boundaries where he gets time to himself, but you guys also spend time together, let him choose some activities to do together even if its playing video games.
Hope things are better now dear sister. 13 to 19 is a crazy age. We all are dealing with it. Dont worry. They will all straighten out.👍
MOODY ONE81 I hope it all worked out for you two in the end. Or if he’s still home, then it’s getting better? God bless
Sarah Anand why must we suffer? I’m going to lose it on my 13 year old daughter. I’m a father and I can barely stand it! What else is there to do if I can’t whoop her?
@@matr1x83 I totally understand you. But pls be patient and hang in there. I know it's hard. I have gone through the worst for the last 7 years. She is 20 now and she regrets how she treated me, And has asked forgiveness many times.
All I can say is "Thank you!" I stumbled on this while in a dark spot with my teenager, and I had to keep pausing your video to write down notes!
Same here teen boy
When you are broken how do you raise healthy teens? Say you were always yelled at and verbally abused. Now you are a parent working hard to not repeat your parent's mistakes, but the talking back makes you feel so discouraged and angry. You do your best, but as you stated here, you explain to much so it gives them room to continue on. Thx for your videos...
There is a fine line between talking back and asserting oneself.
Agreed
Ryan Kehoe Being accused of talking back depends on not what accused person was saying, but on what the accused one's intentions were, or whether the accused had a valid point in mind. If the accusing person defined back talk as questioning his or her words or beliefs, then he or she is indoctrinating you.
Agreed, I read the description and if a child is verbally abusing the parent then the parent is most likely verbally abusing the child.
No, the child lacks discipline, and will fail in life if they are not taught discipline
Sierra Collins you sound stupid as heck! That’s a super lie! I’m telling you I treat my daughter like royalty and now I’m paying for it because she’s spoiled. She can barely control her tone because she’s gotten away with so much in the past! To say that is simply demeaning!
But we need young people talking back with us like if they don't they they won't ever get to debate about the things they want to talk about. Like come on some adults just always want to be right even if that kid is right.
And if we don't even let kids speak their minds then they might turn out to be afraid to voice their opinions.
Facts
Facts numero 2
Important to teach children this: “No means no.” Parents don’t have to continually allow children to argue their case. Parents/adults are the authority figures. All people must learn to respect the word “No”, even if they disagree. This is how we learn to be respectful adults. I cannot stand it when grown up people cannot take “no” for an answer. They learned this at a young age. THANK YOU for discussing this topic.
Underrated comment... Point blank
so back talking is just stating your opinion about the subject or your side of the story
Exactly.
Addictive Dorito Correct
Often times, your opinion doesn't really mean anything.
Shilodog Smith if the child's opinion is meaningless and not worth stating, then so is the parent's.
Shilodog Smith then you shouldn’t be a fucking parent. If you’re kids mouth and opinions don’t matter than neither do yours. Your kid will not listen to if you don’t listen to them. They’re not dogs they’re people and their thoughts and feelings and opinions DO matter.
So sick of this "I'm the parent, therefore I'm instantly right" logic in the comment section.
You are the child you are super vulnerable and you cannot even begin to understand how it is to be an adult. Your parents provide shelter and food and all these other things that you have no idea about. They are the adult you are the child that’s just how it is you need to respect your parents and honor them. When you get older and become a parent you will quickly understand the importance of bringing up a good child.
@@rubenthompson5900 ok I’m gonna go yell parents don’t listen either and see how they like it.
@Gice Rum yes facts
@@rubenthompson5900 you're just creating a toxic cycle why tf would you want to do that
Oh im sorry i forgot u pay bills too! So sorry so rude of me
i wish every father was that smart enough when it comes to parenting....thanks muchly for sharing
Bro the reason teens get so annoyed at their parents is because they don't let them talk back you god damn fucking idiots
@@thelonlygamris_cool238 y r u so pissed???? tf
I like to say "asked and answered" when she keeps coming back.
Marcia Clark Cellophane Flowers that's a good one..lol
i need this one . thats my new line lol
im going to borrow this from you Marcia, with my 12 yr old....Big Hugs
I’ll answer with a backhand
Haha I'm using that one 👍
I feel like my dad watched this but the opposite. When I “back talk” or as I would say me *RESPONDING* to him. When I don’t respond, he gets mad, when I respond, he gets mad. I also do not have a “choice” but to listen. He specifically says “Children do not have opinions, your opinion is useless”. YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE HEARD THAT. When he says something and I don’t respond with MY OPINION he gets mad, but I explain to him that what he said confuses me. He proceeds “I don’t give a s**t, respond to me NOW”. Wtf am I supposed to do, I’m not even cornered to one answer, basically everything I do is against what he wants. God damn you dad, make up your mind, before I lose mine.
"ok"
Felt that
Sounds a bit like my mom. Not exactly exactly, but the fact that he’s so fussy and can never please them. My mom is a narcissist, so I thought I’d impart that with you.. maybe you can make a connection too. It’s helped me to know so that I know it’s not be that’s a mess up,, lowlife..... ❤️
He could be a narsissist.
(Not quite sure of the spelling.)
Look that up. They mess with people. It may help.
I feel bad for you
Your thought process is profound. Thank you. My husband and I are going to take this and apply it to our family today.
You gained a subscriber here!! Content worth sharing!!
I have a 12yr old boy with adhd and a 16 yr old daughter that absolutely do not get along unless one of them is getting picked on by another person. Home is chaos most of the time and I get so stressed with them at each other’s throats when they are home together. This was super helpful and I will be testing it out. Will let you know in a week how it goes! Wish me luck!#TiredMom #Siblingsfighttothedeath
If you want to stop your kids from talking back to you. Then change your perception of them. If you want your kids to have a better life, work on yourself. Your children will learn all your good and bad behaviors and emotional behaviors and attitudes. Everyday you are teaching your kids to be just like you. Don't you? Think about it, you are passing on your belief and ideas about how you see the world to them, and you will punish them if they dont see it your way because your way is the right way. Right!! Here's something the parents needs to understand. Your not perfect, we all have problems. If you have a lot bad experiences and hurt that you can still remember from how your parents raised you, you will treat your kids the same way. To give your kids something different, a better future. You have to heal your painful past experiences with your parents. Remember you are your kids most influential teacher because your the first person they met, when they came in to this world. You took care of them, change their diapers and fed them, they love you. They will mirror and mimic your every move. So if you are interacting with your children in an unhealthy way with anger, frustration, hurt, no control, hate...etc, take a break walk away, think about something funny put a smile on your face and feel good, Notice that good feeling in your body. Think good thoughts and feel it in your body and make it real. Then come back and deal with your child with that good feeling. See now your teaching your child something else besides what your parents taught you which is dealing with problems with bad feelings and emotions. But Now your showing your kids that we are not perfect, that we all make mistakes and it's ok to love and respect each other when we are in a disagreement. Theres something about dealing with problems with a positive attitude, that it makes the problem no longer important. When you heal yourself and understand that your kids will mirror and mimic your every move. You will understand that the reason why your child is talking back to you is because they learned it from you. What you do to them they will do it right back to you. Heal your pain and hurts from what you learn from your parents so you can give your children a happier future. If they talk back to you, understand they learned it from you. So change you, so you can give them something different and break that on going patterns of problems thats been passed down from your family tree. Peace out bruhh!!! 🙄
I agreed with what you said but the the last bit "bruhh" jeez made me cringe. How old are you?!
Vik Latu ty
Cheryl, I really appreciate your compliment, I'm glad you see the value...
No one is immune from being questioned. Qustion everything.
What if the parents are members of a cult, and at least one of the children want to be no part of it?
Find a Traditional Roman Catholic priest or a member if SSPX
This.
Elle Hax While you’re at it, go PIMO. You don’t have to believe what they believe. When you mention their beliefs to your acquaintances, just state them as their beliefs and not as facts. When you do leave, cut financial and digital ties with your parents.
@port nut Jehovah’s Witnesses. One rule they’re known for is that they’re forbidden to celebrate birthdays. The religious group fits the BITE model. They believe Jesus Christ is Michael the Archangel.
@port nut If you want to know what a cult is, read a Web page or watch TH-cam video about the BITE model. The B stands for Behavior Control. The I stands for Information Control. The T stands for Thought Control. The E stands for Emotional Control.
When we are good listeners teenagers will learn to be good listeners, too.
Great analysis, observations, analogies and advice! Thanks from a single widowed Mom! Merci!!!
Well explained and very clear points. I really appreciate your advices. Thank you for sharing. God bless you
Good information! I love the idea to let them write a page letter explaining their opinion! Thanks!
Tried that....it did not work for our home...
@@purplelady5480 I just found this video this morning being so feed up, but just wanted to comment on your comment & I tried Something similar to this as well and he lost it...🤦♀️. Did you find another break through with your child?
What is starting to work for us is we have 14 stairs from one door to the next door entrance and 14 stairs inside split level...they walk the stairs
..yup..I don't have to yell. Nothing we say stop they don't walk the stairs. Out kids are 9 and 12. They earn money..it could be $1 to $20 or something they like. I hope this helps you... Big Hugs. I like having other parents to talk about our kids behaviors doctor puss me off always want to give a pill.
@@purplelady5480 thanks for the reply back. I'm glade you found Something thats working. I have a 12 year old boy & we tried giving $ for everytime he did what was expected without being told at the end of each week.... months ago, let's just say he didn't put forth a good effort to have $ in his pocket. It didn't last. So know were back to just telling him and taking away things. In the meantime I'm the one getting upset even when I say my peace/last word.
@@jammiecottrell try writting a contract with him, he signs saying will commit to what your requirements are, if he does not take EVERYTHING from him bike, computer, laptop cell phone house phone.
You sir are amazing! I think every parent needs to watch this! We need more people like you to stand up and inform the masses with this information. Amazing delivery and spot on message. Good job!
I do agree with you. But of course we all want our kids to have opinions and be independent, and to help them getting to that stage,WE need to THINK very well before jumping to the NO, because it will be hard sometimes to change it. So don't feel pressured to give a yes or no as a parent, think more then decide, (till this stage it is conversation) and if NO was your answer, then it is a NO, but of course you will share your reasons with ur child..(after this, it is talking back).. We want to raise up open minded smart and polite kids not obedient and dependants..
Thanks for recognizing the branding and commenting on this video!
Thanks Louisa, I really appreciate your support!
Thank you. I just told my teenager "f you" yep, I allowed him to take my power. And I am still pissed as I am typing this. Normally I am a kind, loving mom. I'm just so tired.
How are things going now?
@@djentile7773 Better! A lot better! Thank you for asking. 🌹
Redd Hawt well what if he tired and said fuck you too then he’s wrong, hypocrites they’re the worst.
@@nyjalomari If that's the case then he is, nothing hypocritical about that
Mine has said the same thing my fourteen-year-old son I'm a dad and I'm just so tired of fighting with I know guys ain't supposed to cry but I get so upset I'm just so tired
Rule number one: love ur wife, love ur kids, love ur family, let go of every bad habit YOU have, because nothing can stop ur children from becoming you once again, so if u change all ur bad habits, when ur kids grow up they just do the same
Trust me any parents reading this, don’t just stop talking in the argument. You really just have to listen to them and try to make a compromise instead of just saying no to what they say. As a teenager myself it just makes you more and more mad. Because otherwise they are just not going to treat you with the same love and respect as they used to. Like me with my mother, she constantly does this and I really cannot say that I love and respect her the same way I used to anymore after she just stopped listening to what I had to say and just thinking that she is always right.
DatBoi OverDerr Thats because she done hearing your point, she has been raising you for a long time so she thinks that she knows you.
I remember when is was little my mother used to listen to me and give a thorough explanation but now it feels like she is feed up with it.
It a normale to hate ur mother for. Couple of years, but believe me when u grow little bit more u gonna understand and love ur mama like crazy and even cry when u remember her , u gonna feel like : you were right mama
Do children not grow to be adults? As adults should we not question everything? Is it better to follow blindly and not try to challenge what appears to be unjust? A free society doesn't work on this premise. There must be an opposition to authority in order for what is right to take charge and what is wrong to be set aside. The power to question everything and speak against what is wrong or one-sided is the very foundation of freedom. Just food for thought.
AbusivePersian people like You annoy me so much, seriously! WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND?! Everything kids know is from learning and *copying*. You adults act as if 7 year Olds are stupid idiots who know nothing about life or themselves. No. You idiot. God!! Maybe, if you start been NICE to your kids, and FUCKING STOP YELLING! They'll listen to you! How on earth do you expect a child to act innocent when their parents, their teachers and role models, can't control their own anger?! I understand that some children have different needs but at least by the age of 10, they understand how things work and know what's right a wrong, BUT ONLY IF YOU RAISED THEM RIGHT! Maybe this will lead to less depressed, self harming kids who grow up to suicide.
+Zac Thomas Well said
Ella Silkstone I'm weak😂, my parents were hard core Mexican and i came out fine. I'm hella responsible and unlike kids that think they the shit, i knew my place. The parent is giving us the shelter, food and necessities we need. If i ever though i knew better, I'd think about how tf I'd survive without them. I respect the man for making this video, but there are times for an Autocratic and a Democratic relationship between parent and child.
+ivan Vazquez thank you, your also a minority so your consequences for not lstening to your parents are going to effect you different when you get out into this world. They knew this. We don't have the same coushion as other cultures. Hispanics, Blacks, Asians ect. its just the way it is. You don't learn to control your mouth you'll get beat dowm in the street ....facts. Some of the things he said ...good advice...well all... depending on who you are and where you live.
Zac Thomas shut up go to your room.
You don't have to be all philosophical,
Follow direction, show respect, and stop asking why.
OMG that's exactly what I'm going through. My son is saying things to me that hurt so deeply I don't think I even want him living here anymore. What do I do? Every consequence I give him he screams that I'm unfair. He compares what I do to him vs. His brother. He argues until I give no consequence. Thats why I dont want him here anymore. I just went through this exact same thing for the last 6 yrs with his brother. I can't take it anymore!
Diamond Inacio i feel ur pain....all u say here is my life. If u coukd afford he would be in military boarding sch...a session w him n i just ended...I AM DRAINED...
hang in there u r not alone
some kids may feel like you don't hear them. They might cry because the feel like you don't see their point of view and the don't remember the agreement.
I am teaching second grade and kids come to me and ask me stuff all the time. I have never liked the idea of blindly following a leader. I actually encourage asking "why". So I feel inauthentic not answering them. At the moment I AM answering them, giving them a reason. But it is taking up too much time and also brings a bit of chaos to the classroom... So I am kinda still unsure as to what to do
Being spanked as a kid doesn’t mean abuse,
Not every kid that was hit as a child was abused
It was a simple was of shutting up a bratty kid
And way more effective than “grounding”
I agree, and I did not get cute spankings...I got my but woooped...lol, it was not abuse, it was a painful way to say ....think of what the punishment could be. Now adays parents dont know how to use spanking/wooping as discipline....they go straight to abuse...thats the problem. Big Hugs
Akin Pedro ACTUAL FACTUALS!!
Musically Inclined you sound ridiculous. I spank my kid, only when I need to! It’s a vary rare occasion so when I have to do so, before the whipping I make my self clear as to why they are about to be disciplined and then I sit them down for usually a half an hour and explain the better way to handle themselves! And yes!!! I’m still very compassionate with my children!
Thanks for your advice. My 11 yr. old son was very disrespectful to me this morning before school and we got into an argument. You helped me to see that I need to stay in control and explain my point once. If he continues to talk back to walk away. If he still needs to explain himself that he needs to write it down in a one page format. That's a great idea. It gives both parties to calm down. If after all of that he still is disrespectful he should get a consequence. Thanks for your help.
Had a disrespectful child , "back talking" issue. I had him, calm down, cool down, then write it down about his feelings that made him do it. Another adult brought him in and the "back talker" apologized to me. 😀😀😀😀
reremechelle beat his little ass!
Talking back to be a rebel is stupid, but being accused of something incorrectly and proving that you did nothing is just having basic human rights.
pure respect...obey your parents. they dont listen, always remember, their home but YOUR house.
A factor to take in account is the other adalts around them to how they communicate around the children is important.. friends family, exc
They dont like younger people to be smarter or better than them
You're Right! Effective Communication is always important. Thanks for the compliment and thank you for communicating effectively with me.
Chris Cannon
Thank you, your words were right on point😉
My 12-year-old son won’t even talk about anything that’s bothering him ...he walks away every time we’re going to have a confrontation or he will literally just sit there and say no mama don’t do this.
When I’m trying to prevent him from for example staying up all night long playing Fortnite. I mean we can’t just let them go completely wild ...and I have no idea how to control him he’s taller than me and I’m a single mom. He’s a lot stronger than me. And he has fought me literally over his Switch before. So I’m kind of drowning...I need to follow this advice to a T. Give a reasonable explanation be done. But how do you deal then with the child going off slamming doors cooking walls throwing things? Like I said I’m drowning
I don't get this whole "DONT UNDERSTAND JUST OBEY ME" mentality. I was always made to father my 4 siblings. They would obey me out of mutual respect. I listened, they listen and they considered my judgment rational even if they didn't like it. They just ended up secretly hating/hiding things from my mother in the end because she had this, " obey me" mentality. They don't have a good relationship with her.
im not going to talk back to police, its just parents,
Parents piss me off 24/7
y'all don't understand that this is an innocent video just giving tips to parents that are new to these things... maybe you guys just need to realize you should at least try to show some respect, not only to your parents, and this guy, who took time to make this video to help someone in need... just saying... might open another perspective for everyone 👍😉😊
+Ryan Kehoe lol, yea
FUCK the police, too. Police AND parents are lazy worthless scum.
I'd LOVE to COLLECT MASSIVE WELFARE - $100,00 a year - from the taxpayer, call it a "job", and kidnap and imprison people I don't like.
@@emileighwilhelme4533 ok…BOOMER
I talk myself silly trying to get through to my 14-year-old And the more I talked, the more she tried to too me. What Do you do with the ones that just keep talking? I only know my solution . I started talking just like her . It’s amazing how fast they understand
Wiesbadengera M I cracked mine across her ass - she shut the hell up.
What if they follow yup after you have walked away and keep talking?
They can say what they want. No still means no and he or she ain't getting it
john wilson I’m having such a hard time with my sweet son. Until he’s not.
@@johrons and if they cant hear their child out but then keep going.....they should not be upset if the child doesnt care about what the have to say or doesnt want to listen because thats what the parent does to them right????? its being a good parent when u know how to not listen or care about what your kids have to say but when its the other way around its disrespect. stop glorifying mental abuse just because they are adults and the buy and feed which is expected. thats like saying a slave owner has the right to beat and treat a human being wrong because u own them.
Clarification is most effective.
This is pretty helpful. I like that last one about the writing it down to look at later. That’s what i would even find myself doing when i was growing up, and my teenage niece does the same as well.
Great advice for a practical issue, Chris
Maybe the parents should try to listen.
You are a good role model. Great video.
Thanks, I really appreciate your compliment!
No problem. Keep up the good work.
To parents not to kids you have no idea!!!!!
I agree that a lot of teens or mid-teens need to stop talking back to atheir parent
Wow! This is really nice. I've been looking for quite a while now for something like this. I must say this video sheds a lot of light on how to deal with children that talks back and to have a better understanding of how children think which causes them to do so. Thank you Chris!
You must not deny your children the right to be honest with you.
It is not talking back it is explaining why can't parents understand!😒
Exactly
amelia sewap I hate it I always get in trouble everyday it soo frustrating
amelia sewap ikr that's why parents suck!
Maybe you guys need to quit being spoiled little brats. You need to learn respect. How are you going to make it when you're an adult?? When you get into the adult world life is different! Are you going to back talk your boss? If you do well then you won't be having a job! Parents are trying to teach you right from wrong! Kids these days need the old school whooping
amelia swap Exactly
I know this video is 6 yrs old but MAN!!!! I needed this so badly!!! My 5 yr old is challenging me so badly and treats and talks back to me so bad lately but this is so right bc I do end up feeling like the child with him lol.
I didn't tell my son no...but we had a blow up over the simple chores I ask him to do...take the trash out then he knows it's full and not letting it overflow on the floor...feed the cat...do your homework before video games...drink bottles on the bedroom floor etc. He decided to not just talk back but legit started talking s***. This has been going on for months like a broken record and he finally decided to be an ass about it. I snapped. Mind you I've raised him for 15 years on my own. He's old enough to know better. He's currently sitting outside on the porch. No phone. No laptop. Nada. If you want to keep it up.. get out of my house. You can come back in when it's time for bed. I can deal with having a conversation about disagreements...but I have a limit to what you can get away with saying if it's mean and disrespectful. At that point...conversation over. I'll admit that I have spoiled him. And I've let him get away with being lazy all these years. Now I'm having to come up with creative ways to drive the point through. I'm tired of repeating myself so since he knows to clean the litter box once a day I'll be shutting off the water at the main valve to the house. If he wants to take a shower or flush his toilet he can clean that litter box first and then I'll be happy to turn the water back on. Since he decided to slam his bedroom door I'll be taking that too. And before anybody says anything about it he has his own bathroom and it has a door so if he needs privacy he has an option.
🤣🤣🤣 listening to this In the car with my 6 [ 7 in 2 weeks] yr old because I'm soooo tired of talking. Then he says "i heard what you were listening to i heard the entire thing🤦🏾♀️😒"........
Yeah, what if they follow you and carry on? I do believe it's a 2 way thing. Everyone needs to be heard it doesn't mean you have lost control, it shows that you are being fair, showing them it is not just about their opinion. It's not easy raising a teen! Mine is 13, nearly 14!! 🤦🏽🤦🏽
Real Deal I made a mistake using that logic of Im the parent so just listen - and now my 19 year old is gone in another state with her boyfriend. I should’ve let her do what she wants maybe she would’ve stayed home a bit longer. 😣😔
This maybe stops it "Depending on the topic" but inside when you don't let them "us" talk it holds us back which we will take it out on you overtime so next conversation is not gonna go well thats why when parents do this and then try to have a conversation they are moody which over time this becomes anger and then hate winning an argument is almost impossiable with them "us" but just PROVE us wrong even when we say so I still stick to me our opinons change over time AND FINALLY not all of us are the same this is me and maybe some of us this will and wont work but guides to teens are plain stupid it ruins a relationship since for some like me I wont stop EVER still I feel like I lost and I feel like I lost when proven wrong so ignoring me wont work nothing will now this maybe cause of my ADHD but this.....this is how I feel
What about girls that think they dont have to listen, and talk back to their mom
So what’s your advise when they also refused to write the one page essay?
Then it must not be important enough to them , hence refer back to original decision. If they really want to be heard on the matter they'll write the paper. Start young and it will work much easier.
Thank you!
I work at a high school and this video was very insightful and beneficial.
Thank you again!
-Bay Area Nor Cal
An accusation of backtalk is worse if the accused is an adult. Children should have the right to be honest with their parents without being accused of talking back.
that was just absolutely perfect 😁. my husband and 10year old son always go at it and I couldn't explain to my husband how to react. our son doesn't do it with me though and it was difficult for me to explain to him how to handle it or react because I don't want him to think I was lecturing him. your video is perfect. thank you
how's it going Melanie? Are hubby and son doing any better? I sure hope so =)
Amen, brother! Thank you for this very practical video! Do you have any videos on consequences? This is my problem: My kids want to know the consequence for disobedience before they make their decision to obey. And sometimes they choose the consequence and get comfortable living like that rather than obeying. Any ideas?
i was once someone every adult liked my behavior and that i was good at school all teachers and my parents liked me, when a personal problem happend between my self and a girl alone i lost everything, and now no one likes me, well, i didn’t asked for shit to happen like this, and i will talk back to an adult no matter who is he if he desrespects ANY behavior that i have, because everything i have is patient on what i have already just lost, sooooooo,,,,,,,,,, why u thing it’s disrespectful if a kid doesn’t let you disrespect him,,,,,,,,,,
Thank you for your explanation - this video have really help put things in perspective when trying to bring up my teen son. Sometimes as a parent we forget what our job and role is.
Thank you for a great analogy!
I just kicked my daughter out, she is 18 and has a job, car. she is so disrespectful when she talks to me, I finally had enough and kicked her out.
Evangelina Ayala
Disrespectful.. You're angry..
There's clearly something going on. Sorry, but you're a terrible parent. I don't know you but you're seriously, so, stupid! You're actions lead to self harm and depression. Suicide. But obviously, someone like you wouldn't care if your daughter died.
You are a bad parent 🙌🙌🙌
she is not being a bad parent her daughter is 18 she is an adult so she has a job and a car and she can start to live adult hood like that
Jeremy Burlingame because I can!
I hope she moves away and you never see her again
My daughter who is 17 just got diagnosed with bipolar 3 months ago. I’m going to use these tactics but also her illness makes her so unempathetic at times with no regard to what she’s doing to the people around her
bro you gotta problem... When my kids talk back to me. I play with them and we have a great time. Change your mind change your life. let it go
Good job. There are many ways to interact with your children. It is a balance between many emotions. Understanding how they see things helps. Doesn't mean they are right or wrong. But it helps.
Chris this great advice. I have been trying to make my wife understand this but its been hard to get the message across to her, but now with your video here i can show her what i have been trying to explain. Thanks so much Chris. Im going to be sharing this video!!!
When my daughter is losing her mind trying to change my mind on a decision, she's 3 I stop, let her explain her thought process, validate her back, then tell her why we can't do it . It really works, once she's able to explain her position and I mirror it back, saying I understand her point of view, does it matter what it is , she'll agree because I validated her and her thoughts, it wasn't perceived as just a blind no . Validation is key. If you want them to listen to you , you have to first listen to them, set the example. And I'm not speaking of situations where it has to be a no right away , like dangerous stuff, I'm talking about normal everyday stuff, like giving a toy to a friend who you know won't appreciate it, or doing something that will end up causing destruction , help them work through the thought process so in the future when you're not around they make the right decision , because then they'll stop and think about it the way you helped them learn to think.
I needed this for my 11 yo, thanks!
Thank you, I like your advice. At this stage, it is me who need to change. I need to remain calm.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER expected my sweet little boy would do a complete 180 basically overnight! Omg!!!!!
The moment he hit puberty is when this back talking started. I can’t take it NOMORE! He’s 15 and driving me insane! I so wish his father was here to help. He passed away when my son was 6mths old. And everyday I think. What would it be like now if he was around. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
That’s exactly what happens. I feel like I have to continue to give my explanation because I have to teach or make him see the right way. Omg it’s so annoying and I end up yelling and frustrated. I have to stop! God help me.
I’ve done the agreement and boundary thing when we are good. Seems to work in that moment. But then each time he falls back into back talk or continuing to debate. And I repeat hey this was our agreement or hey this is what we talked about. And he goes on and on and on. I then have to tell him to walk off. And he eventually does it with a smirk and always the last word. It’s so frustrating.
Just a year or so ago he was the sweetest and kindest little kid. Never had any problems with listening or anything! I’m so blown away with how much he’s gone into this kind of behavior! I pray one day he gets ahold of his anger and emotions and takes control. I pray. Lord help us all! Teen hormones are no joke! I just wish a man was around to tell it like a man. It’s hard all by myself. Trying to understand a teen boy. But, we’ve made it this far. We will continue!
Tara i feel you soo much thats what happend with me and my sister im 10 years older than her and she talks back like a maniac
This literally happened to me 2 days ago with a teen. And I pride myself on being peaceful. I totally forgot to not engage
I'm 13 and my parents don't realize that this a tough stage for all teenagers but when I tell them that, they think I'm telling them garbage like if it's only an excuse. I talk back to my parents because when I talk to them they don't even listen/care. i talk back to my parents because when I want to do something like go hangout with my friends, they immediately say no, and they interrupt me all the time so I can't even explain, I also talk back to them because when I believe they are not right..I tell them so and they think I'm arguing with them so they start to scream so then I start to yell a bit too and then I get punished. Another reason is that my parents always compare to other people, like for example I tell them I want to babysit and they think that if I start babysitting on weekends that I'm just going to not care for education (im a A+ straight student) and I understand they might worry but they don't let me tell them that. My friend accidentally cracked my phone yesterday and they're blaming it on me for reasons I don't even know about. If you could tell me what to say to them or anything Chris that would be very helpful.
They compare me to other people*
Kim C. tru, im 13 my mom be doing the same thing
Have you tried writing them a note? As parents, we sometimes get sick and tired of repeated behaviour that we consider to be negative and we do stop listening. If they are really wrong and you explain yourself in a letter, they can read it later when they're calm.
I like this idea because I really do love my son, but I hate it when he back answers me all the time. I do stop listening and last night I got so sick of it I yelled at him and it escalated to the point where I just wanted to punch him. That's what led me to search for answers. He is so good most of the time, but his back answering ruins people's perception of him as a person. It's so disrespectful and it really rubs me the wrong way. This way I think he has to follow my rules, but I still get to hear his opinion without over reacting. Neither kids nor parents are perfect and there's not one rule that works for everyone. I just thought this was a good idea and might work.
The problem is kids these days do not have respect for authority figures. It is utterly ridiculous!
Kids and teens won't agreed with parents but end of day kids and teens don't care what parents say to then
Thanks Mark for the compliment on How to get Kids to stop talking back. It means a lot that you'll be sharing this video with your wife, I hope it helps!
I am working on these behaviors with my daughter. She is 7 and says she can't stop talking back because she doesn't know what that means.
Thank you for your video. I have to practice this because I catch myself justifying my decisions.to.a.seven year old.
Angie S. Maybe you should justify yourself to her
If you actually explain why you do what you do and she still has a problem there might be a fault in her reasoning or yours. Remember that just because you are a parent doesn't mean you are always right and admitting when you are wrong can show your child that you are mature and they are more likely to follow in your footsteps
As a child, one of the most important lesson is when you parents tell you to do something, you do it. Don't argue with them, just do it. And you never ever back talk to your mother while your father is around, he ALWAYS ends up coming for your behind the moment you back talk! Just carry those chores out, kids. Communication is the key. Last time i checked, arguing with your parents gets you grounded or thrown out of the house! no kid is to be thrown out unless both parents throw him(or her) out.
Jesus Christ this is possibly good for really young kids, but this is awful for parents of teenagers. My parents never give explanations for anything and expect us to follow their orders. We're not machines, we're real people with real feelings and emotions. We are expected to act like adults while being treated like children.
So what do you do when your child is told to come home and they refuse to listen? They say please you say no and leave it at that and they think you just gave up because you stop responding and they still don’t come home
was on my moms computer and found this. I am offended...
Damm lol
So funny
Who cares?
same
Fran M 😝
I do this all the time. My mom does this to me all the time. Sometimes my father. What if the kid says no and does it anyway?
I'm having headaches 'cos my son always talks so much especially during dinner times. This videos will help me out. Thanks for sharing:)
Don’t you want to communicate? Him talking to you should be a good thing. Some parents have kids who don’t even come out of their rooms. If you want him to stop just tell him that you have a headache. If he doesn’t know he can’t stop. It’s like if you were working on something and then he was mad at you because you never helped him on his homework.
Why don't parents just be quiet and listen to what the kids have to say? It's not really talking back it's responding/giving an answer
I say to my teen "You already asked and i said NO. Now end of discussion, am not gonna have this conversation anymore with you!" That is to set a clear boundary for the child to understand to not trespass. And i am not as a adult and parent obligated to explain myself to my child.
Most of the time when I "back talk" it's for a misunderstanding that clearly wasn't backed up with thought or reasoning. I'm not going to be punished or scolded for something that is shouldn't be punished or scolded for. It's called defending yourself, and I usually only raise my voice if the adult is choosing not to cooperate with the facts.
Judy mammen Raising your pitch is not the reasonable and respectful way to communicate.
@ispirata da dio most of the time, it's the the adult in the room that raises their voice first. I understand that for some reasons, it's necessary, but for most of them it's not. I only begin raising my voice when the adult also begins raising their voice.... about something completely untrue and irrational. And sometimes it just happens, like it's not something you can control. Its human nature, and it's impossible to control yourself when it comes to things like that sometimes.
Judy mammen But since you’ve realised it. You CAN control it. Try talk calmly and with more sense next time in an argument. If you have a logical explanation, do it. Unless parents are not reasonable, I believe they will listen to you
Not all parents deserve respect...
Chris, great logic and well presented.
Good video Chris. I use this method also.
That's excellent that you're already using these methods!
Thank you, Chris, for your very helpful explanation and help in this subject.
Great advice! Just want I needed. Thanks
Kid talks back:
My mom: ok you grounded
Spanish moms: I have the mighty sandal NOW BEND OVER
If obedience is your only goal, I suppose this method might work. If you want to raise rational, ethical, critical thinkers, teach your kids to communicate, question and negotiate. If you don't have a good reason for telling them what to do, you shouldn't be telling them what to do.