Nothing more fun than dealing with a narc that stomps on your boundaries, criticizes you for having them, how you are weak for having them, and when they finally get you mad, then they use that as a reason to rage.
Constantly trying to make me emotionally imbalanced with disrespect of insults, vitriol and anger and a raised voice all the while of accusing me of those very things!!!
My narcissist mother and sister are SUPER pissed that I won’t let them gaslight me, frame me, or rage on me again. Blocked and went no contact over 10 years ago, have been stalked and intimidated in many creepy ways, had my reputation smeared, and have received many scathing letters in the mail (must have found my address through public record). Never going back. My sanity is holy 🙏 They can rot along with the rest of the people who believed their narcissistic lies!
The problem is that growing up with a violent narcissistic parent traps the child in a situation that can be hard to escape or manage for many years. The demarcation between legitimate parental disciplining and mental/physical abuse become blurred. Growing up very few people stood up to my father’s unacceptable behaviors, tantrums, violence. He had a very successful career and life, t least from an outsider point of view. Some people, enabled him for decades, seeking his attention. It took too many decades to have a clear picture. Psychoanalysis in my 20s helped, but I was unable to see the extent, and I lacked other role models, as I had lost my mother at a young age. Realizing these dynamics earlier in life can help a lot. The past can’t be changed, but the lack of clarity can subsequently affect career and romantic relationships. Trying quick fixes to fill what we have been deprived of for decades. Traveling, backpacking, exploring different culture and realities, moving across the ocean is what allowed to distance myself from those past wounds. But as much we can grow and distance, there will always be a distant connection to that pain. We can use to keep ourselves in check, and better understand the life of others. These videos are very helpful at bringing clarity. They seem genuinely motivated at sharing knowledge with an audience.
Yup. I was married to someone in your same shoes. We backpacked the world away from her toxic family for years...but the narc parent's emotional control goes for beyond geography. Her Dad could just say one phrase over the phone, and destroy a peaceful day/week/month we were having. In fact, many psychs suggest that even when the parent has passed...the ghost of their controls are still present in the minds of the family members left behind in their trail of destruction. All you can do is cope...you can never 100% rid yourself of the pain from the horrors of growing up under their reign of terror.
Hey Stefano, my mother died when I was a young child, too. My father was ok though not too plugged in. I was “raised” by various toxic people, though. I’m afraid it’s completely normal to deal with this stuff all your life. I used to think that my abusive childhood was a motif in my life, but it turns out, now, it was the theme. Not great, but what can one do. Sorry about your raging father. And yes, it’s the enablers who keep the abuse alive almost forever.
@@i.ehrenfest349 Thank you for your words. My mother married too young, had me too young, and left my father twice before she died in a car crash. I had tried to find a middle ground with my father, now old and ailing, in the past 10 years. But his ways reopened memories that were buried or just left in the past. I feel he has not much left to live. His much younger second wife unexpectedly died last year. I realized the false promises, the rages, the manipulation, the egocentrism robbed my childhood and young years of joy, stability, peace. We had some financial comforts, trips to exotic locales, but it was always like being in a minefield. A wrong move would be an explosion of rage, violence and humiliation. I now feel sorry for him, that he is old and fading. If he just had shown some aknowledgment it would have sufficed. I wish I had figured this out earlier. In cutting off for the most part, there is always an irrational aftertaste of guilt. But at the same time I do not want to put myself into these poisonous relationships. Probably I absorbed or inherited some of his bad traits, so i need to reflect and keep myself in check. But at the same time I see also I am not like him. I do not have tot hunger for power and control over others. I like how you compare it to a leit motif vs a theme.
@@annekerotterdam7499 Watch how quickly, basically instantly their rage goes away once they get what they want. That's a dead giveaway that it was all a play.
Na Mate ANY Chance Of Them Seeing, Believing or Accepting ANYTHING !!! They Are Saying or Said or What They Did, Doing or Have Done While Lost In This State or After Is IMPOSSIBLE... & Most Likely It Will Be Blocked Out & Not Be Realized or Remembered ... They Weren't Even There During that Time . They Were in Egypt ... Sitting on the Bank Watching That River Flow Bye.... Ahh Whats It's NAME ?? DENIAL..
I set a boundary and went no contact with my toxic in laws a few months ago and they super lost it. Raged on me and my wife for weeks. Put downs, said we belonged in a mental hospital, have even damaged my business. My wife is very co dependent and has been buckling to their heavy hand and its been hard on the marriage. It's my belief they have been emotionally abusing her to then have me left to deal with the fall out. Now they are being so "nice" and I know my wife just despitly wants peace but I can't have them back in my life after the masks slipped off. I've been scapegoated while they all play the victim. For once my wife stood up and said "stop acting toxic" the whole network blew up on her and reversed it on her and said not to use labels like "toxic" cause it's hurtful. She crumbled and apologized to them and it's me who is "mean and unforgiving" for settng the boundary. Very controlling, very toxic and I dont know what the future will hold. I just know I need to protect myself.
@@scourneene If she says she wants it but doesn't make any move probably she is not ready for therapy. Therapy doesn't mean she needs to ditch her family. If she wants to keep contact therapy will help her deal with the problems and support whatever decision she takes about it. Don't try to force her to therapy because it will not work that way. I think it's a good idea to bring it up in moments of crisis when she is more likely to accept. There are several lines. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has faster results and has tips on management strategies while Freud just tries to understand why she behaves the way she does without any input on problem solving.
They are being nice because threats don't work on you. They switch it up when one thing doesn't work. They are trying to recruit you as a flying monkey to continue their abuse of your wife. Many people are sucked into that part of the game and the poor victim doesn't stand a chance. It's hard for your wife since they are her family and it's all she's ever known. However, I suggest getting her some professional help so she can recognize her self-worth finally, and end their abuse. Since it's been life long for her it's not likely to be easy for her to do. If she won't get professional help you'll be dealing with it all for the rest of your life, so you'll have to make a difficult decision. Nobody should have to live in that toxic environment. I wish you well, and wish I could help you in some way, but hoping you're fine, and wishing it to be so will have to suffice. It's hard on you in more ways than you might think. Protecting her, trying to protect yourself, running interference, trying to undo what is done, or has been done for years, is exhausting. You are also probably trying to make a living and have other responsibilities to attend to, so just be aware if you start burning out. You'll know it when it starts, but you shouldn't have to let it go that far. Try to get her to seek help and be there for her, go with her when you can. Learn all you can about the victims of Narcissism, it will help you so much if you're committed and determined to remain in the marriage. I feel bad for your wife, and you! God speed hon.
What a excellent, thoughtful response! Yes it's been very hard! They are pmayi g on this desire of all of theirs to be "together" . They do these big group outings and giving her the vibe like "ah poor you, your husband doesn't come around" instead of thinking of the reasons why (their abusive ways). Thanks a ton for the validation. It's a weird situation, she is very much one foot in bei g a people pleaser to these abusers and one foot with me, understanding the dynamic. Other tines she rather "pretend" or use magical thinking like it's not as bad as it seems but that's when I'm used more as the scapegoat for my decision to go no contact. Thank!
I stand up to the narcissists I encounter. Let them know very quickly by holding my own that I am not a source for narcissistic supply, and that they should pick another target. I'm not suggesting that anyone do this, as it generally creates conflict that is very unpleasant. But if you do stand your ground and assert your presence without showing weakness, it just may get them to find someone else to manipulate and control. Has anyone else had success with this? I know it's not usually what's recommended, but it's a necessary boundary for me when I encounter a narc.
As a former military commander, I also do not back down. After the initial explosion, the house is very quiet for a whole week. Problem being, in a month everything starts over.
I've done that and to be honest with you I don't really care anymore nobody should ever bargain negotiate submit for their love and friendship It's useless
5:18 "they look like they want to kill you". I've gotten that look. It is unsettling to say the least. I've had it a couple of times from total strangers as well which to me indicates that hate you just for even existing.
The first time my Ex was in rage I did not recognize him. Exactly like you described... I saw a helpless wounded child in his eyes! But then after throwing objects out of the window, screaming and slamming doors, the look in his eyes turned evil and I couldn't reach him anymore. I didn't know at that time that his fake Persona was threatened and he was afraid of loosing control😟
This is accurate, anything could set off a narc. That's why you're always on eggshells because you just don't know what it will be, including yes, the way you sit or chew. Everything fine one second, explosion of rage over something trivial the next second. It will always be "your fault" because their fragile egos cannot acknowledge that they could possibly be something other than perfect. It's extremely abusive and sad to watch when you know what it is. There is no fix, and they only get worse over time. The only thing you can do to stop the abuse is to cut off all contact. Take care.
The hardest thing is when someone else triggers the rage. It becomes incumbent upon you to agree with the outrage or you’re as bad as whatever the crime was. Or even if you vocalize support for their point of view the ensuing anger at another party eventually falls back on the first thing you do wrong with an obscene amount of inappropriate emotion. There is no response that “wins”
Thank you so much for sharing this. It was honestly hard to watch. This was 2.5 years of my life WORD FOR WORD. It’s been 9 months since I ended it and the pain is still enormous
Does alcohol magnify the narcs or is it a different kind of reaction? My ex was an absolute lunatic when she drank too much.. I did a year stretch with her and managed to get out 6 months ago, she wrecked everything around me, my work, my home and my relationship with my own kids. I’ve managed to build everything back up now. Wow.. what a fool I was. 😞
My opinion grew up with a bad childhood I think narcissistic people are sick first but try throughout their life too self medicate with alcohol my father drunk too and went crazy but mother said he was a gentleman when they got married and changed shortly after but in his sixties he had mental breakdown and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia hope that helps I am just a layman at this stuff and that stuff comes out early twenty’s narcissistic people minds are same drinking just brings out the madness as one could say alcoholic ism roots is usually mental health issues
@@hugmc my ex has a large family, always around each other and had a good upbringing.. to be fair you’d think it would be me with the problems.. I have no family only my daughters. We mean everything to each other, the ex tried to get in between us.. it’s over now, it’s done. Much appreciated for the comment. 👍🏼
My narcissist threatened to have me kidnapped, smashed me in the face with her head nearly breaking my nose, tried to fight me like a boxing match taking off her shirt just in her bra, said I was going to hell, threatened to sue me in court...and this was at my JOB in front of many people!
@@goldenluci333 Well considering it didn't work, yes, it was all for nothing. But the reason she was doing that was to try to get me to go back into dating her again to try to get more money out of me through a narcissistic mental manipulation tactic called "hoovering".
My narc had full-on rages over some comically trivial things. If we ate a meal that I thought was okay but she didn't like it, she'd EXPLODE because I didn't have the same opinion as her. Same if there was a song she liked that I didn't, or a movie that one of us enjoyed but the other wasn't into. It didn't matter how gently and diplomatically I presented my own opinions and preferences, just having a different perception of anything would set her off on the warpath. In her mind, everyone had to agree and be the same as her on anything, and any difference at all, however small, was perceived as a personal attack.
Reminds me of a time she literally had a breakdown because I wanted to reheat my pizza in the microwave rather than in the oven. While she had a strop in the other room I contemplated eating her pizza as well. I chose not to be toxic. It probably saved me getting stabbed…
That is the destroying of the victims autonomy. Cannot have different favorite colors. Can't look he a certain music. Can't wear certain types of clothing. Can't like food they don't. Can't have even one damn opinion different than theirs... Not only that, but it even has to be stated/expressed in exactly the same way they do! You can express your opinion as long as it she's with theirs, but it better be said in exactly the words they would say or you're wrong! Argue for a long time about the CT that what you said means the same thing as they put it, but you'll still be wrong. In essence you, the victim, become a gargoyle, who is expected to just sit in your little corner, or stand in your designated place, (a little behind them always), and even will have to endure a rehearsal before going to a social gathering, of what to say how to say it, how to act how not to act, who to talk to who not to talk to, and God forbid if it is a social event that entails dining! Funny you dare eat anything they don't like it gave on their plate even if they do like it! You become a mirror of them, the bus you lose your individual autonomy. I am not scared of narcs. I battled one for my daughter, after she enlisted my help when she decided to get out. I told her if she was 100% positive she was done and couldn't be pulled back in, I was in. I realized at 31 she could choose to play his game over and over, so I wanted to be sure she was adamant about getting out and never going back. I asked her to stand down and let me do it, to not interfere no matter how much she wanted to defend me. It was a dramatic situation that lasted six months. I arranged to hide my daughter at a friend's home. They were apprised of the situation and jumped on giving us a hand, (my friend's husband was the victim for 10 years! He's still dealing with the emotional fall out 15 years later, but they work together as a team to keep his healing moving forward). I went to her boss, he was great and understood as he had been witnessing her change after she got involved with that demon. He not only arranged a transfer to a store across town, he also approved a leave of absence for the max that company allowed, 5 weeks before additional approval would be needed) before the transfer would take place. All that secured, I just waited for her to call. She called me on a Saturday morning and told me it would be Monday, he had a job that would keep him away from the apartment until late evening. I borrowed my brother's truck for the weekend through Tuesday. Monday at 7am she called me. I shot over there, thinking we'd had be to lug a bunch of stuff to the truck. Since she's only been with him one year and a half she didn't accumulate any furniture or linens, (he wouldn't let her have anything of her own choosing. HE PICKED THE FURNITURE, LINENS, DISHES, and since he monitored everything she did in the computer even that had no interest to her since none of it she felt was hers, she didn't want it), she had packed all her clothes, art supplies, and toiletries. Easy peasy. When we got in the truck I asked her if I could ask what was the boundary of zero negotiation no go for her was? She didn't miss a beat. She looked at me and just said, "you mom. He wanted me to spend less time talking to you on the phone or having our weekly lunch date because he says it was interfering with our time together. He said you don't like him and will try to destroy our relationship so he pretty much demanded I stop having so much contact with you". I was stunned. I didn't know what to say, there was nothing I could say. I told her the first time I met him he was a narc, laid down to the passes and stages of their systematic taking control of the victims life. I had begged her to just keep her eyes and feelings open so she could know if she'd be able to handle him or not, and I would not interfere since her life is her own, but it's always be there no matter what. The last thing is do is say I told you so. How could a mother do that? I remained silent for awhile, then the pride and love I have for her grew even more than I thought possible! Me!? It was her relationship with me, her mom, that is her non-negotiable boundary?! I felt so special and loved in that moment. She and I have an uncanny ability to just know what the other is thinking and she spoke up. "Yes that's how much I love you mom. I'll never let anything or anybody come between us". Through the moon my heart went! Our friends came and picked her up, and I waited for the phone call. We had waited until 9am to get her a new phone. That was one of the things he hadn't yet controlled. He just hasn't thought of it yet I'm sure. She has to be old one shit down and we got one but had it activated in my name. She was afraid he had placed a tracker somehow on her phone too. So since Lake Mead is less than an hour away I drive in that direction as she tore it apart trying to damage the hell out of it. She set the card on fire to destroy that too. She didn't know how a phone could be tracked so she just pulled ideas of the top of her head to block him from finding her. Like I said, I waited. At 6 something pm, he called me. I wanted to test his mood so I let it go to voice mail. Wow! The fury! Demanding I call him back immediately and tell him where she is! Yelling into the phone that there "will be dire consequences if you do not call me back right now!" Yes he said it just like that. I didn't call him back. My phone rang every five minutes for over an hour. I stopped listening to the voicemails after the third one, but saved them. At 8:30pm I finally answered. He was sitting so loud at me I couldn't understand what he was saying, so all I said when he took a breath was, "Who is this?" Oh man! The shit hit the fan! I still wasn't scared of him. For right at six months he harassed me, followed me everywhere I went, even though he grocery store! He's even come in thinking she and I were meeting there for some reason. He'd walk by me and glare at me. I just ignored him and finished my shopping calmly. He was in his car when I'd leave the market. Follow me home. He started sleeping in his car in my apt complex over night and did this for a week, until I went to my manger and told her what was going on. She had the police come out and threaten him with a trespassing fine if he didn't leave. He started parking on the street around the corner, who I don't know, he couldn't see my apt from there at all. He stalked me relentlessly. At my job, parked in the parking lot my whole shift. I went to my boss and told her. She arranged for the guys in my department to walk me to my car every night when my shift ended. I still want afraid of him. After a month or so of this behavior he just stopped. Not a word. One night I told the guys at work they didn't need to walk me anymore because he stopped. I left work, just got to my car and was about to dip inside after I checked that every thing around me was okay, when I felt myself being roughly grabbed and spun around so fast it's a wonder I didn't get whiplash. When he had me facing him he grabbed my throat and started squeezing. I still didn't feel afraid, no. This time I resigned myself to the fact that I was being murdered and just stared at him. Then I hear people running and getting closer. The guys had stayed at the door watching that I got in my car safe, then noticed someone sprinting across the parking lot and they saw he was heading toward me, so they ran out to help me. They pulled him off, I tried to catch my breath. The guys told me to call the police, but I shook my head no. I could say least breathe by then and looked at him and whispered that if he ever came near me and laid another hand on me I would kill him. I stared in his eyes without fear and repeated it. The guys told me to get in the car and leave so I did. A couple hours later he sent me a text with a picture of his face bruised and his lip swollen and bleeding, texted in all caps that they beat him up and it was all my daughter's fissile this shit was happening to him. He said he couldn't believe I just left him there to be beaten. He was yet again a victim. Always the victim. The only reply I had be was to say again Is kill him if he ever came near me again. He continued to follow and stalk a month or so more then just dropped it. There's more to the end but he never put a hand in me again. I find it the reason he stopped suddenly later from his mother. He's in prison, AGAIN. I never knew he was before. Horrible story, but suffice it to say or justice systems serves anything but justice and they let him out just under four years of his ten year sentence, he violated that parole breaking into a house or something was caught and is back in prison to do his time he violated PAROLE on. Heinous crime he committed too. His mother also told me that in addition to NPD he also sometimes seeks therapy for BPD after he was diagnosed in his late teens. Jesus, Joseph and Mary. That shit was like a movie. I wouldn't relive 2021 again if you offered me millions of tax free dollars!
This not only is just Narcissist Types but this is also in borderline personality disorder I think all the cluster B personalities have Rage I've seen this in two relationships with women in my life one from since 1995 Who has been officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder CPTSD and bipolar all mixed in one But they all seem to possess that heavy narcissistic rage all the Same Its Wacko🙏
I'm watching these series of videos with my jaw dropped. My example: disagreement over Mrs. Butterworth syrup vs Log Cabin. 10 minutes of being screamed at, followed by having the wedding ring thrown at me, followed by picking the ring up, getting on my knees, and apologizing for making her angry, as I placed the ring back on her finger. This was usually followed by hours of soul crushing lectures explaining why I was always in the wrong. Then it was like nothing happened. I could go on with dozens of examples. Thank you for publishing these videos.
@@ericmcdonald7313recording her that’s almost guaranteed to cause narcissistic rage and more deviant aggressive undermining behavior,, you probably need to exit that relationship and let her go put her mask back on and be on her best behavior to fool someone new for her to be with…To have a wife that has you walking on eggshells is total BS bro and it’ll take years off of your life for no reason ✨
OMG!!!! I have NEVER been able to figure out what just happened when consoling her for something and all of the sudden it would turn into a vicious attack on me for some old and unrelated thing. I used to think of it as a pit viper episode, because the speed and severity of the verbal attack. Number 10 nailed it!! Thank you!!
My ex-wife is one of those raging narcissist’s. If she is not taking it out on my daughters, she is being passive-aggressive towards someone. As of late I unfortunately have had to deal with her insufferable behaviour on a couple of occasions and could see the actual hate that she possesses for me. The best thing that a person can do when dealing with one of these broken souls is avoid them at all costs, your well-being is more important than trying to help them or just further escalate their intolerable behaviour.
Sounds like my ex wife, might be your ex wife… isn’t it crazy how it always follows the same pattern. Just different actors playing out the same story.
It was 10 years for me... since October, I've started the divorcing process and moved... never been happier for years, but I'm far from OK, I hide in the corner every time my new love suggests (!!!!!!) something - not raging, forcing... just suggesting. And immediately I try to defend myself from the expected rage - which wouldn't come. She's a survival of a narcissistic marriage too, so she exactly knows, why I react that way.
My mother blows up but she does it without screaming. Her sister is narcissistic too but my aunt screams and curses when her rage comes out. The fact that my mother rages in a quieter, more manipulative way makes my mother feel like she is better than my aunt. The truth is that they are very much the same.
My last argument with my wife started because I caught her out in a lie and while we were talking calmly about my flaws in our marriage. She focuses on part of what I say and disregards the context of which it is in. They HATE being held accountable. They want you to take the blame for everything so it shifts the focus off of any of their wrong doing. She will bring up things I've done or said that are wrong to her on a near daily basis and I have to eat it up or face her lashing out. If I bring up anything I'm not happy about in our marriage, no matter how gentle or patient or from a place of love I'm trying to be, she blows up, cries, brings up excuses and justifications.. rather than just thinking yeh, I'm sorry I do that and it makes you feel that way, I didn't mean to make you feel that way so ill try harder to prevent you from feeling things that I'm not communicating. 90% of the issues I'm confronted with are in her own head. Assuming motives and reasons for doing or saying something.. then I end up on my heels trying to defend my innocence which then ends up in me making excuses for hurting her.. it's so confusing and there's so many double standards. Imagine being given different problems everyday with no solutions to back it up. You end up drowning in your own "flaws" trying to keep her from lashing out again. And it ends up happening anyway. So then I withdraw because even when I'm putting in my best to keep her sweet, I get the same response as when I'm not trying.. so.. why waste my time and energy to the point of exhaustion. I'm now trying to cut all attachment between us but it's very difficult. Half of me feels it's My fault she's like this and it's my responsibility to serve her and keep her happy. The other half is thinking I don't deserve this kind of barratement. I've done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment or the way that she sees me and everything I say and do. God help all who are partnered with narcs and also the narcs themselves.
@@heyoldman2003 sounds great, congratulations! I have a thing for my post woman who seems to like me, we'll see. One thing is for sure, my mental health has returned, and everyone can see, so yes, the time is right, just got to keep keeping on. I wish you well with your friend, well done, Fe!la.
This is the most enlightning talk about narcissists I have ever watched. 😊 I'm standing, nodding so happy in front of the screen. Finally someone explains it fully!! ❤ I had experiencies like this before. I intuitively came to the resolutions you give. They just have a hurted inner child. Thank you ! I'll subscribe 🎉
Talk about narcissistic commitment to their own fantasy delusions. One former highly narcissistic colleague of mine was in a collapsed phase and given to paranoid persecutory ideations. He actually raged at and ultimately discarded me simply because I once tried to use logic to explain to him that his paranoid delusions were just that - delusions. I thought I was helping him by grounding him in reality, thus attempting to put him at ease. Yet his commitment to his delusion was so strong that he didn't even want to listen to advice that could potentially help him. It was as though the thought being targeted by others for retaliation, made him feel so significant and important that he refused to hear anything that contradicted his delusion. It was all just bizarre and completely incomprehensible to me.
When young, i went to work everything eas fine. I got home to a pouting woman who would not speak. Later while on vacation i got backhanded for changing station on radio. Kids in the car doing 80 down i 90. That was a hell of a vacation. We split up when we hot home..
Thank you for your content. I am a survivor from a toxical relationship. I just walked out of it, and it was very difficult and messy but i made it. I had been physically abused and violated by cruel words. She even tried suicidal attempts many times because "I never changed". I started to blame myself sometimes but thankfully my family was supporting me to end this relationship. Think about what had happened is kinda painful but listened to your podcast really gave me a lot of comforts. Thank you Lise.
Once i asked her if she could help control her clutter, mind you that she was no longer living with me as she moved out on me three times while i was at work. Her response was "why dont i just pack up my shit and get the fuck outta here"! I had never experienced this type of insanity and it only got worse. After she finally left she returned 3 times, the 3rd time with a loaded .25 hand gun. We both ended up in jail that night. She was released with no bail the next morning. I got to rot for three days and somehow it was me who needed help. I didnt realize she was a narcissist until much later when an ex girlfriend of mine guided me in the right direction. Currently she has a restraining order against me, i actually had to chuckle when i was served. At this point i have gone 100% silent and i will never speak another word to her in this lifetime. Holy crap what a disturbing experience! And to think that after only 6 months she legally took my last name! She is good ill give her that... left me a bit of a wreck. When she tried to screw my friend whom denied her, suddenly he and i were gay! Along with me and another gentleman she introduced me to. She actually seemed to believe this to the point where she threatened this guy. In doing so she was kicked out of her storage where he worked, was giving 72 hours to vacate, banned for life, plus a restraining order. The owner was a psychology major who caller her delusional and dangerous. Knowing what i now know, ill not give her any oppurtunity for supply. Again, ill never speak another word to her.
I offered to teach her son high school mathematics! This she saw as me one better than her! From a smiling face to a shouting stomping walk off in one second. 😮
My manager has untreated OCPD and probable narcissism. I started Gray Rocking and being politely aloof to him. There are these frightening moments where my basic presence seems to upset him and I can see this gross change in his eyes. I can't put my finger on what I see, but it looks like extreme fear and rage. His eyes almost appear to sink into his skull like I am challenging him by being there. It takes me by surprise because I am not doing anything other than existing and doing my job and being polite in passing. I wish he would seek regular therapy. It's so uncomfortable to have to constantly be wary of his fragility and hostility. I am 15 years younger than him, and I feel like I'm his dad or something. I am realizing one of my own traumas is feeling like I always have to be the patient "adult" in relationships with disordered elders.
I resonate completely. Unfortunately for me I also think a part of me failed to grow up. Like I have an adult patient be, but inside I think is also a helpless afraid kid that had to put his own needs aside and hide to trigger more rage in my father.
Faced narc rage after I'd faced narc rage and gotten my body injured at the hands of someone who was suicidal. Only time in life fighting fire with white hot fire and I shut the narc up. Narc was speechless and still is to this day. Police and sheriff intervention shuts the narc up!
When i found your videos i was hurt confused and overwhelmed. As i listened it was like you were in my head describing word for word exactly what i had experienced. As i have said before, you are my hero. No narcissistic pun intended.✌️
That's really my wife . Rage and yet I really believe that she actually can control it untill she gets herself into that rage she then does loose control.
Lise, seeing those episodes of anger, it reminds me those animals that pretend to be bigger than they are, when they are menaced. Most probably, I think, that “mechanism of defense” is purely intuitive and very basic, archaic. And the fact is that works, because we don’t want to loose that person and we don’t understand the drama. But it’s like all behavior from then, it’s always a game of seduction and domination. And it only works if there is a long work of submitting the victim through verbal violence, instability, persuasion , devaluation. The game is played between isolation of the victim, to drama menacing lost, seduction, etc… in fact, it’s everything exaggerated to limits, what creates many feelings and emotions on victims. Those epic moments of drama are the valve of escape from the idea of loosing control, yes. The effect is submitting… unless they face rejection, because if we stand and walk away, the game stops. In that sense, I think it starts from an excuse to get a fight, but it’s a conscientious game. They are not children. No more…
Dear Lise, thank you once again for your work. This video is exactly on point and puts the last seven years into sharp perspective. I will at some point show it to my aging parents to help explain what happened to me. Really concise, very good. And yes, I will follow your advice to stop investigating and start living again. It is very clear now to me what I can and cannot do or change. Thanks for your support, especially when we cannot all spend €80 an hour on therapy. Really appreciated, David
When I was with a BPD woman it felt like the rage was primarily inner directed. Narcissistic rage is primarily about its effect on others. I never saw BPD rage in public whereas Narcissists love a public venue for public shaming. BPD emotions seem more genuine but exaggerated. Narcissistic rage seems manipulative and though they really are angry it is more directed.
Love the video clip illustrations. It reminded me of a coworker in the radiology department of Mercy Hospital. After a brief conversation about calculus classes we were both taking in different collages she went so ballistic, other coworkers asked me later what I had said to her “to make her so angry”. I suppose I did not perform with enough admiration to suit her. Only spoke to her that one time (40 years ago).
Well, that sample sums up my mother's behaviour. I grew up with that. I would describe her as Jeckle & Hyde. If she was pissed at my father, he'd walk away, but I was too small to understand what he was actually doing. So if I happened to be near this rage, it got turned on me. Suddenly any little thing I did "wrong?" I wore the anger, with "your just like your father!"
I honestly don't believe the rage has anything to do with the other person. Because no matter what this happens when a person does not live up to. It's a means to an end. It's a defense mechanism and I think it only has to do with the person that has NPD but what do I know
I lived with this for five years. My wife, when we were dating, was an amazing person or so I thought. Never, ever saw her angry. Soon after the marriage for no reason at all she started raging, then stormed off of our sailboat. She came back about twenty minutes later, I asked if she was okay, and she punched me square in the face. From that point on, it was rage fits at least three times per week. ( mind you, this was a woman I had never seen angry so it warped my brain when she did this) The day she left me, I google raging wives and found something called NPD of which I had never heard. Then I skyped a specialist about this and she said my wife was a malignant narcissistic personality disordered person. I was totally ignorant of this but soon after much research I became fully aware. The therapist said I was fortunate to get out of it alive.
👍 Four years dating, not a sign. 2-3 years in the shell started to crack. At 10 years in the whole facade collapsed and I seen my new normal. I have learned my opinion on any subject is wrong.
Sadly to say I have had to deal with this more than I care to remember. I can't imagine what it would be like if you are of a smaller physical stature and it happens to you. Luckily, I haven't been physically intimidated, but it is still horrible. The only good side is if you are able to keep your composure and others witness it, then the behavior outs them. My wife is always like,"at least as a larger man you weren't physically bullied" but I point out that narcissists actually attack men and larger people because the sympathy and entitlement they believe it affords them in the eyes of others. They project and feel they can target men and play the victim role more easily. It shouldn't happen to anyone. My heart goes out to all victims.
Lise is doing so much good helping us in explaining, bring clarity and understanding to this terrible, suffocating condition. God and Therapist continue to help those caught up in this hell trap to deal with and/or escape it!
Thank you, Lise! You describe things and give such clear and specific examples that you have either lived through it, or counseled so many individuals that you have vicariously lived their lives.
I had a father that was Narcissistic, a violent Narcissistic brother, his estranged daughter, another difficult brother, and an ex-wife who I believe had BPD. I have distanced myself from all of them. However, I notice that I tend to be attracted to those personalities in a female, or maybe they are attracted to me, or both. Why does that happen?Thank you for your video.
Thanks Lise. Great video! Have only just come across your channel and am going through your back catalogue especially those regarding narcissism. I would like to know, what is the difference between someone with high narcissistic tendencies verses a narcissistic personality disorder. Whether that is a topic for a future video, up to you! Thanks again.
I am 59 years old and only in December of 2023 did I finally figure out that my mother is a narcissist. I know realize that the "family meetings" that we had when I was a child was just a reason for my mom to rage at everyone else in the family (Dad and two older sisters) that we were not pleasing / praising her enough. I am hoping that sometime in the future that I can finally heal from my wounds. I have virtually have zero self worth and zero self love. I look back at my life and all of the times that i wanted some support from my mother and she could never give me any support at all. All that she has ever wanted me to be is an ignorant little boy that she can easily manipulate and control. She likes to say "I love you with all of my heart". The only love that I have ever felt from her is a superficial love. I had a very close personal friend of mine pass away unexpectedly in October 2021. She showed me zero empathy.
The word that a narcisist hates to hear the most is a flat out no. Mine heard this all the time after i figurred her out. She's been 14 years in august. Good riddance!
Hi Lise! Your videos have helped me a lot, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have 1 request though: can you have the audio lowered for your intro/outro music? I need to listen to your speech at full volume and the music just blasts my eats. It's good music though! Cheers, and thanks again!
10:17 I have another grandiose narcissist brother who is like this. He was triggered by the way my mouse clicked while we were doing some work that he agreed to do with me and called it “disconcerting” hahahahaha the sh*t these crazy ass people will be triggered just by seeing you happy or for the other bro I mentioned there, just showering and looking good will trigger both these losers! May I add they’re in their 50’s and 60’s 😂 still acting like toddlers and my family enables this behaviour because hey it’s family and we must stick together! How absurd!
The first 0:23 seconds: it’s how my 15 years wedding + 5 years dating ended. Just like that. It took no more than 10 min to be gone for good. It’s been almost one year since that happened and I am still trying to understand why it happened in the first place. Very sad.
I just subscribed. I'm new to your channel. Mostly, pleasantly surprised how well you describe my ex narc and I am sure you never personally met her. A breath of fresh air. Thanks
As an alcoholic memory was sometimes really not there but on days I did remember😮😢 I noticed more frequently she was doing this so if I couldn't remember I would just say can't argue and refuse to discuss which helped stay sober 2 years and it seems she didn't want me sober I would ask during discussions that were usually the same issues over and over in would ask for break but she would not . Saying she's going bed bed and 30 minutes later back from bedroom and continuing would keep doing thst in to 2 or 3 am every night. I had to build a blockade in garage.
Number 3, can it also apply crying and crying, instead of being rageful. I have noticed if stand my ground, and point out, what she hurted me. She says I'm blaming her, and should stop blaming her, and she wants me to take responsibility for her actions. When I refuses and continue standing my ground, she completely shatters and crying, and I feel so bad. Then for days can be very depressed. This can happen even with little matters. I can see now, she can't see her or here her own condescending tone, that is very hurtful for me
great video! turn the music down though. the movie scenes being so loud also make them feel like jump scares instead of being examples. just my opinion.
The fact that you said you may be a narcissist, tells me that there's low chance you are. Most Narcs will not admit they're a narc. It's damaging the false self and they're just not interested in that
New subbie. This was a very informative video. Yes narcissist range is often triggered by anxiety or stress as narcissists have poor regulation skills. ❤️
Living with a partner that has this or other cluster b issues, is being willing to accept that often you're the only adult in the room. If you want to live your life like that stick with it if not highly recommend developing an exit strategy ASAP
Had strange situation, told to my partner that she made me upset in calm manner and she turned situation on me get realy angry and left house after even send me a message that next day she is packing her things, showed no emotion towards this couse i had this kind of manipulations in my live, next day she didint say sorry just said it was bad to leave but still think i am the one guilty for expresing my feelings couse i dont apreciate everythink she does...
If you’ve ever seen this type of Rage you’ll know it is frightening, sudden, and vicious! They will absolutely go to far and if you don’t have any training about how to protect yourself you might have to hurt them, which is of course what they want, so they can be a victim, but it could go the other way and they send you to “see God”. Silently and quickly get away from this type of person.
Narcissistic rage is a joy to be around! Never forget my then 43 year old exGF in fetal position crying like a big baby! Over what? I was talking to a man on the beach that asked about my dog! (I’m female too) - she would not speak to me for 24 hours til I walked out and left her in the hotel! I went on a few more years after this birthday all expense paid weekend event! May I also throw in ungrateful??!!
This happened with me and an Ex-boss at a recent workplace. I decided to resign shortly thereafter rather than stay because I sensed that his behavior would get progressively worse esp. if he had chosen me as a special target. But I still have trouble understanding the difference between a Covert Narcissist and a Borderline when it comes to MALES. With females it is not so difficult to tell the two apart. With MALES I just find it is more difficult. I’ve been looking for videos and even books on the subject but haven’t found one that has helped me differentiate between the two. Any links or references will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Wow I thought I was the only one enduring this. Is it in the water, the preservatives in the food? Certainly they all couldn’t have had a traumatic childhood?! I have learned to test the waters before I voice my unpopular opinion on a subject. Keep your lawyer on speed dial.
Nope. You're definitely not the only one. I went 20+ years before I figured out what was going on. Once I figured out what was going on, you begin to see it in other people around you. 10-20% the people I know and talk to are in a relationship with someone with these kinds of mental pathologies.
My ex narc would project onto me just prior to rage about 50% of the time. The other 50% rage came out of nowhere. No warning nothing. 100% of the time I never found out what the rage was about. Odd to me she remained silent, when asking her later "what happened." Is projection prior to rage common? Can anybody relate? Thank you Lise. God bless!
My ex tried to strangle her mother and when she couldn't go through with it she grabbed a knife and slit her throat in front of her. She couldn't control her emotions screaming at me for not liking the actors she liked. It was a crazy relationship. Her psychologist says she suffers from depression. Crazy shit glad im out of that hell. Working on myself
Nothing more fun than dealing with a narc that stomps on your boundaries, criticizes you for having them, how you are weak for having them, and when they finally get you mad, then they use that as a reason to rage.
Then they expect you to fix the relationship, and beat you up with every word they can misuse, that you might have said
That’s their tactics right there!! They have no filter, no empathy, devious, scheming people. The lack of awareness is a badge they wear with pride.
While they laugh in your face..
Constantly trying to make me emotionally imbalanced with disrespect of insults, vitriol and anger and a raised voice all the while of accusing me of those very things!!!
Then you slap the sht outta em.
Just Playing, not
Their eyes can turn black and they go cold with the rage underneath.
My narcissist mother and sister are SUPER pissed that I won’t let them gaslight me, frame me, or rage on me again. Blocked and went no contact over 10 years ago, have been stalked and intimidated in many creepy ways, had my reputation smeared, and have received many scathing letters in the mail (must have found my address through public record). Never going back. My sanity is holy 🙏 They can rot along with the rest of the people who believed their narcissistic lies!
Good on you. A brave soul indeed. Excellent 💜
Your peace and joy is holy too ❤
good for you dude. sometimes I think about doing the same thing
Good for you! You deserve peace of mind, love and happiness. No-one has the right to take that away from you.
Awesome Ryan, so glad you were able to get out of that!
The problem is that growing up with a violent narcissistic parent traps the child in a situation that can be hard to escape or manage for many years.
The demarcation between legitimate parental disciplining and mental/physical abuse become blurred.
Growing up very few people stood up to my father’s unacceptable behaviors, tantrums, violence. He had a very successful career and life, t least from an outsider point of view. Some people, enabled him for decades, seeking his attention.
It took too many decades to have a clear picture. Psychoanalysis in my 20s helped, but I was unable to see the extent, and I lacked other role models, as I had lost my mother at a young age.
Realizing these dynamics earlier in life can help a lot. The past can’t be changed, but the lack of clarity can subsequently affect career and romantic relationships. Trying quick fixes to fill what we have been deprived of for decades.
Traveling, backpacking, exploring different culture and realities, moving across the ocean is what allowed to distance myself from those past wounds.
But as much we can grow and distance, there will always be a distant connection to that pain. We can use to keep ourselves in check, and better understand the life of others.
These videos are very helpful at bringing clarity.
They seem genuinely motivated at sharing knowledge with an audience.
Yup. I was married to someone in your same shoes. We backpacked the world away from her toxic family for years...but the narc parent's emotional control goes for beyond geography. Her Dad could just say one phrase over the phone, and destroy a peaceful day/week/month we were having. In fact, many psychs suggest that even when the parent has passed...the ghost of their controls are still present in the minds of the family members left behind in their trail of destruction. All you can do is cope...you can never 100% rid yourself of the pain from the horrors of growing up under their reign of terror.
Hey Stefano, my mother died when I was a young child, too. My father was ok though not too plugged in. I was “raised” by various toxic people, though.
I’m afraid it’s completely normal to deal with this stuff all your life. I used to think that my abusive childhood was a motif in my life, but it turns out, now, it was the theme.
Not great, but what can one do.
Sorry about your raging father. And yes, it’s the enablers who keep the abuse alive almost forever.
@@i.ehrenfest349 Thank you for your words. My mother married too young, had me too young, and left my father twice before she died in a car crash.
I had tried to find a middle ground with my father, now old and ailing, in the past 10 years. But his ways reopened memories that were buried or just left in the past.
I feel he has not much left to live. His much younger second wife unexpectedly died last year. I realized the false promises, the rages, the manipulation, the egocentrism robbed my childhood and young years of joy, stability, peace.
We had some financial comforts, trips to exotic locales, but it was always like being in a minefield.
A wrong move would be an explosion of rage, violence and humiliation.
I now feel sorry for him, that he is old and fading. If he just had shown some aknowledgment it would have sufficed.
I wish I had figured this out earlier.
In cutting off for the most part, there is always an irrational aftertaste of guilt. But at the same time I do not want to put myself into these poisonous relationships.
Probably I absorbed or inherited some of his bad traits, so i need to reflect and keep myself in check. But at the same time I see also I am not like him. I do not have tot hunger for power and control over others.
I like how you compare it to a leit motif vs a theme.
Their rage is a choice. They know right from wrong.
No excuses.
it's amazing how quickly they calm down when they get what they want. Like flipping a switch.
No, it's not a choice!
@@annekerotterdam7499 Watch how quickly, basically instantly their rage goes away once they get what they want. That's a dead giveaway that it was all a play.
Na Mate ANY Chance Of Them Seeing, Believing or Accepting ANYTHING !!! They Are Saying or Said or What They Did, Doing or Have Done While Lost In This State or After Is IMPOSSIBLE... & Most Likely It Will Be Blocked Out & Not Be Realized or Remembered ... They Weren't Even There During that Time . They Were in Egypt ... Sitting on the Bank Watching That River Flow Bye.... Ahh Whats It's NAME ??
DENIAL..
Not necessarily
I set a boundary and went no contact with my toxic in laws a few months ago and they super lost it. Raged on me and my wife for weeks. Put downs, said we belonged in a mental hospital, have even damaged my business. My wife is very co dependent and has been buckling to their heavy hand and its been hard on the marriage. It's my belief they have been emotionally abusing her to then have me left to deal with the fall out. Now they are being so "nice" and I know my wife just despitly wants peace but I can't have them back in my life after the masks slipped off. I've been scapegoated while they all play the victim. For once my wife stood up and said "stop acting toxic" the whole network blew up on her and reversed it on her and said not to use labels like "toxic" cause it's hurtful. She crumbled and apologized to them and it's me who is "mean and unforgiving" for settng the boundary. Very controlling, very toxic and I dont know what the future will hold. I just know I need to protect myself.
She needs therapy.
@@thiago.assumpcao Yes Thiago, she tends to avoid it or is too busy but she is saying she will.
@@scourneene If she says she wants it but doesn't make any move probably she is not ready for therapy.
Therapy doesn't mean she needs to ditch her family. If she wants to keep contact therapy will help her deal with the problems and support whatever decision she takes about it.
Don't try to force her to therapy because it will not work that way. I think it's a good idea to bring it up in moments of crisis when she is more likely to accept.
There are several lines. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has faster results and has tips on management strategies while Freud just tries to understand why she behaves the way she does without any input on problem solving.
They are being nice because threats don't work on you. They switch it up when one thing doesn't work. They are trying to recruit you as a flying monkey to continue their abuse of your wife.
Many people are sucked into that part of the game and the poor victim doesn't stand a chance.
It's hard for your wife since they are her family and it's all she's ever known. However, I suggest getting her some professional help so she can recognize her self-worth finally, and end their abuse. Since it's been life long for her it's not likely to be easy for her to do. If she won't get professional help you'll be dealing with it all for the rest of your life, so you'll have to make a difficult decision. Nobody should have to live in that toxic environment.
I wish you well, and wish I could help you in some way, but hoping you're fine, and wishing it to be so will have to suffice.
It's hard on you in more ways than you might think. Protecting her, trying to protect yourself, running interference, trying to undo what is done, or has been done for years, is exhausting. You are also probably trying to make a living and have other responsibilities to attend to, so just be aware if you start burning out. You'll know it when it starts, but you shouldn't have to let it go that far.
Try to get her to seek help and be there for her, go with her when you can. Learn all you can about the victims of Narcissism, it will help you so much if you're committed and determined to remain in the marriage.
I feel bad for your wife, and you!
God speed hon.
What a excellent, thoughtful response! Yes it's been very hard! They are pmayi g on this desire of all of theirs to be "together" . They do these big group outings and giving her the vibe like "ah poor you, your husband doesn't come around" instead of thinking of the reasons why (their abusive ways). Thanks a ton for the validation. It's a weird situation, she is very much one foot in bei g a people pleaser to these abusers and one foot with me, understanding the dynamic. Other tines she rather "pretend" or use magical thinking like it's not as bad as it seems but that's when I'm used more as the scapegoat for my decision to go no contact. Thank!
I stand up to the narcissists I encounter. Let them know very quickly by holding my own that I am not a source for narcissistic supply, and that they should pick another target. I'm not suggesting that anyone do this, as it generally creates conflict that is very unpleasant. But if you do stand your ground and assert your presence without showing weakness, it just may get them to find someone else to manipulate and control. Has anyone else had success with this? I know it's not usually what's recommended, but it's a necessary boundary for me when I encounter a narc.
As a former military commander, I also do not back down. After the initial explosion, the house is very quiet for a whole week.
Problem being, in a month everything starts over.
I've done that and to be honest with you I don't really care anymore nobody should ever bargain negotiate submit for their love and friendship It's useless
Good Job That's the Way To Go Man 👍 🤝
5:18 "they look like they want to kill you". I've gotten that look. It is unsettling to say the least. I've had it a couple of times from total strangers as well which to me indicates that hate you just for even existing.
Same.
I've experienced that.
Getting unhinged in less than a second.
the lower their head and give you a death stare... as if they are trying to control you with their minds scary!!
BONOBO
The first time my Ex was in rage I did not recognize him. Exactly like you described... I saw a helpless wounded child in his eyes! But then after throwing objects out of the window, screaming and slamming doors, the look in his eyes turned evil and I couldn't reach him anymore. I didn't know at that time that his fake Persona was threatened and he was afraid of loosing control😟
This is accurate, anything could set off a narc. That's why you're always on eggshells because you just don't know what it will be, including yes, the way you sit or chew. Everything fine one second, explosion of rage over something trivial the next second. It will always be "your fault" because their fragile egos cannot acknowledge that they could possibly be something other than perfect. It's extremely abusive and sad to watch when you know what it is. There is no fix, and they only get worse over time. The only thing you can do to stop the abuse is to cut off all contact. Take care.
The hardest thing is when someone else triggers the rage. It becomes incumbent upon you to agree with the outrage or you’re as bad as whatever the crime was. Or even if you vocalize support for their point of view the ensuing anger at another party eventually falls back on the first thing you do wrong with an obscene amount of inappropriate emotion. There is no response that “wins”
Thank you so much for sharing this. It was honestly hard to watch. This was 2.5 years of my life WORD FOR WORD. It’s been 9 months since I ended it and the pain is still enormous
He used to make my legs shake
Does alcohol magnify the narcs or is it a different kind of reaction? My ex was an absolute lunatic when she drank too much.. I did a year stretch with her and managed to get out 6 months ago, she wrecked everything around me, my work, my home and my relationship with my own kids. I’ve managed to build everything back up now. Wow.. what a fool I was. 😞
My opinion grew up with a bad childhood I think narcissistic people are sick first but try throughout their life too self medicate with alcohol my father drunk too and went crazy but mother said he was a gentleman when they got married and changed shortly after but in his sixties he had mental breakdown and was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia hope that helps I am just a layman at this stuff and that stuff comes out early twenty’s narcissistic people minds are same drinking just brings out the madness as one could say alcoholic ism roots is usually mental health issues
@@hugmc my ex has a large family, always around each other and had a good upbringing.. to be fair you’d think it would be me with the problems.. I have no family only my daughters. We mean everything to each other, the ex tried to get in between us.. it’s over now, it’s done. Much appreciated for the comment. 👍🏼
My narcissist threatened to have me kidnapped, smashed me in the face with her head nearly breaking my nose, tried to fight me like a boxing match taking off her shirt just in her bra, said I was going to hell, threatened to sue me in court...and this was at my JOB in front of many people!
OMG Yikes!!!
She did all that for nothing?🤔
@@goldenluci333 Well considering it didn't work, yes, it was all for nothing. But the reason she was doing that was to try to get me to go back into dating her again to try to get more money out of me through a narcissistic mental manipulation tactic called "hoovering".
@@goldenluci333 they are good at finding "something" to do it for.
My narc had full-on rages over some comically trivial things. If we ate a meal that I thought was okay but she didn't like it, she'd EXPLODE because I didn't have the same opinion as her. Same if there was a song she liked that I didn't, or a movie that one of us enjoyed but the other wasn't into. It didn't matter how gently and diplomatically I presented my own opinions and preferences, just having a different perception of anything would set her off on the warpath. In her mind, everyone had to agree and be the same as her on anything, and any difference at all, however small, was perceived as a personal attack.
Reminds me of a time she literally had a breakdown because I wanted to reheat my pizza in the microwave rather than in the oven. While she had a strop in the other room I contemplated eating her pizza as well. I chose not to be toxic. It probably saved me getting stabbed…
That is the destroying of the victims autonomy. Cannot have different favorite colors. Can't look he a certain music. Can't wear certain types of clothing. Can't like food they don't. Can't have even one damn opinion different than theirs... Not only that, but it even has to be stated/expressed in exactly the same way they do! You can express your opinion as long as it she's with theirs, but it better be said in exactly the words they would say or you're wrong! Argue for a long time about the CT that what you said means the same thing as they put it, but you'll still be wrong.
In essence you, the victim, become a gargoyle, who is expected to just sit in your little corner, or stand in your designated place, (a little behind them always), and even will have to endure a rehearsal before going to a social gathering, of what to say how to say it, how to act how not to act, who to talk to who not to talk to, and God forbid if it is a social event that entails dining! Funny you dare eat anything they don't like it gave on their plate even if they do like it! You become a mirror of them, the bus you lose your individual autonomy.
I am not scared of narcs. I battled one for my daughter, after she enlisted my help when she decided to get out. I told her if she was 100% positive she was done and couldn't be pulled back in, I was in. I realized at 31 she could choose to play his game over and over, so I wanted to be sure she was adamant about getting out and never going back. I asked her to stand down and let me do it, to not interfere no matter how much she wanted to defend me.
It was a dramatic situation that lasted six months.
I arranged to hide my daughter at a friend's home. They were apprised of the situation and jumped on giving us a hand, (my friend's husband was the victim for 10 years! He's still dealing with the emotional fall out 15 years later, but they work together as a team to keep his healing moving forward). I went to her boss, he was great and understood as he had been witnessing her change after she got involved with that demon. He not only arranged a transfer to a store across town, he also approved a leave of absence for the max that company allowed, 5 weeks before additional approval would be needed) before the transfer would take place.
All that secured, I just waited for her to call. She called me on a Saturday morning and told me it would be Monday, he had a job that would keep him away from the apartment until late evening. I borrowed my brother's truck for the weekend through Tuesday. Monday at 7am she called me. I shot over there, thinking we'd had be to lug a bunch of stuff to the truck. Since she's only been with him one year and a half she didn't accumulate any furniture or linens, (he wouldn't let her have anything of her own choosing. HE PICKED THE FURNITURE, LINENS, DISHES, and since he monitored everything she did in the computer even that had no interest to her since none of it she felt was hers, she didn't want it), she had packed all her clothes, art supplies, and toiletries. Easy peasy.
When we got in the truck I asked her if I could ask what was the boundary of zero negotiation no go for her was? She didn't miss a beat. She looked at me and just said, "you mom. He wanted me to spend less time talking to you on the phone or having our weekly lunch date because he says it was interfering with our time together. He said you don't like him and will try to destroy our relationship so he pretty much demanded I stop having so much contact with you". I was stunned. I didn't know what to say, there was nothing I could say. I told her the first time I met him he was a narc, laid down to the passes and stages of their systematic taking control of the victims life. I had begged her to just keep her eyes and feelings open so she could know if she'd be able to handle him or not, and I would not interfere since her life is her own, but it's always be there no matter what. The last thing is do is say I told you so. How could a mother do that?
I remained silent for awhile, then the pride and love I have for her grew even more than I thought possible! Me!? It was her relationship with me, her mom, that is her non-negotiable boundary?! I felt so special and loved in that moment. She and I have an uncanny ability to just know what the other is thinking and she spoke up. "Yes that's how much I love you mom. I'll never let anything or anybody come between us".
Through the moon my heart went!
Our friends came and picked her up, and I waited for the phone call.
We had waited until 9am to get her a new phone. That was one of the things he hadn't yet controlled. He just hasn't thought of it yet I'm sure. She has to be old one shit down and we got one but had it activated in my name. She was afraid he had placed a tracker somehow on her phone too. So since Lake Mead is less than an hour away I drive in that direction as she tore it apart trying to damage the hell out of it. She set the card on fire to destroy that too. She didn't know how a phone could be tracked so she just pulled ideas of the top of her head to block him from finding her.
Like I said, I waited. At 6 something pm, he called me.
I wanted to test his mood so I let it go to voice mail.
Wow! The fury! Demanding I call him back immediately and tell him where she is! Yelling into the phone that there "will be dire consequences if you do not call me back right now!" Yes he said it just like that.
I didn't call him back. My phone rang every five minutes for over an hour. I stopped listening to the voicemails after the third one, but saved them. At 8:30pm I finally answered. He was sitting so loud at me I couldn't understand what he was saying, so all I said when he took a breath was, "Who is this?" Oh man! The shit hit the fan! I still wasn't scared of him.
For right at six months he harassed me, followed me everywhere I went, even though he grocery store! He's even come in thinking she and I were meeting there for some reason. He'd walk by me and glare at me. I just ignored him and finished my shopping calmly. He was in his car when I'd leave the market. Follow me home. He started sleeping in his car in my apt complex over night and did this for a week, until I went to my manger and told her what was going on. She had the police come out and threaten him with a trespassing fine if he didn't leave. He started parking on the street around the corner, who I don't know, he couldn't see my apt from there at all.
He stalked me relentlessly. At my job, parked in the parking lot my whole shift. I went to my boss and told her. She arranged for the guys in my department to walk me to my car every night when my shift ended.
I still want afraid of him. After a month or so of this behavior he just stopped. Not a word.
One night I told the guys at work they didn't need to walk me anymore because he stopped. I left work, just got to my car and was about to dip inside after I checked that every thing around me was okay, when I felt myself being roughly grabbed and spun around so fast it's a wonder I didn't get whiplash. When he had me facing him he grabbed my throat and started squeezing. I still didn't feel afraid, no. This time I resigned myself to the fact that I was being murdered and just stared at him. Then I hear people running and getting closer. The guys had stayed at the door watching that I got in my car safe, then noticed someone sprinting across the parking lot and they saw he was heading toward me, so they ran out to help me. They pulled him off, I tried to catch my breath. The guys told me to call the police, but I shook my head no. I could say least breathe by then and looked at him and whispered that if he ever came near me and laid another hand on me I would kill him. I stared in his eyes without fear and repeated it.
The guys told me to get in the car and leave so I did.
A couple hours later he sent me a text with a picture of his face bruised and his lip swollen and bleeding, texted in all caps that they beat him up and it was all my daughter's fissile this shit was happening to him. He said he couldn't believe I just left him there to be beaten. He was yet again a victim. Always the victim. The only reply I had be was to say again Is kill him if he ever came near me again.
He continued to follow and stalk a month or so more then just dropped it.
There's more to the end but he never put a hand in me again.
I find it the reason he stopped suddenly later from his mother. He's in prison, AGAIN. I never knew he was before. Horrible story, but suffice it to say or justice systems serves anything but justice and they let him out just under four years of his ten year sentence, he violated that parole breaking into a house or something was caught and is back in prison to do his time he violated PAROLE on.
Heinous crime he committed too. His mother also told me that in addition to NPD he also sometimes seeks therapy for BPD after he was diagnosed in his late teens.
Jesus, Joseph and Mary. That shit was like a movie.
I wouldn't relive 2021 again if you offered me millions of tax free dollars!
@@BabyMonkeyDefender You have got to turn this into a movie! Hallmark Channel, maybe?
That: "because I didn't have the same opinion as her", in this context had my mind smacked with memories of past relationships I had
This not only is just Narcissist Types but this is also in borderline personality disorder I think all the cluster B personalities have Rage I've seen this in two relationships with women in my life one from since 1995 Who has been officially diagnosed with borderline personality disorder CPTSD and bipolar all mixed in one But they all seem to possess that heavy narcissistic rage all the Same Its Wacko🙏
I believe so for my boyfriend. Because of the long lasting rages I cant decide if he's bordeline or narcisssist.
Living this out in real time, over the last year it has been nothing short of insane.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through this
I'm watching these series of videos with my jaw dropped. My example: disagreement over Mrs. Butterworth syrup vs Log Cabin. 10 minutes of being screamed at, followed by having the wedding ring thrown at me, followed by picking the ring up, getting on my knees, and apologizing for making her angry, as I placed the ring back on her finger. This was usually followed by hours of soul crushing lectures explaining why I was always in the wrong. Then it was like nothing happened. I could go on with dozens of examples. Thank you for publishing these videos.
Wow. Everyone knows Aunt Jemima tops both of those. Mrs. Butterworth aint bad, but AJ is the best.
They both suck. Try real Maple Syrup. 😂 just kidding…
I live in daily fear of my wife raging at me. I wish they had a way to introspect, to see themselves as the world sees them.
Formulate an escape plan. Good luck.
You have to start recording everything. I have a video of extreme rage and violent behavior. Incredible
Get valuables, guns, and docs out of house. File divorce.
@@ericmcdonald7313recording her that’s almost guaranteed to cause narcissistic rage and more deviant aggressive undermining behavior,, you probably need to exit that relationship and let her go put her mask back on and be on her best behavior to fool someone new for her to be with…To have a wife that has you walking on eggshells is total BS bro and it’ll take years off of your life for no reason ✨
Hopefully you left to save yourself. It only gets worse and that's no way to live. Love yourself , you deserve better than a raging lunatic.
OMG!!!! I have NEVER been able to figure out what just happened when consoling her for something and all of the sudden it would turn into a vicious attack on me for some old and unrelated thing. I used to think of it as a pit viper episode, because the speed and severity of the verbal attack.
Number 10 nailed it!! Thank you!!
My ex-wife is one of those raging narcissist’s. If she is not taking it out on my daughters, she is being passive-aggressive towards someone. As of late I unfortunately have had to deal with her insufferable behaviour on a couple of occasions and could see the actual hate that she possesses for me. The best thing that a person can do when dealing with one of these broken souls is avoid them at all costs, your well-being is more important than trying to help them or just further escalate their intolerable behaviour.
Sounds like my ex wife, might be your ex wife… isn’t it crazy how it always follows the same pattern. Just different actors playing out the same story.
It was 10 years for me... since October, I've started the divorcing process and moved... never been happier for years, but I'm far from OK, I hide in the corner every time my new love suggests (!!!!!!) something - not raging, forcing... just suggesting. And immediately I try to defend myself from the expected rage - which wouldn't come. She's a survival of a narcissistic marriage too, so she exactly knows, why I react that way.
My mother blows up but she does it without screaming. Her sister is narcissistic too but my aunt screams and curses when her rage comes out. The fact that my mother rages in a quieter, more manipulative way makes my mother feel like she is better than my aunt. The truth is that they are very much the same.
My last argument with my wife started because I caught her out in a lie and while we were talking calmly about my flaws in our marriage. She focuses on part of what I say and disregards the context of which it is in. They HATE being held accountable. They want you to take the blame for everything so it shifts the focus off of any of their wrong doing. She will bring up things I've done or said that are wrong to her on a near daily basis and I have to eat it up or face her lashing out. If I bring up anything I'm not happy about in our marriage, no matter how gentle or patient or from a place of love I'm trying to be, she blows up, cries, brings up excuses and justifications.. rather than just thinking yeh, I'm sorry I do that and it makes you feel that way, I didn't mean to make you feel that way so ill try harder to prevent you from feeling things that I'm not communicating. 90% of the issues I'm confronted with are in her own head. Assuming motives and reasons for doing or saying something.. then I end up on my heels trying to defend my innocence which then ends up in me making excuses for hurting her.. it's so confusing and there's so many double standards. Imagine being given different problems everyday with no solutions to back it up. You end up drowning in your own "flaws" trying to keep her from lashing out again. And it ends up happening anyway. So then I withdraw because even when I'm putting in my best to keep her sweet, I get the same response as when I'm not trying.. so.. why waste my time and energy to the point of exhaustion. I'm now trying to cut all attachment between us but it's very difficult. Half of me feels it's My fault she's like this and it's my responsibility to serve her and keep her happy. The other half is thinking I don't deserve this kind of barratement. I've done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment or the way that she sees me and everything I say and do. God help all who are partnered with narcs and also the narcs themselves.
One day I'll meet a well adjusted woman.... Maybe.
@@heyoldman2003 sounds great, congratulations! I have a thing for my post woman who seems to like me, we'll see. One thing is for sure, my mental health has returned, and everyone can see, so yes, the time is right, just got to keep keeping on. I wish you well with your friend, well done, Fe!la.
This explanation flips my reality on it's head. I can see it all more clearly now. I am carrying around their low self-esteem. OMGoodness!
This is the most enlightning talk about narcissists I have ever watched. 😊 I'm standing, nodding so happy in front of the screen. Finally someone explains it fully!! ❤
I had experiencies like this before. I intuitively came to the resolutions you give. They just have a hurted inner child.
Thank you ! I'll subscribe 🎉
100 percent agree. I have been listening to other channels but Lisa’s explanations are clearer. Thank you Lisa.
Talk about narcissistic commitment to their own fantasy delusions. One former highly narcissistic colleague of mine was in a collapsed phase and given to paranoid persecutory ideations. He actually raged at and ultimately discarded me simply because I once tried to use logic to explain to him that his paranoid delusions were just that - delusions. I thought I was helping him by grounding him in reality, thus attempting to put him at ease. Yet his commitment to his delusion was so strong that he didn't even want to listen to advice that could potentially help him. It was as though the thought being targeted by others for retaliation, made him feel so significant and important that he refused to hear anything that contradicted his delusion. It was all just bizarre and completely incomprehensible to me.
When young, i went to work everything eas fine. I got home to a pouting woman who would not speak. Later while on vacation i got backhanded for changing station on radio. Kids in the car doing 80 down i 90. That was a hell of a vacation. We split up when we hot home..
Ive experienced this on a few occasions off my now ex G.F, just comes from nowhere , quite scary at times, but no more, ive finally walked away 😊
It doesn’t take much, for sure.
Thank you for your work Lise👌
Thank you for your content. I am a survivor from a toxical relationship. I just walked out of it, and it was very difficult and messy but i made it. I had been physically abused and violated by cruel words. She even tried suicidal attempts many times because "I never changed". I started to blame myself sometimes but thankfully my family was supporting me to end this relationship. Think about what had happened is kinda painful but listened to your podcast really gave me a lot of comforts. Thank you Lise.
Once i asked her if she could help control her clutter, mind you that she was no longer living with me as she moved out on me three times while i was at work. Her response was "why dont i just pack up my shit and get the fuck outta here"! I had never experienced this type of insanity and it only got worse. After she finally left she returned 3 times, the 3rd time with a loaded .25 hand gun. We both ended up in jail that night. She was released with no bail the next morning. I got to rot for three days and somehow it was me who needed help. I didnt realize she was a narcissist until much later when an ex girlfriend of mine guided me in the right direction. Currently she has a restraining order against me, i actually had to chuckle when i was served. At this point i have gone 100% silent and i will never speak another word to her in this lifetime. Holy crap what a disturbing experience! And to think that after only 6 months she legally took my last name! She is good ill give her that... left me a bit of a wreck. When she tried to screw my friend whom denied her, suddenly he and i were gay! Along with me and another gentleman she introduced me to. She actually seemed to believe this to the point where she threatened this guy. In doing so she was kicked out of her storage where he worked, was giving 72 hours to vacate, banned for life, plus a restraining order. The owner was a psychology major who caller her delusional and dangerous. Knowing what i now know, ill not give her any oppurtunity for supply. Again, ill never speak another word to her.
I offered to teach her son high school mathematics!
This she saw as me one better than her!
From a smiling face to a shouting stomping walk off in one second.
😮
Well, After 2 decades of self help work I finally understand my father in 13 minutes…
5:30 In the Philippines, this passive narcissistic rage is called “tampo”. @Filipinapea
The underlying triggers may be different, but Borderlines display these behaviours as well.
Just like you said, she left, replacing me because I had finally had enough and took a stand saying "no more".
My manager has untreated OCPD and probable narcissism. I started Gray Rocking and being politely aloof to him. There are these frightening moments where my basic presence seems to upset him and I can see this gross change in his eyes. I can't put my finger on what I see, but it looks like extreme fear and rage. His eyes almost appear to sink into his skull like I am challenging him by being there. It takes me by surprise because I am not doing anything other than existing and doing my job and being polite in passing. I wish he would seek regular therapy. It's so uncomfortable to have to constantly be wary of his fragility and hostility. I am 15 years younger than him, and I feel like I'm his dad or something. I am realizing one of my own traumas is feeling like I always have to be the patient "adult" in relationships with disordered elders.
I resonate completely. Unfortunately for me I also think a part of me failed to grow up. Like I have an adult patient be, but inside I think is also a helpless afraid kid that had to put his own needs aside and hide to trigger more rage in my father.
The over protective mother excuse was a trigger for my ex when she clearly wasn’t bothered and when she was caught out lying..
This is a very true video. A narc rage becomes very scary. Thank you for sharing your video it's very educational and informative. ❤
Faced narc rage after I'd faced narc rage and gotten my body injured at the hands of someone who was suicidal. Only time in life fighting fire with white hot fire and I shut the narc up. Narc was speechless and still is to this day. Police and sheriff intervention shuts the narc up!
This is one of the best videos created on explaining the narcissist. Thank you Lise!
When i found your videos i was hurt confused and overwhelmed. As i listened it was like you were in my head describing word for word exactly what i had experienced. As i have said before, you are my hero. No narcissistic pun intended.✌️
That's really my wife . Rage and yet I really believe that she actually can control it untill she gets herself into that rage she then does loose control.
Beyond just information, these videos serve to help heal my psyche and slowly regain trust in my own perceptions. Thank you Lise
Lise, seeing those episodes of anger, it reminds me those animals that pretend to be bigger than they are, when they are menaced. Most probably, I think, that “mechanism of defense” is purely intuitive and very basic, archaic. And the fact is that works, because we don’t want to loose that person and we don’t understand the drama. But it’s like all behavior from then, it’s always a game of seduction and domination. And it only works if there is a long work of submitting the victim through verbal violence, instability, persuasion , devaluation. The game is played between isolation of the victim, to drama menacing lost, seduction, etc… in fact, it’s everything exaggerated to limits, what creates many feelings and emotions on victims. Those epic moments of drama are the valve of escape from the idea of loosing control, yes. The effect is submitting… unless they face rejection, because if we stand and walk away, the game stops. In that sense, I think it starts from an excuse to get a fight, but it’s a conscientious game. They are not children. No more…
Interestingly, this is the first of your videos I kept checking out while watching. Certainly for reason. Will try to watch again.
That noisy woman was everything I SWEAR 😂😂😂
........
Thanks Lisa for saving our lives🎉❤🎉
Dear Lise, thank you once again for your work. This video is exactly on point and puts the last seven years into sharp perspective. I will at some point show it to my aging parents to help explain what happened to me.
Really concise, very good. And yes, I will follow your advice to stop investigating and start living again. It is very clear now to me what I can and cannot do or change. Thanks for your support, especially when we cannot all spend €80 an hour on therapy. Really appreciated, David
Please please do a video on borderline rage! There’s a lot of crossover, but some aspects would be different. Thanks, love your work!
When I was with a BPD woman it felt like the rage was primarily inner directed. Narcissistic rage is primarily about its effect on others. I never saw BPD rage in public whereas Narcissists love a public venue for public shaming. BPD emotions seem more genuine but exaggerated. Narcissistic rage seems manipulative and though they really are angry it is more directed.
When my wife gets into narcissism rage, just stare at her and show her a holly cross and she gets scared.
Love the video clip illustrations. It reminded me of a coworker in the radiology department of Mercy Hospital. After a brief conversation about calculus classes we were both taking in different collages she went so ballistic, other coworkers asked me later what I had said to her “to make her so angry”. I suppose I did not perform with enough admiration to suit her. Only spoke to her that one time (40 years ago).
It's just a great dissertation on this awful mental illness 🫤
Its a personality disorder, not mental illness, like bipolar.
@@emmarae4322 it occupies a swath in DSM5 😉
Well, that sample sums up my mother's behaviour. I grew up with that. I would describe her as Jeckle & Hyde. If she was pissed at my father, he'd walk away, but I was too small to understand what he was actually doing. So if I happened to be near this rage, it got turned on me. Suddenly any little thing I did "wrong?" I wore the anger, with "your just like your father!"
I honestly don't believe the rage has anything to do with the other person. Because no matter what this happens when a person does not live up to. It's a means to an end. It's a defense mechanism and I think it only has to do with the person that has NPD but what do I know
True!
I lived with this for five years. My wife, when we were dating, was an amazing person or so I thought. Never, ever saw her angry. Soon after the marriage for no reason at all she started raging, then stormed off of our sailboat. She came back about twenty minutes later, I asked if she was okay, and she punched me square in the face. From that point on, it was rage fits at least three times per week. ( mind you, this was a woman I had never seen angry so it warped my brain when she did this) The day she left me, I google raging wives and found something called NPD of which I had never heard. Then I skyped a specialist about this and she said my wife was a malignant narcissistic personality disordered person. I was totally ignorant of this but soon after much research I became fully aware. The therapist said I was fortunate to get out of it alive.
👍
Four years dating, not a sign. 2-3 years in the shell started to crack. At 10 years in the whole facade collapsed and I seen my new normal.
I have learned my opinion on any subject is wrong.
Once I was eating too loudly and in chaotic way. Another time my way of breathing was not appropriate.
Yes. Same experience here..
Everyting here is true.
Sadly to say I have had to deal with this more than I care to remember. I can't imagine what it would be like if you are of a smaller physical stature and it happens to you. Luckily, I haven't been physically intimidated, but it is still horrible. The only good side is if you are able to keep your composure and others witness it, then the behavior outs them. My wife is always like,"at least as a larger man you weren't physically bullied" but I point out that narcissists actually attack men and larger people because the sympathy and entitlement they believe it affords them in the eyes of others. They project and feel they can target men and play the victim role more easily. It shouldn't happen to anyone. My heart goes out to all victims.
Amazing insight and explanation.
J'aime beaucoup votre raisonnement sur le sujet de narcissism ! Merci beaucoup madame ! Bonne journée à vous
Lise is doing so much good helping us in explaining, bring clarity and understanding to this terrible, suffocating condition. God and Therapist continue to help those caught up in this hell trap to deal with and/or escape it!
Thank you, Lise! You describe things and give such clear and specific examples that you have either lived through it, or counseled so many individuals that you have vicariously lived their lives.
I had a father that was Narcissistic, a violent Narcissistic brother, his estranged daughter, another difficult brother, and an ex-wife who I believe had BPD. I have distanced myself from all of them. However, I notice that I tend to be attracted to those personalities in a female, or maybe they are attracted to me, or both. Why does that happen?Thank you for your video.
Because it is familiar and you associate it with "love"
Explained a lit bit deeper than most Ive watched... Interesting
Thanks Lise. Great video!
Have only just come across your channel and am going through your back catalogue especially those regarding narcissism.
I would like to know, what is the difference between someone with high narcissistic tendencies verses a narcissistic personality disorder. Whether that is a topic for a future video, up to you!
Thanks again.
What would be the best ways to manage narcissists who insist on their God-given right to throw narcissistic rage fits whenever they feel like it?
Sadly , you can't argue , reason or plead without putting yourself in extreme danger ! You can only leave without telling them !
Leave
Leave if you can. Defend yourself if necessary. Don't give bait.
Thank you Lise. I needed these videos at this moment. Just to put a crazy long time situation in perspective.
I am 59 years old and only in December of 2023 did I finally figure out that my mother is a narcissist. I know realize that the "family meetings" that we had when I was a child was just a reason for my mom to rage at everyone else in the family (Dad and two older sisters) that we were not pleasing / praising her enough. I am hoping that sometime in the future that I can finally heal from my wounds. I have virtually have zero self worth and zero self love. I look back at my life and all of the times that i wanted some support from my mother and she could never give me any support at all. All that she has ever wanted me to be is an ignorant little boy that she can easily manipulate and control. She likes to say "I love you with all of my heart". The only love that I have ever felt from her is a superficial love. I had a very close personal friend of mine pass away unexpectedly in October 2021. She showed me zero empathy.
The word that a narcisist hates to hear the most is a flat out no. Mine heard this all the time after i figurred her out. She's been 14 years in august. Good riddance!
Hi Lise! Your videos have helped me a lot, I thank you from the bottom of my heart! I have 1 request though: can you have the audio lowered for your intro/outro music? I need to listen to your speech at full volume and the music just blasts my eats. It's good music though! Cheers, and thanks again!
Thank you and Yes absolutely re: volume!
These videos are SPOT ON
10:17 I have another grandiose narcissist brother who is like this. He was triggered by the way my mouse clicked while we were doing some work that he agreed to do with me and called it “disconcerting” hahahahaha the sh*t these crazy ass people will be triggered just by seeing you happy or for the other bro I mentioned there, just showering and looking good will trigger both these losers! May I add they’re in their 50’s and 60’s 😂 still acting like toddlers and my family enables this behaviour because hey it’s family and we must stick together! How absurd!
The first 0:23 seconds: it’s how my 15 years wedding + 5 years dating ended. Just like that. It took no more than 10 min to be gone for good. It’s been almost one year since that happened and I am still trying to understand why it happened in the first place. Very sad.
Even attention given to our daughters makes her jealous
I just subscribed. I'm new to your channel. Mostly, pleasantly surprised how well you describe my ex narc and I am sure you never personally met her. A breath of fresh air. Thanks
As an alcoholic memory was sometimes really not there but on days I did remember😮😢 I noticed more frequently she was doing this so if I couldn't remember I would just say can't argue and refuse to discuss which helped stay sober 2 years and it seems she didn't want me sober I would ask during discussions that were usually the same issues over and over in would ask for break but she would not . Saying she's going bed bed and 30 minutes later back from bedroom and continuing would keep doing thst in to 2 or 3 am every night. I had to build a blockade in garage.
Number 3, can it also apply crying and crying, instead of being rageful. I have noticed if stand my ground, and point out, what she hurted me.
She says I'm blaming her, and should stop blaming her, and she wants me to take responsibility for her actions. When I refuses and continue standing my ground, she completely shatters and crying, and I feel so bad. Then for days can be very depressed. This can happen even with little matters. I can see now, she can't see her or here her own condescending tone, that is very hurtful for me
This clip described my ex-wife to a “Tee” !!😮
great video! turn the music down though. the movie scenes being so loud also make them feel like jump scares instead of being examples. just my opinion.
I can’t tell if I’m the narcissist or if she is. My relationship has been painful and I think we just have to end it…
The fact that you said you may be a narcissist, tells me that there's low chance you are. Most Narcs will not admit they're a narc. It's damaging the false self and they're just not interested in that
New subbie. This was a very informative video. Yes narcissist range is often triggered by anxiety or stress as narcissists have poor regulation skills. ❤️
Living with a partner that has this or other cluster b issues, is being willing to accept that often you're the only adult in the room.
If you want to live your life like that stick with it if not highly recommend developing an exit strategy ASAP
Had strange situation, told to my partner that she made me upset in calm manner and she turned situation on me get realy angry and left house after even send me a message that next day she is packing her things, showed no emotion towards this couse i had this kind of manipulations in my live, next day she didint say sorry just said it was bad to leave but still think i am the one guilty for expresing my feelings couse i dont apreciate everythink she does...
You said after the narcissistic raised the narcissist will be fragile. What exactly do you mean by that? Will there be more compliant then?
I ended up stone walling my ex .not to get them back, but I just got too made to talk.
Another great video Lise. You are the best. Top in class and professional. 👏
So helpful, thank you
You look like Crown Princess Mary of Norway.
If you’ve ever seen this type of Rage you’ll know it is frightening, sudden, and vicious! They will absolutely go to far and if you don’t have any training about how to protect yourself you might have to hurt them, which is of course what they want, so they can be a victim, but it could go the other way and they send you to “see God”. Silently and quickly get away from this type of person.
Narcissistic rage is a joy to be around! Never forget my then 43 year old exGF in fetal position crying like a big baby! Over what? I was talking to a man on the beach that asked about my dog! (I’m female too) - she would not speak to me for 24 hours til I walked out and left her in the hotel! I went on a few more years after this birthday all expense paid weekend event! May I also throw in ungrateful??!!
This happened with me and an Ex-boss at a recent workplace. I decided to resign shortly thereafter rather than stay because I sensed that his behavior would get progressively worse esp. if he had chosen me as a special target. But I still have trouble understanding the difference between a Covert Narcissist and a Borderline when it comes to MALES. With females it is not so difficult to tell the two apart. With MALES I just find it is more difficult. I’ve been looking for videos and even books on the subject but haven’t found one that has helped me differentiate between the two. Any links or references will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
Wow
I thought I was the only one enduring this.
Is it in the water, the preservatives in the food? Certainly they all couldn’t have had a traumatic childhood?!
I have learned to test the waters before I voice my unpopular opinion on a subject.
Keep your lawyer on speed dial.
Nope. You're definitely not the only one. I went 20+ years before I figured out what was going on. Once I figured out what was going on, you begin to see it in other people around you. 10-20% the people I know and talk to are in a relationship with someone with these kinds of mental pathologies.
Boy, All this reminds me of characteristics associated to a Malignant Narcissist.
My ex narc would project onto me just prior to rage about 50% of the time. The other 50% rage came out of nowhere. No warning nothing. 100% of the time I never found out what the rage was about. Odd to me she remained silent, when asking her later "what happened."
Is projection prior to rage common? Can anybody relate? Thank you Lise. God bless!
My ex tried to strangle her mother and when she couldn't go through with it she grabbed a knife and slit her throat in front of her. She couldn't control her emotions screaming at me for not liking the actors she liked. It was a crazy relationship. Her psychologist says she suffers from depression. Crazy shit glad im out of that hell. Working on myself
Does it get worse when she becomes older?
In my experience, yes.
Thank you