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Julien, I learned that I did all this with everyone I ever met until recently. Now, my ex husband is blaming me for wasting 10 years of his life. How do I help him without beating myself up for my mistakes?
OMG, this came at the right time! I've been single for over a year, focusing on healing and letting go of what doesn't serve me. Recently, I started thinking about putting myself back out there again. However, because of this video I've decided to wait until I'm not afraid to be alone forever-- my true self doesn't care, but my ego does. Thanks!
That is just another trap. You have to accept you for who you are right now. Yes, keep working on yourself, but don't let that stop you living your life in the meantime.
1. You are complete alone 2. Accept the idea that youll be happy if you die alone. 3. Dont find someone to impress people 4. Find chemestry, not the perfect person. 5. Little people pleasing. Not brutal honesty but honesty with compassion as your focus. If you disagree, say that and make it clear you arent harboring feelings against them. Ideally bounce off what you like about what they like. Example: person 1(likes videos games) person 2(doesnt like video games) Person 1:"I love Halo" Person 2:"Ive never been much for videos games. Ones of my friends is though and I really think the environment are pretty" 6. Fart in front of each other. 7. Know that youre awesome as yourself and have standards for other people. If someone is being rude, know that you dont deserve that and its a reflection of whatever theyre going through 8. Put yourself out there and get rejected by the people you dont connect with to find the ones you do. 9. No matter how attractive someone is, you eventually see them as a normal person 10. Make a list of things that you find attractive about your partner, a list of what you find attractive minus the sexual bits like a friend, and a list of sacrifices you would make for them. 11. Look for your player 2. Who you beating the ender dragon with to make it easier. 12. Make sure theyre going in the same trajectory you are. If you're happy with yourself and dont plan to make more money, learn more hobbies, etc then find someone the same way. 13. Lowkey flex about the super hot women you used to date to look official for giving advice. 14. Youll get mad at them. Nothings wrong with you or them. Dont hold in your feelings until youre "officially together" and stick through it for the light at the end of the tunnel 15. Ask yourself why you feel mad/why youre mad at someone/why theyre mad at you...really 16. Learn how to have fights. Look up "crutial conversations" summary and takes notes. 17. The more codependent you are, the more kikely you are to find and be attracted to a narcissist. Vice versa. Find a middle ground so you can find someone like yourself.
I honestly can totally jig with all but 2. I think two (while good in intention) is absolute dogshit advice. I don't have religion as a purposeful anchor in life. I anchor my life to the ideal of having kids and loving those kids. Given we are a sexually reproductive species, its pretty damn impossible to have kids if one dies alone. Thus, 2 (once again, while well intentioned) is absolute terrible advice.
@@junelledembroski9183 You still need to be sexy. Flirt with her, have a life away from her, surprise her etc. Farting is human nature and isn't enough to turn a relationship platonic by itself.
@@I.Z.Phooto I hate when men say stuff about super hot women they had. Turns me off. I may be weird but when men talk about that I mentally part with any piece of them
Another perspective on this is healthy people don’t want be alone either. We do need each other and are not meant to be alone. We just have to be with another healthy person.
@@arturpaivadswhat do you mean? I’ve been single 3 yrs and now I’m at peace and don’t want to interrupt that with meaningless relationships that don’t last. I used to be the kind of person who had to be with someone tho
If being content alone was how things were meant to be, most of us wouldn’t be here and humanity would fail. We are meant to be in relationships. The struggle is to find healthy people and those who are willing to grow and practice self improvement. We will still make mistakes and fail at times. We don’t have to first be OK with alone forever. People in healthy happy relationships live years longer than single people. It’s a major part of who we are to pair and bond and love another dearly. Just don’t stay in abusive situations. Don’t just pick anyone, choose wisely.
Over ten minutes and not even **one** advertisement? This man truly wants us to learn how to be successful in relationships. Thank you, Julien, you're awesome. Someone that actually has something important to say.
Just exactly 2 mins into the video, and I realised how I am changing for the better. I started watching Julien about 6-7 months back. Before that I had this goal to become famous. But after regularly watching his videos and implementing what all I learn, I just now realised how I am not craving to become famous anymore. I am becoming more at peace with myself. Now I am craving to make a big positive impact to the world, in my field, that helps both the species and the society. My relationship with myself has improved a lot since.
❤being single is an upgrade. The stress and sleep deprivation was breaking my body. Being dumped was like being fired from being White House press secretary.
I remember homeboy here doing a video on the beach many years ago, with a glowing Ferris wheel in the background, explaining how getting attached to the idea of somebody or being in a relationship, instead of getting to know them and develop something naturally was a fatal error many guys make when young. Those who know, know. The algorithm blessed my feed with this video from the same man a decade or more later, and it's having just as strong an impact. Definitely a good speaker here, with a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics.
Amazing insight as usual, Julien. I find an amazing calmness is being alone because I know we are all one and everyone around me is a part of me having their own experience. I ran a Tough Mudder yesterday and enjoyed the contrast of being part of amazing camaraderie while also being a part of my own experience of doing things on my own. Even when out hiking in nature, you are not alone because EVERYTHING around you is alive. So much is happening, especially at a quantum level, that it's very soothing and comforting to me. If you are reading this, always remember that you are a gift unto this world. No matter what you do. Just being here is enough. Although, we are always growing and wanting to expand so why not enjoy this 3D world while we are here and do all the things that bring us and others joy 🙏
3D kinda sucks tho 😅 too dense! but I get what you're saying. we are all just Universe's or God's avatars playing with each other because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO!!! 😭😁
as they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup. first you fill your cup with self love and when it starts overflowing, you can share your love with others.
I needed this.. I just turned 23 yesterday and im still a virgin.. Been curved many times when i was younger… But i love myself and myself fully.. To anyone out there, just be you.. May our creator bless us..
Great advice! I recently got dumped by a man because he told me I wasn't supporting him, that I didn't make him feel good, that he felt like he had to walk on eggshells everyday of course NONE of this was my fault he built this golden prision around himself because he pretended to be someone he wasn't. Ultimately, I believe, he was a narcissist but that's neither here nor there. I learned a lot about myself through that relationship. I learned that I WAS picking these men and leaving myself vulnerable for the picking because I had zero boundaries and even if I "saw" something that misaligned with their actions I would believe what they told me over what they did... because I wanted to believe it not because it was true.
Omg, it sounds like I just wrote this. I’m in the exact same boat. 3 weeks off of being discarded by a dismissive avoidant. It hurts, but I’m doing the healing and inner work now and it’s helping me get through the heartbreak.
@@spicygingercat I am so sorry! Ultimately, learning from the mistakes that we did and not focusing on them will help us for the future and heal. I'd love to say they will soon know how it feels but it's been shown that avoidance LOVE LOVE the chase and statistically love one night stands. Because just as we fear being alone they fear being in relationships just as much. Narcissists on the other hand don't feel much of anything but I do feel sorry for the little child that was abandoned by most likely their mother. I forgive and move on. I am a recovering co-dependent and anxious attached person but I've been since for almost a year now after in and out for 18 years. In fact, it's more scary now getting in with the wrong person and wasting more time at 41 than it is being alone. I've rather enjoyed me time and not having to wait for dinner, worry if they are happy, and I get to focus on my favorite person - me.
@@bether2game797 oh yeah. They fear commitment and love the honeymoon phase. I also feel sorry for their hurt inner child that causes their unhealthy behaviors. But I am in complete agreement with you that focusing on ourselves and our own healing journey is the right move. Good luck to you!
Feel like I time traveled to last year reading this!! I learned the same lesson from a similar experience and am so grateful I finally saw what abandoning myself looks like.
Not all narcissists are hurt inner children, there are also the spoiled entitled children turned narcissists or those born lacking empathy naturally are narcissists. And pity won't change any of them, they use pity against people, they take advantage of those who feel sorry for them. You are wise to keep your distance, it's the only solution.
Julien is like a breath of fresh air. I felt like I was drowning in self-help info until I found one of his videos. Since then I feel empowered and can actually apply all the gem advice that Julien shares. So much gratitude to this wise teacher!
My advice for couples: Learn to listen to the other person. In an argument: it's not about who is right (there can be), but it is about understanding each others point of view. :)
The little chart at the end of the Codependency vs Narcissist styles clicked so much for me with my last relationship. Thank you so much Julien for bringing this up and for helping me to name what was actually going on in me.
This is why I've always had below 0 respect for anyone who couldn't be single for more than a few days. Any living being will do, as long as they have someone with them. Yikes. All the more satisfying to learn about their identity or existential crysis later on in life or psychosis because they have never developed their selves not even in adulthood. Some people have no hope
Lol that is what the universe has told me (but only pertaining to finding others I truly connect with), but it tells me that others probably feel the same. True appreciation of each other is definitely missing in our world.
Going through something with my girl rn, making things work and fixing problems but at the end of the day it just comes down to what’s more painful, holding on or letting go
Julien, I love your videos, and your messages in all of them but this one - by far, is the most profound I’ve watched of yours. The eye opening ah-ha’ moments were continuous. Gratitude to you for spreading this knowledge so freely! ❤
Timestamps - 0:00: 💔 Understanding the importance of self-love and acceptance before entering a relationship. 4:13: 💖 Prioritize self-worth, avoid chasing wrong partners, and be content with being alone. 7:43: 💑 Authentic relationships should be a sanctuary where you can be yourself, including embracing natural behaviors like farting and going to the bathroom. 10:31: 💡 Authenticity is key in relationships; be upfront about important interests to attract like-minded individuals and repel incompatible ones. 14:24: 💑 Choosing a partner based on shared values, long-term goals, and personal growth is crucial for a successful relationship. 17:44: 💖 The importance of enduring challenges in relationships for personal growth and deeper connection. 20:45: 💡 Understanding relationship dynamics: codependency, narcissism, and attraction based on proximity to the middle.
I’m really glad I stumbled upon this video, I’m honestly going through a tough time in my life and I’m trying my best to reclaim myself and love myself more. Definitely will add a lot of key points you made in my journal and I already saved the names of the books you recommended. Thank you so much 🙏🏽
Or when I beat someone in a game of Chess, but instead of winning right away I'll promote all my pawns to queens and then do a little dance around their king.
Still going through my first breakup at age 30. Its been 4 months from the breakup and im still completely crushed. We were together for 14 months and it was the best times of my life. Then the last couple months i was letting out my baggage and self sabbotaging and broke her trust. I never connected with anyone before i met her and made so many mistakes to an amazing women and then she left me for my fake friend. Being autistic, ocd & Depression has really made this breakup hell for 4 months. Im worried im never gonna feel better again and not enjoy life and things again. I hope i beat this severe depression. I even lost my job. Everything triggers me of her. We loved all the same things for the most part. Except she loves harry potter so its another trigger. She literally loved me fully and aunthetic but she had enough.After the breakup i realized i dont resonate with any of my friends cause they like to drink and smoke weeda and dont like much of what i like so im all alone in this world. She was the only one that ive ever been so close too in all levels, emotionally & Psychically. I started getting bored cause she was so sweet and ruined it. I feel like my life is over. She told me things were getting stagnant. 💔💔💔
I promise you, you ARE going to feel better eventually. Depression is a bitch, me and her are very close "friends" unfortunately. What helps me every time I spiral into one of the episodes, is to STOP THINKING. I kid you not. Stop the internal dialogue altogether. You can try listening to meditations or just look up techniques to stop the internal dialogue. You need to STOP THINKING and START doing something positive and productive (whatever it may be for you). Stay strong, beautiful soul, this too shall pass❤
I feel you. Heart break sucks big time😢I know all about that. I never thought I would get over my ex (cried and cried over him for months on end, everything felt meaningless, empty, I blamed myself, was just staying in bed, barely excisted etcetc.) But, I was able to move on 👍🏼I also want to add that maybe not all hope is lost when it comes to your ex. She’ll might be back with you one day if she miss you, realizes it was true love and if it doesn’t work out with that fake friend. Hopefully you’ve said you’re truly sorry and done whatever you can to make amends. I got back with an ex after a year actually, but it didn’t last. We just weren’t meant to be. No matter what happens, you’ll find someone eventually and things will be good again💖But you have to give this time and accept that it hurts. You would be a cold emotionless narc or something if you could just turn off your feelings like that. One thing that helped me was to look at different YT videos (a lot of advice and tips here about exes, heartbreaks and everything) You’ll get through this. You’re life isn’t over trust me💯(It just feels like that now) In terms of your friends, maybe you should look for some other type of friends (theres’s a lot of good people online for example) You also need more time to heal. Maybe be alone for a while and put love on hold. See what happens with everything and focus on you. Learn from these mistakes, don’t repeat them and one day you’ll be truly happy and in love again. Time will show with who. Also, try to find another job - a new chapter and start. Talk to people who can help you or have been through similar situations. I wish you all the best 🌸
Very right and good words. Understand that you are shaping lives the right way, and that will go far into bringing peace and goodness more fully in the Earth.
Wish you would talk more about getting over the fear of being betrayed in relationships. Just cannot kick the fear of it and it seems like everyone is doing it. Makes me think what's the point even trying, there are no good people left.
There is no point in trying to overcome this with hypotheticals. It is okay to be afraid and have trust issues; the right partner will consistently show you they don't betray and are trustworthy...the fear will slowly eb away until one day you watch a video and you suddenly realise "wait...I trust my partner" at least that's how it happened for me. I'm also very honest and upfront to my partner about when I become anxious about certain things and he usually reassures my fears.
I disagree. Saying “no” to that feeling of being alone forever is going against human nature which isn’t always a bad thing. Being with someone is an important emotional need. You can love yourself and still be lonely. Humans are social creatures and need to be with others.
This is pretty much how I felt. Yeah I could deal with it, but to never have someone I can intimately interact with? Yeah I don’t want to do that and I’m not insecure for thinking like that.
funny thing is: i actually knew this before i got into a serious relationship. i told people actively looking for a partner is already the wrong approach. but i was so gd miserable that someday i finally tried being someone else to get a halfway bearable life because i ran out of options. now i have a kid with a person i hate.
@siiNke ok but it's good that you're used to being by yourself. The first step is to enjoy your own company then other people will enjoy yours a lot more than if u hate being by yourself
2. too much self-optimization is unhealthy. 1. being able to be alone with yourself and get on well with yourself has nothing at all to do with "being without other people forever". thinking that is a logical fallacy.
i don't love myself, and i'm OK alone. Relationships r overrated. This video is still gold. And others will not like me, so i spare them not going into relationships.
its good to hear such tangible advice, and tbh its kinda what i think of most nights while i try to sleep, and the way you describe it is so spot on, loved every word
the thing video is missing is that - I need to know more abt yourself who are you, you have family, how did u came up with this knowledge, were how were you before and now? i get it you are focusing on Others, but dont forget to introduce yourself... overall wow.... this is just wow. thank you a lot, that you are keeping it real
It really begs the question, what makes him qualified to speak on this in the first place. Why should we trust him? Especially given his extremely controversial last in which he was declared the most hated man in America
This is so true. This happens to a lot og guys who have a hard time with women. When a girl finally shows interest they become fake just to keep her. However, it never works.
You're absolutely right. I was "the wrong people" for my ex... When i asked him to stop doing drugs and to find himself a little job... He said that i was not close to him enough nor important enough to him to take my advice into account... lol I'm happy he rejected me... Afterall, no one likes being a burden to perfect people, and i'm sure his life is even more perfect without me now 😂
Bro I just wanna say thank you ! Im in therapy since years and watching youre Videos maby 3 weeks now. U helped me alot with my sozial anxiety. Not bc therapy does Not work. Its bc sometimes we need another sentence or Energie to Our brain wich works for us and Our life. Just thank you for upload youre content here on TH-cam 🙏🏻💚🥹
I know that we're here for health. But no one really talks about sex. We destroy our drive when we have sex or self pleasure. You become bonded to yourself. Imaginary characters. It's not something you wanna let happen to you cause if you clear it up it will give you drive to use to actually get it foreal.
I just understand it!! Self-love mean i love myself Self love dont mean you love me That might sound stupidly obvious but if you thin about this you ll get it Self love meaning in this words I get it after you said you cant delegate self-love on the external As oppose to love ourself we start craving pleasing someone to love us that the most unhealthy shit that we are doing Instead of be good to ourself we thing maybe if i do something or achieve this makes me good Istead of healing of trauma we only strengthen it
there is a line between trigger fest stage and abuse learn the difference and leave abusers immediately no more excuses to stay with them. They're depending on you to give them grace that they don't have so you'll stay with them taking their abuse.
i been alone for 20yrs now i am 51 and not sure how to get back into the dating game. I am ok being alone but ready to share who i am with somebody. Most of the people i know are passing away and i am scared to die alone. my best friend is also terminally ill. So i basically only have 2 friends my best friend and his brother, but they both dont go out. I just dont know how to get out of this rutt. i am really liking julien’s videos.
@julianHimself I’ve listened to Tony Robbins and a bunch of other people over the years, and finally everything just clicked. ‘See them as your Player 2’. I’ve never felt more free in my marriage, yet excited to play life with my partner missioning by my side 🎉thank you man
Hey julien, love ur work man .. have been facing a small problem its like when i try to apply what all u said in my life im only being able to do it for a day , n when i try to follow these stuff the next day something in me doesnt allows me to do so... i feel stupid when i try .. what do u think i shld to abt this ?
God was never alone and the only thing not good was for man to be alone, then it is completely healthy and natural to not be okay with being alone forever. The universe won't ever speak to you but God can and he is the only way to enter into a relationship whole and with pure intention.
They gonna discover me What do you mean you? You always be youself so why you aftaid if someone exposed you? You'll be afraid if you hiding something from them But why you need to be with people relationship on job ect. Where you need to hide youself for what? For pleasure money etc? It seem worth it but if you really think about it is it? And if answer is yes you need to let go a lot Because be yourself is painful? You still can be yourself with you But i want to be with someone Then find someone who will be with you, dont hide parts of yourself show them and then you see what people dont like, your parts and that good But the most important question is why you want to be with someone? Ask to this question truly say a real reason why you want to be with someone ask this question to yourself, dont lie to yourself or you get lost on what your goals and what you want, learn yourself What experience you had that star to believing that you need to hide from people, this world ect? Only because something bad happens or not pleasant dont mean that you need to hide it
If you truly ask yourself this You could answer I want sex Why you want have sex? Because i want feel good Why you want to feel good? That might be the most irrational strange and stupid question to say and the right answer is: "what you mean i deserve to feel good" but what the real answer? And it might be: Because i feel bad And that when you want to stop and a lot of people usually stop they change theme because its too hard and stressful, but keep going! dont run from yourself, be with yourself be your supportive listener, that your feelings, you communicate with yourself Why you feel bad? Because i hate myself Why you hate yourself? Because i deserve to die Why you deserve to die? Because im wrong Why you wrong? Because i cried Why you cried? Because im lied What you lied? That im ok Why you lied? Because i was aftaid Of what? Of myself Why you was afraid of yourself? Because being yourself is painful Why its painful? Because a lot of people hurt me, my ex my parents ect Ok they hurt you but why you need to hide yourself just because of that? Because its pain Ok they make something to you, it their problem why only because of them you need to hide it? And then you Can rethink reimagine your experience that you had with help of question trials you can get conclusion, important data, notes that you made when being traumatised and then you can make new assumptions when you aware of them now and be with yourself at home feel peace with yourself And then in this state you can go in relationship ;)) Just ask question its so simple but in the same moment so hard Dont stop questioning yourself things about world ect you'll find a lot of new for yourself This answer might be illogical but remember you make them when you were in stress where you have limited time where you were maybe kid, and you need think of something, but there some valuable data, ask your self Dont just talk with yourself or speak, ask and question what yоu ask, and that where the spiral process coming))
so you must find happiness alone first, as if you'd never get into a relationship, to be able to love and feel love in a relationship, otherwise it's only dependency and manipulation... you're finding a partner through life, not a tool to do the self-love work you must do yourself... and if you improve yourself through life your partner must also have this growth mentality otherwise a gap will open between you...
May i ask a question? So i‘m deeply in love and some more deep connection with a person who is great and we have some amazing things in common. He feels very fond and loving towards me too, but he‘s in an open relationship and i have that constant feeling that i‘m not good enough in this constallation. Is that only my missing love of myself that i‘m hurt here or is it okay to say that i don‘t want it..?
I think it's okay to not want it. It sucks because they are so close to being the right person for you, but if how they show up hurts your relationship with yourself, then they aren't actually right after all.
i feel like my ex is both extremes of the spectrum, a narcissistic people pleaser. but maybe what seems narcissistic is just deep insecurity. man, i'm telling you, once you tried hard enough to make a doomed relationship work and it only got worse and worse, it gets REALLY hard to see anything good in that person ever again.
Special Word: This message is Gold! It's one in a million. You marry someone because you are in love with that person not because you fear of being alone for the next 46 years of your life. August 2024, USA
Without any craving or attachment you are totally enlightened, is that realistic❓ (of course it would be ideal to be without, I personally do not know anyone who is) It makes all of us not eligable to be in a relationship. I think it is great to be aware of our cravings and attachments and try to overcome them as well as be more independent and free. few people are true loners and people crave some good company, friendships, meaningful or nice activities or work. If someone doesn't have some activities or friends for a long time the craving will set in unless someone is totally dull or someone solely enlightened. Tell me how to live balanced without those things for people who are not totally enlightened Masters already ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓
But how, how do you fall in love with self? What does it look like? How does one love self? To be ok with self? Thats the million dollar question. I always hear, cant love anyone until you love yourself, but no explanation of how one does this. 😕
Unfortunately I didn’t see this video before having a short term relationship with someone who I’ve nothing in common with and then she got pregnant . Now I’m tied for life to someone I have nothing in common with and have a child I don’t feel is mine
You don't need to love yourself. You need space in your body= clearing blockages to be able to receive and hold the love of god. And then to pour it onto the world.
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Julien, I learned that I did all this with everyone I ever met until recently. Now, my ex husband is blaming me for wasting 10 years of his life. How do I help him without beating myself up for my mistakes?
OMG, this came at the right time! I've been single for over a year, focusing on healing and letting go of what doesn't serve me. Recently, I started thinking about putting myself back out there again. However, because of this video I've decided to wait until I'm not afraid to be alone forever-- my true self doesn't care, but my ego does. Thanks!
❤ authenticity is power
You got this!
That is just another trap. You have to accept you for who you are right now. Yes, keep working on yourself, but don't let that stop you living your life in the meantime.
@@michaeljeacock yes 🥰😁😁😁 love is the strongest energy in the universe
A year ? 😂
1. You are complete alone
2. Accept the idea that youll be happy if you die alone.
3. Dont find someone to impress people
4. Find chemestry, not the perfect person.
5. Little people pleasing. Not brutal honesty but honesty with compassion as your focus. If you disagree, say that and make it clear you arent harboring feelings against them. Ideally bounce off what you like about what they like. Example: person 1(likes videos games) person 2(doesnt like video games)
Person 1:"I love Halo"
Person 2:"Ive never been much for videos games. Ones of my friends is though and I really think the environment are pretty"
6. Fart in front of each other.
7. Know that youre awesome as yourself and have standards for other people. If someone is being rude, know that you dont deserve that and its a reflection of whatever theyre going through
8. Put yourself out there and get rejected by the people you dont connect with to find the ones you do.
9. No matter how attractive someone is, you eventually see them as a normal person
10. Make a list of things that you find attractive about your partner, a list of what you find attractive minus the sexual bits like a friend, and a list of sacrifices you would make for them.
11. Look for your player 2. Who you beating the ender dragon with to make it easier.
12. Make sure theyre going in the same trajectory you are. If you're happy with yourself and dont plan to make more money, learn more hobbies, etc then find someone the same way.
13. Lowkey flex about the super hot women you used to date to look official for giving advice.
14. Youll get mad at them. Nothings wrong with you or them. Dont hold in your feelings until youre "officially together" and stick through it for the light at the end of the tunnel
15. Ask yourself why you feel mad/why youre mad at someone/why theyre mad at you...really
16. Learn how to have fights. Look up "crutial conversations" summary and takes notes.
17. The more codependent you are, the more kikely you are to find and be attracted to a narcissist. Vice versa. Find a middle ground so you can find someone like yourself.
ooh nooo, you did Julien dirty with the point 13 😂😂😂
You don't want to fart in front of each other. I had that relationship. It went platonic.
I honestly can totally jig with all but 2. I think two (while good in intention) is absolute dogshit advice. I don't have religion as a purposeful anchor in life. I anchor my life to the ideal of having kids and loving those kids. Given we are a sexually reproductive species, its pretty damn impossible to have kids if one dies alone. Thus, 2 (once again, while well intentioned) is absolute terrible advice.
@@junelledembroski9183 You still need to be sexy. Flirt with her, have a life away from her, surprise her etc. Farting is human nature and isn't enough to turn a relationship platonic by itself.
@@I.Z.Phooto I hate when men say stuff about super hot women they had. Turns me off. I may be weird but when men talk about that I mentally part with any piece of them
Another perspective on this is healthy people don’t want be alone either. We do need each other and are not meant to be alone. We just have to be with another healthy person.
Dude. If I learn how to do that I'll never wanna to be in another relationship in my life
@@arturpaivadswhat do you mean? I’ve been single 3 yrs and now I’m at peace and don’t want to interrupt that with meaningless relationships that don’t last. I used to be the kind of person who had to be with someone tho
@@_space.pony_ Yeah, one day I'll get where you are :) 10 years single. One day I'll learn.
@@arturpaivadssending you love ❤️ I hope everything you need and more comes to you. I’m 39 btw
If being content alone was how things were meant to be, most of us wouldn’t be here and humanity would fail. We are meant to be in relationships. The struggle is to find healthy people and those who are willing to grow and practice self improvement. We will still make mistakes and fail at times. We don’t have to first be OK with alone forever. People in healthy happy relationships live years longer than single people. It’s a major part of who we are to pair and bond and love another dearly. Just don’t stay in abusive situations. Don’t just pick anyone, choose wisely.
Over ten minutes and not even **one** advertisement? This man truly wants us to learn how to be successful in relationships. Thank you, Julien, you're awesome. Someone that actually has something important to say.
It took me 20 years to discover these truths, and he just spits it out in 20 min...crazy wisdom.
Just exactly 2 mins into the video, and I realised how I am changing for the better. I started watching Julien about 6-7 months back. Before that I had this goal to become famous. But after regularly watching his videos and implementing what all I learn, I just now realised how I am not craving to become famous anymore. I am becoming more at peace with myself. Now I am craving to make a big positive impact to the world, in my field, that helps both the species and the society.
My relationship with myself has improved a lot since.
The "species"? O_o
@@BlinkinFirefly Yes!
❤being single is an upgrade. The stress and sleep deprivation was breaking my body. Being dumped was like being fired from being White House press secretary.
Your cat picture is cute 🥰
If I someday learn to be single I will probably never wanna date someone again. You're being modest...
I remember homeboy here doing a video on the beach many years ago, with a glowing Ferris wheel in the background, explaining how getting attached to the idea of somebody or being in a relationship, instead of getting to know them and develop something naturally was a fatal error many guys make when young. Those who know, know.
The algorithm blessed my feed with this video from the same man a decade or more later, and it's having just as strong an impact. Definitely a good speaker here, with a deeper understanding of relationship dynamics.
Amazing insight as usual, Julien. I find an amazing calmness is being alone because I know we are all one and everyone around me is a part of me having their own experience. I ran a Tough Mudder yesterday and enjoyed the contrast of being part of amazing camaraderie while also being a part of my own experience of doing things on my own. Even when out hiking in nature, you are not alone because EVERYTHING around you is alive. So much is happening, especially at a quantum level, that it's very soothing and comforting to me. If you are reading this, always remember that you are a gift unto this world. No matter what you do. Just being here is enough. Although, we are always growing and wanting to expand so why not enjoy this 3D world while we are here and do all the things that bring us and others joy 🙏
3D kinda sucks tho 😅 too dense! but I get what you're saying. we are all just Universe's or God's avatars playing with each other because THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO!!! 😭😁
I can just be alone for the rest of my life OR I want authentic, passionate, romantic, fun, and growth bearing love. I will not settle for less.
Very powerful text. I feel it
as they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup. first you fill your cup with self love and when it starts overflowing, you can share your love with others.
Acceptance of our current reality is the best way to move into a new reality. You can’t fight and heal simultaneously.
I needed this.. I just turned 23 yesterday and im still a virgin.. Been curved many times when i was younger… But i love myself and myself fully.. To anyone out there, just be you.. May our creator bless us..
I don't understand over half of what you're saying
@@danm8004 shii u dont got too lil bro😂 just let it be
@@0RDERVsCha0ss sorry mate we don't speak this version of English where I'm from.
@@danm8004 seems like ur typin english just fine 2 me laddy…
@@0RDERVsCha0ss now that's more like it.
Great advice! I recently got dumped by a man because he told me I wasn't supporting him, that I didn't make him feel good, that he felt like he had to walk on eggshells everyday of course NONE of this was my fault he built this golden prision around himself because he pretended to be someone he wasn't. Ultimately, I believe, he was a narcissist but that's neither here nor there. I learned a lot about myself through that relationship. I learned that I WAS picking these men and leaving myself vulnerable for the picking because I had zero boundaries and even if I "saw" something that misaligned with their actions I would believe what they told me over what they did... because I wanted to believe it not because it was true.
Omg, it sounds like I just wrote this. I’m in the exact same boat. 3 weeks off of being discarded by a dismissive avoidant. It hurts, but I’m doing the healing and inner work now and it’s helping me get through the heartbreak.
@@spicygingercat I am so sorry! Ultimately, learning from the mistakes that we did and not focusing on them will help us for the future and heal. I'd love to say they will soon know how it feels but it's been shown that avoidance LOVE LOVE the chase and statistically love one night stands. Because just as we fear being alone they fear being in relationships just as much. Narcissists on the other hand don't feel much of anything but I do feel sorry for the little child that was abandoned by most likely their mother. I forgive and move on. I am a recovering co-dependent and anxious attached person but I've been since for almost a year now after in and out for 18 years. In fact, it's more scary now getting in with the wrong person and wasting more time at 41 than it is being alone. I've rather enjoyed me time and not having to wait for dinner, worry if they are happy, and I get to focus on my favorite person - me.
@@bether2game797 oh yeah. They fear commitment and love the honeymoon phase. I also feel sorry for their hurt inner child that causes their unhealthy behaviors. But I am in complete agreement with you that focusing on ourselves and our own healing journey is the right move. Good luck to you!
Feel like I time traveled to last year reading this!! I learned the same lesson from a similar experience and am so grateful I finally saw what abandoning myself looks like.
Not all narcissists are hurt inner children, there are also the spoiled entitled children turned narcissists or those born lacking empathy naturally are narcissists. And pity won't change any of them, they use pity against people, they take advantage of those who feel sorry for them. You are wise to keep your distance, it's the only solution.
"If being alone forever triggers you - you can't stand being in a relationship with YOU"
Killing the game Julien 💯
Julien is like a breath of fresh air. I felt like I was drowning in self-help info until I found one of his videos. Since then I feel empowered and can actually apply all the gem advice that Julien shares. So much gratitude to this wise teacher!
I am a codependent who has been in a relationship with narcissists all my life. Now I understand why.
My advice for couples:
Learn to listen to the other person. In an argument: it's not about who is right (there can be), but it is about understanding each others point of view.
:)
The little chart at the end of the Codependency vs Narcissist styles clicked so much for me with my last relationship. Thank you so much Julien for bringing this up and for helping me to name what was actually going on in me.
Since I’ve started watching Julien last year and became my true authentic self I’ve been divorced and fired twice and never happier 😂
This is why I've always had below 0 respect for anyone who couldn't be single for more than a few days. Any living being will do, as long as they have someone with them. Yikes. All the more satisfying to learn about their identity or existential crysis later on in life or psychosis because they have never developed their selves not even in adulthood. Some people have no hope
my exs=
Lol that is what the universe has told me (but only pertaining to finding others I truly connect with), but it tells me that others probably feel the same. True appreciation of each other is definitely missing in our world.
Going through something with my girl rn, making things work and fixing problems but at the end of the day it just comes down to what’s more painful, holding on or letting go
I like this guy. He seems utterly sincere and has real insights
Julien, I love your videos, and your messages in all of them but this one - by far, is the most profound I’ve watched of yours. The eye opening ah-ha’ moments were continuous. Gratitude to you for spreading this knowledge so freely! ❤
Amazing to hear! I'm glad this was so insightful for you! 🙏
wow dude over half mil subs, you are killn it. You are like pheonix, building up again and again. Inspirational. keep going. respect.
Timestamps -
0:00: 💔 Understanding the importance of self-love and acceptance before entering a relationship.
4:13: 💖 Prioritize self-worth, avoid chasing wrong partners, and be content with being alone.
7:43: 💑 Authentic relationships should be a sanctuary where you can be yourself, including embracing natural behaviors like farting and going to the bathroom.
10:31: 💡 Authenticity is key in relationships; be upfront about important interests to attract like-minded individuals and repel incompatible ones.
14:24: 💑 Choosing a partner based on shared values, long-term goals, and personal growth is crucial for a successful relationship.
17:44: 💖 The importance of enduring challenges in relationships for personal growth and deeper connection.
20:45: 💡 Understanding relationship dynamics: codependency, narcissism, and attraction based on proximity to the middle.
I’m really glad I stumbled upon this video, I’m honestly going through a tough time in my life and I’m trying my best to reclaim myself and love myself more. Definitely will add a lot of key points you made in my journal and I already saved the names of the books you recommended. Thank you so much 🙏🏽
Julien has come a long way, and I admire his ability to inspire. Thank you for sharing!
The real me is when I amuse myself by making an UNO game last over 5 hours, but no body else enjoyed it.
Or when I beat someone in a game of Chess, but instead of winning right away I'll promote all my pawns to queens and then do a little dance around their king.
what are you yappin about
Says the ego
Narcissist red flag
Still going through my first breakup at age 30. Its been 4 months from the breakup and im still completely crushed.
We were together for 14 months and it was the best times of my life.
Then the last couple months i was letting out my baggage and self sabbotaging and broke her trust.
I never connected with anyone before i met her and made so many mistakes to an amazing women and then she left me for my fake friend.
Being autistic, ocd & Depression has really made this breakup hell for 4 months. Im worried im never gonna feel better again and not enjoy life and things again.
I hope i beat this severe depression. I even lost my job.
Everything triggers me of her. We loved all the same things for the most part.
Except she loves harry potter so its another trigger.
She literally loved me fully and aunthetic but she had enough.After the breakup i realized i dont resonate with any of my friends cause they like to drink and smoke weeda and dont like much of what i like so im all alone in this world.
She was the only one that ive ever been so close too in all levels, emotionally & Psychically.
I started getting bored cause she was so sweet and ruined it.
I feel like my life is over.
She told me things were getting stagnant. 💔💔💔
Go to Casey Zander’s Channel and get to know how women work 🏋️
I promise you, you ARE going to feel better eventually. Depression is a bitch, me and her are very close "friends" unfortunately. What helps me every time I spiral into one of the episodes, is to STOP THINKING. I kid you not. Stop the internal dialogue altogether. You can try listening to meditations or just look up techniques to stop the internal dialogue. You need to STOP THINKING and START doing something positive and productive (whatever it may be for you). Stay strong, beautiful soul, this too shall pass❤
I feel you. Heart break sucks big time😢I know all about that. I never thought I would get over my ex (cried and cried over him for months on end, everything felt meaningless, empty, I blamed myself, was just staying in bed, barely excisted etcetc.) But, I was able to move on 👍🏼I also want to add that maybe not all hope is lost when it comes to your ex. She’ll might be back with you one day if she miss you, realizes it was true love and if it doesn’t work out with that fake friend. Hopefully you’ve said you’re truly sorry and done whatever you can to make amends. I got back with an ex after a year actually, but it didn’t last. We just weren’t meant to be. No matter what happens, you’ll find someone eventually and things will be good again💖But you have to give this time and accept that it hurts. You would be a cold emotionless narc or something if you could just turn off your feelings like that. One thing that helped me was to look at different YT videos (a lot of advice and tips here about exes, heartbreaks and everything) You’ll get through this. You’re life isn’t over trust me💯(It just feels like that now) In terms of your friends, maybe you should look for some other type of friends (theres’s a lot of good people online for example) You also need more time to heal. Maybe be alone for a while and put love on hold. See what happens with everything and focus on you. Learn from these mistakes, don’t repeat them and one day you’ll be truly happy and in love again. Time will show with who. Also, try to find another job - a new chapter and start. Talk to people who can help you or have been through similar situations. I wish you all the best 🌸
Very right and good words. Understand that you are shaping lives the right way, and that will go far into bringing peace and goodness more fully in the Earth.
Wish you would talk more about getting over the fear of being betrayed in relationships. Just cannot kick the fear of it and it seems like everyone is doing it. Makes me think what's the point even trying, there are no good people left.
There is no point in trying to overcome this with hypotheticals.
It is okay to be afraid and have trust issues; the right partner will consistently show you they don't betray and are trustworthy...the fear will slowly eb away until one day you watch a video and you suddenly realise "wait...I trust my partner" at least that's how it happened for me.
I'm also very honest and upfront to my partner about when I become anxious about certain things and he usually reassures my fears.
Thanks Julian.
?: How long should one think about their goals so they won't procrastinate?
Thanks.
I got the message right. Me i am fat, i am double! My new goal is to become triple.Thank you!
I disagree. Saying “no” to that feeling of being alone forever is going against human nature which isn’t always a bad thing. Being with someone is an important emotional need. You can love yourself and still be lonely. Humans are social creatures and need to be with others.
Fascinating, Julien saving lives once again ❤
This shkuld be broadcast on the news. People need to know this! Thank you for posting and i hope there is more to come
No, I'm a social being with a natural need for physical touch and intimacy 😊 - But I could make it work, I just really prefer not to
This is pretty much how I felt. Yeah I could deal with it, but to never have someone I can intimately interact with? Yeah I don’t want to do that and I’m not insecure for thinking like that.
We are never alone 🙏
That co-dependent and narcissist attraction explains so much, I keep wondering why I'm not attracted to perfectly nice guys...
funny thing is: i actually knew this before i got into a serious relationship. i told people actively looking for a partner is already the wrong approach. but i was so gd miserable that someday i finally tried being someone else to get a halfway bearable life because i ran out of options. now i have a kid with a person i hate.
oh no...😮 I hope you like the kid, tho❤ because you know how important it is for a child to feel loved and liked
Hallelujah. What a massive recap of a lot recognizable themes. Saved forever!
my problem is that i am used to being on my own and by myself :)
Why is that a problem
@@ketangle because I want family. And since I can be on my own I am very picky person.
@@siiNkecheers
@siiNke ok but it's good that you're used to being by yourself. The first step is to enjoy your own company then other people will enjoy yours a lot more than if u hate being by yourself
2. too much self-optimization is unhealthy.
1. being able to be alone with yourself and get on well with yourself has nothing at all to do with "being without other people forever". thinking that is a logical fallacy.
Thanks, Julien.
Damn first time getting to a Julien Video so fast!!!!
I LOVE YOU BROTHER!!! Keep Setting People Free!
You Rock!!! 💖💎🙌∞
Nice! And thank you! 🙏
i don't love myself, and i'm OK alone. Relationships r overrated.
This video is still gold.
And others will not like me, so i spare them not going into relationships.
Lust is the foundation
its good to hear such tangible advice, and tbh its kinda what i think of most nights while i try to sleep, and the way you describe it is so spot on, loved every word
the thing video is missing is that - I need to know more abt yourself who are you, you have family, how did u came up with this knowledge, were how were you before and now? i get it you are focusing on Others, but dont forget to introduce yourself... overall wow.... this is just wow. thank you a lot, that you are keeping it real
It really begs the question, what makes him qualified to speak on this in the first place. Why should we trust him? Especially given his extremely controversial last in which he was declared the most hated man in America
This is so true. This happens to a lot og guys who have a hard time with women. When a girl finally shows interest they become fake just to keep her. However, it never works.
You're absolutely right. I was "the wrong people" for my ex... When i asked him to stop doing drugs and to find himself a little job... He said that i was not close to him enough nor important enough to him to take my advice into account... lol I'm happy he rejected me... Afterall, no one likes being a burden to perfect people, and i'm sure his life is even more perfect without me now 😂
thanks for putting tips youve said before in a concise and single direction video
This advice is amazing, thank you!
Hi Julien, do you have any pricing available?
Bro I just wanna say thank you ! Im in therapy since years and watching youre Videos maby 3 weeks now.
U helped me alot with my sozial anxiety.
Not bc therapy does Not work.
Its bc sometimes we need another sentence or Energie to Our brain wich works for us and Our life.
Just thank you for upload youre content here on TH-cam 🙏🏻💚🥹
I know that we're here for health. But no one really talks about sex. We destroy our drive when we have sex or self pleasure. You become bonded to yourself. Imaginary characters. It's not something you wanna let happen to you cause if you clear it up it will give you drive to use to actually get it foreal.
I just understand it!!
Self-love mean i love myself
Self love dont mean you love me
That might sound stupidly obvious but if you thin about this you ll get it
Self love meaning in this words
I get it after you said you cant delegate self-love on the external
As oppose to love ourself we start craving pleasing someone to love us that the most unhealthy shit that we are doing
Instead of be good to ourself we thing maybe if i do something or achieve this makes me good
Istead of healing of trauma we only strengthen it
This is so so so worth watching
there is a line between trigger fest stage and abuse learn the difference and leave abusers immediately no more excuses to stay with them. They're depending on you to give them grace that they don't have so you'll stay with them taking their abuse.
This guy is like the Vermin Supreme of self help.
I
Love
It
You are awesome man!!
I have been alone with the horrendous shit I've been subjected to forever since it's just too heavy for people.
i been alone for 20yrs now i am 51 and not sure how to get back into the dating game. I am ok being alone but ready to share who i am with somebody. Most of the people i know are passing away and i am scared to die alone. my best friend is also terminally ill. So i basically only have 2 friends my best friend and his brother, but they both dont go out. I just dont know how to get out of this rutt. i am really liking julien’s videos.
My health 1st got it!
@julianHimself I’ve listened to Tony Robbins and a bunch of other people over the years, and finally everything just clicked. ‘See them as your Player 2’. I’ve never felt more free in my marriage, yet excited to play life with my partner missioning by my side 🎉thank you man
What a great coach ❤️
Thank you Julian , that was gold .
Hey julien, love ur work man .. have been facing a small problem its like when i try to apply what all u said in my life im only being able to do it for a day , n when i try to follow these stuff the next day something in me doesnt allows me to do so... i feel stupid when i try .. what do u think i shld to abt this ?
God was never alone and the only thing not good was for man to be alone, then it is completely healthy and natural to not be okay with being alone forever. The universe won't ever speak to you but God can and he is the only way to enter into a relationship whole and with pure intention.
Holy shipwreck. Egoic high.
This is something to watch several times over.
They gonna discover me
What do you mean you?
You always be youself so why you aftaid if someone exposed you?
You'll be afraid if you hiding something from them
But why you need to be with people relationship on job ect. Where you need to hide youself for what?
For pleasure money etc?
It seem worth it but if you really think about it is it?
And if answer is yes you need to let go a lot
Because be yourself is painful?
You still can be yourself with you
But i want to be with someone
Then find someone who will be with you, dont hide parts of yourself show them and then you see what people dont like, your parts and that good
But the most important question is why you want to be with someone?
Ask to this question truly say a real reason why you want to be with someone ask this question to yourself, dont lie to yourself or you get lost on what your goals and what you want, learn yourself
What experience you had that star to believing that you need to hide from people, this world ect?
Only because something bad happens or not pleasant dont mean that you need to hide it
If you truly ask yourself this
You could answer
I want sex
Why you want have sex?
Because i want feel good
Why you want to feel good?
That might be the most irrational strange and stupid question to say and the right answer is: "what you mean i deserve to feel good" but what the real answer?
And it might be:
Because i feel bad
And that when you want to stop and a lot of people usually stop they change theme because its too hard and stressful, but keep going! dont run from yourself, be with yourself be your supportive listener, that your feelings, you communicate with yourself
Why you feel bad?
Because i hate myself
Why you hate yourself?
Because i deserve to die
Why you deserve to die?
Because im wrong
Why you wrong?
Because i cried
Why you cried?
Because im lied
What you lied?
That im ok
Why you lied?
Because i was aftaid
Of what?
Of myself
Why you was afraid of yourself?
Because being yourself is painful
Why its painful?
Because a lot of people hurt me, my ex my parents ect
Ok they hurt you but why you need to hide yourself just because of that?
Because its pain
Ok they make something to you, it their problem why only because of them you need to hide it?
And then you Can rethink reimagine your experience that you had with help of question trials you can get conclusion, important data, notes that you made when being traumatised and then you can make new assumptions when you aware of them now and be with yourself at home feel peace with yourself
And then in this state you can go in relationship ;))
Just ask question its so simple but in the same moment so hard
Dont stop questioning yourself things about world ect you'll find a lot of new for yourself
This answer might be illogical but remember you make them when you were in stress where you have limited time where you were maybe kid, and you need think of something, but there some valuable data, ask your self
Dont just talk with yourself or speak, ask and question what yоu ask, and that where the spiral process coming))
Im not giving myself the love i need but maybe if someone else does 🥶🥶🥶
What a masterclass.
All I know is that you're inspiring me to dress as absurd as possible and not care, and I'm all for it XD
😂
so you must find happiness alone first, as if you'd never get into a relationship, to be able to love and feel love in a relationship, otherwise it's only dependency and manipulation... you're finding a partner through life, not a tool to do the self-love work you must do yourself... and if you improve yourself through life your partner must also have this growth mentality otherwise a gap will open between you...
Ty I get it now
Banger vid!
Your insight is really golden
Jesus Loves you and wants a relationship with you if you don't already have one!!!
Referring to my wife as player 2 from now on
this is so good thanks
You're so welcome!
GOD BLESS JESUS LOVES YOU
May i ask a question? So i‘m deeply in love and some more deep connection with a person who is great and we have some amazing things in common. He feels very fond and loving towards me too, but he‘s in an open relationship and i have that constant feeling that i‘m not good enough in this constallation. Is that only my missing love of myself that i‘m hurt here or is it okay to say that i don‘t want it..?
I think it's okay to not want it. It sucks because they are so close to being the right person for you, but if how they show up hurts your relationship with yourself, then they aren't actually right after all.
i feel like my ex is both extremes of the spectrum, a narcissistic people pleaser. but maybe what seems narcissistic is just deep insecurity.
man, i'm telling you, once you tried hard enough to make a doomed relationship work and it only got worse and worse, it gets REALLY hard to see anything good in that person ever again.
Special Word: This message is Gold! It's one in a million. You marry someone because you are in love with that person not because you fear of being alone for the next 46 years of your life. August 2024, USA
Can siblings be both narcisist and codependant?
I mean same upbringing but just developed differently?
Idk what hairstyle that is but it makes sense
It’s a good one! 😮😊
Without any craving or attachment you are totally enlightened, is that realistic❓
(of course it would be ideal to be without, I personally do not know anyone who is)
It makes all of us not eligable to be in a relationship.
I think it is great to be aware of our cravings and attachments and try to overcome them as well as be more independent and free. few people are true loners and people crave some good company, friendships, meaningful or nice activities or work.
If someone doesn't have some activities or friends for a long time the craving will set in unless someone is totally dull or someone solely enlightened.
Tell me how to live balanced without those things for people who are not totally enlightened Masters already ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓
But how, how do you fall in love with self? What does it look like? How does one love self? To be ok with self? Thats the million dollar question. I always hear, cant love anyone until you love yourself, but no explanation of how one does this. 😕
Complete self-acceptance and not attaching your self worth to external factors
Well done 🏆🏆🏆🗣️
HES RIGHT 😮
So being in a relationship, is like picking which build i will use in a souls games? Gotcha
ABSOLUTELY 💯💯
Glad this resonates! 👊
love yourself then love one another
Unfortunately I didn’t see this video before having a short term relationship with someone who I’ve nothing in common with and then she got pregnant . Now I’m tied for life to someone I have nothing in common with and have a child I don’t feel is mine
You don't need to love yourself. You need space in your body= clearing blockages to be able to receive and hold the love of god. And then to pour it onto the world.
You find your true self when you have your ego in check
Julien In Nigeria let's make it happen 😂 muh love