Oh my goodness.... thank you so much ladies, this is about my sister. Watching now ♡ Still no toxicology results, its been 10 weeks now that we have been waiting. Unfortunately, both suspicious and criminal activity surround my sisters death, the CID were and still are involved. Along with a backlog, it just all took so much time..... Thank you so much for taking the time to answer this for me.... its really helped.... love to you both ❤
My dad found his younger brother dead in a heated bedroom in late February in 1998. He died about 3.5 days earlier according to autopsy. The coroner had the body for several weeks and as a result, no viewing was possible. My dad, a retired policeman, said that the body was dark in the upper quadrant because of how he was laying. Dad really hoped the funeral home could do a miracle so he could escape that terrible memory. It haunted him for a long time. I wanted to see pictures so I could get closure, but my dad blocked me from it. Years later after I became an officer, I understood why. You have a disconnect when it’s someone you don’t know, but a friend or relative is a challenge to handle. Not meaning to preach to you, but I’ve had instances where I didn’t get the visual closure. I’ve found that praying for peace and healing will help.
It may be helpful for you to know that, speaking from experience, that last visual experience will fade in time. I saw both my parents after they died at the mortuary and even gave instructions to the mortician. I had a lot of family but they depended a lot on me due to my medical training, to make certain decisions. But those images of them, deceased that I saw, are far back in my memory bank and when I think of my parents, all kinds of memories that I evoke have happy pictures of them and I think that is important. There is a huge amount of talk over "closure" but most people do that naturally, and the memories that they evoke are often the happy ones that they made over the many years spent with their loved ones. And most people have many pictures that they can look at from all the years shared with their loved ones. I can barely remember how my parents looked at their funerals now, I have to really reach into the back of my mind to see them as I saw them at the funeral home, because I have so many great memories and many pictures of our family. That is how you remember them, the other memory picture of them at their funeral fades in time.
@gewells8098 people forget at times of unexpected deaths, that it really does affect the police officers too. My stepdad dealt with a few stranger deaths.. its affected him, and also us, fortunately he did share with us and so we carry those thoughts of the people at their last moments. I'm so sorry your dad has had the close family member experience, because I'm sure it would be very emotional to carry on his heavy burdens of memories. Xx
I’m the UK. My Mom passed 20 years ago in September at 47. She passed on 22nd sept and October 10th was her funeral because it was sudden I was only allowed to see her the day of her funeral. My Dad had to go in first as she was so bad and I was 17. All I can remember is she was going black round her hair line and I can still smell. It was so traumatising and I regret seeing her, My Dad passed on 4th of May after nearly 5 years battle of cancer (he was yellow)and I saw him after and I could not thank the embalmer lady enough. She gave me such a precious memory of him just looking asleep, pain free after such a hard battle. Thank you seriously for your channel. You explain things so gently. You two are beautiful humans x To Kate, massive love to you sweetheart x
So very sorry to hear about your mom 😔 good to hear the embalmer took good care of your dad 🤗 Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story, take good care ❤️❤️
My grandfather also passed of cancer and I remember he also started looking yellowish as the disease progressed. I don't know why that is but it's good to know that it wasn't only a him thing and that others also experience that🖤
When my Mum passed away. I was with her. When I visited her in the Funeral Parlour. She was NOT embalmed. This was three weeks after she passed, when I visited her. She looked beautiful. There was so much Peace, around her. Cyra xxxx
Here in the U.S. every funeral home has cold storage , embalming, hair color, makeup. The trouble is they put makeup on women that maybe really didn’t wear it and some are so overdone. Then again, I’ve seen some that they’ve done a phenomenal job. Very expensive industry in the U.S.
100% agree with the make up. I dont wear make up but Im sure I will when Im dead as they will make me look like a clown. Im still upset that they put orange lipstick on my dad when he died! Ugghh!
Very sensitive topic but u answered with such sincerity and love as always! I had no idea that some places didnt have cold storage. I would think that would be a law especially if it takes weeks to bury someone..... that blows my mind too! Here in the U.S its usually 5 days with an embalming. It breaks my heart when funeral directors will tell a family member "NO" u cant touch your loved one. I can see them making a suggestion but when it comes down to it, they have no right to stop them and I for one would have told them to shove it. Some act like your loved one is THEIR property and that pisses me off. Sending love and hugs to the woman this happened to. Great video T&T Stay warm! ❤💜
So agree. By taking ownership of loved ones who are deceased, funeral directors are really impacting on the grieving process and the mental health of those who grieve. It's so, so wrong. The lovely ladies in the video follows their hearts and not their egos.
Like you guys, my niece (mortician & cosmetologist) was asked to reconstruct her high school boyfriend after a car accident, his mother searched her out to prepare him for the funeral, the mothers only child, she wanted to see him as he was before the accident. I think that was traumatizing for my niece and gave his mother a gift to remember him as he was, she will forever thank my niece for being apart of his life and giving him back his beautiful face.
My son died from Lukeima and even before he died his body was turning black with the sepsis it was horrible to see, I was advised not to go and see him in the funeral home and ir broke my heart that I couldn’t say a proper goodbye to him but I understood he looked bad enough when he was alive so I really don’t want to. Imagine what he looked like a while after dying bless him xxx
We are not our bodies, thankfully. Our Souls are our real selves. I see bodies as no more as cars. 😊 Thanks Ladies, you always answer with class and tact. 💖💖💖
I consider us to be body and energy. My son died, and I couldn't be away from him after death. I felt I needed to protect him still. His energy was gone, yes. But his body that I grew, and clothed and fed and loved still needed me. In my opinion, saying we are not our body does not account for human connection and love. We are both.
My step-son died suddenly from a ruptured aorta. His death was reported to the (UK) Coroner and it was four weeks before we could have a funeral. We visited him at the funeral home when his body was released from the Coroner, where he lay at rest in a refrigerated bed in a lovely peaceful 'bedroom'. Sadly, our last memory was of bad skin slippage on his face and it wasn't the last memory we really wanted. The funeral director did say he 'didn't look too good' but none of us really knew what that meant at the time. His mum and I went in first and we were able to inform his dad and brother, who then decided not to view him. It was the right decision.
My mum also passed away due to a ruptured aorta, my mum sadly was waiting for surgeons to do it in the Leeds general infirmary she died on the 23-12-06 her burial was 3 weeks later. My Dad died recently in Pinderfields Wakefield from emphysema in January his burial was over 30 days later. I didn't go see either preferred to have my memories. The quickest part which normally takes nearly a year from my Dad been buried with my mum within 6 weeks their gravestone was returned to their grave with the Oldmans details.
My brother unalived himself 21yrs ago. He wasn’t found for 16hrs. At the hospital they advised us not to view him. We were able to have an open casket & he looked like he was sleeping. You could only see some swelling in his hands. The mortician did an excellent job.
You have been so informative and supportive Thank you, and lots of hugs to the lady who allowed you to discuss it please let there be more of these c subjects we see as taboo shouldn't be x ❤
I always think that if the family wants to say goodbye then you have to explain the option of remembering her as she was, or never get closure which usually means it’s harder because some people don’t believe a death until they’ve seen it. Personally I would do my absolute best to make sure that one hand was airbrushed, although with skin slip it tends to look like peeling sunburn, and I have in the dark past actually put a couple of latex gloves one over the other, wrapped the arm in clingfilm then crepe bandage and put on a silk glove, just for the family to hold. We do what we can to make it work for the person in our care and for the families too, it’s always a learning curve... and there’s always the option of shrouding the body but leaving the top of the head uncovered for the family to stroke their hair gently. It sounds like it was just lazy work on the part of the funeral director in this case, and to say it’s no longer a sister irks me no end. Edit.. I’ve just watched the bit in the middle of the video that I missed, and I’ve just said the same thing you guys said. I still think the funeral home should have made more of an effort to do something for the poor family
My only living sister died four days ago. She was cremated two days later. Her birthday is November 18th, the same day that her daughter died two years ago. The three of us were very close and I’m still mourning my niece’s passing. I’m almost 82 years old and this double tragedy has left me feeling like a lost soul. I live alone and I’m the oldest of four daughters, the last survivor. Four years ago, my only child, a son, died unexpectedly.
I found my dad deceased around 7am he had had a massive heart attack. He don’t look too bad but once the ambulance had taken him away and ultimately passed him to the funeral directors, we too were told now to view well more advised not to view as he had apparently “blown up”. And it would haunt us. Obviously not boom but I’m wondering would it have been such a no no to see him bear in mind I was 20 and this was 32 years ago
It's really difficult at that age to lose a parent. I know of many who did. It sounds like he was not cared for properly though, like with refrigeration.
Hi, so very sorry to hear your story 😔 So the funeral home is referring to gasses building up making the tummy area bloat out a little. This can be resolved with mortuary care such as aspirating to remove the gas and fluid, this will reduce the tummy back to normal levels. However if this is not done in a timely manner the pressure of the gas pushes fluid and blood to the head and face turning this area a dark reddish to purple colour. If this is not removed quickly the colour will stain the skin and this can look quite traumatic. It's possible this was the reason. So sorry you didn't get to see your dad one last time 😞 take good care ❤️❤️
When I found my friend who had died a day and half earlier. He was still in rigor mortis. But his face. I wish I could forget. Figurative speaking. Imagine a blaçk hole between the eyes and gravity pulling all your facial features toward it. The skin creases caused by it look like black lines. The rest of his face was a bluish grey. One thing that still sticks in my mind was how parts of his body was hot to touch and the rest cold. He kept his apartment 80 degrees
@@Areyoudyingtoknow thanks we knew each other 43 years. I was supposed to be at his apartment that weekend but was really sick even ended up in the emergency room We usually talked every day over the phone. When I talked to him Friday he was fine. couldn't get ahold of him Saturday but wasn't too concerned because he was always breaking his phone Sunday when calls went straight to voicemail I went to his apartment to check on him. Expected to find him in his recliner watching tv and about to tell me how he broke his phone again. Instead found him on the bathroom floor with the shower still running
Thank you for your sensitive but forthright honesty. I think sometimes that can mean so much more than people realize. Different people will have different needs for closure - for some people not seeing their loved one in that condition is the right thing ultimately, for others it will always be a regret no matter how unpleasant the details because they needed the fullness of the reality. I've lost siblings including my brother a few years back in a rather gruesome manner that would have made viewing unadvisable. Due to bio family drama, information about that was held hostage essentially unless I wanted to get into contact with people I'm no contact with. The autopsy/coroners details and knowing exactly what he would have looked like, though very graphic, were actually very cathartic. I hope that Kate, the OP, has managed to find some sense of closure and a measure of peace through this.
I love that you ladies took a lot of time, and put a lot of thought on how to approach this difficult question……you’re the bestest and slap me silly and call me a groupie! Much love to you lovely ladies 🖤☠️
Hello lovely ladies as ever a brilliant video. Just goes to show you never know what happens in a funeral home. Really nice to get answers to many questions and to hear that your loved one is being cared for with respect. Love you guys huge hugs 🌹🌹🌹💕
Hi ladies hope you both are well, I loved the way you explained to the lady that sent you the email regarding her sister I really hope it gave her some comfort. I hope you find the strength to get through this horrible sad time ❤❤
My mom passed December 16 th she didn’t have autopsy and died in hospital I viewed her the day before her funeral January 23rd and I will say it was the most horrendous experience of my life and I wish I had kept the memory I had of her not the one I now have. I wouldn’t advise seeing anyone after this long, I found it disturbing and nothing usually phases me. The funeral directors didn’t remove even plasters from her arms and had to hide them under the coffin lining. I’m not sure if she was embalmed as my brother organised the funeral etc. viewing someone after a longer time is decently harder.
@@kimglass4851 i have no idea, she died in hospital all the hospital plasters were still on her arms i only saw them as the funeral director had hidden her entire arms under the coffin lining and i wished to put something in her hand. i didnt ask them on it as it was disturbing to me. it was clear to me they hadnt washed her or removed those. i dont think she was embalmed. her arms without being too graphic were black i thought from bruising and she had a funny indentation mark on her head also she didnt die in an accident but was in hospital with copd prior to her death.her eyes were completely like sunken and gone. it was the worst thing ive ever seen. i have seen others who died prior to this with a completely diff experience of that.
@@karenroy9045 i viewed my son compared after he haqd died in hospital age 3 months and 3 weeks he had like a tiny flaking skin on his forehead, i asked what it was and they said it was normal for after death back then at age 17 i didnt realise on decomp and it was the start on those changes. he looked absolutely normal and just asleep. he had been at the coroners for 6 weeks prior to the funeral home. when i asked the next day to view him they refused to let me and i didnt know it was something i could say i wanted regardless. he died of a heart virus. his eyes and everything were normal. since january i had taken some photos of my mother but havent been able to view them in even black and white which was my plan to change them to as they disturb me so much. her eyes were sunken i dont think my brother had her imblamed and some of her skin i could see was black. i would never go again and see a loved one especially now but after i had viewed my son and it had been like he was asleep i thought this was going to be similar. my friend who escorted me to the viewing vomited when we exited and the smell was awful as well they used im not sure if it was from her or what they tried to use to mask it. worst experience and it has ruined my moms image and memory of her.
I too lost my sister to cancer this past February 24,2024 . She showed her beautiful aura to me a week after she passed on . Our prayers are with you and your loved ones .
My mother looked peaceful and beautiful. The mortician did a wonderful job. But my mother passed away in a nursing home and was taken almost immediately to a funeral home and embalmed quickly. My mom looked as though she had just gone to sleep. Morticians are unsung heroes in my opinion. You ladies are amazing!
My son died 5 years ago on the 22nd of October. We were lucky to have access to a palliative hospice for children. So i was able to spend the time from death to funeral with him. We were told reality and expectations of decomposition and how it would affect whether he could stay the whole time. Rory died at home, he was very ill. We bathed him immediately and took out his subcutaneous syringe driver, and catheter. His peg was taken out by palliative care later that evening. We put him in air-con at the coldest setting immediately until transportation came to hummingbird house. Once there we had a cold room essentially, that was set up like a bedroom. He was bathed again, his pads were changed, and moisteriser put all over his body. 12 hrs after death his eyes were donated and stitched closed. The routine of changing, and moistering kept going for several day. Rorys funeral was 9 days later on Halloween day. He had no veining. Had purple fingertips, but his beautiful skin was pale white. He had some blotching on his back but nothing extreme. There was bowel movements still leaking until day 9. Rory chin was lax and his skin sunk on his face at the end, but he was still very much my boy. We were very lucky, especially considering we are in Queensland Australia, and it was October, that decomposition was very slow. I was able to care for him until he was placed in his forever bed. There was no skin slipping or gases. The room temperature was like a standard cold room, so not frozen but you certainly needed a jumper in there. I find entering cold rooms very difficult now. All in all though I was blessed to have that time. My boy was beautiful until the last moment i saw his body. Ive often wondered why we got so long with his body, i put it down to the amount of medication he was on. And also that he had been on 5 mls of gastrolyte per hour for about 3 months, so there was no real food bacteria i guess. Rory went through an Ongoing Prolonged Terminal Phase, so food and drink overloaded his system. Its coming up to the anniversary of his death, and it relieves me to talk on it. No one likes to hear a mumma talk about the death of her child. But it was all part of him. Thank you guys for your grace, if you have any answers for me about my sons 'preservation' id be grateful. If not, thank you for listening anyway
Thank you so much for sharing your story and we both send you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️ It sounds like you did an amazing job and all the correct things in caring for your son after his death. It's a difficult one to answer because one body can last many days in these conditions before showing any stages of decomposition and yet another break down almost immediately. I think it was all down to the care you give your son and understanding that the room has to be kept cool and it sounds like no flies found their way into the room either. As our natural breakdown after death is for insects to help in this process, if it's delayed this will also slow down the decomposition. My heart goes out to you at this time as I know as the 22nd comes around it brings that day back like it happened yesterday 😞 💔 I know this too well it's the 15th of October today as I write to you and this date is a day my heart broke forever, it takes me back to the day my mum was killed in 2001 but it feels like yesterday 😞 I am truly sorry you lost your son so young and hope you have lots of love and support always. Please take good care and always be kind to yourself. Hugs Tracy 🫂 🩷💜
@@Areyoudyingtoknow thank you so very much for taking the time to answer me, especially today. My heart is with you today in your memory of you mother. I'm glad I did all the right things, the least he deserved after such a death. Warm regards, Kaitlin ❤️
We do have cold storage in the UK. If the family member died in hospital they would go to cold storage until released to funeral home, we’re they also have cold storage. I’ve lost many close family members and all of them were on cold storage till the viewings were over and the funeral preform.
No they meant some undertakers DON'T have proper cold storage ( probably older small businesses don't always have it ..omg it's vital in a hospital ,can you just imagine 😱
Sad . I can't imagine someone not being buried for that long . Here in Kentucky people are usually buried within 4 days . Usually 2 . Also I think that 5% of people are embalmed. I feel bad for the sister .❤❤ . I adore you ladies .
I couldn't imagine planning a funeral in less than a week! There's no way I could deal with the reality of the death of a family member, or even come to terms with *needing* to plan their funeral, for several days. Let alone deal with informing people of the death, and then possibly dealing with countless emotional phonecalls and messages of condolence. Planning a decent service or wake that included everyone important to the deceased would take me a week alone. I couldn't imagine taking less than 2 weeks minimum. More likely 3 weeks. Is that an extraordinarily long time? Is it strange? Perhaps I am unusually traumatised by death or something but I couldn't come to terms with loss and say goodbye in only a few days.
Unfortunately my sister was under the coroner...... due to many factors involved both suspicious and criminal....she wasn't released for 5 weeks. It's been the darkest time of my life. I've lived on the phone to both the police and the coroners office
When my parents died, 12 years apart, Daddy first, I went in to see him in the mortuary first before the rest of the family went, and viewed Daddy with a medically critical eye. I told the mortician that Daddy looked so pale, that he had a rather ruddy complexion, and the mortician told me "no problem, we can fix that" and they did. When my mother died, I saw her first just after she'd been completely washed and her hair was all straight back on her head on the block, but dry. I asked the mortician what they were going to do with her hair, and he asked me if I could bring in a picture of how she wore her short hair. I did that and they fixed it exactly like the picture, I was amazed. So I know that there is a lot that can be done to make loved ones presentable at their funeral so that they look as natural as possible. That is the goal of every mortician! In both instances of my parents, Daddy was a medical doctor, and his funeral was delayed so that 3 young doctors could get there, one from Africa, one from Europe, and one from north Alaska, so his funeral was a week after his death but some of his patients who came to the funeral said he looked normal, "just like himself." (Daddy always wore glasses so he had those on at his funeral and afterwards, the mortician gave us his glasses and an expensive tie-tack, before the graveside service.) I did not know that Daddy had put several young men through medical school, so that's why they wanted to come and eulogize him. It was comforting to hear their words. Both my parents had incredible care after they died, and both looked very normal to us and we were so grateful for all the efforts the mortuary took to make them look as normal as possible.
5 weeks! There must be so many suspicious deaths... :( I'm glad the mortician was honest with them, but I wish they'd done the ribbon or hair or something!
@@geedubb2005 Oh, definitely! It's the same in vet med, labs take time, but they released the body pre-results, so they must have had the body physically with them for other reasons.
Haven't seen your channel in a very long time. I watched it all the time. And strangely enough, I been thinking about you guys for a couple days and then you showed up 😅. Missed you ladies
The only profession in the world that will always have customers queueing up to get in, and employees will never be out of a job. It’s a true saying we are all born to die, 😢😢😢
So sorry that you couldn’t see your sister!😢 The funeral ppl that look after our loved ones after they pass don’t make those decisions lightly,when my 35 year old son passed away unexpectedly the coroner had him for 5 weeks and our funeral director couldn’t promise that we would have a viewing,thank God we could,so I really feel for those families that don’t get to see their loved ones for the last time. It would have killed me not being able to see him. They really put their heart and soul into doing everything they can so the loved ones can view them! Hope you get some healing!❤❤
The normal time in the uk for burial is 3 or 4 days unless there are suspicious circumstances or a post mortem examination.As for cold storage off course we have that in our mortuarys we are not in the habit of leaving dead bodies to decompose. There are strict guidelines that funeral undertakers have to follow in the UK.
That's good to hear because when I have lost family members in the UK including my dad I was told by the funeral home that they didn't have cold storage and that not many funeral homes do and would have to embalm because of this. So happy to hear otherwise ❤️
At least in hospitals (I worked @ a top UK children's hospital), it's a legal requirement to store bodies in a fridge, so I imagine it would be the same at a coroner's facilities & funeral homes. Even hospices have chilled rooms to spend time with your loved one before they go to the funeral home/
I had my son’s wake after he had an autopsy and was under cold storage for almost a month. He looked fine just his lips were very chapped looking. The funeral director asked us not to press against him. I could never figure out why? I’m glad I got to say goodbye even if it meant I couldn’t hold his hand.
Hi yes the coroner definitely has cold storage, I have however been told by a few different funeral homes in the UK that there is often no cold storage at their facilities 🤷🏻♀️ and having lost a lot of family members in the UK myself I was always pushed that embalming had to happen because of not having cold storage 🤷🏻♀️ Thank you for sharing take care 💚
I have found from working in the funeral industry in the UK, they do not go as far in the way of reconstruction and embalming as they do in other countries. I feel the likes of the USA, Australia, Canada etc take more pride and care in preparing and presenting the deceased for families. I wish the UK would follow suit and take that extra time to prep the deceased, especially with re construction and mortuary make up, but unfortunately they do not in my experience 😢
My baby sister was put in a cold storage for 5 weeks because her family don't believe in cremation añd her husband had to raise the money she died of cancer but it is in the USA I'm so sorry you lost your sister in such a tragic way I had to crenate my husband because we didn't have the insurance I still feel bad about that 8t was suddenly and we don't put our families away like that thank you for the honorable job you do I feel like I need to see them for closure I think funerals are for the living
Sounds like they gave this poor woman Kate a raw deal it was her love one it’s just not fair it should be up to the family not anyone else . Classy answer T&T thank you for being so sensitive about this. I pray for peace for you and your grief.
My six year old daughter died in a house fire . She was badly burned both ears had been burnt off her hair on one side one of her legs was black and the bone was exposed. We wanted a private viewing to say good by . My daughter was a mixed race child so she had copper coloured skin ,when her coffin was opened I told both my others daughters to stay seated. My baby’s body was bright fuchsia , her eyes were sunk in and we could see into her head her chest was rock hard I put my hand on her and it felt like she had a sheet of cardboard raped around her . Should that mortician have closed her eyes and they never told me why my black child was pink? I found out that it was carbon dioxide that turned her pink ,I found this out from an episode of CSI . It seems that they dropped the ball on how she was handled ?
Oh love ,If give you the biggest hug if I coukd..I'm so so sorry for your loss & I wish I could take that horrific image away from you ..Much love & healing to you & may your little girl rest in peace 😣🤗xxxxx
I saw my best friend 5 weeks after she passed, she was embalmed after 4. I had nightmares for days afterwards and I still can’t process in my head it was even her.
Many funeral directors in the UK do now have cold storage, it's essential due to our population numbers and the length of time we have to wait for funeral services, even pre covid it was often 3 weeks. My Mother was kept refrigerated for almost a month prior to her funeral, no post mortem was done or needed. You could see a slight greening around the eyes and chin/ mouth area and the lips had dried up like old bacon, her facial bones were more visible under the skin and the eyes had sunk somewhat. But there was no smell and she wasn't embalmed.
I can imagine there was an additional cost for Kates family or wasn't qualified.. when her sister died was it still cold out.. as I'd be thinking about the time vs the heat.. and also how high the heating was, thinking on how they're not sure of COD.. possible questions to push back to the Police.. Kate, can you think of a time where you were together laughing and having fun... because that's a really good way to remember your dear sister.. its not fair that you didn't have the chance to hold her hand.. but thinking good memories is a good way to think of her. So sorry for your loss xx
Interesting channel. When my grandma died 45 years ago,she passed in the hospital and was immediately embalmed. What was remarkable was although she was 86 she looked so beautiful and many years younger. I myself want to be cremated and stay with my daughters in a couple of urns or have them pour me into the ocean ❤
I just found your channel & I love it (if that’s a proper thing to say😳) I’m from Indiana & I’m guessing embalming procedures are pretty much the same???? Years ago my aunt passed unexpectedly. She was in the hospital going to have some tests ran but died because one of the meds her dr had her on caused her to bleed out internally. At the funeral my cousin (my Aunts daughter) & I were straightening up my Aunts sleeves before everyone started coming in to pay respects & as I moved the sleeve I felt & heard plastic. I just stopped & looked at my cousin & she asked what that noise was & I said her arm’s wrapped in plastic & we pushed up her sleeve & looked & sure enough from her wrist up was wrapped in plastic. Could you explain why that was? My cousin never asked the funeral home & I didn’t want to over step my bounds & ask myself but after all these years I’m still wondering why?
Hi Trish, thank you for your kind words ☺️ Sorry to hear about your aunty's sad death 😔 She would have had skin slip on her arms, similar to sunburn when the skin starts to peel off. This is a natural part of the body breaking down after death. So mortician would have cleaned then wrapped the arm in a bluey ( hospital grade absorbent pad) then sealed in a plastic wrap to stop any fluid leakage on to the clothes, however if it me I would then place a bandage over the plastic and bluey so it looked less confronting when family see it, I do this even if the clothes cover most of the arm because family always touch and look and there is nothing wrong with that. It's done to protect the deceased skin from tearing anymore and the family touching. Hope that helps, take care ❤️❤️
My niece wasn’t identified for weeks and instead of putting her into a freezer she was just in cold storage. She was in a dreadful state. Her mother wasn’t allowed to see her and was distraught
I believe that cremation or burial should happen when the family are ready to say goodbye, after they've had the time they need to spend with their loved one, and to mentally prepare themselves for the separation. Everyone is different and timing needs to be based on personal preference. I understand that there are circumstances where this isn't possible, and as long as the viewer is being protected, and understands this, has time to digest this. I think having the deceased at home for a week, prior to the funeral is a beautiful thing, and gives loved ones the time they need. Not always possible I know.
Are you dying to know i read that statement by Susan and another person i think her name was Phylis who said you talked to much. They bothered me. Does Phylis expect you to not talk? I think these people are being very rude. I hope you keep doing these videos. I learn so much and i appreciate what you do. 😊 Love you ladies ❤. Thank you again from Long Island N. Y.take care.😊
I have a friend that was buried at 6 months after death. She was stored in cold storage until burial. She looked completely normal except some parts of her face face looked much darker than other parts. I don’t know any information on her embalming. Since all of this occurred in Nigeria. Which I’m sure isn’t the Gold Standard. I was truly surprised she looked as good as she did after 6 months!
This is such an interesting video. My own father died in his home from alcoholism complications. My brother found him a week later after what was estimated to be 1-2 weeks deceased in very hot weather. We agreed that we didn't want him embalmed as that isn't something we do in our family typically, but also we both assumed that the 'embalming ship' had sailed. I understood that he would be stored chilled with the coroner and then at the funeral home, but my main question in my mind was: at the funeral, would we be able to smell any decomposition through the coffin? I'm autistic and I'm sensitive to smells and also find it helps my anxiety to be able to visualise situations ahead of time. I was really anxious about the funeral as I struggle with large groups of people, and although we'd planned everything that we could I desperately wanted to know whether to expect any smell from the coffin, especially as his home had quite a strong smell (not particularly unpleasant - the expired food in his fridge smelled way worse than the decomposition smell left behind in the house). I searched and searched online and couldn't find anything about whether there would be a smell from the coffin. In the event when we followed the coffin down the aisle in the church I could smell a faint sweet musky smell but that was it. I would have really valued this type of anecdotal info so if anyone else would benefit from this please feel free to use my story. Aside: This experience made me wonder whether lilies are traditional funeral flowers because they smell so strong and can overpower any decomposition smell in times before embalming.
It's more to do with their association with renewal, innocence restored. There are various types of lilies of course but the white variations of each type convey sentiments suitable for a funeral such as rebirth, eternal life, purity etc.
So very sorry to hear you have lost your father in such circumstances 😔 sending you our deepest condolences. It's normal for the morticians to place a powder inside the coffin/ casket this absorbs the smell and you can sometimes smell that faint sweet smell. Also your father would have been wrapped in a shroud also to minimise any smell left after his care. Thank you for sharing your story and we hope you and your family are doing well. Lily's are often used because of their smell and also what @littleboots has stated. Take good care ❤️❤️
Like you, my ex husband lived alone, an alcaholic and drug user. His date of death was shown as the 4th January, but he was not found till March. I did not find out until May. I have no idea what his family did with the body xx
Hi all goes into the sewerage system and filtering system just the same as toilet waste because the same fluids go into our toilet as on the mortuary, blood, faces and urine. Same same ❤️❤️
Found this really interesting. I'd like to know if you have requests to prepare a body for a natural burial. I'm in the UK and considering this option for myself. Hopefully, it will be a long time from now. Your vlogs are so interesting, considering it's a subject we all avoid.
Hi, yes I have prepared many bodies for natural burial. Go check out our burial at sea video it's a beautiful video and it's a natural burial. Thank you for your question take care ❤️❤️
Sorry new to the channel, great content ladies, very informative and compassionate too, random question is the lady on the left of a geordie backround?
We've had trouble embalming those who have died from heat exhaustion and sometimes somethings happen chemically in the body and you just can't embalm it just won't take. People who have died from certain drugs, chemo and even alcohol will effect embalming it just depends. And if there's tissue gas then that creates even more problems. Tissue gas you can actually hear at least in my experience you can hear an almost a soft snap crackle and pop sound with it like someone putting milk in rice crispies thats when its pretty advanced and a problem or can be a problem
I worked at a funeral home here in the U.S. and we had no cold storage there. He was is only able to embalm 2 people at a time and then they move to his garage until the funeral. The garage does not have A/C or heat. We got a body of a person that had passed 2 weeks before she was found and he then had her body in the garage until he could take her to a cremation 😮she was just in a cardboard box. The smell was intense..
I live in a large county in N.C. and our funeral homes don't have cold storage. They just turn the heat or A/C way down in the room the deceased is in if they come in to the care of the funeral home at night.
My question is a bit graphic. So when the vascular system is compromised and you can’t do a “traditional” embalming, how do you remove the blood from the body, or can you? If you do hypodermic embalming, does that counter the blood that hasn’t been removed?
I have so many questions. I have sent several questions to you. I guess I did not includ enough details for you to answer. I will try again. I love you guys so much.
My dad died in April this year it took them 4 weeks to give us the death certificate and we couldn't see him cos of this the undertaker said it wasnt advisable my mam and my brother and myself were devastated
Good morning Tracy and Trish all the way from Ireland 🇮🇪! It’s 7.27am Saturday 6th July here! Tracey I have a question, is it possible for livor mortise to start setting in 24 hours prior to death? I ask this because my fiancé died 5 years ago and when I was with him in the hospital the day before he died I noticed a large dark purple patch on his back just above the left hip! And he died the following evening from cardiac arrest! So I just thought I would ask you as I know that livor mortise happens after death! Thanks ladies!🙏🏻❤️👍🏻😇! Patzi!xx
Oh my goodness.... thank you so much ladies, this is about my sister. Watching now ♡
Still no toxicology results, its been 10 weeks now that we have been waiting.
Unfortunately, both suspicious and criminal activity surround my sisters death, the CID were and still are involved. Along with a backlog, it just all took so much time.....
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer this for me.... its really helped.... love to you both ❤
Sorry for your loss ❤ similar happened with my aunt xx
So desperately sorry for your loss 😢 xxxxxxx
@@Sar.ah.Lou.ise42 I'm so sorry to hear that x
@@hayleymorris6294 Thank you ❤
Sending deepest sympathy to you and your family ❤🎉
My dad found his younger brother dead in a heated bedroom in late February in 1998. He died about 3.5 days earlier according to autopsy. The coroner had the body for several weeks and as a result, no viewing was possible. My dad, a retired policeman, said that the body was dark in the upper quadrant because of how he was laying. Dad really hoped the funeral home could do a miracle so he could escape that terrible memory. It haunted him for a long time. I wanted to see pictures so I could get closure, but my dad blocked me from it. Years later after I became an officer, I understood why. You have a disconnect when it’s someone you don’t know, but a friend or relative is a challenge to handle. Not meaning to preach to you, but I’ve had instances where I didn’t get the visual closure. I’ve found that praying for peace and healing will help.
Thank you for sharing, take care 💚❤️
It may be helpful for you to know that, speaking from experience, that last visual experience will fade in time. I saw both my parents after they died at the mortuary and even gave instructions to the mortician. I had a lot of family but they depended a lot on me due to my medical training, to make certain decisions. But those images of them, deceased that I saw, are far back in my memory bank and when I think of my parents, all kinds of memories that I evoke have happy pictures of them and I think that is important. There is a huge amount of talk over "closure" but most people do that naturally, and the memories that they evoke are often the happy ones that they made over the many years spent with their loved ones. And most people have many pictures that they can look at from all the years shared with their loved ones. I can barely remember how my parents looked at their funerals now, I have to really reach into the back of my mind to see them as I saw them at the funeral home, because I have so many great memories and many pictures of our family. That is how you remember them, the other memory picture of them at their funeral fades in time.
True 🤗 thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
@gewells8098 people forget at times of unexpected deaths, that it really does affect the police officers too. My stepdad dealt with a few stranger deaths.. its affected him, and also us, fortunately he did share with us and so we carry those thoughts of the people at their last moments. I'm so sorry your dad has had the close family member experience, because I'm sure it would be very emotional to carry on his heavy burdens of memories. Xx
I’m the UK. My Mom passed 20 years ago in September at 47. She passed on 22nd sept and October 10th was her funeral because it was sudden I was only allowed to see her the day of her funeral. My Dad had to go in first as she was so bad and I was 17. All I can remember is she was going black round her hair line and I can still smell. It was so traumatising and I regret seeing her, My Dad passed on 4th of May after nearly 5 years battle of cancer (he was yellow)and I saw him after and I could not thank the embalmer lady enough. She gave me such a precious memory of him just looking asleep, pain free after such a hard battle. Thank you seriously for your channel. You explain things so gently. You two are beautiful humans x To Kate, massive love to you sweetheart x
So very sorry to hear about your mom 😔 good to hear the embalmer took good care of your dad 🤗
Thank you for your kind words and sharing your story, take good care ❤️❤️
My grandfather also passed of cancer and I remember he also started looking yellowish as the disease progressed. I don't know why that is but it's good to know that it wasn't only a him thing and that others also experience that🖤
❤️❤️
@gothic_nix ❤️❤️
When my Mum passed away. I was with her. When I visited her in the Funeral Parlour. She was NOT embalmed. This was three weeks after she passed, when I visited her. She looked beautiful. There was so much Peace, around her. Cyra xxxx
This is in England, UK. Cyra xxxx
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Our deepest condolences to you ❤️❤️
Why 3 weeks between death and viewing?
You two are just such lovely women. Hearts of gold 100%.
Thank you ❤️❤️
Very interesting. I used to be afraid of seeing death, but you do a special service and not many people are cut out for all it takes.Thank you both!
Awww thank you so much 🥰❤️❤️
Here in the U.S. every funeral home has cold storage , embalming, hair color, makeup. The trouble is they put makeup on women that maybe really didn’t wear it and some are so overdone. Then again, I’ve seen some that they’ve done a phenomenal job. Very expensive industry in the U.S.
It's such a shame it's so expensive there 😔 ❤️
100% agree with the make up. I dont wear make up but Im sure I will when Im dead as they will make me look like a clown. Im still upset that they put orange lipstick on my dad when he died! Ugghh!
That's where family or a friend providing a photo of the deceased would help with hairstyles and makeup.
@@kimglass4851 you can request whatever you want or don't want.
Not every funeral home
Very sensitive topic but u answered with such sincerity and love as always! I had no idea that some places
didnt have cold storage. I would think that would be a law especially if it takes weeks to bury someone.....
that blows my mind too! Here in the U.S its usually 5 days with an embalming. It breaks my heart when funeral
directors will tell a family member "NO" u cant touch your loved one. I can see them making a suggestion but when it comes
down to it, they have no right to stop them and I for one would have told them to shove it. Some act like your loved one is
THEIR property and that pisses me off. Sending love and hugs to the woman this happened to. Great video T&T Stay warm! ❤💜
I agree!
Totally agree no one should ever stop anyone from seeing their loved ones. Well said Kim 🥰❤️
So agree. By taking ownership of loved ones who are deceased, funeral directors are really impacting on the grieving process and the mental health of those who grieve. It's so, so wrong. The lovely ladies in the video follows their hearts and not their egos.
Like you guys, my niece (mortician & cosmetologist) was asked to reconstruct her high school boyfriend after a car accident, his mother searched her out to prepare him for the funeral, the mothers only child, she wanted to see him as he was before the accident. I think that was traumatizing for my niece and gave his mother a gift to remember him as he was, she will forever thank my niece for being apart of his life and giving him back his beautiful face.
So very special ❤️ thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
That is absolutely heartbreaking on all levels. 😢❤
You ladies have such grace when covering these topics. Much love and respect. ❤
Thank you so much 🤗❤️❤️
You are so sincere,empathetic, and educated with your answers. Thank you for the channel ❤️
Thank you for your kind words ❤️❤️
My son died from Lukeima and even before he died his body was turning black with the sepsis it was horrible to see, I was advised not to go and see him in the funeral home and ir broke my heart that I couldn’t say a proper goodbye to him but I understood he looked bad enough when he was alive so I really don’t want to. Imagine what he looked like a while after dying bless him xxx
I am so sorry! Please accept my condolences.
God bless you and your family.🙏🇺🇸
So sorry for the loss of your son 😢
So sorry for your loss x
I know how you feel my brother shot himself my nephew drowned did.not get to see either
. One
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
You both are straight up with matters but more importantly you do it with compassion! Thank you!!!...Robin
Thank you ❤️❤️
We are not our bodies, thankfully. Our Souls are our real selves. I see bodies as no more as cars.
😊 Thanks Ladies, you always answer with class and tact. 💖💖💖
Thank you 🤗❤️❤️
Many people do not. And that's a bit cold to just spit out.
@@jacktorrance2633 our bodies are just our shell..thata truth.we are who we are inside..our souls.
@@jacktorrance2633 you probably have not been around death & dying much. That’s ok. 😊
I consider us to be body and energy. My son died, and I couldn't be away from him after death. I felt I needed to protect him still. His energy was gone, yes. But his body that I grew, and clothed and fed and loved still needed me. In my opinion, saying we are not our body does not account for human connection and love. We are both.
My step-son died suddenly from a ruptured aorta. His death was reported to the (UK) Coroner and it was four weeks before we could have a funeral. We visited him at the funeral home when his body was released from the Coroner, where he lay at rest in a refrigerated bed in a lovely peaceful 'bedroom'. Sadly, our last memory was of bad skin slippage on his face and it wasn't the last memory we really wanted. The funeral director did say he 'didn't look too good' but none of us really knew what that meant at the time. His mum and I went in first and we were able to inform his dad and brother, who then decided not to view him. It was the right decision.
So sorry to hear this......sending love ♡
My mum also passed away due to a ruptured aorta, my mum sadly was waiting for surgeons to do it in the Leeds general infirmary she died on the 23-12-06 her burial was 3 weeks later. My Dad died recently in Pinderfields Wakefield from emphysema in January his burial was over 30 days later. I didn't go see either preferred to have my memories. The quickest part which normally takes nearly a year from my Dad been buried with my mum within 6 weeks their gravestone was returned to their grave with the Oldmans details.
@@lynneedwards4538 it hurt so much not to kiss my brother good bye
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences, take good care ❤️❤️
My brother unalived himself 21yrs ago. He wasn’t found for 16hrs. At the hospital they advised us not to view him. We were able to have an open casket & he looked like he was sleeping. You could only see some swelling in his hands. The mortician did an excellent job.
That's good to hear, take care ❤️❤️
Same with my brother but thankfully he had his air-conditioning on high so it help keeping him looking like It was just a couple hours when he passed
😞❤️❤️
Thanks for being so willing to teach about things that are hard, but SO important. ❤❤❤
Thank you ❤️❤️
IT'S SO HARD TO LOSE A VERY LOVED SISTER AND I AM SO VERY SAD FOR YOU.HUGE HUGS.😍
❤️❤️
You are both so wonderful at educating us. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much ❤️❤️
You have been so informative and supportive Thank you, and lots of hugs to the lady who allowed you to discuss it please let there be more of these c subjects we see as taboo shouldn't be x ❤
You are very welcome 🤗❤️❤️
I always think that if the family wants to say goodbye then you have to explain the option of remembering her as she was, or never get closure which usually means it’s harder because some people don’t believe a death until they’ve seen it. Personally I would do my absolute best to make sure that one hand was airbrushed, although with skin slip it tends to look like peeling sunburn, and I have in the dark past actually put a couple of latex gloves one over the other, wrapped the arm in clingfilm then crepe bandage and put on a silk glove, just for the family to hold. We do what we can to make it work for the person in our care and for the families too, it’s always a learning curve... and there’s always the option of shrouding the body but leaving the top of the head uncovered for the family to stroke their hair gently. It sounds like it was just lazy work on the part of the funeral director in this case, and to say it’s no longer a sister irks me no end.
Edit.. I’ve just watched the bit in the middle of the video that I missed, and I’ve just said the same thing you guys said. I still think the funeral home should have made more of an effort to do something for the poor family
Yes they should have, thanks lovely ❤️❤️
My only living sister died four days ago. She was cremated two days later. Her birthday is November 18th, the same day that her daughter died two years ago. The three of us were very close and I’m still mourning my niece’s passing. I’m almost 82 years old and this double tragedy has left me feeling like a lost soul. I live alone and I’m the oldest of four daughters, the last survivor. Four years ago, my only child, a son, died unexpectedly.
I found my dad deceased around 7am he had had a massive heart attack. He don’t look too bad but once the ambulance had taken him away and ultimately passed him to the funeral directors, we too were told now to view well more advised not to view as he had apparently “blown up”. And it would haunt us. Obviously not boom but I’m wondering would it have been such a no no to see him bear in mind I was 20 and this was 32 years ago
It's really difficult at that age to lose a parent. I know of many who did. It sounds like he was not cared for properly though, like with refrigeration.
Hi, so very sorry to hear your story 😔
So the funeral home is referring to gasses building up making the tummy area bloat out a little. This can be resolved with mortuary care such as aspirating to remove the gas and fluid, this will reduce the tummy back to normal levels. However if this is not done in a timely manner the pressure of the gas pushes fluid and blood to the head and face turning this area a dark reddish to purple colour. If this is not removed quickly the colour will stain the skin and this can look quite traumatic. It's possible this was the reason. So sorry you didn't get to see your dad one last time 😞 take good care ❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow they didn’t say. Also can you tell me why as soon as a human dies they become an it
Very respectful and detailed answers
Thank you 🤗❤️❤️
I love how much care & effort & respect you take in preserving the deceased. If only all embalmers & such did 😔😔😔
When I found my friend who had died a day and half earlier. He was still in rigor mortis. But his face. I wish I could forget. Figurative speaking. Imagine a blaçk hole between the eyes and gravity pulling all your facial features toward it. The skin creases caused by it look like black lines. The rest of his face was a bluish grey.
One thing that still sticks in my mind was how parts of his body was hot to touch and the rest cold. He kept his apartment 80 degrees
So very sorry to hear you saw that 😔 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow thanks we knew each other 43 years. I was supposed to be at his apartment that weekend but was really sick even ended up in the emergency room
We usually talked every day over the phone. When I talked to him Friday he was fine. couldn't get ahold of him Saturday but wasn't too concerned because he was always breaking his phone
Sunday when calls went straight to voicemail I went to his apartment to check on him. Expected to find him in his recliner watching tv and about to tell me how he broke his phone again. Instead found him on the bathroom floor with the shower still running
My deepest respect for those who do this kind of work.
🤗❤️❤️
Thank you for your sensitive but forthright honesty. I think sometimes that can mean so much more than people realize. Different people will have different needs for closure - for some people not seeing their loved one in that condition is the right thing ultimately, for others it will always be a regret no matter how unpleasant the details because they needed the fullness of the reality. I've lost siblings including my brother a few years back in a rather gruesome manner that would have made viewing unadvisable. Due to bio family drama, information about that was held hostage essentially unless I wanted to get into contact with people I'm no contact with. The autopsy/coroners details and knowing exactly what he would have looked like, though very graphic, were actually very cathartic. I hope that Kate, the OP, has managed to find some sense of closure and a measure of peace through this.
I love that you ladies took a lot of time, and put a lot of thought on how to approach this difficult question……you’re the bestest and slap me silly and call me a groupie!
Much love to you lovely ladies 🖤☠️
😄 we love our groupy 🥰❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow 🖤
Hello lovely ladies as ever a brilliant video. Just goes to show you never know what happens in a funeral home. Really nice to get answers to many questions and to hear that your loved one is being cared for with respect. Love you guys huge hugs 🌹🌹🌹💕
Thank you big hugs back to you 🤗❤️❤️
Hi ladies hope you both are well, I loved the way you explained to the lady that sent you the email regarding her sister I really hope it gave her some comfort. I hope you find the strength to get through this horrible sad time ❤❤
Thank you so much Elizabeth I hope you're well 🥰❤️❤️
Hi Ladies, Sorry to hear you so busy Tracy. A lot of grieving families.😔 Hope you get some time to ‘de-stress’. ❤️
Thank you so much I am taking next week off work for a holiday to Cairns ☺️ can't wait ❤️❤️
You do such a wonderful job making videos like this. It really helps people. Thank you 🙏.
Your welcome 🤗❤️❤️
Thank you for answering this question my brother wasn't found for 2 days and wondered this. Hugs you both
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending hugs ❤️❤️
My mom passed December 16 th she didn’t have autopsy and died in hospital I viewed her the day before her funeral January 23rd and I will say it was the most horrendous experience of my life and I wish I had kept the memory I had of her not the one I now have. I wouldn’t advise seeing anyone after this long, I found it disturbing and nothing usually phases me. The funeral directors didn’t remove even plasters from her arms and had to hide them under the coffin lining. I’m not sure if she was embalmed as my brother organised the funeral etc. viewing someone after a longer time is decently harder.
I am so sorry! Can I ask why she had plaster on her arms? If she was washed, she shouldnt have had that on her. Again, Im so sorry u experienced that
That’s definitely hard. We viewed my son after 4 weeks. He looked ok but just his lips were very dry looking and chapped.
@@kimglass4851 i have no idea, she died in hospital all the hospital plasters were still on her arms i only saw them as the funeral director had hidden her entire arms under the coffin lining and i wished to put something in her hand. i didnt ask them on it as it was disturbing to me. it was clear to me they hadnt washed her or removed those. i dont think she was embalmed. her arms without being too graphic were black i thought from bruising and she had a funny indentation mark on her head also she didnt die in an accident but was in hospital with copd prior to her death.her eyes were completely like sunken and gone. it was the worst thing ive ever seen. i have seen others who died prior to this with a completely diff experience of that.
@@karenroy9045 i viewed my son compared after he haqd died in hospital age 3 months and 3 weeks he had like a tiny flaking skin on his forehead, i asked what it was and they said it was normal for after death back then at age 17 i didnt realise on decomp and it was the start on those changes. he looked absolutely normal and just asleep. he had been at the coroners for 6 weeks prior to the funeral home. when i asked the next day to view him they refused to let me and i didnt know it was something i could say i wanted regardless. he died of a heart virus. his eyes and everything were normal. since january i had taken some photos of my mother but havent been able to view them in even black and white which was my plan to change them to as they disturb me so much. her eyes were sunken i dont think my brother had her imblamed and some of her skin i could see was black. i would never go again and see a loved one especially now but after i had viewed my son and it had been like he was asleep i thought this was going to be similar. my friend who escorted me to the viewing vomited when we exited and the smell was awful as well they used im not sure if it was from her or what they tried to use to mask it. worst experience and it has ruined my moms image and memory of her.
@@karenroy9045 so sorry for your loss im mum to a son who died at 3 months 3 weeks and viewing him was not as graphic as my mother was.
I too lost my sister to cancer this past February 24,2024 . She showed her beautiful aura to me a week after she passed on . Our prayers are with you and your loved ones .
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences 🩷🩷 take good care ❤️
My mother looked peaceful and beautiful. The mortician did a wonderful job. But my mother passed away in a nursing home and was taken almost immediately to a funeral home and embalmed quickly. My mom looked as though she had just gone to sleep. Morticians are unsung heroes in my opinion. You ladies are amazing!
Thank you for sharing your story and we are sorry for the loss of your mother ❤️
Thank you for your kind words too, take good care ❤️❤️
My son died 5 years ago on the 22nd of October. We were lucky to have access to a palliative hospice for children. So i was able to spend the time from death to funeral with him. We were told reality and expectations of decomposition and how it would affect whether he could stay the whole time. Rory died at home, he was very ill. We bathed him immediately and took out his subcutaneous syringe driver, and catheter. His peg was taken out by palliative care later that evening. We put him in air-con at the coldest setting immediately until transportation came to hummingbird house. Once there we had a cold room essentially, that was set up like a bedroom. He was bathed again, his pads were changed, and moisteriser put all over his body. 12 hrs after death his eyes were donated and stitched closed. The routine of changing, and moistering kept going for several day. Rorys funeral was 9 days later on Halloween day. He had no veining. Had purple fingertips, but his beautiful skin was pale white. He had some blotching on his back but nothing extreme. There was bowel movements still leaking until day 9. Rory chin was lax and his skin sunk on his face at the end, but he was still very much my boy. We were very lucky, especially considering we are in Queensland Australia, and it was October, that decomposition was very slow. I was able to care for him until he was placed in his forever bed. There was no skin slipping or gases. The room temperature was like a standard cold room, so not frozen but you certainly needed a jumper in there. I find entering cold rooms very difficult now. All in all though I was blessed to have that time. My boy was beautiful until the last moment i saw his body. Ive often wondered why we got so long with his body, i put it down to the amount of medication he was on. And also that he had been on 5 mls of gastrolyte per hour for about 3 months, so there was no real food bacteria i guess. Rory went through an Ongoing Prolonged Terminal Phase, so food and drink overloaded his system. Its coming up to the anniversary of his death, and it relieves me to talk on it. No one likes to hear a mumma talk about the death of her child. But it was all part of him. Thank you guys for your grace, if you have any answers for me about my sons 'preservation' id be grateful. If not, thank you for listening anyway
Thank you so much for sharing your story and we both send you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
It sounds like you did an amazing job and all the correct things in caring for your son after his death. It's a difficult one to answer because one body can last many days in these conditions before showing any stages of decomposition and yet another break down almost immediately. I think it was all down to the care you give your son and understanding that the room has to be kept cool and it sounds like no flies found their way into the room either. As our natural breakdown after death is for insects to help in this process, if it's delayed this will also slow down the decomposition.
My heart goes out to you at this time as I know as the 22nd comes around it brings that day back like it happened yesterday 😞 💔
I know this too well it's the 15th of October today as I write to you and this date is a day my heart broke forever, it takes me back to the day my mum was killed in 2001 but it feels like yesterday 😞
I am truly sorry you lost your son so young and hope you have lots of love and support always. Please take good care and always be kind to yourself. Hugs Tracy 🫂 🩷💜
@@Areyoudyingtoknow thank you so very much for taking the time to answer me, especially today. My heart is with you today in your memory of you mother. I'm glad I did all the right things, the least he deserved after such a death. Warm regards, Kaitlin ❤️
@ArtbyKaitlin thank you Kaitlin, you take care 🩷
Glad to see you back on. I love to hear your stories.
Thank you so much 🤗❤️❤️
We do have cold storage in the UK. If the family member died in hospital they would go to cold storage until released to funeral home, we’re they also have cold storage. I’ve lost many close family members and all of them were on cold storage till the viewings were over and the funeral preform.
That's good to hear 😊
Unfortunately it was not what I have experienced in the UK when I have lost family 😔 take good care ❤️
No
they meant some undertakers DON'T have proper cold storage ( probably older small businesses don't always have it ..omg it's vital in a hospital ,can you just imagine 😱
🩷
You pair are great I could watch you all day xx❤
Awww thank you 🥰❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow 💜💜
Sad . I can't imagine someone not being buried for that long . Here in Kentucky people are usually buried within 4 days . Usually 2 . Also I think that 5% of people are embalmed. I feel bad for the sister .❤❤ . I adore you ladies .
It's very sad. Thank you Francis ❤️❤️
I couldn't imagine planning a funeral in less than a week! There's no way I could deal with the reality of the death of a family member, or even come to terms with *needing* to plan their funeral, for several days. Let alone deal with informing people of the death, and then possibly dealing with countless emotional phonecalls and messages of condolence. Planning a decent service or wake that included everyone important to the deceased would take me a week alone.
I couldn't imagine taking less than 2 weeks minimum. More likely 3 weeks. Is that an extraordinarily long time? Is it strange? Perhaps I am unusually traumatised by death or something but I couldn't come to terms with loss and say goodbye in only a few days.
Everyone is different, some families can take a few weeks and other a matter of a few days ❤️
Unfortunately my sister was under the coroner...... due to many factors involved both suspicious and criminal....she wasn't released for 5 weeks.
It's been the darkest time of my life. I've lived on the phone to both the police and the coroners office
@@k_a_t_e__x 💔
When my parents died, 12 years apart, Daddy first, I went in to see him in the mortuary first before the rest of the family went, and viewed Daddy with a medically critical eye. I told the mortician that Daddy looked so pale, that he had a rather ruddy complexion, and the mortician told me "no problem, we can fix that" and they did. When my mother died, I saw her first just after she'd been completely washed and her hair was all straight back on her head on the block, but dry. I asked the mortician what they were going to do with her hair, and he asked me if I could bring in a picture of how she wore her short hair. I did that and they fixed it exactly like the picture, I was amazed.
So I know that there is a lot that can be done to make loved ones presentable at their funeral so that they look as natural as possible. That is the goal of every mortician!
In both instances of my parents, Daddy was a medical doctor, and his funeral was delayed so that 3 young doctors could get there, one from Africa, one from Europe, and one from north Alaska, so his funeral was a week after his death but some of his patients who came to the funeral said he looked normal, "just like himself." (Daddy always wore glasses so he had those on at his funeral and afterwards, the mortician gave us his glasses and an expensive tie-tack, before the graveside service.)
I did not know that Daddy had put several young men through medical school, so that's why they wanted to come and eulogize him. It was comforting to hear their words.
Both my parents had incredible care after they died, and both looked very normal to us and we were so grateful for all the efforts the mortuary took to make them look as normal as possible.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's good to hear the morticians did a wonderful job of caring for your parents ❤️❤️
Love you girls….so warm and kind, thank you❤
Thank you so much 🥰❤️❤️
You ladies make such a good team. I really like the way you guys work in tandem. very professional.
Thank you so much 🥰❤️❤️
Another great explanation ladies.
❤️❤️🤗
5 weeks! There must be so many suspicious deaths... :( I'm glad the mortician was honest with them, but I wish they'd done the ribbon or hair or something!
Toxicology tests and results take a rather long time. Samples get sent to a lab that specializes in that field and sometimes they get backed up.
@@geedubb2005 Oh, definitely! It's the same in vet med, labs take time, but they released the body pre-results, so they must have had the body physically with them for other reasons.
Yes.... was a huge backlog. My sister didn't even have bloods taken for toxicology until day 25
@@k_a_t_e__x The implication is so horrible :( So sorry
@@k_a_t_e__x I wish you and your family beautiful peace 🩵
Haven't seen your channel in a very long time. I watched it all the time. And strangely enough, I been thinking about you guys for a couple days and then you showed up 😅. Missed you ladies
Awww thank you and welcome back 🤗❤️❤️
The only profession in the world that will always have customers queueing up to get in, and employees will never be out of a job. It’s a true saying we are all born to die, 😢😢😢
We certainly are 😔❤️❤️
Love y'all! So kind and caring!
Thank you so much ❤️❤️
Thank you both ever so much for enlightening us all.
God bless ya both ❤ xxxxx
Our pleasure! ❤️❤️
Love the accents and I am from Texas USA . I love the way y'all talk about the process of decomp . Very informative . Thanks
Thank you so much 😊 take good care out in Texas USA 🤗❤️❤️
Thank you. I needed to hear this also. ❤️🐩
❤️❤️
So sorry that you couldn’t see your sister!😢 The funeral ppl that look after our loved ones after they pass don’t make those decisions lightly,when my 35 year old son passed away unexpectedly the coroner had him for 5 weeks and our funeral director couldn’t promise that we would have a viewing,thank God we could,so I really feel for those families that don’t get to see their loved ones for the last time. It would have killed me not being able to see him. They really put their heart and soul into doing everything they can so the loved ones can view them! Hope you get some healing!❤❤
Glad you got to see your son 😔❤️❤️
Such a great informative explanation 😊
Thank you 😊❤️❤️
The normal time in the uk for burial is 3 or 4 days unless there are suspicious circumstances or a post mortem examination.As for cold storage off course we have that in our mortuarys we are not in the habit of leaving dead bodies to decompose. There are strict guidelines that funeral undertakers have to follow in the UK.
That's good to hear because when I have lost family members in the UK including my dad I was told by the funeral home that they didn't have cold storage and that not many funeral homes do and would have to embalm because of this. So happy to hear otherwise ❤️
Yes... suspicious circumstances, CID involved....and a backlog. Toxicology wasn't done until day 25
I've never known a funeral happen that quick in the UK, unless you are from a certain religion.
Normally 3 - 5 weeks 😢
@@bryansilcox9590I've rarely seen a funeral take that long. Even in two that were drug overdoses requiring police involvement and a later inquest.
@@littleboots9800 must be in our local area then , funerals taking so long after death ☹️
At least in hospitals (I worked @ a top UK children's hospital), it's a legal requirement to store bodies in a fridge, so I imagine it would be the same at a coroner's facilities & funeral homes. Even hospices have chilled rooms to spend time with your loved one before they go to the funeral home/
I had my son’s wake after he had an autopsy and was under cold storage for almost a month. He looked fine just his lips were very chapped looking. The funeral director asked us not to press against him. I could never figure out why? I’m glad I got to say goodbye even if it meant I couldn’t hold his hand.
Hi yes the coroner definitely has cold storage, I have however been told by a few different funeral homes in the UK that there is often no cold storage at their facilities 🤷🏻♀️ and having lost a lot of family members in the UK myself I was always pushed that embalming had to happen because of not having cold storage 🤷🏻♀️
Thank you for sharing take care 💚
Hugs ❤️❤️
I have found from working in the funeral industry in the UK, they do not go as far in the way of reconstruction and embalming as they do in other countries. I feel the likes of the USA, Australia, Canada etc take more pride and care in preparing and presenting the deceased for families. I wish the UK would follow suit and take that extra time to prep the deceased, especially with re construction and mortuary make up, but unfortunately they do not in my experience 😢
Hi, Tracy here the Mortician, I have found that myself personally with my own family members in the UK 😔❤️
My baby sister was put in a cold storage for 5 weeks because her family don't believe in cremation añd her husband had to raise the money she died of cancer but it is in the USA I'm so sorry you lost your sister in such a tragic way I had to crenate my husband because we didn't have the insurance I still feel bad about that 8t was suddenly and we don't put our families away like that thank you for the honorable job you do I feel like I need to see them for closure I think funerals are for the living
Yes I agree that funerals are for the living. Hope you are doing well 🩷🩷
I remember during Covid, places ran out of room to store bodies, so not all of the dead were in cold storage!
Difficult times 😔 xx
Hallo beautifull ladies.love from me in South Africa.Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us.Love and blessings for you both❤
Thank you so much! 😊❤️❤️
Sounds like they gave this poor woman Kate a raw deal it was her love one it’s just not fair it should be up to the family not anyone else . Classy answer T&T thank you for being so sensitive about this. I pray for peace for you and your grief.
Yes I wanted to see my brother not allowed I won't forget
Thank you and agree it's up to the family ❤️❤️
So very sorry to hear 😞 ❤️❤️
Thank you for this important topic. Our imagination doesn’t always help and you did.
You are so welcome! 🤗❤️❤️
My six year old daughter died in a house fire . She was badly burned both ears had been burnt off her hair on one side one of her legs was black and the bone was exposed. We wanted a private viewing to say good by . My daughter was a mixed race child so she had copper coloured skin ,when her coffin was opened I told both my others daughters to stay seated. My baby’s body was bright fuchsia , her eyes were sunk in and we could see into her head her chest was rock hard I put my hand on her and it felt like she had a sheet of cardboard raped around her . Should that mortician have closed her eyes and they never told me why my black child was pink? I found out that it was carbon dioxide that turned her pink ,I found this out from an episode of CSI . It seems that they dropped the ball on how she was handled ?
Oh love ,If give you the biggest hug if I coukd..I'm so so sorry for your loss & I wish I could take that horrific image away from you ..Much love & healing to you & may your little girl rest in peace 😣🤗xxxxx
@sophiew1967 💜💜
Thanks so much for more interesting information!
Hi, thank you for watching as always 🤗😘❤️❤️
That was really interesting, thanks Ladies...
Our pleasure! ❤️❤️
5:30 I can't believe how quickly the body breaks down after death. Like, immediately? Somehow that detail is a bit disturbing to me. I don't know why.
Our bodies are actually deteriorating throughout our entire lives & when there is no longer blood flow or oxygen it speeds up
It's just the natural part of life. We break down every day ❤️
@@AreyoudyingtoknowAMEN
I’m sad!! I just went to a funeral yesterday to say goodbye and witness the burial of a friend. 😞
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
I saw my best friend 5 weeks after she passed, she was embalmed after 4. I had nightmares for days afterwards and I still can’t process in my head it was even her.
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
Oh Tracy!!! I had to go back to the beginning of the video to catch your pun...lol Interesting as usual!!
Oops sorry about that 🥰❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow 🥰❤❤
What a difficult job you have ladies xx
☺️❤️❤️
Many funeral directors in the UK do now have cold storage, it's essential due to our population numbers and the length of time we have to wait for funeral services, even pre covid it was often 3 weeks. My Mother was kept refrigerated for almost a month prior to her funeral, no post mortem was done or needed. You could see a slight greening around the eyes and chin/ mouth area and the lips had dried up like old bacon, her facial bones were more visible under the skin and the eyes had sunk somewhat. But there was no smell and she wasn't embalmed.
So very sorry to hear about the loss of your mum 😔 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknow Thank you ladies. xxxx
I can imagine there was an additional cost for Kates family or wasn't qualified.. when her sister died was it still cold out.. as I'd be thinking about the time vs the heat.. and also how high the heating was, thinking on how they're not sure of COD.. possible questions to push back to the Police..
Kate, can you think of a time where you were together laughing and having fun... because that's a really good way to remember your dear sister.. its not fair that you didn't have the chance to hold her hand.. but thinking good memories is a good way to think of her. So sorry for your loss xx
Interesting channel. When my grandma died 45 years ago,she passed in the hospital and was immediately embalmed. What was remarkable was although she was 86 she looked so beautiful and many years younger. I myself want to be cremated and stay with my daughters in a couple of urns or have them pour me into the ocean ❤
Hi, thank you for sharing ❤️❤️
I just found your channel & I love it (if that’s a proper thing to say😳) I’m from Indiana & I’m guessing embalming procedures are pretty much the same???? Years ago my aunt passed unexpectedly. She was in the hospital going to have some tests ran but died because one of the meds her dr had her on caused her to bleed out internally. At the funeral my cousin (my Aunts daughter) & I were straightening up my Aunts sleeves before everyone started coming in to pay respects & as I moved the sleeve I felt & heard plastic. I just stopped & looked at my cousin & she asked what that noise was & I said her arm’s wrapped in plastic & we pushed up her sleeve & looked & sure enough from her wrist up was wrapped in plastic. Could you explain why that was? My cousin never asked the funeral home & I didn’t want to over step my bounds & ask myself but after all these years I’m still wondering why?
Hi Trish, thank you for your kind words ☺️
Sorry to hear about your aunty's sad death 😔
She would have had skin slip on her arms, similar to sunburn when the skin starts to peel off. This is a natural part of the body breaking down after death. So mortician would have cleaned then wrapped the arm in a bluey ( hospital grade absorbent pad) then sealed in a plastic wrap to stop any fluid leakage on to the clothes, however if it me I would then place a bandage over the plastic and bluey so it looked less confronting when family see it, I do this even if the clothes cover most of the arm because family always touch and look and there is nothing wrong with that. It's done to protect the deceased skin from tearing anymore and the family touching. Hope that helps, take care ❤️❤️
Thank you ladies
🤗❤️💜
My niece wasn’t identified for weeks and instead of putting her into a freezer she was just in cold storage. She was in a dreadful state. Her mother wasn’t allowed to see her and was distraught
So very sorry to hear 😞 💔 take care 💜
I believe that cremation or burial should happen when the family are ready to say goodbye, after they've had the time they need to spend with their loved one, and to mentally prepare themselves for the separation. Everyone is different and timing needs to be based on personal preference. I understand that there are circumstances where this isn't possible, and as long as the viewer is being protected, and understands this, has time to digest this. I think having the deceased at home for a week, prior to the funeral is a beautiful thing, and gives loved ones the time they need. Not always possible I know.
So true ❤️❤️
When my mom passed in February 2015, it was 5weeks before her funeral. longest 5weeks of my life. There's no closure.
So very sorry to hear 😔 sending you our deepest condolences 🌹❤️❤️
Are you dying to know i read that statement by Susan and another person i think her name was Phylis who said you talked to much. They bothered me. Does Phylis expect you to not talk? I think these people are being very rude. I hope you keep doing these videos. I learn so much and i appreciate what you do. 😊 Love you ladies ❤. Thank you again from Long Island N. Y.take care.😊
Awww thank you so much for your kind words and support 🤗❤️❤️
Thanks for your show always watch and learn a lot
Glad to hear it, thank you so much for watching 🤗❤️❤️
Thank you for not saying Fall xxx
🤗🩷🩷
I have a friend that was buried at 6 months after death. She was stored in cold storage until burial. She looked completely normal except some parts of her face face looked much darker than other parts. I don’t know any information on her embalming. Since all of this occurred in Nigeria. Which I’m sure isn’t the Gold Standard. I was truly surprised she looked as good as she did after 6 months!
Thank you for sharing, sorry for your loss ❤️❤️
Awsome ❤❤❤❤
This is such an interesting video. My own father died in his home from alcoholism complications. My brother found him a week later after what was estimated to be 1-2 weeks deceased in very hot weather. We agreed that we didn't want him embalmed as that isn't something we do in our family typically, but also we both assumed that the 'embalming ship' had sailed. I understood that he would be stored chilled with the coroner and then at the funeral home, but my main question in my mind was: at the funeral, would we be able to smell any decomposition through the coffin? I'm autistic and I'm sensitive to smells and also find it helps my anxiety to be able to visualise situations ahead of time. I was really anxious about the funeral as I struggle with large groups of people, and although we'd planned everything that we could I desperately wanted to know whether to expect any smell from the coffin, especially as his home had quite a strong smell (not particularly unpleasant - the expired food in his fridge smelled way worse than the decomposition smell left behind in the house). I searched and searched online and couldn't find anything about whether there would be a smell from the coffin. In the event when we followed the coffin down the aisle in the church I could smell a faint sweet musky smell but that was it. I would have really valued this type of anecdotal info so if anyone else would benefit from this please feel free to use my story.
Aside: This experience made me wonder whether lilies are traditional funeral flowers because they smell so strong and can overpower any decomposition smell in times before embalming.
It's more to do with their association with renewal, innocence restored. There are various types of lilies of course but the white variations of each type convey sentiments suitable for a funeral such as rebirth, eternal life, purity etc.
So very sorry to hear you have lost your father in such circumstances 😔 sending you our deepest condolences.
It's normal for the morticians to place a powder inside the coffin/ casket this absorbs the smell and you can sometimes smell that faint sweet smell. Also your father would have been wrapped in a shroud also to minimise any smell left after his care.
Thank you for sharing your story and we hope you and your family are doing well.
Lily's are often used because of their smell and also what @littleboots has stated.
Take good care ❤️❤️
Like you, my ex husband lived alone, an alcaholic and drug user. His date of death was shown as the 4th January, but he was not found till March. I did not find out until May. I have no idea what his family did with the body xx
😞 so sorry 🩷
Really interesting content! I’d like to know what happens to all the fluids removed from the deceased, how is that disposed of?
Hi all goes into the sewerage system and filtering system just the same as toilet waste because the same fluids go into our toilet as on the mortuary, blood, faces and urine. Same same ❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknowthank you! Good to know. Really fascinating content.
My mom passed at hospice and was at the funeral home for 4 days before she was cremated. I worry about what she looked like even in cold storage.
So very sorry to hear 😞 sending you our deepest condolences ❤️❤️
@@Areyoudyingtoknowcan you answer her and what he looks like? I'm in the same situation
Sorry to hear 😞 hope you are doing ok, take good care ❤️❤️
Trish that lip color is gorgeous on you!
Thank you so much 💜❤️
Found this really interesting. I'd like to know if you have requests to prepare a body for a natural burial. I'm in the UK and considering this option for myself. Hopefully, it will be a long time from now. Your vlogs are so interesting, considering it's a subject we all avoid.
Hi, yes I have prepared many bodies for natural burial. Go check out our burial at sea video it's a beautiful video and it's a natural burial. Thank you for your question take care ❤️❤️
Sorry new to the channel, great content ladies, very informative and compassionate too, random question is the lady on the left of a geordie backround?
Hi thank you so much for your kind words 😊
Yes I am from Stanley Co Durham 🤗❤️❤️
We've had trouble embalming those who have died from heat exhaustion and sometimes somethings happen chemically in the body and you just can't embalm it just won't take. People who have died from certain drugs, chemo and even alcohol will effect embalming it just depends. And if there's tissue gas then that creates even more problems. Tissue gas you can actually hear at least in my experience you can hear an almost a soft snap crackle and pop sound with it like someone putting milk in rice crispies thats when its pretty advanced and a problem or can be a problem
Yes it can be a problem. But with lots of hypodermic work and a body wrap you can still do an embalm. Thank you for sharing. Take care ❤️❤️
I worked at a funeral home here in the U.S. and we had no cold storage there. He was is only able to embalm 2 people at a time and then they move to his garage until the funeral. The garage does not have A/C or heat. We got a body of a person that had passed 2 weeks before she was found and he then had her body in the garage until he could take her to a cremation 😮she was just in a cardboard box. The smell was intense..
Ooh my goodness that's awful 😲
When my parents died, there was no cold storage in the funeral home.
😔❤️❤️
I live in a large county in N.C. and our funeral homes don't have cold storage. They just turn the heat or A/C way down in the room the deceased is in if they come in to the care of the funeral home at night.
I think nearly all places now have cold rooms/ places. My grandparents died in the late 70s. They were stored in a cold room then.😢
❤️❤️
Yes we have cold storage in the uk, always have as long as I’ve known👍
Good to know ❤️
My question is a bit graphic.
So when the vascular system is compromised and you can’t do a “traditional” embalming, how do you remove the blood from the body, or can you? If you do hypodermic embalming, does that counter the blood that hasn’t been removed?
Great question! I would like to know also as I was thinking it would just be a topical embalming.
Cant wait to find out!
We will do a video on this soon. Thank you for your question 😊❤️
❤️
I have so many questions. I have sent several questions to you. I guess I did not includ enough details for you to answer. I will try again. I love you guys so much.
Hi, yes we have answered your questions but if you have some more send them to us ❤️❤️
My dad died in April this year it took them 4 weeks to give us the death certificate and we couldn't see him cos of this the undertaker said it wasnt advisable my mam and my brother and myself were devastated
I’m sure the more experience the person is when preparing the body the better the body will look.
Sure that's true ❤️
Good morning Tracy and Trish all the way from Ireland 🇮🇪! It’s 7.27am Saturday 6th July here! Tracey I have a question, is it possible for livor mortise to start setting in 24 hours prior to death? I ask this because my fiancé died 5 years ago and when I was with him in the hospital the day before he died I noticed a large dark purple patch on his back just above the left hip! And he died the following evening from cardiac arrest! So I just thought I would ask you as I know that livor mortise happens after death! Thanks ladies!🙏🏻❤️👍🏻😇! Patzi!xx
I have seen this. Many get what's called mottling where they start turning purplish in extremities or face
Great content very interesting are you from the north east of England as aspects of your speech is very characteristic of our accent
Hi, thank you. Yes I am from Co Durham 🤗❤️