Things we do to avoid the narcissist’s wrath
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
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We walk on broken glass not eggshells
At this point we are walking through an emotional minefield.
Annie Lennox! Most excellent. 🙂👍
Good one!❤
That's what it feels like when is the next grenade coming when you know it will...emotional rollercoaster ride that's not healthy!
YES SO VERY TRUE 😢😢😢
They not only like it when we walk on eggshells, they’ll even tell us to buy a new carton of eggs to create more eggshells for us to walk on.
After they smash every egg on our face…
"Hey, today I wanted the ORGANIC CAGE FREE ONES, didn't you read my mind?!" These ppl!!!
I am going to remember that line😅😅😅
Yes they do!!
They love it when we walk on eggshells. It feeds their sense of power and grandiosity.
I hate it when people are uncomfortable around me. I was raised by two narcissistic parents who never really comforted me growing up.
They test our patience by checking how far they can go with the abuse, increasing the intensity as time goes by. As they age they are impossible to tolerate.
YES!! They only get worse, much worse. They start to realize their mortality and know their end will not be good for them. They have spent their lives torturing and abusing everyone.
So true
After 28 years with can testify for this, things just keep going worse whatever you try to keep peace.
So true. My narcissistic spouse is in his late 50s now, and it has gotten worse and worse.
OMG! My narcissist has gone from a neglectful narcissist to the verbally, and emotionally abusive one. he is become intolerable with age after 26 years. I’m ready to end this marriage I cannot take anymore.
And they try to gaslight you, saying you make them walk on eggshells.
Yup my narc brother did this to me and my wife.
Yep, I told my sil that I'm not going to walk on eggshells shells to appease her anymore and she wrote me a letter and said, doesn't like being made to walk on eggshells... oyevaeee!
Oh absolutely. You not accepting abuse is so "controlling".
Yes!
@@harmonyvaneaton4101 💯
We never say what we're really thinking. We never defend ourselves or the people they badmouth. We tell them what they want to hear. We let them take charge of everything, but put up with them doing nothing. Basically we let everything be about them and their feelings.
😂 funny how they do nothing but like to take over.
Yes, until you get tired of it, and SNAP.
@@SylviaGonzales-ee8dmSo true, or when we slip and lower our guard and tell them no, or contradict them over something.
It’s not just me.
Yes. This was so me. I lost all sense of ME. When he left people told me how different ( in a good way lol) I was. I was able to finally find voice. Yes Ramani I was a professional,level headed, had own car,apartment bank account etc... Lost all after 4 months into marriage. So sick quit my job, lost most family and friends. Now 33 yrs later finally strong enough to leave and he is still using kids and money over my head 😢 Ty just recieved your new book, can't wait to read and continue learning and healing!! ❤
Then they make out they are walking on eggshells around us because our reactions are erratic 😂
Thats what happened when my wife and I were cohabitating with my brother. He was insane and we always walked on eggshells around him, but he told me that he walks on egg shells around me. Which i thought was funny because he honestly didn't care about us.
Or they make it YOUR fault you're walking on eggshells because if you didn't make them rage, you wouldn't HAVE to walk on eggshells.
They have no empathy for anyone
@@MissReneeMichelleDARVO, q.v.. Narcissists turn their own bad acts onto you. They are mindf-ckers.
I don't walk on eggshells anymore, I don't care if he gets mad. I walk away. After he locked me out of the house in the cold I didn't have a jacket. After I yelled out "I'm dialing 911" he couldn't open that door quick enough! 😈 He knows I don't care.
My father definitely loved making us feel like we were walking on eggshells. Then I turned around and found a partner exactly like him. I did get out. My mother, unfortunately, never did. 😢
Same, I’m still in it, but I’m freeing myself with wisdom
Same here. I left. My mother stayed stuck in that hell of a marriage and told herself she loved him. When he finally died, she lost about 40 pounds.
My father lectured me nearly every night ,my mother got out and he found a new victim .He made my years with him a nightmare
That happened with a former friend of mine. His daughter got pregnant by an abusive drunk like him. Sadly his wife put up with the behavior while raising their child, so the child saw his behavior as acceptable.
Same. At 34 I’m realizing how I got primed to have narcissistic partner
An apology is seen as an admission of guilt and bad intentions, then becomes ammunition for future abuse, because you admitted it.
Exactly.😢
😢 YES 😢
Amazing how someone "i thought i loved" actually repulses me because of what they've done to me.
There is actually nothing i remotely like about them.
Guilt, self-blame, self-effacing behaviors, fear, chronic alertness, permanent stress, etc. The effects of narcissistic abuse border on masochism when looked from the outdide. Only someone who's been in such relationship (or was raised by a narcissistic parent) knows how debilitating it actually is, and how difficult it is to get to the point of radical acceptance--the first step in the healing process.
Very well summarized, christelleny!!
It's ike I can't survive in this type of Relationship with nobody.
@@meshell1399 No human can. The human body (and mind) isn't designed to deal with permanent stress and aggression.
@@christelleny I no someone who lives like this everyday..it's sad 😔
@@meshell1399It IS sad. For many of us, we were wired by our childhood to "take it" (even "look for it", to some unconscious extent). It takes a lot of strength, courage, and self-awareness to wake up from it and create another reality for us. The one thing I can tell you is that the longest this person stays in the relationship, the sicker he/she will be. Getting out is truly a matter of survival. If we lack the strength for ourselves, then we should do it for our children. Self-preservation must come first. ❤
When I took the fight,I learned my parent was a pro at identifying vulnerabilities and playing on them to deliver consequences. It was so damaging. His favorite thing was smear campaigns to make sure others believed I was the problem.
As I learned how to behave in his presence, (DEEP, grey-rock, etc) he said, “Now, don’t take this the wrong way, but do you think you have bipolar disorder? Im just concerned.” I think he wanted me to “fight.” He seemed to enjoy it.
If it was me and I was asked "Do you think you have a bipolar disorder?" I would just walk away and not say anything. Don't defend, don't engage
Oh that's their favorite thing. Diagnosing your reaction to their abuse.
My own mother would go around telling people that I was running around with different men. When I had a long term relationship with a guy. She told everyone. She then played it cool as though nothing happened. I sometimes wonder how life is with all the evil they do
The idea that 2 important people in my life are trying to dim my light makes me cry 😭 so much it breaks me into a million little pieces 😢. This whole video makes me cry and cry and cry 😢
Please take care of yourself, and try embracing the thought that you DESERVE to be treated better.
As for me, I'm determined to REWIRE MY MIND...meaning: uncheck the box of depression & choose happiness instead (by eliminating any and all contributing to my depression).
@@girlwonder6 Thank you 😊 so much for your kind words and support! I really do appreciate it very much! 💜!
@sparklandchine.....hugs
@@maevebutler4641 Aww 🥰 thank you so much 😊! Hugs 🤗 to you as well from me! 💜!
Cry as much as the soul needs, flow no matter how exhausting it may be. It is healthy to allow ourselves to feel our emotions, you will see that over time they will be less intense and more sporadic... if you let them express themselves!!.
And at some point you will accept the reality as it is and you even feel like creating, with what you now know, new beautiful bonds. Although it may not seem like it to you now, it is not a well, it is a tunnel and there is a way out... Look up and keep walking at the pace you can!!
My BEST wishes from Spain!!😘
😘
They LOVE making us walk on eggshells - and if we ever say we feel we are always walking on eggshells around them, like we are checking for tripwires everywhere, they deny they laid the minefield.
My dad was a yelling narcissist that loved to stir things up as he became older and homebound. My former covert/passive aggressive boss was Jekyll and Hyde, and my older jealous sister was exactly as you explain. She was like a dark aura entering the room, and she dominated every conversation and would get loud. She was exhausting. I tried to spend more time with her when I retired, but I ended up going no contact. She was a trip. It was time to put myself first!
Iwas never confident. I grew up with a narcissist father and mother who had to endure that too. I resonate with EVERYTHING in this video.. I was not allowed to have wants as a child and at 45, i still have a very hard time expressing myself to people.. i learned that i had to ask permission constantly. I still live with my parents and take care of their house and yard was my mom's caregiver when she had cancer last year. My dad did absolutely nothing. Iwas so overwhelmed with work, caring for her and the house, the special meals she needed. I had a chronic migraine for over a month from the stress. I asked my dad just to help with the dishes and he blew up in my face. Later on, he complained that noone cooked for him. (I wasn't going to cater to HIM when he sits in his chair all day watching TV. He knows how to cook and is capable. I flat out refused. I'm not his maid)
I don't think i have a true self. I learned as a child to just be invisible. I honestly don't know how to revers that. I don't know how to make conversation. I've always been alone.
I wear red dresses❤
I have learned to speak with other people, say what I want, say what I need...It takes time
You should buy nice dresses...blue ...green...red dresses
I was invisible too
My best wishes for you ❤
❤
Feel you 😢 Therapy to remind you who you are and gain back self asteem, cant recommend enough❤ I had hypnosis therapy and NLP, worth it!!
"It's my fault," are some of the last recorded words of Gabby Petito in the police car before Brian Laundrie murdered her.
What was the story?
Last week i found out that my husband has been having affairs with a string of women! But when i caught him out bringing one of them back to our home, ( he thought i was away) he has discarded me, because I caught him out, and he had nowhere to run, he couldn't lie or cover it up, so he blamed me and called the police saying it was all me, but all i did was coming back to my home! And that's when I realised he has been mentally & emotionally abusing me, for years! Now I need to find the strength to take back control, and find my own identity x
My heart goes out to you.
I had something similar happen, after 25 yrs marriage, always apologising thinking I wasn't a good enough!!!!!
Coming home after a 12 hr shift, and found out his betrayal)
I left, of course it was my fault!!!!
May I tell you it's a hard road ahead, however Remember the goal is
Finding yourself
Empowerment
Finding some interests, that you enjoy
Socialising ( I mean Socialising, I'm NOT interested in looking for another partner, the hurt is still to raw)
Have good supports
And hugs
Remember you found Dr Ramani, Bless her for all her guidance to each and everyone of us❤
@user-uz8np4iv8g Thank you for your kind words! For me too, I felt that I wasn't good enough, and so was trying to sort myself out as I thought I was the problem! I love, loved him so much, and gave my all to him, but still, that was not enough ! I feel such a fool and embrassed that I've allowed myself to be so dependent on him financially, emotionally, and mentally ! He is with his new supply, and has cut me off completely, so I'm trying so hard to have 'No Contact' ! It's been a week so far! I'm trying to stay strong, and yes, I'm glad I found Dr Ramani ! Xx
I learned not to express my needs because when i did rely on my partner they intentionally screwed it up passive aggressively, or sulked.
That was me! I became a totally different person. Lost myself. This 50 year marriage destroyed me..almost . But after leaving at 70 years old I now live in peace. Almost killed me more than once. I feel like the crazy one for living in the abuse for so long.now I do feel close to the old me that I once was but too old to ever fully recover. All you say happened to me and more. Glad I found you !! Thank you.
They are awful in a workplace setting. They are like a work- gestapo.
We've got one. He's hated. Fortunately, the boss is wise to his antics and he's been marginalized.
The worst! The constantly changing goalposts just to set you up for failure so they can be entertained, feel important, cover their own incompetence etc etc.
I cried because it was how my life was. I am trying to heal my wounds but am dealing with anger and the injustice of it all. Not sure how to get through it but am working on looking after my health, finding myself, my own hobbies, happiness, joy, etc. I think that would do it. Thank you so much.
Be proud of yourself for ending the abusive cycles. It's going to takes time, but you are taking the right steps to invest in YOU again and making yourself your #1 priority! Wishing you much inner peace, happiness and abundant joy on your journey!! 💕🙏🌄
@@marthareichhold8201 Thank you so much Martha
The simple fact of knowing is the first step to rediscovering yourself.
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
@@TinaDougherty ♥♥
My narc does whatever he wants , whenever he wants and spends money on whatever he wants! And in return I’m supposed to ask him for his permission for all of the above
I remember going to the mall and watching him buy clothes for himself while I was given nothing. That was the most painful thing I have ever witnessed 💔
I can relate to you Amy, he can buy whatever he wants but questions me when I buy something for myself. It makes me not want to buy anything for myself because he makes me feel like I don’t deserve it 😢 but if I’m buying something for him then it’s ok lol
@@MelissaSmith-qj8js it's painful 💔 😢.
My elder sister has a masters degree in narcissism. I would always walk on egg shells all the time. She was always saying bad things about how I dressed, my body creams, my interests, my boyfriends and my hair. I sometimes had to hide my new shoes or hand bags because she would become jealous and used my bags to work and pose as theirs. I was so exhausted trying to do things right and please her. If I baked a cake I was made to eat less than her. I never had rights to even things that I owned.
Entering their proximity is like nearing a black hole that always "speghettifies" your presence, and gleefully breaks off pieces of your rationale until you're nothing but a cloud of dust, instead of a fullbodied star.
Let’s enjoy our silence, celebrate our boundaries and rescue our authentic self😊 take good care of it and share it with the world. Thank you dr Ramani ❤ God bless you❤
That self blame for me came from my multiple bosses blaming me for anything going wrong thst is not in my control. Late deliveries, my fault. Lunch orders wrong, my fault.
Literally anything was blamed on me even though i had nothing to do with it.
Narcissist bosses are the worst
Oh they love us waking on eggshells.. they love the control
9:32 Thr silent treatment is also a way to leave us to make our own conclusions that’s it’s our fault.
I would love to learn more about dealing with narcissists in power positions. Especially in spaces/organizations worth fighting for. I believe there are times that organizing coworkers/members to collectively resist their tyranny is a better choice. No contact may be right for individual relationships, but walking away from spaces that actually matter to let the narcissist destroy it is not OK. We need literature/support on organizing people away from becoming bystanders or enablers and standing up to narcissistic leadership!
Yaaaas narcs and wreak havoc on good work places
I also feel like the ‘parasite’ thing relates to my mom. I feel like she sucks me in and clings onto me expecting me to always be there for her. I feel bad for her and the issues she has, but I can’t and won’t take it all on nor will I let her damage me and my life anymore. Taking myself my identity autonomy strength and my sovereignty back. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
It took me a long time to get out of the habit of apologizing to everyone for everything.
Now, I have no trouble taking responsibility for what I need to when it’s appropriate. I wonder if that’s a positive result of being raised by a narcissistic parent.
Yup, that was me. I got away enough to individuate. Life was fun. Then a confluence of things happened and I became my parents care takers. They were helping me financially too and i fell into learned helplessness. Along with addiction.
They ADORE eggshell flooring, it sounds awesome when they tread all over it (sometimes drunkenly) with their steel-toed heartlessness. When we display anxiety or panic while worrying about them, they know that they're occupying prime mental real estate, mortgage and rent free. Our unsettled state satisfies them and sadly, that becomes their settlement. ...Evict this evil tenant; keep whatever is left of that security deposit too, because you know they've WRECKED THE PLACE.
"our unsettled state satisfies them" wow so very true. That's why they get sooo agitated when we're comfortable, happy or at peace. They get completely bent out of shape and try to bait us into a fight, or shame us, whatever they can do to bring us back down where they want us.
He loved to say " you dont have to agree with me, just do what i want"...and "if you dont like it like this, just get the f%÷ck out".... really sickening😢
They treat us like their children!!
Yah so soft fight back
I hear it all the time
@@Cherry-kt8zo fight back it’s not that hard you have to mirror them you guys or your always gonna stay scared
Gotta act like a sociopath to them shit I be hurting my narcissist all the time
"I am to blame" has been an internsl refrain, reflexively. I have 2 narcissistic parents, a deceased sibling, and an estranged sibling. On the phone with my 80 year old mother 2 weeks ago made me want to die. I am the youngest by a large age gap.
Something broke in me when my dog of 15 years passed away. I barely get out of bed or go outside. I have been suicidal ideation and self isolating. I hate my parents for what theyve done. I grew up with daily DV and DARVO on me. Religious abuse. They should NEVER have had children; they had no business doing so. And suddenly it is MY responsibility to care for them?
Lots of if only's.
Thank you for all you do.
E S
So sorry about the loss of your dog. I’m convinced the unconditional love from animals help heal us. Please get another pet when you are ready. Your lost dog would not want you to be alone.
I’m very sorry for all that you went through and all that you’re going through. 😢
Thank you for your kind words. I miss my dog so much. I resisted a hoover from a narc ex best friend. Of course I question if I am the narcisisst in these situations. Lots of brain fog and crippling anxiety.
I’m so sorry about your dog, I know the heartbreak 💔 When the time feels right getting another dog will heal so much, I promise. Our 2 year old dog has been such a blessing for our family, she’s not a replacement for our last beloved doggo, but unique and perfect in her own way ❤
I can relate to the phone call with your narc mother and the horrendous feelings afterwards, I refuse to speak to mine on the phone now, I had to put that boundary in place for my mental health. 3 hour long phone calls of her pure toxic “conversation” had been part of my life til then. I also relate to the elderly narc parent expecting you to suddenly care for their every need and being full of rage if you don’t do what they want. My own NM is in her 80’s now and actually she’s getting worse as she gets older, she even said at her age now she doesn’t care what we think, she has a right to speak her mind and say whatever she wants, no matter how damaging the words are. I naively hoped she’d mellow with old age, but nope it’s making her behaviour even more extreme!
You owe to them to be happy and not sad as harsh as that sounds there's no other way
I am tired (but not sorry ). If something breaks down, say the stove now i can't cook dinner he will throw a fit and then say it's not your fault i look at him and say I KNOW IT'S NOT MY FAULT the stove is 20yrs old it was used when we got it (give me a break YES I'M TIRED
I remember that he used to finish work at 2pm and be home at 2.30pm. I used to be a bag of nerves, counting down the minutes, would he be in a good mood or a bad mood, I would be jumpy as his car came down the drive, as he got out tge car I was already walking on eggshells...OMG!! Just thinking back makes me feel bad...thank god I finally got out!!
We walk on eggshell quietly not to wake the monster. To live peacefully
Because we have to be a sissy why don’t yah not fight back
Why does my PSYCHIATRIST do Each and Every one of these things to me? He’s a damn Psych doc himself! And I respond to each and every one of them exactly how Dr. Ram states. I am So stuck.
Find another because you cannot heal with a narc shrink.
Don't assume all mental-health professionals are competent. I was kept in a narcissistic relationship by a psychiatrist who made me feel responsible for "repeating my parents' patterns". A psychologist one told me "narcissism isn't a thing". The person who finally put a finger on things and put me on the right path was a licensed social worker! The mental-health field isn't always a safe place for victims of narcissistic abuse as lack of education on the subject, personal bias, and toxic behavior permeate it.
Walking on eggshells has made me ill.Literally.
I just want to thank you a lot. You helped me so so so much to understand my father's behavior and to adopt strategies to bare it until moving out. Especially thank you for always being on the victim's side, because i have seen a lot of psychologists taking the "narcissists struggle too" approach. i can not express how thankful i am. i feel full of knowledge enough to stop consuming content on narcissism, thank you for all that time, unfortunately, i have unsubscribed because i only keep channels that i regularly watch, but this channel will always be special and will bring me warm memories of feeling the first time of my life that i am not alone in this and there is a way out. ❤ and thank you, the community of this channel, your comments helped a lot too❤
Yes we have gone back to rescue ourselves once and for all and enjoy our laughter that he tried to silent out of joulousy and depression he is into. God bless doctor Ramani. Enjoy freedom
When we would fight, my husband would look at me and say “you’re not scared of me at all” or he would put his fist up in a fighting stance, and he would say “all I have to do is get in one good punch I’m so much bigger than you it would really make an impact on your behavior “. That used to really confuse me - why would my husband want me to be afraid of him? Dr. Ramani you bring so many things into clarity.
Sounds like a gutless bully or coward, who most likely doesn't have the chops to take on someone his own size or bigger.😂❤
One of the most hilarious things my ex narc friend said to me is that she walked on eggshells to get along with me. If that was walking on eggshells, I cannot imagine what she’s like when she’s not. I guess I was luckier than most if that’s what she felt she was doing.
It is totally hilarious the things these people will say! They're so unbelieveably hypocritical, it's ridiculous. I'm willing to bet it was YOU who was the one walking on eggshells! But to invalidate you, she had to turn it around and act like SHE was the vistim.
I can't believe that people actually say "I know it's a pain, but can you take the kids to soccer". It hursts so much bc I am an alienated parent and I would have given anything to spend any amount of time doing anything with my son... ❤❤❤👍
I can remember one time when I was a little girl, and getting ready to go to school, my brother was a baby, and my mom was cooking breakfast. I dont remember what all was going on, but my mom peed in the floor and started screaming at me because she said I made her pee in the floor.
I remember thinking about that all day long. I remember wondering what I can do to make sure mom doesn't pee in the floor.
There is a song on Daniel Tigers Neighborhood that sings, if you have to go potty stop ..and go right away.
If that song would have been around back then and I would have sung that to her... trying to help, I think she would have killed me .😅.
I think about her every time I hear that song. I am so glad it wasn't around when I was a kid.
It's like walking on broken glass that they put there for us to walk on. They love it.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani for being a key component in my healing recovery from C-PTSD.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. This is such an excellent video. People need to know what kind of individuals are out there. I'm through the fog and loving it!!
Invasion of the Parraisites 🤯 Here come take my Agency and Criticize my breathing....
Yes! I feel like such a different person from what I was before this relationship
It feels SO good to finally be free. Every time he'd say something nasty, or complain, I silently say, "I am enough." This let me see how often he berated me, and it let me counter his soul-crushing words.
Don't give up. There's hope.
The thing that hit to me is that my therapist never once mentioned why I was getting therapy. I was the one that felt crazy. I was the one that was emotionally. Dis regulated, I was losing it in a relationship. They never even delve into it so you get accused by the narcissist, then you’re accused again and towards your fault you need to change by a therapist now you’re really screwed.
I still blame myself. He cheated and lied, had rages, was dismissive, so, so many times over 23 yrs. When he breadcrumbed with attention or good deeds, towards the end I became cool and aloof. I keep wondering if I'm the one who pushed him away by not falling all over myself with gratitude towards him.
I have done the same in my mind. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes reading someone else’s words helps us realize how crazy this is. Think of me as a friend saying the same thing to you. How would you talk to your friend? I’m sure you tell her it’s not her fault, her reactions were reasonable after suffering lies, cheating and dismissiveness. She had to protect her heart. You would hug her. Make her some tea. Treat her with tenderness. You deserve this too. And so do I!
Oh , and Btw it's Your Damn Fault that I am FAT because you always cook good food ‼️🤯
I just want to say thank you for making this content available outside of your books. If only I had seen this information 5-6 years ago while I was in a controlling relationship with a person I think was a vulnerable narcissist, or at least possessing many traits. Not everyone will jump immediately into books and content online, while being easy to access, is sometimes a big hit or miss. I find your content easy to digest, educational and conversational in nature and I think you're helping a lot of people. I sent your channel link to a friend of mine who I really think needs to see it and you're also helping me understand how my previous relationship is affecting my current/future relationship. I also want to add something to the conversation that is maybe not as common of a situation, long distance relationship and dynamics that come with that. I was in one for almost 3 years and a common thing I noticed, while we both spoke excellent (mine is fluent, his was close to being fluent) English, he would often say "That's not at all how I meant it, but you know I speak like 4 languages so sometimes I choose the wrong words." For an example. Never a problem outside of arguments, but the words he used during his many tantrums were always just something I was supposed to understand were due to some sort of miscommunication. I wasn't really allowed to even question it, because how rude of me not to appreciate how he speaks so many languages and is so smart, he would absolutely know better than to belittle me or be toxic on purpose. I honestly also think the only thing keeping him sort of in-check was the distance, because in person it always got worse in both frequency and intensity. I think he knew he couldn't try control me too hard, because it would've been a lot easier for me to get out of that relationship than if we lived close to one another. And I also think it took me longer to put the pieces together. He could curate his behavior a lot easier, only letting me see what he wanted me to see, for the most part. And when he couldn't control his reactions, it was easier to explain away due to English not being either one of our native language and because of the stress and difficulty that being in a LDR brings. Hopefully this can be a light bulb moment to someone in a similar situation and if not, a fair warning at the very least. Red flags are still red, no matter how far away they are.
So true, I tried to avoid conflict with a narcissistic boss for nearly 2 years. But it got to the point where they kept pushing me to get a reaction out of me. So I disengaged and went to a higher up boss about it. To my surprise, they asked my boss to leave after so many complaints.
Thank you God, 1st. You have taught me so much today with this one video. Gave me a sense of being myself. I believe now, I will become myself again, and better. I feel sorry for them for what they put me through, because they are invisible to ME. I love it. I need more of you guys. Only 2yrs. 4 months. It's hell for me. I would love to meet one of you guys. Insured too,!
Saying nothing is such great advice. The battle usually isn’t worth it. In my experience, saying nothing gets under a narcissistic person’s skin as it takes away an opportunity for them to start yet another gaslighting argument.
This is by far the hardest audio to listen to.
I spend 5 to 6 hours a day listening. This one strikes me to my bones.
How many other’s are out there - having grown up & live this experience.
Dr. Ramani, do you have statistics on how many of us are raised at this level of NARC abuse?
Who apologize for everything for everyone?
I just broke from what I believe was a dual NARC household malignant and invalidating, one of each. I exist almost in a surreal daze at times. Unsure how I was so blind.
Is that the most common theme when we wake up into this new reality?
Thanks for this. I would love to hear your thoughts on the differences between narcissistic rage spirals and other forms of emotional breakdown like bipolar manic/rage episodes, borderline rage, and autistic meltdowns, and intermittent explosive disorder. I’m especially interested in narc rage vs intermittent explosive disorder any and diagnostic overlap.
Im on my way out of this 3 yr Covert Narc HELL!!!
Getting an attorney hopefully next week. Im a big huge gray rock with hardly any communication! I even took my ring off!! His hoovering is making me sick!! Im no longer captured by his charm, it now makes me sick!!
Yes, I hear the unkind voices of my parents. However, I learned their tactics and turned their tactics against them. Later I left them behind. I also made it clear that they are not allowed to ask me for anything. I am not going to take care of them when they are old. The more informed I become, the stronger my conviction is to stay away. Realizing, that I was not born with self doubt, it was taught by people who felt inadequate, and so they wanted me to be just as miserable.
Psychology is doing a great job. Maybe it's doing many things that religions should have been doing but got sidetracked with money, control and power. There is still valuable messages and truth in religions. The thing Psychology doesn't yet define is the phychic and spiritual. But Psychology is getting closer in my opinion. It's getting closer to the core of consciousness. I'm learning a lot and I'm very grateful. Narcissism in the human race deals with how the core goes off the rails.
A warning You can get away from your narcissist. You can walk away. That's not an easy thing to do. But the real challenge is to overcome the things in yourself that drew you to themvin the first place. For me it was a flaw in myself that only brought me to other narcissists. They even sort of looked alike.
Very good for. Enjoy doing so. You have the upper hand. Do the right and be strong in the Lord.
I'm trying to get out now. The love bombing is ending again and I can't even handle grey rocking anymore. He's changed the compliment of "you're beautiful to you are beautiful to me". This is just one small example. My confidence has crumbled. Trying to build confidence by listening to this. Thank you for providing a safe place for me to find strength. Blessings
Thanks Dr Ramini! Alot of what I am hearing is more overt. Its the covert sneaky underhanded stuff that I have a hard time recognizing. The manipulation tactics is a whole course in itself I'd be VERY INTERESTED IN hearing you speak about. 💜💛
Thank you for this I learned SOOOO much!!! So much I could write here ... Thank you Dr. Ramani from the bottom of my heart!!! ❤️💓❣️💖❤️
31:50 Definitely me. And even before learning about all of this, I often thought what happened to me.
My older brother totally runs his family with a mean iron fist. I expressed concerns for my nephews when they were younger as he was being mean to them. I asked if he really wanted his kids to be afraid of him. He told me it was none of my business. Yet I am expected to be supportive no matter what. Not ok. Keeping my boundaries and focusing on my life. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
thank you for ❤sharing your wisdom
You are doing a wonderful job Dr Ramani. Thank you v much 🙏.
One of your very best. Thank you.
God bless dr ramani. I realized some days after the discard he was a narcissist and idk how I’d be able to cope without these videos. Thank you
I’m 4 minutes in and already this has to be one of your most informative & relatable videos EVER
I think a classic (mandate!) of a narcissist when they need you to not walk on eggshells may be: Just be yourself!
Dr Romani I walk on both eggshells and glass and then I do a handstand 😮 because she tells me to😢AAyeee!!!!
Your discussion of self-blame and regret is very helpful.
His wrath turned into raging, and when raging became physical this last year! I walked out while he was in tears, wondering who knows what to his sister. I was done after 45 yrs. I have peace but no sense of self, and waiting for it all to start again (my mind is still in the past).
After 4 decades of diversity of narc abuse, and dealing with gangstalking, I'm learning to carry a strong broom. Sweeping away eggshells is therapeutic. Clean floors are great for tapdancing.
31:52 🌻
Yes, I was quite different and young with a lot of hope for my future.
Such a paradoxical, ultimately self-inflicted state of cognitive dissonance and impairment.
So, after 16 years of the dance,
I providentially discovered a clinical description of CNPD.
The aha, light bulb moment.
I immediately recognized with what and with whom I was dealing.
It now all made undeniable, tragic
and perfect sense. I was dealing with a mist, a vapor that had no core self. I was in a relationship with a non person; she was only a mirror, a cognitively impaired and distorted reflection of her narcissistically culled ideas, emotions and expressions of love, truth, empathy, joy, anger, sadness, mercy, compassion, remorse, sense of fair play- basically, all the characteristics and qualities that should be present in the core self of a mentally "normal" human being.
Couple this with her "I might not always be right, but I'm never wrong" mentality and battle plan,
and you have the recipe for my current state of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial turmoil, exhaustion and depletion.
And, the final insult, to realize that her early life traumatic situations led her to default into this dysfunctional disorder, and that she isn't really even able (or eilling) to comprehend, acknowledge nor recognize the personality problem I feel she has (CPND) exists.
And the mind wrecking part, there will never be closure and validation from her, as she isn't able to give me this; because to do so would be to repudiate and admit to her destructive, dysfunctional and wretched life style choice. I have gone no contact, but it will take a lot of self work (I am exploring, understanding and addressing my own contributory psychological and emotional issues) and a lot of time for me to heal, and to recover and restore to my true self identity.
I called it walking on glass...even know f i dod love my father( now passed) had no choldhood thanks to his behaviors
They love it when we walk on egg shells...100 percent..it is about control
My Book has arrived.🙏
Thankyou Dr Ramani for sharing your knowledge with everyone and anyone + caring enough to explain to those interested in NPD ..
I can't wait to dive in and learn more on this topic 🙌
NZ❤
I have spent most of my life doing the eggshells dance. My mother until 2013. The ex husband 2003 to 2017. Ex romance 2018. Five former friends. No contact with them all. Vile manipulating creatures who absolutely love the eggshell stuff. It gives them so much power.
The narcissistic sister in law asked my mom why I don’t talk to her much anymore. I keep boundaries with her because she’s very nice toxic and spread damaging lies about me. My mom said because I feel uncomfortable/nervous around her. My sister in law said to my mom that I could ‘keep living in fear’. Super messed up. I honestly am fine if I never see her again. It’s not ok and not my fault despite the lies she spreads. Praying for my brother and brothers health and safety. 🙏 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Yes that was me!! I was happy and had a voice.
your friend at minute 34 is at such high risk of dementia.... singing my mother's story, now dead, thank god...... but I wonder how it is from heaven looking down at these dreadful offspring.... blech... otoh... the grand children are fairing much better... and the assholes eventually die.... pheww... we just have to out run them until we out live them! my strategy anyway! also I am skeedaddling with some gold.... off to the frontier of our beautiful world in a possible future if we are so lucky! Thank you for your wondrous teachings!
I just want to ask or say, i was married to an alcoholic whose brain stopped functioning well. He said he had tonwalk on eggshells around me. But after repeated drucken binges, and him really not putting forth any effort at home, with kids, and him rejecting gettingntherapy or help, i had enough and started holding him accountsble for his actions. Then he said i was controlling.
So not all egg shell walking is from narcissistic abuse.
I rebelled against my mother,only to be love bombed,gaslit and abused by my husband.
Walking on eggshells in public can avoid unpleasantness, especially poor treatment of third parties…
Last night we gossiped about the resident narcissist at work. He was slated to be off, but he ended up showing up, and one person noted how he sucked the air out of the room and destroyed the good mood. I had a child hood flashback about how neighbors would flee if my father pulled up in the driveway. I noted how I use any pretext to leave whenever the work narcissist is around because I don't want to smell his social farts. That got laughs.😏 If you want to see the ultimate end game of narcissism, watch The Zone in Interest. Depressing, but instructive.
Thank you!
Yes exactly. He would say I love that you don’t argue with me. He liked it until I walked out the door no explanation other than I don’t love you. He went crazy trying to talk to all my people.
When I left he wanted to pick a fight with me did not let him.
Wow
Yes that was me. Taking myself back! 💪🏼 ❤
The group did this all and more. They placed blame on me for their moms death. I've been in this position before as my sister blamed me for my moms death.mom had nash....she stroked out . If ur around narcs you'll find out that they place blame on u to scapegoat. It's hard to not get disregarded......that's what they want
Ohy God...
The hell we have been through...
I think they thrive on your eggshells while also being offended but only if you bring it up.