💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
this is the hardest and most trick part of trauma, we have been dreaming of what we have been deprived of. Yes, to trick ourselves. Most of my dreams and fantasies are all about the goodness of Humanity, and good side of human society, now I know, it is exactly the opposite of REALITY. we are unconsciously trying to death to FORGIVE OTHERS, as we used to do when we were children to forgive our toxic parents. This is truly the whole pain to witness this inner scenery while I`m killing part of myself to FORGIVE the others who do not deserve at all.
Exciting video Tim, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sister , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
I developed maladaptive daydreaming as a little kid because I was in a dangerously toxic environment and had no control over what happened to me, and as I was a special needs kid who was just a little too functional to qualify as special needs, school was a living hell of trying to catch up to a system leaving me behind and horrible, violent children. It was nonstop hell. I literally had no other option but to disassociate into a fantasy world and while I didn't have much control over that either, it was the only relief available to me. Today I've adapted the disassociation into writing, which has been a useful application of what was once a survival skill.
This made me cry... This is exactly what's been going on with me my entire life... Grew up in a home with domestic violence and constant fear... I didn't even realize I was escaping with MD (didn't even know it had a name). Now I'm completely dependent on it. I can't live in reality, because I hate it... and I love my fantasy life so much it hurts. No one else can go there... No one can destroy it... It's mine... and it's perfect and safe... But I can't actually be there. It's terribly bittersweet...
And the extreme version of this is psychosis. Your brain will literally disconnect you from reality and “teleport” you into a different one to protect you from the abuse. However, the abuser is so skilled and so methodical, that no one in your environment will notice that or believe you. You will be severed from yourself. Then you will be given a diagnosis and prescribed a long term medication to “manage your symptoms”. The abuser won’t change before you change - they genuinely do not think they are abusing you, until their own behavior becomes disadvantageous to them. You have to outgrow them and become your own best friend, supporter, protector and everything you ever needed. Stay sane!
I told myself my entire life that my dad never abused me. Reality is that I was abused from infancy. I was 33 years old when reality came crashing into my fantasy world. I tried to eliminate my daughter who had been molested when dealing with her abuse brought up my own through uninvited flashbacks. I didn’t just see it, I could feel it like it was happening right then. 6 weeks in a mental hospital and years of counseling later, I have finally accepted and am finally healing from the reality of my early life. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, DID, and on and on. Took medication for 20+ years. In 2020 I had a breakthrough and rededicated my life to Jesus Christ and that is when true healing began. The meds caused pseudo seizures that have left me unable to drive but since I was a stay at home mom, I am disqualified from disability. Tim has given me the information necessary to understand what I have been dealing with all these years and make meaningful changes.
@ I didn’t say she did it to me. But the abuse she endured triggered the memories of my own abuse. Through the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, both my daughter and me are being healed and we have a very special relationship. That in and of itself is a miracle.
"It's a world where they had power, they weren't powerless" spot on. Healing has helped me get a sense of my own power - got a long way to go - but imagine the thought that I can say 'no' to men I don't want, and I can mean it. Amazing grace
This makes a lot of sense, but there is also another side to this as well. I am notoriously lonely, all of my life. And due to the fact, that no one ever has shown any interest in me whatsoever (I am an unattractive female), that fact will not change. And I also refuse to be with someone, I don’t feel connected to, just to be with someone. I feel I deserve, just like anyone else, someone loving and who loves me. And the only way I can get that is to once I a while fantasise about a relationship like this. It does not affect my work, I still go out with friends, and it keeps me sane! Unfortunately, there are people whose life is not going to change for the better in some areas. I have tried to believe that and I have done all the stuff my therapist has told me. It won’t happen. It’s sad, because a lot has to do with our society and men being especially superficial. And those who are not, are mostly already in relationships or are just not interested in me (which is fine). So is it really that bad to escape from that? I have still dreams and aspirations in the real world, but in this particular area, I know that I have no chance to have what I need. And stopping daydreaming has only caused depression and decline in pursuing those other dreams! And I guess, there are many other people like this…
I'm with you. I don't use drugs or alcohol. I am a great employee and friend, and active politically to promote a compassionate and inclusive world and after 56 years of almost killing myself to fit in with the world and look after others I would rather spend safe time in fantasies and choose when to interact with the world. It is a tough world for introverts, very loud and in your face
Honestly I agree. I read everyone’s dating struggles and thinking of my own history with dating men, and it just hasn’t been worth it. It was just traumatizing. Red pill manosphere bullshit and corn addictions has ruined so many men. In my daydreaming men are good and kind, but in reality, they’re like my abusive father. I rather be daydreaming about them and ignore them in real life lmao they scare me
@@kakadu53342 my opinion is that as long as you do no harm to anyone, you can spend your life however you want and you do not have to feel guilty about it. I myself have also been much happier with my imaginary relationships than with the real ones. If anything, I would love to increase the amount of daydreaming of my life, reality even at its best moments does not even come close.
I have wasted 8 whole years of life to maladaptivr day dreaming. My day began with waking up and dreaming while pacing for 4-5 hours at a stretch. Eat.. Day dream.. Eat sleep. Repeat. For 8 fucking years. Now the severity has lessened but i dont daydream but i feel numb blunt n guilty of what i cud hv done in those eighth years. It costed me the love of my life, my career, my academics, my college life. I was so in my head even when i didn't want to that i missed out on opportunities. That guilt hits different when u know u want to stop but cannot stop and now the thing u want has gone away from you.. That pain again forces u to daydream of happier reality. Vicious cycle.
Nothing was wasted…those 8 years kept you alive, and sane…the two most important things! Now you’re here, giving voice to the pain of unrealised potential, so that someone out there, who feels alone, now knows that they aren’t…and now you know it too.
same, but the last 8 years were horrible mate, 2015 to this day, most of the people had it bad, massive invasion kicked in 2014, and we had 3 crisis in within, migration, covid, and now economic crisis, I pretty much did the same than you for 8 years, cope or not, you have to do what you have to do to stay sane, and i'm way more grounded than people around me, actually I could daydream but also see the problems for what they are
i used to think that, but now that i'm older and i don't need to do it anymore i realize that all the things i thought i could've had if i stopped daydreaming were a fantasy too
I think that daydreaming is a symptom and not a problem in itself. I have noticed many times that when things in my life are going smoothly and I can think about my life and myself without negative emotions, I daydream much less or not at all. When things are bad, I need some good emotions, so I daydream. To be left in this world without the possibility to daydream would by my worst nightmare.
I have connected my daydreaming with catathymic image experience. Being a creative artist was a good foundation for that. This has helped me through my worst years and helped me rebuild after discovering with 44 years that I had been sexually abused by my father as a 10 year old boy. Self-reliance has always been very important to me. I do not avoid pain with my method, but rather try to detect it like a sonar and then pass it like a kidney stone. Exhausting, but effective. It's the good fight.
It gets really scary when you convince yourself that your fantasy is somehow going to magically come true......when in your mind it become more like a prophesy than a fantasy, and start thinking your very unrealistic fantasy is your future. i would guess that's the pinnacle of dissassiociation. My dissassoiative disorder began under extreme emotional and psychological abuse. i had to check out and tune out the abuse that i had no power to escape. that morphed into fantasy of choice, realizing i had power in fantasy that i didn't have in real life, and needing to escape not just abuse but constant injustice and shame. when the shame became more than i could live with, the power of fantasy where i could be anything i wanted to be was the only way i could escape the shame and i needed to do it more and more. Now that rarely use disassoiciative fantasy as an escape, i have to fight depression. Turns out, reality bites, just as bad as i always thought it did. But fantasy let me down as well. Since it is very often completely out of our control to change our life or circumstances, Ive come to the conclusion the only answer left is to figure out how to be happy regardess of circumstances and the suck. Now i just have to figure out how to actually do that ......... cause right now (at 57), i feel just about as powerless as i did when i was a small child to change my life.
Yes, and that wasn't just my entire childhood, but every day of work. There's a reason why we still space out for that sort of thing. It's knowing when it's real and when it's not, and not expecting the real world to conform.
Now I understand better why I was so attracted by superhero comics as a child. When I saw Superman the first time in the movies, I was like "now he can't suffer, he always win and people like him for that". Little did I know what it meant and it took me 40 years to realize that.
Used to get told off a lot at school for daydreaming (back in the 80's) Then by my parents, as it was always noted in my school reports. So glad I did, looking back. Saved me from years of indoctrination! 😂
Man your videos are so good. Am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and sort through 20 years of abuse. Learning all this stuff has been great but its really really hard.
Every behavior has a function. This world is so broken. Most people are monsters; they do harm. They gotta get lasered. My therapist said you can't run from the problem physically so you run mentally. Whoah hey facts over feelings? People believe what they believe... Facts is a bad word imo. Anyway I have learned a lot from your videos.
Indeed! Fact: they had the best intentions. Fact: you got hurt Fact: what happened is in the past Fact: your nervous system has no knowledge of then vs now it just does what it's good at: managing the panic room of the body. Facts are not always the only mature option to go by when making decisions. If you walk somewhere at night and feel like you need to get out of there, feeling that is the signal. Facts don't matter there. Gut feeling, not gut fact.
Thanks for helping me develop this understanding. Every segment in recent time adds strokes of comprehension for me. Im 100% sure this is exactly what many people in the world need today. Best regards from Sweden 🇸🇪
Can relate to this so much! My problem has always been that I don’t want to be in the present nor in the past, and fantasising about an unattainable future reality that could be the solution to how I feel
When I get home from work, I'll watch this. Since childhood I daydreamt because of an alcpholic parent and unstable environment. Even well into adulthood I still do this. The funny thing is I imagine worse scenarios and happenings for myself in my fantasy world where I overcome those obstacles no matter how painful they are and boy they are worse than I have now. But it seems that in my real world I can't win any obstacle 😢
Since the age of 7 (26 now), I have escpaed into my fantasy world. Its never interfered in my life and instead has helped soothe my nervous system. When I learn someting healthy or helpful from therpay, I incorporate it into my fantasy world. Its a healthy, safe, in contorl world for me.
I'm going to watch this a few times. My fantasies are a way to escape (or imagine away) the shame I always feel. I want to live without shame, but it's so ingrained within me..
I think that's why so many people, especially young guys, play video games. It's the ultimate escapism - you get to be someone else and do something you can't. You have control over your life and decisions, if only artificially. I have fallen in love with video games very early on because of it because the problems in our family were just too much to handle.
For a long time, I've considered myself an "escapist"... Into imaginative books, movies or even coming up with an ongoing story in my head or hyper-spiritualizing.
I dissociated so badly in order to survive, I ended up with D.I.D. and a totally fragmented psyche. We're working toward integration and it has been really, brutally hard. Trauma sucks.
I would daydream all the time that I was a movie star, winning awards and being beloved and popular. It was so much better than being the abused and neglected child who was so viciously bullied at school that I developed CPTSD as a result. It was the only sense of relief I had.
wish there was a follow up to this video on what to do about it. Its really hard for me to NOT believe my life would be perfect and id finally be happy if only I could have that fantasy be real... i cant currently imagine why that would lead me astray in my recovery
I’ve recently been thinking about this and then stumbled upon this video. I’m a very creative person and I do daydream a lot when writing stories or drawing. But I’ve also realized most of my life since I got my first cassette player then CD player (I know I’m old😂) I’ve pretty much had music going 24/7. Anytime I’m in the car music has to be on. In the car as a kid, on the school bus between trips music always on. I used music to escape reality and to fantasize and get pleasure out of an imaginary life because it felt better to live there than to live with ongoing mental torment.
Thank goodness there is a safe place to go to, even if it is imaginative. If it does not interfere with providing for your basic needs then why not? In moderation, balanced, I don't see a problem. If this is all you ever do and have no real life whatsoever, yes that is a problem. Everyone needs unwinding. If you do that by escapism through imagination, it sure beats stuff like alcohol or binge eating or drug use.
Yeah and it’s also repetitive, he could have said this in 5 minutes instead of 12. No solution or support given. I think it’s by design. He want you to enroll is program.
I thought healing was like a magical wand where you are just cured like no problem ever existed like faith and miracle healing from church but I am wrong about that. I cry every morning and night, I try to reparent and talk myself through situations and feelings especially when I want to go to unsafe ex and family, I don't want to go to Jesus or Christian God because of my indoctrination and religious trauma and abuse so I honestly don't know what healing is. I'm grieving my whole life just about but there are years from early childhood that are blocked out I think because of so much neglect,religion, physical and sexual abuse
Imagination is healthy until it gets shamed As reported to me before Mom died. My Father the Marine Sgt Major, regularly screamed in the face of, and regularly beat his infant/ children. So escaping in a fantasy world is the best some can do for themselves. When children are Screwed up by their parents, its not the fault of the victim TIM
Maybe I'm the only person in the planet who thinks videos about "chosen ones" are a risky fantasy. Although I believe there's a higher power, I don't think having a crappy life gives you credits for being "chosen" or that God will punish your abusers. I have read and seen about really terrible people live and die with all sorts of privileges and not being punished neither by the laws or God. If they end up bad is because their own recklesness and I can see a pattern of on going injustice. Not that I think those people are happy. Happy people don't go around creating misery for others. Maybe those videos help people as a placebo, making them believe they are superior to others just because they have been scapegoated. In a way, I think is another kind of spiritual narcissism. I don't think spirituality means feeling superior than others but of course, we are much better than those who abused us mercilessly but I don't feel comfortable with the idea that being abused makes you a better being because that pain doesn't translate to blessings to you and the world.
I have smth like that but its not the same since mine isnt triggered by music.However I am daydreaming and its gotten bad lately and I came up with a new strategy to block it which is working for now. Im throwing a ball and catching it repeatedly to distract myself and Im counting as I do it.After I threw it 450 times I managed to stop fantasizing for a while. The counting alone worked until recently but I guess I found a way to daydream while counting so I began the ball thing
I am very guilty of this. I have created a world in my mind where I am the center of everything because in my actual life I am just another person who isn't of much value to anyone except those who do me the least good. People talk a lot of shit about facing pain, but if they'd been ignored and maligned and violated as I have, they'd probably shut the fuck up about it. It's hard to even take their advice seriously when all it seems to be is mockery and lack of understanding. A theme in my life for sure. I am tired of people and their well meaning platitudes and empty socially obligated comments. None of that feels real, so I just go into my head and make a substitute. Wonder how I can change...
@@as2223 A very simple statement to declare, but infinitely more complex than one can imagine. It is nowhere near as black and white as it being my choice. Trauma must be healed, not all in life is a simple exercise of willpower. You cannot shake away decades of neglect and negative outcomes. So while the boldness is appreciated, this comment falls under the perfunctory, socially obligated category. You made it with no more intent than to rattle a saber about your personal choices. I get it, but no thanks.
@@wordsaladd Enough platitudes, I have enough of them in life. And I'll thank you to judge your own success and failures, not mine. I certainly don't say silly shit to you? Leave a situation you don't understand in any way, alone.
With imagination he didn't mean escaping in a fantasy world but rather imagining electricity for example. With imagining it he could find a way to create it. This was also the method of Tesla. It has nothing to do with escapisme.
@@anprag8243 picturing God hearing prayers/witnessing rituals and then having Him reward such “obedience” by answering our most fervent requests rather than putting that energy into fixing things ourselves.
I don’t understand how people don’t see they were hunted down by psychos to cause them to go into that Magic Kingdom, instead of helping us here on Earth! Life is short-we need you !
Real world sucks tho ! It is just the worst place to live . If you have been so traumatized . My safe place is drawing , and create something . Art is my safe place in other words .or imagine an alternative version me and universe , because I heh been hurt multiple time times by this reality . How can we live in reality if reality itself is keep hurting ?! Good relationship with reality is by avoiding terrible places to stay
Watching this feels like he is saying my world is not true. What ? I know it's my real home and one day he will take me home from this earth. There will be warm food. Bed. I can sleep there. I haven't slept for years. I would be safe there
It’s how I spent my childhood ♥️ I had to give up reading fiction & magical thinking to face the truth ❤️🩹 healing is so hard with CPTSD but I love truth more than fantasy ♥️ so I’m trying to stay on a healthy path that’s straight & narrow now
Item g) in the powerpoint, if it relates to a person, is called limerance. You believe that someone you were with in the past is the solution to all your problems. This person made you feel love, connection, safety, maybe even status. So all your fantasies are directed towards getting this person back. It's a very painful way to live. Ask me how I know :( But if you grow up with severe abuse and neglect, no one ever taught you how to cope with life. So the first time you meet someone who makes you feel loved and worthwhile, when they disappear from your life, some part of your brain keeps screaming at you that they are the solution. It takes a lot to get out of limerance.
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
Never clicked so fast on one of your videos, because this is all I’ve ever done
Yes, I hear you.
Same
Yup
I've been malignant daydreaming for years, sometimes it feels like a waking nightmare as my only refuge is the place torturing me
It’s insane because I thought I was the only one who did this. Started when I was 8ish
This has always been my coping mechanism to serious trauma. It started when I was 4
Sending you a hug ❤😢
Mine too started at 4 at the onset of abuse
Same 🥺 sending love x
@@CW-rx2js for me 7.
@@CW-rx2js same love❤
To a world where I feel comfortable in my own skin.
God willing. I hope/work for the same 🤲🏼
this is the hardest and most trick part of trauma, we have been dreaming of what we have been deprived of.
Yes, to trick ourselves.
Most of my dreams and fantasies are all about the goodness of Humanity, and good side of human society,
now I know, it is exactly the opposite of REALITY.
we are unconsciously trying to death to FORGIVE OTHERS, as we used to do when we were children to forgive our toxic parents.
This is truly the whole pain to witness this inner scenery while I`m killing part of myself to FORGIVE the others who do not deserve at all.
Exciting video Tim, A year ago I took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sister , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I developed maladaptive daydreaming as a little kid because I was in a dangerously toxic environment and had no control over what happened to me, and as I was a special needs kid who was just a little too functional to qualify as special needs, school was a living hell of trying to catch up to a system leaving me behind and horrible, violent children. It was nonstop hell. I literally had no other option but to disassociate into a fantasy world and while I didn't have much control over that either, it was the only relief available to me.
Today I've adapted the disassociation into writing, which has been a useful application of what was once a survival skill.
🥹🥹💖
This made me cry... This is exactly what's been going on with me my entire life... Grew up in a home with domestic violence and constant fear... I didn't even realize I was escaping with MD (didn't even know it had a name).
Now I'm completely dependent on it. I can't live in reality, because I hate it... and I love my fantasy life so much it hurts.
No one else can go there... No one can destroy it... It's mine... and it's perfect and safe... But I can't actually be there. It's terribly bittersweet...
And the extreme version of this is psychosis. Your brain will literally disconnect you from reality and “teleport” you into a different one to protect you from the abuse. However, the abuser is so skilled and so methodical, that no one in your environment will notice that or believe you. You will be severed from yourself. Then you will be given a diagnosis and prescribed a long term medication to “manage your symptoms”.
The abuser won’t change before you change - they genuinely do not think they are abusing you, until their own behavior becomes disadvantageous to them. You have to outgrow them and become your own best friend, supporter, protector and everything you ever needed.
Stay sane!
@@HeroReturns are you safe now? No contact with the abuser you seem to be referencing? I hope so.
Tim has clearly been through all this stuff. I know I certainly did this so much growing up, and by growing up I mean all my life. I'm 51.
I told myself my entire life that my dad never abused me. Reality is that I was abused from infancy. I was 33 years old when reality came crashing into my fantasy world. I tried to eliminate my daughter who had been molested when dealing with her abuse brought up my own through uninvited flashbacks. I didn’t just see it, I could feel it like it was happening right then. 6 weeks in a mental hospital and years of counseling later, I have finally accepted and am finally healing from the reality of my early life. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, DID, and on and on. Took medication for 20+ years. In 2020 I had a breakthrough and rededicated my life to Jesus Christ and that is when true healing began. The meds caused pseudo seizures that have left me unable to drive but since I was a stay at home mom, I am disqualified from disability. Tim has given me the information necessary to understand what I have been dealing with all these years and make meaningful changes.
You’re daughter did it to you
@ I didn’t say she did it to me. But the abuse she endured triggered the memories of my own abuse. Through the grace of God and the blood of Jesus, both my daughter and me are being healed and we have a very special relationship. That in and of itself is a miracle.
I only realised recently that I've spent most of my life disappearing into an alternate universe of my own making 😢
I was never taught how to cope in a healthy way. Grandiosity fantasizing has been my go to.
I totally love to fantasize and dream.
When the problems are too big. Not just “life is hard” but bigger.
"It's a world where they had power, they weren't powerless" spot on. Healing has helped me get a sense of my own power - got a long way to go - but imagine the thought that I can say 'no' to men I don't want, and I can mean it. Amazing grace
It was wonderful when I really realized that "No" was a complete sentence.
this thing destroyed my life guys, so save yourself, get help, I'm done but i hope you still have time
Go to the world you control.
@@Rich-eg6qb Brilliantly said! I will have a sign made for my hallway with those words on it. Thank you. Good luck.
This makes a lot of sense, but there is also another side to this as well. I am notoriously lonely, all of my life. And due to the fact, that no one ever has shown any interest in me whatsoever (I am an unattractive female), that fact will not change. And I also refuse to be with someone, I don’t feel connected to, just to be with someone. I feel I deserve, just like anyone else, someone loving and who loves me. And the only way I can get that is to once I a while fantasise about a relationship like this. It does not affect my work, I still go out with friends, and it keeps me sane! Unfortunately, there are people whose life is not going to change for the better in some areas. I have tried to believe that and I have done all the stuff my therapist has told me. It won’t happen. It’s sad, because a lot has to do with our society and men being especially superficial. And those who are not, are mostly already in relationships or are just not interested in me (which is fine). So is it really that bad to escape from that? I have still dreams and aspirations in the real world, but in this particular area, I know that I have no chance to have what I need. And stopping daydreaming has only caused depression and decline in pursuing those other dreams! And I guess, there are many other people like this…
I'm with you. I don't use drugs or alcohol. I am a great employee and friend, and active politically to promote a compassionate and inclusive world and after 56 years of almost killing myself to fit in with the world and look after others I would rather spend safe time in fantasies and choose when to interact with the world. It is a tough world for introverts, very loud and in your face
Honestly I agree. I read everyone’s dating struggles and thinking of my own history with dating men, and it just hasn’t been worth it. It was just traumatizing. Red pill manosphere bullshit and corn addictions has ruined so many men. In my daydreaming men are good and kind, but in reality, they’re like my abusive father. I rather be daydreaming about them and ignore them in real life lmao they scare me
@@kakadu53342 my opinion is that as long as you do no harm to anyone, you can spend your life however you want and you do not have to feel guilty about it. I myself have also been much happier with my imaginary relationships than with the real ones. If anything, I would love to increase the amount of daydreaming of my life, reality even at its best moments does not even come close.
I have wasted 8 whole years of life to maladaptivr day dreaming. My day began with waking up and dreaming while pacing for 4-5 hours at a stretch. Eat.. Day dream.. Eat sleep. Repeat. For 8 fucking years. Now the severity has lessened but i dont daydream but i feel numb blunt n guilty of what i cud hv done in those eighth years.
It costed me the love of my life, my career, my academics, my college life. I was so in my head even when i didn't want to that i missed out on opportunities. That guilt hits different when u know u want to stop but cannot stop and now the thing u want has gone away from you.. That pain again forces u to daydream of happier reality. Vicious cycle.
Nothing was wasted…those 8 years kept you alive, and sane…the two most important things! Now you’re here, giving voice to the pain of unrealised potential, so that someone out there, who feels alone, now knows that they aren’t…and now you know it too.
The fact you're self aware is awesome! Healing is taking place my friend. Keep fighting and keep healing.
same, but the last 8 years were horrible mate, 2015 to this day, most of the people had it bad, massive invasion kicked in 2014, and we had 3 crisis in within, migration, covid, and now economic crisis, I pretty much did the same than you for 8 years, cope or not, you have to do what you have to do to stay sane, and i'm way more grounded than people around me, actually I could daydream but also see the problems for what they are
i used to think that, but now that i'm older and i don't need to do it anymore i realize that all the things i thought i could've had if i stopped daydreaming were a fantasy too
I think that daydreaming is a symptom and not a problem in itself. I have noticed many times that when things in my life are going smoothly and I can think about my life and myself without negative emotions, I daydream much less or not at all. When things are bad, I need some good emotions, so I daydream. To be left in this world without the possibility to daydream would by my worst nightmare.
I have connected my daydreaming with catathymic image experience. Being a creative artist was a good foundation for that. This has helped me through my worst years and helped me rebuild after discovering with 44 years that I had been sexually abused by my father as a 10 year old boy. Self-reliance has always been very important to me. I do not avoid pain with my method, but rather try to detect it like a sonar and then pass it like a kidney stone. Exhausting, but effective. It's the good fight.
It gets really scary when you convince yourself that your fantasy is somehow going to magically come true......when in your mind it become more like a prophesy than a fantasy, and start thinking your very unrealistic fantasy is your future.
i would guess that's the pinnacle of dissassiociation.
My dissassoiative disorder began under extreme emotional and psychological abuse. i had to check out and tune out the abuse that i had no power to escape.
that morphed into fantasy of choice, realizing i had power in fantasy that i didn't have in real life, and needing to escape not just abuse but constant injustice and shame.
when the shame became more than i could live with, the power of fantasy where i could be anything i wanted to be was the only way i could escape the shame and i needed to do it more and more.
Now that rarely use disassoiciative fantasy as an escape, i have to fight depression.
Turns out, reality bites, just as bad as i always thought it did.
But fantasy let me down as well.
Since it is very often completely out of our control to change our life or circumstances, Ive come to the conclusion the only answer left is to figure out how to be happy regardess of circumstances and the suck.
Now i just have to figure out how to actually do that .........
cause right now (at 57), i feel just about as powerless as i did when i was a small child to change my life.
Wow. Just, wow! Tim is a prophet of the past.
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
This man is inside the most intimate parts of my life and mind.
Yes, and that wasn't just my entire childhood, but every day of work. There's a reason why we still space out for that sort of thing. It's knowing when it's real and when it's not, and not expecting the real world to conform.
Now I understand better why I was so attracted by superhero comics as a child. When I saw Superman the first time in the movies, I was like "now he can't suffer, he always win and people like him for that". Little did I know what it meant and it took me 40 years to realize that.
Used to get told off a lot at school for daydreaming (back in the 80's)
Then by my parents, as it was always noted in my school reports.
So glad I did, looking back.
Saved me from years of indoctrination! 😂
Man your videos are so good. Am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and sort through 20 years of abuse. Learning all this stuff has been great but its really really hard.
I was told to QUIT daydreaming. Smacked when very small, later beaten, to drag my attention back to them.
Every behavior has a function. This world is so broken. Most people are monsters; they do harm. They gotta get lasered. My therapist said you can't run from the problem physically so you run mentally.
Whoah hey facts over feelings? People believe what they believe... Facts is a bad word imo. Anyway I have learned a lot from your videos.
Indeed!
Fact: they had the best intentions.
Fact: you got hurt
Fact: what happened is in the past
Fact: your nervous system has no knowledge of then vs now it just does what it's good at: managing the panic room of the body.
Facts are not always the only mature option to go by when making decisions.
If you walk somewhere at night and feel like you need to get out of there, feeling that is the signal. Facts don't matter there. Gut feeling, not gut fact.
I used to lie in bed at night and create stories in my mind while I waited for sleep to come…
@@Sarahwithanh444 lol
Thanks for helping me develop this understanding. Every segment in recent time adds strokes of comprehension for me. Im 100% sure this is exactly what many people in the world need today. Best regards from Sweden 🇸🇪
Can relate to this so much! My problem has always been that I don’t want to be in the present nor in the past, and fantasising about an unattainable future reality that could be the solution to how I feel
When I get home from work, I'll watch this. Since childhood I daydreamt because of an alcpholic parent and unstable environment. Even well into adulthood I still do this.
The funny thing is I imagine worse scenarios and happenings for myself in my fantasy world where I overcome those obstacles no matter how painful they are and boy they are worse than I have now. But it seems that in my real world I can't win any obstacle 😢
Since the age of 7 (26 now), I have escpaed into my fantasy world. Its never interfered in my life and instead has helped soothe my nervous system. When I learn someting healthy or helpful from therpay, I incorporate it into my fantasy world. Its a healthy, safe, in contorl world for me.
I'm going to watch this a few times. My fantasies are a way to escape (or imagine away) the shame I always feel. I want to live without shame, but it's so ingrained within me..
I think that's why so many people, especially young guys, play video games. It's the ultimate escapism - you get to be someone else and do something you can't. You have control over your life and decisions, if only artificially. I have fallen in love with video games very early on because of it because the problems in our family were just too much to handle.
I will be thankful to you throughout my life
For a long time, I've considered myself an "escapist"... Into imaginative books, movies or even coming up with an ongoing story in my head or hyper-spiritualizing.
I dissociated so badly in order to survive, I ended up with D.I.D. and a totally fragmented psyche. We're working toward integration and it has been really, brutally hard. Trauma sucks.
Very helpful. Thank you 🙏
I would daydream all the time that I was a movie star, winning awards and being beloved and popular.
It was so much better than being the abused and neglected child who was so viciously bullied at school that I developed CPTSD as a result.
It was the only sense of relief I had.
wish there was a follow up to this video on what to do about it. Its really hard for me to NOT believe my life would be perfect and id finally be happy if only I could have that fantasy be real... i cant currently imagine why that would lead me astray in my recovery
7:00 disociace + 10:50
This is so insightful 😢
I do this by reading books or playing video games. I’m a young person with aggressive RA, and I’ll do anything to escape the constant pain.
I’ve recently been thinking about this and then stumbled upon this video.
I’m a very creative person and I do daydream a lot when writing stories or drawing.
But I’ve also realized most of my life since I got my first cassette player then CD player (I know I’m old😂) I’ve pretty much had music going 24/7.
Anytime I’m in the car music has to be on. In the car as a kid, on the school bus between trips music always on. I used music to escape reality and to fantasize and get pleasure out of an imaginary life because it felt better to live there than to live with ongoing mental torment.
Ty. Greatful for explaination
That was eerily accurate!
As always thanks Tim 😃 !
I did that all my childhood and teenage years.
IM TELLIN YOU RN, THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW MAIN REASONS THE DATING SCENE IS SO WEIRD RN
Bingo! I did this well into my fifties. At some point, I realized what I was doing.
Thank goodness there is a safe place to go to, even if it is imaginative.
If it does not interfere with providing for your basic needs then why not?
In moderation, balanced, I don't see a problem. If this is all you ever do and have no real life whatsoever, yes that is a problem.
Everyone needs unwinding. If you do that by escapism through imagination, it sure beats stuff like alcohol or binge eating or drug use.
Thank you!
My entire childhood :/
Love these vids but they are always thin on solution. It’s comforting to know it all makes sense but some methods on how to not do rugs would be great
Yeah and it’s also repetitive, he could have said this in 5 minutes instead of 12. No solution or support given. I think it’s by design. He want you to enroll is program.
That's the problem. Explanation.... Without solutions. I don't even know what healing is or looks like.
I thought healing was like a magical wand where you are just cured like no problem ever existed like faith and miracle healing from church but I am wrong about that. I cry every morning and night, I try to reparent and talk myself through situations and feelings especially when I want to go to unsafe ex and family, I don't want to go to Jesus or Christian God because of my indoctrination and religious trauma and abuse so I honestly don't know what healing is. I'm grieving my whole life just about but there are years from early childhood that are blocked out I think because of so much neglect,religion, physical and sexual abuse
Exactly. I mean, the fact that daydreaming is a form of escape/disassociation is pretty obvious to anyone who's ever daydreamed.
Imagination is healthy until it gets shamed
As reported to me before Mom died.
My Father the Marine Sgt Major, regularly screamed in the face of, and regularly beat his infant/ children.
So escaping in a fantasy world is the best some can do for themselves.
When children are Screwed up by their parents, its not the fault of the victim TIM
Ever since I learned how many children are exposed to lead, I've spent all my time dissociating.
Thank you.
Can't help wondering why I was so drawn to this video?! 😉
✅ good video
This is so good 😢 Peter Pan
I am addicted to anime music videos because it makes the pain more meaningful 😓
What I'd like to know is how to get out of this mode.
Maybe I'm the only person in the planet who thinks videos about "chosen ones" are a risky fantasy. Although I believe there's a higher power, I don't think having a crappy life gives you credits for being "chosen" or that God will punish your abusers.
I have read and seen about really terrible people live and die with all sorts of privileges and not being punished neither by the laws or God. If they end up bad is because their own recklesness and I can see a pattern of on going injustice. Not that I think those people are happy. Happy people don't go around creating misery for others.
Maybe those videos help people as a placebo, making them believe they are superior to others just because they have been scapegoated. In a way, I think is another kind of spiritual narcissism. I don't think spirituality means feeling superior than others but of course, we are much better than those who abused us mercilessly but I don't feel comfortable with the idea that being abused makes you a better being because that pain doesn't translate to blessings to you and the world.
I have smth like that but its not the same since mine isnt triggered by music.However I am daydreaming and its gotten bad lately and I came up with a new strategy to block it which is working for now. Im throwing a ball and catching it repeatedly to distract myself and Im counting as I do it.After I threw it 450 times I managed to stop fantasizing for a while. The counting alone worked until recently but I guess I found a way to daydream while counting so I began the ball thing
I am very guilty of this. I have created a world in my mind where I am the center of everything because in my actual life I am just another person who isn't of much value to anyone except those who do me the least good. People talk a lot of shit about facing pain, but if they'd been ignored and maligned and violated as I have, they'd probably shut the fuck up about it. It's hard to even take their advice seriously when all it seems to be is mockery and lack of understanding. A theme in my life for sure. I am tired of people and their well meaning platitudes and empty socially obligated comments. None of that feels real, so I just go into my head and make a substitute. Wonder how I can change...
@@as2223 A very simple statement to declare, but infinitely more complex than one can imagine. It is nowhere near as black and white as it being my choice. Trauma must be healed, not all in life is a simple exercise of willpower. You cannot shake away decades of neglect and negative outcomes. So while the boldness is appreciated, this comment falls under the perfunctory, socially obligated category. You made it with no more intent than to rattle a saber about your personal choices. I get it, but no thanks.
@@wordsaladd Enough platitudes, I have enough of them in life. And I'll thank you to judge your own success and failures, not mine. I certainly don't say silly shit to you? Leave a situation you don't understand in any way, alone.
I know that psychopaths don't feel guilt ,remorse or shame. But do they feel happiness , sadness, anger,or fear?🤔
Imagination is important than knowledge- Albert Einstein
With imagination he didn't mean escaping in a fantasy world but rather imagining electricity for example. With imagining it he could find a way to create it. This was also the method of Tesla. It has nothing to do with escapisme.
So if it can become a default response, is there a way to undo it?
Hey thanks for explaining my life, haha.
My parents escaped into the fantasy world of religion. The fantasy world of Catholicism destroyed their ability to discern fantasy from reality.
Could you please be more specific?i’m maybe doing the same...😢thank you...
@@anprag8243 picturing God hearing prayers/witnessing rituals and then having Him reward such “obedience” by answering our most fervent requests rather than putting that energy into fixing things ourselves.
Tim would disagree that religion is fantasy as he is a Christian and ends many of his videos with a biblical teaching.
I'm more of an agnostic myself.
@UserHilux579
I would suggest listening to some of Tim's sermons before ditching your faith.
I don’t understand how people don’t see they were hunted down by psychos to cause them to go into that Magic Kingdom, instead of helping us here on Earth! Life is short-we need you !
Hello, I am sick 🤧🤧🤧🤧
2:45 This is narcissism. Never accountable. Always blaming everyone and everything
Real world sucks tho ! It is just the worst place to live . If you have been so traumatized . My safe place is drawing , and create something . Art is my safe place in other words .or imagine an alternative version me and universe , because I heh been hurt multiple time times by this reality .
How can we live in reality if reality itself is keep hurting ?! Good relationship with reality is by avoiding terrible places to stay
Why doesn't this cover the solution.
The timing of this video was targeted 😆 JK
This is painful to watch. Dont take my escape!!
Watching this feels like he is saying my world is not true. What ? I know it's my real home and one day he will take me home from this earth. There will be warm food. Bed. I can sleep there. I haven't slept for years. I would be safe there
Makes me think of The Secret Life and f Walter Mitty. 😊
If only I had 10,000 Bitcoin.......
This was my go to for many years. Unlike the other commenter’s parents, my Catholic faith is what saved me.
A false, hateful, bigoted religion won't save anyone.
Gnosticism Kills! Jesus came to free (not condemn) John 3:17.
Your religion is filth... Might not want to be a hypocrite.
I wish Tim would come out of the closet. It's hard for me to listen to him when he pretends to be straight.
Jfc who the fuck cares about his sexual orientation. This channel is NOT about that!!
Truly a reality for billions on planet earth. HOWEVER, it also brings peace to general life on earth as it removes vindictive nature ina human.
Depends, some may have fantasies that lead to illegal or even violent acts.
It’s how I spent my childhood ♥️ I had to give up reading fiction & magical thinking to face the truth ❤️🩹 healing is so hard with CPTSD but I love truth more than fantasy ♥️ so I’m trying to stay on a healthy path that’s straight & narrow now
❤❤
Item g) in the powerpoint, if it relates to a person, is called limerance. You believe that someone you were with in the past is the solution to all your problems. This person made you feel love, connection, safety, maybe even status. So all your fantasies are directed towards getting this person back. It's a very painful way to live. Ask me how I know :( But if you grow up with severe abuse and neglect, no one ever taught you how to cope with life. So the first time you meet someone who makes you feel loved and worthwhile, when they disappear from your life, some part of your brain keeps screaming at you that they are the solution. It takes a lot to get out of limerance.