I had to take breaks in listening. This information shines such a bright light on how I destroyed a good relationship. I have to accept that part of myself. Realize that my partner played a role while not blaming or shaming.
Set my first serious boundary with a much loved but pushy person- insisting on coming into my home. I know it sounds silly. I’m still a bit queasy in my tummy. It reminded me of the feeling I got as a child- when a parent started to get angry, and I managed to distract them without them noticing me trying to dodge the coming blame, shame, pain cycle. This elation dosed with full and terrifying fear, helped me to feel for the little kid in me, and block the assault of disrespect that I felt. It was followed by a sense of calm might. As though the child in me needed to see me protect their space, emotions, and give them hope. I’m so proud of me and hope if you are struggling, just know what was thirty years of addiction, and twenty years of parental abuse- is slowly being unhitched. Freedom carries a fresh scent….there is hope . Practice the small ‘no’’s, and the big ones just come to the fore. I’m surprised it worked. A bit of a doubting Thomas. Happy now . ✌️ Thanks Tim.
It's not silly. You were strong for your inner child. It's beautiful. I feel you. The other day a colleague at work wanted to try on my scarf and I paused and said "no" because I did not want her to. But she's pushy and as I was moving to the locker room to change, she followed me and wanted to enter to see herself in the mirror with my scarf and again I said "no" and locked her out. The part of me who was always compromising to be liked felt a little queasy but I was also happy of my firm "no". People handling my things, wanting to try on my things triggers me since my mum was always stripping me of my privacy almost wanting to merge with me.
I've been married 51 yrs, and did have all those questions and challenges. But thru therapy many of them have been resolved. Over and over I have been shown he still loves me as my health declines. I call it 'getting juice'. In other words we have triumphed over a lot and we know it. I pray for everyone to 'get juice' with whatever you're trying to conquer💯💥🙏🙏
If my parents had done any of the things listed (i thru o), I would have reacted with cynicism. By the time I was 14 I was so used to being ignored. I stayed in my room with dark thoughts as my parents read the newspaper and cooked dinner. I was calmly overlooked.
I watch these videos and they make me so sad. I see how not committed my ex was in relationship. I so wanted the definition of this in my relationship. He cheated and I still chose him.. I wanted to learn and understand. He left me for the affair partner. 😢
I wish you had explained a little bit more into the cherishing and valuing at the end. Because I feel like the steps you gave echoed what you started with in the beginning and didn't really get to the core of how a person could truly cherish and feel the value of the other person. Except for sharing your vulnerabilities with that person because that adds value to that person. I feel like there's more you could go into with that in a passive even intrinsic way to remind the person of how important and valuable the other person is in their life in order to make those characteristics of commitment happen. It's not about sharing and things you don't like to do together. We often cherish others for the value they bring into our lives
I mean commitment to your partner, ok, but what if he/she is the wrong one? What about toxic relationship. I know there are a lot of divorces recently but people have the right to separate from one person to find joy with another one, and children can be happy. Especially since there are a lot of good single men and women out there who didnt have the chance of a partner, mostly becasue their partner got stolen by a very toxic person..😢 it is a sad story, and my story. When you are 40 and you dont have a relationship for so long what you can do apart from just watching people living the life that you tried and tried and cant have. That is cruel. And im not talking about desperate human cases with depression and addiction to food and drugs, althought those deserve love too. There are single people out there who no matter what cant find a partner, and have family and children, what about them? Committed to who?? People should divorce if they feel so, and remarry. Everybody is entitled to love😢
How polyamory standa to that? There is now rapidly growing community of self-called "Tantrics" who self diagnosed themselfs as polyamoryst. Ive met some and they think that they making healthy relationships, ba!, even some says that what is saying here is oldfashion and unhealthy and people need to start being polyamoryst to make better society. What about that?
Growth is often difficult and painful, at least it has been for me. And simple (ie., not many steps and easy to understand) definitely doesn't always equate to easy Much Love 🙏🏻💕
I had to take breaks in listening. This information shines such a bright light on how I destroyed a good relationship. I have to accept that part of myself. Realize that my partner played a role while not blaming or shaming.
Set my first serious boundary with a much loved but pushy person- insisting on coming into my home. I know it sounds silly. I’m still a bit queasy in my tummy. It reminded me of the feeling I got as a child- when a parent started to get angry, and I managed to distract them without them noticing me trying to dodge the coming blame, shame, pain cycle. This elation dosed with full and terrifying fear, helped me to feel for the little kid in me, and block the assault of disrespect that I felt. It was followed by a sense of calm might. As though the child in me needed to see me protect their space, emotions, and give them hope. I’m so proud of me and hope if you are struggling, just know what was thirty years of addiction, and twenty years of parental abuse- is slowly being unhitched. Freedom carries a fresh scent….there is hope . Practice the small ‘no’’s, and the big ones just come to the fore. I’m surprised it worked. A bit of a doubting Thomas. Happy now . ✌️
Thanks Tim.
It’s not silly. Your home is your safe haven & place of peace. Keep up the good work. I’m learning to set & sometimes remind others of my boundaries.
Not silly at all. And this gives me Hope.
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
It's not silly. You were strong for your inner child. It's beautiful. I feel you.
The other day a colleague at work wanted to try on my scarf and I paused and said "no" because I did not want her to. But she's pushy and as I was moving to the locker room to change, she followed me and wanted to enter to see herself in the mirror with my scarf and again I said "no" and locked her out. The part of me who was always compromising to be liked felt a little queasy but I was also happy of my firm "no". People handling my things, wanting to try on my things triggers me since my mum was always stripping me of my privacy almost wanting to merge with me.
Excellent material. It’s like this man has lived in my head. Much gratitude for you and your work.
I feel whole when I listen to him. He's so wise and well mastered in lecture.
I had a few crying sessions listening to this. Everything is so relatable unfortunately
I've been married 51 yrs, and did have all those questions and challenges. But thru therapy many of them have been resolved. Over and over I have been shown he still loves me as my health declines. I call it 'getting juice'. In other words we have triumphed over a lot and we know it. I pray for everyone to 'get juice' with whatever you're trying to conquer💯💥🙏🙏
Trust is a huge issue for me... Thank you for posting these videos.
your videos gave been a great, long term resource
Brilliant thankyou for help in reparenting myself 🙏💕
I needed this so much. Thank you, Tim.
If my parents had done any of the things listed (i thru o), I would have reacted with cynicism. By the time I was 14 I was so used to being ignored. I stayed in my room with dark thoughts as my parents read the newspaper and cooked dinner. I was calmly overlooked.
Thank you 🙏🏽
I’m interested in the christian part🙏❤️
I watch these videos and they make me so sad. I see how not committed my ex was in relationship. I so wanted the definition of this in my relationship. He cheated and I still chose him.. I wanted to learn and understand. He left me for the affair partner. 😢
Another great episode!
This was deep
I diffently have trust issues. My parents died when I a baby.I diffently have abandonment issues and a fear of commentment
🙏
I wish you had explained a little bit more into the cherishing and valuing at the end. Because I feel like the steps you gave echoed what you started with in the beginning and didn't really get to the core of how a person could truly cherish and feel the value of the other person. Except for sharing your vulnerabilities with that person because that adds value to that person. I feel like there's more you could go into with that in a passive even intrinsic way to remind the person of how important and valuable the other person is in their life in order to make those characteristics of commitment happen. It's not about sharing and things you don't like to do together. We often cherish others for the value they bring into our lives
I wonder if its a good idea to commit to people you just met. Probably not right?
This hits really hard on this serial monogamist right now.
I mean commitment to your partner, ok, but what if he/she is the wrong one? What about toxic relationship. I know there are a lot of divorces recently but people have the right to separate from one person to find joy with another one, and children can be happy. Especially since there are a lot of good single men and women out there who didnt have the chance of a partner, mostly becasue their partner got stolen by a very toxic person..😢 it is a sad story, and my story. When you are 40 and you dont have a relationship for so long what you can do apart from just watching people living the life that you tried and tried and cant have. That is cruel. And im not talking about desperate human cases with depression and addiction to food and drugs, althought those deserve love too.
There are single people out there who no matter what cant find a partner, and have family and children, what about them? Committed to who?? People should divorce if they feel so, and remarry. Everybody is entitled to love😢
OMG
Tools
How polyamory standa to that? There is now rapidly growing community of self-called "Tantrics" who self diagnosed themselfs as polyamoryst. Ive met some and they think that they making healthy relationships, ba!, even some says that what is saying here is oldfashion and unhealthy and people need to start being polyamoryst to make better society. What about that?
Sounds easy ... Not for me
Growth is often difficult and painful, at least it has been for me. And simple (ie., not many steps and easy to understand) definitely doesn't always equate to easy
Much Love 🙏🏻💕
Basically 95% is about real parent versus real children.