Ep. 143 | 2 Bears, 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ธ.ค. 2024

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  • @Texasdex84
    @Texasdex84 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1701

    “I ate phenomenally. I drank aggressively.”
    Put that on Brunt’s tombstone

    • @MultiTravellingman
      @MultiTravellingman 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Bert" I defiantly lost weight, hey do we have beer? Can I have a beer, yes beer, there goes my workout today." Jesus Christler. He makes progress then with 1 swoop takes it all back.

    • @LBBKPHILLY
      @LBBKPHILLY 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Turns out, fat, drunk and stupid, IS a way to go through life. 🤷🏼‍♂️

    • @n1k0n_
      @n1k0n_ 2 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      "A hundred percent"

    • @CraftyVegetarian13
      @CraftyVegetarian13 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Dude, leave Blurt alone

    • @SamPanamaOfficial
      @SamPanamaOfficial 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I love that Tom really pressed him on "how do you know you lost weight" and Burp just kept answering "I just know."

  • @codyyoumans4402
    @codyyoumans4402 2 ปีที่แล้ว +581

    Listening to Tom talk about donating to children’s hospital almost made me cry. When I was a child I had a very rare bone disease in my hip and people like Tom stepped up and paid for what my parents couldn’t pay for. I was told I would never walk if I didn’t have specific care for if we couldn’t afford certain surgeries.. I’m 29 years old now back then I was seven. I have full function of both of my legs. I walk every single day. Thanks Tom you are a hell of a man.

    • @SmilinBastard
      @SmilinBastard 2 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      This might encourage Ben to donate because it’s almost a guarantee more people will like him

    • @GregoryGreg87
      @GregoryGreg87 2 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      Your story got me a little emotional. It's nice to hear good stories like yours though and give me a little hope in the human race.

    • @codyyoumans4402
      @codyyoumans4402 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@GregoryGreg87 it was a very bizarre few years of my life that I will never get back. The disease I had was called leg calve perthies. Known commonly as perthies disease. It’s still extremely rare to have but I believe they know a lot more about it than they did when I had it. But I solely remember being told that I had people like Tom that has stepped up and donated tons of money to cover what the shrines club couldn’t cover. I have always been a huge fan of Tom. But this definitely makes me look at him in a different light.

    • @GregoryGreg87
      @GregoryGreg87 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@codyyoumans4402 I'm glad people were there for you back then as I'm sure your parents are more so. I have a 9yr old and a 10 month old and I can't imagine and pray I never have to know what that's like. I'd be fucked up enough having my kid hospitalized. Then add the financial stress of long term care? My heart breaks for anyone who's ever been through that and wish I was in a position like Brent and Tom to help out.

    • @ISmellMopWho
      @ISmellMopWho 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Glad you're still here and healthy man, such a shame when children have to go through stuff like that.

  • @andrewquinn6094
    @andrewquinn6094 2 ปีที่แล้ว +667

    The transition from Bert saying he needs help straight to a better help ad read is absolutely flawless

    • @paolom.6011
      @paolom.6011 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Olympic levels of mental gymnastics from Brent.

    • @217eraf
      @217eraf 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Flawless af

    • @RhythmicReport
      @RhythmicReport 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      That was so clean haha I laughed so hard

    • @davidspumkins440
      @davidspumkins440 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Berk's timing is epic

    • @kadukutiller
      @kadukutiller 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Z,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

  • @majinal1377
    @majinal1377 2 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    The look Tom gives after Bert says “ I think I think about me a lot.” is priceless.

  • @bruceschmit4205
    @bruceschmit4205 2 ปีที่แล้ว +798

    If it wasn’t for me seeing him live and his social media proof, I’d swear Tom is a psychologist and Bert is in a psych ward and we are watching a live stream of his sessions.

    • @shemurphie
      @shemurphie 2 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      This is how men got therapy before therapy

    • @timd3614
      @timd3614 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      I think we are watching a better help session lol

    • @patron5460
      @patron5460 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      You have phrased this perfectly! Lol

    • @AstrayAuto
      @AstrayAuto 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I'm going forward watching each episode in this mind set only

    • @PahaPoniesSpanishMustangs
      @PahaPoniesSpanishMustangs 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I wonder how many times that dynamic has/will change....if they would have been friends in high school, his name would have been Dr Bert....old folks home... Dr Bert again

  • @djrt8179
    @djrt8179 2 ปีที่แล้ว +393

    That switch to Bert drinking a beer while Tom is talking about donating was pure art. Thank you Native.

    • @brianjirka7340
      @brianjirka7340 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Correction:: CHUGGING the beer 🤣🤣

    • @jaypers232
      @jaypers232 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Really well clipped

    • @maximumcoast4002
      @maximumcoast4002 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      QUALITY camera swap.

    • @Pinki_315
      @Pinki_315 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yeah and Tom talking about how he generously donates without publicizing it. BARF

  • @whackbag3606
    @whackbag3606 2 ปีที่แล้ว +521

    Some of us get drunk & forget we buy weird shit on Amazon... Bart gets hammered & forgets he started an entire charity foundation.

    • @montyjackson69
      @montyjackson69 2 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      not to mention a sport's agency.

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 2 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      To be fair it was probably his wife that started he has no idea where he is half the time

    • @montyjackson69
      @montyjackson69 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@newsrapper I have to admit that’s fair, and yes you are following proto. So you’re not done.

    • @sushipsychose
      @sushipsychose 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      His financial manager did it like any rich person to evade taxes

    • @nobreakjake2955
      @nobreakjake2955 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@newsrapper u5f

  • @leastselfawarepotassium
    @leastselfawarepotassium 2 ปีที่แล้ว +225

    Bert’s perception that Tom is hard to talk to is hilarious.

    • @user-qg8cj4zh5r
      @user-qg8cj4zh5r ปีที่แล้ว +2

      And Tom getting offended 😂 I get Toms reaction because I’m the exact same. I speak the least I can but I’m not hard to talk to. And if I go out I can be socialable but if it were optional I’d rather not and not have tp talk to anyone 😂

  • @mhand4811
    @mhand4811 2 ปีที่แล้ว +118

    after a 20 minute conversation about where to donate to charity, bert finds out his family has a charitable organization. probably the second best moment on this podcast.

    • @lxLanarchyxl
      @lxLanarchyxl 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Cockcroft M

    • @aciehall8587
      @aciehall8587 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      What’s the first I gotta know 😂

    • @cjcharles602
      @cjcharles602 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@aciehall8587 kool aid

    • @andrewcreamer4672
      @andrewcreamer4672 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@cjcharles602 Kool aid is #1 yes....... I mean, Jennifer Aniston has to be #2 in my opinion 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @brookerangel-legris
    @brookerangel-legris 2 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    I spit out my drink when Bert said, “I think about me a lot.” and then that look that Tom gave! It was hilarious 🤣

  • @drewdickens5774
    @drewdickens5774 2 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    "Ha they made you wear a mask"
    "It was a children's hospital"
    That made me laugh so fucking hard

  • @Wildoddity
    @Wildoddity 2 ปีที่แล้ว +959

    Good to hear Brent accept his alcoholism within the first 3 minutes

    • @neuvisean1739
      @neuvisean1739 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Like that will change anything

    • @usmc72409
      @usmc72409 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Lol Actually he said it under a min 20 seconds. So even better than u originally stated.

    • @patelien
      @patelien 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      bwhahaaha

    • @TheSpoofoo
      @TheSpoofoo 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Listen to last week's bertcast

    • @kewltony
      @kewltony 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Take my lunch break, take too long,
      Too long on my lunch break,
      And they sent me home,
      On the Adam Friedland Show

  • @michaelpara8582
    @michaelpara8582 2 ปีที่แล้ว +103

    "why did you buy an AK-47?"
    "I was drunk"
    Bart could probably win the presidency

    • @randylahey5463
      @randylahey5463 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Just the idea of drunk buying an AK is comedy gold and Bert actually did it.

    • @timd3614
      @timd3614 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      The best is when burnt says " I don't want it" lol

    • @The_Fuse_Maestro11
      @The_Fuse_Maestro11 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You got the time stamp for that moment ?

    • @randylahey5463
      @randylahey5463 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@The_Fuse_Maestro11 Not sure. Whole pod had me in fucking tears

    • @ismichi
      @ismichi 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      01:02:30

  • @Mrpattys
    @Mrpattys 2 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    Bert: “I’m a little shakey right now”
    Just admitted to experiencing some alcohol withdrawals lol

    • @stephengrigg5988
      @stephengrigg5988 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I just wonder how much longer it's gonna be funny

    • @jamesjustice8711
      @jamesjustice8711 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I don't even think he drinks as much as he claims. He's just putting on an image. If he was legit drunk all the time we would see obvious signs. Is it possible he's not an alcoholic?

    • @stephengrigg5988
      @stephengrigg5988 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@jamesjustice8711 I highly doubt that. He hangs out with fans all the time and I've never heard of anyone disputing it

  • @beardofwar
    @beardofwar 2 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    I don't personally have a charity, but I do have a daughter with Leukemia so we have seen the effects. And while it may not be the same one that helped my family, I can say from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I wish you knew how big of an impact it makes in such a difficult time.

  • @vandelayindustriesreal
    @vandelayindustriesreal 2 ปีที่แล้ว +100

    The old studio is the best. The proof is how good this episode is compared to the recent ones.

    • @WickedSpade
      @WickedSpade 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Better the studio, worse the pod...

    • @mwara2444
      @mwara2444 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It looks like they're podcasting from a Marriott

    • @loscoolarrows5903
      @loscoolarrows5903 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@WickedSpade That would make Pauly Shore’s podcast better than Rogan 😂

    • @WickedSpade
      @WickedSpade 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@loscoolarrows5903 in some ways it probably is. Never seen it so I can't say.

  • @SamPanamaOfficial
    @SamPanamaOfficial 2 ปีที่แล้ว +155

    Burp: "I look so good right now."
    Also Burp: *is noticeably more swollen and red now than in his ad read*

    • @fffraaankkk
      @fffraaankkk 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      He is delusional and has to convince himself that he's ok.

    • @robdubent
      @robdubent 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I’m gonna start calling him Berry

    • @mandihollingsworth182
      @mandihollingsworth182 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      😂🤣

  • @CarnageCreator7
    @CarnageCreator7 2 ปีที่แล้ว +432

    This podcast is like a human psyche experiment where Tim interviews Brett every week to see how much more he has deteriorated. I’m not even sure Bruce understands how many layers of funny he is sometimes.

    • @billydaniel5029
      @billydaniel5029 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      He definitely doesn't understand why stuff is so funny sometimes

    • @Wnick56
      @Wnick56 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@billydaniel5029 he admits this when regarding the look-aid bit. He truly didn’t understand why Tom was amused when discovering the habit

    • @DrEaMsNoEviL
      @DrEaMsNoEviL 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Wnick56 that's kinda why their friendship works so well haha

    • @Dillonisgone
      @Dillonisgone 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Lmaoooo

    • @torontotonto6189
      @torontotonto6189 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I wonder if Tim Tims understands that he is as stupid as Bert but doesnt do cool shit and doesnt drink. Taking risks > dad humor hustler.

  • @DButtz
    @DButtz 2 ปีที่แล้ว +176

    Bert crediting his weight loss due to his alcoholism is like magic johnson saying how great AIDS is because he lost 50 pounds

  • @scottwhitethebest
    @scottwhitethebest 2 ปีที่แล้ว +57

    Bert: I don’t have 50k to give to charity
    Also Bert: when we get to the Amalfi cost I’m going to rent a yacht

  • @18cboyer
    @18cboyer 2 ปีที่แล้ว +112

    “I had to take off 2 shirts” is subtly one of the funniest things Bert’s ever said on this podcast.

  • @ajrob77
    @ajrob77 2 ปีที่แล้ว +103

    Top Dog would be proud of Tom… for all kinds of reasons… but def for his charitable gifts to hospitals

  • @leviathen151
    @leviathen151 2 ปีที่แล้ว +89

    The look on Tom's face when Bert admitted his powerlessness

    • @sentientcardboarddumpster7900
      @sentientcardboarddumpster7900 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      In his head probably: "wait is it finally happening? Of course Bert would do this on camera instead of in front of his loving family and friends"

    • @mandihollingsworth182
      @mandihollingsworth182 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes. Tom has the best expression and reactions 😂😂 Tom and Bert are so funny and there like my liquid Prozac/Ativan/Xanex to my brain and laughs are just the icing on the cake

  • @TheNinjaBees
    @TheNinjaBees 2 ปีที่แล้ว +79

    38:55 Tom starting on his soapbox about donating to Children’s Hospital, and the hard cut to Brent MURDERING a beer is so fucking funny. Good job Native

  • @cdwwg
    @cdwwg 2 ปีที่แล้ว +130

    Tom feels like the shoulder angel while Bert feels like the shoulder demon for some very practical blue collar worker that is struggling with alcohol addiction and self identity issues in another dimension.

    • @AMac1978
      @AMac1978 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      That might make a good TV show. Lol

    • @oban6051
      @oban6051 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      The dudes boss is being an asshole and Bert goes “Whatever fuck it we can just drink about it once we get home.” And Tom goes “No let’s have a calm and direct conversation with him about our grievances.” And the guys struggling to pick which one to go with and Tom whispers “and if he doesn’t listen we can watch the light leave his eyes and bury his body under the back porch.”

    • @Undoing88
      @Undoing88 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Ouch this hits so close to home when I remember my corporate career 😂😂

  • @tylerzulewski2424
    @tylerzulewski2424 2 ปีที่แล้ว +97

    Bert: spent over 100k on Toms bday gift.
    Also Bert: I don’t have 50k laying around to donate.

    • @impossiblegems
      @impossiblegems 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      At least Tom said it

    • @samtavakoli6682
      @samtavakoli6682 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      It's really unbelievable, when he goes how do we raise money to donate?

    • @tylerzulewski2424
      @tylerzulewski2424 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@impossiblegems Tom likes to act like he doesn’t give a shit about anything sometimes but he really seems to be a good guy.

  • @sentientcardboarddumpster7900
    @sentientcardboarddumpster7900 2 ปีที่แล้ว +152

    Bert: Brings his daughter on tour.
    Also Bert: takes his alcoholism to a new level on the tour

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Also Brett: my kids can't drink or smoke

    • @krikeydial3430
      @krikeydial3430 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Also Bert sucks and he's not funny.

  • @reasonablyargued9003
    @reasonablyargued9003 2 ปีที่แล้ว +158

    This episode dropping is the best thing thats ever happened to me at 6am.

    • @SteroidsR4Championss
      @SteroidsR4Championss 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You must have a pretty sad life.

    • @reasonablyargued9003
      @reasonablyargued9003 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@SteroidsR4Championss Yeah, I guess 6am is really poppin for you huh, cool guy?

    • @breezy.may.333
      @breezy.may.333 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@reasonablyargued9003 we pukkaq

    • @randall7853
      @randall7853 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      That's the nicest way to say your life sucks 😂

    • @42fifty
      @42fifty 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Must have a pretty depressing life

  • @dustinharvey5393
    @dustinharvey5393 2 ปีที่แล้ว +70

    Bert: "I don't have $50k"
    Also Bert: "One night I got drunk and spent $13k on go fund me's"

    • @chadchadchadchadchad
      @chadchadchadchadchad 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      He says he never treats himself by buying cool shit, then he'll talk about spending $11k on pocket knives.

    • @turtleking598
      @turtleking598 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      And that is why he doesn't have 50k

  • @ChrisCarty97
    @ChrisCarty97 2 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    I like how Tom just laughs whenever Bert says he looks great and he’s jacked 😂

    • @sabryngibson2944
      @sabryngibson2944 ปีที่แล้ว

      I do the same when my fat friends say that shit

  • @sheadc13
    @sheadc13 2 ปีที่แล้ว +75

    "Im powerless to alchohol" yeah Brent we know

  • @antinsanwo
    @antinsanwo 2 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    I love when bent crystals says something and Tim looks into the camera the timing is always awesome lol reminds me of the office

  • @andrewclark1652
    @andrewclark1652 2 ปีที่แล้ว +155

    This is like when Patrick wants an award because he sees SpongeBob get one.

    • @Dillonisgone
      @Dillonisgone 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      LMAOOO

    • @sarahlowell3763
      @sarahlowell3763 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      This is the one! Uhhhhhundred percent. God that was brutal to watch Tom trying to explain that he does it out of the kindness if his heart and Barf just being like well I want an award. Cringe.

    • @kylek794
      @kylek794 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Perfect analogy 🤣

  • @gunneryelton347
    @gunneryelton347 2 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Idk why I’m so shocked every time on how delusional Bert is

  • @thehessian2906
    @thehessian2906 2 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    This podcast can be summed up in 4 words from Bert: "I want to drink"

  • @jonathancarranza6046
    @jonathancarranza6046 2 ปีที่แล้ว +88

    Damn, you can see how much fun Tom is having. He really missed Bert.

  • @BPH55
    @BPH55 2 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    Bert disassociating when Tommy talks about charity work needs the Dr. Drew lens.

    • @jeremydelaney1112
      @jeremydelaney1112 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      His ability to make everything a out himself is absolutely mind-blowing 🤣

  • @michelebergman4336
    @michelebergman4336 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    How is Tom SO CALM ALWAYS??? He is Extremely CHILL !!!

    • @thecalmbro
      @thecalmbro 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      It's called being the mother fucking MAN

  • @juliaspillman7331
    @juliaspillman7331 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My husband and I discovered Tom Segura together. And he passed away about two years ago. So now I watch his stand up just to feel normal for a second. I can forget Johnny's gone for just a minute. I'm so happy to have found this podcast. It's now part of my morning routine getting the boys ready for school and my coffee after they're gone for the day. Thank you. You have no idea how this helps me and keeps moving forward. I can't explain it but it really really does.

  • @kajlac
    @kajlac 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    The story about the hospital visit was great! My wife and I will look up the organization and donate!!!

  • @tedclubberlang8576
    @tedclubberlang8576 2 ปีที่แล้ว +75

    The 2 bears are back, hell yeah i missed the duo in the studio together. Great way to start the week😎

  • @crispybrofu4888
    @crispybrofu4888 2 ปีที่แล้ว +87

    “You’re the hardest person to talk to”
    *Never let’s Tom talk

    • @SuperBrentendo89
      @SuperBrentendo89 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Haha I’m glad someone in the comments pointed out the irony of that part. It was cracking me up.

    • @MichaelWutsch
      @MichaelWutsch 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      notice how he doesn't say talk "with"? He's upset that Tom won't just listen and accept everything he says

  • @_konmanisaboss_38
    @_konmanisaboss_38 2 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    Burt’s laugh sounds like turning on night vision. 😆🤣

  • @kitaleigh2
    @kitaleigh2 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The unhinged spirit of Bert is priceless! And Tom with the life lessons of charity and donations is amazing! Absolutely love you two!

  • @Corkoth55
    @Corkoth55 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    3:20 is possibly the highest register i've ever heard berd speak in

  • @diehardgatorfan33
    @diehardgatorfan33 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I lose it every time Tom does the Jim Halpert stare into the camera 😂

  • @vstromrider3736
    @vstromrider3736 2 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    There's like 20 minutes of Burnt Chrysler trying to figure out how to have a heart and care about other people with charity. 🤣

  • @justinfazio8836
    @justinfazio8836 2 ปีที่แล้ว +70

    Bert literally can't wrap his mind around being a good person and thinking about any other people other than himself.

    • @joeluciano484
      @joeluciano484 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      It used to be funny but this ep was just kinda sad. Like he legitimately can't wrap his head around helping dying kids w o getting something in return. Still like the dude just needs a reality check.

    • @ToxikXvenom
      @ToxikXvenom 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yeah I thought it was sad too

    • @giannis5250
      @giannis5250 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Do you guys know what 'playing it up for comedy' means? Jesus

    • @syntaxed4365
      @syntaxed4365 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@giannis5250 I think we all want to believe that, but Bert makes it hard to believe sometimes. Either a fantastic actor or actually...Bert.

    • @giannis5250
      @giannis5250 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@syntaxed4365 he is a professional comedian dude

  • @EwokPanda
    @EwokPanda 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    "I've got two beautiful dogs."
    "Oh yeah, I've got two beautiful daughters too..."

  • @DJFullHam
    @DJFullHam 2 ปีที่แล้ว +44

    Sometimes I really think that Bert is playing a character so dumb so well its that convincing.....but deep down inside, I know I am living a lie.

  • @tylerzulewski2424
    @tylerzulewski2424 2 ปีที่แล้ว +58

    Bert’s diet/health is legit insane. For how worried he is about dying it blows my mind the crap he does.

    • @FakeDriftChris
      @FakeDriftChris 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Theres is going to be so much litter of head crushed beer cans at berts gravestone later this year…

    • @tylerzulewski2424
      @tylerzulewski2424 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@FakeDriftChris it’s honestly the sad thing. Think he feels like he has to drink like that or he’ll fizzle out. Fans need to chill and encourage him to be healthier. Or he’ll be some freak that lives to 100 lol

    • @bakedgoods9182
      @bakedgoods9182 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@tylerzulewski2424 he won’t live till 100. When alcohol finally catches up to you it happens all at once. One day he’ll seem perfectly healthy and the next his liver will stop working

    • @generalwillwelsh7926
      @generalwillwelsh7926 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@tylerzulewski2424 hes just an alcoholic i dont think the fans make a difference. He has people telling him everyday. Imagine joe rogan telling you youre an alcoholic and unhealthy. If you dont listen to him some random fans arent gonna mean shit.

    • @generalwillwelsh7926
      @generalwillwelsh7926 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@tylerzulewski2424 but i do understand what youre saying youre not wrong at all. Dudes fanbase are a bunch of grown children.

  • @piratefan52092
    @piratefan52092 2 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    The Better Help sponsor timing 👌🏻

    • @BayouMaccabee
      @BayouMaccabee 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Glad someone else caught this too! lol

  • @TheJoshSouthy
    @TheJoshSouthy 2 ปีที่แล้ว +208

    So glad Burnt Crystals is back. He's looking less jacked than last week. That surgery must have really taken it out of him.

    • @mikekotlarich3287
      @mikekotlarich3287 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      He's fat but He can't read well. Oh yes, Bret is a classic Hollywood advertising double threat!

    • @ededdandeddytv5164
      @ededdandeddytv5164 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Burnt Crystals is the dumbest one I’ve seen so far 😭💀 good sh*t

    • @guyledouche6039
      @guyledouche6039 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ededdandeddytv5164 it's played out

    • @KZ_MMA-KZ
      @KZ_MMA-KZ 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      He won't be around for long

    • @JayMac
      @JayMac 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ededdandeddytv5164 you must be new if thats the first time you’ve seen that

  • @UnTiltedN10
    @UnTiltedN10 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Bert: Here's the deal about giving money.
    Tom: Soul leaves body.

  • @veganspacemonkey
    @veganspacemonkey 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Bert - buys an owners suite at the Kentucky derby
    Also Bert - I don't have 50k lying around!!!

  • @taia-b8f
    @taia-b8f 2 ปีที่แล้ว +98

    “I’m powerless to alcohol”
    This dude will say anything except: “I’m an alcoholic”. 😅

    • @vp-oe1em
      @vp-oe1em 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      But..."I'm not an alcoholic and this is why.. ."

    • @NA86737
      @NA86737 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Basically because he's not mean or violent. You know his daughters are going to be in therapy

    • @fffraaankkk
      @fffraaankkk 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's the Mickey Mantle liver talking.

    • @JayMac
      @JayMac 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      That is admitting it even if he doesn’t realize it. Its literally the first sentence of the first step in the 12 steps for AA 🤦‍♂️😆😆😆 “we admit that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable”

    • @taia-b8f
      @taia-b8f 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@JayMac all jokes aside, he's clearly sick. He's a full on alcoholic.

  • @Josh-ie4hb
    @Josh-ie4hb 2 ปีที่แล้ว +87

    Bert coming at Tom for being a “difficult person to talk to” is hilarious. Yeah, only around you because he can’t get more than a single word response before he’s interrupted because Bert can’t keep his mouth shut for more than a minute.

    • @bradyjamesmusic
      @bradyjamesmusic 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hahaha! I was hoping Tom was gonna say “yeah because I can’t get a word in around you, of course that’s how your perceive me”

    • @Heelturnkayfabe
      @Heelturnkayfabe 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Lol a minute about 15 seconds haaaa

    • @mambalevel1017
      @mambalevel1017 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Aweee

  • @18Callahan
    @18Callahan 2 ปีที่แล้ว +79

    Finally, Bert realized how self absorbed he really is. Geezus.

    • @vp-oe1em
      @vp-oe1em 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Lies

    • @danielmeuler2877
      @danielmeuler2877 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Did he? I'm not so sure it was more than a fleeting thought. I find myself in awe of Bert sometimes. Today was one of them.

    • @fffraaankkk
      @fffraaankkk 2 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      He's narcissistic about his narcasism. Bert is nothing without Leeanne.

    • @danielmeuler2877
      @danielmeuler2877 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@fffraaankkk in Bert's defense he is the first person who will tell you that.

    • @caseypnw
      @caseypnw 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@danielmeuler2877 the second the ticket sales start to drop, and podcasts do fewer numbers it won’t just get to be a fun joke for him though

  • @marqs9312
    @marqs9312 2 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    When Tom goes “How has Georgia been so lucky to not hear The Machine for so long” 🤣🤣🤣

  • @emosewasikcin
    @emosewasikcin 2 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    tom has the patience of a saint to put up with that many interruptions man can't finish a single sentence

  • @datruliverking
    @datruliverking 2 ปีที่แล้ว +51

    Damn…Bert is back….. i’m going to miss hearing toms voice

  • @urbanmouseification
    @urbanmouseification 2 ปีที่แล้ว +48

    Glad to see Bart still has both his feet.

    • @billsmith394
      @billsmith394 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      For now

    • @bobaloo2059
      @bobaloo2059 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Bert…… it’s Bert….

    • @leuthino
      @leuthino 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Brent is saving for new ones already

    • @JayMac
      @JayMac 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@bobaloo2059 who’s Bert?

  • @BRAWLR333
    @BRAWLR333 2 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    The return of Bertus Interruptus.

  • @benspaws
    @benspaws 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    When Bert starts visibly tearing up at the charity kids part. That's a real big heart. Made me tear up too.

    • @thestraydog
      @thestraydog 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      An enlarged heart is also a sign of alcoholism, so there's that too 🍺

  • @Rocklobsters09
    @Rocklobsters09 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Bert: Maybe I should think about other people?
    Therapist Tom: Very Good Bert, Let's explore those thoughts.

  • @anikther
    @anikther 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Bert: I feel like I think about myself a lot.
    -The most introspective thought of the century 🤣

  • @jamiemacdonald436
    @jamiemacdonald436 2 ปีที่แล้ว +111

    LeeAnn is going to be quite the eligible sugar mama pretty soon.

  • @Bigblue-xu8cu
    @Bigblue-xu8cu 2 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    Bert is saying Kentucky Derby, but he just means Churchill Downs. Ky derby is in May. Still fun though. Louisville can be fun.

    • @svenpoletka5236
      @svenpoletka5236 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Kind of done with that Bert dude, not hoping he dies or anything but also glad he's not around much anymore.

    • @boz2awesome906
      @boz2awesome906 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Downs race would be fun

    • @quinnready2936
      @quinnready2936 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@boz2awesome906 yeah the special Olympics is awesome

    • @mhm6
      @mhm6 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You mean the Jack Harlow song

    • @HisHowliness
      @HisHowliness 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Branst got Downs syndrome

  • @Jabroni31
    @Jabroni31 2 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Bert “ people think I drink way more than I do” also Bert “I was drunk day and night, I have zero control over alcohol in my life”

    • @PartyRockProfessional
      @PartyRockProfessional 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He’s a textbook alcoholic. I mean, line by line, Bert is 100% the most shining example of an alcoholic. And he’ll never take it seriously. It’s sad as shit honestly.

  • @uxotechnician5537
    @uxotechnician5537 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I love the looks Tom gives and how happy he is when he and Brent are reunited

  • @Seabass_Fiction
    @Seabass_Fiction 2 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    It's amazing how Bert can interrupt himself in his own mind

  • @benklingman
    @benklingman 2 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    This is like if the energies of Michael Scott and Jim Halpert had a show

  • @bajsmongo2000
    @bajsmongo2000 2 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    i learned from this podcast that BErt is actually a terrible human being lol

    • @mashzapotato
      @mashzapotato 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Bert is decent by association to Leanne XD

  • @zeelofps6474
    @zeelofps6474 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    the guy laughing in the back makes this show 40x better, and it's already perfect! lmfaoooo

    • @lousassole83
      @lousassole83 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      The one & only Nativ possesses that laugh

  • @nateone6632
    @nateone6632 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Tom's laugh at Bert's: "I look awesome right now" was epic and made me feel like I could vicariously live through that moment thanks to Tommy Buns. I love ya both, Bert You The Man, whether it's being burnt crystals or The Machine

  • @dohnjoe4516
    @dohnjoe4516 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Lol *Tom does something*, Bert: "maybe i should do that". Sums up Bert's adult life

  • @evanprotsman9623
    @evanprotsman9623 2 ปีที่แล้ว +88

    Bret saying “I’m not drinking” while staring at somebody drinking is the equivalent of a lion saying “I’m not gonna eat meat” while staring at an dead antelope. It’s just not gonna happen.

  • @colebrooks5577
    @colebrooks5577 2 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    10 minutes in and all Tom has said is “yeah”

    • @funnydonor9484
      @funnydonor9484 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You must be talking about his podcast YMH…

  • @Bebscoe
    @Bebscoe 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    3:23 that high pitched “What?” Lmaooooo

  • @beardedfreckle
    @beardedfreckle 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Bert’s wellness retreat is basically his show on Netflix… called the Cabin lol

  • @harrisb1994
    @harrisb1994 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Hey let's give Bertrude credit he actually let Tom get some stories in!!

  • @MrTowelsplug
    @MrTowelsplug 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Brent not knowing about his foundation just killed me😂

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      His wife's foundation. At this point he's just the money machine

  • @epicassassin11
    @epicassassin11 2 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    “I can’t wait to get off tour and get some help” proceeded by an ad for better help. Well done bears. well done

  • @skyluke9476
    @skyluke9476 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I love Bert because hes the most aware human on the planet when it comes to everything, except himself.

  • @tr1pl3thr333
    @tr1pl3thr333 2 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    13:00 It's insane that Bert has somehow attributed his chronic acid reflux to food and not the drinking like a fish.

    • @stephengrigg5988
      @stephengrigg5988 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      He's funny and seems like a legit good guy. I almost feel like the fame is encouraging him though and all the laughing about him just telling honest stories of him being an alcoholic isn't helping him. He's clearly enjoying the ride but he has kids and if he keeps up this pace he isn't gonna stay functional much longer at the very least, especially at his age. Sometimes I don't find it the least bit funny and it's just sad. He's clearly still drunk during this whole cast.

    • @adamschlinker972
      @adamschlinker972 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@stephengrigg5988 yeah I'm with you. I don't really see it as funny at all. Just super sad. Bert seems like a decent guy, but the whole alcoholic image thing is sad to me.

  • @TheOrlandoTrustfull
    @TheOrlandoTrustfull 2 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    It's taken him over 20 years, but today, Bert said that he isn't as good at comedy as Dave Attell

    • @iratobustuarius7438
      @iratobustuarius7438 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      In his defense, it's only a few handfuls of people who are. At best.

  • @Pladderkasse
    @Pladderkasse 2 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    The alcohol seems to be doing a number on Bört's cognitive speed.

  • @VenomSnake00
    @VenomSnake00 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Watching Burt is like watching a movie we all know the ending to but we still watch anyway.

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      We all know how it's going to end we just watching for the journey to the destination

    • @user-vp8sd4qd1x
      @user-vp8sd4qd1x 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It honestly hurts to watch I was disturbed this episode and have been progressively more so with each episode the past few months.

  • @anthonybush13
    @anthonybush13 2 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Oh heck yeah, Barts back! I’ve been waiting to hear his imaginary weight loss stories, and rehab/ wellness journey he’s never gonna go on. Welcome back bud!

  • @metalliberator
    @metalliberator 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    That segway into the 'Better Help' read had me falling out. Love you Bert!

  • @niallgoddard02
    @niallgoddard02 2 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    Burt bartering with charities is his new lowest low. 🤣.
    There will be more, lower lows, but this is definitely number one for the week.

    • @paolom.6011
      @paolom.6011 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      He'll start a charity for fat r-words as a tax dodge.

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      That's why we watch. Brett is a train wreck that is somehow also a dumpster fire. And every time you think it's about to go out somehow it gets worse

  • @voodude8986
    @voodude8986 2 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Hell yeah, loved this episode of Bertcast! Wait, was Tom here the whole time? Was this 2 Bears?!

  • @saumitrad
    @saumitrad 2 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    One of the reason why I love Santino, Bobby, Theo - they do not keep going on about how awesome there lives are like some Insta models.

    • @rawpower12xu
      @rawpower12xu 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Checkout NY comedians podcasts: they ride the subway, trains to shows, etc. They’re definitely more relatable

    • @moniquegutierrez101
      @moniquegutierrez101 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@rawpower12xu do you watch Hey Babe with Sal Vulcano and Chris Distefano? That one is my new favorite. They’re a good time 🥳

  • @kitoudark
    @kitoudark 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Whoever the comedic genius is that cut for the sponsor ad @34:20 needs a raise!

  • @Algorythmfpv
    @Algorythmfpv 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Bert's take on charitable donations is fantastic.

  • @JoelByars
    @JoelByars 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    50:22 Bert - “I don’t have $50K to donate” but spent $100K on Tom’s birthday gift 😂😂

  • @fiarandompenaltygeneratorm5044
    @fiarandompenaltygeneratorm5044 2 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    Fun's over, guys.

    • @WARWITHWARWICK
      @WARWITHWARWICK 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      It was fun while it lasted

    • @lacefacethegreat
      @lacefacethegreat 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This made me snort. 🤣🤣🤣

    • @Kroesprtobaggan
      @Kroesprtobaggan 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @lacefacethegreat somebody’s snortin

  • @Madagon367
    @Madagon367 2 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    When Bert said that he doesn't have 50 grand I was and still am totally convinced that he actually believed that. His brain does work differently.

    • @randomaccount3365
      @randomaccount3365 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Needs that 50 grand for handles of titos

    • @DakotaisBeast295101
      @DakotaisBeast295101 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      His wife is very smart and knows how to control/create his delusions. He's lucky she's great with money

    • @Sara-hy7ku
      @Sara-hy7ku 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It just makes me wonder if his financial managers are taking advantage of his naïveté…

    • @randomaccount3365
      @randomaccount3365 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Sara-hy7ku I can see the podcast title and thumbnail already. You have scared me tho I hope thats not the case and Leann is taking care of everything

  • @beastlydookie81
    @beastlydookie81 2 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Bert “I cant eat anything after 7 or I throw up in my sleep” Chrysler

  • @francescapuglisi3175
    @francescapuglisi3175 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    my favorite thing ever is when Bert tries laughing and talking and it just sounds like a mouse being stepped on repeatedly