Neglect and Borderline Personality Disorder BPD
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
- Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Interested in working with Dr. Fox, he offers consultations. Learn more at www.drdfox.com/consultation
Emotions exercise can be found here: www.drdfox.com/worksheets
Emotional neglect is a form of abuse. Many individuals with BPD and BPD traits have experienced various forms of neglect while they were growing up, and well into their adulthood. This video is going to discuss neglect and how it plays into being a factor of BPD and how I work to lessen its negative impact of it with my clients.
Neglect, particularly childhood neglect, is defined in many research studies as extreme failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention when you were a child. However, neglect can also be emotional distance and failure to respond to the emotional needs of the individual during development. Research has found that early experiences of neglect promotes deficits in self-regulation of emotion (state orientation), which together with depression or demanding circumstances, lead to an increase in the risk of developing BPD or BPD traits.
As adults neglect can feel like a variety of things: confusion about emotions, self-worth, self-image, expectations, and the ability to read and understand emotions in others. This can lead to the confusion in understanding why you have trouble understanding the reason people do the things they do, as well as how to regulate your own emotions. In my clients, I see this leading to an unstable self-image (unsure who you are and what you believe) but also a challenge and difficulty in social situations, and in developing friendships.
Having these deficits doesn’t mean you’re trapped and stuck with it forever. The key is to build emotional intelligence skills. These tend to be lacking because you weren’t taught these skills growing up, while now is the time.
Here are the top 3 things I work with my clients on, and you can do them too to help lessen the impact of neglect:
Respond instead of reacting to conflict.
Be self-aware and intuitive.
Take critiques well.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
TH-cam: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Citations:
Blasczyk-Schiep, S., Kazen, M., Jaworska-Andryszewska, P., & Kuhl, J. (2018). Volitional determinants of self-harm behaviour and suicidal risk in persons with borderline personality disorder. The European Journal of Psychiatry, 32(2), 77-86.
Widom, C. S., Czaja, S. J., & Paris, J. (2009). A prospective investigation of borderline personality disorder in abused and neglected children followed up into adulthood. Journal of personality disorders, 23(5), 433-446.
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So many children are neglected in the world, especially their emotional needs. Everytime I see a "checked out" parent in public flipping through instagram on their phone while their baby sits in a stroller trying to make eye contact with them, I have to turn and walk away. It's so very sad to see little ones looking around for someone to notice them.
I feel so ugly and worthless, trying not to self harm. BPD really is hell.
I've been where you are. It's overwhelming and seems imposible to control. It's been two years since I started purposefully working on getting better. I couldn't afford therapy so I had to dig in and learn what I can do on my own. This channel taught me that I have a disordet, learned behaviours that can change. The BPD workbook opened my eyes to the problems, where they come from and how I can overcome them. My brain is being repaired from the damage caused by neglect and abuse. I discovered that I am a victim but I am not powerless. I encourage you to buy Dr. Fox's workbook. If I can recover so can you. Best wishes, Tim.
Ive also been there, not gonna lie I’m still there at times. I’ve been in therapy for 5 years, it took several different therapist and psychiatrists to finally say “you have BPD” 2 years into therapy. I had to do my own research to learn about the disorder and learn that not all therapists are trained to treat it. Took a lot of wasted time and money to find a good therapist but it was 100% worth it and finally started making SOME progress after 1 year of seeing a good therapist on a weekly basis. Don’t give up, just keep trying.
Oh Caitlin, I can so relate. That is my neglect revisiting me. Remember how beautiful you are inside and you’re a caring, gentle soul. 🌹🌸🦋💕
Worthless to who? If not yourself, try to unpack that a bit if you can ❤️
Caitlin..remember it's not reality..it's our screwed up thinking. You are NOT ugly nor are you worthless...if you work..you contribute, if you go to school, you contribute, if you've ever helped someone to find a street they were looking for, if you payed it forward in a fast food drive thru line ....( even it was only coffee) ..you.contribute!!, if you haven't done that, do it, it helps to remind yourself...you contribute!!!. Don't let BPD fool you, don't let it get away with the evil it tells you. YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE ENOUGH!!
I always invalidate my 'emotional neglect' cause there's no hitting, hell my childhood looks great on paper. This is very eye opening tho, thank you
I'm glad you posted that Kayla! Because I believe that in some cases BPD isn't brought on by any kind of trauma but that people who develop BPD are predisposed to it because of brain structure from birth. Meaning you are more sensitive emotionally because of your brain formation at birth. I'm not a Dr at all but I've been studying this condition to help my boyfriend. Would you agree or disagree? I'm very interested in your feedback.
Thats normal. Seems like we are taught that abuse or neglect only exist in extremes but just like most things theres such a huge spectrum and every part of the spectrum can have huge impact and emotional neglect or abuse can cause just as much damage as physical to the brain. Any feelings you have about your childhood are valid. I struggle with the same thing. Sending love 💗
I always said I wasn't neglected. Then, as I watched Dr Foxs videos, I realized my parents fighting post divorce caused neglect. My mother not caring about my grades, not encouraging me, dad silently slipping away so he didn't have to fight with my mother.... That's all neglect. I was never hit or sexually harassed. Mine went far deeper than physical neglect.
DAWN GARTNER Personally, I disagree. Trauma alters the brain, and causes the damage, from what I’ve researched over the years.
Trauma can be caused by so much stuff including abuse (physical, psychological, verbal, and sexual) or neglect (physical and emotional). Also, I’ve heard the neglect can start as a baby, even, if the baby isn’t cared for and fears the caregiver won’t come to care for him / her.
Yes I totally agree with what alisha and cece said !
I've been emotionally neglected my whole childhood. Even when I was screaming and crying, telling my mom what my dad was doing to me (abuse), she just walked away from me. That hurt so much and I believe that's really when my rage started.
That is huge abuse and betrayal and hoping you are finding what you need and sending love. Not your fault
My mom taught me to hide how I feel and lie to get what I need. She kept my dad in court until I was 18, trying to get all the child support she could, which she then blew on drugs. She raised me through all her drunk/high black out episodes, she encouraged her boyfriends to torment me, told police lies to have me put away when i called for help, and lied to all my family to keep me in that position. I had to leave home dozens of times and now that I'm gone for good and dont look back, I'm blamed for it by my other family and even several of my social circles who think a man has a responsibility to love his mother. I too suffer from rage
As a kid I was neglected. As an adult I’m neglecting myself by caring for the aging parents who neglected me. Self care is so important. 🦋🌹🦋🌹
Same sorry to know someone else is going through it. Does either of them make you feel sorry for them?
Wow same. It never even occurred to me that other people out there were in my exact same situation, but here you both are. On one hand, it all feels cosmically necessary and complete to go through this; it kind of closes the loop on my relationship with my parents. On the other hand, my dad and I are at each other's throats on the daily because I take no more crap and stick up for myself. So there's a level of healing (for me at least), but in a pretty unhealthy way. Sigh.
Do neglected children become adults who neglect themselves? I notice I always put myself last because I feel guilty for caring for myself and feeling good, especially if I view someone in my family as suffering.
Wow. Thats so deep ❤️
So much emotional neglect occurs from being raised by a narcissistic parent. I’m convinced this is where my bpd traits stem from. I’m determined to heal and overcome it. Thanks for the video, extremely helpful.
Sameeeee
Narcissistic dad, mom is either CPTSD or BPD with GAD.
It's scary my dad is a narcissist but even tho he hurt me my mom and dad so much all these sad and hate feelings, disappeared I'm desensitized to him and I used to hate him but now I don't care about him.
@@bruh-kj1qw I completely get that. I spent so much time trying to reach his impossible standards. It's hard to know who I am when I was drilled into being whoever he wanted me to be at the drop of a bat.
I realized though that his standards were just that, impossible. Now I just check in with him every now and then just so I dont have any regrets. I forgave him for being broken and trying to raise me to be a good person in the only way he knew how. It still hurts. So I keep a big distance and only contact via phone.
@@PeteMD My journey is leading me more to Complex PTSD brought on by the abuse (emotional neglect, abandonment, gaslighting) yes I experienced all three.
When I was a child, my parents (especially my Dad) couldn't give me the emotional attention that I believe I needed...I also hid the bullying I was going through from them because I was fearful of how they would react to knowing...is this a form of emotional neglect (the first part at least)...today I still feel like I never learned how to feel emotions therefore I have such a difficult time putting my feelings into words
Christine Wiatrowski Personally, I think that still qualifies as emotional neglect. Usually, the other person is unaware of what they are doing, but it still can be damaging.
I also hid the bullying. My father was very bad tempered, critical and controlling. I was so ashamed about being bullied and how my parents would react also. We didn't talk much about emotions in my family. I kept everything inside.
@@cosmicfoxglove1047 ...we could be twins
Same here guys, father was completely absent because he barely has a personality - he's needed to work since he was 9 and works for 12h a day, barely has any friends, works even when he's not officially on shift. My mom is also quite busy but a bit more avaliable - she had BPD like symptoms that have over the years gone away mostly. I also hid bullying often, because then my mom'd overreact and I'd be bullied for that .-. Because of all of that I feel bad having a bit of resentment towards them for it, because I know they try their best, but... .-.
It's amazing how so many comments with bpd have parents who emotional neglect them , my dad neglected me too especially emotionally and I feel the same
These videos are always so helpful. And reading the comments on this page makes me feel less alone. Hang in there, my friends!
Exactly, I took a psychology course years ago and understood I was not alone, that was when I started healing....
Before I was diagnosed, I associated my anger with my father being hot-tempered. We fought A LOT when I was child/teen, because we just thought that I took the choleric temperament after him. I was even scared of him. But the more I learn, the more I realize that even though I know he loves me, he did not give me the emotional support I needed. I felt like I was generally judged or ignored while experiencing negative emotions. Blamed me for things I didn't do and instead of giving advice or support, he would scold me if I didn't stand up for myself when kids made fun of me (I still remember how he told me ''don't act like a little bitch'' when kids were mean to me and I cried). refuses to acknowledge mistakes and apologize. Will make YOU feel like you went too far and should apologize. Even my sister confirms that he was particularly mean to me. He is definitely my biggest trigger, because the second he questions my opinion, goals, I get furious. I had to learn how to apologize and remain calm during conflicts myself. I grew up desperately needing to feel important, and now I struggle with completele feeling of unworthiness. I just can't wait to move out and let my emotions have some rest.
I hope things are better now.
Hang it ther people, I've been at this recovery five years and much of what Dr. Fox taught me is second nature now. I still have rage sometimes from sense-overload but a lot of the negative, depressing, catastrophic, agonizing and emotional-sensitivity from interperonal relationships has abated. I've learned to talk my way out of every negative impulse other than anger.When covid hit and I was broke I spiralled downwards but pulled myself out within MINUTES! That was a huge surprise for me, it used to take days to stop spiralling then days more to get back to baseline. I learned to think positive and actually HEAR myself and actually LISTEN to myself. The first part was easy, the latter two took years of reinforcement watching videos, and I still do. Dr. Fox is a recovery master. He doesn't delve deep into the freudian or the chidlhood wounds but works solely on recovering. For that I have a LOT to thank him for.
I really like that theory.. “Duck in the rain!” I’m a sponge in the rain right now, and I think I will grow some feathers! Thank you for this video. Neglect plays a part in the cause of my BPD and it was mostly circumstance. I had a single parent for much of my younger years. Now I am a single parent.. I worry about my children a lot.
When I was an infant my bio mother never took care of me. My father told me I self taught myself to potty train by age 1 cause she would leave me in dirty diapers for hours while she did drugs and my father was at work. Then she kidnapped me and left me and ran off with my half sister's dad, so she abandoned me. My father got custody of me when I was 2. He remarried and my step mother was very verbal, emotionally, and physically abusive to me. They divorced when I was 14. By then I was being tortured in school. By the time I was in my late teens I tried to commit suicide 3x. I am now 44 and have attempted suicide 3 more times. I was with my husband of 23yrs up until this Jan when he left me (he has NPD characteristics). We aren't divorced but separated. We have 3 kids.. Youngest is 12 now.. All I am trying to do now is work hard on me in therapy take my meds and just keep pushing forward. Neglect has been my constant
Be careful about meds if they are being prescribed for your trauma. Psychiatric medications are highly addictive and have dangerous long term effects. There are many natural and safe substances for anxiety, depression.
Wow you have been through a lot. How are you doing now? You have a lot of pressure and responsibility on your shoulders in your life. I hope you're getting through each day with minimal stress and I hope you have a good friend or two who is there for you. Also, I'm sure you know this, but please don't take medication advice from people on the internet.
@@camez2345 Yeah much better to take advice on medication from psychiatrists or GPs who have no idea how to treat trauma nor do they have a clue as to how these drugs affect their patients for the short or long term. Dr Fox's therapy is cognitive and behavioral, which is the only proven treatment for borderline or trauma.
Or are you just trolling for the pharmaceutical industry?
I have a real hard time letting go of the “bpd negative voice” because usually I’m right about suspecting everything around me
Right? I am always called a pessimist but then all of my assumptions turn out to be true! How do you stop believing something that keeps showing you its reliability?
Well, from my experience I notice a couple things are going on here. One, you are looking for specific signals of behavior, so naturally you will begin to only see those behaviors, and ignore or disregard all the times where you were actually wrong. Its confirmation bias
2nd, you are subconsciously attracting people who would prove you right becsuse you dont have a stable sense of self-worth, etc.. so you end up putting up with behavior that you shouldn't (because you think you deserve it, you dont notice it, etc) which ends up culminating in them doing the thing you are afraid they are going to do (cheat, abandon), because they weren't a reliable person to begin with.
3rd, you may begin to act in ways that self-sabotage, because you believe that your fears will be proven true. Therefore, true trust is never developed in the relationship. Your actions reflect your beliefs, and you may be pushing people away, telling people that they are going to end up leaving, not allowing yourself to fully be comfortable within yourself in the presence of them, which would all end in them being more likely to leave you.
Personally, I was cheated on in every single relationship I've had. Each relationship, I was afraid that would happen and it continually ended up happening. But I realize the only common denominator was me, I'm not blaming myself but I realize that there's likely some part of me that attracts people like that. It is better to believe you are the one in control rather than feel like you are at the whims of other people.
Same here. Sometimes it makes me crazy because I can't tell if its a self fulfilling prophecy in my own mind, or if the facts and evidence I am seeing is really true as the red flags that i take note of but dismiss anyway in romantic relationships.
Same!!! I have been stuck in the same cycle and I definitely believe my subconscious mind picks people who are going to confirm my fears. I’m working on that with new beliefs.
This!!! I have the same struggle
I hate not feeling connection to others then feeling it again. Then not feeling and ending up faking connection. It hurts so much that I cut or take drugs. I hate myself. It makes me self centered. The seesaw of the two extremes of either feeling or not feeling for others is hell.
@BPD World Thank You!
I would write my father a card today, but the only memories I have of him are neglect and I dont think that makes good material for a card...
Erika W Holidays can be difficult.
I can relate, I hated my mother for years then took a psychology course at the local college. It really work me up. First, I understood that I was, by far, not the only person who hated a parent. I also started realizing why she was the way she was. I finally forgive her because I believe my grandfather was emotionally abusive and that influenced her. Take care and remember, you're taking a giant step just by trying to understand the problem and talk about it. You are healing.✌
Grateful this showed up. Been struggling with this since Thursday. It's bad right now. Very triggered. Hanging on every word. Wish I could get to Texas to see you. So grateful you exist and are a specialist with this. If you are a praying man, please pray for something to change. I need supernatural help today. I believe it began with this video showing up. Thank you.
Merry M I hear you. Don’t give up. You’re in my prayer 😊
Get and stay sober
Get and stay spiritual
Get and stay with nature
Get and stay only with calm sober people
Get and stay healthy by way of eating and exercise
Get and stay in love with yourself.
So much neglect in my childhood...emotional, physical. A home totally devoid of any love. Cruel abusive parents. Never hugged me, never cared one bit about my feelings. They would beat me almost to death and I was the sweetest little girl, never did a bad thing. They fed me just enough to keep me alive but I mostly starved even though they were obese. Food was the biggest issue because it was torture. The pain of all that never goes away. I think about it and cry. I'm a food hoarder now, never ever running out of food here. But I don't have eating disorder and I am very fit. But always have food in this house, have never run low not even for my pets. I stock up for them too. The starvation lasted many years and I have malnutrition and spine issues because of it. Not one frigin person gave a shit back then. I would go door to door begging neighbors for some food scraps. I was a skeleton. I would tell my teachers. I even came to school with two black eyes and broken nose and teachers did nothing. My parents were mentally ill and totally unfit and no one cared. That's my biggest hang up. Wish I sued my school for allowing the neglect, they should have helped me.
My school created more trauma for me. I had a lot of vengeance till my early 20s against my school like buying the school (its private) and just grazing it down. I was really pissed at them.
I really wish you were my psychiatrist. I feel safe just by watching your videos than visiting my own therapists.
I have BPD, depression and anxiety i have also come to learn im HSP Highly sensitive Personality what is your view on HSP I seem to have developed that due to an unstable mother (narcissistic mother)
Just got your BPD Workbook!!! Absolutely love it!! Is honestly changing my life😊 thank you so much for your work!
The work book is one of the best things I have ever done.
Cool, didn't know he has a workbook! Gonna get it!
Thank you. I actually read about this and self diagnosed awhile ago. I’m very intuitive, feel a lot of neglect from my childhood, and suffer in my relationships now. Just ordered your workbook!!!!!
The biggest challenge for me with the EQ skillset was pointing it inward at myself. I got really good at reading others because of the maladaptive conditions I was raised in but terrible at reading my own emotional state.
If youre reading this and havent watched any Bob Proctor videos.
Go watch those after. Bob Proctor. Seminars.
Yesss!!!
i have been struggling with this for years, i was put on fluoxetine, off brand prozac, when i was 13 years old for depression and remained on it until i was 19. i am 20 now and suddenly have emotions, intense uncontrollable emotions. my partner encouraged me to look into my mental health after i had been having many breakdowns, lashing out, going from crying to laughing, and being extremely paranoid about him leaving me. finding your videos has been both very comforting and disturbing, someone who does not know i exist is explaining my own life story to me. I found you from your “favorite person and borderline personality disorder” video, and i was astounded. i have had the concept of a favorite person since i was young, about 10 or 11, but had no clue exactly why and figured it was just because i am not very social. in therapy at 15 i showed some signs of bpd, but could not afford therapy for long enough to be officially diagnosed. you have really helped me to decide to go back and get the help i need rather than just taking medicine to make me numb. thank you so much, you have made me feel real and recognized when i have felt crazy for so so long
Thank you so much for this! 👏🏼
I definitely needed to hear about these skills. The main one I need to work on is staying calm and respond not react.
Thank-you Dr. Fox for making this video. The comments that say "this could not have come at a better time" are so true!!!! By hearing you explain how neglect is a factor that leads to a risk of developing BPD has actually helped me understand that BPD isn't our fault, its those really hurtful and devastating events during childhood, that have made us feel triggered as we grow older. Anyone who is feeling like they are hanging on their last bit of hope, PLEASE!!! Keep going!! I have been there, believe in yourself
Wow the negative comments part of this video really helped me. I had never thought about it in that way, thank you so much for everything you do!!!
Wow. The timing of your videos is incredible
Find your channel was the best thing that could happen to me. I'm trying to understand myself and deal with my questions. You talk as if you were talking to me, so I feel embraced, understood, I feel seen. Your videos are helping me to describe better what I feel and where it comes from. This quarantine have made my mind even confuser, but now therapy can help me better than before. I still don't know if I'm a person with BPD, but in spite of it, you're helping people, for sure. Thanks from Brazil.
*Please do not neglect the comment section* Thanks😞
Thank you. Your videos have really helped me understand myself and ease the guilt of being who I am a little
Thank you for your work and your videos.
They've helped me quite a lot and your presence is very calming for me.
This is so relatable. Thank you so much. Always so helpful. I like the idea of observing others and how they are handling their emotions. Thank you so much!!
Love the reference to body language and understanding other's facial expressions. Thanks for all you do to help us to heal.
Thank you Dr.Fox .....really needed this!🌈
This was extremely relevant and helpful. My actions unintentionally caused a coworker to get called into a meeting where she was removed from her role as a trainer. She and I both have BPD and I struggled to know what to say to help her. She was so devastated and upset. I’m glad I did one thing right, which was provide her counter example to the criticism she was receiving from our Manager and Supervisor, even if they sounded like lies to her at the time and she was accepting the criticism of our bosses. Thank you for defining emotional neglect/abuse because this was the first time a definition I heard resonated with me. I’m excited that I have a lot to talk to my therapist about when I see her Monday. Thank you, thank you!
Thank you for the video - I'm going to look into the book.
What do we do to help ourselves with physical self neglect? There seems to be so little written about this for the individual.
Also, when we see ourselves as unworthy of good things in life, it's so hard to commit to any good habits or treatment as the saboteur is strong and wrecks it. It doesn't seem to allow me to get better. I've been trying so many approaches over the years but I can't seem to sustain anything for long to the point of feeling aversion to doing even basic things. By not doing these things, there are obvious consequences and awareness of these is frightening and stressful...so you'd think that would be enough motivation to do whatever it is that I need to do? But it isn't - it just creates further anxiety and anger at self for the aversion! I'm starting to give up as every time I think "Ok, this time!", I have less confidence than the last so hope is waning all the time. Internal Family Systems is another thing I've been considering but as above, it's hard to have any hope that I can access the Saboteur and reason with it
Practicing self awareness really helped me with my BPD! Dr. Fox workbook really worked well for me to feel less alone, and i just robot mode through situations and as time goes on i just deal with things better naturally. there’s hope! i’m 22 and i’m so happy i got a diagnosis earlier on and can just put my mind to being better and help myself :) thank u!!!
on the side of neglect, i think what helped me overcome the effects of my childhood the most was really just stepping back, my parents are just people and they mess up too, and just trying to be the nicest person i can be :)
ihave a super hard time finding a counselor and/or someone to understand me. thank u so much for the help & information i desperately needed. this kind of stuff is super expensive & i appreciate you so much for making this information so easily accessible.
Thank you for these videos. I'm currently unable to get health insurance and haven't seen a doctor of any variety in a long time, but your videos have really helped me to continue learning about and understanding my BPD. Thank you thank you thank you
I’m finding u a literal Godsend. Thank you. Your name tells me everything else I need to know (weird sentence) but I just know what or who I can trust). But yA, thank you very very much. I might be in touch with you (if he’s interested) for my guy Preston. Plus I’m a unique case of being an empath and that means I take on the condition of the people I’m connected to (for a relatively short time) so I can understand them better and then (if I’m blessed to) I heal and cure them.
Thanks for being so dedicated and passionate. I admire your style.
Thank you, I appreciate you answering my question. This does makes a lot of sense, I will share this video. I have been trying to work on this very subject. Thanks for the validation.
Thanks, this makes so much sense and helpful if you don't have BPD
Love this!...u just literally helped millions...THANK YOU!😇😊
I love your videos! They really help me, thank you so much. Also, when you say “that’d be nice” at around 9:45, I really felt it in your voice haha!
Much love!
Another great and helpful video!
Really liked the new presentation style , also prevents the video from being monotonous , which makes the viewer loose attention.also love how u pointed to work books.this was really helpful video, as this point in my life I am learning/building emotional skills.love u Dr 🦊 my life has become better cause of Ur videos.i as a middle aged bpd am learning basic human interaction ways ,things that people have known as young adults ....sad but great that m finally learning emotional skills.thankyou Dr love u
Thank you sir for shedding light on how to deal with issues to do with childhood neglect in people. I am a victim of childhood neglect and abandonment by One of my parents. I have learned something out of this presentation of yours so thanks a lot.🙏 Taddeo Mugagga from Durham, NC
I’m glad you found the video helpful.
@@DrDanielFox 🙏🙏🙏🙏
This is incredibly helpful!!
Wow thank u again Dr. Daniel Fox!! This has come at the right time n thank u so so much for helping me learn about borderline personality disorder n the skills to manage it n know Im not alone suffering from this n my out of control emotions r not unique n knowing that my feelings about my emotional neglected n impoverished childhood really did do damage 2 me like I thought n the duck n the rain skill is something I will use n know that I don't have 2 b super stressed out by what other people say.
Soooo helpful. 🙂
I blow up quickly, but not to control, ( I don't think) but because I go into a panic. I get so scared.
Thank you so much. You made it so simple and practical. I think I may be a misdiagnosed BPD Person!! Been diagnosed with depression 35 years ago, then PTSD, but I put a the C in front. It's all a learning kerb!
I've had a bad experience with my current doctor's I know more about borderline then they do. It's very aggravating, do you have any suggestions. They don't listen to me at all.
anna smith Find a new doctor, or try Dr. Fox’s workbook. I think he is also working towards starting an online group meet up.
Alisha great suggestions. I’ve gone to 12 step programs for love addiction and adult children of alcoholics. It really help to be heard and understood. This channel is great. I bought the work book too.
That's so frustrating! I've encountered similar issues finding doctors & therapists who were knowledgeable enough about BPD, to be able to help me with mine. The way I found the awesome ones I have now involved me changing, to try a new one, as soon as I realised a doctor/therapist wasn't up to the task, & didn't have sufficient knowledge or training, or that we didn't see eye-to-eye about goals or viewpoints. If that's an option for you, I'd highly recommend changing to a different doctor/therapist, & to keep doing so until you find one who you work well with, if you're going to see good outcomes. It's a pain the ass, & it can be really difficult, particularly for those from rural or remote areas, or who are limited in terms of choice for financial or insurance reasons. It's definitely worth it though - I've made loads of progress since I found the excellent team of clinicians I now work with to improve my mental health. All the best!
I’ve had the same experience and it just makes everything worse being invalidated. I brought it up to a doctor 4 years ago and she laughed in my face and said I don’t act crazy enough and we never talked about it again
Congratulations on 100K subs
Thank you!
You are lovely Dr Fox. Very unique contribution to psychology amongst the influx of psych/spiritual information regarding the human condition coming from the USA/West. Thank you!
The fist three years of my life I was left in the crib while others were out playing. I had double club feet and wore a bar and special shoes for correction. I didn’t walk until I was 3. I was told I would cry and cry being left out and stuck in the crib and the caregivers would feed me to quiet me.
That certainly sounds difficult.
@@DrDanielFox wow! You noticed my post and responded. Ty. I didn’t expect that.
This is the first video I have seen on this... thank you!!! My mother is an alcoholic and I was neglected as a child. I always suspected that’s where my BPD stemmed from.
Same 😞 my mother no longer drinks but I still have so much emotional hurt from my childhood x
Excellent, so good to hear all you say thank you 🌞
Know thy self..re-programming.. self love..self reflection.
I related very much with this and it helped make me feel validated as to why I have BPD and that it's not my fault. I have lots of self-reflection and awareness and have been in weekly therapy for I think 8 months, but still struggle so much. I love my therapist but sometimes they just give you the solution, like saying whatever others think of you is not actually you, but not giving me the specific small steps or activities or anything to actually believe that. I understand what he's saying but I have BPD and I can't just think that into existence like others. I feel like i'm getting nowhere and it's really saddening me. I have great days where I think I'm doing better but it's always 3 steps foward, 2 and half steps back so barely feel like i'm getting anywhere and disappointed in myself a lot. I feel like my therapist is getting disappointed as well :( my biggest problem is not believing people when they tell me they love me. It almost feels how schizophrenics would think people are lying to them, it's that intense of a delusion, but I still have self-awareness and I think that's where the term borderline comes from. I have severe anxiety too which is probably stemming from the BPD and it is causing me to feel extra vigilant so I can't sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours a night for almost a year now, which is making my symptoms of delusional thoughts and intense emotions way worse :( i don't know what to do
Thank you so much for this!!
When I read my psychologists notes, he wrote about me being intuitive and very aware of his emotions and body language and that I would change topics accordingly. I didn't know that and asked him about it. A counselor once said I was an empath and I didn't know what that was. A Star Trek character…okay…but after speaking more with my psychologist about it and him encouraging me to explore it, I did, a lot of things made sense that I wasn't aware I could do, it was natural and not ever explained to me. I thought everyone tasted colors to emotions. I thought everyone could feel the others emotions and he told me not everyone does and told me to listen to it, to trust it. I misinterpret looks though. Him explaining some things has really helped in some major ways, like choosing to go to the store at a less busier time to lessen the chances of absorbing others depression. Its different in that I know the feeling of anger from my father when we argue and know I need to leave the room. Didn't know a person did things unconsciously to stay alive and it's so strange two other professionals had to point out something that I should've noticed. Now that I'm aware of it, it's a tad easier to walk away from an argument. Overwhelming, exhausting, and hate being alive, but when I feel myself getting angry and not sure if it's me or them, I listen to their tone and observe them. I moved into the country-out of the city-and spend most of the day walking through the woods, or in my garden, or foraging. It grounds me and if I'm having a horrible moment, can really scream and cry without worrying someone will hear me-a very healthy outlet for intense emotions. The country is where all pwBPD should move if they can, nature gives a lot of peace.
Thankyou for these videos ❤
Thanks a million for this video, I find myself being neglected even in my late 20's from people who are supposed to be a support (" friends" that end up taking advantage of you and discarding you ruthlessly, relatives who are not emotionally available, everyone ends up being untrustworthy and failing on me - they're just a bunch of selfish people that grind your gears non-stop)
It can be difficult to find people that are supportive and they can help you. I hope you’re able to find those people and I wish you all the best.
Thank you Dr Daniel Fox
You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.
i love your videos so much. Make me feel like there is hope.
I Cried at the end of the video cuz it's so touching
Rejected by my whole family growing up
I thank God for you so very much! 🙏
I appreciate you.
You're a wonderful person.
Thank you. Glad these videos are helpful.
Thank u so much, I really needed this n u explained clearly n very well
Thank you Dr Fox
You are very welcome
Such fantastic videos. I wish you were in Australia. If you ever get an opportunity to come and speak about BPD in Australia, that would be awesome!
thank you endlessly
thank you for this video!
Exceptional video
Thank you for your vids doc ❤
Thank you. This makes a lot of sense. I try and understand why my partner does what he does but I can’t understand the emotions he’s feeling. Then I ask too many questions and I get in trouble for invalidating the emotions when really, I’m trying to understand. I never want the conflict. I always want the resolution but it’s like walking on egg shells as I’m always in trouble.
Spot on!
My mom was an alcoholic and drug addict growing up and had lost 2 babies before having me. She was afraid of getting attached to me and therefor emotionally neglected me. I lived with her during the week and stayed with my grandparents on weekends and they spoiled me and were very affectionate so I was constantly being thrown Aj and forth between 2 extremes. I believe that’s what caused my BPD. I deal with the extreme anger/reckless driving spending/ spent 3 years addicted to heroin/ intense emotions. It’s rough and no one in my life understands. Not my fiancé, my mom, my grandmother. It sucks.
Excellent!
Fellow sailormoon fan! Love your yt username
Thank you
I wish you lived in California! I could really use you! Thanks so much for all your videos, they are so helpful 💖
Dr. Fox. I have always found your videos so helpful in understanding BPD. I am keen to understand more about self-harm and BPD. Can you possibly do a video on it? Many thanks
I have a video on that very topic. I hope it helps. Be well
@@DrDanielFox many thanks for getting back! Good wishes
Thank you Sir.
Wow: I learned more specific information in this video than I have in seven years_________!!!!!!!!!
I have 3ish traits currently, had more as a teenager. Mostly now with emotional disregulation, yelling and getting angry at people close to me who I view as being disrespectful. I just don't understand how someone can be a jerk, and then I have to be emotionally regulated, makes no sense. I am supposed to get more therapy especially with DBT. Thank you for clarifying things as you did. It makes more sense to see it as this little negative thing inside. I find it harder to heal from BPD when there are people with issues in my life that never had therapy and believe nothing is wrong with them, and I've had over 10 years of therapy to get where I am today.
Hopefully you’re able to find some helpful aspects of the video. I wish you well.
thanks doctor!!!!
Thank you ❤
If I'm honest, I struggle to tell if my parents were neglectful. However, they're both socially and mentally stunted, and that's shaped me in a similar way.
I sometimes feel like my feelings are invalid and that maybe I was just born this way. Was I just the wrong child for them? Would I have turned out the same way if those issues I have with them were fixed? I still really struggle with these questions. One of the prevailing thoughts I've had since I was young, was “I'm not a person.” It's been incredibly hard to try and combat that feeling. It feels like having to raise myself from scratch again.
thank you..
You're most welcome
Thanks
You’re welcome
Holy crap...this fits!
Thankyou
Is Crying and being told “what are you crying for I’m not dead yet” considered emotional neglect ...
I am currently accepting that I am physically ill. I wish I could be cured. But I don't have enough money. So I need to be patient. I feel like crap, I look like crap. But I'm staying positive about myself even though I feel like trash. Anyways.... I keep hoping for the best to come. I work hard and am very tired. Going to bed super early. Trying to not drink too much also. Please stay strong and know that wellness is something that everyone deserve. I hope there was less suffering in this world. It is a daily struggle for me.
I'm back again watching your videos and i picked a good time because i am going through hard times in my life in my marriage, i am feeling triggered today, the lack of affection and approval from my wife has me feeling empty and i am remembering times of emotional neglect when i was a kid and i feel like i could fly into a rage. Its been hsrd, i am currently on suspension from my job for getting angry and flying into a rage which scared one of my supervisors. I am supposed to go talk to my main boss tomorrow and they said they are not firing me but they wanted me to think and decide if this is the job i want to be at because it can be very stressful but i do like the job but my emotional pain, depression and anxiety makes me want to just give up amd disappear.
Emotions exercise is interesting, but i forgot to read the instruction and opened the page with answers.
Yes, some of them are perplexing, like the disgusted emotion with a winking eye, or the worried one which seems a bit smiling
Thank you so much for you content sir.
Is that a piece of cheese or the company logo on you shirt?
Much love ❤️
Dr. Fox, you hearted the comment without answering the question! We must know: cheese or logo?
@@lenaelan9267 I mean, on one hand, if it were cheese, you'd think it would fall or at least move somewhat since he's gesturing and moving a lot, but on the other hand, a company would have to be crazy to make such a teeny logo, because who will even see it? Kind of defeats the purpose. Yeah, I wish he would put us out of our curiosity misery.
Control your emotional reaction and empowered yourself
Is there any resources regarding bpd and emotional instability during menstruation?