Your videos help me to identify problem areas in my life and help me to work through some of my issues. I am thankful to you for explaining things like this so that I can better understand. I have BPD and I have never been able to explain my BPD symptoms in a way other could understand. Thank you for the help you didn't know you were giving me
@@monicafigueroa6243 It's not that normal people don't get jealous in relationships, because sometimes they do; It's more along the lines that people with BPD or associated traits have a higher predispostion to feel jealous and/or feel it more intensely.
Monica Figueroa Try jealousy - *ON steroids, times a zillion - plus 749* 💯 If you have BPD, the second you hear the traits - YOU know lol intensity of emotions (good and bad) to an unmanageable degree
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with BPD. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. Mushrooms literally got me off my feet and turned my whole life around. I am currently a housing manager for a recovery program. I wouldn't have been able to do that shit without psilocybin.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
I'm so envious of people who have friends and loving families. When I'm around situations were I see others having these things I come away feeling awful. Its like society is in a glass box and I'm to stand outside and watch it with a frog stuck in my throat.
@@yiragle8618 I am way too sensitive . I even sometimes cannot watch dramas or TV because scenes like (sad, injustice) I can not watch, it just add angers. I cannot watch political shows because of the same reason. Probably I develop bpd because of my oversensitive nature. I mistrust so much. If I don't doubt others feelings, I feel like other person gonna die leaving me behind ( in parents case). Yeah I'm jealous and jealousy is not limited to friends and family only. Sometimes I had a person still gets jealous if he/she ignore me. Since I am quiet type, my feelings are limited to inner self but feels like I am gradually loosing my control.
You are the only person who has said that those with bpd can actually improve their lives and work on themselves to be happy and fulfilled. So often I see videos where people say that there is no help for bpd and that they're virtually terrible people. Thank you for helping me to understand myself and giving me hope that I can be the happy person inside that wants to come out and live my life.
+Gorbin Shmorbin thank you but the sad part is that what I’m saying is supported by research from the last 10 years. I’m working to stop perpetuation of these falsehoods. Thanks for noticing.
My doctor has been trying to get me to go to a therapist for a long time. I finally went to a psychiatrist, who also wants me to go to a therapist. My anxiety goes through the roof. Your videos have given me the right diagnosis ;-). Nobody chooses to have depression and anxiety. It's not nearly as enjoyable as my family seems to think. To the contrary, it's not easy being me. So thank you for your videos.
I think the problem is that the way BPD is described causes many with BPD to believe that their behaviour us beyond their control, and that others need to accept their behaviour. By the very nature of BPD that is exactly how they see it too. But the fact is that a person who is BPD can change for the better. Just it takes a lot of soul searching and work. There is a bit of a vicious cycle of denial that first needs to be overcome. Much in the same way as it does with addiction.
I'm sure you're just where you're supposed to be 🤍 things can always improve a few years ago I couldn't even go to uni because of my deep depression...now I have a job with responsabilities...everything can change don't lose hope
You are what you think! What you say is what you think, and what you think is what you become🙏🏻🙏🏻 think good thoughts and keep talking yourself out of those episodes
That is amazing! I feel so good and accomplished when I am able to talk myself out of it... especially when I want to take it out on my boyfriend. I end up randonly kissing him bc I'm so happy that I didnt go that length and hurt him unintentionally. It's a daily battle. Literally exhausting!
This is exactly why I had to go off Social Media, I reacted just as you explained, it just aggravated my insecurities and anger/ jealously/ envy and would throw me into depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. I had to stop adding fuel to the fire in my mind and heart, and abandonment. I now really work HARD at thinking of all possibilities of an issue or try to think more rationally. It feels great to be breaking my old thinking patterns. Feels great I repeat... and builds my sense of self. Thank you for your information, you really get me/us. We are not crazy freaks as some may think.... we all have defects in one way or another, no one is perfect in every aspect... moving forward is the key. You are a breath of freshness to we BPD humans! Thank you!
I too have found relief from dropping social media! It was incredibly painful and triggering when I would see my friends posting pictures of get togethers that I wasn't invited to. I didn't feel I should have been invited, it only emphasized how lonely I was and 'I' made me dwell on my sad situation. Not their fault, just my distorted overreaction typical of BPD. Today I was feeling sad and lonely but I texted a friend and asked if I could come over. It was just a chat over a cup of coffee but it got me out of my funk! And I think I may have cheered her up a bit!☺️
Yes I agree. I’ve reduced my social media interactions dramatically and I delete the apps from time to time. I’m going to apply restrictions soon. I noticed when I’m off there’s less stress, I don’t go into depressions and feel insecure and I have time to focus on me.
My partner came off FB & Instagram for me because I couldn't stand the thought of him being turned-on by anybody else! Many people say it's normal to be attracted to lots of people but I can't handle that.
BPD does actually not require a therapist at all. Its the worst thing for the disorder. A therapist just becomes a safety blanket. You are the medicine you are seeking I promise you this. Spent years in therapy got nowhere . Then I forgot about anyone else and I worked with my own brutal honesty and the acceptance that I was the root of my suffering no-one else. You just need to stop associating with your emotions as you. Meditation is the only cure for BPD. Meditation and yoga and eating what your body truly needs. Remove caffeine and or sugar from your diet and meat and dairy.
I have not shown a single sign of BPD in 5 years. If you want that then surrender to the divine will of the cosmos and stop allowing psychologists to put you in a box. You exist to be in joy that is your highest purpose. Nobody can give you that joy. You must make it yourself.
I can’t wait to show this video to my boyfriend. I’m not excusing my behavior but I am never able to accurately explain to him how I feel and why I react the ways that I do. I don’t want this, it’s the most exhausting thing ever. I feel like my thoughts will never be at ease. My brain is constantly searching and observing every tiny thing around me, and blowing it out of proportion. A lot of the time I’ll pass on going out with him because I know I’ll just be hyper aware of everything/everyone and worry and get jealous. I’m even anxious about watching movies or shows with him and I tend to be extremely picky because i don’t want something to trigger me. It’s really holding me back.
Summer Timmons oh my girl, I can only say hang in there. This is soooo exhausting. With my ex I would only watch some neutral marvel bullshit, any romance or drama could trigger me into a horrible infernal spiral of thinking how he secretly hates me and dreams of “normal relationship”. Oh my... sometimes it’s just too much. Let’s hope we can get better one day
Summer Timmons untreated borderlines should get treatment be stable if they go into a relationship otherwise they r toxic and wreak havoc on other lives, ultimately lovers leave. So get help.
Beyond Beauty69 Beyond Beauty69 lmao I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years now, we have a dog and an apt together. we’ve been through a shit ton but we always work through it and it’s not just my mental health to blame- he has his own stuff going on. and things have happened in the beginning that have stressed the relationship further on that still affect me but the important thing is recognizing and admitting there’s a problem. which I have done, and he has too. just because you’re dealing with mental illness doesn’t mean you can’t be in a romantic long term relationship. you can love and be loved and help yourself and the other individual at the same time. It may require more work/time but if that’s what someone wants then they can fight for it. I’m certainly NOT giving up on my partner now, I plan to live a long and fulfilling life with him. I refuse to listen to such stupidity and ignorance coming from a stranger on the internet who probably has very little knowledge on MY ILLNESS- not to mention you’re probably saying that as someone on the outside looking in at anyone with BPD. BPD doesn’t make me inherently toxic or manipulative or anything else someone might claim, everyone can show signs of those things at any time. If I am being toxic, I can usually recognize that and try to work on it once I’ve had time to think and calm down. I’m not trying to be any of those, many times I (and lots of people with BPD) don’t even know we’re doing something in the moment, we don’t intentionally do so- but as long and we’re not being oblivious and ignorant towards our bad behaviors and at least trying out best to work on them and improve- that’s all that matters. I am trying hard to work on and improve myself. I wanna be better. I still of course lose control from time to time and present certain “toxic” behaviors when I’m worrying or extremely stressed and lashing out but afterwards I almost always stop and think and admit what I’ve done wrong even though it makes me cringe having to say i was wrong. I love my boyfriend with everything in me and we grow more and more together everyday, and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. I don’t need to be alone and deprive myself of serious/romantic human connection just because of a mental illness. I do not need to be cured. If I’m willing to try harder and take extra steps to be in a relationship and get treatment at the same time that’s my choice, and it’s also his bc clearly he loves me and he’s willing to try harder as well. He could easily leave me and find someone healthier and more stable and have it so much easier but I’m so glad that he loves and wants me enough to stay and help me and grow with me. Anyone with BPD or any other mental illness can happily be in a relationship if they want to be, as long as they’re willing to try even harder and they’re getting help and they can admit it when their behavior is wrong/irrational. I never want to hear another human being tell me that BPD is automatically toxic, manipulative, or whatever the fuck ever again. It disgusts me and makes my heart break for myself and anyone else with it. I and my partner have both wreaked all sorts of havoc in our relationship over the past 2 years but we love each other immensely and continue to grow and fix what’s wrong. It takes a lot of time but it’s all worth it. There are plenty of times where I have been so ashamed of myself and question why in the world he hasn’t left me yet but here he is- happy and safe with me everyday. Choosing me and being patient and helping me everyday. I’m so lucky to have found someone who doesn’t think the same disturbing way as you do and just walk out on me because things got hard. Have a nice day I guess but I suggest that you do plenty of extensive research and actually knowing someone and their entire situation before you resort to such lame AND uneducated comments. Bye!
Summer Timmons It does not sound like love,He sounds codependent, once he gets over this dependancy he will leave as no one deserves abuse, borderline or not!!
Beyond Beauty69 you literally don’t know me or my boyfriend, we’ve grown so much together. I do NOT abuse him, and he doesn’t abuse me. he’s not going to leave me lmao. we actually broke up for a second and we both came back and decided that we want to stay together and work through everything. you clearly don’t know what love is, because it’s certainly not just giving up. I wouldn’t give up on anyone because of a mental illness and he has never given up on me. bye
I guess I'm not envious. However the jealousy is hard for me to deal with. It's a literally physical response that floods my body. I appreciate your videos
I'm both I'm envious of the manhood other men have and i immediately get jealous with my lady like I'm not enough! I start thinking going back to times she could have cheated! Out all the things in the world to be scared of my biggest fear is another guy pleasing my lady with some hammer! The spiral effect happens and she goes from being perfect angel to a dick hungry hoe! There's no in between she's perfect to me most of the time and one word, look, song or action she turns to trifling whore who deserves death! 😮💨 I hate this shit! I destroyed this lady sucked her dry! Now at 30 I'm tryna fix it but it might be too late the thought of her leaving gives me dread and anxiety and suicidal thoughts!
Jealousy and envy play such a huge part in my life as someone with BPD. Especially jealousy. When I’m with someone romantically, the lust almost gives me like a high. Nothing else matters. I feel like the happiest person in the entire world and they’re ALL I can think about. Then the second I feel that they might leave me... BOOM. Full blown depression. Nothing goes my way and I would just rather die than live without this person. Jealousy kicks in full force. Panic attacks all day. OCD like no other. I’ve gone as far as slicing my wrist open, in hopes that they would stay. I get attached so fast. And that can happen even if I’ve only known the person for a few months or weeks.
Same and I become agressive and block them, I leave them before they can leave me When I really really care about them I don't want to lose them but it's like there's no solution, no happy ending in sight Afterwards I feel terrible I mean how can you mend something like that ? How can you explain it to the other person ? Will they ever understand ? No it's over and it's all my fault it haunts me It's really f...up, thank god I have my therapist she really helps
Just got out of a 4 month intensive relationship with the most beautiful woman who suffers from severe depression. It was like being on hard drugs. We had 4 no contact periods and I felt like I was going to die. When I saw her it was like being high, but also from her perspective. In a timeframe of about 10 days we went talking about moving in together, having a kid to her telling me she feels better when we have no contact. I am now in a deep depressive hole myself and have finally sought help today. I just hoping can stop idolizing her, she is all I can think about and I should be thinking about myself….
this is why i question if my partner has BPD, he will be happy and talkative one moment then the next he flips, could be anything that causes it but he goes full on rage, eyes go a different colour, and there is no getting through to him, so i give him space till he calms down and i feel so powerless that I can't help
@@katiegrant3006 Me too. BPDs come in both sexes. My ex was like a "cat" when it happened. The instantaneous look of hate in her eyes. She recoiled, bared her teeth and the claws came out. Almost hissed! I'll bet that over 70% of the domestic homicides in the country have a Cluster B involved.
@@vampireslayer1989 hm.. Best not to stereotype people under cluster B as evil, can be hurtful as a borderline to see you as more evil then you already do yknow?
Having this is literally the worst thing because my biggest fear is losing people and the disorder causes me to push people away and I end up losing them. now I have a gf and its starting to really affect me and her.
I would just like to say that I was diagnosed BPD when i was 14 and quickly learned the negative stigma that BPD has. We're hysterical, manipulative, liars that don't want to be helped was the way it got out to me. Since 1996 I have tried to hide my diagnosis from everyone I meet because that's what I thought they would think. I then got a suggestion to watch your videos because of watching a few other BPD videos and I have learned so much and some skills to help me remain aware and accountable for my actions and I just want to thank you because even though it is negative stigma surrounding BPD we are some of the most interesting and outgoing people that you could ever meet Thanks Dr. Fox
what ive noticed (for myself anyway) is i often am jealous/envious when other people do or have something (an experience / relationship) which i don’t, or even if i have experienced the same i still end up feeling lesser than and have never been able to exactly discern why. logically i can understand that just because i am not doing what everyone else is doesnt mean i am less worthy, but nevertheless i still feel it. thats the hardest part of it for me, knowing it makes no sense but still feeling that it feels i can’t control
Here's a new slant on how to view people who suffer with BPD, in a society that seems to vilify them. What if it is an innate dysfunction of the emotional process itself? The direct opposite condition of Autism. Two sides of the same coin. Both struggling with fitting in and being accepted when how they experience and perceive the world is different from the majority. Both conditions causing them to literally think in foreign languages that do not share translational meanings. Autism causes a person to have lowered or absent emotions and a flat emotional affect. It is confusing to them seeing others reacting to emotions they just don't understand. They require a lot of personal space, to the extent that eye contact or casual physical touch can feel invasive and uncomfortable. They really don't form the emotional "closeness" in relationships that most people desire. They have no lack of personal identity, they consistently are "who" they are. Emotional situations rarely cause impulsive behavior, as they are most comfortable following their own routine. They feel the full spectrum of emotions, but these are felt very dim in intensity when compared to the strength the average person feels. The frustration of not being able to express themselves and their needs, which usually includes a lot of structure, to have control in their lives, is the emotion they most strongly reacted to. In order to communicate effectively through this Autistic barrier "normal" people must learn their language. Honest and direct wording is most important because they tend to take statements very literally. The best "treatments" are not to attempt to change them, but to change the goals toward enhancing communication techniques and provide avenues for the skills the individual has within them, that can be expressed and evolved. Accepting, understanding and encouragement, patience and compassion are the best "medicines." People with Autism can learn tools to aid them in leading more satisfying and productive lives, but they can't be "fixed" because they are not broken. After years of ineffective attempts to "normalize" them, Autism is finally beginning to be seen as a condition rather than an illness. BPD causes a person to have extremely heightened emotions and are often insulted with the descriptive, "drama queen" label. It is confusing to them seeing others minimizing the impact of situations that makes them feel so passionately. They don't like a lot of emotional or physical space between themselves and those they love. They often have a problem with self-identity, not knowing "who" they are. So they bond deeply in relationships, and form their identity in their attachments. Emotional closeness, to the point of blending with others, is the only way they feel like a "whole" person. Because their emotions are felt so overwhelmingly strong and so immediate, that if someone they "need" for support is perceived to be pulling away, they may act as if it is the end of the world. That is how it feels to them, so in their panic they may act impulsively and violently. Emotions are so close to the surface they can "take over" and communicating what they are going through to people who have never felt that pain is very difficult. Just like with Autism, BPD's best "treatments" are first, learning the language. Don't assume they are exaggerating or twisting the facts. The lies are truths they believe. The "push-pull" is from insecurity. "Walking on eggshells" is actually perceived as very deceptive. Honesty and openness will go a long way to providing the trust and stability they need to function without excessive fear-based emotions that can interfere with every aspect of their lives. The "fear" emotion makes trusting difficult and they are suspicious that there are double meanings to what is said to them. The opposite of the concrete thinking in Autism. They can't be "changed" and do not need to be fixed. There are tools they can learn to help defuse escalation in emotions that are effective for them to progress in their lives. Focusing "treatments" on the goal of understanding their view, encouragement, patience and compassion are the same best "medicines" for them. The passionate "negative" emotions is balanced out with the passionate "positive" emotions. They love as strongly as they fear. Acceptance by society is vital for people with either Autism or BPD to feel worthwhile and valued. And that is essential for everyone.
Straight away I have to correct you, because Autism doesn't always make one emotionless. Many times, people with Autism have emotional dysregulation but simply struggle to express these emotions. Each Autistic person is different.
@@abbiepancakeeater52 You are right, I meant to say "the outward appearance of having a lack of emotions." I fully agree people with Autism have all the same emotions as "normal" people. It's the expression of them that I'd different. And everyone is an individual, "normal," "Autistic," or someone with "BPD." And must be seen and respected as unique. The points I make above are general considerations and my theory that Autism and BPD are not illnesses to be "cured" but more conditions that can be understood and accepted into general society with compassion.
@@electricmayhem8147 Thank you. Being "different" because one has been labeled with the DX of Autism or BPD is only a problem when it is not understood and used in discrimination!
This video is so helpful. I have taught myself that whenever I fall into an envy position that in order to want something of that person's life I need to take the whole package. That usually stops me in my tracks and curbs the envy
I'm happy to know that there is a name for what is going on with me. I have lost a lot of people because they say I have mood swings. I can go from happy, to sad, to angry within a couple hours. Your videos are helping me to understand my thinking. The jealousy thing is big thing with me in relationships. I tend to get attached fast and will spiral when communication is lacking. Then I go into an episode because I fear abandonment.
I actually don’t experience envy or jealousy on a general basis. I love seeing ppl happy, doing good, in healthy relationships etc. I think it’s cuz I know what it is to have nothing, feel like nothing, be deeply depressed and toxic and I don’t wish that on anyone. Seeing ppl doing good and happy makes me happy. But I get extremely jealous and envious of anyone I love. I dont like friends having other friends. I don’t like anyone I’m in a relationship w to find any joy outside of me, let alone in another person. I dont like them spending time or attention on anyone or anything but me. I will literally spend 24/7 w them if I can to avoid the anxiety (had more than 1 relationship where I did this). The most normal, basic and necessary interaction they can hav w someone other than me evokes anger, depression, and sadness that I’m forced to suppress because I know it’s irrational but I will still feel it all. Everything is fine up until the second I fall in love. Then it becomes the most draining and often depressive experience for me loaded w that jealousy nd envy.
aaaand how are you planning on dealing with this?? seriously, someone I am with has this exact issue..I dunno what the hell to do. Do you have a way of dealing with it?
Im hurting so much... This is exactly how i feel. I try to stay rational, but the emotion i experience in situations like this are so severe that i can't control it. I am gonna start therapy again soon, for the second time. I thought i was doing better, but i was too naive, and now the sadness, frustration, anger, jealousy and envy has struck me so hard this time around... I wish everyone out there who is under this kind of mental torture, that you get better and live better lives.
I feel like I’ve had an awakening although I haven’t been formally diagnosed I know deep down I fall into this category. I’m an emotional roller coaster when it comes to friendships I overextended myself I can’t say NO I lavish expensive gifts in order to keep them in my life all while having this crushing feeling inside. I would be happy one minute with the friendship but one perceived slight would have me questioning everything I would brood and think about it incessantly only to go back to normal with one simple text or phone call..like someone just flipped the switch. Jealousy was awful with me I could not cope with my best friend having other friends. I’m actually really embarrassed about these feelings as I’m writing this I know it’s not normal.
I have a colleague who has BPD and she is going through a really hard time right now. I am her superior at work and when she started, it was almost like she put me on a pedestal. After a spell about a year ago where I needed to take some time out for my own mental health - I think she felt abandoned and it has really meant she split from me, and she hasn’t really come back. I’m trying to rebuild the relationship. And, I won’t lie, it’s almost harder as time goes along. I’m really appreciative of videos like yours that help me understand what behaviours I’m looking at, but I really do care for this person and hope she pulls through. Thank you.
I wish I had seen this video a couple of years ago, it might have helped keep me and my ex together. I didn't understand that a lot of the behavior I was seeing was in fact symptoms of BPD. Now I know, and I'm going to make sure this person knows that though we may not be involved romantically, that I'm still available as a friend and that I still love them and won't abandon them. Thank you for helping me understand this disorder.
you should be glad you left him. These People are terrible to have as Partners and co-workers. Get yourself a normal boyfriend and dont feel guilty for this guy - it is NOT your fault he is like this and you are not his mother to have to "repair" it. Just let him be and get yourself a normal guy, there are enough dysfunctional families and mentally abused Children coming out of them….
Agreed. I dated a girl with BPD for over two years. Of course I empathize and sympathize with her. But it was like being stuck in a tornado and then a hurricane. Be happy you made it out of that sane.
I actually envy you for leaving early enough.I am married to someone with BPD and i just recently realized that..married 10yrs and together 17yrs..i have been damaged by all this and i am at a point where i dont even know what to do...leaving now is an option but I dont even have that strength...it is t worst thing and worst people to be with...
I am Davida wife Lesley and I know now that I suffered from excessive BPD. . I had all the symptoms and it made me miserable. My husband tried for years to help me be whole but I kept it up and got worse because of social media and turned narcissistic. I fell into the dark and nearly lost my husband and family. My husband's advice was to always be humble and to think of others as it is ego and selfishness that is the root cause. It took courage but I finally did this and saw the light. I am working hard to keep this up and in the process I feel fulfilled and am now two years later a kind and compassionate woman. I am very happy to be me now. I now love and respect myself and have high self esteem. Thank you my darling loving and forgiving husband David. You are my saviour and best friend and I love you very much !
I haven't been diagnosed but I know I have some traits. I am a victim of bullying, which could be one of the reasons I developed BPD traits in the first place. Now I must mention, I would NEVER, EVER bully anyone, especially online. So I don't want people to feel that all people with BPD are bullies.
I am so grateful to have found your videos. I hope to meet you in person one day. I have yet to be diagnosed but I carry all 9 traits of BPD and have for over 15yrs. Your videos bring clarity and hope. I am currently seeking proper diagnosis but regardless your videos are changing the way I handle situations and view my life in a positive way. Thank you. I hope one day to be able to help people with mental health issues and make them understand they aren’t alone.
i’m just now discovering what BPD is. i’ve been living with this unmedicated for 32 years and this video has been so helpful and informative as to why i’m struggling the way i am. thank you Dr. Fox.
I can't imagine or even fathom how much harder your life's work has become just from the existence of the internet, but there's a positive flip side to it as well, without the internet you wouldn't be teaching, reaching , and changing nearly as many lives as you have. What a special human being you are man.
Hi Dr. Fox. I just started watching your videos today. I've watched more then 10 of them so far. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 yrs that i beleive has both traits of NPD and BPD. Its a long story but wanted to tell you that you are so right... I am no longer with him.. Jealousy was one of the MAIN things i just could not tolerate anymore.. It was EXAUSTING! And they dont realize that ALL of their controlling behaviors just push ppl away more!! Hanging on too tightly can harm a relationship..Distrust, Anger, frustation, and NOT wanting help makes it worse. The saddest part of it is that i REALLY TRUELY LOVED THIS MAN!! I tried to stay by him, give him confidence, reasure him etc. BUT unfortunately, it wasent that easy. you could stand in a firepit for him and sacrafice anything, but it will never be enough.. the black and white thinking and the lack of being mindful of others feelings really makes their relationships fail... ALL their lives.. Its so sad.. It hurt me so bad and still does. BC he was such a great person, deep down, but he acts like he is pocessed by the devil.. His rage is not pretty!! He was difficult to handle. I did watch your video on the dif btwn NPD and BPD and im still unsure.. He is very unpredictable and angry that i had to leave him, I want him to understand so badly that walking away was the right choice. It was getting TOXIC! Fighting everyday is not healthy. Its not fair that one person takes ALL the blame but I've had to come to the heartbreaking conclusion and the reality of what i'm dealing with.. we broke up twice. Yes we tried again. Thought i could fix it with theropy but it crashed again after just 13mths. He refused treatment. He is hoovering me now. Has a new girl (supply). I was happy he moved on BUT after 3 weeks with the new person, he is still spying on me. He can not approach me bc i had to take a NC order out on him bc of his rage... I cant trust him now.. so sad. i still cry and miss him. (the nice him) Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for helping SURVIVORS of mental and physical abuse. God bless and yes, i am watching your videos.. Maybe i will come across one that will give me some answers for my confusion. I'm still healing from the trama bond.. The ending of my 20 yr marriage didnt hurt as badly as this breakup does..I guess its bc that was mutual.. NPD and BPD ppl cant and wont eccept that drama and kaos just is not a functional way of healthy living. Im getting better. I just keep praying. Thanks again Dr. Fox
Every single BPD video that I've watched so far always associate suicide tendency with bringing back/luring back/testing the other person to see whether or not they really care, but is there a possibility with having suicidal tendencies because you think that the other person no longer needs you because they're talking and having fun with so many other people that you feel like you're slowly growing more and more into a shadow or a background character that is no longer important to them that it'll be better off just dying since you're no longer needed? Is that a possibility for a BPD person to have?
Yep. Stay out of abusive relationships, try to be as rational as you can. I have to say that I couldn't get out of any relationship without getting attached to someone else, otherwise I couldn't cope with the reality. I tried to kill myself once with drugs but it turned out to be one of the must beautiful nights :))) paradoxal (I'm clean for 8 months now, missing them but it's better off) Try AS HARD AS YOU CAN not to relay on your boyfriend (or even friends) to get you out of it because.. even if he tolds you it's ok, your mind will be like "nope, he's lying" and then you'll overthink that he'll leave you for the fact that you are jealous/envy/afraid PLUS because you had that breakdown and now he has a REAL reason to do it and that he's gonna see you as vulnerable and weak and he doesn't want that, he wants a strong woman who can handle her shit and not a drama queen blablabla :))) the cycle never ends YOU ACTUALLY DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM HIM because your mind wants to prove with ANY CHANCE that she's right, when in fact, it's just A BPD TRICK. One of many, it's like a tv series with a ton of seasons and endless episodes. This is the most fucked up thing that I realised after many, many relationship failures. I was like a scotch and i didn't let them breathe at all. I wanted confirmations all the time and I was always crying and accusing him of.. everything that was going through my mind. I didn't put myself in his shoes, I was too caught up. BUT, if it happens, make sure that he knows what is happening so be 100% honest and tell him about it. I told my boyfriend all the details and he is very kind and understanding. Every single day I overthink about the fact that he's gonna leave and tell me how horrible I am, it's energy draining. I try to distract myself (i usually take walks in nature) and sometimes I take 5htp (it's natural, a plant with many antioxidants) for short periods of time if it's too much (i took last month when i had breakdowns everyday for 2-3 weeks because of the thoughts about the fact that he's gonna leave. now im good and i have the best sleep). It's my first relationship when I kinda control myself and try to stay as rational as I can. Hard as fuck. But he saw all of the extremes, be sure of that. I warned him from our first date, he didn't believe me at first and now he's stuck hahaha Oh and I also see a therapist, sometimes i think it's useless but I think it helps because you have someone to tell all the things and not be afraid that you're gonna be judged :)) I'm still in between if it really helps or not.. with bpd, it's up to you mostly. P.S.: stay away from medicaton and drugs, drink water and get out in nature as much as you can take care of you
I've been the target of this kind of jealousy and it's very hurtful and draining. No matter how much positive attention and love they get. It's never enough and they are not happy if my attention is with somebody else or if I'm achieving something good. They want to destroy it, say spiteful things about me and at the same time take from me. This kind of stuff literally gets under your skin. I have learned to not allow myself to be held back by such actions of others. Emotional blackmail is always a tough one to deal with though.
another fellow bpd patient here . i was extremely toxic when i was younger, had no theraoy, no medication - i was so lost, so desperate and in vain . i hurt a lot of people and myself . the difference between us and narcissistic folks is that we feel the pain we inflict on others and it crushes us and we feel sorry . but we do hurt people when we're triggered and act out - no doubt about it ! now as an adult i still end up in toxic dynamics but i identify them and work through them with my partner . bpd folks who say they dont act toxic in relationships are fooling themselves imo
i tell everyone whos been a victim of my jealous tirades that it’s not them doing anything wrong, it’s me. it’s my own insecurity and it’s something i have to work on myself
These videos are a HUGE and ESSENTIAL assist thank you! My best friend and I have experienced "all" of what was discussed in this video. I have BPD and it has affected every relationship. I can see that now.
I've just come upon your videos and appreciate your gentle approach to people who suffer with BPD. It's hard to take an honest look at yourself, but I think that is where the healing and real change begins. I've struggled for years with fear and jealousy, not understanding the roots. The tendency is to blame, but accepting responsibility for my own issues is actually a relief because at least I can do something about it. Thank you!
so grateful for this msg. sending hugs and healing to everyone out there working through bpd and taking responsibility for their self care. hugs to everyone along the journey we call life.
Love your helpful and compassionate approach to personality disorders, I truly love learning from you each week and believe you will reach sooo many people with this platform! Not sure if it’s “off topic” but I would love to see a video on the neurological and childhood development aspects of the disorder and even any sleep disturbances or components that might be common in those with bpd!
I'm so exhausted with my partner I dont even feel like writing how I feel about the effects of BPD. It's so energy draining constantly getting attacked and defending myself for things I dont even know where the so called problem rooted from😢
It seems to me that perhaps the fear of losing that favorite person comes from the sense of emptiness, instead of it being the other way around. If you feel that your life is satisfying and full of meaning you have less fear that someone will abandon you; not only are you more confident of your own worth but also you don't depend on only one person or one aspect of your life to bring you joy.
I appreciate your positive videos, Dr. Fox. I keep going from one crisis to the next, and right now I am considering leaving my family forever. At 71, and having tried everything to help myself, I am still having a total disconnect with people.
I’ve learned that I cannot share good news with my BPD bf. This validates my impression dealing with a BPD. I had to end the relationship based on his reactions regarding my success. I saw him as a “secret hater” and now I know it’s a trait of the petulant BPD.
Yeah, my gf left me as well due to this. Don't misunderstand, I understand your position. It's hard because you want someone that cherishes you. I understand him as well. We don't want to feel like this. I tried not to up to the point I felt that I was breaking, fire in my stomach and eyes, and I was so agitated. I didn't want to hurt her, or to feel bad about her success. I wish I didn't have this. I would still be with her. But we deal with the cards we've been given. I can't blame her. I can only hate BPD and myself.
This hit home, I do get super jealous and my anxiety kicks in hard when I see my other half just on the phone, then if i see it’s social media I instantly start to get that jealous feeling. I become aggressive and irritable. Honestly I hate it, but I feel like if I delete it then that leaves me vulnerable. But I really appreciate the fact that Dr Fox has made it a point to hit all avenues in this, and thank you for all the hard work you put into this and share. This gives me light
I feel like I might have the disorder because of many reasons, one of those being every time my friend hangs out with her other friends I start feeling very envious because she has something that I don’t have, which is friendship ,and I also feel mad at those friends because i feel like they’re stealing my only friend away from me.
He put some things in perspective about jealousy and Envy and a sense of self-being empty with BPD and they seek to fill it up without them doing any hard work within themselves
I can relate 🤷♀️ I was married up to an year and my ex husband didn't even live with me at the time , because he was Deployed to Iraq . But before I found out I found out my BPD Dinosis. I stood on jealousy . It seems whatever he didn't wasn't enough for me to trust him 🤦♀️ so he divorced me once he got back from Iraq. 😬
I have BPD, I’ve been aware about it for two years now thanks to these videos, in my life has improved immeasurably knowing what I have and given tips on how to manage it in my normal life. I am not perfect, but it is better
I've been diagnosed with BPD recently and I feel envious of people in my competition at my work place, not that they are undeserving, I hate the fact I'm not as good as them and make mistakes. I don't suffer jealousy though, more of disappointment. And I do have expectations that person in relationship with me should show some form of connection through communication. I expect them to msg me with a connecting msg atleast once a day in my long distance marriage.
So I delt with it by eventually letting go what doesnt serve me.i was caught into what ppl thought of me, what my older co workers would tell the new co workers, feelings of shame from others which propelled self shame (the worst kinda shame). I got out of the depression by learning to move away from that which doesnt serve me. Those that are traumatize -early- have a list co dependant ways that keep their deep wounds open to slowing their healing process. Their constsnt inner critic sounds just like the ppls who traumatized them. I eventually starved myself from my negative thoughts and past. This Increased my self confidence by separating from my narcissist parents to live alone with my child. I left everything that wouldnt support my mental, emotional and physical well being. I took a drastic approach to re-wire my inner environment. This strengthen my direct male side of my brain to be more dominant to recognize my own self worth. My co dependency is not as it was. The happiness I have today I valid it and carry it everywhere I go.
You are the greatest doctor I've ever heard... even compared to psychiatrist I've been seeing for 5 years. You just GET IT. I would love to work on my bpd with you, but Texas is do far. You're wonderful and inspirational, and make me feel understood when I feel no one does.
Some people with BPD actually have a lot going for them. They have a ton of strengths that may even be envious to others. Yet, they are constantly searching for more from people. You can give them your heart and soul and it still wouldn’t be enough.
I'm afraid my husband has been feeling that. I can't seam to stop the anxiety attacks I get when I feel like he might leave me. I'm literally feeling like I'm dying but have to be like I just need to deal with this alone and it's really not your fault. I'm sorry my reaction is so inappropriate but I need time to make it stop. But he literally told me he wanted to leave me last year and even though we've been working through it I can't forget that and now I can be triggered so easily now. Sometimes I don't think it's really as inappropriate as I convince myself it is.
I'm not diagnosed with BPD nor am I claiming to be, but I have a lot of the same problems you talk about in these videos, ESPECIALLY jealousy, especially with a person I've recently developed a really close relationship with. I'm really really grateful that you're making a video about this and I appreciate these videos so much :)
Thank you Dr. Fox! That makes my wounds hurt a little less so to say. I struggle with all those feelings you describe. Defining goals for different spans of time sounds like a very good technique, the goal worksheets too. I'm one of those who feel so confused and unsure about what they want, often empty and just losing time. I will definitely try them. I like how empathetic and encouraging you come over and not pretentious at all. As someone on the spectrum I am happy that you use that term, not every patient is a full blown borderliner and I don't feel represented when just a cliché view of borderline is addressed
Thank you for this video. I have recently found out that one of my close relatives has been diagnosed with BPD in her past. My relationship with her has always been complicated, and I've struggled with how to relate to her. Now that I've found out that she's been diagnosed (which by the way, she didn't tell me herself, someone, who knew her back then did) this kind of information really helps me to understand her better. I just wish that she was open to getting help for herself.
Great topic. Not related, but I have experienced that changes in plans can really make me uneasy especially if I have an appointment with someone and that person is bringing along some one else. Hope someone can clarify. 🙏
Dr Fox, could you do a video on bpd and sexual behaviour? Perceived sexual rejection is an enormous trigger for me and I’m just so sure this ties in with bpd tendencies somehow.
i know this is from 2 years ago, but i just know this is absolutely a thing for BPD and it affects me greatly also. have completely shut down or started crying on a few separate occasions bc of this, it's so terribly embarrassing especially because i know from my partner's perspective it comes out of nowhere
I have this problem and do this with some of my friends, except, they never clearly know what I am mad about, I let my anger smolder inside of me and I internalize my jealousy and envy and it comes out all in the wrong way. I imagine some times that it appears to some of my friends that I am being angry and mean for no reason and it leaves them scratching their heads wondering what they did wrong. I have some friends that I see as doing better than me, I envy that, and I don't necessarily want exactly what I have, but I want to reach my goals and dreams or have better opportunities like I feel they have had. I honestly hate feeling that way, it just occupies my mind once I am triggered, one of my things to do when I am having one of those episodes where I am jealous and or envious is I become very quiet and stoic and that's my way of trying to hide what I am feeling and thinking from the person I am feeling jealous or envious towards. I feel that the feelings are unreasonable because I am sure that my friends want me to succeed and get to where I want to be in life. These type of triggered moments usually come around when I am stressed out about some thing, like if I am stressed out about not having enough money or finding a job along the lines of what I went to college for or if a bill is due and I am on the verge of getting my lights shut off or that I basically live hand to mouth, those are the things that set me off some times. but I just try to keep on working towards what I want to do in life. I have gotten through the feelings of resentment and hatred towards having BPD, now I am trying to learn to deal with it better and I am trying to heal. But Dr.Fox is right, jealousy and envy are two things that are felt with BPD often.
Thank you for explaining this so clearly. I am dealing with someone with strong BPD traits who is unhappy with her life and career and may be envying me, and Dr. Fox didn’t address that in more detail in his video.
I got jealous of my dog liking my new boyfriend. Just my dog wagging its tail and getting excited on seeing him sent pangs of jealousy through my body and mind. I couldn't even mask it. He sensed something was off and asked if he did something wrong.. why my face fell so fast. I felt instant sense of abandonment. I felt my dog had abandoned me.. and I almost hated my bf for stealing my dog's attention from me. I felt so betrayed and angry at my inability to express my feelings coz i was aware it was so ridiculous. So I left my dog at his place and didn't go back to get it for 3 days. Again.. I haven't been diagnosed with anything. But is this something a person with bpd would do? I didn't desperately try to get back my dog's attention.. I just felt instantly abandoned and betrayed and so I got up and left.
I've been diagnosed with BPD and I felt the same way when my cat "chose" another person over me for a few days. I think I was devaluing her as a way of coping with feelings of abandonment. I couldn't feel any emotions towards her for days afterwards, no warmth or love, even when I was petting her and paying attention.
YES, this sounds like it. Someone I know got jealous of a dog they adopted with their ex, and because the ex loved the dog, he ended up killing it eventually. This ain't healthy but you can learn to deal with jealousy :)
Just ended a 10 month long relationship with a BPD person. It was constant turmoil and pain. And she would not admit she had a problem. Anytime she was at fault and emotionally exploded she would blame me or blame something else and construct some meta problem to justify her childish behaviour. Constant games and argument baiting and passive aggressive behaviour. I finally ended it when she accused me of being controlling. Trying to spin some generic "he's paranoid and controlling story". Absolute torture
You’re my favorite person to watch that addresses bpd thank you for helping me realize that I have it. I didn’t want to get help without knowing what I had because I’ve been misdiagnosed before and the medicine didn’t work only made me feel numb. I have never had a strong sense of self and that definitely affects the way I live because I never know how to act because I don’t know who I am. My mood goes from happy and talkative to quiet and annoyed multiple times a day. With all the information I have learned with your videos I can now talk to someone and get the help that I need.
Wish you were closer, I felt you describe my childhood to now adulthood in one session, INCREDIBLE information here that has all my flags raised and super interested in digging further now!! THANK YOU for sharing, for many, this may be the only link to help they ever get, how caring of you to make it accessible for all, through this link. Blessings to you and yours, from a troubled kid trapped in a moms body 🌸
Dr. Fox, thank you for sharing knowledge about BPD. Surviving childhood w a BPD parent creates an emotinal template that can mislead one for a lifetime.
You're amazing, Dr. Fox. I'm learning so much about myself having BPD. All of your videos speak to me and it's all making sense as I to why I do the things I do. I'm trying not to identify solely as someone who has BPD. I'm trying to find out who I am. I am a big chameleon.
BPD is unlike any other suffering. From the outside perspective, I have everything. A job, two (probably soon three) degrees, a paid off home, a loving boyfriend, both parents still alive etc. And all I feel is this great big void scintillating with rage, fear, and envy. There is nothing more terrifying than a man who believes he has nothing more to lose, and nothing more to gain. I'm that time bomb, and no medicine or therapy (if you can call the watered down counselling in Estonia therapy) seems to help. I have some hope again thanks to people like Dr Fox, that maybe I can just heal myself, before I give up my life and/or destroy the lives of my loved ones.
Your videos are helping me understand what's going on in my head. Thank you. What an angel you are. Keep on working hard my friend! You're helping so many people (:
These videos are describing me to a T! I've been listening all day as I do my chores and I'm learning so much about myself today! It's been a struggle over the last 49 years. Thank you for making these videos.
It's been a long time , third scenario you mentioned where jealousy and envy overlapped , it cost me the important thing in life. This video really helps me to understand me and my disorder. Thank you very much
My friend has been diagnosed with BPD I have had to take a "vacation" from the friendship. Mostly she pretends to care and love me, but she is always trying to fix me. My life my failures and success seem to belong to her in a weird way. When I have a challenge she gets over involved emotionally and makes a mountain of a mole hill, when I am content she is obsessed with finding what is wrong in my life and needs to be fixed. Ultimately I feel like although she says she loves me and cares she is way too invested and secretly is jealous or envious which causes her to attack me ( verbally) does this resonate with anyone?
Yes yes yes. This is why I ended my relationship with two bpd gay guys. They are too mody, always mad, angry, unpredictable. Always waiting money, things, all to please them. But. They will never please you. They don't care no matter what they say. If they say something, it is word salad. They tell to love you, and you love them fully, but they are cheating same time!
I have never cyber bullied that I can remember but everytime a pretty girl is around when I'm with my boyfriend I say horrible things about her to my boyfriend. Example: "what a ugly whore" etc. And it's not that I really think that because I dont even know the person, but I'm very jealous and afraid that I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and he will be looking at other girls instead of me. Also thank you for these videos, they really help me understand my disorder.
I can relate 😬 I do the same thing , My worsens now I hate looking at myself, I no longer get dressed up and I stay away from Mirror , when I do get Compliment about myself, I Automatically think they are lying 🤥 I can't go to any Gatherings because I feel like I'm the ugliest one around. Hmm 😒 I'm single, working on myself in hopes I can overcome BPD
Serious question: how the hell can I talk to someone about therapy, without them feeling attacked? I really care for them and hate seeing them suffer from this jealousy and fear, and I do think the only way out is therapy.
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They have to recognize that they have a problem; they HAVE TO WANT and EFFECTIVELY WORK THERAPY.
My husband of 28 years was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago. He only claims mental health issues when it benefits him. I shared one of your videos with him abt a month ago I believe it had to do friendships. He doesn't have any right now because he takes "every word as an attack". He was offended that I was accusing him of being the "bad person" by sharing the video with him. I was just trying to give him some tools to understand the working of his brain. I am just so "tired".
It's unfortunately really hard for them to realize you can't fix all your issues on your own, especially if they are rooted deep inside your brain..Therapy is for everyone, anyone can be helped by it and grow.
Dr. Fox, it’s been so long since you posted this video but I just wanna say, I’m a mother of a 19 yr old and over the past 2 yrs, she become so depressed,lost,and her mood swings are to the point of me being nervous to even say something the wrong way bc it will cause an argument.she’s not abusive at all towards me but she’s mentally and emotionally destroying me.I fear for her lack of safety esp when she stop taking her meds. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that You have helped me understand and learn so much about her and how to handle many of her triggers and I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for you, so thank you for giving all of us this free advice because many of us,like myself can’t afford therapy or don’t have anyone to talk to about this because it’s so hard to understand when trying to convince someone that your child has mental Illnesses and isn’t just spoiled and taking advantage of me to get her way, because they seen how she grew up and everyone thinks that a person HAS to of had a really bad childhood in order to suffer these types of illnesses. So thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️
I have envy and jealously issues happen a lot, one of my biggest triggers is if someone mentions their friendships because for me personally I don't really have anyone but my boyfriend who is also my fp
You don't know how much relief I feel having all this clarity that I'm not fucking crazy or overdramatic. It's cause I can't help it. I'm so so so relieved that there's peiol who understands me and went through the exact same thing and felt the exact same feelings I did.
Thank you for your videos. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality about a year or two ago. I been struggling really hard with these my issues and I have no one I can talk too. I haven't been able to found a councilor and I really cant afford it. I really need to because my memory is non existent and it's so frustrating. I can only remember certain things. I can't really remember much of my past. Nothing feels real. Thank you for this information.
I have had a bpd friend. You describe her perfectly. She told me she is jealous of (someone we both know), because I found his suggestions to some aspects of a problem I had are more helpful. She lashed out and tried to convince me his suggestions are bad , hers are awesome on a very superficial black and white way , with zero depth. She hated them for a while . Then she felt he is an amazing (like no other) person. She puts an enormous amount of pressure around us to fill the void within her . This pressure pushes us away , after feeling so anxious. She threatens to commit suicide or harm herself, with the slightest disagreement with her extremism. All of us are to blame. She is a pure Angel. God bless . That is why it is ok for her to control us (under the label of caring for us ) . We should "care" for her through filling the void of her lost identity. I grow tired and wanted to leave. Left for months and came back, as she promised to change , only to fail short. I decided to have a very superficial relationship with her. Unfortunately, I am her favourite person. What about people like me dealing with bpd ?how would you advice us to keep our sanity ( other than leaving or having a superficial relationship)? I advice her to provide herself with self care, rather than caring for me . Her care comes out as controlling/ overprotective/ devouring to me. I despise that sort of "care" from her . I am an independent grown up adult . She can't understand this . Only 3 individuals in my life are unable to understand that. The rest of individuals get that .
I suggest you to leave immediatly. I have a long friendship wit a bpd, and it was very destructive one. This person put me in an extrême competition, stealing all things wich make who i was like a copycat, pretending we only have the same taste. She was pretty good at social skills so people finally think i was the stealer, telling to everyone behind my back i was a mean person.. She always put herself into troubles and asking me and other friends for help all the time. She was afraid to be abandonned so i did'nt dare to leave since long years. One day i have the strengt to cut this extreme toxic relationship, and despite the fact once again she tell to everyone i was the bad person and shaping the facts as she wants, there is not a single day i regret it. One day a friend of mine who where psychologist alert me to go away the soonest . she told me that kind of person gonna take all i have. So it was an extreme jealousy behavior from a bpd persona. There nothing you can do against that. So run away...she gonna find a new prey pretty soon unfortunately.
I'm so relieved after watching videos on BPD and realizing that this is most likely what my mother has that although I do have fleas from being raised by her I don't I'll act the characteristics that underline this.
I have colored my hair black years ago because I was envious of how beautiful this woman at this record store in Torrance, California back in 2008 was and how my boyfriend at the time noticed how beautiful she was. She didn't look at him but he looked at her with the biggest smile. She also was in great shape and had flawless porcelain skin. I was disappointed when my boyfriend didn't like the black hair on me. He said it lacked shine to it. I have also shaved my hair off because I was so devastated that my boyfriend was cheating on me and that he didn't like the black hair on me.
I can relate. I keep my hair blonde because my husband says I look better blonde, but I don’t especially like it. I used to try to do my best to look like what I thought he would be most attracted to. I always feel like I need the approval of my husband to feel good about myself. But in reality I don’t need it at all. I just hate this.
You are the most compassionate, caring, and knowledgable professional in this field I have ever seen. Thank you Dr. Fox for your time and your humanity. You are saving my life, and I'm sure the lives of many others! I am forever grateful to you. Dr. Fox, do you have a video on how a BPD could deal with taking care of elderly parents? Essentially, how would a BPD handle major life responsibilities, when he/she is having a difficult time functioning in his/her own day to day life? Thank you.
Interesting topic, thanks for the idea. You're in a tough situation and I understand. My suggestion would be to engage in as much self care and grounding techniques as you can. Look up some DBT techniques to help. Be well.
I'm in hyper mode today.. love being here because nothing else matters but love for everyone today. Started off with some feel good music so I'm hoping that's the trigger to make me happy for the start of the day at least 😃
I have BPD but I dont get jealous or envy of others, I dont want what other people have or the people they are in relastionships with. I like having my own and I love my friends being happy and succeeding in life
Fantasic video i am 58 yr ol female suffering BPD since age 18 It is a terrible illness .i am learning so much from your videos . It is very hard to live with BPD but having an insite to ones self really helps
It’s great that you inform and offer insight and tools for people who possess these imbalances. Most channels cater to just the victims of those people.
I'm really thankful for these videos, I am diagnosed with bpd and really, listening how this works... helps to reming yourself when strong episodes, triggers happen, though its almost imposible but, information is key :) thanks for sharing this is really valuable.
I've been kind of 'binging' these videos while I do other things, such as drawing. What I heard so far really resonates with me and makes a lot of sense. I've been in therapy for basically half my life, with various results, but I think finding these videos was a sign there is hope, somehow. I will take time to think about it all - especially the goal and how I see myself, as I think that might help.
I really look forward to your future video about the BPD lens! I’m trying to understand more about how I distort reality, especially because I always feel like I’m seeing everything very accurately, at least until I am able to reflect about it way after the fact and then I see how I was acting out/distorting things
Thank you for your videos. Social Media does not even show a 20% of real life, supposing what is shown is true. I wish I had seen this video when I was younger.
Your videos help me to identify problem areas in my life and help me to work through some of my issues. I am thankful to you for explaining things like this so that I can better understand. I have BPD and I have never been able to explain my BPD symptoms in a way other could understand. Thank you for the help you didn't know you were giving me
Do normal people don't get jealous in relationships?
@@monicafigueroa6243 It's not that normal people don't get jealous in relationships, because sometimes they do; It's more along the lines that people with BPD or associated traits have a higher predispostion to feel jealous and/or feel it more intensely.
Monica Figueroa Try jealousy - *ON steroids, times a zillion - plus 749* 💯 If you have BPD, the second you hear the traits - YOU know lol intensity of emotions (good and bad) to an unmanageable degree
@Kat Blaine I feel exactly the same way; it's like he can explain the feelings that i cannot.
@Maël I had to live alone and I've come to prefer it. No one yells at me & I don't have anyone to get mad at. It's a relief.
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with BPD. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. Mushrooms literally got me off my feet and turned my whole life around. I am currently a housing manager for a recovery program. I wouldn't have been able to do that shit without psilocybin.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
I'm so envious of people who have friends and loving families. When I'm around situations were I see others having these things I come away feeling awful. Its like society is in a glass box and I'm to stand outside and watch it with a frog stuck in my throat.
Wow. Perfect description of me
@@yiragle8618 I am way too sensitive . I even sometimes cannot watch dramas or TV because scenes like (sad, injustice) I can not watch, it just add angers. I cannot watch political shows because of the same reason. Probably I develop bpd because of my oversensitive nature. I mistrust so much. If I don't doubt others feelings, I feel like other person gonna die leaving me behind ( in parents case). Yeah I'm jealous and jealousy is not limited to friends and family only. Sometimes I had a person still gets jealous if he/she ignore me. Since I am quiet type, my feelings are limited to inner self but feels like I am gradually loosing my control.
Me too. Wish all of us could find one another and create our own “family”
@@vibrantlotus8154 I was just wondering if both parties had BPD, would it have a higher success rate?!?
i get the same dreadful feeling. would you, anyone, want to talk? i have whatsapp and instagram
You are the only person who has said that those with bpd can actually improve their lives and work on themselves to be happy and fulfilled. So often I see videos where people say that there is no help for bpd and that they're virtually terrible people. Thank you for helping me to understand myself and giving me hope that I can be the happy person inside that wants to come out and live my life.
Gorbin Shmorbin I agree!
+Gorbin Shmorbin thank you but the sad part is that what I’m saying is supported by research from the last 10 years. I’m working to stop perpetuation of these falsehoods. Thanks for noticing.
My doctor has been trying to get me to go to a therapist for a long time. I finally went to a psychiatrist, who also wants me to go to a therapist. My anxiety goes through the roof. Your videos have given me the right diagnosis ;-). Nobody chooses to have depression and anxiety. It's not nearly as enjoyable as my family seems to think. To the contrary, it's not easy being me. So thank you for your videos.
I think the problem is that the way BPD is described causes many with BPD to believe that their behaviour us beyond their control, and that others need to accept their behaviour.
By the very nature of BPD that is exactly how they see it too. But the fact is that a person who is BPD can change for the better. Just it takes a lot of soul searching and work.
There is a bit of a vicious cycle of denial that first needs to be overcome. Much in the same way as it does with addiction.
@@Toxic-Ology Awesome comment this explains my wife spot on
I struggle with Envy because at my age, I feel like I should have so much more. The cure for envy is to count your blessings.
The Holy Spirit can help you with that.
I'm sure you're just where you're supposed to be 🤍 things can always improve a few years ago I couldn't even go to uni because of my deep depression...now I have a job with responsabilities...everything can change don't lose hope
So proud. I felt a bpd episode coming on and I talked myself out of it. Win!
+Cassey Cox that’s awesome. Keep
It up!!
You are what you think! What you say is what you think, and what you think is what you become🙏🏻🙏🏻 think good thoughts and keep talking yourself out of those episodes
That is amazing! I feel so good and accomplished when I am able to talk myself out of it... especially when I want to take it out on my boyfriend. I end up randonly kissing him bc I'm so happy that I didnt go that length and hurt him unintentionally. It's a daily battle. Literally exhausting!
Who cares
PERIOD QUEEN
This is exactly why I had to go off Social Media, I reacted just as you explained, it just aggravated my insecurities and anger/ jealously/ envy and would throw me into depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. I had to stop adding fuel to the fire in my mind and heart, and abandonment. I now really work HARD at thinking of all possibilities of an issue or try to think more rationally. It feels great to be breaking my old thinking patterns. Feels great I repeat... and builds my sense of self. Thank you for your information, you really get me/us. We are not crazy freaks as some may think.... we all have defects in one way or another, no one is perfect in every aspect... moving forward is the key. You are a breath of freshness to we BPD humans! Thank you!
mama baehr that seems difficult I am already addicted to my phone but I think I might try that too see if my bpd and anxiety gets better
Same
I too have found relief from dropping social media! It was incredibly painful and triggering when I would see my friends posting pictures of get togethers that I wasn't invited to. I didn't feel I should have been invited, it only emphasized how lonely I was and 'I' made me dwell on my sad situation. Not their fault, just my distorted overreaction typical of BPD. Today I was feeling sad and lonely but I texted a friend and asked if I could come over. It was just a chat over a cup of coffee but it got me out of my funk! And I think I may have cheered her up a bit!☺️
Yes I agree. I’ve reduced my social media interactions dramatically and I delete the apps from time to time. I’m going to apply restrictions soon. I noticed when I’m off there’s less stress, I don’t go into depressions and feel insecure and I have time to focus on me.
My partner came off FB & Instagram for me because I couldn't stand the thought of him being turned-on by anybody else! Many people say it's normal to be attracted to lots of people but I can't handle that.
You really get it 😭 ...I wish I could find a therapist like you in my town
Elizabeth Cortes me too
Me too I need a good one
BPD does actually not require a therapist at all. Its the worst thing for the disorder. A therapist just becomes a safety blanket. You are the medicine you are seeking I promise you this. Spent years in therapy got nowhere . Then I forgot about anyone else and I worked with my own brutal honesty and the acceptance that I was the root of my suffering no-one else. You just need to stop associating with your emotions as you. Meditation is the only cure for BPD. Meditation and yoga and eating what your body truly needs. Remove caffeine and or sugar from your diet and meat and dairy.
I have not shown a single sign of BPD in 5 years. If you want that then surrender to the divine will of the cosmos and stop allowing psychologists to put you in a box. You exist to be in joy that is your highest purpose. Nobody can give you that joy. You must make it yourself.
Louis van Zyl this is a lot of woo-woo
I can’t wait to show this video to my boyfriend. I’m not excusing my behavior but I am never able to accurately explain to him how I feel and why I react the ways that I do. I don’t want this, it’s the most exhausting thing ever. I feel like my thoughts will never be at ease. My brain is constantly searching and observing every tiny thing around me, and blowing it out of proportion. A lot of the time I’ll pass on going out with him because I know I’ll just be hyper aware of everything/everyone and worry and get jealous. I’m even anxious about watching movies or shows with him and I tend to be extremely picky because i don’t want something to trigger me. It’s really holding me back.
Summer Timmons oh my girl, I can only say hang in there. This is soooo exhausting. With my ex I would only watch some neutral marvel bullshit, any romance or drama could trigger me into a horrible infernal spiral of thinking how he secretly hates me and dreams of “normal relationship”. Oh my... sometimes it’s just too much. Let’s hope we can get better one day
Summer Timmons untreated borderlines should get treatment be stable if they go into a relationship otherwise they r toxic and wreak havoc on other lives, ultimately lovers leave. So get help.
Beyond Beauty69 Beyond Beauty69 lmao I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years now, we have a dog and an apt together. we’ve been through a shit ton but we always work through it and it’s not just my mental health to blame- he has his own stuff going on. and things have happened in the beginning that have stressed the relationship further on that still affect me but the important thing is recognizing and admitting there’s a problem. which I have done, and he has too. just because you’re dealing with mental illness doesn’t mean you can’t be in a romantic long term relationship. you can love and be loved and help yourself and the other individual at the same time. It may require more work/time but if that’s what someone wants then they can fight for it. I’m certainly NOT giving up on my partner now, I plan to live a long and fulfilling life with him. I refuse to listen to such stupidity and ignorance coming from a stranger on the internet who probably has very little knowledge on MY ILLNESS- not to mention you’re probably saying that as someone on the outside looking in at anyone with BPD. BPD doesn’t make me inherently toxic or manipulative or anything else someone might claim, everyone can show signs of those things at any time. If I am being toxic, I can usually recognize that and try to work on it once I’ve had time to think and calm down. I’m not trying to be any of those, many times I (and lots of people with BPD) don’t even know we’re doing something in the moment, we don’t intentionally do so- but as long and we’re not being oblivious and ignorant towards our bad behaviors and at least trying out best to work on them and improve- that’s all that matters. I am trying hard to work on and improve myself. I wanna be better. I still of course lose control from time to time and present certain “toxic” behaviors when I’m worrying or extremely stressed and lashing out but afterwards I almost always stop and think and admit what I’ve done wrong even though it makes me cringe having to say i was wrong.
I love my boyfriend with everything in me and we grow more and more together everyday, and I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. I don’t need to be alone and deprive myself of serious/romantic human connection just because of a mental illness. I do not need to be cured. If I’m willing to try harder and take extra steps to be in a relationship and get treatment at the same time that’s my choice, and it’s also his bc clearly he loves me and he’s willing to try harder as well. He could easily leave me and find someone healthier and more stable and have it so much easier but I’m so glad that he loves and wants me enough to stay and help me and grow with me.
Anyone with BPD or any other mental illness can happily be in a relationship if they want to be, as long as they’re willing to try even harder and they’re getting help and they can admit it when their behavior is wrong/irrational.
I never want to hear another human being tell me that BPD is automatically toxic, manipulative, or whatever the fuck ever again. It disgusts me and makes my heart break for myself and anyone else with it.
I and my partner have both wreaked all sorts of havoc in our relationship over the past 2 years but we love each other immensely and continue to grow and fix what’s wrong. It takes a lot of time but it’s all worth it.
There are plenty of times where I have been so ashamed of myself and question why in the world he hasn’t left me yet but here he is- happy and safe with me everyday. Choosing me and being patient and helping me everyday.
I’m so lucky to have found someone who doesn’t think the same disturbing way as you do and just walk out on me because things got hard.
Have a nice day I guess but I suggest that you do plenty of extensive research and actually knowing someone and their entire situation before you resort to such lame AND uneducated comments. Bye!
Summer Timmons It does not sound like love,He sounds codependent, once he gets over this dependancy he will leave as no one deserves abuse, borderline or not!!
Beyond Beauty69 you literally don’t know me or my boyfriend, we’ve grown so much together. I do NOT abuse him, and he doesn’t abuse me. he’s not going to leave me lmao. we actually broke up for a second and we both came back and decided that we want to stay together and work through everything. you clearly don’t know what love is, because it’s certainly not just giving up. I wouldn’t give up on anyone because of a mental illness and he has never given up on me. bye
I guess I'm not envious. However the jealousy is hard for me to deal with. It's a literally physical response that floods my body. I appreciate your videos
Thanks and good insight.
I'm both I'm envious of the manhood other men have and i immediately get jealous with my lady like I'm not enough! I start thinking going back to times she could have cheated! Out all the things in the world to be scared of my biggest fear is another guy pleasing my lady with some hammer! The spiral effect happens and she goes from being perfect angel to a dick hungry hoe! There's no in between she's perfect to me most of the time and one word, look, song or action she turns to trifling whore who deserves death! 😮💨 I hate this shit! I destroyed this lady sucked her dry! Now at 30 I'm tryna fix it but it might be too late the thought of her leaving gives me dread and anxiety and suicidal thoughts!
I'm the opposite. Envious, not jealous
Jealousy and envy play such a huge part in my life as someone with BPD. Especially jealousy. When I’m with someone romantically, the lust almost gives me like a high. Nothing else matters. I feel like the happiest person in the entire world and they’re ALL I can think about. Then the second I feel that they might leave me... BOOM. Full blown depression. Nothing goes my way and I would just rather die than live without this person. Jealousy kicks in full force. Panic attacks all day. OCD like no other. I’ve gone as far as slicing my wrist open, in hopes that they would stay. I get attached so fast. And that can happen even if I’ve only known the person for a few months or weeks.
Same and I become agressive and block them, I leave them before they can leave me
When I really really care about them I don't want to lose them but it's like there's no solution, no happy ending in sight
Afterwards I feel terrible I mean how can you mend something like that ? How can you explain it to the other person ? Will they ever understand ? No it's over and it's all my fault it haunts me
It's really f...up, thank god I have my therapist she really helps
I relate to this a lot ...you are not alone ❤️
Just got out of a 4 month intensive relationship with the most beautiful woman who suffers from severe depression. It was like being on hard drugs. We had 4 no contact periods and I felt like I was going to die. When I saw her it was like being high, but also from her perspective.
In a timeframe of about 10 days we went talking about moving in together, having a kid to her telling me she feels better when we have no contact.
I am now in a deep depressive hole myself and have finally sought help today.
I just hoping can stop idolizing her, she is all I can think about and I should be thinking about myself….
I get it. This is why I don’t date at all anymore.
Splitting is huge in BPDs.
I've seen happy to rage happen in seconds.
this is why i question if my partner has BPD, he will be happy and talkative one moment then the next he flips, could be anything that causes it but he goes full on rage, eyes go a different colour, and there is no getting through to him, so i give him space till he calms down and i feel so powerless that I can't help
@@katiegrant3006 Me too. BPDs come in both sexes. My ex was like a "cat" when it happened. The instantaneous look of hate in her eyes. She recoiled, bared her teeth and the claws came out. Almost hissed!
I'll bet that over 70% of the domestic homicides in the country have a Cluster B involved.
@@vampireslayer1989 hm.. Best not to stereotype people under cluster B as evil, can be hurtful as a borderline to see you as more evil then you already do yknow?
Sure is. I thought I cud help her but I can do it anymorr.
I, as a person with borderline can say this is true. It's miserable for me
Having this is literally the worst thing because my biggest fear is losing people and the disorder causes me to push people away and I end up losing them. now I have a gf and its starting to really affect me and her.
Therapy helps. Your the one who would fix yourself, and thats hard enough 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Nomadic Crier Thank you!!!!!
I hope you are doing better now...in the same boat quiet borderline here
Perfect explanation dawg! Love them on the condition of being perfect! But when flaws appear I push them away immediately
I would just like to say that I was diagnosed BPD when i was 14 and quickly learned the negative stigma that BPD has. We're hysterical, manipulative, liars that don't want to be helped was the way it got out to me. Since 1996 I have tried to hide my diagnosis from everyone I meet because that's what I thought they would think. I then got a suggestion to watch your videos because of watching a few other BPD videos and I have learned so much and some skills to help me remain aware and accountable for my actions and I just want to thank you because even though it is negative stigma surrounding BPD we are some of the most interesting and outgoing people that you could ever meet Thanks Dr. Fox
♡♡♡ We BPDs just need a little more extra love! *Hugs*
Lying and intentional manipulation aren’t inherently bpd traits, that’s character
@@ayeshashaikh5039 yes I am highly sensitive very empathic I’ll pick up on the feelings of others
@@CynthiaGalant-z9d If you've met one person with BPD, then you've only met one person with BPD. You're furthering a pretty tired trope here.
what ive noticed (for myself anyway) is i often am jealous/envious when other people do or have something (an experience / relationship) which i don’t, or even if i have experienced the same i still end up feeling lesser than and have never been able to exactly discern why. logically i can understand that just because i am not doing what everyone else is doesnt mean i am less worthy, but nevertheless i still feel it. thats the hardest part of it for me, knowing it makes no sense but still feeling that it feels i can’t control
Here's a new slant on how to view people who suffer with BPD, in a society that seems to vilify them. What if it is an innate dysfunction of the emotional process itself? The direct opposite condition of Autism. Two sides of the same coin. Both struggling with fitting in and being accepted when how they experience and perceive the world is different from the majority. Both conditions causing them to literally think in foreign languages that do not share translational meanings.
Autism causes a person to have lowered or absent emotions and a flat emotional affect. It is confusing to them seeing others reacting to emotions they just don't understand. They require a lot of personal space, to the extent that eye contact or casual physical touch can feel invasive and uncomfortable. They really don't form the emotional "closeness" in relationships that most people desire. They have no lack of personal identity, they consistently are "who" they are. Emotional situations rarely cause impulsive behavior, as they are most comfortable following their own routine. They feel the full spectrum of emotions, but these are felt very dim in intensity when compared to the strength the average person feels. The frustration of not being able to express themselves and their needs, which usually includes a lot of structure, to have control in their lives, is the emotion they most strongly reacted to.
In order to communicate effectively through this Autistic barrier "normal" people must learn their language. Honest and direct wording is most important because they tend to take statements very literally. The best "treatments" are not to attempt to change them, but to change the goals toward enhancing communication techniques and provide avenues for the skills the individual has within them, that can be expressed and evolved. Accepting, understanding and encouragement, patience and compassion are the best "medicines." People with Autism can learn tools to aid them in leading more satisfying and productive lives, but they can't be "fixed" because they are not broken. After years of ineffective attempts to "normalize" them, Autism is finally beginning to be seen as a condition rather than an illness.
BPD causes a person to have extremely heightened emotions and are often insulted with the descriptive, "drama queen" label. It is confusing to them seeing others minimizing the impact of situations that makes them feel so passionately. They don't like a lot of emotional or physical space between themselves and those they love. They often have a problem with self-identity, not knowing "who" they are. So they bond deeply in relationships, and form their identity in their attachments. Emotional closeness, to the point of blending with others, is the only way they feel like a "whole" person. Because their emotions are felt so overwhelmingly strong and so immediate, that if someone they "need" for support is perceived to be pulling away, they may act as if it is the end of the world. That is how it feels to them, so in their panic they may act impulsively and violently. Emotions are so close to the surface they can "take over" and communicating what they are going through to people who have never felt that pain is very difficult.
Just like with Autism, BPD's best "treatments" are first, learning the language. Don't assume they are exaggerating or twisting the facts. The lies are truths they believe. The "push-pull" is from insecurity. "Walking on eggshells" is actually perceived as very deceptive. Honesty and openness will go a long way to providing the trust and stability they need to function without excessive fear-based emotions that can interfere with every aspect of their lives. The "fear" emotion makes trusting difficult and they are suspicious that there are double meanings to what is said to them. The opposite of the concrete thinking in Autism. They can't be "changed" and do not need to be fixed. There are tools they can learn to help defuse escalation in emotions that are effective for them to progress in their lives. Focusing "treatments" on the goal of understanding their view, encouragement, patience and compassion are the same best "medicines" for them. The passionate "negative" emotions is balanced out with the passionate "positive" emotions. They love as strongly as they fear. Acceptance by society is vital for people with either Autism or BPD to feel worthwhile and valued. And that is essential for everyone.
Straight away I have to correct you, because Autism doesn't always make one emotionless. Many times, people with Autism have emotional dysregulation but simply struggle to express these emotions. Each Autistic person is different.
i like where youre going with this
@@abbiepancakeeater52 You are right, I meant to say "the outward appearance of having a lack of emotions." I fully agree people with Autism have all the same emotions as "normal" people. It's the expression of them that I'd different. And everyone is an individual, "normal," "Autistic," or someone with "BPD." And must be seen and respected as unique. The points I make above are general considerations and my theory that Autism and BPD are not illnesses to be "cured" but more conditions that can be understood and accepted into general society with compassion.
@@electricmayhem8147 Thank you. Being "different" because one has been labeled with the DX of Autism or BPD is only a problem when it is not understood and used in discrimination!
With that said, someone with BPD in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum is NOT a good combination. Speaking from experience.
I love your compassion for people! I wish everyone could understand .
This video is so helpful. I have taught myself that whenever I fall into an envy position that in order to want something of that person's life I need to take the whole package. That usually stops me in my tracks and curbs the envy
I'm happy to know that there is a name for what is going on with me. I have lost a lot of people because they say I have mood swings. I can go from happy, to sad, to angry within a couple hours. Your videos are helping me to understand my thinking. The jealousy thing is big thing with me in relationships. I tend to get attached fast and will spiral when communication is lacking. Then I go into an episode because I fear abandonment.
I actually don’t experience envy or jealousy on a general basis. I love seeing ppl happy, doing good, in healthy relationships etc. I think it’s cuz I know what it is to have nothing, feel like nothing, be deeply depressed and toxic and I don’t wish that on anyone. Seeing ppl doing good and happy makes me happy. But I get extremely jealous and envious of anyone I love. I dont like friends having other friends. I don’t like anyone I’m in a relationship w to find any joy outside of me, let alone in another person. I dont like them spending time or attention on anyone or anything but me. I will literally spend 24/7 w them if I can to avoid the anxiety (had more than 1 relationship where I did this). The most normal, basic and necessary interaction they can hav w someone other than me evokes anger, depression, and sadness that I’m forced to suppress because I know it’s irrational but I will still feel it all. Everything is fine up until the second I fall in love. Then it becomes the most draining and often depressive experience for me loaded w that jealousy nd envy.
aaaand how are you planning on dealing with this?? seriously, someone I am with has this exact issue..I dunno what the hell to do. Do you have a way of dealing with it?
DAMN that's exactly how I feel..so relatable
Im hurting so much... This is exactly how i feel. I try to stay rational, but the emotion i experience in situations like this are so severe that i can't control it. I am gonna start therapy again soon, for the second time. I thought i was doing better, but i was too naive, and now the sadness, frustration, anger, jealousy and envy has struck me so hard this time around... I wish everyone out there who is under this kind of mental torture, that you get better and live better lives.
I feel like I’ve had an awakening although I haven’t been formally diagnosed I know deep down I fall into this category. I’m an emotional roller coaster when it comes to friendships I overextended myself I can’t say NO I lavish expensive gifts in order to keep them in my life all while having this crushing feeling inside. I would be happy one minute with the friendship but one perceived slight would have me questioning everything I would brood and think about it incessantly only to go back to normal with one simple text or phone call..like someone just flipped the switch. Jealousy was awful with me I could not cope with my best friend having other friends. I’m actually really embarrassed about these feelings as I’m writing this I know it’s not normal.
+Veronica ryan insight is a huge first step.
I can relate to every word. I act the same way
This is so spot on, I cant even describe the relief I'm feeling to know that there is a way to work on this and there are people who understand
I have a colleague who has BPD and she is going through a really hard time right now. I am her superior at work and when she started, it was almost like she put me on a pedestal. After a spell about a year ago where I needed to take some time out for my own mental health - I think she felt abandoned and it has really meant she split from me, and she hasn’t really come back. I’m trying to rebuild the relationship. And, I won’t lie, it’s almost harder as time goes along. I’m really appreciative of videos like yours that help me understand what behaviours I’m looking at, but I really do care for this person and hope she pulls through. Thank you.
I wish I had seen this video a couple of years ago, it might have helped keep me and my ex together. I didn't understand that a lot of the behavior I was seeing was in fact symptoms of BPD. Now I know, and I'm going to make sure this person knows that though we may not be involved romantically, that I'm still available as a friend and that I still love them and won't abandon them. Thank you for helping me understand this disorder.
you should be glad you left him. These People are terrible to have as Partners and co-workers. Get yourself a normal boyfriend and dont feel guilty for this guy - it is NOT your fault he is like this and you are not his mother to have to "repair" it. Just let him be and get yourself a normal guy, there are enough dysfunctional families and mentally abused Children coming out of them….
Maria Padilla you got away... keep it moving if there isn’t any baggage keeping u around because it’s not fucking worth it
Agreed. I dated a girl with BPD for over two years. Of course I empathize and sympathize with her. But it was like being stuck in a tornado and then a hurricane. Be happy you made it out of that sane.
I actually envy you for leaving early enough.I am married to someone with BPD and i just recently realized that..married 10yrs and together 17yrs..i have been damaged by all this and i am at a point where i dont even know what to do...leaving now is an option but I dont even have that strength...it is t worst thing and worst people to be with...
I am Davida wife Lesley and I know now that I suffered from excessive BPD. . I had all the symptoms and it made me miserable. My husband tried for years to help me be whole but I kept it up and got worse because of social media and turned narcissistic. I fell into the dark and nearly lost my husband and family. My husband's advice was to always be humble and to think of others as it is ego and selfishness that is the root cause. It took courage but I finally did this and saw the light. I am working hard to keep this up and in the process I feel fulfilled and am now two years later a kind and compassionate woman. I am very happy to be me now. I now love and respect myself and have high self esteem. Thank you my darling loving and forgiving husband David. You are my saviour and best friend and I love you very much !
david evans I love reading that. Maybe I should take on your husband's advice too. Thanks for sharing.
I haven't been diagnosed but I know I have some traits. I am a victim of bullying, which could be one of the reasons I developed BPD traits in the first place. Now I must mention, I would NEVER, EVER bully anyone, especially online. So I don't want people to feel that all people with BPD are bullies.
I am so grateful to have found your videos. I hope to meet you in person one day. I have yet to be diagnosed but I carry all 9 traits of BPD and have for over 15yrs. Your videos bring clarity and hope. I am currently seeking proper diagnosis but regardless your videos are changing the way I handle situations and view my life in a positive way. Thank you. I hope one day to be able to help people with mental health issues and make them understand they aren’t alone.
i’m just now discovering what BPD is. i’ve been living with this unmedicated for 32 years and this video has been so helpful and informative as to why i’m struggling the way i am. thank you Dr. Fox.
I'm only 25 and I feel your pain. At this time I really don't know what to do, but I sincerely hope you've been doing better.
Your videos are the antidote for a person looking to heal from BPD. You have covered every answer a BPD person is looking for.
I can't imagine or even fathom how much harder your life's work has become just from the existence of the internet, but there's a positive flip side to it as well, without the internet you wouldn't be teaching, reaching , and changing nearly as many lives as you have. What a special human being you are man.
Hi Dr. Fox. I just started watching your videos today. I've watched more then 10 of them so far. I have been in a relationship with someone for 5 yrs that i beleive has both traits of NPD and BPD. Its a long story but wanted to tell you that you are so right... I am no longer with him.. Jealousy was one of the MAIN things i just could not tolerate anymore.. It was EXAUSTING! And they dont realize that ALL of their controlling behaviors just push ppl away more!! Hanging on too tightly can harm a relationship..Distrust, Anger, frustation, and NOT wanting help makes it worse. The saddest part of it is that i REALLY TRUELY LOVED THIS MAN!! I tried to stay by him, give him confidence, reasure him etc. BUT unfortunately, it wasent that easy. you could stand in a firepit for him and sacrafice anything, but it will never be enough.. the black and white thinking and the lack of being mindful of others feelings really makes their relationships fail... ALL their lives.. Its so sad.. It hurt me so bad and still does. BC he was such a great person, deep down, but he acts like he is pocessed by the devil.. His rage is not pretty!! He was difficult to handle. I did watch your video on the dif btwn NPD and BPD and im still unsure.. He is very unpredictable and angry that i had to leave him, I want him to understand so badly that walking away was the right choice. It was getting TOXIC! Fighting everyday is not healthy. Its not fair that one person takes ALL the blame but I've had to come to the heartbreaking conclusion and the reality of what i'm dealing with.. we broke up twice. Yes we tried again. Thought i could fix it with theropy but it crashed again after just 13mths. He refused treatment. He is hoovering me now. Has a new girl (supply). I was happy he moved on BUT after 3 weeks with the new person, he is still spying on me. He can not approach me bc i had to take a NC order out on him bc of his rage... I cant trust him now.. so sad. i still cry and miss him. (the nice him) Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for helping SURVIVORS of mental and physical abuse. God bless and yes, i am watching your videos.. Maybe i will come across one that will give me some answers for my confusion. I'm still healing from the trama bond.. The ending of my 20 yr marriage didnt hurt as badly as this breakup does..I guess its bc that was mutual.. NPD and BPD ppl cant and wont eccept that drama and kaos just is not a functional way of healthy living. Im getting better. I just keep praying. Thanks again Dr. Fox
Every single BPD video that I've watched so far always associate suicide tendency with bringing back/luring back/testing the other person to see whether or not they really care, but is there a possibility with having suicidal tendencies because you think that the other person no longer needs you because they're talking and having fun with so many other people that you feel like you're slowly growing more and more into a shadow or a background character that is no longer important to them that it'll be better off just dying since you're no longer needed? Is that a possibility for a BPD person to have?
Of course the suicidal thoughts can be caused by symptoms of BPD.
I have bpd and i can relate.. it's weird because you can see the stupidity but still, you choose to believe it's the best option
@@atevie1866 Yea it's like you're battling with yourself and it sucks 😞
Kelly that was the exact thought process behind my last suicide attempt. So yes it’s possible
Yep. Stay out of abusive relationships, try to be as rational as you can. I have to say that I couldn't get out of any relationship without getting attached to someone else, otherwise I couldn't cope with the reality. I tried to kill myself once with drugs but it turned out to be one of the must beautiful nights :))) paradoxal (I'm clean for 8 months now, missing them but it's better off)
Try AS HARD AS YOU CAN not to relay on your boyfriend (or even friends) to get you out of it because.. even if he tolds you it's ok, your mind will be like "nope, he's lying" and then you'll overthink that he'll leave you for the fact that you are jealous/envy/afraid PLUS because you had that breakdown and now he has a REAL reason to do it and that he's gonna see you as vulnerable and weak and he doesn't want that, he wants a strong woman who can handle her shit and not a drama queen blablabla :))) the cycle never ends
YOU ACTUALLY DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM HIM because your mind wants to prove with ANY CHANCE that she's right, when in fact, it's just A BPD TRICK. One of many, it's like a tv series with a ton of seasons and endless episodes. This is the most fucked up thing that I realised after many, many relationship failures. I was like a scotch and i didn't let them breathe at all. I wanted confirmations all the time and I was always crying and accusing him of.. everything that was going through my mind. I didn't put myself in his shoes, I was too caught up.
BUT, if it happens, make sure that he knows what is happening so be 100% honest and tell him about it. I told my boyfriend all the details and he is very kind and understanding. Every single day I overthink about the fact that he's gonna leave and tell me how horrible I am, it's energy draining. I try to distract myself (i usually take walks in nature) and sometimes I take 5htp (it's natural, a plant with many antioxidants) for short periods of time if it's too much (i took last month when i had breakdowns everyday for 2-3 weeks because of the thoughts about the fact that he's gonna leave. now im good and i have the best sleep). It's my first relationship when I kinda control myself and try to stay as rational as I can. Hard as fuck. But he saw all of the extremes, be sure of that. I warned him from our first date, he didn't believe me at first and now he's stuck hahaha
Oh and I also see a therapist, sometimes i think it's useless but I think it helps because you have someone to tell all the things and not be afraid that you're gonna be judged :)) I'm still in between if it really helps or not.. with bpd, it's up to you mostly.
P.S.: stay away from medicaton and drugs, drink water and get out in nature as much as you can
take care of you
I appreciate your kind hearted demeanor as well as your valuable understanding and insight. Thank you for sharing
I've been the target of this kind of jealousy and it's very hurtful and draining. No matter how much positive attention and love they get. It's never enough and they are not happy if my attention is with somebody else or if I'm achieving something good. They want to destroy it, say spiteful things about me and at the same time take from me. This kind of stuff literally gets under your skin. I have learned to not allow myself to be held back by such actions of others. Emotional blackmail is always a tough one to deal with though.
another fellow bpd patient here . i was extremely toxic when i was younger, had no theraoy, no medication - i was so lost, so desperate and in vain . i hurt a lot of people and myself . the difference between us and narcissistic folks is that we feel the pain we inflict on others and it crushes us and we feel sorry . but we do hurt people when we're triggered and act out - no doubt about it ! now as an adult i still end up in toxic dynamics but i identify them and work through them with my partner . bpd folks who say they dont act toxic in relationships are fooling themselves imo
i tell everyone whos been a victim of my jealous tirades that it’s not them doing anything wrong, it’s me. it’s my own insecurity and it’s something i have to work on myself
These videos are a HUGE and ESSENTIAL assist thank you! My best friend and I have experienced "all" of what was discussed in this video. I have BPD and it has affected every relationship. I can see that now.
I've just come upon your videos and appreciate your gentle approach to people who suffer with BPD. It's hard to take an honest look at yourself, but I think that is where the healing and real change begins. I've struggled for years with fear and jealousy, not understanding the roots. The tendency is to blame, but accepting responsibility for my own issues is actually a relief because at least I can do something about it. Thank you!
so grateful for this msg. sending hugs and healing to everyone out there working through bpd and taking responsibility for their self care. hugs to everyone along the journey we call life.
Love your helpful and compassionate approach to personality disorders, I truly love learning from you each week and believe you will reach sooo many people with this platform!
Not sure if it’s “off topic” but I would love to see a video on the neurological and childhood development aspects of the disorder and even any sleep disturbances or components that might be common in those with bpd!
I'm so exhausted with my partner I dont even feel like writing how I feel about the effects of BPD. It's so energy draining constantly getting attacked and defending myself for things I dont even know where the so called problem rooted from😢
It could be paranoid personality disorder. Either way try to get them help. Or even couple therapy. Anything would help.
Fuck yeah😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂👉Can't be by myselft for a day👉Or My PS4 is gone😩.
It seems to me that perhaps the fear of losing that favorite person comes from the sense of emptiness, instead of it being the other way around. If you feel that your life is satisfying and full of meaning you have less fear that someone will abandon you; not only are you more confident of your own worth but also you don't depend on only one person or one aspect of your life to bring you joy.
i think this describes normal people only
I appreciate your positive videos, Dr. Fox. I keep going from one crisis to the next, and right now I am considering leaving my family forever. At 71, and having tried everything to help myself, I am still having a total disconnect with people.
I’ve learned that I cannot share good news with my BPD bf. This validates my impression dealing with a BPD. I had to end the relationship based on his reactions regarding my success. I saw him as a “secret hater” and now I know it’s a trait of the petulant BPD.
Yeah, my gf left me as well due to this. Don't misunderstand, I understand your position. It's hard because you want someone that cherishes you.
I understand him as well. We don't want to feel like this. I tried not to up to the point I felt that I was breaking, fire in my stomach and eyes, and I was so agitated. I didn't want to hurt her, or to feel bad about her success.
I wish I didn't have this. I would still be with her. But we deal with the cards we've been given. I can't blame her. I can only hate BPD and myself.
This hit home, I do get super jealous and my anxiety kicks in hard when I see my other half just on the phone, then if i see it’s social media I instantly start to get that jealous feeling. I become aggressive and irritable. Honestly I hate it, but I feel like if I delete it then that leaves me vulnerable. But I really appreciate the fact that Dr Fox has made it a point to hit all avenues in this, and thank you for all the hard work you put into this and share. This gives me light
I feel like I might have the disorder because of many reasons, one of those being every time my friend hangs out with her other friends I start feeling very envious because she has something that I don’t have, which is friendship ,and I also feel mad at those friends because i feel like they’re stealing my only friend away from me.
He put some things in perspective about jealousy and Envy and a sense of self-being empty with BPD and they seek to fill it up without them doing any hard work within themselves
Jealousy is major problem of all my relationships. My engagement just got broke because of it
Awwwe, any chance of repair? And if we don't , because I relate, we can learn the lesson well and avoud another fail.
Work on your self steam. It going to help you very much. Start with the book: The sex pillars of self steam by Dr nethaniel Branden.
Flipping nightmare isn't it. I'm yet again falling out with myself and my partner. I hope you are in a better place now 🙏
I can relate 🤷♀️ I was married up to an year and my ex husband didn't even live with me at the time , because he was Deployed to Iraq . But before I found out I found out my BPD Dinosis. I stood on jealousy . It seems whatever he didn't wasn't enough for me to trust him 🤦♀️ so he divorced me once he got back from Iraq. 😬
You got bpd Because of jealously?
I have BPD, I’ve been aware about it for two years now thanks to these videos, in my life has improved immeasurably knowing what I have and given tips on how to manage it in my normal life. I am not perfect, but it is better
man, every time i see a video from this guy everything gets so much clearer!
I've been diagnosed with BPD recently and I feel envious of people in my competition at my work place, not that they are undeserving, I hate the fact I'm not as good as them and make mistakes. I don't suffer jealousy though, more of disappointment. And I do have expectations that person in relationship with me should show some form of connection through communication. I expect them to msg me with a connecting msg atleast once a day in my long distance marriage.
So I delt with it by eventually letting go what doesnt serve me.i was caught into what ppl thought of me, what my older co workers would tell the new co workers, feelings of shame from others which propelled self shame (the worst kinda shame). I got out of the depression by learning to move away from that which doesnt serve me. Those that are traumatize -early- have a list co dependant ways that keep their deep wounds open to slowing their healing process. Their constsnt inner critic sounds just like the ppls who traumatized them. I eventually starved myself from my negative thoughts and past. This Increased my self confidence by separating from my narcissist parents to live alone with my child. I left everything that wouldnt support my mental, emotional and physical well being. I took a drastic approach to re-wire my inner environment. This strengthen my direct male side of my brain to be more dominant to recognize my own self worth. My co dependency is not as it was. The happiness I have today I valid it and carry it everywhere I go.
You are the greatest doctor I've ever heard... even compared to psychiatrist I've been seeing for 5 years. You just GET IT. I would love to work on my bpd with you, but Texas is do far. You're wonderful and inspirational, and make me feel understood when I feel no one does.
Some people with BPD actually have a lot going for them. They have a ton of strengths that may even be envious to others. Yet, they are constantly searching for more from people. You can give them your heart and soul and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Yup
Omg yes so true. I always feel so dissatisfied in my relationships. It is so gut wrenching.
I'm afraid my husband has been feeling that. I can't seam to stop the anxiety attacks I get when I feel like he might leave me. I'm literally feeling like I'm dying but have to be like I just need to deal with this alone and it's really not your fault. I'm sorry my reaction is so inappropriate but I need time to make it stop. But he literally told me he wanted to leave me last year and even though we've been working through it I can't forget that and now I can be triggered so easily now. Sometimes I don't think it's really as inappropriate as I convince myself it is.
Strengths are 1. abusing people 2. homicidal tendencies 3. mega nastiness
@@EpiicxFuziionwow! I’d say #2 is common for those with BPD and psychopathic tendencies.
I'm not diagnosed with BPD nor am I claiming to be, but I have a lot of the same problems you talk about in these videos, ESPECIALLY jealousy, especially with a person I've recently developed a really close relationship with. I'm really really grateful that you're making a video about this and I appreciate these videos so much :)
Thank you Dr. Fox! That makes my wounds hurt a little less so to say. I struggle with all those feelings you describe. Defining goals for different spans of time sounds like a very good technique, the goal worksheets too. I'm one of those who feel so confused and unsure about what they want, often empty and just losing time. I will definitely try them. I like how empathetic and encouraging you come over and not pretentious at all. As someone on the spectrum I am happy that you use that term, not every patient is a full blown borderliner and I don't feel represented when just a cliché view of borderline is addressed
Thank you for this video. I have recently found out that one of my close relatives has been diagnosed with BPD in her past. My relationship with her has always been complicated, and I've struggled with how to relate to her. Now that I've found out that she's been diagnosed (which by the way, she didn't tell me herself, someone, who knew her back then did) this kind of information really helps me to understand her better. I just wish that she was open to getting help for herself.
I don't use any social media anymore and that's helped more than anything
Great topic. Not related, but I have experienced that changes in plans can really make me uneasy especially if I have an appointment with someone and that person is bringing along some one else. Hope someone can clarify. 🙏
Dr Fox, could you do a video on bpd and sexual behaviour? Perceived sexual rejection is an enormous trigger for me and I’m just so sure this ties in with bpd tendencies somehow.
This!
I think my being asexual saved me from this.
THIIISSSS
i know this is from 2 years ago, but i just know this is absolutely a thing for BPD and it affects me greatly also. have completely shut down or started crying on a few separate occasions bc of this, it's so terribly embarrassing especially because i know from my partner's perspective it comes out of nowhere
I have this problem and do this with some of my friends, except, they never clearly know what I am mad about, I let my anger smolder inside of me and I internalize my jealousy and envy and it comes out all in the wrong way. I imagine some times that it appears to some of my friends that I am being angry and mean for no reason and it leaves them scratching their heads wondering what they did wrong. I have some friends that I see as doing better than me, I envy that, and I don't necessarily want exactly what I have, but I want to reach my goals and dreams or have better opportunities like I feel they have had. I honestly hate feeling that way, it just occupies my mind once I am triggered, one of my things to do when I am having one of those episodes where I am jealous and or envious is I become very quiet and stoic and that's my way of trying to hide what I am feeling and thinking from the person I am feeling jealous or envious towards. I feel that the feelings are unreasonable because I am sure that my friends want me to succeed and get to where I want to be in life. These type of triggered moments usually come around when I am stressed out about some thing, like if I am stressed out about not having enough money or finding a job along the lines of what I went to college for or if a bill is due and I am on the verge of getting my lights shut off or that I basically live hand to mouth, those are the things that set me off some times. but I just try to keep on working towards what I want to do in life. I have gotten through the feelings of resentment and hatred towards having BPD, now I am trying to learn to deal with it better and I am trying to heal. But Dr.Fox is right, jealousy and envy are two things that are felt with BPD often.
Thank you for explaining this so clearly. I am dealing with someone with strong BPD traits who is unhappy with her life and career and may be envying me, and Dr. Fox didn’t address that in more detail in his video.
I got jealous of my dog liking my new boyfriend. Just my dog wagging its tail and getting excited on seeing him sent pangs of jealousy through my body and mind. I couldn't even mask it. He sensed something was off and asked if he did something wrong.. why my face fell so fast.
I felt instant sense of abandonment. I felt my dog had abandoned me.. and I almost hated my bf for stealing my dog's attention from me.
I felt so betrayed and angry at my inability to express my feelings coz i was aware it was so ridiculous. So I left my dog at his place and didn't go back to get it for 3 days.
Again.. I haven't been diagnosed with anything.
But is this something a person with bpd would do?
I didn't desperately try to get back my dog's attention.. I just felt instantly abandoned and betrayed and so I got up and left.
I've been diagnosed with BPD and I felt the same way when my cat "chose" another person over me for a few days. I think I was devaluing her as a way of coping with feelings of abandonment. I couldn't feel any emotions towards her for days afterwards, no warmth or love, even when I was petting her and paying attention.
Holy shit. Poor dude & poor dog.
Emma Gatewood don’t judge
YES, this sounds like it.
Someone I know got jealous of a dog they adopted with their ex, and because the ex loved the dog, he ended up killing it eventually. This ain't healthy but you can learn to deal with jealousy :)
@@twalabiscala583 you are at least a narcissist, that is not a normal behaviour, go get a therapist!
Just ended a 10 month long relationship with a BPD person. It was constant turmoil and pain. And she would not admit she had a problem. Anytime she was at fault and emotionally exploded she would blame me or blame something else and construct some meta problem to justify her childish behaviour. Constant games and argument baiting and passive aggressive behaviour. I finally ended it when she accused me of being controlling. Trying to spin some generic "he's paranoid and controlling story". Absolute torture
You’re my favorite person to watch that addresses bpd thank you for helping me realize that I have it. I didn’t want to get help without knowing what I had because I’ve been misdiagnosed before and the medicine didn’t work only made me feel numb. I have never had a strong sense of self and that definitely affects the way I live because I never know how to act because I don’t know who I am. My mood goes from happy and talkative to quiet and annoyed multiple times a day. With all the information I have learned with your videos I can now talk to someone and get the help that I need.
Wish you were closer, I felt you describe my childhood to now adulthood in one session, INCREDIBLE information here that has all my flags raised and super interested in digging further now!! THANK YOU for sharing, for many, this may be the only link to help they ever get, how caring of you to make it accessible for all, through this link. Blessings to you and yours, from a troubled kid trapped in a moms body 🌸
Dr. Fox, thank you for sharing knowledge about BPD. Surviving childhood w a BPD parent creates an emotinal template that can mislead one for a lifetime.
You're amazing, Dr. Fox. I'm learning so much about myself having BPD. All of your videos speak to me and it's all making sense as I to why I do the things I do. I'm trying not to identify solely as someone who has BPD. I'm trying to find out who I am. I am a big chameleon.
BPD is unlike any other suffering. From the outside perspective, I have everything. A job, two (probably soon three) degrees, a paid off home, a loving boyfriend, both parents still alive etc. And all I feel is this great big void scintillating with rage, fear, and envy. There is nothing more terrifying than a man who believes he has nothing more to lose, and nothing more to gain. I'm that time bomb, and no medicine or therapy (if you can call the watered down counselling in Estonia therapy) seems to help. I have some hope again thanks to people like Dr Fox, that maybe I can just heal myself, before I give up my life and/or destroy the lives of my loved ones.
It’s difficult to hear yourself put so plainly, but this is exactly what I needed to hear right now
+Rose Helean i’m glad that you found this helpful and use this information to help yourself and do things differently. I wish you all the best.
Good for you.... NOW.....GO WORK THERAPY and get better.
I knew this wasn’t normal, he described me perfectly
Being the sister of a BPD woman is the hardest/heaviest burden that life has put upon me...
Your videos are helping me understand what's going on in my head. Thank you. What an angel you are. Keep on working hard my friend! You're helping so many people (:
I'm so glad you've started posting. Your stuff hits the nail on the head.
These videos are describing me to a T! I've been listening all day as I do my chores and I'm learning so much about myself today! It's been a struggle over the last 49 years. Thank you for making these videos.
You're so welcome!
It's been a long time , third scenario you mentioned where jealousy and envy overlapped , it cost me the important thing in life. This video really helps me to understand me and my disorder. Thank you very much
My friend has been diagnosed with BPD I have had to take a "vacation" from the friendship. Mostly she pretends to care and love me, but she is always trying to fix me. My life my failures and success seem to belong to her in a weird way. When I have a challenge she gets over involved emotionally and makes a mountain of a mole hill, when I am content she is obsessed with finding what is wrong in my life and needs to be fixed. Ultimately I feel like although she says she loves me and cares she is way too invested and secretly is jealous or envious which causes her to attack me ( verbally) does this resonate with anyone?
Yes yes yes. This is why I ended my relationship with two bpd gay guys. They are too mody, always mad, angry, unpredictable. Always waiting money, things, all to please them. But. They will never please you. They don't care no matter what they say. If they say something, it is word salad. They tell to love you, and you love them fully, but they are cheating same time!
Yes,this resonates . Thank you 💓 for putting words .
I have never cyber bullied that I can remember but everytime a pretty girl is around when I'm with my boyfriend I say horrible things about her to my boyfriend. Example: "what a ugly whore" etc. And it's not that I really think that because I dont even know the person, but I'm very jealous and afraid that I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and he will be looking at other girls instead of me.
Also thank you for these videos, they really help me understand my disorder.
I can relate 😬 I do the same thing , My worsens now I hate looking at myself, I no longer get dressed up and I stay away from Mirror , when I do get Compliment about myself, I Automatically think they are lying 🤥 I can't go to any Gatherings because I feel like I'm the ugliest one around. Hmm 😒 I'm single, working on myself in hopes I can overcome BPD
Serious question: how the hell can I talk to someone about therapy, without them feeling attacked? I really care for them and hate seeing them suffer from this jealousy and fear, and I do think the only way out is therapy.
They have to recognize that they have a problem; they HAVE TO WANT and EFFECTIVELY WORK THERAPY.
My husband of 28 years was diagnosed 3 1/2 years ago. He only claims mental health issues when it benefits him. I shared one of your videos with him abt a month ago I believe it had to do friendships. He doesn't have any right now because he takes "every word as an attack". He was offended that I was accusing him of being the "bad person" by sharing the video with him. I was just trying to give him some tools to understand the working of his brain.
I am just so "tired".
It's unfortunately really hard for them to realize you can't fix all your issues on your own, especially if they are rooted deep inside your brain..Therapy is for everyone, anyone can be helped by it and grow.
Dr. Fox, it’s been so long since you posted this video but I just wanna say, I’m a mother of a 19 yr old and over the past 2 yrs, she become so depressed,lost,and her mood swings are to the point of me being nervous to even say something the wrong way bc it will cause an argument.she’s not abusive at all towards me but she’s mentally and emotionally destroying me.I fear for her lack of safety esp when she stop taking her meds. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that You have helped me understand and learn so much about her and how to handle many of her triggers and I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if it wasn’t for you, so thank you for giving all of us this free advice because many of us,like myself can’t afford therapy or don’t have anyone to talk to about this because it’s so hard to understand when trying to convince someone that your child has mental
Illnesses and isn’t just spoiled and taking advantage of me to get her way, because they seen how she grew up and everyone thinks that a person HAS to of had a really bad childhood in order to suffer these types of illnesses. So thank you from the bottom of my heart ♥️
I have envy and jealously issues happen a lot, one of my biggest triggers is if someone mentions their friendships because for me personally I don't really have anyone but my boyfriend who is also my fp
You don't know how much relief I feel having all this clarity that I'm not fucking crazy or overdramatic. It's cause I can't help it. I'm so so so relieved that there's peiol who understands me and went through the exact same thing and felt the exact same feelings I did.
Hearing you describe my exact problem with social media was surreal as hell. Get out of my head!
Dr. Fox is the only one I have heard that completely gets it. I wish I could have him as a therapist
Everttime I watch your BPD videos it feels like I'm looking in the mirror. Everything you're telling us is 100% my feelings
Thank you for your videos. I've been diagnosed with borderline personality about a year or two ago. I been struggling really hard with these my issues and I have no one I can talk too. I haven't been able to found a councilor and I really cant afford it. I really need to because my memory is non existent and it's so frustrating. I can only remember certain things. I can't really remember much of my past. Nothing feels real. Thank you for this information.
Thank you for your informative videos.
I have had a bpd friend. You describe her perfectly. She told me she is jealous of (someone we both know), because I found his suggestions to some aspects of a problem I had are more helpful. She lashed out and tried to convince me his suggestions are bad , hers are awesome on a very superficial black and white way , with zero depth. She hated them for a while . Then she felt he is an amazing (like no other) person. She puts an enormous amount of pressure around us to fill the void within her . This pressure pushes us away , after feeling so anxious. She threatens to commit suicide or harm herself, with the slightest disagreement with her extremism.
All of us are to blame. She is a pure Angel. God bless . That is why it is ok for her to control us (under the label of caring for us ) . We should "care" for her through filling the void of her lost identity.
I grow tired and wanted to leave. Left for months and came back, as she promised to change , only to fail short. I decided to have a very superficial relationship with her.
Unfortunately, I am her favourite person.
What about people like me dealing with bpd ?how would you advice us to keep our sanity ( other than leaving or having a superficial relationship)?
I advice her to provide herself with self care, rather than caring for me . Her care comes out as controlling/ overprotective/ devouring to me. I despise that sort of "care" from her . I am an independent grown up adult . She can't understand this . Only 3 individuals in my life are unable to understand that. The rest of individuals get that .
I suggest you to leave immediatly. I have a long friendship wit a bpd, and it was very destructive one. This person put me in an extrême competition, stealing all things wich make who i was like a copycat, pretending we only have the same taste. She was pretty good at social skills so people finally think i was the stealer, telling to everyone behind my back i was a mean person.. She always put herself into troubles and asking me and other friends for help all the time. She was afraid to be abandonned so i did'nt dare to leave since long years. One day i have the strengt to cut this extreme toxic relationship, and despite the fact once again she tell to everyone i was the bad person and shaping the facts as she wants, there is not a single day i regret it.
One day a friend of mine who where psychologist alert me to go away the soonest . she told me that kind of person gonna take all i have.
So it was an extreme jealousy behavior from a bpd persona. There nothing you can do against that. So run away...she gonna find a new prey pretty soon unfortunately.
I'm so relieved after watching videos on BPD and realizing that this is most likely what my mother has that although I do have fleas from being raised by her I don't I'll act the characteristics that underline this.
I have colored my hair black years ago because I was envious of how beautiful this woman at this record store in Torrance, California back in 2008 was and how my boyfriend at the time noticed how beautiful she was. She didn't look at him but he looked at her with the biggest smile. She also was in great shape and had flawless porcelain skin. I was disappointed when my boyfriend didn't like the black hair on me. He said it lacked shine to it.
I have also shaved my hair off because I was so devastated that my boyfriend was cheating on me and that he didn't like the black hair on me.
I understand you, I had the same kind of story, except razing my hole hair... wow... crazy 😂
Sounds like you may need a new boyfriend. One who respects you, won't cheat on you💕
you Need a therapist
Girl same. My ex use to be with me and stare at other girls in front of me.
I can relate. I keep my hair blonde because my husband says I look better blonde, but I don’t especially like it. I used to try to do my best to look like what I thought he would be most attracted to. I always feel like I need the approval of my husband to feel good about myself. But in reality I don’t need it at all. I just hate this.
Thank you so much for this incredibly helpful video, and for the respectful way in which the information was put across.
You are the most compassionate, caring, and knowledgable professional in this field I have ever seen. Thank you Dr. Fox for your time and your humanity. You are saving my life, and I'm sure the lives of many others! I am forever grateful to you. Dr. Fox, do you have a video on how a BPD could deal with taking care of elderly parents? Essentially, how would a BPD handle major life responsibilities, when he/she is having a difficult time functioning in his/her own day to day life? Thank you.
Interesting topic, thanks for the idea. You're in a tough situation and I understand. My suggestion would be to engage in as much self care and grounding techniques as you can. Look up some DBT techniques to help. Be well.
I'm in hyper mode today.. love being here because nothing else matters but love for everyone today. Started off with some feel good music so I'm hoping that's the trigger to make me happy for the start of the day at least 😃
I have BPD but I dont get jealous or envy of others, I dont want what other people have or the people they are in relastionships with. I like having my own and I love my friends being happy and succeeding in life
Fantasic video i am 58 yr ol female suffering BPD since age 18
It is a terrible illness .i am learning so much from your videos .
It is very hard to live with BPD but having an insite to ones self really helps
It’s great that you inform and offer insight and tools for people who possess these imbalances. Most channels cater to just the victims of those people.
I'm really thankful for these videos, I am diagnosed with bpd and really, listening how this works... helps to reming yourself when strong episodes, triggers happen, though its almost imposible but, information is key :) thanks for sharing this is really valuable.
I've been kind of 'binging' these videos while I do other things, such as drawing. What I heard so far really resonates with me and makes a lot of sense. I've been in therapy for basically half my life, with various results, but I think finding these videos was a sign there is hope, somehow. I will take time to think about it all - especially the goal and how I see myself, as I think that might help.
Thank you for this! This has definitely opened up a large and wide assortment of thought and discusion! Very helpful and understandable!
I really look forward to your future video about the BPD lens! I’m trying to understand more about how I distort reality, especially because I always feel like I’m seeing everything very accurately, at least until I am able to reflect about it way after the fact and then I see how I was acting out/distorting things
Thank you for your videos. Social Media does not even show a 20% of real life, supposing what is shown is true. I wish I had seen this video when I was younger.