BPD Boredom and Emptiness
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 มิ.ย. 2020
- Order The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook by Dr. Fox: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Many of my clients often report the experience of boredom that is intertwined with sadness, depression, and most of all emptiness. In this video we are going to sort this out and I’m going to give you some tips on how to lessen and control that boredom.
What is boredom - a fleeting state that results from monotonous tasks or limited external stimulation. There’s nothing going on, no one is calling, texting, or Skyping you.
What is emptiness - feeling of without meaning, purpose or substance, or feeling hollow. You feel like no matter what you do or how much you do it, you’ll never fill up.
Boredom was initially part of the early criteria to identify BPD, it was emptiness or boredom, but that was removed, leaving emptiness only. This was done because it wasn’t discriminating enough from other disorders, as many disorders have components of boredom, such as depression, ADHD, impulse control disorders, to name a few.
Emptiness is similar to boredom, it is closely related to feeling hopeless, lonely, useless, worthless, and isolated, and is a robust predictor of depression and suicidal ideation.
Emptiness does not equal boredom and boredom can be its own construct. Many clients report boredom with life, others, and themselves. I think it can be a part of emptiness that drives impulsivity, depression, unstable self-concept, and a component of anxiety. Recognizing your tendency for emptiness and boredom can help you determine if this is a part of your core content, as it is in many of my clients.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
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Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Sometimes I feel bored but at the same time too sad or anxious to do anything
Same here, and worst, now
Yep, that's me.
Same
I’ve been doing paper crafts, collage and junk
journaling for a few years. Has helped so much!!!
I agree with u Amy Coomer that’s why my lifeline is playing fast games on my iPhone. Literally will play bejeweled blitz for hours to empty my racing thoughts of feeling less than. Especially these terrible days
Only a person with bpd knows how dark that emptiness can get.
I wonder why it is... low neurotransmitters?
@@MrMawnster I think (for me at least) it was because I never let ppl see past a facade, so I never had genuine connection with anyone. So nothing felt real
... or a sensitive partner...
I have it. I feel so dark and empty all the time it's kind of beautiful. Never being able to get close to anyone is a struggle but I have made peace with every other symptom.
your so pretty 😍
I feel bored and empty when I am alone. Wish it wasn’t that way because I have plenty of things I could be getting done with my “alone time” but I guess I feel too sad and empty to care so I just sit there instead feeling depressed
It can be really hard but remember that you can do it with enough time and effort! ❤️ It's all going to get better, you took a step in that direction even by watching this video.
I know exactly how you feel. Same here, so much to do, I set up to do these things, buy all the stuff I need etc, go really in depth, but DOING it is the difficult thing.
I feel the same, I have been putting it off things to do cause I’m just too exhausted with the emptiness feeling.
That’s exactly what I do too. It drives my husband crazy when I do that but I guess it’s part of the bpd
I was literally going to comment this because I would love a video on this concept. I struggle with it daily.
Everyday for the last couple years I’ve turned my PC on to play a game and I end up just staring at my screen for a few minutes before realizing I’m too lazy to even do something I enjoy.
I know how you feel. Not with games but like I throw my clean clothes on the floor because I can’t be bothered hanging them up
Holy shit this is me right now
Mood. Every day of my life rn
AH
This underpins my whole life... I get so depressed because I'm constantly going through these cycles of Finding a new passion>obsessing about it>becoming dissillusioned>feeling like everything is hopeless.
I've been like that most of my life...
Yes! Sometimes I don't even start a task because I know I'll get bored of it eventually.
You’re not alone! Thank you for being so willing to share your experience, you deserve more out of life
@@AprilHare I’ve recently started feeling the same way.
@@rajarajanmanoharan I'm sorry to hear this. It definitely isn't the correct way though. How are you going to find that certain thing, in which the love for it will never die if you don't at least try the task? It's easy for me to say now because I most likely will be back to feeling that way again, however, we must grab it while it's here.
@@AprilHare Thank you for that. Its struggle to rekindle the spark and interest that kept em going alive, and I know that I'll eventually find it but the time it takes until feels like forever and is hard. But I'll take the advice to try and try and actually do the task instead of lamenting about it without.
This is why I drink and smoke because I feel like this empty boredom and whenever I tell people that they don’t get it :/
Emptiness and boredom are one of my main symptoms and struggles. I feel like I'm constantly bored. I don't have any hobbies and the one that used to be my passion has become my main source of misery and unhappiness. The fact I'm also a perfectionist with a ''if I'm not immediately good at it then I give up'' mindset is not helping. I've always dreamt of very adventurous life, full of journeys, unexpected events and days being vey different from one another. Yes I got the absolute opposite and it makes me feel bored, broken and empty. That boredom is really toxic, because in that state my brain wonders to the worst places and before I notice I feel worthless and useless. Luckily I'm moving out in 3 months and starting a really good job, so I will see new places and meet new people. It will definitely be a healthy change for me.
i could have written this word for word.
Best of luck to you. We're all in this together.
Huh that hits a little too close to home. Especially the "brain wonders to the worst places" bit.
Hi, how are you? I just moved and was feeling like you, it's hard to be in a new place... I'm catastrophizing hard. Hope you're doing fine.
Hi, question for you. My bf is BPD, and he said his difficulty is ‘perfection’, what does that mean???
he always tries find sth out there, never stops doing things from the morning to the end of a day. and he easily get bored if he doesn’t have any episodes for couple hours... and then starts to drink or drugs.. and then impulsive behaviour comes out. And then regrets next day.
Depression, anger, boredom, emptiness, all linked, probably more.
I agree, for my experience I highly make a link between emptiness and lack of identity (at least the feeling of it). If I am on my own/not busy/a time when my mind isn't busy, I feel like I don't know how to act, who to incarnate. And that leads to a vastly maleasant feeling with harmful or risky behaviors.
@@LaGrossePaulik Good points.
It can be
i guess the irony here is i was already bored when i found this so it was super hard to concentrate 😅
That’s how I found your comment, too. Scrolling the comments instead of listening lol
@@esnutaliah glad i’m not alone 💕
Same
Same! I put the speed at 1.75x whenever I can't concentrate on a video
Yup
This is very useful thank you. But the problem is that sometimes I can't even get myself do anything, especially go out of the house. Or talk to people. And at the same time, boredom annoys me and I feel guilty about it.
I feel that so hard! I was having a lot of problems working, and when i tried to explain that for some reason i just cant get myself to move and do things even when i want to do it, they said i have some symptoms of agoraphobia but not enough to be diagnosed with it.. its very confusing, and im hoping this freezing thing i do goes away as my medication is worked out because i wasnt like this all the time, it started with my last second last relapse
Feels like there's a deep, empty black hole in my chest. Gives me actual chest pain like heartache. Now I haven't been in a relationship in four years because I know I'm not healthy enough for one, but wow, nothing else really fills this emptiness- only romance (fantasy-driven, unhealthy, projecting unrealistic perfection romance that doesn't last) and alcohol ease the ache for a short time, then make it worse in the end.
It makes me literally go crazy and hit my head (physical pain seems to help distract from the mental pain for a few seconds) just trying to get rid of this empty, soul rotting feeling. What's wrong with my brain? I just want to be normal.
Really feels like I'm rotting inside, just waiting for the day I finally snap and end it all.
I love the part where it says "I am not causing the emptiness. It's not because of something I am doing." ❤️❤️
Glad you found the video helpful. Be well.
I’ve realized that my BPD symptoms tend to become most intense the week before my menstrual cycle. Have any of your clients reported similar?
YES !!!! Which sounds about right but geesh it’s brutal 🤣
Absolutely. This last week lol.. I get so much more emotional the week before
Yes!
yeah I started tracking and also realized I feel really good right before I ovulate(~2wks before period) but then can get headache and depressed a day or two after that as well. for me I think it has to do with my brain being exhausted from the extra energy making the hormones plus the balance gets off. then the week before my period the skin on my face gets thinner with less testosterone then I feel worse because my my acne worsens. if i get enough sleep and extra nutritious food and reduce stress during this time then i can feel somewhat normal.. and my face needs extra moisture and cant handle acne meds during that time very well
pms really really intensifies my symptoms too!
I feel like at 28 my life is coming to an end, and I haven't even done anything. I've gained hope and lost it so much, I don't know how I'm suppose to go on again and again and do it over and over again, it feels close to the end for me.
Don't ever give in. Its your emotions/brain playing tricks on you.
Im 29, almost 30 and I totally get what you are saying. I used to feel the same way. But, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Using skills and recovering really will make your life so much better, even if you feel "old." Take little steps to improve your life and I promise it will feel so much better and calm for you.
Listen buddy I'm no expert on this by any stretch but I've been through what you describe and still experience it. That sounds like your depression and negative thoughts getting on top of you. The more effort you put in now the better for the future. Feelings of helplessness suck I know. You've gotta invest in yourself. Don't stop trying new challenges regardless of how small and identify with the rewarding feeling from small achievements. Fight back, you know you can.
Thank you, may we all outlive these cycles and experience new and better ones. :)
Same but im in a relationship with a controller i cant work vecause of fibromyalgia i miss being young and free.
When I'm bored I get very angry. I don't know why. I just become very negative and irritable. Usually lasts for a while until I can find something interesting enough to distract myself with. But it always comes back and I fucking hate it.
I want to almost cry because I finally found someone who understands. 😭😭 People just say I'm crazy but I knew there was something else. 😭
1. Avoid procrastination
2. SMART goals
3. Changing perception
4. Breaking patterns and routine
5. Say Yes to new experience
6. Expand social circle
7. Recognise sense of shame
This is a great list and thank you for sharing it. I wish you all the best.
Dr. Jordan Peterson talks about the importance of purpose in life. Without it you can go downhill… Purpose… something that turns that lever on in the morning. For me, it’s physical type projects… painting, taking care of garden. Also it helps to always have small projects nothing overwhelming. Purpose that requires action and discipline each day…I think our brain was designed for having purpose…you must do ‘something’ to go forward in life. That helps me the most.
wrote this the other day, “this loneliness will not fade away. it’s been a part of me for so long now, it’s hard to live without it. there’s just this hole that nothing and no one could ever fill. i could laugh with friends and feel genuine joy but it’s a fleeting feeling like every moment in my life feels like. after all the smiles and laughter, this heaviness seem to be last thing that i can feel. it ruins the aftertaste of being drunk in little happiness, in little joy. there’s only one thing that i wish to have, a day or a month or a year of not feeling anything at all, just a little happiness and self-acceptance. it’s hard to live like this. to feel alone when there are people who care for me, who love me. why do i feel like this? why am i like this? i feel so alone. sometimes all i want is to fade away forever and i don’t want to feel like that as long as i live. i need saving but i can’t save myself. ”
and now i’m here watching chronic emptiness videos because that’s exactly what i feel right now.
Stay strong
I've spent my whole life trying to fill the emptiness 💔💔
I think it can be a bit insidious, this emptiness. To a great extent, everyone is trying to fill a void. This is why there are SO many material items people crave and buy, why there are so many TV shows and movies for entertainment, escape and distraction, and also why so many people are addicted to drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, gambling, exercise, dieting, sex, the exciting honeymoon phase of relationships, and so on and so on. Most people aren't even aware of it.
Jesus will fill it. Rest assure He will. He brings genuine, solid peace and happiness.
@@karinajocelyn I agree I am Christian but I still feel this often
I don’t know what to do about it
@@rebeccazamora2707 honestly, i feel it too some times. and i think it’s just part of life. i talk to my Christian english teacher because she listens and wants to communicate with me. she’s been a great shoulder to lean on, it helps as a foster kid. she tells me that emotions, actions, and beliefs will circle around but in essence to keep moving forward. i need a therapist and am getting one soon, but i think i just need someone to talk to. idk, i also have ptsd. it’s just a wild ride- life. but will we move forward and try to find God’s hand in our life and heart? just know that you are an exceptional person, child of God, son of King of Kings. emotions and even the ones that cause you to feel emptiness and nothing at times.. we are all human and face those things. talk to someone about it maybe? talk to God, write it out, talk it out even to yourself. let it out. whatever it is you’re facing. and know that you are not alone . 🤍
THANK YOU!!!
Glad you talk about this stuff, Pixie. I want you to know that my wife benefits greatly from your videos and discussions of mental health. Do not feel like a "role model" and the pressure that comes with it, but more of an advocate of the typically voiceless. Sharing experiences and gaining solidarity is how we overcome. That's how humans were designed, and the internet lets us do that on such a bigger scale than ever before.
ya me too, it gets worse as the night goes on.
I ALSO FEEL WEIRD WHEN THE SUN IS SETTING, why is that a thing???
@@hannalowercase5928 me too! it's like seasonal depression but every day
@@hannalowercase5928 poor babies, it’s because you guys suffer from adrenal fatigue. It’s so crazy that adrenal dysfunction causes you to fear night or when the sun is settling.
This is the first video I watch on BPD and my mind is blown. I never realised that my feeling of emptiness could come from my disorder.. I just thought I was crazy.
You're not crazy :) check out his other videos, they are really helpful! Knowledge about BPD and other mental disorders is power, in this sense that you know more about yourself, so you can help yourself better. I wish you the best!
@@LaGrossePaulik That is so kind, thank you :)
I have been chronically bored since birth. My whole life has been about escaping boredom and filling the emptiness. Living with social anxiety, that hasnt been an easy task. I have always wondered why I couldnt l7sten in school, watch the news, red a book. Listen to people. I always disapoear into a fog. When boredom is at its worst, it feels like I am in a isolation cell, get no stimulation whatsoever and that I have to stay there for the rest of my life. I never knew other people dealt with this
I realized that my brain was imagining problems and exaggerating interpersonal issues simply because deep down I was bored and wanted some excitement (even if it was negative). So I've been trying to learn how to draw comics because if I'm going to be making drama, it might as well be within a fictional story instead of with real people.
Dr. Fox, I'd really like it if you'd make a video on BPD and Dealing with the Favorite Person Leaving. As a person within the spectrum of BPD, your videos have tremendously increased my quality of life, as well as awareness and understanding of some aspects of my own struggles. I am truly grateful for the help you provide. I hope this comment reaches you. Again, thank you so much.
Greetings from Argentina.
Yes, my favorite person has just asked for a divorce and I am lost
Oh no, I'm so, so sorry. I've been where you are. It was horrendous. I know it doesn't help as we're not your FP, but you're not alone. 💕
Ohhh brilliant request. Very hard to relearn life when that sort of pillar of stability (that the favorite person represents) is no longer there
@@tasteslikeacid7804 And also, you can't go back to how you were before because you've been changed by your FP and are a different person now. So you can only go foward. But how do you go forward without them?
@@sarahblostein4862 That was your romantic love. Look for a favourite person that really has something to offer.
The boredom is probably one of the most severe effects I have. Even with extensive hobbies and work, I just can't shake it. It's so severe at night the most.
I am stuck. Boredom and emptiness rule my life. I’m completely isolated. Dealing with people always ends badly. I’ve been unemployed for as long as I can afford and I’m starting to panic.
The more I think about working with people and how it always ends, I just keep procrastinating trying to get a new job.
The longer I isolate, the more I retreat into myself and I am too scared to leave my home...
I can related to everything u said above. Except the emptiness part. For some reason I dont feel empty. I can tell u what works for me. A dog. Seriously. U need to love it and walk it. So it gets u up and out.
this is 100% how i've been able to retrospectively recognise that i've had emptiness since i was a teenager. obviously i dont remember how i felt day-to-day as clearly as i can recall how i felt day-to-day the past week. but i can remember during school summer holidays when i ran out of things to do and my friends were complaining about being "bored"- whatever "boredom" i was feeling caused me so much distress, i used to go to huge lengths to avoid it. it was like, being bored was always accompanied by this heavy "life isnt worth living" feeling, but i always just thought maybe i had a really low tolerance for boredom. now i'm self-aware of my mental illness, and i know that when i'm bored the emptiness gets bigger. its kind of weird being able to look back and finally name that feeling, but only a decade later.
I used to (and still do) hate the "quiet times" when there were no strong distractions, like in the shower, walking somewhere or lying in bed waiting to get sleepy. I have to have constant daydreams, scenarios or conversations in my head during those times or it's like I fall into a huge black hole of nothing.
I also notice more recently, the only relief I get from all this is when I go on vacations overseas, where everything is new, different, a novelty, there's no routine so I feel free, and actually more engaged with life. But I can't spend my whole life on vacation (especially right now!) 🥴
emptiness get worse in the evenings for me, and intensifies as the night goes on, it especially bad for for me on sundays. I get a lot of anxiety in there too getting overwhelmed about the week ahead, it's like an impending sense of dread.
For me whenever I get bored or have emptiness, I start getting into my dark thoughts. That's when I have to put something in my hands. Phone, ps4 controller, etc.
@@MrMovielover17 yes, exactly. The one that really keeps me up is going down a youtube rabbit hole though 🤣 btw I just got a notification for this today, wtf YT, a week late?
Boredom I can handle. Emptiness, depression and longing are tough.
The irony of this is I am over a week behind on school work and am technically procrastinating watching these videos haha but at least it is stuff to help me grow and find peace/stability, and not just cruising the web. Point taking though, I am off to do something productive.
Emptiness and boredom is simply my being I used to fill this emptiness with alcohol, drugs and putting myself in danger. that feeling that used to made me feel. But now I succeed to fill it with drawing, painting and gardening but it is still empty and lacking the sense of life. NO ESCAPE
I can understand how challenging it must be to battle with emptiness and boredom. It's great that you've found healthier ways to cope, like drawing, painting, and gardening. Keep exploring different activities and hobbies, and you might just stumble upon something that brings that sense of fulfillment and purpose you're looking for.
Yes! Looking forward for this very subject. I have a huge intolerance with boredom/loneliness to the point that I lose track of time, I feel as if I was put on off mode, empty as a shell. Thank you for your excellent work. 👋 from France!
@Ben O. Verbich Oui 👋 Bonjour !
I feel the same. I go to sleep every 2 hours after I got up.
I do this also, lose track of time if im alone especially. Like the other person commented, I want to enjoy my "alone time" , or get things done, but I end up doing nothing and feeling lonely and empty.
I’ve had the feeling of both emptiness and boredom since my young teens and usually the desire to do impulsive and self destructive things follows after. Been diagnosed with major depressive and anxiety for almost 10 years and diagnosed with ptsd about a year ago. Once I can afford it I’d like to get reevaluated so I don’t have to wonder if I’ve been struggling with bpd this whole time too. Very hard to manage everyday living these days.
So true and on point. I'm amazed how other people seem to me to live a very stable life, doing a lot of the same over and over. I get bored FAST with anything I do. But I'm going to try these things you mention. I am intent on getting better. Thank you.
13:12 My answer was self harm because I just want to feel somthing. I guess it's that external stimulation... not being able to regulate internally. That's why I need to find & learn ways to deal with the emptiness & boredom, healthy ways!
Wow. This is the first positive clinical BPD help video that's ever come up on my TH-cam feed. I feel silly for not ever thinking to look for any. Every video I've ever seen spoke of it as a less evil variance of narcissism with fixed traits and people with it should be "spotted and avoided" at all costs. Thank you for reminding me that I am human, I deserve to be treated as such and that there are people and professionals out there that are capable of doing just that. Really. THANK YOU
I used to feel this so intensely, I drank it away and now I'm numb and hateful. What a sick, twisted, lonely existence has been thrust upon me.
This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time (i’m a stay at home mom and my husband works from home but he works most of the day so it’s just me and my 3 year old.) I feel so bored and unfulfilled and empty. We live in the middle of nowhere right now which doesn’t help. But I’ve always felt this way even when I was a teenager living with my parents. Thanks so much for making this video and helping us Dr Fox I can’t even explain how much you’ve helped me :)
I feel emptiness (and often depression) when I do "productive" things or work on "SMART" goals. It feels so meaningless to fix a tiny irrelevant detail about my life when the big things like relationships or a fulfilling job, feeling content and safe, being able to relax and have free time are missing. I am a very perfectionistic person and I don´t want to get stuck in the rat race again. help?
Welcome to the crowd, at least you have the courage to admit it :)
Don't be lazy.
I felt so understood watching this video, I think today I'll take my time doing activities I typically don't do. Routines help but routines also make me bored.
Bordem was in the DSM 3 as a criteria I understand?? Makes sense! With my therapist I could not choose between calling it bored, stuck, depressed, frozen etc... and I think the worst of all was empty because where no other distractions existed that is just a horrible feeling. I feel like emotional roller coaster even in moment by moment was all to try and stay away from too much feeling, to "pretend" and "be something else" and act out, destructively. I think they could often relplace impulsive with escapism, that is what it was for me... and in some quiet cases like me replace abandonment with hating rejection and criticism because if attachment was not there it is just not something you feel, although when I felt connection with some people I totally overloaded them and they told me I was a mean person. Therapy is saving my life though and it took/ and is still taking/ a long time but far better than staying in chronic addiction, anger, almost split personaliity feelings. Yes... boredom, being out of it, and/or feeling just totally depressed and often frightened is a no good place. I appreciated the recent video I watched on PTSD and BPD, it confused me being diagnosed as both, sounded redundant at first but the core issue and the replays from later things are kind of different.
I'm right there with ya' on the bpd/ptsd. Dr. Fox is a true hero in my book.
I'd love it if you would do a video on loneliness. Real, not imagined, loneliness due to disfunctional family from having your childhood and even your adulthood spent with people who did not relate to you in caring or even validating ways.
The source of the emptiness and boredom is from this I believe. We are lonely because those that matter to us did not convincingly show us that they cared back. Hence we are stuck in the abandonment melange, where we can only cope or escape, but not engage with our lives or thrive in our lives.
Where can one find the resolution to this biological conundrum, where our normal hormonal system is trying to save us from the life treat of abandonment by demanding that we wait to be found and rejoin the tribe, hide until we are safe and fulfill only our physical needs meanwhile.
This leads to high anxiety, added to by the multiple failures to reconnect, increasing the distress at each unsuccessful attempt. This high anxiety, with its inherent hormonal cocktail, works against both the ability to plan and the ability to enjoy anything we undertake.
Danie R. This perfectly describes me. And I have resentment due to how different relationships could have been.
@@jasonxxx91 describe your experience of you don't mind if course.
@@jasonxxx91 raised an only child. Single mother. Uninterested Petal figures. No extended family. Never had a career only jobs and moving a lot. Not many peers.
So well said. Can completely relate
I fundamentally believe this, I think BPD has a foundation of anxiety and depression - constantly feeling inadequate drives the impulsive behaviours which fuels the splitting which adds into the unstable image of self which adds into the depression and anxiety. Just a horribly vicious circle.
Emptiness has been so extreme for me lately. I lost my FP and I can’t seem to fill that void within myself no matter how hard I try. Even yesterday I just walked around my apartment for 13 hours accomplishing nothing because I just feel so lost
I lost my FP 4 months ago and the empty, "lost-ness" is scary and disorienting.
What is FP sorry
@@cm-yu6guI think it’s favourite person - people with BPD usually have one
@@AliceMcDonnell you're right thank you
Maybe making a list of 5 things, no matter how small, and be determined to get through all of them in a day. Even if it's folding a towel
I have less trouble with boredom now especially because I have dogs. I also have depression/anxiety that is controlled mostly by medication/fitness program and mindfulness training. Being on a schedule really helps. Using You Tube too much leads to feelings of emptyness!!!
This is so useful Dr. Fox. Thank you. I am from India and among the privileged ones who can access internet and are proficient in English. I really feel these videos should be translated in 2-3 prominent regional languages in India. Thousands of people (especially those who cannot understand English and have limited access to resources such as therapy) will benefit from your wisdom. While I have spent 36 years of life managing (and getting progressively better at) BPD symptoms and co-morbidities, I genuinely feel we should try and reduce the suffering of others.
This is why “clean your room” is so brilliant. It’s helped me quite a bit.
I don't often feel bored, but I feel empty a lot. I usually am able to entertain myself and keep my mind moving but sometimes I feel so hollow that I don't have the drive to do anything that I'd like to do. I'll even have interest in thinking about things I like to do but not enough internal push to get up to do them. I feel like with smart phones/the internet it's impossible to be bored unless you're naturally not very creative. There's always stuff to do, I just have lack of drive to do anything when I get in a nihilistic depressed mood. I usually will end up sleeping throughout the day, drinking, smoking weed, etc to fill the emptiness long enough for me to want to do something, but it doesn't last and sometimes I just feel even more hollow afterwards. I want to find a therapist but I don't feel like putting in time towards calling a bunch of places, waiting, answering questions, and then having to see if the person is good for me or not. I know I should get one but I am procrastinating on doing it because I have had so many lackluster experiences. It's pretty ironic too because I'm in school to be in the psych field and I listen to other peoples problems all the time but in a clinical setting theres sometimes pressure to not say the wrong thing for fear of hospitalization. Thanks for making videos on this.
Thank you for these videos. I am in therapy and don’t have a diagnosis, but these videos are still very helpful. I appreciate that there is someone who speaks compassionately and helps us feel less ashamed rather than more shame.
I'm glad to hear that you find the videos helpful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you Dr Fox! I have been struggling with boredom which made me feel really empty. I didn’t know how to break the cycle of safety which caused me a lot of boredom. I procrastinate a LOT, even with things I enjoy doing. Doing nothing is safe, so I would sit on my phone or stay home instead of seeing people I love.
I just moved and am trying to start anew, and I’ve cut out a lot of bad habits like sitting on my phone or on TH-cam for hours. I’ve been feeling stressed so I reverted back to some of these maladaptive behaviors, and I felt it immediately: that emptiness crept back.
This video helped me snap back to reality and see what I was doing wrong. Procrastination is where I trip up!
I’m so thankful that you put these videos up, they help me change my perspective a lot.
You just described exactly how I feel, lack of motivation too. This is so me 🥺
I LOVE the concept of the “honeymoon” phase used in BPD because it IS that way for ALL my relationships and it usually only lasts up to a week or two. edit: the honeymoon phase is what lasts like a week or two.
Filling every day with a new person until all of the sudden you can only see the downfalls of their personality instead of the pedestal we had put them on? 2 weeks later they are the last person we want to see? I’ve been there! Over and over….🥺😢
Thank you for this!! I feel this right now. I’m self Sabotaging now and feel so dead inside. So empty....
YES THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! My boredom and emptiness hits like a tsunami and im left paralyzed and even when things are going objectively well i have thoughts like if i should just kill myself (i snap out of it though!) my recent phone sesh with my psychologist really helped 😭💕
Yes I have similar thoughts .
Wow, this made alot of sense. I have learned so much from these videos. Im tired of feeling sick and unable to build myself a life because of this disorder. Im going to battle, a battle with myself
I have to really guard against perceiving my job as boring. It def adds to a sense of emptiness which then leads to depression.
I am a terrible procrastinator..and my life has been boring everyday for years..thank you for this advice Dr Fox..
I recently found out that I might have quiet BPD, and watching this video has been so validating for me. I often wonder why I find myself so easily bored and feeling empty which usually leads me towards my addictive impulses
I'm glad the video could provide some validation for you!
thank you, dr. Fox. your content saves lives.
thank you so much for making this!! I've left a few comments asking you to make a video on boredom and emptiness and you did not disappoint! loved the idea of not validating the shame triggered by emptiness, you're excellent
I love how you remind me of all the things l learned in DBT. Still fighting with my BPD and PTSD but it gets easier! Thx for your work!
First time watching you. This video hit the spot answering all the questions I had about feeling empty. I've been struggling with this for years but now that I have a diagnosis I can understand more why I feel the way I do and why I've done certain things in my life. Trying yo get better each day, is not easy but giving up is never the answer.
I've been out of work and stuck at home for a few months now, feeling useless, worthless, like a waste of life, alone, and only alive to suffer, wanting to end it daily, the only time ive noticed myself feeling better all is when im doing tasks around the house. But once im done im left sitting alone with my thoughts, using weed or alcohol to try and numb the pain, discovering your videos and is the first ive ever felt like there might be a way out of this. Thank you
I’m so glad that you find my videos helpful and encouraging. Continue to develop adaptive strategies and work on her routine they get you out of the house and connecting with others. Build that positive social support network for yourself. I wish you all the best
I could never explain this - thank you - thought I was going mad .............its spot on !
you give me so much hope , thank you so much Dr. Fox
Thank you so much dr. Daniel. I don't know what I would do without TH-cam and content like this
Yes! Been looking forward to this video!! Thank you Dr. Fox🙂
Thank you for all the content you're making during the pandemic! 💓
I just want to say that I recently bought your BPD workbook, and I just love it. I didn't think it would be so extensive and so understanding
While I do feel that I have attempted to learn as much as I can about bpd, with what i hear you present here, about boredom, and emptiness, I find that I have much more to learn ! Thanks for all your great info !
Your videos and workbook have helped me so much - this topic particularly resonates - I can't thank you enough for taking the time to make this available 💚
Thank you for sharing helpful information! The last part where you said we should not feel shame really touched me.
As always, really helpful and well thought of. Thank you for your time and dedication. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for making this video free and publicly available.
Thank you for all you do Dr. Fox. You have helped me so much on my BPD journey and I genuinely can never thank you enough. Thank you for helping me feel more stable and empowered, you rock.
It’s such a blessing to have these videos to reference in addition to therapy. It just allows me to get the most out of my sessions every week. Thank you.
Respect and thanks for sharing your obvious understanding of this complex disorder.
Thank you for all of your videos. I've only recently been diagnosed with BPD and your videos have helped me recognize the traits in myself and identify ways to work on them
Dr Fox
Every time I visit your channel with a new-to-me video or revisit some of the ones I watched earlier and found so helpful, I’m filled with gratitude again.
Clearly your clinical work has been of such great value to the individuals you serve personally. But your generosity in doing these public videos has as clearly extended the impact of your understanding and experience to such a wider demographic! The comments under all your videos speak for themselves! Plus, as you mentioned in this one, that same value is also extended to the clinical community. The world seriously needs more mental/emotional health care professionals who are benefitting from your experience and understanding.
As a support person for a loved one with BPD/BPD-traits, I highly value your very practical advice and insight. But I want to say also that your “stuff” is positively beneficial for any human soul-psyche. I derive helpful insight for my own life.
I have chronic boredom and boredom is my main trigger for anxiety, I've tried to get help because it's really been effecting my life in very negative ways, my last major episode I ended up breaking my hand, I have to fight to try to find something to do every single day and it just seems like it's getting worse and worse, I don't have insurance or I haven't been able to work so money is an issue, I've tried going to Betty Hardwick for help but they refused to take me but they didn't give me a reason why, everywhere I've gone has turned me away, I'm really struggling and it seems like I've ran out of options...
Wow! I just came across your channel today and I can't believe how much help you've provided to me already. I recently quit my high-stress, high-pressure job to start my own business, and the boredom to emptiness to shame spiral I've experienced over the last few weeks was described so well in this video. Things make so much more sense now and I feel like I have some concrete tools to help manage what I felt like was just crazy-making weirdness. Thanks so much for making these videos. They are SO, so helpful!
I never connected the boredom and emptiness with my bpd but it makes perfect sense! Thank you for making these videos they have really helped me understand my disorder
I have read 10 comments and all of them describe the same struggles I experience. It fascinates me how similar we all are and hope for the all of us to experimentees new thing, new day everyday. One day at a time......
Peace, light and love
I needed to hear this insightfully video.
Thank you doctor Fox
Thank you for all these videos. I think I self-sabotage my relationship in order to avoid the feeling pdf emptiness and feel something. Better feeling bad than feeling nothing. I have a lot of hope that I can get better, I'm reading your Workbook and I'm finding it very useful. It feels good to do something to improve my life :) Thank you!
Thank you so much. This is the trait most relevant for me as an ADD-er who is usually lowkey depressed...but not really like the textbook MDD criteria. But very rarely do I see strategies to target the big empty- more aimed at relationship difficulties or other more tangible symptoms. Made me feel like it was unfixable or just philosophically true.
It’s dictated my life so far and it took so long to recognize it as a pathology for lack of awareness. I felt like I was living in a video game and always remembering that it was all just contrived. Or platos cave I guess. Anyway wishing all well from quarantine!
Whenever I am having a bpd episode I always watch your videos to understand myself better and to see things differently. Your channel has made such a positive impact to my life. I am so grateful for you creating this channel and spreading awareness about bpd so thank you so much Dr Fox.
Thank you so much for your videos and the workbook, it has been such a great help so far! I have been struggling to cope with my emptiness for a long time now. I am always feeling the best and clearest in my life when I am traveling (last year I flew from Germany to Mexico and went all the way to Costa Rica and then flew to India with my boyfriend I met while traveling). The BPD was still there but I felt that because of the new surroundings, working in projects and living in alternative communities, I needed to break out of my old habits and find more healthy ways to cope. Now I am back in a big city in Germany due to covid for almost 3 months and I feel as bad as I haven't for years. No meaning, no purpose, feeling extremely lonely.. started to drink alcohol again to cope with my overwhelming emotions. As well I feel that living in a society that (generally speaking) suppresses emotions a lot, makes me feel even more alienated. I don't know what to do at the moment. The idea to just leave again feels like the best option, but I sometimes feel too depressed to do anything.. social anxieties starting to increase too. Some people are just telling me that I am running away from my problems and I should face "reality" here and have a organised, structured life. Just wondering if anyone is experiencing something similar and has any advices?
This makes so much sense. I have had a really tough diagnostic journey for a mast cell disorder (10 years, 20+ doctors). When it comes to my health I go through this cycle of having a breakthrough and feeling super revamped that my whole life is gonna change, then this eventual let down when it inevitably doesn't cause some dramatic change. Most recently I realized that my moods predicted my feelings about my health, and not the other way around. This led me to seek ED treatment and ultimately learn about BPD and realize it might not just be ADHD that is sabotaging me. While these health honeymoons are not helpful to me emotionally, each time I take another step it is in the right direction towards a new treatment/diagnosis/etc. that is a breakthrough for me. I go through these patterns in all aspects of my life but it seems to be most profound when it comes to my health.
Your videos are compassionate, and so much of this hits very close to home. I am trying not to hop into that health honeymoon feeling, but I do think I am on the right track.
Great video. I sometimes have trouble imitating task/getting motivated or finishing the tasks!
Can you maybe talk about verbal anger, lashing out, especially when annoyed by others but your partner feels it’s directed at them or when it is directed at them? This can be so hard to manage.
Thanks for the tips. Love your videos.
I’m a parent with a 19 year old who has been suffering with this exact pattern. Right now she is finally in a day program I will wait before I share with her. Thank-you
Thank you for doing these videos and for working on the book!
This is first time I’ve heard someone talk about this. I’ve been dealing with this feeling since I was child. I tend to be so bored and empty and it makes me exhausted.
My therapists over the years have said I don't have the disorder but do have traits and when you said not to feel shame about the emptiness...oof. I needed that so much. I often experience the emptiness as a deficiency, and sometimes it's heightened by the fact that my partner is highly internally motivated so he is often just effortlessly doing things when for me I feel that struggle. You are so so good at describing these traits while taking the shame out of the experience. The shame often just sends me further into the behaviors.
I'm feeling like that right now because of a crisis I had two days ago out of nowhere, I hope the video helps me understand it better.
Something I notice is that Borderlines have zero interests or hobbies. I get it must be draining to live in that state of mind/being. My biggest rec to any BPD is to find a hobby or interest that brings you joy. Also developing a skill set that you can use to make a living from. I notice many BPD have untapped creativity in them...
such a helpful man, I appreciate you Dr.Fox
@BPD World you too
brilliant video in its simplicity and advice
When I was a child/teenager I used to walk around and around the house in circles saying how bored I was. When my parents said "well go and do something" I said over and over "what's the point! It's not enough of a purpose to it!" And I'd be super angry and crying at the boredom, and the desperation to not feel there was any purpose to doing something at the same time. It didn't feel like enough stimulation to go for a walk or read or colour in a picture. It's all pointless. So this must be severe boredom with emptiness sabotaging any hope of relieving boredom, equalling more boredom and inner distress. I'd be crying because I felt so bored. This continues into adult hood. Does anyone else find this odd, because my parents would think it's not logical to feel paralised by boredom in of itself by feeling deeply there's not enough meaning to doing something besides moan. If you're bored, you have the power to do something about it, but it doesn't feel like that to me, because I feel emptiness (I prefer saying there's no point)
I experience this a lot . The Emptiness boredom.. Thankyou Dr Fox for this helpful resource .
You are very welcome and I wish you all the best.