People who complain about the “yammering” or the video length are not your target audience. We (your followers) know your style and like to listen to you and everything you have to say in the way you say it.
I think for each of these seasons/specific subtopics, tons of listeners flow in that only want a specific analysis of the show or the individuals on it. The regular viewers (assuming y'all share my mindset) are here to learn broadly, whatever theoretical topics come up during the viewing. The "yammering" is literally the reason I am listening to this channel on a daily basis.
@@realhousewifeoftransylvania1.0 I'm a follower and I disagree with him sometimes ( I admit, maybe around 90 % of the time I agree ). But the comment above doesn't have anything to do with disagreeing or agreeing, it is about his style of videos, his style of talking - long explanations and "yammering". In my opinion his style really helps me understand certain concepts and his points of view better. I think these are very complicated subjects he is talking about and it only makes sense to really have thorough explanations. He is very transparent and I feel like he leaves nothing for us to guess, it's always super clear what he thinks and how he thinks - and I love that.
I am not a regular TH-cam commenter and this may be the only comment I ever leave, but I wanted to express my appreciation for your bravery and vulnerability. It is a rare gift to be so heartfelt as you in any context, much less on a public and often heartless forum. You are a wonderful example and I hope you continue to feel as uplifted in making your content as we do in listening to it.
Yammer all you want Kirk. We're here for it! I hope you don't let frivolous criticism get to you too much. And please take care of yourself! You deserve it. You really really do!
Does yammer means to talk unnecessarily about unrelated stuff? But I seen two episodes and there is like 15 minutes or them talking about stuff that is unrelated. The episodes could definitely be shorter if they focus more and talk less about other anecdotes that are unrelated.
Appreciate you endlessly, Dr Honda ❤ I believe you strike a perfect balance between well-needed commentary, clip viewing, and video length. Not yammering to me because your words are important/critical streams of consciousness. Yall…LET KIRK COOK
I couldn’t agree more! I have learned a lot from Dr. Honda’s in-depth analysis of interpersonal relationships. I hope he continues to dive deep. Let Him Cook!
I agree 90% of the time 😊 the only times that I get slightly irritated is when he pauses a conversation every 2-3 sentences and hypothesizes about what the person is trying to say, and if he just played 3 seconds more of the video the person clarifies the thing that Kirk was just spending 5 minutes speculating about. 😂 That feels a bit unproductive to me. So sometimes I wish he’d let a little more of the conversation play before reacting to it. But I’ve heard him say that it’s also an issue with copyright strikes so they have to pause Netflix videos frequently to make sure the channel doesn’t get in trouble.
For what it's worth, I hear other creators get similar comments about "talking too much," and they say, "This is a commentary channel. If you want to watch the original video without interruptions, you can go do that." I will also say that you can never please everyone in terms of the video length. On TH-cam, there will always be people who want 5-minute videos, and people who want 2-hour videos. Just do what feels right for you.
@@007nadineL To be honest, I don't think this OP meant that Kirk needs to stop feeling upset by something that made him feel upset, I think they meant to encourage him to feel like he IS valid in his upsettedness, and sadly it is something that a lot of creators on this platform are subjected to. Personally, I think Kirk has been supremely chill about many, many things over time. It's perfectly human, natural, understandable to me that this would be something that hurt his feelings. I'm actually very happy that he feels comfortable sharing this on his channel, it's very vulnerable and real, and personally, I'm glad to know how I can be more supportive in community with anyone that I have regular interactions with, and are safe and not abusive. If you'd like me to clarify any points made in this comment, feel free to ask! I'm curious what your thoughts are, feel free to reply, I will respond in good faith to anything said in good faith.
Hey I was the original commenter that Dr H ended up responding to and I'm just gonna write here basically what I messaged because I think it's helped me a lot to be more mindful, because my intention would never be to hurt the people I watch. Especially Kirk. I love the content on this but I feel like the community Dr H has built here is the biggest strength. It's really nice to have a part of the Internet that is so empathetic and vulnerable and kind. And I want to be a part of the positive, not the negative 'I just wanted to say, that I'm glad you commented what you did. I wasn't bothered at all by what you responded and as I said, I think it's a real strength to do so. I think it's easy when commenting to forget the person behind the channel, and although I try to be mindful of that, it's powerful to hear truthfully the effect it can have. It's actually you being so honest about that, that's made me be more aware and have more empathy around it, with you and others I watch. I just want you to know that, catagorically, I NEVER feel like you talk too much. Your words have been a constant comfort to me for the last 4 years. Your content has made me a better person. I'm sorry if my comment seemed otherwise, that wasn't my intention but I can see how overwhelming the comments on that video would be. Your core audience cares so much about you and your wellbeing is our top priority. Thank you for being vulnerable and candid. You're practicing what you preach and we're learning from your modelling.'
Thanks for that, Elz. Yeah, we communicated already through DM. Your original comment was totally fine, but as I said in this video and in DM with you, it was just the tiny, innocuous straw on the proverbial camel's back. It pushed me over the edge. Your responses to me warm my heart and make me feel safe to be me on this channel. I want to feel safe to be me and you (and all the others) have made that possible.
My brother just told me he has a coworker who he wants to introduce me to because, "She also watches and talks about Psychology in Seattle." I squealed with joy and realized that Dr Kirk Honda fans are my personified green flags! 💚 Your content is a light in my life, and I can't thank you enough for using your expertise in this way. The truth is, one hour a week with my therapist simply doesn't provide the time that you're able to give to compare, contrast, contextualize, etc. so that I really GET IT. My relationships are noticeably better since the algorithm gifted me your channel!
I was literally in tears at the end of this video. Not only because I have made flippant comments on your videos at times, which I now deeply regret, but also out of sheer admiration for you for being so vulnerable and setting such a wonderful example to your community. I have a 15 month old son and if I can raise him to have even 10% of your emotional sensitivity and compassion, I'll call it a win. You have made comments in the past about some feedback being hurtful, but I honestly did not realize that the type of comments I was making at times (I posted recently about how I was confused you didn't comment on a particular scene) were in that category. I was thinking of trolls and people just being nasty. Your nuanced explanation was so helpful for me in understanding the ways those types of comments can be very hurtful, even if they are worded in an outwardly polite way. I have now gone back and edited a couple of comments I made in the past (referencing this video to help educate others), and I will be mindful of this in the future. Thanks for helping your audience to grow.
Thanks, Rachel. You make me feel safer to be my regular self on this channel. Yeah, the trolls are easier to dismiss because they're so far away from my worldview. People "on my team" get under my skin more easily. I might not have realized that until recently - maybe because in the beginning, I didn't have a "team", but now I feel like I do. So, I guess it's good for me to know this sensitivity and to communicate it. (And given your empathy for me, I'm guessing that your kid will possess a high level of emotional sensitivity and compassion.)
@@PsychologyInSeattle Wow, Dr. Honda. I feel honored by this long reply and by your kind words about me, thank you! To be clear, I don't think you are being oversensitive about this at all! Its more that I just didn't really think about it from your perspective. Now that I have, I would think most people in your position, who work very hard on content and try to be responsive and considerate of your audience's likes/dislikes, would be upset by comments like these, especially when they get so many upvotes. It was so kind of you and respectful of your audience to give us this feedback and give us a chance to care for you...when you work so hard caring for us every day. Thanks
I can’t imagine how anyone could be so mean to someone who is so selfless and encouraging-looking at you, Dr. Honda! I love your content so much I could listen to it all day long. I support all the time and love you put into your channel-whether it’s 5 minutes or 45 minutes. You truly are the biggest reason I open TH-cam! I learn so much from you, Dr. Honda. So, thank you for being the person you are. ❤
Dr. Honda I’m a psych nurse who works in an inpatient setting in Vancouver, Canada. There have been times that patients with very debilitating BPD have come to us for lengthy stays. almost inevitably the staff go from being perfect angels to the worst scum b-words. The switch can be so hurtful and alarming. Over time the pt and staff relationship becomes very harmful, since it’s typical that us nursing staff can be quite rigid with limit setting around histrionic behaviours on the hospital ward. You can imagine the perceived rejection they may experience with that! I’ve been listening to you for a long time now and your teaching has transformed how I see these people and has helped me change my approach in drastic ways. I also share your videos with my coworkers to empower them too and have conversations with them to help identify the counter transference we are all experiencing. I see how absolutely imperative it is to be educated in this, to minimize further harm to these clients and to save ourselves from burning out. I owe you so much Dr. Honda ❤ I also think people who are nit picking your reactions a need to realize that they are getting a whole education for free and they need to take a seat!!! lol
Oh my gosh! I am so happy to see the comment! I am a nurse as well, however I work in cardiac step down. Every so often we get these patients who fit the same cycle you described, and since this latest breakdown on Borderline Personality Disorder, I am wondering if that is a possible cause of the difficulty it these patients! Being hospitalized is extremely high stress already, and then with nurses changing shifts every 12 hours and having multiple patients that we need to split time with......I can imagine it being very triggering for a BPD patient. I would love to learn how to better communicate with these patients in a way that won't further trigger their feelings of rejection, but also sets boundaries to prevent nurse burn out!
@@monicafein9295 I know! They are at their most vulnerable, scared and dependent on us for so much at that time. If we are very busy and can’t be there for them immediately sometimes people can totally unravel. Now I realize the anger and reactivity is actually fear of abandonment and they are seeing innocent things in a distorted way because of their distress. I agree we need so much more education and support around this!
I hear you, Dr. Kirk. You clearly put your heart and soul into every episode and that's what your listeners value. It is so refreshing to listen to someone who leads with authenticity and vulnerability and who cares not only about the quality of their content but their listeners and what they hope to derive from your analysis on various topics of interest. From poet John Lydgate: "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." You do you, Dr. Kirk that's what we're all here for-yammering (although not to us!) and all. You have so much to offer and are a beacon of light to many. Not to mention, the impact you have on the lives of those who take to heart what you say and apply it in ways that make the road easier and their life richer and more rewarding. You are appreciated more than you know😊
I also hear you! I have known a lot of people who suffer from BPD & Chelsea definitely triggered me. Dr Kirk gave me a lot insight & understanding to what’s actually going on here.
I just got to the end of the episode and I’ve got to send a virtual hug and a different way of looking at the feedback. Folks are eager and impatient to see you “get to the good part.” I experienced it myself with the Jimmy/Chelsea content. I thought, “I can’t wait for him to comment on all of the fights,” because I enjoy your commentary immensely. Seeing you break it up was leaving me in suspense! But! Rather than rush through it, you stayed true to yourself and your passion and really teased apart the dynamics YOUR WAY. You handled it with so much expertise and compassion that I recognized my own experiences and now I’m back in therapy. At least for this deserving listener, it was completely worth it. Thank you! You’ve literally changed my life. I hope the deserving listeners who are sitting at the edge of their seats sit still, stay kind, and find their own golden nuggets of information in one of your detailed videos.
YES! I felt the same. Impatient to get to the "good stuff" but then the REAL good stuff was in all of the insights in between what I thought I was there to listen to.
I as a therapist, diagnosed with BPD back in 2015, who now no longer meets criteria, who is now avidly working towards safeways to communicate and be vulnerable at work with my current working models. Benefited greatly, from watching and listening to you being vulnerable at the end. I am genuinely driving into work preparing to talk to a coworker who has been belittling little and sliding me. Triggering my very very very strong BPD beliefs and schemas. Having this modelled to me was very helpful and beneficial. And I too will be alongside you with my vulnerability hangover. Because now I know that it is now my responsibility to model this way of communication to my colleagues. Because if I genuinely want to instigate system change I know it needs to be done through modelling and not lecturing. Thank you for being brave. Because this will genuinely help me thank you.
You are by far my favorite person on this platform. There’s no other creator that fosters such a warm and trusting community that you do. Your words are a healing balm to those of us who are privileged to have access to so much of you. Your videos are the perfect length and the yammering is the best part! Even when you are on a sidebar it’s all incredibly enriching and needed. You are so loved and appreciated! Thank you for putting your heart and soul into your content ❤
I was diagnosed with Borderline. I have been working so hard on myself. I was abused as a child and Im a 5th of 6 children. So the abandonment was and still there. I cried throughout this series. I wasn’t aware of how much pain I cause people around me. I have a great husband, he knows my history and my diagnosis so he tries his best to help me. But watching this made me cry so much because it’s like looking into a mirror. And it hurts me so much to know that Im causing him this much pain. I know I do my best, but it’s just so painful to me as well. I know he doesn’t deserve that, but I too feel I didn’t deserve to be treated in the ways that led to me being and reacting in such ways. 😢
You deserve to be loved and it's amazing you found someone who loves you. Your guilt is understandable, however, don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't ask to be hurt as a child, No one deserves that, healing is a journey, be proud of how far you've come, im wishing you the best!
Kirk, this comment is a drop of water in the ocean, but we watch you because you talk just the right amount. It breaks my heart that you seem self-conscious about the amount of talking you do. Thanks for your content.
It breaks my heart that you get hateful comments that impact you like this. I have learned so much from you and your channel. Sometimes your videos don’t quite hit for me, but that’s okay. I don’t have to love everything all the time. But to make comments that even make you feel like you’re being attacked - that’s so far over the line. And I’m so sorry you are experiencing it. I hope you are taking care of yourself too, doctor Honda. Because you also deserve it. 😊
Yes, I feel the same way! And sometimes I’m surprised that people who watch the videos of someone so thoughtful and understanding would post hurtful, thoughtless comments.
@@LauraAncaI feel exactly the same way. Being mean to Dr. Honda is like kicking an adorable, fuzzy puppy. And then giving it an upper cut for good measure.
Watched till the end and appreciated your vulnerability, Kirk! ❤️ I have a lot of admiration for anyone that puts themselves out there in public, especially knowing that so many people are going to have completely varying opinions and triggers that they let out on the creator. Hopefully you can remember that when you get thousands of views on each video, those comments and upvotes here and there are really a small fraction of the people that appreciate your output. 🌸
I don't have many heroes or male role models, Dr Kirk. You are pretty much it. I for one appreciate your tangents and self reflections because I think that's what helps to internalise your voice which helps me be vulnerable and forgiving. You influence me in many ways including how I approach my work developing social policy to support vulnerable children in Australia and I can tell you, you have a much greater and broader impact than you could imagine. Keep up the great work and please reach out if you want to hear more about the positive influence you are having! Thank you!
OK how dare anyone upset our beloved Dr Kirk!!! Even when talking about hard complicated things you manage to put a smile on our faces. Thank you for all the content and vulnerability
I love the spontaneity. The natural responses. The yammerings. The LONG videos. I love that you talk a lot. The real fans know and love these things about you. My grandma used to say “if you do, people will criticize you, if you don’t, people will criticize you. So just do you and don’t pay too much mind to the critiques”. The internet can be a ridiculous place. Thank you for modeling vulnerability and transparency. It’s truly a gift. You are a role model to me in so many ways: as a therapist, as a friend, as a partner, as a person. Thank you for being you and for having this channel and podcast.
Sorry to hear people are saying negative things about your borderline abuse episodes because I really loved them, watched them multiple times and think that you did an incredible job on them. I watch your channel all the time but don’t comment very often. But just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you’re doing. Thank you.
I never comment or read your comments, but I guess I should. I *do* appreciate so much that you get straight to the content without preamble. Also, I think the length of all your videos is fine. I tend to put you on double speed or 1.75 speed, so it really flies by. I also love that you upload more than one video a day; not many people would do that. I have my disagreements occasionally, but this podcast is very valuable to me. I used to be a Patreon member for over a year, and you're one of the reasons I decided to go to school for mental health counseling (originally I wanted marriage and family therapy like you, but then I pivoted because of the school I want to go to). I guess everyone likes compliments and that makes sense, and this was a reminder to me that if I have something nice to say, I should say it.
Honestly, I encourage it! The folks in this space are super cool for the most part, and I've seen some truly brilliant and human insights. Plus the comments remain mostly respectful, too. Uncommon in YT in my experience.
Timestamps (mostly email responses, that's why I don't mention different videos/episodes) 0:01 E-mails Dr. Honda got in response to his borderline abuse videos. He also talks a lot about attachment styles. 28:50 Continuing with e-mails. Dr. Honda mentions how the comments and emails makes him feel like he’s having a conversation with his listeners, as opposed to him just lecturing. He doesn’t like the lecture style of teaching (in my attempt to paraphrase). 33:50 Is threatening to break up with someone abusive? 38:10 When she displays abusive behavior and I tell her this isn’t working, she accuses me of abuse. Is she right? 45:27 I find myself in a cycle of coming back to her after promises of change, but then ready to leave after those promises are quickly broken. 47:04 What would it look like if your mother had borderline? Ways to have a healthy relationship with a parent on the borderline spectrum, and how to handle situations where your mom is triggered and not seeing reality clearly? 57:50 I’m watching your recent episodes on borderline, and I realized I might be on the spectrum. I’ve been in therapy since I was 18 and I’m 30 right now. It hurts to listen to my therapist since I always feel like she’s criticizing me. 1:06:45 Sometimes I feel paranoid that she might be gaslighting me into believing my perception is wrong, and just wants me to be there for the permanent money. 1:10:45 She doesn’t believe in diagnosing 1:17:55 So we only talk about the characteristics of my personality 1:25:15 My parents have a toxic relationship. My father was diagnosed by my therapist to be a narcissist. Funny how easy it was for her to give him a diagnosis but not for me. 1:30:55 If you aren’t occasionally apologizing to your partner for your bullshit, then there’s something wrong 1:32:50 I’ve been on the receiving end of borderline abuse in a strange way. You never know what you’re going to get from a person, sometimes it seems like they just want chaos and drama 1:42:00 People with borderline, it’s not all a downside. 1:43:15 Watching you react to love is blind season 6, I have been waiting for your reaction to the big fight between Chelsea and Jimmy ----- when AD was watching Clay eat the soup at the table, I found her behavior very odd 1:47:22 If you’re still watching 1:48:50 Looking at comments on his videos 1:52:28 JP and Taylor, her makeup, video comments about that scene. Being authentic, spontaneous. 1:57:30 Season 5 critical feedback, hurtful tone. Episodes too long, talking too much. 2:00:28 He (Dr. Honda) has said this a few times now, so I think it’s worth noting. A lot of thought and care goes into the videos he makes, the length, how much he talks, and so on. He tries to strike a balance between what the viewers want, and what he wants to do (my words, not his for the last sentence) 2:03:00 He doesn’t always talk about the way things affect him, and then he’ll get upset, and wish people would just understand how things affect him. So this is him actively telling people how things affect him. 2:04:15 Season 6, episodes felt like they were getting longer. He thought people would be more satisfied….. 2:08:00 Comment about talking too much, and being upvoted by a lot of people. Some say videos too short, too long. 2:11:35 Pushed over the edge 2:18:35 People dm’ed him, commented, emailed him This was a difficult video for me to try and make timestamps for, I usually do it the lazy way of just saying when each video transition occurs 😂 But I tried.
TLDR: I don’t think you’re being too vulnerable or sensitive at the end. I think your frustration is understandable. You work hard giving us content to watch every. single. day. More than any other youtuber that I know of. Maybe part of it is not feeling appreciated? I don’t know, it’s late here and I’m fading.. 2:09:15 That makes two of us, I would never think of saying that to someone if I like the creator and their content (that they talk too much, or just anything critical or negative in general) 2:11:00 You’re not being too sensitive. I don’t think these people know what it’s like to be in your shoes. 2:18:50 I almost wrote earlier that people might not always be aware of how they come across when they write comments, their tone. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, and what they’re saying, but.. I hope that can help soften the blow when you feel hurt or attacked by their comments. I think it’s good that you got it off your chest, and let the viewers know how you feel, how things affect you. Hopefully it’ll give people pause before they write something critical or negative, and just appreciate the content you give us.
Thank you for this detailed list of timestamps! The video was long so I could not watch it on one go, so this comment helped a lot to remember what had been talked about when coming back :)
I was so anxiously awaiting your reaction to Jimmy breaking it off with Chelsea and the video seemed to end the second before he did it. Despite how much I was anticipating it I just laughed out loud at the irony of the timing! I think it’s good to build the suspense so it made me more excited for the next video because I knew it would be the first thing. I’m so sorry to hear people aren’t appreciative of the content. I literally upvoted the video because my thought process was positive encouragement to continue 😂 maybe it’s the mom in me to lean towards positive reinforcement. I hope you know I appreciate all your videos especially the rambling ones!
Hey doc, I’m just popping by to say, I’ve enjoyed your Love is Blind content for a good long while, and this Borderline related stuff has been extremely interesting. Thank you for your insights, time, & energy. I hope the sun shines a little brighter on you today, or at least that your leaf-blower neighbor guy takes it easy.
I can’t get enough of you, Dr. Honda. I’m sorry people were being hurtful. I really appreciate your content. I get excited when I see you posted a video and you help me feel heard daily. Thank you for all you and your wife do to run this channel.
1:48:13 I’m still watching lol. And I validate you, Kirk. This is the nature of reaction videos. I love to see other people’s reactions to shows I like (not just reality tv, but including anime and series like 12 Monkeys). You don’t typically like the style of every reactor. Some people watch for the physical/facial reactions, others watch for the commentary and/or predictions. I personally watch for the commentary (you call it yammering), which is probably why I watch your videos to the very end 😅 People who want the physical/facial reaction can skip to those parts. Maybe include timestamps on the video to indicate when you’re going back to watching the video, so people can skip to those parts 🤔
I’m here for the yammering!! I learn the most when it’s off the cuff and appreciate this style of video. Thank you for what you do. It breaks my heart that this could make you lose sleep and affect you so negatively, please know there are SO many of us that are happy with your content as is and don’t even look at the comments/participate because we are listening to the videos in the background. These types of videos have absolutely made me a better friend, spouse, parent, and person. Legitimately, I’ve never been as happy and healthy in all of my relationships as I have since discovering your content so I hope you realize the impact you have by putting this out there. Thank you Dr. Honda-please take care of yourself. You deserve it!
I love your work Dr Kirk (new t-shirt slogan!) I commented a few days ago as I’m a therapist in the UK and really valued the episodes on borderline abuse. I’ll never understand people giving such negative feedback. I’m here for the yammer, and if you don’t create merch with “It’s Yammer Time” on then you are missing a trick!! Big hugs from the UK ❤
My heart really went out to you at the end Dr. Honda. I think at the end of the day you really can’t please everyone. Stay true to you!! I honestly don’t really give the length of the videos a second thought. I’m just appreciative of the content. Also you are not too sensitive at all!! I can’t even read the guest comments people leave at my job even though I’m supposed to because it bothers me too much and they aren’t even really about me personally. Let alone something I pour my heart and soul into. I would literally collapse into myself and fall into a deep hole if I had to deal with internet comments. Sorry people have been so crappy. It’s definitely not deserved! Hang in there! Your content has been so helpful to me!
I completely agree, you really can't please every person. I'm sorry you get snarky or rude comments on your work site! I shed a tear on Dr. Honda's behalf for his frustration and hurt over this. I can only imagine what you two feel like when you're putting so much effort in but you get less than appreciation, even hurtful feedback.
New merch idea: "Im sure I'll have a vulnerability hangover after this, but fuck it." I'd buy a shirt in every color! Thanks, Dr. Kirk. I have so much respect for you as therapist, a creator, and a human!
Commenting for the first time because I want to thank you for your videos, Dr. Kirk. You help the world become a better place, truly! Don't forget that. You deserve to feel proud about all the good you do for people all over the world. We're forever grateful for all the insight, empathy, and knowledge you share. You help people become more self-aware and empathetic. Also, we care about you, deserving therapist! And you being vulnerable will give those who might not have realized how their comments could be received, a chance to feel where you're coming from so that they can now be aware. I truly believe it's not their intention to hurt you, and you sharing your feelings will help an already great audience become even greater! You've mentioned it yourself, but it's true that the community you've gathered and built is one of the most empathetic and mature on the platform. A breath of fresh air! You set a great example, and the hard work on the videos/podcast (including the "yammering" of course) is very much appreciated. I've listened to you for years by now, and in my opinion the Borderline Abuse series is some of the best work you've done, it's so insightful and I learned a lot to get an understanding of a disorder I didn't know much about. Could feel your passion - great work! :)
I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis at the age of 25 (an autoimmune disorder) after suffering for years with many different symptoms that it seemed like no one believed or knew what to do with. It's not a nice diagnosis. But WHAT A RELIEF. This helped me understand my daughter years later when she insisted she needed a diagnosis for her mental health struggles. She has generalized and social anxiety, which I knew/suspected, and told her, but she needed a doctor to officially tell her. It was actually a bit of a fight because we ran into the non-labelling doctors and therapists at the beginning. We kept looking for "answers" because I get it. Without a label, it can feel "made up" (even physical symptoms) and any treatments are just guesswork. (Which, for both of us they still really are, lol, but it doesn't FEEL as much like that.)
I’m glad you shared how those comments affected/continue to affect you. I think the analogy of how you don’t go up to a musician you just watched and start offering criticism of their performance is great. It’s easy to see, for anyone who follows you here, that you are very thoughtful and deliberate with the work you do here and that you pour your heart and soul into this. I’m sorry there are people out there “splaining” things to you and making you feel the way you shared. I enjoy your content exactly as you create it and I trust you as a content creator. Sending all the good vibes and gratitude for what you do 💚
Dr. Kirk, I’m on the BPD spectrum and had a horrific childhood and cannot at the moment afford therapy. Your yammerings have helped me so much to get more differentiated, validate my experiences, thoughts, feelings, get more emotional regulated, get more in touch with myself and my needs, communicate them to other people etc. If you see my comment - I’m that one person who your yammerings and detailed videos helped tremendously.
"Vulnerability hangover" thank you for that gem! Great term to describe a feeling i often have but was unable to put into terms. Also completely agree with your thoughts on your channel. Authenticity of your reaction is key and we are here for your reactions however long/short they are. I have learned so much watching you react and im so grateful for that. Your feelings about all of these commenrs are of course completely valid. But I hope you feel empowered after sharing this and hopefully seeing a lot of positive feedback in response, to not let it change your channel and at the very least minimal flinching as you put it.
After watching this video in entirety, I just wanted to leave a comment and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your authenticity and vulnerability. Your content is something I look forward to on a daily basis, and I am very grateful that you and your wife put so much thought and effort into every video! I can’t think of another place on the Internet where a content creator can speak so freely from the heart, and have their content community at large be so empathetic and caring. You really have built something quite special with your work and it does not go unnoticed! Personally, I can say that I am truly a better person for having listened to your content, more attuned and aware. Please continue to lead by your example of authenticity and vulnerability, and take care of yourself, because you deserve it, you really really do!! ❤
I remember exactly when I got into your videos and the first video I watched of yours in 2022. I’ve watch as much as I could ever since because your point of view is valuable to me. It drives me crazy every time I read those comments so I can only imagine what you feel. There are times when I’m not in the mood to listen to commentary videos but then when I’m ready to, they are there and I get to enjoy them. I clean houses which takes 2-4 hours so I love the longer style videos that can keep me occupied. Anyway, thank you Dr. Honda.
As a professional yapper myself, I feel so comforted when you’re “yammering” bc i can hear you working through things in real time and it really helps me level with you and your thought process. my therapist once told me that me talking too much isn’t a weakness, i use my verbal processors to work through what’s in front of me and that is a strong coping mechanism. said therapist also ghosted me so 🤷🏼♀️ food for thought idk but my point is i love it when you yap and i hope those comments don’t weigh too heavy. your core audience loves to hear you talk about everything, leaf blowers and everything else.
I just finished this amazing video after watching it in parts. Kirk, I am here for your yammering. I have learned so much in the last few years when arguing with my husband, when having to apologize, when returning to my psychologist. I just sent this very video to a good friend with the time stamp at the 47 minute mark about dealing with parental bpd. Thank you for being vulnerable with the issue of the contradictory complaints. It can’t be easy putting yourself out there every day. In Spanish we say, “no es lo mucho, es lo corrido” which translates roughly to “it is not the amount but the frequency”… this phrase comes to mind whenever I see online pileons, even the best intentioned and how it can really hurt the individual on the other side. You’ve talked a bit about this before… it resonates with what you mentioned here. Anyways, you and Stacy deserve rest, breaks, and a lovely life, both of you and your cohosts have touched more lives than you can ever imagine and you deserve calm and rest!
Dr. Kirk, your series on borderline abuse helped me self reflect and realize there were instances in my past when I was overly reactive to my partner because of my abandonment issues. I apologized to my partner for these moments and am working on my abandonment issues in therapy. I am greatly appreciative of your insight!
Dear Kirk, I don't comment very often but those feelings you are describing are reminding me of my own trauma stuff a lot, so I just want to send you a hug. Thank you for all your wonderful yammering, I appreciate it in all the forms and lengths! Take care.
Your 'yammerings' are the sound track to many of my days, never change! Your generosity with your time, passion and knowledge is second to none and you give SO much out for free. Therefore the idea of anyone nitpicking or criticising just blows my mind. Please keep doing what you're doing Dr Kirk!
Dr. Kirk, I’ve been watching your channel for years and you have positively impacted me and my life in so many ways. I don’t think I’ve ever actually felt upset about the length of one of your videos. The longer the better, but honestly I just feel lucky to get any content from you because it’s so unique and valuable (and entertaining). Your random tangents and “yammerings” are not only tolerable but one of the things that make your content so great. Following your train of thought is relatable (especially as someone who has ADHD haha) and authentic. If you felt more held back or edited more out, I think a lot of what makes your channel so awesome would be lost! I know I’m just one person but I thought I’d share that with you. Sorry people are being jerk faces sometimes!
I appreciate your yammerings! No matter how long or short your videos are, please keep it going. So much work goes into your videos not only do we love to hear your authentic reaction but years of expertise, i cannot thank you enough for the good you have added to youtube.
Aw Kirk, it was tough and understandable seeing you affected by these critical messages. You are such a daily light in our household. My partner and I love watching your videos
Hi Dr Kirk! I'm a long time listener but I rarely comment. I love your content and I saw some of those comments recently and thought they were uncool. I'm sorry that I didn't down vote them or comment back. I just want to let you know that I'm on your team.
I've definitely felt like NOOOOO he ended it right before the beat drops! 😂 But I'm never actually mad about it. Your channel has helped me bring topics to my therapist for discussion. I feel like I've even been able to offer an alternative opinion about to something you say, and I feel like you are always open to alternative interpretations. Especially when it comes to race or gender and you know it's not your experience. I really respect that. The content has been a blessing to me and really enjoy engaging with other followers too. Sometimes I comment just to talk to other people who like to watch. Thanks for creating this space.
Omg I also hate those podcasts intros when people are just chatting. It was so satisfying to see you Dr. Honda talk and roll your eyes about that! I thought I was the only one 😂
Oh my goodness.. I am sending you SO much love and gratitude. I am a TH-cam content creator myself, myself, though not at all to the scale that you are. And, I want to say, that this was such an intensely valuable video to make for so many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that content creators often get (I assume unintentionally) dehumanized by our viewers at times. Viewers sometimes (perhaps a little too often) forget that the people making content on TH-cam are just as squishy, sensitive, and tender as any other person. There's something about this platform that creates a sense of separation or distance that may embolden folks to comment in ways they never would to us in person. I just want you to know that I 1,000% understand where you're coming from--though of course our experiences are different. As someone who has always made content that runs long (in opposition to the algorithm's rewarding of shorter content), I have gotten many comments over the years about how I present - too fast, too wordy, etc. It does hurt, particularly when we're trying so hard to be of service to others. I recently got triggered by a situation where someone let me know they were bothered by me sharing on my instagram account about a hobby not related to my channel's niche out of 'concern' my content was 'changing direction', and it made me feel so dehumanized, as though I was a product and not a person. I found it difficult to put into words just how much it hurt. It felt like I was being told to stay in my lane and produce the 'entertainment' that was expected of me and nothing else, especially since this person reminded me several times in their messages that they felt they had a right to speak up 'as a paying member' of my channel. It was a very painful day for me, and your sharing made ME feel so validated. I really wanted to (hopefully) give you that same validation. For the past week, I have literally consumed no one's content except yours, having discovered your coverage of the Love is Blind Season 6 and was absolutely captivated by the love, time, compassion, and heart you put into sharing here. You have created something beautiful, powerful, and worthy, and as someone who has struggled a lot over the years with anxious attachment, codependent tendencies, and who was raised in a highly volatile, abusive household... your content is so completely healing, both in helping me see my own harmful patterns within my relationships and in looking at those things with compassion. Please never doubt that what you are doing is incredible, healing, and powerful. Sorry this was so long... I was just really moved to do what I could to validate your experience, your hurt, and your bravery in speaking out. Thank you for modeling what self-advocacy and self-care can look like in such a powerful way. 💖
We love your yammerings, Kirk. It’s your brand and it’s what we come here for. People often forget that the way they give “feedback” can be incredibly hurtful without realizing what they’re doing. I feel badly that it’s made interacting with community unpleasant for you. And thank you for sharing how this has affected you. Vulnerability is HARD. I struggle with it myself. So I am in awe of your courage. Because this is the antidote to the more negative parts of the internet (and society at large). Modeling vulnerability, inspiring empathy, and inviting others people to be better or take care of each other IS what we all need and want, but don’t always practice. Thank you for being you. Finally, you’re never going to make everyone on the internet happy-re: length and content. So just do you because many of us are here for it and have been for years!
You are very loved Dr. Kirk! Screw those people complaining about videos being too long/short/talking too much. They're getting grade-A platinum content *for free* and still have the audacity to whine and complain?? Such entitlement. I think some folks come here expecting you to be more like a drama channel, and want to see you react only to the spiciest moments and hold people "accountable" in a very petty, punitive way. You're a professional in a very sensitive field, and have a responsibility to respond to things with depth, compassion and nuance. If they want to see someone only respond to short, dramatic clips, there are other channels for that. It makes no sense for them to come to your channel and complain you're not shooting *your own* videos in the way *they personally* wish you would. Are they paying all your bills? No, they're probably paying you 10 cents over the lifespan of their viewership. Yet they yap as if they're bankrolling your whole operation. Smh.
I absolutely love that you were so vulnerable in this video about your reaction to the comments. I wish more TH-camrs would do this because it forces those of us who comment to reflect on how we feedback can impact someone. I think we should all think about the ethics of our social media commentary. Thanks for sharing and as you can see, there are far more of us that love your content exactly the way it is!
Hey, Dr. Kirk... as someone who is following you for several years already and also wants sometimes when watching your videos for you to get to a specific point, it is not your fault. It's impossible to hit the sweet spot for everyone and going for it is going to hurt long term. You have your own process that you go through and that's what we are here for. We do appreciate your insight and we are thankful for the educational content that you are providing.
Been watching for a couple years as a silent viewer. I’ve learned so much and have implemented it in my relationship. Your videos are a comfortable space that I can rely on whether I’m giving my full attention or playing them in the background while cooking, cleaning etc.
I enjoy the long videos. If someone thinks you are yammering, they can skip through. It's so good that you are open to talk about how words affect you. It makes you a genuine guy! It doesn't feel good when people are consistently pulling you in all directions. I appreciate you!
I taught English as a Second Language to college-age international students for many years. Finally I know what to call the self-talk I engaged in at the end of every exhausting day during my 30-minute drive home: shadowboxing experiences! Dr. Honda, from you I've learned how blessed I am to have had parents that gifted me with secure attachment. More importantly, for all the Chelseas that I encounter in life, you have caused me to replace criticism (the silent, unspoken kind) with understanding and compassion. I can't thank you enough!
I watched to the end and glad that I did. You are sharing what so many content creators feel and you are brave enough to say it. I enjoy your content in whatever form you choose to make it and I hope you will enjoy making it. I only watched the reality shows so I could watch what you say about them.
Honestly, being diagnosed with autism and adhd helped me more with (not) beating myself up for being lazy, too much and, overall, shitty, than actual accomodations and benefits - got none of those. But knowing there's a name, there's a pattern, there's a reasoning behind it, that was the true benefit. And I will FOREVER defend labels for that reason.
I have BPD with disorganized attachment, leaning heavily into the avoidant side. I grew up in extreme abuse, neglect and severe bulling at school, so as a child I learned to cope by just withdrawing and hiding all the time and becoming hyper-independent and an extreme daydreamer. Over the last 3 years I have tried out various therapists, but most of seem only familiar with preoccupied BPD. When I try to explain my avoidance tendencies (and why I think they formed) they ask me ridiculous questions like "why don't you just give people a chance to love you? Not all people are scary and mean." These types of questions hurt me and make me feel deeply betrayed by the therapist. It makes me feel like I am such a weirdo loser that not even a trained psychologist with decades of experience can understand me. Or that they are asking these questions because they are hinting that they don't want me to be their client anymore. Ultimately I would give up on therapy, and leave that therapist without explaining to them why because I feel so ashamed. But after watching your videos, for these past 3 years, I have felt inspired to not give up and keep trying to find the right therapist. That I deserve to receive help and care from another person. I have a few sessions lined up with different therapists over the next few weeks and will try to approach the sessions with an open mind. I will try not to get too hopeful until I know that they are at least willing to try and understand me, or at the very least listen to me. Thank you so much for your videos, especially on the topics of attachment, schemas, differentiation, relational trauma, triangulation, and family systems. This information has been so helpful to me learn about myself (and others who have harmed me) so that I can approach therapy with more insight and purpose. :)
Telling someone with a personality disorder and heavy trauma (aka someone whose life taught them that people are scary and mean), that not everyone is actually scary and mean and they're unreasonable for believing so, is a sign that they're the loser and incompetent ones, as trained professionals with years of experience... Not you. Your belief is actually, perfectly reasonable in your circumstances. If they can't understand it, and help you overcome your defenses, maybe they're in the wrong field.
@@sallyann985 Thank you sincerely for the validation. It was only one therapist that said that comment to me. But the fact he had a PhD in psychology made me feel so confused for a very long time about if a) I was just being "too sensitive" and being distorted or b) he was trying to hurt me on purpose so I would stop being his client, or c) he was actually being incompetent and did not realize it. I am still a bit confused about it to this day and usually believe a or b to be true... but every now and then I lean slightly toward believing maybe he is just unskilled with my type of trauma and was doing his best to be helpful but unintentionally made a blunder.
@@FiestyKiki I have similar issues with therapists all the time. I also drop out of therapy for the same reasons all the time. Therapists have so much power over you, it's hard not to internalize the notion that they might be right in judging you or letting their counter-transferences get in the way... So glad I even learned this term. Now I know all those instances of my therapists disliking me wasn't my failure, it was theirs. Watching this channel I've educated myself on how subpar, or ill-fit for me, most of my clinicians were and that I indeed deserved better care.
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability, Dr. Kirk!! I love that you think so much and so thoughtfully about the processes of production for the podcast and videos. I think the result of your deep thought about the work is a big part of why we find them so enjoyable, like you said!! Thanks for being you and I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with this recently ❤ This is a good reminder to us viewers/listeners. Sending lots of good vibes and appreciation your way!
I hope you know that the vast majority of us love your “yammering,” the length of your videos (long and short ones), and the fact that you’re authentic with your feedback and knowledge. One thing I’ve noticed is that most of us watch the previews, so we have an idea about what to expect in the next episode, but you don’t, so you’re really truly going into each episode blind. I think it makes your reactions so much better. Thanks for everything you do and all your hard work on this channel. We appreciate you!
I love your videos and have learned a lot over the years watching you about healthy thought processes, checking yourself & your perspective, trying to understand someone else, forming a response/complaint/apology, etc. etc. etc. from your off-the-cuff thoughts. I recommend your videos to friends all the time, because I know they help. Thank you Dr. Kirk!
Thank you SO MUCH for being so raw, honest, and vulnerable in this video. I have felt all of those emotions you’ve described (in a totally different context, of course; I’m no TH-cam star!). To be able to express it the way you do has been inspirational for me since I started watching you 3 years ago. Through intense therapy, release of stuck emotions, and learning from people like you has completely transformed my life.
I'll watch your videos no matter how short or long they are. I'm so sorry to hear the impact these comments have had on you, and I hope I didn't upvote anything like that. You're right, the spontaneity is important and we like to see your initial reactions. I'm sure it's rough being in the public eye even if most people are nice, and I can't imagine doing it. People are always going to have opinions on how other people should do things (without necessarily understanding what goes into it), but as you said, you can't please everyone all the time. I love your content and watch almost all of your videos.
My husband and I really enjoy your content, and we literally talk about being excited to get home from work to watch your videos. It’s because of who you are and how it shines through your content. Keep being you, keep making the videos the way you do. Don’t change ❤
Dear Dr Honda. I LOVE your content. I love your yammering and your style of speaking. That is why I follow you and why I am looking forwards to every upcoming episode you create. And because I watch them, I know how much work you do making this content (not only because you speak about it from time to time). You do a lot of hard work around it and I can see the care you give us listeners who sometimes (at least I) wonder if we really ARE deserving of this huge amount of absolutely priceless content you make for us. Thank you so much for everything you do. You helped me understand so many things. And are a good example of how to talk about things that are not easy. Hats off. And thank you again.
Thank you for making this video- I have been confused during this series and probably spoke up too quickly in a few comments before digesting all the info. This really helps!!!
Kirk, we validate you. I understand the impatience of the people who commented, because we're just so excited for you to get to our favorite bits! You're right, it's like being impatient at a concert for your favorite song to play. It's okay to feel it, but you don't need to yell it out or anything, AND if you let that be the only thing you take in or feel you're going to miss everything else. And you're also right, that we're here FOR the yammering, not in spite of it. I've learned so much from your first, second, and third reactions. I think it helps to emphasize the complexity of people and the need to hedge our conclusions with "speculation only" since things often end up being different than they first appeared to us. Also, a few minutes before the end of your video I was thinking that I wanted to ask you for reassurance that you're not suddenly going to shut down the podcast or channel, and then you proceeded to do so just a minute later. So thank you
I wish I could give you a hug, Kirk - your open hearted and sincere care to optimize your content to meet our preferences reminds me of parenting my teenager. It’s a kind of impossible task. You care deeply, you respond to feedback and we can get pretty self centered and moody about what we want to see. I wonder why we do that? Part of me thinks it’s because we feel anonymous or like you’re not real and we can’t hurt your feelings, and part of me thinks it’s because the parasocial relationship feels so real that you’ll know we’re coming from a loving place, or we wouldn’t bother sharing our (unhelpful) feedback. For me, the spontaneity of your reactions has taught me how much you can understand about a person before they’ve even said anything very substantive. It gives me a sense of the many opportunities in an interaction to understand what we need and take care of ourselves and each other. It’s frequently uncanny how early you read the writing on the wall. It helps me feel safer interacting with people the way you break it down beat by beat. Keep up the excellent work, it’s changing people’s lives for the better.
I don’t usually comment on videos but I wanted to say that I validate you and that your content, long or short, is incredibly valuable for me. It has revealed new perspectives and influenced positive behaviors in me and those close to me. If I ever do disagree with you, it is probably because I’m triggered and it means that I need to reflect on it and work on it. It makes me sad that you feel this way because you have so much empathy for everyone and highlight it often in your videos that I wonder why some of your frequent viewers don’t practice that and realize that their comments are hurtful. I wouldn’t want to loose such a valuable person on this platform because others don’t have self control. Please take care of yourself Dr. Honda, I’m glad you sought out therapy for this issue and I hope that you come to realize that your message is important and changes lives, whether they’re 5 minutes long or 2 hours long.
You said it perfectly that you can’t please everyone. There’s a sense of entitlement with some people that is baffling. Your analogies about different kinds of artists were also on point. Those of us who understand and respect the relationship between content creators and viewers know how to respectfully disagree with things and what is appropriate to write. You’re a human with feelings that are just as important as any of ours. That being said, I love the videos no matter the length or subject matter as I find psychology and the human mind fascinating. Keep it up, Kirk!
Dr. Honda, we love you and your yammerings! And we’ve learned so much from you (often for free). You make the internet and the world a better more understanding place! ❤
I rarely leave comments, and I sincerely appreciated the longer episodes and especially the long chapters on borderline. Your content is so interesting to me and I appreciate the work you put into these! ❤
I enjoy your videos so much, Dr. Honda! I appreciate all of the energy and effort you put into teaching, and I do truly believe you are helping to create a more compassionate world ❤️ I have a lovely therapist of my own that I’ve been seeing for a little over a year now. I trust him and his insight is always so interesting (and helpful) to me. BUT I was curious about what your thoughts were on something he taught me a few months ago in regards to anxiety. Something you said around 10 minutes in about fearful attachment reminded me of this: I do not believe I have BPD, nor have I been diagnosed, but my mother and I have always had a complicated relationship that lacked the normal care and protection dynamic you would hope to get from your caretaker. That said, every single time I would start experiencing a panic attack or felt like I was on the verge of one, I would call my mom in hopes that she could help calm me down and ground me. She ALWAYS responded by criticizing me and making me feel stupid because it was “just a panic attack”. Despite knowing what she would say, my brain would almost go into autopilot and I would repeat this cycle every time, and get angry about her response, knowing full well afterwards that I should not be surprised by it. BUT, my anxiety would go away, even though I wasn’t getting the comfort I was seeking from her. My therapist suggested that most of the time anxiety without a clear cause is triggered by repressed anger, which really resonated with me, but blew my mind as I had never heard this before! He said that I was calling my mom because subconsciously I knew that her response to my cry for help would trigger anger and I could redirect the repressed anger causing my anxiety, leaving me less anxious about whatever I was worked up about in the first place. I’ve made a strong effort to curb this since, but it was (and is) a tough habit to break. I’m curious about your thoughts on this and if it’s something you’ve seen in your patients. Like my own therapist, I value your insight and find it so helpful and fascinating. Thanks for all that you do!
My old therapist used to not give certain diagnoses for insurance reasons. He gave my insurance a vague disorder so that they would be forced to pay for it and that I need help. He said if it's too specific, then there is usually a timeline based on EBTs, and tbh I think he did me a solid there by not diagnosing me if that is true
Dr. Honda, thank you so much for everything you do, but specifically here for explaining your method of working with disorganized bpd clients. I recognize something that's been puzzling me for several years. I come from disorganized attachment, but about 5-6 yrs ago I decided to dive deeper into personal growth and have deeper connections and relationships. After a while it felt like I fell into a pit of pain and despair, I became needy and clingy, would regress frequently, etc. etc. But I also saw a lot of improvement in how close my relationships became, how vulnerable and authentic I was showing up. It was confusing, but seemed to be working. Now I realize that intuitively this is what was happening, I took myself from disorganized to preoccupied in order to experience attachment fully, even painfully, before healing towards secure attachment. I seem to have a moderate form of bpd. I am able to integrate therapy experience into real life and relationships, and into building my sense of Self. Your videos have helped me tremendously in removing blindspots and understanding myself. Thank you!
I hear you, I understand, and I'm sorry you've been going through it, DKH. I appreciate your content and the care you put into it very much. You've grown a very empathetic community here, and I sincerely wish you flinch-free safety and sustainability in continuing to share as you do. Thank you for extending your growth edge. ❤
If Jimmy never loved Chelsea, was fake and never found her attractive, then I don't think that justifies her behaviour. It may just provide a reason, but a reason doesn't negate abuse. I'd hope that if anyone is going through something like this, they'd stop, realize that their needs are not being met and break up. Why waste time on someone who you feel makes you crazy?
I agree with someone being a trigger for someone is not an excuse to abuse. Would his behavior (if we deemed it as emotional neglect off screen) be abuse?
Abuse, and correct me if I'm wrong, is a pattern of control. A single instance of emotional neglect while harmful on its own, is not abuse. A pattern of emotional neglect being used to control a partner is. To me it didn't seem like Jimmy was trying to control Chelsea by withholding and being distant.
When you are preoccupied and your relationship is not secure, the emotional suffering overrides a lot of rational thought to break up because your needs are not being met. Preoccupied people and Chelsea in particular thought their issues could be resolved. Dr. Honda said in the past that it can be through couples therapy.
If Jimmy was faking it, that would be deception and manipulation which is abuse. In that case, it would be more complicated to decipher who the primary abuser is and who is exerting more power and control. However, if Jimmy was the first to manipulate and kept it up then personally I would see him as the person with more control.
I’m so sorry Dr Honda…I have upvoted many comments talking about “getting to the good part “; not because i thought you were talking too much at all, but because i saw it as sharing in the collective experience of anticipation, like concert-goers excitedly whispering, “when is the show going to start?” as they wiggle in their seats. I had no idea comments like that made you feel so bad. Your community here loves and appreciates you, but even more importantly, NEEDS you. I know i am not alone in having your content improve my mental health, self-understanding and acceptance, relationships, and life satisfaction. Your work is so important and you take such good care of us. It’s the least we can do to make sure we take care of you too ❤
I just introduced you to a friend who is a newly licensed therapist! She was blown away by your insight to Borderline Abuse. You’ve helped me tremendously too. Although I was in therapy for years and have a BA in psychology, I hadn’t heard of attachment theory or discussed the BPD in my family. I now have a better understanding of these issues moving forward. I want you to know the amount of good you’re doing through your reaction videos and talking with such empathy and compassion. Yammer on please! ❤
I admire and appreciate so much your honesty and vulnerability Dr. Kirk. It's so healing in a world where we are pushed so hard to not let our true feelings show and ask for what we need. Unfortunately I think we have gotten used to accessing content online and people gain some sort of entitlement over folks sharing that content. What you share with us it's such a gift, and it's free! How can someone demand anything else from you? Anyways we know it's not ill-intended but it's just sad to know it happens. Grateful for all you do, and just for you as a person 🫂
Currently listening to the ending, and as a fellow talker, it is heartbreaking to hear that people are leaving comments about you talk too much. It’s such a beautiful thing that you are sharing your passions and knowledge with us, so I hope you feel more of the support and validation you deserve from your team/the community you’ve built. You could never be too sensitive! Thank you for sharing and to your wife for signing off. It is so valuable to hear you open up and be honest about your experiences in your personal life, work as a therapist, lecturer, and as a content creator. Appreciate all of the thought and effort you put into what you do - your work is invaluable!
Thank you for expressing your hurt with us, DKH. I hope you don't change anything about your channel despite the negative feedback. I, for one, love how in-depth you get and appreciate your side tangents - I feel like I learn something and I'm listening to a friend chat with me. While you do start talking when a clip hasn't "finished" yet, I don't see this as a negative! I find it exciting and it leaves me on the edge of my seat. "Oh boy, just wait 30 more seconds and your whole perspective will change!" If anything, these moments make me stop what I'm doing and I give my undivided attention to your reaction because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and I want to see how you respond. I think you're very self-aware and know what you're doing. I hope your flinching while editing subsides and you'll maintain your relationship with your viewers through all of this. Thank you for all you do!!
"I'm sure I'll have a vulnerability hangover after this, but.... fuck it. " I love you Kirk, that was a great line! I might steal it! Thanks for your content!
I just want to say that I really liked your videos on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial. I was always super happy each time you uploaded a new episode. You included the most important and interesting parts from the trial as well as providing insightful commentary ☺
Kirk, your vision and dream is yours to have, and plenty of people are benefitting from it. Stay true to you, and know that your tribe will value your vibe! Thank you for all the thought, effort, wisdom and authenticity you pour into this.. it really does come across to those who have the capacity to appreciate it.
Dr. Honda, I am so appreciative of the content you provide. I am not a podcast listener nor a TH-cam watcher BUT I do look for YOUR videos everyday. You do a wonderful job producing such empathetic and educational content. I have always been interested in psychology and you inspire that interest even further. I have learned so much about, myself, my relationship and society from your videos. It is obvious how much care and consideration that you put into your videos and I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience such negative reactions. I would tell you not to take it personally but I totally understand that saying that is one thing and doing it is another. I just hope that all of the positive comments here have helped to displace the negative. Thank you so much for expressing your vulnerability and opening yourself up to all of us.
I frequently listen to your content and appreciate all of the knowledge, care, thought and time that you put out into your segments. I appreciate your intelligence and insight. Psychology has always fascinated me, and your channel provides an excellent source of information, particularly with the longer segments, which I really enjoy. Your vulnerability and sensitivity are refreshing. Keep doing what you do, Dr. Honda.🌷
Hey l want to say how much l appreciate that you don't sensor any words or content that may get you demonetized. EDIT: I watched further and thank you so much for telling us the work process that goes into your videos. That helps to understand! I love the authenticity on your channel and for me, you're the smartest person on TH-cam, so l feel privileged to learn from you.
People who complain about the “yammering” or the video length are not your target audience. We (your followers) know your style and like to listen to you and everything you have to say in the way you say it.
well said
hear, hear!
I think for each of these seasons/specific subtopics, tons of listeners flow in that only want a specific analysis of the show or the individuals on it. The regular viewers (assuming y'all share my mindset) are here to learn broadly, whatever theoretical topics come up during the viewing. The "yammering" is literally the reason I am listening to this channel on a daily basis.
Followers, ah yes the honda cult. He can do no wrong , people that jump on anyone that disagrees blah blah blah.😂
@@realhousewifeoftransylvania1.0 I'm a follower and I disagree with him sometimes ( I admit, maybe around 90 % of the time I agree ). But the comment above doesn't have anything to do with disagreeing or agreeing, it is about his style of videos, his style of talking - long explanations and "yammering". In my opinion his style really helps me understand certain concepts and his points of view better. I think these are very complicated subjects he is talking about and it only makes sense to really have thorough explanations. He is very transparent and I feel like he leaves nothing for us to guess, it's always super clear what he thinks and how he thinks - and I love that.
I am not a regular TH-cam commenter and this may be the only comment I ever leave, but I wanted to express my appreciation for your bravery and vulnerability. It is a rare gift to be so heartfelt as you in any context, much less on a public and often heartless forum. You are a wonderful example and I hope you continue to feel as uplifted in making your content as we do in listening to it.
Thanks, Amy. Very nice of you. That means a lot to me. Truly.
Yammer all you want Kirk. We're here for it! I hope you don't let frivolous criticism get to you too much. And please take care of yourself!
You deserve it. You really really do!
❤
no fr we r all here for it !
I endorse this message.
❤❤❤
Does yammer means to talk unnecessarily about unrelated stuff? But I seen two episodes and there is like 15 minutes or them talking about stuff that is unrelated. The episodes could definitely be shorter if they focus more and talk less about other anecdotes that are unrelated.
Appreciate you endlessly, Dr Honda ❤ I believe you strike a perfect balance between well-needed commentary, clip viewing, and video length. Not yammering to me because your words are important/critical streams of consciousness. Yall…LET KIRK COOK
I couldn’t agree more! I have learned a lot from Dr. Honda’s in-depth analysis of interpersonal relationships. I hope he continues to dive deep. Let Him Cook!
I agree 90% of the time 😊 the only times that I get slightly irritated is when he pauses a conversation every 2-3 sentences and hypothesizes about what the person is trying to say, and if he just played 3 seconds more of the video the person clarifies the thing that Kirk was just spending 5 minutes speculating about. 😂 That feels a bit unproductive to me. So sometimes I wish he’d let a little more of the conversation play before reacting to it. But I’ve heard him say that it’s also an issue with copyright strikes so they have to pause Netflix videos frequently to make sure the channel doesn’t get in trouble.
Yes let Kirk cook😂👏🏼
@mistym0rning - have you watched the last 30 minutes of this video? Kirk explains this in detail in terms of it being a reaction video- spontaneous.
LET KIRK COOK fr
For what it's worth, I hear other creators get similar comments about "talking too much," and they say, "This is a commentary channel. If you want to watch the original video without interruptions, you can go do that." I will also say that you can never please everyone in terms of the video length. On TH-cam, there will always be people who want 5-minute videos, and people who want 2-hour videos. Just do what feels right for you.
Or if you're a fan of Quinton Reviews, then some people want 40 hour videos lmao
I know right. Kirk needs to chill
@@007nadineL To be honest, I don't think this OP meant that Kirk needs to stop feeling upset by something that made him feel upset, I think they meant to encourage him to feel like he IS valid in his upsettedness, and sadly it is something that a lot of creators on this platform are subjected to.
Personally, I think Kirk has been supremely chill about many, many things over time. It's perfectly human, natural, understandable to me that this would be something that hurt his feelings.
I'm actually very happy that he feels comfortable sharing this on his channel, it's very vulnerable and real, and personally, I'm glad to know how I can be more supportive in community with anyone that I have regular interactions with, and are safe and not abusive.
If you'd like me to clarify any points made in this comment, feel free to ask!
I'm curious what your thoughts are, feel free to reply, I will respond in good faith to anything said in good faith.
This is a great perspective. Thanks for sharing your observations
Hey I was the original commenter that Dr H ended up responding to and I'm just gonna write here basically what I messaged because I think it's helped me a lot to be more mindful, because my intention would never be to hurt the people I watch. Especially Kirk. I love the content on this but I feel like the community Dr H has built here is the biggest strength. It's really nice to have a part of the Internet that is so empathetic and vulnerable and kind. And I want to be a part of the positive, not the negative
'I just wanted to say, that I'm glad you commented what you did.
I wasn't bothered at all by what you responded and as I said, I think it's a real strength to do so. I think it's easy when commenting to forget the person behind the channel, and although I try to be mindful of that, it's powerful to hear truthfully the effect it can have. It's actually you being so honest about that, that's made me be more aware and have more empathy around it, with you and others I watch.
I just want you to know that, catagorically, I NEVER feel like you talk too much. Your words have been a constant comfort to me for the last 4 years. Your content has made me a better person. I'm sorry if my comment seemed otherwise, that wasn't my intention but I can see how overwhelming the comments on that video would be. Your core audience cares so much about you and your wellbeing is our top priority. Thank you for being vulnerable and candid. You're practicing what you preach and we're learning from your modelling.'
Wow. This is super vulnerable, and valuable to read. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for that, Elz. Yeah, we communicated already through DM. Your original comment was totally fine, but as I said in this video and in DM with you, it was just the tiny, innocuous straw on the proverbial camel's back. It pushed me over the edge. Your responses to me warm my heart and make me feel safe to be me on this channel. I want to feel safe to be me and you (and all the others) have made that possible.
Thanks for sharing! You hit the nail on the head that Kirk exemplifies "practice what you preach", it's hard not to be intoxicated by it.
My brother just told me he has a coworker who he wants to introduce me to because, "She also watches and talks about Psychology in Seattle." I squealed with joy and realized that Dr Kirk Honda fans are my personified green flags! 💚 Your content is a light in my life, and I can't thank you enough for using your expertise in this way. The truth is, one hour a week with my therapist simply doesn't provide the time that you're able to give to compare, contrast, contextualize, etc. so that I really GET IT. My relationships are noticeably better since the algorithm gifted me your channel!
I was literally in tears at the end of this video. Not only because I have made flippant comments on your videos at times, which I now deeply regret, but also out of sheer admiration for you for being so vulnerable and setting such a wonderful example to your community. I have a 15 month old son and if I can raise him to have even 10% of your emotional sensitivity and compassion, I'll call it a win.
You have made comments in the past about some feedback being hurtful, but I honestly did not realize that the type of comments I was making at times (I posted recently about how I was confused you didn't comment on a particular scene) were in that category. I was thinking of trolls and people just being nasty. Your nuanced explanation was so helpful for me in understanding the ways those types of comments can be very hurtful, even if they are worded in an outwardly polite way. I have now gone back and edited a couple of comments I made in the past (referencing this video to help educate others), and I will be mindful of this in the future. Thanks for helping your audience to grow.
Thanks, Rachel. You make me feel safer to be my regular self on this channel.
Yeah, the trolls are easier to dismiss because they're so far away from my worldview. People "on my team" get under my skin more easily. I might not have realized that until recently - maybe because in the beginning, I didn't have a "team", but now I feel like I do. So, I guess it's good for me to know this sensitivity and to communicate it.
(And given your empathy for me, I'm guessing that your kid will possess a high level of emotional sensitivity and compassion.)
@@PsychologyInSeattle Wow, Dr. Honda. I feel honored by this long reply and by your kind words about me, thank you! To be clear, I don't think you are being oversensitive about this at all! Its more that I just didn't really think about it from your perspective. Now that I have, I would think most people in your position, who work very hard on content and try to be responsive and considerate of your audience's likes/dislikes, would be upset by comments like these, especially when they get so many upvotes. It was so kind of you and respectful of your audience to give us this feedback and give us a chance to care for you...when you work so hard caring for us every day. Thanks
I can’t imagine how anyone could be so mean to someone who is so selfless and encouraging-looking at you, Dr. Honda! I love your content so much I could listen to it all day long. I support all the time and love you put into your channel-whether it’s 5 minutes or 45 minutes. You truly are the biggest reason I open TH-cam! I learn so much from you, Dr. Honda. So, thank you for being the person you are. ❤
Dr. Honda I’m a psych nurse who works in an inpatient setting in Vancouver, Canada. There have been times that patients with very debilitating BPD have come to us for lengthy stays. almost inevitably the staff go from being perfect angels to the worst scum b-words. The switch can be so hurtful and alarming. Over time the pt and staff relationship becomes very harmful, since it’s typical that us nursing staff can be quite rigid with limit setting around histrionic behaviours on the hospital ward. You can imagine the perceived rejection they may experience with that! I’ve been listening to you for a long time now and your teaching has transformed how I see these people and has helped me change my approach in drastic ways. I also share your videos with my coworkers to empower them too and have conversations with them to help identify the counter transference we are all experiencing. I see how absolutely imperative it is to be educated in this, to minimize further harm to these clients and to save ourselves from burning out. I owe you so much Dr. Honda ❤ I also think people who are nit picking your reactions a need to realize that they are getting a whole education for free and they need to take a seat!!! lol
Oh my gosh! I am so happy to see the comment! I am a nurse as well, however I work in cardiac step down. Every so often we get these patients who fit the same cycle you described, and since this latest breakdown on Borderline Personality Disorder, I am wondering if that is a possible cause of the difficulty it these patients! Being hospitalized is extremely high stress already, and then with nurses changing shifts every 12 hours and having multiple patients that we need to split time with......I can imagine it being very triggering for a BPD patient.
I would love to learn how to better communicate with these patients in a way that won't further trigger their feelings of rejection, but also sets boundaries to prevent nurse burn out!
@@monicafein9295 I know! They are at their most vulnerable, scared and dependent on us for so much at that time. If we are very busy and can’t be there for them immediately sometimes people can totally unravel. Now I realize the anger and reactivity is actually fear of abandonment and they are seeing innocent things in a distorted way because of their distress. I agree we need so much more education and support around this!
@monicafein9295 @Cindyandacanary
Love to read things like this 💛
Thanks, Cindy! I'm so glad that you're spreading compassion among your colleagues. People with BPD are the most deserving of our clinical leeway.
I hear you, Dr. Kirk. You clearly put your heart and soul into every episode and that's what your listeners value. It is so refreshing to listen to someone who leads with authenticity and vulnerability and who cares not only about the quality of their content but their listeners and what they hope to derive from your analysis on various topics of interest. From poet John Lydgate: "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." You do you, Dr. Kirk that's what we're all here for-yammering (although not to us!) and all. You have so much to offer and are a beacon of light to many. Not to mention, the impact you have on the lives of those who take to heart what you say and apply it in ways that make the road easier and their life richer and more rewarding. You are appreciated more than you know😊
I also hear you! I have known a lot of people who suffer from BPD & Chelsea definitely triggered me. Dr Kirk gave me a lot insight & understanding to what’s actually going on here.
Thanks! I never knew where that quote came from. Wise words.
I just got to the end of the episode and I’ve got to send a virtual hug and a different way of looking at the feedback. Folks are eager and impatient to see you “get to the good part.” I experienced it myself with the Jimmy/Chelsea content. I thought, “I can’t wait for him to comment on all of the fights,” because I enjoy your commentary immensely. Seeing you break it up was leaving me in suspense!
But! Rather than rush through it, you stayed true to yourself and your passion and really teased apart the dynamics YOUR WAY. You handled it with so much expertise and compassion that I recognized my own experiences and now I’m back in therapy. At least for this deserving listener, it was completely worth it. Thank you! You’ve literally changed my life.
I hope the deserving listeners who are sitting at the edge of their seats sit still, stay kind, and find their own golden nuggets of information in one of your detailed videos.
what a great comment , wish i could give it more than an upvote or a thumbs up
Aw, glad to hear it. Let me know how it goes! I'm glad you're beginning the next chapter in your healing journey. We all deserve that.
YES! I felt the same. Impatient to get to the "good stuff" but then the REAL good stuff was in all of the insights in between what I thought I was there to listen to.
Thanks for making episodes no matter how long or short they are.
I as a therapist, diagnosed with BPD back in 2015, who now no longer meets criteria, who is now avidly working towards safeways to communicate and be vulnerable at work with my current working models. Benefited greatly, from watching and listening to you being vulnerable at the end. I am genuinely driving into work preparing to talk to a coworker who has been belittling little and sliding me. Triggering my very very very strong BPD beliefs and schemas. Having this modelled to me was very helpful and beneficial. And I too will be alongside you with my vulnerability hangover. Because now I know that it is now my responsibility to model this way of communication to my colleagues. Because if I genuinely want to instigate system change I know it needs to be done through modelling and not lecturing. Thank you for being brave. Because this will genuinely help me thank you.
You are by far my favorite person on this platform. There’s no other creator that fosters such a warm and trusting community that you do. Your words are a healing balm to those of us who are privileged to have access to so much of you. Your videos are the perfect length and the yammering is the best part! Even when you are on a sidebar it’s all incredibly enriching and needed. You are so loved and appreciated! Thank you for putting your heart and soul into your content ❤
I was diagnosed with Borderline. I have been working so hard on myself. I was abused as a child and Im a 5th of 6 children. So the abandonment was and still there. I cried throughout this series. I wasn’t aware of how much pain I cause people around me. I have a great husband, he knows my history and my diagnosis so he tries his best to help me. But watching this made me cry so much because it’s like looking into a mirror. And it hurts me so much to know that Im causing him this much pain. I know I do my best, but it’s just so painful to me as well. I know he doesn’t deserve that, but I too feel I didn’t deserve to be treated in the ways that led to me being and reacting in such ways. 😢
you are heard and seen and validated
You deserved so much better than your childhood. Wishing you a joyous present and future, full of security and contentment.
You deserve to be loved and it's amazing you found someone who loves you. Your guilt is understandable, however, don't be so hard on yourself, you didn't ask to be hurt as a child, No one deserves that, healing is a journey, be proud of how far you've come, im wishing you the best!
we are rooting for you! here's to break the cycle!! 🍻
You're doing your best. And on days you can't do your best, you're getting ready to.
Kirk, this comment is a drop of water in the ocean, but we watch you because you talk just the right amount. It breaks my heart that you seem self-conscious about the amount of talking you do. Thanks for your content.
It breaks my heart that you get hateful comments that impact you like this. I have learned so much from you and your channel. Sometimes your videos don’t quite hit for me, but that’s okay.
I don’t have to love everything all the time. But to make comments that even make you feel like you’re being attacked - that’s so far over the line.
And I’m so sorry you are experiencing it.
I hope you are taking care of yourself too, doctor Honda. Because you also deserve it. 😊
He really, really does ❤
Yes, I feel the same way! And sometimes I’m surprised that people who watch the videos of someone so thoughtful and understanding would post hurtful, thoughtless comments.
@@LauraAncaI feel exactly the same way. Being mean to Dr. Honda is like kicking an adorable, fuzzy puppy. And then giving it an upper cut for good measure.
Watched till the end and appreciated your vulnerability, Kirk! ❤️ I have a lot of admiration for anyone that puts themselves out there in public, especially knowing that so many people are going to have completely varying opinions and triggers that they let out on the creator. Hopefully you can remember that when you get thousands of views on each video, those comments and upvotes here and there are really a small fraction of the people that appreciate your output. 🌸
I don't have many heroes or male role models, Dr Kirk. You are pretty much it.
I for one appreciate your tangents and self reflections because I think that's what helps to internalise your voice which helps me be vulnerable and forgiving.
You influence me in many ways including how I approach my work developing social policy to support vulnerable children in Australia and I can tell you, you have a much greater and broader impact than you could imagine. Keep up the great work and please reach out if you want to hear more about the positive influence you are having!
Thank you!
#1 male role model !! healthy masculinity should be exemplified more
Yes this 🙌🙌
OK how dare anyone upset our beloved Dr Kirk!!! Even when talking about hard complicated things you manage to put a smile on our faces. Thank you for all the content and vulnerability
I love the spontaneity. The natural responses. The yammerings. The LONG videos. I love that you talk a lot. The real fans know and love these things about you. My grandma used to say “if you do, people will criticize you, if you don’t, people will criticize you. So just do you and don’t pay too much mind to the critiques”. The internet can be a ridiculous place. Thank you for modeling vulnerability and transparency. It’s truly a gift. You are a role model to me in so many ways: as a therapist, as a friend, as a partner, as a person. Thank you for being you and for having this channel and podcast.
Sorry to hear people are saying negative things about your borderline abuse episodes because I really loved them, watched them multiple times and think that you did an incredible job on them. I watch your channel all the time but don’t comment very often. But just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you’re doing. Thank you.
I never comment or read your comments, but I guess I should. I *do* appreciate so much that you get straight to the content without preamble. Also, I think the length of all your videos is fine. I tend to put you on double speed or 1.75 speed, so it really flies by. I also love that you upload more than one video a day; not many people would do that. I have my disagreements occasionally, but this podcast is very valuable to me. I used to be a Patreon member for over a year, and you're one of the reasons I decided to go to school for mental health counseling (originally I wanted marriage and family therapy like you, but then I pivoted because of the school I want to go to). I guess everyone likes compliments and that makes sense, and this was a reminder to me that if I have something nice to say, I should say it.
Honestly, I encourage it! The folks in this space are super cool for the most part, and I've seen some truly brilliant and human insights. Plus the comments remain mostly respectful, too. Uncommon in YT in my experience.
Dr. H, please take care of yourself because YOU deserve it, you really really do! ❤
Timestamps (mostly email responses, that's why I don't mention different videos/episodes)
0:01 E-mails Dr. Honda got in response to his borderline abuse videos. He also talks a lot about attachment styles.
28:50 Continuing with e-mails. Dr. Honda mentions how the comments and emails makes him feel like he’s having a conversation with his listeners, as opposed to him just lecturing. He doesn’t like the lecture style of teaching (in my attempt to paraphrase).
33:50 Is threatening to break up with someone abusive?
38:10 When she displays abusive behavior and I tell her this isn’t working, she accuses me of abuse. Is she right?
45:27 I find myself in a cycle of coming back to her after promises of change, but then ready to leave after those promises are quickly broken.
47:04 What would it look like if your mother had borderline? Ways to have a healthy relationship with a parent on the borderline spectrum, and how to handle situations where your mom is triggered and not seeing reality clearly?
57:50 I’m watching your recent episodes on borderline, and I realized I might be on the spectrum. I’ve been in therapy since I was 18 and I’m 30 right now. It hurts to listen to my therapist since I always feel like she’s criticizing me.
1:06:45 Sometimes I feel paranoid that she might be gaslighting me into believing my perception is wrong, and just wants me to be there for the permanent money.
1:10:45 She doesn’t believe in diagnosing
1:17:55 So we only talk about the characteristics of my personality
1:25:15 My parents have a toxic relationship. My father was diagnosed by my therapist to be a narcissist. Funny how easy it was for her to give him a diagnosis but not for me.
1:30:55 If you aren’t occasionally apologizing to your partner for your bullshit, then there’s something wrong
1:32:50 I’ve been on the receiving end of borderline abuse in a strange way. You never know what you’re going to get from a person, sometimes it seems like they just want chaos and drama
1:42:00 People with borderline, it’s not all a downside.
1:43:15 Watching you react to love is blind season 6, I have been waiting for your reaction to the big fight between Chelsea and Jimmy ----- when AD was watching Clay eat the soup at the table, I found her behavior very odd
1:47:22 If you’re still watching
1:48:50 Looking at comments on his videos
1:52:28 JP and Taylor, her makeup, video comments about that scene. Being authentic, spontaneous.
1:57:30 Season 5 critical feedback, hurtful tone. Episodes too long, talking too much.
2:00:28 He (Dr. Honda) has said this a few times now, so I think it’s worth noting. A lot of thought and care goes into the videos he makes, the length, how much he talks, and so on. He tries to strike a balance between what the viewers want, and what he wants to do (my words, not his for the last sentence)
2:03:00 He doesn’t always talk about the way things affect him, and then he’ll get upset, and wish people would just understand how things affect him. So this is him actively telling people how things affect him.
2:04:15 Season 6, episodes felt like they were getting longer. He thought people would be more satisfied…..
2:08:00 Comment about talking too much, and being upvoted by a lot of people. Some say videos too short, too long.
2:11:35 Pushed over the edge
2:18:35 People dm’ed him, commented, emailed him
This was a difficult video for me to try and make timestamps for, I usually do it the lazy way of just saying when each video transition occurs 😂 But I tried.
TLDR: I don’t think you’re being too vulnerable or sensitive at the end. I think your frustration is understandable. You work hard giving us content to watch every. single. day. More than any other youtuber that I know of. Maybe part of it is not feeling appreciated? I don’t know, it’s late here and I’m fading..
2:09:15 That makes two of us, I would never think of saying that to someone if I like the creator and their content (that they talk too much, or just anything critical or negative in general)
2:11:00 You’re not being too sensitive. I don’t think these people know what it’s like to be in your shoes.
2:18:50 I almost wrote earlier that people might not always be aware of how they come across when they write comments, their tone. That doesn’t excuse their behavior, and what they’re saying, but.. I hope that can help soften the blow when you feel hurt or attacked by their comments. I think it’s good that you got it off your chest, and let the viewers know how you feel, how things affect you. Hopefully it’ll give people pause before they write something critical or negative, and just appreciate the content you give us.
Thank you for this detailed list of timestamps! The video was long so I could not watch it on one go, so this comment helped a lot to remember what had been talked about when coming back :)
I was so anxiously awaiting your reaction to Jimmy breaking it off with Chelsea and the video seemed to end the second before he did it. Despite how much I was anticipating it I just laughed out loud at the irony of the timing! I think it’s good to build the suspense so it made me more excited for the next video because I knew it would be the first thing. I’m so sorry to hear people aren’t appreciative of the content. I literally upvoted the video because my thought process was positive encouragement to continue 😂 maybe it’s the mom in me to lean towards positive reinforcement. I hope you know I appreciate all your videos especially the rambling ones!
2,5 hours??? We really are literal deserving listeners. Thank you a million times over, Doc.
Hey doc, I’m just popping by to say, I’ve enjoyed your Love is Blind content for a good long while, and this Borderline related stuff has been extremely interesting.
Thank you for your insights, time, & energy.
I hope the sun shines a little brighter on you today, or at least that your leaf-blower neighbor guy takes it easy.
I can’t get enough of you, Dr. Honda. I’m sorry people were being hurtful. I really appreciate your content. I get excited when I see you posted a video and you help me feel heard daily. Thank you for all you and your wife do to run this channel.
1:48:13 I’m still watching lol. And I validate you, Kirk.
This is the nature of reaction videos. I love to see other people’s reactions to shows I like (not just reality tv, but including anime and series like 12 Monkeys). You don’t typically like the style of every reactor. Some people watch for the physical/facial reactions, others watch for the commentary and/or predictions. I personally watch for the commentary (you call it yammering), which is probably why I watch your videos to the very end 😅
People who want the physical/facial reaction can skip to those parts. Maybe include timestamps on the video to indicate when you’re going back to watching the video, so people can skip to those parts 🤔
I’m here for the yammering!! I learn the most when it’s off the cuff and appreciate this style of video. Thank you for what you do.
It breaks my heart that this could make you lose sleep and affect you so negatively, please know there are SO many of us that are happy with your content as is and don’t even look at the comments/participate because we are listening to the videos in the background.
These types of videos have absolutely made me a better friend, spouse, parent, and person. Legitimately, I’ve never been as happy and healthy in all of my relationships as I have since discovering your content so I hope you realize the impact you have by putting this out there.
Thank you Dr. Honda-please take care of yourself. You deserve it!
I love your work Dr Kirk (new t-shirt slogan!) I commented a few days ago as I’m a therapist in the UK and really valued the episodes on borderline abuse. I’ll never understand people giving such negative feedback. I’m here for the yammer, and if you don’t create merch with “It’s Yammer Time” on then you are missing a trick!! Big hugs from the UK ❤
Yesss id buy that 😄
I'd buy the Yammer Time merch!
My heart really went out to you at the end Dr. Honda. I think at the end of the day you really can’t please everyone. Stay true to you!! I honestly don’t really give the length of the videos a second thought. I’m just appreciative of the content.
Also you are not too sensitive at all!! I can’t even read the guest comments people leave at my job even though I’m supposed to because it bothers me too much and they aren’t even really about me personally. Let alone something I pour my heart and soul into. I would literally collapse into myself and fall into a deep hole if I had to deal with internet comments. Sorry people have been so crappy. It’s definitely not deserved! Hang in there! Your content has been so helpful to me!
I completely agree, you really can't please every person. I'm sorry you get snarky or rude comments on your work site!
I shed a tear on Dr. Honda's behalf for his frustration and hurt over this. I can only imagine what you two feel like when you're putting so much effort in but you get less than appreciation, even hurtful feedback.
New merch idea:
"Im sure I'll have a vulnerability hangover after this, but fuck it."
I'd buy a shirt in every color!
Thanks, Dr. Kirk. I have so much respect for you as therapist, a creator, and a human!
Haha, yes! I want this and “Way Too Much Anti-Lying Energy”
Commenting for the first time because I want to thank you for your videos, Dr. Kirk. You help the world become a better place, truly! Don't forget that. You deserve to feel proud about all the good you do for people all over the world. We're forever grateful for all the insight, empathy, and knowledge you share. You help people become more self-aware and empathetic.
Also, we care about you, deserving therapist! And you being vulnerable will give those who might not have realized how their comments could be received, a chance to feel where you're coming from so that they can now be aware. I truly believe it's not their intention to hurt you, and you sharing your feelings will help an already great audience become even greater!
You've mentioned it yourself, but it's true that the community you've gathered and built is one of the most empathetic and mature on the platform. A breath of fresh air! You set a great example, and the hard work on the videos/podcast (including the "yammering" of course) is very much appreciated. I've listened to you for years by now, and in my opinion the Borderline Abuse series is some of the best work you've done, it's so insightful and I learned a lot to get an understanding of a disorder I didn't know much about. Could feel your passion - great work! :)
I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis at the age of 25 (an autoimmune disorder) after suffering for years with many different symptoms that it seemed like no one believed or knew what to do with. It's not a nice diagnosis. But WHAT A RELIEF.
This helped me understand my daughter years later when she insisted she needed a diagnosis for her mental health struggles. She has generalized and social anxiety, which I knew/suspected, and told her, but she needed a doctor to officially tell her. It was actually a bit of a fight because we ran into the non-labelling doctors and therapists at the beginning. We kept looking for "answers" because I get it. Without a label, it can feel "made up" (even physical symptoms) and any treatments are just guesswork. (Which, for both of us they still really are, lol, but it doesn't FEEL as much like that.)
I’m glad you shared how those comments affected/continue to affect you. I think the analogy of how you don’t go up to a musician you just watched and start offering criticism of their performance is great. It’s easy to see, for anyone who follows you here, that you are very thoughtful and deliberate with the work you do here and that you pour your heart and soul into this.
I’m sorry there are people out there “splaining” things to you and making you feel the way you shared.
I enjoy your content exactly as you create it and I trust you as a content creator. Sending all the good vibes and gratitude for what you do 💚
Dr. Kirk, I’m on the BPD spectrum and had a horrific childhood and cannot at the moment afford therapy. Your yammerings have helped me so much to get more differentiated, validate my experiences, thoughts, feelings, get more emotional regulated, get more in touch with myself and my needs, communicate them to other people etc. If you see my comment - I’m that one person who your yammerings and detailed videos helped tremendously.
"Vulnerability hangover" thank you for that gem! Great term to describe a feeling i often have but was unable to put into terms.
Also completely agree with your thoughts on your channel. Authenticity of your reaction is key and we are here for your reactions however long/short they are. I have learned so much watching you react and im so grateful for that. Your feelings about all of these commenrs are of course completely valid. But I hope you feel empowered after sharing this and hopefully seeing a lot of positive feedback in response, to not let it change your channel and at the very least minimal flinching as you put it.
I appreciate you Dr. Honda. Thank you for modeling such great vulnerability.
After watching this video in entirety, I just wanted to leave a comment and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your authenticity and vulnerability. Your content is something I look forward to on a daily basis, and I am very grateful that you and your wife put so much thought and effort into every video! I can’t think of another place on the Internet where a content creator can speak so freely from the heart, and have their content community at large be so empathetic and caring. You really have built something quite special with your work and it does not go unnoticed! Personally, I can say that I am truly a better person for having listened to your content, more attuned and aware. Please continue to lead by your example of authenticity and vulnerability, and take care of yourself, because you deserve it, you really really do!! ❤
I remember exactly when I got into your videos and the first video I watched of yours in 2022. I’ve watch as much as I could ever since because your point of view is valuable to me. It drives me crazy every time I read those comments so I can only imagine what you feel. There are times when I’m not in the mood to listen to commentary videos but then when I’m ready to, they are there and I get to enjoy them. I clean houses which takes 2-4 hours so I love the longer style videos that can keep me occupied. Anyway, thank you Dr. Honda.
As a professional yapper myself, I feel so comforted when you’re “yammering” bc i can hear you working through things in real time and it really helps me level with you and your thought process. my therapist once told me that me talking too much isn’t a weakness, i use my verbal processors to work through what’s in front of me and that is a strong coping mechanism. said therapist also ghosted me so 🤷🏼♀️ food for thought idk but my point is i love it when you yap and i hope those comments don’t weigh too heavy. your core audience loves to hear you talk about everything, leaf blowers and everything else.
I just finished this amazing video after watching it in parts.
Kirk, I am here for your yammering. I have learned so much in the last few years when arguing with my husband, when having to apologize, when returning to my psychologist.
I just sent this very video to a good friend with the time stamp at the 47 minute mark about dealing with parental bpd.
Thank you for being vulnerable with the issue of the contradictory complaints. It can’t be easy putting yourself out there every day.
In Spanish we say, “no es lo mucho, es lo corrido” which translates roughly to “it is not the amount but the frequency”… this phrase comes to mind whenever I see online pileons, even the best intentioned and how it can really hurt the individual on the other side. You’ve talked a bit about this before… it resonates with what you mentioned here.
Anyways, you and Stacy deserve rest, breaks, and a lovely life, both of you and your cohosts have touched more lives than you can ever imagine and you deserve calm and rest!
Dr. Kirk, your series on borderline abuse helped me self reflect and realize there were instances in my past when I was overly reactive to my partner because of my abandonment issues. I apologized to my partner for these moments and am working on my abandonment issues in therapy. I am greatly appreciative of your insight!
Dear Kirk, I don't comment very often but those feelings you are describing are reminding me of my own trauma stuff a lot, so I just want to send you a hug. Thank you for all your wonderful yammering, I appreciate it in all the forms and lengths! Take care.
Your 'yammerings' are the sound track to many of my days, never change! Your generosity with your time, passion and knowledge is second to none and you give SO much out for free. Therefore the idea of anyone nitpicking or criticising just blows my mind. Please keep doing what you're doing Dr Kirk!
I’m happy to be a part of your team and I appreciate and value your work. Take care of yourself.
Dr. Kirk, I’ve been watching your channel for years and you have positively impacted me and my life in so many ways. I don’t think I’ve ever actually felt upset about the length of one of your videos. The longer the better, but honestly I just feel lucky to get any content from you because it’s so unique and valuable (and entertaining). Your random tangents and “yammerings” are not only tolerable but one of the things that make your content so great. Following your train of thought is relatable (especially as someone who has ADHD haha) and authentic. If you felt more held back or edited more out, I think a lot of what makes your channel so awesome would be lost! I know I’m just one person but I thought I’d share that with you. Sorry people are being jerk faces sometimes!
I appreciate your yammerings! No matter how long or short your videos are, please keep it going. So much work goes into your videos not only do we love to hear your authentic reaction but years of expertise, i cannot thank you enough for the good you have added to youtube.
Aw Kirk, it was tough and understandable seeing you affected by these critical messages. You are such a daily light in our household. My partner and I love watching your videos
Hi Dr Kirk! I'm a long time listener but I rarely comment. I love your content and I saw some of those comments recently and thought they were uncool. I'm sorry that I didn't down vote them or comment back. I just want to let you know that I'm on your team.
I've definitely felt like NOOOOO he ended it right before the beat drops! 😂 But I'm never actually mad about it. Your channel has helped me bring topics to my therapist for discussion. I feel like I've even been able to offer an alternative opinion about to something you say, and I feel like you are always open to alternative interpretations. Especially when it comes to race or gender and you know it's not your experience. I really respect that. The content has been a blessing to me and really enjoy engaging with other followers too. Sometimes I comment just to talk to other people who like to watch. Thanks for creating this space.
Omg I also hate those podcasts intros when people are just chatting. It was so satisfying to see you Dr. Honda talk and roll your eyes about that! I thought I was the only one 😂
Oh my goodness.. I am sending you SO much love and gratitude. I am a TH-cam content creator myself, myself, though not at all to the scale that you are. And, I want to say, that this was such an intensely valuable video to make for so many reasons, not the least of which is the fact that content creators often get (I assume unintentionally) dehumanized by our viewers at times. Viewers sometimes (perhaps a little too often) forget that the people making content on TH-cam are just as squishy, sensitive, and tender as any other person. There's something about this platform that creates a sense of separation or distance that may embolden folks to comment in ways they never would to us in person. I just want you to know that I 1,000% understand where you're coming from--though of course our experiences are different.
As someone who has always made content that runs long (in opposition to the algorithm's rewarding of shorter content), I have gotten many comments over the years about how I present - too fast, too wordy, etc. It does hurt, particularly when we're trying so hard to be of service to others. I recently got triggered by a situation where someone let me know they were bothered by me sharing on my instagram account about a hobby not related to my channel's niche out of 'concern' my content was 'changing direction', and it made me feel so dehumanized, as though I was a product and not a person. I found it difficult to put into words just how much it hurt. It felt like I was being told to stay in my lane and produce the 'entertainment' that was expected of me and nothing else, especially since this person reminded me several times in their messages that they felt they had a right to speak up 'as a paying member' of my channel. It was a very painful day for me, and your sharing made ME feel so validated. I really wanted to (hopefully) give you that same validation.
For the past week, I have literally consumed no one's content except yours, having discovered your coverage of the Love is Blind Season 6 and was absolutely captivated by the love, time, compassion, and heart you put into sharing here. You have created something beautiful, powerful, and worthy, and as someone who has struggled a lot over the years with anxious attachment, codependent tendencies, and who was raised in a highly volatile, abusive household... your content is so completely healing, both in helping me see my own harmful patterns within my relationships and in looking at those things with compassion. Please never doubt that what you are doing is incredible, healing, and powerful.
Sorry this was so long... I was just really moved to do what I could to validate your experience, your hurt, and your bravery in speaking out. Thank you for modeling what self-advocacy and self-care can look like in such a powerful way. 💖
We love your yammerings, Kirk. It’s your brand and it’s what we come here for.
People often forget that the way they give “feedback” can be incredibly hurtful without realizing what they’re doing. I feel badly that it’s made interacting with community unpleasant for you. And thank you for sharing how this has affected you. Vulnerability is HARD. I struggle with it myself. So I am in awe of your courage. Because this is the antidote to the more negative parts of the internet (and society at large). Modeling vulnerability, inspiring empathy, and inviting others people to be better or take care of each other IS what we all need and want, but don’t always practice. Thank you for being you.
Finally, you’re never going to make everyone on the internet happy-re: length and content. So just do you because many of us are here for it and have been for years!
You are very loved Dr. Kirk! Screw those people complaining about videos being too long/short/talking too much. They're getting grade-A platinum content *for free* and still have the audacity to whine and complain?? Such entitlement. I think some folks come here expecting you to be more like a drama channel, and want to see you react only to the spiciest moments and hold people "accountable" in a very petty, punitive way. You're a professional in a very sensitive field, and have a responsibility to respond to things with depth, compassion and nuance. If they want to see someone only respond to short, dramatic clips, there are other channels for that. It makes no sense for them to come to your channel and complain you're not shooting *your own* videos in the way *they personally* wish you would. Are they paying all your bills? No, they're probably paying you 10 cents over the lifespan of their viewership. Yet they yap as if they're bankrolling your whole operation. Smh.
As far as I’m concerned your TH-cam channel is a public service. So thank you for everything you do. You don’t deserve rude comments. ❤
I absolutely love that you were so vulnerable in this video about your reaction to the comments. I wish more TH-camrs would do this because it forces those of us who comment to reflect on how we feedback can impact someone. I think we should all think about the ethics of our social media commentary. Thanks for sharing and as you can see, there are far more of us that love your content exactly the way it is!
Hey, Dr. Kirk... as someone who is following you for several years already and also wants sometimes when watching your videos for you to get to a specific point, it is not your fault. It's impossible to hit the sweet spot for everyone and going for it is going to hurt long term. You have your own process that you go through and that's what we are here for. We do appreciate your insight and we are thankful for the educational content that you are providing.
Been watching for a couple years as a silent viewer. I’ve learned so much and have implemented it in my relationship. Your videos are a comfortable space that I can rely on whether I’m giving my full attention or playing them in the background while cooking, cleaning etc.
I enjoy the long videos. If someone thinks you are yammering, they can skip through. It's so good that you are open to talk about how words affect you. It makes you a genuine guy! It doesn't feel good when people are consistently pulling you in all directions. I appreciate you!
I taught English as a Second Language to college-age international students for many years. Finally I know what to call the self-talk I engaged in at the end of every exhausting day during my 30-minute drive home: shadowboxing experiences! Dr. Honda, from you I've learned how blessed I am to have had parents that gifted me with secure attachment. More importantly, for all the Chelseas that I encounter in life, you have caused me to replace criticism (the silent, unspoken kind) with understanding and compassion. I can't thank you enough!
I watched to the end and glad that I did. You are sharing what so many content creators feel and you are brave enough to say it. I enjoy your content in whatever form you choose to make it and I hope you will enjoy making it. I only watched the reality shows so I could watch what you say about them.
Honestly, being diagnosed with autism and adhd helped me more with (not) beating myself up for being lazy, too much and, overall, shitty, than actual accomodations and benefits - got none of those. But knowing there's a name, there's a pattern, there's a reasoning behind it, that was the true benefit. And I will FOREVER defend labels for that reason.
I have BPD with disorganized attachment, leaning heavily into the avoidant side. I grew up in extreme abuse, neglect and severe bulling at school, so as a child I learned to cope by just withdrawing and hiding all the time and becoming hyper-independent and an extreme daydreamer. Over the last 3 years I have tried out various therapists, but most of seem only familiar with preoccupied BPD. When I try to explain my avoidance tendencies (and why I think they formed) they ask me ridiculous questions like "why don't you just give people a chance to love you? Not all people are scary and mean." These types of questions hurt me and make me feel deeply betrayed by the therapist. It makes me feel like I am such a weirdo loser that not even a trained psychologist with decades of experience can understand me. Or that they are asking these questions because they are hinting that they don't want me to be their client anymore. Ultimately I would give up on therapy, and leave that therapist without explaining to them why because I feel so ashamed. But after watching your videos, for these past 3 years, I have felt inspired to not give up and keep trying to find the right therapist. That I deserve to receive help and care from another person. I have a few sessions lined up with different therapists over the next few weeks and will try to approach the sessions with an open mind. I will try not to get too hopeful until I know that they are at least willing to try and understand me, or at the very least listen to me. Thank you so much for your videos, especially on the topics of attachment, schemas, differentiation, relational trauma, triangulation, and family systems. This information has been so helpful to me learn about myself (and others who have harmed me) so that I can approach therapy with more insight and purpose. :)
Telling someone with a personality disorder and heavy trauma (aka someone whose life taught them that people are scary and mean), that not everyone is actually scary and mean and they're unreasonable for believing so, is a sign that they're the loser and incompetent ones, as trained professionals with years of experience... Not you. Your belief is actually, perfectly reasonable in your circumstances.
If they can't understand it, and help you overcome your defenses, maybe they're in the wrong field.
@@sallyann985 Thank you sincerely for the validation. It was only one therapist that said that comment to me. But the fact he had a PhD in psychology made me feel so confused for a very long time about if a) I was just being "too sensitive" and being distorted or b) he was trying to hurt me on purpose so I would stop being his client, or c) he was actually being incompetent and did not realize it. I am still a bit confused about it to this day and usually believe a or b to be true... but every now and then I lean slightly toward believing maybe he is just unskilled with my type of trauma and was doing his best to be helpful but unintentionally made a blunder.
@@FiestyKiki I have similar issues with therapists all the time. I also drop out of therapy for the same reasons all the time. Therapists have so much power over you, it's hard not to internalize the notion that they might be right in judging you or letting their counter-transferences get in the way... So glad I even learned this term. Now I know all those instances of my therapists disliking me wasn't my failure, it was theirs.
Watching this channel I've educated myself on how subpar, or ill-fit for me, most of my clinicians were and that I indeed deserved better care.
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability, Dr. Kirk!! I love that you think so much and so thoughtfully about the processes of production for the podcast and videos. I think the result of your deep thought about the work is a big part of why we find them so enjoyable, like you said!! Thanks for being you and I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with this recently ❤ This is a good reminder to us viewers/listeners. Sending lots of good vibes and appreciation your way!
I hope you know that the vast majority of us love your “yammering,” the length of your videos (long and short ones), and the fact that you’re authentic with your feedback and knowledge.
One thing I’ve noticed is that most of us watch the previews, so we have an idea about what to expect in the next episode, but you don’t, so you’re really truly going into each episode blind. I think it makes your reactions so much better.
Thanks for everything you do and all your hard work on this channel. We appreciate you!
I love your videos and have learned a lot over the years watching you about healthy thought processes, checking yourself & your perspective, trying to understand someone else, forming a response/complaint/apology, etc. etc. etc. from your off-the-cuff thoughts. I recommend your videos to friends all the time, because I know they help. Thank you Dr. Kirk!
As a recovered borderline, it was hard work and I still make sure I check in with myself regularly. But it was so worth it! You can get through it!
Thank you SO MUCH for being so raw, honest, and vulnerable in this video. I have felt all of those emotions you’ve described (in a totally different context, of course; I’m no TH-cam star!). To be able to express it the way you do has been inspirational for me since I started watching you 3 years ago. Through intense therapy, release of stuck emotions, and learning from people like you has completely transformed my life.
I'll watch your videos no matter how short or long they are. I'm so sorry to hear the impact these comments have had on you, and I hope I didn't upvote anything like that. You're right, the spontaneity is important and we like to see your initial reactions. I'm sure it's rough being in the public eye even if most people are nice, and I can't imagine doing it. People are always going to have opinions on how other people should do things (without necessarily understanding what goes into it), but as you said, you can't please everyone all the time. I love your content and watch almost all of your videos.
My husband and I really enjoy your content, and we literally talk about being excited to get home from work to watch your videos. It’s because of who you are and how it shines through your content. Keep being you, keep making the videos the way you do. Don’t change ❤
Dear Dr Honda. I LOVE your content. I love your yammering and your style of speaking. That is why I follow you and why I am looking forwards to every upcoming episode you create. And because I watch them, I know how much work you do making this content (not only because you speak about it from time to time). You do a lot of hard work around it and I can see the care you give us listeners who sometimes (at least I) wonder if we really ARE deserving of this huge amount of absolutely priceless content you make for us.
Thank you so much for everything you do. You helped me understand so many things. And are a good example of how to talk about things that are not easy. Hats off. And thank you again.
Thank you for making this video- I have been confused during this series and probably spoke up too quickly in a few comments before digesting all the info. This really helps!!!
Kirk, we validate you. I understand the impatience of the people who commented, because we're just so excited for you to get to our favorite bits! You're right, it's like being impatient at a concert for your favorite song to play. It's okay to feel it, but you don't need to yell it out or anything, AND if you let that be the only thing you take in or feel you're going to miss everything else. And you're also right, that we're here FOR the yammering, not in spite of it. I've learned so much from your first, second, and third reactions. I think it helps to emphasize the complexity of people and the need to hedge our conclusions with "speculation only" since things often end up being different than they first appeared to us.
Also, a few minutes before the end of your video I was thinking that I wanted to ask you for reassurance that you're not suddenly going to shut down the podcast or channel, and then you proceeded to do so just a minute later. So thank you
I wish I could give you a hug, Kirk - your open hearted and sincere care to optimize your content to meet our preferences reminds me of parenting my teenager. It’s a kind of impossible task. You care deeply, you respond to feedback and we can get pretty self centered and moody about what we want to see. I wonder why we do that? Part of me thinks it’s because we feel anonymous or like you’re not real and we can’t hurt your feelings, and part of me thinks it’s because the parasocial relationship feels so real that you’ll know we’re coming from a loving place, or we wouldn’t bother sharing our (unhelpful) feedback. For me, the spontaneity of your reactions has taught me how much you can understand about a person before they’ve even said anything very substantive. It gives me a sense of the many opportunities in an interaction to understand what we need and take care of ourselves and each other. It’s frequently uncanny how early you read the writing on the wall. It helps me feel safer interacting with people the way you break it down beat by beat. Keep up the excellent work, it’s changing people’s lives for the better.
I don’t usually comment on videos but I wanted to say that I validate you and that your content, long or short, is incredibly valuable for me. It has revealed new perspectives and influenced positive behaviors in me and those close to me. If I ever do disagree with you, it is probably because I’m triggered and it means that I need to reflect on it and work on it. It makes me sad that you feel this way because you have so much empathy for everyone and highlight it often in your videos that I wonder why some of your frequent viewers don’t practice that and realize that their comments are hurtful. I wouldn’t want to loose such a valuable person on this platform because others don’t have self control. Please take care of yourself Dr. Honda, I’m glad you sought out therapy for this issue and I hope that you come to realize that your message is important and changes lives, whether they’re 5 minutes long or 2 hours long.
You said it perfectly that you can’t please everyone. There’s a sense of entitlement with some people that is baffling. Your analogies about different kinds of artists were also on point. Those of us who understand and respect the relationship between content creators and viewers know how to respectfully disagree with things and what is appropriate to write. You’re a human with feelings that are just as important as any of ours. That being said, I love the videos no matter the length or subject matter as I find psychology and the human mind fascinating. Keep it up, Kirk!
Dr. Honda, we love you and your yammerings! And we’ve learned so much from you (often for free). You make the internet and the world a better more understanding place! ❤
I rarely leave comments, and I sincerely appreciated the longer episodes and especially the long chapters on borderline. Your content is so interesting to me and I appreciate the work you put into these! ❤
I enjoy your videos so much, Dr. Honda! I appreciate all of the energy and effort you put into teaching, and I do truly believe you are helping to create a more compassionate world ❤️
I have a lovely therapist of my own that I’ve been seeing for a little over a year now. I trust him and his insight is always so interesting (and helpful) to me. BUT I was curious about what your thoughts were on something he taught me a few months ago in regards to anxiety. Something you said around 10 minutes in about fearful attachment reminded me of this: I do not believe I have BPD, nor have I been diagnosed, but my mother and I have always had a complicated relationship that lacked the normal care and protection dynamic you would hope to get from your caretaker. That said, every single time I would start experiencing a panic attack or felt like I was on the verge of one, I would call my mom in hopes that she could help calm me down and ground me. She ALWAYS responded by criticizing me and making me feel stupid because it was “just a panic attack”. Despite knowing what she would say, my brain would almost go into autopilot and I would repeat this cycle every time, and get angry about her response, knowing full well afterwards that I should not be surprised by it. BUT, my anxiety would go away, even though I wasn’t getting the comfort I was seeking from her. My therapist suggested that most of the time anxiety without a clear cause is triggered by repressed anger, which really resonated with me, but blew my mind as I had never heard this before! He said that I was calling my mom because subconsciously I knew that her response to my cry for help would trigger anger and I could redirect the repressed anger causing my anxiety, leaving me less anxious about whatever I was worked up about in the first place. I’ve made a strong effort to curb this since, but it was (and is) a tough habit to break.
I’m curious about your thoughts on this and if it’s something you’ve seen in your patients. Like my own therapist, I value your insight and find it so helpful and fascinating. Thanks for all that you do!
My old therapist used to not give certain diagnoses for insurance reasons. He gave my insurance a vague disorder so that they would be forced to pay for it and that I need help. He said if it's too specific, then there is usually a timeline based on EBTs, and tbh I think he did me a solid there by not diagnosing me if that is true
Dr. Honda, thank you so much for everything you do, but specifically here for explaining your method of working with disorganized bpd clients. I recognize something that's been puzzling me for several years. I come from disorganized attachment, but about 5-6 yrs ago I decided to dive deeper into personal growth and have deeper connections and relationships. After a while it felt like I fell into a pit of pain and despair, I became needy and clingy, would regress frequently, etc. etc. But I also saw a lot of improvement in how close my relationships became, how vulnerable and authentic I was showing up. It was confusing, but seemed to be working.
Now I realize that intuitively this is what was happening, I took myself from disorganized to preoccupied in order to experience attachment fully, even painfully, before healing towards secure attachment.
I seem to have a moderate form of bpd. I am able to integrate therapy experience into real life and relationships, and into building my sense of Self. Your videos have helped me tremendously in removing blindspots and understanding myself. Thank you!
I hear you, I understand, and I'm sorry you've been going through it, DKH. I appreciate your content and the care you put into it very much. You've grown a very empathetic community here, and I sincerely wish you flinch-free safety and sustainability in continuing to share as you do. Thank you for extending your growth edge. ❤
If Jimmy never loved Chelsea, was fake and never found her attractive, then I don't think that justifies her behaviour. It may just provide a reason, but a reason doesn't negate abuse.
I'd hope that if anyone is going through something like this, they'd stop, realize that their needs are not being met and break up. Why waste time on someone who you feel makes you crazy?
Being on/staying on TV. Saving face. Control. Not wanting to look shallow. Not wanting to look like the bad guy.
I agree with someone being a trigger for someone is not an excuse to abuse. Would his behavior (if we deemed it as emotional neglect off screen) be abuse?
Abuse, and correct me if I'm wrong, is a pattern of control. A single instance of emotional neglect while harmful on its own, is not abuse. A pattern of emotional neglect being used to control a partner is. To me it didn't seem like Jimmy was trying to control Chelsea by withholding and being distant.
When you are preoccupied and your relationship is not secure, the emotional suffering overrides a lot of rational thought to break up because your needs are not being met. Preoccupied people and Chelsea in particular thought their issues could be resolved. Dr. Honda said in the past that it can be through couples therapy.
If Jimmy was faking it, that would be deception and manipulation which is abuse. In that case, it would be more complicated to decipher who the primary abuser is and who is exerting more power and control. However, if Jimmy was the first to manipulate and kept it up then personally I would see him as the person with more control.
I’m so sorry Dr Honda…I have upvoted many comments talking about “getting to the good part “; not because i thought you were talking too much at all, but because i saw it as sharing in the collective experience of anticipation, like concert-goers excitedly whispering, “when is the show going to start?” as they wiggle in their seats. I had no idea comments like that made you feel so bad. Your community here loves and appreciates you, but even more importantly, NEEDS you. I know i am not alone in having your content improve my mental health, self-understanding and acceptance, relationships, and life satisfaction. Your work is so important and you take such good care of us. It’s the least we can do to make sure we take care of you too ❤
I just introduced you to a friend who is a newly licensed therapist! She was blown away by your insight to Borderline Abuse. You’ve helped me tremendously too. Although I was in therapy for years and have a BA in psychology, I hadn’t heard of attachment theory or discussed the BPD in my family. I now have a better understanding of these issues moving forward. I want you to know the amount of good you’re doing through your reaction videos and talking with such empathy and compassion. Yammer on please! ❤
I almost NEVER post comments, but I watch all of your commentary on the shows I watch and it is so interesting!! Please don't change!
I admire and appreciate so much your honesty and vulnerability Dr. Kirk. It's so healing in a world where we are pushed so hard to not let our true feelings show and ask for what we need. Unfortunately I think we have gotten used to accessing content online and people gain some sort of entitlement over folks sharing that content. What you share with us it's such a gift, and it's free! How can someone demand anything else from you? Anyways we know it's not ill-intended but it's just sad to know it happens. Grateful for all you do, and just for you as a person 🫂
Definitely a viewer until the end! I appreciate your insights and observations. I find your videos calming and informative! Thank you for all you do!!
Currently listening to the ending, and as a fellow talker, it is heartbreaking to hear that people are leaving comments about you talk too much. It’s such a beautiful thing that you are sharing your passions and knowledge with us, so I hope you feel more of the support and validation you deserve from your team/the community you’ve built.
You could never be too sensitive! Thank you for sharing and to your wife for signing off. It is so valuable to hear you open up and be honest about your experiences in your personal life, work as a therapist, lecturer, and as a content creator.
Appreciate all of the thought and effort you put into what you do - your work is invaluable!
Thank you for expressing your hurt with us, DKH. I hope you don't change anything about your channel despite the negative feedback. I, for one, love how in-depth you get and appreciate your side tangents - I feel like I learn something and I'm listening to a friend chat with me. While you do start talking when a clip hasn't "finished" yet, I don't see this as a negative! I find it exciting and it leaves me on the edge of my seat. "Oh boy, just wait 30 more seconds and your whole perspective will change!" If anything, these moments make me stop what I'm doing and I give my undivided attention to your reaction because I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and I want to see how you respond. I think you're very self-aware and know what you're doing. I hope your flinching while editing subsides and you'll maintain your relationship with your viewers through all of this. Thank you for all you do!!
"I'm sure I'll have a vulnerability hangover after this, but.... fuck it. " I love you Kirk, that was a great line! I might steal it!
Thanks for your content!
I just want to say that I really liked your videos on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial. I was always super happy each time you uploaded a new episode. You included the most important and interesting parts from the trial as well as providing insightful commentary ☺
Kirk, your vision and dream is yours to have, and plenty of people are benefitting from it. Stay true to you, and know that your tribe will value your vibe! Thank you for all the thought, effort, wisdom and authenticity you pour into this.. it really does come across to those who have the capacity to appreciate it.
Dr. Honda, I am so appreciative of the content you provide. I am not a podcast listener nor a TH-cam watcher BUT I do look for YOUR videos everyday. You do a wonderful job producing such empathetic and educational content. I have always been interested in psychology and you inspire that interest even further. I have learned so much about, myself, my relationship and society from your videos. It is obvious how much care and consideration that you put into your videos and I’m sorry that you’ve had to experience such negative reactions. I would tell you not to take it personally but I totally understand that saying that is one thing and doing it is another. I just hope that all of the positive comments here have helped to displace the negative. Thank you so much for expressing your vulnerability and opening yourself up to all of us.
I frequently listen to your content and appreciate all of the knowledge, care, thought and time that you put out into your segments. I appreciate your intelligence and insight. Psychology has always fascinated me, and your channel provides an excellent source of information, particularly with the longer segments, which I really enjoy. Your vulnerability and sensitivity are refreshing. Keep doing what you do, Dr. Honda.🌷
Hey l want to say how much l appreciate that you don't sensor any words or content that may get you demonetized.
EDIT: I watched further and thank you so much for telling us the work process that goes into your videos. That helps to understand! I love the authenticity on your channel and for me, you're the smartest person on TH-cam, so l feel privileged to learn from you.