Is it Japanese culture? How to know their true feelings perfectly
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 มิ.ย. 2022
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- Founder, One Day Japan Inc.
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Santi has served as a business consultant and corporate lecturer for major companies. His area of expertise lies in cross-cultural communication between Japanese individuals and foreigners. His primary clients include Japanese expatriates preparing to live overseas and foreign workers employed at Japanese corporations.
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2024 Latest Santi's Video →Santi's Seminar #2 : How to Understand Japanese men and women th-cam.com/video/n6Gkz7PqXiA/w-d-xo.html
I’m so glad you mentioned making fun of, because that was happening to my friend. They truly thought they were being complimented but it was clear to me they were being made fun of by this Japanese man. He was making that scoffing gesture while telling her she could be a model… it was awful to witness. I will share this video to them so they can not only hear from me but a Japanese perspective, thanks again 😊
It’s a big culture shock since we are taught the very opposite. We call it passive aggressive and it’s seen negatively (as the name says it). Although I understand since I live in Chiba City, most ppl do not. They would already be stressed out from not understanding the language, and then add another stressor such as making someone feel “they should know” when they don’t. It can come across as pompous and condescending. I know people don’t mean any harm, but until people learn the difference, it will be lost in translation (incorrectly). I teach my Japanese high school students different emotion words--like ferocious, angry, elated, excited, stressful, etc-so that they know it’s okay to use these words in English. Thank you for sharing your culture and enlightening us. ありがとうございます｡ 😊
Thanks you so much, that really helpful 😊
very useful! thanks!
very informative. thanks
Thank you for this relevant content. It clarifies a lot about Japanese mindset. Thanks a million, Santi san.
Thank you for the interesting video! I believe this communication style work only in monocultural countries. When in comes to areas with different ethnical/racial/religious communities it would naive to expect empathy "by default".
i'm sooo relate to this. my japanese significant other is very easy going. He always agree with which destination I'd choose. For example when he said he wanted to eat at a Japanese restaurant and I said I wanted an Indonesian restaurant, he would quickly change his choice and agree with me. Knowing that he always do that, I often give him the chance to choose where to go and agree with him :D.
This is so educational and interesting topics about Japanese cultures, ways, mannerism and thoughts about gestures and so on. Thank you,
This is so helpful knowledge about Japanese culture! So appreciate about your video. Thank you Santi san!
Glad you enjoyed it!
I love the suit
Well Done, Kent. Well Done
ありがとうエリさん！
...and your observations about the social immaturity of Americans (talking badly about someone they just acted friends with) is spot on, frankly.
very educational and made me laugh (especially the story of the biker silently waiting for the Indian teenagers (teenagers, mind you!!) to notice him and move out of the way! lol!
Like, literally the only thing that I this is particularly unorderly about Japanese public sidewalks is that so many goddamned people are riding their bikes on sidewalks that are packed to the brim with pedestrians. This will be the case even if the vehicle traffic on the streets is relatively light. I think the government should create bike only lanes.
are japanese more lenient towards foreigners then?the gym scene kinda shocked me 😅gyms can be noisy sometimes they even play music out loud and talk with sounds of the metals because people do heavy bench presses too.
when dating a japanese person, should a person be more quiet? lol or i should be talkative? will silence not be awkward?
Hello Santi, I enjoy your videos on Japanese culture:) I am currently in Japan and I have dated some Japanese guys. Sometimes it’s hard to understand the texting culture. Do Japanese men text a lot if they are interested? I know Japanese work so much, so I don’t want to be annoying and text everyday 😂.
I have zero Japanese in me and zero Japanese in my entire historical lineage. But the way you described the cold man in the air conditioning is me 100% - but with EVERYTHING, 😂. In my case, it's because I don't want to inconvenience someone elses wants or needs just because I require/want something different.
Hi Santi, nice video !! Actually, i liked to know if asking too much questions to a japanese man rude? I have this online friend i met month ago at first it was ok but slowly it takes him a week to reply to 1 question i had. Should i just stop chatting 😆and the thing is i did tell him to chat with me anytime he liked. But at the same time im afraid he will get annoyed with my questions. Coz what he did is just answer never a back to forth convo but the way he answers my questions is just he answers seriously and not just one word/two words :’). i asked him a question other day, then around 2nd day after , his status was on off and then on and “coincidentally” he did this when i was online coz i usually open around late night in japan, so is that him giving a signal like "I'm online but i won't respond to you!". Btw We used a rare platform to chat which mainly on pc.. I will never figure out his feeling. Thank you in advance if you decide to advise me on
Its like my bf that time suddenly didn’t talk to me that much as what he always do before and suddenly we had misunderstanding and he just broke up with me. I knew that he slowly detaching from me and giving me cold gestures and later on he just broke up with me without any reason or telling the truth.
There’s a japanese old man at work who doesn’t notice my negative reaction to him. I mean, he’s japanese! Do you think he just ignores the fact that I don’t like him? In my opinion he’s an old perv who likes young women.
He almost obligates me to say good morning to him everyday, if I don’t greet him he’ll scream my name over and over again until I get pissed and then I’ll be forced respond because everyone around is staring at us. He follows me to my car everyday and I don’t talk to him very much, I ignore, I don’t look him in the face. When I respond him I’m always cold and sometimes I’m a little rude, but he doesn’t leave me alone!
Hahaha..Indeed it's hard to understand what is on their mind. Lately, I am struggling to guess if this guy is really into me or not. Because we do talk or text each other everyday thru the phone. 2 days ago I finally told him, I am not a worm inside his stomach so are we on the same page or not? . I just want a solid answer from him.
Hahaha, likely he might think I am too crazy 🤪.
Thanks for sharing this video here. It makes me understand more now especially to handle him.
Santi telling to read the atmosphere but Also me accepting invites even if i don't like because i'm worried to hurt someone's feeling lol 😂😂😂 specially if someone poured out an effort on something
Situation: My Japanese male coworker who (I think) has been showing me signs of being interested in me is now confusing me. Signs like making strong eye contact, speaking to me when others are not around, hand-contact sometimes, etc I also asked his close friend if he's interested and she responded that he is. Then I bought him a little Christmas gift which included a "thank you" note with my number. Next day he contacts me and we start chatting. I asked him if he wants to hangout during the holidays, and he responded that he's happy with the invite however he already made plans for the holidays. Also, his turnaround time to responding to my texts has become longer lately- he prefers communicating in English but his ability is very low. Is this a communication challenge (maybe wants to relax and not stress since its holidays) or he's just loosing interest?
Don’t overthink. Just think he is not interested so you won't be disappointed.
You look more serious!
One of my friends said that if you fall in some critical situations always apologize and try to run away from the matter as quick as possible.
Now I understand he wanna say from your gym example.
I agree with your friends. We use Sumimasen = I am sorry = Excuse me = Thank you, quite often.
It's so beautiful to hear of a culture where the first thing a man would default to when another man approaches him and yells at him is to apologize, even if he doesn't quite understand what he did. The idea that he would assume first that he did something to irritate the other person is so...responsible!!! So unlike American culture! lol!
I work with a Japanese person, what you say is unbelievably SPOT ON. He keeps saying to me "i give people chance before i say something", "why not care?", "Why not notice?", "Why not thinking like this?". Through this video i think i finally understand the culture. It's VERY different from the general culture
Hi Mr. Santi! Been watching your videos and so informative about Japanese culture and the likes. Recently, I’ve been curious about a typical Japanese guy. In other words, I got interested with a Japanese guy whom I worked with for almost 3 yrs but I just noticed him lately after we had a group summer activity together with workmates. We had the chance to exchange messages thru line but we dont talk at work; however, we do normal formal work greetings. Maybe we had few eye to eye contact or maybe he looks at me when I’m not looking or I sneak a peek when he’s not looking too. I dont know we seem awkward or weird. At first we were exchanging messages like one day in a month for almost 3 months until it progressed like 3x in a week or like everyday but not really getting immediate responses sometimes but I really get response within 24 hrs or like really early in the morning. When I message him, I do receive replies or pictures or videos about his day or activities for the day. But I noticed that he doesnt really initiate to message me, but there was this one time he messaged me early in the morning asking about going out and I agreed and scheduled it after a week. So we went out and we talked but no physical touches. It was fun. But I dont really call it a date or I dont know. Do you consider it a date? Do japanese guys dont usually open the car door for girls? I was quite turned off. Anyways, after that the date we still exchange messages like thanking for the dinner and so. Of course he paid for the date even if I insisted that I’ll pay for my share. He asked me again if we can go out next time but we really havent put it into schedule yet. And still exchanging messages within a week after that day. But why is it I cant tell that he likes me or what. Why is it its hard to read japanese guys? Now I tend to stop messaging him first because I dont know if he is interested or not or just showing respect because we were workmates or pretending to like me. I got interested in him since we had common grounds and interests too. But I cant read him or im not just good at judging social cues or actions. I can sense if this would be a potential romantic story, may be one year in the making or it will never happen. Because I dont want to initiate confession, maybe I can send him messages first but confession??? Mmmhh I cant even if in Japan is a normal thingy😅 by the way, we are both at our mid 30s and we are acting like teenagers which is so strange. Its my first time to like japanese guy but it seems like Im losing interest because I dont know if he likes me too or what. Maybe he is just acting nice to me and I also dont want to assume things. He is single and I have kids. Is there a possibility a japanese guy get interested with a short girl who have kids? 😅 Sorry for the long comment, hope you’ll notice it and Id happily appreciate if you’ll take time to read it and maybe make a reaction 😊 thank you. Have a nice day!
th-cam.com/video/rnz9bx-l8Qw/w-d-xo.html
@@japaneseman you made almost 1-hr reaction video, im so “kilig”. By the way Im a filipina and “kilig” means got thrilled or static 😅. Anyways, thank you so much for your advice, I’m so glad you made one. I enjoyed listening to your eloquent analogy and metaphor. I’m already a big fan of yours. I hope my guy will eventually cross the bridge as I’ll be patiently waiting on the other side. Your rose story was a kind a cute though 😊
@@cezmari1871 hindi masyado nagpapakita ng real feelings ang mga lalaki na hapon, unlike sa mga Pinoy. Kung manonood ka ng mga drama ng mga Japanese, ang babae ang parang may gusto sa lalaki na parang ang lalaki mahirap abutin bali baliktad sa culture natin Pinoy na lalaki talaga mag court maghabol sa babae kung interested talaga ang lalaki, gagawin ang lahat para sa babae. Hindi sila showy sa feelings nila yan culture nila just like what this man said in his video. Mahirap talaga sila basahin if tatemae lang or kung sa atin plastikan.
@cezmari1871 baby girl mauna ka na gumawa ng move lol ako naman nasstress coz I met a guy din there but turns out may something sa kanya
Lucky I am a Lady, never had to approach a Man
Anyway!! Maybe it's hard for you Men because us Ladies are sometimes choosy
The japanese guy i am talking with told me when I tried to call him in the morning
スマホン電源切ります
I feel like this one is extreme
you did nothing wrong in the gym lol. It is not a library and you were lifting heavy weights
I can relate to this. There's one japanese man whom I worked with at a school and whenever we have a meeting, he said twice that I am beautiful. And I could often times notice that his eyes blink fast whenever he looks at me. He notices small details for example I just touched my forehead and he thinks I had headache. Also, he suddenly gave me some face shields BUT HE DIDN'T CLEARLY INSTRUCTED ME to use it during our lessons. He just gave it. But I didn't used it. Then after a couple of days, there is another face shield. I feel like he wants me to used but then again, he did not clearly instructed me. Why don't he just give it to me straight and tell me he wants me to use it. But he is married so I won't assume all his actions are like " I like you" thing. Don't you think so too Santi?
Santi is it normal in a Japanese foreigner relationship that the Japanese man doesn’t tell his whereabouts or plans to his girlfriend? Do Japanese men get mad about being asked?
New subs here, I rly enjoy your vids thank you! Anw, yeah, some question from me. 🙋♀️ Kindly need your explanation on this, thanks a lot Santi!
Wait wait wait, Santi, can you explain, why YOU didn't read the air, didn't save the harmony and didn't agree to go to eat pasta? How about that "doing what other people expect from you"? Isn't your behaviour rude and disrespectful to her???
Kap san, thanks for your comment! The reason why I mentioned about sushi, because that's me lol About this part, can you give me an example? "How about that "doing what other people expect from you"? Isn't your behaviour rude and disrespectful to her???"
Be sensitive learn how to understand the body language gesture, use common sense read between the lines, read the atmosphere, be smart there are things that doesn’t need to say the obvious, not all should be spoon fed to you 😅
Hmmm seems familiar
Woman has been quiet for a while...man notices
Man: hey, are you ok?
Woman: yup. (Like you really feel that period at the end of a one word reply)
Man: C'mon what's wrong?
Woman: Nothing. (Translation: something is wrong)
Man: Are you mad at me?
Woman: nope. (Translation: yes!)
Man: What did I do wrong?
Woman: Nothing. (Translation: Really? You're asking me? You're an adult now, you should know already. If you're still asking at this point, then you are not paying attention.)
😁😁😁
gmented12, thanks for your comment! I believe in every nation, you see this type of communication. however, if you can't do well, Reading the atmosphere, they might see you, Kukiyomenai = a person can't read the atmosphere = a person who is not matured or nice. So, you need to be careful in Japan, I think.
@@japaneseman I agree! generally every culture has this kind of hesitation in being too forward in verbal communication, maybe just varying in degree depending on the history of a country. Even more so generally in women😁 it has become a standing joke that men would have to be very careful decoding what women say because they often mean the opposite when they say "everything fine" 😄😄
kukiyomenai= a dense person (someone who is insensitive to other's feeling or situation)
Hi👋.. 🤔.. 😐it is American culture.. the part at 37:00. People being one way to your face then talking behind your back(talking bad about) when you leave. American people have low self-esteem, so talking bad about others makes them feel better. Everyone does it!! most everyone. It is culture yes. 🙄 they think it's "funny" 😐talking bad about other people and makes jokes about them. this is a low self-esteem country🤔..🙄if they did not have low self-esteem 😐then they would feel good about themself, thus want others to feel good about themselves too.. so.. they feel low about themselves, they want people they think who are in higher happiness than them to feel bad about themselves🤔that is one scenario I guess.. 🙄..
I think this can be one of the biggest challenges for foreigners in Japan because our culture is very dependent on authenticity.
I know for myself I’m really bad at reading the room. I can not intuit well. I have difficulty with social cues in general… so it’s especially difficult for me sometimes. So much so that it’s hard for me to make friends because I’m always worried that people don’t actually like me, rather they are pretending.
I know this is a problem for Japanese people too. Sometimes I wonder if it’s part of why so many people end up single. It’s better to just not be with anyone because you don’t have to stress about if people like you or not.
And I notice in a lot of media that the characters don’t really act like that. They’re generally more upfront. It’s a bit of a fantasy it seems.
I don’t know… it’s tough.