Mujhe mere gharwaale apne se door nhi hone de rhe h 24 ghante torture karte h na padhne k liye bhej rhe h na Ghar Mai padhne dete h ,mai suicidal ho rhi hu aap help karo
@@vineeta3979praying for you. Not sure if you’re in the US, if so, call the National Suicide Hotline, if under 18, call Child Protective Services (CPS), if over 18, call Adult Protective Services. I’ve felt exactly like you described. They were relentless in their accusations, and crazy gas lighting -I’m 50, and I have always thought it was because I wasn’t “good enough, sharp enough, nice enough, obedient enough…I was chasing “transparent dangling carrots” (Alanis Morissette) and am just now, at 50, am understanding and working on “radical acceptance”, that it wasn’t “me”. or “my” fault for setting them off. They fed off of my “mental” confusion, or anything I said, it would get so twisted, and gave them another reason to yell and scream, whip, accuse, shame, scare to death that they knew my every move, and would get so much satisfaction out of telling me where they saw me, or would question who I was with or meeting, or if I said anything about “our personal business, (brainwashing and gas lighting), threaten to kick you out “if you think you’ve got it so hard”, ignore for up to 2 weeks, withhold love, communication, affection, connection, etc, etc. Now I feel like I’ve suppressed so much hatred for myself all of these years, since I was 8. I now understand, that was THEIR UGLY AND EVIL that they spewed all over me, and I, not knowing any better/different, swallowed every bit of it, and believed I was everything they said I was, but could never quite get those f’ing carrots, which I desperately wanted. I thought if I could try haaaaaarrrrddd enough, and remember, and not forget and do, any of the things I was (according to them) doing, saying, thinking, and feeling. Releasing it from this kind of perspective, that I need to “return all of this back to sender. That is a 1,000,000 lbs weight off my back, shoulders, hip, and feet. I have autoimmune diseases from all of this stress and turmoil for 42 years! I went back into trauma counseling and we’re using EMDR for PTSD, CPTSD, or anything traumatic to me. Any unprocessed grief/emotions/words, that I was too terrified to utter a word to anyone, for a desperate cry for help. Wanting so badly to speak, out loud, and pray someone recognizes what’s happened to me, and help me have a perspective “shift”…but as usual, fear of being “wrong”, or “not having my facts straight”, causing another explosion of wrath. With total mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, I pushed it all down again and again. I need/needed help forgiving “my” self… for talking so awful to “my” self, and slapping “my” self as hard as I could across the face 10-15 times on each side, just to get the raging, overwhelming, confusing, crazy making, toxic energy out/off of me. Even all the times of getting so beat down that “just not waking up” (suicidal ideation -I am not currently suicidal, just FYI) would be such a sweet and welcomed relief, and I can finally be at peace, but I couldn’t do it any, of the many times, I was pushed over the mental thresh hold/edge, at home, work, school, and having the feeling of “I can’t mentally keep up, I’ve lost my grip on reality…there it goes…I’ve “lost” my mind”, and…”this is what it “feels” like to be “crazy” like “they” said I was, and I can’t find my way back to…myself…even better yet…who am…I? How do I find out? I am starting from the beginning with my trauma counselor, from when I was a child, and the first times I experienced “something that shook/scared me to my core”, precious trust broken and now the smear campaign. Shock and disbelief sets in, all these things…imprinted in my mind (flashbacks) AND BODY” (it keeps the score). a nervous breakdown”, and had been so oppressed that its trying to push and release but can’t get past my throat. It’s blocked, or frozen, nonfunctional, out of shape. I’m literally petrified to say what I want to say to the people closest to me, but EMDR allows that release…30 seconds or so later…it feels like you can recall the event but you don’t have the bodily/nervous system response and reaction anymore…you literally can’t locate the feeling(s) you’ve carried for decades. It’s released, off you and away from you. This is really long, but your words reminded me of so much oppressed anger I feel compelled to release. This is what I will work on next…and make room for the good things that are coming to me. I might also add, I pushed for autism testing, as I already have ADHD (diagnosed at 35 when having a nervous breakdown at work). All of the sensory issues I have, depression, anxiety, inattentive, and being MISUNDERSTOOD have been there as early as age 3 that I remember -like a short film. Sending prayers love, and light to all that have read this novel to the end. ❤
That's really annoying because I'm convinced narcissists don't sleep but literally no one talks about it. Either they can run on no sleep, or they're such light sleepers that they can wake up at a moments notice and fuck with your sleep
@@melodyconteI’m having every fucking trait of aspd but I only been aware for a week this shot is so fucking weird understanding the reasons you go shit
@@nateaskia5202Welcome to the party. You only have 2 options, fix your or stay a lousy garbage person. You need morals, you need to teach yourself to do what's right. You wouldn't believe how good it feels. Takes a ton of work and definitely sober up if you're not already. It is possible to live a great life and be surrounded with great people once you fix your problems.
Omg yes exactly!!! Like the guy I'm with is a huge narcissist the most insecure person I have ever met in my whole life! I'm even insecure but nothing like he is. like he will argue scream yell at me insult me by cussing at me and calling me names that you should never say to a woman honestly. anyway I would be crying my eyes out because I didn't know what i did to make him so angry & upset with me because I'm a good person at heart. Just being kind and nice just comes naturally to me. I'm very good to him I don't do anything to provoke him or nothing! I literally have to walk on egg shells around him because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing to make him angry. I don't do it on purpose either... He just gets so upset so easily it's like he's bipolar or schizo or something because I never know what side of him I'm going to get. he's unpredictable & really scary at times but I don't have any family I can turn to. My mother passed from cancer in 2016 & my dad chooses not to be in my life he's a deadbeat basically. I've told him the situation I'm in many times and he would never help me out of it would never let me stay with him not even just for a little while. He doesn't care about his own daughter I just don't understand that. I have a 6yr old daughter but she's with the father's family and they don't let me see her because they don't like me for whether reason idk tbh. Anyway sorry my reply is so long I just really related to your comment! But I could never do that to my child leave them in a abusive relationship with a narcissist. And then not even care about it... I do have a sister but I can't stay with her either her husband doesn't like me idk wtf these people's issues are with me I just don't get it. I mean I try really hard to get their approval and I try to get them to like me I'm always respectful even when they're not towards me. They talk down to me all the time and I'm still f*ckin respectful to them! Idk I just give up honestly! There's nothing I can do about it. I'm a good person and no woman or man deserves to be treated like the way a narcissist treats their girlfriend/boyfriend. Again sorry my reply is so long I just wanted to share my experience I guess funny how it's easier to tell complete strangers your problems than it is to tell the people around you. Wow... 😔
Also you don't have to read all that if you don't want to. I just wanted to share my experience with someone anyone willing to listen! Or read I guess lol
That’s not a narcissist. If they haven’t been diagnosed with NPD then you are misdiagnosing. People use “narcissist” too much. What y’all are describing is how they made you mad and that they are a jerk.
@@ashleygray5239I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have been where you are in some ways-let me give you one piece of advice…if I may. You MUST LEAVE HIM!! You MUST!! Make a plan. Prepare. And when the time is right, you GO!!! It really sounds to me as tho you could possibly get help from a women’s shelter. Check them out. You are in my prayers.😢
@@him37404you’re not married…get your things in order, set up your plan of escape quietly, even if it takes months, observe and don’t absorb her toxicity, cut ties, and haul ass! Wish I had known then what I know now. Best of luck to you :)
my narc demon father was always very particular about his sleep. he used to sleep in the afternoon and additionally in the night with open doors. and used to insist on open doors and pin drop silence. the entire house had to go dead when he wanted to sleep. and when he was awake he insisted on making a ruccus and not let other ppl rest even, let alone sleep.
@@nadiastar6264 I dont remember exactly if I did. But I remember being tired in the afternoon after school and I still struggle with maintaining a healthy sleep and only trying to sleep in the night and trying to sleep through.
My husband, would "accidently" knock the bed as he came in, kick me & pretend it was an accident. He would turn the light on & blind me, pull the covers off & accussed me of hogging the doona. So I ended up not even reacting, ignoring his attempts of getting my reaction. I started sleeping with a sleeping mask. And covered myself in a nice warm blanket, so him ripping the covers off made no difference to my sleep. I was aware of his games & learned to be 3 steps ahead of him!!
Mine would go to bed at 4 am until 11am preventing him from having a productive day looking for work. N-ex would object and whine about his stepson getting up at 5am to get ready for school (using lights of course since it was predawn)…all this before I knew what discarding partner and narcissism was…he also distanced by watching porn or cultivating emotional relationships in the wee hours. I didnt mind the lack of selfish narcissistic style sex but was puzzled at first and then glad. Relationship fizzled naturally and I discarded him first ha! Onward! He’s soooo far in my rearview…
He would take his hand and draw an imaginary line across the bed in order for me to stay on my side. Wanted me to go to bed when he was ready to sleep.
Did he ever fart in bed and hold down the Doona over your head and laugh as you struggled to escape? My ex who was an ex-victim of a narc monster used to that. I asked her why do you have to do that? (She was an Anglo Indian and loved her curry) She said, "If you can't beat them, join them!"
I used to work 40 hours in three days I'm a RN and it would happen at least one of those nights that he wanted to start an argument to the point I'd only have a couple of hours before I had to start my shift .....they make you insane 😠
Omg. I quit nursing last year. After 20 years. Most of those years were with my narcissist ex husband. He knew I had to sleep to prepare for my pending shift and crank the music really loud and invite random people around to our house to party. I was beside myself. He couldn't care less. Thank goodness. I'm not in that. Left five years ago
About ten years ago , when I'd say something to my ex narcissistic companion he would suddenly tell me, that I'm not even a nurse, meaning I don't even have an education, to belittle me. I didn't even want to argue, later I learned about this behaviour, starting with my parents of course 😊
My Narcissist ex-husband always slept like a baby. Physical affection is my "love language" and he withheld it from me to punish me for not obeying his every command. One night after I came to bed, he rolled over in his sleep and lunched me right in the face. Woke up and had a good laugh about it. He loved seeing me hurt, whether it was emotional or physical pain. My suffering was the only thing that ever made him satisfied... happy, even. He smiled ear to ear when I was anguished by him or anyone else. It took me ten years to figure out who he really was and what he was doing with other women behind my back. HAPPILY DIVORCED and still healing from so many years of tolerating his Narcissistic abuse.
Meanwhile there was a good man, or a dozen, willing to treat you like a queen but you didn't even notice them, or worse, you treated them badly, lol you 🤢
My ex-husband was a narcissist, and he kept pushing me over towards the edge of our king size bed so finally just went to the couch to sleep and to be perfectly honest I like sleeping on the couch much better than sleeping with him. I got used to it and never wanted to sleep with him again
Oh my goodness, mine kept pushing me to the edge of the bed as well. I fought back and he ended up going to the couch. Looking back I stayed too long (11 years)
Mine also kept pushing me out of the bed, I ended up sleeping in the guest bed room in the guest bed while nursing our baby. People said it was weird and blamed me for not sleeping with him, that it caused him to cheat on me.
@StandStillRushing wow!!! Sounds like you were part of my 11 year marriage and know all the details! Since we can all make broad assumptions, I will also make one: Honestly, you sound like a gaslighter and abuse enabler... wouldn't shock me if we discovered you were/are a flying monkey to a narcissistic abuser, since you know the heart of a narcissist so well" See how broad generalizations and jumping to conclusion works? 😀
The last night I slept at my ex's house I woke up to him grabbing my leg and screaming in my face because he didn't like the groceries I bought. This definitely resonated for me. One thing I will say is he didn't hide his phone. I never had the passcode for it. But I did hide mine. He had broken a few of my phones in the past and would get mad about nothing (like someone on FB liked my public profile pic). Out of trauma I always hid my phone and kept it on silent. So happy I don't live that way anymore.
My partner works the night shift in a NICU...her ex used to keep her awake all day, so her patients were put at risk . He jumped on the stairs, yelled on the phone, woke her with stupid questions etc etc. Hes a melted pile of jello since she divorced him and her brother evicted him.
Last night you slept at his house? ....listen , you don't go back and forth , you immediately go complete NO Contact . Get away and stay away and never return no matter what. This is the only way to deal with narsisist.
So true. My ex would snore like crazy until I began to develop insomnia. Night after night, while he was in a deep sleep, I would sneak out of bed to find somewhere else to get peace. Every time, as careful as I was, he would wake up from this deep sleep and growl, "where are you going?" Then would say something like "If you don't sleep in my bed, you're not my wife." Other nights, he would literally wake me up and when I protested and asked why, he would tell me he just wanted to see if I was asleep! Talk about CRAZY making!
oh my goodness, I’m sorry you had to experience that too😢💔 But I feel comfort in knowing that I’m not the only on who has gone through this. I was literally going crazy 😢 and when I moved our beds away from each other, it got worse😢
Me too. He literally had sleep apnea and a recessed jaw so he snored so loud I could hear it downstairs when he was upstairs and still expected me to sleep next to that. He could also fall asleep scary quick, like within 10 seconds. I guess that’s from having not a bit of guilt or emotion. There was nothing keeping him up at night because in his mind he was perfect.
He was super mad if I did not wanted to be touched because it wakes me... So yes, I went from the edge of the bed to the sofa to the bathroom floor. He woke me up by talking to himself, getting up to clean the house at 3 am or pulling the sheets from uinder me 6 am on Saturday to do laundry. Pushed me to the floor several times, kept me awake all night on fights. Or he will walk in the room right after I drifted to ask me something even after I said I am exhausted please do not wake me up. Also, woke me on high anxiety in the morning by talking to me about bills, leaving the house with short or no notice or making appointments for people to come super early to the house. Sleep deprivation torture led me over time to deep dysregulation on my emotions and suicidal depression. To this day I sleep long but fitfully, have nightmares like never before this relationship and my shoulders are chronically n pain and tense at night. This stuff is very serious.
Interesting. Why was he doing the laundry and why cleaning the middle of the night? It’s been my observation of family members that people who get mad at the least little peep or movement around them when they sleep are extremely angry vengeful judgmental people. The nicest people don’t get bothered by people making light noise around them while they sleep. I don’t know if this is universal or just in my family.
Yes I went through all that too. Blanket pulled right off. Fan turned on high when it was cold. Pillows thrown to the floor. Physically kicked out of bed. Back facing towards me, withdrew touch or affection only when they want something. Flicking my hand away if I wanted to touch. Loud snoring. Letting the alarm go off repeatedly from 3am. I couldn't relax in my own bed. They want you to feel chaos and uncomfortable. You get pushed to suicidal thoughts. It's horrible.
If you are in a bad situation like this, plan to leave as soon as possible. Don’t wait, he will never change. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Save secretly, stash some clothes at a trusted friends house and make your plans to escape. Life is meant to be good and peaceful. Take action and enjoy the peace!
The government will take care of you as you have an inalienable right to pursue happiness. Just make sure you take all the boosters to prove your loyalty.
You nailed, Dinesh! My Narc regularly played every one of those cards and, if I disturbed him when he was napping or sleeping, he’d rage for ages about my “disrespect”.
My ex to a tee! She is a covert Narc for sure, No cuddling, maybe some slight cuddles if she wanted sex or it was always me who had to cuddle up on to her for sex. Even after I explained to her multiple times that it is nice when my partner lays their head on my chest and cuddles up on me, she still refused to do it. We would have sex and she would get up do her post sex routine, come back to bed and simply lay down back to me close to her edge on a king size bed. Also she is an extremely light sleeper and has a really hard time falling asleep too. After a while I just started sleeping upstairs on the couch which sucked, but at least I wasn’t dealing with her stuff.
The way they deny women their conjugal rights as a punishment is criminal, especially when a woman puts on a little weight on her buttocks. At least the dahkees get sprung fo dat.
I experienced the sleep disruption and stonewalling too…I still don’t sleep well and it’s been 7 years since I left the narc…I believe I have PTSD. It doesn’t help that he still stalks me.
Ooooh, the sleep thing is PURE EVIL! I had PTSD from childhood….our father would scream and beat our mother, after they came home in the middle of the night from drinking and dancing and…..wife-swapping. The husband I have now tortures me out of sleep! My first husband (he died), I used to fall asleep before my head hit the pillow! I was so at peace with my first husband. Now I’m back to my childhood terrors at night!
@@gracebe235 I am so sorry you are going through this again. For those of us with narcissistic parents, we seem to attract narcs into our lives. It’s been a life’s work to overcome this.
@@gracebe235 see? What goes around comes around. It's like the wheel of fortune. To stop the cycle you have to swap your husband. (cross my palm with silver, I'll tell you more)
They are demons. Watch the movie is called species. There is an empty abyss in the narcissist. My ex gf eyes always turn black under her eyes I feel like she was about to turn into the exorcised
Fighting over the space - ugh. When I would make the bed he would walk around the bed a couple of times to make sure there was the same amount of sheet hangover on each side and would adjust it. Then he started wanting to be there when I made the bed so he could be certain 🙄. He would sleep on his back with his hands behind his head so his elbows would be sticking out. He’s 6’5 so his reach was quite far. He would rest his elbow nearly halfway on my pillow and didn’t care that it would hit me in the face when he moved. He freaked out at me and said I was selfish when I asked him to please not do that. So crazy! His space was all his but my space was “ours”. Meanwhile, I’m clear at the edge of the bed with all of my limbs tucked in so as to take up as little space as possible. So glad to finally be free of him.
Today I was delivered from my narcissistic wife for 6 months and 7 days. Only in the last few weeks have I felt free from her. Trauma bonding is hell. We were together for 8 years. She is a covert narcissist. We never had an argument. She's the negligent narcissist type. We have only done something together 5 times. Saw me and my sweet daughter (her stepdaughter) as a burden in her life. Subtle but obvious towards the end. A few months before she left for good, she had taken all my and my daughter's things out of the living room. It was in boxes in the kitchen. Once again she surprised us with her ridiculous passive aggressive behavior. She had taken down photos. Putting all my daughter's crafts in boxes. Literally everything removed. Or almost anything. When we got home we didn't understand anything... when I asked why did you take all our stuff away? Her response: I didn't and pointed to a small corner where she had placed something of me and my daughter. I asked why she had done this. She said she wanted a place of her own. Countless times she let it be known that we meant nothing to her. The only thing she's ever done right that I'm grateful for is leaving me for good. It was the 6th time. As soon as she was gone I threw everything that was still here away from her. Redecorated the entire house together with my daughter. Since she has been permanently out of our lives, I have noticed how far away I have been from friends, my daughter, even my dog and myself... It's unbelievable how hard I have fallen into that trap. In any case, we are happier now than ever. And she can literally explode. (she left because I was completely exhausted)
Reminds me of my ex. Not one overt argument, but one night she came out of the bathroom with a strap on. and looked like she meant business. She was always blackmailing me with her dad's stamp collection which she was in line to inherit. She told me it held a penny black.
2:45 "They sleep quite easily - after dysregulating you emotionally". YES!! And taking up all available space pushing me into v small width of bed then yelling if I moved even slightly. Double-standards re noise. If I got up to go to bathroom, he'd wake instantly checking where I am going. V stressful, I was already an insomniac, he slept like a baby. I don't believe he's a narcissist, and don't relate to all of these btw (there was plenty of affection, no secrecy around phone etc). But some of this is so exact! I'd put it out of my mind till now and wow, I've not heard anyone talk on this topic. Recovering from break-up. I feel so seen. Thank you.
Wow did you describe my ex- narc husband. He claimed to have sleep disorder. Constantly kicking in his sleep - never wanting to cuddle me - it was such a lonely and sad marriage. He always said everything was my fault. I have had no contact for 14 years now. I am distrustful of men and have never found another partner. My manta is: all the good men are either dead or happily married. Sad but so true.
Totally agree. I broke up with mine a little over a month and two weeks exactly today of no contact. I feel that I can't trust any men anymore. I am currently going through withdrawal from him and I pray this passes soon because it's been a little tough. Even though I try to stay strong. Going to work actually helps me out a lot. On my days off that I'm alone is most tough. I feel so restless, I hate having to go through this.
I recently have started sleeping on the couch. Tired of having to sleep stiff as a board on the edge of the bed with our son between us, and if he gets too close to her she pushes him away too. It's sad. 😢
Farting is a better alternative. A high protein vegan diet plus metformin twice a day. Metformin can be acquired on the diabetic black market. Or aged care homes traded for oxygen.
WOW!! This resonated with me on so many levels. My ex-wife exhibited so many of these behaviors: guarding her phone while she slept, occupying majority of the bed space and complained that she needed more, sleeping with her back towards, stonewalling, ghosting. Just awful. She finally discarded me but here I am three years later and honestly I’ve found my peace, still healing, BUT I’m exponentially happier. Her leaving was the best thing that could’ve happened.
So sorry to hear my ex did the same to me she uprooted my entire life since we met at work she turned everyone against me and I thought she was a normal woman she has all these mental issues her family enables her bad and poor behavior she discarded me 2 years ago for another man and wanted to remain friends I told her no and she still contacts me and calls me from weird numbers these criminals should be ashamed of themselves💯💯💯
@@andrewgardner1727 Damn Andrew, I’m so sorry to hear what your ex did to you. The best defense against people like your ex and mine is maintain your distance, no contact if possible, we have our kids but I maintain strict boundaries with her; I only communicate with her when it comes to discussing our kids schedule and that’s it. Remember Andrew that’s damaged people will try to damage others. It’s just their nature and when I finally came to that realization, my anger started to subside and now I just pity her because she will always be a miserable person, just like your ex. Just continue to work on yourself Andrew, continue to strive to become the best version of yourself; that’s the best advice I can give you. The best revenge is living a happy life without them. You got this brother. You’re not alone.
Everything except the last one resonates. He not only took up the whole bed, he acted like I was part of the mattress. He didn't put his arm around me, he would roll on top of me making it difficult to breathe (and difficult to get out from under). So he would say I abandoned him to sleep on the couch, but at the time, not being sure how to get away safely was the only thing keeping me from leaving entirely.
Oh my gosh, now that you say this, I realize my ex did this too! I just took it as his way of cuddling, and I would stay like that, wide awake, him on top of me barely able to take more than shallow breaths for as long as I could stand it. It sounds so pathetic, but at the time it was better to me than the alternative, which was his stone cold back and pillow barrier to me all night. I was still coming down from the love bombing and I loved him dearly, or I loved who I thought he was. But yea, there was typically no in between; he was either crushing me or barricaded from me. 🫤 Thank you for sharing🤍🫂
My sister is a malignant narcissist who is like a vampire -- she NEVER sleeps. She stayed at my home a few years ago, for a week, and she kept the TV set on 24-7. Leaving the TV on 24-7 left me unable to relax at night. It was insane. In addition, she wanted me to change out ALL my lightbulbs to blinding, high intensity bulbs, but I refused. She is never staying at my home again. Also, my ex-boyfriend was also a malignant narcissist and he did the robotic sex-stuff you described, but I no longer have any contact with him. That guy left me unable to trust other guys.
I’ve lived alone for three years. Boy, do people try to move in on you! Young marrieds, teens wanting to “be out on their own,” online dating guys (hobosexuals) who think I’m “lonely” - Ha! Not in a million years.
@@rubyparchment5523 Hobosexuals...>< Love this! I loved living alone! I got so tired of men trying to "save" me by moving in to take care of me. What a joke!
He slept on the edge of bed i craved for touch and connection but he denied i felt lonely for two years after learning about narcism online i ran for my dear life its horrible guys you better be alone its so draining
OMG! Finally I found answers to why he behaved the way he did. Abandoning in bed started to happen just a few months after marriage. I was always questioning myself what was wrong. Glad he left me within 4years! Thank you for the video it is really enlightening & helpful for victims of narcs like me to understand the truth & move on!
Often, the worst fights occurred right at bedtime. And, I was jarred awake many, many times to find my ex over top of me with his hands around my neck, choking me... when I'd scream and fight in terror, he'd smirk and say something about having had a bad dream and claim he was asleep when this happened... then roll over and go back to sleep like nothing had happened. The weirdest thing that happened with him was being jolted awake at 2am as he STOOD over me on the bed, attempting to install a ceiling fan... I couldn't make this shit up, yet NO ONE believed a word I said trying to ask for help. I was married to that a**hole for 10 years, and consider myself very lucky to have gotten out alive. But... 23 years later and I'm still living with PTSD and working through issues with my counselor.
Third time we slept in the same bed had his hands around my neck chocking me & yelling some guys name.... he never brought it up after it happened.... I brought it up a couple times & he acted like it didn't happen???? WHAT??? 😂
I’m so sorry for what you went through. That’s one of the most baffling parts, there are people all around while this is going on, and you eventually try telling them what is happening to you and it’s like they can’t hear you or don’t get it. But then you find out that’s because your partner is sabotaging you behind your back and they think you are crazy or that you can’t be trusted. And OMG now I have to share this, I never suspected this was part of it before but always had something weird stick with me about it and now I’m suspecting it more than ever! The only 2 times my ex ever physically hurt me were both “while he was sleeping.” This is a little long, but maybe it will relate to you or someone else🤍 1st time: I was trying to wake him up because he had just gone to bed without saying a word. We were staying over at his friends’ house, who I had just met that night, & he had just left me out hanging out with everyone and went to bed. So I was trying to ask him why he did that. He had been stonewalling me for hours for unknown reasons and I was starting to get upset because I was in these people’s home with no one I knew and I have lots of social anxiety so that was hard for me. I started to cry a bit when he wasn’t waking up from my voice just softly saying his name, and I got closer to him and touched his arm. Suddenly, he popped up and put his hands around my neck for a few seconds, not really squeezing but just holding them there. Then he let go and rolled over, right back to soft snores. I was shocked. I retreated to the corner of the room hugging my knees and I dissociated. My ex before him had violently physically abused me, often by choking, and he knew the trauma I had suffered. I couldn’t believe that had just happened. He pretended nothing happened the next morning, being flirty, fun, affectionate, etc. When I tried to tell him over and over throughout the next 3 days he just kept skipping over it. I was in such disbelief. On the 4th day, I finally said, “This is over, you know my history and for you to do that and not even have any remorse is just unacceptable. I can’t be with you because I don’t feel safe.” He was like “what? What are you talking about?” I told him again, just like I had been doing for 4 days, and all of a sudden he could hear me 🙄. And he started crying and swearing up & down that he must have been asleep and that he had no idea that happened and would never do that. He even said he agreed, he understood why I need to leave him and that is what he deserves. I fell for it. This was still within the first year and I was so in love. Stupid. 2nd time: He had gone to bed. My brother & my adult son were over hanging out with us and staying the night so I stayed up a little later with them. (If you see my other comment on this post you can see we were having a lot of conflict surrounding sleeping already and he had made coming to bed with him like hell, yet was also infuriated that I no longer wanted to come to bed with him to be neglected and treated like crap) I would still try my best, but it was hard. Plus I was visiting my family. I eventually went to bed around 3 am. Within about an hour of me coming to bed, I heard him get up and go use the restroom. I did not move from the spot I was laying in, I was laying face up on the pillow on my side of the bed, somewhat near the center of the bed. As he was using the bathroom I drifted back to sleep. Suddenly, I was jolted awake by some massive force bashing me hard directly in the face, right on my nose. I was still waking up from sleep so I was disoriented and so confused. I knew something had just hit me and I was frightened in the dark room trying to see what was happening, but it was like my ears had gone muffled and I thought I could hear someone screaming far away. I reached up to touch my face and my mouth was open unexpectedly, and it was wet, dripping down into my hand and onto my blanket. It was me, I was screaming. And the wet dripping was blood, pouring out of my nose. My ex was next to me frantically trying to ask what was wrong and to comfort me and help me. I then pieced together where I was and what had happened, as I saw him holding the back of his head in discomfort. I asked, “Did you hit me with your head!?” He said, “I didn’t know you were in bed, I’m so sorry, I just laid back down after going to the bathroom and I didn’t expect someone to be laying there.” I didn’t know what to say. He was saying it was an accident, that he was still half asleep because he always keeps his eyes mostly closed when he gets up to pee so he can just quickly fall back asleep, that he seriously didn’t know I was in bed. I just sat there holding my bloody face and cried. He helped me and cleaned me up and was so apologetic and very loving about it. But I just couldn’t shake the notion that it didn’t seem right. He had been so angry at my recent refusals to come to bed and take his mistreatment anymore. I couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t just trying to make a point like, “why would I think you would be in the bed? you’re never in the bed.” I had even been attempting to cuddle him prior to when he went to the bathroom. And how does someone go to the bathroom and walk back to bed, yet not open their eyes or be somewhat awake? And who comes back to bed and just turns their back to the bed and flings their whole body backwards across the bed at full force to where their head lands more than halfway across, directly onto MY pillow where my head is!? It didn’t seem to make much sense and it has always haunted me a bit.
Same, but he slept with his close on when he did and would take off around 3 in the morning He always turned on lights and banged crap around, playing loud music when he had ear buds wouldn't wear them. I'd be lucky to have 4 hrs sleep
Reminded me how my ex used to thrash around in his sleep (no regard for the fact he was sharing a bed with another person). The peak of this behavior was when he “accidentally” punched me in the face while we were asleep. When he eventually woke up and saw I was crying (because I’d been smashed in the face with a closed fist while I was asleep; I was terrified)-he began hysterically laughing at me. He thought it was hilarious. It happened twice. So glad that’s over. Never again.
My father had 2 jobs, always took time out for us childeren and helped a lot in the house and took care of the garden. I remember how i always hear my father beg my mother to let him sleep. My mom didnt gave him his hard needed night rest. Later on , my mom start sleeping in other rooms and left my father lonely. My dear papa, rest in peace. I now know your body couldt handle the narcistic abuse anymore. I promis you, with me the narcistic abuse by mom, stops eventhough i allready are 44 years old
My husband would always turn the alarm clock radio on for 5 am. It was tuned into radio 4, and loud. It grove me crazy, and kept me awake, and he would sleep, it didn't disturb him. Thank you for your invaluable information, it is so comforting and reassuring xx
I was pushed to the edge of the mattress. Always. He had to have the tv on to fall asleep. Never mind that it bothered me while I was trying to go to sleep. But should I be up a bit later than him, it was endless complaining about how I should turn the light off now because it was bothering him. Glad I no longer have to deal with that.
Yes, my ex narc always had to have the TV on. At home I didn't mind because I slept in the bedroom while he fell asleep in living room with TV but when we were at hotel and it aggravated me and if he was asleep with tv on and I switched it off, he would wake up and switch it back on again😖
My FIL does this. He used to meditate loudly at 4 o clock in the morning, screaming mantras on top of this lungs while knowing very well that others were sleeping. Confronting is worse. They will repeat it purposely.
@_dadas He believes that he is bringing peace in the house by loudly chanting mantras and disturbing others. That is the bizzare justification which came from him.
I'm supposed to be singing and praising Krsna in the early morning and preparing meals to be blessed at that time, but because my wife is the narcissist and does all these sleeping acts and gets mad at me for disturbing her sleep when I make the littlest of noise accidentally or simply opening the bedroom door. So I sleep on the couch now away from my wife and I don't do my daily devotional practices anymore either to please her rather than pleasing my spiritual practice.
The reason your channel and your videos stand out to me so much from all the many channels about narcissism is because of how you describe some very specific things that I wouldn’t even have attributed to the Narcissism. It’s no longer a question in my mind these days of whether or not my ex is a Narcissist, long before now. I’m quite confident he would be given the diagnosis if he ever cared enough to want to find out, which he will never, so oh well. But I have known for sure for a long time now. Even so, when I watch some of your videos, the behaviors you describe connect the dots even more tightly. This was so unbelievably accurate to how my ex behaved regarding bedtime, I am mind blown. It’s so wild I have to list it out. lol. 1. Anytime we were having a decent night, which was less and less frequent as the time went on, I would be so happy that we were happy and that we had actually had a good night, no jabs, no insults disguised as jokes, no surprise attacks of bringing up my deepest traumas for no reason, etc. Then, somehow minutes before he would call it a night, he would say something to start a fight, on purpose. He would get me upset, push me to tears, then say sorry, he has to get to bed because he has work. Then he would leave me there crying. It got to the point that he didn’t even try to hide the pleasure it brought him, I would see a smirk on his face as he walked out of the room to go upstairs, while I was in tears. 2. I used to follow after him. Try to make it better and try to sleep next to him. But he wouldn’t allow me any relief. He would very distinctly turn his back to me. Sometimes he would have a separate blanket so that I couldn’t touch him and sometimes he would place one of our pillows behind his back to form a barrier. This tore me to shreds when it first started. I would try to fix it. I would protest and touch him any way, and he would just push me away and get more mad at me, stating how inconsiderate I was because he has to work. Sometimes he would shame me for getting upset and crying, and say “no adults behave this way. You need to get some help.” When he had pushed me to sobbing. It was inevitable I would soon become empty and begin to retreat and protect over time. He broke my spirit slowly. I became a shell or a ball of rage, there wasn’t much else near the end. 3. I started to hesitate following after him. I would stay downstairs, no longer with as much hope that it would make any difference. When I first started doing this, I would be so hurt and overcome with sadness, it was indescribable. I would push myself to go upstairs and try, even though I felt myself giving up on him. I felt my body avoiding him and feeling afraid of the lack of safety that being near him threatened. It was happening automatically and that was not my natural way of being. I’m very loving, empathetic, forgiving, I give grace and room for error, I don’t give up at the smallest mistake, I am loyal and I will take on the tough times of relationships to remain dedicated to the one I love, I won’t let my emotions give me an excuse to be cold, stonewall, distance myself, neglect putting in the effort (I now know these are all reasons I was the ideal target for someone like him.) So as I felt myself at times crippled into separation & distancing, I tried so hard to fight it. I would make my way upstairs anyway after no more than 2-3 minutes of him going up. And much to my surprise, he would be dead asleep, peacefully wrapped up tightly and snoring softly like a baby. He would look so unbothered, not a single care at all for the pain and chaos he had just unleashed on my night. I would feel so insignificant and alone. I’d lay next to him staring at the ceiling and just cry silently for hours. 4. He tried to constantly gaslight me by making comments that suggested I didn’t want to be intimate with him. Basically suggesting I don’t give it up and expressing how unsatisfying that is for a man in some roundabout way (often in front of friends or family much to my horror). This would hurt me and baffle me at first, because it couldn’t have been further from the truth. He had suddenly rejected me one time when I had initiated intimacy and stated that we didn’t need to do it if I am not that into it. I was confused because I am quite into it and we had been having a pretty active relationship in that department up to then. I protested and tried to reassure him to the heavens that I was very much into it. I tried literally everything, sexy underwear, suggestions of new things, spontaneity, more initiation, improved techniques, I fell all over myself to prove he was wrong and that I could very much satisfy him, but more and more he flat out rejected me while continuing to gaslight me into thinking I didn’t want to have s3x. It was the weirdest fricking thing I have EVER experienced in my entire life. He also eventually told me that he watches (p)corn daily and satisfies himself. All while neglecting me in the same house and talking about it to rub it in my face, but in a way as though it was somehow my fault we were not doing it. I nearly went mad over this. He literally almost drove me mad. The only time we would do it is when he said so and he was always so controlled. He never made a single noise. He never expressed any signs of pleasure, besides the obvious finale of course, but then he was done. He would hold me sometimes, but it was breadcrumbs, like you mentioned. This treatment took its toll on me overtime, especially with my self esteem and just my dignity as well. It did become more difficult to engage in that way with him, so then he just used that as evidence of what he had been making up all along. It was utterly infuriating. 5. It eventually got to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to go to bed with him at night. The bed had become such a place of pain and trauma and loneliness for me. And insomnia. I told him this countless times. But I’m sure you can guess what he did with that. He weaponized it and used it as a reason for why we weren’t intimate, and for why our relationship was suffering, and for why he was treating me badly. He used all the outcomes of his mistreatments of me as reasons for his mistreatments of me. I would tell him until I was blue in the face how I know he knows it didn’t happen that way, that he started all of this, that these side effects were my reactions to long term emotional abuse and neglect. He never budged. He carried this narrative to the bitter end. This relationship wounded me in a way I have never experienced. It’s been 19 months since I left him and I am much better than the day I left, but I am not healed or happy. I have yet to feel normal again. Life doesn’t feel like life anymore. I struggle with relationships, with everyone now, my family, friends, even my children. My family would say Im too hard on myself, but I long everyday to be better. I’m nothing like who I used to be. I had such a bright light when I met him. I am determined to recover and be better than ever before. But so far, I’m still healing. Your videos are very eye opening for me because they give me even more grace for myself and reveal an even deeper layer to it all. They help me realize I went through near torture and that what I am feeling is more than warranted. I just need time. And self compassion. Thank you🤍
He’d call folks either late at night or early in the morning while I was trying to rest. In addition to having them on speaker, he’d,also,talk very loudly.
My late, ex-husband exhibited a few N traits. The loud phone conversations are familiar. Failure to respect my need for sleep is also familiar. It is still painful yet to remember.
Mine did same thing (I rented a room from him & last wife when selling my house 3 yrs ago)! Called himself an unpaid (of course) Community Organizer. Say what, now? He’d call these hapless new immigrants at 9 am sharp. You could tell they didn’t want the calls. Went down a list. He had no access to housing , jobs. What could he ever do for them?
@@carmenneves9250 All ways remember when you are conversing with the Narcissist by phone it's most likely they have you on speaker phone so people can hear your side of the conversation without you knowing. I always assume when talking on the phone to my narcissist that I'm most likely on speaker phone and the call isn't private. It's just the way they like to operate.
Spot on again! I resonate with "they create a lot of disturbance when it's time for you to sleep". As soon as I close the door to quiet down to go to sleep, something has to be talked about or told to me...and it can't wait. Someone calls and I have to endure the very loud talking on the phone, walking hard up and down the hallway with outdoor shoes (which makes so much noise), chopping food or clanging dishes around in the kitchen which is right near the corner of my room. It's just unreal.
My dad use to wake everyone in the house when he got up. Sometimes he would come in our rooms and scream at us over the bed. Mom was bad too. She use to come pick fights with me right before going to bed. I hated both of them. Demons with skin on them. I will never tolerate another one. Ever.
I experienced the blanket stealing almost immediately after getting married. I went and bought my own blanket and learned to wrap myself in it or he’d try to take it. The ghosting in bed happened nearly at the same time and continued for the 16 years we were married. I’m happily single now and enjoying alllll the blankets and not having to wonder what will happen next👍🏼
My husband bought a waterbed not long after we were married because he'd always wanted one (this was way back in '82). I didn't like it but i went with the flow for a few years (waking up every time he rolled around, and being forced into the pit his body made). Ended up struggling through two pregnancies while begging for a normal bed with a mattress but no, he adamantly refused to part with the thing no matter how miserable it was making me. I didn't have another room to sleep in so ended up eventually on the couch for a year before bidding him farewell forever. Of course that was just one reason out of many over the years that i left, but it kind of symbolizes it all for me.
lived with an absolutely psycho in law. shared very close living quarters, it was hell. my jaw dropped watching this bc it explained SO much of the trauma she gave me around trying to get rest.
Spent 7 years on the edge of the bed..crying alone while he sleeps peacefully. I ended up never being able to sleep. Id be shamed or made so anxious I couldn’t. I was a walking zombie but he napped and slept for hours and hours. We had 2 babies under 3 and it was pure hell for me. He’s finally on the couch where he wanted to be all along and I’m in heaven alone ..still on the edge of the bed but happier. Working on getting him out of my mind next😢😅
I don't usually agree with most of these short about the subject of narcissist but this guy is right on. I only lived with my narcissist for 3 months and every one of his points was exactly what I experienced. I had to get out and away. Now I sleep like a baby. Thanks
When i wanted to sleep, i was accused of needing to have my "beauty sleep", but she can sleep whenever she wants. Narcissists cannot and will NOT let you have any sense of peace or comfort. When you are feeling good, they're feeling bad and they will need to take you down to rip that smile off your face. You need to feel guilty for feeling good. Sad.
This is very true, this is what I experienced from my 14 years of relationship with a narcissist. His mobile phone has a password and yes he creates argumentation before going to sleep, he needs to blame and ridicule me before he sleeps. He sleeps soundly after doing his devaluation on me.
yep, I needed to buy a new bed, because old one was used and very uncomfortable, partner just didn't agree; he was uncomfortable too, but I was more and that was satysfying to him; anyway, I bought a new one as soon as he moved away; what a waste of time, life and health
They hog all the blankets and kick you until you’re hanging on the edge of the bed. You’re supposed to wake them up and make them stop but who wants to do that all night? Everyone can sense things when sleeping, but they cannot.
Because the peace of sleep is something they NEED, if its disturbed that's one of the worst things you can do but people that play these games with each other are honestly stupid and should clearly either resolve the issue or leave the relationship.
This is so bizarre! I had no idea this was a thing. This has happened to me and I talked myself into believing it wasn't what I thought it was, which was to kill me. The look on his face, the wide eyes and the smile. There was no reason why he needed to be standing beside, peering down at me and then it happened again.
Yes, I know that creepy peering down at me while I slept. The bed would start shaking, I awoke, he left the room, then I discovered the buttons on my pajama top were undone!.... 🤢 .
@@wendimccluskey6751 Thank you Wendi and yes, they are/were trying to kill us in ways that no one else would notice - CREEPS in my book. I'm so sorry you had to go through this too 😥❤🩹
Great video, spot on. My father likes to be first up, annoys him when im up first. Post man comes at 7am every morning and he waits on it everyday, he never orders anything just bills come in and bank statements. Little things you notice, games they like to play. they love to go through your things when you are out, want to know everything about you and tell you nothing. he waits on the post to see what comes in for me. Waking up and being asked some stupid question that they know will annoy you, they love doing this so they can dump their mood onto you, you go off pissed off and they sit there all satisfied with themselves and act all normal then later on. The things they do are so stupid that you put them off as just ehhhh. It pisses them off that i dont write anything down while i am doing my studys. I keep everything on my laptop locked down. They love reading your shit
Alcoholic Narcissists are the WORST!😞😢 BUT BY GOD, I’m not there ANYMORE!!🙌🏾. I’m not denied love or attention anymore. I’m healing and learning to love ME now. 5 years later, I can GENUINELY smile 😊💝🙏🏾
OMG, I'm living the nightmare. He peed in the catbox the other night. It's in the laundry room. I tryed to tell him what he was doing, he yelled at me and told me to leave him alone.
my nosey narcissist neighbor likes to leave his TV on when he sleeps. it wouldn't be a coincidence that he has the TV on, as a distraction of sound to avoid being forced to self-reflect about his horrible personality. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Same here. The ex I had children with ,would sleep with TV and radio on full sound Taht even neighbours would complain but he would leave me to deal with angry neighbours who probably thought I was not a considerate wife /woman yet it's hi..also he would come late and try to shout at waking me and or the kids up for nothing. They sick!!
Thank you, your words have brought me to tears, in a good way (!) I feel validated as you describe the life I had for 20 years.... Free from him but not yet free from the damage... Bless you for the work you've done for yourself and now for us 🙏🏽
He used to tell me he had abandonment issues and that is why he treated me and my daughter so horribly when we were traveling. Got to the point where I couldn’t even go to work and had to work from home my daughter told me years later that he sometimes would “forget” to unlock the front door when she came home from school and she’d have to repeatedly call him because he had fallen asleep during the day. He used to sleep 15 hours a day. Up two hours and then sleep for two or three. All day. But he contributed… sure while I busted my ass working. And what did he want after I got home? He wanted me to rub his head or his feet so he “could sleep”. Told such lies about how he couldn’t sleep during the night because he was “watching over us and protecting us” and he got that from all of his years as a sniper in the USMC. Of course he was never a sniper. He only served three of his four year enlistment due to being “discharged other than honorably”. Oh so triggering for me.
What a coincidence that my ex narcissist was in the Marines. He used to say he served for 10 years, and during the beginning of our break up, his sister told me he got discharged for domestic violence. He had beaten a girlfriend he had. He would always exaggerate the timeline of literally everything he did because it showed he had no commitment to anything. He had told me his shortest relationship was 4 years and come to find out our relationship was his longest, and we broke up just when we were making 2 years.
I would say he probably served for 2-3 years. We've been broken up now for a little over a month and have no contact for 2 weeks exactly today. I am going through the withdrawal process but I know it's for the best. I do not and will not forgive him for humiliating me and lying to me the way he did. I just pray that this passes soon. 🙏🏻 ❤ I constantly feel anxious and losing weight and I try very hard to not keep sinking in. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❣️
@@TM-te5dp…..I read somebody else’s story on another video the other night…..they said that they wrote a diary of what they went through with their narc ex…..and every time that they felt ‘weak’, and considered going back…..they would pick up the diary and read it…..it quickly put them ‘back in that awful place’, and reminded them of why they had left in the first place. It gave them strength to follow through. They are much happier now.
My ex abuser used to wake me as soon as I fell asleep (on the couch) and scream at me for some stupid reason. She would continue drinking and playing loud music, knowing I had to go to work in a few hours. She would scream, telling me how I ruined her life and shattered her dreams only to deny this the following morning, blowing up my phone with trivial questions and passive-aggressive accusations.
I think we were married to the same woman. Mine would come home drunk and stand over me and talk non-stop. She would leave the room just long enough for me to fall back asleep, then come back in and do it all over again till 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning. If I didn't talk back or engage with her she would pour beer or water on me to get me out of bed. Then she would pass out somewhere, usually on the bathroom floor, and flip out if anyone woke her up. She ended up running off with some other guy and leaving me with the kids, and I can't tell you how happy we are now.
Oof that’s rough.. sounds like you guys were dating women with borderline personality disorder.. my best friend dated a girl once with bpd and you guys described his exact experiences. Bpd is cluster B same with narcissists and psychopaths. High percentage of them drink so avoid women who drink occasionally..
@heyturnkey Exactly! It's torture and they know you can't stop them. My wife actually got kicked out of our house at 2 am by the police, then stood outside screaming and crying until the neighbors called the cops back!
It USE to happen to me! My advice is GET OUT of that relationship! Go to family or friends house or have them come get you or even battered womens shelter if you have nowhere else! Stay strong and stay safe
My Husband sleeps so close to the edge of the Bed away from me, that he actually fell out of it one time. I heard a loud Boom, Yep, Husband on the Floor! 😄
I got silent treatment and verbal abuse throughout the marriage to the narc he disrespected me going through my iPhones and one day he fell asleep with his phone open .I went through it and what I saw made me kick him out of my place and immediately filed divorce papers he said things in my face that seal the fate of the fake marriage I was in God didn't want me with him the red flags and signs were there ,I ignored them I take accountability I shouldn't have married him in the first place thanking God I got out 🤓🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Oh my gosh their secret life is on their phone. 😂 The things I saw on the narcs phone. His spending habits, pornography, drug secrets pornography, his friends and him sharing porn. Them talking about hooking up with 18 year old girls There 50. It's delusional!
I should have broke it off at the first instance of that phone being flipped upside down. I made excuses to myself and it wasn't just a phone - it was EVERYTHING. If you see that phone flipped upside down, they're not worth it!!! Whatever you think it is. It's 10 times worse
@@melissarmt7330 Maybe there are more than just a second one... In fact you don´t need anything to see. You will realize that those people hang on their phone every minute... (So they don´t see you and don´t talk to you. You will recognize that you are not important for them)...
@@IsabellaPiesch My comment was meant to address the fact that cheaters often have a second, secret phone. I'm aware of what "these people" do. And there is no line they won't cross. That's why you can never win against them. The only win for you is to leave and go no contact. But not everyone can leave. That's why these videos are so important.
@@melissarmt7330 It depends on the situation - I also was in fact in a hopeless situation but I had luck. You can leave if you want to. (Independence has to be a goal...). It is better to leave such people than to stay because it can cost your life.
My ex narcissist never slept he was prowling all night. He would leave for work 3 hrs before his shift. I would wake in the middle of the night and he was gone. He could barely stay awake during the day. He was very miserable and psychotic from lack of sleep.
I’m so glad my experience with Narcissistic people were long distance . I couldn’t imagine myself living with a leach no good like that. I had two entanglements with two monsters like I’ve learned so much about Narcissists abuse. I dumped both of them they tried to make my life miserable. They’re evil 👿 people. Can’t do it nobody isn’t control me 🎉 Good content 🎉🎉🎉🎉
My ex-idiot used to yank all the blankets to himself...completely untuck them from the bottom, and roll himself up like a friggin' burrito! Then look over at me and say,..."What the effs the matter with you"? Crazy stuff like that.
Yes, I most definitely did experience this from my narc. The narc knew when I was sleeping and would deliberately do things to disrupt my ability to sleep. Eventually, I started using acoustic tile to soundproof my whole bedroom so that I could get some sleep. I also would use alcohol and medication to knock myself out so that my sleep would not be disturbed. This was deliberate psychological sabotage. And they cannot help themself, they are like heroin addicts but they seek narc supply. Truly sickening and they know that this is a great way to harass someone. My methods worked. The acoustic tiles did a great job. The key is to NEVER tell the narc that you are taking countermeasures. And never complain to them. Do not give them any information to indicate that their tactics are hurting you because they will increase their efforts.
OH MY GOD IT'S 100% TRUEEEEE!!!!! HOW CAN A GUY KNOW HOW IT IS TO SLEEP IN BED WITH A NARCISSIST HUSBAND!?????? OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A GENIUS!!! IT'S ALL 1000000% CORRECT!!!!!!! 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I was living with a man who would kick me in my back then when he finally woke up from his coma sleep he would say , i dont know what i do when i sleep. N he also would hold the comforter n roll over with it n i had hardly anything. N waking him up was a nightmare , he would curse at me , real bad . He would stay up all nite n sleep most of the day . A total nightmare , i was always crying from the abuse. And i would sleep and he wouldnt care waking me up yelling n cursing at me. And when he decided to come to bed he didnt care how he woke me up. I did sleep on the edge of my queen size bed. I couldnt ever touch him , not even his arm. I kicked him out when he got physically abusive. He now lives in his car. He calls me rigid n cold n hes the one like that. He shows no love n yes he always turned his back to me. He would just look at me with an empty stare. Im a touchy woman , i crave affection . 😢. I never felt safe in my bed .
Here's one...i felt ill and told my family i was going to lie down and try to sleep. Narc husband encouraged me loudly to do so. About 20 minutes later, just as i had fallen asleep he started to drill holes in the wall outside the room i was sleeping. When questioned he said it was just a quick hole that he needed to drill, just a few minutes....
Danish, I resonate with all but especially, the last two: keeping you awake using anything to disrupt your sleep. At a point I angrily asked " can't you ever sleep?" Then the silent treatment in bed as if a non-living object is lying there. In fact that is what triggered the desire to end the relationship. Even if I slept in one room with my brother, we'd talk about our childhood, parents n a whole lot of things until we both sleep, but there I was with "my love" in one bed not room, n there is a cold silence, n a "good night" is like you are talking too much. These narcs are just the devil's incarnate! Today is exactly a year since I went no contact, n I've evolved so much that he means nothing to me.
The blankets-- We had a regular double bed. They would pull ALL the covers off of me after I went to sleep. I would wake up freezing and pull for some of the covers to get warm. They would wake up and jerk the covers out of my hands, screaming that I had ALL the covers and THEY were freezing. (Most of the covers were on the floor on their side.) I had to sleep, if I could, while freezing in the winter. I went and bought a couple of nice warm blankets/quilts in TWIN size. I then kept them on my side only. I was warm, they were pissed, and kept trying to take them, too. I would take them back, pointing out they had the full size covers all to themselves. 😏
This happened in my relationship too except I had a Cal King mattress. I'd be on the very edge, no room to even turn over and no blanket. In summer it was almost worse bc I'd set the fan up to blow on the both of us but soon as I'd fall asleep, they'd move the fan to where it only blew cold air on them. It was always the same lie... "I must've accidentally bumped it on my way to the bathroom and didn't notice".
I started to dread going to sleep, because I knew that he would wake me up at some point and start screaming and shouting at me for something that I had done 'wrong'. This would sometimes go on for 2 or 3 hours, and then when I was too upset to go back to sleep, he would sleep peacefully, just like a baby.............
Work on FAITH (not necessarily in religious terms), to solve this problem. From early childhood you were conditioned to become "observant", so you could avoid pain. You developed inner [artificial] functions that were aligned with your perceptions. Stop the obsession to try to learn/read the tactics of others. Restore your faith in humanity. Start to believe in your own words and action. Work on creating a core of identity for yourself. Never regret what you have done in the past. It's a challenging process, but it would definitely help you with regulating your inner functions- and having a good night sleep
Yes, in my case, was the same with cell phone and tonight. I notice it about food, about cherish something else. Seems like they come first, always. The person can´t think about other first. They dont care about hows your night or if you sleep well even you putting relaxing songs to sleep besides theirs. Tehy dont care about if you have space enough, even you are falling out bed.
Bada-Bing! They go out into the streets to find people to care about. Always an excuse. Then when they lose you, the respectable, responsible partner, all hell breaks loose. Not my problem 😅
LOL important calls….my once-handsome hubby (of 24 yrs ago) was cut loose from all roommates, close friends after his religious fanaticism overtook his desire to work, pay rent. Adult son in NC cut him off. He still has his $1,500. apartment, somehow. Only folks he deals with these days are “Breaking Bad”-type lowlifes; he recently lost two groups of them, each having moved in, and then couldn’t make rent. I mean….
Wow Danish, you just perfectly summed up my childhood experience, perfectly. My, "Father" would deprive me of sleep in order to then use me sexually. He would turn off the lights when in his bedroom. More often than not, he was the, "monster" who attacked me while sleeping. However, each of my parents were not only psyhopathic narcissists, but were very skillful manipulators too, with triangulation, denial and gas-lighting being some of the favorite tools to use on their, "little slave", their, "toy", the boy that I once was. True remorse and conscience do not exist with these monsters. Rather, everything is always about them, their needs, their entitlement, their genitals, etc.
I was never aware of Narcissist behavior. It all started a month ago when I found out that I was attached to a person who was Narcissist, she came close and showed that she cares. I was in extreme depression. Her presence makes me forgets everything and then it started, she started to withdraw, she showed that she loves to makes me down and now she has withdrawn. I am still recovering but having troubles. I don't know how long it will take but hopefully in few more months :(
My college roommate would pick a fight with her boyfriend and fall asleep at 10pm like clockwork. She'd "fall asleep" on him or next to him on the couch (if he'd go to leave, she'd wake back up, and tell him he couldn't go. i think she was pretending, but really just using that time to ignore him/rest. she'd make him stay until the midnight curfew when he had to leave by dorm rules (i never thought of it as stealing his sleep, but yeah, making him be awake til midnight is stealing)). Meanwhile, I'm witnessing all this while trying to write papers. Noise canceling headphones could only do so much. If that wasn't enough, she moved from the couch to lay blankets on the floor directly behind my desk chair. LIKE. whut. This became her habit. It drove me crazy. I directly told her "Do you mind?" and she gave this sick little smile, pretended to be cute/smart and said, "I don't mind at all." And went right back into arguing with him right behind me. The nights he wasn't there, she had to fall asleep with the TV on. We had to wait until the movie was completely over, credits rolling. She'd get up early every morning and make no effort to be quiet. She talked loudly, opened and shut drawers, slid hangers in the closet - like we didn't exist (we had 4 people in one dorm room). I thought it was physically impossible for her to whisper. Now that I know better, I half wonder if she was seeing if he'd cheat on her with me.
Mine pushes me to the edge and has a big king size pillow in between us. So you can’t tell me he wants to cuddle. He makes sure there is a divider all night. Also he needs the tv to fall asleep. I can’t turn it off until he’s asleep. He will watch it until 1:00am knowing I can’t sleep with it on. And knowing I have to work in the morning. Mind you he doesn’t work. I didn’t realize until now he’s doing this all on purpose!
Oh my that would have been fun. No sleeping at all because of fighting over blankets... I would have done it like you. Just buy another one for myself (easy solution).
My narcissist ex claimed to have sleep disturbances and used to gaslight me all the time, saying that I woke him up and therefore ruined his entire day. I was not allowed to touch him while we were in bed, this was his way of escaping intimacy. I was also not allowed to whisper "are you asleep?" because according to him, everyone except me knows that that's the most evil thing one can do to another person. In the end I caught myself not wanting to share a bed or even a room with him any more. That seemed to be the only way to avoid his gaslighting. But even when I wasn't in the room, he managed to claim that I was stepping too hard on the stairs outside which woke him up. What really drove me crazy was that in fact I was trying to be as quiet as possible, in order to avoid his gaslighting attempts and having another pointless fight. So his claim was not only false but opposite to the truth! He used to tell me every time that I have no empathy because people with empathy are careful enough not to wake him up. What a nightmare it was!
@@ElevateYourExistence8979 This is so crazy! 😅 Let me share a couple of more "fun facts" about mine. He was (and still is, as far as I know) addicted to rivotril, which caused his day to completely "turn around" and usually he was asleep during the day while awake at night. So he used to wake up around 2-3 pm... I usually asked him in the afternoon, how he slept and he always replied, "very bad", or "very few". But whenever he claimed that I woke him up, then he was "having such a nice dream", or he "could have finally had such a good sleep".
If my ex was mad at me.. he would call me/text me all night. Or if together.. berate me all night. I would have to give in or apologise just so I could sleep. If I turned off my phone.. he would threaten my financial security and housing stability. Controlled every aspect of my life. He had access to my phone. And I didn’t have nor wanted his. And he even showed me the passcode and challenged me to work out how to find anything on there. I pretended to try for a minute then had to say how clever he was for hiding everything whilst wondering what on earth he had to hide
Thank you so much for this video. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for over 10 years now and have done quite a bit of research on the subject but this was the first time I've heard this information and I have to say unfortuantley I can relate to everything you discussed in this video and thanks to watching this I have a better understanding and a different perspective on the matter. I have subscribed and I look forward to watching your other videos. THANK YOU!!!
Hugging repulses them after the love bomb, “get away from me”, but yet they still keep coming back and you wonder why? And wonder why don’t you go home! At least I did, but there was always a sleep over bag. the cell phone under the pillow with THE most obnoxious alarm sound on high volume, 3 times every 15 minutes to snooze. You wake up in anxiety! “What the hell, are you serious with that alarm”!!! I’d say, wow He was such a hobo!
Tony Stark makes you feel He's a cool exec with a heart o' steel As Iron Man, all jets ablaze He's fightin' and smitin' with repulsor rays! Amazin' armor! That's Iron Man!
I'm 6' tall, she was 5'2"...I slept with not enough covers to cover my body, and slept on about 12" of the queen sized bed for me and the dog and cat. She would stretch out as much as she could. If I moved my feet under the sheets she would jump up and yell at me, knowing I couldn't sleep after that, or she'd kick the cat and dog for the same effect. They eventually became afraid of her, stopped trusting her. During the Love Bomb we would cuddle together, it was like heaven, but after the love bomb she slept far from me and I was not allowed to touch her or be close to her. It was awful, a few months before she set me free I started sleeping in another room. She hated it, then she liked it....then she hated it. I had no idea how bad it all was until after she dumped me and I started to uncover all of the things I ignored and accepted as "just how it is". I will be great once I'm over the bond.
Mine would both steal the bed, I legit only had about a third of a king size mattress with her arms out towards me, I’m one of those people that can’t sleep if I’m being touched. The other big thing is that I work a shift that gets me home around midnight and she would complain about it being able to sleep without me home, I understand that the security aspect and what not, but then the comments are always about how I’m keeping her wake with my schedule but it’s not like I have a choice in that.I get so much resentment towards myself because she can’t sleep and everything revolves around that. There hasn’t been intimacy in years at this point and as I’ve been looking back it has always been about her needs, never about mine.
@@tanial694 unfortunately for situation only we have a child together. While leaving odd on the table and being heavily considered there is a very strong reason to stay, at least for the short term.
I disagree on just one point. I think some narcs are great lovers. They use their ability to read you and manipulate you in bed. It's still all objectification but they can use love making to love bomb and trauma bond and giving up the intimacy can be really hard for victims.
So true some use their ability in bed and it gets hard to leave with the love bombing involved am a victim of that and he sticks like a tick to me now that am trying and working on how to get out of the toxic relationship.
Wow, thank you for this, you have helped me understand why 1. it was hard letting go 2. it was hard to keep boundaries 3. it was hard to meet new people 4. why I fell into another toxic relationship with someone who also reciprocated my passion and indulged my lingerie fantasies, as well always ready to. It really ate me up, I had withdrawal symptoms I dind't quite understand. It also seemed like... I would never find the same excitement with anyone else. There was a lot of fog in my brain, took almost 2 years to get through it. I wonder if I really am, but until I try again, I won't know. I would also meet someone and then do something or say something to put their interest low, and when they said they didn't want to go out, etc. I felt SO relieved, and why? Still not sure on that. But again, @hannawynne1922, your comment has really helped my self-understanding.
My grandson, now in his 20s, has been telling me about his parents' fighting. His mother is my oldest daughter, who's got a lot of narcissistic behavior, would start accusing her husband of cheating or anything she didn't want to actually talk to him about. My grandson said it was hard for him to sleep when he was younger. I think he still has problems sleeping due to ongoing issues with his mom; his father died last year.
I caught mine in the shower with his phone on a video call, I think you can get where I'm going with that. He would take his phone to the bathroom with him and spend 2 hours in there.
Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/pna
Mujhe mere gharwaale apne se door nhi hone de rhe h 24 ghante torture karte h na padhne k liye bhej rhe h na Ghar Mai padhne dete h ,mai suicidal ho rhi hu aap help karo
@@vineeta3979praying for you. Not sure if you’re in the US, if so, call the National Suicide Hotline, if under 18, call Child Protective Services (CPS), if over 18, call Adult Protective Services.
I’ve felt exactly like you described. They were relentless in their accusations, and crazy gas lighting -I’m 50, and I have always thought it was because I wasn’t “good enough, sharp enough, nice enough, obedient enough…I was chasing “transparent dangling carrots” (Alanis Morissette) and am just now, at 50, am understanding and working on “radical acceptance”, that it wasn’t “me”. or “my” fault for setting them off. They fed off of my “mental” confusion, or anything I said, it would get so twisted, and gave them another reason to yell and scream, whip, accuse, shame, scare to death that they knew my every move, and would get so much satisfaction out of telling me where they saw me, or would question who I was with or meeting, or if I said anything about “our personal business, (brainwashing and gas lighting), threaten to kick you out “if you think you’ve got it so hard”, ignore for up to 2 weeks, withhold love, communication, affection, connection, etc, etc. Now I feel like I’ve suppressed so much hatred for myself all of these years, since I was 8.
I now understand, that was THEIR UGLY AND EVIL that they spewed all over me, and I, not knowing any better/different, swallowed every bit of it, and believed I was everything they said I was, but could never quite get those f’ing carrots, which I desperately wanted. I thought if I could try haaaaaarrrrddd enough, and remember, and not forget and do, any of the things I was (according to them) doing, saying, thinking, and feeling. Releasing it from this kind of perspective, that I need to “return all of this back to sender. That is a 1,000,000 lbs weight off my back, shoulders, hip, and feet. I have autoimmune diseases from all of this stress and turmoil for 42 years!
I went back into trauma counseling and we’re using EMDR for PTSD, CPTSD, or anything traumatic to me. Any unprocessed grief/emotions/words, that I was too terrified to utter a word to anyone, for a desperate cry for help. Wanting so badly to speak, out loud, and pray someone recognizes what’s happened to me, and help me have a perspective “shift”…but as usual, fear of being “wrong”, or “not having my facts straight”, causing another explosion of wrath. With total mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion, I pushed it all down again and again. I need/needed help forgiving “my” self… for talking so awful to “my” self, and slapping “my” self as hard as I could across the face 10-15 times on each side, just to get the raging, overwhelming, confusing, crazy making, toxic energy out/off of me. Even all the times of getting so beat down that “just not waking up” (suicidal ideation -I am not currently suicidal, just FYI) would be such a sweet and welcomed relief, and I can finally be at peace, but I couldn’t do it any, of the many times, I was pushed over the mental thresh hold/edge, at home, work, school, and having the feeling of “I can’t mentally keep up, I’ve lost my grip on reality…there it goes…I’ve “lost” my mind”, and…”this is what it “feels” like to be “crazy” like “they” said I was, and I can’t find my way back to…myself…even better yet…who am…I? How do I find out?
I am starting from the beginning with my trauma counselor, from when I was a child, and the first times I experienced “something that shook/scared me to my core”, precious trust broken and now the smear campaign.
Shock and disbelief sets in, all these things…imprinted in my mind (flashbacks) AND BODY” (it keeps the score).
a nervous breakdown”, and had been so oppressed that its trying to push and release but can’t get past my throat. It’s blocked, or frozen, nonfunctional, out of shape. I’m literally petrified to say what I want to say to the people closest to me, but EMDR allows that release…30 seconds or so later…it feels like you can recall the event but you don’t have the bodily/nervous system response and reaction anymore…you literally can’t locate the feeling(s) you’ve carried for decades. It’s released, off you and away from you. This is really long, but your words reminded me of so much oppressed anger I feel compelled to release. This is what I will work on next…and make room for the good things that are coming to me.
I might also add, I pushed for autism testing, as I already have ADHD (diagnosed at 35 when having a nervous breakdown at work). All of the sensory issues I have, depression, anxiety, inattentive, and being MISUNDERSTOOD have been there as early as age 3 that I remember -like a short film.
Sending prayers love, and light to all that have read this novel to the end. ❤
@@vineeta3979 Praying for you!!
i have seen many videos of you
You are so right about the sleep deprivation. Then your told by the narcissist, your ugly.
So this is not about how narcissists SLEEP but about how they damage the sleep of others as a control mechanism...
Fukkem
That's really annoying because I'm convinced narcissists don't sleep but literally no one talks about it. Either they can run on no sleep, or they're such light sleepers that they can wake up at a moments notice and fuck with your sleep
@@melodyconteI’m having every fucking trait of aspd but I only been aware for a week this shot is so fucking weird understanding the reasons you go shit
@@nateaskia5202Welcome to the party. You only have 2 options, fix your or stay a lousy garbage person. You need morals, you need to teach yourself to do what's right. You wouldn't believe how good it feels. Takes a ton of work and definitely sober up if you're not already. It is possible to live a great life and be surrounded with great people once you fix your problems.
They wake you up on purpose
They argue get you up set, then they sleep peacefully and deeply.
Omg yes exactly!!! Like the guy I'm with is a huge narcissist the most insecure person I have ever met in my whole life! I'm even insecure but nothing like he is. like he will argue scream yell at me insult me by cussing at me and calling me names that you should never say to a woman honestly. anyway I would be crying my eyes out because I didn't know what i did to make him so angry & upset with me because I'm a good person at heart. Just being kind and nice just comes naturally to me. I'm very good to him I don't do anything to provoke him or nothing! I literally have to walk on egg shells around him because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing to make him angry. I don't do it on purpose either... He just gets so upset so easily it's like he's bipolar or schizo or something because I never know what side of him I'm going to get. he's unpredictable & really scary at times but I don't have any family I can turn to. My mother passed from cancer in 2016 & my dad chooses not to be in my life he's a deadbeat basically. I've told him the situation I'm in many times and he would never help me out of it would never let me stay with him not even just for a little while. He doesn't care about his own daughter I just don't understand that. I have a 6yr old daughter but she's with the father's family and they don't let me see her because they don't like me for whether reason idk tbh. Anyway sorry my reply is so long I just really related to your comment! But I could never do that to my child leave them in a abusive relationship with a narcissist. And then not even care about it... I do have a sister but I can't stay with her either her husband doesn't like me idk wtf these people's issues are with me I just don't get it. I mean I try really hard to get their approval and I try to get them to like me I'm always respectful even when they're not towards me. They talk down to me all the time and I'm still f*ckin respectful to them! Idk I just give up honestly! There's nothing I can do about it. I'm a good person and no woman or man deserves to be treated like the way a narcissist treats their girlfriend/boyfriend. Again sorry my reply is so long I just wanted to share my experience I guess funny how it's easier to tell complete strangers your problems than it is to tell the people around you. Wow... 😔
Also you don't have to read all that if you don't want to. I just wanted to share my experience with someone anyone willing to listen! Or read I guess lol
That’s not a narcissist. If they haven’t been diagnosed with NPD then you are misdiagnosing. People use “narcissist” too much. What y’all are describing is how they made you mad and that they are a jerk.
Yes, for 40 years l used to sleep on the very edge of OUR bed !! You just brought that to my attention !!
@@ashleygray5239I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have been where you are in some ways-let me give you one piece of advice…if I may. You MUST LEAVE HIM!! You MUST!! Make a plan. Prepare. And when the time is right, you GO!!! It really sounds to me as tho you could possibly get help from a women’s shelter. Check them out. You are in my prayers.😢
Sleep-deprivation makes it so much easier for these monsters to fully CONTROL their victims. It is an important, "tool" for them and their, "game".
It was my narc ex who was the one that told me sleep deprivation was/is a torture technique!
No doubt about it, they DO tell us who they are!
I have the weird sleeping patterns ; but my gf is the narcissist
@@him37404you’re not married…get your things in order, set up your plan of escape quietly, even if it takes months, observe and don’t absorb her toxicity, cut ties, and haul ass!
Wish I had known then what I know now. Best of luck to you :)
This is exactly what happened to me
So could this be why I wake up all through the night because he's doing things to wake me up and I don't realize it because I'm sleeping?
my narc demon father was always very particular about his sleep. he used to sleep in the afternoon and additionally in the night with open doors. and used to insist on open doors and pin drop silence.
the entire house had to go dead when he wanted to sleep.
and when he was awake he insisted on making a ruccus and not let other ppl rest even, let alone sleep.
Did you learn to sleep when he is sleeping? (Genuine question)
@@nadiastar6264 I dont remember exactly if I did. But I remember being tired in the afternoon after school and I still struggle with maintaining a healthy sleep and only trying to sleep in the night and trying to sleep through.
so sad.
I remember the open doors
What a prick!🤬
So true. They push you to the edge. You never enjoy your sleep, your body doesn't relax, you wake up tired and miserable.
My husband, would "accidently" knock the bed as he came in, kick me & pretend it was an accident. He would turn the light on & blind me, pull the covers off & accussed me of hogging the doona. So I ended up not even reacting, ignoring his attempts of getting my reaction. I started sleeping with a sleeping mask. And covered myself in a nice warm blanket, so him ripping the covers off made no difference to my sleep. I was aware of his games & learned to be 3 steps ahead of him!!
I remember the harsh sudden lights and the pulled off blankets. Thank God that ended!!!
Ha! Good one , Smart ! Bet e was pissed.
Mine would go to bed at 4 am until 11am preventing him from having a productive day looking for work. N-ex would object and whine about his stepson getting up at 5am to get ready for school (using lights of course since it was predawn)…all this before I knew what discarding partner and narcissism was…he also distanced by watching porn or cultivating emotional relationships in the wee hours. I didnt mind the lack of selfish narcissistic style sex but was puzzled at first and then glad. Relationship fizzled naturally and I discarded him first ha! Onward! He’s soooo far in my rearview…
He would take his hand and draw an imaginary line across the bed in order for me to stay on my side. Wanted me to go to bed when he was ready to sleep.
Did he ever fart in bed and hold down the Doona over your head and laugh as you struggled to escape? My ex who was an ex-victim of a narc monster used to that. I asked her why do you have to do that? (She was an Anglo Indian and loved her curry) She said, "If you can't beat them, join them!"
I used to work 40 hours in three days I'm a RN and it would happen at least one of those nights that he wanted to start an argument to the point I'd only have a couple of hours before I had to start my shift .....they make you insane 😠
That was deliberate sleep deprivation on his part - I'm so horribly sorry he put you through that
Omg. I quit nursing last year. After 20 years. Most of those years were with my narcissist ex husband. He knew I had to sleep to prepare for my pending shift and crank the music really loud and invite random people around to our house to party. I was beside myself. He couldn't care less. Thank goodness. I'm not in that. Left five years ago
About ten years ago , when I'd say something to my ex narcissistic companion he would suddenly tell me, that I'm not even a nurse, meaning I don't even have an education, to belittle me. I didn't even want to argue, later I learned about this behaviour, starting with my parents of course 😊
I just ended my relationship with my narc covert husband, taking nclex soon and start my work. I said goodbye to 26 years of marriage.
@@pa2359 good luck on your test ☺️
My Narcissist ex-husband always slept like a baby. Physical affection is my "love language" and he withheld it from me to punish me for not obeying his every command. One night after I came to bed, he rolled over in his sleep and lunched me right in the face. Woke up and had a good laugh about it. He loved seeing me hurt, whether it was emotional or physical pain. My suffering was the only thing that ever made him satisfied... happy, even. He smiled ear to ear when I was anguished by him or anyone else. It took me ten years to figure out who he really was and what he was doing with other women behind my back. HAPPILY DIVORCED and still healing from so many years of tolerating his Narcissistic abuse.
Wow! Your story sounds exactly like mine 10 years, punched in face and working towards a divorce
Meanwhile there was a good man, or a dozen, willing to treat you like a queen but you didn't even notice them, or worse, you treated them badly, lol you 🤢
💩
@godswittness69 To whom are you addressing with this pompous assumption?
😮😢 horrible innit
My ex-husband was a narcissist, and he kept pushing me over towards the edge of our king size bed so finally just went to the couch to sleep and to be perfectly honest I like sleeping on the couch much better than sleeping with him. I got used to it and never wanted to sleep with him again
Oh my goodness, mine kept pushing me to the edge of the bed as well. I fought back and he ended up going to the couch.
Looking back I stayed too long (11 years)
Mine also snored badly so the lounge was a better option .
Mine also kept pushing me out of the bed, I ended up sleeping in the guest bed room in the guest bed while nursing our baby. People said it was weird and blamed me for not sleeping with him, that it caused him to cheat on me.
Honestly you guys sound like narcs here. Your husbands are just trying to cuddle you, and you are denying them by moving further away to the edge.
@StandStillRushing wow!!! Sounds like you were part of my 11 year marriage and know all the details! Since we can all make broad assumptions, I will also make one: Honestly, you sound like a gaslighter and abuse enabler... wouldn't shock me if we discovered you were/are a flying monkey to a narcissistic abuser, since you know the heart of a narcissist so well"
See how broad generalizations and jumping to conclusion works? 😀
Narcissists have trouble sleeping. Their paranoia keeps them from being content.
My ex had trouble sleeping and I was a bad person because I didnt care!!
Huh, any people with anxiety can have trouble
Exactly and then they're dysfunctional during the day, sleep deprived and struggle with holding a job.
@@reneehouser2925 i dont agree, know a narcissist that she is been at her job since a while
i have the opposite experience, my narc ex slept like a baby, whereas i can't sleep well at night due to anxiety.
The last night I slept at my ex's house I woke up to him grabbing my leg and screaming in my face because he didn't like the groceries I bought. This definitely resonated for me. One thing I will say is he didn't hide his phone. I never had the passcode for it. But I did hide mine. He had broken a few of my phones in the past and would get mad about nothing (like someone on FB liked my public profile pic). Out of trauma I always hid my phone and kept it on silent. So happy I don't live that way anymore.
Ah so sorry for you, I have my own bedroom, person needs to sleep!
My partner works the night shift in a NICU...her ex used to keep her awake all day, so her patients were put at risk . He jumped on the stairs, yelled on the phone, woke her with stupid questions etc etc. Hes a melted pile of jello since she divorced him and her brother evicted him.
Last night you slept at his house? ....listen , you don't go back and forth , you immediately go complete NO Contact . Get away and stay away and never return no matter what. This is the only way to deal with narsisist.
@@KhoaNgo-sr4zqI think she meant the last time she slept there.
@@KhoaNgo-sr4zq I was thinking the same thing,
So true.
My ex would snore like crazy until I began to develop insomnia.
Night after night, while he was in a deep sleep, I would sneak out of bed to find somewhere else to get peace.
Every time, as careful as I was, he would wake up from this deep sleep and growl, "where are you going?"
Then would say something like "If you don't sleep in my bed, you're not my wife."
Other nights, he would literally wake me up and when I protested and asked why, he would tell me he just wanted to see if I was asleep!
Talk about CRAZY making!
wow. 💔
@@resurrectionkratos thank you 😔
I'm so sorry for you.
oh my goodness, I’m sorry you had to experience that too😢💔
But I feel comfort in knowing that I’m not the only on who has gone through this.
I was literally going crazy 😢
and when I moved our beds away from each other, it got worse😢
Me too. He literally had sleep apnea and a recessed jaw so he snored so loud I could hear it downstairs when he was upstairs and still expected me to sleep next to that. He could also fall asleep scary quick, like within 10 seconds. I guess that’s from having not a bit of guilt or emotion. There was nothing keeping him up at night because in his mind he was perfect.
He was super mad if I did not wanted to be touched because it wakes me... So yes, I went from the edge of the bed to the sofa to the bathroom floor. He woke me up by talking to himself, getting up to clean the house at 3 am or pulling the sheets from uinder me 6 am on Saturday to do laundry. Pushed me to the floor several times, kept me awake all night on fights. Or he will walk in the room right after I drifted to ask me something even after I said I am exhausted please do not wake me up. Also, woke me on high anxiety in the morning by talking to me about bills, leaving the house with short or no notice or making appointments for people to come super early to the house. Sleep deprivation torture led me over time to deep dysregulation on my emotions and suicidal depression.
To this day I sleep long but fitfully, have nightmares like never before this relationship and my shoulders are chronically n pain and tense at night.
This stuff is very serious.
Interesting. Why was he doing the laundry and why cleaning the middle of the night? It’s been my observation of family members that people who get mad at the least little peep or movement around them when they sleep are extremely angry vengeful judgmental people. The nicest people don’t get bothered by people making light noise around them while they sleep. I don’t know if this is universal or just in my family.
@@adamholmes1992 It’s got nothing to do with being “nice.” You are missing the point that he is being deliberately disruptive., By any means possible.
Well considering you didn’t want to be touched you may be the one who’s narcissistic.
Men! Hmphh! If they're not narcissists, they're gay!
Yes I went through all that too. Blanket pulled right off. Fan turned on high when it was cold. Pillows thrown to the floor. Physically kicked out of bed. Back facing towards me, withdrew touch or affection only when they want something. Flicking my hand away if I wanted to touch. Loud snoring. Letting the alarm go off repeatedly from 3am. I couldn't relax in my own bed. They want you to feel chaos and uncomfortable. You get pushed to suicidal thoughts. It's horrible.
If you are in a bad situation like this, plan to leave as soon as possible. Don’t wait, he will never change. The longer you stay, the worse it will get. Save secretly, stash some clothes at a trusted friends house and make your plans to escape. Life is meant to be good and peaceful. Take action and enjoy the peace!
The government will take care of you as you have an inalienable right to pursue happiness. Just make sure you take all the boosters to prove your loyalty.
@@TheHeinrichSymposium I will never comply!
@@TheHeinrichSymposium I will not comply!!
@@dawnsites4232 🌷
Best thing I ever did. And everything worked out for me to stay gone. The universe provided my great escape
You nailed, Dinesh! My Narc regularly played every one of those cards and, if I disturbed him when he was napping or sleeping, he’d rage for ages about my “disrespect”.
Dinesh Chopra knows y'know!
Wait…..why were you disturbing their sleep? I don’t think anyone likes their sleep disturbed.
@@trentonavery6565 I didn’t disturb his sleep deliberately; I was just going about family life, like washing up or cleaning!
@@trentonavery6565 Yeah, that's right.Who does? And talk about disrespect - to refer to your S.O. as "My Narc". Gee Willakers!
Yes, you are correct…. They sleep on the edge of bed back to you!
I’ve been dealing with his lies and deceit for 25 years my whole marriage!
My ex to a tee! She is a covert Narc for sure, No cuddling, maybe some slight cuddles if she wanted sex or it was always me who had to cuddle up on to her for sex. Even after I explained to her multiple times that it is nice when my partner lays their head on my chest and cuddles up on me, she still refused to do it. We would have sex and she would get up do her post sex routine, come back to bed and simply lay down back to me close to her edge on a king size bed. Also she is an extremely light sleeper and has a really hard time falling asleep too.
After a while I just started sleeping upstairs on the couch which sucked, but at least I wasn’t dealing with her stuff.
yep if you needed to keep warm on a mountain they would rather fall off the edge then cuddle up toy you, x
😮😮😮tru
The way they deny women their conjugal rights as a punishment is criminal, especially when a woman puts on a little weight on her buttocks. At least the dahkees get sprung fo dat.
I experienced the stonewalling and the sleep disruption. His sleep was only important.
I experienced the sleep disruption and stonewalling too…I still don’t sleep well and it’s been 7 years since I left the narc…I believe I have PTSD. It doesn’t help that he still stalks me.
Ooooh, the sleep thing is PURE EVIL! I had PTSD from childhood….our father would scream and beat our mother, after they came home in the middle of the night from drinking and dancing and…..wife-swapping.
The husband I have now tortures me out of sleep! My first husband (he died), I used to fall asleep before my head hit the pillow! I was so at peace with my first husband. Now I’m back to my childhood terrors at night!
@@gracebe235 I am so sorry you are going through this again. For those of us with narcissistic parents, we seem to attract narcs into our lives. It’s been a life’s work to overcome this.
@@gracebe235 see? What goes around comes around. It's like the wheel of fortune. To stop the cycle you have to swap your husband. (cross my palm with silver, I'll tell you more)
“When they have to take part in that robotic act” - excellent description
They are demons. Watch the movie is called species. There is an empty abyss in the narcissist. My ex gf eyes always turn black under her eyes I feel like she was about to turn into the exorcised
Oh it makes me sick to my stomach to remember my ex’s robotic ways! That was 27 years ago and I’ve never remarried, no way.
When I was a boy I watched an old film called 'Old Mother Riley and The Robot' it scarred me for life.
Very painful, I am suffering.
@@naserabano8817have a plan
Fighting over the space - ugh. When I would make the bed he would walk around the bed a couple of times to make sure there was the same amount of sheet hangover on each side and would adjust it. Then he started wanting to be there when I made the bed so he could be certain 🙄.
He would sleep on his back with his hands behind his head so his elbows would be sticking out. He’s 6’5 so his reach was quite far. He would rest his elbow nearly halfway on my pillow and didn’t care that it would hit me in the face when he moved. He freaked out at me and said I was selfish when I asked him to please not do that. So crazy! His space was all his but my space was “ours”. Meanwhile, I’m clear at the edge of the bed with all of my limbs tucked in so as to take up as little space as possible. So glad to finally be free of him.
Lol you let the 6'5 narcissist pipe you
Been there
Even sleeping becomes a f__g competition to them.
@@margaretkinyanjui9237 I’m sorry
@@gab31282 absolutely. They are so childish
Today I was delivered from my narcissistic wife for 6 months and 7 days. Only in the last few weeks have I felt free from her. Trauma bonding is hell. We were together for 8 years. She is a covert narcissist. We never had an argument. She's the negligent narcissist type. We have only done something together 5 times. Saw me and my sweet daughter (her stepdaughter) as a burden in her life. Subtle but obvious towards the end. A few months before she left for good, she had taken all my and my daughter's things out of the living room. It was in boxes in the kitchen. Once again she surprised us with her ridiculous passive aggressive behavior. She had taken down photos. Putting all my daughter's crafts in boxes. Literally everything removed. Or almost anything. When we got home we didn't understand anything... when I asked why did you take all our stuff away? Her response: I didn't and pointed to a small corner where she had placed something of me and my daughter. I asked why she had done this. She said she wanted a place of her own. Countless times she let it be known that we meant nothing to her. The only thing she's ever done right that I'm grateful for is leaving me for good. It was the 6th time. As soon as she was gone I threw everything that was still here away from her. Redecorated the entire house together with my daughter. Since she has been permanently out of our lives, I have noticed how far away I have been from friends, my daughter, even my dog and myself... It's unbelievable how hard I have fallen into that trap. In any case, we are happier now than ever. And she can literally explode. (she left because I was completely exhausted)
Reminds me of my ex. Not one overt argument, but one night she came out of the bathroom with a strap on. and looked like she meant business. She was always blackmailing me with her dad's stamp collection which she was in line to inherit. She told me it held a penny black.
They purposely try to keep u up all night long especially before an important day or event
Omg, it took me a while to figure this out! Before every big event, job interview, presentation there would be a fight
Every fucking time
Or they wake ur up super early before a appointment or important day-my mom narc
Wake u up arguing yelling putting u down while ur sleeping
2:45 "They sleep quite easily - after dysregulating you emotionally". YES!! And taking up all available space pushing me into v small width of bed then yelling if I moved even slightly. Double-standards re noise. If I got up to go to bathroom, he'd wake instantly checking where I am going. V stressful, I was already an insomniac, he slept like a baby. I don't believe he's a narcissist, and don't relate to all of these btw (there was plenty of affection, no secrecy around phone etc). But some of this is so exact! I'd put it out of my mind till now and wow, I've not heard anyone talk on this topic. Recovering from break-up. I feel so seen. Thank you.
Wow did you describe my ex- narc husband. He claimed to have sleep disorder. Constantly kicking in his sleep - never wanting to cuddle me - it was such a lonely and sad marriage. He always said everything was my fault. I have had no contact for 14 years now. I am distrustful of men and have never found another partner. My manta is: all the good men are either dead or happily married. Sad but so true.
😢❤
Totally agree. I broke up with mine a little over a month and two weeks exactly today of no contact. I feel that I can't trust any men anymore. I am currently going through withdrawal from him and I pray this passes soon because it's been a little tough. Even though I try to stay strong. Going to work actually helps me out a lot. On my days off that I'm alone is most tough. I feel so restless, I hate having to go through this.
Never say never! Don´t give up hope easily! Good luck for you in future!
My husband kicks me too. He sleeps with his feet at my head.
Made the 101% true mantra: All the good mens are either dead, happily married, are broken by already being in love with someone else, traumatized
I just stopped sleeping in the same room😢
I recently have started sleeping on the couch. Tired of having to sleep stiff as a board on the edge of the bed with our son between us, and if he gets too close to her she pushes him away too. It's sad. 😢
Farting is a better alternative. A high protein vegan diet plus metformin twice a day. Metformin can be acquired on the diabetic black market. Or aged care homes traded for oxygen.
@@THEGLASSMANSWORLDjust go. Better then situation yoi are right now
Me too
WOW!! This resonated with me on so many levels. My ex-wife exhibited so many of these behaviors: guarding her phone while she slept, occupying majority of the bed space and complained that she needed more, sleeping with her back towards, stonewalling, ghosting. Just awful. She finally discarded me but here I am three years later and honestly I’ve found my peace, still healing, BUT I’m exponentially happier. Her leaving was the best thing that could’ve happened.
So sorry to hear my ex did the same to me she uprooted my entire life since we met at work she turned everyone against me and I thought she was a normal woman she has all these mental issues her family enables her bad and poor behavior she discarded me 2 years ago for another man and wanted to remain friends I told her no and she still contacts me and calls me from weird numbers these criminals should be ashamed of themselves💯💯💯
@@andrewgardner1727 Damn Andrew, I’m so sorry to hear what your ex did to you. The best defense against people like your ex and mine is maintain your distance, no contact if possible, we have our kids but I maintain strict boundaries with her; I only communicate with her when it comes to discussing our kids schedule and that’s it. Remember Andrew that’s damaged people will try to damage others. It’s just their nature and when I finally came to that realization, my anger started to subside and now I just pity her because she will always be a miserable person, just like your ex. Just continue to work on yourself Andrew, continue to strive to become the best version of yourself; that’s the best advice I can give you. The best revenge is living a happy life without them. You got this brother. You’re not alone.
But did she fart in bed? That's the question. If she didn't, she is reasonably low on the narc scale so no medal for you really.
@@TheHeinrichSymposium you make a good point tbh mine had no manners and occasionally did disgusting things like that
Everything except the last one resonates. He not only took up the whole bed, he acted like I was part of the mattress. He didn't put his arm around me, he would roll on top of me making it difficult to breathe (and difficult to get out from under). So he would say I abandoned him to sleep on the couch, but at the time, not being sure how to get away safely was the only thing keeping me from leaving entirely.
Oh my gosh, now that you say this, I realize my ex did this too! I just took it as his way of cuddling, and I would stay like that, wide awake, him on top of me barely able to take more than shallow breaths for as long as I could stand it. It sounds so pathetic, but at the time it was better to me than the alternative, which was his stone cold back and pillow barrier to me all night. I was still coming down from the love bombing and I loved him dearly, or I loved who I thought he was. But yea, there was typically no in between; he was either crushing me or barricaded from me. 🫤 Thank you for sharing🤍🫂
My sister is a malignant narcissist who is like a vampire -- she NEVER sleeps. She stayed at my home a few years ago, for a week, and she kept the TV set on 24-7. Leaving the TV on 24-7 left me unable to relax at night. It was insane. In addition, she wanted me to change out ALL my lightbulbs to blinding, high intensity bulbs, but I refused. She is never staying at my home again. Also, my ex-boyfriend was also a malignant narcissist and he did the robotic sex-stuff you described, but I no longer have any contact with him. That guy left me unable to trust other guys.
I’ve lived alone for three years. Boy, do people try to move in on you! Young marrieds, teens wanting to “be out on their own,” online dating guys (hobosexuals) who think I’m “lonely” - Ha! Not in a million years.
@@rubyparchment5523 Hobosexuals...>< Love this! I loved living alone! I got so tired of men trying to "save" me by moving in to take care of me. What a joke!
Great description robotic sex. It's a form of molestation. That's why it leaves you not trusting men.
Dirty rotten scoundrel! Did he do the robot dance too?
Me too, I don't wanna give any one else a chance because in the long run, you will notice you are with another narcissist 😮. So sad.
He slept on the edge of bed i craved for touch and connection but he denied i felt lonely for two years after learning about narcism online i ran for my dear life its horrible guys you better be alone its so draining
I experienced the same for 4years! It's scary to think that there are so many narcissists everywhere!
Why didn't you slip him a viagra Mickey Finn?
My husband never slept together with me,ever. No such thing as tenderness or cuddles
OMG! Finally I found answers to why he behaved the way he did. Abandoning in bed started to happen just a few months after marriage. I was always questioning myself what was wrong. Glad he left me within 4years!
Thank you for the video it is really enlightening & helpful for victims of narcs like me to understand the truth & move on!
Often, the worst fights occurred right at bedtime. And, I was jarred awake many, many times to find my ex over top of me with his hands around my neck, choking me... when I'd scream and fight in terror, he'd smirk and say something about having had a bad dream and claim he was asleep when this happened... then roll over and go back to sleep like nothing had happened. The weirdest thing that happened with him was being jolted awake at 2am as he STOOD over me on the bed, attempting to install a ceiling fan...
I couldn't make this shit up, yet NO ONE believed a word I said trying to ask for help.
I was married to that a**hole for 10 years, and consider myself very lucky to have gotten out alive. But... 23 years later and I'm still living with PTSD and working through issues with my counselor.
😮😢
My GOD!! IM SO SORRY! What a horror!
Third time we slept in the same bed had his hands around my neck chocking me & yelling some guys name.... he never brought it up after it happened.... I brought it up a couple times & he acted like it didn't happen???? WHAT??? 😂
I’m so sorry for what you went through. That’s one of the most baffling parts, there are people all around while this is going on, and you eventually try telling them what is happening to you and it’s like they can’t hear you or don’t get it. But then you find out that’s because your partner is sabotaging you behind your back and they think you are crazy or that you can’t be trusted.
And OMG now I have to share this, I never suspected this was part of it before but always had something weird stick with me about it and now I’m suspecting it more than ever! The only 2 times my ex ever physically hurt me were both “while he was sleeping.”
This is a little long, but maybe it will relate to you or someone else🤍
1st time:
I was trying to wake him up because he had just gone to bed without saying a word. We were staying over at his friends’ house, who I had just met that night, & he had just left me out hanging out with everyone and went to bed. So I was trying to ask him why he did that.
He had been stonewalling me for hours for unknown reasons and I was starting to get upset because I was in these people’s home with no one I knew and I have lots of social anxiety so that was hard for me. I started to cry a bit when he wasn’t waking up from my voice just softly saying his name, and I got closer to him and touched his arm. Suddenly, he popped up and put his hands around my neck for a few seconds, not really squeezing but just holding them there. Then he let go and rolled over, right back to soft snores.
I was shocked. I retreated to the corner of the room hugging my knees and I dissociated. My ex before him had violently physically abused me, often by choking, and he knew the trauma I had suffered. I couldn’t believe that had just happened. He pretended nothing happened the next morning, being flirty, fun, affectionate, etc. When I tried to tell him over and over throughout the next 3 days he just kept skipping over it. I was in such disbelief. On the 4th day, I finally said, “This is over, you know my history and for you to do that and not even have any remorse is just unacceptable. I can’t be with you because I don’t feel safe.” He was like “what? What are you talking about?” I told him again, just like I had been doing for 4 days, and all of a sudden he could hear me 🙄. And he started crying and swearing up & down that he must have been asleep and that he had no idea that happened and would never do that. He even said he agreed, he understood why I need to leave him and that is what he deserves. I fell for it. This was still within the first year and I was so in love. Stupid.
2nd time:
He had gone to bed. My brother & my adult son were over hanging out with us and staying the night so I stayed up a little later with them. (If you see my other comment on this post you can see we were having a lot of conflict surrounding sleeping already and he had made coming to bed with him like hell, yet was also infuriated that I no longer wanted to come to bed with him to be neglected and treated like crap) I would still try my best, but it was hard. Plus I was visiting my family. I eventually went to bed around 3 am.
Within about an hour of me coming to bed, I heard him get up and go use the restroom. I did not move from the spot I was laying in, I was laying face up on the pillow on my side of the bed, somewhat near the center of the bed. As he was using the bathroom I drifted back to sleep. Suddenly, I was jolted awake by some massive force bashing me hard directly in the face, right on my nose. I was still waking up from sleep so I was disoriented and so confused. I knew something had just hit me and I was frightened in the dark room trying to see what was happening, but it was like my ears had gone muffled and I thought I could hear someone screaming far away. I reached up to touch my face and my mouth was open unexpectedly, and it was wet, dripping down into my hand and onto my blanket.
It was me, I was screaming. And the wet dripping was blood, pouring out of my nose. My ex was next to me frantically trying to ask what was wrong and to comfort me and help me. I then pieced together where I was and what had happened, as I saw him holding the back of his head in discomfort. I asked, “Did you hit me with your head!?” He said, “I didn’t know you were in bed, I’m so sorry, I just laid back down after going to the bathroom and I didn’t expect someone to be laying there.”
I didn’t know what to say. He was saying it was an accident, that he was still half asleep because he always keeps his eyes mostly closed when he gets up to pee so he can just quickly fall back asleep, that he seriously didn’t know I was in bed. I just sat there holding my bloody face and cried.
He helped me and cleaned me up and was so apologetic and very loving about it. But I just couldn’t shake the notion that it didn’t seem right. He had been so angry at my recent refusals to come to bed and take his mistreatment anymore. I couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t just trying to make a point like, “why would I think you would be in the bed? you’re never in the bed.” I had even been attempting to cuddle him prior to when he went to the bathroom. And how does someone go to the bathroom and walk back to bed, yet not open their eyes or be somewhat awake? And who comes back to bed and just turns their back to the bed and flings their whole body backwards across the bed at full force to where their head lands more than halfway across, directly onto MY pillow where my head is!? It didn’t seem to make much sense and it has always haunted me a bit.
Same, but he slept with his close on when he did and would take off around 3 in the morning
He always turned on lights and banged crap around, playing loud music when he had ear buds wouldn't wear them. I'd be lucky to have 4 hrs sleep
Reminded me how my ex used to thrash around in his sleep (no regard for the fact he was sharing a bed with another person). The peak of this behavior was when he “accidentally” punched me in the face while we were asleep. When he eventually woke up and saw I was crying (because I’d been smashed in the face with a closed fist while I was asleep; I was terrified)-he began hysterically laughing at me. He thought it was hilarious.
It happened twice.
So glad that’s over. Never again.
My father had 2 jobs, always took time out for us childeren and helped a lot in the house and took care of the garden. I remember how i always hear my father beg my mother to let him sleep. My mom didnt gave him his hard needed night rest.
Later on , my mom start sleeping in other rooms and left my father lonely.
My dear papa, rest in peace. I now know your body couldt handle the narcistic abuse anymore.
I promis you, with me the narcistic abuse by mom, stops eventhough i allready are 44 years old
My Father had two jabs and then he died.
My husband would always turn the alarm clock radio on for 5 am. It was tuned into radio 4, and loud. It grove me crazy, and kept me awake, and he would sleep, it didn't disturb him. Thank you for your invaluable information, it is so comforting and reassuring xx
I was pushed to the edge of the mattress. Always. He had to have the tv on to fall asleep. Never mind that it bothered me while I was trying to go to sleep. But should I be up a bit later than him, it was endless complaining about how I should turn the light off now because it was bothering him. Glad I no longer have to deal with that.
That is exactly the same as my ex 😮
Yes, my ex narc always had to have the TV on. At home I didn't mind because I slept in the bedroom while he fell asleep in living room with TV but when we were at hotel and it aggravated me and if he was asleep with tv on and I switched it off, he would wake up and switch it back on again😖
Yes at the edge of the bed, with a half a yard of blanket.
Left side or right side of the mattress? My ex always slept on the right hand side because she always had to be right.
My FIL does this. He used to meditate loudly at 4 o clock in the morning, screaming mantras on top of this lungs while knowing very well that others were sleeping. Confronting is worse. They will repeat it purposely.
how can you meditate while screaming? he sounds like a fool.
@_dadas He believes that he is bringing peace in the house by loudly chanting mantras and disturbing others. That is the bizzare justification which came from him.
@chosen1153 lolz 😆 🤣 😂 😅 😄
I'm supposed to be singing and praising Krsna in the early morning and preparing meals to be blessed at that time, but because my wife is the narcissist and does all these sleeping acts and gets mad at me for disturbing her sleep when I make the littlest of noise accidentally or simply opening the bedroom door. So I sleep on the couch now away from my wife and I don't do my daily devotional practices anymore either to please her rather than pleasing my spiritual practice.
@@THEGLASSMANSWORLDThat's rough man.
The reason your channel and your videos stand out to me so much from all the many channels about narcissism is because of how you describe some very specific things that I wouldn’t even have attributed to the Narcissism. It’s no longer a question in my mind these days of whether or not my ex is a Narcissist, long before now. I’m quite confident he would be given the diagnosis if he ever cared enough to want to find out, which he will never, so oh well. But I have known for sure for a long time now. Even so, when I watch some of your videos, the behaviors you describe connect the dots even more tightly. This was so unbelievably accurate to how my ex behaved regarding bedtime, I am mind blown. It’s so wild I have to list it out. lol.
1. Anytime we were having a decent night, which was less and less frequent as the time went on, I would be so happy that we were happy and that we had actually had a good night, no jabs, no insults disguised as jokes, no surprise attacks of bringing up my deepest traumas for no reason, etc. Then, somehow minutes before he would call it a night, he would say something to start a fight, on purpose. He would get me upset, push me to tears, then say sorry, he has to get to bed because he has work. Then he would leave me there crying. It got to the point that he didn’t even try to hide the pleasure it brought him, I would see a smirk on his face as he walked out of the room to go upstairs, while I was in tears.
2. I used to follow after him. Try to make it better and try to sleep next to him. But he wouldn’t allow me any relief. He would very distinctly turn his back to me. Sometimes he would have a separate blanket so that I couldn’t touch him and sometimes he would place one of our pillows behind his back to form a barrier. This tore me to shreds when it first started. I would try to fix it. I would protest and touch him any way, and he would just push me away and get more mad at me, stating how inconsiderate I was because he has to work. Sometimes he would shame me for getting upset and crying, and say “no adults behave this way. You need to get some help.” When he had pushed me to sobbing. It was inevitable I would soon become empty and begin to retreat and protect over time. He broke my spirit slowly. I became a shell or a ball of rage, there wasn’t much else near the end.
3. I started to hesitate following after him. I would stay downstairs, no longer with as much hope that it would make any difference. When I first started doing this, I would be so hurt and overcome with sadness, it was indescribable. I would push myself to go upstairs and try, even though I felt myself giving up on him. I felt my body avoiding him and feeling afraid of the lack of safety that being near him threatened. It was happening automatically and that was not my natural way of being. I’m very loving, empathetic, forgiving, I give grace and room for error, I don’t give up at the smallest mistake, I am loyal and I will take on the tough times of relationships to remain dedicated to the one I love, I won’t let my emotions give me an excuse to be cold, stonewall, distance myself, neglect putting in the effort (I now know these are all reasons I was the ideal target for someone like him.) So as I felt myself at times crippled into separation & distancing, I tried so hard to fight it. I would make my way upstairs anyway after no more than 2-3 minutes of him going up. And much to my surprise, he would be dead asleep, peacefully wrapped up tightly and snoring softly like a baby. He would look so unbothered, not a single care at all for the pain and chaos he had just unleashed on my night. I would feel so insignificant and alone. I’d lay next to him staring at the ceiling and just cry silently for hours.
4. He tried to constantly gaslight me by making comments that suggested I didn’t want to be intimate with him. Basically suggesting I don’t give it up and expressing how unsatisfying that is for a man in some roundabout way (often in front of friends or family much to my horror). This would hurt me and baffle me at first, because it couldn’t have been further from the truth. He had suddenly rejected me one time when I had initiated intimacy and stated that we didn’t need to do it if I am not that into it. I was confused because I am quite into it and we had been having a pretty active relationship in that department up to then. I protested and tried to reassure him to the heavens that I was very much into it. I tried literally everything, sexy underwear, suggestions of new things, spontaneity, more initiation, improved techniques, I fell all over myself to prove he was wrong and that I could very much satisfy him, but more and more he flat out rejected me while continuing to gaslight me into thinking I didn’t want to have s3x. It was the weirdest fricking thing I have EVER experienced in my entire life. He also eventually told me that he watches (p)corn daily and satisfies himself. All while neglecting me in the same house and talking about it to rub it in my face, but in a way as though it was somehow my fault we were not doing it. I nearly went mad over this. He literally almost drove me mad. The only time we would do it is when he said so and he was always so controlled. He never made a single noise. He never expressed any signs of pleasure, besides the obvious finale of course, but then he was done. He would hold me sometimes, but it was breadcrumbs, like you mentioned. This treatment took its toll on me overtime, especially with my self esteem and just my dignity as well. It did become more difficult to engage in that way with him, so then he just used that as evidence of what he had been making up all along. It was utterly infuriating.
5. It eventually got to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to go to bed with him at night. The bed had become such a place of pain and trauma and loneliness for me. And insomnia. I told him this countless times. But I’m sure you can guess what he did with that. He weaponized it and used it as a reason for why we weren’t intimate, and for why our relationship was suffering, and for why he was treating me badly. He used all the outcomes of his mistreatments of me as reasons for his mistreatments of me. I would tell him until I was blue in the face how I know he knows it didn’t happen that way, that he started all of this, that these side effects were my reactions to long term emotional abuse and neglect. He never budged. He carried this narrative to the bitter end.
This relationship wounded me in a way I have never experienced. It’s been 19 months since I left him and I am much better than the day I left, but I am not healed or happy. I have yet to feel normal again. Life doesn’t feel like life anymore. I struggle with relationships, with everyone now, my family, friends, even my children. My family would say Im too hard on myself, but I long everyday to be better. I’m nothing like who I used to be. I had such a bright light when I met him. I am determined to recover and be better than ever before. But so far, I’m still healing. Your videos are very eye opening for me because they give me even more grace for myself and reveal an even deeper layer to it all. They help me realize I went through near torture and that what I am feeling is more than warranted. I just need time. And self compassion. Thank you🤍
Good job for writing it all out. ❤
@@drchristineobrien9704 thank you 🌺
❤
He’d call folks either late at night or early in the morning while I was trying to rest. In addition to having them on speaker, he’d,also,talk very loudly.
My late, ex-husband exhibited a few N traits. The loud phone conversations are familiar. Failure to respect my need for sleep is also familiar. It is still painful yet to remember.
Mine did same thing (I rented a room from him & last wife when selling my house 3 yrs ago)! Called himself an unpaid (of course) Community Organizer. Say what, now? He’d call these hapless new immigrants at 9 am sharp. You could tell they didn’t want the calls. Went down a list. He had no access to housing , jobs. What could he ever do for them?
Should’ve yelled stfu every time he did it. Then ignore him after as if he’s not saying anything.
Loud phone calls on speaker before the day even started! Horrible way to wake up.
@@carmenneves9250 All ways remember when you are conversing with the Narcissist by phone it's most likely they have you on speaker phone so people can hear your side of the conversation without you knowing. I always assume when talking on the phone to my narcissist that I'm most likely on speaker phone and the call isn't private. It's just the way they like to operate.
Spot on again! I resonate with "they create a lot of disturbance when it's time for you to sleep". As soon as I close the door to quiet down to go to sleep, something has to be talked about or told to me...and it can't wait. Someone calls and I have to endure the very loud talking on the phone, walking hard up and down the hallway with outdoor shoes (which makes so much noise), chopping food or clanging dishes around in the kitchen which is right near the corner of my room. It's just unreal.
My dad use to wake everyone in the house when he got up. Sometimes he would come in our rooms and scream at us over the bed. Mom was bad too. She use to come pick fights with me right before going to bed. I hated both of them. Demons with skin on them. I will never tolerate another one. Ever.
Yes! Sleeping diagonally across the bed
My ex used to sleep zig-zag. Yeah, I know.
I experienced the blanket stealing almost immediately after getting married. I went and bought my own blanket and learned to wrap myself in it or he’d try to take it. The ghosting in bed happened nearly at the same time and continued for the 16 years we were married. I’m happily single now and enjoying alllll the blankets and not having to wonder what will happen next👍🏼
My husband bought a waterbed not long after we were married because he'd always wanted one (this was way back in '82). I didn't like it but i went with the flow for a few years (waking up every time he rolled around, and being forced into the pit his body made). Ended up struggling through two pregnancies while begging for a normal bed with a mattress but no, he adamantly refused to part with the thing no matter how miserable it was making me. I didn't have another room to sleep in so ended up eventually on the couch for a year before bidding him farewell forever. Of course that was just one reason out of many over the years that i left, but it kind of symbolizes it all for me.
lived with an absolutely psycho in law. shared very close living quarters, it was hell. my jaw dropped watching this bc it explained SO much of the trauma she gave me around trying to get rest.
Spent 7 years on the edge of the bed..crying alone while he sleeps peacefully. I ended up never being able to sleep. Id be shamed or made so anxious I couldn’t. I was a walking zombie but he napped and slept for hours and hours. We had 2 babies under 3 and it was pure hell for me. He’s finally on the couch where he wanted to be all along and I’m in heaven alone ..still on the edge of the bed but happier. Working on getting him out of my mind next😢😅
I don't usually agree with most of these short about the subject of narcissist but this guy is right on. I only lived with my narcissist for 3 months and every one of his points was exactly what I experienced. I had to get out and away. Now I sleep like a baby. Thanks
When i wanted to sleep, i was accused of needing to have my "beauty sleep", but she can sleep whenever she wants.
Narcissists cannot and will NOT let you have any sense of peace or comfort. When you are feeling good, they're feeling bad and they will need to take you down to rip that smile off your face. You need to feel guilty for feeling good. Sad.
No napps! Mine could nap. If I ever napped it was a huge deal. Same if I did anything for myself.
Your description of intimate moments with a narcissist is very accurate..
This is very true, this is what I experienced from my 14 years of relationship with a narcissist. His mobile phone has a password and yes he creates argumentation before going to sleep, he needs to blame and ridicule me before he sleeps. He sleeps soundly after doing his devaluation on me.
yep, I needed to buy a new bed, because old one was used and very uncomfortable, partner just didn't agree; he was uncomfortable too, but I was more and that was satysfying to him; anyway, I bought a new one as soon as he moved away; what a waste of time, life and health
I bought sheets. Got rid of old Karma.
They hog all the blankets and kick you until you’re hanging on the edge of the bed. You’re supposed to wake them up and make them stop but who wants to do that all night? Everyone can sense things when sleeping, but they cannot.
I have thought I could invite a circus and they wouldn't wake up
Ooh, I know. There's a lot of it about.
Because the peace of sleep is something they NEED, if its disturbed that's one of the worst things you can do but people that play these games with each other are honestly stupid and should clearly either resolve the issue or leave the relationship.
This is so bizarre! I had no idea this was a thing. This has happened to me and I talked myself into believing it wasn't what I thought it was, which was to kill me. The look on his face, the wide eyes and the smile. There was no reason why he needed to be standing beside, peering down at me and then it happened again.
Yes, I know that creepy peering down at me while I slept. The bed would start shaking, I awoke, he left the room, then I discovered the buttons on my pajama top were undone!.... 🤢 .
@@time_2_get_readyI'm so sorry. That's actually very scary
@@wendimccluskey6751 Thank you Wendi and yes, they are/were trying to kill us in ways that no one else would notice - CREEPS in my book.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this too 😥❤🩹
The best thing to do is get away from these crazy -ss people ASAP. Save yourself.
Exactly all this figuring out what and how they do what they do is useless just leave
They are stinkers. It takes compost to grow beautiful flowers. They are the muck and their victims are the flowers.
Great video, spot on. My father likes to be first up, annoys him when im up first. Post man comes at 7am every morning and he waits on it everyday, he never orders anything just bills come in and bank statements. Little things you notice, games they like to play. they love to go through your things when you are out, want to know everything about you and tell you nothing. he waits on the post to see what comes in for me. Waking up and being asked some stupid question that they know will annoy you, they love doing this so they can dump their mood onto you, you go off pissed off and they sit there all satisfied with themselves and act all normal then later on. The things they do are so stupid that you put them off as just ehhhh. It pisses them off that i dont write anything down while i am doing my studys. I keep everything on my laptop locked down. They love reading your shit
Alcoholic Narcissists are the WORST!😞😢 BUT BY GOD, I’m not there ANYMORE!!🙌🏾.
I’m not denied love or attention anymore. I’m healing and learning to love ME now. 5 years later, I can GENUINELY smile 😊💝🙏🏾
Totally relate ❤🩹
Try drug users!
Narcissistic junkies are okay though.
You are not lying
OMG, I'm living the nightmare. He peed in the catbox the other night. It's in the laundry room. I tryed to tell him what he was doing, he yelled at me and told me to leave him alone.
my nosey narcissist neighbor likes to leave his TV on when he sleeps.
it wouldn't be a coincidence that he has the TV on, as a distraction of sound to avoid being forced to self-reflect about his horrible personality.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Yes my mother the same. TV on all the time, day and night once she retired. There is no real “inner self”
Hi from England!
Same here. The ex I had children with ,would sleep with TV and radio on full sound Taht even neighbours would complain but he would leave me to deal with angry neighbours who probably thought I was not a considerate wife /woman yet it's hi..also he would come late and try to shout at waking me and or the kids up for nothing. They sick!!
Best line ever...." they have no bottom " so true!!!
@@Emefur1 a friendly canadian hello 👋 back at you.
good to know that other people see the same thing.
-cheers, steven
@@TataShiku Never would I have dealt with the neighbours. I would have told them the truth because I am a very quiet person. ...
Thank you, your words have brought me to tears, in a good way (!) I feel validated as you describe the life I had for 20 years.... Free from him but not yet free from the damage...
Bless you for the work you've done for yourself and now for us 🙏🏽
He used to tell me he had abandonment issues and that is why he treated me and my daughter so horribly when we were traveling. Got to the point where I couldn’t even go to work and had to work from home my daughter told me years later that he sometimes would “forget” to unlock the front door when she came home from school and she’d have to repeatedly call him because he had fallen asleep during the day. He used to sleep 15 hours a day. Up two hours and then sleep for two or three. All day. But he contributed… sure while I busted my ass working. And what did he want after I got home? He wanted me to rub his head or his feet so he “could sleep”. Told such lies about how he couldn’t sleep during the night because he was “watching over us and protecting us” and he got that from all of his years as a sniper in the USMC. Of course he was never a sniper. He only served three of his four year enlistment due to being “discharged other than honorably”. Oh so triggering for me.
What a coincidence that my ex narcissist was in the Marines. He used to say he served for 10 years, and during the beginning of our break up, his sister told me he got discharged for domestic violence. He had beaten a girlfriend he had. He would always exaggerate the timeline of literally everything he did because it showed he had no commitment to anything. He had told me his shortest relationship was 4 years and come to find out our relationship was his longest, and we broke up just when we were making 2 years.
I would say he probably served for 2-3 years. We've been broken up now for a little over a month and have no contact for 2 weeks exactly today. I am going through the withdrawal process but I know it's for the best. I do not and will not forgive him for humiliating me and lying to me the way he did. I just pray that this passes soon. 🙏🏻 ❤ I constantly feel anxious and losing weight and I try very hard to not keep sinking in. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❣️
I am so sorry you are going through this. Know that the healing will be peaks and valleys. You got this. ❤
@@TM-te5dp…..I read somebody else’s story on another video the other night…..they said that they wrote a diary of what they went through with their narc ex…..and every time that they felt ‘weak’, and considered going back…..they would pick up the diary and read it…..it quickly put them ‘back in that awful place’, and reminded them of why they had left in the first place. It gave them strength to follow through. They are much happier now.
@@TM-te5dpwe got the same player I will never forgive her in hell Eva
My ex abuser used to wake me as soon as I fell asleep (on the couch) and scream at me for some stupid reason. She would continue drinking and playing loud music, knowing I had to go to work in a few hours. She would scream, telling me how I ruined her life and shattered her dreams only to deny this the following morning, blowing up my phone with trivial questions and passive-aggressive accusations.
I think we were married to the same woman. Mine would come home drunk and stand over me and talk non-stop. She would leave the room just long enough for me to fall back asleep, then come back in and do it all over again till 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning. If I didn't talk back or engage with her she would pour beer or water on me to get me out of bed. Then she would pass out somewhere, usually on the bathroom floor, and flip out if anyone woke her up. She ended up running off with some other guy and leaving me with the kids, and I can't tell you how happy we are now.
Oof that’s rough.. sounds like you guys were dating women with borderline personality disorder.. my best friend dated a girl once with bpd and you guys described his exact experiences. Bpd is cluster B same with narcissists and psychopaths. High percentage of them drink so avoid women who drink occasionally..
@heyturnkey Exactly! It's torture and they know you can't stop them. My wife actually got kicked out of our house at 2 am by the police, then stood outside screaming and crying until the neighbors called the cops back!
Wow, i felt and experienced 99% of every single situation u described!
I can't believe it, almost every one of these are happening to me. It has been driving me crazy. He sleeps like a baby
It USE to happen to me! My advice is GET OUT of that relationship! Go to family or friends house or have them come get you or even battered womens shelter if you have nowhere else! Stay strong and stay safe
My Husband sleeps so close to the edge of the Bed away from me, that he actually fell out of it one time. I heard a loud Boom, Yep, Husband on the Floor! 😄
😂😂
Lmao! Thanks for the laugh
He sure was angry like hell. But you had a good laugh. Didn´t you?
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
I got silent treatment and verbal abuse throughout the marriage to the narc he disrespected me going through my iPhones and one day he fell asleep with his phone open .I went through it and what I saw made me kick him out of my place and immediately filed divorce papers he said things in my face that seal the fate of the fake marriage I was in God didn't want me with him the red flags and signs were there ,I ignored them I take accountability I shouldn't have married him in the first place thanking God I got out 🤓🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Amen 🙏🏼 🙏🏼
Oh my gosh their secret life is on their phone. 😂 The things I saw on the narcs phone. His spending habits, pornography, drug secrets pornography, his friends and him sharing porn. Them talking about hooking up with 18 year old girls There 50. It's delusional!
@heatheroreilly1050 🤢
Good for you.
I should have broke it off at the first instance of that phone being flipped upside down. I made excuses to myself and it wasn't just a phone - it was EVERYTHING. If you see that phone flipped upside down, they're not worth it!!! Whatever you think it is. It's 10 times worse
The phone is like a drug for them...
Watch out for the second phone. That's the one you do want to see.
@@melissarmt7330 Maybe there are more than just a second one... In fact you don´t need anything to see. You will realize that those people hang on their phone every minute... (So they don´t see you and don´t talk to you. You will recognize that you are not important for them)...
@@IsabellaPiesch My comment was meant to address the fact that cheaters often have a second, secret phone. I'm aware of what "these people" do. And there is no line they won't cross. That's why you can never win against them. The only win for you is to leave and go no contact. But not everyone can leave. That's why these videos are so important.
@@melissarmt7330 It depends on the situation - I also was in fact in a hopeless situation but I had luck. You can leave if you want to. (Independence has to be a goal...). It is better to leave such people than to stay because it can cost your life.
My ex narcissist never slept he was prowling all night. He would leave for work 3 hrs before his shift. I would wake in the middle of the night and he was gone. He could barely stay awake during the day. He was very miserable and psychotic from lack of sleep.
EXACTLY! You are perfectly right! Very well describtion!
I’m so glad my experience with Narcissistic people were long distance . I couldn’t imagine myself living with a leach no good like that. I had two entanglements with two monsters like I’ve learned so much about Narcissists abuse. I dumped both of them they tried to make my life miserable. They’re evil 👿 people. Can’t do it nobody isn’t control me 🎉
Good content 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Thanks Dr Bashir yr very right its high time I realize my husband is a narcissist
My ex-idiot used to yank all the blankets to himself...completely untuck them from the bottom, and roll himself up like a friggin' burrito! Then look over at me and say,..."What the effs the matter with you"? Crazy stuff like that.
Haha thats so funny , you can’t beat them, selfish to the core.
😂
When I imagined you like that, all goose pimples and alone, I felt aroused. I don't know why. I think it is the innocencio.
I worked nights. He allowed children to interrupt my sleep, vacuumed, or mowed the lawn.
He vacuumed, mowed the lawn? He not a narcissist
@@scooby_FN-jb8jo He was. He just chose to do things that he felt made him look good to others.
The ex would get the urge to use my body. I despised it. My sleep was constantly interrupted.
I suppose you get used to it
@@TheHeinrichSymposiumno
Yes at 4am.
Yes, I most definitely did experience this from my narc. The narc knew when I was sleeping and would deliberately do things to disrupt my ability to sleep. Eventually, I started using acoustic tile to soundproof my whole bedroom so that I could get some sleep. I also would use alcohol and medication to knock myself out so that my sleep would not be disturbed. This was deliberate psychological sabotage. And they cannot help themself, they are like heroin addicts but they seek narc supply. Truly sickening and they know that this is a great way to harass someone. My methods worked. The acoustic tiles did a great job. The key is to NEVER tell the narc that you are taking countermeasures. And never complain to them. Do not give them any information to indicate that their tactics are hurting you because they will increase their efforts.
No, no, I can't accept that. heroin addicts are the salt of the earth compared to my narc.
OH MY GOD IT'S 100% TRUEEEEE!!!!! HOW CAN A GUY KNOW HOW IT IS TO SLEEP IN BED WITH A NARCISSIST HUSBAND!?????? OH MY GOD! YOU'RE A GENIUS!!! IT'S ALL 1000000% CORRECT!!!!!!!
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Your comments are spot on. Another sleep interruption I’ve noticed is waking the person up from their sleep to argue about something.
Id wake up feeling anxious, and sure enough, my ex would be either staring lovingly at me or glaring at me...one or the other, very unsettling.
I've experienced this too. They are crazy.
I was living with a man who would kick me in my back then when he finally woke up from his coma sleep he would say , i dont know what i do when i sleep. N he also would hold the comforter n roll over with it n i had hardly anything. N waking him up was a nightmare , he would curse at me , real bad . He would stay up all nite n sleep most of the day . A total nightmare , i was always crying from the abuse. And i would sleep and he wouldnt care waking me up yelling n cursing at me. And when he decided to come to bed he didnt care how he woke me up. I did sleep on the edge of my queen size bed. I couldnt ever touch him , not even his arm. I kicked him out when he got physically abusive. He now lives in his car. He calls me rigid n cold n hes the one like that. He shows no love n yes he always turned his back to me. He would just look at me with an empty stare. Im a touchy woman , i crave affection . 😢. I never felt safe in my bed .
I feel sorry for the car.🚙 😢
im sorry you had to experience that. it sounds like he was just using you. im glad you kicked him out. he deserves worse than just homelessness.
omg sound like me
Here's one...i felt ill and told my family i was going to lie down and try to sleep. Narc husband encouraged me loudly to do so.
About 20 minutes later, just as i had fallen asleep he started to drill holes in the wall outside the room i was sleeping. When questioned he said it was just a quick hole that he needed to drill, just a few minutes....
Danish, I resonate with all but especially, the last two: keeping you awake using anything to disrupt your sleep. At a point I angrily asked " can't you ever sleep?" Then the silent treatment in bed as if a non-living object is lying there. In fact that is what triggered the desire to end the relationship. Even if I slept in one room with my brother, we'd talk about our childhood, parents n a whole lot of things until we both sleep, but there I was with "my love" in one bed not room, n there is a cold silence, n a "good night" is like you are talking too much. These narcs are just the devil's incarnate! Today is exactly a year since I went no contact, n I've evolved so much that he means nothing to me.
The blankets-- We had a regular double bed. They would pull ALL the covers off of me after I went to sleep. I would wake up freezing and pull for some of the covers to get warm. They would wake up and jerk the covers out of my hands, screaming that I had ALL the covers and THEY were freezing. (Most of the covers were on the floor on their side.) I had to sleep, if I could, while freezing in the winter. I went and bought a couple of nice warm blankets/quilts in TWIN size. I then kept them on my side only. I was warm, they were pissed, and kept trying to take them, too. I would take them back, pointing out they had the full size covers all to themselves. 😏
This happened in my relationship too except I had a Cal King mattress. I'd be on the very edge, no room to even turn over and no blanket. In summer it was almost worse bc I'd set the fan up to blow on the both of us but soon as I'd fall asleep, they'd move the fan to where it only blew cold air on them. It was always the same lie... "I must've accidentally bumped it on my way to the bathroom and didn't notice".
Same thing i did. Separate covers. However he also used a so called book light that would have lit up a football stadium.
Yep, I’ve experienced just about everything you described from my covert narcissist ex wife. It’s amazing how spot on this video is with her behavior.
I started to dread going to sleep, because I knew that he would wake me up at some point and start screaming and shouting at me for something that I had done 'wrong'. This would sometimes go on for 2 or 3 hours, and then when I was too upset to go back to sleep, he would sleep peacefully, just like a baby.............
😮that is absolutely psychotic 😢
Wow exactly the same experience
Work on FAITH (not necessarily in religious terms), to solve this problem.
From early childhood you were conditioned to become "observant", so you could avoid pain. You developed inner [artificial] functions that were aligned with your perceptions. Stop the obsession to try to learn/read the tactics of others. Restore your faith in humanity. Start to believe in your own words and action. Work on creating a core of identity for yourself. Never regret what you have done in the past.
It's a challenging process, but it would definitely help you with regulating your inner functions- and having a good night sleep
Yes, in my case, was the same with cell phone and tonight. I notice it about food, about cherish something else. Seems like they come first, always. The person can´t think about other first. They dont care about hows your night or if you sleep well even you putting relaxing songs to sleep besides theirs. Tehy dont care about if you have space enough, even you are falling out bed.
Bada-Bing! They go out into the streets to find people to care about. Always an excuse. Then when they lose you, the respectable, responsible partner, all hell breaks loose. Not my problem 😅
My ex would sometimes leave his phone in his car. Then he’d get angry when he missed important calls 🤷🏽♀️
LOL important calls….my once-handsome hubby (of 24 yrs ago) was cut loose from all roommates, close friends after his religious fanaticism overtook his desire to work, pay rent. Adult son in NC cut him off. He still has his $1,500. apartment, somehow. Only folks he deals with these days are “Breaking Bad”-type lowlifes; he recently lost two groups of them, each having moved in, and then couldn’t make rent. I mean….
Wow Danish, you just perfectly summed up my childhood experience, perfectly. My, "Father" would deprive me of sleep in order to then use me sexually. He would turn off the lights when in his bedroom. More often than not, he was the, "monster" who attacked me while sleeping. However, each of my parents were not only psyhopathic narcissists, but were very skillful manipulators too, with triangulation, denial and gas-lighting being some of the favorite tools to use on their, "little slave", their, "toy", the boy that I once was. True remorse and conscience do not exist with these monsters. Rather, everything is always about them, their needs, their entitlement, their genitals, etc.
I’m sorry you went through that.
I’m so sorry you had to endure all that. I hope you are getting yourself some help. ❤
I was never aware of Narcissist behavior. It all started a month ago when I found out that I was attached to a person who was Narcissist, she came close and showed that she cares. I was in extreme depression. Her presence makes me forgets everything and then it started, she started to withdraw, she showed that she loves to makes me down and now she has withdrawn. I am still recovering but having troubles. I don't know how long it will take but hopefully in few more months :(
My college roommate would pick a fight with her boyfriend and fall asleep at 10pm like clockwork. She'd "fall asleep" on him or next to him on the couch (if he'd go to leave, she'd wake back up, and tell him he couldn't go. i think she was pretending, but really just using that time to ignore him/rest. she'd make him stay until the midnight curfew when he had to leave by dorm rules (i never thought of it as stealing his sleep, but yeah, making him be awake til midnight is stealing)). Meanwhile, I'm witnessing all this while trying to write papers. Noise canceling headphones could only do so much. If that wasn't enough, she moved from the couch to lay blankets on the floor directly behind my desk chair. LIKE. whut. This became her habit. It drove me crazy. I directly told her "Do you mind?" and she gave this sick little smile, pretended to be cute/smart and said, "I don't mind at all." And went right back into arguing with him right behind me.
The nights he wasn't there, she had to fall asleep with the TV on. We had to wait until the movie was completely over, credits rolling.
She'd get up early every morning and make no effort to be quiet. She talked loudly, opened and shut drawers, slid hangers in the closet - like we didn't exist (we had 4 people in one dorm room). I thought it was physically impossible for her to whisper.
Now that I know better, I half wonder if she was seeing if he'd cheat on her with me.
You just described my ex to the tee. I used to wonder why my ex would go sleep on the couch when he had a perfectly big bed to sleep in🧐.
I rember this!! My baby used to call the sitting room the sitting bedroom.
Mine pushes me to the edge and has a big king size pillow in between us. So you can’t tell me he wants to cuddle. He makes sure there is a divider all night. Also he needs the tv to fall asleep. I can’t turn it off until he’s asleep. He will watch it until 1:00am knowing I can’t sleep with it on. And knowing I have to work in the morning. Mind you he doesn’t work. I didn’t realize until now he’s doing this all on purpose!
Same with me as well. I stay up until I can turn TV off.😢😢. They don't care about you getting any rest.
I experienced all of it! Very disgusting how they use you like a toy!
I learned a long time ago to keep an extra blanket by the bed. It's such a simple solution to the fight over the blankets.
Oh my that would have been fun. No sleeping at all because of fighting over blankets... I would have done it like you. Just buy another one for myself (easy solution).
My narcissist ex claimed to have sleep disturbances and used to gaslight me all the time, saying that I woke him up and therefore ruined his entire day. I was not allowed to touch him while we were in bed, this was his way of escaping intimacy. I was also not allowed to whisper "are you asleep?" because according to him, everyone except me knows that that's the most evil thing one can do to another person. In the end I caught myself not wanting to share a bed or even a room with him any more. That seemed to be the only way to avoid his gaslighting. But even when I wasn't in the room, he managed to claim that I was stepping too hard on the stairs outside which woke him up. What really drove me crazy was that in fact I was trying to be as quiet as possible, in order to avoid his gaslighting attempts and having another pointless fight. So his claim was not only false but opposite to the truth! He used to tell me every time that I have no empathy because people with empathy are careful enough not to wake him up. What a nightmare it was!
Wow do we have the same ex 😮
@@ElevateYourExistence8979 😮
@@curiousity9 mine used to do and say the exact same things
@@ElevateYourExistence8979 This is so crazy! 😅 Let me share a couple of more "fun facts" about mine. He was (and still is, as far as I know) addicted to rivotril, which caused his day to completely "turn around" and usually he was asleep during the day while awake at night. So he used to wake up around 2-3 pm... I usually asked him in the afternoon, how he slept and he always replied, "very bad", or "very few". But whenever he claimed that I woke him up, then he was "having such a nice dream", or he "could have finally had such a good sleep".
If my ex was mad at me.. he would call me/text me all night. Or if together.. berate me all night. I would have to give in or apologise just so I could sleep.
If I turned off my phone.. he would threaten my financial security and housing stability. Controlled every aspect of my life. He had access to my phone. And I didn’t have nor wanted his. And he even showed me the passcode and challenged me to work out how to find anything on there. I pretended to try for a minute then had to say how clever he was for hiding everything whilst wondering what on earth he had to hide
Thank you so much for this video. I have been in a relationship with a narcissist for over 10 years now and have done quite a bit of research on the subject but this was the first time I've heard this information and I have to say unfortuantley I can relate to everything you discussed in this video and thanks to watching this I have a better understanding and a different perspective on the matter. I have subscribed and I look forward to watching your other videos. THANK YOU!!!
Hugging repulses them after the love bomb, “get away from me”, but yet they still keep coming back and you wonder why? And wonder why don’t you go home! At least I did, but there was always a sleep over bag. the cell phone under the pillow with THE most obnoxious alarm sound on high volume, 3 times every 15 minutes to snooze. You wake up in anxiety! “What the hell, are you serious with that alarm”!!! I’d say, wow
He was such a hobo!
Tony Stark makes you feel
He's a cool exec with a heart o' steel
As Iron Man, all jets ablaze
He's fightin' and smitin' with repulsor rays!
Amazin' armor! That's Iron Man!
I'm 6' tall, she was 5'2"...I slept with not enough covers to cover my body, and slept on about 12" of the queen sized bed for me and the dog and cat. She would stretch out as much as she could. If I moved my feet under the sheets she would jump up and yell at me, knowing I couldn't sleep after that, or she'd kick the cat and dog for the same effect. They eventually became afraid of her, stopped trusting her. During the Love Bomb we would cuddle together, it was like heaven, but after the love bomb she slept far from me and I was not allowed to touch her or be close to her. It was awful, a few months before she set me free I started sleeping in another room. She hated it, then she liked it....then she hated it. I had no idea how bad it all was until after she dumped me and I started to uncover all of the things I ignored and accepted as "just how it is". I will be great once I'm over the bond.
Mine would both steal the bed, I legit only had about a third of a king size mattress with her arms out towards me, I’m one of those people that can’t sleep if I’m being touched. The other big thing is that I work a shift that gets me home around midnight and she would complain about it being able to sleep without me home, I understand that the security aspect and what not, but then the comments are always about how I’m keeping her wake with my schedule but it’s not like I have a choice in that.I get so much resentment towards myself because she can’t sleep and everything revolves around that. There hasn’t been intimacy in years at this point and as I’ve been looking back it has always been about her needs, never about mine.
Leave my friend.
@@tanial694 unfortunately for situation only we have a child together. While leaving odd on the table and being heavily considered there is a very strong reason to stay, at least for the short term.
Very well explained. Makes this way more difficult.
I disagree on just one point. I think some narcs are great lovers. They use their ability to read you and manipulate you in bed. It's still all objectification but they can use love making to love bomb and trauma bond and giving up the intimacy can be really hard for victims.
Yes. This.
So true some use their ability in bed and it gets hard to leave with the love bombing involved am a victim of that and he sticks like a tick to me now that am trying and working on how to get out of the toxic relationship.
Wow, thank you for this, you have helped me understand why 1. it was hard letting go 2. it was hard to keep boundaries 3. it was hard to meet new people 4. why I fell into another toxic relationship with someone who also reciprocated my passion and indulged my lingerie fantasies, as well always ready to. It really ate me up, I had withdrawal symptoms I dind't quite understand. It also seemed like... I would never find the same excitement with anyone else. There was a lot of fog in my brain, took almost 2 years to get through it. I wonder if I really am, but until I try again, I won't know. I would also meet someone and then do something or say something to put their interest low, and when they said they didn't want to go out, etc. I felt SO relieved, and why? Still not sure on that. But again, @hannawynne1922, your comment has really helped my self-understanding.
My grandson, now in his 20s, has been telling me about his parents' fighting. His mother is my oldest daughter, who's got a lot of narcissistic behavior, would start accusing her husband of cheating or anything she didn't want to actually talk to him about. My grandson said it was hard for him to sleep when he was younger. I think he still has problems sleeping due to ongoing issues with his mom; his father died last year.
Mine took his phone in the shower with him …. When he used it he cupped his hands around it like a shield.
Wow that is so ridiculous 😮
I caught mine in the shower with his phone on a video call, I think you can get where I'm going with that.
He would take his phone to the bathroom with him and spend 2 hours in there.