This is paramount in any relationship…personal or professional! Once my partner crosses that line, it’s really hard to get back to the lovey-dovey version of me 🙃
@@Luckykat218 If I were to dismiss every girl who has ever exhibited an instance of disrespectfulness, it would eliminate about 99.9999% of women. Same goes for men. Disrespect as an attitude is indefensible, but people make mistakes. The challenge is figuring out when forgiveness is appropriate vs putting the person out of our lives.
One piece of advice an elderly gentleman that had been married 50 years said is… You will be married to a different people through your marriage. Learn to fall in love with their changes and the new them. It keeps the marriage solid.
This is good advice! But my ex became an alcoholic spontaneously 14 years into our marriage and the dysfunction that ensued is not something the kids and I could ride out. I did divorce him and 10 years later he’s still drinking and has become a very angry person. I think this is why I’m afraid to marry again. People need to understand there are no guarantees in marriage. You can give it everything you’ve got but you can’t control the actions of others.
I would rather have peace and be my myself than be around a toxic person. It's stressful and not worth it to be unhappy and life's too short to for that. 💕🌺
If you are at peace, you will attract peace...meaning peaceful people..., and if you are toxic, you attract toxicity. Meaning, sometimes you don't know you are toxic, and therefore don't know when you are within toxic people, so you feel at peace....people need people to be fulfilled, people who are usually by themselves are mostly people who've been or are hurt, people are their best when they are with or around people, especially people who are like minded, that's how we are created to survive. You can be at peace within toxic people when you yourself are toxic because you can't tell the difference. You can be at peace within peaceful people because yall in the same vibration. Now! when you are alone, you aren't toxic.... maybe, but mostly!!! and you can be alone and may be at peace, but that'll not be long term peace, because if you are truly at peace within, you should be able to find peace within the most stressful and toxic environments. So to me choosing to be alone, than being in challenging situations and environments, it's fear of growth, challenge and change and also fear of facing the fact that there is toxicity with Yourself to a point where you choose to be alone. To me you aren't choosing to be alone, you just passing time until someone touches that nerve again and you will explode again. Because choosing to be alone it's exploding and practically giving up in life. Never choose to be alone, that's sad. Rather choose to be in peace within the storms(toxicity)and overcome it. Now that's better.
@@annb8296 science says longevity are created by a having healthy relationship in reference to the non toxic partner besides loneliness is produced many negativity
@@nickfararis411 My comment was life is too short to be in a toxic relationship meaning why waste your life living in a stressful situation. I wasn't talking about living longer. However, in reply to your comment there are many things that are good for you such as eating right, exercise, good health, not taking dangerous drugs, etc. While scientists can discuss and measure certain things they are not living my life nor can they tell anyone how much longer they will live compared to someone else. That is a blanket statement and only God can do that.
It’s so nice to see real men openly discuss topics that touch their emotions without getting all awkward and cringy about it - more importantly, allowing to be held accountable. Rare and satisfying treat. Thank you, Stephan and Lewis. 🙂
I think this is superficial. I've connected with people instantly only to find them quite miserable people as I learned more about them, and also people I've had no connection with on first meeting, I learned to love and admire after knowing them better.
I've had connection twice. But in order to have it the second time I had to completely let go of the first one. We were friends for over 20 years and it burdened every relationship we each had. He kept me on the side like a babies blankie that was never outgrown. He didn't want to commit to me because he was too scared (he told me) but he wanted me there for between other relationships. I let him go last year because I had finally healed and grown enough to understand how toxic it was for both of us. Recently I met someone that there is connection with! I am still surprised. And it just keeps growing. This time is different. It's healthier and more stable. And both of us are yielding to it. It can and does happen 💖
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but, in order for two people to have a connection their feelings must be aligned. Outside of that, there's no connection ...
I sure can relate to this. I am trying to let a friend down slowly after 26 years. It's tough, I helped raise her child from when she was 4. She's 38 now. I've had relationships since but they've suffered.
It’s tough healing while married to someone who refuses to heal (or worse, goes the other direction and completely self-destructs). This is what ended my marriage. Many people turned on me for leaving because he wore his mask quite well. My kids and my mom are the only people who saw first hand the situation for what it was.
Thank goodness you had witnesses. Some of us don't. For those who need to leave a destructive relationship, do it quietly. Plan and leave in silence. You don't get closure until you are by yourself doing things that make you healthy.
@@bebois2529 As he said, you find connection with very few people. He himself has seen it through his relationships and people have come to him with it. So it is experience. You don't need to be married to know what is wise to look for.
YES, YES, and YES! I think teens should have some type of formal education on relationships, or just men and women’s differences at the very least. People would be so much happier.
The majority of people will never work on themselves, nor do they think they need to work on themselves. They do not even love themselves unconditionally. You must first learn to love yourself. Most are wearing many masks to deceive others and eventually deceiving themselves. I totally understand this gentleman because he has done the work on himself and refuse to allow anyone to enter into his heart space unless they are worthy. I AM in the same position. The amount of time that a relationship will last can never be determined. I believe his fear is present because his ego is present!!!!!!! If fear is present, love is absent. In the event that death separates a loving couple, the other person must continue to live and love.
@@coretaclark3104 Yes I do Coreta!!!!! Real love is free, meaning you have no control over you fall in love with. This dude has so much fear, and added legalism, I can tell you he will never experience true love. I need to be on this show talking. Lolol. Sending love and light 💕 namaste 🙏
Lol you don't need to love yourself unconditonally to be ina loving relationship. It helps, of course, but unconditinally is an ideal...noit an achievable state. Unless your expression is very very limited to something manageable.
Unconditional love is only attainable as a parent. It has no place in a healthy relationship. It is about forgiveness, respect, acceptance of where a person is, not whether one can change another. Is the partner willing to grow ? Are both partners willing to reciprocate. Are their quirks and idiosyncrasies aligned with yours. I agree , he has a fear of commitment and will not get what he seeks, because he is seeking to control what is uncontrollable. He cannot control how he will feel 15 20 + years down the road. He can't control how this ideal partner will feel in the future.
Of all the videos I have consumed…this one brought everything together for me. I have followed many coaches but you both together was a pivotal moment for a path to growth.
Listening to you sounds like a relationship can be such hard work. But this constant work can also be exciting. It is a constant awareness of a give and take. Two healed, wholesome people who are in love and striving to maintain, sustain and enjoy a relationship that unfolds as long as you live. So many elements that we need to orchestrate that can excite us.
Waw waw waw... this is why I haven't been married cause I never had a strong connection with any of them. now I'm 38 and I met a guy a month ago and the attraction, the chemistry and connection was instant and explosive. We chatted for 3 months on the phone but as soon as we met we slept together, I just accepted it and went with it, everything happened so fast but I've never experienced this kind of connection it was explosive like a volcano. From the first day we were so transparent, been ourselves, honesty, peaceful, loving. . I couldn't believe it and in shocked most of the time. I'm hoping the best with this guy, it's surprising. It's so easy been together, was just natural and real. This is an extreme connection, it's really good ❤ it's like we can't be apart from each other. I love this!
Woke up at 3 am and actually learned something about myself that will be a cornerstone for any new relationship, coming back from a terrible toxic relationship takes time, single now for 7years.
I've been divorced for 7 or 8 years and just found someone who there is that elusive connection with! The time in waiting was worth it to heal and learn and know where healthy boundaries need to be now!
miserable energy is majorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. so glad you mentioned that. I feel energy easily and I have to say, miserable energy is by far the toughest thing to deal with
Yes, i agree. I was dating a 40 year old man and he was all fun. But the longer we were dating, he got a burn out. He felt awfull, did not want to go out, so no dates. When we did something fun, he always complaines. There was 0 honeymoon phase. But he was asking me to move in with him after 3 months. I started to feel awfull around him. There was no fun to be with him, so why would i move in right now, so fast! I did break up with him. Then he got mad. He wanted to know exactly why i did break up. Well i could tell him he was awfull to be with right now. But i did not. I just said we were not going to work. Then he got even more mad. He needed to know what part of us did not work. I did not wanted to tell him any further. Then he said oh i see, you have somebody else. You have to, otherwise you would not break up with me..... Eum..... Yeah, he was not an easy man to be around. With 4 months i was so done, i was very happy he was not connected to me anymore.
I totally understand your point in your own fear about how to fulfil the “ lifetime relationship”.. But what I’ve learned in my own healing is, that we have to be in the now. If a relationship turns out to not be everlasting, be grateful for the good year and the learning that have been. Nobody knows about the future, and what Source have in store for us.. But we shouldn’t say no to the blessings we get because of fear. Fear is also an ego thing that can be healed, by the way.. Fear doesn’t exist. It’s a mind-creation. Only love exists🙏🏻❤️
I wrote a letter and sent it to him and it felt. wonderful.I don't know if he even care about what I said but I don't even care .I We don't talk or communicate at all I am now ready to meet new people and enjoy my life .
Stephan, you are a real healer! You made me realize that I'm not ready for dating or new relationships right now because it's an addition to a stress I'm in right now. And I can't afford any more stress. I need to heal my emotional health. I need to be nice to myself and be careful of not overloading my already strained emotional capacity. Thank you. From my heart.
@@michaelvega3669 So sorry....tho' I can relate. The thing that 'saved me' is the day I decided to forgive. A rather small word, but it made all the difference in my healing.
What you've said about connection being a rare thing is soooo accurate. My observation is that connection is not only RARE but can also exist between two people within different AGE brackets. I've had one connection in my early twenties and the other in my late forties.
When he talked about connection.. i felt like i understood why it’s been hard to let go of my ex.. i was myself one hundred percent with him but it was a toxic relationship because we both needed to heal.. dating other people and getting used to the idea of being with someone else has been hard to get used to.
I feel the same. Toxic as neither of us had healed but that connection we had is something I’ve never had. I miss him it miss that connection.I really hope I can find that again 🙏🏼
Maybe with enough time apart, us girls can heal and hopefully our ex partners will too? We can’t stick around waiting, I know that is fruitless but maybe , just maybe, someday we can meet again with the men we had a connection with. Forgiveness will be key as well as the healing process
Great teaching. I feel being accountable for your growth, health holistically and maturity is what contributes to more time loving each other than dealing with petty, negative stuff.
I actually believe that an argument is acceptable but strife is not. I admire people who can present a well constructed argument that points to aspects I may not have considered. This is how I learn and grow. Hey! Illuminate me! Let your light shine. I don't like it when it devolves into an irrational, emotional contest of wills and cheap shots.
I concur, he is using the wrong vocabulary. Debate, argue, disagree and support, all of those are fine. Fight, is to what he refers. Fighting can be very very destructive, while the former may be constructive, building
So so true, when you are not healed that’s when we pick broken people as well. Self awareness and self healing from past wounds it’s crucial to find and choose same. Because self awareness can being authentic brings so much peace.
Nothing feels worse than coming into a new relationship already in love with someone else. I had very strong feelings for my crush. But he said something in a interview on TH-cam that made me think I didn't have a chance. So I went and got married and moved on. He said there was no other women that he would rather be with other than the woman he was already with. So I took it to heart, and gave up on him. But still loved him....
Healing is a lifelong journey, it’s levels to it. I think In romantic relationships, it’s about meeting each other where we are and discerning if you are aligned in your respective journeys that you can be in a healthy harmonious connection even while being committed to growth and evolving individually and together.
It’s so refreshing to hear and see someone who is actually conscious and clued up about healthy relationships and communication etc. I hold my intention on a time where, more and more, this is normalised and is not a niche occurrence. Slowly but surely, in the universe’s own timing, things are changing and evolving 🙏🏽✨✨💜🦄.
You can be with a person who is not healed yet when you are healed. If it is worth it to you (guess this comes back to connection/chemistry). When you’re healed you have good boundaries and are able to call the other person out on their toxic behaviors/slip ups. As long as they don’t do it intentional but because they don’t understand them selves but are open to you asking them hard questions to get them to understand them selves, in an inspiring and caring way, not angry! I think it’s fine. But soon as someone is not open to work on them selves that’s a hard pass.
I don't think anyone is the same as the day they married 15 or 20 years ago. People change. That's life. I do agree with the fact that he said hopefully they will grow together. That's the goal. You live life and you change but hopefully you still balance each other out in the long run.
I have been listening to these videos off and on for a few weeks now. I love your discussions and insights. Three years ago I walked away from wife of 38 years. I have PTSD combined with anxiety and depression from my combat service. In the last eight years my wife refused to make any changes in the way she did things even though my counselor and psychiatrist told her that her actions were causing me further harm. We are now divorcing and I'm beginning to explore the possibility of a relationship with someone that I've known for several years. I'm being cautious because her friendship is very important to me and I don't want to damage it.
"the person you are with is the wrong person, and the only reason you got with them is because you were broken" - This hit home... I have been questioning my relationship for the last 2.5 years, feeling that it isn't what I want. I don't like myself, so why would someone else? I feel that I keep pushing him away and am starting to heal, but not there... Since my divorce, I have always been with someone and it hasn't worked out. This segment has opened my eyes to this... I'm not healed and I am picking/attracted to the wrong person. Now to explain this to my Boyfriend and start my healing process alone (with my kids)
Finally someone is saying it all. Why we don't like marriage. Because we are all getting with and staying with the wrong people, or anyway not healing first so it can even work if they are. Thank you!!! In this lust based life we are in. We are too much in a hurry to do it all wrong. Be alone for a while! It is a true eye opener!
This has free’d me from my ex & now I can move forward positive with love. My kids now can SEE👀the new ( loving calm) me many thanks again. Lewis you’ve hit & help me through so many of my past issues tint & time again. Cheers bro AWSOME guest❤️🤟🏾🙏
Yes...that's so true ...if you could feel at home....when you are alone with no distractions...that's true connection. Also connection might change as both change with time and experiences. So nothing is permanent not even me and my thoughts
I'm finding happiness being by myself. I lost my husband, and I have a hard time finding a decent person. Someone with maturity, physically healthy, mentally healthy, and willing to be with an independent woman. Alot of people say they are, but the ability is not always there.
Stephan needs to stop living in fear. You can never know if you will be together for 30 years plus. People change, you have to commit to the commitment, there's always going to be someone hotter, richer, etc. What makes a relationship last through time IS TIME BRO, the more time you spend with someone you create memories, stories, you weave into each other's lives
Amen!! Disagreement is acceptable but disrespect is not!! We must watch our words and attitudes, voice tone!!! Exactly. Many people want to be in relationships but not healthy partners. TEACH😊‼️‼️‼️
My biggest problem is I'm trying to heal and working on it but no one is accepting it and supporting me. Feeling so alone because I don't have anyone. Not even my sister. Not my kids, family's, and friends. It's better when I kept it to myself like I use too. 😢
Just remember it's your journey not it's not meant for everyone to understand and sometimes it can be lonely but that's where the Healing begins eventually you will start attracting like-minded people and growth minded people people that are on the same Journey as you just fall in love yourself unapologetically you get to know who you are it's such a beautiful gift ❤🥰
'When you can embrace being fully vulnerable with somebody,Know, That you have properly healed.' If vulnerability still scares you, you have not healed enough.' 1:02:06....your more consistent thought pattern is positive, hopeful and things of that nature, then we can say, you are ready to get back out there.'
I disagree. I believe self love comes after being aware of your baggage and accountable of your words and actions. Awareness and empathy should be the first rule.
That's just a catchphrase. First of all "loving yourself" is not one thing we can all point to and that means the same to everyone. Secondly we love people all the time without "loving" ourselves. Now, if you say without being able to sustain your OWN emotional well being......you'll never be able to hold a healthy relationship long term...........then, maybe there is some truth in it.
This man is so refreshing and smart!! I've been playing videos of him non stop and this episode in particular is great because of what he's saying about respectful communications and how we learned to communicate from how our family spoke to each other and what we need to heal from when we had a family dynamic that like in my case was really sarcastic and hurtful sometimes. People need to help each other figure out their bad communication tendencies and GENTLY express what could be better but also when WE need to do better we need to humble ourselves and not get defensive and yell back insults criticizing the other persons behavior because of feeling attacked...
Watching this it makes me realise after being with 2gfs over a period of 7 years I rushed into marriage with a partner which is ending in a divorce, I guess I never healed nor ever had a #connection with anyone yet.
I think I'm going to write some letters. I know I have some changes to make within. I've been told that I believe in fairytale 's and I just was dedicated to my marriage and its success but he wasn't. Now I'm going to heal and stop the madness of accepting what I shouldn't because I'm killing myself...
Thanks for Bringing up Healing Lewis, I didn’t know DIDDLY SQUAT! Thanks Stephan, write a whole hurt me List. My List is HELLA LONG! Thanks for Narrowing it down Lewis, because Lawad the LIST! It gets HEAVY! But Im not RUNNING like you said Stephan!
I think when dating a person that's new is finding out about their lifestyles and with their family's and get to know them well enough before ever ever thinking about have sex. It may sound corny but too many people jump into bed and then here comes the "In your Head, in your Feelings " people always tell me they couldn't do long distance and it's because they are ruled by their emotions too heavily. I'm not saying you won't develop strong feelings because you will but having self Control is just way better in the end
Fantastic discussion. Lots for anyone to learn from. The personality disorders should also be factored in this discussion e.g. people who struggle to show empathy like a narc.....?
I met a guy I had a connection with when I was about 21 years old we met 23 years later and we still felt the same way. I knew that this was divine intervention. And I could truly be myself with this person. I loved being with him without any destruction. I would take off the radio whilst we were in the car together in pure silence just me and him and I felt like I was in heaven. It was so pure. He still choose to go back to his ex or well 😊 I am healing and loving myself without him.
Thank you Stephan. 😘 I finally understand the relationship I have with a man I dated when I was 24 and he was 22. We split years ago but we keep crossing each others paths. Its as if we will never part although we're not married.
OMG!!!!! I could NOT stop laughing when Lewis asked Stephan about the process of healing, & Stephan told him to ask "who hurt me?", and Lewis was trying to distinguish who the important people are to identify that hurt you, and he says "well this person punched me in the face" LLLLLLMFAOOOOO!!!! So good!!!
It’s The experience of a lifetime : Two bodies in One Spirit, One mentally, one emotionally,, One physically.its. Healing to find the One, peaceful. It’s like the higher spirit is present every breath.
I love this sound advice. But just like us, the teacher is trying to find his way still too. Doesn’t matter how much you think you “know” life is full of mysteries in love. The healthier the better in any area of life. But it goes to show Human, is human, and love isn’t a set of to dos to find.
Learning conflict resolution skills before entering into a romantic relationship and not being desperate, but enjoying collecting data and observing the person through various seasons of gain and loss and complex situations. A key component of science is observation before coming to accurate conclusions and progressing in promoting the thesis. Likewise we all need to be love scientists before making conclusions and progressing
@@christinefroggatt1882 Amen. I pray the best for you. There are many people who are called to singleness and it would be holistically beneficial for them to remain single
This is a really good interview. It's giving me clarity that I need to end things with my current partner. I think we lack connection, I need to embrace more feminine energy myself (I'm more in my masculine). And I need to be alone and keep healing. I was broken when I met him. I was not my whole self. I wrote out a Who Hurt Me list tonight. Got through my mom, dad and sister. I have more to do but wanted to say that this excersise was very healing and enlightening. It made me notice the themes between the hurts from family and what kind of hurts within my romantic relationships parallel the same themes
Love that line “disagreement is acceptable, disrespect is not”, well said!
🧡
This is paramount in any relationship…personal or professional! Once my partner crosses that line, it’s really hard to get back to the lovey-dovey version of me 🙃
@@Luckykat218 If I were to dismiss every girl who has ever exhibited an instance of disrespectfulness, it would eliminate about 99.9999% of women. Same goes for men. Disrespect as an attitude is indefensible, but people make mistakes. The challenge is figuring out when forgiveness is appropriate vs putting the person out of our lives.
O
Exactly. 💯💯💯
I'd rather be alone for a long time and heal than ever be with another toxic person.
On EVERYTHING I LOVE … 🐝 🐝🐝🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
The same.I m in that exact *moment*.
Facts , it's a really hard and lonely journey because others think something is wrong with me because I choose to be single
I know that's right 👍
No...not good for your spiritual growth
One piece of advice an elderly gentleman that had been married 50 years said is… You will be married to a different people through your marriage. Learn to fall in love with their changes and the new them. It keeps the marriage solid.
I agree to this 100% people grow and change over the years ,so it makes sense for some to feel the person they once loved is no longer the same.
Solid advice
Good advice, like kids learn to love them as they evolve as years changes their life.
The change is also inevitable!
This is good advice! But my ex became an alcoholic spontaneously 14 years into our marriage and the dysfunction that ensued is not something the kids and I could ride out. I did divorce him and 10 years later he’s still drinking and has become a very angry person. I think this is why I’m afraid to marry again. People need to understand there are no guarantees in marriage. You can give it everything you’ve got but you can’t control the actions of others.
I totally agree that a broken person is susceptible to being with a broken person!
Misery loves company
I would rather have peace and be my myself than be around a toxic person. It's stressful and not worth it to be unhappy and life's too short to for that. 💕🌺
Exactly.💯
Exactly my friend, life is super easy living single life
If you are at peace, you will attract peace...meaning peaceful people..., and if you are toxic, you attract toxicity. Meaning, sometimes you don't know you are toxic, and therefore don't know when you are within toxic people, so you feel at peace....people need people to be fulfilled, people who are usually by themselves are mostly people who've been or are hurt, people are their best when they are with or around people, especially people who are like minded, that's how we are created to survive. You can be at peace within toxic people when you yourself are toxic because you can't tell the difference. You can be at peace within peaceful people because yall in the same vibration. Now! when you are alone, you aren't toxic.... maybe, but mostly!!! and you can be alone and may be at peace, but that'll not be long term peace, because if you are truly at peace within, you should be able to find peace within the most stressful and toxic environments. So to me choosing to be alone, than being in challenging situations and environments, it's fear of growth, challenge and change and also fear of facing the fact that there is toxicity with Yourself to a point where you choose to be alone. To me you aren't choosing to be alone, you just passing time until someone touches that nerve again and you will explode again. Because choosing to be alone it's exploding and practically giving up in life. Never choose to be alone, that's sad. Rather choose to be in peace within the storms(toxicity)and overcome it. Now that's better.
@@annb8296 science says longevity are created by a having healthy relationship in reference to the non toxic partner besides loneliness is produced many negativity
@@nickfararis411 My comment was life is too short to be in a toxic relationship meaning why waste your life living in a stressful situation. I wasn't talking about living longer. However, in reply to your comment there are many things that are good for you such as eating right, exercise, good health, not taking dangerous drugs, etc. While scientists can discuss and measure certain things they are not living my life nor can they tell anyone how much longer they will live compared to someone else. That is a blanket statement and only God can do that.
It’s so nice to see real men openly discuss topics that touch their emotions without getting all awkward and cringy about it - more importantly, allowing to be held accountable. Rare and satisfying treat. Thank you, Stephan and Lewis. 🙂
Sadly the few. Just saying. More man hurting and not healed. Out here hurting more people.
Hurt people hurt.
Heal people heal.
❤❤❤❤
Healed*
"Connection cannot be created nor destroyed, it's either there or it's not!" - Stephan
Very true!
I think this is superficial. I've connected with people instantly only to find them quite miserable people as I learned more about them, and also people I've had no connection with on first meeting, I learned to love and admire after knowing them better.
@@hajinezhad3 it's not about a superficial connection, it's something deeper and longer. You will know when you experience it yourself! ❤️
@@jedilady4485 ❤
SPOT ON.....!!!!
I've had connection twice.
But in order to have it the second time I had to completely let go of the first one. We were friends for over 20 years and it burdened every relationship we each had.
He kept me on the side like a babies blankie that was never outgrown. He didn't want to commit to me because he was too scared (he told me) but he wanted me there for between other relationships.
I let him go last year because I had finally healed and grown enough to understand how toxic it was for both of us.
Recently I met someone that there is connection with! I am still surprised. And it just keeps growing.
This time is different.
It's healthier and more stable.
And both of us are yielding to it.
It can and does happen 💖
Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but, in order for two people to have a connection their feelings must be aligned. Outside of that, there's no connection ...
I sure can relate to this. I am trying to let a friend down slowly after 26 years. It's tough, I helped raise her child from when she was 4. She's 38 now. I've had relationships since but they've suffered.
Wow...connection sounds like being struck by lightning when you meet your true soulmate.
It’s tough healing while married to someone who refuses to heal (or worse, goes the other direction and completely self-destructs). This is what ended my marriage. Many people turned on me for leaving because he wore his mask quite well. My kids and my mom are the only people who saw first hand the situation for what it was.
@@HapillyMe best wishes to you 🙏🏻❤️
Thank goodness you had witnesses. Some of us don't. For those who need to leave a destructive relationship, do it quietly. Plan and leave in silence. You don't get closure until you are by yourself doing things that make you healthy.
Same for me so I understand. ❤❤❤
God what a nightmare. Physical and mental health is definately disconnected with this one.
That’s what happened to me.
I believe you cannot find love. Love finds YOU when you consciously work on yourself
You don't get to pick who you fall in love with
Amen ❤🙏
That's beautifully said, I feel there is truth in this.
So much wisdom. I wish I learnt this in my 20s. I will be making my adult children listen to this before they date. Thank you.
🧡
He isn’t married though so it’s all speak not experienced wisdom
@@bebois2529 As he said, you find connection with very few people. He himself has seen it through his relationships and people have come to him with it. So it is experience. You don't need to be married to know what is wise to look for.
This interview is solid gold.
Should be a course in school FR
Ikr its lots of work! No concussion du to build LTR that leads to many good things to
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
YES, YES, and YES! I think teens should have some type of formal education on relationships, or just men and women’s differences at the very least. People would be so much happier.
@@paulahunt3508 agree, fully.
The majority of people will never work on themselves, nor do they think they need to work on themselves. They do not even love themselves unconditionally. You must first learn to love yourself. Most are wearing many masks to deceive others and eventually deceiving themselves. I totally understand this gentleman because he has done the work on himself and refuse to allow anyone to enter into his heart space unless they are worthy. I AM in the same position. The amount of time that a relationship will last can never be determined. I believe his fear is present because his ego is present!!!!!!! If fear is present, love is absent. In the event that death separates a loving couple, the other person must continue to live and love.
@@coretaclark3104 Yes I do Coreta!!!!! Real love is free, meaning you have no control over you fall in love with. This dude has so much fear, and added legalism, I can tell you he will never experience true love. I need to be on this show talking. Lolol. Sending love and light 💕 namaste 🙏
Lol you don't need to love yourself unconditonally to be ina loving relationship. It helps, of course, but unconditinally is an ideal...noit an achievable state. Unless your expression is very very limited to something manageable.
Unconditional love is only attainable as a parent. It has no place in a healthy relationship. It is about forgiveness, respect, acceptance of where a person is, not whether one can change another.
Is the partner willing to grow ? Are both partners willing to reciprocate. Are their quirks and idiosyncrasies aligned with yours.
I agree , he has a fear of commitment and will not get what he seeks, because he is seeking to control what is uncontrollable. He cannot control how he will feel 15 20 + years down the road. He can't control how this ideal partner will feel in the future.
Dynamics behind human relationships are absolutely fascinating.
Of all the videos I have consumed…this one brought everything together for me. I have followed many coaches but you both together was a pivotal moment for a path to growth.
@Karl Spangler FOR ME TOO! 😊😊
Listening to you sounds like a relationship can be such hard work.
But this constant work can also be exciting. It is a constant awareness of a give and take.
Two healed, wholesome people who are in love and striving to maintain, sustain and enjoy a relationship that unfolds as long as you live.
So many elements that we need to orchestrate that can excite us.
Apparently, a relationship is a whole 2nd job....🥴
Waw waw waw... this is why I haven't been married cause I never had a strong connection with any of them. now I'm 38 and I met a guy a month ago and the attraction, the chemistry and connection was instant and explosive. We chatted for 3 months on the phone but as soon as we met we slept together, I just accepted it and went with it, everything happened so fast but I've never experienced this kind of connection it was explosive like a volcano. From the first day we were so transparent, been ourselves, honesty, peaceful, loving. . I couldn't believe it and in shocked most of the time. I'm hoping the best with this guy, it's surprising. It's so easy been together, was just natural and real. This is an extreme connection, it's really good ❤ it's like we can't be apart from each other. I love this!
Woke up at 3 am and actually learned something about myself that will be a cornerstone for any new relationship, coming back from a terrible toxic relationship takes time, single now for 7years.
I've been divorced for 7 or 8 years and just found someone who there is that elusive connection with!
The time in waiting was worth it to heal and learn and know where healthy boundaries need to be now!
miserable energy is majorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. so glad you mentioned that. I feel energy easily and I have to say, miserable energy is by far the toughest thing to deal with
Yes, i agree. I was dating a 40 year old man and he was all fun. But the longer we were dating, he got a burn out. He felt awfull, did not want to go out, so no dates. When we did something fun, he always complaines. There was 0 honeymoon phase. But he was asking me to move in with him after 3 months. I started to feel awfull around him. There was no fun to be with him, so why would i move in right now, so fast! I did break up with him. Then he got mad. He wanted to know exactly why i did break up. Well i could tell him he was awfull to be with right now. But i did not. I just said we were not going to work. Then he got even more mad. He needed to know what part of us did not work. I did not wanted to tell him any further. Then he said oh i see, you have somebody else. You have to, otherwise you would not break up with me..... Eum..... Yeah, he was not an easy man to be around. With 4 months i was so done, i was very happy he was not connected to me anymore.
I totally understand your point in your own fear about how to fulfil the “ lifetime relationship”..
But what I’ve learned in my own healing is, that we have to be in the now.
If a relationship turns out to not be everlasting, be grateful for the good year and the learning that have been.
Nobody knows about the future, and what Source have in store for us..
But we shouldn’t say no to the blessings we get because of fear.
Fear is also an ego thing that can be healed, by the way..
Fear doesn’t exist.
It’s a mind-creation.
Only love exists🙏🏻❤️
I wrote a letter and sent it to him and it felt. wonderful.I don't know if he even care about what I said but I don't even care .I We don't talk or communicate at all I am now ready to meet new people and enjoy my life .
Connection is SPIRITUAL
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Stephan, you are a real healer! You made me realize that I'm not ready for dating or new relationships right now because it's an addition to a stress I'm in right now. And I can't afford any more stress. I need to heal my emotional health. I need to be nice to myself and be careful of not overloading my already strained emotional capacity. Thank you. From my heart.
When I tell you this was pure golden wisdom. This is coming from someone that do not listen to 3 hour podcasts but I got sucked in! 🤗
Thanks for being here!
The First 4 minutes of this interview is mind-blowing information. Amazing
Glad you enjoyed it!🧡
Took me almost 2 years of Therapy to heal. Loved this interview.
Good for you getting help to heal!
All the very best for you! Thanks for being here! 🧡
From a long term relationship :(? I just got out of an 11 year relationship…I can’t imagine ever healing. Also taking therapy now
@@michaelvega3669 I’m happier than ever after a 15 year marriage. It gets better!
@@michaelvega3669 So sorry....tho' I can relate. The thing that 'saved me' is the day I decided to forgive. A rather small word, but it made all the difference in my healing.
Powerful! Love the “connection” verses “chemistry” description 💯
What you've said about connection being a rare thing is soooo accurate. My observation is that connection is not only RARE but can also exist between two people within different AGE brackets. I've had one connection in my early twenties and the other in my late forties.
When he talked about connection.. i felt like i understood why it’s been hard to let go of my ex.. i was myself one hundred percent with him but it was a toxic relationship because we both needed to heal.. dating other people and getting used to the idea of being with someone else has been hard to get used to.
I feel the same. Toxic as neither of us had healed but that connection we had is something I’ve never had. I miss him it miss that connection.I really hope I can find that again 🙏🏼
Maybe with enough time apart, us girls can heal and hopefully our ex partners will too? We can’t stick around waiting, I know that is fruitless but maybe , just maybe, someday we can meet again with the men we had a connection with. Forgiveness will be key as well as the healing process
@@susananavarrete2801hoping for that too! 🙏🙏🙏
Great teaching. I feel being accountable for your growth, health holistically and maturity is what contributes to more time loving each other than dealing with petty, negative stuff.
I actually believe that an argument is acceptable but strife is not. I admire people who can present a well constructed argument that points to aspects I may not have considered. This is how I learn and grow. Hey! Illuminate me! Let your light shine. I don't like it when it devolves into an irrational, emotional contest of wills and cheap shots.
I concur, he is using the wrong vocabulary. Debate, argue, disagree and support, all of those are fine. Fight, is to what he refers. Fighting can be very very destructive, while the former may be constructive, building
Totally agree. I really enjoy a healthy discussion where I can exchange ideas with a partner, especially when we don't agree. I learn so much.
So so true, when you are not healed that’s when we pick broken people as well. Self awareness and self healing from past wounds it’s crucial to find and choose same. Because self awareness can being authentic brings so much peace.
This man just pointed out everything on why me and my xhusband change our marriage into a wonderful friendship instead 🙏❤️
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Nothing feels worse than coming into a new relationship already in love with someone else. I had very strong feelings for my crush. But he said something in a interview on TH-cam that made me think I didn't have a chance. So I went and got married and moved on. He said there was no other women that he would rather be with other than the woman he was already with. So I took it to heart, and gave up on him. But still loved him....
Healing is a lifelong journey, it’s levels to it. I think In romantic relationships, it’s about meeting each other where we are and discerning if you are aligned in your respective journeys that you can be in a healthy harmonious connection even while being committed to growth and evolving individually and together.
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It’s so refreshing to hear and see someone who is actually conscious and clued up about healthy relationships and communication etc. I hold my intention on a time where, more and more, this is normalised and is not a niche occurrence.
Slowly but surely, in the universe’s own timing, things are changing and evolving 🙏🏽✨✨💜🦄.
You can be with a person who is not healed yet when you are healed. If it is worth it to you (guess this comes back to connection/chemistry). When you’re healed you have good boundaries and are able to call the other person out on their toxic behaviors/slip ups. As long as they don’t do it intentional but because they don’t understand them selves but are open to you asking them hard questions to get them to understand them selves, in an inspiring and caring way, not angry! I think it’s fine. But soon as someone is not open to work on them selves that’s a hard pass.
Agree
I don't think anyone is the same as the day they married 15 or 20 years ago. People change. That's life. I do agree with the fact that he said hopefully they will grow together. That's the goal. You live life and you change but hopefully you still balance each other out in the long run.
Yes, my brokeness landed me in 3 divorces, and multiple other relationships . Heal heal heal
Agreed!!
I have been listening to these videos off and on for a few weeks now. I love your discussions and insights. Three years ago I walked away from wife of 38 years. I have PTSD combined with anxiety and depression from my combat service. In the last eight years my wife refused to make any changes in the way she did things even though my counselor and psychiatrist told her that her actions were causing me further harm. We are now divorcing and I'm beginning to explore the possibility of a relationship with someone that I've known for several years. I'm being cautious because her friendship is very important to me and I don't want to damage it.
Best of luck to You!
I love how Stephan gave detail explanations and examples.
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"the person you are with is the wrong person, and the only reason you got with them is because you were broken" - This hit home... I have been questioning my relationship for the last 2.5 years, feeling that it isn't what I want. I don't like myself, so why would someone else? I feel that I keep pushing him away and am starting to heal, but not there... Since my divorce, I have always been with someone and it hasn't worked out. This segment has opened my eyes to this... I'm not healed and I am picking/attracted to the wrong person. Now to explain this to my Boyfriend and start my healing process alone (with my kids)
Finally someone is saying it all. Why we don't like marriage. Because we are all getting with and staying with the wrong people, or anyway not healing first so it can even work if they are. Thank you!!! In this lust based life we are in. We are too much in a hurry to do it all wrong. Be alone for a while! It is a true eye opener!
It happens even in church. We are broken people.
This has free’d me from my ex & now I can move forward positive with love. My kids now can SEE👀the new ( loving calm) me many thanks again. Lewis you’ve hit & help me through so many of my past issues tint & time again. Cheers bro AWSOME guest❤️🤟🏾🙏
Appreciate you and your support 🧡
Yes...that's so true ...if you could feel at home....when you are alone with no distractions...that's true connection. Also connection might change as both change with time and experiences. So nothing is permanent not even me and my thoughts
All the way from Kenya 🇰🇪 I listen to you daily Lewis Howes and I've learnt a lot. I keep some video's for my daughters. Keep on. I'm grateful
“Nothing is permanent-not even me or my thoughts” 👏🏼
I'm finding happiness being by myself. I lost my husband, and I have a hard time finding a decent person. Someone with maturity, physically healthy, mentally healthy, and willing to be with an independent woman. Alot of people say they are, but the ability is not always there.
Yes,. that is the BEST. WE CAN DISAGREE BUT WE CANNOT ACCEPT DISRESPECT.
ABSOLUTELY ❗ ❗ ❗
Bullying also.
If you're not healed you attract the person to pacify your issue
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Lewis my brother, putting out dimes constantly. Much appreciated, keep up the great work.
Thank you so much! Your comment made my day 😊
Stephan needs to stop living in fear. You can never know if you will be together for 30 years plus. People change, you have to commit to the commitment, there's always going to be someone hotter, richer, etc. What makes a relationship last through time IS TIME BRO, the more time you spend with someone you create memories, stories, you weave into each other's lives
Love this. ❤️
The principle of connection is the panacea to a successful relationship ... Stephan is a genius!
what you mean Stephan is living in fear?
@@osirusj275he said he's afraid of his relationship failing down the line after a few years
Amen!! Disagreement is acceptable but disrespect is not!! We must watch our words and attitudes, voice tone!!! Exactly. Many people want to be in relationships but not healthy partners. TEACH😊‼️‼️‼️
Can't manifest that"connection" if you are living in fear. Fear is not compatible with love
My biggest problem is I'm trying to heal and working on it but no one is accepting it and supporting me. Feeling so alone because I don't have anyone. Not even my sister. Not my kids, family's, and friends. It's better when I kept it to myself like I use too. 😢
Just remember it's your journey not it's not meant for everyone to understand and sometimes it can be lonely but that's where the Healing begins eventually you will start attracting like-minded people and growth minded people people that are on the same Journey as you just fall in love yourself unapologetically you get to know who you are it's such a beautiful gift ❤🥰
OMG!!! He's suggesting people work the 12 steps on their relationships! This guy is a genius!
Thanks for being here!
I love to listen to this man! He really helps 😍thanks Lewis for bringing him!
'When you can embrace being fully vulnerable with somebody,Know, That you have properly healed.'
If vulnerability still scares you, you have not healed enough.'
1:02:06....your more consistent thought pattern is positive, hopeful and things of that nature, then we can say, you are ready to get back out there.'
This is compulsory viewing/listening for anyone seeking a committed relationship/marriage.
Louis, you are the bomb!!! I absolutely loved how your questioning always gets to the heart of the matter!!!
Thank you so much for your kind words 🧡
Thank you so much for watching! :)
I love this!! Teach Stephan. I love the thought of a road trip.
Thanks for being here!
I can listen to Stephan and Lewis all day 😊🧡 Love you guys❤️
Appreciate you for watching.
The first rule of love is to learn to love yourself. If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love anyone🙏
True!
Amen
I disagree. I believe self love comes after being aware of your baggage and accountable of your words and actions. Awareness and empathy should be the first rule.
That's just a catchphrase. First of all "loving yourself" is not one thing we can all point to and that means the same to everyone. Secondly we love people all the time without "loving" ourselves. Now, if you say without being able to sustain your OWN emotional well being......you'll never be able to hold a healthy relationship long term...........then, maybe there is some truth in it.
This is brilliant. Omg. Why we got together-my not healed when I got together with him! Revelation. Thank you!!
You're welcome, thank you for being here 🧡
You have to be friends and enjoy being together
This man is so refreshing and smart!! I've been playing videos of him non stop and this episode in particular is great because of what he's saying about respectful communications and how we learned to communicate from how our family spoke to each other and what we need to heal from when we had a family dynamic that like in my case was really sarcastic and hurtful sometimes. People need to help each other figure out their bad communication tendencies and GENTLY express what could be better but also when WE need to do better we need to humble ourselves and not get defensive and yell back insults criticizing the other persons behavior because of feeling attacked...
Thank you for being here!
Watching this it makes me realise after being with 2gfs over a period of 7 years I rushed into marriage with a partner which is ending in a divorce, I guess I never healed nor ever had a #connection with anyone yet.
I think I'm going to write some letters. I know I have some changes to make within. I've been told that I believe in fairytale 's and I just was dedicated to my marriage and its success but he wasn't. Now I'm going to heal and stop the madness of accepting what I shouldn't because I'm killing myself...
Really love these talks. A lot of people don’t take things like this serious. I can’t be with someone just because has to be a purpose ❤
I agree with him in regards to connection.
It's very rare and I'm lucky I found one.
Thanks for Bringing up Healing Lewis, I didn’t know DIDDLY SQUAT!
Thanks Stephan, write a whole hurt me List.
My List is HELLA LONG!
Thanks for Narrowing it down Lewis, because Lawad the LIST!
It gets HEAVY! But Im not RUNNING like you said Stephan!
I think when dating a person that's new is finding out about their lifestyles and with their family's and get to know them well enough before ever ever thinking about have sex. It may sound corny but too many people jump into bed and then here comes the "In your Head, in your Feelings " people always tell me they couldn't do long distance and it's because they are ruled by their emotions too heavily. I'm not saying you won't develop strong feelings because you will but having self Control is just way better in the end
you're not wrong
I wish I had this info. long time ago Even if you are healed be weary partner you choose needs to be healed as well.
I’ve learned, once you can tolerate and love yourself, you allow others to love you ❤
“Healing is not a time thing it’s a work thing” ❤
I worked on my self got another degree keep postive and chugging through 👍
Facts he is preaching it. I healed!
Fantastic discussion.
Lots for anyone to learn from.
The personality disorders should also be factored in this discussion e.g. people who struggle to show empathy like a narc.....?
I met a guy I had a connection with when I was about 21 years old we met 23 years later and we still felt the same way. I knew that this was divine intervention. And I could truly be myself with this person. I loved being with him without any destruction. I would take off the radio whilst we were in the car together in pure silence just me and him and I felt like I was in heaven. It was so pure. He still choose to go back to his ex or well 😊 I am healing and loving myself without him.
Stephan Thank you for your advice I have most of your books. Keep teaching us Truth.
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Thank you Stephan. 😘 I finally understand the relationship I have with a man I dated when I was 24 and he was 22. We split years ago but we keep crossing each others paths. Its as if we will never part although we're not married.
I want a relationship where we are Working on it, yes operating at our highest level.
OMG!!!!! I could NOT stop laughing when Lewis asked Stephan about the process of healing, & Stephan told him to ask "who hurt me?", and Lewis was trying to distinguish who the important people are to identify that hurt you, and he says "well this person punched me in the face" LLLLLLMFAOOOOO!!!! So good!!!
'Marriage is not the issue, It is marrying the wrong person, for the wrong reasons, and the Lack of Healing' BINGO!
It’s The experience of a lifetime : Two bodies in One Spirit, One mentally, one emotionally,, One physically.its. Healing to find the One, peaceful. It’s like the higher spirit is present every breath.
Negative behavior should be address and corrective.....what about people with addiction to drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.
Stephan you are amazing, love your speeches ❤️💖🙏 thank you
This was a great talk. Really hit home.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I love this sound advice. But just like us, the teacher is trying to find his way still too. Doesn’t matter how much you think you “know” life is full of mysteries in love. The healthier the better in any area of life. But it goes to show Human, is human, and love isn’t a set of to dos to find.
Okay wow 3 hours! Will watch this in installments! Stephan is awesome! ❤️
Thanks for being here!
This is a beautiful discourse
Learning conflict resolution skills before entering into a romantic relationship and not being desperate, but enjoying collecting data and observing the person through various seasons of gain and loss and complex situations. A key component of science is observation before coming to accurate conclusions and progressing in promoting the thesis. Likewise we all need to be love scientists before making conclusions and progressing
You know your stuff I have tried every time it was destructive. I'm happier on my own.
@@christinefroggatt1882 Amen. I pray the best for you. There are many people who are called to singleness and it would be holistically beneficial for them to remain single
I am going back 🔙 to my past and it hurts so much!
Watching again after a year, what Stephan is saying makes so much more sense.
'Healing helps us get in tune with our spirit and eventually in tune with everyone's spirit '
I agree that if we were not healed mentally, there would always be a "toxic" person that we're ealing with.
I stumbled across your videos and i cant believe how accurate it is your amazing
Thank you for watching🧡
This is a really good interview. It's giving me clarity that I need to end things with my current partner. I think we lack connection, I need to embrace more feminine energy myself (I'm more in my masculine). And I need to be alone and keep healing. I was broken when I met him. I was not my whole self.
I wrote out a Who Hurt Me list tonight. Got through my mom, dad and sister. I have more to do but wanted to say that this excersise was very healing and enlightening. It made me notice the themes between the hurts from family and what kind of hurts within my romantic relationships parallel the same themes
Some people never change ever
Very insightful and wise! Love it!
Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂
I always enjoy listening and learning from you two.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡