I think for women masturbation affects us differently than men. I also know that a lot of women can simply use their imagination instead of porn. Masturbation doesn't lead to women needing less sex .
So Ive taken a few notes of this vid: 1. Trust yourself, trust your intuition, if it screams no, dont ignore it. 2. Dont have sex if youre one to wait, dont let yourself be pushed around. If he hooks off on that, its not your fault. You know what he wanted and its not you. 3. Keep expectations low, preferably none. Just enjoy the date(s)/time with each other. 4. Keep the (first) dates cheap so that you can focus on each other instead of what they can bring to the table. Youll avoiding falling for the wrong thing. 5. Women need that connection to be able to have sex. Men need sex to have that connection. 6. Difference between men who are interested in you and men who are only out for sex is mainly effort, respect and time. 7. Just be yourself, the right guy will find you and wrong one will flip off faster than a lightning bolt. 8. Date the guy before you, not his potential. Hope these notes will help someone :) Edit: added nr 8. Yes, its kinda messy now but theyre notes not a summary (it kinda turned out like a summary though lol)
This is what I hate about most men. You need to teach them how to behave and respect women and boundaries. Which they already know how to deal with a round other men.
Men show are SHALLOW in general. Joking & Teasing, boasting about his grand achievements, experiences that generally are not impressive to her or to girls . Men whom boast Proud he had a great deal of money 💰 he inherited from his dad's side of the family. He did NOT MAKE, EARN IT. He blows it at casinos, , lottery tickets to 🏆 win. Not WORK FOR THE MONEY. NOT marriage materials, skills, behaviors, etc. He is a man whore character. He is easy. He is obsessed with the idea of getting sympathy to get cuddling leading to sex. Sneaky. Sleazoid, trickster, devious, jokester, mean, unkind fun. He tries to convince the woman he wants to dress her in sleazy degrading sexy clothing. He offers to buy her Clothes, he wants to SEE her wear for his eyes, & get her to display, flaunt her body parts. She s uncomfortable. Knows it is degrading her as a GOOD RIGHTEOUS, DECENT, Modest, SENSIBLE MINDED Christian minded woman. Jesus christ would not approve. Keep sensibly COVERED for COMFORT, & SELF-RESPECTING VALUE. PROTECTION. SEE the woman as a high VALUES PERSON, HUMAN BEING.! She is NOT INTERESTED in romance with a man She is NOT ATTRACTED TO Physically. He is too Egomaniac Egotiscal , Stuck on himself, about himself, boasting, & crying for sympathy: his back & knees hurt. He wants back massages. He offers to pay for things for her & other people. Then, he cries about spending that money. Or putting or using his credit card. He has a credit debt.(That's NOT the Woman's problem.) He offers. He ought to shut UP. 🙄. He's trying to BUY her loving attention, affection for his gifts. No NO NO kissing or hugs. Shakehands is safest. Yet, sometimes a woman does NOT desire to touch his SKIN. Too Risky. He thinks she likes me!! He tells himself LIES. SeX is off the table. Big STOP. BACK OFF!!! DISRESPECTING her wishes. BACK OFF, BACK DOWN USER. COMMUNICATION. ASK HER. BE PREPARED TO BE TURNED DOWN, rejected. Get over it. Act like a SENSIBLE MATURE REAL MAN . SERIOUSLY. Get real. She is NOT Interested in fluff sex. No fun irresponsible harmful sex. She s NOT putting OUT for his DOPAMINE, OXYTOCIN HIGH RUSH for orgasmas 30 seconds High. Not healthy. Not desired. She wants a PLATONIC FRIENDS , buddy, pals,. Safest relationships. Stop pursuing her with intentions to get & take what HE wants to do to her body. For his advantage. Rude behavior. Crude thinking & planning fantasizing. Is harmful to her. & other girls, & women. Back Off man.
@@javireyes7333this is biology. Men and women are different. Life is about learning and how to relate to people. Sorry but the cold hard truth and REALITY is that people need to stop with the “poor me” mentality. Get with the program because SUCH IS LIFE. You either sink or swim. It might be hard to believe but this is the way it has been since time immemorial. People can either take the advice or just continue doing things the opposite way that doesn’t work. Again, men and women are completely different. Men do not think and feel like women do and vice versa. Sadly, women have been guided to expect men to be a certain way and if men don’t meet those expectations, they are the ones in the wrong. Women think giving sex will make a man fall in love, when that just isn’t the case. On the same note, not many women would like a man to be soft and sensitive like they are. Most women want a MAN, whether they will admit it or not, but to be in a relationship you have to earn respect and have respect for yourself. I hope I made sense 😅.
My father always told me. Don’t worry to much about if the man has no money. Focus and pay attention that he likes to work because love alone won’t pay the bills. Also let the man make 75% of initiative. Let him move the relationship forward. Don’t give free sex to a man who’s not a husband or committed to you. He also told me I have no right to stalk or expect año from a man who’s simply boyfriend. Boyfriend means nothing that man’s still free to date other woman. When he’s your husband then you have all the right in the world. Always value yourself and respect yourself so that he can respect you back. A man will fall in love with your good morals. Thank You Dad for all your great advice ❤️❤️
Some women that don't have a good relationship with their dad is for some serious reason. That doesn't mean they are not grounded and worthy of giving a wonderful relationship back to the right man. My father dumped me when I was a teen for his new wife. It made me and my mom better women in life.Not bitter at all towards men because not all men are the same. He miss out on the wonderful woman I am today. Thank you for stepping to the side and leaving us wonderful women to be loved unconditionally❤. @ghostth3whip244
Once women stop worrying and thinking about what men want, and concentrate on what they want, the things will start to fall into their place. Till then, it will be a constant war
@@MariusFarstad-gz3mh To me, a great ‘vetting’ first date is visiting a farmer’s market & a coffee or lunch is a low key no pressure first date. Don’t think a girl needs to be razzled dazzled first off. It’s more authentic 🎉
The gem for me was:Don't stay in situations that you know have no future. Being alone is not ideal. However, being/staying in a bad relationship is much worse.
On my first date with my husband I remember looking across the table and deciding I was going to be 100% myself. It was a whirlwind courtship. We got engaged a month later and we're married less than 4 months after our first date. Our physical intimacy was slow but intense. We have been happily married for over 25 years. I have been honestly myself with him for our whole relationship. I can talk to him about everything and he tells me daily that he loves me. It pays to be yourself.
My story: I was with in a serious relationship with a guy that agreed to wait. AFTER over a year, I began to understand why he was so comfortable and quickly accepted waiting on having sex. He was a gentleman and chivalrous. He said I love you and I'm in love with you but I began noticing different things in his behavior. I asked him different questions about his sexuality to which he denied, but then said the burden of proof is not on him. I found out later that he was sleeping with men, DL and I was a cover girl for him. I'm so glad we never had sex. We women now have to really watch and be so careful on top of everything else. It has left me so shaken, doubtful and fearful.
MJ Harris has always said it’s a sign of a DL guy if he says he’ll wait for marriage and not marry you in six months. I have a male friend so scary how many ‘straight men’ he’s been with that have girlfriends (live in as well). Stay safe ladies
My first husband ( who died when we were married) kissed me on the forehead on our first date. We had a great time prior to that and that chaste kiss was about the coolest thing he could do. He waited till the next day to leave a silly note at my door to ask for another date. We had a good marriage till the day he died, 9 years 9 months later. On that date, I kissed him on the cheek .
For me, it's about how much fuss is made over inherent difference between (most) men and women. I think that if the difference between men and women here, is exaggerated it has negative consequences. But so too if no difference is acknowledged. It's about accepting that we are part animal and we do have certain differences . I think possibly it bothers you when some make a thing of it, by emphasizing a double standard, because some men will try to use it to manipulate women into accepting their selfishness in wanting a faithful wife whilst they also sleep around on her. The old: 'Men and women are just different and men can't help it, sweetie" bull shit. Guys who are total hypocrites, basically. What I mean is: too much a thing made of the difference between the sexes, where the double standard is emphasized, basically amounts to incompatible pairing of a man and a woman, in my opinion. Yes, we want a partner who is different, but they need to also be similar enough to be able to share values. Got to be able to be on the same page as each other. Otherwise there's inequality. And for me, that's incompatibility.
It's also cultural. Some cultures view this differently. Also circumstances life if you met someone on a vacation for example...the timeliness is different
Under no circumstance should you have sex on the first date. You don’t know him and he doesn’t know you. Think of your body as a literal sacred place (because it is) not just anyone should be allowed to enter. Self love ladies ❤
Never have sex before marriage. Period. I'm telling you this as a man myself. The moment you give us men husband benefits outside wedlock you become our play toy ! So ladies carry yourself with dignity and keep yourself sacred and focus on self growth financially and personality wise gracefully with maturity and sensibility. Don't be vain and don't be filled with vanity and flashy with anything about you.
@@mc-eo1wh such nonsense. men use 'virgin' woman as much as a plaything, bc she cannot compare and men can hide they are lacking care. ladies, your temple can have a little fun before it gets more serious. loosen up, that's more healthy for everyone's emotional system instead of living in de 19 hunderds.
I'm SO GLAD I listened to this entire thing INSTEAD of reading the comments of people who "took notes" or "made key bullet points". I received SO many answers in this video that those comments don't even touch on.
@@mcdowellt34 it’s crazy because we as woman don’t view it the same. Though I do not agree with it, as you probably know It’s much more difficult for a man to have one sexual encounter casually let alone multiple. It’s like getting rich, you usually redirect someone more who’s worked for it. This is why many women can see past a man’s high body count but men cannot do the same. It takes effort for most men to get which means they did something “right”, a woman can be a bitch and still get sex no problem (but that’s men’s fault since they’ll fuck anything) and that’s due to their brain. The more she’s know to sleep around the less respects she’ll because she’s not restraining herself, she’s not viewed as valuing, protecting her own temple so why should he? I’m not saying I agree but that’s essentially how they view it
@@lexxie225 I'm not going for that anymore I'm holding men accountable! They lack self control and that's pathetic! Men get away with way to much. They suppose to be leaders but lack everything it takes to be a leader.
I think a lot of men just like the thrill of the chase. Full stop. Then once he’s “got it” he’s off. It’s just confirming and feeding his ego that he can get anything he wants.
He described a cycle of abuse so casually and even made men like the rational ones who came forward with everything and then changed their mind. How's the woman suppose to know if the guy is pursuing her ,declaring his love, doing everything and then...he changes his mind. Then he says the man starts pulling away because he realizes you're not a match. Wow he didn't realize you're not a match during the dating period? Or he just started to evaluate if you were a right fit after having sex and the novelty isn't there anymore? Sam Vaknin says that narcissists take a "snapshot" of their romantic interest and get stuck to it. When the person shows to be someone be more than the snapshot the narcissist feels conflicted and the devaluation starts. I know men putting end to relationships in the first month (before sex). Or sex was just what they wanted and didnt feel like keep on waiting or realized that the relationship didnt have future and decided to end it (with words) before putting the woman to sleep with him. We're talking abou men, not teenagers. They know what they want and the "wife material" will be decided according to his first level of attraction. She could be totally unfit but he will still marry her because hes getting a lot of validation for being with that woman
@@redleeks6253 wow spot on!! Exactly. See you e dated some of the guys I did! Haha. As Freud said….men want a woman who will be like a mother to them….wash their clothes, get their meals ready etc…..,but have sex with them. It’s their ego. It constantly needs massaging!
Thank God for these conversations now for young women. I’m 58 and lived through a lot of sexual trauma and poor boundaries. It wasn’t until 6-7 years ago that I realized my worth and now have a man that respects me. I wish discussions like this had been available when I was much younger and feeling worthless. Thank you for helping women to realize their worth ♥️🙏
I agree with all the ladies' input/comments above. Men should check why Iadies often mistrust men and why, why we women get involved in used relationships while men are take the lead in using us ladies for selfish gains sexually and/phommie love. I beg to enquire if a man found out that his own daughter was dating just for sex, would he not feel insulted or bitter against any man who used say.. his Daughter's body for his part-time sex craving. Some men are simply eithrr insane or totally abusive/disgustin
@@Wonderwoman79G Thank you I have over the years but there’s still a lot to unpack and mental health care has become a joke these past few years. Thank you so much for caring xx♥️♥️♥️
Don’t be too hard on yourself, someone says the teacher arrives when the student is ready. I also realised that when I was not gonna listen to his advice this time last year, but now, we are ready!
Thank you Lisa for having this topic discussed. My opinion is that women have more to lose after a sex experience. Before I found my husband, I went on so many dates with men who just wanted sex. Some men even tried to get me to drink more so that I could go home with them. I’m not a play toy, I’m a woman with dignity and self respect. I’ve had men call me a prude because I didn’t want to have sex. Shockingly, a couple men even wanted to pimp me out on 2 separate occasions. I experienced so much manipulation and trauma from dating. I was naive and didn’t have a mother who taught me things and my dad died when I was a kid, I was a lost puppy and men took advantage of that. I went to therapy and changed my vibration and started attracting high value men and found my husband who I have been with for 8 years. I’m so glad this is talked about.
Hey girl you keep on saying men- I'm not sure why you're saying man the patriarchal taught them to be as far away from being a real man is f****** possible, that's why there's hardly any real man out there- no if this truth is told the way it should be a real woman that wouldn't have a problem trying to understand you just keep away from giant maggots with appendages because that's exactly what they are at the end of the day nothing more nothing less- I mean if you're trying to get their wallet that's fine just manipulate them to give you all the goodies and give them nothing back in return except for the wishful thinking that they had in the beginning- in other words we play them since that's all there is to do with an indoctrinated human male.
I have had a man try that pimping me out to his friends and asked him if he and his buddies had a bet goin on about me?? Of course, he lied and said no, he was just joking around! I would like to see a good teaching on why men try this game on women. I never understood why they do that
@@vickih1982 because they were indoctrinated to be depraved in almost every form and fashion in the realm of life- and they've gotten loopholes a plethora of them for whatever bad behavior that they would exhibit, that's why- the patriarchical Regine should have been burned alive on the day of their induction, and this world would have looked completely -it would have been peaceful and Harmony would ensued- instead of the human cesspool/ septic tank it has become- and they are MOST DEFINITELY responsible for every single bit of it!. And b t w, hiding this comment is the only way anybody can see my post. They don't like when I speak the truth about the patriarchal run world "IS AND EVERYTHING ITS RESPONSIBLE FOR "
Wow! It sounds like they recognized your naïveté and weaknesses and preyed on them . The GREAT thing is you recognized your value even before working it all out in therapy and was smart enough to not go against your values and that’s to be congratulated!!!
I can attest to what he said “the thought of her crying makes him hestiant” and each time my ex husband broke up with my in DATING he changed his mind and stayed with me and ended up divorcing me because he “never loved me the way a husband should love a wife” So this is very true! When he tells you something hurtful or hard please believe him & save yourself heartache.
@@queenbee5175 Can women handle it? In hookup culture prevailing today women need to be told comfortable lies, not men. Men know what is going on and for the most part are happy about it.
"He" might want whatever but the most important is to know what I want and focus on it, and it's certainly not being someone's toy to play with. Know your value as a human, woman, soul and stick to it shamelessly, get rid off people who don't reciprocate your energy, don't respect your value.
I've listened to lots of relationship experts and then listened to this guy and now see he is the best. He debunks what they say. He is spot on all his videos
It's important to remember that everyone's experience and beliefs about relationships are different. While some people may believe that a man who is serious about a woman will pursue her and eventually marry her, others may have different perspectives. It's important to communicate your expectations and boundaries in a relationship and find someone who respects and values them.
I had one guy that rather than reject me he set me up to catch him in bed with my best friend. Later when he cheated she came crying to me, wanting to be friends again. Later on he wanted me back. In both instances I said no, being hurt by both of them was hard. But letting either back in would have been bad for me.
What a self centered, self gratifying street meat coward he was and probably still is! No love lost there Beloved…you dodged a bullet with that one! And you were wise to let them have each other…they probably turned on one another after…❤ you and keep it pushing you have your whole life ahead of you!
i met my partner after 7 years being singel. We took it slow & i did not let him into my apartment for the first 5 dates. We are enjoying every minute being together.
All of this is ridiculous. I am sick of trying to deal with men. A good man doesn’t play games or put you through it. I will not allow men to invade my mental peace. The right guy brings peace and ease while dating. Walk away from all this senseless drama.
I'm sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with men. It's important to prioritize your own mental peace and well-being in any relationship. However, it's also worth noting that not all men are the same, and there are many good men out there who do not play games or cause drama. It's okay to take a break from dating and focus on yourself, but don't let past experiences completely close you off to the possibility of a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the future.
Stephan has played a big part in my life’s journey! He educated me in his videos and is the reason why I stopped having sex! I understand that sex is for marriage only! I’m living to please GOD not my flesh!🔥
Exactly Rhonda ..I agree with u ..it hard to find the right person this days..No sex before marriage is the type of relationship am currently looking up too..
Stephan, your Mother brought you up right, and I bet some men hate you for giving away their secrets well done. Theres nothing scarier than a true connection and it doesnt happen often in a life time. Singledom is rarely spoken about as a life option but its better than living with a mis match.
In every long term relationship I've had, the man didn't pursue sex until months into the friendship/relationships. Once I asked a man why he didn't (after he spent the night and still didn't make the move) and he replied because he really liked me and wanted it to mean more as we got to know each other. I will NOT go on cheap dates no matter what. If a man can't take me to a nice place, he needs to work on his money. Ladies, don't lower your standards. WAIT until he's ready financially as well as emotionally.
It's great that you have a clear idea of what you want and are willing to stick to your standards. It's important for both partners to feel comfortable and valued in a relationship, and taking the time to get to know each other before pursuing a physical relationship can be a great way to build trust and emotional connection. However, it's also important to keep in mind that everyone's financial situation is different, and it's not always a reflection of their worth as a partner. Communication and understanding each other's needs and boundaries can help build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.
Sleeping with someone on the 1st date or too early usually means they had the cake and ate it. It 's important to make the person fall in love with you in time,getting to know each other,have lots of fun together is the best way for the love to grow. Then sex is at its best.
definitely, wait for him till some other woman who doesn't care about money takes him. and there you go, loosing a good man for a nice restaurant. i got my man from a woman just like you. and he is the best man alive. sexy, beautiful, protective. and guess what? we made money together. Stay alone with your high standards, no man will want you with this mentality. you know why, because you are just a woman between millions of other women. real man like real chicks, not some wannabe's.....
I don’t understand why men are so comfortable only dating for sex. It’s like, if a woman gives you everything but wants you to make a lot of money she’s a gold digger, but if a man only tries to use you for sex that’s perfectly fine. No shameful word for him. It’s so frustrating.
@@QuietlyCurious there are plenty! Matt Boggs is a good one and so is Jason Silver. That said, Matthew Hussey is good but I completely disagree with his take that women shouldn’t expect men to pay for things unless they want to listen to the man’s every command. Because women do a lot of things men don’t do and it’s perfectly rational for the person who risks pregnancy to want a reliable provider.
@@jeffreyjewell75 You didn't read what I wrote properly. Why do men feel so comfortable hurting women? We don't go around carelessly punching people in the face when we're mad, just because it feels good to us. So why do men go around carelessly hurting women just because it feels good to them?
I love how Stephan stayed true to himself during this interview. He didn't impose his Godly views on the host, instead, he gently explained why he lives by them and why they work!
@@ceecee8757 ah, look at the stereotypical Christian hating on the atheists. And you wonder why us atheists don’t like being with your judgmental ass. I have no issues with people saying they believe in a deity, there are many atheists who don’t care if people say they believe in something ridiculous
Yesssss!!! Exactly what I was going to say!! And I was like, did she not research him FIRST to know and be aware of his views and beliefs! I only watched because I enjoy listening to his views. They are very close to how I view things.
He sums it up. Men just need to be more honest. If they ain’t feeling a girl. Say that. But don’t stay cause you don’t have the courage to tell her or you are afraid of looking like the bad guy. That’s how you damage women. It’s like having a mosquito bite compared to a shark bite. We much rather get bit my a mosquito.
@@kc17131think positive energy and negative energy. What attributes does positive energy have and what attributes does negative energy have. Positive can be things like, optimism, negative like pessimism
I asked God to increase spiritual discernment in my life...and this is how he answered through this message Thank you. The blessings of God on your ministry in Jesus name 🙏🏿 🙌🏾
Did you thank God for being able to or wanting to SIN???🤨 Men are supposed to be the HEAD(his head is THE MOST HIGH) if you have to tell a man to hold out for marriage because FORNICATION IS A SIN!! (APOCALYPSE OF PAUL: fornicator was hung by their loins in that place of FIRE) WHAT TYPE OF LEADER IS THAT.. HE SHOULD BE MAINTAINING RIGHTEOUSNESS!!! celibacy IS RIGHTEOUS as The Most High says to do...
I always ask. Confusion for me leads to hurt feelings. For me there is no decipher I ask. My boyfriend kissed me passionately on our first date so I asked. He told me this was his last rodeo, he wanted love and commitment. I told him I wanted the same thing.. Six months later we are living together and still talk. We don't do deciphering we do direct talk.
This is how enlightening a true conversation can be. There is a minimum of interrupting, allowing space to grant a minute for the other to find the "right" word. Also there is a mutual respect needed BEFORE you start a conversation with anyone about ANYTHING, lessening the chance of it becoming argumentative.
The great connection he talks about is for people who grew up in healthy, loving families and have secure attachment style. For those, who haven't - they feel the connection to the wrong thing. We should be aware of that
Something I will say that helped me understand about letting go of the wrong person. We keep hoping and waiting for the person we fell in love with or we thought we were in love with to show up.. That is why women hang on for so long. Cause for us we believe they are still that person, not realizing that person is long gone or that person wasn't who we thought they were. Once you recognize they are not that person anymore .. you will find it much easier to move on.
Stephen's integrity of character makes him a very attractive man! I think any man who builds his character this way attracts women of equal integrity, both wanting a real, genuine, honest relationship. Great interview. ❤
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the interview. If you want to learn more about relationships and dating, feel free to ask any questions or explore resources on the topic.
I always always say” if at anytime you are no longer interested in me please tell me and it’s ok. In turn I will do the same.” I set that at the very beginning. I think it has help me to not be in something if both parties are not into it. There’s no hard feelings between either party.
That's a great approach to communication and setting expectations from the beginning. It shows that you value honesty and respect in a relationship and are willing to be open and upfront about your feelings. This can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the line, and allows for a more mature and healthy approach to dating and relationships. Keep it up!
I’ve listened to several of his videos that came from nowhere. I’ve been married for 30 years this November. I’m educated and have a career. I agree and disagree with this young man. It’s not tricky, it’s actually very easy. Its’s about respect for one’s boundaries. Working with you? It’s called respect. Women must seek thee first The Kingdom of God. Stay grounded. Stay true to yourself. Respect Yourselves , listen and no more.
If you are a child of God, there's no such a thing as fun sex. Leave the fun to the funny guys. You are a serious woman that needs to be taken seriously. Remember that😊
This is a great conversation. The older I get; I don’t know if I really like someone until maybe 2nd or 3rd date. I determine potential friendship first and then romantic second. First dates should 💯 be simple if serious about dating. I judge men that sleep around. I don’t want any of that.
I agree. It’s not that I judge men who sleep around, and you probably don’t really judge them either. We’re just much less likely to be interested in building a relationship and having sex with them because of the potential for contagion and the likelihood that they won’t have the self control or self discipline for monogamy. They’d be more likely to stray from any sexual relationship. I truly believe that relationships between two people who are compatible and who both desire monogamy have the greatest chance for success and happiness.
My key takeaways : -the true value should be getting to know the person - pay attention to how you feel ( be mindful that you are more likely to be lenient when you like a person ; still go in to the situation being you look for if their a right fit for YOU)
My biggest take away...being turned down may actually be a blessing (and it is a big deal/real effort for men) it then frees me up for future relationships. I should be thankful to my exes...
I went on a coffee date with a guy. He had suggested a coffee date b/c it allowed us to not have have to spend a lot of money on a date that might not lead to more dates. “If it doesn’t work out, it was just coffee”. I actually respected that logic and ever since then those types of dates I don’t think, wow, this guy’s not really trying.
He should be really trying though. The getting to know compatibility part shouldn’t be the first date. Like I’m about to have a first date with a gentleman and he’s going all out. We talked on the phone for two hours last night and prior to that we’d been flirting online for months. Can’t ever redo a first date. That’s why I have phone conversations first.
@@e.zwegat7130 if the coffee date goes well, you can continue the date elsewhere, but I don’t need a complete stranger to pull out all the bells and whistles on the first date. I don’t really like talking on the phone, especially to a stranger, so there aren’t going to be any 2hr phone conversations before I’ve met someone. But everyone’s different in how they approach dating and what they expect.
@@mirola73 it’s a good warmup to see if there’s any chemistry. If you’re enjoying each other you can continue to the date elsewhere or make plans for another date. If no chemistry, neither person has to invest a lot of time or money.
You can meet for coffee after work, but I have had several different dates that started out that way, then ended up clubbing all evening afterward or dinner and clubbing all evening. It was fun for both I think.
This is so good. Women we have to know ourselves and what WE want. Most times we know what box we’ve put them in as well before a date. The problem is, if they’ve put us in the sex box we can’t handle it 😂 we start doing everything to try to prove we’re worth being in the girlfriend or wife box, even if we don’t want to be (with him)!! It might be ego, it might be an identity or worth issue, but either way focus on self, and if they don’t fit that’s okay!
This was the best comment! Your phrasing made my perspective really shift and made me question, is this really actually coming from a woman's own truth in wanting more, a biology thing, OR is it an adopted cultural view that makes us feel women are supposed to be a certain way?
I TOTALLY agree with his view on keeping the first dates simple. Because I have found it's MUCH easier to make a real connection in those situations than it is in a place with too many distractions, like a bar/club, movies, concerts, etc. A personally prefer to go fishing with my dates, because it's something we both (usually) tend to enjoy, and it's quiet and personal enough for us to really get to know each other.
I agree with you guys!! Love can happen really fast!! Just like when you’re shopping for a home!! When you step into that home or area, it just feels like home!! Everything falls into place!! You may eventually discover flaws and imperfections, but it’s usually something that you can deal with. It just feels right!!!❤❤❤
Yes! A few months ago I was going through a bit of midlife crisis. It wasn't as bad as it had been around my 40th birthday and the months following, but I was still going through it, though, and was beginning to heal by deciding to lean into my femininity (something I hadn't realized I'd sort of lost until my midlife crisis. Nearly a decade of being a single parent with the father pulling "That kid ain't mine!" So I'm doing it all solo and had to provide the masculine energy as well.) At any rate, around this point of learning to be more selfish and feminine, a ridiculously handsome single dad friend of mine started coming around more with his adorable daughter. I had Friend Zoned myself with this dude as I'd met him shortly before my 40th birthday and thought he was 24-26 years old. Too young! For over a year I thought this until he confided that he, too, has struggled with getting older and revealed he's actually in his 30's. (He'd also told me "Age is just a number" when I talked about my own midlife crisis. 40, single mom, too many cats...living trope.) He also commented on my decor the first time he entered my home "So you like pink, huh?" (It's only gotten more pink since) and said he could use a woman's touch around his home and with his daughter; her mom is barely in the picture by her own choice. That little girl has had a hold on me from through moment I first set eyes on her. One of those toddlers where most women stop dead in their tracks "Oh. My. God!" when you first see her. Just wanna dress her up like a little princess and spoil the crap out of. The feeling has only grown since getting to know her and watching her grow from a 2 year old into a tiny little person who expresses herself over the past year and a bit. Hearing that she's in need of a more maternal figure broke my heart; she's so precious. Then he asked for my help around the place, saying he could use some help painting and stuff. He offered to pay, but I don't want to take his money when I know he's not much better off financially than I am. I'm just happy to help with things that I'm good at and also it's more rewarding doing these things for a friend than it is to clean my own home that I clean all the time. Initially, he was going to just paint his walls white, but the more time I spent with him in his home cleaning and talking, I noticed he is not a white walls guy and told him so. One day while cleaning his kitchen, a comment he made while holding something he'd foraged from the woods made me realize he needs the outdoors brought indoors "That's it! An enchanted fairy forest vibe is just perfect for you and Daughter!" As we've been spending more time together painting his walls forest green, I didn't notice myself doing something with someone I haven't done in a long time...actually letting my guards down and letting them in. I don't let too many people get close; my closest friends are people I've known for 20+ years and we never would have thought we'd be friends forever when we met. (Maybe the one did. She was a co-worker who seemed to instantly decide I was her new best friend whether I liked it or not not.) Other people seemed to know something before I did, given comments like "happy little family" "I think there's Something there." My mom pointed out "He wanted to spend Halloween with you. He came over on Christmas day. He's spending New Years Day with you. Its you he's coming to for help with his place and daughter." I brushed it all off, especially my mom since she reacted exactly as I did upon first laying eyes on his daughter: stopped dead in tracks "Oh. My. God!" And then told me to marry the dad upon learning he's single. "I'm not his type. He's a total hippy and I only dressed the part until getting to know him and realizing I'm just a hippy by city standards, but I'm too much of a city girl to be a true hippy." But then one day while we were working together (really well, as we always do) I realized "He feels like Home." I've never had that before. While I was visiting relatives, I looked at the time and thought "He'll be picking Daughter up from daycare about now and I wish I was there to hear about her day and to find out if That Boy was bullying her again. The thought of anyone picking on her!" And I realized "I want that life. He's my future husband and she's my other daughter, even if I'm not really her mom and I don't feel like I'm a good enough mom to my own daughter sometimes. I already love her like she's my own. I want to mom the crap out of her and spoil her and give her a pretty princess room and give her everything I give to Own Daughter." But ofc he needs to agree to this and want this with me himself 😅 We're not quite There or even Official yet. He doesn't try to Get Any from me, but it's not because he doesn't desire me. We had a talk, he knows how I feel (it all came tumbling out the other day) and he's said he's had those thought about me, too, but he doesn't want to just jump into things like he did with Daughter's Mom and that while he likes everything he's seen so far, we haven't seen eachothers worst sides yet and so we don't know if we can handle eachothers bad sides yet. So for the time being, we're still just doing things together but not doing eachother (or anyone else!) and vibing real well, everyone else seems to see us as being in a relationship and it feels very much like one but he's holding back on things but not in a using or stringing me along way. (Lmao ❤ he called while I was wrapping this up 💖🥰) I love him and I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same but not quite ready to say it.
It's intersting to see, as a 40-something woman divoced with children, how the dating game is different. I know what I want, I know my value and worth, I can verbalise my desires. If this pushes away a man, well better now then in 6 moths after investing so much! I guess what is at stake is different since family and nest building is no longer such an important preoccupation. Sexual promiscuity neither... I just don't care anymore what society has to say about this, weather your a man or a woman. We are so afraid to be clear... Happy I am getting past that.
This is such a lie. Value comes with having children for some men… some men want a family and never had one. Also, some men aren’t shallow and don’t care about you being 40ish, they care about your morals, your kindness and the chemistry between the two of you. There are sexy, high value, morally sound men out there interested in someone like her!! Facts
@@anteantic986 well, didn't lower, got them up instead. Guess this «old chick» as you disrespectfully qualify a women you don't know has found a high value man. Very happy with the outcome. Don't adhere too strickly to some kind of functioning system, it closes doors for you. Instead, make the best you can from your life and aim high. Understand what are your goals in life, what are your values, become someone that has something to bring to the table but only bring it if you fell the other is up to your standards. Or else, you set yourself up for an abusive relationship. Who cares if it is not the written story society wants us to follow. You are setting yourself a glass ceiling by overthinking what «general man» want. You are setting yourself for failure. Weather you are a man or women telling derogatory untrue things hiding behind your keyboard, life has more to offer then what you portray. Good luck passing that.
Had two "serious" relationships, then was happy and independent alone when I met someone younger. I thought "I really like him, we can be friends and just hang out" ... Its now 34 years later. Still in love and he tells me the same at least twice a day. Be you & treat each date as just a date for a while.
I do agree with this, but also look at our own patterns. I've held back many times because things weren't right, subconsciously I knew it, but I protect myself by holding back. I can't make a guy mine who doesn't want to be there. Put in healthy boundaries that we need.
Yes God is what we all need. As for wanting I want friendships and relationships that are genuine, caring and supportive, because that enhances life! 💖
No, I will go with the guy who hangs in there with me for weeks into months until “ I “ am comfortable. We can be friends first. We both must invest time, money and feelings. Once we become involved past a friend then we will change roles from friends to being a couple.
I agree that building a foundation of friendship first can be beneficial in creating a strong and healthy relationship. It's important for both partners to invest time and effort in getting to know each other, building trust and intimacy. By taking the time to establish a strong connection, you are more likely to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. Keep in mind that the pace of the relationship should be determined by both partners, and it's okay to take things slow if that's what feels right.
I agree. I just went on a date and the guy insisted on paying for my bill even with my ordering something for my kiddo, although it was high. He walked me to the car and I put the food in and awkwardly gave him a hug bc his body language was expecting something more. Lies all lies😬
Preach! That hit hard..." you avoid the red flags." 15 years later. I finally walked away and opened room for a lovely, healthy relationship. Thanks for your insights, Stephan.
1:49:00 When it takes time it's not love.... but when it's taking time it's me trying to getting accustomed to his presence, it's me learning to tolerate him and grow attached to him. Whooo! That truth just set me free. I thank God for you Stephan.
That is actually good advice - low key first date. Removes pressure of finances or sex. But it does rely on first impression processing. I think more people should use better screening before the first date, asking better questions, quick 5 min face time etc, so as to avoid wasting too much in person time. Then being hyper aware of red flags and asking the right questions rather than floating through it. Being clear before you even start dating on what you are looking for (essentials and desireables) and your own boundaries (hard and soft). It's about tactics, rather than blaming the other sex for this or that.
From my experience this term toxic has been demonstrated when they pull back the attention, which causes confusion...mixed messages/ which really comes through is a type of negativity where I started feeling bad about myself and it really was generated by the man whose actions before showed they wanted me. I value these talks but the truth is when a man wants to exit leaving anyone feeling bad about themselves is unacceptable...these men need to just man up and find better ways to end a rather good experience until it didnt work for them.
This is why I do drinks only for first date. I don’t want a man to spend money on dinner not knowing if we will be a good match. I don’t sleep with them early on either. It just muddies the water of whether there is real connection.
So I met a man and we went on a few dates already he has been a gentleman so far. We did kiss and tried to touch I told him I'm not wanting sex and it would be when I'm ready he told me that I am worth the wait! We still talk and he sends messages and we go out to dinner or do fun things. I'm hoping this man is the right one but I'm praying to God that he directs me.
It's all about perspective and staying true to oneself. Keeping expectations low but standards high. Loved how Stephan was brutaly genuine in this interview and also reminded us of how fundamentally different men and women think and what each gender needs in order to feel connected. Thanks Lisa and Stephan for such a real, necessary, and enlightening topic!
Every time I listen to this man, everywhere, on any podcast, he's speaking truth - I never heard something that wasn't thoughtful, from a good faith, usually right in the point and often so eye opening! I love listening to him and I hope more and more ppl start realizing the tings he's saying
I had been trying to force feelings for a man I’ve been dating for a couple of months but knew something was up with him..,turns out he was dating two other women at the same time. He was not attentive and rarely called during the week…my intuition was telling me something was off. And he was upset that I ended it! Lol. I’m kinda done with dating for awhile and am waiting for the right one to fall in my lap…I’m tired lol
Stephan is so smart, understanding, compassionate and realistic about both man & woman as human beings trying to figure out the complexity of dating. Lisa is always a great interviewer and keeps the conversation flows easily. I can understand/relate to both men and women in this process, hope each of us can focus on self development, self awareness, honestly to self and others and spend time to learn about conscious dating and relationship education. I appreciate your time and wisdom shared in this podcast!!! ❤ For my understanding right now, if that person is a potential good match, we don't have to try too hard; and if he/she is not the one, be honest and brave enough to accept this is not it and move on, as quickly and peacefully as we can 💖
This interview was so insightful & informative. Stephan explains things so plain & simply while being very respectful of other people’s lifestyles. We need more conversations like this
It's called oxytocin! It's the same chemical that bonds a mother to her newborn during breastfeeding. It is meant for lasting connection. It's not a fault or weakness. If he's not the one, wait!! Don't struggle to detach from someone who was auditioning your body and never truly connected to YOU! Self-care is priority!
THANK YOU SO MUCH STEPHEN for standing up for morals and standards. Sex is not bad or ugly,.... sex is a very a sacred power God gave us to BOND with a deep relationship, saved for that spouse, & a power to give life. The risk of toxic relationships, sexual assault, rape, an innocent child being born, & spread of STD'S, are too high for everyone to freely give sex. The risks are not worth the high now.
Disagree that men trying it on or trying to have sex isn't disrespectful. It totally is. You can express sexual interest in many ways that don't include trying to have sex. I don't think women should feel overly concerned with not hurting a guys poor ego by not staying true to herself and setting aside her own standards and values for the sake of a guys poor feelings. This idea that a guys sexuality is called into question is an issue of men's own making. Women are not responsible. Men are expecting women to sleep with them with zero investment n as if sex has absolutely no value, so why are they surprised when the same standards of relating are slapped in their face like that? If they want sex to mean something, it should start with it meaning something to them first.
I always liked simplified things especially on first few days, go to walks, get coffee and chat, do something together, makes me feel at ease so I don't feel uncomfortable at expensive first date dinners.
"If you are concerned about his intentions... keep him talking! If you get someone talking enough, they will expose themselves. When people have to keep answering questions in the natural flow of conversation, it's hard for them to keep their lies straight. Don't hold back, because these questions can expose his real intentions." BEWARE of your 'confirmation bias' where you're hoping and looking and listening for certain indicators from him. It could cause you to ignore other bad signs that may be staring you in the face. So, approach each meeting with a relaxed attitude; not with high expectations. Enjoy the moment but remain aware and register significant comments! Don't dismiss anything with: 'I can change him if I'm the one'. If he starts off by saying he's not looking for a serious r'ship, he's extremely unlikely to change his mind and you don't want to go on a mission of changing his mind. Also beware: you could easily go from being 'potential wife' to someone he just wants to sleep with. "It's hard to upgrade and very easy to be downgraded and NOT because he was using you from the start. Most men have great difficulty 'ending it' even when they're no longer intending a permanent situation."
It’s all about connection indeed. You feel free to be yourself and beyond, getting the best out of you to share with the chosen one! So lovely and powerful! Thank you
My feelings coincided with something one of my boyfriend’s father said. He told his son, that for a woman, sex can be more emotional than it is for a man. Men, may be able to zip up and walk away. He counseled his son to be mindful of that. For me, I was very chaste because I was guarding my heart. I knew that sex would attach me to this person, and cause greater heartbreak if it didn’t work out. Of course, old school thinking was part of it, too. No girl wanted a bad reputation.
I like the fact that Stephan says 'If each person is willing to put in the work on themselves, they could still have a chance at things working out between them'. I feel that sometimes, people just didn't understand how harmful they had been during a relationship that could have gone great if they had some inward insight and understanding about how they operate and also their partner. But if (even if late) they work hard on gaining that insight and understanding about themselves at least, they can become a better person for that effort, and even if a second time around doesn't come along for them, at least you would have improved yourself into probably being, not only a better partner, but also daughter, sibling and friend.
Yes, personal growth and self-improvement are crucial for successful relationships. It takes effort and introspection to recognize our own flaws and work on them. In doing so, not only can we become better partners, but also better individuals in all areas of our lives. It's important to remember that relationships are not just about finding the right person, but also about being the right person.
I always split the check 50/50 on date one. If I really like you, I’ll let you pay or I’ll ask you to kiss me. It’s how I roll and it makes things less of a guessing game. When a man lets me dictate the pace of intimacy and doesn’t press anything, I’m usually much more interested in him. If I like a guy, I can go grocery shopping for our date…I don’t care. My new guy and I literally had a date doing an errand I had to do at IKEA a day ago…he met me there and stood in line for 1.5 hours and was happy to do it just to spend time together.
I always split the check 50/50 on date one. If I really like you, I’ll let you pay or I’ll ask you to kiss me. It’s how I roll and it makes things less of a guessing game. When a man lets me dictate the pace of intimacy and doesn’t press anything, I’m usually much more interested in him. If I like a guy, I can go grocery shopping for our date…I don’t care. My new guy and I literally had a date doing an errand I had to do at IKEA a day ago…he met me there and stood in line for 1.5 hours and was happy to do it just to spend time together.
Yes, especially to the last part! The worst advice I hear people giving women is to see instant connection as a red flag. They also tell them to go on multiple dates with a guy and keep pushing forward in it even if they feel no attraction, connection or chemistry. I never hear men being told this!! If a man isn't feeling it he doesn't force the issue!!
It all comes back down to don't be giving out sex and let the guys see the value of a true relationship and commitment. Instead everyone is ready to get instant things when they honestly haven't even done any work to figure out if there's substance. This is why more men used to put in the effort and get to know the lady because there are certain perks that come with that including sex. No wonder there is no motivation to get to true connection- everyone is not even being challenged to grow!
What an absolutely powerful and informative discussion!!!! So much to empower one to speak transparently, notice red flag jargon and identify when the connection is there in a relationship!!!! This is fantastic and worth listening to more than once. Thank you both! Stephan, you’re incredible.
I think that ultimately, everything is mutual. So a man losing interest means the two of you aren't vibing on the same level - though we as women can have a hard time SEEING it. This mismatch is an event as neutral as "that couch doesn't look good in my living room" even if it stings! He is doing you a favor by taking distance so that you can open up for someone more aligned. It's all about trusting and believing there's an abundance of men out there 🥰
It's not always that, sometimes I've met guys that will have sex with anybody without concerns about their enjoyment or pleasure. And that is also in relationships. The last 3 guys were all about their wants/needs without enough regard for me. It was all one sided. The last guy never even asked me out.
It’s Not okay! Why Stephen says in many videos men look at us as easy when it gets out we sleep with other men! Yet we are expected to by the guy? Then WE aren’t the one? Men get BORED & spoiled there’s not often a real REASON - online dating gives guys a variety so they won’t focus
Going out as friends isn't the same as date, and a date is not obligated to have sex. I'm very picky about who I have sex with, and circumstances. I also for the first few stay sober, to be on safe side.
I recently ended things with a guy who turned to be an incredible liar and overall snake. I used to think he didn't like me and it was all just a game. Looking at the bigger picture, I think he was genuine in the beginning. Things ultimately failed because he succumbed to his inner demons. I found peace in knowing the situation is much bigger than me. He will keep failing until he addresses his internal problems.
@dsr.w,I could relate ,similar situation I was in ,had to break free. From this manipulater I had pure lies ,too much deception,Thank God it didn't go far ,long distance,no sex or money was involved,leave me NJ choice but to protect my heart ,and love and trust God more,by his stripes we are healed,in everything,thus one was mot sickness ,was a situation🫣🙏
I think a lot of women end up getting married b/c they’re too afraid to say no. We’re often conditioned to not want to hurt people’s (especially a man’s) feelings, so women often say yes to proposals that they don’t really want either. “Dating for dinner” Is a real thing 😂 now, it’s never been my sole intention to go out with a guy simply to get a few meal, but sometimes if I’m not sure about a guy before I go out with him, I rationalize it as, “well, if things don’t work out, you got a meal out of it”-if that makes sense
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WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Good to know! You may want to repeat this comment on all your videos, the predators and endless and target women particularly
Please please please don't ever have this guy on your show again!
@@louiseelizabeth9613 he good I follow him on TH-cam for a year now
I think for women masturbation affects us differently than men. I also know that a lot of women can simply use their imagination instead of porn. Masturbation doesn't lead to women needing less sex .
Me
So Ive taken a few notes of this vid:
1. Trust yourself, trust your intuition, if it screams no, dont ignore it.
2. Dont have sex if youre one to wait, dont let yourself be pushed around. If he hooks off on that, its not your fault. You know what he wanted and its not you.
3. Keep expectations low, preferably none. Just enjoy the date(s)/time with each other.
4. Keep the (first) dates cheap so that you can focus on each other instead of what they can bring to the table. Youll avoiding falling for the wrong thing.
5. Women need that connection to be able to have sex. Men need sex to have that connection.
6. Difference between men who are interested in you and men who are only out for sex is mainly effort, respect and time.
7. Just be yourself, the right guy will find you and wrong one will flip off faster than a lightning bolt.
8. Date the guy before you, not his potential.
Hope these notes will help someone :)
Edit: added nr 8. Yes, its kinda messy now but theyre notes not a summary (it kinda turned out like a summary though lol)
Thank you⚘
Thanks
Thank you! 😊 many blessings
What in the world is “hooking off” never heard of such
Wow no. 5 hit me.
My father told me,"You show a man how to treat you. If you want love and respect, give those things to yourself first."
This is what I hate about most men. You need to teach them how to behave and respect women and boundaries. Which they already know how to deal with a round other men.
Men show are SHALLOW in general. Joking & Teasing, boasting about his grand achievements, experiences that generally are not impressive to her or to girls . Men whom boast
Proud he had a great deal of money 💰 he inherited from his dad's side of the family. He did NOT MAKE, EARN IT. He blows it
at casinos, , lottery tickets to 🏆 win. Not WORK FOR THE MONEY. NOT marriage materials, skills, behaviors, etc. He is a man whore character. He is easy. He is obsessed with the idea of getting sympathy to get cuddling leading to sex. Sneaky.
Sleazoid, trickster, devious, jokester, mean, unkind fun. He tries to convince the woman he wants to dress her in sleazy degrading sexy clothing. He offers to buy her Clothes, he wants to SEE her wear for his eyes, & get her to display, flaunt her body parts. She s uncomfortable. Knows it is degrading her as a GOOD RIGHTEOUS, DECENT, Modest, SENSIBLE MINDED Christian minded woman. Jesus christ would not approve. Keep sensibly COVERED for COMFORT, & SELF-RESPECTING
VALUE. PROTECTION. SEE the woman as a high VALUES PERSON, HUMAN BEING.!
She is NOT INTERESTED in romance with a man She is NOT ATTRACTED TO Physically. He is too Egomaniac Egotiscal , Stuck on himself, about himself, boasting, & crying for sympathy: his back & knees hurt. He wants
back massages. He offers to pay for things for her & other people.
Then, he cries about spending that money. Or putting or using
his credit card. He has a credit debt.(That's NOT the Woman's problem.) He offers. He ought to shut UP. 🙄. He's trying to BUY her loving attention, affection for his gifts. No NO NO kissing or hugs. Shakehands is safest. Yet, sometimes a woman does NOT desire to touch his SKIN.
Too Risky. He thinks she likes me!! He tells himself LIES. SeX is off the table. Big STOP. BACK OFF!!! DISRESPECTING her wishes. BACK OFF, BACK DOWN USER. COMMUNICATION. ASK HER. BE PREPARED TO BE TURNED DOWN, rejected. Get over it. Act like a SENSIBLE MATURE REAL MAN . SERIOUSLY. Get real. She is NOT
Interested in fluff sex. No fun irresponsible harmful sex. She s NOT putting OUT for his DOPAMINE, OXYTOCIN HIGH RUSH for orgasmas 30 seconds
High. Not healthy. Not desired.
She wants a PLATONIC FRIENDS , buddy, pals,. Safest relationships. Stop pursuing her with intentions to get & take what HE wants to do to her body. For his advantage. Rude behavior. Crude thinking & planning fantasizing. Is harmful to her. & other girls, & women.
Back Off man.
Smooth talking charmer. Red Flag. She must say back off !!
She is NOT Willing, NOT interested .
@@javireyes7333this is biology. Men and women are different. Life is about learning and how to relate to people. Sorry but the cold hard truth and REALITY is that people need to stop with the “poor me” mentality. Get with the program because SUCH IS LIFE. You either sink or swim. It might be hard to believe but this is the way it has been since time immemorial. People can either take the advice or just continue doing things the opposite way that doesn’t work. Again, men and women are completely different. Men do not think and feel like women do and vice versa. Sadly, women have been guided to expect men to be a certain way and if men don’t meet those expectations, they are the ones in the wrong. Women think giving sex will make a man fall in love, when that just isn’t the case. On the same note, not many women would like a man to be soft and sensitive like they are. Most women want a MAN, whether they will admit it or not, but to be in a relationship you have to earn respect and have respect for yourself. I hope I made sense 😅.
@denisedean2446 your father was completely right.
My father always told me. Don’t worry to much about if the man has no money. Focus and pay attention that he likes to work because love alone won’t pay the bills. Also let the man make 75% of initiative. Let him move the relationship forward. Don’t give free sex to a man who’s not a husband or committed to you. He also told me I have no right to stalk or expect año from a man who’s simply boyfriend. Boyfriend means nothing that man’s still free to date other woman. When he’s your husband then you have all the right in the world. Always value yourself and respect yourself so that he can respect you back. A man will fall in love with your good morals. Thank You Dad for all your great advice ❤️❤️
🙏🏾Great Advice Dad
This is why I only seriously date women with good relationships with their dads.
LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Excellent advice that many have forgotten. Thank you.
Some women that don't have a good relationship with their dad is for some serious reason. That doesn't mean they are not grounded and worthy of giving a wonderful relationship back to the right man. My father dumped me when I was a teen for his new wife. It made me and my mom better women in life.Not bitter at all towards men because not all men are the same. He miss out on the wonderful woman I am today. Thank you for stepping to the side and leaving us wonderful women to be loved unconditionally❤. @ghostth3whip244
Once women stop worrying and thinking about what men want, and concentrate on what they want, the things will start to fall into their place. Till then, it will be a constant war
Right on!
So true
But instinctively a man whould want sex instantly, but There should be a middle ground then Mutually assured destruction
Totally agree
@@MariusFarstad-gz3mh To me, a great ‘vetting’ first date is visiting a farmer’s market & a coffee or lunch is a low key no pressure first date. Don’t think a girl needs to be razzled dazzled first off. It’s more authentic 🎉
The gem for me was:Don't stay in situations that you know have no future. Being alone is not ideal. However, being/staying in a bad relationship is much worse.
Being alone is Peaceful bliss
💎
So true 👍
Being alone is ideal? Tf? I haven’t watched yet, but alone is the best! If you have your own money and life of course😂
Amen to this......
On my first date with my husband I remember looking across the table and deciding I was going to be 100% myself.
It was a whirlwind courtship. We got engaged a month later and we're married less than 4 months after our first date.
Our physical intimacy was slow but intense.
We have been happily married for over 25 years.
I have been honestly myself with him for our whole relationship.
I can talk to him about everything and he tells me daily that he loves me.
It pays to be yourself.
: Yes Ma'am, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!❤🎉😊
Just too much work!
This is so lovely 😁, always be ourselves that way another human knows exactly who they have in front of them 😁🌞
My story: I was with in a serious relationship with a guy that agreed to wait. AFTER over a year, I began to understand why he was so comfortable and quickly accepted waiting on having sex. He was a gentleman and chivalrous. He said I love you and I'm in love with you but I began noticing different things in his behavior. I asked him different questions about his sexuality to which he denied, but then said the burden of proof is not on him. I found out later that he was sleeping with men, DL and I was a cover girl for him. I'm so glad we never had sex. We women now have to really watch and be so careful on top of everything else. It has left me so shaken, doubtful and fearful.
This has always been my biggest fear, God help and protect us all
You were on the ball to catch that woman!
I’m glad u figured it out n ur safe.
MJ Harris has always said it’s a sign of a DL guy if he says he’ll wait for marriage and not marry you in six months. I have a male friend so scary how many ‘straight men’ he’s been with that have girlfriends (live in as well). Stay safe ladies
Omg
My first husband ( who died when we were married) kissed me on the forehead on our first date. We had a great time prior to that and that chaste kiss was about the coolest thing he could do. He waited till the next day to leave a silly note at my door to ask for another date. We had a good marriage till the day he died, 9 years 9 months later. On that date, I kissed him on the cheek .
May he rest in peace.
I had a man kiss on forehead
so sorry for your loss.
Beautiful story. So sorry for your loss. 😢
You got to experience a love most won’t. It’s a blessing you did and he as well. 💙
The fact that both a man and a woman have sex, but the woman is the person whose character is scrutinized really bothers me.
That’s why I ignore all that bs
For me, it's about how much fuss is made over inherent difference between (most) men and women. I think that if the difference between men and women here, is exaggerated it has negative consequences. But so too if no difference is acknowledged. It's about accepting that we are part animal and we do have certain differences .
I think possibly it bothers you when some make a thing of it, by emphasizing a double standard, because some men will try to use it to manipulate women into accepting their selfishness in wanting a faithful wife whilst they also sleep around on her. The old: 'Men and women are just different and men can't help it, sweetie" bull shit. Guys who are total hypocrites, basically.
What I mean is: too much a thing made of the difference between the sexes, where the double standard is emphasized, basically amounts to incompatible pairing of a man and a woman, in my opinion. Yes, we want a partner who is different, but they need to also be similar enough to be able to share values. Got to be able to be on the same page as each other. Otherwise there's inequality. And for me, that's incompatibility.
That's why you wait until he marries you first! Or before sex.
" No rings, No tingy"😅
It's also cultural. Some cultures view this differently. Also circumstances life if you met someone on a vacation for example...the timeliness is different
Agree
Under no circumstance should you have sex on the first date. You don’t know him and he doesn’t know you. Think of your body as a literal sacred place (because it is) not just anyone should be allowed to enter. Self love ladies ❤
💗
🥰
Never have sex before marriage. Period. I'm telling you this as a man myself.
The moment you give us men husband benefits outside wedlock you become our play toy !
So ladies carry yourself with dignity and keep yourself sacred and focus on self growth financially and personality wise gracefully with maturity and sensibility.
Don't be vain and don't be filled with vanity and flashy with anything about you.
ll
@@mc-eo1wh such nonsense. men use 'virgin' woman as much as a plaything, bc she cannot compare and men can hide they are lacking care.
ladies, your temple can have a little fun before it gets more serious. loosen up, that's more healthy for everyone's emotional system instead of living in de 19 hunderds.
If you know she's not The one but can't communicate that, then ...be nice enough not to have sex.
EXACTLY!!! THANK YOU 🙌🙌🙌🙌
🤣 you would think!!
I couldn't agree more. That's so heartless to just use someone up like a rag.
He makes wayyy too many excuses for these grown a**, degenerate boy men.
He is giving excuses for men. All these scenarios are lose lose
I'm SO GLAD I listened to this entire thing INSTEAD of reading the comments of people who "took notes" or "made key bullet points". I received SO many answers in this video that those comments don't even touch on.
It's crazy that a man would judge a woman for having sex on the 1st date when hes doing the exact same thing
But in his head he is a man and it doesnt apply to him. You see how patriarchy makes them dumb? 🙄
Stephan just explained clearly in this video how men and women are viewed differently as regards their sexual behaviour.
@@KaliPuppies whats your point?
@@mcdowellt34 it’s crazy because we as woman don’t view it the same. Though I do not agree with it, as you probably know It’s much more difficult for a man to have one sexual encounter casually let alone multiple. It’s like getting rich, you usually redirect someone more who’s worked for it. This is why many women can see past a man’s high body count but men cannot do the same. It takes effort for most men to get which means they did something “right”, a woman can be a bitch and still get sex no problem (but that’s men’s fault since they’ll fuck anything) and that’s due to their brain. The more she’s know to sleep around the less respects she’ll because she’s not restraining herself, she’s not viewed as valuing, protecting her own temple so why should he?
I’m not saying I agree but that’s essentially how they view it
@@lexxie225 I'm not going for that anymore I'm holding men accountable! They lack self control and that's pathetic! Men get away with way to much. They suppose to be leaders but lack everything it takes to be a leader.
I think a lot of men just like the thrill of the chase. Full stop. Then once he’s “got it” he’s off. It’s just confirming and feeding his ego that he can get anything he wants.
Exactly!
He described a cycle of abuse so casually and even made men like the rational ones who came forward with everything and then changed their mind.
How's the woman suppose to know if the guy is pursuing her ,declaring his love, doing everything and then...he changes his mind.
Then he says the man starts pulling away because he realizes you're not a match. Wow he didn't realize you're not a match during the dating period? Or he just started to evaluate if you were a right fit after having sex and the novelty isn't there anymore?
Sam Vaknin says that narcissists take a "snapshot" of their romantic interest and get stuck to it. When the person shows to be someone be more than the snapshot the narcissist feels conflicted and the devaluation starts.
I know men putting end to relationships in the first month (before sex). Or sex was just what they wanted and didnt feel like keep on waiting or realized that the relationship didnt have future and decided to end it (with words) before putting the woman to sleep with him.
We're talking abou men, not teenagers. They know what they want and the "wife material" will be decided according to his first level of attraction. She could be totally unfit but he will still marry her because hes getting a lot of validation for being with that woman
@@redleeks6253 wow spot on!! Exactly. See you e dated some of the guys I did! Haha. As Freud said….men want a woman who will be like a mother to them….wash their clothes, get their meals ready etc…..,but have sex with them. It’s their ego. It constantly needs massaging!
That part
Yep
Gem: If a man is truly interested, he is cautious regarding sexual activity.
Thank God for these conversations now for young women. I’m 58 and lived through a lot of sexual trauma and poor boundaries. It wasn’t until 6-7 years ago that I realized my worth and now have a man that respects me. I wish discussions like this had been available when I was much younger and feeling worthless. Thank you for helping women to realize their worth ♥️🙏
I agree with all the ladies' input/comments above. Men should check why Iadies often mistrust men and why, why we women get involved in used relationships while men are take the lead in using us ladies for selfish gains sexually and/phommie love. I beg to enquire if a man found out that his own daughter was dating just for sex, would he not feel insulted or bitter against any man who used say.. his Daughter's body for his part-time sex craving. Some men are simply eithrr insane or totally abusive/disgustin
I am sorry for what happened to you.I hope you got support and therapy for your trauma.
@@Wonderwoman79G Thank you I have over the years but there’s still a lot to unpack and mental health care has become a joke these past few years. Thank you so much for caring xx♥️♥️♥️
♥️💕 🙏
Don’t be too hard on yourself, someone says the teacher arrives when the student is ready. I also realised that when I was not gonna listen to his advice this time last year, but now, we are ready!
Thank you Lisa for having this topic discussed. My opinion is that women have more to lose after a sex experience. Before I found my husband, I went on so many dates with men who just wanted sex. Some men even tried to get me to drink more so that I could go home with them. I’m not a play toy, I’m a woman with dignity and self respect. I’ve had men call me a prude because I didn’t want to have sex. Shockingly, a couple men even wanted to pimp me out on 2 separate occasions. I experienced so much manipulation and trauma from dating. I was naive and didn’t have a mother who taught me things and my dad died when I was a kid, I was a lost puppy and men took advantage of that. I went to therapy and changed my vibration and started attracting high value men and found my husband who I have been with for 8 years. I’m so glad this is talked about.
Hey girl you keep on saying men- I'm not sure why you're saying man the patriarchal taught them to be as far away from being a real man is f****** possible, that's why there's hardly any real man out there- no if this truth is told the way it should be a real woman that wouldn't have a problem trying to understand you just keep away from giant maggots with appendages because that's exactly what they are at the end of the day nothing more nothing less- I mean if you're trying to get their wallet that's fine just manipulate them to give you all the goodies and give them nothing back in return except for the wishful thinking that they had in the beginning- in other words we play them since that's all there is to do with an indoctrinated human male.
I have had a man try that pimping me out to his friends and asked him if he and his buddies had a bet goin on about me?? Of course, he lied and said no, he was just joking around! I would like to see a good teaching on why men try this game on women. I never understood why they do that
@@vickih1982 because they were indoctrinated to be depraved in almost every form and fashion in the realm of life- and they've gotten loopholes a plethora of them for whatever bad behavior that they would exhibit, that's why- the patriarchical Regine should have been burned alive on the day of their induction, and this world would have looked completely -it would have been peaceful and Harmony would ensued- instead of the human cesspool/ septic tank it has become- and they are MOST DEFINITELY responsible for every single bit of it!. And b t w, hiding this comment is the only way anybody can see my post. They don't like when I speak the truth about the patriarchal run world "IS AND EVERYTHING ITS RESPONSIBLE FOR "
Wow! It sounds like they recognized your naïveté and weaknesses and preyed on them . The GREAT thing is you recognized your value even before working it all out in therapy and was smart enough to not go against your values and that’s to be congratulated!!!
@@vickih1982
It is like a man hunts an animal down and shares his hunt with the other comrads!
I can attest to what he said “the thought of her crying makes him hestiant” and each time my ex husband broke up with my in DATING he changed his mind and stayed with me and ended up divorcing me because he “never loved me the way a husband should love a wife” So this is very true! When he tells you something hurtful or hard please believe him & save yourself heartache.
Exactly. Men usually dont use double meanings on their sentences. Specially when it cones to not wanting to be with you anymore. Believe them!
People need to be upfront and honest throughout the relationship.
Thats it!
Thank you Mary Poppins
Facts but unfortunately a lot people are cowards
Men say they can handle upfront, but not always.
@@queenbee5175 Can women handle it? In hookup culture prevailing today women need to be told comfortable lies, not men. Men know what is going on and for the most part are happy about it.
"He" might want whatever but the most important is to know what I want and focus on it, and it's certainly not being someone's toy to play with. Know your value as a human, woman, soul and stick to it shamelessly, get rid off people who don't reciprocate your energy, don't respect your value.
Well said 👏
Sooooo well said!!!! 🙌❤️
Well said 🙏🏾
Amen
Hallelujah Jesus ✝️💟✝️ awesome advice
I've listened to lots of relationship experts and then listened to this guy and now see he is the best. He debunks what they say. He is spot on all his videos
I believed that when a man truly serious, he will truly treasure/respect/woe /pursue & marry that woman.
It's important to remember that everyone's experience and beliefs about relationships are different. While some people may believe that a man who is serious about a woman will pursue her and eventually marry her, others may have different perspectives. It's important to communicate your expectations and boundaries in a relationship and find someone who respects and values them.
I had one guy that rather than reject me he set me up to catch him in bed with my best friend. Later when he cheated she came crying to me, wanting to be friends again. Later on he wanted me back. In both instances I said no, being hurt by both of them was hard. But letting either back in would have been bad for me.
What a self centered, self gratifying street meat coward he was and probably still is! No love lost there Beloved…you dodged a bullet with that one! And you were wise to let them have each other…they probably turned on one another after…❤ you and keep it pushing you have your whole life ahead of you!
Omg 😳 noooo both were Scumbags. And that’s NOOOOO BEST FRIEND! More like Back stabbing Brutus
@@queennzingha2 “let them”? Ah no choice
He was what I call a slug a worthles human being
Agree
i met my partner after 7 years being singel. We took it slow & i did not let him into my apartment for the first 5 dates. We are enjoying every minute being together.
All of this is ridiculous. I am sick of trying to deal with men. A good man doesn’t play games or put you through it. I will not allow men to invade my mental peace. The right guy brings peace and ease while dating. Walk away from all this senseless drama.
I'm sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with men. It's important to prioritize your own mental peace and well-being in any relationship. However, it's also worth noting that not all men are the same, and there are many good men out there who do not play games or cause drama. It's okay to take a break from dating and focus on yourself, but don't let past experiences completely close you off to the possibility of a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the future.
❤❤❤❤❤
@@TSRRedRoomthis gave me hope
Yes, you should not. I've been out with a few ladies who played games it's no fun for us either. But you're young, hope you meet the right one.
Sounds like you didn't even bother finish watching the video and jumped straight to the comments. Dumping your trauma, huh?
Stephan has played a big part in my life’s journey! He educated me in his videos and is the reason why I stopped having sex! I understand that sex is for marriage only! I’m living to please GOD not my flesh!🔥
Amen 🙏🏻 🙏🏻 🙏🏻
Amen 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Exactly Rhonda ..I agree with u ..it hard to find the right person this days..No sex before marriage is the type of relationship am currently looking up too..
preach!!!
Amen🙏✝️
Stephan, your Mother brought you up right, and I bet some men hate you for giving away their secrets well done. Theres nothing scarier than a true connection and it doesnt happen often in a life time.
Singledom is rarely spoken about as a life option but its better than living with a mis match.
In every long term relationship I've had, the man didn't pursue sex until months into the friendship/relationships. Once I asked a man why he didn't (after he spent the night and still didn't make the move) and he replied because he really liked me and wanted it to mean more as we got to know each other. I will NOT go on cheap dates no matter what. If a man can't take me to a nice place, he needs to work on his money. Ladies, don't lower your standards. WAIT until he's ready financially as well as emotionally.
It's great that you have a clear idea of what you want and are willing to stick to your standards. It's important for both partners to feel comfortable and valued in a relationship, and taking the time to get to know each other before pursuing a physical relationship can be a great way to build trust and emotional connection. However, it's also important to keep in mind that everyone's financial situation is different, and it's not always a reflection of their worth as a partner. Communication and understanding each other's needs and boundaries can help build a strong foundation for a healthy relationship.
Sleeping with someone on the 1st date or too early usually means they had the cake and ate it. It 's important to make the person fall in love with you in time,getting to know each other,have lots of fun together is the best way for the love to grow. Then sex is at its best.
definitely, wait for him till some other woman who doesn't care about money takes him. and there you go, loosing a good man for a nice restaurant. i got my man from a woman just like you. and he is the best man alive. sexy, beautiful, protective. and guess what? we made money together. Stay alone with your high standards, no man will want you with this mentality. you know why, because you are just a woman between millions of other women. real man like real chicks, not some wannabe's.....
If a woman says “I’m not looking to date right now” she’s not into him.
@@missgmusicThis is the absolute truth ! ❤🥰
I don’t understand why men are so comfortable only dating for sex.
It’s like, if a woman gives you everything but wants you to make a lot of money she’s a gold digger, but if a man only tries to use you for sex that’s perfectly fine. No shameful word for him. It’s so frustrating.
True
There really needs to be a dating coach who prioritizes women's well-being and optimizes the woman's point of view.
@@QuietlyCurious there are plenty! Matt Boggs is a good one and so is Jason Silver. That said, Matthew Hussey is good but I completely disagree with his take that women shouldn’t expect men to pay for things unless they want to listen to the man’s every command. Because women do a lot of things men don’t do and it’s perfectly rational for the person who risks pregnancy to want a reliable provider.
Women get their hole broken in and become attached and sex is totally different for them.
@@jeffreyjewell75 You didn't read what I wrote properly. Why do men feel so comfortable hurting women? We don't go around carelessly punching people in the face when we're mad, just because it feels good to us. So why do men go around carelessly hurting women just because it feels good to them?
Listen to what the person is saying. and their behavior towards you. Don't ignore the red flags and cutting off that person quickly
A guy would really be patient and respectful when he's serious in pursuing you.
I love how Stephan stayed true to himself during this interview. He didn't impose his Godly views on the host, instead, he gently explained why he lives by them and why they work!
Yes, great interview. If Godly views were mentioned, it would’ve been even better.
@@JUST_MORELLA exactly! Just like he does in his own channel. It could have been edited out. You know them atheists.
@@ceecee8757 ah, look at the stereotypical Christian hating on the atheists. And you wonder why us atheists don’t like being with your judgmental ass. I have no issues with people saying they believe in a deity, there are many atheists who don’t care if people say they believe in something ridiculous
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Yesssss!!! Exactly what I was going to say!! And I was like, did she not research him FIRST to know and be aware of his views and beliefs! I only watched because I enjoy listening to his views. They are very close to how I view things.
He sums it up. Men just need to be more honest. If they ain’t feeling a girl. Say that. But don’t stay cause you don’t have the courage to tell her or you are afraid of looking like the bad guy. That’s how you damage women. It’s like having a mosquito bite compared to a shark bite. We much rather get bit my a mosquito.
But we all hang on trying and trying, women's intuition says no, but we keep trying
Energy is everything. Energy doesn't lie.
💯
Very true..
Facts!
What do you even mean?
@@kc17131think positive energy and negative energy. What attributes does positive energy have and what attributes does negative energy have. Positive can be things like, optimism, negative like pessimism
I asked God to increase spiritual discernment in my life...and this is how he answered through this message Thank you. The blessings of God on your ministry in Jesus name 🙏🏿 🙌🏾
Did you thank God for being able to or wanting to SIN???🤨 Men are supposed to be the HEAD(his head is THE MOST HIGH) if you have to tell a man to hold out for marriage because FORNICATION IS A SIN!! (APOCALYPSE OF PAUL: fornicator was hung by their loins in that place of FIRE) WHAT TYPE OF LEADER IS THAT.. HE SHOULD BE MAINTAINING RIGHTEOUSNESS!!! celibacy IS RIGHTEOUS as The Most High says to do...
@@jewelniles4041 aawww a bit of fornication might get you in a better mood, too.
: Amen ❤
*It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.*
"When we’re not right for each other people start to behave in ways that are not healthy" !!!!
I always ask. Confusion for me leads to hurt feelings. For me there is no decipher I ask. My boyfriend kissed me passionately on our first date so I asked. He told me this was his last rodeo, he wanted love and commitment. I told him I wanted the same thing.. Six months later we are living together and still talk. We don't do deciphering we do direct talk.
And this is how grown ups act. Kuddos 🎉
This is how enlightening a true conversation can be. There is a minimum of interrupting, allowing space to grant a minute for the other to find the "right" word. Also there is a mutual respect needed BEFORE you start a conversation with anyone about ANYTHING, lessening the chance of it becoming argumentative.
The great connection he talks about is for people who grew up in healthy, loving families and have secure attachment style. For those, who haven't - they feel the connection to the wrong thing. We should be aware of that
Something I will say that helped me understand about letting go of the wrong person. We keep hoping and waiting for the person we fell in love with or we thought we were in love with to show up.. That is why women hang on for so long. Cause for us we believe they are still that person, not realizing that person is long gone or that person wasn't who we thought they were. Once you recognize they are not that person anymore .. you will find it much easier to move on.
The biggest nugget of gold is Stephan’s thoughts on how real love actually happens fast. I have so much clarity now. Thank you Stephan and Lisa ❤
Stephen's integrity of character makes him a very attractive man! I think any man who builds his character this way attracts women of equal integrity, both wanting a real, genuine, honest relationship. Great interview. ❤
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the interview. If you want to learn more about relationships and dating, feel free to ask any questions or explore resources on the topic.
Facts
My husband and I call it our ZING! We have had a great energy since the first moment we met! We have a beautiful love for each other 6.5 years later.
Grown up stuff ❤ Congratulations!
I love the level of emotional intelligence going into these conversations. Thank you for pushing us forward and lifting us up.
I always always say” if at anytime you are no longer interested in me please tell me and it’s ok. In turn I will do the same.” I set that at the very beginning. I think it has help me to not be in something if both parties are not into it. There’s no hard feelings between either party.
That’s unrealistic! 😂 emotionally immature men CANT ! They WONT
That's a great approach to communication and setting expectations from the beginning. It shows that you value honesty and respect in a relationship and are willing to be open and upfront about your feelings. This can prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings down the line, and allows for a more mature and healthy approach to dating and relationships. Keep it up!
Right on. That’s called clarity, maturity, and establishing boundaries.
Awesome ❤
Lots of men won't tell you the truth. That doesn't work. You should know for yourself if someone isn't on the same page as you.
Totally true, if the Man is unwilling to provide safety and commitment I'm not opening up.
I’ve listened to several of his videos that came from nowhere. I’ve been married for 30 years this November. I’m educated and have a career. I agree and disagree with this young man. It’s not tricky, it’s actually very easy. Its’s about respect for one’s boundaries. Working with you? It’s called respect. Women must seek thee first The Kingdom of God. Stay grounded. Stay true to yourself. Respect Yourselves , listen and no more.
#4 there’s a difference between fun sex and intimate sex. Intimatacy connects the souls which requires love.
If you are a child of God, there's no such a thing as fun sex. Leave the fun to the funny guys. You are a serious woman that needs to be taken seriously. Remember that😊
@@JC50-joyOf course there is lots of fun sex! Within marriage
@@JC50-joyExactly! ALL sex connects the souls, it’s called a SOUL TIE!!!
@@JC50-joy I think married couples can have fun sex ad it's perfectly OK.
This is a great conversation. The older I get; I don’t know if I really like someone until maybe 2nd or 3rd date. I determine potential friendship first and then romantic second. First dates should 💯 be simple if serious about dating. I judge men that sleep around. I don’t want any of that.
I agree. It’s not that I judge men who sleep around, and you probably don’t really judge them either. We’re just much less likely to be interested in building a relationship and having sex with them because of the potential for contagion and the likelihood that they won’t have the self control or self discipline for monogamy. They’d be more likely to stray from any sexual relationship.
I truly believe that relationships between two people who are compatible and who both desire monogamy have the greatest chance for success and happiness.
I agree that a simple date and no sex and like the fella says "Lunch or brunch " very smart
My key takeaways :
-the true value should be getting to know the person
- pay attention to how you feel ( be mindful that you are more likely to be lenient when you like a person ; still go in to the situation being you look for if their a right fit for YOU)
That's Two signs, (thank you), what's the 3rd?
Awesome conversation.
I want to see the truth and live in the truth.
God bless!
If a man has sex w you on the first date, he’s not marriage material, leave him ( if you’re interested in marriage)
My biggest take away...being turned down may actually be a blessing (and it is a big deal/real effort for men) it then frees me up for future relationships. I should be thankful to my exes...
I went on a coffee date with a guy. He had suggested a coffee date b/c it allowed us to not have have to spend a lot of money on a date that might not lead to more dates. “If it doesn’t work out, it was just coffee”. I actually respected that logic and ever since then those types of dates I don’t think, wow, this guy’s not really trying.
He should be really trying though. The getting to know compatibility part shouldn’t be the first date. Like I’m about to have a first date with a gentleman and he’s going all out. We talked on the phone for two hours last night and prior to that we’d been flirting online for months. Can’t ever redo a first date. That’s why I have phone conversations first.
@@e.zwegat7130 if the coffee date goes well, you can continue the date elsewhere, but I don’t need a complete stranger to pull out all the bells and whistles on the first date. I don’t really like talking on the phone, especially to a stranger, so there aren’t going to be any 2hr phone conversations before I’ve met someone. But everyone’s different in how they approach dating and what they expect.
@@Aerie925 100%
A coffee date is a warm up date to see if things work out.
Start small, then go bigger.
@@mirola73 it’s a good warmup to see if there’s any chemistry. If you’re enjoying each other you can continue to the date elsewhere or make plans for another date. If no chemistry, neither person has to invest a lot of time or money.
You can meet for coffee after work, but I have had several different dates that started out that way, then ended up clubbing all evening afterward or dinner and clubbing all evening. It was fun for both I think.
This is so good. Women we have to know ourselves and what WE want. Most times we know what box we’ve put them in as well before a date. The problem is, if they’ve put us in the sex box we can’t handle it 😂 we start doing everything to try to prove we’re worth being in the girlfriend or wife box, even if we don’t want to be (with him)!! It might be ego, it might be an identity or worth issue, but either way focus on self, and if they don’t fit that’s okay!
This was the best comment! Your phrasing made my perspective really shift and made me question, is this really actually coming from a woman's own truth in wanting more, a biology thing, OR is it an adopted cultural view that makes us feel women are supposed to be a certain way?
💯
Could you please list all the boxes you put men in before date?
I TOTALLY agree with his view on keeping the first dates simple. Because I have found it's MUCH easier to make a real connection in those situations than it is in a place with too many distractions, like a bar/club, movies, concerts, etc. A personally prefer to go fishing with my dates, because it's something we both (usually) tend to enjoy, and it's quiet and personal enough for us to really get to know each other.
I agree with you guys!! Love can happen really fast!! Just like when you’re shopping for a home!! When you step into that home or area, it just feels like home!! Everything falls into place!! You may eventually discover flaws and imperfections, but it’s usually something that you can deal with. It just feels right!!!❤❤❤
I like this
Yes!
A few months ago I was going through a bit of midlife crisis. It wasn't as bad as it had been around my 40th birthday and the months following, but I was still going through it, though, and was beginning to heal by deciding to lean into my femininity (something I hadn't realized I'd sort of lost until my midlife crisis. Nearly a decade of being a single parent with the father pulling "That kid ain't mine!" So I'm doing it all solo and had to provide the masculine energy as well.) At any rate, around this point of learning to be more selfish and feminine, a ridiculously handsome single dad friend of mine started coming around more with his adorable daughter. I had Friend Zoned myself with this dude as I'd met him shortly before my 40th birthday and thought he was 24-26 years old. Too young! For over a year I thought this until he confided that he, too, has struggled with getting older and revealed he's actually in his 30's. (He'd also told me "Age is just a number" when I talked about my own midlife crisis. 40, single mom, too many cats...living trope.) He also commented on my decor the first time he entered my home "So you like pink, huh?" (It's only gotten more pink since) and said he could use a woman's touch around his home and with his daughter; her mom is barely in the picture by her own choice. That little girl has had a hold on me from through moment I first set eyes on her. One of those toddlers where most women stop dead in their tracks "Oh. My. God!" when you first see her. Just wanna dress her up like a little princess and spoil the crap out of. The feeling has only grown since getting to know her and watching her grow from a 2 year old into a tiny little person who expresses herself over the past year and a bit. Hearing that she's in need of a more maternal figure broke my heart; she's so precious. Then he asked for my help around the place, saying he could use some help painting and stuff. He offered to pay, but I don't want to take his money when I know he's not much better off financially than I am. I'm just happy to help with things that I'm good at and also it's more rewarding doing these things for a friend than it is to clean my own home that I clean all the time. Initially, he was going to just paint his walls white, but the more time I spent with him in his home cleaning and talking, I noticed he is not a white walls guy and told him so. One day while cleaning his kitchen, a comment he made while holding something he'd foraged from the woods made me realize he needs the outdoors brought indoors "That's it! An enchanted fairy forest vibe is just perfect for you and Daughter!" As we've been spending more time together painting his walls forest green, I didn't notice myself doing something with someone I haven't done in a long time...actually letting my guards down and letting them in. I don't let too many people get close; my closest friends are people I've known for 20+ years and we never would have thought we'd be friends forever when we met. (Maybe the one did. She was a co-worker who seemed to instantly decide I was her new best friend whether I liked it or not not.)
Other people seemed to know something before I did, given comments like "happy little family" "I think there's Something there." My mom pointed out "He wanted to spend Halloween with you. He came over on Christmas day. He's spending New Years Day with you. Its you he's coming to for help with his place and daughter." I brushed it all off, especially my mom since she reacted exactly as I did upon first laying eyes on his daughter: stopped dead in tracks "Oh. My. God!" And then told me to marry the dad upon learning he's single. "I'm not his type. He's a total hippy and I only dressed the part until getting to know him and realizing I'm just a hippy by city standards, but I'm too much of a city girl to be a true hippy." But then one day while we were working together (really well, as we always do) I realized "He feels like Home." I've never had that before. While I was visiting relatives, I looked at the time and thought "He'll be picking Daughter up from daycare about now and I wish I was there to hear about her day and to find out if That Boy was bullying her again. The thought of anyone picking on her!" And I realized "I want that life. He's my future husband and she's my other daughter, even if I'm not really her mom and I don't feel like I'm a good enough mom to my own daughter sometimes. I already love her like she's my own. I want to mom the crap out of her and spoil her and give her a pretty princess room and give her everything I give to Own Daughter." But ofc he needs to agree to this and want this with me himself 😅
We're not quite There or even Official yet. He doesn't try to Get Any from me, but it's not because he doesn't desire me. We had a talk, he knows how I feel (it all came tumbling out the other day) and he's said he's had those thought about me, too, but he doesn't want to just jump into things like he did with Daughter's Mom and that while he likes everything he's seen so far, we haven't seen eachothers worst sides yet and so we don't know if we can handle eachothers bad sides yet. So for the time being, we're still just doing things together but not doing eachother (or anyone else!) and vibing real well, everyone else seems to see us as being in a relationship and it feels very much like one but he's holding back on things but not in a using or stringing me along way. (Lmao ❤ he called while I was wrapping this up 💖🥰) I love him and I'm pretty sure he's feeling the same but not quite ready to say it.
It's intersting to see, as a 40-something woman divoced with children, how the dating game is different. I know what I want, I know my value and worth, I can verbalise my desires. If this pushes away a man, well better now then in 6 moths after investing so much! I guess what is at stake is different since family and nest building is no longer such an important preoccupation. Sexual promiscuity neither... I just don't care anymore what society has to say about this, weather your a man or a woman. We are so afraid to be clear... Happy I am getting past that.
No high value man wants some old chick with kids sorry to tell you that but you must lower your standards in order to find a man..
This is such a lie. Value comes with having children for some men… some men want a family and never had one. Also, some men aren’t shallow and don’t care about you being 40ish, they care about your morals, your kindness and the chemistry between the two of you.
There are sexy, high value, morally sound men out there interested in someone like her!! Facts
@@anteantic986 well, didn't lower, got them up instead. Guess this «old chick» as you disrespectfully qualify a women you don't know has found a high value man. Very happy with the outcome. Don't adhere too strickly to some kind of functioning system, it closes doors for you. Instead, make the best you can from your life and aim high. Understand what are your goals in life, what are your values, become someone that has something to bring to the table but only bring it if you fell the other is up to your standards. Or else, you set yourself up for an abusive relationship. Who cares if it is not the written story society wants us to follow. You are setting yourself a glass ceiling by overthinking what «general man» want. You are setting yourself for failure. Weather you are a man or women telling derogatory untrue things hiding behind your keyboard, life has more to offer then what you portray. Good luck passing that.
Had two "serious" relationships, then was happy and independent alone when I met someone younger. I thought "I really like him, we can be friends and just hang out" ... Its now 34 years later. Still in love and he tells me the same at least twice a day. Be you & treat each date as just a date for a while.
I do agree with this, but also look at our own patterns. I've held back many times because things weren't right, subconsciously I knew it, but I protect myself by holding back. I can't make a guy mine who doesn't want to be there. Put in healthy boundaries that we need.
👏
This man is incredibly! !!! He is understanding women so much!!
Yes God is what we all need. As for wanting I want friendships and relationships that are genuine, caring and supportive, because that enhances life! 💖
Hi how r u
No, I will go with the guy who hangs in there with me for weeks into months until “ I “ am comfortable. We can be friends first. We both must invest time, money and feelings. Once we become involved past a friend then we will change roles from friends to being a couple.
I agree that building a foundation of friendship first can be beneficial in creating a strong and healthy relationship. It's important for both partners to invest time and effort in getting to know each other, building trust and intimacy. By taking the time to establish a strong connection, you are more likely to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship. Keep in mind that the pace of the relationship should be determined by both partners, and it's okay to take things slow if that's what feels right.
It's such an important aspect; patience and friends (but not in the friend zone)
I agree. I just went on a date and the guy insisted on paying for my bill even with my ordering something for my kiddo, although it was high. He walked me to the car and I put the food in and awkwardly gave him a hug bc his body language was expecting something more. Lies all lies😬
The sex part is so right that is why you shouldn't have it too soon especially if you have no real connection or you're not comfortable yet.
Preach! That hit hard..." you avoid the red flags." 15 years later. I finally walked away and opened room for a lovely, healthy relationship. Thanks for your insights, Stephan.
Knowing right away whether a person is right for you. Every age dating men, I’ve always felt it, even blinded through attachments. The soul knows.
1:49:00 When it takes time it's not love.... but when it's taking time it's me trying to getting accustomed to his presence, it's me learning to tolerate him and grow attached to him. Whooo! That truth just set me free. I thank God for you Stephan.
Wheeewww I felt that almost made me cry!!! God is amazing!
Yes 💯 that one hit me like a ton of bricks. I know its true.
Wooooooowww!! 🤯💯💜Facts!!!
My husband and I had our first “date” at McDonald’s. He bought me a Mocha Frappe and we have been together ever since 🥰
That is actually good advice - low key first date. Removes pressure of finances or sex. But it does rely on first impression processing. I think more people should use better screening before the first date, asking better questions, quick 5 min face time etc, so as to avoid wasting too much in person time. Then being hyper aware of red flags and asking the right questions rather than floating through it. Being clear before you even start dating on what you are looking for (essentials and desireables) and your own boundaries (hard and soft). It's about tactics, rather than blaming the other sex for this or that.
this talk made me realise i will be forever single, thanks! turning 25 in 3 weeks
🤣🤣lmao 💀
Me too 😂 far too complicated . Like my peace of mind as single woman!
From my experience this term toxic has been demonstrated when they pull back the attention, which causes confusion...mixed messages/ which really comes through is a type of negativity where I started feeling bad about myself and it really was generated by the man whose actions before showed they wanted me. I value these talks but the truth is when a man wants to exit leaving anyone feeling bad about themselves is unacceptable...these men need to just man up and find better ways to end a rather good experience until it didnt work for them.
‘We don’t live life to decide and create who we want to be, we live life to discover who we actually are’. 💥💥💥
Right?! That was Fire!! 🔥🎤
Yesssss!!!🙏🏽🔥🙏🏽🔥
This is why I do drinks only for first date. I don’t want a man to spend money on dinner not knowing if we will be a good match.
I don’t sleep with them early on either. It just muddies the water of whether there is real connection.
So I met a man and we went on a few dates already he has been a gentleman so far. We did kiss and tried to touch I told him I'm not wanting sex and it would be when I'm ready he told me that I am worth the wait! We still talk and he sends messages and we go out to dinner or do fun things. I'm hoping this man is the right one but I'm praying to God that he directs me.
It's all about perspective and staying true to oneself. Keeping expectations low but standards high. Loved how Stephan was brutaly genuine in this interview and also reminded us of how fundamentally different men and women think and what each gender needs in order to feel connected. Thanks Lisa and Stephan for such a real, necessary, and enlightening topic!
Thanks for pointing that out!! Expectations low and standards high ❤
My husband waited almost 2 years. I told him no sex until marriage . He respected me. Happily married 14 years.
That's great to hear! It's important to set boundaries and have mutual respect in a relationship. Congratulations on your long and happy marriage.
I NEED a man like that 😭
Every time I listen to this man, everywhere, on any podcast, he's speaking truth - I never heard something that wasn't thoughtful, from a good faith, usually right in the point and often so eye opening! I love listening to him and I hope more and more ppl start realizing the tings he's saying
I had been trying to force feelings for a man I’ve been dating for a couple of months but knew something was up with him..,turns out he was dating two other women at the same time. He was not attentive and rarely called during the week…my intuition was telling me something was off. And he was upset that I ended it! Lol. I’m kinda done with dating for awhile and am waiting for the right one to fall in my lap…I’m tired lol
Stephan is so smart, understanding, compassionate and realistic about both man & woman as human beings trying to figure out the complexity of dating. Lisa is always a great interviewer and keeps the conversation flows easily. I can understand/relate to both men and women in this process, hope each of us can focus on self development, self awareness, honestly to self and others and spend time to learn about conscious dating and relationship education. I appreciate your time and wisdom shared in this podcast!!! ❤
For my understanding right now, if that person is a potential good match, we don't have to try too hard; and if he/she is not the one, be honest and brave enough to accept this is not it and move on, as quickly and peacefully as we can 💖
"How they handle your feelings about it" is key. thank you
This interview was so insightful & informative. Stephan explains things so plain & simply while being very respectful of other people’s lifestyles. We need more conversations like this
It's called oxytocin! It's the same chemical that bonds a mother to her newborn during breastfeeding. It is meant for lasting connection. It's not a fault or weakness. If he's not the one, wait!! Don't struggle to detach from someone who was auditioning your body and never truly connected to YOU! Self-care is priority!
THANK YOU SO MUCH STEPHEN for standing up for morals and standards. Sex is not bad or ugly,.... sex is a very a sacred power God gave us to BOND with a deep relationship, saved for that spouse, & a power to give life. The risk of toxic relationships, sexual assault, rape, an innocent child being born, & spread of STD'S, are too high for everyone to freely give sex. The risks are not worth the high now.
Disagree that men trying it on or trying to have sex isn't disrespectful. It totally is. You can express sexual interest in many ways that don't include trying to have sex. I don't think women should feel overly concerned with not hurting a guys poor ego by not staying true to herself and setting aside her own standards and values for the sake of a guys poor feelings. This idea that a guys sexuality is called into question is an issue of men's own making. Women are not responsible. Men are expecting women to sleep with them with zero investment n as if sex has absolutely no value, so why are they surprised when the same standards of relating are slapped in their face like that? If they want sex to mean something, it should start with it meaning something to them first.
@N J when the same standards of relating are slapped in their face like that?
well said
Exactly why should a Women end up feeling as a piece of meat
I always liked simplified things especially on first few days, go to walks, get coffee and chat, do something together, makes me feel at ease so I don't feel uncomfortable at expensive first date dinners.
Walk the dog together.👩🎨🐕🐾🐾🐾
"If you are concerned about his intentions... keep him talking! If you get someone talking enough, they will expose themselves. When people have to keep answering questions in the natural flow of conversation, it's hard for them to keep their lies straight. Don't hold back, because these questions can expose his real intentions." BEWARE of your 'confirmation bias' where you're hoping and looking and listening for certain indicators from him. It could cause you to ignore other bad signs that may be staring you in the face. So, approach each meeting with a relaxed attitude; not with high expectations. Enjoy the moment but remain aware and register significant comments! Don't dismiss anything with: 'I can change him if I'm the one'. If he starts off by saying he's not looking for a serious r'ship, he's extremely unlikely to change his mind and you don't want to go on a mission of changing his mind. Also beware: you could easily go from being 'potential wife' to someone he just wants to sleep with. "It's hard to upgrade and very easy to be downgraded and NOT because he was using you from the start. Most men have great difficulty 'ending it' even when they're no longer intending a permanent situation."
Well said.👩🎨🐕
It’s all about connection indeed. You feel free to be yourself and beyond, getting the best out of you to share with the chosen one! So lovely and powerful! Thank you
My feelings coincided with something one of my boyfriend’s father said. He told his son, that for a woman, sex can be more emotional than it is for a man. Men, may be able to zip up and walk away. He counseled his son to be mindful of that. For me, I was very chaste because I was guarding my heart. I knew that sex would attach me to this person, and cause greater heartbreak if it didn’t work out. Of course, old school thinking was part of it, too. No girl wanted a bad reputation.
I like the fact that Stephan says 'If each person is willing to put in the work on themselves, they could still have a chance at things working out between them'. I feel that sometimes, people just didn't understand how harmful they had been during a relationship that could have gone great if they had some inward insight and understanding about how they operate and also their partner. But if (even if late) they work hard on gaining that insight and understanding about themselves at least, they can become a better person for that effort, and even if a second time around doesn't come along for them, at least you would have improved yourself into probably being, not only a better partner, but also daughter, sibling and friend.
Yes, personal growth and self-improvement are crucial for successful relationships. It takes effort and introspection to recognize our own flaws and work on them. In doing so, not only can we become better partners, but also better individuals in all areas of our lives. It's important to remember that relationships are not just about finding the right person, but also about being the right person.
I always split the check 50/50 on date one. If I really like you, I’ll let you pay or I’ll ask you to kiss me. It’s how I roll and it makes things less of a guessing game. When a man lets me dictate the pace of intimacy and doesn’t press anything, I’m usually much more interested in him. If I like a guy, I can go grocery shopping for our date…I don’t care. My new guy and I literally had a date doing an errand I had to do at IKEA a day ago…he met me there and stood in line for 1.5 hours and was happy to do it just to spend time together.
I always split the check 50/50 on date one. If I really like you, I’ll let you pay or I’ll ask you to kiss me. It’s how I roll and it makes things less of a guessing game. When a man lets me dictate the pace of intimacy and doesn’t press anything, I’m usually much more interested in him. If I like a guy, I can go grocery shopping for our date…I don’t care. My new guy and I literally had a date doing an errand I had to do at IKEA a day ago…he met me there and stood in line for 1.5 hours and was happy to do it just to spend time together.
Making a “move” has different aspects not limited to initiating physical touch, making a move is also articulating vocally your intentions
Yes, especially to the last part! The worst advice I hear people giving women is to see instant connection as a red flag. They also tell them to go on multiple dates with a guy and keep pushing forward in it even if they feel no attraction, connection or chemistry. I never hear men being told this!! If a man isn't feeling it he doesn't force the issue!!
It all comes back down to don't be giving out sex and let the guys see the value of a true relationship and commitment. Instead everyone is ready to get instant things when they honestly haven't even done any work to figure out if there's substance. This is why more men used to put in the effort and get to know the lady because there are certain perks that come with that including sex. No wonder there is no motivation to get to true connection- everyone is not even being challenged to grow!
It's all about the vibe for me. I know it's a no just from a text...ask questions on the very first date, boundries...Great interview! 💫✨
What an absolutely powerful and informative discussion!!!! So much to empower one to speak transparently, notice red flag jargon and identify when the connection is there in a relationship!!!! This is fantastic and worth listening to more than once. Thank you both! Stephan, you’re incredible.
I think that ultimately, everything is mutual. So a man losing interest means the two of you aren't vibing on the same level - though we as women can have a hard time SEEING it. This mismatch is an event as neutral as "that couch doesn't look good in my living room" even if it stings! He is doing you a favor by taking distance so that you can open up for someone more aligned. It's all about trusting and believing there's an abundance of men out there 🥰
It's not always that, sometimes I've met guys that will have sex with anybody without concerns about their enjoyment or pleasure. And that is also in relationships. The last 3 guys were all about their wants/needs without enough regard for me. It was all one sided. The last guy never even asked me out.
@@EMuro-wu7uy sorry to hear that!
It’s Not okay! Why Stephen says in many videos men look at us as easy when it gets out we sleep with other men! Yet we are expected to by the guy? Then WE aren’t the one? Men get BORED & spoiled there’s not often a real REASON - online dating gives guys a variety so they won’t focus
@@EMuro-wu7uy how did he sleep with you if he failed to ask you out ????
Going out as friends isn't the same as date, and a date is not obligated to have sex. I'm very picky about who I have sex with, and circumstances. I also for the first few stay sober, to be on safe side.
I recently ended things with a guy who turned to be an incredible liar and overall snake. I used to think he didn't like me and it was all just a game. Looking at the bigger picture, I think he was genuine in the beginning. Things ultimately failed because he succumbed to his inner demons. I found peace in knowing the situation is much bigger than me. He will keep failing until he addresses his internal problems.
@dsr.w,I could relate ,similar situation I was in ,had to break free. From this manipulater I had pure lies ,too much deception,Thank God it didn't go far ,long distance,no sex or money was involved,leave me NJ choice but to protect my heart ,and love and trust God more,by his stripes we are healed,in everything,thus one was mot sickness ,was a situation🫣🙏
I think a lot of women end up getting married b/c they’re too afraid to say no. We’re often conditioned to not want to hurt people’s (especially a man’s) feelings, so women often say yes to proposals that they don’t really want either.
“Dating for dinner” Is a real thing 😂 now, it’s never been my sole intention to go out with a guy simply to get a few meal, but sometimes if I’m not sure about a guy before I go out with him, I rationalize it as, “well, if things don’t work out, you got a meal out of it”-if that makes sense
you're a monster
Honestly, rationalizing it as "at least I'll get a meal out of it" probably creates a barrier to connection.