"Love is Not Enough in Intimate Relationships!" You NEED These 3 Things As Well with Matthew Hussey

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
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    ▶️ Recommended for you: • Matthew Hussey: “I Wis...
    Today we’re back for ROUND 2 of all things relationships with none other than the insightful relationship coach, Matthew Hussey. Whether you’re healing a broken heart or exploring a new relationship, today’s episode is a must-listen. We’ll explore why breakups can hurt even when you know it’s for the best, what it truly means to change for someone you love, and how to identify if you’re dating a high-value person.
    Get Matthew's book, "Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What)": amzn.to/3PpQ3LO
    Listen to this episode on the go!
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    For more info about this episode, go to lewishowes.com/XXXX
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    0:00 Intro
    00:03:20 - Chronic Grief and Moving On
    00:06:51 - The Fear of Change and Letting Go
    00:10:14 - The Difficulty of Change in Relationships
    00:13:51 - Changing for Someone Else?
    00:17:23 - The Mirror of Self-Realization
    00:21:01 - Setting Standards in Relationships
    00:24:36 - Developing Personal Standards
    00:28:20 - Finding Love Based on Personal Values
    00:32:07 - The Value of Consistency in Relationships
    00:35:53 - Creating Intimacy Through Painful Conversations
    00:39:07 - Having Difficult Conversations and Establishing Relationship Values
    00:42:38 - Conversations About Future Goals
    00:45:48 - Prioritizing My Health
    0:49:01 - Priorities in a Relationship: Health, Purpose, and Love
    00:52:24 - Priorities for a Healthy Relationship
    00:55:46 - Prioritizing Self and Relationship
    00:59:21 - Prioritizing Relationships
    01:02:50 - The Importance of Compatibility
    01:06:13 - The Importance of Loving Yourself
    01:09:46 - The Problem with the Romantic Model of Self-Love
    01:12:57 - Taking Care of Your Human
    01:16:31 - Taking Care of Your Human
    01:20:06 - Quick Love Update
    #greatness #inspiration #motivation

ความคิดเห็น • 650

  • @lewishowes
    @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +140

    Thanks to Matthew for sharing his wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again TH-cam.com/lewishowes

    • @suedevol
      @suedevol หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Yes

    • @sherajr
      @sherajr หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Yes! Thanks for the out of your league question! Great questions all around 🙌

    • @user-fi9kl1tr4z
      @user-fi9kl1tr4z หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      All that so called high value women with their list of high value qualities, should first learn about the fundamentals in farming, because people started to look for a partner just like they are in the grocery shop choosing amongst a variety of food, but they have no idea what's the quality control preceding the choosing. As I like to say: World is full of so many vegetables with only superficial visible qualities and poor nutritional facts inside. All You guys judge according to the envelope in a list and that's the pity of nowadays humanity! Life and love should go easily and really simply accompanied by the aim to be surprised avoiding to pre describe the surprises in a list....💡❣️🎉💯

    • @narrymanpina7889
      @narrymanpina7889 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yes! ❤Thank you

    • @arundathinadar8185
      @arundathinadar8185 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Mathew has touched upon each and every point that I went through ..it's simply superb

  • @Avarosa
    @Avarosa หลายเดือนก่อน +212

    It's okay to mourn the fact that they were not the one, but don't mourn them AS IF they were the one. ❤

    • @sixx8125
      @sixx8125 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      Thank you for this😢

    • @fletcherfilms101
      @fletcherfilms101 4 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I love this comment

    • @Seraphim7
      @Seraphim7 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

      THIS🤍
      I remember Matthew Hussey saying this 🌞🙏
      🤲🏽🕊️

  • @desertrose111
    @desertrose111 หลายเดือนก่อน +208

    Don't let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband, sometimes you have to show the courage of leaving people you care about in order to find people who care about you.

    • @gregcantaberry7525
      @gregcantaberry7525 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Damn....

    • @Cynthia-rt2mz
      @Cynthia-rt2mz 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

      Your maturity shines through. Excellent job.

    • @tishbailey2330
      @tishbailey2330 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

      So hard to do.😢

    • @desertrose111
      @desertrose111 7 วันที่ผ่านมา +6

      @@tishbailey2330 Absolutely, but think about lifetime of losing your self esteem and yourself entirely staying with someone who doesn't care about you the same way. This is where the comments from folks in their 60's saying they should have left sooner. You have the luxury of time to be decisive now, and the temporary period of healing is nothing compared with a lifetime of happiness.

  • @Journeybacktoself
    @Journeybacktoself หลายเดือนก่อน +412

    1. Admiration
    2. Mutual Attraction
    3. Commitment
    4. Compatibility

    • @elsh332
      @elsh332 หลายเดือนก่อน +54

      It's so hard when you secure the first 3 and then discover that the last one isn't working. By that point, one can be super invested and in denial about the reality of the incompatibility. That scenario makes for a very unpleasant situation.

    • @friederikemaragela6363
      @friederikemaragela6363 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I agree​@@elsh332

    • @lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285
      @lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@elsh332yes

    • @lala5061
      @lala5061 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      ​@elsh332 yes it does...if it naturally can't flow for real cuz people need to change drastically 😬 it's no point 😭

    • @starry589
      @starry589 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      What if 1,3,4 are there and not 2- mutual attraction ☹️

  • @2tzus
    @2tzus หลายเดือนก่อน +478

    I ended a 28-year marriage in my mid 40s; the hardest thing I've ever done. From the outside it was very 'white picket fence' so it threw a real wrench in every aspect of our world, but I knew I couldn't do another 28 years of the same thing. The disentanglement process with friends and family is overwhelming and takes a very long time, but fast forward 14 years, I'm married to a wonderful man and I'm glad I had the courage to make the changes I needed for me. My ex-husband, however, is still single and still sees himself as the victim. All I can do is save myself.

    • @CounselingwithMsMejia
      @CounselingwithMsMejia หลายเดือนก่อน +23

      Thank you for sharing! This gives me hope 🙏🏽

    • @carlareginaga
      @carlareginaga หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      @2tzus you were brave! Congratulations for choosing you first and for the strength you built facing those situations. That's how we grow🙌💜✨👏

    • @sashar5646
      @sashar5646 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      What were the reasons for ending it?

    • @2tzus
      @2tzus หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@sashar5646 There are so many pieces to it... we married young and had two kids in the next few years. If that hadn't happened, I suspect the marriage would have ended by year 5, but we didn't separate until they were young adults. I became the caregiver for both the kids and him, and no one feels romantic about one of their 'kids.' It was just many things through the years that led to me losing respect and not loving him in that way any more. He's a wonderful man, just not one I could spend another 28 years with.

    • @2tzus
      @2tzus หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@esthersbeautysecrets4541 Your story is the same as mine. Everyone says "I could never do online dating," including me, but that's where I met my current husband, and along the way I had a lot of fun and met many wonderful men!

  • @vidalismi9658
    @vidalismi9658 หลายเดือนก่อน +164

    Love when two men have healthy conversations

    • @MS-bs8dd
      @MS-bs8dd หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Right?

    • @ccagrad2002
      @ccagrad2002 25 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Lol

    • @ummagumma00
      @ummagumma00 12 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

      Now I wanna see two women have one😂

  • @priyankadeyray243
    @priyankadeyray243 หลายเดือนก่อน +160

    Matthew Hussey doesn't know how grateful we are for his work

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      👍

  • @danajoseph868
    @danajoseph868 หลายเดือนก่อน +306

    This guy makes so much sense. Rather than make a list of boxes to check off, think about how the person makes you feel daily!!! What women mostly look for is security...that's a feeling that when you know, you KNOW!

    • @sherriflemming3218
      @sherriflemming3218 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

      Credibility is in actions. How they treat you.
      Words and actions need to be aligned.
      Alignment is: Values emotional maturity disposition character lifestyle and worldview. Shared goals.
      Health love is calm and safe.
      Communication and relationship skills.
      The ego seeks the external.
      Safe People by Henry Cloud
      Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
      Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
      Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
      Attached by Amir Levine
      Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
      Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
      Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
      Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
      Kindness
      Consistency
      Communication
      Character
      Committment
      Standards boundaries a bs detector and a backbone.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

    • @AndiAlexander1
      @AndiAlexander1 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      Do both. If you don’t have the right feeling, there is no point. But if you don’t have compatibility, you’re just setting yourself up for pain.

    • @pattyleong902
      @pattyleong902 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      “Taking care of my human” wow, never thought of it that way.
      So powerful! I do anything and everything for my kids but I never thought of myself that way.
      Thank you!

    • @TeaRose9
      @TeaRose9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So much this!!

  • @nicolecalton4032
    @nicolecalton4032 4 วันที่ผ่านมา +10

    When I heard Lewis's priorities, my breath caught in my throat and tears started streaming down my face. I have the EXACT same priorities and have spent years being resented by my spouse for having those exact same priorities. To hear it named by someone else was beautiful and I felt connected. Validated

    • @JoanneGuelke
      @JoanneGuelke 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Those were not my priorities but they are now…

  • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
    @DominionAnako-bb7ry หลายเดือนก่อน +191

    Of course! Going through a breakup can be a challenging and emotional time. It's important to give yourself space to heal and process your feelings. Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you've learned from it. Surround yourself with positive influences and engage in activities that bring you joy. Remember, this is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. You're capable of rebuilding and finding happiness again. Stay strong! 💪❤️

    • @mcm6563
      @mcm6563 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Yes tkank you it's good to have someone out there to encourage us in this new sistem especially when you feel you need to find new ways 'of finding your self and happiness 💌

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      I appreciate your feedback, thank you so much for watching! 🙏🙌

    • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
      @DominionAnako-bb7ry หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@lewishowes Welcome

    • @ericcamulali3219
      @ericcamulali3219 หลายเดือนก่อน

      i love this

    • @samanthameredith2329
      @samanthameredith2329 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Thank you for both of you guys.
      You're amazing and so open.

  • @thematthewhussey
    @thematthewhussey หลายเดือนก่อน +172

    Thank you so much for the beautiful comments everyone! And love you Lewis! Literally one of my favorite people to speak to in the world, both on and off camera. Appreciate you brother.
    For anyone who wants to order a copy of the book you can grab yours at www.lovelifebook.com. Happy reading everyone!! ❤🎉📕

    • @nejatsultan598
      @nejatsultan598 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It was a great episode, thank you

    • @itsheidyrosario.
      @itsheidyrosario. หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      The last part had me in tears thank you so much Matthew. Really needed to hear that I don’t need to come up with any qualities to love myself it’s just my job to.

    • @Optim40
      @Optim40 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I don't know you sound kinda simpish.

    • @Aqua_blue986
      @Aqua_blue986 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Self love in the end 😊❤
      Thank you Sir Matt i enjoyed listening both of you ❤ 📕

    • @hazel4499
      @hazel4499 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      So few people talk about how it feels to be the one initiating the breakup. In fact. I rarely find any talks or articles on the pain felt by the one having initiated the breakup. Thank YOU for acknowledging how hard it is. Thank YOU for talking about this.

  • @yq2280
    @yq2280 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

    Because we hoped that one day they will change but they won’t !

  • @vikkster5723
    @vikkster5723 หลายเดือนก่อน +29

    You have been speaking so much truth. Love is not enough. Lovers need to match lifestyles,morals,desires and dreams to work. Otherwise your lover should be a friend you love.

  • @Angelgirl25
    @Angelgirl25 หลายเดือนก่อน +31

    2 beautiful divine masculine souls having a great conversation. Thank you for this.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      You're welcome, thank you for being here! 🧡

  • @oliviarbanks
    @oliviarbanks หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    The last 20 minutes where Matthew talks about how to really love your self- your Human- and comparing that to the love of a parent and child, unconditional love, that was what really landed for me. Amazing interview- top 5!

  • @hkellam9
    @hkellam9 หลายเดือนก่อน +53

    I'm only 12 minutes into this podcast and I feel like it summarizes the last year of my life in terms of growth and everything I'm currently learning about love and life, grief, heartache, and betrayal and how to move past it. Bravo Matthew And Lewis for this episode

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Appreciate you for watching! 🧡

  • @lenkaa.9955
    @lenkaa.9955 หลายเดือนก่อน +50

    "I love myself because I exist❤". Powerful. Beautiful conversation as always. Thank you guys.

    • @marionmaierphilonatura
      @marionmaierphilonatura หลายเดือนก่อน

      I love myself despite I exist, since existence is error-prone.

  • @DT-wh4qr
    @DT-wh4qr 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +5

    The charm of Matthew is one can listen to him forever.

    • @emilyw9818
      @emilyw9818 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

      He is def G.O.A.T.ed!!!! Love him so much

  • @DSILVAjeiy
    @DSILVAjeiy หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    🤔🎯🏹 Let this sink in...
    Self Priorities 🏆💗
    #1: Health (Mind, Body, Spirit)
    #2: Vision & Purpose
    #3: Healthy Relationship

  • @BirgitGriessner
    @BirgitGriessner หลายเดือนก่อน +37

    Being "my human".. never thought of my life like this before. It's so powerful and beautiful and simple really. And instantly changes perception. Thank you Matthew, from the bottom of my heart.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you so much for watching!

  • @amberscottcmt7400
    @amberscottcmt7400 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    If a guy told me those were his top 3 priorities, I would be ecstatic. I would be able to trust that man, and he'd support my priorities. Health being shared as #1 is ideal.

  • @vent365podcast
    @vent365podcast หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    Do not settle in a relationship. ❤

  • @miraclehands9040
    @miraclehands9040 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    Mathew is really wise. He is tuned in with relationships. We in the US are so f__d up when it comes to living lasting relationships. We need his wisdom and insights.

  • @arthuritis4503
    @arthuritis4503 หลายเดือนก่อน +65

    I lit the fuse that blew up my life... best thing i ever did.

    • @blackeneddove
      @blackeneddove หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      I’m scared to do it. 😞

    • @lala5061
      @lala5061 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      ​@@blackeneddovei can understand 🤗 but how long u gonna wait..there is never a right time...never i tell ya 18 years together spent about 12 of them ready to go time flies it seems there was and still isn't a right time but i finally did it too...i lit the fuse!

    • @blackeneddove
      @blackeneddove หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@lala5061 18 years here, too. I just don’t know how to. Getting a lawyer and all that is so scary/daunting. And sounds super expensive. I don’t really have the money. 😕

    • @TLC717
      @TLC717 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      How did you light the fuse? I feel like I push my husband to be the one to end our relationship so that I don't have to take full responsibility if it is a mistake to end it. This makes me a weak person, I know. The thing is, I pushed him too far in Oct 2022, and he told me he wanted me to leave and we'd be happier apart. I fell to pieces and was heartbroken. I talked him into not ending it. I had to go along with things I hated to get along with him. I moved out in Jan 2023 because I couldn't handle the situation with him and my son. That's a really long story. We decided to keep seeing each other and consider ourselves living separately but not separated. We talk multiple times daily, and I go spend Sunday evenings/ nights with him. I love him, but we really are not compatible in any way. I think we are both unhappy together, but neither of us wants to move on. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting here writing this feeling like my heart is breaking. It's a lose/ lose situation.

    • @AnaGfit23
      @AnaGfit23 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      It’s only been 6 months and while it’s been hard, I don’t regret it one bit now. Even though my extra wasn’t a “bad” person-it wasn’t right. I wasn’t right yet; a lot to work on and I didn’t see enough shared values or compatibility to make it worth it to work on it w him. I wish him the best, but in the end, it was the 100% right move for me.

  • @alethea6781
    @alethea6781 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    As a therapist, I have seen many people change for someone else. They actually just start the process for someone else. As they self-observe, they realize it really is a problem for them too and it’s doable. I’ve also seen people start their change journey because their partner won’t go to couple therapy. If people are open minded and willing to look at themselves, it doesn’t matter why they came to therapy. I think it’s a myth that you have to want to change or hit rock bottom. Just get through the door

    • @anoncspan4129
      @anoncspan4129 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      As a client of someone in your profession. And keep coming through the door, do the work between sessions.

  • @MonaMarMag
    @MonaMarMag หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    First of all we always should be ourselves , not pretend to be someone we are not .
    When someone does not accept us
    as we are , this means that nothing
    will come of it and is simply a waste of his and our time .
    When we are truthful we give the
    other person a chance to choose .
    Anyway ...
    You can not pretend someone you are not for a long time so if someone pretends in relationship
    it is he himself who dooms his
    relationship to failure .

  • @Berryandmango
    @Berryandmango หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    Mr Hussey has matured so beautifully; he has soul and heart. A very decent gentleman. One can sense that these two gentleman love each other.

    • @11080698
      @11080698 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you for seeing the good beyond the physical….

    • @hirsch4155
      @hirsch4155 หลายเดือนก่อน

      They are kind of the inverse of each other the one explains it in the abstract and is really smart the other has lived it and is able to see it clearly and understands the reality of being a mature man but also probably a f**kboi previously lol.
      I think they’re also just on similar wavelength with some shared values.

  • @monamartin2560
    @monamartin2560 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    You felt so alone when you were in the relationship and then you pull the fuse and leave and then you’re still alone after you leave! Because you simply don’t trust anyone!

    • @anoncspan4129
      @anoncspan4129 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Betrayal trauma? Avoidance? What's the issue? It sounds identifiable. Best of luck.

    • @CindyTemple
      @CindyTemple หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      Trust is earned. Take your time and know and trust yourself first. At least now you are free to do so.

    • @monamartin2560
      @monamartin2560 26 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@user-kf3yz7so6q after leaving my narcissistic husband after 30 years I have come to realize that I did what I could to save the marriage my intentions came from love and I will be damned to have him take my power! He is the one that is broken not me! I would rather live alone the rest of my life then live that life ever again! I had to look within myself and ask: what is broken in me to think that I don’t deserve to be treated better than what I am getting from him? Why would I accept this treatment?

    • @andreavanda5402
      @andreavanda5402 16 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I totally understand where you're coming from. Healing takes time and there is no timeline. We just have to try to do the best for ourselves day by day. Some extra help from others is also important. Don't get discouraged because there is life after the narcissist. Maybe not exactly the life you imagined but it can be a good one. I know because my life is still a work in progress post narcissist. Don't question yourself, you did the right thing. Don't look back look forward. Good luck in your journey to healing.❤️

  • @Swanselm
    @Swanselm หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I would’ve changed if I knew where I needed to put more effort into. People need to also learn to communicate their needs and expectations. You can’t just have these one sided expectations and expect the other person to just know

  • @heatherh5639
    @heatherh5639 วันที่ผ่านมา

    When Lewis says he is always emotionally there for his partner, sees and appreciates her, makes time for their relationship, I feel this is the core foundation in building a long term relationship ❤

  • @yvonnegrant1173
    @yvonnegrant1173 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    This Guy is super intelligent and wise. Thanks for having him Lewis ‼️‼️‼️

  • @JH-je6ij
    @JH-je6ij หลายเดือนก่อน +22

    So great to listen to these two gorgeous intelligent men interact with genuine liking and respect for each other on a subject they clearly care about.❤

    • @JH-je6ij
      @JH-je6ij หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      By the way, it was never about the nose. A shame she (and maybe he) didn't realize that quicker.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @impactmakerstribe
    @impactmakerstribe หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    Healthy relationships also need trust , respect , good communication and shared goals.

    • @user-kf3yz7so6q
      @user-kf3yz7so6q 26 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Yes, and all these qualities are missing from a relationship with a narcissist🥹….so sad.

  • @sandrinasantos7864
    @sandrinasantos7864 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    The definition of self-love presented by Matthew at the end... Wow. Mind changing.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @BreathSearch
    @BreathSearch หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Loving yourself because I'm my human, it's my job. This is very healing.

  • @jeromedowney6751
    @jeromedowney6751 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    #1 Health, #2 Vision, #3 Peace and Intimacy.

  • @elizabethmeulenbelt2850
    @elizabethmeulenbelt2850 หลายเดือนก่อน +23

    This is probably my favorite podcast for both parties. There was so much takeaway here, and the best that I've seen of Matthew. Thank you.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Love hearing that from you!

  • @yougotgroove
    @yougotgroove หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    You don't need to recreate your life you need to detach from the life that you created from external sources.
    You need to detach from all of that nonsense and connect with that authentic self and the only way to do that is to remember who you were. Because that's actually who you are .
    That's what a spiritual awakening is

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

    • @lala5061
      @lala5061 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yeeesss 🙏🏽

    • @anoncspan4129
      @anoncspan4129 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Agree in general. One caveat. Try to identify the parts of your authentic self that you may not feel good about and do that work to create the real authentic self that you want to be... Just a thought.
      Nobody starts perfect, ya know? Not saying to throw the baby out with the bath water, love yourself to heal yourself of course.

    • @yougotgroove
      @yougotgroove หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@anoncspan4129 that's right. We have the ego we have the shadow self, these are all parts of our authentic self, and it's pretty authentic to have that subconscious mind fooling you and running the show.
      We become aware of this through meditation, we become mindful and that's when the connection with self occurs
      This is Awakening
      Where do you think that cliche phrasecame from in the first place ..we I've heard this phrase we have said this phrase and we've probably experienced it a few times, I know I have.
      It was a couple of ego deaths...
      Also known as a rude awakening

    • @yougotgroove
      @yougotgroove หลายเดือนก่อน

      @anoncspan4129 yes! Through shadow work! Meditation will also help you sort through your subconscious mind. Suppressing the shadow self is common... we can't grow until we do this....very important point

  • @gamesrfun2725
    @gamesrfun2725 4 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    I’ve learned after so many failed relationships that those priorities are ABSOLUTELY it. I MUST care for myself and maintain my purpose or not only am I no good to my partner, but I’m no good to anyone.

  • @shirleylimongi1093
    @shirleylimongi1093 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Just finished watching this and I cried at the part where Matthew was describing how we should be thinking of self love. Probably the most beautiful description I’ve heard anyone explain what that looks like. Thank you so much.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @georgiallmd
    @georgiallmd หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    The part about self love is so profound and brought me to tears. Thank you both 🙏

  • @DelSunflower33
    @DelSunflower33 หลายเดือนก่อน +27

    Love is an action. Yes.

  • @carlaescobar8369
    @carlaescobar8369 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I still believe in self-care and self-love. The thing is a play of words. I grew up as an average kid, and my siblings and cousins were exceptional in school and other things. So one day, when I was in 5th grade, I looked at the mirror and said, "You're okay. It doesn't matter what they think. As long as you think you're okay, then you're okay." Self love was my strength growing up, and it still is up to this day. 😊 It just never should be perceived and defined egotistically. It should be defined soulfully, where everyone is stripped off labels and titles. 😊

    • @cyndigooch1162
      @cyndigooch1162 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Good on you and you were the most intelligent child of them all, not that it's a competition! ❤

    • @JoanneGuelke
      @JoanneGuelke 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

      My hindsight is that being kind of average growing up in terms of looks , grades and talents, had a few moments of glory here and there. Think I was a bit learning delayed and seemed like I had to work awfully hard to just get by - although had a few moments of glory here and there. But growing up and not getting a lot of societal validation for being anything so special - it sure makes getting older a lot easier. Nowhere to fall from… I notice with people that have been the high achievers in most aspects of their life there is a resulting loss of identity as they enter their golden years..,

  • @orielwiggins2225
    @orielwiggins2225 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I cannot tell you how much this helps. Lewis your way of interacting with your guests is the best style I've seen/heard.
    Thank you so much for being willing to share your experience with Martha and that convo. You put into words exactly where I am, so much better than I ever could have if I'd even tried. I know my values, but those are my exact top three priorities and I'm single and not even looking or interested in dating at present, but the relationships I have with the closest people in my life is #3. Also your discussion following where you both talk about what those three mean is so valuable. Especially that health includes all facets, purpose changes and may eventually include being a parent, but it's based on the calling I have and need to start in good health to know if and when that shifts.
    I've had my priorities all off most of my life even tho my values have not changed. I idolized a relationship and invested in the toxic person and our unhealthy marriage over my own health and calling and I'm finally twenty years later putting myself and my health first and foremost. Then calling.

  • @karinhare2271
    @karinhare2271 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    I love myself and take excellent care of myself and that makes loving someone else like me so much easier.

    • @addiskassa5165
      @addiskassa5165 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      That is very true!❤

  • @kill3rclown690
    @kill3rclown690 13 วันที่ผ่านมา +4

    Love is not enough period! Just because u both love each other doesent mean ur gonna work out. I learned that the hard way💔😢

  • @jacquelinereardon209
    @jacquelinereardon209 28 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

    I don't know about 'another,' wasn't looking for this one but I am not staying where someone willingly says things that hurt you and refuses to do simple things requested that bring you peace.

  • @jp_4797
    @jp_4797 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    the last 20 minutes or so of this podcast was exactly what i needed to hear. im definitely going to be implementing this belief and sharing this with people who struggle around me. such a great switch in perspective.

  • @andreavanda5402
    @andreavanda5402 16 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    One of my favorite take-a-ways from this podcast, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!

  • @nabilamashnoon7092
    @nabilamashnoon7092 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    One of the best podcasts I have watched till now. Hands down!! Surely buying his book.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!

  • @veslielosius4916
    @veslielosius4916 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    For those who are struggling with having such an amazing first date and the other person ghosted or it just didn’t go to far, I just want to tell you that just because you had an amazing date that doesn’t mean the other person had a great time also. Ilv been on the side where the date was just ok for me, but on the other hand the person had such an amazing time that they found it difficult when I said it wasn’t going to go any further. They even went as far to say that I was fighting off my feeling, so keep that in mind.

  • @nicolelouis8968
    @nicolelouis8968 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Matthew Hussey is very wise and picks up all the concerns another partner might have for relationship. This self love incessant talk never has totally resonated, but this conversation and relationship coach does. Wish I had heard this before to take better care of 'my human'. I often wonder if I was born in the wrong generation, I guess we can only keep trying, no matter what age. Have been beyond hurt,

  • @anacoroquintanilla7668
    @anacoroquintanilla7668 11 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Por supuesto que las rupturas son dolorosas, pero también abrigan una claridad que se impone y hay que darle a ese cambio su oportunidad

  • @desuka5758
    @desuka5758 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    Universe just called me to finish myself with this kind of situation. Keep waiting and wanting this person can turn back and knowing this person won’t let me in his world anymore. Kind a sad to say this here but thanks Matthew and Lewis for this beautiful video.
    What a great video to me find a way knocking my wall of heart.

  • @laurad1487
    @laurad1487 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    I had to make him think he was the one leaving, beacause every time i tried to end it, he would go silient just to the point of maximumgrief and pain, then return all apologies and sweetness. I had to end it by breaking his 2 "conditions", something that he calibrated to go against everything i am. It was like falling on the sword myself or holding the grenade with the lit fuse instead of throwing it, the hardest but most necessary thing I've ever done.

    • @ousontmeslunettes9891
      @ousontmeslunettes9891 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Beautifully written.

    • @orianagarzonmartinez9577
      @orianagarzonmartinez9577 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Tell us more!!

    • @mygoodeyeclosedCC
      @mygoodeyeclosedCC หลายเดือนก่อน

      Proud of you 👏🏻

    • @lala5061
      @lala5061 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes yes...mine was abusive in every way...he literally said he was a reactor I think i figured this out after many years finally he tells me towards the end several times "im a reactor" 🙄 so i had to make him so uncomfortable that he would decide to leave on his own 😅 when I kept trying to put him out it was just horrible...once he decided to cuz he thought he was hurting me it was better 🙄 freaking idiot 😂 good riddance long as it got done it didn't matter to me at that point 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • @bonitavandijk4070
    @bonitavandijk4070 21 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    The best way ever explained how to love myself...wow this was an epiphany..thank you

  • @KellyBremer
    @KellyBremer หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Matthew totally gets it. I love the interviews between him and Lewis. Two super solid guys that set an excellent example for others. I pre-ordered Matthew’s book and am excited to read it. Thank you! ❤✨

  • @eileentynan1947
    @eileentynan1947 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

    Excellent content as usual. Glad to find you on here. I do not always find your shows. Let me make sure I am hooked up. The growth and elevation of your energy is wonderful to witness. Congrats you are smashing it!! My major milestone came when the self-love kicked in and I accepted me- many years of working on reframing life and experiences- The way to experience honoring yourself and creating a healthy relationship is something that is described in a way that makes total sense. Will seek out this book!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thanks for checking out the interview! It's much appreciated.

  • @staciesalvo2437
    @staciesalvo2437 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    ... I had someone who just fit me. We were an amazing team in everything. Had great communication and physically we were fire together. He treated me so well!! I could be me and felt like i was safe. He died 😭😭 and now I'm terrified of not being able to find someone who could match me that well. Or worse yet finding him and losing him too.

    • @akilandagliar595
      @akilandagliar595 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      You have a great capacity to love and be a good partner. That experience give you a vision of an evolve and beautiful relationship. Don't live in the past, do you and open your heart to the new. Be happy and take that love to everything you do. You eventually find your people to share it, friends, family, community and when you are ready a partner. Live and enjoy your present, grow beyond the fear and find you happiness again. It's not in a person is in yourself.

    • @deejoe7424
      @deejoe7424 18 วันที่ผ่านมา

  • @healingwithpatience
    @healingwithpatience หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Love You Matthew Hussey!! You are one of the most genuine men and I know you must have such a tragic and amazingly triumphant backstory to have so much wisdom, insight, and genuine care for others!! I hope you know you Rock everyday!! 💖

  • @mariatwachtman4962
    @mariatwachtman4962 12 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    This guy really talks from his heart! Great interview , makes lots of sense. Grateful for it 😊

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @valeriezaitzieff1462
    @valeriezaitzieff1462 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I believe change is possible in relationships if it is realistic & done incrementally on both sides. The key is being able to negotiate the changes so that its a win/win situatiion for both parties. Lots of patience needed!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts!! 🧡

  • @user-od5ki5km1i
    @user-od5ki5km1i หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Validation is complementary. Some people don't want to be asked about what they need, some just need affection, doing a kindness, calling out of the blue and saying what are you up to, just thinking about you,a short conversation a quick connect.

  • @claudiabefeld1226
    @claudiabefeld1226 19 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Dear Matthew, I am SO GRATEFUL that someone has the courage these days to mention at least the possibility, that in fact some part of our behaviour really is not acceptable. We tend to swing from extreme to extreme, but witin the last decades I very ofte experienced people one would have called "egoistic" in former days. No we call it "heathy self-love". In my marriage I hadn't been less difficult than my other person in a sense of being too dominant, not letting others wishes and opinions ever be the compromise. The marriage almost ended, and this trauma for the first time really had me reflect on myself...with the eyes of the others. This changed me: From someone always trying to get my way I now listen...and can make compromises or even accept the other one's decision (for both of us). If I had told me "he doesn't love me because he cannot accept me the way I am..." I would have missed the essential point: I indeed had aspects of behaviour one should at least reflect upon. I delivered my part. He has to go through his own transformation. But we have a real chance that it works. Long story short message: Do not reject every critique reg. your personality without at least accepting the possibility that there might be truth in it.

  • @ummagumma00
    @ummagumma00 12 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา

    I was devastated when my girlfriend dumped me, but now I wouldn't want her back. It's such a relief!🙏

  • @TeaRose9
    @TeaRose9 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Love this!! Thank you for saying this because I definitely knew I shouldn’t get married when I was walking down the aisle but couldn’t bring myself to turn around and walk out. My first marriage was for our child I had already had.

  • @blackeneddove
    @blackeneddove หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    I have never been so engaged in an hour and 20 minute podcast before. Especially with two individuals I have never seen before in my life. But somehow I have been brought to this video. And I am so grateful.
    Now not only have I finished listening, I have returned to listen for a second time. And I will be getting the book as well.
    Trying to determine if I am to light the fuse to blow up my life or not. I have the lighter in my hand…
    Thank you, Matthew.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @guitarsz
    @guitarsz หลายเดือนก่อน

    Loved hearing you break down the priorities Lewis. You seem extremely clear on those and it’s very thought provoking and inspiring.

  • @orielwiggins2225
    @orielwiggins2225 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Oh my gosh. Thank you both. Matthew, your work is fantastic and I'm so excited for you, since I found you around a decade ago and it's been great to watch you learn and shift and grow as I've done the same.
    Your perspective here on loving yourself is a subtle, but important shift for me. It took decades for me to be ok with the idea of self care and I still struggle with both that and liking myself a lot of days (tho I think I've fallen in love with my true character, I still have a very active inner citric and trauma therepy is helping). But this idea of me being the only human I'm responsible to nurture and grow and such, I mean it's likely just semantics, cuz I already have a mindset (that I fail to stay in) of treating myself the way I would my beloved daughter whom I've given everything even my health for. I will be re watching this several times cuz that and some other things were enough of a language change that I think it's helping take the positive pieces I've finally collected and starting to put them together like the whole picture they were supposed to be decades ago.
    Thank you both so much.

  • @shannonreed5129
    @shannonreed5129 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    One of the best podcasts I've heard. So many powerful nuggets in this! Thank you!! I had pre-ordered this book and it arrived on my birthday! So excited to dive in.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @raayshreekaulesarsukul5615
    @raayshreekaulesarsukul5615 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Matthew and Lewis: gold! Mindblowing!👏👏👏

  • @impactmakerstribe
    @impactmakerstribe หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Love might inspire you, but effort keeps the relationship strong.

    • @liseduedue2715
      @liseduedue2715 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Exactly ❤nobody speaks about effort or sympathy anymore.
      It’s all about “ me” all over… look what they say “ I would like to find someone who caress about ME, so that I can stop just to care about someone else….. what about meeeee???
      The word of God say “ you should care about yourself as you care about others “!!!! So, what kind of “ love” are the world trying to teach people?? Soon everybody will be just caring themselves and we’re not far away from the narcissistic people who at the time are so badly spoken of … so where’s the limit here?
      This kind of promotion is a proactively attitude to make us ready for “ a new coming system “… of te world. It’s not going to work out

  • @decuhka
    @decuhka หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This episode helped me a lot with grasping the idea of selflove that we are bombarded with all day every day and we tend to feel guilty because we can not comprehend the essence of it, but "Taking care of your Human" was awesomely put

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much for watching!

  • @GenXMystic
    @GenXMystic หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I love how he explains self love.

  • @user-py2hq3ud2h
    @user-py2hq3ud2h หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    YES! Loved it! Fantastic episode - so interesting. I learned a lot & especially enjoyed the last 15 minutes where Matthew discussed loving yourself using the Parent Child model. Excellent advice

  • @malikag6332
    @malikag6332 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    The way you both have a conversation is awesome . Love how you both interact ❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @gildagiven
    @gildagiven หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    There's no need to blame yourself for what you did for yourself. 🌸

  • @catladyandkittens
    @catladyandkittens หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Listen up Dumpers! This is so spot on! 🤯 But....
    Honestly this was me a year ago. it's very hard to be the dumpee, but I thank everything and cherish the beautiful memories and more, since we have a wonderful child who is with me. Yes! I still have demons of toxicity in me and my emotions are still up and down but I can contain it and make myself calm and cast it away. It's all water under the bridge. As long as he is healthy and not sick, I am satisfied to see him that he is happy and content. I already forgive him and both of us are moving on, It's for my own benefits of inner peace and self love and good examples for our child, that we're going to be fine, that he's father is still around us and supporting each other in every way as a co parents. ❤❤❤

  • @user-uj4cs4ew6v
    @user-uj4cs4ew6v หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you both for this amazing talk. So much gold here!

  • @cyndigooch1162
    @cyndigooch1162 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    This was an extremely beautiful, not to mention interesting, conversation, especially the my person segment at the end!
    It's important to add though that not all parents are capable of loving their child, or children, just for being due to their own unhealed trauma issues, which I can definitely attest to. ❤

  • @marianorton8190
    @marianorton8190 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Mathew you bring light to my life when you emphasise our Self Love and nurturing ourselves first most ! It makes soo much sense …! Blessings to both of you .., keep up the awesome work you both do ! Thanks for sharing 🙏🏼😍🥹👌🏼✨❤️✨♥️✨

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Appreciate you for watching!

  • @poorjoan
    @poorjoan หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Yes! Matthew and Lewis, thousand thanks for sharing this interview! I learned so much 🎉

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  • @charnicholson8987
    @charnicholson8987 8 วันที่ผ่านมา

    "Is there anything you need from me or what can I do to support you today... how can I make you feel more loved and more seen"....... this is a true man. I truly truly love this and I wish most men would think this way. I had to write this down so I never forget.... very uplifting and encouraging.

  • @hairbymichelleandbeautypar7199
    @hairbymichelleandbeautypar7199 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Excellent! Thanks for sharing and the book.

  • @anahastings2588
    @anahastings2588 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You two never disappoint! Thankful for these podcasts !!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      I appreciate your support! It means a lot! Big thanks to you! 🙏🙌

  • @reneejill4033
    @reneejill4033 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Wow!! I cannot wait to have the book!! Thank you for this insight.

  • @user-zm9hw3mt7m
    @user-zm9hw3mt7m หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    The last 10 minutes just blew my mind

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @msenekra6702
    @msenekra6702 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Love begins and starts from within… we never have to earn anyone’s love. We were taught that it’s from an external source… wisdoms teaches you that it starts from within. Many of us adults learned to love and the source from external sources… re-learning to loving self from within… not from external sources.

  • @tinydancer62
    @tinydancer62 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is one of the best videos I've seen on this topic and extremely helpful. Thanks to both of you.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @kittykatcongregation
    @kittykatcongregation หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I'm so grateful for Matthew Hussys work! Thank you ❤

  • @SUNNYchanceofRAIN1477
    @SUNNYchanceofRAIN1477 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This conversation hit home. Thanks 💗

  • @toknowistolove
    @toknowistolove 22 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    Wow… Every part of this interview hits the nail on the head for me

  • @anoncspan4129
    @anoncspan4129 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    The hard conversations are with myself. Yep. Absolutely.

  • @KarenH8
    @KarenH8 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    Wow you just set me free Matthew. Very powerful.❤

    • @Randy.travel
      @Randy.travel หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Exactly! Perfect timing!

  • @priscillahmueni868
    @priscillahmueni868 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Such an insightful conversation. Thank you Matthew!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @christinaconroy2298
    @christinaconroy2298 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Powerful message thank you 🙏 ❤

  • @emilyw9818
    @emilyw9818 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

    I so value the idea of write a list of what you want and then become it!!! It’s an inside job and we attract where we are at. 🥰😍🤩

  • @Theauntieyouneverknewyouneeded
    @Theauntieyouneverknewyouneeded หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    This is the second video I've watched with him and I truly can't get enough of his simple teaching of self-love. I am currently pregnant with a baby girl and all I can think about is loving myself enough so she knows exactly how to do it when she gets here. I really needed this message and can't wait to get the book.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  หลายเดือนก่อน

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  • @teraengsf
    @teraengsf หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Many gold nuggets among them his self love perspective which resonates with me. Instant paradigm shift. 🙏

  • @adjeleyomanyesowah295
    @adjeleyomanyesowah295 14 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

    When you two meet, it's a power conversation for me❤🔥.