You can’t go into a marriage thinking love is a feeling. Love in an action and you have to choose to act in loving ways even through the days, weeks or months you don’t necessarily feel it. That is inevitable.
Agreed, love is a skill. The same way you learn how to cook, or any other acquired skill, is the same way you learn how to love even when you dont feel like it
I thinks it’s strange that many black women do not see the connection between children and marriage. Marriage is not just for companionship or finding a life partner, it is to produce a secure household where your children grow up with the best resources. Who wants to be dealing with paternity tests and child support payments intentionally? Also, if a man hasn’t married you after 2 years or has not brought up marriage at least, you are wasting your best years sis. These 3 and 5 year situation-ships turn into longer situation-ships or marriages where the man feels pressured and eventually settles. Who wants to be last choice? Oh well.
I absolutely agree that if WE don't know that we want to be married after 2 years, it's time to let it go. I refuse to stay in a relationship that is going nowhere.
Could it be because many people didn't grow up in a household where their parents where married? I say this to say, my parents are from Jamaica. My mom met my dad in the late 50s. My dad is her 1st and only man. They have been married for close to 62 years. I learned to be married before having intercourse and just have a husband. I have been married 3 times and engaged 4 times before I hit the age of 30. I am 32 now. I'm not condemning anyone, just speaking from my own experienced. I can't give a man all of me without him being my husband. I saw how my mom lived so I too set standards and have boundaries. I don't want to waste time with no man. Last year, learned I was trying to depend on a man to fulfill my void instead of the Lord. I have been in a season to grow closer to the Lord, become more of a kingdom mindset woman and don't be so quick to walk away from people. I just want a kingdom marriage and not just the title saying I have a husband just to have one.
@@jayc5756 sorry that I over read the part you mentioned its about a "secure household." Another thing too is that, I believe its a mindset. If you know you are a Queen, then you don't settle, right?
It's not strange at all, it has been set up for Black's women to not see the connection..become a boss b$&@% they say...be independent they say...all these messages are breeding the wrong ideas of what a back woman needs and her role. So sad. So true what you said smh. You can even see with the two single women they couldn't answer the question straight forward
Nowadays, the divorce rate only keeps going up. I think people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is solely a business agreement with government benefits. Having kids isn’t going to save the marriage or guarantee anything I used to think that marriage would “secure” me a good family structure until I realized that nothing is permanent when it comes to relationships. One of the ladies said how she saw how her relationship changed over the 5 years she was dating. I believe it’s important to be able to watch your partners growth and gain a deeper understanding of the relationship you’re in. There’s no need to rush when it comes to love, why not wait to get married? You don’t need a marriage to have a committed life parter🙌🏽😄
One thing I’ve learned, from watching and speaking to married couples, is that marriage isn’t just about your immediate feelings. Those butterflies go and come. You may always love them but you may not like them sometimes. It’s about growing together through changes and adapting the way you love spouse. So not wanting to get married because of fear that your feelings will change tells me that you don’t have a realistic view of marriage, and you probably don’t understand it’s purpose.
Something to be talked about in these talks is marriage is not for everyone and neither are kids. Some women may never get married or have kids. Or maybe just be common law. Also having blended families is common now.
I must have missed it but, I do not see where the question was really answered. *Married 3yrs* and I knew that I wanted to say yes ( do not say you're ready for marriage just bc *somebody's son* bought a ring). He really had to prove to me through has actions that he was ready to be my husband. I have heard horror stories of husbands who get married & become their wife's *dependent*, I told him if you want a cute little wife they have that at *Target.* I will be your partner, accountability partner and confidant that means you have to be active working on the relationship daily.
Was the question/topic of discussion even answered? Yellow shirt and blue shirt were the only ones who really answered the question. The women just don't delve deep enough. Yellow dress doesn't appear to care one way or the other if she has someone. Red blouse talked in circles. Are you dating for marriage or not???
Marriage has nothing to do with the ‘American way’ it’s the biblical way, always and forever, that will never change no matter how society tries to force it. God made marriage, point blank. Marriage was created by God to mirror Christ love for the church. So refer there if you want to be informed and decide if it’s what you want. Being married for 15years, you do change you do evolve but you do that together, it’s constant work, a dying to self, 100% 100% for both sides. And for a person who didn’t grow up with that example like yourself (long curly hair) it’s HARD but we seek God and he picks us up when we may not have the strength to.... it’s not easy but we do love each other... being unequally yoked is a real serious thing, yes date with a purpose (value yourself), seek God before deciding on marrying any man and 5years hon!? Noo, time to move on, he isn’t interested in commitment to you. Ladies stop allowing these men to have you as an option, if you really wants you and values you, he won’t be on games (which is also these longggg haul dating-relationships, with marital benefits, you are an option and he is looking for a better option)
She's beautiful. Which, you didn't call her ugly.... But, in between words you called her older looking. She looks as if she was pampered by older mature women. And, she may like older men. 🤷🏽♀️
Although I appreciate the conversation, I feel that conversation could’ve gone deeper and for a longer duration. Also these women are all YOUNG!!! So their prospectives are similar and kind of one dimensional. Where are the 30/40 year old women who are married or aren’t married with or without children. I would’ve like to hear from them.
Don’t stop at “I’m dating for marriage” “oh me too!” There are more things to check, like physical boundaries, THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD, etc. can still be incompatible even if you both dating intentionally. Don’t make assumptions.
Getting married is easy. It's the commitment that takes work. These little girls on this panel talking about "feelings" like they're waiting on love to give them the bubble guts are delusional. My dad was 35 when he got married. He was gonna be retiring from the military and he went looking for a wife. He popped up in town did some asking around and was given my mom's name. He met her. courted her and they were married eight or nine months later. 23 years of successful marriage. Love, mutual respect, partnership, commitment.
keep in mind, statistically it is more difficult for BW to gain marriage with children, than BM and other races/ethnicities. Suitable, safe, substantial, and sustainable relationships/ partnerships/ companionships are hard to come by.
They are still young so they should explore. I do think the woman in the red sounds confused and is dealing with a situation-ship. @Live in VIOLET, the statistics do not explain why the women are not being intentional about finding a mate. They should be intentional once approaching mid to late twenties and early 30’s regardless of statistics. If black women stopped having sex, playing house and having children with men who had no intentions of committing, the narrative might look different.
I can definitely identify with the one in the red. Growing apart over time makes you wonder if that will happen in your marriage which makes marriage even more intimidating. I'd love to know what each of their backgrounds are, in terms of what type of household examples they each saw growing up. I wholeheartedly feel as though that plays a huge role in how you view love and marriage.
@@liveinviolet2908 I understand what your saying but at the sametime time that's why you should be looking for someone when your youngish not 35. Also I think it's just as hard for BM man if they have kids because most other races look down on black men already and then if they have a kid it's over Then the one in the red said that they grow apart . That's just life yall are two different people(and live to different lives) you will grow apart and you will grow back together as long as you want to. Relationships are not like Disney movies.
Nothing is wrong with people wanting to stay single and explore their options. The bigger question is, why? No matter what people say, no one wants to be alone. Generally speaking, we all want a companion to love and who loves us back. If we are resisting that, we should question that and figure out how to fix it.
As a 34yr old woman who looks literally 19 lol I think my looks attract young men, whom I am not attracted too I'm in to older men not sleazy older men and the moment I talk (maturely) it throws them off because they expect a young immature woman. I've accepted that being single is ok, I'm content and do not expect anything from a man because they literally can't give me what I want and that's loyalty, honesty, and monogamy. Simple things but 4 some reason super hard for them
We live in a mirror reflection of our selves. The law of attraction is a relfection of our character in the opposite sex. If a black woman sais: "Why cant a smart black woman find a smart black man"? Its because she's not smart. "Why can't a good black woman find a good black man"? Its because she's not good. If the men say:" Sisters giving us brothers a hard time" its because the brothers giving the sisters a hard time. To believe its only black females is naive. To think that it's only about the Black man - is naive too. Thus, whites, asians, mexican etc have huge problems in their marriages and relationships. 120 years ago this was nearly absent. There was hardly any broken families. Even the poor families had husband and wife. If the problem would be the black woman only, there wouldn't be the men of other races that are complaining about their woman.
What have black women been taught about family, children, marriage, and men? If you are strong and independent just stay single and don't make any kids.
I am confused. Is Jasmine Nicole single or in a relationship ? I peeped her Instagram profile 😁. She has several pictures of her and a man being intimate.
Mr. Samuels is DUST. He could not help himself to age 54. Two divorces... no resources set aside to help men get better. We hardly need a man with that ACTUAL legacy to do anything for us.
You can’t go into a marriage thinking love is a feeling.
Love in an action and you have to choose to act in loving ways even through the days, weeks or months you don’t necessarily feel it. That is inevitable.
Agreed, love is a skill. The same way you learn how to cook, or any other acquired skill, is the same way you learn how to love even when you dont feel like it
I thinks it’s strange that many black women do not see the connection between children and marriage. Marriage is not just for companionship or finding a life partner, it is to produce a secure household where your children grow up with the best resources. Who wants to be dealing with paternity tests and child support payments intentionally? Also, if a man hasn’t married you after 2 years or has not brought up marriage at least, you are wasting your best years sis. These 3 and 5 year situation-ships turn into longer situation-ships or marriages where the man feels pressured and eventually settles. Who wants to be last choice? Oh well.
I absolutely agree that if WE don't know that we want to be married after 2 years, it's time to let it go. I refuse to stay in a relationship that is going nowhere.
Could it be because many people didn't grow up in a household where their parents where married?
I say this to say, my parents are from Jamaica. My mom met my dad in the late 50s. My dad is her 1st and only man. They have been married for close to 62 years.
I learned to be married before having intercourse and just have a husband. I have been married 3 times and engaged 4 times before I hit the age of 30. I am 32 now. I'm not condemning anyone, just speaking from my own experienced. I can't give a man all of me without him being my husband. I saw how my mom lived so I too set standards and have boundaries. I don't want to waste time with no man.
Last year, learned I was trying to depend on a man to fulfill my void instead of the Lord. I have been in a season to grow closer to the Lord, become more of a kingdom mindset woman and don't be so quick to walk away from people. I just want a kingdom marriage and not just the title saying I have a husband just to have one.
@@jayc5756 sorry that I over read the part you mentioned its about a "secure household." Another thing too is that, I believe its a mindset. If you know you are a Queen, then you don't settle, right?
It's not strange at all, it has been set up for Black's women to not see the connection..become a boss b$&@% they say...be independent they say...all these messages are breeding the wrong ideas of what a back woman needs and her role. So sad. So true what you said smh. You can even see with the two single women they couldn't answer the question straight forward
Nowadays, the divorce rate only keeps going up. I think people are getting married for the wrong reasons. Marriage is solely a business agreement with government benefits. Having kids isn’t going to save the marriage or guarantee anything
I used to think that marriage would “secure” me a good family structure until I realized that nothing is permanent when it comes to relationships.
One of the ladies said how she saw how her relationship changed over the 5 years she was dating. I believe it’s important to be able to watch your partners growth and gain a deeper understanding of the relationship you’re in.
There’s no need to rush when it comes to love, why not wait to get married? You don’t need a marriage to have a committed life parter🙌🏽😄
Being intentional when dating is important and making sure you both are on the same page.
Sounds dry. I like to have fun
If you want to get married...make sure he's Marriage material. Someone that wants it.
I feel like this conversation could have gone a bit deeper
One thing I’ve learned, from watching and speaking to married couples, is that marriage isn’t just about your immediate feelings. Those butterflies go and come. You may always love them but you may not like them sometimes. It’s about growing together through changes and adapting the way you love spouse. So not wanting to get married because of fear that your feelings will change tells me that you don’t have a realistic view of marriage, and you probably don’t understand it’s purpose.
I didn't realize how much I wanted a lifelong companion until quarantine. The impact of trauma can be profound.
Something to be talked about in these talks is marriage is not for everyone and neither are kids. Some women may never get married or have kids. Or maybe just be common law. Also having blended families is common now.
I must have missed it but, I do not see where the question was really answered. *Married 3yrs* and I knew that I wanted to say yes ( do not say you're ready for marriage just bc *somebody's son* bought a ring). He really had to prove to me through has actions that he was ready to be my husband. I have heard horror stories of husbands who get married & become their wife's *dependent*, I told him if you want a cute little wife they have that at *Target.* I will be your partner, accountability partner and confidant that means you have to be active working on the relationship daily.
Was the question/topic of discussion even answered? Yellow shirt and blue shirt were the only ones who really answered the question. The women just don't delve deep enough. Yellow dress doesn't appear to care one way or the other if she has someone. Red blouse talked in circles. Are you dating for marriage or not???
🤣🤣
I thought it was just me 😂😂
Yellow shirt answered the question? I must have missed that part lol.
Marriage has nothing to do with the ‘American way’ it’s the biblical way, always and forever, that will never change no matter how society tries to force it. God made marriage, point blank. Marriage was created by God to mirror Christ love for the church. So refer there if you want to be informed and decide if it’s what you want. Being married for 15years, you do change you do evolve but you do that together, it’s constant work, a dying to self, 100% 100% for both sides. And for a person who didn’t grow up with that example like yourself (long curly hair) it’s HARD but we seek God and he picks us up when we may not have the strength to.... it’s not easy but we do love each other... being unequally yoked is a real serious thing, yes date with a purpose (value yourself), seek God before deciding on marrying any man and 5years hon!? Noo, time to move on, he isn’t interested in commitment to you. Ladies stop allowing these men to have you as an option, if you really wants you and values you, he won’t be on games (which is also these longggg haul dating-relationships, with marital benefits, you are an option and he is looking for a better option)
I sense judgement postures and body language. Why are women so hard on other women? Compare, Contrast, and Competition known since the biblical days.
Why do men who aren't married, have no interest in getting married, or claim don't date BW watching videos about marriage? That's the real issue.
they dont want the real answer to that.
My body my choice.
@@nanagyambibi7426 they waiting on someone who really likes them.
I like black women and I like hearing them talk I just hate the idea of marriage so I'm just here listening.
Wait sis is 22?!? Lol I’m 22 & I still look like a 16 yr old.
Btw love the chat ladies 🤍
She's beautiful. Which, you didn't call her ugly.... But, in between words you called her older looking. She looks as if she was pampered by older mature women. And, she may like older men. 🤷🏽♀️
Although I appreciate the conversation, I feel that conversation could’ve gone deeper and for a longer duration. Also these women are all YOUNG!!! So their prospectives are similar and kind of one dimensional. Where are the 30/40 year old women who are married or aren’t married with or without children. I would’ve like to hear from them.
I just wish these were longer videos, these are great topics.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Love this
Don’t stop at “I’m dating for marriage” “oh me too!” There are more things to check, like physical boundaries, THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD, etc. can still be incompatible even if you both dating intentionally. Don’t make assumptions.
Getting married is easy. It's the commitment that takes work. These little girls on this panel talking about "feelings" like they're waiting on love to give them the bubble guts are delusional. My dad was 35 when he got married. He was gonna be retiring from the military and he went looking for a wife. He popped up in town did some asking around and was given my mom's name. He met her. courted her and they were married eight or nine months later. 23 years of successful marriage. Love, mutual respect, partnership, commitment.
Part 2 please
I wish y’all would just give us the whole episode
Wait...she’s 22????????
The one in the gold and the one in the red still want to run these streets
keep in mind, statistically it is more difficult for BW to gain marriage with children, than BM and other races/ethnicities.
Suitable, safe, substantial, and sustainable relationships/ partnerships/ companionships are hard to come by.
They are still young so they should explore. I do think the woman in the red sounds confused and is dealing with a situation-ship. @Live in VIOLET, the statistics do not explain why the women are not being intentional about finding a mate. They should be intentional once approaching mid to late twenties and early 30’s regardless of statistics. If black women stopped having sex, playing house and having children with men who had no intentions of committing, the narrative might look different.
I can definitely identify with the one in the red. Growing apart over time makes you wonder if that will happen in your marriage which makes marriage even more intimidating.
I'd love to know what each of their backgrounds are, in terms of what type of household examples they each saw growing up. I wholeheartedly feel as though that plays a huge role in how you view love and marriage.
@@liveinviolet2908 I understand what your saying but at the sametime time that's why you should be looking for someone when your youngish not 35.
Also I think it's just as hard for BM man if they have kids because most other races look down on black men already and then if they have a kid it's over
Then the one in the red said that they grow apart . That's just life yall are two different people(and live to different lives) you will grow apart and you will grow back together as long as you want to. Relationships are not like Disney movies.
Nothing is wrong with people wanting to stay single and explore their options. The bigger question is, why? No matter what people say, no one wants to be alone. Generally speaking, we all want a companion to love and who loves us back. If we are resisting that, we should question that and figure out how to fix it.
As a 34yr old woman who looks literally 19 lol I think my looks attract young men, whom I am not attracted too I'm in to older men not sleazy older men and the moment I talk (maturely) it throws them off because they expect a young immature woman. I've accepted that being single is ok, I'm content and do not expect anything from a man because they literally can't give me what I want and that's loyalty, honesty, and monogamy. Simple things but 4 some reason super hard for them
We live in a mirror reflection of our selves. The law of attraction is a relfection of our character in the opposite sex. If a black woman sais: "Why cant a smart black woman find a smart black man"? Its because she's not smart. "Why can't a good black woman find a good black man"? Its because she's not good. If the men say:" Sisters giving us brothers a hard time" its because the brothers giving the sisters a hard time. To believe its only black females is naive. To think that it's only about the Black man - is naive too. Thus, whites, asians, mexican etc have huge problems in their marriages and relationships. 120 years ago this was nearly absent. There was hardly any broken families. Even the poor families had husband and wife. If the problem would be the black woman only, there wouldn't be the men of other races that are complaining about their woman.
The last girl is definitely a track star runner lolol her feelings determine her value for her relationships lol well that sounds like a bag of crazy
What have black women been taught about family, children, marriage, and men?
If you are strong and independent just stay single and don't make any kids.
I didn't won't marriage nor kids. Now, I'm divorced with five kids. The kids are the BEST things that ever happened to me.
I am confused. Is Jasmine Nicole single or in a relationship ? I peeped her Instagram profile 😁. She has several pictures of her and a man being intimate.
She answers this in the video.
The 22 year old in the yellow mindset is on point
Y'all need Kevin Samuels
Bingo!
For what?
Mr. Samuels is DUST. He could not help himself to age 54. Two divorces... no resources set aside to help men get better. We hardly need a man with that ACTUAL legacy to do anything for us.