Story #1: Point of order, the poster didn't start by telling the: sister that her kids are misbehaving and terrible. She only did that after multiple, repeated ways of phrasing that she only wanted those two specific kids at the wedding. It was only after the sister pushed the issue multiple times that OP then revealed the actual reason.
Completely agree. And I say good on the bride for paying for a babysitter. If you’re doing no kids and someone in your immediate family has kids then paying for the babysitter is an awesome thing to do for them.
Plus she was so nice that she was willing to pay for a babysitter normally the only reason you want to bring your kids that young to something like that is due to lack of babysitter but she has someone paying for it for her plus its her wedding she shouldn't have to explain herself at all
To be fair she only told her why the kids couldn’t come because her sister kept pushing the issue. If the sister had just done the polite thing, she wouldn’t of got her feelings hurt. You can’t push and push and push for an answer and then get angry because you didn’t like the answer that you kept pushing for. It can be perfectly normal for toddlers to throw tantrums, but it’s also perfectly normal not to want screaming children at your wedding.
This right here. I was going to point this out. Plus she stated she personally was hiring a babysitter for her sister so it wasn't even coming out of her pocket.
But also, to be fair, when being polite, she was lying each time and trying to get her sister to not want to bring her kids. She didn't try even once to politely tell her the truth that she didn't actually want the kids there, which is very easy to do. She could have said that children that young aren't well behaved in general die to their age and her children are no exception, so she didn't want any kids there outside of the two in the wedding. But she didn't do that. She tried to say a lie like, "I'd like YOU to come alone so YOU can have a kid free night" but obviously her sister doesn't care about having a kid free night and when that didn't work she just snapped at her.
@@Beachbum471 what? Do you think she should’ve continued to lie to her about why she didn’t want the kids there? I don’t know how old do you think I am, but I’m not that old
Story 1: I can understand your point of view, but OP had to explain 6 TIMES NICELY that she didn’t want the kids AND offered to pay for the babysitter. I say good apple because she was pushed
I agree. I understand that 3-year-olds usually throw tantrums, but they shouldn't be at the wedding for that reason alone.She explained it many times and the sister refused to listen until she told her that her kids can't behave. And it's clear that the other kids that were invited had specific roles in the wedding and were old enough to behave decently in a wedding setting. Definitely not a bad apple.
Yes, but I think another point is that if all the other sibling's children were invited, it might be rude if her sister's twins were the only direct nephews or nieces not invited.
@@Tasha9315 while i understand the angle of “one siblings kids can but the others can’t” it all comes down to the fact they’re only there because they’re in the wedding party, there are no kids there past that at all which is usually how child free weddings are
The fact that it's "normal" for 3 year-olds to behave badly doesn't mean you should feel obligated to allow them to ruin your wedding with their screaming.
Yes of course but talking about a three year old like that is still rude - of course this doesn’t mean she has to do invite them but I think this is why she gave them a crab apple
Yes people need to start rasing there kids and not just putting a phone in there dace my 7 year old cousin has her own iPhone and uses tiktok and when I told her she's to young she said "no it's toktok for kids" like no there's no such thing 😂
OP tried to tell her 5x politely. But her sister couldn't understand the word NO. Which makes me understand where her twin boys get their bratty ways from.
The only one I disagree with is story number 1. I’m going Good Apple. I think if OP wants an otherwise child free wedding with two 8 years that she knows will behave being part of the wedding, I think that’s valid. Plus, she told the sister no multiple times before she snapped at her that her boys are undisciplined. The sister effed around and she found out. That’s not OP’s fault. TLDR: Good apple for story number 1 because the sister just kept pushing when she shouldn’t have.
STORY 1: Hold on a minute Rebecca, she did not in fact single those kids out. She never said they were horrible children she they were horribly behaved. She said no children UNDER THE AGE OF 16 except the 2 participating, are allowed to be at the wedding. She does say that she made that rule to ensure they wouldn't be there. But that's not a bad thing if you don't put it on the invite and the rule is the same for all. the difference between her kids and the one in the wedding is that they aren't in the wedding. YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYONE IN THE WEDDING. I am glad When the sister kept pushing, she made it clear why she didn't want them specifically at the wedding and was willing to not have all the other kids under 16 not there. Ever heard the saying "Play with fire and you'll get burned." well she kept pushing the issue and well she got burned. Kids can have their tantrums but the people getting married can also NOT WAN THE KIDS THERE. One does not out way the other. There are a lot of double standards in your statement. You can't say "It's your wedding and you can do it any way you want." then say she's wrong because of how she handled it. I think she handled it with all the grace in the world, but she's not Jesus Christ. Anyone when pushed long and hard enough will lose any grace they might have. I think she was in the right to tell her with all bets off, cause she was just going to keep pushing and NEVER drop it.
Yeah I gotta agree with this, especially since in the beginning she made it not about the kids at all, she redirected it back to the parents saying "wouldn't you have a better time having a night without the kids so you can enjoy the wedding" shoot she even went as far as PAYING for a baby sitter. She never called the kids themselves horrible but just their behavior, and honestly it would be inappropriate to bring that to a wedding. No one owes anyone an invite to anything and while it might suck to see her sisters kids there while her kids are home the day is not about the kids. I would definitely go good apple. Maybe to make things better if the kids get jealous, she can later take them out on a special auntie outing just her and her nephews.
@samanthamyers5719 and from the sounds of it, her sister and brother-in-law may not handle the kids' tantrums appropriately to which causes the bad behavior to become a continuous issue. And I can understand why she doesn't want that at her wedding... I've heard plenty of stories of entitled parents getting into the wedding cake before the couple to appease their entitled kids, so who's to say her sister and her husband wouldn't do that 🤔
Also, OP was willing to pay for a babysitter for them so that they could feel good and be present during her wedding. I was a Professional babysitter from 18 years old to this year (23), do you know how much a good babysitter costs? Let me break it down for you, at my company they have the family pay a $10 matching fee. $2 is given to the babysitter that's chosen. Then the babysitters had a template they had to follow. Travel Fee: How much it cost me to get there. Cost For (per) child: How much each kid costs to watch depending on their age. Incidentals: I one or both of the kids break something of mine, the parents pay for it. ( Obviously with bounds, don't expect to get reimbursed for a crayon. Time: How much per hour. Or for the night. This includes if the parents are late coming home from an overnight stay. For this situation, I personally would waive the travel fee for this bride-to-be. Then I would go with my overnight fee of $250 - $300 (dependent on how many hours it's going to be. Then I would add the cost per child, because they are both 3 years old it would normally be $15. However, this OP seems like the type to warn the babysitter so I would raise it to $20 - $30. depending on how rambunctious they are and how much trouble they give. Then at the end of the night if they broke anything the price for that would be on it. so my total for this OP would have been $362 + any possible Incidentals + $15 for every hour past the time they were expected to be home to let me off. Child care is expensive and this would have gotten a free night away from the kids with her husband but she just couldn't let sleeping dogs lay. @@samanthamyers5719
I 100% agree with you. When my sister married her second husband she didn't have a "no kids" rule and ended up happy with that decision. Her daughter was the flower girl but ended up being too shy to perform her duties. My son is around 8 or so months older and since he was dressed in wedding colors but not in the wedding, he walked her down the aisle. This gave my niece the courage to walk down the aisle too.
I agree 100%. I completely understand what she’s saying when she’s talking about a tantrum etc. My cousins kids were HORRIBLY behaved. Like they’re older now (grown w/ kids of their own) & they even say they were so badly behaved. The thing is they were only like that with their mom. She had zero discipline for them. When I would watch them, they would listen to me. I had consequences for their misbehavior. It got to a point she would say “If you don’t behave, I’m gonna tell Aunt Jessica & she’ll give you a spanking” I never ONCE spanked them, I just took away their toys for 10 min, put them in time out etc, whatever age appropriate punishment was fitting. As adults now they will say their mom never got after them, she would say no but never followed through with a punishment. Sadly now my nephew is in prison bc his mom never learned how to discipline him.
Story 2: I agree with the OP being the bad apple. It is completely unacceptable to ask to see your granddaughter when they are still a newborn without the mother being present. And, I agree, it doesn’t sound like she was invited or even let anyone know she was going to come over. But the “old fashioned” comments are what get me! The fact that she can’t be self reflective enough to realize that her comments bother her daughter-in-law is just wild! Is the daughter-in-law possibly overreacting? Yes! Holding a baby on its stomach or across your knees isn’t a problem as long as the head is supported, but if the baby instantly cries being held that way you typically try a different position. And the baby could have been making sounds while it was sleeping so it could be that picking it up wasn’t necessary, but that is the mother’s choice! If she wants to hold her baby, she can. I have a feeling there is more to the story and that possibly the comments started while the daughter-in-law was pregnant which is why she was already uncomfortable before the baby even arrived.
She also mentions at one point that she went at thanksgiving and it was the baby’s other grandmother was there and it was the FIRST time she had met the baby. Well from the way the post had been written she had already met the baby quite a few times. And she was still angry. She just doesn’t get it!
I fully agree!!! This is not a brand new mother, she has an older child, she is not asking for advice, and it seems it's being pushed on her through snide comments... I wouldn't want that around me or my kids, I also can't stand when people show up unannounced to my house, ESPECIALLY with a brand new baby!
Totally agree! Its pretty simple: as long as the parents arent being abusive/harming the child, its their choice who is allowed to interact with the child and how they want the child to be interacted with. You can offer advice, but if they dont want any, then dont give it. It would be different if there was real concern aka they shake the baby, the baby is malnourished but they refuse to do anything about it, they sleep on the couch with their child laying on them (so they can fall...). But thats not the case here. Maybe it would be okay to hold the child the way grandma wants to hold her, maybe it wouldnt. But its not harmful to the child to be held differently.
And she kept saying "seeing her granddaughter" nothing about helping the parents. She could have helped around the house, taken the older huld out for a few hours or brought dinner, but nooo. She just wants to hog the baby and give unwanted and outdated advice.
I'm a Disabled pediatric nurse and worked in the home and school with her. All Family needs to remember that Mom is in hormone hell and getting little sleep. She is going to hover over the baby. And certainly doesn't want the baby away from her. I think that we should keep that in mind. As for the mother in law. I think she is probably a 1st grandchild. She was wrong in some of the things she had done. But putting baby on their stomach thing is one way we get the baby to burp baby. And as long as the baby's head and neck supported. It helps the baby to get that head support. They also will pass gas and be screaming before that. Immediately after they pass gas, they go to sleep. I think the DiL was wrong there. Grandmother should have stepped back if this was the 1st time for her mother seeing the baby. Otherwise, this grandmother has gone over bord, and she should give mom some time to get over the hormones and getting some sleep! Then sit down and speak to her. Don't let it sit in the back and do tons of damage!!
Story 1: I have a now 4 year old. This year I was invited to 3 different weddings while he was 3. They all took different approaches to kids. Wedding 1 we were told we could bring him but there werent going to be any other children attending, wedding 2 only specifically invited kids were allowed (mine not being one of them as it was a friend's wedding, not family), wedding 3 we were allowed to bring him and there were other kids for him to play with. We decided to get a babysitter for weddings 1 and 2 so that we could enjoy ourselves without worrying about him or him getting bored/frustrated and we knew he was safe and happy at home. Wedding 3 we took him along and he got bored during the ceremony and ran off, my husband had to chase him. He also got antsy during the speeches and he ran a played with the other kids most of the day. He also got overwhelmed and over tired by the end of the day. I would never expect someone else to invite him to their day just because hes my responsibility. If i am told hes not invited then i arrange a sitter and i take responsibility for ensuring he is safe and cared for in my absence or i dont go. I would also never expect someone else to arrange a sitter for me. If i miss something because i have a kid and cant get a sitter then thats just tough luck and maybe next time. That being said: in my opinion the parent in the story was a Bad Apple 100%. She was told no nicely multiple times in many ways. She refused to listen and pushed the point until OP reached breaking point. OP has to be a good apple in my opinion. She gave many reasonable answers before she got to breaking point. She provided child care for them and she only started talking about specific issues with the 3yr olds when pushed on it probably for months.
Story 2: Just my 2 cents. After my daughter was born, I went through some post partum depression and felt a lot like it sounds like the mom feels in this story. I wanted to be left alone with my baby. I hated people just showing up unexpectedly to hold the baby. That’s not what I needed help with. I needed help with chores. And I definitely needed it to be scheduled. Showing up just disrupted any sort of schedule I was desperately trying to get us in to. I had to sleep when my baby slept. It was like people showed up to hold the baby so I could do chores. And they always showed up when we were trying to sleep, or I was nursing, or trying to get her to nap. It would over stimulate my daughter, the person would leave, and I would be left with a miserable overtired baby that I could not get to sleep. It would mess up our sleep schedule, her nursing schedule, and it would take days to recover. Also, my daughter loved to be held on her tummy, but some babies hate it. It’s quite possible that it’s not necessarily a painful position, but it’s just a position that the baby does not feel safe and supported in. Forcing her in that position is just stressing her out. And finally, my daughter never took a bottle… ever. I nursed almost exclusively for the first year, so to ask that the baby be separated from mom is just absurd. A nursing baby, especially at that young age, generally has to eat every 3 hours. By the time baby and all gear is loaded up, driven to grandmas, and unloaded, there is probably, max, 30 min to an hour, before baby needs to be loaded up and driven home to eat again. And that doesn’t take into account any need for a comfort feed for the stress the baby may go through due to the trip and just being away from mom. Grandma, needs to step off and give the mom and family time to adjust to the new life with an infant. Call and ask if there is anything they need. Cook a meal, ask if there is a good time to come help with laundry, or clean bathrooms. It’s not your baby, and mom is still learning what baby likes, dislikes, needs, and finding a good schedule.
Absolutely!! So many times people do t stop to think let me think about mom for a second!! Let me come over and offer to help do whatever SHE NEEDS done!! Or if the baby is a bit older and we are ready to take that nap for ourselves and they can take a longer drinking break we’ll ask you to watch them while WE sleep!! Like if you wanna help me help me, as a first time mom it was very overwhelming and I’m just lucky I wasn’t in a situation people were forcing themselves in. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! Post partum is no joke mine hit around 8weeks and man I had never experienced a low that bad before man it was terrifying. Glad to be a little bit out of that down. I hope you’re doing alright girl and same with your babies! I hope you have a blessed day!🫶🏼🫶🏼
Best explaination I've heard. Thanks. I was just thinking this and I don't have kids, but saw my sister have two and only showed up when it was arranged so I could be helpful without hurting my family's trying to adjust period.
This feels really reasonable to me, but the story that is told is so full of missing missing reasons. I've a feeling that the relationship between step-mum and step-daughter isn't as rosy as step-mum believes. It sounds like she frequently oversteps boundaries, and is now looking for external validation to make herself feel less bad. There are SO MANY red flags in the story. - She was like my daughter, but pregnancy caused her to act weird towards me Blaming pregnancy for step-daughter's unwanted behaviour. - Asked to be in delivery room. Told no. Argues that ex-partner's-mum was in delivery room. Not respecting boundary. - Cooing at baby that baby's manipulations won't work on her This one on its own isn't that weird, but given the rest it just gives off narc vibes. - "That baby's going to get used to being held all the time" Unsolicited advice. The daughter saying "I don't have to listen to your crying it out bullcrap" makes me think MIL has been an advocate of that before. - Believes step daughter is manipulating the child (who is six weeks old) to hate her. - Feels slighted when the baby cries in her arms. As though the baby crying is it personally insulting her. - Asks for her son to go behind his partner's back and bring her the baby without her mother around There's more. Like for example I also wonder about "when I visited in the hospital she was really put off", was she even invited to visit? There's nothing saying she was or wasn't, but I have my doubts. This lady reminds me so much of my narcissistic mother. She'd throw unsolicited advice left and right, get real mad if people didn't live the way she expected them to, and cut people off if they had the "audacity" to talk back, or worse, give unsolicited advice back at her. She also perceives people telling her no as a personal slight, and doesn't give a fuck about boundaries. This mother in law lives in her own little world, and expects everyone to cater to her needs, including a six week old infant. Phrasing like "expecting him to bring me my granddaughter" really cements it. She doesn't want or wish for it, she expects it.
I think with the first one, she starting pushing way too hard and I definitely think she deserved the honest truth if she wanted to F around and find out.
Rebecca even if you don't have kids, you are spot on for story number two ❤ I'm 29 with two kids, and family not respecting my boundaries and my wishes with my kids is the number one reason why I am only seen on holidays.
Also, in regards to not wanting little kids at the wedding who you know are going to misbehave. Let's put in a different metaphor. Imagine it's an uncle who's an alcoholic. That's also an ability to regulate your brain chemistry, similar to how the little kids can't regulate their own emotions. Just cuz you love the uncle, doesn't need to necessarily where you know that he's going to cause a problem. Just because they're little, does not remove the problems that they will create when they inevitably start fussing and crying.
Story 1&4: Same point for both: they tried fo solve the problem diplomatically. In story 1 she tried SEVERAL times to kindly tell her sister NO, but the sister just ignored her. Story 4, she tried when the school system was brought up. She explain that not all Americans are like that and the roommate refused to believe her, and said she was the acception not the rule. The roomate just couldn't get the hint that she was going too far. I've used to have alot of issues with people walking all over me. It sucks, and the other person isn't always willing to have a mature adult conversation with you and accept NO and STOP. I think both OP's were at the point that reason and diplomacy failed and they just had to dish it out dirty. Good Apple, both.
Story one: I agree that she’s crab apples out on the side that if she’s not gonna have any kids at the wedding that she shouldn’t have any kids at the wedding. And if she wanted some kids at the wedding and she knew that her sister has small children and it would hurt her sister who is close enough to her to be a part of her wedding party, then she also could’ve maybe gotten a friend or hired a teenager to watch the kids during the ceremony so her sister could walk with her down the aisle. Like yeah it’s OK for her not to want to have kids there but she does have kids there and yeah the sister kept pushing to find out why but I’m pretty sure it’s because she was getting increasingly hurt by her own sister rejecting her children. Like this is not a friend this is her sister. Those are her nephews. So I can get why the sister would keep pushing whether I agree with it or not, and I also kind of agree that the bride is being really nasty to her sister. But also, the sister should’ve just excepted the first answer and been like that’s fine and your choice but it hurts me and my family soI won’t be coming to the wedding. Story 4:Honestly agreed. I have been a diplomatic person, many times, and if people are unwilling to accept their own thoughts and flaws, they are unwilling to, except they’re also wrong about things. They will just gaslight you and tell you that you’re the exception to the rule, and that you can’t use yourself as an example, even though you are the literal example of who they’re talking about and are correcting what they’re trying to say about your demographic. Good apple for sure
With story #3, since when would getting a third job lead to having any time for the OP and her boyfriend spend time together? He needs to balance his limited time between work, his kids, free time and her if he wants some sort of normalcy. Also, asking the OP to get the third job to pay for HIS expenses is such a red flag. Run!!!
He asked for help, not to take over. The girlfriend doesn't seem interested in spending time with him anyway, despite how she claims how much they love each other
@@TheLittleSpoonz how does her having a 3rd job free him up to spend time with her? She will be giving up more of her time to work. Where will she have extr time to spend time with him. It seems like she will have LESS time. It is ALL for his benefit.
@@TheLittleSpoonz they've only been together for a year and don't share any expenses or property together. They don't share a household. They're dating. She has more free time than he does and the time they don't get to spend together she spends with her friends. You don't expect her to not have a social life outside of her relationship do you? Should she just sit at home and wait for him while she has a day off and he doesn't? The problem is that he's calculating what he could do with her time and money which is not something anyone is entitled to. It would've been different if he asked her for any input on how they could spend more time together. Instead he's asking her to work more so he can have more free time. There's no guarantee that he would actually spend that time with her. He's not entitled to the money she earns or how she spends her time.
@@Allthingsedits505 nope I actually had to pause the video and go back. Just listen to it again to make sure. That’s got to be one of the hottest takes I’ve ever heard.
It feels important to disclaim before getting into my take that I am a skinny person. With regards to the last story, I think it would be one thing if she and her roommate were both British or both American. However, when your roommate is American and you are going out of your way to make constant comments about how gross or dumb Americans are, it seems impossible to me for that not to be targeted. Imagine if this was a story about an American making these sorts of comments to their Chinese roommate, or a Brit making these sorts of comments to their Indian roommate. Obviously it's not exactly the same, but my point is that she clearly only feels the need to make these sorts of comments to her roommate in the first place to make her feel bad about where she comes from. Seriously, what other point is there? Even if B isn't making the statements to be DIRECTLY about OP, she's still (for whatever reason) KNOWINGLY targeting her loved ones. At that point, you don't get to cry about how mean and uncalled for it is when someone finally snaps back with the EXACT same types of insults you've been lobbying against them for weeks or even months. "You and everyone you love is so FAT and STUPID, it's disgusting!" "Oh, weird. You're actually fatter than I am." "HOW DARE YOU??" Sorry, that conversation just seems silly to me. It's honestly borderline verbal abuse-- B wants to feel superior, so she's constantly making degrading comments about OP, her loved ones, and her culture for no reason OTHER than to feel superior to her roommate. OP is a good apple, and I hope she gets a new roommate soon.
I agree with you 100%, ik Mrs Rogers wants people to be amicable about things but sometimes you have to hurt people's feelings to get them to leave you alone, telling a "bully" that they hurt your feelings means nothing because in most cases that's their intention in the first place
yes exactly. and as an american immigrant in the uk its gotten to the point where ive seen so many instances of british people literally making things up about the us because of how much they just like to make fun of it, or assuming things about the us and then refusing to listen when you correct them. nothing about this situation from the roomates side was done nicely, so i dont see why we should have to be so generous to her. it wasnt even a snide comment, it was simply an observation in the context of her own words.
Fat person here. The roommate deserved to be called out on ironically fat shaming a skinny American just to make them feel bad especially because she's bigger. Skinny people fat shame a lot more often that heavier folks, but when I see heavier folks fat shaming it irks me because they're clearly turning their insecurities into a targeted insult to make others feel AT LEAST as bad as they do about themselves and that sort of behavior is disgusting to me. The roommate sucked and needed a reality check
Apple #1: I would give a good apple. It’s pretty normal to be selective in that way when creating your wedding party. She made it clear there were other kids not being invited for the same reasons. She even very generously offered to pay for babysitting, which she absolutely didn’t need to do. Her sister pushed and escalated the situation by not respecting her boundaries. Could she have taken a better approach when her sister started coming for her, perhaps. But if I were being disrespected like that by one of my siblings, I would probably push back too.
Regarding story #4, while I agree that there is something worth criticizing about every country, it's pretty obvious what the roommate was doing. If I had a roommate from Mexico, and I was consistently telling them to their face how terrible Mexican people are, they would rightfully feel attacked, even if I added the obviously fake disclaimer that I'm not talking about them specifically. This is exactly what the roommate was doing. She was taking a page out of "Mean Girls" and was intentionally hurting the OP's feelings. There's no other reasonable explanation for that behavior. So OP shouldn't show any mercy in her response.
I do see that like there are certain stereotypes about my country that people throw up all the time but I try not to be that confrontational to the person that said it, I normally also make a country level response or I just straight up said I don't like that if it really bothers me.
Story 1: good apple, sis is a poisoned one. Childless means childless no exceptions. That should have been the end right there and honestly op was way nicer, giving sis 5 chances to get the hint no means no. Sid is the toxic entitled apple who thinks rules and boundaries don't apply to her and her "perfect angle" hell spawn.This really is not about who can be in the weeding or not... There is a difference between in the wedding versus a guest and one reason op gave is sis who can't control her kids on a good day is also IN the wedding. The role of flower girl/ ring barer is traditionally children under the age of 10 over the age of 5. Ergo 3 is still at best below that age bracket. Op had every right to set that boundary. On the last point there is "aweful kids" versus kids who are being taught that there are no consaquences for thier action. Op clearly stated sis does not disaplin her kids. (Sorry for typos, my vision is rapidly declining and between that and the cracked screen it is hard to spell correctly) ( is it just me or does she leave a lot of key details out, like the fact op tried 5 times to civilly close the conversation and sis kept pushing till op snapped?) Story 2: crab apple, there is something there that op is doing that is off putting, I can't pin point it but it is creating hostility and while DIL may be contributing I am just reading passive aggressive from op. The cradling thing is good for colic and burping but is not a recommended holding position. Story 3: no, no, uh uh, nope not the bad apple. I mean it may he one thing if you lived together, or had a joint acct. But your still living independent lives and just dating... No I totally side with op, he is totally poisoned apple toxic. Story 4: Good apple, petty but good, sounds like fun pot shots turned to backhanded passive aggressive insults directed at op. Sorry I would have snapped to if she had the audacity to pick on an entire nation's average weight if she was overweight too. There is only so much insult one can take before they fight back, and apparently Bea had this coming for a while. I mean it hits hard when someone who was never there makes fun of your home with gossip and misinformation, and mockery.
Story 4- I think she’s the Good Apple. She’s tried & tried to bite her tongue, she’s tried to have a conversation with her. Then after poking & poking & poking her, she finally bit back at her. I mean if her roommate is bumping her gums like that & expected her roommate to still be able to except the girl to not say anything is absolutely insane. I’m sure she’s fully aware of her weight & size. That saying “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”
Story 1 - For starters, there are many reasons 3 year olds have tantrums, but the fact they think the children are horribly behaved compared to others might mean it is more than it should. I have known many children that are well-behaved at 2 and 3. 'Terrible twos' and troublesome threes' are pretty much like 'boys will be boys' in they are excusess for bad parents to hand wave their childrens bad actions. As for these children, we don't know, but they are well in their rights to not want them there, and blanket 'no children' is a great way to avoid them being there, the fact they offered to pay for the sitter is more than they should ever feel obligated to do, and having the well-behaved pair in the wedding is acceptable as an exception. They are a Good Apple, they tried to spare their feelings, offered to pay for a sitter, and the sister still tried to push the issue.
Story 3. There is something wrong with the boyfriend, like if she worked more wouldn't she have less time anyway, he is offering her this solution that doesn't make much sense without trying to listen to her or find another way to spend time together.
Story 2 reminds me of my son's father's mother. I hate that woman. She is crazy. She came to my delivery TO MAKE FUN OF ME. She forced her way in to visit while I was in labor, and tried to insist on being in the OR when I had my c-section. She is bat-shit insane.
Story 4: I'd go crab apple but for a different reason. This girl gave no indication that she tried to confront her roommate and say "dude you need to stop, it's funny sometimes but my feelings are getting hurt because you do this constantly and that isn't okay." If she had and the roommate persisted, then any clap back would be warranted in my opinion. But it kind of went from 0 to 100, and that's not okay to me. Crab apple.
story 4: as an american living in canada, i hear a lot of rude comments about americans, and then i cough, and they clairify "not you of course!" it doesnt really bother me, but i can see how it would bother the op. i generally stand by "dont dish it if you cant take it", but i can see her comment being over the top. my opinion is op's a good apple, beacuse even though weight shaming is not okay, if you cant handle people saying mean things about you, dont say mean things about other people. love your vids, and i cant wait for next week!
I would say that she’s more a crab apple, but I totally see your point! I’m an American, living in America, so I might not know so much about this. I just think she would be a crab apple because the comment was pointed to the roommate. I do agree with your point tho!
I hope that #3 watches this video. You're so on point about the major red flags and gaslighting going on. Also, how does get a third job so we can spend more time together make any kind of sense.
Well, dont you see... now that OP has met God's gift to her, she should have NO desire to do anything else other than work, spend time w/him & his kids, and make HIS life easier. 😂
I usually agree with Rebecca but I absolutely cannot get on board with number 1. Not wanting screaming unsupervised children at your wedding doesn’t make you a crab apple. The sister was pretty rude to continue pushing the issue and demanding they be invited. The bride was well within her rights to clarify why they weren’t invited when asked.
I agree that it’s normal/developmentally appropriate for 3 year olds to throw tantrums, which is exactly why OP in story 1 doesn’t want them at her wedding…it seemed to me like OP didn’t just trash on the kids and only said what she did bc her sister kept pushing for a specific reason not to bring them
Story 2: agreed. Fyi: holding a baby tummy down on your forearm and gently moving is one way to calm a fussy/colicky baby. My friend showed me that move and I was grateful. Now I'm going to be a first time grandma any week now. My sole job is to SUPPORT my daughter no matter what. ❤
Number one is definitely a good apple in my books, all her reasons were valid. There’s a pretty big difference between a 8 and a 3 year old, and the two 8 year olds had reasons why they were there. She even payed for the sisters baby sitter. + it’s her special day
Im totally cool with the first op not wanting an expensive event ruined. Not all kids are constantly throwing tantrums when they dont get their way. If op knows the other kids invited can behave, then it makes sense shed be okay with them being there but not the disruptive kid. Would the mother of those kids be paying for anything that was interrupted by the kids misbehaving? The mother should be understanding in op not wanting any added stress or issues on their wedding day.
I'm not Jewish but when I was in kindergarten my teacher was and we had a whole Hanukkah party where she showed us different games and food for celebration and we had so much fun! I've had other Jewish teachers through the years who did similar as well, but the parties were more formal since we were older but I will never forget how fun that first time learning was! (p.s. I love your sweater so much!!)
I have 5 children. I've never experienced terrible twos. A three year old screaming because they don't get what they want does not have to be normal behaviour.
I understand your opinion about the first post, but I personally think someone's wishes for their own wedding are important. The poster said she does love her nephews and tried to be polite about the answer initially. I can see why someone would get agitated enough to have an outburst after someone persistently not wanting to respect a reasonable expectation of their wedding.
For the first story, I think good apple. First of all, she didn’t say they sometimes have temper tantrums, she said they start screaming and crying EVERY TIME they don’t get their way due to lack of discipline. That’s not “normal” for every toddler, that’s only when parents fail to set boundaries for their children. Secondly, she didn’t WANT to tell her sister that her kids are out of control, but she had no choice after her sister would not stop asking for her kids to come. I personally don’t think OP did anything wrong. Good apple.👍
I was fatshamed at age nine by a particularly rotund nine year old boy for weeks. I kept telling him to look in the mirror. Then one day he decided to shove me in the hall out of nowhere. My head impacted against a brick wall. I had a concussion and a fractured skull and was out of skull for two weeks
#1 she was not only gonna pay for a babysitter but she also stated that only the kids there were in the wedding and 3 year olds won't remember the wedding
Story 1:I would go with good apple because the op tried to explain it normally and the sister kept pushing so she exploded and when I explode maybe some rude words come out I don't mean, and as you said she is her right, like when I was a kid I would go to weddings with my parents sometimes and normally on those occasions there would be an open space or even a playground at the venue for kids to play while adults had their adult fun I understand not all venues have this option. Other times I would stay with my nanny at home. And she said she would pay for the babysitter. I guess we don't know what the exact situation was with the sister, like did she really want her kids to see their aunt's wedding, do the kids want to go, does she not trust a stranger with her kids so maybe on that I could see some crab apple.
Story 1: I genuinely think the bride did everything she could to pacify her sisters situation, including saying she’d pay for the baby sitter, it’s her wedding not the sisters, and the sister has to know how likely her 3 year olds are to throw a tantrum and be disruptive, which would cause her to miss things to settle them down if they were allowed, sis also pushed for what the reason was many many times before the bride had to say things as she did, I feel she wasn’t trying to upset her sister and was doing everything she could to have her wedding how she wanted to without causing stress on her sister with the kids, given the only kids there were in the wedding and old enough to understand says a lot, she wasn’t trying to slight her sister and tried her hardest not to, while also getting her wedding how she envisioned it which is more then fair and makes me feel like she’s not the bad apple, it’s not like she told her no kids and you have to handle what happens to your kids like so many brides would have probably done
story #1 - i didn’t have kids at my wedding except for the kids in the wedding. i invited my best friend since i was in kindergarten’s son and my cousin’s son. No random kids though. these were kids who were very close to me.
Story 4. I agree with crabapple. The only caveat being if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen to the heavier set roommate. You can’t act a butthole and expect to be considered a protected class. All bets are off for something relatively controllable like food intake and general weight if you make comments about it in regards to others. Would I have done that? No. But I agree with crabapple for doing it
For story number two, as someone thats raised my siblings, one from BirTh, that grandmomma might have been genuinely trying to give advice based off what shes been taught, or what she found best as a parent herself, but she was definitely being pretty narcissistic. I feel like she just didnt want to feel old or lesser, and began to subconsciously play mom because of that. She was being very overly controlling, and not taking the stepdaughter's feelings into consideration at all. That stepdaughter was just trying to keep her baby safe, and the whole "holding the baby wrong" thing was absolutely right, especially for a baby that itty bitty. She couldve been hurting that baby on accident, or making her feel really yucky, because babies have such sensitive little tummies, she probably felt really sick. And the fact that the grandmomma thought that the stepdaughter saying "shes crying, she obviously doesnt like it, stop" was somehow WRONG of her, or selfish, is honestly making me think that maybe that grandmomma shouldnt be allowed to hold that baby AT ALL. If her ego is more important than the momma's feelings, and the baby's well being, she doesnt have to be near that little girl for a while. And maybe not around momma for a while either, since shes obviously a very stressful and controlling person.
Story 1: Good apple. She is not obligated to invite people to her wedding. It is a privilege, not a right, to be invited. She already said there were multiple children not allowed at the wedding. She is paying for a babysitter! She doesn’t have to do that!!! The bride is going out of her way to make things easier for her sister!!!!! Only kids in the wedding are allowed to be there. That’s it. That’s her answer! Stop pushing!! Sister couldn’t take no for an answer, so she gave a more clear reason. Sis didn’t like that answer. Oh, well!! It’s not her wedding!! Sis is not paying for it!! Not everyone wants their wedding to be interrupted by squawks, squeals, and crying!!!
From these videos it seems the best way to avoid being a bad apple is to explain what you are feeling and why, apologize for being rude even if u didn't mean to come off rude or snapped at another bad apple, and realize when u need to hold your boundaries by standing your ground or walking away.
I chose Good Apple on Apple #1 for all of the reasons that you said "keyboard warriors" will disagree with you. But I love that I finally got to see the "Crab Apple" appearance again. :)
Apple #3 should run away before she becomes a bruised apple. Definitely a good apple in the story. To be fair to Apple #4's roommate, she's not wrong. America does have a problem with obesity. But I'm torn what to choose there. (I agree with bad apple for #2, but Apple #4 is probably a sad apple for me just because the argument itself seems dumb to me).
If my husband took my 6wk old baby somewhere without me, especially around someone I wasn't comfortable being around my baby WITH me there, I'd be LIVID!!!
@stevengrvp yes, but a brand new baby shouldn't be away from mom especially while breast feeding... it would be different if the baby were a year or two old, but my husband would be pissed if I took our kids around ppl he didn't feel comfortable around either... It's about respecting your spouse and parent to your child
@@mrs_maverick1121 it's not strangers this was family. Also totally agree this grandmother has to understand her son is a parent and can not run to her just because. I hope it all works out
Eek, all the comments already say what I wanted to say😂 Just wanna say I don’t agree with your opinion. OP did a very good job trying to explain before her sister kept pushing. I was a flower girl when I was 4/5 or so because my Mamì got married to my step father. It took place I the country with other kids as well. We were super calm and reserved but as we grew we were told that is not the norm 😂 and we saw that it is not the norm especially not for weddings. Well behaved children who are mature enough to go to weddings should absolutely be able to go. But three year old twins that continuously get very fussy and make a lot of disruption, probably shouldn’t. And OP paying for a babysitter for them was so sweet. She told her only kids under 16 were the ones in the actual ceremony, which is also very sweet when they include the babies in the wedding like that Everyone’s got different life experiences cos we all come from different branches of the apple tree, but this is my opinion. And I believe she is a good apple.
Story one is one of the few times I disagree with you, she didn’t say it in a harsh way, and she only allowed the ring bearer and flower girl to be children under 16
Wait, but, in story 1 the kids weren’t just being singled out? The rule was no kids under X age. The *only* exception was for the 2 kids who were participating in the ceremony.
@@Rebecca.Rogers Understandable. But these kids are apparently really poorly behaved, and the parents don't do anything about it. They would most likely ruin the wedding.
@@Rebecca.Rogers But it's not "some kids," it's two - that were part of the ceremony. They weren't guests, like other kids would be, they were _in_ the wedding. By your logic of, "including some family but not others," the wedding party would be gargantuan. Weddings always "include some family but not others;" the "others" are called "guests." Per the story, no other children were invited. 16 is a FAR cry from "child." While they can act like children in school and with friends, they can also be respectful and behave at events, such as a wedding.
Story 1- She had 2 kids that were IN the wedding that were invited to attend and that was it. That’s not an uncommon situation. It wasn’t just her twin nephews not invited. She tried to give every nice reason on why her nephews were NOT invited. Her sister is the one who kept pressing the issue. After explaining it 5-6 times to her sister who CLEARLY wasn’t understanding NO (when you yourself have said SEVERAL times, NO is a complete sentence), she finally had to be firm & give the reason that wasn’t going to be argued. Maybe her sister needs to accept the NICE answers and not push til she gets the mean answers. The couple literally picked two kids they new would behave & not have tantrums. Their ages are a lot more more mature then 2 three year olds.
If the person hosting the wedding straight up said that she'd pay for a babysitter then why does the mom have to complain after that free babysitting and you get to go to a party sounds awesome to me.
1: Good Apple. First off it's her wedding. You do you! What ever you want on your special day that happens (hopefully) once in a lifetime make it happen. My aunt's wedding, my cousins kid began screaming during prayer... Then the grandparents took the child to the back and whooped them which lead to louder screaming. Letting kids that are involved (and older @ 7) be there is okay with me. My wedding will be kid free. Under 16 is a no go. I may even go up to 18 just for funzies.
Story 2: When my sister had my niece, my parents’ first grandchild, we ALWAYS texted in advance to ask if it was a good time. I love that baby and I’m so glad I got to hold her as a baby, because I didn’t get that with my other niece and nephew (I don’t live there anymore). But no, you don’t just show up unannounced or without asking if you can come by. I don’t care who you are.
First of all, happy Hanukkah! Your sweatshirt is adorable. For story 1 I’m torn between good and crab apple. Yes, op was rude but the sister should have accepted the no. I think it’s kind of op to provide the babysitter for her nephews. So maybe good apple. Story 2 is bad apple hands down. For story 3 op is a good apple. The boyfriend had no right to ask her to get a third job for him when she doesn’t even live with him. If I was op I’d be running far far away. For story 4, I get where you’re coming from, but if the roommate is being hypocritical then I think that should be called out. It’s clear that this roommate is prejudiced against Americans, and I think it’s hypocritical to call out America’s obesity when you yourself are overweight. And I say this as someone who has been overweight/obese my entire life. But I do agree that op should have chosen a different approach to make their point.
Story 2: I am from a Latin family so the sense of family is more close than in US families, that said the moment the story mentioned 6 months old I freaked, like I was pretty close with my grandmother's specially my maternal grandma (may she rest in peace) but trying to take away a baby like that without even talking to the daughter in law is wrong.
Story 1: Good Apple. I have no real argument to why I think so, I just do. Story 2: Bad Apple. I felt major red flags from this grandma. Girl is not only holding a newborn baby incorrectly, but refusing to fix it when the baby cries? That’s straight up endangerment if not abuse. I’m glad your daughter in law is seeing this because she definitely isn’t !
Agree wholeheartedly. With the baby situation, grandma is violating boundaries and needs to back off. I’ve been in this situation and expressing clear boundaries is paramount. My MIL did some old school crap with my babies and I was not ok with it. Mom should be able to parent the way she wants to. When someone shows up uninvited, I just don’t answer the door!
That second story IRKS me. That grandma is in that group of people who believe you can spoil newborns. You can’t. It’s been literally scientifically proven in numerous psych studies that kids who are immediately cared for and their needs are immediately met, typically grow up to thrive without their parents and become very social and outgoing adults. They learn how to cope with the world and learn they can go to people they trust to assist them with their problems and they typically become very secure adults. A FOUR WEEK OLD BABY is not going to know how to manipulate an adult to get what they want. They’ve been alive for four weeks. That mother is doing a great job and that grandma should really take a look at herself.
Miss Rogers I’m sure with you having your own bed Apple Reddit that you’ve seen enough stories of Where kids go crazy at weddings, Example story where a kid I think knocked over a wedding cake on purpose having a tantrum and then got some on the brides dress, it’s been a while, but I still remain horrified. By that story, if these kids are little brats, I can’t blame her.
Story 1: I felt that way we had like TEN kids in the wedding because of this. NO ma'am it was ridiculous never ever again. It is childfree it is childfree, PLUS she is providing a sitter for them. You do not like it then do not go. She tried to be nice, BUT she kept pushing.
My friend in high school used to invite me over for Chanukah every year, and I loved it! Also, I highly recommend trying latkes with a little sprinkle of sugar and sour cream on top.
Story #2: I’m currently pregnant with my second, and I 100% stand by the saying “having a title to my child does not entitle you to my child”.. if they didn’t ask her for an opinion or invite her over, MIL has no right to complain about how the mom may be feeling about interactions with the baby. My oldest is a toddler and I STILL have family that I eagle eye when they’re with her.. just can’t trust everyone to abide by the boundaries we’ve set. 🤷🏻♀️ definitely the bad apple imo
Story 3: I feel bad for the boyfriend. Sounds like he's stressed and feeling left out and sad that he can't spend as much time with her as he wants. He needs a reality check. He's for sure the bad apple. But still.
Idk why I’ve never had kids or anything, but I’m training as a psychologist and working on behavior plans. With the 2nd story, I found a perspective that might resonate and maybe change the MIL’s pov with the baby. In supporting kids, I was taught: a kid doesn’t scream, cry, etc because they hate you or are trying to manipulate you. They’re trying to communicate a NEED. I think the MIL might’ve forgotten that. It’s very normal to have anxious attachment styles and desiring social validation (that’s what social support groups and hobbies are for though; not tearing apart others’ attachments out of insecurity of your own esteem though) but, i think the mom was right to say that the baby didn’t like those positions and its needs come first. Secondly, I 100% agree with the prioritize parents needs. Idk people can disagree but I ultimately think babies are fragile beings that can’t take care of themselves, so, if you’re intervening the parents time to readjust sleeping/eating/healing schedules, you’re doing a huge disservice to your grand child because now the parents cannot delegate their full energy to nurturing that child. I don’t think any grand parent wants to see a suffering child. It’s funny in behavior plans I also learned while of course there are exceptions, if a parent/adult is crying, yelling, screaming, etc at you, they aren’t trying to manipulate or hate you. They were once babies too and carry those same physiological reactions. they’re just communicating a NEED. Sorry for the rant. I could be projecting as Roger’s mentioned but I hope I gave a new pov 😅
story 1- i think talking to her sister in the way she did was not ok. Toddlers are very messy. she even said she would pay for babysitters. her wedding her choice. she wasn’t nice to her sister but that was after a lot of pestering, i wouldn’t say she wasn’t a crab apple bc genuinely i would snap too.
Sometimes, there are people who refuse to change. I once sat down with my dad and we watched a very in depth piece on the death penalty by the TH-camr Shaun. At the end I ask my dad, “Do you think he missed anything?” “No.” “Do you think he got anything wrong or drew any incorrect conclusions?” “No.” “Did it change your mind?” ….”No.” “Then what would change your mind?” No answer. Some people hold their opinions not because they’re correct, but because it benefits them. (I theorize that my dad wouldn’t be comfortable socializing with his twin if he made an effort to change. I know I don’t socialize with his twin-who is now not my uncle.)
The only reason I have ever heard for someone even wanting to bring there kids to a wedding is normally a lack of someone to watch them but the bride is willing to pay for a babysitter cus she doesn't want those kids there cus they will ruin her wedding I can see joy some would think she's the bad apple for rhat but it's her day and she's going above and beyond by paying for a babysitter for her sister and it makes seance if the sister is in the wedding party not to bring there kids cus there will be no one to watch them
Story 1: i say good apple for the fact that she said she tried to give her multiple reasons she wasn't having kids at the wedding. It was only after her sister asked multiple times that she finally snapped. Also as someone else said, she never said they were horrible kids, just their behaviour was horrible. Ive been to multiple weddings where only the two kids in the wedding were at the wedding. And sometimes they were at the reception and other times they were only present for the ceremony. Story #2: As far as the belly thing goes, i wouldn't say its the wrong way to hold a baby. My daughter was colic and it was actually recommended to hold her on her belly. So its definitely not hurting the baby in any way. The baby just may not like it. Story 3: good apple. She needs to run. Story #4: im on the fence about this story. The roommate was rude as hell. But I dont necessarily think that it was okay to put it that way. But i would definitely say that it wasnt fat-shaming. Just stating the obvious that the roommate is bigger than her isn't fat shaming.
Actually laying a baby across your arm or lap while still supporting their head is another way of burping them and it does soothe some babies. My grandson (just turned a year yesterday) has always loved to lay across our laps and have his back rubbed.
I agree with all of them other than the last one. The second one oh my gosh I can’t believe the grandmother was acting that way so glad the husband/boyfriend stood up for his wife/girlfriend if they are not married already they should be the support is great. The last one I disagree with because the roommate is constantly putting her down as an American with things that are not necessarily true she said 1 little thing that was true because the roommate said Americans are fat and the roommate couldn’t handle it not a crab apple the roommate shouldn’t be insulting others if they can’t handle the heat. The one putting up with it for 6 months is a golden apple everyone is going to snap eventually what she said was mild.
Story one. She did say that the only kids invited where rhe ones activity in the wedding party like flower girl and ring barrier. The way she decribed it no other children are going to be there the only reason those kids are there is cus it would be weird to have an adult do those roles there just alway kids 😅
Story 2: Definitely not delulu land. I whole heartedly agree. I have a grandparent like this, the story sounded very similar to the way they act. They try to be my parent but their really delulu. People like that are like blinded by a spell or something, meeting those people make me believe witches are real lol.
Story 2: 100% agree with everything that Rebecca said. I'll just add that it pisses me off, too, when boomers assume that babies/young children are "manipulating" the adults in their lives. My own mother does this a lot, saying my niece does things "for attention". She's 7 now, but my mother started accusing my niece of this since around 3, but has said she thinks babies learn how to manipulate their parents. Interesting that she's not calling my almost 3 yr old nephew's actions manipulative. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD & autism, a lot of symptoms were dismissed as attention seeking, disobedience, irresponsibility, carelessness, etc., so every time my mother accuses my niece of being manipulative, I try to remind my mom that she said the same thing about me when it was ADHD. She recently was diagnosed with ADHD in her late 60's & is still working on deconstructing her internalized ableism that has been weaponized into generational trauma, hopefully ending with us. However, its slow going as her therapist has no specialized knowledge on ADHD & frankly, the lady seems to lack professional boundaries, but my mom refuses to find someone else. Back to the story, I also hope the redditor comments pointed out you can't "build a relationship" with what is essentially a sack of potatoes with a gastrointestinal system! Its clear from all of OP's actions & unsolicited advice, she has no idea how to care for babies, lacks self awareness & empathy, & has a very toxic/egotistical personality. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to argue with comments, left a passive aggressive edit, then rage quit reddit.
About story 4: There is a cultural divide. In england, jabs and insults are common in banter. However, if you dish it out you need to take it. B shouldn't have brought up weight if it's sensitive.
I also do think that America does enjoy taking a jab at England and that we are all goody two shoes and stiff and also that we gave horrible teeth (I dont know where that comes from)
story 2 sounds like when my dad’s entire family told my mom she “coddled me too much” as a NEWBORN when I was scream crying and that “his lungs will never develop if you don’t let him cry” and I’m the loudest and most theatrical of them all, in fact I’m the only one on that side that can go on a stage and do a whole performance with no problems
it might be normal for toddlers to not know how to behave, but that doesn't mean that they get to scream through a wedding. she didn't tell them they are horrible kids, she just explained that their behavior is bad and that it's not wedding appropriate
Story #1: Point of order, the poster didn't start by telling the: sister that her kids are misbehaving and terrible. She only did that after multiple, repeated ways of phrasing that she only wanted those two specific kids at the wedding. It was only after the sister pushed the issue multiple times that OP then revealed the actual reason.
Yes! Good Apple! Also, with the stress of a wedding, the fact she held her temper for that long is impressive. 😅
Completely agree. And I say good on the bride for paying for a babysitter. If you’re doing no kids and someone in your immediate family has kids then paying for the babysitter is an awesome thing to do for them.
Also, OP is paying for a babysitter for the day. Not a lot of brides would do that.
Plus she was so nice that she was willing to pay for a babysitter normally the only reason you want to bring your kids that young to something like that is due to lack of babysitter but she has someone paying for it for her plus its her wedding she shouldn't have to explain herself at all
FACTS, THAT WAS . Y EXACT POINT TOO
To be fair she only told her why the kids couldn’t come because her sister kept pushing the issue. If the sister had just done the polite thing, she wouldn’t of got her feelings hurt. You can’t push and push and push for an answer and then get angry because you didn’t like the answer that you kept pushing for.
It can be perfectly normal for toddlers to throw tantrums, but it’s also perfectly normal not to want screaming children at your wedding.
Yeah and also the kids in the wedding the OP said they were well behaved and also they were 8. You can have whoever you want in your wedding
This right here. I was going to point this out. Plus she stated she personally was hiring a babysitter for her sister so it wasn't even coming out of her pocket.
Please take a long nap and grow up in this century. Thanks 🙏👹💀
But also, to be fair, when being polite, she was lying each time and trying to get her sister to not want to bring her kids. She didn't try even once to politely tell her the truth that she didn't actually want the kids there, which is very easy to do. She could have said that children that young aren't well behaved in general die to their age and her children are no exception, so she didn't want any kids there outside of the two in the wedding. But she didn't do that. She tried to say a lie like, "I'd like YOU to come alone so YOU can have a kid free night" but obviously her sister doesn't care about having a kid free night and when that didn't work she just snapped at her.
@@Beachbum471 what? Do you think she should’ve continued to lie to her about why she didn’t want the kids there? I don’t know how old do you think I am, but I’m not that old
Story 1: I can understand your point of view, but OP had to explain 6 TIMES NICELY that she didn’t want the kids AND offered to pay for the babysitter. I say good apple because she was pushed
I agree. I understand that 3-year-olds usually throw tantrums, but they shouldn't be at the wedding for that reason alone.She explained it many times and the sister refused to listen until she told her that her kids can't behave. And it's clear that the other kids that were invited had specific roles in the wedding and were old enough to behave decently in a wedding setting. Definitely not a bad apple.
I agree.
Yes, but I think another point is that if all the other sibling's children were invited, it might be rude if her sister's twins were the only direct nephews or nieces not invited.
@@Tasha9315 while i understand the angle of “one siblings kids can but the others can’t” it all comes down to the fact they’re only there because they’re in the wedding party, there are no kids there past that at all which is usually how child free weddings are
The fact that it's "normal" for 3 year-olds to behave badly doesn't mean you should feel obligated to allow them to ruin your wedding with their screaming.
Exactly I agree with this which is why I think the 1st one is a good apple
Yes of course but talking about a three year old like that is still rude - of course this doesn’t mean she has to do invite them but I think this is why she gave them a crab apple
Yes people need to start rasing there kids and not just putting a phone in there dace my 7 year old cousin has her own iPhone and uses tiktok and when I told her she's to young she said "no it's toktok for kids" like no there's no such thing 😂
Exactly. She tried over and over to make a polite explanation, and her sister wouldn't hear it.
OP tried to tell her 5x politely. But her sister couldn't understand the word NO. Which makes me understand where her twin boys get their bratty ways from.
The only one I disagree with is story number 1. I’m going Good Apple. I think if OP wants an otherwise child free wedding with two 8 years that she knows will behave being part of the wedding, I think that’s valid. Plus, she told the sister no multiple times before she snapped at her that her boys are undisciplined. The sister effed around and she found out. That’s not OP’s fault.
TLDR: Good apple for story number 1 because the sister just kept pushing when she shouldn’t have.
STORY 1: Hold on a minute Rebecca, she did not in fact single those kids out. She never said they were horrible children she they were horribly behaved. She said no children UNDER THE AGE OF 16 except the 2 participating, are allowed to be at the wedding. She does say that she made that rule to ensure they wouldn't be there. But that's not a bad thing if you don't put it on the invite and the rule is the same for all. the difference between her kids and the one in the wedding is that they aren't in the wedding. YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYONE IN THE WEDDING. I am glad When the sister kept pushing, she made it clear why she didn't want them specifically at the wedding and was willing to not have all the other kids under 16 not there. Ever heard the saying "Play with fire and you'll get burned." well she kept pushing the issue and well she got burned. Kids can have their tantrums but the people getting married can also NOT WAN THE KIDS THERE. One does not out way the other. There are a lot of double standards in your statement. You can't say "It's your wedding and you can do it any way you want." then say she's wrong because of how she handled it. I think she handled it with all the grace in the world, but she's not Jesus Christ. Anyone when pushed long and hard enough will lose any grace they might have. I think she was in the right to tell her with all bets off, cause she was just going to keep pushing and NEVER drop it.
Yeah I gotta agree with this, especially since in the beginning she made it not about the kids at all, she redirected it back to the parents saying "wouldn't you have a better time having a night without the kids so you can enjoy the wedding" shoot she even went as far as PAYING for a baby sitter. She never called the kids themselves horrible but just their behavior, and honestly it would be inappropriate to bring that to a wedding. No one owes anyone an invite to anything and while it might suck to see her sisters kids there while her kids are home the day is not about the kids. I would definitely go good apple. Maybe to make things better if the kids get jealous, she can later take them out on a special auntie outing just her and her nephews.
@samanthamyers5719 and from the sounds of it, her sister and brother-in-law may not handle the kids' tantrums appropriately to which causes the bad behavior to become a continuous issue. And I can understand why she doesn't want that at her wedding... I've heard plenty of stories of entitled parents getting into the wedding cake before the couple to appease their entitled kids, so who's to say her sister and her husband wouldn't do that 🤔
Also, OP was willing to pay for a babysitter for them so that they could feel good and be present during her wedding. I was a Professional babysitter from 18 years old to this year (23), do you know how much a good babysitter costs? Let me break it down for you, at my company they have the family pay a $10 matching fee. $2 is given to the babysitter that's chosen. Then the babysitters had a template they had to follow.
Travel Fee: How much it cost me to get there.
Cost For (per) child: How much each kid costs to watch depending on their age.
Incidentals: I one or both of the kids break something of mine, the parents pay for it. ( Obviously with bounds, don't expect to get reimbursed for a crayon.
Time: How much per hour. Or for the night. This includes if the parents are late coming home from an overnight stay.
For this situation, I personally would waive the travel fee for this bride-to-be. Then I would go with my overnight fee of $250 - $300 (dependent on how many hours it's going to be. Then I would add the cost per child, because they are both 3 years old it would normally be $15. However, this OP seems like the type to warn the babysitter so I would raise it to $20 - $30. depending on how rambunctious they are and how much trouble they give. Then at the end of the night if they broke anything the price for that would be on it. so my total for this OP would have been $362 + any possible Incidentals + $15 for every hour past the time they were expected to be home to let me off.
Child care is expensive and this would have gotten a free night away from the kids with her husband but she just couldn't let sleeping dogs lay.
@@samanthamyers5719
I 100% agree with you. When my sister married her second husband she didn't have a "no kids" rule and ended up happy with that decision. Her daughter was the flower girl but ended up being too shy to perform her duties. My son is around 8 or so months older and since he was dressed in wedding colors but not in the wedding, he walked her down the aisle. This gave my niece the courage to walk down the aisle too.
I agree 100%. I completely understand what she’s saying when she’s talking about a tantrum etc. My cousins kids were HORRIBLY behaved. Like they’re older now (grown w/ kids of their own) & they even say they were so badly behaved. The thing is they were only like that with their mom. She had zero discipline for them. When I would watch them, they would listen to me. I had consequences for their misbehavior. It got to a point she would say “If you don’t behave, I’m gonna tell Aunt Jessica & she’ll give you a spanking” I never ONCE spanked them, I just took away their toys for 10 min, put them in time out etc, whatever age appropriate punishment was fitting. As adults now they will say their mom never got after them, she would say no but never followed through with a punishment. Sadly now my nephew is in prison bc his mom never learned how to discipline him.
Story 2: I agree with the OP being the bad apple. It is completely unacceptable to ask to see your granddaughter when they are still a newborn without the mother being present. And, I agree, it doesn’t sound like she was invited or even let anyone know she was going to come over. But the “old fashioned” comments are what get me! The fact that she can’t be self reflective enough to realize that her comments bother her daughter-in-law is just wild!
Is the daughter-in-law possibly overreacting? Yes! Holding a baby on its stomach or across your knees isn’t a problem as long as the head is supported, but if the baby instantly cries being held that way you typically try a different position. And the baby could have been making sounds while it was sleeping so it could be that picking it up wasn’t necessary, but that is the mother’s choice! If she wants to hold her baby, she can.
I have a feeling there is more to the story and that possibly the comments started while the daughter-in-law was pregnant which is why she was already uncomfortable before the baby even arrived.
She also mentions at one point that she went at thanksgiving and it was the baby’s other grandmother was there and it was the FIRST time she had met the baby. Well from the way the post had been written she had already met the baby quite a few times. And she was still angry. She just doesn’t get it!
I fully agree!!! This is not a brand new mother, she has an older child, she is not asking for advice, and it seems it's being pushed on her through snide comments... I wouldn't want that around me or my kids, I also can't stand when people show up unannounced to my house, ESPECIALLY with a brand new baby!
Totally agree! Its pretty simple: as long as the parents arent being abusive/harming the child, its their choice who is allowed to interact with the child and how they want the child to be interacted with. You can offer advice, but if they dont want any, then dont give it.
It would be different if there was real concern aka they shake the baby, the baby is malnourished but they refuse to do anything about it, they sleep on the couch with their child laying on them (so they can fall...). But thats not the case here. Maybe it would be okay to hold the child the way grandma wants to hold her, maybe it wouldnt. But its not harmful to the child to be held differently.
And she kept saying "seeing her granddaughter" nothing about helping the parents. She could have helped around the house, taken the older huld out for a few hours or brought dinner, but nooo. She just wants to hog the baby and give unwanted and outdated advice.
I'm a Disabled pediatric nurse and worked in the home and school with her. All Family needs to remember that Mom is in hormone hell and getting little sleep. She is going to hover over the baby. And certainly doesn't want the baby away from her. I think that we should keep that in mind.
As for the mother in law. I think she is probably a 1st grandchild. She was wrong in some of the things she had done. But putting baby on their stomach thing is one way we get the baby to burp baby. And as long as the baby's head and neck supported. It helps the baby to get that head support. They also will pass gas and be screaming before that. Immediately after they pass gas, they go to sleep. I think the DiL was wrong there.
Grandmother should have stepped back if this was the 1st time for her mother seeing the baby. Otherwise, this grandmother has gone over bord, and she should give mom some time to get over the hormones and getting some sleep! Then sit down and speak to her. Don't let it sit in the back and do tons of damage!!
Story 1: I have a now 4 year old. This year I was invited to 3 different weddings while he was 3. They all took different approaches to kids. Wedding 1 we were told we could bring him but there werent going to be any other children attending, wedding 2 only specifically invited kids were allowed (mine not being one of them as it was a friend's wedding, not family), wedding 3 we were allowed to bring him and there were other kids for him to play with. We decided to get a babysitter for weddings 1 and 2 so that we could enjoy ourselves without worrying about him or him getting bored/frustrated and we knew he was safe and happy at home. Wedding 3 we took him along and he got bored during the ceremony and ran off, my husband had to chase him. He also got antsy during the speeches and he ran a played with the other kids most of the day. He also got overwhelmed and over tired by the end of the day. I would never expect someone else to invite him to their day just because hes my responsibility. If i am told hes not invited then i arrange a sitter and i take responsibility for ensuring he is safe and cared for in my absence or i dont go. I would also never expect someone else to arrange a sitter for me. If i miss something because i have a kid and cant get a sitter then thats just tough luck and maybe next time. That being said: in my opinion the parent in the story was a Bad Apple 100%. She was told no nicely multiple times in many ways. She refused to listen and pushed the point until OP reached breaking point. OP has to be a good apple in my opinion. She gave many reasonable answers before she got to breaking point. She provided child care for them and she only started talking about specific issues with the 3yr olds when pushed on it probably for months.
Story 2: Just my 2 cents. After my daughter was born, I went through some post partum depression and felt a lot like it sounds like the mom feels in this story. I wanted to be left alone with my baby. I hated people just showing up unexpectedly to hold the baby. That’s not what I needed help with. I needed help with chores. And I definitely needed it to be scheduled. Showing up just disrupted any sort of schedule I was desperately trying to get us in to. I had to sleep when my baby slept. It was like people showed up to hold the baby so I could do chores. And they always showed up when we were trying to sleep, or I was nursing, or trying to get her to nap. It would over stimulate my daughter, the person would leave, and I would be left with a miserable overtired baby that I could not get to sleep. It would mess up our sleep schedule, her nursing schedule, and it would take days to recover. Also, my daughter loved to be held on her tummy, but some babies hate it. It’s quite possible that it’s not necessarily a painful position, but it’s just a position that the baby does not feel safe and supported in. Forcing her in that position is just stressing her out. And finally, my daughter never took a bottle… ever. I nursed almost exclusively for the first year, so to ask that the baby be separated from mom is just absurd. A nursing baby, especially at that young age, generally has to eat every 3 hours. By the time baby and all gear is loaded up, driven to grandmas, and unloaded, there is probably, max, 30 min to an hour, before baby needs to be loaded up and driven home to eat again. And that doesn’t take into account any need for a comfort feed for the stress the baby may go through due to the trip and just being away from mom. Grandma, needs to step off and give the mom and family time to adjust to the new life with an infant. Call and ask if there is anything they need. Cook a meal, ask if there is a good time to come help with laundry, or clean bathrooms. It’s not your baby, and mom is still learning what baby likes, dislikes, needs, and finding a good schedule.
Absolutely!! So many times people do t stop to think let me think about mom for a second!! Let me come over and offer to help do whatever SHE NEEDS done!! Or if the baby is a bit older and we are ready to take that nap for ourselves and they can take a longer drinking break we’ll ask you to watch them while WE sleep!! Like if you wanna help me help me, as a first time mom it was very overwhelming and I’m just lucky I wasn’t in a situation people were forcing themselves in. I’m so sorry you had to go through that! Post partum is no joke mine hit around 8weeks and man I had never experienced a low that bad before man it was terrifying. Glad to be a little bit out of that down. I hope you’re doing alright girl and same with your babies! I hope you have a blessed day!🫶🏼🫶🏼
Best explaination I've heard. Thanks. I was just thinking this and I don't have kids, but saw my sister have two and only showed up when it was arranged so I could be helpful without hurting my family's trying to adjust period.
This feels really reasonable to me, but the story that is told is so full of missing missing reasons.
I've a feeling that the relationship between step-mum and step-daughter isn't as rosy as step-mum believes. It sounds like she frequently oversteps boundaries, and is now looking for external validation to make herself feel less bad. There are SO MANY red flags in the story.
- She was like my daughter, but pregnancy caused her to act weird towards me
Blaming pregnancy for step-daughter's unwanted behaviour.
- Asked to be in delivery room. Told no. Argues that ex-partner's-mum was in delivery room.
Not respecting boundary.
- Cooing at baby that baby's manipulations won't work on her
This one on its own isn't that weird, but given the rest it just gives off narc vibes.
- "That baby's going to get used to being held all the time"
Unsolicited advice. The daughter saying "I don't have to listen to your crying it out bullcrap" makes me think MIL has been an advocate of that before.
- Believes step daughter is manipulating the child (who is six weeks old) to hate her.
- Feels slighted when the baby cries in her arms. As though the baby crying is it personally insulting her.
- Asks for her son to go behind his partner's back and bring her the baby without her mother around
There's more. Like for example I also wonder about "when I visited in the hospital she was really put off", was she even invited to visit? There's nothing saying she was or wasn't, but I have my doubts.
This lady reminds me so much of my narcissistic mother. She'd throw unsolicited advice left and right, get real mad if people didn't live the way she expected them to, and cut people off if they had the "audacity" to talk back, or worse, give unsolicited advice back at her. She also perceives people telling her no as a personal slight, and doesn't give a fuck about boundaries.
This mother in law lives in her own little world, and expects everyone to cater to her needs, including a six week old infant. Phrasing like "expecting him to bring me my granddaughter" really cements it. She doesn't want or wish for it, she expects it.
I think with the first one, she starting pushing way too hard and I definitely think she deserved the honest truth if she wanted to F around and find out.
Rebecca even if you don't have kids, you are spot on for story number two ❤ I'm 29 with two kids, and family not respecting my boundaries and my wishes with my kids is the number one reason why I am only seen on holidays.
Also, in regards to not wanting little kids at the wedding who you know are going to misbehave. Let's put in a different metaphor. Imagine it's an uncle who's an alcoholic. That's also an ability to regulate your brain chemistry, similar to how the little kids can't regulate their own emotions. Just cuz you love the uncle, doesn't need to necessarily where you know that he's going to cause a problem. Just because they're little, does not remove the problems that they will create when they inevitably start fussing and crying.
Story 1&4:
Same point for both: they tried fo solve the problem diplomatically. In story 1 she tried SEVERAL times to kindly tell her sister NO, but the sister just ignored her.
Story 4, she tried when the school system was brought up. She explain that not all Americans are like that and the roommate refused to believe her, and said she was the acception not the rule. The roomate just couldn't get the hint that she was going too far.
I've used to have alot of issues with people walking all over me. It sucks, and the other person isn't always willing to have a mature adult conversation with you and accept NO and STOP. I think both OP's were at the point that reason and diplomacy failed and they just had to dish it out dirty. Good Apple, both.
Story one: I agree that she’s crab apples out on the side that if she’s not gonna have any kids at the wedding that she shouldn’t have any kids at the wedding. And if she wanted some kids at the wedding and she knew that her sister has small children and it would hurt her sister who is close enough to her to be a part of her wedding party, then she also could’ve maybe gotten a friend or hired a teenager to watch the kids during the ceremony so her sister could walk with her down the aisle. Like yeah it’s OK for her not to want to have kids there but she does have kids there and yeah the sister kept pushing to find out why but I’m pretty sure it’s because she was getting increasingly hurt by her own sister rejecting her children. Like this is not a friend this is her sister. Those are her nephews. So I can get why the sister would keep pushing whether I agree with it or not, and I also kind of agree that the bride is being really nasty to her sister. But also, the sister should’ve just excepted the first answer and been like that’s fine and your choice but it hurts me and my family soI won’t be coming to the wedding.
Story 4:Honestly agreed. I have been a diplomatic person, many times, and if people are unwilling to accept their own thoughts and flaws, they are unwilling to, except they’re also wrong about things. They will just gaslight you and tell you that you’re the exception to the rule, and that you can’t use yourself as an example, even though you are the literal example of who they’re talking about and are correcting what they’re trying to say about your demographic. Good apple for sure
With story #3, since when would getting a third job lead to having any time for the OP and her boyfriend spend time together? He needs to balance his limited time between work, his kids, free time and her if he wants some sort of normalcy. Also, asking the OP to get the third job to pay for HIS expenses is such a red flag. Run!!!
He asked for help, not to take over. The girlfriend doesn't seem interested in spending time with him anyway, despite how she claims how much they love each other
@@TheLittleSpoonz how does her having a 3rd job free him up to spend time with her? She will be giving up more of her time to work. Where will she have extr time to spend time with him. It seems like she will have LESS time. It is ALL for his benefit.
@@TheLittleSpoonz they've only been together for a year and don't share any expenses or property together. They don't share a household. They're dating. She has more free time than he does and the time they don't get to spend together she spends with her friends. You don't expect her to not have a social life outside of her relationship do you? Should she just sit at home and wait for him while she has a day off and he doesn't?
The problem is that he's calculating what he could do with her time and money which is not something anyone is entitled to. It would've been different if he asked her for any input on how they could spend more time together. Instead he's asking her to work more so he can have more free time. There's no guarantee that he would actually spend that time with her. He's not entitled to the money she earns or how she spends her time.
9:49 did this lady really just say she felt slighted by a four week old? Lol.
SERIOUSLY! I thought I was the only one who caught that🤣🤣🤣
@@Allthingsedits505 nope I actually had to pause the video and go back. Just listen to it again to make sure. That’s got to be one of the hottest takes I’ve ever heard.
It's
...
A.. Joke..
It feels important to disclaim before getting into my take that I am a skinny person. With regards to the last story, I think it would be one thing if she and her roommate were both British or both American. However, when your roommate is American and you are going out of your way to make constant comments about how gross or dumb Americans are, it seems impossible to me for that not to be targeted. Imagine if this was a story about an American making these sorts of comments to their Chinese roommate, or a Brit making these sorts of comments to their Indian roommate. Obviously it's not exactly the same, but my point is that she clearly only feels the need to make these sorts of comments to her roommate in the first place to make her feel bad about where she comes from. Seriously, what other point is there? Even if B isn't making the statements to be DIRECTLY about OP, she's still (for whatever reason) KNOWINGLY targeting her loved ones. At that point, you don't get to cry about how mean and uncalled for it is when someone finally snaps back with the EXACT same types of insults you've been lobbying against them for weeks or even months. "You and everyone you love is so FAT and STUPID, it's disgusting!" "Oh, weird. You're actually fatter than I am." "HOW DARE YOU??" Sorry, that conversation just seems silly to me. It's honestly borderline verbal abuse-- B wants to feel superior, so she's constantly making degrading comments about OP, her loved ones, and her culture for no reason OTHER than to feel superior to her roommate. OP is a good apple, and I hope she gets a new roommate soon.
I agree with you 100%, ik Mrs Rogers wants people to be amicable about things but sometimes you have to hurt people's feelings to get them to leave you alone, telling a "bully" that they hurt your feelings means nothing because in most cases that's their intention in the first place
yes exactly. and as an american immigrant in the uk its gotten to the point where ive seen so many instances of british people literally making things up about the us because of how much they just like to make fun of it, or assuming things about the us and then refusing to listen when you correct them. nothing about this situation from the roomates side was done nicely, so i dont see why we should have to be so generous to her. it wasnt even a snide comment, it was simply an observation in the context of her own words.
Fat person here. The roommate deserved to be called out on ironically fat shaming a skinny American just to make them feel bad especially because she's bigger. Skinny people fat shame a lot more often that heavier folks, but when I see heavier folks fat shaming it irks me because they're clearly turning their insecurities into a targeted insult to make others feel AT LEAST as bad as they do about themselves and that sort of behavior is disgusting to me. The roommate sucked and needed a reality check
Apple #1: I would give a good apple. It’s pretty normal to be selective in that way when creating your wedding party. She made it clear there were other kids not being invited for the same reasons. She even very generously offered to pay for babysitting, which she absolutely didn’t need to do. Her sister pushed and escalated the situation by not respecting her boundaries. Could she have taken a better approach when her sister started coming for her, perhaps. But if I were being disrespected like that by one of my siblings, I would probably push back too.
Regarding story #4, while I agree that there is something worth criticizing about every country, it's pretty obvious what the roommate was doing. If I had a roommate from Mexico, and I was consistently telling them to their face how terrible Mexican people are, they would rightfully feel attacked, even if I added the obviously fake disclaimer that I'm not talking about them specifically.
This is exactly what the roommate was doing. She was taking a page out of "Mean Girls" and was intentionally hurting the OP's feelings. There's no other reasonable explanation for that behavior. So OP shouldn't show any mercy in her response.
I do see that like there are certain stereotypes about my country that people throw up all the time but I try not to be that confrontational to the person that said it, I normally also make a country level response or I just straight up said I don't like that if it really bothers me.
Story 1: good apple, sis is a poisoned one. Childless means childless no exceptions. That should have been the end right there and honestly op was way nicer, giving sis 5 chances to get the hint no means no. Sid is the toxic entitled apple who thinks rules and boundaries don't apply to her and her "perfect angle" hell spawn.This really is not about who can be in the weeding or not... There is a difference between in the wedding versus a guest and one reason op gave is sis who can't control her kids on a good day is also IN the wedding. The role of flower girl/ ring barer is traditionally children under the age of 10 over the age of 5. Ergo 3 is still at best below that age bracket. Op had every right to set that boundary. On the last point there is "aweful kids" versus kids who are being taught that there are no consaquences for thier action. Op clearly stated sis does not disaplin her kids. (Sorry for typos, my vision is rapidly declining and between that and the cracked screen it is hard to spell correctly) ( is it just me or does she leave a lot of key details out, like the fact op tried 5 times to civilly close the conversation and sis kept pushing till op snapped?)
Story 2: crab apple, there is something there that op is doing that is off putting, I can't pin point it but it is creating hostility and while DIL may be contributing I am just reading passive aggressive from op. The cradling thing is good for colic and burping but is not a recommended holding position.
Story 3: no, no, uh uh, nope not the bad apple. I mean it may he one thing if you lived together, or had a joint acct. But your still living independent lives and just dating... No I totally side with op, he is totally poisoned apple toxic.
Story 4: Good apple, petty but good, sounds like fun pot shots turned to backhanded passive aggressive insults directed at op. Sorry I would have snapped to if she had the audacity to pick on an entire nation's average weight if she was overweight too. There is only so much insult one can take before they fight back, and apparently Bea had this coming for a while. I mean it hits hard when someone who was never there makes fun of your home with gossip and misinformation, and mockery.
Story 4- I think she’s the Good Apple. She’s tried & tried to bite her tongue, she’s tried to have a conversation with her. Then after poking & poking & poking her, she finally bit back at her. I mean if her roommate is bumping her gums like that & expected her roommate to still be able to except the girl to not say anything is absolutely insane. I’m sure she’s fully aware of her weight & size. That saying “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones”
Story 1 -
For starters, there are many reasons 3 year olds have tantrums, but the fact they think the children are horribly behaved compared to others might mean it is more than it should. I have known many children that are well-behaved at 2 and 3. 'Terrible twos' and troublesome threes' are pretty much like 'boys will be boys' in they are excusess for bad parents to hand wave their childrens bad actions. As for these children, we don't know, but they are well in their rights to not want them there, and blanket 'no children' is a great way to avoid them being there, the fact they offered to pay for the sitter is more than they should ever feel obligated to do, and having the well-behaved pair in the wedding is acceptable as an exception.
They are a Good Apple, they tried to spare their feelings, offered to pay for a sitter, and the sister still tried to push the issue.
Story 3. There is something wrong with the boyfriend, like if she worked more wouldn't she have less time anyway, he is offering her this solution that doesn't make much sense without trying to listen to her or find another way to spend time together.
For the 2nd story sometimes babies can pick up on stress the same way pets can
Story 2 reminds me of my son's father's mother. I hate that woman. She is crazy. She came to my delivery TO MAKE FUN OF ME. She forced her way in to visit while I was in labor, and tried to insist on being in the OR when I had my c-section. She is bat-shit insane.
Story 4: I'd go crab apple but for a different reason. This girl gave no indication that she tried to confront her roommate and say "dude you need to stop, it's funny sometimes but my feelings are getting hurt because you do this constantly and that isn't okay." If she had and the roommate persisted, then any clap back would be warranted in my opinion. But it kind of went from 0 to 100, and that's not okay to me. Crab apple.
Threenagers, they act like teens, but they are small. You think you know how to treat a child until they act like a teenager at 3 and 4.
😂😂😂 FACTS
My now 14yr old daughter told me at 4 that on her next birthday she would be 16 😂
story 4: as an american living in canada, i hear a lot of rude comments about americans, and then i cough, and they clairify "not you of course!" it doesnt really bother me, but i can see how it would bother the op. i generally stand by "dont dish it if you cant take it", but i can see her comment being over the top. my opinion is op's a good apple, beacuse even though weight shaming is not okay, if you cant handle people saying mean things about you, dont say mean things about other people. love your vids, and i cant wait for next week!
I would say that she’s more a crab apple, but I totally see your point! I’m an American, living in America, so I might not know so much about this. I just think she would be a crab apple because the comment was pointed to the roommate. I do agree with your point tho!
I hope that #3 watches this video. You're so on point about the major red flags and gaslighting going on. Also, how does get a third job so we can spend more time together make any kind of sense.
Well, dont you see... now that OP has met God's gift to her, she should have NO desire to do anything else other than work, spend time w/him & his kids, and make HIS life easier. 😂
I usually agree with Rebecca but I absolutely cannot get on board with number 1. Not wanting screaming unsupervised children at your wedding doesn’t make you a crab apple. The sister was pretty rude to continue pushing the issue and demanding they be invited. The bride was well within her rights to clarify why they weren’t invited when asked.
I agree that it’s normal/developmentally appropriate for 3 year olds to throw tantrums, which is exactly why OP in story 1 doesn’t want them at her wedding…it seemed to me like OP didn’t just trash on the kids and only said what she did bc her sister kept pushing for a specific reason not to bring them
Story 2: agreed. Fyi: holding a baby tummy down on your forearm and gently moving is one way to calm a fussy/colicky baby. My friend showed me that move and I was grateful. Now I'm going to be a first time grandma any week now. My sole job is to SUPPORT my daughter no matter what. ❤
You're going to be an amazing grandma 🫶🏻
Number one is definitely a good apple in my books, all her reasons were valid. There’s a pretty big difference between a 8 and a 3 year old, and the two 8 year olds had reasons why they were there. She even payed for the sisters baby sitter. + it’s her special day
Im totally cool with the first op not wanting an expensive event ruined. Not all kids are constantly throwing tantrums when they dont get their way. If op knows the other kids invited can behave, then it makes sense shed be okay with them being there but not the disruptive kid. Would the mother of those kids be paying for anything that was interrupted by the kids misbehaving? The mother should be understanding in op not wanting any added stress or issues on their wedding day.
I'm not Jewish but when I was in kindergarten my teacher was and we had a whole Hanukkah party where she showed us different games and food for celebration and we had so much fun! I've had other Jewish teachers through the years who did similar as well, but the parties were more formal since we were older but I will never forget how fun that first time learning was! (p.s. I love your sweater so much!!)
I have 5 children. I've never experienced terrible twos. A three year old screaming because they don't get what they want does not have to be normal behaviour.
Literally was just sitting there refreshing my feed until this popped up 😂
I understand your opinion about the first post, but I personally think someone's wishes for their own wedding are important. The poster said she does love her nephews and tried to be polite about the answer initially. I can see why someone would get agitated enough to have an outburst after someone persistently not wanting to respect a reasonable expectation of their wedding.
For the first story, I think good apple. First of all, she didn’t say they sometimes have temper tantrums, she said they start screaming and crying EVERY TIME they don’t get their way due to lack of discipline. That’s not “normal” for every toddler, that’s only when parents fail to set boundaries for their children. Secondly, she didn’t WANT to tell her sister that her kids are out of control, but she had no choice after her sister would not stop asking for her kids to come. I personally don’t think OP did anything wrong. Good apple.👍
I was fatshamed at age nine by a particularly rotund nine year old boy for weeks. I kept telling him to look in the mirror. Then one day he decided to shove me in the hall out of nowhere. My head impacted against a brick wall. I had a concussion and a fractured skull and was out of skull for two weeks
#1 she was not only gonna pay for a babysitter but she also stated that only the kids there were in the wedding and 3 year olds won't remember the wedding
Story 1:I would go with good apple because the op tried to explain it normally and the sister kept pushing so she exploded and when I explode maybe some rude words come out I don't mean, and as you said she is her right, like when I was a kid I would go to weddings with my parents sometimes and normally on those occasions there would be an open space or even a playground at the venue for kids to play while adults had their adult fun I understand not all venues have this option. Other times I would stay with my nanny at home. And she said she would pay for the babysitter. I guess we don't know what the exact situation was with the sister, like did she really want her kids to see their aunt's wedding, do the kids want to go, does she not trust a stranger with her kids so maybe on that I could see some crab apple.
Story 1: I genuinely think the bride did everything she could to pacify her sisters situation, including saying she’d pay for the baby sitter, it’s her wedding not the sisters, and the sister has to know how likely her 3 year olds are to throw a tantrum and be disruptive, which would cause her to miss things to settle them down if they were allowed, sis also pushed for what the reason was many many times before the bride had to say things as she did, I feel she wasn’t trying to upset her sister and was doing everything she could to have her wedding how she wanted to without causing stress on her sister with the kids, given the only kids there were in the wedding and old enough to understand says a lot, she wasn’t trying to slight her sister and tried her hardest not to, while also getting her wedding how she envisioned it which is more then fair and makes me feel like she’s not the bad apple, it’s not like she told her no kids and you have to handle what happens to your kids like so many brides would have probably done
story #1 - i didn’t have kids at my wedding except for the kids in the wedding. i invited my best friend since i was in kindergarten’s son and my cousin’s son. No random kids though. these were kids who were very close to me.
Story 4. I agree with crabapple. The only caveat being if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen to the heavier set roommate. You can’t act a butthole and expect to be considered a protected class. All bets are off for something relatively controllable like food intake and general weight if you make comments about it in regards to others. Would I have done that? No. But I agree with crabapple for doing it
For story number two, as someone thats raised my siblings, one from BirTh, that grandmomma might have been genuinely trying to give advice based off what shes been taught, or what she found best as a parent herself, but she was definitely being pretty narcissistic.
I feel like she just didnt want to feel old or lesser, and began to subconsciously play mom because of that. She was being very overly controlling, and not taking the stepdaughter's feelings into consideration at all.
That stepdaughter was just trying to keep her baby safe, and the whole "holding the baby wrong" thing was absolutely right, especially for a baby that itty bitty. She couldve been hurting that baby on accident, or making her feel really yucky, because babies have such sensitive little tummies, she probably felt really sick. And the fact that the grandmomma thought that the stepdaughter saying "shes crying, she obviously doesnt like it, stop" was somehow WRONG of her, or selfish, is honestly making me think that maybe that grandmomma shouldnt be allowed to hold that baby AT ALL.
If her ego is more important than the momma's feelings, and the baby's well being, she doesnt have to be near that little girl for a while. And maybe not around momma for a while either, since shes obviously a very stressful and controlling person.
Story 1: Good apple. She is not obligated to invite people to her wedding. It is a privilege, not a right, to be invited. She already said there were multiple children not allowed at the wedding. She is paying for a babysitter! She doesn’t have to do that!!! The bride is going out of her way to make things easier for her sister!!!!! Only kids in the wedding are allowed to be there. That’s it. That’s her answer! Stop pushing!! Sister couldn’t take no for an answer, so she gave a more clear reason. Sis didn’t like that answer. Oh, well!! It’s not her wedding!! Sis is not paying for it!! Not everyone wants their wedding to be interrupted by squawks, squeals, and crying!!!
The ONLY people I wanted in the room to deliver was my boyfriend/baby’s dad and the doctors/nurses😂
From these videos it seems the best way to avoid being a bad apple is to explain what you are feeling and why, apologize for being rude even if u didn't mean to come off rude or snapped at another bad apple, and realize when u need to hold your boundaries by standing your ground or walking away.
I chose Good Apple on Apple #1 for all of the reasons that you said "keyboard warriors" will disagree with you. But I love that I finally got to see the "Crab Apple" appearance again. :)
This second story sounds like Doris Roberts on Everybody Loves Raymond from the late 1990s/early 2000s.
Apple #3 should run away before she becomes a bruised apple. Definitely a good apple in the story. To be fair to Apple #4's roommate, she's not wrong. America does have a problem with obesity. But I'm torn what to choose there. (I agree with bad apple for #2, but Apple #4 is probably a sad apple for me just because the argument itself seems dumb to me).
If my husband took my 6wk old baby somewhere without me, especially around someone I wasn't comfortable being around my baby WITH me there, I'd be LIVID!!!
but isn't that his child as well
@stevengrvp yes, but a brand new baby shouldn't be away from mom especially while breast feeding... it would be different if the baby were a year or two old, but my husband would be pissed if I took our kids around ppl he didn't feel comfortable around either... It's about respecting your spouse and parent to your child
@@mrs_maverick1121 it's not strangers this was family. Also totally agree this grandmother has to understand her son is a parent and can not run to her just because. I hope it all works out
Story 3... RUN FOREST, RUUUUUN!!
Story 4... i believe the "yank" tried to have reasonable "call-outs". Didn't work🤷♀️
Eek, all the comments already say what I wanted to say😂
Just wanna say I don’t agree with your opinion. OP did a very good job trying to explain before her sister kept pushing.
I was a flower girl when I was 4/5 or so because my Mamì got married to my step father. It took place I the country with other kids as well. We were super calm and reserved but as we grew we were told that is not the norm 😂 and we saw that it is not the norm especially not for weddings. Well behaved children who are mature enough to go to weddings should absolutely be able to go.
But three year old twins that continuously get very fussy and make a lot of disruption, probably shouldn’t. And OP paying for a babysitter for them was so sweet. She told her only kids under 16 were the ones in the actual ceremony, which is also very sweet when they include the babies in the wedding like that
Everyone’s got different life experiences cos we all come from different branches of the apple tree, but this is my opinion. And I believe she is a good apple.
Nah the curse is 2 good, 1 bad, 1 crab we good
Story one is one of the few times I disagree with you, she didn’t say it in a harsh way, and she only allowed the ring bearer and flower girl to be children under 16
The curse is actually 2 good, 1 crab, and 1 bad. its pretty similar tho
This mother-in-law situation is so common and you are so spot on. SO spot on. Mother of an almost 6-month-old here
love watching this series every week!
Wait, but, in story 1 the kids weren’t just being singled out? The rule was no kids under X age. The *only* exception was for the 2 kids who were participating in the ceremony.
Yes but imo I consider, including some family in the wedding but not others is singling out, but I know not everybody does
@@Rebecca.Rogers Understandable. But these kids are apparently really poorly behaved, and the parents don't do anything about it. They would most likely ruin the wedding.
@@Rebecca.Rogers But it's not "some kids," it's two - that were part of the ceremony. They weren't guests, like other kids would be, they were _in_ the wedding. By your logic of, "including some family but not others," the wedding party would be gargantuan. Weddings always "include some family but not others;" the "others" are called "guests." Per the story, no other children were invited. 16 is a FAR cry from "child." While they can act like children in school and with friends, they can also be respectful and behave at events, such as a wedding.
the curse is 2 good 1 crab and 1 bad
i love ur sweatshirt mrs rogers! it’s so cute and fits ur personality so well
This video came up the perfect time. The baby is napping and I have to get the rest of my Christmas presents knit. Let's go Apple picking!!! 🍏🍎
Story 1- She had 2 kids that were IN the wedding that were invited to attend and that was it. That’s not an uncommon situation. It wasn’t just her twin nephews not invited. She tried to give every nice reason on why her nephews were NOT invited. Her sister is the one who kept pressing the issue. After explaining it 5-6 times to her sister who CLEARLY wasn’t understanding NO (when you yourself have said SEVERAL times, NO is a complete sentence), she finally had to be firm & give the reason that wasn’t going to be argued. Maybe her sister needs to accept the NICE answers and not push til she gets the mean answers. The couple literally picked two kids they new would behave & not have tantrums. Their ages are a lot more more mature then 2 three year olds.
If the person hosting the wedding straight up said that she'd pay for a babysitter then why does the mom have to complain after that free babysitting and you get to go to a party sounds awesome to me.
I also wanna just say I love the shirt that says "מזל טוב" in English with a cat it's so cute
1: Good Apple. First off it's her wedding. You do you! What ever you want on your special day that happens (hopefully) once in a lifetime make it happen. My aunt's wedding, my cousins kid began screaming during prayer... Then the grandparents took the child to the back and whooped them which lead to louder screaming. Letting kids that are involved (and older @ 7) be there is okay with me. My wedding will be kid free. Under 16 is a no go. I may even go up to 18 just for funzies.
Story 2: When my sister had my niece, my parents’ first grandchild, we ALWAYS texted in advance to ask if it was a good time. I love that baby and I’m so glad I got to hold her as a baby, because I didn’t get that with my other niece and nephew (I don’t live there anymore). But no, you don’t just show up unannounced or without asking if you can come by. I don’t care who you are.
First of all, happy Hanukkah! Your sweatshirt is adorable.
For story 1 I’m torn between good and crab apple. Yes, op was rude but the sister should have accepted the no. I think it’s kind of op to provide the babysitter for her nephews. So maybe good apple.
Story 2 is bad apple hands down.
For story 3 op is a good apple. The boyfriend had no right to ask her to get a third job for him when she doesn’t even live with him. If I was op I’d be running far far away.
For story 4, I get where you’re coming from, but if the roommate is being hypocritical then I think that should be called out. It’s clear that this roommate is prejudiced against Americans, and I think it’s hypocritical to call out America’s obesity when you yourself are overweight. And I say this as someone who has been overweight/obese my entire life. But I do agree that op should have chosen a different approach to make their point.
Story 2: I am from a Latin family so the sense of family is more close than in US families, that said the moment the story mentioned 6 months old I freaked, like I was pretty close with my grandmother's specially my maternal grandma (may she rest in peace) but trying to take away a baby like that without even talking to the daughter in law is wrong.
Story 1: Good Apple. I have no real argument to why I think so, I just do.
Story 2: Bad Apple. I felt major red flags from this grandma. Girl is not only holding a newborn baby incorrectly, but refusing to fix it when the baby cries? That’s straight up endangerment if not abuse. I’m glad your daughter in law is seeing this because she definitely isn’t !
Agree wholeheartedly. With the baby situation, grandma is violating boundaries and needs to back off. I’ve been in this situation and expressing clear boundaries is paramount. My MIL did some old school crap with my babies and I was not ok with it. Mom should be able to parent the way she wants to. When someone shows up uninvited, I just don’t answer the door!
That second story IRKS me. That grandma is in that group of people who believe you can spoil newborns. You can’t. It’s been literally scientifically proven in numerous psych studies that kids who are immediately cared for and their needs are immediately met, typically grow up to thrive without their parents and become very social and outgoing adults. They learn how to cope with the world and learn they can go to people they trust to assist them with their problems and they typically become very secure adults. A FOUR WEEK OLD BABY is not going to know how to manipulate an adult to get what they want. They’ve been alive for four weeks. That mother is doing a great job and that grandma should really take a look at herself.
story number three, leave him girl.
Story number four, good Apple. roommate needed to hear it
Miss Rogers I’m sure with you having your own bed Apple Reddit that you’ve seen enough stories of Where kids go crazy at weddings, Example story where a kid I think knocked over a wedding cake on purpose having a tantrum and then got some on the brides dress, it’s been a while, but I still remain horrified. By that story, if these kids are little brats, I can’t blame her.
Story 1: I felt that way we had like TEN kids in the wedding because of this. NO ma'am it was ridiculous never ever again. It is childfree it is childfree, PLUS she is providing a sitter for them. You do not like it then do not go. She tried to be nice, BUT she kept pushing.
My friend in high school used to invite me over for Chanukah every year, and I loved it! Also, I highly recommend trying latkes with a little sprinkle of sugar and sour cream on top.
The "curse" is two good apples, one bad apple and one crab apple. 🍎🍏
Story #2: I’m currently pregnant with my second, and I 100% stand by the saying “having a title to my child does not entitle you to my child”.. if they didn’t ask her for an opinion or invite her over, MIL has no right to complain about how the mom may be feeling about interactions with the baby. My oldest is a toddler and I STILL have family that I eagle eye when they’re with her.. just can’t trust everyone to abide by the boundaries we’ve set. 🤷🏻♀️ definitely the bad apple imo
No Rebecca the curse is 2 GOOD apples, a crab, and a bad
Not me vibing to the background music in the intro
Story 3: I feel bad for the boyfriend. Sounds like he's stressed and feeling left out and sad that he can't spend as much time with her as he wants. He needs a reality check. He's for sure the bad apple. But still.
Idk why I’ve never had kids or anything, but I’m training as a psychologist and working on behavior plans. With the 2nd story, I found a perspective that might resonate and maybe change the MIL’s pov with the baby. In supporting kids, I was taught: a kid doesn’t scream, cry, etc because they hate you or are trying to manipulate you. They’re trying to communicate a NEED. I think the MIL might’ve forgotten that. It’s very normal to have anxious attachment styles and desiring social validation (that’s what social support groups and hobbies are for though; not tearing apart others’ attachments out of insecurity of your own esteem though) but, i think the mom was right to say that the baby didn’t like those positions and its needs come first. Secondly, I 100% agree with the prioritize parents needs. Idk people can disagree but I ultimately think babies are fragile beings that can’t take care of themselves, so, if you’re intervening the parents time to readjust sleeping/eating/healing schedules, you’re doing a huge disservice to your grand child because now the parents cannot delegate their full energy to nurturing that child. I don’t think any grand parent wants to see a suffering child. It’s funny in behavior plans I also learned while of course there are exceptions, if a parent/adult is crying, yelling, screaming, etc at you, they aren’t trying to manipulate or hate you. They were once babies too and carry those same physiological reactions. they’re just communicating a NEED. Sorry for the rant. I could be projecting as Roger’s mentioned but I hope I gave a new pov 😅
story 1- i think talking to her sister in the way she did was not ok. Toddlers are very messy. she even said she would pay for babysitters. her wedding her choice. she wasn’t nice to her sister but that was after a lot of pestering, i wouldn’t say she wasn’t a crab apple bc genuinely i would snap too.
Bad apples to the naughty list
Good apples to the nice list
Sometimes, there are people who refuse to change. I once sat down with my dad and we watched a very in depth piece on the death penalty by the TH-camr Shaun. At the end I ask my dad,
“Do you think he missed anything?”
“No.”
“Do you think he got anything wrong or drew any incorrect conclusions?”
“No.”
“Did it change your mind?”
….”No.”
“Then what would change your mind?”
No answer.
Some people hold their opinions not because they’re correct, but because it benefits them. (I theorize that my dad wouldn’t be comfortable socializing with his twin if he made an effort to change. I know I don’t socialize with his twin-who is now not my uncle.)
The only reason I have ever heard for someone even wanting to bring there kids to a wedding is normally a lack of someone to watch them but the bride is willing to pay for a babysitter cus she doesn't want those kids there cus they will ruin her wedding I can see joy some would think she's the bad apple for rhat but it's her day and she's going above and beyond by paying for a babysitter for her sister and it makes seance if the sister is in the wedding party not to bring there kids cus there will be no one to watch them
Story 1: i say good apple for the fact that she said she tried to give her multiple reasons she wasn't having kids at the wedding. It was only after her sister asked multiple times that she finally snapped. Also as someone else said, she never said they were horrible kids, just their behaviour was horrible. Ive been to multiple weddings where only the two kids in the wedding were at the wedding. And sometimes they were at the reception and other times they were only present for the ceremony.
Story #2: As far as the belly thing goes, i wouldn't say its the wrong way to hold a baby. My daughter was colic and it was actually recommended to hold her on her belly. So its definitely not hurting the baby in any way. The baby just may not like it.
Story 3: good apple. She needs to run.
Story #4: im on the fence about this story. The roommate was rude as hell. But I dont necessarily think that it was okay to put it that way. But i would definitely say that it wasnt fat-shaming. Just stating the obvious that the roommate is bigger than her isn't fat shaming.
Actually laying a baby across your arm or lap while still supporting their head is another way of burping them and it does soothe some babies. My grandson (just turned a year yesterday) has always loved to lay across our laps and have his back rubbed.
That last story...she'll be aiight. Why have so much to say if you don't want anything said in return?
I agree with all of them other than the last one. The second one oh my gosh I can’t believe the grandmother was acting that way so glad the husband/boyfriend stood up for his wife/girlfriend if they are not married already they should be the support is great. The last one I disagree with because the roommate is constantly putting her down as an American with things that are not necessarily true she said 1 little thing that was true because the roommate said Americans are fat and the roommate couldn’t handle it not a crab apple the roommate shouldn’t be insulting others if they can’t handle the heat. The one putting up with it for 6 months is a golden apple everyone is going to snap eventually what she said was mild.
Story one. She did say that the only kids invited where rhe ones activity in the wedding party like flower girl and ring barrier. The way she decribed it no other children are going to be there the only reason those kids are there is cus it would be weird to have an adult do those roles there just alway kids 😅
Story 2: Definitely not delulu land. I whole heartedly agree. I have a grandparent like this, the story sounded very similar to the way they act. They try to be my parent but their really delulu. People like that are like blinded by a spell or something, meeting those people make me believe witches are real lol.
Story 2: 100% agree with everything that Rebecca said. I'll just add that it pisses me off, too, when boomers assume that babies/young children are "manipulating" the adults in their lives. My own mother does this a lot, saying my niece does things "for attention". She's 7 now, but my mother started accusing my niece of this since around 3, but has said she thinks babies learn how to manipulate their parents. Interesting that she's not calling my almost 3 yr old nephew's actions manipulative.
Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD & autism, a lot of symptoms were dismissed as attention seeking, disobedience, irresponsibility, carelessness, etc., so every time my mother accuses my niece of being manipulative, I try to remind my mom that she said the same thing about me when it was ADHD. She recently was diagnosed with ADHD in her late 60's & is still working on deconstructing her internalized ableism that has been weaponized into generational trauma, hopefully ending with us. However, its slow going as her therapist has no specialized knowledge on ADHD & frankly, the lady seems to lack professional boundaries, but my mom refuses to find someone else.
Back to the story, I also hope the redditor comments pointed out you can't "build a relationship" with what is essentially a sack of potatoes with a gastrointestinal system! Its clear from all of OP's actions & unsolicited advice, she has no idea how to care for babies, lacks self awareness & empathy, & has a very toxic/egotistical personality. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to argue with comments, left a passive aggressive edit, then rage quit reddit.
Imagine feeling slighted by a baby...
Was watching a different video of this series and the remembered it’s Tuesday
I love your videos! Keep doing you, Rebecca! You're the best! 💖
About story 4: There is a cultural divide. In england, jabs and insults are common in banter. However, if you dish it out you need to take it. B shouldn't have brought up weight if it's sensitive.
I also do think that America does enjoy taking a jab at England and that we are all goody two shoes and stiff and also that we gave horrible teeth (I dont know where that comes from)
@@magicmyah2291 It comes from the medievil era. Also we make fun of America just as much, so it balances out.
story 2 sounds like when my dad’s entire family told my mom she “coddled me too much” as a NEWBORN when I was scream crying and that “his lungs will never develop if you don’t let him cry” and I’m the loudest and most theatrical of them all, in fact I’m the only one on that side that can go on a stage and do a whole performance with no problems
it might be normal for toddlers to not know how to behave, but that doesn't mean that they get to scream through a wedding. she didn't tell them they are horrible kids, she just explained that their behavior is bad and that it's not wedding appropriate
Mrs. Rogers, I thought the curse was one bad apple, one crab apple, and two good apples. But I could be wrong.
Story #2: OP is insane. She said she felt 'slighted' when the baby screamed at her. She felt slighted... by a baby...