Of all the places you ran, it was to a chapel. I think God sent that counselor in. But seriously, I wouldn't have hesitated to get myself in trouble using someone's bass to clobber those kids who were hurting you. And the chick who knocked you off the beam? I wonder how well she would've handled having her hair pulled to the breaking point. AAAAND that principal? REALLY?! They're supposed to protect kids, not make them feel worse. :( You're so brave to be doing this. I got teary because I totally know how you felt. Totally.
School was purgatory while home was hell. I have always been an instigator and it was at it's worse at school. I remember wanting to get through a regular day at the private school I attended from fourth to ninth grade and it was always impossible. The drama popped up and I would join in on the craziness, because my instigative nature was impulsive. I remember drawing my classmates, when they found they stole my sketchbook.
***** Not really. I wasn't really an innocent victim, most often I was the dreaded instigator. I still have that habit of bringing the bad up and focusing on it, which is something I really detest. Maybe, admitting that I was a bully just avoids the issue of me being a victim.
Hellbound Iscariot i knew someone like this in school, he was not very popular, but unlike me he lashed out at people. anyone showed ANY sign of hostility he went defensive in a lash out kinda way. I had a crush on him XD... so little third grade me asked him to be my partner in gym class and he flipped out, ran away crying "ew cuties" o_O; i got angry. really angry. for years afterward we were at each others throat. we made friends in highschool though. about a year before he came out as gay, and when i found out i kinda laughed like well im not mad at you anymore for third grade. and he was like "eh?" and im like i had a crush on you and you broke my heart with that cuties thing, he was shocked i actually had a crush on him, he thought i was setting him up or something (paranoid). (unrelated, and i think a confession was not the reaction he was expecting to him being gay hahaha) I guess when you are used to getting kicked you learn to get the first punch. but you gotta be careful dude, you are gonna push away people who could be your friend (or more) before they get a chance. or worse, hurt someone who doesn't deserve it...
BityAndres Thank you for the comment. And I agree. What's sad is that a lot of these bullies suffer bullying themselves - but their only way to cope with bullying is by lashing out at others.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am so proud to be your friend! I wish I could've been there for you. Gosh what those kids did to you is beyond disgusting! I'm so glad you decided to live, so you can tell your story, and help other people. It definitely takes a lot of courage to open up about that. You're awesome!
like i said to cyndi, you are very brave for doing this, going into some dark memories you never want think about again. glad you finally telling your full story as it needs to be heard and glad to that able to pull through that darkest time of your life.
Have you confronted any of the people that bullied you now that you are a man? I hope some of them are embarrassed when they think back on their behavior. Thank you for sharing this. Remembering emotional pain hurts. You are strong now!
I didn't make one single friend until middle school. In elementary school even the few "friends" I had from my neighborhood would ignore me and tell me not to talk to them at school. At the bus stop (it stopped in front of my neighbors house) there was this kid that would insult me and push me around. So I would wait for the bus in my garage where no one could see me..and then when I saw it approaching I would run to catch it. My isolation did not go unnoticed by the school, and they asked if I wanted to join a club...called "champs" It was an acronym for something (don't remember what) instead of library time like everyone else I knew, I would go to meet with what I now realize was a therapist. He gave me advice on how to make friends and would ask me about how things were going for 30 minutes...and then the last 30 minutes we would play a board game, which is awesome because I had never had anyone to play board games with, (my parents were to busy and my sister is 15 years older than me) so I loved that part. I never met anyone else from "champs" and have never heard anyone else mention being in that club. This was all before I got fat, too. I was a weird kid. I made stupid jokes and referenced tv shows no one had ever watched. I wore weird clothes that my grandma and my mom made for me. I constantly got the question "are you a boy or a girl?" I am trans...but growing up in Louisiana I just said, I am a girl, because my name was Jennifer and everyone around me said I was a girl. Then I got made fun of because I looked like a boy as a kid. I have shown pics of my 6 year old self to people and had them say "oh how cute, is that your little brother?" Anyway, I couldn't handle the laughing either....I know what you mean.....i still get paranoid when I hear people laughing near me.
***** , I know it had to be hard to relive this, in making this video. I am an empath, so I truly felt your pain as you were talking about it. So sorry this happened to you. Hugs!
Of all the places you ran, it was to a chapel. I think God sent that counselor in. But seriously, I wouldn't have hesitated to get myself in trouble using someone's bass to clobber those kids who were hurting you. And the chick who knocked you off the beam? I wonder how well she would've handled having her hair pulled to the breaking point. AAAAND that principal? REALLY?! They're supposed to protect kids, not make them feel worse. :(
You're so brave to be doing this. I got teary because I totally know how you felt. Totally.
streamofawareness I love you so much.
School was purgatory while home was hell. I have always been an instigator and it was at it's worse at school. I remember wanting to get through a regular day at the private school I attended from fourth to ninth grade and it was always impossible. The drama popped up and I would join in on the craziness, because my instigative nature was impulsive.
I remember drawing my classmates, when they found they stole my sketchbook.
Hellbound Iscariot Did they often steal things from you? :(
*****
Not really. I wasn't really an innocent victim, most often I was the dreaded instigator. I still have that habit of bringing the bad up and focusing on it, which is something I really detest.
Maybe, admitting that I was a bully just avoids the issue of me being a victim.
I just think I am on a crazy path right now. I can't avoid the past, but I can't live in it as well. Do you deal with this? Did it affect you?
Hellbound Iscariot i knew someone like this in school, he was not very popular, but unlike me he lashed out at people. anyone showed ANY sign of hostility he went defensive in a lash out kinda way. I had a crush on him XD... so little third grade me asked him to be my partner in gym class and he flipped out, ran away crying "ew cuties" o_O; i got angry. really angry. for years afterward we were at each others throat.
we made friends in highschool though. about a year before he came out as gay, and when i found out i kinda laughed like well im not mad at you anymore for third grade. and he was like "eh?" and im like i had a crush on you and you broke my heart with that cuties thing, he was shocked i actually had a crush on him, he thought i was setting him up or something (paranoid). (unrelated, and i think a confession was not the reaction he was expecting to him being gay hahaha)
I guess when you are used to getting kicked you learn to get the first punch. but you gotta be careful dude, you are gonna push away people who could be your friend (or more) before they get a chance. or worse, hurt someone who doesn't deserve it...
I am so sorry that you went through all of that. Bullying should not be tolerated.
BityAndres Thank you for the comment. And I agree. What's sad is that a lot of these bullies suffer bullying themselves - but their only way to cope with bullying is by lashing out at others.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am so proud to be your friend!
I wish I could've been there for you. Gosh what those kids did to you is beyond disgusting! I'm so glad you decided to live, so you can tell your story, and help other people. It definitely takes a lot of courage to open up about that. You're awesome!
Tiffany Gray Music I love you so much hun. I cannot emphasize enough how much of a positive influence you are in my life. You're amazing.
***** I'm so glad you didn't die, because I can't imagine my life without you.
like i said to cyndi, you are very brave for doing this, going into some dark memories you never want think about again. glad you finally telling your full story as it needs to be heard and glad to that able to pull through that darkest time of your life.
***** Thank you.
*****
you are welcome! :)
Have you confronted any of the people that bullied you now that you are a man? I hope some of them are embarrassed when they think back on their behavior. Thank you for sharing this. Remembering emotional pain hurts. You are strong now!
Tillymb Thank you for the comment! I have encountered one person - and they didn't really know how to react to me LOL
I didn't make one single friend until middle school. In elementary school even the few "friends" I had from my neighborhood would ignore me and tell me not to talk to them at school. At the bus stop (it stopped in front of my neighbors house) there was this kid that would insult me and push me around. So I would wait for the bus in my garage where no one could see me..and then when I saw it approaching I would run to catch it.
My isolation did not go unnoticed by the school, and they asked if I wanted to join a club...called "champs" It was an acronym for something (don't remember what) instead of library time like everyone else I knew, I would go to meet with what I now realize was a therapist. He gave me advice on how to make friends and would ask me about how things were going for 30 minutes...and then the last 30 minutes we would play a board game, which is awesome because I had never had anyone to play board games with, (my parents were to busy and my sister is 15 years older than me) so I loved that part. I never met anyone else from "champs" and have never heard anyone else mention being in that club.
This was all before I got fat, too. I was a weird kid. I made stupid jokes and referenced tv shows no one had ever watched. I wore weird clothes that my grandma and my mom made for me.
I constantly got the question "are you a boy or a girl?" I am trans...but growing up in Louisiana I just said, I am a girl, because my name was Jennifer and everyone around me said I was a girl. Then I got made fun of because I looked like a boy as a kid. I have shown pics of my 6 year old self to people and had them say "oh how cute, is that your little brother?"
Anyway, I couldn't handle the laughing either....I know what you mean.....i still get paranoid when I hear people laughing near me.
+rar3kainrandomness Thank you for sharing some of your experiences. *hugs you* It takes a lot of strength to do that.
u are so brave and the world is hard .im so sorry that u went through with that😢
***** , I know it had to be hard to relive this, in making this video.
I am an empath, so I truly felt your pain as you were talking about it. So sorry this happened to you. Hugs!
Im so fucking sorry that happened to you :(