When I went through a bad depression after having my twins I literally had to tell my husband it’s not your job to fix me. I have to fix this. I’m grateful he stood by me but at the end of the day I pulled myself through it and better for it. Better wife too. Women need to understand that your partner isn’t responsible for your feelings.
It amazes me that people can ‘go through a depression’ and come out of it. Mainly because that means whatever caused it was short lived and not permanent. Whereas I have dealt with so much shit in my life that I am basically constantly depressed. There is always something going on in my life that I can’t fix immediately. I envy people like you who can pull themselves out of poor situations.
@@TheSCPStudio your right depression is a chronic condition. I guess what I met is when it got really bad I was able to get a handle on it. I’m always going to be at risk for going down hill but now I’m prepared and can see my red flags better than before. It isn’t easy to live with things like depression but it can be managed. Unfortunately some people have a worse go than others so I truly wish you to have better times and get to a place of peace and happiness!
@@TheSCPStudio You gotta get to a point where you are numb to the world. If you’ve been depressed for years you need to start making drastic changes in your life.
Your partner isn't responsible for your feelings, however your partner is responsible for providing you with support, whatever form that comes in. Not treating your partner well is going to only make the situation worse.
I've been pregnant twice. First time I did nothing gained 50 lbs, the second time I worked out three days a week, and stayed active. I still gained 50 lbs. Thankfully y husband is a good man who supported me, changed his diet and went to the gym with me so I knew he had my best interest at heart.
When I was younger and in grade school, some of the kids who bullied me I always thought about them because they were embedded into my brain. All of their negative words motivated and gave me the strength to prove them all wrong. Once again when I was younger I cared a lot more for other people than I did myself, but now I care way more for myself than I ever did. I absolutely love this channel!!
Same story me too, the strength of saying no or how you really feel was so empowering & i realized I got more respect less drama then when I was caring more about others feelings or how they will perceive things. That's when it clicked a lot of people are just selfish, and I need to protect my value & blessings 1st. I got called stuck up/snobby (over bullshhh herb 😂) or a bitch but people either then respect my directness & honesty or i realize they probably didn't have the best intentions overall & are salty they got confronted.
Bullies serve their purpose, but now everyone is being protected and lied to - there is zero motivation to change because EVERYONE is just supposed to accept you - I’m thankful for my bullies and the sh!tty people in my life
On January 6th 2021 I’ll be clean n sober for 8 years. I was a junky that made it out alive now I help anyone in need... much love and respect from NOLA ya dig...
I got to where I was suicidal. In my last marriage.. I was a size 4 after having 4 kids. But I wasn't educated so I (felt stupid) and I believed my ex-husband when he repeatedly told me I was ugly, I was used goods no other man would ever want me. Then he started with the physical abuse and always screamed at me that it was my fault he hit, he got mad because I made he angry.. When my youngest whom is the only girl started walking. She walked in on the abuse one night.. Right then and there I made the decision that he wasn't going to hit me or talk down on me ever again.. my process didn't happen over night... I started GED classes.( I told him I needed my ged to get a raise at McDonald's). I was in counseling one a week for an hour on my lunch break so he did't know. In counseling I learned how to hold my head up, look people in the eye, walk standing up straight & how to have a back bone. The best thing I learned was that I had to take care of myself so that I could do what was right for my kids.. I still call that process the time that " I found my balls" It took me deciding that I was NOT going to let my son's or daughter think that violence is love.. I totally agree with AOK.. If you aren't happy with your situation.. You are the only one that has the total and compleat power to change your situation... I left Texarkana Arkansas in 2002 with 4 kids between the ages of 2 & 8 on a grayhound bus headed to Buffalo NY with $200 in my pocket... And I made it.. 2 sons and son in law in the service. 0 kid have ever went to jail none are on drugs or alcohol. If I can do all of this broke.. So can any man or woman or there.. They just have to Make the choice..... Love you Art Of Kicks keep it up please...
Good to see you persevered and fixed your situation despite the obvious odds not being in your favor. Pretty much what they are talking about. Good job and you should be proud.
It took me to reach about 26 before I stop letting people get me upset. I had to learn people are going to be who they are going to be and there is nothing I can do about it. I also learned that if I don’t like what you represent than I don’t have to have you in my life.
I found myself with a partner that could not be pleased. If something went wrong.. she was angry, it was always my fault. I finally said that she was responsible for her own happiness..she lost her mind.
People obviously don’t know the meaning of support, encouragement or loyalty. Period. No one always has it all together. Even in the Tyler perry movies someone came along to support the person in finding a better way and becoming better. There’s no shame in needing help sometimes but I guess all the ppl commenting have NEVER needed or received help/support in their lives… Thats BS. But continue on..
Yeah that’s one thing I don’t like about the manosphere. They talk about women having high standards, but they expect women to be PERFECT 24/7 or else they justify someone leaving their spouse. That’s the same toxic behavior they get mad at women for. Shit happens. Especially when you plan on spending an entire lifetime with someone. Deal with it together because when you get married, two become one.
@@AT-mq9wk some folks in the manosphere behave that way, not all. It's disingenuous to label the whole community for the actions of a few. Loyalty mean sticking with someone through the tough and good times. Loyalty doesn't mean you lie to people to prop up their self esteem. When we tell people the truth tactfully we give them room to grow. The truth has to be provided gracefully but in reality.
@@rm5282 Yeah of course, but a lot of them label all women the same so I got frustrated. You’re right though. I shouldn’t do it. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And yeah, I never said you should lie to someone. I just meant you should stick with them and work through issues. I agree though. It’s better to be honest with someone than to lie to save their self esteem. The issue is, a lot of men (not all) will keep it to themselves if they have an issue with something their wife is doing or not doing. So by the time they do finally bring the issue up, they’ve been meditating on it so long that they think it’s beyond repair and they’re ready to leave without giving their wife a chance to improve. Or they meet a new woman who *they think* doesn’t have those issues so they leave their wives for her only to find out that any woman who would sleep with a married man is bat shit crazy and worse than what they left. So, I just get a little frustrated when people expect a relationship to revolve around them and what they want all the time. I think that’s what I meant by SOME men in the manosphere are just as bad as the women they hate.
@@AT-mq9wk I can understand your point. You're right, some of those guys plain hate women and that's their baggage. People need to be willing to see a therapist to help them work through their problems.
I was dating this girl that was 130 and she got depressed and gained 85 lbs and I told her when she was gaining, like she asked me if I still loved her. I sat her down and had a discussion saying, yes I still love you as the same person I've known for years, however, I do not find you attractive anymore. It may seem heartless but that was the truth at the time.
@A H I was not... but even if someone is that doesn't change it. If you start dating someone and they change their body alot, you as a human have a right to be true to yourself, if you aren't attracted to them, they have a right to know. Like I said, if you were reading it correctly... I told her I still loved her, I just was not physically attracted to her. Physical attraction is subjective, you may find a 5'2 215 lb woman attractive, I did not. And that is my right. Like most women ask their partners, "will you still love me if I get fat" I answered truthful, Yes... but I was just not attracted to her.
@@tokamnich4709 Did you try to talk to her about working out and eating healthier? Or did you just end the relationship? Were y’all still being sexually active?
There is a huge difference between not being attracted to someone and treating them like crap. If I was going through a tough time after having a child and my husband didn't support me after" what sounds like post partum depression" I would definitely put myself first and lose interest in that man.
You seem to ignore the advice a smart woman said in this video. Lol, always the man's fault. Foh. Haha. She got with the man for his fuckin money anyways. "He's rich" like tf, she is choosing to be a lazy slob foh with this mess. The couple in the video didn't show no remorse towards her. Her fault 100%!
Let’s be honest. If your man isn’t hugging and kissing you. Being affectionate. You’re going to feel mistreated. But it’s difficult to be that way to someone you aren’t physically attracted to. He probably wasn’t being legitimately mean but he was probably treating her more like a best friend or a favorite cousin than his wife or s/o
"Her husband is rich" followed immediately by "he treats her mean, like crap, badly or anything negative." Why does she list all of her personal difficulties then make it a point to insert "her husband is rich"? WTH? Only to wrap things up with playing the victim and blaming her husband.
I agree to an extent after I had my last child I gained 60lbs granted I lost the weight eventually but my husband never treated me differently in any way because I gained weight because yes I looked different but he loves me an I love him if he gained 60lbs I wouldn’t love him any less
@@jamesrambo7712 agreed but y’all also have to understand pregnancy is different from letting yourself go. When you let yourself go that’s on you but pregnancy effects everyone differently it takes time for her body to get back to normal/lose the weight so if her body is fucked up now bc of YOUR child the least you can do is be supportive and help her get back to her old self. Lmk your take on that I’m curious to know
My honey is the same way but if a man tells you from day one if you gain weight I'm going to be less attracted to you. I wouldn't be with him. So I'm supposed to stay a toothpick during and after pregnancy. That's not even right in any sense. I'm glad you have a real man and so do I. ☺️ One day your going to get old you are going to change period. I'm happy to grow old with my man ❤️.
@@quza3205 it's not right after all you go through during pregnancy for a man to turn his back on you or treat you different. I agree with you!! Some men and woman are very shallow. If you truly love someone, you except change.
10/90, I had a coach tell me that. 10/90, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Live by that to this day and he told that in 1995.
It goes the other way... I was very heavy... and that is what he liked but I was killing myself with food, so I lost a whole person 140 lb's and he said I got too skinny and he wasn't attracted to me anymore, so we ended up in a divorce. I'm now healthy and single lol lol...
I'm older than most of your viewers. I have to say that this couple are 💯 % correct! But on the flip side, sometimes things do happen! I'm not talking about baby weight or laziness. Sometimes people have to take medications like steroids and that causes them to gain weight. So if you are going to marry someone. You must love all of them so if something changes there physical appearance. That you love the person and not the shell. I was in a relationship where they sadly got cancer and had to have a part of their face (lower jaw) removed! They did rebuild it but they had a reaction to the titanium and it literally put a hole in their face! I didn't run away! I never even thought of it! If you love someone, you love them no matter what! It's easier to make excuses and leave! In sickness and in health means just that! The more that woman's husband abuses her the larger she will get, show her the support and she'll loose the weight and probably even quicker. Healthy communication is everything!
100% possible to still love someone and lose sexual attraction for them. People need to learn how to differentiate the two. Treating your spouse badly for gaining weight is not the way to go no matter how you look at it, but some people really start to think "They don't love me anymore" because they are no longer sexually turned on by them. Both individuals in the relationship should ACTIVELY be working towards keeping the desire flame burning. Gaining weight and saying "They should love me as I am" is NEVER the right move.
If you feel like this don't bother to get married or in a serious relationship. If you can't stand by someone you claim to love when they are going through something, that reflects a lack of love and character. This is not talking about a situation when someone refuses to help themselves and wallows in unhappiness without getting help. But bad things happen. If some baby weight gain makes you treat your partner like shit, what happens when if they get cancer, or if they lose a limb, or they develop a debilitating illness.
That's definition of a trophy wife. Wealthy man can't show her off any more, even though they are married, even though she boar his child, he dispised now because he doesn't want her on his arm. He doesn't value the girl he fell in love with if he ever loved her.
I relate to this. As a mom of 4 small children my life is always revolving around them. They're all under 6 including 15 month old twins. I homeschool my oldest two. Recreation for me is SO rare for me. Everyday all day is cooking (98% from scratch), cleaning, re-cleaning (all mothers of young children know what that means), changing diapers, giving baths, planning curriculums, creating learning materials, homeschooling, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. I'm no longer breastfeeding but that used to be up to 8 hours a day plus pumping backup milk. Taking the kids for walks, to the playground, to the library, etc. We moved for my husband's work and have no family in our new city. There's no one to provide a break. But I have always struggled with guilt when I would take time to do my hair. There's 6 people in my home. All of us have natural hair. My husband has had braids for 10 years and dreads for the past year. I do his hair as well. Braids, grooming, etc as well as his tape, beard, etc. I used to love bike-riding, swimming at the beach, long walks, jogs, day cruises, etc. I don't do any of that anymore except occasionally. I love pouring into my family and serving my family. It's my calling. But I agree. It will leave you empty without balance. My husband is amazing. He has never disrespected me. It's really about me carving out time for me. Remembering I'm still an individual before I'm a wife and mother. Prioritizing time for my enjoyment and mental and physical health. This is a great video and great conversation. TFS.
The majority of the conversation can be agreeable, based on the initial presentation of the issue; however, based on the presented issue, there is a part that was not factored. People want to talk about morals? "For better or worse, until death do us part." Vows. You break from your vows, you have lost your morals. It is true that you put your own happiness as a priority, but if the husband is contributing to the misery, instead of holding to his vow as a partner and encouraging his wife to take care of herself, then he is as fault too. Same applies if it was the other way around. There is a big difference between, "Baby, you fat, lose weight," versus, "Baby, you seem like you're in a bad place. This is hurting you mentally and physically, which is hurting us(marriage). Let's work on fixing this." When you get to that level of relationship, it's a balance.
If your husband or wife is a drug addict and you say your a junkie is that worst than saying you need to get yourself clean, it's the same thing it seems nowadays things have to be said in a certain manner to protect feelings when either way it is said it comes down to the same meaning so again in this case if I tell my wife she is getting to big or your to heavy ,or you need to go to the gym it all has the same meaning the sensitivity of people today is so heightened that you risk your partner taking it personally if you mention it straight forth and lastly just for the record women tell men all the time with no problem you dont have money, you dont have a car so on and so forth and wont hesitate to turn their back on a man and feel entitled to do so do vows mean anything and everything to a woman no it doesn't so before we get to mushy and judgemental This should go both ways
See u don't understand what marriage really is its a partnership but not the way u think. Have u heard of silent partnerships in a business where u have 5 to 15 percent invested. Thats what marriage is the man has 80 to 90 percent and the women are 10 to 20 percent. Do u understand most women say they cool with a 50/50 relationship but its rarely on those levels usually 60/40 or 70/30 how can we be partners when ur doing minimum effort. So if the majority partner tells u to do something then it gets done. In the past men would beat u to get something done these were beta males risking their money for a woman is crazy. In the current days we would just dump u or get an divorce its much cleaner.
@pandacitis holding to vows? You do realize that most divorces are initiated by women...Right? And most of the time has absolutely nothing to do with cheating, or abuse and so on. Its just women who don't want to be married anymore for whatever reason. Lets not act like marriage isn't one the biggest jokes in society today. They even have reality shows about it.
What I've taught my children is, when you get angry at someone you have given them all the power in your relationship. You have to stop, step back, and decide how you will respond. Don't respond in anger or you have lost already.
I agree that you are responsible for your own happiness and self-respect. I am not in 100% agreeance about the weigh gain. She gained weight from the baby which is normal and then being depressed. If I was in that situation, I would expect the one who claims to love me (in sickness and in health) to support me through that. I understand not being physically attracted to her anymore but to then treat her poorly. That's two separate things. Based on the information provided, it sounds like verbal abuse. That is wrong. With that being said, gaining 80 pounds is a lot and most likely, not healthy. If she doesn't change that, I get how if you don't find your spouse attractive, that would be a relationship killer.
Yeah absolutely. It’s not his fault she gained weight at all but if your depressed and being verbally abused it doesn’t put you in a headspace to heal at all. She needs to remove herself from that situation. Not being attracted and being cruel are not the same thing.
Devon Waters abuse of any sort causes trauma which can be debilitating. It’s not about excuses. It’s cause and effect. The universal laws. You can be a jerk about it all you like. It doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be healthy while being abused as mental health is part of over all health.
@@caseymaree4370, I enjoy these conversations because it's shows the hypocrisy of men. Men will want you to navigate a belly that contains beer quintuplets and a possible b-cup! But GOD forbid she gain weight from carrying your children or she's unattractive. I believe this is a sobering wake up call for women. I believe the shallowness and selfishness of men reflect how women move now. I notice how some women gain 30lbs during pregnancy and others gain much more. This is not always a choice, genetically, hormonally the amount of weight you gain is made for you. This reminds me of the man that wanted to leave because his woman had stretch marks after she gave birth. He didn't understand that a tummy tuck wouldn't fix that and that's a dangerous procedure to undergo right after giving birth. People don't understand the dangers of bleeding out. But they will risk her life for a pleasing visual. Your mental and physical health means nothing to men if you're not attractive. Who wants to be in a relationship like that? If he gained 80lbs I bet he'd still want sex.
@@mrwaterz40, Then a nagging woman is no reason to abandon your marriage and children. Yet, "her attitude" is one of man's many excuses for abandonment of responsibilities! You all want women to motivate, support and be your peace or place of security. Yet verbally abusing women is ok, they should let it roll off their back and just go be great!
Talk with her about that. Try to work through it in a respectful way. Don’t degrade her or make her feel insecure like she is doing everything wrong. If you are not still sexually attracted to her, it’s better to walk away if she has no intentions on working on it. No reason for you to have to suffer in a relationship that you no longer want to be in because she selfishly doesn’t want to work on herself.
I watched this video. Twice. There are some good points & some points I just don’t agree with. Don’t know the whole story. Don’t know how long that they’ve been married or how many kids, etc. They BOTH made a vow to each other & they BOTH made that baby. If her husband is “rich”, why didn’t he at least hired an assistant to help with her business/personal manner WHILE she was pregnant? Why didn’t he hired a personal trainer to help her during the pregnancy? Or hired a chef to make healthy meals? Last I checked, carrying a baby takes a lot from you. Some days you have energy. Other days all you want to do is sleep because you threw up five or six times early that morning. Now she gained weight because she carried his baby for nine months. Baby blues or being depressed AFTER having a baby is no joke. The wife was probably too tired to look after her business because she was healing from delivering her blessing. Became depressed & and ate more. And her “rich” husband want to kick her while she is down?🤔 make it make sense. Again, why didn’t he hire extra help to help his wife out? I would COMPLETELY understand that they had NO child(ren) & she let herself go & complain about how much she gain weight, or she can’t hold her business down, etc. Do not depend on ANYONE for YOUR happiness. Love you for you. If her “rich” husband is so concerned about her weight, again why not hire someone to help her? Help her business. A man is supposed to make a woman’s life easier, not harder & let her struggle.
@@indigobutterfly1755 if the shoe was on the other foot it wouldn’t be a thing. Her friends woulda already told her to leave him. “Your better than him” etc
@@indigobutterfly1755 I think the men that don't understand haven't had a good woman just like the women who don't understand sometimes never had a Good Man so they only know the bad and judge all accordingly. Also there's a difference between "shacking up" and a committed marriage even more so if done in church before the Creator. For me today not everybody is a spiritual or has the same beliefs as others but the commitment of marriage is different than just playing house. Want to make that commitment it's up to both people to honor it and you're going to go through ups and downs but if your partner shits on you when life is at its worst, what point is it having a partner?
in 05 while walking inside the Fordham university campus, i looked up on the main library building and there was an inscription that said before you help others help yourself.
This video made me go kiss my husband and tell him thank you! Thank you for loving me and supporting when I was 150 pounds and when I am 295 pounds. Thank you for adoring me and being my partner through thick and thin. Pun intended! It would break my heart to have a husband that didn’t find me attractive anymore. This man still peaks on me when I’m getting dressed, he still tries to grab what he can when I walk by...I’m sorry but when you love someone’s soul, when you truly love someone, you walk through anything and everything together. We are working on my health together. I have medical issues and just recently gain a lot of weight. This is why ppl don’t stay together for very long anymore...If you despise your partner for something that can be changed and is temporary, or despise them for something that’s out of their control, then you didn’t truly love them. You loved being attracted to them. You loved an image. It’s sad that an entire generation won’t know true connection. SMH...
@@gillesgrindel7985 what's the problem? Most of you never will? Speak for yourself. I'm going to get whatever I manifest. Keep your negativity to yourself.
This video opened my eyes the most, my boyfriend has been trying to help me with this, but I didn’t fully understand on how to achieve it, I think the exercises will help me stay for positive, thank you🖤
My first pregnancy, I was very young. I put on 40 lbs but it melted off like butter, due to my age. I was 5 lbs less than before pregnancy within 3 weeks. But at 28 & 32, I watched my pregnancy weight gain. 25 lbs with #2, 23 lbs. with #3. And had to WORK to get that off. I finally got tired of being overweight overall, and got my azz on a simple workout and gave up ALL fast food. It worked! With my last surprise baby, at 38, I only gained 15lbs! Deliberately and safely. Because I KNEW it was gonna be more difficult at 38.
Im like a roller coaster with this, I total get take care of you to help others. But, I have a problem with a soft heart that I do for others a lot even to my own detriment, I was like you in where I thought it felt selfish, but thats my nature. As I got older I learned people will take advantage of a soft hearted person. As for relationships i see it different it should be 50/50 and do NOT stand for any kind of abuse, fat shaming can be a form of abuse. So as for the weight thing, its never a problem for me in relationships or friends and family, Im attracted more to the character and soul of a person, not necessarily their looks I love little things about someones looks, like theri eyes, their smile, if they make me laugh, etc. Unless it is to a point of harming their health. Then I can have big problem with it. Thanx AOK, Much Love
@Vintage Wrestling Zone Prob 4 that people would consider heavy. Actually, for 20 yrs my ex and I were together together (about 300lbs) Left me when I got chronically ill, heavier set man dont bother me, its what hey do and their character. I wouldnt let him over 300, nor my oldest son, when they hit around 300lbs and started having troubles thats when I have to step in for their health. But still feel all should be 50/50. Even him being over weight and me sick its important that we put in same effort to withstand everything. He just couldnt with stand my illness, so he left. Peace
There is no reason at all to treat anyone badly. Regardless of what they have done to deserve that treatment. Being respectful and kind could be what changes the person who has the issue.
No Sir you don't encourage the mother/wife to leave. She does the work from where she is at. This allows the kids to learn how to deal with issues later in their life. Go to the gym with a personal trainer. Go get help but never leave the kid's. Especially if the man is rich. You can't pass the kids off to him. He is still doing what he was in the beginning. 100 years ago it wasn't this much ignorance in generational currency.
He shouldn't be treating her like shit tho. If she's being mistreated she should leave. You can tell someone they need to improve without mistreating them. Her gaining weight and falling into depression doesn't give him the right to be an asshole. If anything he should've left before he began mistreating her. She can lose the weight, but she will not forget how he treated her. Then she gon be fine and smaller and ready to move on to the man who didnt kick her when she was down.
@@joannamonique707 yep this type of thinking is definitely the problem. The victim mentality will never fly I'm my house. On another note tho. You see Becky with brand new twins jogging her ass off pushing the stroller getting the weight in check but we are supposed to except all these excuses? Lol no thanks. I let women in my life know up front so... She always can go somewhere else. Stay Woke✊🏽
There are two women I work with who have multiple kids, you can’t tell because they stay in great shape. It surprised me when I found out that they have 3 kids each. I know it’s hard for some to lose that weight but it is obtainable.
Everyone gains weight at some point in their life, it’s common. what baffles me is when a man sees it as an immediate exit once a women contributes that. Don’t come knocking back when she loses it. The least you can do is support her, not break her down.
@@sukmidri those are bad women... bad people. If you love someone, you're there for them through all the bullshit of life. When my boyfriend had to go on unpaid leave to take care of his grandma, I stepped in and paid his half of the bills until he was back on his feet. That's was the right thing to do. I did it because I love him and I know he would 1000% do the same for me. I think the loud minority is just wreaking havoc on society right now 😕 I don't believe everyone sucks this much.
@@lynnw5653 when theres a 50% divorce rate in the first year, more than half of which are initiated by women for their husbands gaining weight, being depressed or losing their jobs, its fair to say most people suck
The way this was explained helped me understand it a lot. I knew the way I used to act was bad before, so I at least did what I could to not act like that until I could know better, now ik a lil more and that helps all the more
You can take care of yourself and another at the same time, IF, you can handle it. If not both, you have to focus on getting yourself right FIRST. I learned that years ago. Counseling and/or therapy teaches that depending on your situation.
He was probably treating her like shit way before the baby. But because he is rich she tolerated it. She was looking for validation from him, instead she finding validation in herself. I need the whole story.
F that. I whole-heartedly disagree. Fix your problems at home. If my wife leaves, she is not coming back. You can't abandon your family and come back smiling.
He has no point of view there's no excuse for treating your girlfriend bad expecially cuz of weight it's not his body he can't tell her what she can and cannot weigh she should show that douchebag the door someone who does that to his girlfriend don't deserve a girlfriend he deserves to be beat the fuck out of the rest of his life I can't stand scumbag douchebags like him
@@lewisgriffin9684 yikes, you're here espousing views that someone "deserves" to be "beat the fuck out of the rest of his life" and you think _they're_ the scumbag douche? It's not his body? DUH! He can't tell her what she can and cannot weigh? Of course they can and should let their partner know where boundaries lie. The most basic communication in a relationship is relaying what you're looking for and warning when the relationship is heading toward rocky waters. Knowing your partner's range of attractions/tolerances is key to maintaining a long-term relationship. Providing some awareness what a passing grade entails doesn't mean anyone's forced to change - that's just being silly, hyperbolic, and trying to shoot the messenger.
@@lewisgriffin9684 bro u are hitting simp lord levels are u normal. Why are u simping so hard its not a mans responsibility to take care of a fat chick unless the person has medical problems they can lose that weight its a choice they make. As men in relationships we respect that choice but have to dump or divorce they ass because thats our choice no fat chicks. If men were more honest we wouldn't have women letting themselves go thinking its cool.
@@chattingman8546 I mean that's cool, you do you, but just know that if it was a situation where you divorce your wife just because she put on baby fat in order to carry your child, then recognize that almost everyone will see you as a shallow-minded piece of shit
Just like you I never understood that either . I work overnights at a hospital I get home in the morning to take care of my mother who is 87 with cancer and a brother who is 61 and mentally disabled. I do the groceries I pay the bills I go back and forth with appointments for them both. I got to a point that I felt stuck I was angry and resentful. When people would tell me that I needed time for myself I felt like it would be wrong for doing so. Until I fell into a depression I wanted to just walk out the door and just forget that the world existed I just wanted to be in an empty white space. So I got home from work one day and I said mom from now on every Saturday at 7 pm I'm leaving and I will be back on Sunday morning because I need time for myself. So every Saturday I rent a hotel room order room service . Fill the tub with bubble bath drink some wine and I just chill. Sunday morning I feel like a brand new person. I should've done it sooner.
This is big facts other ppl will never make u happy if u are not happy with yourself first... they can help u escape from time2time but u gotta look at the person in the mirror by yourself
I'm a year late to this party but I have to say this... once you have agreed to marry a person that is a life king commitment. You can't just pick and choose when to be there and not. If you're feeling some type of way, then you need to communicate to your mate how you're feeling. If you chose the right lift partner that person will stop what he/ she is doing and will help you through what you need. If space is required then that's a decision yall make together. If your spouse isn't sure how to help or becomes too complacent and doesn't pick up on the changes in attitude, that can be forgiven and that complacent behavior can change. Granted you can still be honest about physical expectations i.e if your spouse gains too much weight it's nothing wrong in pointing it out. But you gotta be active in your assistance as well because it's not that person problem it's yall problem Cz your spouces body is yours not there's anymore so you gotta put in work to get your body the way you like it and the same is true the other way around.
This woman is me 500 percent. This totally speaks to me I'm not myself.a sliver of who I was. I was already feeling like this and then my dad passed away in July and my mother followed him a month later. He offers me no emotional support and does t touch me emotionally or physically. I understand I'm not cute anymore. I was skinnier with a teeny pooch and now I'm one giant pooch. And the depression just makes it worse. I am so disgusted with myself. I gained 80 lbs. I don't know where to start
Facts. It does not matter how much you like her personal a lover person or care for a person. Do not put the burden or pressure on yourself if you not in a good place in your life. I learned that myself the hard way. The signs are there when is there when things are too much on you. You just got to really see and recognize it know when to stop.
Here's depression for you I've ptsd, bipolar and borderline personality, but that doesn't stop me from living. Searching for one's self will take a lifetime, life happens in between.
The thing about the Holocausts survivors is a little ignorant. Those people watched their neighbors, family, and friends get tortured and gassed to death but he's criticizing them for being bitter for experiencing war level traumas that'd drive most modern people to madness.
As someone overweight and married, my husband got scared for my health. Talking to him and others made me also remember that fat does affect your hormones. The jolly fat woman is a lie. I had to really think twice about anything my husband said during this time as I am overly sensitive. So now as burdensome as it is, he explains stuff when I go back to him, so we do not end up in arguments. He told me to take time off and refocus on my health and what I want for my and our future. Not rich in the least but I got a gym membership and refocusing myself. Just one week and even my hubby saw a difference in my attitude. I have a long way to go and it is a lifetime commitment. I honestly would not leave that home but start changing my life infront of my husband and kids. Her husband is probably frustrated or they both do not know how to communicate so they lash out. I used to lash out at my hubby because of every little thing when it was my problems and insecurities. Your body and mind work in tandem, if you do not physically use your body and sit around, even if skinny it can be mentally unhealthy as your body is meant to move.
agreed. We add to eachothers happiness, not any other way around. Living in the past, in bad thoughts and emotions, you'll never be happy. Very cool couple, I'm gonna go check em out! Right on brotha!
I like referencing the oxygen masks like that. I remember my grandmother told me “a drowning person can’t help anyone” that stuck with me and helps me think about how bad I would overextend helping family and friends till I almost burnt out.
I agree with you 💯. 2020 was trash and I threw the bull out with it. Either you like me or you don't. I'm good with both because I love me. I hope that woman gets to the place where she loves herself more than she loves him.
No it is not right to treat her like shitt. Negative reinforcement does not work and u committed to her just cuz she is being lazy doesn't mean u can treat her like shitt
I'm no court jester. I'm not there to entertain you or make you happy. I can enhance your happiness, but my job is not there to make you happy. If you can't make yourself happy there is no way I'm gonna be able to do it, and even if I do, its only temporary.
Thanks for assisting me in becoming better my current train of thought is if i look my best people will respect me and treat me fair so ove been focused on dieting exercising but dont matter if i look like chris bumstead if i aint ok within myself if im insecure i wont reach that
Man this the same husband and wife that was on wife swap where they both admitted she doesn’t even cook for him. And she’s not even a traditional woman. 🤣🤣but he talking strong
I put my foot down with my sister in 2020 and I'm still stomping near people to this day. I spent far too long internalizing the misunderstandings people had about me. A misunderstanding is what happens in other peoples' heads and if they're commiting to misunderstanding you?They aren't your friends, they aren't your family, they're people who've decided they know who you are and they believe they know who always will be. When you put your foot down around people who truly see you, they'll show you different sides of themselves in response. It may not always last for long. It may be a side you haven't seen in a while or a completely new one but you'll feel the real when it comes
Something the guy said really is sticking with me. What you tolerate will determine how people treat you. That was the base issue in my last relationship. I allowed and tolerated far too much in that relationship. It's a real eye opener hearing it put in words.
Bro I needed this it makes me feel like I'm not a bad person for trying to better myself and find me after some stuff I've been through, I like this channel it's my first real time checking it out
Do u understand why u have that mentality because a man supposed to accept u regardless of how u look. Ur basically saying men can't have standards so if a woman says she doesn't want short broke or fat men its not a problem 👌😊. Someone told u men like fat chicks only as sex partners any men that does so doesn't have self-esteem for himself.
So she's recording a vid WHILE DRIVING, LOOKING INTO CAMERA! WTF?!? Can't do it another time, no, gotta record while driving...idiocy has no boundaries.
34:39 I don't know about this positivity thing. On one had good vibes and all, great but on the other if one is feeling ill, or down, it's healthier to acknowledge the feeling and understand why feeling is present to devise a solution and move forward than pretend everything is perfect and positive. That can lead to delusional mind states that hurts more than help. Whatever happened to realness?
Dude I got to disagree, I weigh 120 and trying to get down to 110 but my husband said he doesn’t care what I weigh. He loves me as much now as he did when I weighed 150. I’m 5’3 I wasn’t happy with my weight, I done it for myself Not for my husband. He weighs 39 lbs more now then when we married but I never say I’m not still attracted him as much now as when we married. We love each other for how we treat each other not how we look.
Sorry to break it to you, he’s settling for how you are. Trust me he doesn’t love your weight. Men are visual first. Stop speaking for him from your female perspective because you will get it wrong every time.
As a man I can tell you he absolutely does care about your appearance and you thinking he doesn’t just shows you do not understand him at all. A wife’s physical appearance is the equivalent of the husbands income. If he loses his job or gets a pay cut it’s the same as her gaining that weight. Sad part only 1 is controlled That being said 50% of marriage ends in divorce with women initiating divorce 80% of the time and 90% of the time it’s because of loss of income.
Like a man struggling to get his numbers and responsibilities together, there is a countdown in the relationship. Your parter will only entertain a certain amount of varience for where they found you. The difference is regardless of the reason for separation, society will always take one side(f).
I agree with the focusing on yourself. This is an example for some. I do a lot for at least 3 family members. I drive my aunt, my daughter, and take care my grandson. Which isn’t even in my household any more. His dad is like a child so imagine. Meaning he can’t figure out what to do even basic cleaning. He ask me to help out or wash they clothes. It’s me taking care of them both basically. So I get drained easily. I always tell them, he, and my daughter. I must have a day to myself to gain strength. I even say I will block them at times for peace. I got 2 younger kids to care for as well.
I do that but I just tell myself today is gonna be a good day something good gonna happen" and its gonna go smooth..and he is right I stay in that mind frame all day..
I've had this combo before. Maybe I'm the asshole but if my lady gains that much weight and makes no attempt to fix it, I'll leave. At least make an attempt.
All I have to say is that what you get when you go after those rich men. Not all of them are the same but most of them only care about there money and there businesses
If you love her for her appearance, and if that changes so drastically, of course you're going to be less attracted. But that definitely shouldn't be the basis of the relationship. If you Love him or her for who they are, then even if they change physically it shouldn't affect you as much in the affection department. In fact if you love them, you will try to gently support them through the change and/or help them through the reversal. Love shouldn't be lost because of the physique. That's not love then.
"If you Love him or her for who they are, then even if they change physically it shouldn't affect you as much in the affection department." That's not how it works. "Love shouldn't be lost because of the physique. That's not love then." There is no such thing as unconditional love. If he were to quit his job and decide to become a fry cook at McDonald's, would that same concept apply?
@@qmulus1 I know it all sounds like fantasies, but it's not that simple. If this wasn't the case then how do couples that have reached the age of physical deterioration stay together? Not counting, for example, if your wife/husband experience an accident and get a really nasty scar and you leave them because of it........does that not make you a terrible person? You hate the look of the scar, but does that mean you cease to Love the person? And yes, the concept still applies but not in your question, simply because your example isn't detailed enough. You haven't considered the 'why' question. Why did he quit his job? What pushed him to do this? Your question is overly simplified to the point of being unfair... But I do agree with you. There isn't such a thing as unconditional love, but sadly marriage isn't mainly about love once you are in it. It's about commitment. Unbreakable commitment.
@@balorthedreamer6792 "If this wasn't the case then how do couples that have reached the age of physical deterioration stay together?" Survival. Necessity. Stability. Comfort. Can't do better. Love. I'm not saying love doesn't exists. I'm saying that it's not unconditional. "Not counting, for example, if your wife/husband experience an accident and get a really nasty scar and you leave them because of it........does that not make you a terrible person?" If I was disfugured in an accident, I would never want my SO to stay with me out of obligation. Why be with someone who no longer wants to be with you? Feelings cannot be controlled. If they could, no one would be single. No one would worry about appearance, weight, wealth, or any qualities whatsoever if we could just flip a switch in our brains and love whoever we want, whenever we want. I wish we could. That would make things so much easier. "You hate the look of the scar, but does that mean you cease to Love the person?" Attraction and love go hand in hand. Would you really want to be with someone who was not attracted to you? "You haven't considered the 'why' question. Why did he quit his job? What pushed him to do this? Your question is overly simplified to the point of being unfair..." It doesn't matter why. The affect is the same. And what if he was happy being a fry cook? Flexible schedule. Minimal responsibilty. Any resultant disatisfaction on the wife's part is analagous to her gaining 100+ pounds and refusing to lose it. "but sadly marriage isn't mainly about love once you are in it." We can agree there. "It's about commitment. Unbreakable commitment." Only in a perfect world. We don't live there.
@@qmulus1 I can definitely agree with the reasons why older couples stay together, but you've proven my point with your inclusion of "love" within those possibilities. There isn't any spouse that would like seeing their loved one's looks vanish with age, but they can still love despite that. On the accident example.......your answer comes from the perspective of the one in the accident, but we are talking about the spouse of that individual. Someone who loved that person wouldn't be leaving, at least not until that person was okay with what has happened and what is going to happen. On your rebuttal to the scar question, you said it yourself, while love and attraction go hand in hand they are still very much so different. Love that stems from attraction isn't love but instead infatuation. Love, as what we are debating over, encompasses a lot more than just looks. I have a bit to say on your response to the 'why' question. First off, a wife who gains 100 and refuses to lose it is definitely not analogous to a husband who quits his job to work at McDonald's. The reason being the impact. A wife's appearance is her own and if she is happier fatter than you have no reason to complain. But even if the job of your husband makes him happier it also jeopardizes your financial situation. But apart from those things, a spouse is meant to ask why. If a husband gets a lower paying job and she leaves without asking......there's something wrong with the marriage fundamentally. She is supposed to not only try and find out why, but also to understand why. And if she's unhappy about it, which is very understandable, they need to talk. But that is honestly not something a marriage should break over. On the point of commitment, it doesn't have to be unbreakable as that really is unrealistic, but it does have to be strong enough. How strong enough is depends on a lot. I'm sure you know what I mean.
@@balorthedreamer6792 "Love, as what we are debating over, encompasses a lot more than just looks." When was the last time you loved someone you weren't physically attracted to? "First off, a wife who gains 100 and refuses to lose it is definitely not analogous to a husband who quits his job to work at McDonald's. The reason being the impact. A wife's appearance is her own and if she is happier fatter than you have no reason to complain." Feeling attracted to my significant other is a part of my being happy in the relationship. Sex and physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship, at least for me. Since I refuse to endure a sexless relationship, it is important that we lead a healthy sex life. And I can't lead a healthy sex life if I am not physically attracted to my partner. And if those things are not there, neither can love, at least not the romantic kind. I'm a sexual person. Physical attraction a requirement. "But even if the job of your husband makes him happier it also jeopardizes your financial situation." Then live cheaper. Love conquers all, right? It should be able to withstand financial stress, right? "And if she's unhappy about it, which is very understandable, they need to talk. But that is honestly not something a marriage should break over." No one should stay in a situation where they are unhappy. That does no one any favors. A husband who is no longer attracted to his (now) overweight wife should not have to sacrifice happiness to maintain a romantic ideal. The same goes for the wife who's husband has a midlife crisis and decides to work fast food while she carries most of the financial burden.
Your partner gaining weight is not a reason to treat your partner poorly. There is no reason to treat your partner poorly. If you can not do simple things like being respectful to your partner, leave the relationship because you clearly are not ready to be in one.
And no, this does not mean use that as an excuse to ignore them wanting you to try a little or put more effort into the way you look !! Ladies we can not be selfish. Weight gain doesn’t just affect us. We like to think it does tho. But the truth is, if you gain weight and expect your partner to just go along with it, you are selfish. Don’t place that on him. Get in the gym, diet, cut out the sodas and replace them with water. Do things that will benefit you both. Stop thinking it’s okay to be lazy and put on a bunch of weight and that your partner should love you the same and not speak on it.
When I went through a bad depression after having my twins I literally had to tell my husband it’s not your job to fix me. I have to fix this. I’m grateful he stood by me but at the end of the day I pulled myself through it and better for it. Better wife too. Women need to understand that your partner isn’t responsible for your feelings.
It amazes me that people can ‘go through a depression’ and come out of it. Mainly because that means whatever caused it was short lived and not permanent. Whereas I have dealt with so much shit in my life that I am basically constantly depressed. There is always something going on in my life that I can’t fix immediately. I envy people like you who can pull themselves out of poor situations.
Amazing woman!
@@TheSCPStudio your right depression is a chronic condition. I guess what I met is when it got really bad I was able to get a handle on it. I’m always going to be at risk for going down hill but now I’m prepared and can see my red flags better than before. It isn’t easy to live with things like depression but it can be managed. Unfortunately some people have a worse go than others so I truly wish you to have better times and get to a place of peace and happiness!
@@TheSCPStudio You gotta get to a point where you are numb to the world. If you’ve been depressed for years you need to start making drastic changes in your life.
Your partner isn't responsible for your feelings, however your partner is responsible for providing you with support, whatever form that comes in. Not treating your partner well is going to only make the situation worse.
I've been pregnant twice. First time I did nothing gained 50 lbs, the second time I worked out three days a week, and stayed active. I still gained 50 lbs. Thankfully y husband is a good man who supported me, changed his diet and went to the gym with me so I knew he had my best interest at heart.
you are married and have had 2 kids, and you upload Gachalife videos on youtube? *Sniff* *sniff* i smell CAP
That's how you do it
@@penetrasean bro it ain’t that deep it’s obv a joke
Absolutely 💪🏾
@@penetrasean yeah you definitely racist
"Every action has an equal and opposite reaction." Isaac Newton wasn't just talking about physics, it applies to life as well.
Underrated quote, totally agree
True dat. Gaining a bunch of weight creates mass that attracts all sorts of satellites.
@@comfortablydoomed6280 😂😂
Big facts
When I was younger and in grade school, some of the kids who bullied me I always thought about them because they were embedded into my brain. All of their negative words motivated and gave me the strength to prove them all wrong. Once again when I was younger I cared a lot more for other people than I did myself, but now I care way more for myself than I ever did. I absolutely love this channel!!
Same story me too, the strength of saying no or how you really feel was so empowering & i realized I got more respect less drama then when I was caring more about others feelings or how they will perceive things. That's when it clicked a lot of people are just selfish, and I need to protect my value & blessings 1st. I got called stuck up/snobby (over bullshhh herb 😂) or a bitch but people either then respect my directness & honesty or i realize they probably didn't have the best intentions overall & are salty they got confronted.
Same here...
💪🏾
Bullies serve their purpose, but now everyone is being protected and lied to - there is zero motivation to change because EVERYONE is just supposed to accept you - I’m thankful for my bullies and the sh!tty people in my life
On January 6th 2021 I’ll be clean n sober for 8 years. I was a junky that made it out alive now I help anyone in need... much love and respect from NOLA ya dig...
Congratulations brotha ! 🙌🏽
Congrats 💪🏿🙏
Congratulations... I hvar sober 14 months
Going on 2 years alcohol free big ups to you. That's something to be proud of each and every day of your life
Congrats 👏
I got to where I was suicidal. In my last marriage.. I was a size 4 after having 4 kids. But I wasn't educated so I (felt stupid) and I believed my ex-husband when he repeatedly told me I was ugly, I was used goods no other man would ever want me. Then he started with the physical abuse and always screamed at me that it was my fault he hit, he got mad because I made he angry..
When my youngest whom is the only girl started walking. She walked in on the abuse one night.. Right then and there I made the decision that he wasn't going to hit me or talk down on me ever again.. my process didn't happen over night... I started GED classes.( I told him I needed my ged to get a raise at McDonald's). I was in counseling one a week for an hour on my lunch break so he did't know. In counseling I learned how to hold my head up, look people in the eye, walk standing up straight & how to have a back bone. The best thing I learned was that I had to take care of myself so that I could do what was right for my kids..
I still call that process the time that " I found my balls"
It took me deciding that I was NOT going to let my son's or daughter think that violence is love..
I totally agree with AOK.. If you aren't happy with your situation.. You are the only one that has the total and compleat power to change your situation...
I left Texarkana Arkansas in 2002 with 4 kids between the ages of 2 & 8 on a grayhound bus headed to Buffalo NY with $200 in my pocket... And I made it.. 2 sons and son in law in the service. 0 kid have ever went to jail none are on drugs or alcohol. If I can do all of this broke.. So can any man or woman or there.. They just have to Make the choice.....
Love you Art Of Kicks keep it up please...
Good to see you persevered and fixed your situation despite the obvious odds not being in your favor. Pretty much what they are talking about. Good job and you should be proud.
@@chipchippahson
I am proud now. But during the process there were times I felt all kinds of negativity inside of my self.
That’s SOOOO refreshing to hear a couple on the same page about such important relationship topics!
It took me to reach about 26 before I stop letting people get me upset. I had to learn people are going to be who they are going to be and there is nothing I can do about it. I also learned that if I don’t like what you represent than I don’t have to have you in my life.
I found myself with a partner that could not be pleased. If something went wrong.. she was angry, it was always my fault. I finally said that she was responsible for her own happiness..she lost her mind.
@Copyright Testing what you on about?
@Copyright Testing what mess you talking?
I don’t think they’ve read all that you’ve stated bruh lol
People obviously don’t know the meaning of support, encouragement or loyalty. Period. No one always has it all together. Even in the Tyler perry movies someone came along to support the person in finding a better way and becoming better. There’s no shame in needing help sometimes but I guess all the ppl commenting have NEVER needed or received help/support in their lives… Thats BS. But continue on..
Yeah that’s one thing I don’t like about the manosphere. They talk about women having high standards, but they expect women to be PERFECT 24/7 or else they justify someone leaving their spouse. That’s the same toxic behavior they get mad at women for.
Shit happens. Especially when you plan on spending an entire lifetime with someone. Deal with it together because when you get married, two become one.
@@AT-mq9wk some folks in the manosphere behave that way, not all. It's disingenuous to label the whole community for the actions of a few. Loyalty mean sticking with someone through the tough and good times. Loyalty doesn't mean you lie to people to prop up their self esteem. When we tell people the truth tactfully we give them room to grow. The truth has to be provided gracefully but in reality.
@@rm5282 Yeah of course, but a lot of them label all women the same so I got frustrated. You’re right though. I shouldn’t do it. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
And yeah, I never said you should lie to someone. I just meant you should stick with them and work through issues. I agree though. It’s better to be honest with someone than to lie to save their self esteem. The issue is, a lot of men (not all) will keep it to themselves if they have an issue with something their wife is doing or not doing. So by the time they do finally bring the issue up, they’ve been meditating on it so long that they think it’s beyond repair and they’re ready to leave without giving their wife a chance to improve. Or they meet a new woman who *they think* doesn’t have those issues so they leave their wives for her only to find out that any woman who would sleep with a married man is bat shit crazy and worse than what they left.
So, I just get a little frustrated when people expect a relationship to revolve around them and what they want all the time. I think that’s what I meant by SOME men in the manosphere are just as bad as the women they hate.
@@AT-mq9wk I can understand your point. You're right, some of those guys plain hate women and that's their baggage. People need to be willing to see a therapist to help them work through their problems.
👏🏼👏🏼👍❤️
I was dating this girl that was 130 and she got depressed and gained 85 lbs and I told her when she was gaining, like she asked me if I still loved her. I sat her down and had a discussion saying, yes I still love you as the same person I've known for years, however, I do not find you attractive anymore. It may seem heartless but that was the truth at the time.
@A H I was not... but even if someone is that doesn't change it.
If you start dating someone and they change their body alot, you as a human have a right to be true to yourself, if you aren't attracted to them, they have a right to know.
Like I said, if you were reading it correctly... I told her I still loved her, I just was not physically attracted to her. Physical attraction is subjective, you may find a 5'2 215 lb woman attractive, I did not. And that is my right.
Like most women ask their partners, "will you still love me if I get fat" I answered truthful, Yes... but I was just not attracted to her.
@@tokamnich4709 Did you try to talk to her about working out and eating healthier? Or did you just end the relationship? Were y’all still being sexually active?
There is a huge difference between not being attracted to someone and treating them like crap. If I was going through a tough time after having a child and my husband didn't support me after" what sounds like post partum depression" I would definitely put myself first and lose interest in that man.
You seem to ignore the advice a smart woman said in this video. Lol, always the man's fault. Foh. Haha. She got with the man for his fuckin money anyways. "He's rich" like tf, she is choosing to be a lazy slob foh with this mess. The couple in the video didn't show no remorse towards her. Her fault 100%!
You clearly didn't listen to understand you just wanted to respond
User name checks out
Let’s be honest. If your man isn’t hugging and kissing you. Being affectionate. You’re going to feel mistreated. But it’s difficult to be that way to someone you aren’t physically attracted to. He probably wasn’t being legitimately mean but he was probably treating her more like a best friend or a favorite cousin than his wife or s/o
"Her husband is rich" followed immediately by "he treats her mean, like crap, badly or anything negative."
Why does she list all of her personal difficulties then make it a point to insert "her husband is rich"?
WTH? Only to wrap things up with playing the victim and blaming her husband.
I agree to an extent after I had my last child I gained 60lbs granted I lost the weight eventually but my husband never treated me differently in any way because I gained weight because yes I looked different but he loves me an I love him if he gained 60lbs I wouldn’t love him any less
If he got demoted and took pay cut i bet you would think otherwise
A wife gaining weight and not staying in shape is the equivalent of a husband that gets a pay cut and doesn't try to make up for the pay cut.
@@jamesrambo7712 agreed but y’all also have to understand pregnancy is different from letting yourself go. When you let yourself go that’s on you but pregnancy effects everyone differently it takes time for her body to get back to normal/lose the weight so if her body is fucked up now bc of YOUR child the least you can do is be supportive and help her get back to her old self. Lmk your take on that I’m curious to know
My honey is the same way but if a man tells you from day one if you gain weight I'm going to be less attracted to you. I wouldn't be with him. So I'm supposed to stay a toothpick during and after pregnancy. That's not even right in any sense. I'm glad you have a real man and so do I. ☺️ One day your going to get old you are going to change period. I'm happy to grow old with my man ❤️.
@@quza3205 it's not right after all you go through during pregnancy for a man to turn his back on you or treat you different. I agree with you!! Some men and woman are very shallow. If you truly love someone, you except change.
I feel like it's not enough context around why exactly she says her husband treats her like crap. Not unless it's specifically about her weight🤷🏾♀️
Exactly it was assumed a lot of it was assumed , this is the problem these days.
10/90, I had a coach tell me that. 10/90, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Live by that to this day and he told that in 1995.
It goes the other way... I was very heavy... and that is what he liked but I was killing myself with food, so I lost a whole person 140 lb's and he said I got too skinny and he wasn't attracted to me anymore, so we ended up in a divorce.
I'm now healthy and single lol lol...
I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression lately I really needed this thank you
I'm older than most of your viewers. I have to say that this couple are 💯 % correct! But on the flip side, sometimes things do happen! I'm not talking about baby weight or laziness. Sometimes people have to take medications like steroids and that causes them to gain weight. So if you are going to marry someone. You must love all of them so if something changes there physical appearance. That you love the person and not the shell. I was in a relationship where they sadly got cancer and had to have a part of their face (lower jaw) removed! They did rebuild it but they had a reaction to the titanium and it literally put a hole in their face! I didn't run away! I never even thought of it! If you love someone, you love them no matter what! It's easier to make excuses and leave! In sickness and in health means just that! The more that woman's husband abuses her the larger she will get, show her the support and she'll loose the weight and probably even quicker. Healthy communication is everything!
Stop looking for the minority situation and deal with what truly takes place more than not.
100% possible to still love someone and lose sexual attraction for them. People need to learn how to differentiate the two. Treating your spouse badly for gaining weight is not the way to go no matter how you look at it, but some people really start to think "They don't love me anymore" because they are no longer sexually turned on by them.
Both individuals in the relationship should ACTIVELY be working towards keeping the desire flame burning. Gaining weight and saying "They should love me as I am" is NEVER the right move.
Finally someone who isn't so shallow and artificial!Thank you ma'am for this comment.☺️
If you feel like this don't bother to get married or in a serious relationship. If you can't stand by someone you claim to love when they are going through something, that reflects a lack of love and character.
This is not talking about a situation when someone refuses to help themselves and wallows in unhappiness without getting help. But bad things happen. If some baby weight gain makes you treat your partner like shit, what happens when if they get cancer, or if they lose a limb, or they develop a debilitating illness.
That's definition of a trophy wife. Wealthy man can't show her off any more, even though they are married, even though she boar his child, he dispised now because he doesn't want her on his arm. He doesn't value the girl he fell in love with if he ever loved her.
If he is not being supportive to her, how can she trust him to be responsible for the children.
I relate to this. As a mom of 4 small children my life is always revolving around them. They're all under 6 including 15 month old twins. I homeschool my oldest two. Recreation for me is SO rare for me. Everyday all day is cooking (98% from scratch), cleaning, re-cleaning (all mothers of young children know what that means), changing diapers, giving baths, planning curriculums, creating learning materials, homeschooling, grocery shopping, doing laundry, etc. I'm no longer breastfeeding but that used to be up to 8 hours a day plus pumping backup milk. Taking the kids for walks, to the playground, to the library, etc. We moved for my husband's work and have no family in our new city. There's no one to provide a break. But I have always struggled with guilt when I would take time to do my hair. There's 6 people in my home. All of us have natural hair. My husband has had braids for 10 years and dreads for the past year. I do his hair as well. Braids, grooming, etc as well as his tape, beard, etc. I used to love bike-riding, swimming at the beach, long walks, jogs, day cruises, etc. I don't do any of that anymore except occasionally. I love pouring into my family and serving my family. It's my calling. But I agree. It will leave you empty without balance. My husband is amazing. He has never disrespected me. It's really about me carving out time for me. Remembering I'm still an individual before I'm a wife and mother. Prioritizing time for my enjoyment and mental and physical health. This is a great video and great conversation. TFS.
You are a super woman🤩🤩🤩
@@dammmnnnkaytreezy__9914 Wow, thank you! You learn skills you never thought you'd need and everything rises from a heart of sacrifice. 💗😊
Oooh, this is a deep conversation .
Love your content Aok stay safe in 2021 .
The majority of the conversation can be agreeable, based on the initial presentation of the issue; however, based on the presented issue, there is a part that was not factored. People want to talk about morals? "For better or worse, until death do us part." Vows. You break from your vows, you have lost your morals. It is true that you put your own happiness as a priority, but if the husband is contributing to the misery, instead of holding to his vow as a partner and encouraging his wife to take care of herself, then he is as fault too. Same applies if it was the other way around. There is a big difference between, "Baby, you fat, lose weight," versus, "Baby, you seem like you're in a bad place. This is hurting you mentally and physically, which is hurting us(marriage). Let's work on fixing this." When you get to that level of relationship, it's a balance.
Most now a days aint built like this no' mo' sis. It's all about pretend now....🤷🏼♀️
Morality isn't trendy, just pretending about it is trendy.
If your husband or wife is a drug addict and you say your a junkie is that worst than saying you need to get yourself clean, it's the same thing it seems nowadays things have to be said in a certain manner to protect feelings when either way it is said it comes down to the same meaning so again in this case if I tell my wife she is getting to big or your to heavy ,or you need to go to the gym it all has the same meaning the sensitivity of people today is so heightened that you risk your partner taking it personally if you mention it straight forth and lastly just for the record women tell men all the time with no problem you dont have money, you dont have a car so on and so forth and wont hesitate to turn their back on a man and feel entitled to do so do vows mean anything and everything to a woman no it doesn't so before we get to mushy and judgemental
This should go both ways
See u don't understand what marriage really is its a partnership but not the way u think. Have u heard of silent partnerships in a business where u have 5 to 15 percent invested. Thats what marriage is the man has 80 to 90 percent and the women are 10 to 20 percent. Do u understand most women say they cool with a 50/50 relationship but its rarely on those levels usually 60/40 or 70/30 how can we be partners when ur doing minimum effort. So if the majority partner tells u to do something then it gets done. In the past men would beat u to get something done these were beta males risking their money for a woman is crazy. In the current days we would just dump u or get an divorce its much cleaner.
@pandacitis holding to vows? You do realize that most divorces are initiated by women...Right? And most of the time has absolutely nothing to do with cheating, or abuse and so on. Its just women who don't want to be married anymore for whatever reason. Lets not act like marriage isn't one the biggest jokes in society today. They even have reality shows about it.
It’s so refreshing to see someone who knows what marriage is actually about. Kudos to you❤️
What I've taught my children is, when you get angry at someone you have given them all the power in your relationship. You have to stop, step back, and decide how you will respond. Don't respond in anger or you have lost already.
I agree that you are responsible for your own happiness and self-respect. I am not in 100% agreeance about the weigh gain. She gained weight from the baby which is normal and then being depressed. If I was in that situation, I would expect the one who claims to love me (in sickness and in health) to support me through that. I understand not being physically attracted to her anymore but to then treat her poorly. That's two separate things. Based on the information provided, it sounds like verbal abuse. That is wrong.
With that being said, gaining 80 pounds is a lot and most likely, not healthy. If she doesn't change that, I get how if you don't find your spouse attractive, that would be a relationship killer.
Yeah absolutely. It’s not his fault she gained weight at all but if your depressed and being verbally abused it doesn’t put you in a headspace to heal at all. She needs to remove herself from that situation. Not being attracted and being cruel are not the same thing.
Verbal abuse is not an excuse to continue to not be unhealthy
Devon Waters abuse of any sort causes trauma which can be debilitating.
It’s not about excuses. It’s cause and effect. The universal laws. You can be a jerk about it all you like. It doesn’t change the fact that you can’t be healthy while being abused as mental health is part of over all health.
@@caseymaree4370, I enjoy these conversations because it's shows the hypocrisy of men. Men will want you to navigate a belly that contains beer quintuplets and a possible b-cup! But GOD forbid she gain weight from carrying your children or she's unattractive. I believe this is a sobering wake up call for women. I believe the shallowness and selfishness of men reflect how women move now. I notice how some women gain 30lbs during pregnancy and others gain much more. This is not always a choice, genetically, hormonally the amount of weight you gain is made for you. This reminds me of the man that wanted to leave because his woman had stretch marks after she gave birth. He didn't understand that a tummy tuck wouldn't fix that and that's a dangerous procedure to undergo right after giving birth. People don't understand the dangers of bleeding out. But they will risk her life for a pleasing visual. Your mental and physical health means nothing to men if you're not attractive. Who wants to be in a relationship like that? If he gained 80lbs I bet he'd still want sex.
@@mrwaterz40, Then a nagging woman is no reason to abandon your marriage and children. Yet, "her attitude" is one of man's many excuses for abandonment of responsibilities! You all want women to motivate, support and be your peace or place of security. Yet verbally abusing women is ok, they should let it roll off their back and just go be great!
My wife gained 100 lbs, quit work, quit cleaning, and if I'm not fine with it I'm the asshole.
Fuck that
Talk with her about that. Try to work through it in a respectful way. Don’t degrade her or make her feel insecure like she is doing everything wrong. If you are not still sexually attracted to her, it’s better to walk away if she has no intentions on working on it. No reason for you to have to suffer in a relationship that you no longer want to be in because she selfishly doesn’t want to work on herself.
Are you disabled or why exactly can't you do any cleaning?
@@roaroa5291 I refuse to when I work and she doesn’t
I love the way they communicate with each other
I watched this video. Twice. There are some good points & some points I just don’t agree with. Don’t know the whole story. Don’t know how long that they’ve been married or how many kids, etc.
They BOTH made a vow to each other & they BOTH made that baby. If her husband is “rich”, why didn’t he at least hired an assistant to help with her business/personal manner WHILE she was pregnant? Why didn’t he hired a personal trainer to help her during the pregnancy? Or hired a chef to make healthy meals?
Last I checked, carrying a baby takes a lot from you. Some days you have energy. Other days all you want to do is sleep because you threw up five or six times early that morning.
Now she gained weight because she carried his baby for nine months. Baby blues or being depressed AFTER having a baby is no joke. The wife was probably too tired to look after her business because she was healing from delivering her blessing. Became depressed & and ate more. And her “rich” husband want to kick her while she is down?🤔 make it make sense. Again, why didn’t he hire extra help to help his wife out?
I would COMPLETELY understand that they had NO child(ren) & she let herself go & complain about how much she gain weight, or she can’t hold her business down, etc. Do not depend on ANYONE for YOUR happiness. Love you for you.
If her “rich” husband is so concerned about her weight, again why not hire someone to help her? Help her business. A man is supposed to make a woman’s life easier, not harder & let her struggle.
🤦🏿♂️what your saying is instead of her finding happiness he has to find it for her
@@indigobutterfly1755 if the shoe was on the other foot it wouldn’t be a thing. Her friends woulda already told her to leave him. “Your better than him” etc
@@indigobutterfly1755 I think the men that don't understand haven't had a good woman just like the women who don't understand sometimes never had a Good Man so they only know the bad and judge all accordingly.
Also there's a difference between "shacking up" and a committed marriage even more so if done in church before the Creator. For me today not everybody is a spiritual or has the same beliefs as others but the commitment of marriage is different than just playing house. Want to make that commitment it's up to both people to honor it and you're going to go through ups and downs but if your partner shits on you when life is at its worst, what point is it having a partner?
How is he making her life harder🤔if she got fat her business failed and now she depressed it sounds like she making his life harder🤡
Agreed. Have a nice day
in 05 while walking inside the Fordham university campus, i looked up on the main library building and there was an inscription that said before you help others help yourself.
Don’t agree completely but y’all touched some good points
This video made me go kiss my husband and tell him thank you! Thank you for loving me and supporting when I was 150 pounds and when I am 295 pounds. Thank you for adoring me and being my partner through thick and thin. Pun intended! It would break my heart to have a husband that didn’t find me attractive anymore. This man still peaks on me when I’m getting dressed, he still tries to grab what he can when I walk by...I’m sorry but when you love someone’s soul, when you truly love someone, you walk through anything and everything together. We are working on my health together. I have medical issues and just recently gain a lot of weight.
This is why ppl don’t stay together for very long anymore...If you despise your partner for something that can be changed and is temporary, or despise them for something that’s out of their control, then you didn’t truly love them. You loved being attracted to them. You loved an image. It’s sad that an entire generation won’t know true connection. SMH...
This made me teary eyed. He loves you for you... never lose that. Some of us are striving to have a love like that..
@@sinverrette9803 Some of us are striving to have a love like that.
and most of you never will.
@@gillesgrindel7985 what's the problem? Most of you never will? Speak for yourself. I'm going to get whatever I manifest. Keep your negativity to yourself.
@@sinverrette9803 it's not about negativity but realism.
How the hell did you go from 150 to 295 lbs? ain't no way thats baby weight. You weight more than a line backer.
I soooo needed to hear this today. You're channel is very inspiring. Thank you 💓
That's my main issue. I don't reinforce my boundaries but that's slowly changing
Me too. I started doing that and I’ve seen a change in all aspects of my life
This video opened my eyes the most, my boyfriend has been trying to help me with this, but I didn’t fully understand on how to achieve it, I think the exercises will help me stay for positive, thank you🖤
My first pregnancy, I was very young. I put on 40 lbs but it melted off like butter, due to my age. I was 5 lbs less than before pregnancy within 3 weeks. But at 28 & 32, I watched my pregnancy weight gain. 25 lbs with #2, 23 lbs. with #3. And had to WORK to get that off. I finally got tired of being overweight overall, and got my azz on a simple workout and gave up ALL fast food. It worked! With my last surprise baby, at 38, I only gained 15lbs! Deliberately and safely. Because I KNEW it was gonna be more difficult at 38.
It's one thing for you to be responsible for your own happiness, which is true, but treating his spouse like crap is not okay.
Im like a roller coaster with this, I total get take care of you to help others. But, I have a problem with a soft heart that I do for others a lot even to my own detriment, I was like you in where I thought it felt selfish, but thats my nature. As I got older I learned people will take advantage of a soft hearted person. As for relationships i see it different it should be 50/50 and do NOT stand for any kind of abuse, fat shaming can be a form of abuse. So as for the weight thing, its never a problem for me in relationships or friends and family, Im attracted more to the character and soul of a person, not necessarily their looks I love little things about someones looks, like theri eyes, their smile, if they make me laugh, etc. Unless it is to a point of harming their health. Then I can have big problem with it. Thanx AOK, Much Love
@Vintage Wrestling Zone Prob 4 that people would consider heavy. Actually, for 20 yrs my ex and I were together together (about 300lbs) Left me when I got chronically ill, heavier set man dont bother me, its what hey do and their character. I wouldnt let him over 300, nor my oldest son, when they hit around 300lbs and started having troubles thats when I have to step in for their health. But still feel all should be 50/50. Even him being over weight and me sick its important that we put in same effort to withstand everything. He just couldnt with stand my illness, so he left. Peace
There is no reason at all to treat anyone badly. Regardless of what they have done to deserve that treatment. Being respectful and kind could be what changes the person who has the issue.
I mean that depends....but that way doesn't work when dealing with a Narcissist or Someone dealing with Negative Trauma...
No Sir you don't encourage the mother/wife to leave. She does the work from where she is at. This allows the kids to learn how to deal with issues later in their life. Go to the gym with a personal trainer. Go get help but never leave the kid's. Especially if the man is rich. You can't pass the kids off to him. He is still doing what he was in the beginning. 100 years ago it wasn't this much ignorance in generational currency.
He shouldn't be treating her like shit tho. If she's being mistreated she should leave. You can tell someone they need to improve without mistreating them. Her gaining weight and falling into depression doesn't give him the right to be an asshole. If anything he should've left before he began mistreating her. She can lose the weight, but she will not forget how he treated her. Then she gon be fine and smaller and ready to move on to the man who didnt kick her when she was down.
@@joannamonique707 yep this type of thinking is definitely the problem. The victim mentality will never fly I'm my house. On another note tho. You see Becky with brand new twins jogging her ass off pushing the stroller getting the weight in check but we are supposed to except all these excuses? Lol no thanks. I let women in my life know up front so...
She always can go somewhere else.
Stay Woke✊🏽
2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all.
Gift from God; I was talking to me girl about stuff like this and low and behold reinforcement. The Universe is a weird place ain’t it. 😂
When you're on the best path, or need guidance, the Creator & Divine Spirit will send synchronicities to reinforce the message 😉💗
Good message!! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
There are two women I work with who have multiple kids, you can’t tell because they stay in great shape. It surprised me when I found out that they have 3 kids each.
I know it’s hard for some to lose that weight but it is obtainable.
Self Love is Power.
Everyone gains weight at some point in their life, it’s common. what baffles me is when a man sees it as an immediate exit once a women contributes that. Don’t come knocking back when she loses it. The least you can do is support her, not break her down.
When a man isn't doing well financially women see it as an immediate exit. What's the difference
@@sukmidri those are bad women... bad people.
If you love someone, you're there for them through all the bullshit of life.
When my boyfriend had to go on unpaid leave to take care of his grandma, I stepped in and paid his half of the bills until he was back on his feet.
That's was the right thing to do. I did it because I love him and I know he would 1000% do the same for me.
I think the loud minority is just wreaking havoc on society right now 😕
I don't believe everyone sucks this much.
@@lynnw5653 when theres a 50% divorce rate in the first year, more than half of which are initiated by women for their husbands gaining weight, being depressed or losing their jobs, its fair to say most people suck
You cannot make anyone happy, all you can do is help provide an environment for their happiness to flourish.
Hey I want to learn about the journey so let's talk about it, whenever you're ready
The way this was explained helped me understand it a lot. I knew the way I used to act was bad before, so I at least did what I could to not act like that until I could know better, now ik a lil more and that helps all the more
Great video, one of Your best! Thank You for the good advice. Sherry
You can take care of yourself and another at the same time, IF, you can handle it. If not both, you have to focus on getting yourself right FIRST. I learned that years ago. Counseling and/or therapy teaches that depending on your situation.
He was probably treating her like shit way before the baby. But because he is rich she tolerated it. She was looking for validation from him, instead she finding validation in herself. I need the whole story.
In any event, she CHOSE to marry him, she picked him. So there's that...
F that. I whole-heartedly disagree. Fix your problems at home. If my wife leaves, she is not coming back. You can't abandon your family and come back smiling.
I totally understand his point of view BUT....this was a conversation that they need to have at the start of the relationship lol
He has no point of view there's no excuse for treating your girlfriend bad expecially cuz of weight it's not his body he can't tell her what she can and cannot weigh she should show that douchebag the door someone who does that to his girlfriend don't deserve a girlfriend he deserves to be beat the fuck out of the rest of his life I can't stand scumbag douchebags like him
@@lewisgriffin9684 yikes, you're here espousing views that someone "deserves" to be "beat the fuck out of the rest of his life" and you think _they're_ the scumbag douche?
It's not his body? DUH!
He can't tell her what she can and cannot weigh? Of course they can and should let their partner know where boundaries lie. The most basic communication in a relationship is relaying what you're looking for and warning when the relationship is heading toward rocky waters. Knowing your partner's range of attractions/tolerances is key to maintaining a long-term relationship. Providing some awareness what a passing grade entails doesn't mean anyone's forced to change - that's just being silly, hyperbolic, and trying to shoot the messenger.
@@lewisgriffin9684 bro u are hitting simp lord levels are u normal. Why are u simping so hard its not a mans responsibility to take care of a fat chick unless the person has medical problems they can lose that weight its a choice they make. As men in relationships we respect that choice but have to dump or divorce they ass because thats our choice no fat chicks. If men were more honest we wouldn't have women letting themselves go thinking its cool.
@@chattingman8546 I mean that's cool, you do you, but just know that if it was a situation where you divorce your wife just because she put on baby fat in order to carry your child, then recognize that almost everyone will see you as a shallow-minded piece of shit
@@chattingman8546 Lol bro you sounding mad stupid in these comments give it a break 😂
My mother always told me that "I have to like myself before I can ask someone to love me."
Just like you I never understood that either .
I work overnights at a hospital I get home in the morning to take care of my mother who is 87 with cancer and a brother who is 61 and mentally disabled. I do the groceries I pay the bills I go back and forth with appointments for them both. I got to a point that I felt stuck I was angry and resentful. When people would tell me that I needed time for myself I felt like it would be wrong for doing so. Until I fell into a depression I wanted to just walk out the door and just forget that the world existed I just wanted to be in an empty white space. So I got home from work one day and I said mom from now on every Saturday at 7 pm I'm leaving and I will be back on Sunday morning because I need time for myself. So every Saturday I rent a hotel room order room service . Fill the tub with bubble bath drink some wine and I just chill. Sunday morning I feel like a brand new person. I should've done it sooner.
yeah i wanna see that journey and hear you talk about that journey.
This is big facts other ppl will never make u happy if u are not happy with yourself first... they can help u escape from time2time but u gotta look at the person in the mirror by yourself
I'm a year late to this party but I have to say this... once you have agreed to marry a person that is a life king commitment. You can't just pick and choose when to be there and not. If you're feeling some type of way, then you need to communicate to your mate how you're feeling. If you chose the right lift partner that person will stop what he/ she is doing and will help you through what you need. If space is required then that's a decision yall make together. If your spouse isn't sure how to help or becomes too complacent and doesn't pick up on the changes in attitude, that can be forgiven and that complacent behavior can change. Granted you can still be honest about physical expectations i.e if your spouse gains too much weight it's nothing wrong in pointing it out. But you gotta be active in your assistance as well because it's not that person problem it's yall problem Cz your spouces body is yours not there's anymore so you gotta put in work to get your body the way you like it and the same is true the other way around.
This woman is me 500 percent. This totally speaks to me
I'm not myself.a sliver of who I was. I was already feeling like this and then my dad passed away in July and my mother followed him a month later.
He offers me no emotional support and does t touch me emotionally or physically. I understand I'm not cute anymore. I was skinnier with a teeny pooch and now I'm one giant pooch. And the depression just makes it worse. I am so disgusted with myself. I gained 80 lbs.
I don't know where to start
Facts. It does not matter how much you like her personal a lover person or care for a person. Do not put the burden or pressure on yourself if you not in a good place in your life. I learned that myself the hard way. The signs are there when is there when things are too much on you. You just got to really see and recognize it know when to stop.
Here's depression for you I've ptsd, bipolar and borderline personality, but that doesn't stop me from living.
Searching for one's self will take a lifetime, life happens in between.
The thing about the Holocausts survivors is a little ignorant. Those people watched their neighbors, family, and friends get tortured and gassed to death but he's criticizing them for being bitter for experiencing war level traumas that'd drive most modern people to madness.
As someone overweight and married, my husband got scared for my health. Talking to him and others made me also remember that fat does affect your hormones. The jolly fat woman is a lie. I had to really think twice about anything my husband said during this time as I am overly sensitive. So now as burdensome as it is, he explains stuff when I go back to him, so we do not end up in arguments. He told me to take time off and refocus on my health and what I want for my and our future. Not rich in the least but I got a gym membership and refocusing myself. Just one week and even my hubby saw a difference in my attitude. I have a long way to go and it is a lifetime commitment. I honestly would not leave that home but start changing my life infront of my husband and kids. Her husband is probably frustrated or they both do not know how to communicate so they lash out. I used to lash out at my hubby because of every little thing when it was my problems and insecurities. Your body and mind work in tandem, if you do not physically use your body and sit around, even if skinny it can be mentally unhealthy as your body is meant to move.
agreed. We add to eachothers happiness, not any other way around. Living in the past, in bad thoughts and emotions, you'll never be happy. Very cool couple, I'm gonna go check em out! Right on brotha!
That doesn’t work with a narcissist , trust me , advice but you never know what’s going on , tell her you support her in whatever she decides
Hmmm...
🤔🤔🤔
I like referencing the oxygen masks like that. I remember my grandmother told me “a drowning person can’t help anyone” that stuck with me and helps me think about how bad I would overextend helping family and friends till I almost burnt out.
I don't know who these two are, but I really like them independently and I think they have a wonderful relationship!
I agree with you 💯. 2020 was trash and I threw the bull out with it. Either you like me or you don't. I'm good with both because I love me. I hope that woman gets to the place where she loves herself more than she loves him.
No it is not right to treat her like shitt. Negative reinforcement does not work and u committed to her just cuz she is being lazy doesn't mean u can treat her like shitt
I'm no court jester. I'm not there to entertain you or make you happy. I can enhance your happiness, but my job is not there to make you happy. If you can't make yourself happy there is no way I'm gonna be able to do it, and even if I do, its only temporary.
Thanks for assisting me in becoming better my current train of thought is if i look my best people will respect me and treat me fair so ove been focused on dieting exercising but dont matter if i look like chris bumstead if i aint ok within myself if im insecure i wont reach that
Grateful for this advice.
Man this the same husband and wife that was on wife swap where they both admitted she doesn’t even cook for him. And she’s not even a traditional woman. 🤣🤣but he talking strong
She's definitely the masculine energy in their marriage.
Maybe that's how he like it tho? As far as he got his shot patterned does it matter?
I put my foot down with my sister in 2020 and I'm still stomping near people to this day. I spent far too long internalizing the misunderstandings people had about me. A misunderstanding is what happens in other peoples' heads and if they're commiting to misunderstanding you?They aren't your friends, they aren't your family, they're people who've decided they know who you are and they believe they know who always will be. When you put your foot down around people who truly see you, they'll show you different sides of themselves in response. It may not always last for long. It may be a side you haven't seen in a while or a completely new one but you'll feel the real when it comes
This right here. A lot of this comes from Stoicism, that brought me out of my depression.
Something the guy said really is sticking with me. What you tolerate will determine how people treat you. That was the base issue in my last relationship. I allowed and tolerated far too much in that relationship. It's a real eye opener hearing it put in words.
I get this for the last 5 years of my husbands life I took care of him he was my best friend 😊
Bro I needed this it makes me feel like I'm not a bad person for trying to better myself and find me after some stuff I've been through, I like this channel it's my first real time checking it out
Well, you can't literally control peoples actions, but you can definitely walk away if it isn't what you deserve.
I think if a man falls out of love with 7 cuz u gained weight having his baby ,thats disgusting!!
Do u understand why u have that mentality because a man supposed to accept u regardless of how u look. Ur basically saying men can't have standards so if a woman says she doesn't want short broke or fat men its not a problem 👌😊. Someone told u men like fat chicks only as sex partners any men that does so doesn't have self-esteem for himself.
DISGUSTING. And was never truly in love with you to begin with. Otherwise they will support & encourage you through it. Period.
If a girl falls out of love with a man because he gained weight, earns no money and doesnt take care of himself is selfish af!!!!
So she's recording a vid WHILE DRIVING, LOOKING INTO CAMERA! WTF?!? Can't do it another time, no, gotta record while driving...idiocy has no boundaries.
She's not even driving. He is 😂
I'm glad I came across your platform
Mrs and Mr 2weeksout I love them!
34:39 I don't know about this positivity thing. On one had good vibes and all, great but on the other if one is feeling ill, or down, it's healthier to acknowledge the feeling and understand why feeling is present to devise a solution and move forward than pretend everything is perfect and positive. That can lead to delusional mind states that hurts more than help. Whatever happened to realness?
The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.
Dude I got to disagree, I weigh 120 and trying to get down to 110 but my husband said he doesn’t care what I weigh. He loves me as much now as he did when I weighed 150. I’m 5’3 I wasn’t happy with my weight, I done it for myself Not for my husband. He weighs 39 lbs more now then when we married but I never say I’m not still attracted him as much now as when we married. We love each other for how we treat each other not how we look.
He’s not a high value man that’s why 😑
Sorry to break it to you, he’s settling for how you are. Trust me he doesn’t love your weight. Men are visual first. Stop speaking for him from your female perspective because you will get it wrong every time.
As a man I can tell you he absolutely does care about your appearance and you thinking he doesn’t just shows you do not understand him at all.
A wife’s physical appearance is the equivalent of the husbands income. If he loses his job or gets a pay cut it’s the same as her gaining that weight. Sad part only 1 is controlled
That being said 50% of marriage ends in divorce with women initiating divorce 80% of the time and 90% of the time it’s because of loss of income.
What if he’s going out his way to make you unhappy? Leave?
Yes
Like a man struggling to get his numbers and responsibilities together, there is a countdown in the relationship. Your parter will only entertain a certain amount of varience for where they found you. The difference is regardless of the reason for separation, society will always take one side(f).
Love yourself before you can love others 💕
I agree with the focusing on yourself. This is an example for some. I do a lot for at least 3 family members. I drive my aunt, my daughter, and take care my grandson. Which isn’t even in my household any more. His dad is like a child so imagine. Meaning he can’t figure out what to do even basic cleaning. He ask me to help out or wash they clothes. It’s me taking care of them both basically. So I get drained easily. I always tell them, he, and my daughter. I must have a day to myself to gain strength. I even say I will block them at times for peace. I got 2 younger kids to care for as well.
I do that but I just tell myself today is gonna be a good day something good gonna happen" and its gonna go smooth..and he is right I stay in that mind frame all day..
I've had this combo before. Maybe I'm the asshole but if my lady gains that much weight and makes no attempt to fix it, I'll leave. At least make an attempt.
If a person can’t take care of themselves they can’t help help you in the way that you need either it goes both ways so I agree 👌
Don't ever get married.
that man speaks thruth. I told my chick the SAME damn thing. Its not my job to make you happy.
Happiness starts with in you first. Then some can make you happy. That’s the way things are. I can’t make you happy even if I try my best to do so.
He def shouldnt treat her bad…its okay to want her to lose the weight but treating her bad is unacceptable…if she doesn’t change…leave
All I have to say is that what you get when you go after those rich men. Not all of them are the same but most of them only care about there money and there businesses
If you love her for her appearance, and if that changes so drastically, of course you're going to be less attracted. But that definitely shouldn't be the basis of the relationship. If you Love him or her for who they are, then even if they change physically it shouldn't affect you as much in the affection department. In fact if you love them, you will try to gently support them through the change and/or help them through the reversal. Love shouldn't be lost because of the physique. That's not love then.
"If you Love him or her for who they are, then even if they change physically it shouldn't affect you as much in the affection department."
That's not how it works.
"Love shouldn't be lost because of the physique. That's not love then."
There is no such thing as unconditional love. If he were to quit his job and decide to become a fry cook at McDonald's, would that same concept apply?
@@qmulus1 I know it all sounds like fantasies, but it's not that simple. If this wasn't the case then how do couples that have reached the age of physical deterioration stay together? Not counting, for example, if your wife/husband experience an accident and get a really nasty scar and you leave them because of it........does that not make you a terrible person? You hate the look of the scar, but does that mean you cease to Love the person?
And yes, the concept still applies but not in your question, simply because your example isn't detailed enough. You haven't considered the 'why' question. Why did he quit his job? What pushed him to do this? Your question is overly simplified to the point of being unfair...
But I do agree with you. There isn't such a thing as unconditional love, but sadly marriage isn't mainly about love once you are in it. It's about commitment. Unbreakable commitment.
@@balorthedreamer6792 "If this wasn't the case then how do couples that have reached the age of physical deterioration stay together?"
Survival. Necessity. Stability. Comfort. Can't do better. Love. I'm not saying love doesn't exists. I'm saying that it's not unconditional.
"Not counting, for example, if your wife/husband experience an accident and get a really nasty scar and you leave them because of it........does that not make you a terrible person?"
If I was disfugured in an accident, I would never want my SO to stay with me out of obligation. Why be with someone who no longer wants to be with you?
Feelings cannot be controlled. If they could, no one would be single. No one would worry about appearance, weight, wealth, or any qualities whatsoever if we could just flip a switch in our brains and love whoever we want, whenever we want. I wish we could. That would make things so much easier.
"You hate the look of the scar, but does that mean you cease to Love the person?"
Attraction and love go hand in hand. Would you really want to be with someone who was not attracted to you?
"You haven't considered the 'why' question. Why did he quit his job? What pushed him to do this? Your question is overly simplified to the point of being unfair..."
It doesn't matter why. The affect is the same. And what if he was happy being a fry cook? Flexible schedule. Minimal responsibilty.
Any resultant disatisfaction on the wife's part is analagous to her gaining 100+ pounds and refusing to lose it.
"but sadly marriage isn't mainly about love once you are in it."
We can agree there.
"It's about commitment. Unbreakable commitment."
Only in a perfect world. We don't live there.
@@qmulus1 I can definitely agree with the reasons why older couples stay together, but you've proven my point with your inclusion of "love" within those possibilities. There isn't any spouse that would like seeing their loved one's looks vanish with age, but they can still love despite that.
On the accident example.......your answer comes from the perspective of the one in the accident, but we are talking about the spouse of that individual. Someone who loved that person wouldn't be leaving, at least not until that person was okay with what has happened and what is going to happen.
On your rebuttal to the scar question, you said it yourself, while love and attraction go hand in hand they are still very much so different. Love that stems from attraction isn't love but instead infatuation. Love, as what we are debating over, encompasses a lot more than just looks.
I have a bit to say on your response to the 'why' question. First off, a wife who gains 100 and refuses to lose it is definitely not analogous to a husband who quits his job to work at McDonald's. The reason being the impact. A wife's appearance is her own and if she is happier fatter than you have no reason to complain. But even if the job of your husband makes him happier it also jeopardizes your financial situation. But apart from those things, a spouse is meant to ask why. If a husband gets a lower paying job and she leaves without asking......there's something wrong with the marriage fundamentally. She is supposed to not only try and find out why, but also to understand why. And if she's unhappy about it, which is very understandable, they need to talk. But that is honestly not something a marriage should break over.
On the point of commitment, it doesn't have to be unbreakable as that really is unrealistic, but it does have to be strong enough. How strong enough is depends on a lot. I'm sure you know what I mean.
@@balorthedreamer6792 "Love, as what we are debating over, encompasses a lot more than just looks."
When was the last time you loved someone you weren't physically attracted to?
"First off, a wife who gains 100 and refuses to lose it is definitely not analogous to a husband who quits his job to work at McDonald's. The reason being the impact. A wife's appearance is her own and if she is happier fatter than you have no reason to complain."
Feeling attracted to my significant other is a part of my being happy in the relationship. Sex and physical intimacy is an important part of a relationship, at least for me. Since I refuse to endure a sexless relationship, it is important that we lead a healthy sex life. And I can't lead a healthy sex life if I am not physically attracted to my partner. And if those things are not there, neither can love, at least not the romantic kind. I'm a sexual person. Physical attraction a requirement.
"But even if the job of your husband makes him happier it also jeopardizes your financial situation."
Then live cheaper. Love conquers all, right? It should be able to withstand financial stress, right?
"And if she's unhappy about it, which is very understandable, they need to talk. But that is honestly not something a marriage should break over."
No one should stay in a situation where they are unhappy. That does no one any favors. A husband who is no longer attracted to his (now) overweight wife should not have to sacrifice happiness to maintain a romantic ideal. The same goes for the wife who's husband has a midlife crisis and decides to work fast food while she carries most of the financial burden.
His wife's a boss! What a champ!
Your partner gaining weight is not a reason to treat your partner poorly. There is no reason to treat your partner poorly.
If you can not do simple things like being respectful to your partner, leave the relationship because you clearly are not ready to be in one.
And no, this does not mean use that as an excuse to ignore them wanting you to try a little or put more effort into the way you look !! Ladies we can not be selfish. Weight gain doesn’t just affect us. We like to think it does tho. But the truth is, if you gain weight and expect your partner to just go along with it, you are selfish. Don’t place that on him. Get in the gym, diet, cut out the sodas and replace them with water. Do things that will benefit you both. Stop thinking it’s okay to be lazy and put on a bunch of weight and that your partner should love you the same and not speak on it.