The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go | Jill Sherer Murray | TEDxWilmingtonWomen
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ธ.ค. 2016
- Letting go can make you unstoppable.
Jill recounts her story of love, loss and new life. Through the challenges of an uncommitted boyfriend, her fear of letting go, and becoming comfortable with the ramifications of letting go.
Jill shares the 5 Steps she took to change what didn’t work and make welcome what she desired in her life and relationships.
Jill is an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace every success in her career (and love life) to letting go. In her current role, she leads a team of creatives in developing education and marketing campaigns for the national consulting firm Trion Group, a Marsh & McLennan Agency, LLC. A writer, marketer, blogger, and speaker, Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine 12 times as part of an assignment to document her year-long weight loss for six million readers. Her talk helps others realize what letting go really means: winning.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I pray that those who were disrespected, insulted and compared by their partners to their friends and ex's will have a happy ending in their life. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Ameen u toooo
Amen💔❤️
Thanks. I needed to read this😊
Yessssssss
Amen and thanks I needed this
‘Let go of not yet” this hit me hard, thank you.
Yes, indecision is a decision.
Oh!!! BOOM
Damn this hit me!
Pretty smart quote , why do I think that of of us had pass through the same story , abrazos virtuales para todos de la comunidad Ted ,
Ya
So true. I learned this the hard way.
If you dont lose the person that is wrong for you. You will never find the one that's right for you. At 32 yrs old, I was hurting so bad after a relationship had failed. I thought it was the end of the world. 3 years later I married my wife. She is a trustworthy and great woman. Perfect for me. She loves me like I've always wanted to be, and I love her even more.. Married for 26 years now. So glad that the last relationship ended. Because I would have never found my soul mate. Move on. There is someone that was born for you. I promise.
thats beautiful sir. thanks for the last lines. cheers!
I find you hard to believe. Too good to be true.
This gives me hope. I’m heartbroken and feel alone, but I know I can make it past this. One thing that I keep in mind is how much feelings can change over time. Time allows you to see things as they are and not through the lens of illusion. Maybe I can’t see clearly now, but everything happens for a reason and one day I will know why. I’m going to “set my heart ablaze for the flow of time waits for no one”
I am in a same situation at 31, unfortunately that relationship still hurt me.. It’s not my fault.. It’s just she found someone else and realise I was not required anymore. I can’t get out of it and feel like there is no better in this world who can make me feel the same way… I have anxiety and panic attacks and could not let go at the moment.. don’t know what destiny is written for me
Really needed to hear some real story because i am in the same phase and same age experiences all bad relationship in life..i love unconditionally but not gettng any returns
Let go of taking things personally
Let go of what others think of you
Let go of trying to be something you're not
Let go of the need to be perfect
Let go of not yet
I don't get it. Repeating the steps she said...
I can do that too, not her but "I didn't come this far to sink so low, I'm finally holding on to letting go" slipknot
Right now, I can't explain the pains I am going through. It seems my world is coming to an end.
@kevinnanretjack1825 hold on 🙏
Sending you love
@@kevinnanretjack1825 you are capable to heal through your pain my friend you are powerful and kind more power to you
I was shocked when she said she is 50! damn it she is gorgeous!
She looks 50
If she is 50, how old is her mom? 😦
She looks 50plus
I thought she was 40 tops. Gorgeous and funny lady
Can't u be gorgeous at your 50's??
I love the old man in the front taking copious notes. Makes me remember it’s never too late to learn!
Noblesse Oblige that was very ...idk what to say
I mean its nice u noticed the smallest thing
@@aishwarya_ganapathy Because this person is smart.
I assumed he was some kind of judge or TEDx official, since he’s sitting at a table in the front haha
Lmao :)) love this comment
ofc! We are Energy, and Energy is Infinite
Really powerful talk. My method
1. Detach
2. Distance
3. Don't go back EVER
how to detach????😢😢😢
True
I really needed to see this
@@iloveme3649write down how they made you feel.
We have to be brave to do the things above
Watching this after a breakup is so powerful, especially when you know that you're letting go of a relationship that's hurting you and taking your love for granted
I'm going through the same..I have been in a relationship for almost 13 years. It is like I forgot how to live without him.
He is blaming everything on me now and I don't know how to handle it even after supporting him with everything I have.
@@chenlha708 I'm in the same situation. The advice here is to focus on the things you want. Let him vent, be angry, blame - all his stuff, not yours. Your support of him is your stuff/problem so what if you did..... he owes you nothing for you being supportive (that was your stuff). Let it go and focus on what you want now.
i addressed some things that bothered me but i became a problem, whyy? I was just trying to open up my feelings and what i felt
Real
Me right now!
"In the end only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you"
Buddha
Curious Carpenter 🙌🏾
👌👌👌
Curious Carpenter that’s beautiful!
Let me get ahold of this buddha and let him know how complicated it is now.
@@fortresstarot3419 Buda is inside you, so... listen instead how simple it can be solved.
Let go. Let go of regrets, let go of self doubt, and let go of the past.
I have to let go of my fear.
@flower petals
You can let it go. I wish you strength!
👍👍👍
She’s lucky she has friends some don’t and have to survive a break up on their own.
Yea. That's exactly the situation I'm in now.
@@dalemaherwoodlock3383 Me too😭
Same . Currently going thru it
Same
Same
There comes a time when we have to realize that what we're fighting for isn't fighting back for us. So, it's time to let it go. We must learn to break free from people who continue to trifle with our feelings. Too often we try to invent ways to show them how much we care about them. Even with all our failed efforts, we still continue to try. As hard as it is, there comes a time when we have to stop caring so much about people who don't care about us.
Dear I will introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer from POLAND who restored my broken relationship, he can bring your ex back just fine he's a very good man;;
What'Sapp him 🙏🙏;
Someone’s you’re both fighting but still need to let go to get better individually
thank you thank you!!!!!! "As hard as it is, there comes a time when we have to stop caring so much about people who don't care about us".......a simple phrase that I need TODAY! peace to you
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so true. and that person dont even deserve those -so much of efforts.
If anyone doesn't appreciate you and make you feel irreplaceable in their life, or doesn't show you how valuable you are all the time: LEAVE. Be it a partner, a job, a friend, or sometimes your own family. Just leave, your life will instantly get better.
...and if you are not able to leave asap - boundaries are the key :-)
valuable all the time?? Id see if you find at least one person Who'd able to do this. You could leave and probably be alone for a long time then. This advice sounds like its only the People responsibilities to support your inner state. It works regarding job, lover maybe, but not friends. True friendship is about support, having fun, deep dialogues, but not about showing you how valuable you are for them
I truly agree. Sometimes the ones closest hurt you the most. Let go!!
Hello can we be friend's
@@andrei8299 hello can we be friend's
"The one thing you're trying to hold, is the one thing you've got to let go." Mutemath, Spotlight. Thanks for the video.
WOW I love that saying - never heard it but boy does it hit me hard! TFS!
my ex GF broke up with me on the phone. I cried, she did a little chuckle. I said " i want you to be happy" then did not fight.
L
:
To anyone reading this may you recover , please don’t lose hope there’s billions of people on the planet! You deserve someone who is going to 1000% commit to you don’t ever let someone drag you along with what if’s and maybe later you deserve better it’s time to let go. God can never let in ,until you decide to LET GO!
When she said Hector not turning up to view the house was the moment she realized she wanted to break up, it gave me nice flashbacks. Not about relationships but life in general.
You know at the moment you realize what you want means you have to give up something, makes changes and feel alone. But then something beautiful comes from it and it’s only when you look back you realise that lonely feeling was the start of something wonderful. Take a leap of faith ❤️
Hello am Dr.Stephene,I'm a specialist in bringing back exs and restoring back broken relationships.I have been on this for the past five years helping those who are having issues with their relationship and I have helped a lot of couples to restored back their broken relationship.Explain your suation to me my dear on WhatsApp:: (+2347044509792)Am willing to help you out 🌹🥰🥰🥰🥰
Well said 🥰
That second para is just too motivating. Read that just after giving up a Job..
This talk helped me let go of my ex. I believe that everything that is happening right now is the right thing even if you still can't see it. We should just accept it and believe in the power of the universe because the path that is drawn to us is the right one. You who is heartbroken and reading this comment, have faith, be strong and know that what is for you will come back even if it means crossing mountains. For the mean time, enjoy life, don't take your time for granted and gain experience for the future. You can do this. X.
update : 2 years later, that same ex came back begging me to take him back, he's trying to include me back, as much as he can, to his life. but guess what? the universe is indeed a powerful machinery that repels exes, friends, family etc. not meant for you, faraway from you. And right now I can clearly see why. I met my soulmate and I am ecstatic. Couldn't be more relieved to know that everything truly happens for a reason.
Please stay strong, you're gonna be surprised by what life has to offer you. Trust the process, you are in the right path!
L P thank you. Everyday is a struggle but thank you
Yep! Is very true.
My heart was broken for a long, long time. I clearly remember sitting at my computer and it hit me, "They don't love me for who and how I am."
"They" being my family. The people in my life I love so dearly. But, each one wanted me to change and/or conform according to their will. To bow and bend to their feelings rather than owning my own feelings.
So, I sat there feeling such despair, suffering and despondent and for long after. I can't say it was a waste of time since I needed time to heal. And let go.
Well said
Lp...thank you!i truly believe that and a new found understanding with the help of this video
She is courageous, intelligent and easy-going women. But I wonder why she did not leave her BF earlier. She left him until 12 years later, which is so strange to me. I mean I could not understand why it happened too late. Woman should know by instinct whether the man truly love you within 2 to 5 years. If he does not love you, don' t care about your need of getting married, you should have dumped him and find a better guy within 5 years.
My husband and I fell in love after three months. We are getting ready to celebrate 20 years of marriage. Sometimes love comes fast. I enjoyed this speech alot.
Daphne Dedrick, i hear stories like yours SO many times and i get so envious and sad bc i desire something like this to happen for me. To be able to connect with someone like that is amazing to me. I am very happy for you. Please send that kind of energy my way. ☺
Daphne, your love story is my goal. I'm very happy for you.
Awesome!
Trisha Taylor practice the law of attraction to find love..
@@kuritzakonig4131 what is the law of attraction?
The power of actually saying "no" when hector said "lets get married" is huge...
The fact that she took the leap at the age of 41 is super powerful! This talk filled me with energy!!! The 5 things to Let go of are so apt, and i loved the 'Let go of Not Yet' - Just do the things you always wanted to do!
I'm 35 and I've only ever been with my husband but I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of my life and I don't deserve to be happy
letting go will hurt once but staying in the relationship for long will hurt every moment. thus, it is better to let go.
I think i just need to see this
Thank you
This is so true ❤️
Thank u
You hit me with your words. Thank you for slapping me.
I’m watching this video every day until I’m able of letting go. Very inspiring
me 2
Great idea!
Adriana Guillen how are you doing now ?
How did it go?
Adriana Guillen yep, I seriously need to learn this !!!!
Let go of the mistakes you have made.
Let go of the need to be perfect.
Let go of the need to be liked by others.
Let go of grudges.
I took that leap at 42 and ended a 24 year marriage. The moment when I found out about him and our daughters friend was it, I just knew I couldn’t keep forgiving any longer. It’s been incredibly hard cutting soul ties but I thank Jesus for videos like these . I truly wish this stuff had been around years and years ago. I’d saved myself a lot of tears. Remember love doesn’t hurt. Love is patient and love is kind ❤
That’s powerful, I cheer you up for that !
That's true love is patient and kind❤
Jill S. Murray's 5 Ways to Let Go:
1. Don't take things personally
2. Let go of what other people think.
3. Let go of trying to be something you are not.
4. Let go of the need to be perfect.
5. Let go of not yet.
thank a lot 😊
Let go of those who think they're worth more and those who cant reciprocate back.
jewlstah2010 🙏🏻 thank you... I have the attention spa...
Excellent ...inspiring
Let go of not yet .yes!
1 - Let go of taking things personally.
2 - Let go of what other people think.
3 - Let go of trying to be something you are not.
4 - Let go of the need to be perfect.
5 - Let go of not yet.
easier said than done.
We may think it's hard to do these things, but it's harder if we don't. Many blessings to you!
Then, It means someone else is controlling ur life, take it back. Blessings!
If you want increase the chances of survival you're going to want to care about what other people think.
mindlesstube you have a point but it’s a relief to only care about how you feel about yourself and stop thinking about other people’s opinions until you’re doing better
This came at the exact day and moment i needed it. Now i know that God has not forgotten me. I am finally letting go.
I am 62, and have been trying to let go of a "Not Yet" man for 33 years. This Tedx Talks was a random find for me, but maybe not so random. Thank you for your words and story! God Bless!
Everyone has to let go of something and when they finally do it is such a relief.
Girl yes!!!! After a year and half of a very emotionally abusive rs I finally let him go cause he cheated, Im actually glad he cheated cause now I can let go of him and never think of looking back as much as it hurt
@@claramorey6187 are you looking for someone?
Lol
I let go of a bunch of toxic friends and family who have been making me sick for years with their meanness and emotional torture. Its hard. I sometimes feel very alone but I know better things are on the way. I'm sure of it.
I'm in the same situation. Stay strong.
aavaaz utha I’m going through this process, it’s tough but necessary. You can’t meet what’s meant for you when your hanging onto what’s not meant for you. Clarity comes and the right people come into your life 🙏
I understand what you mean...i also feel lonely,right after betrayal of the person who said loves me more than anything..if u feel lonely,u could write me in discord lana#7254. I just wana help someone to not feel lonely.
aavaaz utha , me too and feels good. Congrats!
I'm so good at cutting off people. Let go of Stressors!
Let go of taking things personally
Let go of what other people think
Let go of trying to be something you’re not
Let go of the need to be perfect
Let go of the not yet
Amazing ✴️
I was in a bad marriage for 19 years and finally let go at 41 years old. As soon as I let go, my dreams have started to come true.
Watching this because I’ve let a man bring me down time after time. I stayed time after time. On my birthday a few days ago I found out he was cheating. It’s time to let go and move on... wish me luck on finally finding the strength to make it happen
Most men cheat
Did you let him go ?
Update? 😭
Just Meilina wow I forgot I posted this. Yep. Deleted him completely from my life and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since my birthday a year ago. Since letting him go I’ve been sooo much happier! This hyper focus hit me to wake up and to stop depending on others for happiness. I had to find my own. I even went back to college to work for my degree. Yesterday were finals and I finished all prerequisites and have straight A’s. I did in fact find the strength to move on, as well as motivation to better myself. Hopefully by this time next year I will have that degree, and be able to begin a new chapter in life.
@@LoneStarStinger don't you guys have lockdown over there?
I've been struggling a lot for the past five months and then I listened to this: "I will never take time for granted again, instead I will use it to let go, to create space for the things I really wanted and for what matter most".
Karla Villanueva saw your post. Hope you’re doing better, it’s been 5 months since your post- hope you’re thriving and healing ! Take care of yourself
Staying attached to a person or the outcome is actually causing us pain, not pleasure. Once we realize this it becomes easier to let go. When we don’t think the universe will send us someone BETTER we come from a scarcity mindset. Let them GO, to let someone else IN. I’m Learning to let go of a person the outcome and the need to be right ,that’s when the blessings pour in, it really makes you free! Great video she did well
Yes. Sometimes it hurts not having someone to lean on but he just have to move and try to love again. How are you doing? Can we talk more. Please reply me.
They say third times a charm, I have pass my step 1 finally🎉🎉 for all my repeat test takers don't give up and don't be discouraged.
I failed 3 times, i lost money to reviews that never helped but the major thing is that I've not lost hope
You will pass Every one has their own season,just keep going pray and believe you will receive
@@nancydonna3895 I'm sorry about your plight my friend but i was once in your shoes before i was recommended to Mrs Catherina Moore and that's how i passed My USMLE Steps exam
I used some Kaplan, and took some much time in my online classes still my step 1 result came back failed
I only studied a lot when i went for the first time last year but the second time was so easy, all thanks to my aunt who introduced me to Mrs Catherina Moore am really grateful
Why should this woman have thought she'd have such limited options in dating when she was 41? She's past 50 and looks fantastic and has a great personality. Women think all men are looking for 25 year old super models. They aren't. We put unreasonable expectations on ourselves (and the media doesn't help). That being said, I'm glad she found the relationship she'd been looking for and learned this along the way. Great message!
Lee Lo thank you..
Lee Lo Did you notice she has acting skills too???
Love this TEDX
Lee Lo LETS START OUR OWN
Because women can't really have kids after 40s?
Yes she looks very young! :)
I broke up with my ex a month ago and yesterday we had a call, just to talk normally but he was cold and didn’t talked a lot even thought I acted normal and I was happy as usual, I noticed it didn’t affected me but I realized the kind and caring boyfriend I had is gone forever and this called made me realize I shouldn’t be sad to lose someone who is scared of loving and prefer destroying what we had because he is not ready. I don’t have to be the only one fighting for us, he never did anything and waited for me to come to him. That is over now.
This was a long time ago, can I get an update on your life?
Hey how are you now?
@@zizi9028 hey there, thanks for asking, I replied already ^^
hey how's your life like now and what happened with your ex?
Thank you- This completely resignates with me. I was with my husband for 30 years, 9 we dated, married 21. We had a good life but his addiction got in the way. When I finally was brave enough and knew I deserved better- I left the relationship moved several times until I found "my" place. I have never been happier, more loved and appreciated than I have this past year. Now I help my clients learn to let go and move forward with their lives. ❤
Letting go created the best in me,i so much lived in my past pains ,the rejection I went through in my childhood not knowing my parents .now am happy that i made a decision to let go of past and let God in. May God heal every person going through pain of letting go.
This helps me a lot. Thank you. Just said goodbye to my Hector, now waiting for my Dan. 😊
How are you 11 months later? Have you found your Dan yet? :)
@@vangthixanhden 😂😂😂😂😂
💛👍
I have to let go of someone who doesn't even care if I'm in their life anymore. I'm just holding onto memories now. I have to let go so that I can move on and breathe again. I have to do it for me. Thank you for this wonderful TED talk, Jill :)
My ex and I went through a mutual breakup knowing that I deserve better and that “better” wasn’t him. He made the first move to leave and I am still in so much pain from it because I really had high hopes for our relationship but rather, I should feel thankful that he made the first move because if not, I would’ve stayed until I went crazy. I did deserve better, there were more days that I was sad than happy but the few days I was truly happy outweighed the days I was sad because I was blinded by love. I love him, he was good to me and is a great man, but we just weren’t meant to be together in this chapter. Maybe in the future when we’re a better version of ourselves. But if not, I at least know my time wasn’t wasted. He will always have a soft spot in my heart, but where we’re at in life. We’re just not meant to be and that’s okay. Thank you for everything ❤️ I will slowly let you go now. I love you Mason
Hello dear I know of a powerful man who can make your ex to come back to you begging you for a second chance
He helped me to get back with my ex and we are living happily together so far.;:
Wh'atsapp him now;;
Absolutely invaluable to me. Ending a 7 year relationship for the very reasons that you stated. I know my days may be difficult at times. Lonely. I’ve listened to this several times. Your talk will be my medicine to move forward without wasting time.
I’m watching this because my pet is being put down this Friday. I’m trying to learn to let go and remember that she was so loved for 15 years
This is one of the best ted talks I've ever seen😭
May god give courage to anyone who wants to let go of a relationship that isn't working.
bahhah I relate to that username A LOT. And Ameen sister. May Allah swt strengthen us all, keeping you in my duas whoever you are
It’s really hard to let go when the break up was unexpected, when that person was your person ,when you made plans , when you shared soo much together,it’s hard when that person just tells you he doesn’t love you like he used to but still wants to remain friends yet still acts like you are the last on his list , he doesn’t seem to cate yet still it’s hard to let go because in as much you know you have to he was the only one that understood that loved you ..it’s hard but faith in God and trust in him helps.. time will heal
😔😔😔💔💔💔💔
Yes
Sometimes these experiences/lessons teach us to love and respect ourselves like never before. When one has reached this level, the decision to let go and move on becomes a lot easier independent if you still love the person or not.
I've seen a lot of ted talks about break ups, but this is probably the best one and resonated the most with me.
I agree. It is so genuine and honest
“How to fix a broken heart” is another great one!
This talk is so inspiring. Its been about 2 weeks since the girl who I loved, the girl I would have done anything for told me she wasn't happy with us. How she didn't like that I loved her more than she loved me. I'm heartbroken right now and very sad. As every day passes I realize that she didn't deserve me.
I hope anyone reading that is suffering through a heartbreak realizes you are so much more. You are worthy of good things in life and you will find someone who loves you back. Take it day by day. Stay strong and most importantly don't give up, because I will not.
There’s a woman out there who will love and appreciate you, hang in there
i watched this after i got broken up with by my first boyfriend 3 years ago, and i’m watching it again now after my boyfriend broke up today. thank you for this, it’s very helpful and inspiring
Thank you for this very vulnerable and personal talk.
It's such a shame how society conditions women to believe they are worthless without a man or relationship.
To everyone out there particularly women, get to know your own value and don't be afraid to be alone. You will be amazed at the inner light that shines within, if you spend time getting to know yourself and your worth.
Peace and love to all
Lol...good luck with that kind of thinking when you hit thirty and beyond....lol don't kid yourself and don't lie to these women. While you don't NEED a man in your life, having one is something you will defiantly want. Nobody wants to die alone. So stop with the propoganda....
no society doesnt condition women to believe etc etc..thats your issue
@@dubiousdistinction6500 not really my issue. Take for example the words 'spinster', 'old maid', 'crazy cat lady'. All pejorative if not derogatory terms for unmarried women. These words and fear of the single woman are pushed and peddled by society.
@@The900AD spinster and old maid are no longer contemporary..crazy cat lady does not imply anything about current or past marital status..calling someone "worthless" because they dont have a man? thats all on u
This is amazing, I really needed this today. I have had such a hard time letting go of toxic ex... the fear of never finding a connection again brought a lot of guilt and sadness into my life. Now after watching this I feel a sense of peace and excitement as I start my new adventure..
Alex Klepper feel the same!!
me too!! How are you doing months later?
@@michellezoura6062 how are you doing a year later?
How are you doing 2 years later?
how are you doing 3 years later?
This video has come to me at such a right time, I let go of 6 years Relationship with a guy who said all right things at right time, but never acted on them, due to his family issues...I feel loss, but I feel strong that I broke the pattern. There is huge power in letting go...and claiming yourself, back again...Peace.
Same..hope it's a success story
How are you doing now?
U go brave girl..u r stronger than u know 💪...u r amazing and can do anything
I have experienced the same story, and untill today I thought something like this cannot happen, or happend on with me. But you my friend gave me hope! God bless you! Hope you are doing better! ❤️
same🙃
One of the best videos here on TH-cam. Thank you sooo much. I needed to hear this this morning. I’m letting go this relationship we’re I was really happy but he terminated it. The last 2 weeks I kept asking myself what I did wrong and what I should improve. And when I realized he was emotionally unavailable, I still wanted him back to “help” him. Now I just have to accept that he is not the one for me. He is not ready and even if the last 6 months were just amazing (especially coming from a very very abusive marriage). I just need to let go and accept that he was just a very nice interlude. I won’t beat myself again. I will enjoy the time I’ve left on this earth. Thank you ♥️
Hello friend, I recommend this great spiritualist who fixed my relationship in 24 hours, now my partner is back and more committed after many years of separation and breakup.
I miss being in a room and clapping with a lot of people who are just as happy as I am about something we just experienced together. I pray the day comes soon when we can feel safe to do that again☺️
"Let go of taking things personally" is THE advice I needed right now. My ex drunk-cheating on me is about her own issues and insecurities and not some defect in me. My conscious is clear knowing I was genuine and faithful towards her. Her not being able to live up to the same level is her problem. I am letting her go.
Yes, same for me. I forgave him once but he got Bumble on his phone the second time. Sexts and meet-ups. Im done.
I am so proud of you!
And you sound like my ex. Lol attacked.
Letting go is the toughest thing one can do. Today, I'm gonna try to let go of 11 years of friendship. And with that,
.
Today, I'll try to Let go of the fear of being alone.
Today, I'll try to Let go of the fear of not getting accepted.
Today, I'll try to convince myself that I'm not perfect and accept the fact that I'll never be.
Today, I'll try to accept my flaws.
Today, I won't let anyone disrespect what I do for a living.
Today, I'll try to be the better version of myself.
And most importantly, Today, I'll let go of the fear of getting used by someone again and will try to live in the moment.
.
Thanks, Jill! You kinda saved me!
❤️
Her story is so relatable. Thinking he would meet another girl fast and u will regret why u give up is so true.
You'll never see the positive side of letting go unless you've already made it because sometimes we felt the need to be with someone to complete us but don't hold on for a relationship that is not giving you the reason to be happy because we're supposed to be with someone who will make us feel worth it because a life live with too much heartaches are a life that you will regret most in the future.
If the other person doesn’t make you feel worthy, reciprocates your feelings are not giving you what you need: acceptance, confirmation and validation of your feelings you have to let go.
Aha moment! Don’t make yourself wait when others have demonstrated an inability to acknowledge your feelings. You are showing that it’s okay for them to do this. And you are worth so much more. You are worth being shown love, appreciation and acknowledgment
She is courageous, intelligent and easy-going women. But I wonder why she did not leave her BF earlier. She left him until 12 years later, which is so strange to me. I mean I could not understand why it happened too late. Woman should know by instinct whether the man truly love you within 2 to 5 years. If he does not love you, don' t care about your need of getting married, you should have dumped him and find a better guy within 5 years.
Luckily you didn't make the other person think you gave a damn about them right? Whew. That would have you know... Affected them. We all should remember the most important thing in all relationships is what is ultimately in it for número uno. You. You deserve it all. At any time you want it. Bless you.
A life live with too much heartaches are a life that you will regret most in the future.
Thank you for this! It's been about 2 months of going back & forth asking myself if I should or shouldn't let someone go. Finally after this video, I decided to let him go. It's a little hard but definitely necessary. One of many things I learned from my previous relationship, was that I had to decide what was more important, loosing him or loosing myself in a relationship that no longer makes me happy & fulfilled. In the end, I choose to loose him instead. I'm currently in the path of getting to know myself & loving every part of me, so that when the right one comes, he will learn to love & value me as I do.
Hey I hope you are doing better now!
wow . this video is pretty emotional !! you've got this figured. great stuff!now, I'm connecting to my man a bit more . i think he misses me when i'm at work. also he likes our experience with natural enhancer spanish fly which is for both genders
Hey friend I got my relationship fixed back with the help of a man brought my partner back in 48 hours After 8 months of separation.❤❤
it's very educative and others should watch it (maybe this whole channel). actually my man was using it everyday this product you're writing about and i couldn't be happier in bed. he was really wholesome
Watching this on a new years eve and ready to let go of a lot of things
After 17yrs my no good husband walked away..after everything I did to keep the family intact..his drugs we're more important..I grieved for weeks and he did not care one bit..I needed to hear this today.
An addict only cares about the next high. They use the drugs and then they use the people around them. Lost my best friend this way. It took me three years to dump her and the level of toxicity in our relationship only became apparent after I cleansed myself of her. I learned a lot but it still hurts.
You were lucky that he left you. You are worth so much more! 🌹🌹🌹
Hope 💕☀️
Wish you the best !!! Your strong ... never give up on yourself ! ❤️❤️
I caught my drug addicted wife cheating and she left and im trying to get past it. I know its for the best but the pain is real
I’m struggling to let go right now and this video came in my recommended. Sometimes the universe just sends you what you need to hear at the right time I guess. Thank you!❤️
These days we call machine learning algorithm 😇 and AI not universe
It is called the power of attraction
what I have been struggling with recently is trying to let go of attachment. I'm not even sure if I am doing it right, I want to detach from the people in my life like I don't want to need them to be happy so they won't leave my life because that is what the universe has shown me recently: if I am too attached to someone, they are going to leave you know and I don't know it is making me a bit crazy and it feels so good to get this off my chest but yeah. I think the important thing is for me to spend time with as many people (good people) in my life as possible, while I still have the time. I feel like I am just not allowed to get overly attached like in the "I HAVE to see you and spend time with you every day." yeah. that's attachment, making someone your entire personality. Individuality is the key wow I just realized this gosh universe thank you this is so calming. Individuality is key. Individuality is key. gosh I love this
I needed this today. I had to leave my very own Hector today. My chest is heavy and I just wanna be alone. But I'm trying to be proactive and heal cause these 7yrs or less than bare minimum is not for me anymore
My Gran always said; if a man hasn't proposed to and married his girlfriend within 3 years, he never will!
I spent 23 years with a man who would not could not commit to marriage and I am so glad I finally left. He never really liked me. I was just someone to use.
Jody Jingles Have to take age into consideration, though. My best friend dated her husband for 4 years before he proposed but they were only 20 and 21 when they met. Her sister, whom I believe was jealous, kept telling her he didn't really love her and was never going to propose (it's now 12 years and 2 kids later). My parents dated for 10 years and got married at 24 and 25 - they've been married for 38 years.
+Carolyn Robertson
Wow, that's terrible. Glad you let go. Be blessed!
Lee Lo Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. But the point is very valid.
My sister and her husband dated and lived together for 10 years before they got married.
Hector not showing up, that was a gift 😊
This is so my life with a similar “Hector like” that I finally found the strength to let go, how empowering this talk, I haven’t met my future husband but I know he is on his way to me, this was soooo refreshing.
+2348103690673💯💯💯
Yes. Sometimes it hurts not having someone to lean on but he just have to move and try to love again. How are you doing? Can we talk more. Please reply me.
@@hankssmith2008 ok
@@Rinasusanarosado my WhatsApp number +19148990229
@@hankssmith2008 Did you guys got married? Just kidding 😂 But Did you? 🤓
Thats exactly how my last relationship was, a very decent guy but the relationship thing with him was just not it. That decision of letting go was the hardest part, but since it was done it also came with a very needed relief from the feeling of being bounded that I felt while being with him. I don't have any regrets and belive whats done was for the betterment of both.
Make a plan and go. Dont wait .
Letting go of things that no longer serve me, the past, toxicity and negativity. Letting go of how negatively I speak to myself as well. Amen! ❤️🙏🏼✨
Ive done everything i could to fix things even if its not only me who made mistakes. Im struggling, but up to this morning i am pushed to my limit! I just want the pain to be over.
Hello am Dr.Stephene,I'm a specialist in bringing back exs and restoring back broken relationships.I have been on this for the past five years helping those who are having issues with their relationship and I have helped a lot of couples to restored back their broken relationship.Explain your suation to me my dear on WhatsApp:: (+2347044509792)Am willing to help you out 🌹🥰🥰🥰🥰
It took me a while on a friendship to get to this limit. The person is extremely giving. Unfortunately, she dodged my feelings of wanting to stay connected at an emotional level and fun level in doing things at least once a week. I hung on for months and got the same responses and non responses. They clearly communicated I was not worth her time-even in hearing me. I did what I could to communicate. It was pushed back onto me in recent months in particular. These past many months of friendship I have felt like I was stuck in a box where she wanted me to be, often unseen it felt. I was a mess. This didnt cause me to forget all her giving. I think it made me realize well I am not worth live time with her to spend once a week. And no chance to fix it. I tried over and over. She didnt want to fix. Or even hear me. Remember it takes two in any relationship. Each person is unique with their own wishes. Things have to be met in the middle. Dont give up your half for the other person to maintain. Things change. And sometimes you look back and wonder what they were in the first place. Stop asking what you did wrong. As she said thats their problem. And their loss. Leave. Stop knocking on a door that is just not going to open anymore. And remember what the “not yets” are.
Guys, here's my story. So , my parents have been married for more than 20 years and yet till today they cant even stand the look of each other . My father is a narcissist who cheated on mother at the age of 52 . My mother got such a shock feom that that she couldn't live her life like she wanted to . I wake up everyday witnessing my mother depressend not even willing to change . She has made her life solly about father and her children which hurts the most . Talking about dovorce , it isnt an asian thing .
My mother is 48 and i wish more than ever for her to build up enough courage to leave my father and live her life independently.
No matter whats your age you will find true love , you just need a lil courage .
The man I love says similar what hector says, instead he says soon. Everything is “soon.” We will see each other soon. It’s been almost 2 months. I know I have to let go, but my heart loves him. This was what I needed today.
Please read my comment. It will help you
how are you
The man I loved always says ‘later’
Thanks for this. I'm 41 and leaving a 20 year relationship. I've had my epiphany and no it's not easy or pretty.
Same here. Am 42 and leaving a 20 year marriage. He cheated. I trust that God will make it easy.
You got this…
Girl 20 years😪
I watch this video all the time!! Every time I watch it I feel like a new woman
Thank you for sharing your story.
In november 2022 I officially let my "Hector" go for good (I broke up with him and quitflip-flopping and quit trying to stay friends with him). He was going through a health crisis at the time, so leaving felthorrible and I still have to forgive myself for leaving around that time. He was (and more than I would like to admid) remained the great love of my life, even though we both were codependent, toxic addicts and a lot of our copingstrategies and behavioral problems stemmed from childhood trauma and relationshiptrauma's. We were a healthy couple untill we really weren't. I do not regret having left, it was necessary for both our recovery journeys. I do regret the timing that I did. The grieving process comes in waves. Sometimes I'm angry and call him names in my head. Most of the times I just hope he is okay and in a better place, with the right people around him. I do not miss him. I do feel a lot of sadness abouthow things took their course and feel regret and shame how I showed up as not-that-much-of-a-partner. No matter how he showed up to me, there is no excuse. I have a tough time letting him go emotionally and an even tougher time not beating myself up for being the person that I was. Slowly I begin to believe we BOTH deserve a better life.❤️🩹
I have always felt that it's a huge mistake that the learning of relationships and understanding of self is not part of any school's curriculum...
Have you taken the free 16 personalities test? It helps to get to know yourself.
After 5 years, and a lot of "not yet", I have recently let go of my "hector". It hurts so much! I have watched this video at least 5 times already, it gives me so much hope, and awareness. Every feeling she describes is going through me, right now. Thank you Jill Sherer Murry and TEDx!
satine0016 hi there. I had to go through same pain after 8 years! I’m in relationships since I was 18 until now I’m 26! But I know that this is the time to let it go. I hope I can get hope and awareness like you.
No man should marry in America, the legal, and financial consequences are too serious. A ceremony is nice, a legal contract is a potential prison. Maybe this seems extreme, but go look up the statistics on the number of men who commit suicide after divorce, and you might be convinced otherwise.
@@modernsavage2584 it's bad for women too, no-one gets out of a divorce unscathed ! I dont understand why you need a piece of paper that makes it harder to break up. Surely people should be staying in a relationship because they want to not because they are scared of the legal ramifications
Hello can we be friend's
It wasn't even a point she meant to make, but I realised that when she mentioned "keeping the bosses happy" as a part of wanting to be perfect that both one of my colleagues (especially her) and I have a tendency to subconsciously feel like we are responsible for other people's emotional health, as if we've signed a contract somewhere that says that we *have to* guarantee that the people around us don't become sad, or else we are terrible human beings.
I then realised that it's all just a sign of our need for control as we just aren't willing to accept it if things go bad, because we both feel too insecure to feel that everything is eventually going to be okay *despite* of what the person's feeling right now, and that even that person is going to feel okay again, even if we *don't* intervene.
I’m letting go of everything right now. Everyone in my life, all my belongings, my home, my “family” and “friends”. And I’m so scared. I’ve done this before- let go before and made big life changes before, but this is different. This is fitting only what I can take in my car, and thankfully I have my amazing dog and some beautiful plants, but then driving east and going somewhere, I don’t even know where… it’s been such a long journey, all the shedding, letting go. I’m exhausted and scared. If anyone is reading this, please think a good thought for me. I feel so incredibly alone.
How are you now? Thinking good thoughts for you and sending positive vibes from the UK
My ex Robert sounds like hector he's sick too and i was willing to stay with him through the end but he doesn't love me... Sadly letting go of a man i love isn't easy. It's like chopping off my right leg. Yet i had to because i knew i deserved to be loved the way i was loving him and one day God is going to bless me with someone who actually loves me and because of that i knew it was Time to move on.. Bye Rob
Shana Lee I feel you. I had to let go of my ex as he was going through a breakdown at work. I told him I am willing to be there with and for him but he chose to leave me. I blamed myself everyday until I realized it was not my problem to solve and you can't force people to love you. I am moving on now.
Very brave, good on you Shena
that;s how I feel right now brokenhearted
:( take care xoxo
Shana Lee my ex’s is name is Robert to I’m trying to let go of him as well. I know exactly what you mean. I guess Roberts aren’t any good lol.
I remember watching this talk a few months ago when I needed the strenght to let go, and in fact I must say that it inspired me a lot. I finally did leave soon after, and 5 months later I feel so much better as I have been focusing on myself and building my own little projects, and the best part it's to have that motivation back when you have something to look forward (which I had lost some time ago in my relationship). And just as she said, it can be hard as heck to leave when you really love someone, but if you know you want more and better, then it will surely worth it. :)
and when you suddenly remembered him? what you do? 😪
I’ve seen this more than 50 times by now ! And it always helps me ! And makes me feel encouraged to letting go ! As I have almost the same story! Or many of us have that! But it takes guts to be this way and let go! I am truly grateful that I saw this! :)
One of the best Ted talks ! This lady held my attention beginning to end ! Inspiring , moving me to tears, and spot on ! Thank you for being to raw, honest and sharing your lessons with others to help them in their journey
Thank you Jill, I’ve listened to your speech over and over again to motivate me to leave a 6 years dead end relationship I’d like to call a “Situationship” it’s so hard to think of him with someone else and me with someone else but he WILL never commit to me. Hector would say to you “not yet” my situationship says “we can explore it” but then he never bring it up again. And when I do he’s says “let’s just get through today”. Thank you for your encouragement. It’s time for me to start dating again eharmony here i come. 🌻😃
If he doesn't cheat on you, what exactly is the problem?
“Situationship” yes!!! Dealing with this still 💆🏽♀️
Situationship...lol never heard it put that way
Jumping right into dating is not the best thing....you need time and space to find yourself again...plus, most of the online sites are full of scammers....Good luck with you...
@@modernsavage2584 being unhappy in a relationship is a valid reason to leave. Simply wanting to leave , is a valid reason to leave.
Never place your happiness in someone else. Great advice on not pursuing perfection.
This was beautiful and uplifting and brilliant. Thank you so much for this talk on how important it is to let go. I really needed to hear that today.
This was so good! You got me in tears. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. You’ve inspired me and moved my heart. Let go….
I kept on watching this whenever I feel sad about our breakup 3months ago. This gives me hope that sometimes you really have to let go. Thank you for your talk❤️ you are touching lives. God bless you.
Stay well and quick healing to you.
Penguin Magic thank you! God bless
Rach _10 How are you doing?????
How are you after does years?
It’s been 3 months since I “let go” of the Hector in my life and I’m just now hearing this wonderful message. It’s a godsend because there are days I wonder if I made a mistake. I lost almost 4 years but I knew after less than 2 months of dating that he didn’t believe in marriage....yet I stayed. At times I tried to convince myself that maybe marriage was overrated or that maybe I really didn’t want marriage either but the longing for commitment was there....I couldn’t deny it much longer. I want a husband for life, not a BF for life. This talk reassured me that “letting go” was the right thing even though I’m hurting so much. I miss my hector so much but i need to make space and give myself the opportunity to meet my husband for life....the thought of the Universe conjuring how we are going to meet excites me🙏🏼😍☺️
I have similar feelings about a recent breakup I experienced. Spiritual teacher Abraham Hicks says we need to keep focusing on what we desire instead of struggle with the belief that this desire can manifest. I want a deeper commitment too, and in the right time it will come. But there's great value in the odyssey of love-learning to love ourselves more and get clearer about what and who we want in our story.
I'm in the same situation now,one they were madly in love and want to marry me then they're like.i keep my options open for my future partner and we are dating then I think marriage is overrated.i hate merry go rounds,it's either we are doing this or not
I don't know of any women who doesn't want to get married. he will definitely have a hard time finding someone else
Watching this... changed my life. Right now. Thank you 🙏🏼
it feels like such a simple thing but the way they said it was something I needed to hear tbh
Damn man. I put up with this man for 8 months. Put all my heart into this.. So much. And he said we should split. Damn damn
I haven't slept and I cried. Like a baby . I cried.
Well imagine being with a guy for 4 years .putting all yr heart , effort and all but eventually guess what .y are one year older than me so y are too old for me and not marriage material .impressive
I completely understand. I feel the pain...some of us love hard Because we gre up on fairy tales
So sorry to hear hope u find someone who is what u want
Been there done that ... but... letting go is greaaat! :)
RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINES I hear you ;(
*"Who wants to be friends with someone who's perfect?"*
Hello
I come back to this TED talk every once in a while to listen to it as if it's my first time. and even though it doesn't take too long for me to remember what hits me the most, I can never watch this video without crying when Jill says she lost her husband.
as another woman with a BIG personality who was always told to "tame it down", I know finding a Hector feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity. But I really hope Jill is still alive and healthy, and has found love again as she keeps on with her life.
RIP to all those that felt like a miracle to come by.
I love her! She’s so smart and funny and I’m so happy for her. This is probably my fav ted talk
Thank you for these words ❤️