Ask a Therapist: How do I explore my own sexuality?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- If someone had told me at 13 that I needed to explore my sexuality and see where it lead me, I would have thought they were odd. But today, exploring your sexuality is not only normalized, but it is (thank goodness!) encouraged. Labeling yourself or identifying yourself is a good idea at ANY age! Knowing who you are gets you closer to getting what you want...whatever that is.
This video is in response to the questions I keep getting from people who are in the beginning of their identity and orientation journey, and are not sure how to proceed. Some of these tips may work for you and some may not, but all of them are designed to help you to understand who you are and what you want (or don't want!). Drop a comment below if you have additional tips or questions! #AskATherapist #sexuality #exploration
Kelly, Thank you, again at 35 unpacking comp het and my own internalized homophobia I had a good date with a woman Saturday, where I could observe not only what WAS there(ahem sexual attraction) but what wasn't (the odd tension I've always felt with men) also I didn't feel guilty or shameful the way I thought I would being out in public, had I done this sooner...who knows. Better late than never. I encourage anybody questioning to open your heart and leap (with common sense, of course)Thank you!
This comment makes me so happy!!!! :)
9:40 that's exactly what's happening to me all the time and eventually it leads me to think about my sexuality 😂 I re-watch the same scenes over and over again and I can't help it
Hahaha, well like I said, "that may be a clue" 💛💛
Thank you ❤ I requested this vid if you could recognize me. I usually feel frustrated with myself because of it but I'm trying my best. I appreciate this so much!!
Hahah, you did indeed, I just don't like calling people out unless they want me to :)
This topic is one that so many people struggle with, you are not alone! Give yourself a bit of a break, letting go of the preconceived notions, societal norms, and expectations of others is no easy job! The pressures of Compulsory Heterosexuality are very real. Take your time with yourself, the only timeline you are accountable to is your own.
Sorry for the wall of text...
I really haven't been able to fall in love with anyone until recently...
And it didn't go quite well due to the weird way it happened, but I fell in love with another man in a Virtual Reality online game.
It all fell down because after we had a conflict I was feeling horrible and my family figured there was something wrong, and due to how stressed I was, I told them everything.
I cut ties with him because at the end of the day he was another person that I haven't seen in real life, and there is a certain danger because of this.
Truth is before we were in conflict I was feeling so nice "being" with him and sharing my time.
I think this was mostly due to romantic love, but I still felt _things_ from time to time when we were together.
My parents suggested me that I explore whatever I want but in real life, and specifically my father wants me to try first with a female relationship before I label myself... (even though I think there shouldn't be such a thing as labeling and trying to fit a stereotype)
I get why, since he knows many people in the LGBT community and he has told me that they have a hard time.
I am confused... maybe I did this out of desperation?
Maybe I did this because the fact that we were in a Virtual Reality environment confused my brain?
Maybe I just lost a friend and not an actual lover?
The pain is still there though, but I'll carry on...
I feel that specially my sister now kinda looks down on me for not being able to contain myself and splill the beans to my entire family...
Still, at age 20 there's still a long way for me to go.
First of all, no apologies needed. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Secondly, you felt someone for another human, and there's nothing to be ashamed of there. The fact is the connection that we get with someone virtually is often seen as the SAFEST option emotionally for queer people because IRL interaction, on top of deconstructing internalized homophobia, is HARD.
If you are concerned about the VR implications, I agree you should go out and meet people IRL. If that's what YOU want. And see who you respond to. Most of all be kind to yourself. Things could become more clear with time. 🩵💙🩵
All of my friends are heterosexual, and I have not come out to any of them. I have known all of them before I was aware of my sexuality and am well aware of their feelings on the subject. None of them would end our friendships over the issue, but it would have a negative impact, as they would not be fully comfortable around me and would not be comfortable being around a partner. I have also been naked or in shared sexual situations with a couple of them in the past. It definitely makes life more complicated than it should be.
I am so sorry that they would treat you like that. You are right, the complications others being into our own self actualization process can be intense (and, frankly, unfair). I am sorry 🩵🩵
Yeah I struggle with this. Now 6 months MTF Transitioning. Still don't know what my sexuality is. I question it on all angles. And family and religious people makes it difficult. Yet I want to explore it. And break away from all the negative conditioning.
It is so important to explore, and it is ALSO important to do it at your own pace! There's no deadline for figuring it out, that is for sure! 💖💖💖
These videos have been so helpful as I explore my sexuality further, thank you Kelly!💜
I'm so glad!!! 💗❤️
I have suffered from distorted thinking for such a long time, although it is now easing white somewhat. I think that once you find non-judgemental, accepting people to come out to, some of that distorted thinking passes, although it can still be there when you are around people who would ridicule you.
I also found that my sexuality evolved over time with my understanding of myself and my experimentation with other guys.
I agree with you Kelly 100% about having waking daydreams and fantasies, and these desires being strong indicators of the person's actual sexuality. I had been with plenty of guys but always kept it secret. Over time, those urges became stronger and opposite-sex desires started to diminish. Now, every thought and feeling i have which is of a sexual and/or intimate nature, focuses on guys...so i guess that tells everyone everything that they need to about my sexuality.
Thanks for posting Kelly!
I'm so glad you've found some of those accepting, nonjudgemental people! 💚💚
in movies-- its uncommon, but sometimes same-sex humans, and sometimes same-sex furries...but its very rare anybody turns me on, especially in my day to day environment. I seem to be extremely picky, and with a low sex drive, but I can feel attraction sometimes, it seems.
There are so many possibilities for why this is true for you. I hope that you are taking your time to explore in whatever way you need to so that you are comfortable with who you are. That's always the goal, right? Is people knowing themselves and knowing what they do and don't need, and advocating for that for themselves. 💙💙
I'm a heterosexual man and I wish i could've been taught to be comfortable with exploring my sexuality. I remember being aroused without even realizing it as a teenager in school and i was embarrassed about it. Now, as a married man, it doesn't bother me anymore
Yes! Every person deserves to know how to get explore this for themselves. So many people's emotional well-being would be different if they had been allowed to do so! 💙💙
Great Content. The explanations are detailed, well thought out and enthusiasticly delivered. Thank you⭐
Thank you! And thanks for watching! 💜💜
@@KellyRMinter It's an absolute enlightening privilege 💯
My fiance is wanting to explore his sexuality but he wasn't sure about himself since highschool. He's choosing to explore his sexuality by having safe intercourse with soneone because of the long distance relationship me and him have. I'm looking for alternatives to help him explore his sexuality.
Are you not comfortable with the option he is utilizing?
@@KellyRMinter I'm fine
Sorry that posted twice, my bad!
Not in quarantine Baby
True. Quarantine has definitely changed the game for people being able to figure themselves out and how they want to interact with the world. ❤️
Thank you Kelly for your videos . Do you think that the pandemic has given people more time for self reflection prompting more people to come out of the closet . I believe it has
Hi Anne! I really think it has, for a multitude of reasons. A few of them are:
- like you said much more time for introspection
- quarantine made people really look at what was REALLY going on in their relationships
- the divisiveness of the last year has enabled people to stand up for themselves
- surviving a HUGE change to our lives has made people understand that they can make other changes too and adjust
- people are beginning to understand just how short life can be, and don't want to keep waiting for permission to live their lives fully
Great question!
I like how you throw out some terminology like “Distorted Thinking,” and then back it up with an example.
For my part though, I think my days of any kind of sexual exploration are over, not that I was really ever that wild by today’s standards. Too much judgment out there. Better to just get exercise and do meditation. Too many diseases out there too. And there’s a lot of stigma over a guy who masturbates. That’s just looked down upon. For example. What if Lois Lane accidentally walked in on Superman masturbating? Awkward.
That stigma is definitely out there. The video I am publishing this week is actually about that a bit! 💚💚
Who? Who should do this and why?
Hi there! Just checking in to see if you got a chance to view the whole video. In it I explain that this applies to anyone who wants to explore this. Many people get into adulthood and never really understand HOW to do this, and that's what this video is about. Thanks for your comment! 💜💜💜
Does deconstruction mean that you no longer have faith in Jesus?
Not necessarily. For some people, yes. But not for everyone. It is the process of not just accepting what you are told to believe, but taking what was passed down to you, holding it up to the light and seeing what stands up and what crumbles. As humans we are always learning new things, and once we know new things sometimes the lens through which we understood things changes.
Deconstruction means whatever you need it to mean, which is to say that it is about undoing the facets of a particular religious faith that you have found harmful or inconsistent with your internal values and no longer identify with. So deconstruction is not the same as deconversion, unless that is the specific degree of deconstruction you desire. If you wish, on the other side of deconstruction may be a reconstruction of a new and much healthier faith more in line with your values. For myself, it is about undoing the fundamentalism and harmful distortions of fundamentalism that have severely damaged both my sexuality (as well as my ability to even express any degree of sexuality, pursue relationships, or even to experience sexual attraction) and how I perceive God’s nature (e.g. a cruel, evil, punishing God), as well as the extreme Purity Culture, that I grew up with in a very small hyperconservative and deeply Evangelical Fundamentalist southern rural town.
Please define deconstruction… I am confused.
Great question! Deconstruction is taking what is given to you, and instead of accepting it without question, you teach a time when you pull it apart, keep what makes sense and getting rid of the rest.