I know for a fact I've had to deal with religious trauma as an adult. It's such a totally real thing. From my experience, religious trauma was like a constant low-grade kind of trauma. What was insidious about it was that it prevented healthy self-actualization and self-awareness. I'm 53 and still dealing with the fallout from it.
I am sorry you still have to deal with that. I am glad you are able to recognize it, but I also know it can be exhausting to have to work through that and reformat your thoughts regularly. 💙💙💙
Yes I do have PTSD from growing up in a strict Roman Catholic Faith and I mean strict. My anger goes up when I hear anything about religion or anything that has to do with God.
I definitely hear this. Anger, discomfort, nausea...I hear people say all of these things. I am so glad that you are working, in your own time, on your recovery 💚💚
As an ex-Southern Baptist who didn't realize I was gay until I was 33 because of that background, and still struggles with religious trauma even though I left 7 years ago, who finally felt safe enough to come out to my family as a lesbian but might never feel safe coming out as an atheist, I connected with so much of this video. 💜 It's interesting how religious trauma hits kind of in waves, and sneaks up in little ways that can be difficult to recognize at first. No matter how long all of that belief has been gone, I've had to learn and eventually accept that it will continue to affect me the rest of my life, so I need to have an awareness and use my tools to work through those rough moments. When you spend the first 27 years of your life internalizing all of that, and so long seeing literally everything about yourself and the world and existence through the filter of evangelical Christianity, that shit gets down DEEP. 😆 Fortunately, I did talk to a therapist about all of this for a couple of months last year and it helped me so much. Also I just realized that your videos have been helping me with my religious trauma (especially as a queer exvangelical) for almost a year now! Thank you for all that you do, Kelly - you bring light and clarity to these important issues so effectively, and I know you've helped SO many people with this channel. 😊
I too am ex fundamentalist independent Baptist and it is the WORST! I have finally decided to leave all of it and the church, which I was forced on me. It is so freeing to me and I know I have made the right decision. I am very open minded for all of that church junk! The churches I have attended are full of narrow minded people and try and force the teachings of the church down your throat! Kudos to you for making the right decisions for your life and your mental health. Thx also for your post. It inspires me❤
I think the biggest thing that has really been a struggle for me is the people who make me feel like I have done something wrong by leaving Christianity. They say things that make me feel ashamed by saying "I'm praying for you, and I trust that God will lead you back" and it has made me feel so ashamed and stuck in a way because I know I don't want to feel the fear within the religion, but there is also fear of leaving. On top of this, it has been very difficult to gain a sense of myself and really trust myself because I was initially taught to self abandon, and always look for answers outside of myself, so it's been really difficult to grow out of that too. But I am an art student and the art that I have made has really helped me to come out of religion and reflect on how it has shaped me as a person, so I'm getting better as I age and learn. Thank you for this video!
I don't know if I have religious trauma per se. I do feel uneasy whenever I hear someone claiming that they've been to Hell! I have to click on another video after hearing that person's horrific experience there for less than 5 minutes! The same thing about the Rapture! I have an intense fear whenever someone mentions it because I fear being left behind! I can't talk about it because all I would hear from a religious person is, "If you believe, you shouldn't be worried about it!"
I've been in therapy for 10 years. My current therapist is amazing, but she is religious, and I might either need a change or add someone with a different perspective. I've had worse experiences with the ones who were not religious so I'm not willing to give up a great resource. But I know it's not relatable how I feel on a Sunday with flashbacks while she's enjoying hers in a similar setting. I went to Bible school, and it was just like you said. I'm 49 and have only been out of it 10 years. I've done a lot of work, but I think I need some more on this. Thanks for putting this out there to think on.
How incredibly timely was this video?! I was recently kicked out of my Southern Baptist church. I was immediately lambasted by some of the “body“ because I am divorcing my wife. Yet no one within that “body“ ever asked me what was going on. Nobody was ever willing to discuss and listen to my reasoning. It’s disgusting how much they proclaim love but in reality it’s all about control. At least in the case of my church. This is another fantastic video and I’m so thankful for this community. Keep up the good work! Let’s see more of your wonderful videos!❤
I think you really hit the nail on the head there, honestly. They PRETEND to love, but only on their terms and under their control. That's just not love. and there is no way around that. To make someone feel like an inconvenience or a pariah for doing what is best for them is manipulation. I am sorry you went through that, it is not ok. I am so glad you have found this channel and this community. Thank you for watching 💜💜
Agree! The Baptist church is the WORST😢 I was forced to live in a fundamentalist independent Baptist environment and it was very detrimental to my life and spiritual health I am now in intense therapy for all of the spiritual abuse I endured. I am also divorced and my former church shunned me and made me feel that I was less of a person, who did not trust God enough to keep my marriage together. Kudos❤
This is such a GREAT breakdown and simple way to do a "self assessment". This will be very helpful to those looking to take the next step towards healing.
Wow does this resonate and what a mess it has created in my life. The religion, its leadership, and practitioners traumatized me, I in turn traumatized my wife with what I received, and now, that I’ve finally decided to leave the religion, my wife is using the same tactics to try to shame and manipulate me into staying-or at least not be able to leave without a lot of additional heartache. Thank you for this very supportive, insightful, and empowering video. Immense gratitude. Sending it to my therapist now.
Thank you. I find it hard to connect with people because I’ve been trying to figure out where all this grief I feel has come from. I left my families home a year ago, and though it was the right decision i still feel conflicted on weather it really was or not. My family are fundamentalist Muslims. I left because I needed space so badly. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety and panic attacks this whole year and such confusion. I feel like I need to know all the answers and have convincing arguments before it’s too late. It’s extremely difficult. Feeling like you don’t know who you are or what you feel because you’ve always been taught how to feel and what you are and what you believe in….
First of all, I am so glad you are making that move for yourself. Secondly, I am sorry it meant you had to distance yourself from your family. Please know that the complicated emotions you are feeling with this transition are likely not because of leaving the religion, but more likely part of a spiritual "detox". Especially in religions that tell you you can't trust yourself or your feelings, standing up for yourself and trusting yourself will feel so "off" and conflicting for a while. I hope you have friends outside of the religion or a therapist or support group, because you deserve support! 💙💚❤️
I am an ex muslim too and I understand what you mean. I have left them 7 years ago but I still can’t feel okay with myself regarding the double face I am presenting to them and the inability to talk about even small things about my life because they are considered Haram for them such as eating non halal beef or chicken.
I hear you. And I'm glad you have been able to recognize the trauma in your own life, because that is the first step to healing! Check out this week's video, if you want (10/11) as it has 6 steps in that process. I'd love to hear your feedback on it as someone who knows they are carrying these emotions. 💚
I 💯% related to when you talked about how it was like in college for you in a Christian college. Because even though I really only went to one semester of college-it wasn’t a Christian college-throughout my whole life how you have described Christianity is exactly how it was for me just about. It almost completely makes me sick at this point to realize the trauma and all that’s affected me very deeply due to this religion. As a kid I was never like anyone else in church and never could fit in. So I ended up being hated because of that. I tried to fit in, but I couldn’t. The more I tried the worse I felt; and honestly, they seemed to treat me just as bad whenever I did try to fit in too… So I quit doing that. And as an artist, being myself seemed to be the worst sin I could have ever committed. Throw away all the other commandments; they don’t matter. If you are yourself-or even act as a normal human being would-you have no chance of going to heaven and will burn in hell. I’ve always been told that as a kid for just being a regular kid. I remember when I was younger coming to terms with the fact that I’d probably go to hell no matter what I chose and finally decided it’d be better than spending eternity with the people who sent me there. So yeah…not fun. Even though I have quit believing in Christianity, I still struggle with the fear of hell. The fear never went away no matter how I tried to rationalize it. It only began lessening, when I quit believing in Christianity. But I am doing my best to get over it despite still living in a very Christian household. My next major goal is to get an apartment for myself as soon as possible so I can have a place away from religion so to speak.
It will get better. I dont fear hell at all anymore. I give two shts. I only would hate to lose my mom and family. Hasnt happened so far but it cuz i still try to respect their views when arounf
Getting your own space is a great solution. While it is a reality for you now, you don't deserve to live that struggle daily, of having to prove yourself or hide yourself or worry that the truth of who you are will make people think differently of you...you deserve to know that you deserve peace, love, and support. 🧡🧡🧡
i’ve dealt with lots of mental health issues and grew up in a christian household. even as a kid i really internalized everything i heard. i had some sort of anxiety with life and eternity. i got really scared of hell especially. but the even greater thing was the fact that i liked girls as a girl. i didn’t even know it was a thing for a very long time. i had some internet access and became really hateful as a 13 year old. then it switched to being more accepting. then i later realized the next year that i was in love with my best friend. i became scared of what she would think and my family but not guilty. i had rationalized my thinking just so i wouldn’t feel the overwhelming guilt i would later feel start of 2023 was when things changed for me (at this point i was well done with liking my friend. she does know about it btw). i started to question my thinking. i started feeling more anxious and self hate got so much worse. i started crying a lot about it. so much anger, confusion, and sadness. crying to God to make it go away. i just wanted to be free from myself. i didn’t know what to do. i still don’t. i’m still confused and hate myself for it. i’m so far away from where i was a few years ago. i’m not proud of any part of me now. i wish i could be a better christian but i just feel cursed to be queer in this world. i still can’t open my bible or pray much on my own. i can’t get it out of my head. i hate to think how disappointed God is in me. i can’t stop crying and hurting…
I am sorry you have to carry that load. That sounds really rough, and probably lonely. I don't know if it will be helpful to you or not but next week's video is debunking the 5 most common things that Christians gaslight themselves when they think they might be part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you think it might be helpful go ahead and check that out 🩷🩷
there are so many things i was taught as i was raised in a strict roman catholic family (bar the typical things you hear, there was also video games are from the devil, bratz dolls will make you a brat, etc etc) and now that i’ve moved away from that faith i have such a guttural reaction to friends being christian, like 😵 i’ve spent so much time convincing myself that it’s not wrong for me to not believe in one god that when other people that i view as rational do, it makes me go back to thinking well what if i was wrong and i’m going to hell etc etc it’s sooo much mental stress for real
I called a hotline the other week to talk to them about religious abuse cause i felt that's what im going through but at times feel so confused and she agreed that its religious abuse. I do love my husband, i don't think he intentionally tries to hurt me, its just he was raised in strict religion and feels i should do the same. He wants me to think and believe the same way as him. I have years of hurt in me. His mother had falsely accused me of things for yrs. The trueth is i feel so confused if God even exist or not. Than im not supposed to do anything like have my nails done or wear make up cause I'll be looked at as a jezebel. I just get to the point where i feel religion has sucked the life out of me .
I definitely have it too, everyone here in the comments is valid in how they feel. When you’re told over and over for years, many of them extremely formative, that you’re a worthless sinner who deserves eternal punishment, it takes a toll on you. And it’s even worse if you’re a woman (or everyone has decided you’re one, whether you’d identify that way or not) because you’re personally responsible for all the sin in the world (even though, of course, you weren’t even in the garden and even if you were, Eve at least had good motives for wanting to improve herself, not could she have actually understood what the consequences of her actions would be). Ugh. I never felt as free as the day I left that cult. I just wish the rest of my family could join me on the outside, but I suppose it’s something we all have to come to on our own. I’ve spent years deconstructing the lessons deeply ingrained in me in therapy and I expect it’ll continue to some degree for the rest of my life. I’m proud of all of you who got out! You are incredibly brave, wise and strong. We can do this! ❤
Well, I'm pretty sure I have a religious trauma (gonna confirm this with my psychiatrist, but still). I always had a toxic relationship with my religion (Catholic church) and that means: if it's sermons make me feel bad about myself, then it's supposed to be like this, I should feel afraid, guilty, and ashamed. Now that I'm unpacking my mental and emotional baggage, I've discovered why I ran away from church, why I feel grief and why I don't like almost everything related to religion. It's so hard to find some validation in my country on religious trauma topic bc many people get offended like "how dare you to talk shit about church!" As if it's some sacred institution which nobody can critisize. The more I'm educating myself about religious trauma, the more I'm feeling it within my psyche. It's relieving how I've finally let myself to acknowledge this and see the bigger picture of what's going on in my brain and re-wire my neurons. As a child, I thought that it's a good idea to build my mindset on a religion, now I see how harmful it can be. It's funny bc I don't have particularly negative experiences with religious people (well, except my toxic mom and my ex, but still I tried to see the best of humanity). I didn't even remember anything ridiculous from church sermons - the worst misunderstandings of my religion came from my own inner critic misinterpreting moral rules and scriptures. My case is the proof that human mind can use an ideology to damage itself when growing up in isolation. Imo, children should be protected from religious ideology bc they should develop a healthy selse of self first and then decide if they're interested in religion. The funniest thing is that I really like the concept of my religion - about love, compassion, mercy - I just don't like how it's presented in churches. I've talked about my religious experience with one wise priest and, well, he said that I'm the one who misunderstood the teachings of the church, that I just overdid it by being too selfless self-loathing people pleaser, a spineless goody-two-shoes. Well, that doesn't help much bc I kinda want him to understand my pain, at least the fact that religion CAN cause trauma. Sorry, I needed to let this out of me.
I have watched this series on religious trauma and find it very interesting. Fortunately that was not my experience. My question though, is it possible to have religious trauma and still believe in god or another higher power? I ask this because most of the comments I read are from folks that have lost faith -- and I believe that those thoughts are 100% valid because that is their reality. I just have never read anything where someone was traumatized by XX church, but was able to find peace and acceptance in the YY church.
It is absolutely possible to still believe in God and faith and the Bible even after you’ve been kicked out/removed yourself from church. This recently happened to me. I still believe in God and in fact my faith is stronger than ever. So it’s possible. But each person is different and has to find their own way
It is definitely possible, In my most recent video, however, I address one of the reasons why many people don't ever come back. Many times it is too egregious, too much, and for too long with no one intervening. It becomes impossible for that person to then think that any of this came from a good place. 💛💜
As a young teen I’ve spent my whole life in a religion full of people strict to bible rules, and my problem is if I were to leave the religion I would not be allowed to contact my family or friends in this religion anymore. I’m not allowed to hang out with any school friends because they’re not in the religion, so I’ve never really had many friends so when I leave I won’t have anybody. (My religion is also severely homophobic, which as a trans person makes me feel trapped and anxious all day) Definitely I big problem but I sometimes doubt it’s serious even thought I’m slowly questioning it now.
You question if it is serious that you'll lose all of that if you leave? Or you don't know if your discomfort is a big deal? Both sound like big deals to me, but which one is it to you. 💚💚
@Kelly R. Minter Thanks so much for the reply, it means so much especially with how much is going on sometimes I question just how serious it is. Much love 💚💚
I couldnt thank you enough.. I am going through a high anxiety and breakdown these days part of which Im healing are my religious traumas which really runs deep. I always feel condemned and since I got away from religion a few years ago, I've never felt more free and connected to myself. But yes the wounds are deep and have to face them. But these words and explanation really helped me a lot. Is there a way you have private therapy sessions?
Hi there! If you are located in the USA there are only a few states I am licensed to provide therapy in. If you are outside of the US there are some countries where I can work with their residents. So the shorter answer is it depends on where you are located! 💜💜
I've been wondering if I have this, I spent most of my childhood in an apocalyptic religion, some consider it a cult, much more mild than other cults out there but still harmful. A got much earlier and easier than others, but I don't think I'm completely unscathed. The idea of the end always approaching made me throw my life out the window, so to speak, it didn't matter, because I didn't believe I would live this long. I didn't even think I would have enough time to make it to my teens. Is it too late for me to catch up? I still feel really uncomfortable with aging, life I've already lived too long. I still have some future-blindness so the future feels out of reach, or even nonexistent on bad days. And have had some issues with existential fears, like death, eternity, aging, spirituality and such related things. How do you secure a future you'd never thought you'd have?
Let me tell you, it is never too late to start over. I don't think you necessarily need to "catch up", because you are on your own timeline. Have you tried challenging your thought patterns? Instead of the future being vast and intimidating, because you never had to think about it/plan for it...can it now be a positive, seeing how much of it is unwritten and undetermined by the things others pushed on you in your early years? The answer to your last question is the same answer I give to many other things. One step at a time. One decision at a time, and one rewritten thought at a time. 💜💜💜
I left church for so long, I actually never liked the ideas but all my closest relatives and mother always pushed all the beliefs into me, I grew up with all of these ideas being "the truth " , so even not liking much of it, I internalized it as the right thing. I was obligated to go to church every sunday until I was 18, by this time I hated it and felt like I was "a bad person " to not enjoy that but by that age I was enjoying being "bad". When I stopped being obligated I went to visit other church w some friends but I never felt connected, I was just trying to be "better" , it used to make me feel like there was something wrong with me or god just didn't choose me. A time passed, and I stopped going, just kept believing in what I was raised to think as the truth, an old friend of mine from school was ran over by a train, someone sent me the picture, I was alone at home and I was shocked, she wasn't from church and I feared for her soul. On the same week, I just couldn't conceive how someone so young died and why? She was a good person, better than me, but I was really sad because according to church, she would be in hell, I struggled so much with all of that. 2 weeks later, a girl who was my classmate once died from lupus complications. I started to think I was the next one because people who were related to me somehow died in a small space of time. I started having panic attacks and being anxious 24/7 afraid of dying of anything and going to hell, I'd wake up by 5 AM with a panic attack everyday, it made me be so afraid of going to hell that I started going to a church every day of the week and when I wasn't doing that I would be reading the bible afraid of being caught by death not doing something "right" . With time, I got tired of hypervigilance and sank into depression, feeling that it didn't matter what I would do, I'd go to hell, so I was just waiting to die. I wouldn't care about my appearance or anything, I would only find peace while being asleep. I started treating depression and anxiety but never found a therapist to work with my issues, even more because with time I found some ways of coping and didn't think this affect me anymore but I know it still does, everytime I get sick or when I feel extreme anxiety, I think about dying and where would I go after it. It's been 7 or 8 years now and I have this issue and I hate myself, I can't even like myself because I always felt like the worst person in the world for not fitting into loving church, It didn't change and I don't know how to change it. Even though I don't believe in everything the church believes, I find it hard not to have this fear every time I feel in danger. It's automatic .
I went to my families Pentecostal church for the first 20 years of my life. Constantly told I’m worthless with out “Jesus”, told I always have evil spirits around me, told that if I have sexual feelings I have evil spirits temping me, told me that I need to feel guilt continually, told I need to feel a need to constantly purify my soul from my Evilness, or I will go to hell, and god won’t bless me in this life. The whole thing stresses me out constantly 3-4 times a week, I finally had enough, (I hate to admit this, but sometimes I would hang out in the bathroom to get away from the stress and craziness, especially “healing seminars) and left the whole thing and went to the bars and lived a normal life. Years later now I have generalized anxiety disorder being treated with SSRi’s, but still feel anxiety when I’m around my religious family. I think they are nuts, but I try to show respect to their belief system. My god, I need counselling over this. I can totally identify with this video so much!
Abstinence only sex education in Christian school was absolutely nothing but keeping teens virgins until they get married. Left me so lonely and I was ready to get out of there.
All I can about South Central Pennsylvania in 1998 that I was ready to do anything and everything I could think of to embarrass my former classmates and school by being what they've been afraid of the most.
Why do I get sick or shaky/scared when someone brings up Christianity because a year before people scared me into thinking I was going to hell and stuff,now that I have got out of it whenever someone brings up Christianity I feel like I’m gonna vomit, is this religious trauma or normal?
Thank you, Kelly! I'm 33, ex Mormon, and just came out pan to my partner of 6 years. She's been extremely supportive and loves me regardless. I'm having a really hard time loving myself, though. I'm very glad I stumbled on your channel. You have helped me process a lot the last few weeks, and I am forever grateful 🩷💛💙
i feel like the way i feel is completely pathetic and invalid, everyone surrounding me in the comments and thousands more have all had a religious upbringing, like had it embedded into them from a young age and spent 10/15/30 years in the church, the trauma would be so deep and real and huge for all of you. 💔 for me, i feel like i don't even deserve to share this, i feel petty and as though my trauma isn't real, i grew up atheist / agnostic, no one in my family is religious or believes whatsoever, i came to Jesus last summer due to loneliness and needing community and something to believe in (May 2023 was when it started) and was only a Christian for a year but it's COMPLETELY messed up my mind and wormed it's way into my psyche in the sense that i feel terrible terrible guilt leaving, i feel terrified to even admit my leaving the faith to my new friends at church, admitting to them and myself i don't believe, because there's that ‘what if i go to hell?' and i still feel like every little mistake i make, whether i willingly ‘sin’ or not, its like driving a nail through the wrists of jesus. i was told that from someone online months ago and it's ingrained in me. there's so many more things that's woven into my brain over the course of a year. like how i can only find who i really am through jesus, like my identity is only in him, and it's left me not knowing who i am, and was the me i was before all a lie???? what is my true self??? it's left me in a state of confusion, and also woven into my brain is how i was born a sinner, evil, my heart is wicked, distrustful, like i never ever used to feel those things about myself before Christianity, i always found my humanness beautiful and was very confident in myself, i had my flaws but took accountability for them myself and worked on them gently when i could, but now someone's death from 2000 years ago is looming over my head telling me to keep repeating and saying sorry and asking god for forgiveness because he died for those flaws of mine and this evil worldly nature i was born with, and its too much, too exhausting, and it's just all kinda shattered me down. even though i've removed myself from church, i have unfollowed the Christian influencers and sermons, put my bible away, thrown out my prayer journal and removed anything attached, but it's still there in my head 😭 i feel like i'm trying so hard to go back to being agnostic / athiest, my true natural mind state, trying to make myself believe he's not there, because i feel like he's watching me, everything i do, shaking his head and it's just such a horrible feeling. this all in the space of a year. i feel unworthy to even feel this way, like i have no right too, it was only a year. but a cult is a cult, right? 🥀💔😭😔
Hi kelly I totally see what u mean u see in the world but not of the world but we could dance but be careful of what music and lyrics you listen to pray about it first look at the origin of it a coach said Christians can marry who they want but so long as they are a Christian if not hit the road what is going on here were is the love
@@KellyRMinter hi Kelly thank you for answering my message yes I think u are right now I may be wrong correct me if I am but what I get regarding marriage is this before u are married can't live together don't know anything about your partner's quirks but hey ho they are of the same faith I get the inkling that it really has nothing to do with love it's your Christianity that is the glue that holds everything together
Some of the rules you speak about makes me think you were Pentecostal or apostolic. You’re using all the buzz words of that weird religion I was raised in.
I know for a fact I've had to deal with religious trauma as an adult. It's such a totally real thing. From my experience, religious trauma was like a constant low-grade kind of trauma. What was insidious about it was that it prevented healthy self-actualization and self-awareness. I'm 53 and still dealing with the fallout from it.
I am sorry you still have to deal with that. I am glad you are able to recognize it, but I also know it can be exhausting to have to work through that and reformat your thoughts regularly. 💙💙💙
2:10
Yes I do have PTSD from growing up in a strict Roman Catholic Faith and I mean strict. My anger goes up when I hear anything about religion or anything that has to do with God.
Mine does to, whenever I hear anything about their god or religion.
fr same
I definitely hear this. Anger, discomfort, nausea...I hear people say all of these things. I am so glad that you are working, in your own time, on your recovery 💚💚
@@pameladeleone135 ditto
You are not alone. Me 2.
I was once trauma bonded to a pastor, it felt like without him, my BREAKTHROUGH wouldn't come, i am still healing.
I am so sorry that happened. That was definitely an inappropriate use of power and that should never have happened to you 💙💙
As an ex-Southern Baptist who didn't realize I was gay until I was 33 because of that background, and still struggles with religious trauma even though I left 7 years ago, who finally felt safe enough to come out to my family as a lesbian but might never feel safe coming out as an atheist, I connected with so much of this video. 💜 It's interesting how religious trauma hits kind of in waves, and sneaks up in little ways that can be difficult to recognize at first. No matter how long all of that belief has been gone, I've had to learn and eventually accept that it will continue to affect me the rest of my life, so I need to have an awareness and use my tools to work through those rough moments. When you spend the first 27 years of your life internalizing all of that, and so long seeing literally everything about yourself and the world and existence through the filter of evangelical Christianity, that shit gets down DEEP. 😆 Fortunately, I did talk to a therapist about all of this for a couple of months last year and it helped me so much. Also I just realized that your videos have been helping me with my religious trauma (especially as a queer exvangelical) for almost a year now! Thank you for all that you do, Kelly - you bring light and clarity to these important issues so effectively, and I know you've helped SO many people with this channel. 😊
Omg that's so so good to hear! Thank you for sharing that! And thank you for sticking with us for that long! 💚💚💚
I too am ex fundamentalist independent Baptist and it is the WORST! I have finally decided to leave all of it and the church, which I was forced on me. It is so freeing to me and I know I have made the right decision. I am very open minded for all of that church junk! The churches I have attended are full of narrow minded people and try and force the teachings of the church down your throat! Kudos to you for making the right decisions for your life and your mental health. Thx also for your post. It inspires me❤
I think the biggest thing that has really been a struggle for me is the people who make me feel like I have done something wrong by leaving Christianity. They say things that make me feel ashamed by saying "I'm praying for you, and I trust that God will lead you back" and it has made me feel so ashamed and stuck in a way because I know I don't want to feel the fear within the religion, but there is also fear of leaving. On top of this, it has been very difficult to gain a sense of myself and really trust myself because I was initially taught to self abandon, and always look for answers outside of myself, so it's been really difficult to grow out of that too. But I am an art student and the art that I have made has really helped me to come out of religion and reflect on how it has shaped me as a person, so I'm getting better as I age and learn. Thank you for this video!
I am so glad you found this video helpful, and that you have that creative outlet! Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with us 💙💙
This can set you up to be abused by narcissistic psychopaths in the worst way.
This is very true! Thanks for commenting! 🤍🤍
I don't know if I have religious trauma per se. I do feel uneasy whenever I hear someone claiming that they've been to Hell! I have to click on another video after hearing that person's horrific experience there for less than 5 minutes! The same thing about the Rapture! I have an intense fear whenever someone mentions it because I fear being left behind! I can't talk about it because all I would hear from a religious person is, "If you believe, you shouldn't be worried about it!"
I've been in therapy for 10 years. My current therapist is amazing, but she is religious, and I might either need a change or add someone with a different perspective. I've had worse experiences with the ones who were not religious so I'm not willing to give up a great resource. But I know it's not relatable how I feel on a Sunday with flashbacks while she's enjoying hers in a similar setting. I went to Bible school, and it was just like you said. I'm 49 and have only been out of it 10 years. I've done a lot of work, but I think I need some more on this. Thanks for putting this out there to think on.
How incredibly timely was this video?! I was recently kicked out of my Southern Baptist church. I was immediately lambasted by some of the “body“ because I am divorcing my wife. Yet no one within that “body“ ever asked me what was going on. Nobody was ever willing to discuss and listen to my reasoning. It’s disgusting how much they proclaim love but in reality it’s all about control. At least in the case of my church.
This is another fantastic video and I’m so thankful for this community. Keep up the good work! Let’s see more of your wonderful videos!❤
I think you really hit the nail on the head there, honestly. They PRETEND to love, but only on their terms and under their control. That's just not love. and there is no way around that. To make someone feel like an inconvenience or a pariah for doing what is best for them is manipulation. I am sorry you went through that, it is not ok.
I am so glad you have found this channel and this community. Thank you for watching 💜💜
Absolutely agree! Proclaiming love, but not actually showing it unless it is on their own terms 😞
Agree! The Baptist church is the WORST😢 I was forced to live in a fundamentalist independent Baptist environment and it was very detrimental to my life and spiritual health I am now in intense therapy for all of the spiritual abuse I endured. I am also divorced and my former church shunned me and made me feel that I was less of a person, who did not trust God enough to keep my marriage together. Kudos❤
This is such a GREAT breakdown and simple way to do a "self assessment". This will be very helpful to those looking to take the next step towards healing.
Thank you so much! Thank you for watching! 💚💚
Wow does this resonate and what a mess it has created in my life. The religion, its leadership, and practitioners traumatized me, I in turn traumatized my wife with what I received, and now, that I’ve finally decided to leave the religion, my wife is using the same tactics to try to shame and manipulate me into staying-or at least not be able to leave without a lot of additional heartache.
Thank you for this very supportive, insightful, and empowering video. Immense gratitude. Sending it to my therapist now.
Thank you so much for watching, and for this comment! I'm glad it found you! 🧡🧡
Thank you. I find it hard to connect with people because I’ve been trying to figure out where all this grief I feel has come from. I left my families home a year ago, and though it was the right decision i still feel conflicted on weather it really was or not. My family are fundamentalist Muslims. I left because I needed space so badly. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety and panic attacks this whole year and such confusion. I feel like I need to know all the answers and have convincing arguments before it’s too late. It’s extremely difficult. Feeling like you don’t know who you are or what you feel because you’ve always been taught how to feel and what you are and what you believe in….
First of all, I am so glad you are making that move for yourself. Secondly, I am sorry it meant you had to distance yourself from your family.
Please know that the complicated emotions you are feeling with this transition are likely not because of leaving the religion, but more likely part of a spiritual "detox". Especially in religions that tell you you can't trust yourself or your feelings, standing up for yourself and trusting yourself will feel so "off" and conflicting for a while. I hope you have friends outside of the religion or a therapist or support group, because you deserve support! 💙💚❤️
@@KellyRMinter thank you for your encouragement
I am an ex muslim too and I understand what you mean. I have left them 7 years ago but I still can’t feel okay with myself regarding the double face I am presenting to them and the inability to talk about even small things about my life because they are considered Haram for them such as eating non halal beef or chicken.
Religious Trauma absolutely I do have this. Cannot stand religions now or the super horrible people that preach the nasty stuff.
Great video - thanks
I'm with you.
I hear you. And I'm glad you have been able to recognize the trauma in your own life, because that is the first step to healing! Check out this week's video, if you want (10/11) as it has 6 steps in that process. I'd love to hear your feedback on it as someone who knows they are carrying these emotions. 💚
@@KellyRMinter Many thanks Kelly, I'll have a watch.
Same here. Religious people make my skin crawl and get my hackles up at the same time. Just a big ick.
I 💯% related to when you talked about how it was like in college for you in a Christian college.
Because even though I really only went to one semester of college-it wasn’t a Christian college-throughout my whole life how you have described Christianity is exactly how it was for me just about.
It almost completely makes me sick at this point to realize the trauma and all that’s affected me very deeply due to this religion.
As a kid I was never like anyone else in church and never could fit in.
So I ended up being hated because of that.
I tried to fit in, but I couldn’t.
The more I tried the worse I felt; and honestly, they seemed to treat me just as bad whenever I did try to fit in too…
So I quit doing that.
And as an artist, being myself seemed to be the worst sin I could have ever committed.
Throw away all the other commandments; they don’t matter.
If you are yourself-or even act as a normal human being would-you have no chance of going to heaven and will burn in hell.
I’ve always been told that as a kid for just being a regular kid.
I remember when I was younger coming to terms with the fact that I’d probably go to hell no matter what I chose and finally decided it’d be better than spending eternity with the people who sent me there.
So yeah…not fun.
Even though I have quit believing in Christianity, I still struggle with the fear of hell.
The fear never went away no matter how I tried to rationalize it.
It only began lessening, when I quit believing in Christianity.
But I am doing my best to get over it despite still living in a very Christian household.
My next major goal is to get an apartment for myself as soon as possible so I can have a place away from religion so to speak.
It will get better. I dont fear hell at all anymore. I give two shts. I only would hate to lose my mom and family. Hasnt happened so far but it cuz i still try to respect their views when arounf
Getting your own space is a great solution. While it is a reality for you now, you don't deserve to live that struggle daily, of having to prove yourself or hide yourself or worry that the truth of who you are will make people think differently of you...you deserve to know that you deserve peace, love, and support. 🧡🧡🧡
i’ve dealt with lots of mental health issues and grew up in a christian household. even as a kid i really internalized everything i heard. i had some sort of anxiety with life and eternity. i got really scared of hell especially.
but the even greater thing was the fact that i liked girls as a girl. i didn’t even know it was a thing for a very long time. i had some internet access and became really hateful as a 13 year old. then it switched to being more accepting. then i later realized the next year that i was in love with my best friend. i became scared of what she would think and my family but not guilty. i had rationalized my thinking just so i wouldn’t feel the overwhelming guilt i would later feel
start of 2023 was when things changed for me (at this point i was well done with liking my friend. she does know about it btw). i started to question my thinking. i started feeling more anxious and self hate got so much worse. i started crying a lot about it. so much anger, confusion, and sadness. crying to God to make it go away. i just wanted to be free from myself. i didn’t know what to do. i still don’t. i’m still confused and hate myself for it. i’m so far away from where i was a few years ago. i’m not proud of any part of me now.
i wish i could be a better christian but i just feel cursed to be queer in this world.
i still can’t open my bible or pray much on my own. i can’t get it out of my head. i hate to think how disappointed God is in me. i can’t stop crying and hurting…
I am sorry you have to carry that load. That sounds really rough, and probably lonely.
I don't know if it will be helpful to you or not but next week's video is debunking the 5 most common things that Christians gaslight themselves when they think they might be part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you think it might be helpful go ahead and check that out 🩷🩷
there are so many things i was taught as i was raised in a strict roman catholic family (bar the typical things you hear, there was also video games are from the devil, bratz dolls will make you a brat, etc etc) and now that i’ve moved away from that faith i have such a guttural reaction to friends being christian, like 😵 i’ve spent so much time convincing myself that it’s not wrong for me to not believe in one god that when other people that i view as rational do, it makes me go back to thinking well what if i was wrong and i’m going to hell etc etc it’s sooo much mental stress for real
Ugh that cycle. It is so real. 💜💜
If you mean Opus Dei, I inform you that that cult is not a part of the Roman Catholic Church.
I called a hotline the other week to talk to them about religious abuse cause i felt that's what im going through but at times feel so confused and she agreed that its religious abuse.
I do love my husband, i don't think he intentionally tries to hurt me, its just he was raised in strict religion and feels i should do the same.
He wants me to think and believe the same way as him. I have years of hurt in me. His mother had falsely accused me of things for yrs.
The trueth is i feel so confused if God even exist or not.
Than im not supposed to do anything like have my nails done or wear make up cause I'll be looked at as a jezebel.
I just get to the point where i feel religion has sucked the life out of me .
I definitely have it too, everyone here in the comments is valid in how they feel. When you’re told over and over for years, many of them extremely formative, that you’re a worthless sinner who deserves eternal punishment, it takes a toll on you. And it’s even worse if you’re a woman (or everyone has decided you’re one, whether you’d identify that way or not) because you’re personally responsible for all the sin in the world (even though, of course, you weren’t even in the garden and even if you were, Eve at least had good motives for wanting to improve herself, not could she have actually understood what the consequences of her actions would be). Ugh. I never felt as free as the day I left that cult. I just wish the rest of my family could join me on the outside, but I suppose it’s something we all have to come to on our own. I’ve spent years deconstructing the lessons deeply ingrained in me in therapy and I expect it’ll continue to some degree for the rest of my life. I’m proud of all of you who got out! You are incredibly brave, wise and strong. We can do this! ❤
I am so glad that you have found your way to a better place! Keep up the good work, *I* am proud of *you*. 💚💚
@@KellyRMinter You’re so kind and thoughtful, thank you! 😊
Absolutely agree! It's also hard when family is still in it! 😞
Well, I'm pretty sure I have a religious trauma (gonna confirm this with my psychiatrist, but still).
I always had a toxic relationship with my religion (Catholic church) and that means: if it's sermons make me feel bad about myself, then it's supposed to be like this, I should feel afraid, guilty, and ashamed. Now that I'm unpacking my mental and emotional baggage, I've discovered why I ran away from church, why I feel grief and why I don't like almost everything related to religion. It's so hard to find some validation in my country on religious trauma topic bc many people get offended like "how dare you to talk shit about church!" As if it's some sacred institution which nobody can critisize.
The more I'm educating myself about religious trauma, the more I'm feeling it within my psyche. It's relieving how I've finally let myself to acknowledge this and see the bigger picture of what's going on in my brain and re-wire my neurons. As a child, I thought that it's a good idea to build my mindset on a religion, now I see how harmful it can be. It's funny bc I don't have particularly negative experiences with religious people (well, except my toxic mom and my ex, but still I tried to see the best of humanity). I didn't even remember anything ridiculous from church sermons - the worst misunderstandings of my religion came from my own inner critic misinterpreting moral rules and scriptures. My case is the proof that human mind can use an ideology to damage itself when growing up in isolation. Imo, children should be protected from religious ideology bc they should develop a healthy selse of self first and then decide if they're interested in religion.
The funniest thing is that I really like the concept of my religion - about love, compassion, mercy - I just don't like how it's presented in churches. I've talked about my religious experience with one wise priest and, well, he said that I'm the one who misunderstood the teachings of the church, that I just overdid it by being too selfless self-loathing people pleaser, a spineless goody-two-shoes. Well, that doesn't help much bc I kinda want him to understand my pain, at least the fact that religion CAN cause trauma. Sorry, I needed to let this out of me.
Thank you so much for sharing part of your journey with us! No need to apologize at all 💚💚
I resonated with this too ❤
Thanks you are very helpful,I went to catholic school,I’m still afraid of hell!😢
I have watched this series on religious trauma and find it very interesting. Fortunately that was not my experience. My question though, is it possible to have religious trauma and still believe in god or another higher power? I ask this because most of the comments I read are from folks that have lost faith -- and I believe that those thoughts are 100% valid because that is their reality. I just have never read anything where someone was traumatized by XX church, but was able to find peace and acceptance in the YY church.
It is absolutely possible to still believe in God and faith and the Bible even after you’ve been kicked out/removed yourself from church. This recently happened to me. I still believe in God and in fact my faith is stronger than ever. So it’s possible. But each person is different and has to find their own way
It is definitely possible, In my most recent video, however, I address one of the reasons why many people don't ever come back. Many times it is too egregious, too much, and for too long with no one intervening. It becomes impossible for that person to then think that any of this came from a good place. 💛💜
Yay another insightful video, helping me to become a better counsellor. Thank you xx
Thank you so much for watching 💚💚💚
As a young teen I’ve spent my whole life in a religion full of people strict to bible rules, and my problem is if I were to leave the religion I would not be allowed to contact my family or friends in this religion anymore. I’m not allowed to hang out with any school friends because they’re not in the religion, so I’ve never really had many friends so when I leave I won’t have anybody.
(My religion is also severely homophobic, which as a trans person makes me feel trapped and anxious all day)
Definitely I big problem but I sometimes doubt it’s serious even thought I’m slowly questioning it now.
You question if it is serious that you'll lose all of that if you leave? Or you don't know if your discomfort is a big deal? Both sound like big deals to me, but which one is it to you. 💚💚
@Kelly R. Minter Thanks so much for the reply, it means so much especially with how much is going on sometimes I question just how serious it is. Much love 💚💚
I couldnt thank you enough.. I am going through a high anxiety and breakdown these days part of which Im healing are my religious traumas which really runs deep. I always feel condemned and since I got away from religion a few years ago, I've never felt more free and connected to myself. But yes the wounds are deep and have to face them. But these words and explanation really helped me a lot. Is there a way you have private therapy sessions?
Hi there! If you are located in the USA there are only a few states I am licensed to provide therapy in. If you are outside of the US there are some countries where I can work with their residents. So the shorter answer is it depends on where you are located! 💜💜
I've been wondering if I have this, I spent most of my childhood in an apocalyptic religion, some consider it a cult, much more mild than other cults out there but still harmful. A got much earlier and easier than others, but I don't think I'm completely unscathed.
The idea of the end always approaching made me throw my life out the window, so to speak, it didn't matter, because I didn't believe I would live this long. I didn't even think I would have enough time to make it to my teens. Is it too late for me to catch up?
I still feel really uncomfortable with aging, life I've already lived too long. I still have some future-blindness so the future feels out of reach, or even nonexistent on bad days.
And have had some issues with existential fears, like death, eternity, aging, spirituality and such related things.
How do you secure a future you'd never thought you'd have?
Let me tell you, it is never too late to start over. I don't think you necessarily need to "catch up", because you are on your own timeline. Have you tried challenging your thought patterns? Instead of the future being vast and intimidating, because you never had to think about it/plan for it...can it now be a positive, seeing how much of it is unwritten and undetermined by the things others pushed on you in your early years?
The answer to your last question is the same answer I give to many other things. One step at a time. One decision at a time, and one rewritten thought at a time. 💜💜💜
I left church for so long, I actually never liked the ideas but all my closest relatives and mother always pushed all the beliefs into me, I grew up with all of these ideas being "the truth " , so even not liking much of it, I internalized it as the right thing. I was obligated to go to church every sunday until I was 18, by this time I hated it and felt like I was "a bad person " to not enjoy that but by that age I was enjoying being "bad". When I stopped being obligated I went to visit other church w some friends but I never felt connected, I was just trying to be "better" , it used to make me feel like there was something wrong with me or god just didn't choose me. A time passed, and I stopped going, just kept believing in what I was raised to think as the truth, an old friend of mine from school was ran over by a train, someone sent me the picture, I was alone at home and I was shocked, she wasn't from church and I feared for her soul. On the same week, I just couldn't conceive how someone so young died and why? She was a good person, better than me, but I was really sad because according to church, she would be in hell, I struggled so much with all of that. 2 weeks later, a girl who was my classmate once died from lupus complications. I started to think I was the next one because people who were related to me somehow died in a small space of time. I started having panic attacks and being anxious 24/7 afraid of dying of anything and going to hell, I'd wake up by 5 AM with a panic attack everyday, it made me be so afraid of going to hell that I started going to a church every day of the week and when I wasn't doing that I would be reading the bible afraid of being caught by death not doing something "right" . With time, I got tired of hypervigilance and sank into depression, feeling that it didn't matter what I would do, I'd go to hell, so I was just waiting to die. I wouldn't care about my appearance or anything, I would only find peace while being asleep. I started treating depression and anxiety but never found a therapist to work with my issues, even more because with time I found some ways of coping and didn't think this affect me anymore but I know it still does, everytime I get sick or when I feel extreme anxiety, I think about dying and where would I go after it. It's been 7 or 8 years now and I have this issue and I hate myself, I can't even like myself because I always felt like the worst person in the world for not fitting into loving church, It didn't change and I don't know how to change it. Even though I don't believe in everything the church believes, I find it hard not to have this fear every time I feel in danger. It's automatic .
I hope you are doing alright there in Florida, I have been watching about the hurricane that is causing a big problem. Stay safe!
We were spared a lot of damage! However, my wife and I got COVID right before the storm so it made for an interesting few weeks! 😁
@@KellyRMinter Oh my! I was so worried about you guys. You take care!
I went to my families Pentecostal church for the first 20 years of my life.
Constantly told I’m worthless with out “Jesus”, told I always have evil spirits around me, told that if I have sexual feelings I have evil spirits temping me, told me that I need to feel guilt continually, told I need to feel a need to constantly purify my soul from my
Evilness, or I will go to hell, and god won’t bless me in this life.
The whole thing stresses me out constantly 3-4 times a week, I finally had enough, (I hate to admit this, but sometimes I would hang out in the bathroom to get away from the stress and craziness, especially “healing seminars) and left the whole thing and went to the bars and lived a normal life.
Years later now I have generalized anxiety disorder being treated with SSRi’s, but still feel anxiety when I’m around my religious family. I think they are nuts, but I try to show respect to their belief system.
My god, I need counselling over this.
I can totally identify with this video so much!
Sounds like you were describing my Mormon life!
I am both sorry to hear that, and glad that you found this video 💚💚
Thank you!!
Thank YOU! 💙💙
Abstinence only sex education in Christian school was absolutely nothing but keeping teens virgins until they get married. Left me so lonely and I was ready to get out of there.
I am so sorry you had to be subjected to that type of rhetoric and instruction. 💛💛
All I can about South Central Pennsylvania in 1998 that I was ready to do anything and everything I could think of to embarrass my former classmates and school by being what they've been afraid of the most.
Thank you for this video!!!!
Thank you for watching! 💚💚
This part 5:05 was so triggering omg😭
❤️❤️❤️
Omg love this
I'm so glad! 💛💛
Why do I get sick or shaky/scared when someone brings up Christianity because a year before people scared me into thinking I was going to hell and stuff,now that I have got out of it whenever someone brings up Christianity I feel like I’m gonna vomit, is this religious trauma or normal?
My question back to you is, does that FEEL normal to you? 💛💛
@@KellyRMinter yes I’ve gotten used to the feeling
But it wasn't normal when you first got it, right?
@@KellyRMinter yes
Thank you, Kelly! I'm 33, ex Mormon, and just came out pan to my partner of 6 years. She's been extremely supportive and loves me regardless. I'm having a really hard time loving myself, though. I'm very glad I stumbled on your channel. You have helped me process a lot the last few weeks, and I am forever grateful 🩷💛💙
I am so, so happy for you, and glad you are here 💜💜
i feel like the way i feel is completely pathetic and invalid, everyone surrounding me in the comments and thousands more have all had a religious upbringing, like had it embedded into them from a young age and spent 10/15/30 years in the church, the trauma would be so deep and real and huge for all of you. 💔 for me, i feel like i don't even deserve to share this, i feel petty and as though my trauma isn't real, i grew up atheist / agnostic, no one in my family is religious or believes whatsoever, i came to Jesus last summer due to loneliness and needing community and something to believe in (May 2023 was when it started) and was only a Christian for a year but it's COMPLETELY messed up my mind and wormed it's way into my psyche in the sense that i feel terrible terrible guilt leaving, i feel terrified to even admit my leaving the faith to my new friends at church, admitting to them and myself i don't believe, because there's that ‘what if i go to hell?' and i still feel like every little mistake i make, whether i willingly ‘sin’ or not, its like driving a nail through the wrists of jesus. i was told that from someone online months ago and it's ingrained in me. there's so many more things that's woven into my brain over the course of a year. like how i can only find who i really am through jesus, like my identity is only in him, and it's left me not knowing who i am, and was the me i was before all a lie???? what is my true self??? it's left me in a state of confusion, and also woven into my brain is how i was born a sinner, evil, my heart is wicked, distrustful, like i never ever used to feel those things about myself before Christianity, i always found my humanness beautiful and was very confident in myself, i had my flaws but took accountability for them myself and worked on them gently when i could, but now someone's death from 2000 years ago is looming over my head telling me to keep repeating and saying sorry and asking god for forgiveness because he died for those flaws of mine and this evil worldly nature i was born with, and its too much, too exhausting, and it's just all kinda shattered me down. even though i've removed myself from church, i have unfollowed the Christian influencers and sermons, put my bible away, thrown out my prayer journal and removed anything attached, but it's still there in my head 😭 i feel like i'm trying so hard to go back to being agnostic / athiest, my true natural mind state, trying to make myself believe he's not there, because i feel like he's watching me, everything i do, shaking his head and it's just such a horrible feeling. this all in the space of a year. i feel unworthy to even feel this way, like i have no right too, it was only a year. but a cult is a cult, right? 🥀💔😭😔
This "in the world but not of it" is straight up cult jargon.
Indeed! 💚💚
Hi kelly I totally see what u mean u see in the world but not of the world but we could dance but be careful of what music and lyrics you listen to pray about it first look at the origin of it a coach said Christians can marry who they want but so long as they are a Christian if not hit the road what is going on here were is the love
Often anymore I think the place with the LEAST amount of love is the church 💛💛
@@KellyRMinter hi Kelly thank you for answering my message yes I think u are right now I may be wrong correct me if I am but what I get regarding marriage is this before u are married can't live together don't know anything about your partner's quirks but hey ho they are of the same faith I get the inkling that it really has nothing to do with love it's your Christianity that is the glue that holds everything together
Oh. 🫣 Okay.
💙💙
Pretty sure having an exorcism performed on me was religious trauma. Hint: I was not possessed
Yes, that is DEFINITELY traumatic. I am so sorry. 💙💙
I can't go to church at all and people can't understand why Ime so afraid of dying and burning in hell people say oh forget it
I am sorry people are so dismissive of your emotions. That is NOT ok. 💙💙
@@KellyRMinter hi Kelly thank you
Our human instinct to be tribalistic gets so bad when a "higher power" gets involved.
It definitely seems that way, doesn't it
Some of the rules you speak about makes me think you were Pentecostal or apostolic. You’re using all the buzz words of that weird religion I was raised in.
It's actually surprising sometimes how many actually overlap when it comes to the way they manipulate ♥️
Were you Mormon..? Sounds suspiciously like my childhood 😂
Haha I think a lot of our childhoods sound similar 💙💙
You're describing a cult!
Indeed. By definition, pretty much all religions fall into the definition of a cult. 💙💙
@@KellyRMinter I know right