'How do i handle someone who talks over me so often and makes false accusations of me constantly?' -In this situation, boundaries need to be reestablished. This can be done by behaving differently - with thoughtless interrupters, I sometimes just continue talking and train them into the idea that interrupting won't work. If they persist, I might draw their attention to it and ask them directly not to talk over me. If things don't improve, I'd probably cut off interactions, telling them why.
Gabriel Reid adriaticseaeyes is confused. theramin's hypothetical course of action is not the way narcissists operate. It could actually be used as a defense mechanism against them if you aren't dependant of them for your survival. Narcissists thrive off of drama and being the center of attention, they crave positions of power and control over other people. They do not like equal respect. The theoretical person theramintrees talks about in the scenario could be a possible narcissist. They start out creating drama by constantly talking over people and making false accusations, therefore theremin would choose to adjust his attitude and behavior in accordance with the lack of respect he receives. If he cannot reach a point of common ground in honest equal conversation he decides to abandon the situation stating exactly why he does so in a level-headed respectful manner.
Some would claim it was god leading you here, my ego would claim it has to be google, fear it or love it, the choice is yours ;) *I feel inspired* 😌 Oh, btw, didn’t mean to limmit your options, have what feeling you desire! 😁
i always knew i had a problem with my relationships either being me dependent on the other person, or the other person being dependent on me, but I never really knew there was a name for this process. I have a lot of trouble seeing other people as adults, I typically either see them as parents or children.
Yesterday I had a really great interaction with my dad. He was talking to me about a subject we're both knowledgable about but have different opinions on. Usually I don't have the energy to maintain an Adult response to his usual 'my opinion = truth' type way of Parent-demanding-a-Child way of talking, but yesterday I did, and his normally aggrivating behaviour didn't bother me at all - it amused me :). Also, because I maintained a calm Adult state, his Parent state got a bit wobbly and started to become more of an Adult state. It was great! So yeah, thanks for putting words to these states and encouraging healthy thoughts and responses, friend. :)
wow i really needed to see this in my life right now. I am currently having issues with being able to communicate with my dad for this same reason. Could you elaborate on what sort of things you said to bring him down to the adult state? And since you wrote this 6 months ago - how has it been for you to date?
I’m really pleased to read this - it lets us all know it is possible. Sadly, it’s something I’ve never achieved with my father - even recently he did his usual of exploding over a topic and not listening to what I was saying. And I can identify with what was said in this video - his response makes me feel worthless and like a child (like I haven’t grown up and still can’t stand up to him). It’s one of the reasons I don’t talk to my parents much.
I can relate. I would say that I had a verbal smackdown with my dad and I decided to take no prisoners. That fear comes from people pleasing all my life. I have reached a breaking point.
this, this! THIS is the type of video i come to youtube to see, informative and objective, i had to sift through alot of shit in order to get to this pearl.
I'd definitely agree in my experience too. Now I'm 22 going into uni for the second time and I'm looking forward to communicating with lecturers like an actual adult for once
I think this is a wonderful introduction to the Ego States, but something very important has not been demonstrated or alluded to - and that's the Adult - Adult transaction, what that would sound and look like, such as between the boss and the employee who comes late to work. A perfect opportunity to assign and assume responsibility.
If the start time was a problem, the adult to adult conversation would be to change the start time based on the individual challenges that person faces every morning, whether it's daycare or school or travel time. Fat chance of that, right? Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate.
@@whickervision742 The solution to the problem is not the same thing as the transaction. The solution is irrelevant to this approach. The Adult-Adult transaction would be that neither party yells, pleads, gets emotional, or gets in the other's face. The boss might say, "I need you here at 7." The employee might say, "I understand, and I try to get here on time, but I have no control over when my child's transportation arrives." The boss might say, "If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you and you may need to find another job," and the employee might say, "I'll see if I can get my neighbor to take my child to the school bus." Then the boss might say, "Let me know by tomorrow if you can work something out with your neighbor. I don't want to lose you, but I really need you here to start the shift on time." The boss doesn't yell, the employee doesn't cry. It's not Parent-to-Child, it's Adult-to-Adult.
@@samanthawhite6803 How is _"Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate."_ Different than.. _"If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you ... Let me know by tomorrow"?_ A sweeter tone? Perhaps a smile?
@@Dr_Wrong "Kneel before me" is authoritarian. It literally puts the speaker above the other, for no apparent reason except ego. "I need you here by 7" is just a statement of fact. "I am not better than you, you are not less than I, but if you're not here by 7 then we can't open the doors to let customers in." Or, "The night crew can't leave if you're not here, and they're going to quit if they can't leave on time," or whatever the reason. It's just the fact. "Shift change has to occur at 7, that's the deal." Employees generally understand what the "deal" is when they accept the job. When an employee is habitually late, there's a problem, and it needs to be fixed somehow.
This should be very helpful for me, I find myself falling into the child state too often, I feel uncomfortable on the very rare occasions I'm forced into the parent state, but to be able to objectify this so well should help me stay in the adult state as much as I can. Now I know what it's called, so I can identify it more easily. Edit: what I'm saying is thank you!
My God. It's 4:16 a.m. : I already read your comment after the first minute of the video, and I didn't understand what was the problem with the speaker's voice. While listening the video, right a moment ago, I was drinking some water. 4:17 comes, and I almost died choking.
I used to view everybody as an equal, until a narcissist groomed me two years ago, he was quite patronizing and infantilized me from time to time. I somehow lost myself after that and began to behave differently. Thought about your videos on transactional analysis recently and am glad I re-watched them. They remind me of my "adult" more mature side. :)
I'm still relatively new to TA, and can't believe how helpful it is, especially when the concepts are presented in such an easy to digest form as in these excellent videos you have made. Thank you so much!
Damn i really be constantly flipping between parent/child in the most unhelpful ways. Parent towards most thing, most interactions, child when it comes to my own personal life and decisions.
From what I can tell, I'm actually fairly good at staying mostly in my Adult state, and my Parenting state is far more nurture leaning, in part because my adult state sees that as the most reasonable, logical, and fair thing to do, and I nurture more with logical reasoning than belittlement and protectiveness. I don't have perfect control of it though, my child state leads me to isolate myself sometimes, probably due to my anxiety, but often when I find I'm doing so, I can enter a conversation with myself as an adult and objectively evaluate the situation (or at least as close to objectivity as the human mind is capable of). This interplay of them might suggest that these aren't 3 completely distinct and isolated states we switch between, but rather a spectrum of states that build off of each other and flow between each other, just like many other parts of life.
This makes so much sense and explains a lot of things I've been trying to articulate about the relationships I have with people in my life currently, thank you
if you read the writing of Libby Anne over at "Love Joy Feminism" she has a parenting strategy (I think it's called "positive parenting", she often blogs about it) that involves relating to her children as equals in many ways. I thought it was much preferable to more authority centered approaches.
@uncletigger With your mention of scientology, the penny drops - so this is why you're calling TA a cult. See? If you're clearer about the connections you're making, we can discuss them. If you just leave some insult, we can't. TA is simply a theoretical framework. Like person-centred theory, gestalt, psychoanalytic theory. No membership, no coercion, no penalties, no fees, no shunning or criticising 'non-believers'. A theoretical framework. Doesn't work for you? Don't use it. Simple.
It's a defensive mechanism to "Do As I Wish"..Did Alister Crowley write this? My parents were duped into a con artist who makes a living brainwashing suckers in this robotic thinking...has made a great living skimming money off upper middle class adult "wounded children" where I live
I remember this from A-level Psychology. It's nice to see it reiterated clearly and concisely like this. I never did ask for an example of a Child-Child conflict. I can't imagine if, or how, that transaction would occur... Hmmm, I'll be thinking about that now for some time :P Anyway - I'm looking forward to part 2!
Imagine an immature romantic relationship, where the two people have been relating as two children, having fun, either by eating out, watching movies, getting intoxicated together, and/or, of course, being intimate with eachother. Then, while one is taking a shower before they “have fun” together, the other sees playful, suggestive messages from another lover on their phone. Immediately, shouting, screaming, name-calling, crying, even violent displays ensue. Unless it is their own home, the clothed member of the couple is likely to eventually storm out; otherwise, the half-naked member of the couple may find themselves on the street! Neither will admit fault; lots of emotion will get flung around. Seems like a child-child conflict to me! 🤔
Thank you so much for making these! I followed TA while in therapy and it's so comforting to hear these things again. Always coming back to them when feeling overwhelmed by certain interactions and it really works to soothe me.
Fantastic video. Exactly what I was looking for. I have a new work colleague who I find extremely difficult to work with. Doesn’t listen, interrupts, believes she knows best and lacks empathy working with a group of fragile clients. Thank you so much for giving me a little more clarity into human behaviors. 🙏😁
This is legit waaaaaaaay better then therapy. Well usually when therapy doesn’t help anymore TA is a great thing to learn. My mom is a life coach in TA. She’s amazing and explaining it and helping others.
Therapy is indeed a disciplined activity. But one of the things I've found with TA therapists is that they're focussed on Adult exchanges. Psychodynamic theory seems to encourage a much more dependent Parent-Child relationiship - doctor-patient. TA, with its goal of strengthening Adult behaviours, seems much more geared to acknowledging client autonomy - moving away from the lazy interpretative excesses seen in psychoanalytical circles.
Great observation. Most therapists I've seen have very clearly taken a dominant/'Parent' role, and made the interaction feel inequal. Very few people address or acknowledge that there is a big power difference between the therapist and the patient, but I've always found it to be counterproductive and even harmful. It has led to situations where the therapist cannot be questioned, and if you do, you're portrayed as a difficult person who doesn't want to be helped. This leads the patient to not feel safe enough to stand up for themselves, too afraid to be seen as stubborn or difficult. Even worse, the patient can start to believe and internalize these things and it can lead to self-loathing, which worsens their mental wellbeing. This topic needs to be addressed and taken seriously. Your TA-approach of encouraging both parties to use Adult behaviour sounds much more equal and healthy, and I wish mental healthcare would learn from it.
I think I'm becoming more aware of applying transaction to my own life. As a person concerned about my self-perception of an well-reasoned and intelligent individual, my main objective is to strengthen the adult state as much as it can possibly can. Any feedback to my goals is good
Holy hell, this framework explains so much. I immediately recognized how it applies to many different things I remember witnessing or participating in.
TheraminTrees, i remember the old videos you did on TA and they got me very interested, as they were instantly (mentally) applicable to relationships in my life. I'm very much looking forward to this series, in your usual quality.
Been reading Berne's 'Games People Play' today and it's a revelation. As much as I might pride myself on my efforts to be rational and decent most of the time, I'm almost always in Parent or Child mode. Really behaving and feeling like an Adult, suddenly I feel better physically and don't hate myself. No need to take things personally, feel stung or wounded, or react acerbically or moralistically. I hope I can keep this up. I think up to now I've been trying to be the Adult, but really just being a Parent, adopting an attitude that was a little superior and pious. Like I say, I hated myself.
TheraminTrees I have a passion for these arguments. I know a little about the relationships between a therapist and his patient and I can simply say that this video is pure gold. Thanks to the subtitles I understand well the whole video, I think it's great. Very good job. I'll watch part 2 and 3. Thanks.
@venompangx 'I am all ears' -You've just demonstrated that you're not. I've said explicitly that there is no heat - that it's just boring. And you've bypassed that. So what meaning does saying 'you're all ears' have exactly? You don't need to announce that you're all ears - if you are, you'll show it in your response. If not, that'll be clear too.
I just showed this video to a class yesterday as part of a presentation on transactional analysis. My classmates loved the video. It really illustrates the concept of ego states well!
I’m sure that your subscribers would greatly appreciate further instalments in this series, going into deeper detail. The way you present the topic is full of insight and clarity.
every video about this topic overlooks the best part about this theory - that you can force the other person into a different state. This video lightly touches on the exploitative points of this theory by saying therapists try and use it - or ABUSE it. But the fact is that, once you know about this theory, and once you are observant in daily life, you can use it to your advantage. You can exploit it. Because it's a very effective theory
I've read so many books on TA in which I have a great interest, but this video is one of my favourite materials I would recommend to a beginner interested in TA and what TA means. Thanks again!
This informational video was extremely enjoyable to watch due to its effective use of simplicity. The speed of the voice is pleasing to listen to and not offensive either. Great video.
This one hit really close to home, i have a friend who does pretty much all those things (i would be the child). Now, its not like he does it on purpose, i dont necessarily blame him, probably just his nature. This really helped alot, this and all your other videos. Fantastic youtuber!
These videos are surreal, there's dense, articulated content mixed up with hilarious aesthetics (the voices switch sounds so funny), just like a parent / adult / child chimera.
I like TA a lot and I think these videos (including the first ones you originally made a while ago) really sum it up well, and are relevant and interesting for people who don't know much about it to become interested in it. Can't wait to see the rest.
Link: I just love your examples. They are always clever and serve so well in making transparent the concepts you're explaining. I especially like the dialogue you wrote for your animated people and how the voices of the P, A and C were different (or the PAC: you love acronyms). Can't wait for the next one.
I just picked up the book: Games people play, by, Eric Berne. And on the front cover it says, transactional analysis so I looked that up and got the definition which was not too helpful and then clicked on this video and it explained it perfectly! Thanks!
Amazing, your search for knowledge is very humble. I hate the ego it was one of the biggest blocks to my learning for the first 25 years of my life. I can only be a child with close friends or if i get triggered. And when i talk about destroying my ego it looks like im trying to move to adult ego
Excellent work, Trees. Much food for thought here - it's great to review these ideas. This gave me some perspectives from which to evaluate my relationship as a parent to Lizzy. My tendency is to treat her (as much as is safe and practical) as a yet-to-be-informed young adult. ...seems to be working pretty well, actually.
I get around this by conceeding that they are right. Then I push the point I want to get to. Its very effective and people dont know what to make of it. Things really move forward when this happens.
Thank you so much for your videos. They are always informative or respectful of others. Seeing how most self styled atheists seem to have a superiority complex, i find yours respectful and priceless.
@CoachConstance Hello Couch Constance. Thank you - and I've never been one to pass up a free lunch. The impetus for these vids came when I asked to conduct a workshop on TA on an integrative course - gestalt, cbt, psychoanalytic theory, etc., were all covered, but not TA. But people said out of all of them, TA got their juices flowing - it was so immediate and cut to the chase of gluey, tangled up old relationships. Which is what I've always thought.
Awesome stuff! I am looking forward to a future video where you explore what happens when a parent or child encounters an adult and refuses to adapt to an adult role. I have had this experience sooooo many times in my life and I feel uncomfortable with parent and child egos and frustrated when I can't bring them over to adult to adult ego states. I see myself slipping into a parent or child ego state to cope with them and I hate it when that happens. Thanks for posting this series.
@HiAdrian Thanks HiAdrian. I found TA transformative in my relationships - I know that won't be true for everyone, but if there are people who it does something for, it's good to share this stuff.
@TheraminTrees That's more or less what I was expecting. I look forward to the rest of the series, and I'll do my best to limit questions and critiques to the material presented and not jump the gun too much.
@SolaceProficiens 'I think that people of all ages/roles may express context-specific healthy or unhealthy nurturing, judgment, need, glee, shame... ' -TA doesn't conflict with that idea. It sees a place for all the ego states - and in fact suggests that problems can occur when one or more are consistently absent. But it also explores contexts where the states can lead to conflict/games. It's ok if you're not 'sold' on any of it - they're just metaphors that some will find useful, some won't.
I've not heard of that conceptualisation. But I know people take concepts in all kinds of directions. Claude Steiner sent me a message a few years ago saying the characterisations in this video were spot on in terms of where he and Berne were coming from.
Very useful. Because we rate this, we've embedded this in our MTL Course Plans on ManageTrainLearn and on our online courses on My Learning Log so it's available to a bigger audience. Thanks!
@LetReasonPrevail1 Depends. Person 2 - you - could be in a C state, feeling submissive/worried about person 1's angry reaction. Or you could be in a P state, seeing person 1 as brittle, and not wanting to 'break' them. So it depends on which broad position you're coming from. I'll be looking at scenarios just like this in a video in this series specifically addressing the TA of religion.
I like this theory. It actually makes a lot of sense. I recognize the problems I have in life regarding this theory but I think the hardest part is to actually break out of the complimentary relationship. I'm Korean and have grown up in a Confucian background where you are constantly in the P-C state, and it is socially unacceptable to change that. This includes older people paying for meals, etc. Treating someone older than you as equal will quickly alienate yourself within Korean society.
@TheraminTrees Thats a beautiful analogy of how we are and what life is like. Not to mention other things people have to go thru in their lives. If people werent abused by religions, cultural ideas, bad/evil fathers etc we would be a much more balanced society, but the burdens put upon certain people can cause them to hurt and act erratic with people around them(especially children) causing a vicious cycle. If only we had more people open their eyes up to what society actually is.
This video was so informative. I find myself jumping into each state with different people and situations. Thanks for the links to more TA info - I'll put those on my summer reading list!
@74Charm [cont2] My own feeling about people who habitually go into helpless Child behaviours around me in my personal life, is that I'm not going to enable that behaviour - a) I get manipulated, and b) I keep the person from growing. There can be conflict - manipulative ploys increase rather than decrease when confronted with boundaries. And sometimes, they'll just find other enablers. But again, it's amazing how people *can* change when their helpless behaviour doesn't work.
@Barkspawn Me too. I'm constantly learning, particularly with the behaviour online that you tend not to experience face-to-face in everyday life. I think TA provides a great framework to understand dynamics.
Fantastically clear and easy to understand - the best explanation I've heard ever (and I've heard a few). I'm a trainer and coach by the way so not new to TA - I was looking for inspiration - thanks!
![bending truth | how adults get indoctrinated [cc]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/IaUhR-tRkHY/mqdefault.jpg)
'How do i handle someone who talks over me so often and makes false accusations of me constantly?'
-In this situation, boundaries need to be reestablished. This can be done by behaving differently - with thoughtless interrupters, I sometimes just continue talking and train them into the idea that interrupting won't work. If they persist, I might draw their attention to it and ask them directly not to talk over me. If things don't improve, I'd probably cut off interactions, telling them why.
This is the way Narcissists operate, it's no wonder it works well for you
@@adriaticseaeyes ? How so
Gabriel Reid adriaticseaeyes is confused. theramin's hypothetical course of action is not the way narcissists operate. It could actually be used as a defense mechanism against them if you aren't dependant of them for your survival. Narcissists thrive off of drama and being the center of attention, they crave positions of power and control over other people. They do not like equal respect.
The theoretical person theramintrees talks about in the scenario could be a possible narcissist. They start out creating drama by constantly talking over people and making false accusations, therefore theremin would choose to adjust his attitude and behavior in accordance with the lack of respect he receives. If he cannot reach a point of common ground in honest equal conversation he decides to abandon the situation stating exactly why he does so in a level-headed respectful manner.
If they are talking over you... you talk over them? Yea that doesn’t make sense
@The Cannon
That's not what he said. Read again.
I dont know how I found this channel, but I’m glad I did.
Same!
u little shit great name! Haha
Some would claim it was god leading you here, my ego would claim it has to be google, fear it or love it, the choice is yours ;)
*I feel inspired* 😌
Oh, btw, didn’t mean to limmit your options, have what feeling you desire! 😁
Me too...
@[banned] that’s annoying
Your TA videos helped me get out of an abusive relationship. Thank you.
That's great to hear
That's amazing x
The more I see, the more I realize there is a shit-ton of knowledge in this world.
It's just hard to find it through the junk sometimes.
i always knew i had a problem with my relationships either being me dependent on the other person, or the other person being dependent on me, but I never really knew there was a name for this process. I have a lot of trouble seeing other people as adults, I typically either see them as parents or children.
You writing this as Voldemort makes it kind of funny though :)
My man, here, will literally attempt muggle genocide rather than going to therapy.
@bloodsteam 'What exactly is it you do for a living?'
-Oh I have my fingers in a few pies but psychology and design are the biggest wedges.
I love you so much
Yesterday I had a really great interaction with my dad. He was talking to me about a subject we're both knowledgable about but have different opinions on. Usually I don't have the energy to maintain an Adult response to his usual 'my opinion = truth' type way of Parent-demanding-a-Child way of talking, but yesterday I did, and his normally aggrivating behaviour didn't bother me at all - it amused me :). Also, because I maintained a calm Adult state, his Parent state got a bit wobbly and started to become more of an Adult state. It was great!
So yeah, thanks for putting words to these states and encouraging healthy thoughts and responses, friend. :)
wow i really needed to see this in my life right now. I am currently having issues with being able to communicate with my dad for this same reason. Could you elaborate on what sort of things you said to bring him down to the adult state? And since you wrote this 6 months ago - how has it been for you to date?
@Lauren
hi
I’m really pleased to read this - it lets us all know it is possible. Sadly, it’s something I’ve never achieved with my father - even recently he did his usual of exploding over a topic and not listening to what I was saying. And I can identify with what was said in this video - his response makes me feel worthless and like a child (like I haven’t grown up and still can’t stand up to him). It’s one of the reasons I don’t talk to my parents much.
Marachime A bit late reading this but this speaks to me on a level that hits so close to home. Appreciate the explanation!
I can relate. I would say that I had a verbal smackdown with my dad and I decided to take no prisoners. That fear comes from people pleasing all my life. I have reached a breaking point.
this, this! THIS is the type of video i come to youtube to see, informative and objective, i had to sift through alot of shit in order to get to this pearl.
What do you think of this video 9 years later?
Agreed💯
This is a 9 year old comment of a 13 years old account.
Damm 11 years
@@IHatePeopleOfColor your pfp didnt exist when this vid came out
I think the reason I didn't like some of my high school teachers is that they acted like parents, whereas I wanted to be treated as an adult
I'd definitely agree in my experience too. Now I'm 22 going into uni for the second time and I'm looking forward to communicating with lecturers like an actual adult for once
That's the problem with teachers in general
I think this is a wonderful introduction to the Ego States, but something very important has not been demonstrated or alluded to - and that's the Adult - Adult transaction, what that would sound and look like, such as between the boss and the employee who comes late to work. A perfect opportunity to assign and assume responsibility.
+Samantha White Thanks, this will be the exercise I design on the back of this - adult to adult let's create this...
If the start time was a problem, the adult to adult conversation would be to change the start time based on the individual challenges that person faces every morning, whether it's daycare or school or travel time. Fat chance of that, right? Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate.
@@whickervision742 The solution to the problem is not the same thing as the transaction. The solution is irrelevant to this approach. The Adult-Adult transaction would be that neither party yells, pleads, gets emotional, or gets in the other's face. The boss might say, "I need you here at 7." The employee might say, "I understand, and I try to get here on time, but I have no control over when my child's transportation arrives." The boss might say, "If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you and you may need to find another job," and the employee might say, "I'll see if I can get my neighbor to take my child to the school bus." Then the boss might say, "Let me know by tomorrow if you can work something out with your neighbor. I don't want to lose you, but I really need you here to start the shift on time." The boss doesn't yell, the employee doesn't cry. It's not Parent-to-Child, it's Adult-to-Adult.
@@samanthawhite6803
How is _"Kneel before me for I alone determine your fate."_
Different than..
_"If you can't get here by 7 every morning, I can't use you ... Let me know by tomorrow"?_
A sweeter tone?
Perhaps a smile?
@@Dr_Wrong "Kneel before me" is authoritarian. It literally puts the speaker above the other, for no apparent reason except ego. "I need you here by 7" is just a statement of fact. "I am not better than you, you are not less than I, but if you're not here by 7 then we can't open the doors to let customers in." Or, "The night crew can't leave if you're not here, and they're going to quit if they can't leave on time," or whatever the reason. It's just the fact. "Shift change has to occur at 7, that's the deal." Employees generally understand what the "deal" is when they accept the job. When an employee is habitually late, there's a problem, and it needs to be fixed somehow.
This should be very helpful for me, I find myself falling into the child state too often, I feel uncomfortable on the very rare occasions I'm forced into the parent state, but to be able to objectify this so well should help me stay in the adult state as much as I can.
Now I know what it's called, so I can identify it more easily.
Edit: what I'm saying is thank you!
Very good. But the voices freaked me out. They put me into my child state.
My God. It's 4:16 a.m. :
I already read your comment after the first minute of the video, and I didn't understand what was the problem with the speaker's voice.
While listening the video, right a moment ago, I was drinking some water. 4:17 comes, and I almost died choking.
@@panterablu "chocking" sounds scary!
I am italian, my english is not as good as I would like. Chocking is that bad? :D
@Phelan ahahahah ok I think I understood. Thanks :)
Helen Carroll worse is the boss has cat ears...
I used to view everybody as an equal, until a narcissist groomed me two years ago, he was quite patronizing and infantilized me from time to time. I somehow lost myself after that and began to behave differently.
Thought about your videos on transactional analysis recently and am glad I re-watched them. They remind me of my "adult" more mature side. :)
I'm still relatively new to TA, and can't believe how helpful it is, especially when the concepts are presented in such an easy to digest form as in these excellent videos you have made. Thank you so much!
Damn i really be constantly flipping between parent/child in the most unhelpful ways. Parent towards most thing, most interactions, child when it comes to my own personal life and decisions.
Learning about this as a ten year old is really interesting!
From what I can tell, I'm actually fairly good at staying mostly in my Adult state, and my Parenting state is far more nurture leaning, in part because my adult state sees that as the most reasonable, logical, and fair thing to do, and I nurture more with logical reasoning than belittlement and protectiveness. I don't have perfect control of it though, my child state leads me to isolate myself sometimes, probably due to my anxiety, but often when I find I'm doing so, I can enter a conversation with myself as an adult and objectively evaluate the situation (or at least as close to objectivity as the human mind is capable of). This interplay of them might suggest that these aren't 3 completely distinct and isolated states we switch between, but rather a spectrum of states that build off of each other and flow between each other, just like many other parts of life.
I was looking for accounting lesson(Transaction analysis)
But I got to here, anyway I am happy, I learned good things here :)))
@Stevo Devo booooo....dad joke! Booooo......
This made me laugh out loud. Thank you 😊
The ledger has to stay in balance.
This makes so much sense and explains a lot of things I've been trying to articulate about the relationships I have with people in my life currently, thank you
if you read the writing of Libby Anne over at "Love Joy Feminism" she has a parenting strategy (I think it's called "positive parenting", she often blogs about it) that involves relating to her children as equals in many ways. I thought it was much preferable to more authority centered approaches.
My mom read Eric Berne’s book when she was younger . This is so helpful, thank you for making this video so simple to understand.
@uncletigger With your mention of scientology, the penny drops - so this is why you're calling TA a cult. See? If you're clearer about the connections you're making, we can discuss them. If you just leave some insult, we can't. TA is simply a theoretical framework. Like person-centred theory, gestalt, psychoanalytic theory. No membership, no coercion, no penalties, no fees, no shunning or criticising 'non-believers'. A theoretical framework. Doesn't work for you? Don't use it. Simple.
It's a defensive mechanism to "Do As I Wish"..Did Alister Crowley write this? My parents were duped into a con artist who makes a living brainwashing suckers in this robotic thinking...has made a great living skimming money off upper middle class adult "wounded children" where I live
This is incredibly interesting. I could see myself and my relationships in there.
Can't wait for the next videos.
I remember this from A-level Psychology. It's nice to see it reiterated clearly and concisely like this. I never did ask for an example of a Child-Child conflict. I can't imagine if, or how, that transaction would occur... Hmmm, I'll be thinking about that now for some time :P Anyway - I'm looking forward to part 2!
Imagine an immature romantic relationship, where the two people have been relating as two children, having fun, either by eating out, watching movies, getting intoxicated together, and/or, of course, being intimate with eachother. Then, while one is taking a shower before they “have fun” together, the other sees playful, suggestive messages from another lover on their phone. Immediately, shouting, screaming, name-calling, crying, even violent displays ensue. Unless it is their own home, the clothed member of the couple is likely to eventually storm out; otherwise, the half-naked member of the couple may find themselves on the street! Neither will admit fault; lots of emotion will get flung around. Seems like a child-child conflict to me! 🤔
Thanks for these. I feel like I have ways to objectively navigate my relationships after years of stumbling from 1 toxic person to another.
Thank you so much for making these! I followed TA while in therapy and it's so comforting to hear these things again. Always coming back to them when feeling overwhelmed by certain interactions and it really works to soothe me.
Fantastic video. Exactly what I was looking for. I have a new work colleague who I find extremely difficult to work with. Doesn’t listen, interrupts, believes she knows best and lacks empathy working with a group of fragile clients. Thank you so much for giving me a little more clarity into human behaviors. 🙏😁
This is legit waaaaaaaay better then therapy. Well usually when therapy doesn’t help anymore TA is a great thing to learn. My mom is a life coach in TA. She’s amazing and explaining it and helping others.
Therapy is indeed a disciplined activity. But one of the things I've found with TA therapists is that they're focussed on Adult exchanges. Psychodynamic theory seems to encourage a much more dependent Parent-Child relationiship - doctor-patient. TA, with its goal of strengthening Adult behaviours, seems much more geared to acknowledging client autonomy - moving away from the lazy interpretative excesses seen in psychoanalytical circles.
Great observation. Most therapists I've seen have very clearly taken a dominant/'Parent' role, and made the interaction feel inequal. Very few people address or acknowledge that there is a big power difference between the therapist and the patient, but I've always found it to be counterproductive and even harmful. It has led to situations where the therapist cannot be questioned, and if you do, you're portrayed as a difficult person who doesn't want to be helped. This leads the patient to not feel safe enough to stand up for themselves, too afraid to be seen as stubborn or difficult. Even worse, the patient can start to believe and internalize these things and it can lead to self-loathing, which worsens their mental wellbeing. This topic needs to be addressed and taken seriously. Your TA-approach of encouraging both parties to use Adult behaviour sounds much more equal and healthy, and I wish mental healthcare would learn from it.
I have to say, your videos are fantastic. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these.
Kudos to you Sir!
I think I'm becoming more aware of applying transaction to my own life. As a person concerned about my self-perception of an well-reasoned and intelligent individual, my main objective is to strengthen the adult state as much as it can possibly can. Any feedback to my goals is good
Holy hell, this framework explains so much. I immediately recognized how it applies to many different things I remember witnessing or participating in.
TheraminTrees, i remember the old videos you did on TA and they got me very interested, as they were instantly (mentally) applicable to relationships in my life. I'm very much looking forward to this series, in your usual quality.
Been reading Berne's 'Games People Play' today and it's a revelation. As much as I might pride myself on my efforts to be rational and decent most of the time, I'm almost always in Parent or Child mode. Really behaving and feeling like an Adult, suddenly I feel better physically and don't hate myself. No need to take things personally, feel stung or wounded, or react acerbically or moralistically.
I hope I can keep this up. I think up to now I've been trying to be the Adult, but really just being a Parent, adopting an attitude that was a little superior and pious.
Like I say, I hated myself.
TheraminTrees I have a passion for these arguments. I know a little about the relationships between a therapist and his patient and I can simply say that this video is pure gold. Thanks to the subtitles I understand well the whole video, I think it's great. Very good job. I'll watch part 2 and 3. Thanks.
Thank you, this is food for my soul in a very lonely world. Puts the pep in my step.
@venompangx 'I am all ears'
-You've just demonstrated that you're not. I've said explicitly that there is no heat - that it's just boring. And you've bypassed that. So what meaning does saying 'you're all ears' have exactly? You don't need to announce that you're all ears - if you are, you'll show it in your response. If not, that'll be clear too.
This is a really useful framework. Thanks for shedding light
Thanks so much for these videos on TA, theremin. They're fantastic and straight to the point :)
I just showed this video to a class yesterday as part of a presentation on transactional analysis. My classmates loved the video. It really illustrates the concept of ego states well!
This is brilliant. Thank you so much for making this series
I’m sure that your subscribers would greatly appreciate further instalments in this series, going into deeper detail. The way you present the topic is full of insight and clarity.
every video about this topic overlooks the best part about this theory - that you can force the other person into a different state.
This video lightly touches on the exploitative points of this theory by saying therapists try and use it - or ABUSE it. But the fact is that, once you know about this theory, and once you are observant in daily life, you can use it to your advantage. You can exploit it. Because it's a very effective theory
I didn't realize you've been making content for this long. Your stuff is as amazing now as it was 10 years ago
I've read so many books on TA in which I have a great interest, but this video is one of my favourite materials I would recommend to a beginner interested in TA and what TA means. Thanks again!
This informational video was extremely enjoyable to watch due to its effective use of simplicity. The speed of the voice is pleasing to listen to and not offensive either. Great video.
This one hit really close to home, i have a friend who does pretty much all those things (i would be the child). Now, its not like he does it on purpose, i dont necessarily blame him, probably just his nature. This really helped alot, this and all your other videos. Fantastic youtuber!
These videos are surreal, there's dense, articulated content mixed up with hilarious aesthetics (the voices switch sounds so funny), just like a parent / adult / child chimera.
This model is really useful. I love thinking about TA when I'm talking with people or watching a transaction.
i love TA. it's something i've been researching as a hobby for 10 years now. i loved your video and look forward to more.
@TheraminTrees well i found the length perfect. as im wholly new to this topic i felt captivated and entrenched throughout.
I like TA a lot and I think these videos (including the first ones you originally made a while ago) really sum it up well, and are relevant and interesting for people who don't know much about it to become interested in it. Can't wait to see the rest.
Link: I just love your examples. They are always clever and serve so well in making transparent the concepts you're explaining. I especially like the dialogue you wrote for your animated people and how the voices of the P, A and C were different (or the PAC: you love acronyms). Can't wait for the next one.
I just picked up the book: Games people play, by, Eric Berne. And on the front cover it says, transactional analysis so I looked that up and got the definition which was not too helpful and then clicked on this video and it explained it perfectly! Thanks!
@TheraminTrees I hope your family are well and good. All the best to you too!
HOLY SMOKES! This is the BEST video/info I have seen on this topic. Absolutely fantastic!
Amazing, your search for knowledge is very humble.
I hate the ego it was one of the biggest blocks to my learning for the first 25 years of my life.
I can only be a child with close friends or if i get triggered.
And when i talk about destroying my ego it looks like im trying to move to adult ego
Thank you, you have described TA really well here and your supporting graphics are helpful.
This is exceptionally interesting and helpful. Thank you very much, TheraminTrees!
this has been in my recommended for a year. I will watch this, youtubr
Thank you Sir very much. Your style of explaining/teaching is simply great.
Excellent work, Trees.
Much food for thought here - it's great to review these ideas.
This gave me some perspectives from which to evaluate my relationship as a parent to Lizzy.
My tendency is to treat her (as much as is safe and practical) as a yet-to-be-informed young adult.
...seems to be working pretty well, actually.
I get around this by conceeding that they are right. Then I push the point I want to get to. Its very effective and people dont know what to make of it. Things really move forward when this happens.
I read a book 7 years ago called IM OK, YOUR OK. This vid sums the book up in 10 min!
Um, you-are ok, okay, so it's you're, not your.
@@JH-ji6cj no ur books
Vid 11 years ago really helps me today, thanks!
Thank you so much for your videos. They are always informative or respectful of others. Seeing how most self styled atheists seem to have a superiority complex, i find yours respectful and priceless.
This is so interesting and informative. I'm already looking forward to part 2.
@CoachConstance Hello Couch Constance. Thank you - and I've never been one to pass up a free lunch. The impetus for these vids came when I asked to conduct a workshop on TA on an integrative course - gestalt, cbt, psychoanalytic theory, etc., were all covered, but not TA. But people said out of all of them, TA got their juices flowing - it was so immediate and cut to the chase of gluey, tangled up old relationships. Which is what I've always thought.
Awesome stuff! I am looking forward to a future video where you explore what happens when a parent or child encounters an adult and refuses to adapt to an adult role. I have had this experience sooooo many times in my life and I feel uncomfortable with parent and child egos and frustrated when I can't bring them over to adult to adult ego states. I see myself slipping into a parent or child ego state to cope with them and I hate it when that happens. Thanks for posting this series.
This is a phenomenal video
@HiAdrian Thanks HiAdrian. I found TA transformative in my relationships - I know that won't be true for everyone, but if there are people who it does something for, it's good to share this stuff.
@TheraminTrees That's more or less what I was expecting. I look forward to the rest of the series, and I'll do my best to limit questions and critiques to the material presented and not jump the gun too much.
thank You! i'm currently reviewing TA, and this is easy to remember!
Watching this video for my Organisational behaviour exam. Great video. Thanx
@SolaceProficiens 'I think that people of all ages/roles may express context-specific healthy or unhealthy nurturing, judgment, need, glee, shame... '
-TA doesn't conflict with that idea. It sees a place for all the ego states - and in fact suggests that problems can occur when one or more are consistently absent. But it also explores contexts where the states can lead to conflict/games. It's ok if you're not 'sold' on any of it - they're just metaphors that some will find useful, some won't.
I've not heard of that conceptualisation. But I know people take concepts in all kinds of directions. Claude Steiner sent me a message a few years ago saying the characterisations in this video were spot on in terms of where he and Berne were coming from.
i ship dan and mike. ive heard the "roommate" story plenty of times
This channel is a GOLD MINE
Very useful. Because we rate this, we've embedded this in our MTL Course Plans on ManageTrainLearn and on our online courses on My Learning Log so it's available to a bigger audience. Thanks!
Probably the best video I’ve watched on TA. Thank you so much.
you have a great way of making your point easy to understand
Fantastic explanation, so so helpful. Thank you for sharing your work :)
@LetReasonPrevail1 Depends. Person 2 - you - could be in a C state, feeling submissive/worried about person 1's angry reaction. Or you could be in a P state, seeing person 1 as brittle, and not wanting to 'break' them. So it depends on which broad position you're coming from. I'll be looking at scenarios just like this in a video in this series specifically addressing the TA of religion.
I like this theory. It actually makes a lot of sense. I recognize the problems I have in life regarding this theory but I think the hardest part is to actually break out of the complimentary relationship.
I'm Korean and have grown up in a Confucian background where you are constantly in the P-C state, and it is socially unacceptable to change that. This includes older people paying for meals, etc. Treating someone older than you as equal will quickly alienate yourself within Korean society.
Thumbnail looks like you're setting up a narrative about Tekken where Heihachi and Lars fight.
@TheraminTrees Thats a beautiful analogy of how we are and what life is like. Not to mention other things people have to go thru in their lives. If people werent abused by religions, cultural ideas, bad/evil fathers etc we would be a much more balanced society, but the burdens put upon certain people can cause them to hurt and act erratic with people around them(especially children) causing a vicious cycle.
If only we had more people open their eyes up to what society actually is.
Currently on a social course and this is very useful, thank you
I keep coming back to This video series. Thank you so much for making it Theramintrees.
This video was so informative. I find myself jumping into each state with different people and situations. Thanks for the links to more TA info - I'll put those on my summer reading list!
I'm reading games people play and it's quite verbose so this helped me get the gist of it, thanks!
@74Charm [cont2] My own feeling about people who habitually go into helpless Child behaviours around me in my personal life, is that I'm not going to enable that behaviour - a) I get manipulated, and b) I keep the person from growing. There can be conflict - manipulative ploys increase rather than decrease when confronted with boundaries. And sometimes, they'll just find other enablers. But again, it's amazing how people *can* change when their helpless behaviour doesn't work.
@Barkspawn Me too. I'm constantly learning, particularly with the behaviour online that you tend not to experience face-to-face in everyday life. I think TA provides a great framework to understand dynamics.
Fantastically clear and easy to understand - the best explanation I've heard ever (and I've heard a few). I'm a trainer and coach by the way so not new to TA - I was looking for inspiration - thanks!
This is really interesting, thank you for putting it together. Definitely looking forward to the next in the series!
These videos are really good i show them to people all the time. Very good way of teaching Transactional Analysis.
This series is a very useful summary! Thanks for the work!
Wish my psychology classes at highschool were like this
This is perfect for self knowledge, thank you.
This is the most amazing psychological video I have ever seen. Absolutely amazing!
I can't wait for the next one! This is brilliant!