ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ค. 2024
- We all look out for red flags. Whether it be in a romantic relationship, friendship, or with your family. Toxic behavior is everywhere.
Red flags in a relationship can be signs of narcissism, aggression, victimization, manipulative behavior or even abusive behavior. Whereas in family dynamics, sometimes it might be subtle or even more problematic over time.
Cultivating self-awareness around red flags and toxic behavior can help us avoid them altogether.
Watch this video and learn how to identify red flags in yourself and the relationships around you.
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Editor: Isadora Ho
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice Over: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Sarimopi ( / sarimopi )
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
Official Discord:
/ discord
References:
Hou, Y., Xiong, D., Jiang, T., Song, L., & Wang, Q. (2019). Social media addiction: Its impact, mediation, and intervention. Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 13(1), Article 4. doi.org/10.5817/CP2019-1-4
Kinderman P, Schwannauer M, Pontin E, Tai S. Psychological Processes Mediate the Impact of Familial Risk, Social Circumstances and Life Events on Mental Health. PLoS ONE. 2013;8(10):e76564. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0076564
Scott, E. (2022). "The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk." VeryWell Mind. Retrieved from www.verywellmind.com/negative-self-talk-and-how-it-affects-us-4161304#:~:text=Basically%2C%20negative%20self%2Dtalk%20is,in%20yourself%20to%20do%20so.
Pomerance, M. (2019). "People Pleasing Doesn’t Make You Nice. It Ruins Your Relationships." The Candidly. Retrieved 04 Mar 2023 from www.thecandidly.com/2019/people-pleasing-doesnt-make-you-nice-it-ruins-your-relationships#:~:text=%E2%80%9CPeople%20pleasing%20occurs%20when%20you,D%20candidate%20in%20clinical%20psychology.
Justice, A. (2023). "Understanding Anxious Avoidant Attachment." Better Help. Retrieved from www.betterhelp.com/advice/anxiety/understanding-the-anxious-avoidant-attachment-style/
Punjaabi, D. [@selfworkco]. (n.d.). Posts [Instagram profile]. Retrieved 04 Mar 2023 from pCmZVdbCPYro/?hl=en
Ivtzan, I. (2022). "What’s the Best Way to Change?" Psychology Today. Retrieved from www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindfulness-wellbeing/202201/what-s-the-best-way-change
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What areas in yourself do you want to improve on?
Myself
Mostly helping my adhd tho.
Hmm. That’s tough… Maybe my mental health?… Yeah maybe that.
Everything
For sure unconstructive negative self-talk
I love improving myself late at night 💪😎
Edit: Thank you guys sm, I really appreciate the feedback!!! This is my first big comment!!! So I thank all of you for making it my first!!!, thanks again for the support and I hope to help all of you in your bettering self journey, let me know if any of you need anything, I'll always be here to help!!! 🖤🖤🖤
Late at morning less goo stay up to 6 am gang lol
23:27, right here doing the thing
Bro it’s 3am and I’m learning more than what I learn in school
@@Louloufromlou Dude exactly 💪😎
@@Louloufromlou for me it’s rainy evenings coz it’s cleansing
Next video idea: 6 green flags to teach yourself to follow 💚
I love that idea! Thank you for suggesting that
Amogus🗿
Knowing the red flags is more important I think or you will never truly and honestly evolve green flags, without working on them
@@richardesponja693. Why not both? It is healthy for one’s mental well-being to focus on what is good and healthy and gradually become better at these activities. It also makes life in general happier, with less and less time and possibilities for bad and unhealthy activities.😌
@@Psych2go I have it all but I don't feel like I want to fix it it doesn't affect me I just feel empty idk what to do
Negative self talk is a hard one. Sometimes it feels like there's two people in my head, one being me and the other being someone not so nice. It feels like that little voice takes pleasure from hurting me and saying every mean thing it can think of. Once it gets going it's hard to get it to stop. I have found that being nice to the voice and asking it to "please stop" works better than telling it to shut up, but even that doesn't work all the time.
Try and imagine that voice is just your subconscious, what you really think, because it is. Instead of telling it to stop imagine you have control over what it says bc it says what you really think deep down. Once you look at yourself in a more positive light that voice will fade away
(Obviously easier said then done but it is possible, personal experience)
Oh, I'm gonna try that one. Might be usefull.
It feels like your mom is telling you how you’re doing something wrong from over your shoulder
@@buttnuttz6119 honestly yeah. My mom says not so nice things occasionally, so the voice is like if she were really really mean
I can totally relate and it has made my life miserable for so many years. The best thing to do in my opinion is to acknowledge that the other mean voice is just ultimately you and that you can control it. Furthermore, we have to change our attitude and learn to love ourselves and rationalize any negative self-talk which will likely make the self-deprecating statements seem pointless hence the voice will be silenced. It takes time and dedication but it worked for me.
I possesed 5/6 minus the social media thing because i thought it got too much negativity going on there.
Although i am self-aware of my being, i can't seem to fully stop it, only slowly detach one by one till i become the best version of myself. Wish yall luck and determination to be able to do the same thing.
Same as me man, all except social media addiction. Wishing good luck to you on your improvement journey
same, I am also kinda annoyed by them just naming stuff, but no solution. For some things the solution is obvious, but trying to fight both neurotic need for control and trying to control your thoughts so you dont get self-deprecating is kind of a conflict... I know those issues about myself, and I am bettering myself, but it would be nice if they gave a hint as to how...
you and me brother.
I'm definitely guilty for not wanting people to get close to me if there's anything I learned over the years it's don't trust anyone let alone let people get close to me
I’m the same,it’s literally near impossible for me to get close to anyone. Just can’t seem to trust something to not go wrong
@@Farosh1954 i feel ya on this note . I have a "safe" distance for everyone it seems . i think. ya when ppl get too close , something always seems to go wrong when that relationship/friendship ends or tails off. uggh! That's when stronger boundaries are put in place .
Agreed but the only thing I would regret about this is now I can’t even talk to the teachers like my mind is just asking my self should I ask for help and no I’m not shy I just really don’t like talking to people in this habit is manifesting itself to apply to those who I actually need to talk to for help
"Whenever you think that people actually care about you, never forget that they don't." -Me
Lucky you, I dont have that problem, people dont want to get close to me anyway. You're a female?
Timestamps
1). Unconstructive self-talk 0:36
2). Neurotic need for social validation 1:15
3). Neurotic need for control 1:49
4). Toxic perfectionism 2:15
5). Avoidant attachment 2:40
6). Social media addiction 3:11
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Pretty much all of this...
I wonder why... 😡
@@TheMockingjay74 okay why
Thx
@@dynamic8192 not a problem happy to help
I had number 2, 4 and maybe 6?
Toxic perfectionism towards myself? Now that. . . Would explain quite a lot. The moments I start to not perform just right, my full mood collapses with big blames going - towards myself of course. Two points I can mention when I make a little call on monday. Thank you ever so kindly! Sometimes it is impossible to reflect on oneself without proper examples that you can relate to.
It’s also wise to not see ALL of your traits as red flags in some way. Intentionally setting yourself up for failure is just as potentially bad as thinking that you can’t fail.
😓 Personal experience that I still need to apply for myself. After years of past conditioning, it’s not easy to override.
I suddenly feel proud of myself because I recognized these red flags and thought of taking action on them immediately. I no longer have any of these. I'm open to change. I'm 15 currently and hoping for 16 to be sweet
thats whatsup! But remember, these are for developing a successful and healthy relationship. Before you can commit to a relationship or love anyone else, you must commit to yourself and love yourself. Love yourself first and try to do as much as you can to provide for yourself before you try to love anyone else... youre still young, youve got alot of character building time to go before you should think about "long-term" intimate relationships.
Good job! To be this self-aware at a young age is a feat not everyone can accomplish
good for you! the only red flag in the video that I dont know is number 6
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Proud of you 🎉 Keep it up 💪
I’ve often felt I’m terrible at being in relationships but I never realized I’m practically a walking red flag (4/6 of these apply to me) 🤣🤣
My bf asked me to show more affection, which all my life I’ve thought it’s cringe when *I* do it. I’m learning that this is just my negative self-talk sabotaging me, so I’m working on ignoring that voice
We're often our own worst critics. Good friends will help you see your good side... as long as you let them.
Damn, I just came on this video and Im feeling like Im seeing copies of myself on the comments (like you). I also feel insane levels of cringe whenever my family is affective to me or one another, now I see that I am the problem lol
I feel you. For me the problems is that 2 of 4 I got have their reasons. For me negative self talk is something I'm mostly over as in I don't use it as much as I did in the past. Hell I have even found a way to use it to motivate myself since in the past people who told me I can't do something literally fueld me to just go and prove them otherwise. But sometimes I'm insecure about having others put expectations on me cause I'm affrad I'll screw up so I always beat myself down, especially in front of new people so they won't set them. Therefore I won't feel overwhelmed to fufil those expectations. And for attachment. I've realised it's leftover from a past bad experiences with people. So I don't start trusting others until months have passed. Hell for some people I never manage to open because I feel like the one who has to baby them.
5/6 for me, I've been single for 7 years now because I finally realized that the reason why my relationships don't work is.. well, me. So, I just decided to be alone, because I don't know how to be in a relationship without hurting people. I am also the people-pleaser: I want to be around people but not get too close.
The only one of these I don't do? I don't put myself down. I used to when I was younger, not so much anymore, when I realized how awful it sounds & how off-putting it is.
We should start a freaks community somewhere guys
2:00 an EROTIC need for control?? 💀
Gonna assume its supposed to be erratic 😭
It was supposed to be neurotic, but...
LMAO
Off topic but the dance is so cute at 4:20 🥺
My biggest issues out of these are unconstructive self-talk and avoidant attachment. It feels impossible to live a happy life with just these two problems, let alone the other 4. I just started therapy last month and am hoping I can resolve these.
I’m in the exact same situation, I hope the best for you!
Have you noticed any changes yet?
Just now realizing I followed the CBT guideline stuff unintentionally.
Thought-stopping is something I do regularly
After learning that negative self-talk is actively harmful, I started talking to myself more positively.
For fun and on a whim, I started journaling.
heh cbt
2. I always thought it was important that others liked me. I would do more than just my job but also theirs to try to prove myself to others. Wanting others approval to make me happy is such a waste of time. I can only control myself and I am not going to go out of my comfort zone to make everyone else happy whilst I’m being treated as a fool. I learned that after many years of working with those who use the kindness of others to their advantage.
1:09
*Note to self:* CBT helps against negative self-talk
Gotcha
💀
😶
How does Cock and Ball Torture even help with that
🤨🤔💀
I never thought of my constant wanting to help/be there for others (even at times when I dont want to) would be considered a neurotic need for control. I often did feel helpless when it came to helping others growing up. Especially after hearing some terrible situations people I cared about have gone through. I am learning that I can not save everyone. I can only support them if they let me and I can not change them for the better either. Everyone is on their own journey and hopefully will become self aware and be able to help themselves.
It is like addiction. The need to help others. But in time you start noticing that people not always want or need or appreciate or even deserve the help (when they take advantage of you repeatedly). So they teach you to withold it. It is gradual process but it works.
@@babycakes8434i feel this too acutely
I have an insight into this, it’s complicating my life but I can’t just “change”, i am a sum of all my past…
@@babycakes8434 Well said and very accurate. I'm slowly learning to choose my time wisely. I'm starting to put myself first more and try to support if they seek it but I am not trying to always be someone's shining knight. I can't be.
@@gonnfishy2987 I think it helps when you start putting yourself first, be "selfish", preserve your own time and resources. Think twice before that urge to help arise. Help yourself instead. You still are helping, but redirecting all of it toward yourself. Start saying "no". Best of luck.
I never knew I was all red flagged up. I always knew I had some problems with all kinds of relationship and myself but it wasn't severe, perhaps because I can handle all my problems on my own and I had some enjoyable social circles. But after highschool it all started falling apart, working and university is tough, my friend groups from highschool all lost contacting me, and there aren't much support, but the worst part has to be the avoidant attachment, I couldn't even really communicate with anyone including my family about the struggles I was facing, nor did I had any trusted friends to talk to, and it's just a vicious cycle with self deprecation and avoidant attachment, like "you can't even handle this on your own?"
It really comes down to the bottom for me, like are you actually close to anyone, can you actually open yourself up with anyone, I'm trying now, it's tough with avoidant attachment but I'm trying. I just hope that the people around me also just understand that I have my tough times, and I just hope that they are supportive.
The only red flag I didn't have was at 2:41. I hate praising myself. Well, I DO like praising myself, just hate when I do it because I don't want to overestimate my skillset. Instead, I try to get praise from other people, because from my prespectictive, everything is correct and I want a second opinion.
Sometimes, I can't tell if I think too highly of myself or think too low.
0:58 the only self talk i do is explain random things to myself
Negative self-talk and extreme perfectionism are the big problems in my life that made my mental health decline into the absolute mess my life is now. I find myself constantly letting myself down because of minor imperfections and it just annoyed me so much...
Thats because of your parents messing you up.
I struggle with severe perfectionism as well. It makes me slow down a lot, to avoid being a total klutz I naturally am. Also I sift through garbage unwantedly and squeeze the last drop out of everything. Hope you find some fixes. I found none
Social media addiction is a big one for me, or just addiction to the internet in general. During the period of covid I suffered depression, and the isolation and loneliness didn’t help at all. The internet was one of my only temporary remedies, distracting me from everything. Now it’s leaning to the more negative side. I know I’ll never be able to get rid of it, but I can at least use it my advantage…
These videos really help me feel comfortable about myself because of the many people who’ve gone through similar experiences ❤️
Never have I seen a video so perfect for me. Except for the Social Media addiction and, to a lesser extent, the need to micromanage others, this video basically sums me up. I have been struggling a lot during the past few years with low self esteem, perfectionism, and need for social validation. A few weeks ago, I decided to change, and improve. It's hard, but I hope I can do it
Good luck on your journey!!
Is there such a thing as not using social media enough that you are completely out of tune with other people your age? If there is I definitely have it😬
Me
Same here. People often ask for my social media and I always have to awkwardly explain I just don't have one
Yeah there is it’s called “not using social media”
I don’t use anything other then TH-cam and discord for irl friends and I’m fine
It's probably not a good tune anyway.
Timestamps
1. 0:36 unconstructive self-talk
2. 1:18 neurotic need for social validation
3. 1:49 neurotic need for control
4. 2:17 Toxic Perfectonism
5. 2:42 avoid attachment
6. 3:12 social media addiction
7. 4:31 outro
8. Have a good time and stay safe! Stay Connected :). Hope this helps. (1st!)
9. Keep up the good work Psyhc2Go
B
@@SCOUTSCOOTERe 🗿E
6. social MEDIA ;)
@@DangerZone2580 N 🕶️
holy shit I think I have all of them💀
I'm a walking red flag💀
I thought of signs to be more of as selfishness and sabotaging, thinking highly of yourself things like that but this showed me red flags in a positive light, I'm a red flag but not a bad person,just someone struggling to find myself,love myself..💙
Wow, this video really hits home. It's not often that we are encouraged to critically reflect on our own behaviors and tendencies, so this was a much needed wake-up call. The point about "unconstructive self-talk" resonated deeply, as we often don't realize the harm we're causing ourselves by not believing in our own potential. The "neurotic need for social validation" and "toxic perfectionism" points were also eye-openers, highlighting how societal pressures can warp our sense of self-worth. It's comforting to know that many of us grapple with these red flags, and even more reassuring to learn that there are ways to combat them. We should all remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but one of strength. Thank you for shedding light on these issues and reminding us that personal growth and self-development are continuous, lifelong journeys. 🙌🏽💭🚩
"Remember that the first step in solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one"
- Probably Someone Wise
I always got really uncomfortable when friends try to become closer to me. It would result in ghosting (sometimes eventually getting back if i know them better) from the anxiety of it. Sometimes they ask why they wouldn't hear from me in months and i never knew how to respond. I'm starting to think i have avoidant attachment style and im not sure how to change this.
When you get uncomfortable... do the opposite of what you normally do. Engage with your friends when you want to avoid them.
You'll be out of your 'comfort zone' and after awhile, it won't seem so bad.
New experiences are always scary before you commit to them... once it's happening, you might wonder "what was the big deal?" Things become easier the more you do them.
@David Henningson Yeah, great advice. :) I did chat up my friend today which was fun. (Tho it doesn't happen a lot) I think mainly, when I hang out in person, I get nauseous a lot from GERD and anxiety, so it triggers avoidance.
"Going for it" is definitely good to keep in mind though.
@@vanspacerobot87 That's good. The more you work to overcome your anxiety the less severe your GERD and anxiety symptoms will be. Eventually, instead of dread, you'll feel joy in interacting with others.
Will take time, but it's worth it. For instance I used to be super shy around girls as a teen... then I started forcing myself to approach attractive women when I was 17... first just to talk... once I was comfortable with that I moved on to getting their phone numbers. I met alot of really nice people, who seemed flattered at my attention (though I got brushed off a few times as well.)
When I was 18 I turned into a confident playboy sort... eventually maturing and over time refining what I was looking for one relationship at a time... 18 of those and I finally met my wife (now of nearly 15 years.)
I went from being a nervous wreck at the sight of an attractive girl... to being a 'rock' for my beautiful wife (who is rather introverted and sometimes gets panic attacks. )
Rome wasn't built in a day... life is an adventure, a journey. If you want to get somewhere, you need to take those first steps... a thousand miles later... you will be a changed person.
Experience will do that for you.
Thank you for the video! I had negative self talk, but it doesn't effect anyone else in my life which is good! I do also like to look after people when there down or in a sticky situation but if I know that that person prefers me just to listen then I will. So all in all I only had one of them but related to some of them. I hope you all have a wonderful day! Enjoy the world as it enjoys having you in it!♥️🧡💛💚💙💜
This is so on point.. Thank you! 😭
I connected with all points aside from 6, but i am also addicted to video games so that comes with its own set of problems. Thank you for making this video and citing all the articles used. I am going to show this to my psychologist so I can start to work through these things. Hopefully with a bit more self patience and grace than i previously exhibited =). Good luck all else who struggle with any of these, we got this, you have got this. Love you all xx
I don't know if it's a good idea to show a general info video to a therapist who's whole life knew about these things. It can demoralise them as if they're not better people despite being close with you.
What I feel is you can discuss about this more in a subtle way of understanding. Cheers
same lol
@@OnnumMuttaiyum This is true! kind of using it as a framework to say "I can see i am struggling in this parts of my life" and approaching them organically. But there is definitely a trap involved with looking at stuff and going this and only this problem is my problem, whilst ignoring the larger picture. Thank you for your insight xx
@@ChikinNuggz119 you got this
Me too, actually. I guess I have a bunch of improving to do 😅
My ex was constantly negative, not at all self aware and just all around toxic, I constantly had to do everything for them it was like taking care of a child I felt more like a parent and a therapist than a partner, if the person you're dating sounds like this please confront them or break up with them. Putting them before your mental health is dangerous and they are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves but they choose not to
That is why she become your ex. Get ready for another one. Summer is just arround the corner, boobs, butts, legs, shiny faces will be out. Get a grip and get a good girl, fcuk toxic ones. Sometime more observe, less talk. If she starts to open her mout, you know who she is. Apparently, when you not talk much, she talk and that is all you need. Soon or later she will do a mistake.
Not to be ignorant BUT that's a very nice profile picture you've got there :)
@@zagnose why thank you! You're a shera fan I presume
@@azaria7528 You got that right.
@@peppr115 I was friends with them because we were into the same things, they didn't show their true colours until after we started dating. They were also lovebombing me from the very start and I got attached to them. Also I find it very rude for you to ask why they were in my life in the first place, never assume and I find it to be an ignorant comment, toxic relationships don't start toxic, toxic people manipulate you into being with them/closer to them. They put on a face until they trap you. When I met them they were nice and friendly and enthusiastic and then as the weeks went by they became needy and negative, they started to try and guilt trip me, manipulate me and they coerced me into things, I stayed because I cared about them I wanted them to be better. I stayed because I was lying to myself, telling myself it wasn't that bad, I didn't start talking about my relationship until halfway through it to other people. When I got horrified reactions about things that happened, things they did or said to me I realized that the relationship wasn't what it was. I am a selfless person and I usually try and look for the good in people, so whenever they did something at the start I would try and rationalize it. I used to be a people pleaser so I think that mentality stayed when I was in the relationship. I didn't realize how depressed they made me because whenever something happened, I knew that if I confronted that they would freak out so i would push my feelings down, push whatever thoughts and second guesses I had, I made myself forget them because being with them gave me a bit more freedom than I usually have, I'm also young and horny and dating them was a plus for the sex. Looking back I'm horrified of how I looked past everything they did to me. I wish I never met them because now I have all this trauma I need to heal from, and I already have enough to heal from without theirs added on. If I had a do over I would've never became friends with them, I truly regret it but on the plus side my relationship with them made me realize I was aromantic.
I am SO guilty of avoidant attachment after my own heartbreak. I meet a lot of great, relationship potential guys, but I've shut myself away completely and don't have feelings for them at all. I trivialise and cast aside their good intentions-the dates and pursuit lead nowhere serious. Even though I know what the pain of rejection and one sided attraction feels like, I inflict it on others all the time. It's horrible and toxic. 💔
Hey . I just wanted to let u know, that your voice in ur videos relaxes me alot .Thank you for uploading the videos .❤
Didn't wanna accept I had 3 of this and I always taught avoiding all negatives and emotions should work can't wait for more story to unfold
sameee
ngl., as soon as I stopped with negative selftalk, my whole life became a mess, fell apart... somehow, I feel better talking negitavely about myself than in any other way
Been listening to many of these videos and I see these problematic behavoiurs in myself which could explain A LOT
why do i relate to all of these?? thank you so much, i just realized i have so much red flags
"Do you recognize some... ?"
I recognize all in me, A L L 😢
Same… 😢
I'm depressed and looks for love to get over it. Being depressed makes me a red flag (1,2,4,5 timestamps). Being a red flag makes me less motivated to look for love as I don't want them to suffer with me or because of me. And that makes me even more depressed. It was a circle of my self dstuction ^-^
1. Unconstructive self talk
2. Neurotic need for social validation
3. Neurotic need for control
4. Toxic perfectionism
5. Avoidant attachment
6. Social media addiction
I have all of them but not too strongly...
I love this, its like something I feel like im just not the only one here having these kind of problems, and I feel comfortable for some reason
I definitely have a need for social validation and it’s got me into bad situations and relationships. But what can I do to change it?
Don't look much into it, everyone wants to be appreciated, it's not the feeling what brought you to those relationships or situations, it's your lack of boundaries and discipline. Your own opinion shall be first since you're you, not someone else's perception of you.
Me too. I literally watched this video to make sure I wasn't a red flag!😭
Not everyone may agree with what I am going to say (and that's ok), but for me starting to get some phisical activity made me more confident and Less reliant on other people's opinions, i don't care what others say or think about me, i know my Worth, because now i am fit, i had a problem with it before, i needed social validation, but now it all changed
I also struggle with this, so I can’t say I can put what I preach into practice 😅 but I think if you find yourself feeling like you actually wouldn’t want to do something or that you feel you’re pushing yourself too much, then you can listen to your own signals and pass on helping this one time
The older you get, the less you care about social validation. You care more about yourself, than what others think.
This channel is like a therapy for your mind
Also I love every single content of yours❤
Aww we're so glad to hear that! Which type of content from our channel is the most helpful for you?
@@Psych2go The content about introverts ♥️
@@Psych2go but you never hi e solutions in your videos.all are about problems and red flags
Please make videos on solutions and how to tackle with things. 🙏🙏
"the need to fix other's problem". Damn, that hits very close to home
The first and the fourth ones are so relatable and it makes me hate myself but it seems like fourth one usually ends up causing the first one too. These days, I am trying to get over the negative self-talk but I guess toxic perfectionism is something that sticks on me and will be a part of me for a long while.
Psych2Go is really out for me this year.
To most of the points: Yes. I feel them so much.
- unconstructive self-talk and self-deprecation might just be so deeply rooted, that i don't even need to self-talk or think about it, because "I know i'm not able to do it"
- neurotic need for social validation. Yeah, kinda hits home.
- neurotic need for control: Oh yes. Control and maybe constant availability to not "piss off" other people - leaning into social validation again - controling everything to please our own insecurities.
- Toxic perfectionism: This was a description I missed for a long time. As a self-proclaimed artistic person this kind of thing just destroys me.
- Avoidant attachment: Just kinda get this, but maybe I deal with it differently because of "energy management" from my depressions side.
And then struggling with social anxiety, social awkwardness and the inability to 'come up' with talking points or keeping the talk/communication running.
- Social media addiction... mmhh yeah, but i'd broaden it to maybe internet- or pc/media addiction in general (for me at least).
Even more problematic if there's kinda nothing else to do...
The problem: I 'know' about these things but struggle really, really hard to improve on them.
But yes, you're not alone!
Wish you all a good and relaxing day
this is pretty much how i related to the video too. thank you for explaining it this way, it helps to see the same problems from another person's perspective
Ahhh oh no I struggle with controlling
I didn't even realize I was being controlling, I'm just so desperate to fix everything for my friends and make it all better for them but that's too controlling
Your voice is soooooo soft and soothing!!
I always found your videos about relationships interesting. 😊 I feel enlightened by your amazing videos. 👍
That's a great video! Well, I tend to think this about the majority of your content, hahaha, but this is one of those videos I felt really personal 😅
I'm going to talk about a couple of this 'red-flag' with my therapist, so thanks for the suggestion! Much love ❤
Thank you so much for the kind words! Why do you feel like this particular video is very personal to you?
@Psych2go Well, I think that I do little to no self-talk most of the time, but when I actually am able to do it I don't quite recognize that I'm doing it even though in a bad and uncostructive way. I'm also quite sure that I love (probably too much, in some cases) to control some aspects of my life and of others around me, while in the meantime I try to reach perfection in that aspects, in particular, but also in my life, in general: sometimes, it could be a great and useful thing, but it could also lead to a bad result or also a disrespectful behaviour towards other people. If you add all these ingredients to a need to be socially accepted by people around me... well, it's something that sometimes leads to two different scenarios: or I succeed very well, while feeling like "the best person in the world", or I fail miserably, entering a loop of negative questions to myself about my behaviours. I know that It's a bit complicated, hahaha, but thanks for asking, I appreciated it really much! 🤗❤️
Wow, thank you for the detailed reply. It sounds like you're very self-aware and that you have a certain vision for the kind of way you want to live your life. We hope that the video was helpful for you in helping you live closer to that vision. Thank you again for your comment! :)
Related to Number 2 - Neurotic Need for Social Validation the most. It's more than true that my self-esteem improves when others compliment me, and that it's sometimes pretty low, but I'm putting in effort for my self-esteem not to depend on others' opinions about me.
People pleaser absolutely. I’m trying to get better about reasonable boundaries and speaking my mind in a mindful way
Thanks! That's going to be helpful !!
Number 5 is me so badly, I understand it’s a red flag but when someone is attached to me like I experienced emotions I can’t really explain so to stop it I so ghost them(it also doesn’t help that I make up lies), I once ghosted my bf for months because of this. We ended up indirectly breaking up because of this. Kind of sucks
0:36 - unconstructive self-talk
1:15 - neurotic need for social validation
1:50 - neurotic need for control
2:15 - toxic perfectionism
2:40 - avoidant attachment
2:12 - social media addiction
50% on the test, thanks mom and dad, this is awesome!
No but those are like so hard to change. If your existence is built on trauma, those are natural defense mechanisms. I can't change those as fast as i would like to and the more i try, the more i see myself falling into them (especially the social stuff, i so heavily rely on attention and then am scared when i get it).
I try to communicate it tho, and the one weird situationship i was in showed me that a) my mind is a dangerous guide and might lead me to places more dangerous if not treated properly (trauma specialized therapy) and b), a good one, that i at least reflect on my actions and try to communicate what's going on with me in hope of changing for the better whilst also buildong a helpful environment.
For me it’s feeling emotionally lonely.
Also the part about liking things resolved. I tend to experience avoidant relationships because of my interests. I love learning practical things, thinking critically, and being organised and have my personal life under control.
I struggle finding people who aren’t stressed about me being that way.
I grew up feeling helpless and now I feel unsafe still, like I can’t get it out and those close to me aren’t interested in collaborating at a resolution because it’s peace-altering. I’m thinking this is the season for me to get it addressed so that I can achieve my peace too.
🙏 Thank you for your insight and wisdom. All certainly have applied to me in my life, and I have only recently, though luckily am, on the journey to recovering from these inward red flag.
Thank you for making these videos. It helps me improve myself
Thank you so much for the kind words! We hope that you're able to continue improving yourself with our content! :)
@@Psych2go you're welcome ♡ Keep up the good work!
I had some of these but manage to stop them, before reaching this video. I am very proud!!!
I just wanna say, the lady doing these voice overs has the most calming and incredibly lovely voice 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Thank youu love this videos❤️❤️
Yes, i can say that I have some red flags...it is very important to acknowledge the problem n than changing it gradually 😊😊..thats how you change yourself.Thanks for the content Psych2Go 😊😊
Thank you for making this,am a people pleaser and I can't make anyone hate me,I want to be the 'perfect' person,so I almost say yes to anything my friends want,even my toxic "bff"but am private school so I have little amount of friends,so I try to make them as happy as how much they make me sad,I don't care because they don't care,I don't know if I will escape this but am happy that am not alone❤️
I have 3 of these… constantly seeking for validation, being addicted to social media and perfectionism. What i know so far is that all of them are leaves from the same root: insecurity.
I’m trying to heal them slowly!
What’s also interesting is that some of these problems like a need control only exist in one hemisphere of my mind while the other hemisphere is actively controlling and regulating those problematic traits and trying to repurpose them for good applications! I am on the autism spectrum so I pretty much know for a fact that my mind works in a very different way to most others! :)
Hi first comment, and this is absolutely scary because the first two are me 😭 I always look at something I have that I love but then I just hear a little voice in my head saying it’s not good enough. And I only have a few close friends, but whenever my closest friend (who idk if he finds me as a close friend as well-) even jokes about something and I mistake a joke, I just go into a depressing hole…unlike the 5th red flag, I get really REALLY clingy to my friends and will get nervous about them leaving or hating me. I also kinda notice I’ve looked tooooooo deeply into small behaviors and just get so worried that I fear deeper Im pushing away my friend with my worry of him hating/leaving me.
(I also love the animation style! And the VA fits so nicely with it! 🥰 It’s really soothing)
I’m watching this but I’m just happy lol (I also literally needed this-)
i resonate with you so much on this... i usually talk to my friend about all this but am still scared that one day will come and they will be like, instead of talking it through they will reconsider their friendship with me :(
You know improving my self esteem has drastically improved me to the point where i dont have any of these red flags anymore. Which is surprising.
I came here to check if i was acting like a red flag because it feels weird to be confident but yeah my life has improved so much. I made close friends and am able to have conversations with women without self sabotaging. Id say im pretty healthy now its time to develop some green flags.
My tip for improving self-esteem is to make it a practice of remembering moments in your life where you felt good about yourself.
Recalling your best moments can be a good reminder of your worth and pursing a meaningful goal something you find intresting is what really improves it
Number one is definitely me. I've always did that to keep myself humble. It's really hard getting out of that if you've been doing it more than half your life. But I'm learning
I see myself in all of them. I was a people pleaser and a loner now. Due to things that happened in my past I don't trust people. I was looking after my parents for a number of years. They both passed away and I stay on my own now. I'm 200% addicted to social media. I can't sleep and I stopped living 🤦💔
Dont stop believing Bro
Sounds like you are a lone wolf, I can relate to this aspect of your life. Living life being self reliant seems to be a handicap sometimes. Sometimes, I'm unaware some of my friends needed validation and affection sometimes. As time went on, they just ignored me and pretended I didn't exist out of frustration of my coldness and unpredictable nature.
Keep the great work up.
I really love your videos and I see myself in 2 two of these red flags partially.... but also 2 in my partner. Now the thing is, how should I approach trying to show her this... I think she wont be very happy if I sent her this with no comment or with a "you think you see yourself in one of these?". Like its always good for me to see what I could be doing wrong and how to improve myself but its really hard if the people around you dont seem to care about improving themselves, they dont value your improvement cause "yeah its not an achievment if your soppused to be that way" and any attempt in getting them to realize things they could try to imrpove or look out for in themselves ends in an argument in which i will step down and admit my mistakes and flaws which only makes them more validated in their own opinion that i was in the wrong... like Im ready to admit when Im wrong and ive done it so many times with so many people but no one tries to look at their own mistakes which makes it really hard to keep admitting my own... and sometimes I think "maybe I should just bring it up again after they cooled down, and then they might be ready to admit their mistakes too" but If I do I am appearently the petty sore loser of the argument, even though the topic has already been resolved, at least for them, because admitted defeat appearently. And for a long time, i kept thinking that all of this must still be my fault, because thats how it ends with pretty much everyone until I recently met a person with which I can discuss stuff and it doesnt end like that, and she is really on my wavelength. But maybe shes a people pleaser and I just think we try to find a solution together even though its just me talking her into submission without noticing it.... I really dont know anymore what to do, and ive tried to avoid conflict as much as possible because it always ends the same. when im unhappy with something I just swallow it. But then I think " thats not healthy, lets try to carefully start the topic with logical and neutraly objective arguments and my personal feelings about stuff" but then it ends the same again... I dunno anymore... All this probably makes it sound like I have a lot of arguments and fights with people, but in reality they are rare occurences, maybe a little one every 2-3 weeks and the bigger ones every 1.5-2 months. But it always ends the same. Or maybe its just that I dont recognize the ones that dont escalate as arguments so I dont count them and I actually have a good balance. I srsly dunno anymore. I just think I just wanted to get that out somewhere.
I seem to have these 3 problems at work. When I am free, I do not really care cause I am free to do what I want, no pressure.
1) Social Validation for sure, I always use this to ensure I am doing a good job
2) About Need for Control, I always try to do everything myself so I feel like I am contributing towards the company
3) Perfectionism, this seem to be the biggest problem I have at work right now. I've been working there for while, I should know everything, tasks are all easy, in my eyes, I should MAKE ZERO MISTAKES as I already made those mistakes already and learned from it but there are times I still make mistakes and this what frustrates me a lot.
Again! I tried to become first but loosed….
But, a question. Do you ever feel guilty or regret after talking to someone.. well I often feel that whenever I talk with my classmates.. bc I don’t have good interactions with them…👌👋❤️
It’s okay if you don’t answer…
I do I noded hi to some guts today and it bothered me idk why plus I was angry and felt bad about it after the hi insident
I bet you :)
Yeah, I think I'm socially awkward. I love talking but I'm not that good at it :(
Definitely have the toxic perfectionism. About the others it seems rather vague to which extend it's actually bad and which is normal.
Luckily I can rule out Social Media addiction, since I left or never got any of these because the reasons mentioned in the video. I was never happy being there so I stopped being there
Love your animations. ❤
I found these videos very useful and eye-opening before but after almost a year spent in therapy it feels like nothing new. Nothing mind-blowing. It feels like watching yt shorts when I scroll through them but don't think too much of them.
I always thought it was wierd that I talked to myself. If there was a choice needed to be made, I'd be there standing and talking with myself. Generally speaking, I usually lose those lol. I don't necessarily hate myself but I do question my actions even though I've talked it out with myself. Not completely sure any of that is normal but hey, I don't really care unless I'm told it's actually damaging my mental health.
(by a professional)
As always,
Have a great day!
Man I talk to my self two and in fact, it’s brought me more peace in my starting life then ever before 14 years of life and me and my mind are moving to high school not as enemies, but as friends.
You can’t hate your mind and you can’t ignore it You have to accept it and change.
I get so embarrassed for talking to myself and I think (Wow, I'm super weird. Am I like crazy?? Shoot, is this normal???)
Hey pysch2go, is it alright if you guys can add timestamps so that people don’t have to comment them? It helps a lot
I definitely have a bit of an avoidant attachment style and maybe the neurotic need for control I’m always super shy and have trouble reaching out to people at all and most people make me uncomfortable by being present yet I have a need to help people with their problems and genuinely feel really guilty when I can’t it’s a problem but it’s getting better these days. I was used for 4 years by someone who I thought was my best friend when he betrayed my trust completely to the point I didn’t even trust my own family for a while until I met someone 3 years ago who somehow managed to pull me out of that distrust and slowly introduced me to the best friends I’ve ever had we all have our ups and downs our own flaws and sometimes they may get the better of you and you may try to run or feel unloved or un easy being around others but it’s okay things will get better maybe not always easier but a hell of a lot better if it happened to me it can for you too.
I use to relate to all of these signs a lot and still do bit the only thing that has changed is that I have started to look at these signs negatively, and also avoid myself to be with toxic people
6 signs of red flags
0:38 Unconstructive self talk
1:16 Neurotic need for social validation
1:49 Neurotic need for control
2:17 toxic perfectionism
2:41 Avoidant attachment
3:12 social media addiction
Please pin me❤
As I mentioned in my comments on previous videos; my grammar school and high school teachers along with various therapists and councilors of mine all taught me to use destructive self-talk and how to be a toxic perfectionist while forcing me to unlearn how to have self-respect. My parents were mistreated for teaching me to not take their advice, these teachers and other professionals told my parents that they were turning me into a spoiled brat because my parents wanted me to understand the importance of self-worth. I was told to take advice from cliques of school bullies and to ignore any compliments that genuinely nice classmates of mine offered me. The school favored the toxic students over the behaved students for these reasons, the meanest kids were considered so special that rules didn't apply to them which is why they were so toxic in the first place. The grammar school and high school that I went to claimed that they view every student as equal, but they left out that some students are more equal than others because I was viewed as their least equal student.
What country did you go to those schools?
@@babycakes8434 America
YOU STARTED WITH THAT QUOTE FROM BJ HORSEMAN?!!! I LOVE THIS CHANNEL SO MUCHHH
Me who isn't even in a relationship
Watching these vedios 😂😂😂
Now you'll be super well prepared when you are in a relationship
+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the list of self-adversities:*
0:36 (1) Unconstructive self-talk
1:15 (2) Neurotic need for social validation
1:50 (3) Neurotic need for control
2:15 (4) Toxic perfectionism
2:40 (5) Avoidant attachment
3:11 (6) Social-media addiction
*Addition:* Being a socially and emotionally underdeveloped autist - the socio-emotional development programs we have nowadays (including Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationsihp Development Intervention Program, whitherinto I entered 27 December 2022 as a Novice) had yet to be invented when I's in school - I adopted a legalist and perfectionist mindset to compensate for arrested development. Being also an Immature Attachment Style, I also practice dismissive avoidance due to agnosis on practices in interpersonal relations.
I've been working breaking my perfectionist habits for quite some time now but still don't allow myself to make mistakes. I know its an irrational thought process, but i still feel inadequate if i make a mistake or corrected infront of others. It's has definitely been a challenge to break this habit but I'll get there😊
I love ur videos so much they make me feel comfortable and better overtime
1:49 tenía una amiga así, la odio ahora, queria ser mi mamá o algo, ya no le hablo :/
Apart from the fifth one I find myself in basically all of these.
Especially the perfectionism and the validation ones
Helpful video!
social media has been turned into a mess by ourselves.
1 and 3, good to know, I'll work on those!
Yes, all of them. Not sure how to pick up the pieces but gonna look into counseling ig. And get back into CBT.
I'm getting better at negative self-talk as a joke. i didn't realize that trying to fix everyone's problems was a problem. I knew it stemmed from something, but this explains a lot. Wow.
The social media one I DEFINITELY have had all the effects of.
Her voice is so calm and relaxing. Also, I think I am alright but I gotta still improve myself. Because I have many flaws too which I'm looking forward to better.