Thank you so much for this video. I have npd (already diagnosed and basically treated, tho) and honestly is SO hard to find actually respectful videos about npd. Not only video, respectful information in general. Everything about us, its about "how evil we are". We are not evil, we are hurt. And we can get better, just like in any other mental disorder. When we are understood, accepted, and helped, we can grow as persons. It feels stupid to have to say this, but its honestly so hard. Ive been in therapy for more than 10 years, initially for my cptsd, but as cptsd is known for its morbid mental/physichal health issues, my therapists also found the npd, and we treated most of the symptoms. I still struggle with a lot of things, life is hard when you're traumatized, but getting help was crucial. Identifying it was crucial. And being respected anyways was crucial. Ppl is extremely hard with cluster B disorders, they forget we are like this mostly bc we are traumatized. If we heal the trauma and/or learn tools to make living with it easier, We can get better.
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. It's unfortunate that there is a lack of respectful information about NPD, but I'm glad to know that my video was helpful to you. You're absolutely right, understanding, acceptance, and help are crucial for growth and healing. Keep pushing forward on your journey to better mental health!
Hey, what kind of therapy did you get? I agree with everything you said. It's dichotomous thinking (all good all bad) in our collective that makes things worse. I have been recently looking into these video's because I suspect I have borderline traits. I can find a lot of information on the diagnosis and how the patterns look like. Previously I was more interested in spirituality more specifically in meditation and following my bliss. Following my bliss has sometimes gotten me in precarious situations. But also the notion of taking care of myself brought up more trauma that I could imagine. I see a tendency in the medical field to focus on talk therapy, DBT, EMDR lifestyle changes (health,food,fitness). In the more esoteric realm you have more the "positive thinking movement", practicing willpower, searching for ones soulpath but also psychosomatic practices like Scott Kilobies work. Scott Kiloby work focused on evoking emotional suppressions and the beliefs that are coupled to that. He doesn't really go into diagnosis but his main aim is to look for the energies in the body that don't want to be felt, processed and transformed.
@@jessicavanoverbeke6668 Ive pretty much did all of what you've said lol Talk therapy, CBT (didnt work on me), group therapy. These last years I've started focusing more on eating, sleeping and exercising properly. These last things were the best, but hard to acces if you're not in a good mental space. Ive first had to do the therapy on and off for like 10 years before even starting thinking in taking care of myself and my body. Spirituality also helped me a lot. I kind of think some spiritual practices and such are just psychology before there were actual words for it, if this makes sense I pretty much think its the whole package tho. Maybe by steps, but whats rlly healing is everything combined.
@@iamsomanyppl666 tell me about it. I started taking care of my body on and off. And I've noticed it triggered the trauma more than ever. Yes, it's very difficult to do that when you are not in a good place. For me taking care of my body triggered the sexual trauma. More specifically it triggers the self sabotage, directed anger at myself and others. So what I do is, I intend to do one constructive thing per day and then I just sit with all the emotions that come up. When I decided to go and live back with my family (which would be a constructive decision) it evoked extreme rage. Thoughts that I wanted to kill them etc. I told them that was what I was experiencing. I have a lot of meta awareness, so I see that I am not my thoughts or emotions. Without that, it's dangerous. These are like egoic energies that take over the nervoussystem. And if you're not aware... So I think meditation works for that, it creates a gap between stimulus/respons.
It's a rare disorder but I grew up with a father like this. Many narcs feel that these traits are the only thing that make them survive in this world. I must admit that they are not entirely wrong because it takes courage to live honestly and accept no as an answer and see that others have a right to their own boundaries and choices and not to take it personally.
@BBFCCO733 NPD (in its various shapes and degrees of acuteness) being a rare disorder? I will have to take a deep breath and convince myself that it is ...
Not a rare disorder. It is very common in our sick society, it is even considered as normal: Most " stars", " social medias influencers", politicians, people in position of power. Only these people would never recognize tvat there is something wrong with them: they are perfect.. I am not saying that a lot of nps in the streets( though so many people have a lot of npd traits). But if we could diagnosed our western society, it would definitly be severe npd.
I think the most misunderstood part for me is that it is portrayed as the person enjoying these traits. It is not always the case. I hate having some of these traits and it bothers me to see them others as well.
And some of these traits described like: “having a chip on your shoulder” or arrogance, can be life saving depending on the neighborhood you may live in. For example; a mugger would pick out a target that he/she would perceive as weak, fearful or one that wouldn’t fight back. They’d sooner pass on someone that appears to be as potentially dangerous as what they are. And depending on the circumstance- A little display of arrogance; can be a positive trait. Reminds me of the old saying, “A proper time and place for everything”
1000% YES❗️❗️❗️ I've been dealing with this currently. Almost everyone around me has been not only acting like I am making up every awful "symptoms" I guess you could sa
Great video, thank you. Being the scapegoat of a narcissist family some times I wonder if I am a narcissist too. Your video proves to me I am not. I know I have exhibited some of these traits in a mild form through my life because how could I not, having spent so much time around them growing up. It took me 53 years to finally get away from my family of origin. Undoing the damage my family did to my psyche will be life long but at least I escaped and get to live a loving kind life today. (For the most part anyway. The world can be a crazy, lonely and cruel place.) What I enjoy the most today is not taking everything done to me so personally. For the longest time I believed I was the broken bad person no one could love. I’ve since learned and taken into my heart that whatever someone I know or don’t know does to me is 100% about them. I didn’t understand projection and how others would project their ugliness and evil into my life. I will never understand human cruelty.
Watching these videos thinking I have narcissistic tendancies actually gives me a lot of compassion for my ex-best friend. I think we both had tendencies but she was 10x worse than me, but seeing it from her view point of considering this is me, it helps me not take her hurt personally and just send her to the universe with love and pray the people around her tell her that her behavior is not ok, and she can't access them anymore if she keeps acting like that. Narcissists can't help themselves, so we can help them by cutting ties and saying "goodbye".
My definition of a narcissist is someone who cannot understand their part in a problem. They completely blame shift and insist its all other parties. They do not have any part in any problem. Self righteousness is their core content.
I think that the narcissistiv behaviors become a problem when the narcisist realizes that they are part of the problem. That triggers a slew of defensive mechanisms which are highly problematic, and harmful to others. There's a lot of energy that gets invested in that denial.
Thank you Daniel. This makes me feel like less of a hopeless case. Signed up for therapy and trying to make a change. Scored extremely high on the first 4. A lot of work ahead, but feeling like it can only go the right way now.
This reminds me of a former supervisor who had many of these traits, she would test people all the time. When or if this supervisor was questioned about her decision making skills she would blame others or get very defensive about her boundaries.
I am a narcissist and I recently dated a narcissist as well. I wanna be single from now on. Because how she made me feel is how I made my past exes feel. I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore and I don’t wanna be hurt. Karma got me and I deserved it
It's really insightful of you to recognize the impact of your past actions. Taking time for self-reflection and growth can lead to healthier relationships in the future.
I went through narcissistic abuse of some sort and that was super painful at work place they all used me benefited from me while I was suffering from abandonment and even their rejection which really hurt terribly and a lot of messing with my own inner child wounds
Thanks Dr. Fox as always. I've always thought I had traits of narcissism because my narcissist father, and according to your scaling i do(already diagnosed with bpd) BUT recently I've been thinking that's wrong. So I'd love a video about superiority/inferiority complexes and bpd, and how that can be differentiated from npd traits, specifically gradiosity and envy. Because if you had a Narcissistic parent that put you on a pedestal one minute, and devalued you the next- for displaying certain personality traits, it makes sense you'd develop that same judgment and belief about yourself and others, leading to inferiority/superiority complexes which can look like grandiosity and envy from npd.
The biggest difference between the two for me is that with BPD when you have outburst you regret them and see that what you did wasn’t right, with NPD you don’t feel any regret because you feel that you are always right, even if you apologise it’s only to get to your goal, not because you feel like you should.
@@qazplmm632 I get that you're trying to help but •I didn't say anything about outbursts •behavior is not the only component of a personality disorder •I asked Dr. Fox for a video explanation not a 3 sentance response from a stranger
@@Amused_Comfort_Inc Well, this channel is also about the community so when you post a comment, it's very likely that a stranger will share their thoughts. We could discuss more about what you meant exactly so that I could be more accurate and we could share more adequate experiences but since I see you don't really want that, I won't bother you anymore. I'm not sure if you already read it but I can tell from my own experience that Dr Fox's book about BPD was very helpful for me and the one about NPD has a part that is specifically for children of narcissistic parents. I wish you good luck on your way ☺
@@ConglameRATA For sure. I never blame people for having personality disorders since it is not their choice. However they do choose if they decide to do something about it. I believe that if a narcissist person sees that their behavior is hurting their close ones, then if they have empathy they will make an effort to work on that (and obviously it's not something that happens overnight). My personal experience is that I've never heard an honest "I was wrong" from a narcissist but this is only my experience so I can totally see how there might be ones who will indeed see their past misdeeds.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you 🙏 Just got diagnosed with bpd... your vids are helping me with the identity crisis it's causing me. Helped me realize the diagnosis was a blessing and not a death certificate, that I can heal and that I am not evil. Thank you 🙏🙏
Why is jealousy considered a narcissistic trait? you can envy others without resenting them like if someone I knew won the lottery of course I'd be jealous but that doesn't mean id feel like "oh it should've been me" or "I deserve that more" you can be envious but also be happy for them
@@GR-ic7mt I use envy and jealousy interchangeably. Not sure if the psychological literature makes a distinction between them. In any case, they both appear to be negative emotional states due to perceived lack and triggered by witnessing somebody else have the thing we believe we want. I suppose you can feel a momentary pang of jealousy but still overall be happy for somebody. But for as long as any jealousy remains, it will impair our ability to be fully happy for that person. I think what helps to work through the jealousy is to accept it and then try to transform it into inspiration. If we really want that thing, what small steps could we take in our own life to attain it? And if we can't attain it (e.g. two people in love with the same person and one of them gets chosen and the other gets rejected), what small steps can we take to grieve or to let go of that dream?
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 by quite a subdued extreme and traumatized extent for each, I was trying to encourage healing commitments and emotional vulnerability for years myself and with everyone, and it was abused and retraumatized to a broken extreme for bigoted and wrong horrific excuses. (for showing empathy I put 0 or maybe 0.5, I feel like prying or some distant respect was needed for a stigmatized issue I had, and some friends I had who had struggles would also need that dynamic. I never could be emotionally vulnerable at home growing up.) I feel it's been obvious I've been the complete direct opposite to such an absurd and obvious extreme of every single aspect or traits at every point in my life, and this was such a horrific addition to the diverse intense trauma and stigma or horror they capitalized on to abuse and torture for no reason.
Thank you you just clarify that I am not a narcissist but I feared I was you know when I think about my needs .. it was actually healthy to think about your own needs and emotions
I'm relieved he distinguished between the overt and Covert Narcs I was dealing with both in my ex's and hope they seek help for tht...!!! Not playing so serious.. STAY AWAY FROM OVERT AND COVERT PEOPLE!!!
Understanding the difference between overt and covert narcissists is crucial for personal growth and healing. Stay strong and keep your distance from toxic individuals!
I sometimes I wonder if I’m a narc just I feel mean sometimes when I accidentally hurt others or for being shy which makes it hard to be open. I also i guess feel jelious over people sometimes or just seem to fit in better.
Interesting test, but arguably too obvious and vague, it seems that this is a typical characterization of a narcissist which I believe is not very accurate, the vast majority of narcissist don‘t present like this at all. In my experience narcissism is a highly defensive personality style i.e these traits will only surface or ‚be activated‘ if they are triggered, if you cross them (they feel hurt by you), if you say no to them etc and thats precisely the point they usually feel inadequate, unwanted, irrelevant and miserable but when you point that out or cause them to see it they will react and start fighting you (being grandiose, aggressive, arrogant etc), also the lack of empathy I don‘t think that‘s what it is in a psychopathic way or refusing to show any for no reason, it‘s just that all their energy and empathy is directed at themselves because they‘re so consumed with how they feel, how they come across etc, it‘s not that they don‘t have empathy it‘s just that they always feel like they need more empathy than anyone else they have no energy or empathy ‚left‘ for anyone else
Would a narcissist willingly admit to even himself where he is on the scale pertaining to these traits? Im having a hard time pinning an exact scenario or a feeling i have in which i am this way but i feel i have exhibited these qualities in a extreme manner although i have condemned myself within for doing so i have fallen into habit for doing various things.
Hey Dr. Fox, I was wondering if you had something to say about BPD and the concept of romanticizing in terms of one's life (relationships, career, personal goals). Not sure if this was covered with your video on limerence, but just a thought.
My boyfriend has 7 out 9 in severe or extreme level. Ive been with him for more than 4 years now. he's narcissistic traits usually not directed at me but others which makes me really uncomfortable. And he wants me to be like him which i wont. I think he wants to have this certain image like power couple or something and im hindering that. Because i have adhd im kinda struggling myself in terms of take care of me, appearance and so on. Its very weird with him. He's not very sympathatic towards others while with me he's actually careful not to hurt me and takes care of me, go miles for me. But these NPD traits were always there. I just don't understand him and it makes me very uncomfortable he thinks like this of world, women and people in general. It makes me uncomfortable of my inability to do something about this.
Please don't wait to find out. Im living my worst nightmare because I thought he would never turn on me until he did. The way he viewed the world and other people it was obvious he lacked empathy and a conscious, but he was so good to me. After we got married, we had a baby his attitude towards me changed almost instantly. Like he was waiting for me to become fully "trapped" with him to remove the mask. I realized after what he did to me was "love bombing" and not real. Once you have a child with this person, they have parental visitation rights and will use it as a weapon to cause you pain for the rest of your life. There is no such thing as no-contact. It's so much easier to walk away and heal when a child isn't involved.
thanks for this video lol even more so then the test my phycologist had me do for seeing if i was on the spectum this really reminds me im not on it..... only one spot can i kinda see i do the envy of others but i guess as a borderline this can happen also ..... expecully since ive gottan sicker the mor ei relize i sometimes get envyous of others but not so much i want to make them fail or someting ...... it drives my depresstion i think ...... truely almost all the time im tryign tot do more for others ..... i just often feel im unimportent and become envyous of others who are lifing what i perceve as an awesome abled life ....... and i sometimes get stuck in a fanisy of beimcing a singer but never enough to push to get it ... i keep that to myslelf most the time .... im too self shaming guess to be a real narsassit lol only when i split do i act like some of these trits like im above someone or specul ect ..... but only when im spliting
I'm a Narc trying to change to live a normal life. I've hurt too many people. Luckily, I .et someone whose brave enough to tell me that I needed help. Still working on it and it's so hard coz i feel like I'm built like this. Feels like forcing a fish to walk. 😢😢
Moderate Extreme Moderate Extreme Absent Mild Absent Severe (covert) Mild Yeah I’m concerned…a lot of these things do overlap to other disorders though
how to heal from PTSD flashbacks? the man I revered as my best friend... raped my soul. he betrayed and abandoned me. discarded me like garbage. replaced me with another. I want to die. he slammed the door on me. I want to die. he did this almost exactly 10 months ago, and I'm still not healed, and I still don't breathe, and I still have nightmares every night. I can definitely detect my patience waning in life... I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief. I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness... I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed: trying to desperately understand someone who doesn’t understand themselves. I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me, the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure, the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Even in Writing This Will Help You to Heal. I Hope Your Future Self Looks Back and See How Much Better You Are 💞 It Hurts Like a Mufkr, but You Will Suffer Less Long Term... My Former Self was Waking Within the Hour of Sleeping, Crawling on the Floor to the Bathtub in Real Pain Like My Dream Was Actually Happening, Telling Myself it Wasnt Real Didnt Work, it Hurt so Bad, I Drank Alot of Alchohol but that Made it Even Worse. I Believe You, and I Believe IN You Too! Much Compassion
Thank you. Is it fair to say that narcissism is rare or since narcs refuse to admit they I can spot the overts quickly, the coverts take time. There are too many of them for it to be rare.
Their ego is so fragile. If the cat didn’t come running to say hello, he would bitch and complain about how ungrateful the cat was and all this shit… it was weird. In mu mind the kitten was just fearful and needed time to adjust but this person neeeeeeded everyone to revolve around him the minute he got home. He didn’t bother to think that perhaps, I wanted to shower or I was tired from work or my daughter was in the middle of a game. Idk 🤷🏻♀️ glad I didn’t move in with him, my instincts told me no..
Some of these traits do explain real well the thing I've experienced but I don't think it is extreme. I've always felt very guilty for focusing on myself when the focus should have been on others. Very often I avoid acknowledging my partners views and would rather turn the entire conversation to me. I feel that by focusing on my issues I avoid the pain he is experiencing and end up feeling terribly guilty. I often tell him that because he is a very special person in my life and we really and genuinely love and care for each other. I do exercises in my mind to ask him how his day is going and avoid going into detail about my day. I listen carefully, sometimes with effort to how he is doing. So I guess that I do have some low level traits but I do make the effort to check myself when I do get carried away. Its awful to have been abandoned by my family and I am paying the price for it although I keep reminding myself that I won't abandon me or my family. Thank you for a very insightful video today, its really put some perspective on some of the traits I've experienced in life and the tools to work at it.
seems theres 1 question im struggling to answer, would been proud that i dont have a criminal record or commit crimes against others, mean i have a sense of been "special"? i feel far superiour to those thugs out there commiting crimes on others, i dont do it therefore i feel a better person, do i feel better than an innocent person? absolutely NOT we on the same level if you dont steal or use violence on others we are the same im not saying im perfect mistakes happen we only human but i feel wonderful that im not a thug in and out of jail every year. most other answers are 0 but struggling with question 3.
Hi Dr Fox, I'm posting here but it's off topic, hope that's OK. You did a video awhile back about using tools to feel connected while apart (from key people, and you used a therapist as an example). Like you said someone might even have their therapist's business card and hold onto it for comfort between sessions. Sorry if I'm botching that. My question is this- is it equally healthy to use that approach/tool with something that isn't necessarily healthy but still gives relief? Like I'm kinda addicted to talking to certain psychic readers. Basically they are like therapy or friends. So in that sense it's healthy. But obviously it's not a friend and not therapy and costs a lot... But I find that I can read old notes I've taken from readings and feel immense comfort. Is that bad? Is it just feeding my addiction? Or is it like what you said about the business card? Thank you and sorry for long question.
@@DrDanielFox I worried (and pretty much assumed) you might not be able to reply cause it's not for you to say but I'm SO grateful you did reply. Thank you so much.
My mother's husband/ex husband has EVERY sign! Notice I call him her husband. Ive never hated someone so much. My relationship with her is gone because of him. She has NO self respect and is looking patheticly obsessed. He has made my life HELL because hes envious that my house is nicer than his. Im not kidding.. EVERYTHING on here.
you wouldn't be taking this test if you were a narcissist. You have traits perhaps as we all do. You might like cake but aren't morbidly obese. You may even be overweight. A narcissist would either blame someone evil for forcing them to eat cake all day or proclaim themselves the best cake eater the world has ever seen and then make an attack on you to change the subject. John Doe a coward hiding behind a pseudonym has the gall to speak of cake to ME.etc etc. They wouldn't relent their attack until you forgot about cake entirely Then they'd say goodnight and go back to having more cake. If you mentioned it again, the relationship would end and she would label you a fat-shaming sociopath.
"Diagnosis should only be given by a professional...." Nah. Those "professionals" have wrongly diagnosed so many people it would make the saints pray backwards. They're creepy and don't show us their notes. They're literally gossiping about us in writing right in front of us. I want to see the kinds of things they're observing in me. I want to see if they're just doodling a picture of Snoopy. One "therapist" I had ate salad and texted during my sessions. Another one dozed off and fell asleep while i was talking and then refused to disgnose me and wouldn't give me straight answers. Another wouldn't treat me because i told her I'm a Christian. She said she doesn't treat Christians and she'd only offend me and kicked me out. 😡 I don't trust therapists AT ALL. I'll youtube it and figure it out on my own.
I scored mostly 1’s but 2 on the envy part. Eugh, got work to do, 1 step away from being an annoying vulnerable narcissist 😕 Guess we all have flaws, best we know what they are so we can improve and grow 🌱
This fails to point at the actual traits of narcissists: - Lack of accountability - Lying - Gaslighting - Can't take criticism - Taker - Selfish / My way or the highway - Obsession with appearances (more of what I am seen as, than what I am actually) - Strong shame but lack of guilt - Cheating You did get the 'lack of empathy'
Yet there are also negative results for yourself in trying to actively lower your scores for these traits in your life. Life is often a struggle, society is often competitive and exploitative, nature is often indifferent. Psychologists seem to live in ivory towers of academia, and promote an ideal world. But the world is not ideal, it is all too real and human relationships are far from ideal. The often utopian social fantasies of psychologists do not correspond to the lived experience of the real world, and the facts and practicalities of survival and success in this all too real world. Why would you want to lower your sense of grandiosity, your wonderful and active fantasy life, your uniqueness, specialness, and high status, receiving admiration, being entitled to special treatment, having privilege, especially if you have worked hard to acquire these things by your own wisdom and understanding of life and human psychology, and even if you haven't they are still better to have? Better to have them them not to in either case. A certain level of empathy is good for you and others, but too much empathy leads to martyrdom. Life itself is based on a certain level of exploitation and this is unavoidable, going beyond that is obviously negative for others, but not going far enough is negative for yourself. Others will exploit you if you allow them too. In some cases you either exploit them or they will exploit you. It is better for you to exploit them, than the other way round. Nobody is necessarily going to help you if you go under, no matter how good or kind you are to others, and why would they, they too are struggling to survive and prosper themselves in a selfish society. Envy and arrogance can give you the necessary prods to succeed and get things done in life, rather than sitting back and letting things slide, or just following the same groove all your life, and not achieving all you can in life. What is so terrible about accruing to yourself all the privilege and superiority you are able to by your own efforts, and use of psychological maneuvering? You owe it to yourself. Or would you rather be exploited by others like a donkey. Society is quite indifferent to the exploited of the world. Work as hard as you like and think of others by all means, I am not saying that is bad or wrong, and that is the ideal, the utopian dream, but it may lead to you becoming a donkey, possessing a slave mentality, wasting your talents and abilities, and becoming a second or third class citizen in society. Society is quite content and indifferent enough to set you up for submission, failure and defeat as a mere human resource for others. Keep on pushing life and pushing society. If psychology encourages you to be well-adjusted to a profoundly false society, to get on, to fit in, to conform, and you end up a victim or a donkey, then you are better off being abnormal, out of whack and suffering. You will suffer more by not getting all you can out of life.
Imagine having of all those, But I do feel empathy for children, not for adults, if I help someone, I want it to be reciprocate. Yesterday I called a guy useless, there's no need for us to continue talk. His car broke down, he called me for help, I had called him a uber he was 1hr away, I spent $54, He mentioned he was gonna give it to me back, I felt like the $54 was beneath me, i told him No need to give it back., then I called him for help, to set up a Camera in my house, he straight out said " No" He doesn't know how to set up Camera, I was so angry, I said to him " What are You good for ? You useless, Honestly I wish your brother was able to help, because he helped me before. 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I felt bad, but I felt so good to let him know exactly how I felt.
@Rob Vel AT that time I wasn't thinking that way. I was thinking he owed me for the $54 🤦♀️ I know, it's selfish. But that's how I think. I invested , now you work for me. 🤷♀️🤦♀️🤣
By posting this it shows at least it bothers you. Can you think of reasons why you developed this kind of behavior? For example, was there a moment in your life which made you think something like "If people don't care about me, why should I care about them?"
@ArtificialSoul I don't think people care at all. You have to care about yourself. I Believe it's me first. I don't rely on others to save me, but for some reason, I save people but when I need to be save, no one's there, so why do I care to give help without getting what I want back? Just because you got it easy from me, don't get too comfortable, because you gon pay for it later. 💯
@ArtificialSoul No, I don't bother at all. Tbh, I just feel bad because I called him " useless " it was Rude, but I was honest, just like he was Honest for saying " NO". I can't be friend with someone I can't use for services, Why do I need you in my life for? But u need me? If you in my life I must be able to get something out of it. If I can't, get out. Don't waste my time.
can u talk more about envy i find often i get confused with internal and external stimulus of emotions. like i dont know if this belongs to me or not. and im not sure how feel my self. around other ppl that project alot
thank you and scary for me and my growth mode. and helpful in me learning and building insight. dr c is doing his this week with dr c in about 20 min so im gona invite u to come c what. another weekly talk could look like. having ppl help me build insight and learn about what healthy could look like has helped me alot
i have a question about healing the codepend part of my self, i have been placing many different stragegies in my emtyness. like a comppassion temple/ tent, a fire of my conscience, a strong emotions tent for growing seeds and plants, a emotions tower, and a wall for straight out of gate no empathy. i notice i have empathy i just choose not to use it. id say thats not what i want and yet thats where i am at. many professionals have said i am a narcstic person. i think i have traits and i want somthing different so i dont c my self as one seeing as im working on building my insight and compassion. i find there is a large space of empty still to inhabit and say hello 2, adding green and flowers, moss on the floor of empty. i find some ppl judge me like what else are u doing? idk this alot already :)
![[안방1열 풀캠4K] 베이비몬스터 'DRIP' (BABYMONSTER FullCam)│@SBS Inkigayo 241110](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/AQ4RIghEvUs/mqdefault.jpg)
Thank you so much for this video. I have npd (already diagnosed and basically treated, tho) and honestly is SO hard to find actually respectful videos about npd. Not only video, respectful information in general. Everything about us, its about "how evil we are". We are not evil, we are hurt. And we can get better, just like in any other mental disorder. When we are understood, accepted, and helped, we can grow as persons. It feels stupid to have to say this, but its honestly so hard.
Ive been in therapy for more than 10 years, initially for my cptsd, but as cptsd is known for its morbid mental/physichal health issues, my therapists also found the npd, and we treated most of the symptoms. I still struggle with a lot of things, life is hard when you're traumatized, but getting help was crucial. Identifying it was crucial. And being respected anyways was crucial.
Ppl is extremely hard with cluster B disorders, they forget we are like this mostly bc we are traumatized. If we heal the trauma and/or learn tools to make living with it easier, We can get better.
Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. It's unfortunate that there is a lack of respectful information about NPD, but I'm glad to know that my video was helpful to you. You're absolutely right, understanding, acceptance, and help are crucial for growth and healing. Keep pushing forward on your journey to better mental health!
Hey, what kind of therapy did you get? I agree with everything you said.
It's dichotomous thinking (all good all bad) in our collective that makes things worse.
I have been recently looking into these video's because I suspect I have borderline traits. I can find a lot of information on the diagnosis and how the patterns look like.
Previously I was more interested in spirituality more specifically in meditation and following my bliss.
Following my bliss has sometimes gotten me in precarious situations. But also the notion of taking care of myself brought up more trauma that I could imagine.
I see a tendency in the medical field to focus on talk therapy, DBT, EMDR lifestyle changes (health,food,fitness).
In the more esoteric realm you have more the "positive thinking movement", practicing willpower, searching for ones soulpath but also psychosomatic practices like Scott Kilobies work.
Scott Kiloby work focused on evoking emotional suppressions and the beliefs that are coupled to that. He doesn't really go into diagnosis but his main aim is to look for the energies in the body that don't want to be felt, processed and transformed.
@@jessicavanoverbeke6668 Ive pretty much did all of what you've said lol Talk therapy, CBT (didnt work on me), group therapy. These last years I've started focusing more on eating, sleeping and exercising properly. These last things were the best, but hard to acces if you're not in a good mental space. Ive first had to do the therapy on and off for like 10 years before even starting thinking in taking care of myself and my body. Spirituality also helped me a lot. I kind of think some spiritual practices and such are just psychology before there were actual words for it, if this makes sense
I pretty much think its the whole package tho. Maybe by steps, but whats rlly healing is everything combined.
@@iamsomanyppl666 tell me about it.
I started taking care of my body on and off. And I've noticed it triggered the trauma more than ever. Yes, it's very difficult to do that when you are not in a good place.
For me taking care of my body triggered the sexual trauma. More specifically it triggers the self sabotage, directed anger at myself and others.
So what I do is, I intend to do one constructive thing per day and then I just sit with all the emotions that come up.
When I decided to go and live back with my family (which would be a constructive decision) it evoked extreme rage. Thoughts that I wanted to kill them etc. I told them that was what I was experiencing.
I have a lot of meta awareness, so I see that I am not my thoughts or emotions. Without that, it's dangerous.
These are like egoic energies that take over the nervoussystem. And if you're not aware... So I think meditation works for that, it creates a gap between stimulus/respons.
It's a rare disorder but I grew up with a father like this. Many narcs feel that these traits are the only thing that make them survive in this world. I must admit that they are not entirely wrong because it takes courage to live honestly and accept no as an answer and see that others have a right to their own boundaries and choices and not to take it personally.
Thank you for sharing.
@BBFCCO733
NPD (in its various shapes and degrees of acuteness) being a rare disorder? I will have to take a deep breath and convince myself that it is ...
Not a rare disorder. It is very common in our sick society, it is even considered as normal:
Most " stars", " social medias influencers", politicians, people in position of power. Only these people would never recognize tvat there is something wrong with them: they are perfect..
I am not saying that a lot of nps in the streets( though so many people have a lot of npd traits).
But if we could diagnosed our western society, it would definitly be severe npd.
Getting more and more common. Maybe at one time it was rare. Prior to the 2000s but it has become increasingly more common sadly.
Not at all rare.
I think the most misunderstood part for me is that it is portrayed as the person enjoying these traits. It is not always the case.
I hate having some of these traits and it bothers me to see them others as well.
And some of these traits described like: “having a chip on your shoulder” or arrogance, can be life saving depending on the neighborhood you may live in. For example; a mugger would pick out a target that he/she would perceive as weak, fearful or one that wouldn’t fight back. They’d sooner pass on someone that appears to be as potentially dangerous as what they are. And depending on the circumstance- A little display of arrogance; can be a positive trait.
Reminds me of the old saying, “A proper time and place for everything”
1000% YES❗️❗️❗️
I've been dealing with this currently. Almost everyone around me has been not only acting like I am making up every awful "symptoms" I guess you could sa
@@Barbara_Banks_1 “A proper time and place for everything” - is from the Bible. Ecclesiastes 8:6
I’m sorry you’re going though this. I hope you can have self compassion on yourself
Same here.
Great video, thank you. Being the scapegoat of a narcissist family some times I wonder if I am a narcissist too. Your video proves to me I am not. I know I have exhibited some of these traits in a mild form through my life because how could I not, having spent so much time around them growing up. It took me 53 years to finally get away from my family of origin. Undoing the damage my family did to my psyche will be life long but at least I escaped and get to live a loving kind life today. (For the most part anyway. The world can be a crazy, lonely and cruel place.) What I enjoy the most today is not taking everything done to me so personally. For the longest time I believed I was the broken bad person no one could love. I’ve since learned and taken into my heart that whatever someone I know or don’t know does to me is 100% about them. I didn’t understand projection and how others would project their ugliness and evil into my life. I will never understand human cruelty.
Omgosh, that hits home. 38, myself, covert mom. Some of our coping mechanisms mirror the narc. We can change that. It mostly doesn't belong to us.
👏 ❤
I feel the same way. Thank you for sharing.
Yup. I am the scapegoat too.
This is actually really good indication! Thank you for posting..I dislike how other videos just say "IF u think you are..then u probably aint!"
Watching these videos thinking I have narcissistic tendancies actually gives me a lot of compassion for my ex-best friend. I think we both had tendencies but she was 10x worse than me, but seeing it from her view point of considering this is me, it helps me not take her hurt personally and just send her to the universe with love and pray the people around her tell her that her behavior is not ok, and she can't access them anymore if she keeps acting like that. Narcissists can't help themselves, so we can help them by cutting ties and saying "goodbye".
NPD can't stand to be alone.
BPD can't stand to be lonely.
My definition of a narcissist is someone who cannot understand their part in a problem. They completely blame shift and insist its all other parties. They do not have any part in any problem. Self righteousness is their core content.
I think that the narcissistiv behaviors become a problem when the narcisist realizes that they are part of the problem. That triggers a slew of defensive mechanisms which are highly problematic, and harmful to others. There's a lot of energy that gets invested in that denial.
Agree.
YEP PERFECTLY RIGHT IN NUTSHELL
Yep.. they are never the problem. They are never wrong. They have zero compassion.
I am a narcissist, but not NPD.
I always understand my part in a problem and I do have a lot of empathy/compassion.
But sometimes I f up hardly.
Total of seven points
Taking advantage (3)
Lack of empathy (4) no ability for empathy.
Thank you Daniel. This makes me feel like less of a hopeless case. Signed up for therapy and trying to make a change. Scored extremely high on the first 4. A lot of work ahead, but feeling like it can only go the right way now.
That's amazing to hear! Keep up the positive attitude and the hard work, you've got this!
Ooh! I've been waiting for this video, I know what I'm talking about with my therapist next week!
I am so glad and I hope that you enjoy the video.
This reminds me of a former supervisor who had many of these traits, she would test people all the time. When or if this supervisor was questioned about her decision making skills she would blame others or get very defensive about her boundaries.
I am a narcissist and I recently dated a narcissist as well. I wanna be single from now on. Because how she made me feel is how I made my past exes feel. I don’t wanna hurt anyone anymore and I don’t wanna be hurt. Karma got me and I deserved it
It's really insightful of you to recognize the impact of your past actions. Taking time for self-reflection and growth can lead to healthier relationships in the future.
I went through narcissistic abuse of some sort and that was super painful at work place they all used me benefited from me while I was suffering from abandonment and even their rejection which really hurt terribly and a lot of messing with my own inner child wounds
Thanks Dr. Fox as always. I've always thought I had traits of narcissism because my narcissist father, and according to your scaling i do(already diagnosed with bpd) BUT recently I've been thinking that's wrong. So I'd love a video about superiority/inferiority complexes and bpd, and how that can be differentiated from npd traits, specifically gradiosity and envy. Because if you had a Narcissistic parent that put you on a pedestal one minute, and devalued you the next- for displaying certain personality traits, it makes sense you'd develop that same judgment and belief about yourself and others, leading to inferiority/superiority complexes which can look like grandiosity and envy from npd.
The biggest difference between the two for me is that with BPD when you have outburst you regret them and see that what you did wasn’t right, with NPD you don’t feel any regret because you feel that you are always right, even if you apologise it’s only to get to your goal, not because you feel like you should.
@@qazplmm632 I get that you're trying to help but
•I didn't say anything about outbursts
•behavior is not the only component of a personality disorder
•I asked Dr. Fox for a video explanation not a 3 sentance response from a stranger
@@qazplmm632 narcissists are also people and they can reflect on their past misdeeds. They aren't always lacking empathy
@@Amused_Comfort_Inc Well, this channel is also about the community so when you post a comment, it's very likely that a stranger will share their thoughts.
We could discuss more about what you meant exactly so that I could be more accurate and we could share more adequate experiences but since I see you don't really want that, I won't bother you anymore.
I'm not sure if you already read it but I can tell from my own experience that Dr Fox's book about BPD was very helpful for me and the one about NPD has a part that is specifically for children of narcissistic parents.
I wish you good luck on your way ☺
@@ConglameRATA For sure. I never blame people for having personality disorders since it is not their choice. However they do choose if they decide to do something about it.
I believe that if a narcissist person sees that their behavior is hurting their close ones, then if they have empathy they will make an effort to work on that (and obviously it's not something that happens overnight).
My personal experience is that I've never heard an honest "I was wrong" from a narcissist but this is only my experience so I can totally see how there might be ones who will indeed see their past misdeeds.
Thank god im not a narcasist... you helped me realize that after beating myself up for ages that i was a narcasist. Turns out im bpd
I’m glad the video was helpful for you.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you 🙏
Just got diagnosed with bpd... your vids are helping me with the identity crisis it's causing me. Helped me realize the diagnosis was a blessing and not a death certificate, that I can heal and that I am not evil. Thank you 🙏🙏
Why is jealousy considered a narcissistic trait? you can envy others without resenting them like if someone I knew won the lottery of course I'd be jealous but that doesn't mean id feel like "oh it should've been me" or "I deserve that more" you can be envious but also be happy for them
Envy implies that you don't think the person deserves the good thing. If you can be happy for them, that's not envy.
@@LucaAnamaria is that just jealousy then?
@@GR-ic7mt I use envy and jealousy interchangeably. Not sure if the psychological literature makes a distinction between them. In any case, they both appear to be negative emotional states due to perceived lack and triggered by witnessing somebody else have the thing we believe we want. I suppose you can feel a momentary pang of jealousy but still overall be happy for somebody. But for as long as any jealousy remains, it will impair our ability to be fully happy for that person. I think what helps to work through the jealousy is to accept it and then try to transform it into inspiration. If we really want that thing, what small steps could we take in our own life to attain it? And if we can't attain it (e.g. two people in love with the same person and one of them gets chosen and the other gets rejected), what small steps can we take to grieve or to let go of that dream?
This is so helpful. Could you do the same for BPD?
@amberp thank you!
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 by quite a subdued extreme and traumatized extent for each, I was trying to encourage healing commitments and emotional vulnerability for years myself and with everyone, and it was abused and retraumatized to a broken extreme for bigoted and wrong horrific excuses.
(for showing empathy I put 0 or maybe 0.5, I feel like prying or some distant respect was needed for a stigmatized issue I had, and some friends I had who had struggles would also need that dynamic. I never could be emotionally vulnerable at home growing up.)
I feel it's been obvious I've been the complete direct opposite to such an absurd and obvious extreme of every single aspect or traits at every point in my life, and this was such a horrific addition to the diverse intense trauma and stigma or horror they capitalized on to abuse and torture for no reason.
It sounds like you've been through a lot. Remember, healing takes time and it's okay to take things at your own pace.
Thank you you just clarify that I am not a narcissist but I feared I was you know when I think about my needs .. it was actually healthy to think about your own needs and emotions
I'm relieved he distinguished between the overt and Covert Narcs I was dealing with both in my ex's and hope they seek help for tht...!!! Not playing so serious.. STAY AWAY FROM OVERT AND COVERT PEOPLE!!!
Understanding the difference between overt and covert narcissists is crucial for personal growth and healing. Stay strong and keep your distance from toxic individuals!
EXCELLENT 👌. ❤Thorough,Easily understandable !!!
Can going through trauma cause a person to have narcissistic tendencies?
Prob
I sometimes I wonder if I’m a narc just I feel mean sometimes when I accidentally hurt others or for being shy which makes it hard to be open. I also i guess feel jelious over people sometimes or just seem to fit in better.
Have you did this for BPD? Can you do this for aspd and hpd too
Interesting test, but arguably too obvious and vague,
it seems that this is a typical characterization of a narcissist which I believe is not very accurate, the vast majority of narcissist don‘t present like this at all. In my experience narcissism is a highly defensive personality style i.e these traits will only surface or ‚be activated‘ if they are triggered, if you cross them (they feel hurt by you), if you say no to them etc and thats precisely the point they usually feel inadequate, unwanted, irrelevant and miserable but when you point that out or cause them to see it they will react and start fighting you (being grandiose, aggressive, arrogant etc), also the lack of empathy I don‘t think that‘s what it is in a psychopathic way or refusing to show any for no reason, it‘s just that all their energy and empathy is directed at themselves because they‘re so consumed with how they feel, how they come across etc, it‘s not that they don‘t have empathy it‘s just that they always feel like they need more empathy than anyone else they have no energy or empathy ‚left‘ for anyone else
Exactly. They are always right, everyone is always wrong. They are always the smartest person, everyone else is always dumb.
Can you do a video with the differences and similarities of bpd and npd please?
Thank you Dr. Fox
Would a narcissist willingly admit to even himself where he is on the scale pertaining to these traits? Im having a hard time pinning an exact scenario or a feeling i have in which i am this way but i feel i have exhibited these qualities in a extreme manner although i have condemned myself within for doing so i have fallen into habit for doing various things.
I have ADD. I got called a narcissist recently because of my zodiac sign lmao. Good to know I am just high in arrogance lol
You can clinically label it whatever you want
It boils down to a cold, dead, but very proud, heart
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hey Dr. Fox, I was wondering if you had something to say about BPD and the concept of romanticizing in terms of one's life (relationships, career, personal goals). Not sure if this was covered with your video on limerence, but just a thought.
I’m address is concept in many of my videos that you might find helpful. You may want to check out the playlist BPD relationships.
My boyfriend has 7 out 9 in severe or extreme level. Ive been with him for more than 4 years now.
he's narcissistic traits usually not directed at me but others which makes me really uncomfortable. And he wants me to be like him which i wont. I think he wants to have this certain image like power couple or something and im hindering that. Because i have adhd im kinda struggling myself in terms of take care of me, appearance and so on. Its very weird with him. He's not very sympathatic towards others while with me he's actually careful not to hurt me and takes care of me, go miles for me. But these NPD traits were always there. I just don't understand him and it makes me very uncomfortable he thinks like this of world, women and people in general. It makes me uncomfortable of my inability to do something about this.
Please don't wait to find out. Im living my worst nightmare because I thought he would never turn on me until he did. The way he viewed the world and other people it was obvious he lacked empathy and a conscious, but he was so good to me. After we got married, we had a baby his attitude towards me changed almost instantly. Like he was waiting for me to become fully "trapped" with him to remove the mask. I realized after what he did to me was "love bombing" and not real. Once you have a child with this person, they have parental visitation rights and will use it as a weapon to cause you pain for the rest of your life. There is no such thing as no-contact. It's so much easier to walk away and heal when a child isn't involved.
This was informative-thank you Dr. Fox
Very welcome
So what can you explain the total scores ? Under 20 is high?
Todd Beaupré sent me here 😘
thanks for this video lol even more so then the test my phycologist had me do for seeing if i was on the spectum this really reminds me im not on it..... only one spot can i kinda see i do the envy of others but i guess as a borderline this can happen also ..... expecully since ive gottan sicker the mor ei relize i sometimes get envyous of others but not so much i want to make them fail or someting ...... it drives my depresstion i think ...... truely almost all the time im tryign tot do more for others ..... i just often feel im unimportent and become envyous of others who are lifing what i perceve as an awesome abled life ....... and i sometimes get stuck in a fanisy of beimcing a singer but never enough to push to get it ... i keep that to myslelf most the time .... im too self shaming guess to be a real narsassit lol only when i split do i act like some of these trits like im above someone or specul ect ..... but only when im spliting
I'm a Narc trying to change to live a normal life. I've hurt too many people. Luckily, I .et someone whose brave enough to tell me that I needed help. Still working on it and it's so hard coz i feel like I'm built like this. Feels like forcing a fish to walk. 😢😢
It is possible with treatment. Be well.
Moderate
Extreme
Moderate
Extreme
Absent
Mild
Absent
Severe (covert)
Mild
Yeah I’m concerned…a lot of these things do overlap to other disorders though
Okay, I added scores for three people? What's the scale?
how to heal from PTSD flashbacks?
the man I revered as my best friend...
raped my soul.
he betrayed and abandoned me.
discarded me like garbage.
replaced me with another.
I want to die.
he slammed the door on me.
I want to die.
he did this almost exactly 10 months ago,
and I'm still not healed,
and I still don't breathe,
and I still have nightmares every night.
I can definitely detect my patience waning in life...
I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief.
I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness...
I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed:
trying to desperately understand someone
who doesn’t understand themselves.
I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me,
the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure,
the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...
Even in Writing This Will Help You to Heal.
I Hope Your Future Self Looks Back and See How Much Better You Are 💞
It Hurts Like a Mufkr, but You Will Suffer Less Long Term...
My Former Self was Waking Within the Hour of Sleeping, Crawling on the Floor to the Bathtub in Real Pain Like My Dream Was Actually Happening, Telling Myself it Wasnt Real Didnt Work, it Hurt so Bad, I Drank Alot of Alchohol but that Made it Even Worse.
I Believe You, and I Believe IN You Too!
Much Compassion
@@fairygurl9269 I love you, happy new year!
I wish there was a scale here to rate the number
An NPD tester once tried to test me. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Thank you. Is it fair to say that narcissism is rare or since narcs refuse to admit they I can spot the overts quickly, the coverts take time. There are too many of them for it to be rare.
Also, can you have narcissistic traits towards one person but not others.
Their ego is so fragile. If the cat didn’t come running to say hello, he would bitch and complain about how ungrateful the cat was and all this shit… it was weird. In mu mind the kitten was just fearful and needed time to adjust but this person neeeeeeded everyone to revolve around him the minute he got home. He didn’t bother to think that perhaps, I wanted to shower or I was tired from work or my daughter was in the middle of a game. Idk 🤷🏻♀️ glad I didn’t move in with him, my instincts told me no..
Some of these traits do explain real well the thing I've experienced but I don't think it is extreme. I've always felt very guilty for focusing on myself when the focus should have been on others. Very often I avoid acknowledging my partners views and would rather turn the entire conversation to me. I feel that by focusing on my issues I avoid the pain he is experiencing and end up feeling terribly guilty. I often tell him that because he is a very special person in my life and we really and genuinely love and care for each other. I do exercises in my mind to ask him how his day is going and avoid going into detail about my day. I listen carefully, sometimes with effort to how he is doing. So I guess that I do have some low level traits but I do make the effort to check myself when I do get carried away. Its awful to have been abandoned by my family and I am paying the price for it although I keep reminding myself that I won't abandon me or my family. Thank you for a very insightful video today, its really put some perspective on some of the traits I've experienced in life and the tools to work at it.
seems theres 1 question im struggling to answer, would been proud that i dont have a criminal record or commit crimes against others, mean i have a sense of been "special"? i feel far superiour to those thugs out there commiting crimes on others, i dont do it therefore i feel a better person, do i feel better than an innocent person? absolutely NOT we on the same level if you dont steal or use violence on others we are the same im not saying im perfect mistakes happen we only human but i feel wonderful that im not a thug in and out of jail every year. most other answers are 0 but struggling with question 3.
Hi Dr Fox, I'm posting here but it's off topic, hope that's OK. You did a video awhile back about using tools to feel connected while apart (from key people, and you used a therapist as an example). Like you said someone might even have their therapist's business card and hold onto it for comfort between sessions. Sorry if I'm botching that. My question is this- is it equally healthy to use that approach/tool with something that isn't necessarily healthy but still gives relief? Like I'm kinda addicted to talking to certain psychic readers. Basically they are like therapy or friends. So in that sense it's healthy. But obviously it's not a friend and not therapy and costs a lot... But I find that I can read old notes I've taken from readings and feel immense comfort. Is that bad? Is it just feeding my addiction? Or is it like what you said about the business card? Thank you and sorry for long question.
It’s not for me to say if it’s good or bad but if it gives you comfort and you can afford it, sounds like it’s a helpful transitional object. Be well.
@@DrDanielFox I worried (and pretty much assumed) you might not be able to reply cause it's not for you to say but I'm SO grateful you did reply. Thank you so much.
I am trying to figure out if my husband is BPD or NPD. Can a person be both?
My mother's husband/ex husband has EVERY sign! Notice I call him her husband. Ive never hated someone so much. My relationship with her is gone because of him. She has NO self respect and is looking patheticly obsessed. He has made my life HELL because hes envious that my house is nicer than his. Im not kidding.. EVERYTHING on here.
i
think
everyone has a little bit of narcissistic in them according to all these videos
My Cat Scored 28 😋 ❤🤗🐈
I just might be stupid lol
Straight 4s across the board. 😂
I'm not sure if im an narcissist? But I definitely know an narcissist isn't the correct English..maybe im just ocd 😂
We’re all human and make mistakes. I appreciate you putting it out and I have fixed it.
@DrDanielFox I was just being silly..I do appreciate your content..and yes we all make them, God knows I have..and way worse than improper English
See I’m not entirely I only scored like 9
Thanks for sharing your score! Every step towards improvement counts.
Im a 4 on all of them, that must make me a narcissist.
you wouldn't be taking this test if you were a narcissist. You have traits perhaps as we all do. You might like cake but aren't morbidly obese. You may even be overweight. A narcissist would either blame someone evil for forcing them to eat cake all day or proclaim themselves the best cake eater the world has ever seen and then make an attack on you to change the subject. John Doe a coward hiding behind a pseudonym has the gall to speak of cake to ME.etc etc. They wouldn't relent their attack until you forgot about cake entirely Then they'd say goodnight and go back to having more cake. If you mentioned it again, the relationship would end and she would label you a fat-shaming sociopath.
@@dahliafiend ???
@@dahliafiend Start listening to what Dr. Fox says, and not to what you think narcissism is.
@@dahliafiend This is the best description of narcissism, very accurate
It’s also the best description of cake and I’m now hungry 🎂
@@dahliafiend good point
surely a proper narc wouldn't even admit to having to themselves they have these qualities or even see that they have them
Great summary. Can you recommend some article about how people that actually have high IQ might show some of these characteristics?
"Diagnosis should only be given by a professional...."
Nah. Those "professionals" have wrongly diagnosed so many people it would make the saints pray backwards. They're creepy and don't show us their notes. They're literally gossiping about us in writing right in front of us. I want to see the kinds of things they're observing in me. I want to see if they're just doodling a picture of Snoopy.
One "therapist" I had ate salad and texted during my sessions. Another one dozed off and fell asleep while i was talking and then refused to disgnose me and wouldn't give me straight answers. Another wouldn't treat me because i told her I'm a Christian. She said she doesn't treat Christians and she'd only offend me and kicked me out. 😡 I don't trust therapists AT ALL. I'll youtube it and figure it out on my own.
I scored 16 what does that mean?
This is less than half having all 4 on all🤔
I scored 0 on 1 and 4 on another but mostly all 2s 🥸
I scored mostly 1’s but 2 on the envy part. Eugh, got work to do, 1 step away from being an annoying vulnerable narcissist 😕
Guess we all have flaws, best we know what they are so we can improve and grow 🌱
I don’t have any of the traits but I am a narcissist
R u diagnosed by a professional ?
I scored a twenty seven 💀
Do you mean Arsonist?
I scored 30 on the Arsonist test. Then, I burned it.
If it walks like a duck quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, guess what, its a duck.
Thanks for reiterating the point! Sometimes the simplest truths are the most profound.
This fails to point at the actual traits of narcissists:
- Lack of accountability
- Lying
- Gaslighting
- Can't take criticism
- Taker
- Selfish / My way or the highway
- Obsession with appearances (more of what I am seen as, than what I am actually)
- Strong shame but lack of guilt
- Cheating
You did get the 'lack of empathy'
😂 Yeah, tell the specialist what's the "actual traits of narcissists".
Most of these apply to any Cluster B personality disorder
Yet there are also negative results for yourself in trying to actively lower your scores for these traits in your life. Life is often a struggle, society is often competitive and exploitative, nature is often indifferent. Psychologists seem to live in ivory towers of academia, and promote an ideal world. But the world is not ideal, it is all too real and human relationships are far from ideal. The often utopian social fantasies of psychologists do not correspond to the lived experience of the real world, and the facts and practicalities of survival and success in this all too real world. Why would you want to lower your sense of grandiosity, your wonderful and active fantasy life, your uniqueness, specialness, and high status, receiving admiration, being entitled to special treatment, having privilege, especially if you have worked hard to acquire these things by your own wisdom and understanding of life and human psychology, and even if you haven't they are still better to have? Better to have them them not to in either case. A certain level of empathy is good for you and others, but too much empathy leads to martyrdom.
Life itself is based on a certain level of exploitation and this is unavoidable, going beyond that is obviously negative for others, but not going far enough is negative for yourself. Others will exploit you if you allow them too. In some cases you either exploit them or they will exploit you. It is better for you to exploit them, than the other way round. Nobody is necessarily going to help you if you go under, no matter how good or kind you are to others, and why would they, they too are struggling to survive and prosper themselves in a selfish society. Envy and arrogance can give you the necessary prods to succeed and get things done in life, rather than sitting back and letting things slide, or just following the same groove all your life, and not achieving all you can in life. What is so terrible about accruing to yourself all the privilege and superiority you are able to by your own efforts, and use of psychological maneuvering? You owe it to yourself. Or would you rather be exploited by others like a donkey.
Society is quite indifferent to the exploited of the world. Work as hard as you like and think of others by all means, I am not saying that is bad or wrong, and that is the ideal, the utopian dream, but it may lead to you becoming a donkey, possessing a slave mentality, wasting your talents and abilities, and becoming a second or third class citizen in society. Society is quite content and indifferent enough to set you up for submission, failure and defeat as a mere human resource for others. Keep on pushing life and pushing society. If psychology encourages you to be well-adjusted to a profoundly false society, to get on, to fit in, to conform, and you end up a victim or a donkey, then you are better off being abnormal, out of whack and suffering. You will suffer more by not getting all you can out of life.
Yes TH-cam i am a narcissist.
Imagine having of all those, But I do feel empathy for children, not for adults, if I help someone, I want it to be reciprocate. Yesterday I called a guy useless, there's no need for us to continue talk. His car broke down, he called me for help, I had called him a uber he was 1hr away, I spent $54, He mentioned he was gonna give it to me back, I felt like the $54 was beneath me, i told him No need to give it back., then I called him for help, to set up a Camera in my house, he straight out said " No" He doesn't know how to set up Camera, I was so angry, I said to him " What are You good for ? You useless, Honestly I wish your brother was able to help, because he helped me before. 🤦♀️🤦♀️ I felt bad, but I felt so good to let him know exactly how I felt.
I mean he’s being honest about not knowing how to set up your camera
@Rob Vel AT that time I wasn't thinking that way. I was thinking he owed me for the $54 🤦♀️ I know, it's selfish. But that's how I think. I invested , now you work for me. 🤷♀️🤦♀️🤣
By posting this it shows at least it bothers you. Can you think of reasons why you developed this kind of behavior? For example, was there a moment in your life which made you think something like "If people don't care about me, why should I care about them?"
@ArtificialSoul I don't think people care at all. You have to care about yourself. I Believe it's me first. I don't rely on others to save me, but for some reason, I save people but when I need to be save, no one's there, so why do I care to give help without getting what I want back? Just because you got it easy from me, don't get too comfortable, because you gon pay for it later. 💯
@ArtificialSoul No, I don't bother at all. Tbh, I just feel bad because I called him " useless " it was Rude, but I was honest, just like he was Honest for saying " NO". I can't be friend with someone I can't use for services, Why do I need you in my life for? But u need me? If you in my life I must be able to get something out of it. If I can't, get out. Don't waste my time.
Don't you mean.. are you A narcissist?
can u talk more about envy i find often i get confused with internal and external stimulus of emotions. like i dont know if this belongs to me or not. and im not sure how feel my self. around other ppl that project alot
thank you and scary for me and my growth mode. and helpful in me learning and building insight. dr c is doing his this week with dr c in about 20 min so im gona invite u to come c what. another weekly talk could look like. having ppl help me build insight and learn about what healthy could look like has helped me alot
i have a question about healing the codepend part of my self, i have been placing many different stragegies in my emtyness. like a comppassion temple/ tent, a fire of my conscience, a strong emotions tent for growing seeds and plants, a emotions tower, and a wall for straight out of gate no empathy. i notice i have empathy i just choose not to use it. id say thats not what i want and yet thats where i am at. many professionals have said i am a narcstic person. i think i have traits and i want somthing different so i dont c my self as one seeing as im working on building my insight and compassion. i find there is a large space of empty still to inhabit and say hello 2, adding green and flowers, moss on the floor of empty. i find some ppl judge me like what else are u doing? idk this alot already :)